Happiness is Having a Library Card: Another 13 of the Best Fictional Libraries

So if you’ve been following me, you are pretty aware of my love of libraries.

A few years ago I did a post on 13 of my favorite fictional libraries from TV, film, and books. I really enjoyed doing it as I love libraries!

But after I did it, I noticed more amazing libraries. So here we go, another 13 Favorite Fictional Libraries.

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13) Bruce Templeton’s Library from The Glass Bottom Boat (1966)

In The Glass Bottom Boat, by chance Jennifer Nelson (Doris Day), NASA tour guide and mermaid for her father’s glass bottom boat business, meets “Space Science Wizard” and inventor, Bruce Templeton (Rod Taylor). He likes her and hires her to write about his “new” project so he can spend time and woo her. The only problem is, he’s working on Top Secret Project GISMO, that Russian spies are after. Due to a simple misunderstanding, the CIA believe Jennifer to be a spy trying to get information from him. The actions afterwards are zany slapstick. And when Jennifer finds out the truth, boy does she get mad-and even.

Why the library is awesome!: So after Bruce made millions on all his inventions, he bought a gigantic house and made it state of the art. With all that money, you know he went to work creating a wonderful library as well. Just imagine what kind of books he owns!

For more on The Glass Bottom Boat, go to Mata Hari Stops At Nothing. Nothing Comes Between Mata Hari and What She Wants: The Glass Bottom Boat (1966)

12)The King’s Son’s Library in The Garden of Paradise by Hans Christian Anderson

The King’s Son loves to read and has read all the books on everything in the world. However, he is severely disappointed that there is nothing on the Garden of Paradise. He bemoans that they have missed out on the wonders and berates Adam and Eve for giving into temptation and how he would have done better. But when he gets his chance will he make the right choice, or give into temptation as well?

Why the library is awesome!: It is only mentioned in the beginning of the story, but sounds so amazing!!!

“There was once a King’s son. Nobody had so many or such beautiful books as he had. He could read about everything which had ever happened in the world and see it in the most beautiful pictures.”

I would love that as my own.

For more on Hans Christian Anderson, go to I Will Not Bend, I Will Not Break

11) Count Alexei Alexandrovich Karenin’s Library from Anna Karenina (1948)

So Anna Karenina is a long book that is hard to do in a simple summary, but I’ll try. Anna Karenina arrives at her brother’s home, to help out in his matrimonial woes (he was cheating on his wife with the governess). She convinces his wife to give her brother another chance and all is right. Meanwhile, Kitty (her sister-in-law) is trying to decide between two men-Levin and Count Vronsky. She chooses Count Vronsky, but after he sets eyes on Anna-that’s who he wants, even though she is married. Anna tells him to stop, but he continues to pursue her, and as her husband is more married to the state than his wife-she ultimately succumbs. While they fall into sin, Levin has a farm and in nature becomes closer to God and Kitty, as she discovers he is the better man. As this is a Russian story, the end is not happy but sad as Anna discovers the inequality of women in court and discovers that her love affair will cost her more than she ever imagined.

Why the library is awesome!: So Count Alexi has an amazing, multi-leveled library. As he is an important man of state it is probably full of law records and such, but still cool when you have so many books and such high shelves that you need a stepladder to get them. And check out that amazing writing desk and beautiful candlesticks. One classy and gorgeous library.

For more on Anna Karenina, go to Anna Karenina Made Me View Maria Bertram-Rushworth and Mary Crawford Differently

10) John Lockwood’s Museum from Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

In Jurassic Park: Fallen Kingdom Claire Dearing and Owen have separated and she has started a group to save the dinosaurs from extinction as the volcano on the island is going to errupt. When the Senate refuses to save them, John Lockwood (John Hammond’s old partner) reaches out to Claire to go to the island and save some, relocating them to a new island and sanctuary. Claire does, but it turns out that Lockwood’s assistant, Eli Mills, sent a mercenary team to capture some and sell at an auction. Claire, Owen (he’s back of course), and two new crew members Zia Rodriguez and Franklin Webb head out to the island and follow the crew back to the estate. Will they be able to save the dinosaurs, or end up gobbled up?

Why the library is awesome!: So they call it a museum, but I consider it a library as the second floor is full of books and comfy reading chairs. This library has dinosaur fossils and the models of what they would actually look like. Plus the spiral staircases and the comfortable leather sofas. And I bet those books are full of all kinds of dinosaur information.

9) The Vampire Library in “Blood Bound” from Choices

in Blood Bound you become the assistant to the amazing buisnessman, Adrian Raines. Things take a much different turn than you expected when it turns out that Adrian is a vampire! He was turned in the Revolutionary War, and now resides on the council and is trying to create a serum that will reverse the vampire effects. Another member on the council is trying to remove Adrian and use that serum to attack. Meanwhile, while more and more people are turning into vampires, but not added to a clan (which protects them from becoming feral-mindless killers), things start escalating to a full on vampire revolution of the unprotected against the clans. Will you help Adrian and stand by the council? Or join the rebels as they try to achieve justice? The choice is yours!

Why the library is awesome!: This library is the “true” history of the world”, told from the vampires and all that really occurred. It also houses different historical and powerful artifacts.

For more on Choices, go to Desire & Decorum: Chapter 9, An Indelicate Proposal

8) Dr. Jekyll’s Library in “Nowhere to Hyde” from Scooby-Doo, Where are You! (1970)

Scooby-Doo and the gang are always going out and about to different places and running into mysteries. They can’t say no to helping and quickly get caught up on a new case. In this episode, someone stole from a jewelry store and hid in the Mystery Machine. They discover the thief-who frightens them and follow him to Dr. Jekyll’s house. Could it be that his experiments created a monster? Or is someone trying to frame him?

Why the library is awesome!: So it is not a long scene, just a snippet, but enough to make you want it. Shelves and shelves of books, on all types of subjects from science to gothic fiction. The shelves also move to reveal secret rooms and passageways and trapdoors. How awesome would it be to have a library like that?

For more on Scooby-Doo, go to Nowhere to Hyde: Scooby-Doo Where Are You? (1970)

7) Penderghast University Library in “The Elementalists” from Choices

In The Elemetalists, you play as a normal girl who finds herself in another world, at Penderghast University, studying Magick and having superhuman abilities. What will be your core Magick, who will you fall in love with, what will happen next? It’s all up to you.

Why the library is awesome!: So like Harry Potter this is a magic library, with flying books, spells, and everything you could want. Sooo cool! I especially like the flying books, how easy it would be to carry those around and send them straight to your hand!

For more on Choices, go to Desire & Decorum: Chapter 8, Ill Repute

6) Carl Conrad Coreander’s Shop in The NeverEnding Story (1984)

So in the book, Mr. Coreander runs an antique store while in the film it is a bookstore. However, as Coreander has no interest in selling any tome, it really is his library and therefore is on the list.

Bastian is a lonely, bullied boy. He lives with a checked out single dad, does not enjoy school, and escapes his sadness by reading. One day he is running from bullies when he stops in the store to hide. There he meets Mr. Coreander and spots The NeverEnding Story. Intrigued by the title, he tries to buy it, but Mr. Coreander won’t sell it. Instead Bastian steals it, intending to bring it back later after reading, and hides out in the school attic reading it. There he goes to the land of Fantasia and finds himself a PART of the story!

Why the library is awesome!: So this one is so high up the list because I love Mr. Coreander. He is an adorable curmudgeon and I just love him and get him. He is someone who is unhappy with the techno craze and loves books, wishing more people did. He loves his books and hates having them leave him. I get that as I feel the same-I wish more people, espechially kids, would put the devices down and pick books up! Plus, he has THE NEVERENDING STORY!!!! THE NEVERENDING STORY, how COOL is THAT?!!!

For more on The NeverEnding Story, go to A Book Only a Reader Could Write

5) The Reform Club in Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne

Phileas Fogg is a man with money and spends his days reading at the Reform Club. There he overhears a conversation about traveling ’round the world, and bets £20,000 that he can do it in 80 days. He sets off with his valet, Passepartout, and is followed by a Detective Fix, who believes him to be a bank robber (he matches the description of the robber). On their way they have all kinds of adventures from rescuing a princess in India, riding elephants, being attacked on a train in America, and more.

Why the library is awesome!:

Phileas Fogg is an avid reader, as in that is what he primarily spends his days doing, yet he owns no library himself. He feels it would be superfluous as he is a member of the reform library which has not one, but two libraries. One of general literature, while the other is of law and politics. For someone to be such a huge reader and not have their own library, that means the Reform Club’s library has to be AmAzing!

