Have You a Stout Heart?: Northanger Abbey (1987)

Happy Halloween Everyone!

So every year I have been trying to find a way to include Jane Austen in my Horrorfest posts. I lucked out with Death Comes to Pemberley as that gave me two years, (I posted in between as three years seemed a really long break.); and I was also able to review the Midsomer Murders episode “Death by Persuasion“. Then last year I came up with one of my better ideas:

Last year I reviewed the 2007 adaption (I also watched it with my niece and recorded her thoughts), but this year I decided to take a look at the 1987 adaption:

So Northanger Abbey is probably my favorite Jane Austen book as I just love Catherine, she’s so me.

I haven’t seen this adaption in over ten years. When I first read Pride and Prejudice back at the age of 16 I then went on to read the rest of Austen’s works and then watched every adaption I could my hands on. I remember not really being into it, there’s a lady with a heavily painted face and mole (why she is focused on I don’t remember), and that is about it.

So let’s see how this rewatch goes. And also joining me is my sister (R), my mom, and my 25 year old male friend (N).

So what is up with this music? It’s a weird dramatic rock opera. With some weird chanting going on.

We start off with Catherine in a tree reading a book.

She acts out the parts of the books, making different voices, but then imagines herself in the book. It was cute, but there are way too many of these scenes in this movie. It made it feel really, really dragged out. I like that the 2007 version kept that in, but made sure to do less and have them mostly be when she is dreaming instead of just randomly all the time.

This actress, Katharine Schlesinger, has really pretty eyes but she tends to just have them go dead.

I think she was trying to go for a wide eyed innocence look, but it comes off creepy, desperate, and shark like at times.

Here I am!

So Catherine gets asked to go to Bath and on the way we have another “imagination” scene where she is captured (again) and tied to a bed (again). My friend N who had never heard of Northanger Abbey was really shocked at this.

“N: She’s got an active imagination. She’s probably into bondage.

In his defense they have showed her being tied up in a majority of her imaginings. I guess the director was trying to go for sexy gothic fiction, but it was weird and it was Harding to have the film interrupted like every 10 minutes (it was probably more time between).

One thing that is really odd about this film is that on the way to Bath they have Catherine ass Northanger Abbey and is told about. I really didn’t like this because first of all why is Northanger Abbey down the block from her house? And secondly, her knowing of Northanger Abbey before meeting the Tilneys makes her seem like a gold digger as she already knows if their wealth and is enamored of the abbey. It’s a really weird choice to make and I’m not sure why they decided to do that.

As they pass by they also play this creepy horror music that is really out of place. It also makes it sound like vampires live there.

Me: What is with this music. Definitely sounds like a vampire is in there.

N: Might as well come out Vampires, they are playing your music.

We then get even more shots close up in her face. I really, really, really don’t like it. They are too big, too unblinking, and the director gets too close.

So they wait a day to go out as they needed to get more clothes. When they do go they meet Mr. Tilney and no offense to Peter Firth but he is no JJ Feild. I mean look at JJ Feild:

And now Peter Firth:

Me: He looks…kinda…weird.

My Mom: He looks an elf.

N: He looks like a creep.

To make things worse, this Mr. Tilney is pretty stiff and lacks charm. He also likes to philosophize a lot which didn’t bother the others viewing but it made me really uncomfortable as I felt that he was insulting and trying to educate Catherine to his way of thinking; instead of getting to know her. Maybe I’m off base but that’s how I felt about it all.

The next day they can’t go out because it is raining and Catherine stares out the window angry-again looking super creepy. She looks like she wants to burn the city down.

Salt and burn it

Like she looks crazy!

It’s the eyes!

James arrives with John Thorpe and it feels like they are just flipping through this book. John Thorpe arrives and there is a clown horn sound effect, I’m not sure what it is and how it is made in the Regency era, but if that doesn’t fully encapsulate John Thorpe than I don’t know what does.

N: Here comes the Mad Hatter

R: He looks like a leprechaun.

N: He looks like a creep.

And to add to the creepiness of this scene the director decided to do lots of closeups on the face, filling the screen with them. I’m like can we back away please and give them some space.

The Thorpes are interesting characters. John is oozing creepiness and gives off that vibe of that one guy that is obsessive and controlling. Isabella is all smiles and it is all the same smile, 24/7. I think the director or actress was trying to have it be her facade, hiding her true nature; but to me it was unnerving to see her smiling all the time.

After this the two go on a ride in the gig, Catherine not being super into it, with the boys splitting up to be alone with their girls”. This scene is also weird as John Thorpe asks a few awkward questions to find out if she is rich or not but it is really strange way of questioning and he sound slike he suspects her of being a good digger. Which is odd because he IS one.

The other thing that is odd about this film is that it has been missing the Tilneys. Where are they?

The next day Mrs. Allen discovers that Mr. Tilney is there with his sister. She gets all happy that Mr. Tilney is single and goes into another fantasy.

N: Oh no, not again! Here is another bondage fantasy.

This fantasy/daydream is pretty gross as it shows a woman sewing her fingers together. Ew!

The next day Catherine and Isabella (or as the actress calls her, Isabeller) are spending time together and Isabella shares that she and James are in love and he went to ask his parent’s permission. Isabella is a little worried because her family doesn’t have money, and thanks to John Thorpe’s running of the mouth, they believe the Morland’s to soon-to-be wealthy, as they will inherit Mr. Allen’s wealth.

Catherine Morland: James and I think marrying for money is a very wicked thing to do.

My Mom: That’s because you are poor.

The next day they all go to the baths and everyone was surprised by the little wooden boards around their necks. I thought they held like bath salts or something, everyone else thought it was food. Does anyone know exactly what those are? I did a quick google search but didn’t find anything. I plan to go into more research later.

