You Have Thirteen Hours in Which to Solve the Labyrinth, Before Your Baby Brother Becomes One of Us…Forever.: Labyrinth (1986)

You have thirteen hours in which to solve the labyrinth, before your baby brother becomes one of us… forever.

Labyrinth is one of my friend’s favorite movies. The first time she wanted us to watch it, years and years ago, I was like I don’t think I’m going to like this movie.

Majorly

Yep, I was 100% wrong as I Loved it!

This movie is a ton of fun and is one of my favorites. I can always watch it.

It is such a great film and stars the amazing David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly.

Did you know Jim Henson originally wanted Sting to play Jareth the Goblin King? He only picked David Bowie because his kids loved him. This makes me think of Nightmare on Elm Street and the decision to cast Johnny Depp. Good thing Henson listened to his kids. I love Sting, but David Bowie was perfect in this role.

David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King is supposed to be the villain of the film, but at the same time he channels the teenage dream/ideal of a man. I don’t know if it is his Bad Boy nature, his awesome mix of leather jacket/fantasy coat, his ‘80’s glam rock hair, or just the David Bowie of it all; but he’s amazing and every scene with him is a treasure. He makes every girls’ heart beat every time he enters the frame.

But I’m not only reviewing this film because it is a favorite and fits for Halloween, but also because it is a:

Yes, this film reminds me a lot of Jane Austen, which I will share why at the end of the review.

So our story begins with teenager Sarah, who is out at the park acting out a scene from her favorite book, The Labyrinth. Unfortunately, she keeps forgetting the last line. only to realize she also forgot how late it is.

Sarah: Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great…[thunder rumbles] For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great…D***. [pulls the Labyrinth book out of her pocket] I can never remember that line. [reads] You have no power over me.

She has to run home and take care of her baby brother (half brother) who she dislikes, as her stepmother she hates and father are going out that night. I always thought Sarah’s mother died, but after some googling, it turns out that Sarah’s mother was an actress who left her family for another man. As Sarah doesn’t have her mom present to be angry with, she has directed all that toward her stepmother and little brother.

Sarah is doubly angry as not only did she not get to finish recreating her favorite book, but she has to babysit while her parents are out, and she discovered one of her stuffed animals was taken and put in Toby’s room. Her teen angst has hit an all time high and she erupts, wishing her brother would be taken away by the Goblin King.

The goblins listen and do take him. When Sarah realizes that Toby is gone, she screams out that she wants him back and Jareth, the Goblin King, makes a deal with her. I always thought that Jareth saw something different about herself, a worthy opponent to face off with. She will have 13 hours to solve the labyrinth-if she does she gets the baby, if she fails he becomes a goblin forever.

Sarah begins her journey and believes she can outsmart the labyrinth and the Goblin King, but quickly things are not exactly like the stories she grew up reading. Her plan to leave a mark of the places she traveled failed, she solved the logic puzzle but falls down a hole with grabby hands, fairies who bite, etc. She eventually finds Hoggle, a troll, who agrees to help her in exchange for her bracelet.

But Hoggle is working for Jareth and is supposed to lead her away, so she will lose. However, Sarah not only uses her cunning to get him to help, but he begins to like her too. Something Jareth is none too pleased about.

Jareth: Ah, what have we here?

Hoggle: Oh, uh, nothin’.

Jareth: [removing his disguise at the last second] Nothing? Nothing? NOTHING? Nothing, tra la la?

That’s one of my favorite parts of this film. It is just so silly yet fits. So Sarah sasses Jareth and ends up losing time from her quest. Yep, not the best idea but Sarah will not give up. That’s another reason why this film is so good. Sarah is your typical teen and she can be dramatic and a bit whimsy (like most teens), but she’s also a dreadful determined woman who will not stop until she accomplishes what she is setting out to do. She feels very real and is someone you can root for. Although I also love this exchange, it feels like something an adult would say to a teen:

Sarah: That’s not fair!

Jareth: You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?

After their encounter, Sarah sees the Wiseman who she exchanges a ring for-but finest get that much wisdom back. They confined om and Sarah ends up adding to their party when she saves Ludo, a creature that can call rocks. And is so cute and sweet. I definitely would want him on my questing team.

After this she enters the forest, having been separated from Ludo and Hoggle and encounters the creepiest things ever and the true villains of this story: the Fierys. I hate these things as they seriously creeped me out, I still struggle with watching this scene. Ugh, they need to just go to die with those creatures for Fraggke Rock, they creeped me out too.

But Sarah is able to defeat these Mia tees and is reunited with Hoggle who Abe’s her. But not for long as Hoggle has met won’t the Govlin King who wants Hoggle to ensure that Sarah does not defeat him. Hoggle is given a peaxh that will put Sarah to sleep and must do it or else he will be cursed to live in the Bog of Eternal Stench.