For more on Around the World in 80 Days, go to I Think I Have Found a Means of Conveyance…An Elephant: Around the World in 80 Days

4) The Parrish Library from Jumanji (1995)

Alan Parrish is bullied constantly, and with his parents wanting to send him away to boarding school-he decides to run away. But before he does, he and his friend Sarah, play a mysterious game he found, Jumanji. When Alan rolls, he gets sucked into the game, and all is forgotten for 26 years. Then Judy and Peter move into the old Parrish house with their aunt who plans on turning it into a bed and breakfast. The two find the game and unleash monkeys, mosquitoes, a lion, Alan, and more. Now it is up to them to finish the game and right everything, before their aunt finds out-or worse something eats him.

Why the library is awesome!: We don’t spend too much time in the library, but like The NeverEnding Story this ranks so high due to nostalgia. I always wanted this library. I loved the way the chairs were, the colors of the room, the wood paneling, how it was so old fashioned. I liked how there were knick knacks in the shelves and that’s how I’ve had my library ever since. I’ve always hated the scene when the stampeded comes through, NO-NOT the LIBRARY!

For more on Jumanji, go to A Little Monkey Business: Chinese New Year

3) Aunt Marie’s Trailer from Grimm

So Grimm is a modern day telling of the Grimm Fairy Tales but with a twist. Creatures from the fairy tales live among us, appearing as human to all but a select few. Instead of being the “brothers Grimm”, the Grimm are certain people who have the ability to see those monsters, or Wesen as they are called, from the tales. The series centers on Nick Burkhardt, Portland Police Officer, who discovers he is a Grimm and actually does what no Grimm has before-befriends Wesen and jails those that are attacking (some he does kill). In his crew he has his police partner: a vegetarian Blutbad (Werewolf) named MonroeFuschbau (Fox) named Rosalee; other Grimm, and more.

Why the library is awesome!: So I know they never call it a library, but it technically is. There are books from throughout the centuries, all over the world, written by all kinds of Grimm on different Wessen. Besides the stacks of books, there all all kinds of weapons, potions, film reels, Crusader keys that lead to great treasure, etc. In season 3 episode 21, The Inheritance, Josh Porter and his father travel to Portland and give Nick a trunk full of Grimm weapons and books. In season 5 episode 10, Map of the Seven Knights, Monroe’s uncle Felix is approached by a colleague about some old books she found. He recognizes them as Grimm books and tries to set a bargain with Nick. He travels to Oregon, and they become a part of Nick’s collection, along with another key to the map. Sadly, in season 4 episode 9, Iron Hans, Juliette sets fire to the trailer, burning countless irreplaceable literature and weaponry. I have to admit that scene made me cry more than any other-too far Juliet! Too far! Luckily for Uncle Felix or there would be nothing left on the subject.

For more on Grimm, go to Top O’ the Morning: 7 More Irish Heroes

2) The Addam’s Family Library in The Addam’s Family (1991)

The Addams family is a gothic themed family living in modern times. Gomez and Morticia live there happily or, depressingly, with their kids Wednesday and Pugsley-and servants Lurch and Hand. All would be great, except they are missing Gomez’ brother Fester, who disappeared after they had a falling out. The Addams’ lawyer, Tully Alford, owes money to a loan shark and hatches a plan with the loan shark to use her son, Gordon, to pose as Fester (he looks just like him)-infiltrate the family, and get all the money. But as Gordon/Fester spends more time with the family, he grows to really like him. Will he stick to the plan? Or change sides?

Why the library is awesome!:

So the library is gorgeous in the decoration and Victorian Gothic features. It has floor to ceiling bookcases, an Iron Maiden, organ, fireplace, swords, and beautiful antiques. Plus the bookcases move to reveal a safe, and you open up some they make things happen-like Gone With the Wind releases a tornado. You have to be careful as these books aren’t your everyday literature.

For more on The Addams Family, go to Because We’re Addams: The Addams Family (1991)

1) Pemberley Library, from Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen

This needs no summary:

Why the library is awesome!:

Mr. Darcy loves to read and being a gentleman-you know he is going to have one sweet library. One with priceless books inherited from his ancestors and adding to it all the time

“I am astonished,” said Miss Bingley, “that my father should have left so small a collection of books. What a delightful library you have at Pemberley, Mr. Darcy!”

   “It ought to be good,” he replied; “it has been the work of many generations.”

“And then you have added so much to it yourself, you are always buying books.”

It would be hard to turn that down. Elizabeth,  I don’t know how you did it.

For more on Pride & Prejudice, go to I Only Read Pride and Prejudice Because I Hated the Keira Knightley Adaptation

For my original post of 13 Best Fictional Libraries, go to Heaven on Earth: 13 of the Best Fictional Libraries

For more bookish posts, go to An Ode to Goodreads

For more on libraries, go to My Home Away from Home

 

Clean Cup! Clean Cup! Move Down, Move Down, Move DOOOWWWNN!!!!!

So most people watch Disney films and they find a character they connect to. Disney princess:

Maybe an animal:

Now that Star Wars is in the Disney family it opens more choices:

 

Marvel characters…

But sadly no. Since living on my own, I have discovered that the Disney character I am most like is the Mad Hatter.

So first of all I’m not mad from Mercury poisoning.

*whew* I know you are all relieved to hear that. And no it isn’t how he dresses, although I love wearing hats.

It’s not even his love of tea-which I do share

It’s his mess of tea cups everywhere.

I’m a mess

 

The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: ‘No room! No room!’ they cried out when they saw Alice coming. ‘There’s plenty of room!’ said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table…

‘And ever since that,’ the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, ‘he won’t do a thing I ask! It’s always six o’clock now.’

A bright idea came into Alice’s head. ‘Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?’ she asked.

‘Yes, that’s it,’ said the Hatter with a sigh: ‘it’s always tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the things between whiles.’

‘Then you keep moving round, I suppose?’ said Alice.

‘Exactly so,’ said the Hatter: ‘as the things get used up.’

That’s my apartment. Now, I’m not saying that I’m a total slob, it’s just I’ve noticed that since living on my own 70% of my dishes are tea cups/mugs.

So as you can see-when it comes to dirty dishes 70% of them are tea cups/mugs. I also live in a very small apartment with a tiny sink, so as to not damage my cups/mugs they tend to line the counter next to the sink.

The real problem comes if I miss a day washing the dishes. Then oh no-it really looks like the Mad Hatter’s tea party.

How ’bout you all? Do you have this problem?

For more tea posts, go to Literary Tea Parties

For more Alice in Wonderland, go to It’s Always Tea Time

For more Lewis Carroll, go to Past is Past

I Only Read Pride and Prejudice Because I Hated the Keira Knightley Adaptation

Yes, it’s the bomb that wrecked the Internet. The hate mail and unhappy comments will be abounding. Oh well. All I ask is that you finish the review before writing them.

So this marks the seventh year of my blogging JaneAustenRunsMyLife and I’ve been thinking, it is about time I share how I got into Jane Austen.

So the first Austen-related thing I was involved in, was watching Sense and Sensibility (1995). I think I was 7 or 8 at the time, and I came into the living room and my mom was watching it. It was at the part when Marianne and Willoughby are going off in the carriage together. I watched a bit but then went off to do whatever it was I was doing before.

My sister read Pride and Prejudice in school and when I asked her what it was about, all I heard was “mother trying to marry five daughters…” and stopped listening. Romance?! Ugh. I was not about that and books that were only about people getting married. Ew! (Which P&P is not)

You see I was into mysteries-Sherlock Holmes, Agatha Christie, etc-and “important” classics like Charles Dickens, Jules Verne, Wilkie Collins, etc. Pride and Prejudice, no way.

Me, read Pride and Prejudice?

I know I was a snob.

No.

And of course-gothic fiction. I had read Wuthering Heights, The Phantom of the Opera, Edgar Allan Poe, etc.

So time passed and nothing could tempt me into reading Jane Austen. We even had a lady in our church who “adopted” us as her grandchildren and bought a beautiful copy of Little Women and Pride and Prejudice for my sister and I. I already had my beloved copy of Little Women (I know I owned and repeatedly read it and didn’t consider it girly. Why? I don’t know. I was working off teen logic which doesn’t always make sense), and decided to take the Pride and Prejudice as my goal was to read all the classics. But did I read it? NO. I put it on my stacks of to-read books and forgot all about it.

So what finally got this stubborn, obstinate girl to change her mind? A sleepover.

When I was 15 going on sixteen (circa 2007) we had a church girl’s sleepover. Now granted, I was not in a good mood that day. I was bummed that the boys were doing their own sleepover and making potato guns while we did something I found really boring. I can’t remember what it was we did, I just remember wanting to make a potato gun.

It came for the time of the movie and I was not jazzed as the last time the assistant youth leader, Allie, picked-she chose Master of Disguise. 

Or saw. Just a stupid movie altogether.

There were two choices of films and I can’t remember the one I really wanted to watch and argued long and hard for-but I lost to Pride and Prejudice (2005).

I’m angry with you.

