Vampire Wedding, Vampire Baby, and Bella Finally Gets What She Always Wanted: Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn Part I (2011)

So you all, I’m really excited! There are only two Twilight films left and then I’m all done with the series!

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga” before this year. I remember when the books and films came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

This really happened at my school, but not with a shovel.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X. This is my first time watching them and I do not understand why people like this films. I just do not get it at all. 

I find them all to be really boring and to not make any sense at all. I would actually like to not finish this series, but you know me. When I start something I have to complete it. So here we go with film four (that really should be the last one but they decided to spilt in half for no reason.)

So Bella and Edward are going to get married but I’m really think that is a terrible decision as they do not know how to be in a healthy relationship. I’m not the only one who is questioning this as Jacob is angry and throws his invitation in the rain puddle and her dad is sad. Probably thinking he should have fought harder for custody and then maybe his child wouldn’t have grown up to have so many vampire undead issues.

Bella looks sadly at the dream catcher, but you broke Jacobs heart so don’t be acting that way.

Bella is mad that Edward tells her it isn’t too late to change her mind. Yeah, he giving you a way out because he doesn’t want to turn you into a vampire and he’s probably thinking about how you cheated on him when you kissed Jacob in the last film.

Edward decided to tell Bella the rest of his life story. Edward rebelled against Carlisle and went off killing and drinking blood. In one scene he is watching the premiere of The Bride of Frankenstein, now I love that film but it feels a little on the nose to include it in this movie. They make Edward not really bad as he murdered a lot of people but they were all “monsters”. Yeah, he can read their minds but he didn’t know whether or not they would actually act in it.

Hmm…

Bella has a dream about the wedding and sees the Volturi and all the roses turn to blood. Blood is everywhere, on her dress, and everyone is dead-I know this is just supposed to be symbolic but she should really be thinking about this as a possibility that as it could actually happen. I mean she turning is breaking the covenant with the werewolves. Like does she even care people will die for her selfishness?

Now I really like Charlie Swan, he’s my favorite character. He sees the graduation cap mural and thinks it is really, really weird. I also like that he is 100% against this wedding, but even though he feels this way he still gives her a hair comb, a beautiful one. Such a sweet dad.

I wish Charlie had raised Bella as she would have been a better person and not so crazy or dreaming to be a vampire.

Jessica thinks Bella is pregnant and Bella is surprised people would think that. I’m like, yeah, I think most would assume that as she is 18 years old and previously kept talking about how she thinks marriage is dumb.

You know all the vampires have yellow eyes and look super jaundiced, yet no one is questioning why Carlisle the doctor, hasn’t taken care of this?

I noticed too that they got rid of the blue overlay and the whole set is much warmer. They also warmed up all the people too, the vampires don’t look like walking dead anymore.

So after the wedding, Charlie gives a speech and I love it, he is definitely the best character. I also love how he gives the mom a weird look when she is singing, he’s like why did I ever marry her I must have been super drunk.

I should not have ever married her.

Jacob missed the wedding, but stopped by the reception instead. They talks and Bella is really inappropriate talking about the “night”. Jacob warns Bella she should not sleep with Edward as a human as she could die. But Bella doesn’t care, she wants vampire love and if she almost dies, even better as he’ll be forced to turn her.

As Bella and Edward drive away, they hear the wolf cry and we all know it is Jacob.

From The Wolf Man (1941)

Carlisle gives Edward an island, Esme Island. Can Carlisle adopt me?

Please pick me.

So we have gone through a third of this film already and it has just been a wedding. It’s pretty boring.

Their honeymoon scenes are super awkward. Edward and Bella were together the first night and his vampire loving left a lot of bruises on her body. Since then, he hasn’t wanted to be do anything so then we just get a ton of scenes of Bella trying to seduce him.

Bella is weird and all I can think is why do you want to spend the rest of your vampire life with her? I’d be like stake me now.

Bella basically cries until Edward give in, and again-all this is weird to watch.