After they are reunited they find themselves in the Bog of Eternal Stench, the only way out protected by a fox like soldier. I love these characters if Sir Didymus and his noble steed the sheepdog named Ambrosius. These characters are absolute fun.

Like in most fairy stories and legends the bridge cannot be crossed, but Sarah outwits him.

Sarah: Okay, let’s handle this thing logically. What exactly have you sworn?

Didymus: I have sworn with my life’s blood, none shall pass this way without *my* permission!

Sarah: Well… May we have your permission?

Didymus: Well I, uh… I… that is, uh… hm… Yes?

They are able to escape the Bog with help form Ludo who can sepeak to the rocks. From here they enter an enchanted forest and Sarah, as she has been in the Labyrinth for hours, says she is hungry. Hoggle gives her the enchanted peach and instantly regrets it and runs away ashamed at his cowardice.

Sarah wakes up in a dream, a ball with the romantic song As the World Falls Down. She is almost distracted from her quest, but when she hears the clock she proves herself to not be any ordinary girl and escapes by destroying the crystal ball waking up with de Junk lady and returns home. This wasn’t real, just another dream and she has now awakened. Film over.

I know, it’s too easy and too simple. And Sarah knows it, she is truly a worthy opponent for Jareth.

The Junk Lady: What’s the matter, my dear, don’t you like your toys?

Sarah: [comes to her senses] It’s all junk!

The Junk Lady: [picks up a music box] Well, what about this? This is not junk, eh?

Sarah: [smashes music box] Yes, it is! [Sarah’s room crumbles without her notice] I have to save Toby!

Sarah Wales yo and goes with Didymus and Ludo to the Goblin City. Hoggle joins them as apologizes and they fight the Goblins and more as they continue to fight.

Sarah makes her way but finds herself in a more challenging test of skulls. She has to find Toby who has been hidden from her. This scene is fantastic as I love they way they filmed and set up the scene. Just amazing!

Then we have one of the best scenes when Sarah has to face off against Jareth. First Jareth comes out of the shadows, incense music playing as he does. I love the way the scene is fuzzy at the ends to give it that dreamlike quality! Oh yes, it’s fantastic! The pacing and the dialogue is just great too!

The way Jareth pleads with Sarah tempting her almost convincing her- but props to Sarah, she knows better what makes a healthy relationship than most people. And the thing I love the most, Sarah can’t remember the lines “you have no power over me” is so powerful. Such few and simple words, but at times can be so hard to say and believe.


Sarah: Give me the child.

Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous up ’til now. I can be cruel.

Sarah: Generous? What have you done that’s generous?

Jareth: *Everything*! Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for *you*! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations. Isn’t that generous?

Sarah: Through dangers untold. And hardships unnumbered. I have fought my way here to the castle; beyond the goblin city, to take back the child that you have stolen. My will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great…

Jareth: Stop! Look what I’m offering you. Your dreams.

Sarah: My kingdom as great… my kingdom as great… damn, I can never remember that line.

Jareth: I ask for so little. Just fear me. Love me. Do as I ask, and I shall be your slave.

Sarah: You have no power over me! YOU have no power over ME! [the clock chimes 13:00 at that moment. Defeated, Jareth sends Sarah and Toby back to the real world where the clock finishes chiming midnight]

The best!

She defeats him and goes home. At first going to say goodbye to her fantasies, dreams, and childhood-but deciding to not give it up just yet!

Ludo: [in the mirror] Goodbye, Sarah.

Didymus: And remember, fair maiden, should you need us…

Hoggle: Yes, should you need us, for any reason at all…

Sarah: I need you, Hoggle.

Hoggle: You do?

Sarah: [nods] I don’t know why, but every now and again in my life – for no reason at all – I need you. All of you.

Hoggle: You do? Well… WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO?

[Sarah] spins around and sees them all in her room, including the goblins. She hugs them all, and a huge party begins]

I love this film and I think the more you watch it the more you see and relate to an me love. I also really appreciate that try didn’t end this with a romance but friendship, that’s not some hiking that is really fine all that often.

One thing I like about this movie is that it is similar to Total Recall, in that the lets you decide whether this really to Sarah or if it is all in her mind. In her room we see the characters that surface later in the film: a stuffed animal that looks like Sir Didymus on her dresser, a doll that looks like Ludo on the shelves next to her door, a Firey doll on a shelves next to her bed, bookends with Goblins reminiscent of Hoggle on her dresser, a figurine of Jareth on the right hand side of her desk, newspaper clippings of Sarah’s famous actress mom with another man (David Bowie), the dress that she wears in the ballroom scene is on the miniature doll in her music box, a wooden maze game which looks like the Labyrinth, and a copy of the famous picture by M.C. Escher which is used in the room where the final confrontation with Jareth occurs. So the question is did the Goblin King use these elements in his creations to give Sarah a fair chance, borrowing items similar to her surroundings which is sometime done in fairy stories, or is this all a teen angst dream. You decide.

