Make Me a Match: Austentatious (2015)


So I have been seeing everywhere, “use this time to do things you have put off.” “I’ve done so many things I have been putting off.” Etc. So I have decided it is time to take care of something I have been putting off…

OH NO!

So if you have been following me you know that I hate this show.  I really, really do not like this show or how they portray the characters. But I started it, so I’ve got to finish it.

So Austentatious is the story of Elinor, Marianne, Emma, Elizabeth, and Mr. Knightley being friends in modern times. But they don’t involve ANY Austen plots or subplots. In fact besides names they hardly share anything with the original source material.

 

Elinor and Edward were working together (she works for an accounting firm he is IRS) and get a flat then they bleh-IRS, Accountant, IRS, accountant, IRS, accountant, statistics, bills, blah blah blah blah blah.

Collin, their creepy neighbor, is trying to get with Elizabeth-even pretending he is looking for a house. Meanwhile, Darcy is absolutely horrible to Elizabeth-like there is no coming back from him.

Marianne did not that much, she worked at the smoothie shop-Emma didn’t really do much than be a friend.

Here we go…

At Marianne’s smoothie shop, the gang is all gathered together. Elizabeth has just gotten acrylics and can’t type or call. So complains how heavy they make her feel- like her knuckles drag on ground. What even is this plot?

Emma is bored and upset that they won’t let her set them up on a date. Where does she even know all these men, I never see her interact with anyone?

Hmmm…

Elizabeth, Elinor, and Grant (Mr. Knightley) want to set Emma up on a date as they want payback for all the awful dates she set them on.

Marianne is called over and they all exclaim that she is blue-I think she is a bit more purple, but she does look like Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Knightley decides to call a doctor friend to check on Marianne, and I can’t believe she can’t see how purple she is with how much they say she spends in front of the mirror.

What the heck?

They agree to do Elizabeth’s match first, than Elinor, and then Grant (Knightley). After her date, Emma mets up with Elizabeth angry as her date was awful. She went on a date with a guy who dressed up like the genie and wants to boogie, taking her on a bicycle built for two.

Where did Elizabeth even meet this guy?

What is this?

It took three hours to get there, and all I can think is he must be in really good physical shape to bike the two of them 3 hours.

Wow!

Marianne makes cinnamon rolls, but she is still purple. Like this the dumbest thing ever-how can she not see that she is PURPLE!!!!

Elinor goes to see Emma after her set up date and they went to a drive-in movie and the truck has an emergency bunker. Too be honest-he doesn’t seem that bad to be super prepared as he would be doing really well right now. He went on about Jenny his ex-girlfriend which is a major no. But on a whole, he’s not that bad.

Emma is harshing on him for not liking the movie, but I’m with him. The romantic lead does not sound good, in fact this movie sounds bad to me.

Grant (Knightley) goes to the smoothie shop to see a still-purple Marianne, and brings Brandon [Colonel Brandon] a nurse. Why do they always put him in the medical field? And if they are going to do that, why not give him the background of a soldier?

Grant brings Brandon in, his basketball buddy. Brandon quizzes Marianne in public and right in front of Grant (Knightly) which to me I think is kinda rude.

Grant bows out and gets a call from Emma. She goes out on an ice fishing date, although the guy is wearing shorts in the snow? What? He goes by Stinky as that is how he smells. So all I can think is, where do they live? What state? What city?

Like, where did her friends find these guys? Seriously, Collin would be a better choice.

Back at the smoothie shop they are quizzing Brandon about being a nurse over doctor and he said he didn’t want to continue school as he wanted to help people now. You know guys, he also might not have had the money and or the grades. Like be respectful of the man’s feelings don’t embarrass him.

So meanwhile, Liz’s whole storyline is “I can’t handle acrylic nails.” Really?

Seriously…?

Ugh.

Ugh, not again…

This show is so dumb.

Brandon likes Marianne and asks about her, and Grant is like I don’t know more about her symptoms. Haha, an actually funny joke.

Emma is still on the date from hell, ice fishing with the stinky guy trying to feel her up and has a gun to shoot fish. Like who would really do that, and a grenade?-seriously you wouldn’t catch anything.

Grant comes in to apologize and gives Emma a massage…hmmm. Well gee Emma giant clues in your face.

Emma swears off set ups unless asked, yea right-we will see how long that lasts.

Marianne is no longer blue, and it turns out she never washed her new midnight blue sheets-that’s why she has been so blue.

And that’s the end. What the heck is this show.

Like, every time I watch this show I regret my review of The Jane Austen Academy as after watching an episode of this-all I can think is that book was immensely astronomically better at putting the stories of Jane Austen all together in a modern setting. I know it isn’t easy but seriously what does any of this that I just watched have to do with Jane Austen??!!!

Thank goodness I’m almost done. This only lasted for one season and it is easy to see why.

For more Austentatious, go to Drive Me Crazy: Austentatious (2015)

For more Jane Austen film retellings, go to The Jane Austen Book Club (2007)

For more Sense & Sensibility, go to Rational Creatures: Elinor & Marianne Dashwood

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to Pride & Prejudice: A New Musical

For more Emma, go to Rational Creatures: Emma Woodhouse, Miss Bates, & Harriet Smith

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