N: I like the snack tray hanging around their necks. I think it’s cool they have a little charcuterie to get their snack on.

So this scene is really weird as she hasn’t been introduced to Eleanor and just goes up to her and starts talking. It’s very much like when Mr. Collins approaches Mr. Darcy at the ball. It comes off very desperate and the in my opinion, if this film wasn’t based off a beloved book that I had read I would have thought that these people need to get a restraining order or something as Catherine comes off sooo crazy and almost obsessed with them.

So Eleanor and Catherine made plans to go walking and Mr. Thorpe does not want that at all. He wants to keep her with him, as does Isabella as they think Catherine is set to be an heiress. Catherine does not want to go with him, but he decided that would not do and cancels with the Tilneys for he. This John Thorpe is an extra creeping creep! When Catherine tried to leave he grabs her arm to force her to stay. Like he gets completely crazy

John Thorpe: I like a girl with spirit.

No, run Catherine! Run! She does, thank goodness, but when she runs she holds her skirts up really high that her knees are showing. I’m like girl, what are you doing?She runs all the way to the Tilneys and just barges in their house into their sitting room where they are together babbling about the walk and how she wants to be with them. She looks and acts crazy.

She meets General Tilney and while Eleanor explain the situation, Mr. Tilney low key tries to get an invite. Like this Mr. Tilney is trying to be sarcastic and silly, but something seems off. Like he’s a bit too grandiose and flamboyant in his interactions to me.

I really do not like this Mr. Tilney as everything he says is too mean spirited or the way he talks to Catherine feels as if he is mansplaining/talking down to her. The words aren’t bad, but the delivery he is just out there and there is no charm or chemistry between them. They share the same space but they don’t feel like they are inhabiting the same world.

So unfortunately I have not been able to finish transcribing my review from my notes. As I have to go to work I will pause her, and continue with part II tonight.

Part II

Sorry for that brief intermission. I am going to try and finish up what I can while on my lunch and then everything else tonight. Although it won’t be much as the power went out 15 minutes into my lunch and just came on.

So I have been thinking about this all day and I really think the reason why I don’t like this portrayal of Mr. Tilney is that he is too much like Mr. Collins and Mr. Elton. He has grandiose manners and a interacts (body language) like Mr. Collins and then his way of talking and uppityness (although he’s supposed to be making fun of people) is too reminiscent of Mr. Elton. One of the reasons Mr Tilney is so enjoyable is that he is different from the other Austen characters. I really feel this actor did not understand the character he is supposed to be playing.

So everything is going well, but then Captain Fredrick Tilney enters the picture. My friend N had a few thoughts about him:

N: He [Frederick Tilney] looks like the guy from Pirates of the Caribbean.

Me: Norrington?

N: Yeah

I don’t think so, I mean they both wear a wig. That’s about it.

Oh well…

N: [Talking about Captain Tilney] I can’t believe these cheesy lines.

Me: He’s like that frat guy who has his set of lines that he uses and just goes down the line of girls until it works on someone. Plus he’s the first son and rich.

N: So he’s a Regency frat guy?

Me: Hmm…basically.

Ugh…this guy

Catherine watches Frederick and Isabella together and is worried. She wants Mr. Tilney to do something but he won’t as he has tried before and his brother won’t listen. I guess if I had to choose one thing that this adaption does really well is that I like how it shows the brother’s relationship. Although, while it shows their relationship well, it doesn’t show his and Eleanor as well as the 2007 adaption. He and Eleanor have a few scenes together, but he talks more about her than spends time with her.

Catherine and Mr. Tilney then have what would have been a cute scene, Mr. Tilney sarcastically echoing her words from before telling her that Isabella has a choice and Catherine giving it back to him, except she peters out and ends her sentence with dead eyes.

She convinces Mr. Tilney and he goes to his brother where they both take snuff! Snuff! No wonder Mr. Tilney is acting so weird, he’s been up on cocaine.

You are crazy

Catherine gets invited to go to Northanger Abbey and is super excited as she thinks it will be just like in her novels she has been reading. But what is sad is that Catherine Moreland wishes she was in a gothic novel, but Eleanor is trapped in one. She’s in a dreary old home with an abusive father, stuck there alone until she gets married. She’s had a wealthy life but an emotionally poor one, in contrast to Catherine who grew up not with riches but with parents who cared more about her than what they could broker with her.

So they get to the Abbey and Catherine is told that General Tilney is very particular about time and to not dilly dally. She reads her book and is late, later getting lost/exploring the abbey. These scenes were probably the best in the film as it was nice to see her wander through the mysterious manor.

She then goes to a random room and we have the weirdest exchange I have ever seen. So Catherine is looking at a canary in a cage when Mr. Tilney comes upon her. She’s looking at a bird in the cage and Mr. Tilney tells her that it is a canary. Catherine remarks how sad it is that it is in a cage and then Mr. Tilney tells her that’s all it has ever known. He then asks her if she has a stout heart or can handle being stuck her in a really, really creepy voice.

This scene is so creepy! Mr. Tilney sounds like a psycho! Like the way the scene is done with the cage it makes it sound like he is planning on making her a permanent fixture, and not in a good way-like buried in the walls or locked in the attic. N said that he thought he was playing up the gothic points but even he agreed with me this whole scene was creepy. If I was in this situation I would run and that is what I would tell Catherine to do.

You know an adaption is bad when it makes you afraid Mr. Tilney is going to murder Catherine.

Creepy…

That night at dinner General Tilney is super controlling and gets angry when his son doesn’t propose to him over the soup.