So why do i consider this a Non-Austen Film for Austen Fans? First of all the character of Sarah being one who loves to read, and be in a fantasy world reminds me of bout Marianne Dashwood and Catherine Morland. Birth Marianne and Catherine move to read and have a dreamlike quality to them. All three characters are also very sweet, kind, naive, and innocent.

Sarah shares even more similarities with Marianne. Both are young in spirit, as Sarah still plays with dolls and stuffed snimdd as kid and Marianne believes she knows all about love and life from the poems she reads.

Both girls have been betrayed by people they love, Sarah having her mom leave the Danish abc now has a new mother and brother, while Marianne’s fartherfailrr to protect his daughters by planning for their future; along with having a brother that broke his promise to protect and care for them.All three fits go on a journey that teaches them about themselves and help them grow and mature,

Eat not completely change or lose themselves.

For Sarah she learns to love and care for her brother and not to speak out in such haste, Marianne lessens to not always act on her emotions and feelings but use sense as well, and Catherine learns to not always trust everyone and to use caution instead of imagination

Both Marianne and Sarah are extremely emotional and act on their feelings, expecting others to be as honest as them. Sarah never considers that Hoggle could be deceitful or someone she shouldn’t trust, even after he tells her and Jareth that he is planning on sending her back go the beginning. mMarisnne never considers that Mr. Willoughby could not be as earnest in his affections or even that her lack of fortune might be something that will cause a roabbloacn in their relationship.

And while Sarahbahs some jocks, although silly characters that help her-so does Marianne with the Mrs. Jennings and Sir John.

A fantastic film with wonderful imagery, amazing songs, and just an all around best stylrtline. It’s a film you can’t help but love and watch again and again.

We went axe throwing and dressed up as fantasy characters. I was going to be the Goblin King, but my niece pointed out that I looked like Sarah. So of course I had to dress up as her. I couldn’t find the vest so I went with what I did have.

And of course the Facebook cover photo!

Vampire Wedding, Vampire Baby, and Bella Finally Gets What She Always Wanted: Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn Part I (2011)

So you all, I’m really excited! There are only two Twilight films left and then I’m all done with the series!

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga” before this year. I remember when the books and films came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

This really happened at my school, but not with a shovel.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X. This is my first time watching them and I do not understand why people like this films. I just do not get it at all. 

I find them all to be really boring and to not make any sense at all. I would actually like to not finish this series, but you know me. When I start something I have to complete it. So here we go with film four (that really should be the last one but they decided to spilt in half for no reason.)

So Bella and Edward are going to get married but I’m really think that is a terrible decision as they do not know how to be in a healthy relationship. I’m not the only one who is questioning this as Jacob is angry and throws his invitation in the rain puddle and her dad is sad. Probably thinking he should have fought harder for custody and then maybe his child wouldn’t have grown up to have so many vampire undead issues.

Bella looks sadly at the dream catcher, but you broke Jacobs heart so don’t be acting that way.

Bella is mad that Edward tells her it isn’t too late to change her mind. Yeah, he giving you a way out because he doesn’t want to turn you into a vampire and he’s probably thinking about how you cheated on him when you kissed Jacob in the last film.

Edward decided to tell Bella the rest of his life story. Edward rebelled against Carlisle and went off killing and drinking blood. In one scene he is watching the premiere of The Bride of Frankenstein, now I love that film but it feels a little on the nose to include it in this movie. They make Edward not really bad as he murdered a lot of people but they were all “monsters”. Yeah, he can read their minds but he didn’t know whether or not they would actually act in it.

Hmm…

Bella has a dream about the wedding and sees the Volturi and all the roses turn to blood. Blood is everywhere, on her dress, and everyone is dead-I know this is just supposed to be symbolic but she should really be thinking about this as a possibility that as it could actually happen. I mean she turning is breaking the covenant with the werewolves. Like does she even care people will die for her selfishness?

Now I really like Charlie Swan, he’s my favorite character. He sees the graduation cap mural and thinks it is really, really weird. I also like that he is 100% against this wedding, but even though he feels this way he still gives her a hair comb, a beautiful one. Such a sweet dad.

I wish Charlie had raised Bella as she would have been a better person and not so crazy or dreaming to be a vampire.

Jessica thinks Bella is pregnant and Bella is surprised people would think that. I’m like, yeah, I think most would assume that as she is 18 years old and previously kept talking about how she thinks marriage is dumb.

You know all the vampires have yellow eyes and look super jaundiced, yet no one is questioning why Carlisle the doctor, hasn’t taken care of this?

I noticed too that they got rid of the blue overlay and the whole set is much warmer. They also warmed up all the people too, the vampires don’t look like walking dead anymore.

So after the wedding, Charlie gives a speech and I love it, he is definitely the best character. I also love how he gives the mom a weird look when she is singing, he’s like why did I ever marry her I must have been super drunk.

I should not have ever married her.

