Have You a Stout Heart?: Northanger Abbey (1987)

Happy Halloween Everyone!

So every year I have been trying to find a way to include Jane Austen in my Horrorfest posts. I lucked out with Death Comes to Pemberley as that gave me two years, (I posted in between as three years seemed a really long break.); and I was also able to review the Midsomer Murders episode “Death by Persuasion“. Then last year I came up with one of my better ideas:

Last year I reviewed the 2007 adaption (I also watched it with my niece and recorded her thoughts), but this year I decided to take a look at the 1987 adaption:

So Northanger Abbey is probably my favorite Jane Austen book as I just love Catherine, she’s so me.

I haven’t seen this adaption in over ten years. When I first read Pride and Prejudice back at the age of 16 I then went on to read the rest of Austen’s works and then watched every adaption I could my hands on. I remember not really being into it, there’s a lady with a heavily painted face and mole (why she is focused on I don’t remember), and that is about it.

So let’s see how this rewatch goes. And also joining me is my sister (R), my mom, and my 25 year old male friend (N).

So what is up with this music? It’s a weird dramatic rock opera. With some weird chanting going on.

We start off with Catherine in a tree reading a book.

She acts out the parts of the books, making different voices, but then imagines herself in the book. It was cute, but there are way too many of these scenes in this movie. It made it feel really, really dragged out. I like that the 2007 version kept that in, but made sure to do less and have them mostly be when she is dreaming instead of just randomly all the time.

This actress, Katharine Schlesinger, has really pretty eyes but she tends to just have them go dead.

I think she was trying to go for a wide eyed innocence look, but it comes off creepy, desperate, and shark like at times.

Here I am!

So Catherine gets asked to go to Bath and on the way we have another “imagination” scene where she is captured (again) and tied to a bed (again). My friend N who had never heard of Northanger Abbey was really shocked at this.

“N: She’s got an active imagination. She’s probably into bondage.

In his defense they have showed her being tied up in a majority of her imaginings. I guess the director was trying to go for sexy gothic fiction, but it was weird and it was Harding to have the film interrupted like every 10 minutes (it was probably more time between).

One thing that is really odd about this film is that on the way to Bath they have Catherine ass Northanger Abbey and is told about. I really didn’t like this because first of all why is Northanger Abbey down the block from her house? And secondly, her knowing of Northanger Abbey before meeting the Tilneys makes her seem like a gold digger as she already knows if their wealth and is enamored of the abbey. It’s a really weird choice to make and I’m not sure why they decided to do that.

As they pass by they also play this creepy horror music that is really out of place. It also makes it sound like vampires live there.

Me: What is with this music. Definitely sounds like a vampire is in there.

N: Might as well come out Vampires, they are playing your music.

We then get even more shots close up in her face. I really, really, really don’t like it. They are too big, too unblinking, and the director gets too close.

So they wait a day to go out as they needed to get more clothes. When they do go they meet Mr. Tilney and no offense to Peter Firth but he is no JJ Feild. I mean look at JJ Feild:

And now Peter Firth:

Me: He looks…kinda…weird.

My Mom: He looks an elf.

N: He looks like a creep.

To make things worse, this Mr. Tilney is pretty stiff and lacks charm. He also likes to philosophize a lot which didn’t bother the others viewing but it made me really uncomfortable as I felt that he was insulting and trying to educate Catherine to his way of thinking; instead of getting to know her. Maybe I’m off base but that’s how I felt about it all.

The next day they can’t go out because it is raining and Catherine stares out the window angry-again looking super creepy. She looks like she wants to burn the city down.

Salt and burn it

Like she looks crazy!

It’s the eyes!

James arrives with John Thorpe and it feels like they are just flipping through this book. John Thorpe arrives and there is a clown horn sound effect, I’m not sure what it is and how it is made in the Regency era, but if that doesn’t fully encapsulate John Thorpe than I don’t know what does.

N: Here comes the Mad Hatter

R: He looks like a leprechaun.

N: He looks like a creep.

And to add to the creepiness of this scene the director decided to do lots of closeups on the face, filling the screen with them. I’m like can we back away please and give them some space.

The Thorpes are interesting characters. John is oozing creepiness and gives off that vibe of that one guy that is obsessive and controlling. Isabella is all smiles and it is all the same smile, 24/7. I think the director or actress was trying to have it be her facade, hiding her true nature; but to me it was unnerving to see her smiling all the time.

After this the two go on a ride in the gig, Catherine not being super into it, with the boys splitting up to be alone with their girls”. This scene is also weird as John Thorpe asks a few awkward questions to find out if she is rich or not but it is really strange way of questioning and he sound slike he suspects her of being a good digger. Which is odd because he IS one.

The other thing that is odd about this film is that it has been missing the Tilneys. Where are they?

The next day Mrs. Allen discovers that Mr. Tilney is there with his sister. She gets all happy that Mr. Tilney is single and goes into another fantasy.

N: Oh no, not again! Here is another bondage fantasy.

This fantasy/daydream is pretty gross as it shows a woman sewing her fingers together. Ew!