There is a definite shift in characters when leaving Bath for Northanger Abbey. In Bath Catherine was acting all crazy, while in Northanger Abbey it is Mr. Tilney. We also have the general shifting from genial to controlling, uncouth, and rude.

N: I don’t understand why they have such a big table for just a few people.

Me: That’s because you’re poor .

N: [Laughs] You’re right, that is something a poor person would say.

That night Catherine is in her room looking through the writing desk for clues when she hears Eleanor and Tilney outside her room, Eleanor having a breakdown. I know they want to give character development, but it seems odd that they would do this outside their guest’s room.

They also sound like they are planning to murder General Tilney, it’s like Northanger Abbey became the murder house or something.

General Tilney acts like a vampire. Like I forget at times what he is saying as he looks like he wants to suck her blood.

Catherine also is super insensitive in this adaption. When talking to Elinor about her dead mother she refers to Mrs. Tilney as “the corpse”.

The Tilney have a party and Mr. Tilney sings in a flamboyant way with another girl. He looks silly and horrible, but Catherine looks worse as her eyes bore into the woman and she looks as if she would like to murder her.

The other guest is, Marchioness de Thierry, who shares the same backstory as the real life person, Jane Austen’s sister-in-law Eliza de Feuillide.

The makeup and costuming is ghastly and this character doesn’t even really add to the story.

N: She [Marchioness de Thierry] looks like Dr. Frank N. Furter.

Then we have the weirdest scene. A little servant boy leads Catherine outside during the performance WHERE HE DOES CARTWHEELS and she has another fantasy/daydream. Like what is even happening?!!

So later the General invites Catherine out riding. She agrees but after questioning the maid decides she would much rather try to investigate Mrs. Tilney’s room, she and Elinor had tried to see the picture earlier but failed. As soon as all have ridden away she snoops to the mother’s room and looks around.

Mr. Tilney interrupts her as he wanted to check on her. Again, he really creeps me out in this scene as he is angry, but says everything calm, quiet, and over the top. He makes me think of Hannibal Lector when he talks to Clarice. It also doesn’t help that he has a riding crop and blocks the door, giving even more creep vibes.

SUPER creeped

He leaves and Catherine, sad, goes to her room and destroys the book by ripping it up and throwing it in the fireplace. NOOOO! NOT THE BOOKS!!!

Catherine cries the day away and falls asleep. She is awoken by Eleanor who falls asleep. She is awoken by Eleanor who brings a letter from James? Catherine’s brother. He shares that Isabella had broken their engagement for Captain Tilney. Catherine is upset but then Eleanor shares that her brother will not marry Isabella.

Apparently, General Tilney has gambled all their money away and needs his children to marry rich people (even though Eleanor is in love with a poor man and seeing him secretly.) I felt this weakened General Tilney as a villain as him being rich and still a money grabber was worse than a degenerate gambler.

Catherine’s trip ends with General Tilney returning home and sending Catherine packing. This scene wasn’t bad but they didn’t really show the fear and the danger of her going home alone.

Then we have the “romantic” end scene. This weird ‘80s music chanting plays as fog rolls in. Mr. Tilney rides in on a dark horse, and says:

Mr. Tilney: “I promise not to oppress you with too much remorse or too much passion, but since you left us the white rose bush has died of grief.”

Not only did we all go huh, but Catherine Morland does to. Like what does this mean?! I think he has been taking too much snuff that his brain is is not connecting right.

So I think they were trying to do a storybook/gothic ending but because there are so many fantasy/daydreams it really just feels like one. I guess the director could have been trying to do her fantasy has come to life but it didn’t really work. I also did not like the freeze frame ending. As a whole, I did not like this film

Wrap UP:

Costumes: The wigs and hair are really bad. Like hardly anyone has a good one. It’s really bad. The costume colors are as well, they are accurate pieces but not as nice as in the later adaptions.

Actors: The only actors I really enjoyed was Googie Withers as Mrs. Allen and Ingrid Lacey as Eleanor Tilney. Robert Hardy as General Tilney was good but a bit inconsistent in his manner. Peter Firth as Mr. Tilney was too stiff and Katharine Schlesinger as Catherine Morland was very inconsistent as at times she was animated but other times like a sleepwalker and she had those dazed/dead eyes.

Set: I liked the set design a lot. I really enjoyed when they were in the Abbey and wish we spent more time there. I just wish they had utilized better lighting and angles.

On a while I did not enjoy this adaption, but prefer the 2007 version instead. Although this one did have a lot more horror elements as Catherine had creepy stalker vibes and Mr. Tilney gave off murder-y vibes.

For more Northanger Abbey, go to North by Northanger (Or, the Shades of Pemberley)

For more Northanger Abbey (2007), go to Storybook Ending: Northanger Abbey (2007)

For more Northanger Abbey variations, go to Rational Creatures: Catherine Morland, Eleanor Tilney, & Lady Susan

For more films based on Jane Austen, go to Sense and Sensibility (1995)

For more Jane Austen variations, go to The Matters at Mansfield (Or, The Crawford Affair)

Ghosts or Madness?: Turn of the Screw (2009)

No Twilight Saturday? Yep, no more Twilight! We finished that on Thursday as I had to post this on October 30th. Why? Well today is the 210th anniversary of Sense and Sensibility!

At first I was really bummed because Sense and Sensibility doesn’t have a gothic/Halloween adaption for me to review to honor its anniversary. I also already have reviewed Dead Again which was the catalyst for the 1995 Sense and Sensibility adaption. I was at a loss of what to do when I watched this film:

So every October, I see people posting on Instagram about The Turn of the Screw. Every year I tell myself I should read it or watch an adaption, and last year I finally did (both). I really wanted to see the Colin Firth adaption, but it was no longer available on Amazon, so instead I watched the 2009 version with Dan Stevens. That of course ties in perfectly with today as today is the 210th anniversary of Sense and Sensibility. Of which in the 2008 adaption Dan Stevens plays Edward Ferrars.