I was totally bummed and we started watching it. From the very start I was not happy.

WHAT!!!!

First of all I do not like Keira Knightley as an actress. I don’t think she’s that good as I feel she is the same in every film. To me a talented actor should make you forget who they are, but think they are the character they are portraying. So of course being an emotional teenager I couldn’t stand her.

As an actress not a person.

I didn’t care for anything else in it and to top it all off I could not understand anything they were saying or follow the film.

Now I have hearing loss in one of my ears, but I didn’t know that at the time. When I was a baby I had constant ear infections, so bad they wanted to put tubes in my ears but my doctor gave me a shot and I was good until 2015, when I got an ear infection but still saw Avengers 2: Age of UltronI had to go in that same year and do a hearing test and discovered that one of my ears is damaged from all those ear infections. So when I’m in an environment where there is a lot going on, such as a lot of people talking, it is really hard for me to hear. And when I watch TV or movies something about the volume always bothers me. Either it isn’t loud eough or it is too loud. So I was already upset and then it was probably my hearing problems.

Whatever it was, I was angry, upset, and I hated this film-with the frigid storm of hate that no one but a teen can give.

Anyways, I kept asking what was happening and just completely hating on this film when Allie said to me, “You just aren’t used to the accents. If you watch British dramas you would understand it.”

Oh no. Heck no, those are fighting words. I was deeply offended at that! You see I’ve been watching Masterpiece Mystery, BBC, and others on PBS since before I was born. English accents don’t bother me none.

Don’t mess with me!

She offended me so much I stopped watching the dreaded movie and spent the rest of the night reading in a corner. The next day I resolved to read Pride and Prejudice.

So of course, the first step I had to root through my pile of to-read and began.

As soon as I started reading it, I was hooked! I felt like Isola Pribby in The Guersney Potato Peel and Literary Society. How come no one told me that there were other men to go ape for besides the brooding Heathcliff and romance that is better than the way Cathy treats him.

Why?

To be honest, my sister did try. I just didn’t listen.

After that little taste it was over for me.

I was hooked on Austen.

I then had to watch every version of Pride and Prejudice-discovering that I had seen the Laurence Olivier version earlier when I was watching anything Olivier-related. He’s such a beautiful man.

So most people want to be Elizabeth, and friends said I was like her in some ways-however, I connected much more with Mr. Darcy, you know except the rich part.

When I finished P&P I then moved on to Sense and Sensibility. I took it along with me for my friend’s Sixteenth Birthday sleepover getaway and we ended up having Jane Austen pop up in more than one conversation.

I then watched all the Sense and Sensibility adaptations as well.

Mansfield Park was next and a little harder to get through. I liked Fanny but I really wanted her to punch Mrs. Norris in the face and was disappointed she didn’t. I mean I knew she wouldn’t do a physical punch, but was hoping for a verbal one.

I watched all the film versions of it that I could get my hands on, which wasn’t many as it is a hard one to get.

Then I tried to read Emma, but she kind of annoyed me and I skipped, planning to come back to it later, for Northanger Abbey,  which I just adored. I loved, loved, LOVED, this book. I adored Catherine as that was me!! I was such a tomboy growing up! I loved Gothic fiction! I had an overactive imagination! I loved that no one expected her to be heroine, but she became one. I loved the whole girl reads books and then has an adventure right out of a story. AMAZING! And I loved Mr. Tilney.

I did the same with the films-although I prefer the Felicity Jones and JJ Feild one to all others!

Then Persuasion, so romantic and sweet. I’m really bummed that Persuasion and Northanger Abbey get passed over so much. Persuasion  is slowly climbing it’s way out of obscurity, but doesn’t get the love it deserves.

I then watched all these adaptions as well.

I think this was from theotherausten.tumblr

I began to talk different, act different, dress different. You know how it goes. Watching all those films and reading those books your speech is extremely affected.

My first Jane Austen meme!

You’re view of the world changes:

My second Austen meme!

Your idea of the perfect man changes:

My sister used to poke fun at me, but I didn’t care.

Your life is consumed:

So I know, you are thinking-what about Emma. I decided to watch it, since I was struggling with the main character, and in the middle of watching it-I realized…Emma is Clueless.

After that-no problem at all. I LOVED Emma and how unique she was to the other Austen characters and women of her time.

Read it, loved it (some of my earliest posts were on it), and watched every adaptation I could.

So there we go, my Austen addiction all started because I couldn’t stand a certain adaptation and I was offended that someone thought couldn’t follow British films. Looking back on it, it all seems so petty. But hey, that’s what teens are right?

I then started a blog back in 2011-12 and then couldn’t find it as the title was too generic. I decided to create a new one and that’s how JaneAustenRunsMyLife was born. I mean it’s not that my friends or family don’t like listening to me, but if you have been following you know that when I like something, I really like it and love to talk about it. Sometimes making it annoying for those who don’t care about it as much as me, or who really don’t care about it at all.

And I know, you are all wondering-do I still hate Pride and Prejudice (2005)?

Do you?

I wouldn’t say I hate it, but I don’t like it. It is my least favorite adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Pigs in the house? What? And why did they try and make them look dirty all the time? They were ladies!! And discount-Orlando Bloom who plays Wickham has no charm. However, I do think that their Mr. Collins was good, I liked how Matthew Macfayden and Simon Woods interacted with each other…and that will all have to wait for a review on another day.

So this marks seven years, and the seventh anniversary is wool. Hmm…what should I give myself? I always try to choose pictures from through the years. How about a Mr. Darcy in a wool coat?

Mr. Tilney in a wool coat:

Or Judd Nelson in a wool sweater from Making the Grade Valentine’s Day post:

How about a wool coat and scarf from Sherlock as well.

Ready for any case

How about a rugged Charlton Heston from The Ten Commandments anniversary post, in his wool coat.

There’s not enough wool coats, let’s throw Mr. Sinclaire in from Desire & Decorum

So thanks for the past seven years of awesomeness, and here’s to many more!

Yay!

In other news, I have decided to do a give away in honor of my 7th year. Now those of you who have been following me, know that after no one, and I mean literally 0, people entered my last one, I planned to never do one again.

But I decided to try again. I’m still putting it together and since “wool” is the theme of the 7th anniversary, I will be dropping it in the fall. So keep an eye out and of course, follow me on instagram, facebook, tumblr, twitter, or here on wordpress. And a special thank you to all who follow me:

For more anniversary posts, go to I Want Candy

 

Five Jane Austen Adaptations That Should be Turned Into a Film or TV Show

So I asked this question on Instagram and got a zero response. I feel that this had a lot of potential so I’m going to answer it myself.

So I haven’t read every adaptation yet, I plan to, but haven’t yet. Out of the ones I have read these are one that I would love to see as a film or TV Show.

5) Jane Austen Academy Series by Cecilia Gray

So in this Jane Austen inspired work, Cecilia Gray takes the characters of Jane Austen’s novels and puts them in a boarding school high school together, pairing up who would be friends and having them live in modern times. She chose the characters Elizabeth Bennet, Elinor Dashwood, Emma Woodhouse, Catherine Morland, and Anne Elliot.

The drama comes when this boarding school goes co-ed! Gasp! Mr. Darcy, Mr. Wickham, and Captain Wentworth are coming and bringing all their dramas and the new owners want to change everything. Elizabeth has to save the school, help Anne get back with her love Wentworth, and deal with ugh Darcy.

So I have only read the first book (and need to continue the series, but just haven’t had a chance) and I like the idea-although there were a few things I didn’t agree with (like deleting Marianne Dashwood, why?) that would need to be fixed. I think this would be a good TV show-all the Austen characters as teenagers going to school together and unlike Austentatious, this book if turned show would actually keep the themes from the books instead of making it random nonsense.

For more on The Jane Austen Academy Series, go to Fall For You

4) Mr. & Mrs. Darcy Mysteries by Carrie Bebris

So Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth are married and happen upon stranger supernatural occurrences and start investigating-well, Elizabeth does and Darcy starts off along for the ride but joins in. In the first book they deal with the question of an insane or possessed Caroline Bingley. Has she gone mad? Is her husband gaslighting her? Or could she be posessed? In book two, Elizabeth’s sister, Kitty Bennet, is planning on marrying Henry Dashwood (John and Fanny’s son) but then he starts acting weird. Was he just pretending to be a nice guy and always a jerk? Or is he possessed by some malignant creature?

Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam Darcy are crimesolvers? I’d watch it hands down. It would be something for those who loved Death Comes to Pemberley and Supernatural. Sounds like a win-win and can fill a new hole on TV.