Jacob missed the wedding, but stopped by the reception instead. They talks and Bella is really inappropriate talking about the “night”. Jacob warns Bella she should not sleep with Edward as a human as she could die. But Bella doesn’t care, she wants vampire love and if she almost dies, even better as he’ll be forced to turn her.

As Bella and Edward drive away, they hear the wolf cry and we all know it is Jacob.

From The Wolf Man (1941)

Carlisle gives Edward an island, Esme Island. Can Carlisle adopt me?

Please pick me.

So we have gone through a third of this film already and it has just been a wedding. It’s pretty boring.

Their honeymoon scenes are super awkward. Edward and Bella were together the first night and his vampire loving left a lot of bruises on her body. Since then, he hasn’t wanted to be do anything so then we just get a ton of scenes of Bella trying to seduce him.

Bella is weird and all I can think is why do you want to spend the rest of your vampire life with her? I’d be like stake me now.

Bella basically cries until Edward give in, and again-all this is weird to watch.

Weird…

They then abruptly switch to the werewolves. Jacob is planning to kill the vampires, but Sam says no. And Sam is the alpha make. Jacob need to stop being Moody McBroody. It’s really annoying

Bella throws up and realizes she’s pregnant. She thought it was impossible as he’s a vampire and they don’t have kids. My first call would be to call Carlisle.

Jacob goes to see Charlie and hears that Bella is sick. Jacob thinks she might have been turned and they are lying and he goes to see Bella at the Cullens. Jacob tells her she looks terrible and she does, she looks like she hasn’t slept in days and is so faint and super pregnant.

Should not have slept with Edward.

Bella is way too calm to have become giant pregnant lady in two weeks. Like I don’t know anyone who would be this calm. I’ve had dreams like this and freaked out more than her and it is actually happening to her body.

If I was Bella I’d be afraid I was caring the devil’s child like in Rosemary’s Baby. That’s who Rosalie should kill, Rosemary’s horrible husband. I’m going to make a fictional hit list for Rosalie to hunt down and take out.

Your on my list!

I can’t believe this is even a plot point as there is no way that Edward could have even made a baby.

The werewolves have a wolf pack meeting like in The Jungle Book. And they want to kill Bella and the baby. Jacob fights with Sam but Sam enforces his alpha male status and Jacob runs off to create his own pack of one. But it quickly becomes two as Seth comes to help Jacob as he left Sam’s pack and Seth is so cute. Leah also comes as she can’t stand being with her ex, Sam

Jacob warns the Cullens and all I could think is man Bella you’re messing everyone up. Like they warned her and she didn’t care sand she still doesn’t care that everyone could be killed because of her desire to be a vampire.

This movie is really boring and there isn’t any actions. Edward is yahooing (really Edward?) to find out about vampire babies. He’s been alive 100 years and this is the first time he has ever heard of vampire babies? I’m telling you Edward has magic semen, oops I mean venom.

Bella looks like the crypt keeper. And the baby is apparently killing her. Crushing her from the inside out.

Bella is super faint and old looking and hair is turning white. For someone who was freaking out two movies ago about growing old she is really calm for one who is growing super old.

Why is Edward the husband not rubbing her back when she’s throwing up? He does nothing and Jacob does all the hard work.

The baby is eating Bella I guess, so they need to give her blood and instead of a transfusion she has to drink it out of a straw, which is impossible.

What else is weird is if she was consuming large amounts of blood she would develop lesions in her brain, they should give her a blood transfusion.

This movie is super boring and makes zero sense. I would have been mad if I sat outside in line for hours and wasted my time or money on this.

It astounds me that if all the books that are written and published this is the one that made it and sold millions and was turned into a film? This one? I feel bad for all the authors out here who are such great writers and write wonderful stories and are stuck in obscurity while this and After and The Bad Boys Girl and Fifty Shades of Grey are the ones making money.

Rosalie is the Cassandra of this series, no one listen later to her and they should. She was right about how they shouldn’t turn Bella into a vampire, she’s right about the danger, and she’s right about the name Renesme being dumb.

Bella’s back breaks from the infant and of course the doctor is gone as he went to get Bella food. Rosalie tries to cut the umbilical cord but then tries to eat her, Edward like rips her open with his mouth and hands and this scene is gross and weird. This whole film is.

Bella is dying and Edward tries to bring her back and I’m like let her die.

Edward gives her venom and she turns into a vampire. Jacob becomes a pedophile in this film and falls in love with the baby.

So the werewolves don’t kill the baby because he imprinted her and she is now protected by the pack. He saved the baby but he’s still a pedophile. Edward should pinch him I’m mad that he did that.

So this film was horrible. Like all this could have been summed up in like 30 mins and this easily could have been just one film. It really was not necessary and it honestly feels like a cash grab. I’m glad I’m almost done with this series and only have one film left.