The next day Catherine and Isabella (or as the actress calls her, Isabeller) are spending time together and Isabella shares that she and James are in love and he went to ask his parent’s permission. Isabella is a little worried because her family doesn’t have money, and thanks to John Thorpe’s running of the mouth, they believe the Morland’s to soon-to-be wealthy, as they will inherit Mr. Allen’s wealth.

Catherine Morland: James and I think marrying for money is a very wicked thing to do.

My Mom: That’s because you are poor.

The next day they all go to the baths and everyone was surprised by the little wooden boards around their necks. I thought they held like bath salts or something, everyone else thought it was food. Does anyone know exactly what those are? I did a quick google search but didn’t find anything. I plan to go into more research later.

N: I like the snack tray hanging around their necks. I think it’s cool they have a little charcuterie to get their snack on.

So this scene is really weird as she hasn’t been introduced to Eleanor and just goes up to her and starts talking. It’s very much like when Mr. Collins approaches Mr. Darcy at the ball. It comes off very desperate and the in my opinion, if this film wasn’t based off a beloved book that I had read I would have thought that these people need to get a restraining order or something as Catherine comes off sooo crazy and almost obsessed with them.

So Eleanor and Catherine made plans to go walking and Mr. Thorpe does not want that at all. He wants to keep her with him, as does Isabella as they think Catherine is set to be an heiress. Catherine does not want to go with him, but he decided that would not do and cancels with the Tilneys for he. This John Thorpe is an extra creeping creep! When Catherine tried to leave he grabs her arm to force her to stay. Like he gets completely crazy

John Thorpe: I like a girl with spirit.

No, run Catherine! Run! She does, thank goodness, but when she runs she holds her skirts up really high that her knees are showing. I’m like girl, what are you doing?She runs all the way to the Tilneys and just barges in their house into their sitting room where they are together babbling about the walk and how she wants to be with them. She looks and acts crazy.

She meets General Tilney and while Eleanor explain the situation, Mr. Tilney low key tries to get an invite. Like this Mr. Tilney is trying to be sarcastic and silly, but something seems off. Like he’s a bit too grandiose and flamboyant in his interactions to me.

I really do not like this Mr. Tilney as everything he says is too mean spirited or the way he talks to Catherine feels as if he is mansplaining/talking down to her. The words aren’t bad, but the delivery he is just out there and there is no charm or chemistry between them. They share the same space but they don’t feel like they are inhabiting the same world.

So unfortunately I have not been able to finish transcribing my review from my notes. As I have to go to work I will pause her, and continue with part II tonight.

Part II

Sorry for that brief intermission. I am going to try and finish up what I can while on my lunch and then everything else tonight. Although it won’t be much as the power went out 15 minutes into my lunch and just came on.

So I have been thinking about this all day and I really think the reason why I don’t like this portrayal of Mr. Tilney is that he is too much like Mr. Collins and Mr. Elton. He has grandiose manners and a interacts (body language) like Mr. Collins and then his way of talking and uppityness (although he’s supposed to be making fun of people) is too reminiscent of Mr. Elton. One of the reasons Mr Tilney is so enjoyable is that he is different from the other Austen characters. I really feel this actor did not understand the character he is supposed to be playing.

So everything is going well, but then Captain Fredrick Tilney enters the picture. My friend N had a few thoughts about him:

N: He [Frederick Tilney] looks like the guy from Pirates of the Caribbean.

Me: Norrington?

N: Yeah

I don’t think so, I mean they both wear a wig. That’s about it.

Oh well…

N: [Talking about Captain Tilney] I can’t believe these cheesy lines.

Me: He’s like that frat guy who has his set of lines that he uses and just goes down the line of girls until it works on someone. Plus he’s the first son and rich.

N: So he’s a Regency frat guy?

Me: Hmm…basically.

Ugh…this guy

Catherine watches Frederick and Isabella together and is worried. She wants Mr. Tilney to do something but he won’t as he has tried before and his brother won’t listen. I guess if I had to choose one thing that this adaption does really well is that I like how it shows the brother’s relationship. Although, while it shows their relationship well, it doesn’t show his and Eleanor as well as the 2007 adaption. He and Eleanor have a few scenes together, but he talks more about her than spends time with her.

Catherine and Mr. Tilney then have what would have been a cute scene, Mr. Tilney sarcastically echoing her words from before telling her that Isabella has a choice and Catherine giving it back to him, except she peters out and ends her sentence with dead eyes.

She convinces Mr. Tilney and he goes to his brother where they both take snuff! Snuff! No wonder Mr. Tilney is acting so weird, he’s been up on cocaine.

You are crazy

Catherine gets invited to go to Northanger Abbey and is super excited as she thinks it will be just like in her novels she has been reading. But what is sad is that Catherine Moreland wishes she was in a gothic novel, but Eleanor is trapped in one. She’s in a dreary old home with an abusive father, stuck there alone until she gets married. She’s had a wealthy life but an emotionally poor one, in contrast to Catherine who grew up not with riches but with parents who cared more about her than what they could broker with her.

So they get to the Abbey and Catherine is told that General Tilney is very particular about time and to not dilly dally. She reads her book and is late, later getting lost/exploring the abbey. These scenes were probably the best in the film as it was nice to see her wander through the mysterious manor.