For more Mr. and Mrs. Darcy Mysteries, go to Pride & Prescience (Or a Truth Universally Acknowledged) and Suspense & Sensibility (Or First Impressions Revisited)

3) The Darcy Monologues and Dangerous to Know edited by Christina Boyd and et. al

So in The Darcy Monologues you have Pride and Prejudice envisioned fourteen different ways. Dangerous to Know: Jane Austen’s Rakes and Gentlemen Rogues is eleven different stories on the “bad boys” of Jane Austen.

So I still have to read Rational Creatures (I know shame on me, time just seems to slip away), but I think these would both be fun as a TV show, each story an episode. As The Darcy Monologues is about one subject you could do an episode from it and Dangerous to Know, to break it up, or just do a miniseries. I would love to see Mr. Darcy as the “Beast”, Pride and Prejudice as a Western, and of course Mr. Darcy Strikes Out as I LOVED Dandy Darcy and would love-love-love to see that. For Dangerous to Know I loved Henry Tilney’s older brother finding love and needing help from Catherine Morland, and when Colonel Fitzwilliam strikes a deal with an heiress to pretend to be interested in her so she can gain her inheritance.

For more Darcy Monologues, go to The Darcy Monologues: Part I, The Regency and The Darcy Monologues: Part II, Other Eras

For more on Dangerous to Know, go to Dangerous to Know: Jane Austen’s Rakes & Gentlemen Rogues, Dangerous to Know, Jane Austen’s Rakes & Gentlemen Rogues: MILD, Dangerous to Know, Jane Austen’s Rakes & Gentlemen Rogues: MODERATE, and Dangerous to Know, Jane Austen’s Rakes & Gentlemen Rogues: MATURE

 

2) Midnight in Austenland by Shannon Hale

I Love, Love, Love, Love, Love this book. We all loved the film Austenland, so why not turn the sequel into a film as well!! You have a broken hearted woman who loves Jane Austen and heads to Austenland to get over her troubles. There she sees characters from the previous book along with getting mired in a mystery!!!

It is a love story, a mystery, comedy, etc and so much fun. It wouldn’t quite work with how they ended the film Austenland, but you could always have Mrs. Wattlesbrook make a new one and try again. It would be FANTASTIC!! Please make it happen.

For more, go to Midnight in Austenland

1)Definitely Not Mr. Darcy by Kelly Doornebos

Chloe Parker enters a contest to compete in a documentary about Austenites. Each contestant will live in a Regency-esque world where they will compete in answering Austen Trivia-the winner receiving $100,000. It’s easy right? Wrong! It turns out that this is a Bachelor Reality Show in Regency Flair, all constants competing to win a “Mr. Darcy”.

I could see this being a movie, but even better as a TV Show. You make it in the style of a reality show, but all fake. It would be hilarious as they try and complete the Austen challenges while poking fun at real celebrity dating TV Shows.

For more go to, Definitely Not Mr. Darcy

So what do you think? Did I miss anything? Is there something out there you would love to see as a TV show or Film? Comment below to let me know!

Catherine Morland’s Reading List: The Tell-Tale Heart

 

So the idea of Catherine Morland’s Reading List came mostly from the fact that I am a huge Gothic fiction/mystery fan. Before I met Jane Austen I devoured all these books that I know, if Catherine was alive, she would have been reading.

It started with reading one, and then before I knew it I had a list of thirty I was planning on eventually reviewing. What can I say…

And of course if you like Gothic fiction, one of the best is Edgar Allan Poe

This story The Tell-Tale Heart has been used/referenced a thousand times in literature and film. It is an amazing part of literature that if you haven’t read, you need to read it.

“The Tell-Tale Heart” from The Complete Stories and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe by Edgar Allen Poe

This is one of those stories, no matter how many times you read it, it will always be as creepy and thrilling as the first time you read it.

Spooky…

One of things that makes it so spine-tingling is that it is told in first person, allowing the reader to become the character, and our hearts to beat in unison.

I can’t review it with proper justice, I swear it is one you have to read to get the full:

A man rents out a room from an older man and is intent on stealing from him. Every day the old man watches him and eventually the lodger decides to kill him.

“It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold I had no desire. I think it was his eye! yes, it was this! He had the eye of a vulture –a pale blue eye, with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold; and so by degrees –very gradually –I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye forever.”

When he goes in to kill him, he hears the heart beat get louder and louder, a crescendo.

After he kills him, he cuts the body up and chops it into pieces and buries him under the floorboards.

But is it that easy? The heart, he can hear it-it calls to him.

Horrifying!

For more on Catherine Morland’s Reading List, go to Catherine Morland’s Reading List: The Murders in the Rue Morgue

For more gothic tales, go to Catherine Morland’s Reading List: The Inn at Half Moon Bay

Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans: The Buccaneers, Episodes 3-5

So after you watch every single version of Jane Austen movies, what do you have to watch next?

Hmm…I don’t know!

That’s why I started this list, to have non-Austen films that Austen fans can enjoy.

I can’t stop watching!

So last week I reviewed The Buccaneers, episodes 1-2. These episodes 3-5 aren’t as similar in the Austen themes, but I’m going to finish the review of the miniseries.

So quick recap-four women, Virginia St. George, Annabel “Nan” St. George, Elizabeth “Lizzy” Elmsworth, Conchita Closson-daughters of new money industry, are finding it hard to be accepted into society. In order to circumvent that, the English governess, Ms. Laura Testvalley, hired by Mrs. St. George, comes up with the idea of them having a London Season. There they could hobnob with the titled English and when they come back be welcomed in open arms.

Conchita marries Lord Richard, who only got with her to get her money. He dumped her off at his family estate, took off gambling and carousing, and using up her allowance allotted by her father. Yep, she married a Wickham/Willoughby.

She has a little girl with him and then finds herself a lover to fill her lonely nights.

 

Lonely and sad from Anna Karenina 

Virginia married Richard’s older brother, Lord Seadown, but finds out on her wedding night he only choose her for her money as he already in love/relationship with another woman.

Replace beauty with money

Lizzy is being courted by Hector, a nobody interested in politics. He has no title, but does have a good sized fortune. Her rivals, Virginia and Conchita feel smug about having the superior men.

But Nan tops them all by landing Duke Julius of Trevennick. She was really in love with Guy Thwaite, but he had lost his fortune due to his father’s mismanagement. Guy left for two years to South America to make his fortune, and Nan wanted an engagement, but he didn’t want to be a man to use a woman’s fortune and doesn’t want to hold her back when he may make no money.

Nan feeling vulnerable, sad, alone, and having been sheltered falls victim to the Duke’s proposal-one of the best proposals. The Duke knows his stuff.

So Virginia is pregnant and gives birth to a son. Good but doesn’t keep her man from straying still. In fact, now that the family line is “secure” he spends even less time with her and more with his mistress. Poor Virginia, she had such dreams, such  hopes!

The Duke and Nan return from their honeymoon and Nan finds herself way over her head. Expected to run the household, send the first of their plants to the queen, meet the queen, her husband being too busy for her and so cold. Before they were married, he talked of love and now that they are there is this barrier between them.

This space between them

She is shocked that he doesn’t have passion with her like Conchita and Virginia’s husband’s do and that they have separate bathrooms and separate lives-so unlike her parents.

All alone

Nan loves the outside, the forest, the beautiful romantic ruins but is now trapped in a gilded cage-jewels, meeting the queen, expected to act like clockwork.

She makes some serious mistakes in the household duties and rankings of the many servants. Every time I watch this I think how much more this is suited for her sister Virginia. That is the type of thing she would love to do and life to live.

Julius loves it as he finds her perfect to train. Seriously? Like she is an animal or doll-just tp be moved and trained-ugh.

I take back what I said about him. Take back your castle. Take back your dog.

You are a MAJOR jerk.

The three married ladies get together and talking and complaining about their husbands-these men suck. Poor girls.

Conchita has taken a lover as her husband is always gone. He comes home unexpectedly with the news that he has syphilis.

Ouch

I had to do my 9th grade health report on it and oh my goodness that is one of the worst diseases. First it is hard to catch as most people don’t show the symptoms and if untreated it makes you go insane.

Nan gets attacked one night by a drunk Julian-yelling at her not to complain about wanting passion and then not enjoying when he is trying to romance her. The pig. The horrid man. Just a glimpse of the horrible marriage Nan suffers.

In other news, the St. George’s have lost everything in Wall Street. Without Virginia’s income the Lord’s are in serious trouble. The West Wing renovations have stopped, and everyone must cut back on spending. Something these Lords are extremely angry over.

Your father can’t give us any more money and we actually have to work or spend less?

Lizzy marries Hector Robinson who makes scads of money and ends up buying an old family mansion for his bride. Lizzy is the only on with a happy marriage. She chose wisely.

After that, Nan tries to remove all the romantic, passionate artwork. She can’t look at it anymore. Poor Nan, I know what that’s like. And she got pregnant from their “encounter”. That’s just agonizingly awful.

Noooo!