For more on Twilight, go to Edward and Jacob Fight Over Who Should Be With Bella, And We Get Jasper’s Back Story: The Twilight Saga, Eclipse (2010)

For more vampires, go to You’re Kids. I’m a Vampire!: Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire (2000)

For more werewolves, go to The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

You’re Kids. I’m a Vampire!: Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire (2000)

Seven years ago a I did a 30 Day Disney challenge and one of the prompts was your favorite DCOM (Disney Channel Original Movie). I didn’t talk too much about this film as I planned to review it in October of that year, but I didn’t, so finally after all these years I’m going to share my thoughts on this film.

I wouldn’t normally have two vampire movies next to each other (tomorrow I will be posting my review of Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part I), but as usual-I’m nearing the end of Horrorfest X and I’ve fallen behind in some of my reviews. So we are just going to end up with a double dose of vampires this weekend. That’s okay, I’m prepared.

And today my review is so late as I shared the film with my niece. The two of us watched it and had some tea (today’s 31 Days of Hallotean prompt)

I remember being so excited when this film came out as I had been eagerly awaiting it. And when my brother shared his Disney+ password with me, the very first things I watched were The Phantom of the Megaplex and Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire.

This film had so many people in it too, which also made it exciting! It had Mr. Sheffield from the Nanny, Lizzie McGuire’s dad, and Sabrina the Teenage Witch’s aunt. Rewatching it as an adult I realized it also has the actor who was Gary Giggles in Spy Kids 2.

Adam Hansen (Matt O’Leary [Gary Giggles]), is big into monsters and loves to watch horror films and the like. Instead of doing his homework like he was supposed to, he watched vampire films. The next day he has no paper and instead presents his history paper on Malachi Van Helsing, Vampire Hunter. Mom, Lynette Hansen (Carolyn Rhea [Sabrina the Teenage Witch’s aunt]) isn happy and grounds him.

From Nightmare on Elm Street

His sister, Chelsea, heard about his “report” and belief in the supernatural and calls him a dweeb. Her mom hears this and Chelsea is also grounded and now she has to break a date with her boyfriend Peter to the Harvest festival. She’s not happy, but mom won’t budge.

The next day at school, Adam’s friend-who I just realized is the same actor who played the jerk Craig Manning on Degrassi: The Next Generation. Ooh his character makes me so mad for how he treated Ashley and Manny. Anyways I digress, his best friend, Duffy, has tickets to see Adam’s favorite band at the Harvest festival this weekend. There is no way he can talk his mom into letting him go, but maybe if he can distract her with something else?

So Chelsea and Adam try to plot a way to distract their mom in order to have fun this weekend and decide maybe they will be able to if they can get her to go out on a date.

But where to find a date? Adam decides to check the personals in the tabloid magazine he subscribes to (the one he found the Van Helsing article in). They find a weirdo, but settle on matching up the mom with an ad that sounds pretty good.

Continental gentleman, handsome, debonair, suave. Enjoys long strolls beneath the full moon. Loves adventure, travel, wild animals, and women who long for romantic nights that will never end. Hates Italian food and turtlenecks. Wolfsbane@netherlink.pro.

As a kid I remember thinking, hates Italian food so weird (I’m part Italian so of course I eat a lot of it). As an adult all I can think is this is a movie so of course he’s debonair and suave but in real life he would probably be nothing like his ad describes him.

They arrange to meet him at the grocery store and plan to trick mom into talking to him. They see a few single men-one dressed in a trench and fedora looking like Harry Dresden from The Dresden Files, but before they can continue with their plotting mom bumps into Dr. Dimitri Dentatos (Mr. Sheffield from The Nanny [Charles Shaughnessy]). As a kid I was like, oh it’s Mr. Sheffield from The Nanny of course the mom thinks he’s handsome. As an adult I’m like wow, mom found a man who is suave, debonair, nice, and looks like Charles Shaughnessy; no wonder she’s like yes I’ll go out with you tomorrow even though I don’t you.

Also I completely forgot that he was a doctor in this, so now this meme has popped into my head.

But this man is not the perfect dreamboat that Lynette thinks he is. He is actually a vampire, as the youngest Hansen, Taylor, watched him transform into a bat. Of course, no one believes him.

It turns out that Adam’s friend gave his ticket away. Since he can’t afford he trades a date with his sister to his friend’s older brother. Yeah, Adam is quite the jerk.

Saturday night comes and Dimitri arrives unable to come in unless invited in. He and the mom leave for dinner while Adam and Chelsea plan to call a babysitter and leave Taylor at home.

Taylor, however, decides that he will go save him mom. First he tries to get Adam to help him, but no dice. Then he calls up Van Helsing from the number left in the article and leaves a message. As a last ditch effort, he bikes after his mom to warn her. Adam and Chelsea follow him as if mom finds out they are not staying home grounded-the date will be over and they will be in even more trouble.

Meanwhile, Van Helsing is hunting the vampire and uses this cool coal trick or something to track him.

Wow!