Weird…

They then abruptly switch to the werewolves. Jacob is planning to kill the vampires, but Sam says no. And Sam is the alpha make. Jacob need to stop being Moody McBroody. It’s really annoying

Bella throws up and realizes she’s pregnant. She thought it was impossible as he’s a vampire and they don’t have kids. My first call would be to call Carlisle.

Jacob goes to see Charlie and hears that Bella is sick. Jacob thinks she might have been turned and they are lying and he goes to see Bella at the Cullens. Jacob tells her she looks terrible and she does, she looks like she hasn’t slept in days and is so faint and super pregnant.

Should not have slept with Edward.

Bella is way too calm to have become giant pregnant lady in two weeks. Like I don’t know anyone who would be this calm. I’ve had dreams like this and freaked out more than her and it is actually happening to her body.

If I was Bella I’d be afraid I was caring the devil’s child like in Rosemary’s Baby. That’s who Rosalie should kill, Rosemary’s horrible husband. I’m going to make a fictional hit list for Rosalie to hunt down and take out.

Your on my list!

I can’t believe this is even a plot point as there is no way that Edward could have even made a baby.

The werewolves have a wolf pack meeting like in The Jungle Book. And they want to kill Bella and the baby. Jacob fights with Sam but Sam enforces his alpha male status and Jacob runs off to create his own pack of one. But it quickly becomes two as Seth comes to help Jacob as he left Sam’s pack and Seth is so cute. Leah also comes as she can’t stand being with her ex, Sam

Jacob warns the Cullens and all I could think is man Bella you’re messing everyone up. Like they warned her and she didn’t care sand she still doesn’t care that everyone could be killed because of her desire to be a vampire.

This movie is really boring and there isn’t any actions. Edward is yahooing (really Edward?) to find out about vampire babies. He’s been alive 100 years and this is the first time he has ever heard of vampire babies? I’m telling you Edward has magic semen, oops I mean venom.

Bella looks like the crypt keeper. And the baby is apparently killing her. Crushing her from the inside out.

Bella is super faint and old looking and hair is turning white. For someone who was freaking out two movies ago about growing old she is really calm for one who is growing super old.

Why is Edward the husband not rubbing her back when she’s throwing up? He does nothing and Jacob does all the hard work.

The baby is eating Bella I guess, so they need to give her blood and instead of a transfusion she has to drink it out of a straw, which is impossible.

What else is weird is if she was consuming large amounts of blood she would develop lesions in her brain, they should give her a blood transfusion.

This movie is super boring and makes zero sense. I would have been mad if I sat outside in line for hours and wasted my time or money on this.

It astounds me that if all the books that are written and published this is the one that made it and sold millions and was turned into a film? This one? I feel bad for all the authors out here who are such great writers and write wonderful stories and are stuck in obscurity while this and After and The Bad Boys Girl and Fifty Shades of Grey are the ones making money.

Rosalie is the Cassandra of this series, no one listen later to her and they should. She was right about how they shouldn’t turn Bella into a vampire, she’s right about the danger, and she’s right about the name Renesme being dumb.

Bella’s back breaks from the infant and of course the doctor is gone as he went to get Bella food. Rosalie tries to cut the umbilical cord but then tries to eat her, Edward like rips her open with his mouth and hands and this scene is gross and weird. This whole film is.

Bella is dying and Edward tries to bring her back and I’m like let her die.

Edward gives her venom and she turns into a vampire. Jacob becomes a pedophile in this film and falls in love with the baby.

So the werewolves don’t kill the baby because he imprinted her and she is now protected by the pack. He saved the baby but he’s still a pedophile. Edward should pinch him I’m mad that he did that.

So this film was horrible. Like all this could have been summed up in like 30 mins and this easily could have been just one film. It really was not necessary and it honestly feels like a cash grab. I’m glad I’m almost done with this series and only have one film left.

For more on Twilight, go to Edward and Jacob Fight Over Who Should Be With Bella, And We Get Jasper’s Back Story: The Twilight Saga, Eclipse (2010)

For more vampires, go to You’re Kids. I’m a Vampire!: Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire (2000)

For more werewolves, go to The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

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