Nan wants to help her people, as the tennets are getting sick from typhoid. She tries to get Julius to come and help, but he doesn’t care. He only cares about himself. He isn’t the man you thought he was.

Broken dreams, illusions, hopes, etc.

Ugh, Julius treats her like a child, like a doll, a plaything. As if she knows nothing at all. I hate him. I want to punch him in the face.

Nan does the 1800s lady equivalent-she tells him she would rather be dead than have their child grow up to be like him.” Ouch-zing! And she then runs off in the rain at night.

Ouch

They can’t find her and start up a search party, eventually discovering her by the river, having fallen and lost the baby. Now knowing what she said, do you think she tried to kill herself on purpose? Or accidentally fell?

Hmmm

Nan’s governess, Ms. Testavalley, comes to visit and Nan shares her feelings. She describes how as soon as they were married he became a stranger. Ouch, I know how that feels.

Nan still idealizes Val’s life-when the truth is she is not that free or happy. Sir Guy’s father comes to visit, he has a thing for Ms. Testvalley and reveals that Sir Guy will be returning home, a very rich man, and entering politics. Hmm…interesting!

Conchita is pregnant by her lover, and with Richard having syphilis she can’t sleep with him and pretend it is his child. What will she do?

That is not good,

Julius decides he has given Nan enough time and comes to see test the waters and it is very awkward. And Nan begins rebelling against him. “How would you know what would bore me.”

This continuously makes me think of Mr. and Mrs. Bennet. If only he had taken time to know her instead of looking at her face than maybe he would have married someone else and they would have had a good marriage. The same for Mr. and Mrs. Bertram.

Guy has returned home and thinks of Annabelle. Too bad you didn’t get engaged to her or had some understanding or else she would have been waiting for you there.

If only

It’s Christmastime and Connie is visiting Nan. She breaks down about how awful things are going, you don’t know how I feel.

No, Nan has it waaaaaay worse. Connie whines about how all this was all supposed to end happily ever after with marriage. Nan shares how she wants to just run away and pretend she never married. Connie begs Nan for money, but Nan has none. Connie begs and Nan promises to try and get some, but from Julius? Not likely.

Bad, very bad idea

Nan gets everything ready for their Christmas ball and as Julius is in a good move she tries to ask him for the money but he won’t do it. She gets £10 a month and can draw up to £5 a week. She tries to get a little independence, but no dice. She is angry at him treating her like a child but he threatens her saying if she wants him to stop them he must treat her like a wife. Nan’s not for, that discussion closed.

Ugh, you don;t rape your wife. I HATE Julius. he’s horrid, horrid, awful, terrible man.

At the party they dance around in the dark and who should end up in a room together, Nan and Guy.

That is not good,

Ms. Testavalley is interested in Guy’s father, but her friend warns her that he just paid off one woman and has two others.

He’s a no

Everyone returns from the dark except Nan who is still with Guy. Both still have feelings for each other…uh oh. Guy tries to encourage her and she listens, discussing how her feelings go up and down. Ms. Testavalley finds them and saves them both from scandal.

Julius gives Nan the money for Conchita but wants her to sleep with him. She can’t as she is so traumatized from before. He insists that he needs compensation for the money, treating her like a prostitute.

You jerk!

He abuses her, yells, curses, breaks her things, hits her. This gives me flashbacks. Ms. Testavalley has to leave and after she goes, Nan’s mother-in-law lectures her trying to help, but not really. At first I was a little miffed at her, but then she said that she isn’t blind to how her son is and how the late Duke was much worse. Poor mother-in-law-she must have a serious backstory. Full cycle of abuse.

Nan leaves Julius to stay with her sister and then will goes to stay with Elizabeth. Elizabeth and Hector are very happy, healthy, and wealthy. Hector is wary to have her come, as she is the duchess, but wants to court Mr. St. George as he is getting wealthy again on Wall Street. So he allows her to come.

Virginia buys back her jewelry she pawned off to pay for the household expenses and goes to see Idena, her husband’s mistress to confront her. Idena hasn’t seen him, he left her for a younger woman, and she lets off how she feels slapping her, Ouch. That’s the lady 19th century version of:

Nan visits Guy at the House of Commons and is seen by all-uh oh. I sense an Anna Karenenia

Rumors circulate and Lizzy tells Nan she can’t stay with them any longer. Nan goes to church and the Duke meets her there. He explains the rules in society, that she is the Duchess, his wife. She needs to stay 1/3 of the year at home and he will turn a blind eye to her discretions as long as they are private. If she makes a scandal, divorce and he will ruin the lover.

Nan returns home as she wants to protect Guy, but doesn’t tell him the truth. They cry over their love as she leaves and Guy looks on.

Or him

Nan returns home and Julian’s mother gives him some good advice. Leave her alone for six months and woo her, be a lover.

Lord Seadown returns home when Idena commits suicide. He tries to get back with Virginia but she isn’t interested. He pleads and looks at her with his sad eyes and she falls like a house of cards. Fool. He’s a loser & a user.

For the thousandth time

Guy and Julius get in an argument over his politics and the way Guy is leaning. But truth is they are really fighting about Nan. Julius lets Guy know he’s be nowhere without him and he can take it all away just like that. *snap* And then they get in a fistfight.

Wow!

GUY, GUY GUY GUY! Give him the chair.

Nan interrupts and ends it. She has the children’s choir perform Yankee Doodle. Woohoo! Let the stars and stripes fly Nan!!

Guy watches sad and despondent, but I don’t really feel bad as she coutld have been your woman. It’s your own dang fault. You should have made some understanding. He then writes her a sort of love letter-most of it is him half angry she’s not with him.

That night Nan hears strange noises and look for Julius and finds him in bed with a man!!!! A Man! Oh.

So of course I have to ask, does Julian being gay (or bi they never quite make that clear) add or take away from his character and villainous treatment. I mean don’t get me wrong, it is done well. The constant worry of his mother, comments about how he likes to be with men-women do not interest him, him getting worried/defensive/angry when Nan has questions about their love life, the girls talking about her not being pregnant. I didn’t catch it the first time, but did this time. But do you think adds or takes away from him being the villian? He already is abusive, narcissistic, a control freak, a rapist, etc. Do you think he would have been a stronger villain if he was straight, or do you think him being gay adds more to the dashed hopes/expectations of Nan. I mean everything else had already killed every romantic notion she has ever had, being gay the final nail in the coffin of the film. I don’t know if there is a right or wrong answer and I am just wondering your thoughts are.

Hmmm…

Nan runs away after hearing how Julius turned down his sister’s love because he feels she is too old and needs to be a home (like how the Poldark family treats Verity). She realizes he is a horrible brute and will never change, fleeing to her sisters, where Guy just happened to be. The two run off together in full view of EVERYONE! Oh, the scandal.

Meanwhile, Julius does not want to divorce and his mother pleads with him. She suffered too much to have a son and continue the line and Nan needs to do the same. Wow, she has a really dark backstory.

Nan and Guy discuss what will happen and hope that Julius won’t do anything. Julius sues Nan over adultery.

The elder Lord Seadown dies and Nan comes to the funeral. Lizzy is excited to see her friend but not allowed to spend time with her. Must ignore her because of her scandal. It reminds me of Anna Karenina, Nan is ostracized and alone while Guy goes about his duties, getting heckled and talked about but still is okay. Nan on the hand-must be dead to all. This also makes me think of The Duchess. Such a sad film.

Connie on the other hand stops to hug and see her, not caring at all what people think-Nan is her friend.

Guy goes to speak to his father and say good-bye that he is leaving to South America. His father tells him to give up Nan or else he will disinherit, and Guy does not care. He never wanted politics it was all his dad and Julius. His father yells, storms, and finally cries.

Poor Ms. Testavalley was badly burned in all this. Who will ever want to hire her? She’s not sure what she will do next, but is moving forward.

They end with Nan and Guy riding off together happy, but are they? Even though they have uplifting music, it reminds me of The Graduate, the future might not be as bright as they think.

So a great miniseries, but very sad. And it really helps you see how things would have ended if Elizabeth married Wickham, Marianne married Willoughby, Emma married Frank Churchill, Fanny married Henry Crawford, Anne married Mr. Elliot, Catherine married Thorpe, etc.

It also follows the same theme Austen has regarding getting to know a person’s character over title and appearance. Most important who they are and their character, over what they have.

For more on The Buccaneers, go to Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans: The Buccaneers, Episodes 1-2

For more Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans, go to Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans: Stardust (2007)

For more Gilded Age, go to Book Club Picks: Julie

On a sad note, given the context of these episodes I wanted to add this:

Are you being abused?