This film was okay, in a lot of ways it reminded me of the book Alias Grace. But after reading the story, I think the production did the best they could with an uneven source material. The original story doesn’t even have a real end, it starts with someone reading the governess’ recollections and then just ends, about them passing on the story or anything like that.

But as this is a gothic story I also am adding it to Catherine Morland’s Viewing List.

We start off the film with former governess, Ann (Michelle Dockery) in a sanitarium. She speaks to Doctor Fisher (Dan Stevens); and yes they both were in Downton Abbey. How funny, right?

Anyways, Doctor Fisher is trying to find out what happened with Ann and try to get to the cause of it all.

Ann tells our story in a flashback. She was hired as a governess by a wealthy man who inherited his brother’s children along with Bly Manor. He wants nothing to do with them or any problems that arise. He also seduces Ann and she travels out the country with hopes that their fling will grow into something more.

Ann goes to the house and everything feels sad and dark. There is only female staff, as all the men left to fight in WWI. They are all cold and standoffish to her as well.

Ann meets Flora, her pupil, who is kind and sweet and easy to teach. But those quiet days are interrupted when the other charge, Miles, is sent home from boarding school for saying something so dreadful to another student, a male student.

Ann starts wondering about it and when she finds a note from Miles’ boarding headmaster, she is so horrified she destroys it. She can’t believe that what was written could be true as Miles is such a sweet and tender boy. They all have a wonderful time together, and Ann dreams of the Master coming and then becoming a family together.

Ann finds out that her predecessor, Emily Jessel is buried in the church’s graveyard near the house. It turns out that Jessel had committed suicide.

Then things start turning weird…Ann begins to see the figures of a man and a woman. But no one else sees them. She sees them around the kids, but they keep denying it.

Ann starts questioning the staff about who the man could be, but no one will talk to her except Carla. Carla tells her about Peter Quint, now deceased and former steward of the house. The master was best friend with Quint and liked to “raise hell” with him. Peter harassed and sexually abused all the girls, Emily being the one who actually formed a relationship with him. He spent a lot of time with Miles, Emily, and Flora.

Ann keeps seeing the figures of the man and woman and after hearing the descriptions of the Emily and Quint, she realizes they are who she is seeing. But are they ghosts or is Ann just going mad?

From Carnival of Souls

Ann sees Quint push Carla off the roof, but everyone says she must have imagined him as he is dead.

But it doesn’t stop, Ann keeps seeing Emily and Quint together everywhere in violent, passionate, sexual acts. Then she sees Flora and Miles acting like them. She thinks the two, who were so very close to them, were groomed by them. It turns out that Miles repeated something that Quint had said to Emily to a male student. They never tell you what, but as Quint was a rough, crude, and abusive man-I’m sure you can imagine that it was bad.

That’s not good.

Ann decides she must do something, at first she was going to leave but she cares too much for the children. She returns and finds the two having rough play by the lake, Miles trying to drown his sister. Ann saves Flora and hits Miles repeatedly, stopped by the housekeeper.

After that Ann decides to confront Miles and sends everyone away but him. There they wait and have a showdown with Quint. This is interesting as Quint possesses Miles, he demands Quint leaves, and Ann hugs him-the next scene him being dead. Did Quint kill Miles as that was always his intent? Or did Ann kill him when she hugged him? He’s a small thin child, it would have been hard for her to strangle or crush him? Was it ghosts or madness on her part?

Hmmm…

The next day they return to find her with Miles’ dead body. She is arrested and we return to the present. The Doctor believes her story, but she is still sentenced to die.

The film wasn’t bad, I just wish they hadn’t so obviously pointed toward ghosts/possession. I wish they had made it a bit more suspenseful and had the audience question her sanity. This easily could have been added in if they had a mention she had seen ghosts before or something. Like I said it was okay, not terrible but not the best film I have ever seen.

For more gothic stories, go to No Haunt Me Then!…I Know That Ghosts Have Wandered On The Earth. Be With Me Always…Drive Me Mad, Only Do Not Leave Me in This Dark Alone…I Cannot Live Without My Life! I Cannot Die Without My Soul.: Wuthering Heights (1939)

For more ghosts, go to All Right, We Got No Choice. Call the Ghostbusters.: Ghostbusters 2 (1989)

All Right, We Got No Choice. Call the Ghostbusters.: Ghostbusters 2 (1989)

What the hell is going on? It’s pandemonium out there!

Yes, I know. We’re working on it!

Great. While you’re working on it, I’m going down as the mayor who let New York get sucked down into the tenth level of hell! All right, we got no choice. Call the Ghostbusters.

Do you love the Ghostbusters? I do! In fact this year I decided to dress Jane up as one for Halloween.

And I can’t do that and not review a ghostbusters film.

As I reviewed the first one a few years ago I decided to take a look at Ghostbusters 2. I haven’t seen it in a really, really long time. I watched it year ago and unlike Ghostbusters which I can watch over and over again; Ghostbusters 2 was a film I saw once and never wanted to see again. I can’t remember exactly what I didn’t like about it, but I remember it not being as interesting as the first film.

So let’s take another look and see if I was right to ignore this film or if it is worth a rewatch. And for those who have been following me on Instagram know that Flat Jane joined me in my rewatch.