She then goes to a random room and we have the weirdest exchange I have ever seen. So Catherine is looking at a canary in a cage when Mr. Tilney comes upon her. She’s looking at a bird in the cage and Mr. Tilney tells her that it is a canary. Catherine remarks how sad it is that it is in a cage and then Mr. Tilney tells her that’s all it has ever known. He then asks her if she has a stout heart or can handle being stuck her in a really, really creepy voice.

This scene is so creepy! Mr. Tilney sounds like a psycho! Like the way the scene is done with the cage it makes it sound like he is planning on making her a permanent fixture, and not in a good way-like buried in the walls or locked in the attic. N said that he thought he was playing up the gothic points but even he agreed with me this whole scene was creepy. If I was in this situation I would run and that is what I would tell Catherine to do.

You know an adaption is bad when it makes you afraid Mr. Tilney is going to murder Catherine.

Creepy…

That night at dinner General Tilney is super controlling and gets angry when his son doesn’t propose to him over the soup.

There is a definite shift in characters when leaving Bath for Northanger Abbey. In Bath Catherine was acting all crazy, while in Northanger Abbey it is Mr. Tilney. We also have the general shifting from genial to controlling, uncouth, and rude.

N: I don’t understand why they have such a big table for just a few people.

Me: That’s because you’re poor .

N: [Laughs] You’re right, that is something a poor person would say.

That night Catherine is in her room looking through the writing desk for clues when she hears Eleanor and Tilney outside her room, Eleanor having a breakdown. I know they want to give character development, but it seems odd that they would do this outside their guest’s room.

They also sound like they are planning to murder General Tilney, it’s like Northanger Abbey became the murder house or something.

General Tilney acts like a vampire. Like I forget at times what he is saying as he looks like he wants to suck her blood.

Catherine also is super insensitive in this adaption. When talking to Elinor about her dead mother she refers to Mrs. Tilney as “the corpse”.

The Tilney have a party and Mr. Tilney sings in a flamboyant way with another girl. He looks silly and horrible, but Catherine looks worse as her eyes bore into the woman and she looks as if she would like to murder her.

The other guest is, Marchioness de Thierry, who shares the same backstory as the real life person, Jane Austen’s sister-in-law Eliza de Feuillide.

The makeup and costuming is ghastly and this character doesn’t even really add to the story.

N: She [Marchioness de Thierry] looks like Dr. Frank N. Furter.

Then we have the weirdest scene. A little servant boy leads Catherine outside during the performance WHERE HE DOES CARTWHEELS and she has another fantasy/daydream. Like what is even happening?!!

So later the General invites Catherine out riding. She agrees but after questioning the maid decides she would much rather try to investigate Mrs. Tilney’s room, she and Elinor had tried to see the picture earlier but failed. As soon as all have ridden away she snoops to the mother’s room and looks around.

Mr. Tilney interrupts her as he wanted to check on her. Again, he really creeps me out in this scene as he is angry, but says everything calm, quiet, and over the top. He makes me think of Hannibal Lector when he talks to Clarice. It also doesn’t help that he has a riding crop and blocks the door, giving even more creep vibes.

SUPER creeped

He leaves and Catherine, sad, goes to her room and destroys the book by ripping it up and throwing it in the fireplace. NOOOO! NOT THE BOOKS!!!

Catherine cries the day away and falls asleep. She is awoken by Eleanor who falls asleep. She is awoken by Eleanor who brings a letter from James? Catherine’s brother. He shares that Isabella had broken their engagement for Captain Tilney. Catherine is upset but then Eleanor shares that her brother will not marry Isabella.

Apparently, General Tilney has gambled all their money away and needs his children to marry rich people (even though Eleanor is in love with a poor man and seeing him secretly.) I felt this weakened General Tilney as a villain as him being rich and still a money grabber was worse than a degenerate gambler.

Catherine’s trip ends with General Tilney returning home and sending Catherine packing. This scene wasn’t bad but they didn’t really show the fear and the danger of her going home alone.

Then we have the “romantic” end scene. This weird ‘80s music chanting plays as fog rolls in. Mr. Tilney rides in on a dark horse, and says:

Mr. Tilney: “I promise not to oppress you with too much remorse or too much passion, but since you left us the white rose bush has died of grief.”

Not only did we all go huh, but Catherine Morland does to. Like what does this mean?! I think he has been taking too much snuff that his brain is is not connecting right.

So I think they were trying to do a storybook/gothic ending but because there are so many fantasy/daydreams it really just feels like one. I guess the director could have been trying to do her fantasy has come to life but it didn’t really work. I also did not like the freeze frame ending. As a whole, I did not like this film

Wrap UP:

Costumes: The wigs and hair are really bad. Like hardly anyone has a good one. It’s really bad. The costume colors are as well, they are accurate pieces but not as nice as in the later adaptions.

Actors: The only actors I really enjoyed was Googie Withers as Mrs. Allen and Ingrid Lacey as Eleanor Tilney. Robert Hardy as General Tilney was good but a bit inconsistent in his manner. Peter Firth as Mr. Tilney was too stiff and Katharine Schlesinger as Catherine Morland was very inconsistent as at times she was animated but other times like a sleepwalker and she had those dazed/dead eyes.

Set: I liked the set design a lot. I really enjoyed when they were in the Abbey and wish we spent more time there. I just wish they had utilized better lighting and angles.