It’s abuse when someone who should care about you does or says things that hurt you or make you feel afraid, helpless or worthless. Here are only a few examples:

  • Slapping, hitting, punching, choking, grabbing, shoving, kicking you or your kids, your pets
  • Threatening you, your kids, friends, family or pets
  • Hitting, kicking, slamming walls, doors, furniture, possessions
  • Forcing you to have sex
  • Calling you names, swearing at you, yelling
  • Controlling all the money, even money you earn
  • Blaming you or your kids for everything
  • Putting you down, making you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough
  • Treating you like a servant or slave
  • Controlling where you go, what you do, what you wear
  • Controlling who you see, who you talk to
  • Humiliating you in front of other people
  • Refusing to let you leave the relationship

If you are in danger call 911, a local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Women are Like Werewolves

So I’m back from my mini vacation with my niece, and my review of the second half of The Buccaneers, isn’t finished. So we will have a brief intermission with this post.

Have you ever noticed that women are like werewolves?

Huh?

I know some of you might find it weird, rude, and possibly offensive for me to suggest it-but hear me out. I have shared this on twitter before-but thought I would go a bit more in-depth on here.

So I’m on my period, and I’ve talked about this before-it sucks.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

And every time it comes the same thought enters my mind. A woman on her period is like a werewolf.

So werewolves-they are affected by a full moon which happens to be about 4-6 days once a month (sometimes two if the days fall a certain way.)

Women have their period once a month (sometimes two if the month falls a certain way or stressful situations arise) and it lasts about 4-7 days. Hmm…

Hmm…

When a werewolf changes he has no control over his emotions or body. They get hairy, larger, claws, etc They can’t fit in their clothes right-it seems like none of the tops ever fit, only the pants-barely.

And for us ladies on our period-acne, aches and pains, I always feel I’m more hairier, and I feel gigantic in everything. I can’t go clothes shopping as I’m bloated and there are certain clothes that do not fit.

Ugh!

And it isn’t a painless process either. Like I hate modern adaptions where the werewolves change and it is no sweat, in legend and original films the transformation was a painful thing.

And same for us ladies. Every time my period comes, constant pain.

No joke this enters m mind every month

Not to mention the anger. Original werewolf tales-angry, furious, and can’t control it.

I Was a Teenage Werewolf

When I’m on my period-watch out!

When one is transformed into a werewolf, they crave strange substances-human blood, flesh, raw meat…

And I don’t know about you, but when I’m on my period I start craving the strangest things. I’m not really a sugar person but on my period all I can think of is candy, cake, pie, brownies, etc. And I’m not a big meat eater-mostly vegetarian, but whenever my period comes-I’m dreaming of steak, burgers, pepperoni and sausage pizza, etc. And I want to eat all the time.

I know some of you think I’m crazy, but I’m not.

I just think us women are like werewolves.

I hope you all enjoyed this silly post, and of you have anything for me to add, leave a comment.

For more werewolf posts, go to Mr. Hyde Versus the Werewolf: Dr. Jekyll Versus the Werewolf (1972)

For more period posts, go to Period Days are Reading Days

 

Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans: The Buccaneers, Episodes 1-2

So Happy Indepedence Day. It is time for another:

So after you watch every single version of Jane Austen movies, what do you have to watch next?

Hmm…I don’t know!

That’s why I started this list, to have non-Austen films that Austen fans can enjoy.

I can’t stop watching!

I was trying to decide what to  post today and was split between Poldark, which takes place after the Revolutionary War and The Buccaneers which is about a group of ladies “invading” England. After a long deliberation, Buccaneers won out.

So I first stumbled on this about six or five years ago when I was scrolling through Amazon Prime looking for the next thing to watch.

I started with one episode and was hooked!

The one thing that really struck me when I was watching it was all the famous actors in it. I mean there is the amazing James Frain as Julius, Duke of Trevennick; why, why, why hasn’t he been in a Jane Austen film yet?

Then there is Spy Kids mama Carla Gugino who plays the lead, Annabel “Nan” St. George.

And Greg Wise, (best known to Jane Austen fans as Mr. Willoughby), as the strong upstanding, Greg Thwaite.

This miniseries is what I consider to be “what would have happened if the Austen characters married the wrong people.” You know the Wickhams, Willoughbys, Churchills, Thorpes, etc.; of the world.

The horror! I can’t even think of it.

So I have yet to read the book and am going to focus on the movie only. There are a few changes-which you will see.

So the series takes place in the Gilded Age, after the Civil War. The St. Georges have become extremely wealthy in the aftermath, Mr. St. George being the third wealthiest man on Wall Street. They have moved to Newport Beach but find it hard to enter society as they are “coarse” and “nouveau riche”. It doesn’t matter that the St. George’s have more money that a whole coastline of “old money” people put together, they are not considered polite society. This hurts Mrs. St. George who wants nothing more than to finally be accepted.

Mrs. St. George was actually from a “good family” and married beneath her (as Nan shares), but her husband made a ton of money in the aftermath of the war. She reminds me a lot of Mrs. Bennet, but isn’t so worried about marrying her daughters off as she is in hoping they can get invited into society.

She is joined as an outcast with Elmsworths (who I don’t know what their money is in, I don’t think they say. The housekeeper from Two and a Half Men plays the mother-but all I can see her as is the grumpy housekeeper in that show and the murdered one in Murder She Wrote.) And rounding out this group are the Clossons. Mr. Closson met his wife in Brazil and married her, making his money in the ranches and plantations she owns combined with the casinos in New York that he owns. Their daughter, Conchita has an even harder time with society as all assume her to be a “dark-skinned Native”. So-yes no one wants them.

However, Conchita is invited to the right parties as she is newly engaged to Lord Richard Marabel, and everyone wants a real English Lord at their party. Remember A Change of Fortune?

Mrs. St. George, feeling desperate, hires an English governess to instruct her younger daughter Nan, and give her family some ummph. Ms. Laura Testvalley arrives from England, happy as the St. George’s not knowing any better are paying her a small fortune. She’s doing way better than she would  have in England. Too bad Jane Fairfax wasn’t born later.

Ms. Testvalley tries to instruct the girls and smooth out their rough edges. But they still are not invited anywhere.

It sucks!

Ms. Testvalley knows Lord Richard as she was governess to his sisters, and I don’t know if this is true but I always felt they had a “thing” in the past. They seem too close, if you know what I mean.

The big party of the summer is happening, and the only one who gets an invite is Conchita, and only because her fiance is Lord Richard. Elizabeth “Lizzy” Elmsworth and Nan’s older sister Virginia St. George, pretend to be Lord Richard’s sisters so they can go to the party, but they are later found out. Awkward!

Nan cannot go as she is not “out” in society, watching this I do get where Mrs.Bennet is coming from. It isn’t fun when you are stuck at home because your older sister isn’t married. Nan is adorable, fun, but a young girl. She thinks being a mistress is “exciting” as you have freedom and can do what you want. She even idealizes Ms. Testvalley’s life. Ms. Testavalley tries to help her with her naivety, but there is only so much she can do.

That is not what life is like.

Mrs. St. George is bemoaning  that she cannot get invited anywhere, when Ms. Testavalley comes up with the idea of a London Season. She understands the American class system better than Mrs. St. George and knows that if the ladies go to England, when they return-everyone will be begging them to attend their functions. Mrs. St. George agrees and they are off.

In England, Conchita marries Richard and meets the family. There are huge issues as they come from very different cultures. Richard is the black sheep of the family, a gambler, loose with everything, etc. He thought marrying the wealthy Conchita would solve everything, but that’s not how it works out for him. Conchita’s family expects him to take care of their daughter and actually work for a living.

Ugh! Work!

Richard was kicked out of the family home and Conchita allows him back in as his father would never kick out a woman, especially one as beautiful as her.

Richard exits the picture, using the allowance she gets to live his life however he wants, and leaving the fiery, fun-loving Conchita in a cold, damp, mansion with the uptight well-to-do family.

Meanwhile, the St. Georges and Lizzy have come to England. Ms. Testavalley wants them to do well and enlists another expatriate, her old friend Ms. March. Ms. Testavalley just wants aid in teaching them proper manners and how to follow society rules, but Ms. March has a better idea. Ms. March was once a young girl who came to England for a season, and it was hard to get into English society. In fact she was going to marry Lord Brightlingsea, Richard’s father, but was left at the altar. It seems that there was some nefarious plot, (I personally think that Lady Brightlingsea found a way to trick him, but that’s just my opinion.) Ms. March wants revenge and plans to do so by getting all the girls with wealthy, important, high-society men.

The girls visit with Conchita who is very unhappy, lonely, and determined to take a lover to ease the days. She loves having the girls to visit with her and brighten her days. She takes them to visit with Guy Thwaite. Every girl loves him but he is “unmarriageable” as he has no money. When his mother died she left him £20000 or £50000 (depending on who is telling the story). His father invested it and lost it all. Many a lady wouldn’t mind marrying him as he is handsome, intelligent, and comes from a great family-but he refuses them all as he wants to have his own money, he doesn’t want to just live off his woman.