So the first thing I notice about my DVD and the main page is that Ernie Hudson’s character, Winston, is missing from both. How come ? He’s now an established member of the team. Why is he left out? I don’t like that one bit.

So it has been five years since the original film. Every Ghostbuster has been sued for messing up the city (even though the mayor gave them full reign), as no one believes in them or ghosts. Yes they saw a giant marshmallow man get blown up and no one remembers it,. They also all have to work side jobs as Ghostbustsrs is sinking. Winston and Ray do kid’s parties, Ray has a bookstore, Peter has a TV program, and Egon was rehired by the university. They never say what Winston was planning to do to make extra money.

But that isn’t actually where the film starts. It starts with Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver) pushing her baby down the street, pausing outside her home, and her baby being carried away. She follows and is way too calm for her baby being whisked away.

She should have been screaming at the top of her lungs.

The film plot is that all the Ghostbusters are “split apart” until something brings them back together and I didn’t like this story line. I hate when they do that as the whole reason you want to watch is you like seeing them together.

So instead of being a cellist, Dana Barrett is an art restorationist. Why is she doing art restoration instead of music? How is that even possible? Like for her to study for her degree and be able to reach the professional level to be working at the Metropolitan museum of art in New York, that isn’t something you can just “pick” up as a pause to your cellist career. It seems like a really strange shift and doesn’t make any sense at all. This is a chemical study and science degree and she’s working on Gaugin-it’s not something you just pick up and that position is not easy to come by.

Dana goes to Egon and asks for his help. He and Ray come over (missing Winston again)!and Venkman joins in as well. Ray and Egon go to investigate the room and they leave Venkman with the baby. Which is dumb, he’s the last guy I would trust with a baby.

I mean he shakes the baby-he should notnbe around kids.

They try to figure out what is happening and go to where Dana’s cart started moving mysteriously. They get weird reading and start digging in the street. This is like the only funny part of the film as the police stop them and they pretend to be working the lines.

The send Ray in and he finds a pneumatic River. When they pull him out he hits a pipe and the whole city is plunged into darkness.

From Clueless

The painting goes to life when it is being restored and possesses Janosz the head of the art restoration department. The ghost tells Janosz he needs a child and Janosz decides to get a baby. It’s really weird and not a clear plot point. Why wouldn’t he want to possess a child that can talk? One that isn’t as easily killed? In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when the anointed is a child they wait until he’s 8 years old.

New York decides to put the Ghostbusters on on trial because they are crazy as ghosts don’t exist and blah blah blah. But how could they forget 5 years ago there was a giant marshmallow man who attacked the city. Like seriously!

This storyline is really dumb. I now remember again why I don’t like it.

They ask Louis to be their lawyer and he tries hard to help them but he’s not a criminal lawyer, he’s an accountant. The judge is sentencing them when ghosts come out and everyone runs scared, even Winston (who showed up to support them) and the judge wants them to do something and Egon tells him why don’t you tell the ghosts you don’t believe in ghosts.

That line is gold and that is the second good scene of this film.

The guys suit up to fight the ghosts and again Winston is missing. Why they keep doing him dirty? How come they keep leaving him out?

It’s really makes me mad that Ernie Hudson is hardly in this film. I mean in the first it made sense as he just met them but now he is established and a part of the group. I mean they purposely showed him at the trial, why not use him? He shouldn’t have run away as he’s not afraid of ghosts, he’s a ghostbuster. I’m starting to wonder about this? I mean this whole film is like a giant scene of Where’s Winston? And I don’t like it one bit.

So now we have a montage where they are famous again and everyone believes them and wants them. It’s basically a regurgitation of the previous film, not as funny though, and very disappointing for a studio that had been developing a script for five years.

Back to the original plot, Dana is restoring art and tells Peter that the painting of the creepy guy who needs the baby, I never remember his name, freaks her out as she feels it is always watching her. Peter doesn’t do anything about it, but I’m like he should listen as she is sensitive to these things as she was possessed by a dog beast creature. If she had spoken to Egon or Ray, they would have immediately gone over there.

She is about to give her child a bath and something that looks like a giant tongue comes after her in the bathtub, again we, and another reason I don’t like this movie.

After she runs to Peter he calls the boys and immediately Egon and Ray go to the apartment and the next day head to the museum to take pictures and see what is going on with the painting. The develop the paintings and see it is possessed by a spirit.

The spirit tries to kill them, but they are saved by Winston who comes saves the day by charging in with the fire extinguisher.

Yay!!!

They go down to the river again to see where it leads and how come the ghosts be calling out our Winston that he will die?Rude! There are two other dudes there. The trio decide to resurface for their proton packs and I can’t believe these seasoned Ghostbusters went to a River of ghost slime without proton packs.

Poor Winston also gets hit by the ghost train and thrown in the river. So not only does he have barely any scenes, but in each one they treat him horribly.

They trio finish and go to see Peter and Dana on their date and explain what is going on and they play like rap music over which is weird? Like do they even know how to movie?

So they get committed for being crazy, even though they just proved to everyone in our earlier montage that ghosts do exist. This makes me so angry, this plot makes zero sense!

Janosz and the spirit steal the baby, ghosts start appearing everywhere, and they bring the Ghostbusters out to help fight. They decide to bring Lady Liberty to life to help, and you know who’s idea that was?

Winston’s! Winston is super important and should have been in the film more.

This movie is just a huge disappointment. The plot was bad, the whole film made no sense, and they cut Ernie Hudson out. I love the first one, but this film is just not that good.