Taylor will not leave as he is not convinced at all that Dimitri is not a vampire. The only way to convince him to go is to prove it. Of course no one takes Taylor seriously and they come up with a “spoon test”, which Dimitri passes. Taylor now satisfied agrees to go home, but as they leave the restaurant Adam notices that Dinitri doesn’t have a reflection. Uh oh, it turn out Taylor was right. He is a vampire!

That’s not good.

Adam convinces Chelsea to break her date and help him save their mom, they follow the two. Dimitri and Lynette are not having a ton of fun together as they have nothing in common, although Dimitri clearly wants to take her somewhere alone…and drink her blood!

Lynette takes Dimitri to a rockabilly club and Adam tries to keep her safe by tricking a guy into asking her to dance-but unfortunately Dimitri uses his vampire powers to make him leave instead. Adam then points Lynette out to the band and she goes up on stage and sings. While she’s preoccupied, Adam tells the security guard that Dimitri is a stalker and the bouncer gets rid of him. But not for long-he’s a vampire.

From Dracula

Back at the Hansen house, Van Helsing has checked his messages and he been trying to get a hold of Taylor but can’t get through as the baby-sitter has it tangled up. Van Helsing heads off to look where he thinks that a Vampire would be hiding out at, while Taylor follows and stows away in his car.

Chelsea who has been waiting outside the Rockabilly club sees him climb the wall: cool, creepy and the effects are still good.

So when Dimitri was thrown out of the club he broke Adam and Chelsea’s bikes having a little tantrum. They call Duffy, Boomer, and Duffy’s brother. Boomer reveals the “deal” and Chelsea is furious at him. She is 100% in the right. Although they make up rather quickly and resume the search for their mother.

Lynette has had a wonderful night out with Dimitri and thanks him for helping her to have fun again, but then she rejects him as they have little in common and she’s just not attracted to him. This makes Dimitri confused and angry so he puts Lynette in a trance to make her come home with him. The kids see this and try to stop him. Dimitri does a really creepy Vampire speed run and threatens Adam.

Dimitri tries to take Lynette to his lair, but Adam’s friends have sabotaged his car. Adam and Chelsea call a cab and head off to the Mather House.

At Dimitri’s lair, the kids look for a way to defeat him. Adam gets the idea to steal his coffin which is a really smart one, and put it in the lake. Vampires cannot cross bodies of water unless they are in their coffin, they must rest in dirt from their native soil (in their coffin), and during the day reside in their coffin. It’s a triple whammy and opens Dimitri up to negotiations. I really liked that they kept with this vampire lore, especially as Adam is supposed to be a monster expert.

Adam tries to trade foe his mom, but Dimitri grabs his sister. Adam has no choice but to give the coffin back as otherwise Dimitri will kill at least one of his family members. While they are in their standoff Van Helsing and Taylor arrive which distracts Dimitri.

Adam, Chelsea, and Taylor plead with their mom which awakens her from her trance (love is stronger) and they defeat him.

After their adventures, they invite Van Helsing over for breakfast and all ends well.

This film was super cute and adorable when it first came out and is still a really fun watch. I love it and recommend it!

For more vampire films, go to Edward and Jacob Fight Over Who Should Be With Bella, And We Get Jasper’s Back Story: The Twilight Saga, Eclipse (2010)

For more Disney Channel Original Movies, go to A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

Peculiarities, Monsters, and Time Travel.: Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children (2016)

A while back my sister asked me if I ever saw the film or read the book, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. I told her I hadn’t, but I knew of it and it was on my to-read list. She had recently watched it and couldn’t follow all the time loops, which was why she was asking me about it. I told her we had a copy at the library which I then decided to check out and read.

I read it and loved it! In fact I want to add it to Catherine Morland’s Reading List, but just haven’t had a chance yet. You know, so many books to review, so little time.

I really, really loved book one; book two I wasn’t as into, and book three I felt was a perfect conclusion. After I had finished the original trilogy (as he decided to write more) I was excited to watch the Tim Burton movie. Yep, this is our Tim Burton annual pick.

I watched it, and I did not like it.

The visuals were amazing, that is one thing that Tim Burton really captured well, but they changed so much, cut out so much, and packed three plots into one movie-it really disappointed me. In fact what I think he should have done was two films. I would have combined book one and two together, leaving off at the big twist of book two. Then have the second film just be book three.

So Jake is heir to a CVS type empire, and lives in Florida. He’s never felt any connection to the people around him, having only one friend. He also doesn’t have the best family life as his parents do not get along. He is really close to his grandpa, Abe Portman.

Jake had spent a lot of time with his grandpa, Abe taught him to shoot and tells him all these stories of peculiar people he met in Wales, the orphanage he was sent to during WWII.