On a while I did not enjoy this adaption, but prefer the 2007 version instead. Although this one did have a lot more horror elements as Catherine had creepy stalker vibes and Mr. Tilney gave off murder-y vibes.

For more Northanger Abbey, go to North by Northanger (Or, the Shades of Pemberley)

For more Northanger Abbey (2007), go to Storybook Ending: Northanger Abbey (2007)

For more Northanger Abbey variations, go to Rational Creatures: Catherine Morland, Eleanor Tilney, & Lady Susan

For more films based on Jane Austen, go to Sense and Sensibility (1995)

For more Jane Austen variations, go to The Matters at Mansfield (Or, The Crawford Affair)

All Right, We Got No Choice. Call the Ghostbusters.: Ghostbusters 2 (1989)

What the hell is going on? It’s pandemonium out there!

Yes, I know. We’re working on it!

Great. While you’re working on it, I’m going down as the mayor who let New York get sucked down into the tenth level of hell! All right, we got no choice. Call the Ghostbusters.

Do you love the Ghostbusters? I do! In fact this year I decided to dress Jane up as one for Halloween.

And I can’t do that and not review a ghostbusters film.

As I reviewed the first one a few years ago I decided to take a look at Ghostbusters 2. I haven’t seen it in a really, really long time. I watched it year ago and unlike Ghostbusters which I can watch over and over again; Ghostbusters 2 was a film I saw once and never wanted to see again. I can’t remember exactly what I didn’t like about it, but I remember it not being as interesting as the first film.

So let’s take another look and see if I was right to ignore this film or if it is worth a rewatch. And for those who have been following me on Instagram know that Flat Jane joined me in my rewatch.

So the first thing I notice about my DVD and the main page is that Ernie Hudson’s character, Winston, is missing from both. How come ? He’s now an established member of the team. Why is he left out? I don’t like that one bit.

So it has been five years since the original film. Every Ghostbuster has been sued for messing up the city (even though the mayor gave them full reign), as no one believes in them or ghosts. Yes they saw a giant marshmallow man get blown up and no one remembers it,. They also all have to work side jobs as Ghostbustsrs is sinking. Winston and Ray do kid’s parties, Ray has a bookstore, Peter has a TV program, and Egon was rehired by the university. They never say what Winston was planning to do to make extra money.

But that isn’t actually where the film starts. It starts with Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver) pushing her baby down the street, pausing outside her home, and her baby being carried away. She follows and is way too calm for her baby being whisked away.

She should have been screaming at the top of her lungs.

The film plot is that all the Ghostbusters are “split apart” until something brings them back together and I didn’t like this story line. I hate when they do that as the whole reason you want to watch is you like seeing them together.

So instead of being a cellist, Dana Barrett is an art restorationist. Why is she doing art restoration instead of music? How is that even possible? Like for her to study for her degree and be able to reach the professional level to be working at the Metropolitan museum of art in New York, that isn’t something you can just “pick” up as a pause to your cellist career. It seems like a really strange shift and doesn’t make any sense at all. This is a chemical study and science degree and she’s working on Gaugin-it’s not something you just pick up and that position is not easy to come by.

Dana goes to Egon and asks for his help. He and Ray come over (missing Winston again)!and Venkman joins in as well. Ray and Egon go to investigate the room and they leave Venkman with the baby. Which is dumb, he’s the last guy I would trust with a baby.

I mean he shakes the baby-he should notnbe around kids.

They try to figure out what is happening and go to where Dana’s cart started moving mysteriously. They get weird reading and start digging in the street. This is like the only funny part of the film as the police stop them and they pretend to be working the lines.

The send Ray in and he finds a pneumatic River. When they pull him out he hits a pipe and the whole city is plunged into darkness.

From Clueless

The painting goes to life when it is being restored and possesses Janosz the head of the art restoration department. The ghost tells Janosz he needs a child and Janosz decides to get a baby. It’s really weird and not a clear plot point. Why wouldn’t he want to possess a child that can talk? One that isn’t as easily killed? In Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when the anointed is a child they wait until he’s 8 years old.

New York decides to put the Ghostbusters on on trial because they are crazy as ghosts don’t exist and blah blah blah. But how could they forget 5 years ago there was a giant marshmallow man who attacked the city. Like seriously!

This storyline is really dumb. I now remember again why I don’t like it.

They ask Louis to be their lawyer and he tries hard to help them but he’s not a criminal lawyer, he’s an accountant. The judge is sentencing them when ghosts come out and everyone runs scared, even Winston (who showed up to support them) and the judge wants them to do something and Egon tells him why don’t you tell the ghosts you don’t believe in ghosts.

That line is gold and that is the second good scene of this film.

The guys suit up to fight the ghosts and again Winston is missing. Why they keep doing him dirty? How come they keep leaving him out?

It’s really makes me mad that Ernie Hudson is hardly in this film. I mean in the first it made sense as he just met them but now he is established and a part of the group. I mean they purposely showed him at the trial, why not use him? He shouldn’t have run away as he’s not afraid of ghosts, he’s a ghostbuster. I’m starting to wonder about this? I mean this whole film is like a giant scene of Where’s Winston? And I don’t like it one bit.