This kind of character gives me mixed feelings. He reminds me a lot of Carl from O Pioneers! and both characters infuriate me. One one hand you have to admire a guy who wants to have his act together, provide a life for his family instead of mooching off the woman, and be a man. But on the other hand, having so much pride you waste so much time. And you might lose the girl to another.

Guy and Nan hit it off right away and she falls hard for him. He likes her, but even though she is extremely wealthy, he wants to have his own  money so he’d be worthy of his future wife.

I admire you and I’m angry with you. I’m angire or admry

So Lady Brightlingsea is not a happy woman. Conchita is pregnant, but Richard is never home and the money she brings in is not as much as this family would like to fill their extremely diminished coffers. And to add to it, her older son, the good one, has given no heir and has no interest to marry. He’s been involved with an older woman, Idina Hatton. Idina needs money and rents her cottage out to Ms. March, who brings the girls there. There they have fun and throw little parties.

From Emma (1996)

Nan is bored of those things-as she can’t really join in-and she and Ms. Testvalley go down to the countryside where Nan runs into Julius, Duke of Trevennick. Julius has been breaking hearts of all the ladies as no one can pin him down. He isn’t interested in any women as all they want are his title, he seems sweet but there is also something off-putting about his love of clocks and solitude. Like I get your an introvert, but it seems a tad…controlling. I don’t know.

Moving on…Nan impresses him as she has no clue who he is, loves the ruins as much as him, and is just full of innocence, childlike wonder, imagination, feelings, etc. She’s like a mix between Marianne Dashwood and  Catherine Morland.

The Duke is taken with her and invites her to tea-the two talking and he continuing to be struck by her.

Meanwhile, Virginia and Lizzy have both been struck by Lord Seadown’s “sad eyes”, “brooding nature”, and melancholy demeanor. Oh man, you know the type.

Lord Seadown on the hand has been doing some calculating. His extremely dwindling coffers compared to the GNP of the Elmsworth and the St. George’s. Virginia is a better choice as her family has a lot more money. Seadown boasts of his plan to his brother and how he’ll have the better deal.

One day Lizzy, Virginia, and Conchita are having a little party, when Idina shows up, angry that Seadown stood her up. She makes a scene and yells at Virginia. Virginia is a classy lady, but Lizzy won’t stand the way she is being treated and lets all know that Virginia and Seadown are engaged.

The two marry and Virgina is ecstatic over being married to her love, Lord Seadown, becoming the future Lady Seadown, and winning over her rival Lizzy. But the marriage happiness is short lived as Seadown reveals that he only married her for her money and will be using it to redo the West Wing.

Replace beauty with money

Virginia is crestfallen, but that’s not the worst of it-Lord Seadown just uses her money-giving all love and affection to Idina.

So now we are left with little Nan. Guy is extremely interested, but lets her know that he is not going to marry anyone without money. He also thinks that Nan is too young at 18. He is going to South America for two years to work on the railroad and make his fortune. Nan insists that she is not too young, as her mother married at 18. But he says no and walks out of her life.

You’re making a huge mistake!!!!!!! Come back, at least propose!!! Don’t leave her!!!!!!!

Julian on the other hand is very interested in Nan and goes to speak to her but finds her out. He instead speaks to Ms. Testvalley about his wanting to marry Nan. Now in an interesting twist Ms. Testvalley really discourages him against. She warns him that Nan is young and he should wait as in a year or two-after she’s grown up a bit, she could be an incredibly different person.

This reminds me of Mrs. Bennet and Mr. Bennet. If Mr. Bennet had not been taken in by a pretty face but really spent his time getting to know Mrs. Bennet or maybe had a longer engagement he would have realized she isn’t the right person for him. But they both were young and didn’t think.

Julian ignores Ms. Testvalley and goes to Nan who is crushed and heartbroken and lonely. When Julian proposes he gives her a puppy! A PUPPY!!! There is a guy who knows how to do a good proposal, Mr. Darcy could take notes. She’s sad, crushed, alone as her sister and friends are married ad gone and she says yes.

So Nan becomes the crown jewel for Ms. March and Ms. Testvalley as she snagged the Duke, just under a Prince. Wowee!!

Yes the americans have won and conquered the English marriage market.

So here we have as I see it-Lord Richard is nothing but Mr. Wickham. Charming on the surface but a gambling bounder who only cares about having a good time for himself. We get a glimpse of how life would have been if Wickham succeeded in marrying Georgina or Miss Gray.

Then we have Lord Seadown. He reminds me of Mr. Elliot or Mr. Willoughby. But are as calculating when it comes to maintain their fortunes/way of lifestyle. Either would do all they can to keep it.

Smarming and plotting away.

And then we have the Duke. I’m not sure who he best lines up with, he seems like a nice catch…but I guess we will just have to wait and see.

So I was going to do the whole series in one post, but there is just too much. I’ll do a secondary post on the last three episodes.

In other news, I’ll be spending this weekend with my niece. I usually post every three days, but I might have to postpone as I don’t what we will be doing. I hope you all have a wonderful 4th of July, whether it is just another day:

Or celebrating our Independence!

For more Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans, go to Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans: Stardust (2007)

For more Gilded Age, go to Book Club Picks: Julie

For more 4th of July posts, go to Let Freedom Ring

So I like to joke and have fun, but I’m going to end this post on a serious note. I just want to thank all past and present who have served to protect not only my country and my rights, but those around the world.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot: Austentatious (2015)

I wish we were talking about that awesome ’80s song, you know me…

But alas, no. We are instead discussing-Austentatious (2015)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Yes, I really, really do not like this show or how they portray the characters. But I started it, so I’ve got to finish it.

Ugh!

So Austentatious is the story of Elinor, Marianne, Emma, Elizabeth, and Mr. Knightley being friends in modern times. In the last episode Collins (Mr. Collins from P&P) was trying to get with Elizabeth:

Elizabeth is trying to find a home for the insufferable Mr. Darcy-like they right him really bad.

Uh oh

Emma hired Marianne temporarily and she is back to looking for a new job. But not doing well in that at all…mostly because they make her a dunderhead.

And Elinor got a promotion, had to deal with a mess at the office (she’s an accountant), and meet the handsome and fun Edward Ferras-IRS agent.

So in this episode Elinor, Emma, and Lizzie are hanging out at the coffee ship and Elizabeth lets Elinor have some of her smoothie-all I can think is no!! Never!!!

I never share drinks after I did with someone and they gave me a cold sore.

Lizzie is picking out colors for a family photo. Now is this really a thing? They always show people doing this in movies and TV, but my family only did it twice when I was a baby and the when I was sixteen. Otherwise our photos were just at weddings and events, etc. Did anyone have a family where they took family photos every year?

Elinor’s hair looks darker than the other episodes in the series, I wonder if she dyed it or if she wears a wig.

Hmm…

Marianne is applying but no one will hire her because of her lack of experience. Elinor acts like Marianne must be making this up to get out of working, but I remember it being like that. It’s hard out there.

But wait, Marianne does have some experience working for Emma and Darcy’s office. Why doesn’t she try a temp agency?

Hmm…?

Elinor finds out that the cafe is hiring and grabs an app for her sister.

Lizzie mentions that they took a “jean on jean” picture years ago…first of all-yuck that has bad idea written all over it. And secondly, no flashback? Really? I know this didn’t have a humongous budget, bit still-now that you have said it I want to see it. Since we don’t have that I’ll gift you with this.

And why is Lizzie looking at paint samples? Is that how you really choose a background?

So every one in the Bennet family wants a different color and its up to Elizabeth to find a compromise. I have to say that one thing this show does right is name drop her sisters, we hear Jane, Kitty, and Lydia. A lot of retellings cut them out-making Elizabeth an only child, or just have one sibling. It just doesn’t work in my opinion, as anyone with a sister knows-you guys influence each other and make each other’s personalities.

Elinor is thrilled that she scored Marianne an interview at the coffee shop. Marianne is still asleep, the call waking her up.

Marianne is less than thrilled and asks about free milkshakes. Elinor is not amused, but I think it is a valid question and I would have asked the same thing. You know me and free…

Marianne thinks food service is a bit lame, but agrees to come. Okay so Marianne finally has  cute outfit, yes, they were putting her in some weird stuff. Blue lace dress, small rope belt at the waist, and knee high boots-I’d wear that in a millisecond.

I love my shoes!

She plans to wear that to work and Lizzie isn’t sure it will work, but doesn’t say anything. I think she definitely should wear more comfortable shoes, but every coffee shop and cafe that I’d ever gone to, if they don’t have uniforms, their staff have worn all kinds of things. So it isn’t too crazy or anything.