For more Ghostbusters, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For more ghosts, go to No Haunt Me Then!…I Know That Ghosts Have Wandered On The Earth. Be With Me Always…Drive Me Mad, Only Do Not Leave Me in This Dark Alone…I Cannot Live Without My Life! I Cannot Die Without My Soul.: Wuthering Heights (1939)

For more horror-comedy, go to Something’s Out There and It’s Killing People! And If It’s Monsters, Nobody’s Going to Do a Thing About it Except Us!: The Monster Squad (1987)

For more ‘80s films, go to You Have Thirteen Hours in Which to Solve the Labyrinth, Before Your Baby Brother Becomes One of Us…Forever.: Labyrinth (1986)

Creepy Baby, Vampire Worldwide Tour, and Psych Ending. At Least it Has Lee Pace: Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, Part II (2012)

Twilight on a Thursday instead of a Saturday?

Weeeeeell, as what usually happens, I have fallen behind. I had something else scheduled for today but the review is not easy, so I decided to move this review up a day.

Yes I was never planning on reviewing the last Twilight on a Saturday as Saturday the 30th holds a very special anniversary! (Any guesses what it could be?) So Twilight was always going to be moved up a day, it’s just going to be an even extra day. I don’t feel bad about breaking the symmetry as this film was not very good and psyched everyone out. To be honest I think everyone who spent money on a ticket watching this should get their money back as it was really a waste.

At least on the positive side, even though this is a terrible movie it means I will finally be done with Twilight.

No more Twilight ever!

So as I said in my previous reviews of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga” before this year. I remember when the books and films came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

This really happened at my school, but not with a shovel.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays (although today ended up being a #twihardthursday ) for Horrorfest X.

After watching these I do not understand how this captured the interest of so many. I mean I was there when it happened and witnessed it, but I’m still in shock as to why, why do so many people like them? Like of all the books in the world why was this terribly written one the one that “made it”?

I find them all to be really boring and to not make any sense at all, but at least I am now finally at the end.

So Edward and Bella are horrible parents, which doesn’t surprise me as they can’t even take care of themselves or make good decisions. Like where is the baby in all this “I’m a vampire nonsense that we already witnessed in the first film. Like they don’t even care who is watching her.

I also hate the name Reneesme, it is an extremely dumb choice and they should have listened to Rosalie (except no one does).

Jacob comes to see Bella and they are so mean calling him stinky. They are so mean to the werewolves. It is really uncomfortable how the Natice Americans are the werewolves and are told they stink and aren’t good enough. Hmmm, it makes me wonder about Stephanie Meyer.

Hmmm…

The show the baby and it is SUPER creepy. The baby is ABSOLUTELY terrifying, it looks like a robot. And then have a weird scene where the baby remembers trying to kill her mother. She was trying to end this series I guess, and failed. If only she actually could have.

Issues arise as Jacob is very protective of the baby and imprints on it. And I don’t care how they try to explain it, him imprinting on the baby and falling in love with her is weird.

But his creepy pedophilia “saves” the baby, (you know Stephanie Meyer is weird and this film has me really wondering about her) as because a werewolf imprinted the baby cannot be killed by then but must be protected. But Edward chooses to say nothing and let Bella beat Jacob up. I can’t blame him though, I’d probably do the same thing.

Bella is all mad about the Nessie nickname but I’m like you gave her the dumb name in the first place.

Why is Edward the only married vampire? How come Emmett and Jasper don’t marry their ladies?

So with Bella being a vampire, they made up a story that she became really ill and is in Switzerland getting treatment. The plan is for her to “die”, the Cullens to move, and for them to return after all who knew them has died. I’m like does she even care about her dad Charlie? He’s probably trying to get tickets to Switzerland to see her.

Jacob is all mad that the Cullens are planning to lead. He doesn’t want them to take the baby. He decides to show his wolf self to Charlie in an attempt to get the Cullens stay.

I feel bad for Charlie. I wish he would get remarried and have a good wife and a grateful daughter.

The budget is not very good in this, I don’t know where the money went (probably to that creepy baby). The makeup is horrible and the CGI is really bad.

So they have Bella meet up with her das and introduce the baby, who still looks like demon spawn, and to be honest not much happens. This movie is one of the most boring-est things I have ever seen. They did not need to make this into two films at all; this should have been one.

The baby grows really fast and continues to look extremely creepy. creepy CGI face .

One day Irina sees Bella, Jacob, and Reneesme out together and gets really angry about, deciding to tell the Volturi who aren’t even that scary.

Irina thinks Renesme is an immortal child. What kind of what is that? You know what I don’t really care.

You know, how come the vampire ladies can’t sleep with a human man and have a baby, why is it the vampire men are the only ones with the magic semen/venom? That seemed really unfair to me.

So this plot is weird. I mean the Volturi aren’t that scary, Bella could take them all out as one none of their powers work on her and she’s super strong as she’s a baby vamp (you know the whole plot to the previous film). But they are scared and decide they need to take their baby to all these vampires to prove she is only a half vamp.

So this becomes Passport Around the World Vampire Edition.

This movie is really, really, really boring. And again should have been one film not two parts.

But then something happens to make this film a little more bearable: Lee Pace. I’m like Lee Pace you deserve so much better than this film but thank you for making my viewing a bit more enjoyable.

Even though Lee Pace is in this, there isn’t enough of him. It reminds me of The Mortal Instruments when they had Aidan Turner and just wasted him. He was hardly in the film and I was like they should have made the film ALL him. That’s how I feel about this film and Lee Pace, they should have had him in it more. Such a handsome man, I have this still from Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day.

I’m totally checked out this film. Is so boring I’m done.

Where’s Buffy when you need her?

From Buffy the Vampire Slayer

What is this Volturi Michael Sheen wearing? Is he going to the circus? What’s with all the gold braid. What is Michael Sheen doing? What is that noise? Is he having a stroke.