So now we have a montage where they are famous again and everyone believes them and wants them. It’s basically a regurgitation of the previous film, not as funny though, and very disappointing for a studio that had been developing a script for five years.

Back to the original plot, Dana is restoring art and tells Peter that the painting of the creepy guy who needs the baby, I never remember his name, freaks her out as she feels it is always watching her. Peter doesn’t do anything about it, but I’m like he should listen as she is sensitive to these things as she was possessed by a dog beast creature. If she had spoken to Egon or Ray, they would have immediately gone over there.

She is about to give her child a bath and something that looks like a giant tongue comes after her in the bathtub, again we, and another reason I don’t like this movie.

After she runs to Peter he calls the boys and immediately Egon and Ray go to the apartment and the next day head to the museum to take pictures and see what is going on with the painting. The develop the paintings and see it is possessed by a spirit.

The spirit tries to kill them, but they are saved by Winston who comes saves the day by charging in with the fire extinguisher.

Yay!!!

They go down to the river again to see where it leads and how come the ghosts be calling out our Winston that he will die?Rude! There are two other dudes there. The trio decide to resurface for their proton packs and I can’t believe these seasoned Ghostbusters went to a River of ghost slime without proton packs.

Poor Winston also gets hit by the ghost train and thrown in the river. So not only does he have barely any scenes, but in each one they treat him horribly.

They trio finish and go to see Peter and Dana on their date and explain what is going on and they play like rap music over which is weird? Like do they even know how to movie?

So they get committed for being crazy, even though they just proved to everyone in our earlier montage that ghosts do exist. This makes me so angry, this plot makes zero sense!

Janosz and the spirit steal the baby, ghosts start appearing everywhere, and they bring the Ghostbusters out to help fight. They decide to bring Lady Liberty to life to help, and you know who’s idea that was?

Winston’s! Winston is super important and should have been in the film more.

This movie is just a huge disappointment. The plot was bad, the whole film made no sense, and they cut Ernie Hudson out. I love the first one, but this film is just not that good.

For more Ghostbusters, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For more ghosts, go to No Haunt Me Then!…I Know That Ghosts Have Wandered On The Earth. Be With Me Always…Drive Me Mad, Only Do Not Leave Me in This Dark Alone…I Cannot Live Without My Life! I Cannot Die Without My Soul.: Wuthering Heights (1939)

For more horror-comedy, go to Something’s Out There and It’s Killing People! And If It’s Monsters, Nobody’s Going to Do a Thing About it Except Us!: The Monster Squad (1987)

For more ‘80s films, go to You Have Thirteen Hours in Which to Solve the Labyrinth, Before Your Baby Brother Becomes One of Us…Forever.: Labyrinth (1986)

You Have Thirteen Hours in Which to Solve the Labyrinth, Before Your Baby Brother Becomes One of Us…Forever.: Labyrinth (1986)

You have thirteen hours in which to solve the labyrinth, before your baby brother becomes one of us… forever.

Labyrinth is one of my friend’s favorite movies. The first time she wanted us to watch it, years and years ago, I was like I don’t think I’m going to like this movie.

Majorly

Yep, I was 100% wrong as I Loved it!

This movie is a ton of fun and is one of my favorites. I can always watch it.

It is such a great film and stars the amazing David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly.

Did you know Jim Henson originally wanted Sting to play Jareth the Goblin King? He only picked David Bowie because his kids loved him. This makes me think of Nightmare on Elm Street and the decision to cast Johnny Depp. Good thing Henson listened to his kids. I love Sting, but David Bowie was perfect in this role.

David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King is supposed to be the villain of the film, but at the same time he channels the teenage dream/ideal of a man. I don’t know if it is his Bad Boy nature, his awesome mix of leather jacket/fantasy coat, his ‘80’s glam rock hair, or just the David Bowie of it all; but he’s amazing and every scene with him is a treasure. He makes every girls’ heart beat every time he enters the frame.

But I’m not only reviewing this film because it is a favorite and fits for Halloween, but also because it is a:

Yes, this film reminds me a lot of Jane Austen, which I will share why at the end of the review.

So our story begins with teenager Sarah, who is out at the park acting out a scene from her favorite book, The Labyrinth. Unfortunately, she keeps forgetting the last line. only to realize she also forgot how late it is.

Sarah: Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great…[thunder rumbles] For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great…D***. [pulls the Labyrinth book out of her pocket] I can never remember that line. [reads] You have no power over me.

She has to run home and take care of her baby brother (half brother) who she dislikes, as her stepmother (who she hates) and father are going out that night. I always thought Sarah’s mother died, but after some googling, it turns out that Sarah’s mother was an actress who left her family for another man. As Sarah doesn’t have her mom present to be angry with, she has directed all that toward her stepmother and little brother.

Sarah is doubly angry as not only did she not get to finish recreating her favorite book, but she has to babysit while her parents are out, and she discovered one of her stuffed animals was taken and put in Toby’s room. Her teen angst has hit an all time high and she erupts, wishing her brother would be taken away by the Goblin King.

The goblins listen and do take him. When Sarah realizes that Toby is gone, she screams out that she wants him back and Jareth, the Goblin King, makes a deal with her. I always thought that Jareth saw something different about herself, a worthy opponent to face off with. She will have 13 hours to solve the labyrinth-if she does she gets the baby, if she fails he becomes a goblin forever.