However, Jake’s life takes a dismal turn when he discovers his grandfather dead with his eyes missing. This severely traumatizes him and he starts seeing a therapist, who quickly encourages him up go to Wales were his grandpa had lived and met the “peculiars”. Now I thought this aspect of the book was really interesting, him going to therapy, trying to figure out what really happened, finding his birthday gift from grandpa and it containing a clue he must follow. I know it doesn’t translate as well to film, but I wish they had shown the time it took, and the time spend with his therapist instead of it being like session two-go to Wales. I really did not like that.

Jake goes to Wales with his father and discovers his grandfather’s stories weren’t stories, but all true. He immediately meets Miss Peregrine, an ymbryne (one who watches over peculiars and can create time loops) and the peculiars, the people from his grandpa’s stories, who are real and still the same age as when Abe was a boy. It turns out that they are in a time loop of it always being September 3, 1943. As long as they return to their time loop everyday they will remain the same age, but if they were to step out of it that time loop, they would immediately start aging, catching up to whatever age they would be in 2016. They also tell Jake of his ability to see Hollowgasts, an ability shared with his grandfather. Hollowgasts are people who wanted to be peculiar/live forever and a botched experiment created them. They hunt the peculiars and eat their eyes, and in the book were lead by Miss Peregrine’s brother.

Now this was another thing I don’t like. In the book Jake doesn’t find out right away and his reveal of being the only one who can see/sense the Hollowgasts; along with some other cool abilities is done in such an awesome way. I much rather prefer the way the book did it, a surprise to all (although Miss Peregrine suspected), than this savior/choosen one storyline we were given. It’s like they took out all the things that made the book interesting and instead went with what is always done.

So Jake meets the different kids falling for Emma, his grandpa’s ex girlfriend (it was weird in the book and it is weird in the film) But they change her from having hands that lit on fire to floating. I really didn’t like that change as Emma had a fiery temper and was really emotional, her powers flaring up when she was charged (or flooding her when she is flushed)-in this her character isn’t very well developed and she is just basically a manic pixie dream girl.

Ugh…of course no character development.

In this the Hollowgasts are not lead by Miss Perevrine’s brother but a man called Mr. Barron, played by Samuel L. Jackson.

A wounded Ymbryne, Miss Avocet, comes to Miss Peregrine and the peculiars to ask for their help as she and those in her time loop were attacked by Mr. Barron who wants to try and redo the experiment. Jake is sent back as Miss Peregrine and the peculiars will need to create a new time loop. When Jake goes back to modern day, he discovers the signs of a Hollowgasts and goes back to warn his friends, but the Hollowgasts follow them as it turns out that Mr. Barron not only killed his grandpa but also became his Thera for the sole plan to get Jake to the island to find Miss Peregrine. It’s not as good as the book as there was a whole lot more emotional impact and betrayal.

Mr. Barron forces Miss Peregrine into becoming a bird and leaves the children in 1943, no longer a time loop-nothing as in real history the house was destroyed by a bomb, and they have to try and hunt them down and save Miss Peregrine. The book is better as they think they saved Miss Peregrine, but she’s stuck in bird form as she waited too long and can’t change back-they trek through 1943 England trying to find another ymbryne-only to discover they been betrayed all along. It is a much interesting storyline and there is more drama and fear then then going to Blackpool and having an ordinary film ending. I mean the fight scene was cool, I loved the callback to Jason and the Argonauts and James and the Giant Peach.

but the film was just so ordinary which makes me sad as peculiar is in the title.

The book was very different and interesting and I wish they had gone that avenue instead of making it every teen fantasy where they find out they have powers and have to fight the bad guy. Like they copied Harry Potter instead of going the The Chronicles of Prydain route, which would have been a better avenue.

So the film was only okay, but in comparison to the book? A disaster. I definitely don’t feel the desire to rewatch this film-but I would reread the books.

For more Tim Burton films, go to A Man Dressed as a Giant Bat, Psychotic Deformed Man Wrecking Havoc, and a Zombie Cat Woman…A Batman Christmas: Batman Returns (1992)

Do You Like This Hotel?…I Guess So. Good. I Want You to Like It Here. I Wish We Could Stay Here Forever… and Ever…: The Shining (1980)

Do you like this hotel? Yes, I do. I love it. Don’t you? I guess so. Good. I want you to like it here. I wish we could stay here forever… and ever… and ever.

So last week I went to a Halloween party and the guys were trying to figure out what movie was still scary. They had a bunch that frightened them when they were children, but felt that they were no longer horrifying as an adult. When they mentioned this one, I was like maybe for you but I find this movie even more terrifying as an adult. Jack Torrence is a horrible and abusive man. When I first saw it their relationship scared me, but after being in an abusive relationship it is a little too real. The scene when he yells at her for “disturbing him” would give me nightmares and that manner he takes with her would fire so many emotional triggers.

So Jack is a writer and and alcoholic. He hurt his son and his wife unfortunately believes in giving him a second chance, I’m like no don’t, but she does and they are going to be staying at a hotel in the Rocky Mountains during the off season (winter) taking care of it.