So we have a fight but like where is the epic music for the fight? Like they should have had intense music.

It’s a really lame fight though as one man can control the elements and he does nothing. Why doesn’t he set them all on fire?

The battle scene is lame and the vampires are like super easy to kill. They are like ceramic vampire Barbie dolls. You can just pull their heads off to kill them.

It turns out to be all a vision from Alice and they don’t fight. Everyone just goes home.

That’s it. That’s how they decide to end this.

This film was a literal waste. Like I can’t believe they made this. It had no plot, it was boring, and to be honest-dumb.

So that’s it! We are done everybody!

It’s over, I’m free!!

For more on Twilight, go to Vampire Wedding, Vampire Baby, and Bella Finally Gets What She Always Wanted: Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn Part I (2011)

For more vampires, go to You’re Kids. I’m a Vampire!: Mom’s Got a Date With a Vampire (2000)

For more werewolves, go to The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

One Final Thing I Have to Do… and Then I’ll Be Free of the Past.: Vertigo (1958)

“One final thing I have to do… and then I’ll be free of the past.”

It’s time for our annual Alfred Hitchcock pick! I was actually planning on doing another film, but things happened, as they do, and I switched it out with this movie.

Now as you may know from previous posts, I love Alfred Hitchcock movies. I like that he has a variety of characters from all kinds of backgrounds and motivations, but typically they are just an average person who is caught up in an abnormal circumstance.

The use of lighting and shots is always amazing:

He also always knew how to pick a story-choosing one that is well done, mysterious, suspenseful, and adding his special macabre tendencies.

Now I love almost every film of his, there are only a few that I would watch once and that is good enough for me. And with those films, even though I don’t love them or feel a need to watch again and again I can still appreciate the direction he was going in. But there are two of his films that I hate: Vertigo and Marnie.

Both of those films have a man who is our protagonist and “hero”, who horribly mistreats and abuses the woman he “loves”. While Marnie has the interesting plot of why Marnie (Tippi Hedrun) does what she does, a twist that is leads to understanding her character; I still cannot stand Sean Connery’s character or the fact we are supposed to want them to be together when he not only blackmails Marnie into marrying him, but rapes her.

But we aren’t talking about that film today. We are talking about the other Alfred Hitchcock film I hate: Vertigo.

A lot of people claim this is Hitchcock’s best work but I wholeheartedly disagree as I think a lot of his other films could easily knock this film out as they have better pacing, a better storyline, and I think the actors and actresses did just as fine a job or better.

For me I really, really don’t like the storyline. How this film came to be was that Hitchcock really liked the book She Who Was No More, by the writing team of Boileau-Narcejac, but lost out to Henri-Georges Clouzet. When the book this film was based on, From Among the Dead, came out-he immediately went to bid for it. Im going to give a quick summary and then I will share what it is about this particular film that I cannot stand.

The film starts off with our main character John “Scottie” Ferguson (Jimmy Stewart), a cop who has left the police as he has severe fear of heights that caused him to let a criminal get away. His best friend, Midge (Barbara Bel Geddes), is in love with him but he doesn’t care for her and at time can be quite rude and cruel to her. He reveals that an old friend of theirs reached out o him, wanting to meet up.

Scotty goes to see his friend, Gavin Elster, who tells Scotty about his wife and how she is acting strange. He wants to pay Scotty to watch over her and find out what is going on. Scotty does, witnesses Madeleine (Kim Novak) doing a lot of strange things, falls in love with his he (even though it is his friend’s wife), but Madeline can’t be with him as she is possessed by her ancestor and has to kill herself.

Scotty you need to back off. This girl needs help-not a relationship.

Madeleine goes to the mission bell tower and throws herself off, Scotty is heartbroken at losing her (even though he has only known her for a very small, small, amount of time.

So the pacing of this film is extremely slow, especially as it is obvious that this is not a ghost story as Hitchcock never does that. I knew from the first time she tried to kill herself this isn’t the whole story. Either she faked her death, her husband got a body double so he could kill her, she got a body double to get her husband arrested or something, but no ghosts or demon possession.

I also can’t get behind a main character who is in love with another who is not in a clear state of mind. I mean it would be different if he loved her before, this was a traumatic event that caused this momentary break from reality, etc. But he just met this woman and he’s attracted to a person who believes they are possessed by their dead relative and keeps trying to kill themselves as something inside them wants to die. If you can’t handle a normal relationship with a mostly well adjusted person like Midge (she does paint herself like the dead woman so only mostly well adjusted), and instead your ideal type is unavailable, not in a good mental or emotional stare, and in a state of depression; you clearly need to see a counselor and figure out some things.

Scotty becomes depressed, has a breakdown ( I would argue he was already having one) and goes to a sanitarium. When he has “recovered” keeps thinking he sees Madeleine everywhere and runs into a woman that looks so much like her. The woman, Judy Barton (Kim Novak), starts dating him even though he makes it clear repeatedly that he is only interested in her because she looked like the girl he really loved. I’m like girl no! Run away! Run far away from this situation!

He then makes her change everything about her remaking the woman he really loves, although not really as he didn’t even “know” her, other than she was out of her mind and pretty. Everything about Judy must go until she is more and more like Madeleine. He even makes her dye her hair so she can be an exact replica.

Judy: If I let you change me, will that do it? If I do what you tell me, will you love me?

Scottie: Yes. Yes.

Judy: All right. All right then, I’ll do it. I don’t care anymore about me

Again so, so, so, so, so, many red flags. But does Judy leave? No, poor Judy continues to stay in this abuse and acquiesce to everything he asks because she loves him, and mistakenly believes he loves her too.