Sarah begins her journey and believes she can outsmart the labyrinth and the Goblin King, but quickly things are not exactly like the stories she grew up reading. Her plan to leave a mark of the places she traveled fails, she solves the logic puzzle but falls down a hole with grabby hands, encounters fairies who bite, etc. She eventually finds Hoggle, a troll, who agrees to help her in exchange for her bracelet.

But Hoggle is working for Jareth and is supposed to lead her away, so she will lose. However, Sarah not only uses her cunning to get him to help, but Hoggle begins to like her too. This is something Jareth is none too pleased about.

Jareth: Ah, what have we here?

Hoggle: Oh, uh, nothin’.

Jareth: [removing his disguise at the last second] Nothing? Nothing? NOTHING? Nothing, tra la la?

That’s one of my favorite parts of this film. It is just so silly yet fits. Sarah then sasses Jareth and ends up losing time from her quest. Yep, not the best idea but Sarah will not give up. That’s another reason why this film is such a great one to watch. Sarah is your typical teen and she can be dramatic, whimsy, and at times can be whiny (like most teens), but she’s also a dreadful determined woman who will not stop until she accomplishes what she is setting out to do. She feels very real and is someone you can root for. I love this exchange between her and Jareth:

Sarah: That’s not fair!

Jareth: You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?

After their encounter, Sarah sees a Wiseman who she exchanges a ring for-but doesn’t get that much wisdom in return. They continue on and Sarah ends up adding to their party when she saves Ludo, a creature that can call rocks. Ludo is so cute and sweet, I definitely would want him on my questing team.

After this she enters the forest, having been separated from Ludo and Hoggle and encounters the creepiest things ever and the true villains of this story: the Fierys. I hate these things as they seriously creeped me out when I first watched it, and I still struggle with watching this scene. Ugh, they need to just go to die with those creatures for Fraggke Rock, they creeped me out too.

But Sarah is able to defeat these monsters and is reunited with Hoggle who saves her. But not for long as Hoggle has met with the Goblin King who wants Hoggle to ensure that Sarah does not defeat him. Hoggle has been given a peach that will put Sarah to sleep and he must do it or else he will be cursed to live in the Bog of Eternal Stench.

After they are reunited they find themselves in the Bog of Eternal Stench, the only way out a bridge protected by a fox like soldier. I love this characters of Sir Didymus and his noble steed the sheepdog named Ambrosius. These characters are absolute fun.

Like in most fairy stories and legends the bridge cannot be crossed, but Sarah outwits him.

Sarah: Okay, let’s handle this thing logically. What exactly have you sworn?

Didymus: I have sworn with my life’s blood, none shall pass this way without *my* permission!

Sarah: Well… May we have your permission?

Didymus: Well I, uh… I… that is, uh… hm… Yes?

They are able to escape the Bog with help from Ludo who can speak to the rocks. From here they enter an enchanted forest and Sarah, as she has been in the Labyrinth for hours, says she is hungry. Hoggle gives her the enchanted peach and instantly regrets it and runs away ashamed at his cowardice.

Sarah wakes up in a dream, a ball with the romantic song As the World Falls Down. She is almost distracted from her quest, but when she hears the clock she proves herself to not be any ordinary girl and escapes by waking up with a Junk lady who returns her home. This quest wasn’t real, just another dream and she has now awakened. Film over.

I know, it’s too easy and too simple. And Sarah knows it, she is truly a worthy opponent for Jareth.

The Junk Lady: What’s the matter, my dear, don’t you like your toys?

Sarah: [comes to her senses] It’s all junk!

The Junk Lady: [picks up a music box] Well, what about this? This is not junk, eh?

Sarah: [smashes music box] Yes, it is! [Sarah’s room crumbles without her notice] I have to save Toby!

Sarah wakes up and goes with Didymus and Ludo to the Goblin City. Hoggle joins them and apologizes and they fight the Goblins and more as they continue to fight.

Sarah has reached where she needs to be, but finds herself in a more challenging test of skills. She has to find Toby who has been hidden from her. This scene is fantastic as I love they way they filmed and set up the scene. Just amazing!

Then we have one of the best scenes when Sarah has to face off against Jareth. First Jareth comes out of the shadows, intense music playing as he does. I love the way the scene is fuzzy at the corners to give it that dreamlike quality! Oh yes, it’s fantastic! The pacing and the dialogue is just great too!

The way Jareth pleads with Sarah tempting her almost convincing her- but props to Sarah, she knows better what makes a healthy relationship than most people-refusing his charm and promises. And the thing I love the most, Sarah not being able remember the lines “you have no power over me” is so powerful. Such few and simple words, but at times can be so hard for people to say and believe. But finally she does, declares it to the Goblin King, and wins the Labyrinth.

Sarah: Give me the child.

Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous up ’til now. I can be cruel.

Sarah: Generous? What have you done that’s generous?

Jareth: *Everything*! Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for *you*! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations. Isn’t that generous?

Sarah: Through dangers untold. And hardships unnumbered. I have fought my way here to the castle; beyond the goblin city, to take back the child that you have stolen. My will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great…

Jareth: Stop! Look what I’m offering you. Your dreams.