Everything about this sounds like a truly terrible idea. This former alcoholic man who abused his child is now trapped with you up on the top of the mountain in the middle of snowy winter where help will be unable to come if needed. If I was the wife there is no amount of money that I could be paid that would convince me to be trapped with that man. Even the first time when I watched this and had no clue what would happen next, Jack Nicholson’s portrayal of Jack Torrance scared me so, even in that just beginning “normal” scene, I would not want to be trapped up there with either Jack.

But before they are given full reign the manager, Stuart Ullman, reveals that the former caretaker had murdered his wife and two daughters, afterwards committing suicide.

Jack is okay with that and insists his wife will be too, uh no, but he is again he is also incredibly creepy. From the start of the film Jack Nicholson looks like a psychopath, as he does in every film.

Jack and Wendy’s son, Danny, has the ability to read minds and premonitions that always come true, just like in almost every Stephen King film. We are never given any reason why that happens. Is this “shining” an inherited trait? Why is he the only one in the family that can do it?

Oh he also has an adult man that lives inside him, but no one is too freaked out by that. I would be very worried.

Once they get to the Overlook weird things start happening as it is clearly possessed and starts affecting the family.

There are the ghosts of the twin girls that were murdered by their father: a scene that inspired one of my most loved memes:

But there are even more strange and paranormal things happening: the dead wife rises (in zombie form), there is a ghostly bartender, two men involved in some strange fetish of one being dressed as a dog, rivers of blood flowing, etc.

Eventually Jack is so possessed that he tries to kill his family, correcting them as the ghosts and hotel insists he should.

From The Invisible Man

I’ve always wondered do the spirits and ghosts come out only to play in the wintertime, like a reverse snowbird? Haunting other areas in the summer? Is it his abusive nature that made him one they felt they could turn to their side? Do they only attack when there is a single family living there? Why don’t they continue this reign of terror and murder in the summertime?

Hmm…

The film is very well done with the pacing and how they show everything, but I just can’t watch something like this because of the abuse. Jack is absolutely horrible, I wish Wendy would have left that situation before they went to the hotel, but she’s been with him so long, seen the good side, and is trapped in the wheel of promises and manipulation.

Stephen King actually hates this film as he feels the actors didn’t capture his characters and the storyline is nothing like his book, just a “shallow interpretation”. He actually remade it for TV but I have seen that one and it is soooo boring. I still can’t believe any studio read that script and green lighted it, but I do feel that way about a lot of films.

The background of making the movie is as equally horrifying as the film, as Stanley Kubrick was a nightmare to work with. Remember when I talked about William Wyler in Wuthering Heights? Kubrick was just as terrible as with his constant retakes and need for the perfect shot drove every actor and staff member to near insanity. In all interviews I have ever read or watched by the actors in this film, everyone says that they were thankful for the opportunity and that they were a part; but would never ever do it again.

Kubrick also completely traumatized and gave Shelley Duvall a nervous breakdown. Unfortunately that was back in the day when a famous director could do whatever they wanted to and didn’t have to face any repercussions. That is another reason that makes this film hard for me to watch, all the fear Duvall had and her breakdown is actually real. After this film she had to go to a sanitarium for a little while.

And as this is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, I want to end with this: if you are in a relationship that mistreats you, abuses you or your children, and you want to leave, there is help out there and there are resources for you. One thing they show in this movie that is really accurate is about how Jack keeps saying he will change, he will be better, but doesn’t. Very few people will ever truly change their abusive behavior. They might be able to for a little while-enough to make you think they have changed for good-but instead after they have hooked you again, then they slowly return to their horrible nature.

Abuse is more than just physical violence, it can be in many different forms.

I Am a Survivor of Domestic Violence and I Know Help is Out There:

Are you being abused?

It’s abuse when someone who should care about you does or says things that hurt you or make you feel afraid, helpless or worthless. Here are only a few examples:

  • Slapping, hitting, punching, choking, grabbing, shoving, kicking you or your kids, your pets
  • Threatening you, your kids, friends, family or pets
  • Hitting, kicking, slamming walls, doors, furniture, possessions
  • Forcing you to have sex
  • Calling you names, swearing at you, yelling
  • Controlling all the money, even money you earn
  • Blaming you or your kids for everything
  • Putting you down, making you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough
  • Treating you like a servant or slave
  • Controlling where you go, what you do, what you wear
  • Controlling who you see, who you talk to
  • Humiliating you in front of other people
  • Refusing to let you leave the relationship

It can also look like the below cycle 

If you are in danger call 911, a local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

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For more Stephen King films, go to My First Boyfriend is a Monster!…Literally: Sleepwalkers (1992)

For more Jack Nicholson, go to What Are You? I’m Batman!: Batman (1989)

For more ‘80s films, go to Something’s Out There and It’s Killing People! And If It’s Monsters, Nobody’s Going to Do a Thing About it Except Us!: The Monster Squad (1987)