One of the worst parts for me is when he forces her to change her hair.

Judy: Couldn’t you like me, just me the way I am? When we first started out, it was so good; w-we had fun. And… and then you started in on the clothes. Well, I’ll wear the darn clothes if you want me to, if, if you’ll just, just like me.

Scottie: Judy, please, it can’t matter to you.

Judy: Oh, no!

Scottie: The color of your hair…

I hate this scene with the fury of a thousand suns as not only is completely wiping out her identity to become his perfect woman, but he went for the hair. A girl’s hair is more than hair, it is a part of their identity, a mark of their femininity, a connection to their culture and family, etc. I have never met a woman who did not care about her hair, it might not be her sole focus, they make cut it short or shave their head, but there is no way they don’t “care”.

It turns out that Judy and the Madeleine he met are actually the same person. His friend Gavin wanted to kill his wife for the insurance money and hired a double to make everyone think she was crazy and wanting to kill herself. He then hire Scotty to follow her as he needed a witness of her behavior and mental state; along with choosing Scotty as he knew with his fear of heights he won’t be able to follow her up the bell tower to stop her. Judy wants to tell him the truth, but doesn’t know how. He eventually figures it out when he sees the necklace Madeleine wore, the one that belonged to the relative possessing her. Judy spills and Scotty decides they must go back to the tower to right this wrong.

They do and Scotty throws her off the bell tower, killing her.

Critic and film analyst call this film a “story of a man who develops a romantic obsession with the image of an enigmatic woman…” but that is not what this is. It is a story of a man who is NOT romantic, and is obsessive, controlling, and abusing a woman. He insists he loves her, but he doesn’t love either woman, he just wants to control them. He actually follows the cycle below with Judy.

I also believe Hitchcock was really working through some feelings when making this film. Alfred Hitchcock married and stayed married to his wife, but he became in “love” with Ingrid Bergman after working with her. He used to make passes at her, was extremely coarse and sexually harassing her. He even spread a story that she got him into a bedroom at a party and demanded he have sex with her, but she always insisted it wasn’t true (and I believe her). But Ingrid was unattainable, at least until she divorced her husband for another man, and not just any man another director! And one she had a child with. I think Madeline represents Ingrid Bergman, a married woman he wanted and believed wanted him but couldn’t be together. That line Madeline says about how they can’t be together because someone within her won’t allow it, I think that is supposed to represent Ingrid Bergman’s pregnancy. Madeleine dies, and in a way Ingrid Bergman died as she left Hollywood.

After Bergman he turned his obsession to Grace Kelly, treating her the same way he treated Bergman. But she left him too, in 1956 she married the prince of Monaco and too left Hollywood. The the year before this film came out, in 1958, Ingrid Bergman left her husband and married another director, but that director was not Alfred Hitchcock. I think he had a lot of anger as these women he “obsessed over” but couldn’t have. Grace Kelly being Judy, a creation that betrayed him (marrying and leaving Hollywood) and too had to die in order for him to start again.

Which he does as Alfred Hitchcock then truly became Scotty as he found a new girl, another “Judy”, as he was obsessed with Tippi Hedren and controlled everything about her. He wouldn’t let anyone talk to her-unless they were filming, and abused her. She tried to talk to the studio heads but he was such a money maker they refused to do anything. And when she refused him, he blackballed her. Too bad she wasn’t able to have justice. If you would like to know more I really recommend reading Spellbound by Beauty: Alfred Hitchcock and His Leading Ladies by Donald Spoto. Just like the horrible way Scotty treats Judy trying to make her his picture of a perfect woman, until he has no need of her, so Hitchcock treated Hedrun.

So I think this falling for a woman that can’t be with you and trying to recreate that creation only to have it not be with you again-plus the fact that the lead murders her something not seen in his previous films, most of the male leads are wrongly accused, or in Rebecca have a moral loophole. I think he was acting out his anger and passion that he felt toward the rejection/losing these women.

I think Midge is Alma, the woman that puts up with witnessing this destructive behavior and is their for the person, even though they don’t really deserve it.

And before you start thinking I’m too conspiracy with this thought one of people credited with the screenplay is Samuel A. Taylor who never read the original novel, but only was given Hitchcock’s outline of the story. So the plot we have comes solely from what Hitchcock wanted it to say.

Hmmm…

I also don’t like that our lead murders someone, this is something not seen in his previous films, as most of the male leads are wrongly accused, or as in Rebecca have a moral loophole. I think Hitchcock was acting out his anger and passion that he felt toward the rejection/losing these women.

With the content of this film, I will end on this:

I Am a Survivor of Domestic Violence and I Know Help is Out There:

Are you being abused?

It’s abuse when someone who should care about you does or says things that hurt you or make you feel afraid, helpless or worthless. Here are only a few examples:

• Slapping, hitting, punching, choking, grabbing, shoving, kicking you or your kids, your pets
• Threatening you, your kids, friends, family or pets
• Hitting, kicking, slamming walls, doors, furniture, possessions
• Forcing you to have sex
• Calling you names, swearing at you, yelling
• Controlling all the money, even money you earn
• Blaming you or your kids for everything
• Putting you down, making you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough
• Treating you like a servant or slave
• Controlling where you go, what you do, what you wear
• Controlling who you see, who you talk to
• Humiliating you in front of other people
• Refusing to let you leave the relationship

It can also look like the below cycle

If you are in danger call 911, a local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

• Learn more about the resources in your area from your state or U.S. territory coalition against domestic violence
• Learn more from other national service providers
• Learn more about internet and computer safety
• Learn more about the red flags of abuse
• Learn more about the forms of abuse