Sarah: My kingdom as great… my kingdom as great… damn, I can never remember that line.

Jareth: I ask for so little. Just fear me. Love me. Do as I ask, and I shall be your slave.

Sarah: You have no power over me! YOU have no power over ME! [the clock chimes 13:00 at that moment. Defeated, Jareth sends Sarah and Toby back to the real world where the clock finishes chiming midnight]

The best scene! A must watch!

She defeats him and goes home. At first going to say goodbye to her fantasies, dreams, and childhood-but deciding to not give it up just yet!

Ludo: [in the mirror] Goodbye, Sarah.

Didymus: And remember, fair maiden, should you need us…

Hoggle: Yes, should you need us, for any reason at all…

Sarah: I need you, Hoggle.

Hoggle: You do?

Sarah: [nods] I don’t know why, but every now and again in my life – for no reason at all – I need you. All of you.

Hoggle: You do? Well… WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO?

[Sarah] spins around and sees them all in her room, including the goblins. She hugs them all, and a huge party begins]

I love this film and I think the more you watch it the more you see, relate to, and love. I also really appreciate that they didn’t end this with a romance but friendship, that’s not something that is not really done all that often.

Another thing I like about this movie is that it is similar to Total Recall, in that the film lets you decide whether this really happened to Sarah or if it is all in her mind. In her room we see the characters that surface later in the film: a stuffed animal that looks like Sir Didymus on her dresser, a doll that looks like Ludo on the shelves next to her door, a Firey doll on a shelves next to her bed, bookends with Goblins reminiscent of Hoggle on her dresser, a figurine of Jareth on the right hand side of her desk, newspaper clippings of Sarah’s famous actress mom with another man (David Bowie), the dress that she wears in the ballroom scene is on the woman in her music box, a wooden maze game which looks like the Labyrinth is on her desk, and a copy of the famous picture by M.C. Escher which is used in the final confrontation with Jareth. So the question is did the Goblin King use these elements in his creations to give Sarah a fair chance, borrowing items similar to her surroundings which is sometimes done in fairy stories, did he choose her because he wanted a worthy opponent, does the Labyrinth change itself to Whomever enters, or is this all a teen angst dream. You decide.

So why do I consider this a Non-Austen Film for Austen Fans? First of all we have the character of Sarah being one who loves to read, and live in a fantasy world; which reminds me of both Marianne Dashwood and Catherine Morland. Both Marianne and Catherine love to read and are dreamers. All three characters are also very sweet, kind, naive, and innocent.

Sarah shares even more similarities with Marianne as both are young in spirit. Sarah still plays with dolls and stuffed animals and Marianne believes she knows all about love and life from the poems she reads.

Both girls have also been betrayed by people they love, Sarah having her mom leave the family and now having a new mother and brother, while Marianne’s father fails to protect his daughters by planning for their future; along with her having a brother that broke his promise to protect and care for her and her sisters.

Both Marianne and Sarah are also extremely emotional and act on their feelings, expecting others to be as honest as them. Sarah never considers that Hoggle could be deceitful or someone she shouldn’t trust, even after he tells her (and Jareth) that he is planning on sending her back to the beginning. Marianne never considers that Mr. Willoughby could not be as earnest in his affections or even that her lack of fortune might be something that could cause a roadblock in their relationship.

Sarah, Marianne, and Catherine all fits

go on a journey that teaches them about themselves and help them grow and mature. For Sarah she learns to love and care for her brother and not to speak out in such haste, Marianne is taught to not always act on her emotions and feelings but use sense as well, and Catherine learns to not always trust everyone and to use caution instead of imagination.

A fantastic film with wonderful imagery, amazing songs, and just a lovely storyline. It’s a film you can’t help but love and watch again and again.

Some friends and I went axe throwing a few weeks ago and dressed up as fantasy characters. I was going to be the Goblin King, but my niece pointed out that I looked like Sarah. So of course I had to dress up as her. I couldn’t find the vest she wears and had to with what I did have. Pretty close right?

And of course the Facebook cover photo!

For more on Labyrinth, go to A Dog’s Life: Chinese New Year

For more Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans, go to No Haunt Me Then!…I Know That Ghosts Have Wandered On The Earth. Be With Me Always…Drive Me Mad, Only Do Not Leave Me in This Dark Alone…I Cannot Live Without My Life! I Cannot Die Without My Soul.: Wuthering Heights (1939)

For more David Bowie, go to Changes, Turn and Face the Strange

For more ‘80s films go to, Something’s Out There and It’s Killing People! And If It’s Monsters, Nobody’s Going to Do a Thing About it Except Us!: The Monster Squad (1987)

Something’s Out There and It’s Killing People! And If It’s Monsters, Nobody’s Going to Do a Thing About it Except Us!: The Monster Squad (1987)

Something’s out there and it’s killing people! And if it’s monsters, nobody’s going to do a thing about it except us!

I first saw this film on a Nostalgia Critic review and thought it sounded absolutely hilarious. When I saw that it was on Amazon, I had to watch it. Then I made my mom watch it with me, then my sister, and then my friends.