The two are amazed at books that help you choose and coordinate colors and that people have “seasons”. I’m shocked they have never heard of this, I mean Marianne is supposed to be a fashionista girl. But I mean the terms “my color”, “having my colors done”, “what’s your season”, or “I’m a ___” are things people were saying before 2015. Although you know what I think:

And how could they have missed these with all the different shows on HGTV or WE or Lifetime?

Marianne is late for her first day and is all no big deal-really? Why do they always make Marianne so dumb.

And Elizabeth is over at Elinor’s at 3:30? Doesn’t she have a job and work to do? And why would she think 9 to 5 Elinor would be home at 3:30?

Elinor is trying to help Lizzie choose colors and patterns, but why? Didn’t we establish in the other episode that she has zero fashion taste? Why isn’t Lizzie asking Emma?

Maybe because she is the only one doing her job.

Lizzie is freaking out what color to pick and I’m just like go with Navy Blue. Navy blue is the best color that looks goos on everyone. I have never met a person that cannot pull of navy blue.

So we hear a bit about Lizzie;s sisters. Mary is conservative (gray turtlenecks), Jane classic and sweet (pastels), Lydia wild (neon, ’80s, and animal print), and Kitty slightly less wild that Lydia (a tamer version). I have to say good job writer’s, it appears someone read the book or saw a movie as this is spot on. I can imagine their modern-day equivalents wearing these.

Marianne bursts in, a mess and shares her day. She was told off by her boss, Eric, for being late, has to wear an apron, and messes up a lot. Well-jeez I don’t blame her. The guy didn’t even train her. Now I have never worked as a barista, but I think I would have a new employee come in early to show them how things are done and how to work the equipment. Do they just throw you into it? Can anyone chime in on this?

Eric rushes her again and again, which is odd as she just started. You think he would cut the new girl, on her first day, with no barista experience, a break. Seriously, I mean you saw her resume-what were you expecting?

Elinor is super controlling again and determined to make sure Marianne keeps her job and wants her friends to help. You can’t control the world Elinor. Bedsides, her boss Eric seems a bit of a jerk to me, he might just fire her.

Elinor

Is Elinor sitting on the Smoothie Shop’s couch with bare feet. Ew-that’s not your couch. That’s a public one. And why ARE YOUR SHOES off in a CAFE??

Anyways, Elinor convinces Emma and Lizzie to come by everyday and, make Marianne look good so that she can keep her job.

So here we are and I’m thinking this has like zero to do with Jane Austen. Like why even make a show based on the characters of Jane Austen when it has like nothing to do with it at all. It’s amazing when you compare this to The Lizzie Bennet Diaries and see how well done that was in a modern adaptation that kept to the source material. Even Fall For You went on some other paths, but they kept the heart of the novels in there. What does any of this have to do with anything.

And why do they make Marianne so dumb and lazy. Marianne was a young rich girl, who suddenly lost everything one day, She never had to do anything as they had servants and she does’t adapt as quickly as Elinor. She also was a avid reader and a talented musician and had brains in her head.

So back to the show, not only has Elinor got the girls into it she calls up George, uh no they changed the name to something else-Garrett? I think? Anyways Knightley comes too. How long has Elionr been sitting there? Doesn’t she have a job? I mean I know she was promoted but I thought that meant more responsibilities-like dealing with the IRS, not more time to sit shoeless in a coffee shop. Still not over that.

So in the next scene Elinor is finally at work-finally. She complains about Marianne all the time not working, but hey you’ve been living in a coffee shop. She wears a t-shirt to work. I would expect a newly promoted accountant to wear something more professional, or at least not jeans-but whatever.

Lizzie interrupts her with bunches of clothes-and I ask, doesn’t she have a job she’s supposed to be working at?

Elinor listens to Lizzie as she complains no one is listening to her and actually gives good advice to her friend. They picked Lizzie to be in charge so she gets to make the decision and all have to live with it.

Knightley discusses Elinor’s “great plan” with Emma and Emma wants nothing to do with it from moment one thinks its a bad idea but wants to support her friend, that’s sweet.

Knightley talks to Emma–and hey, why isn’t he at work either, he has a job doesn’t he? I’m sorry I know I keep repeating myself, but its because of Elinor. She is always harping about Marianne not working, and in the other episodes we saw them all at their jobs-that them not doing that is a hundred times more obvious and in your face.

Kinghtley asks Emma why someone who loves love so much would be working in divorce. That’s what I’ve been asking to! Out of all the thousand professions in the world they could have given her-why the heck a divorce lawyer.

She says she is good at it even though it thoroughly depresses her. So Emma admits that is one of the reason she likes matching people up. Well if you hate it, why’d you pick that area of law.

What the heck!

Knightly complains about all disastrous dates he’s been on and all I have to say is why do we get this flashback, but no jean on jean? I really want to see that now.

I’ll just to google it.

I have to say Knightley’s reasons for why he doesn’t like the women were pretty shallow-what a jerk. One’s hair is too big, one talked too much too fast, and one mixed up her authors-okay not going to lie that last one I couldn’t deal with. If I had to talk to someone about Darles Chicken, Clom Tancy, and Sparkiles Nicks, I would go a bit cuckoo.

Emma and Knightley argue over why Emma is looking for Knightley’s match…blah, blah, blah and all I can think is that on Emma’s computer are a bunch of videos as if she is on Youtube. Well call me Elinor because I’m going to say it again Is anybody working?

And before you say well they are just meeting up at work or whatever, these scenes don’t have to be shot at the office. These all would have worked way better at a home, or a coffee shop, or park, etc.

I can’t tell what type of video they are watching but one looks like a dog on a skateboard (but it looks more like an ad), another is something in a baseball field, and the third two people on a couch.

Huhhhhhhh

Next scene is Lizzie in the park, so see-they could have done this in the park! BOOM!

Lizzie starts looking at the color book and says you are more important than my job, rent, or food-just kidding. She keeps looking at it and then just gives up.

Back at the cafe, Elizabeth and Knightley are hanging out at the cafe. And Elizabeth asks Knightley fashion advice. Now I find it odd that out of all the people in this show she hasn’t asked Emma, Emma who loves to give advice and loves fashion. Weird choice writers, weird.

Knightley thinks Mrs. Bennet’s choices are weird. He then listens to Lizzie and actually asks questions about it trying to help. Liz asks Knightly about his day and he tells her he has been doing nothing but what Emma says. Lizzie ask him why he doesn’t say no and he says its because it makes Emma feel good.

She then asks him if he ever thought about asking Emma out- and I’m like writer’s 10 points for you. It was done in a great way. Good job. Its like boom, so obvious to everyone you like each other-but Lizzie is tactful in suggesting it. It’s funny, but it actually reminds me of that scene in Emma (1996) AKA the Gywenth Paltrow version when Emma is all after all we aren’t brother and sister and Knightley is all, yes we are not brother and sister. In this Knightley is all we are friends, and Lizzie is all well friends make the best romantic relationships. It’s not the same but still a cute nod, whether intentional or not.

And then Knightley admits that he is interested in Emma. Cute.

Marianne makes a smoothie for a customer and does a really great job, but then accidentally spills it on him. Eric is all mad at her-but the customer seemed cool and it was an accident.  And it is only her second day. I don’t know-he seems extra harsh, but then again I have never worked food service so I can’t really say.

There is a cute moment where we have a horrified Marianne who feels so stupid at her mistakes and Elinor actually comforts her and shares a time about when she messed up on the job as a janitor and caused a girl to break her arm as she forgot to put up the wet floor signs. How awful! And I can’t believe she didn’t get sued for that!

Marianne tries to get her job back, but her boss is not buying it. Grant Kinghtley comes in and tries to convince the boss that Marianne is the best and should stay. Emma bosses Knightley around about how to “sell it” and they are so like in a relationship already. He really does “sell it” giving her $100 tip.

Lizzie shares how she picked the colors from the spilled smoothie on the guys sweater, and while she’s talking I noticed she looks really cute too-a blue and black gauzy shirt and her hair in a bun with front pieces curling. Finally! They had someone stepping it up on set with these outfits. You are on TV not radio, where what you wear matters.

Marianne comes bursting in excited that it worked and she has her job!

Grant tries to get his money back, but no dice.

He should just have Emma pay him back.

The cute guy Marianne spilled the drink on comes back as he thinks she is cute, and asks her out to dinner. Aw. But he’s not Colonel Brandon, so is he Willoughby?

If he is, then this show might get interesting-we have been missing a villian(s).

Hmmm

I guess we’ll just have to stay tuned…

For more Austentatious, go to I’ll Be Watching You: Austentatious (2015)

For more Jane Austen film retellings, go to Mrs. Darcy Wants to Know the Truth!: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode Three (2013)

For more Sense & Sensibility, go to The Smart One and the Pretty One

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to I Met Mr Darcy

For more Emma, go to Austen Avengers Assemble!