If you are a fan of the classic monster films: Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, The Mummy, and The Creature from the Black Lagoon, then you will love this! This film brings them all together in a wonderful way,

The film starts off in Europe with Van Helsing trying to seal the monsters into limbo for life, but failing. Instead the spell just makes the monsters pause their hauntings and sleep with all the villagers and Van Helsing being trapped in limbo instead.

Time goes by and we are in a small town in the USA. There we have two boys who are always getting into trouble as instead of paying attention in class they draw monsters. The two kids, (they have names but are never really used so I am going to call them Leader and Sidekick), are in charge of the monster club. The monster club also has their friend who is really young, Baby, and another friend who they call Fat Kid who’s name is actually Horace.

Then there is a new guy who wants to join the club, the Cool guy. He has a leather jacket, smokes cigarettes, has long dark hair. My friend pointed out that he actually looks a lot like Nick from Jimmy Neutron. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would be interested in a monster club, but he passes every test. The Leader does not want him to join, but the rest of the team do and he’s on the squad. Cool kid turns out to also be interested in spying on Sidekick’s sister, who lives next door to the clubhouse, and always changes in front of her open, blinds up window. They always do this in movies and it makes zero sense!

Meanwhile, the monsters have arrived. Dracula was having himself and Frankenstein’s monster flown over, but a pilot was too curious and when he realized what they were, he dumped the coffins. Dracula searches for his friend and while doing so wakes up the Mummy, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, and the Wolf Man.

The Leader’s father is a police officer and he is having issues with his wife. She wants him to be home more, but he has to work. He starts investigating the “stolen” mummy and gets called away with someone claiming they are a werwolf. The Wolf man freaks out and is killed at the police station…or is he? Only silver can kill a werewolf, so he resurrects and transforms, taking off to join his monster club.

Sorry!

The leader’s mom bought a Van Helsing book in German a yard sale for his son. She leaves it for him; along with a note that a Dr. Acula wants to buy the book. The Leader has to write it out a few times like he thinks it is an anagram and I’m like it is SO OBVIOUS! What kind of Monster Squad leader are you?

It’s super obvious!

There is a man who lives down the way that speaks German and all the kids like to say he is a spy or monster. The squad go over to have him read the book and find out what it says and he tells them it is a spell to seal monsters away forever. All you need is a virgin to read out the words. Aw, so that must have been where they went wrong in the beginning.

They try to figure out what to do next and where to find a virgin, because even though the spell didn’t say it they assume it has to be a girl, when they are all virgins (maybe not Rudy he is a little older), when the Leader’s sister comes over and wants to join the club again. The boys are all no girls allowed, but then she shows that she has Frankenstein’s monster. They all sit in the treehouse trying to decide what to do next when Frankenstein’s monster acts just as pervy as the boys, looking at sidekick’s sister and takes a picture of her.

The squad finds out that the monsters are hiding out in an old abandoned house, down the street. It turns out that Dracula is there because he is looking for the amulet he needs to have the monsters walk the Earth forever. The squad tries to go in and manage to swipe the amulet, but now the real fight will begin as they have only so much time to complete the spell and seal the monsters away forever.

So the monster experts: the Leader and Sidekick do nothing to try and find a way to stop the monsters. Their only plan of attack is to just talk a lot. The real star of this was the cool guy who makes wooden stakes, melts silver for bullets, steals an archery set from the school to shoot down the vampire brides, etc. He’s really awesome as in the grand battle he takes monsters down left and right.

Horace is also really cool as he has been bullied and hurt, but when push comes to shove he takes out the Creature. It is such a great scene as his previous bullies tell him great job fat kid, and he tells them not to call him that.

E.J.: Hey Fat Kid! Good job.

Horace: My name’s not fat kid. [cocks shotgun] It’s Horace!

After an epic battle, the kids save the day. This is a really fun and great movie that I highly recommend. You should definitely give it a watch.

For more monster filled films or tv shows, go to Munster Masquerade: The Munsters (1966)

For more Dracula, go to The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Meet Dracula, Part I: The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries (1977)

For more on Frankenstein’s monster, go to We’ve Seen Dracula, the Wolf Man, and Frankenstein’s Monster: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

For more on the mummy, go to Welcome to a New World of Gods and Monsters: The Mummy (2017)

For more on The Wolf Man, go to Beast or Man: The Wolfman (2010)

For more on The Creature from the Black Lagoon, go to There Are Many Strange Legends in the Amazon: The Creature From The Black Lagoon (1954)

For more ‘80s films, go to I Just Killed My Best Friend. And Your Worst Enemy. Same Difference.: Heathers (1988)

I Just Killed My Best Friend. And Your Worst Enemy. Same Difference.: Heathers (1988)

I just killed my best friend.

And your worst enemy.

Same difference.

This is a movie I love but I also have a hard time watching it as I am Veronica. I too was swayed by a crazy guy who tried to kill me. Luckily for both of us, we survived.

Heathers is a film that to be honest is weird to summarize. If you tried to give a synopsis to someone who has never seen it you would sound crazy. You like a film where they end up killing people and making it look like suicide? And it is a comedy? It is definitely odd, but like Mean Girls there is just something about it that pulls you in. The writing is great, the characters understandable and so relatable in its teen angst.

This film also deals with a lot of harsh issues and is not for everyone. It covers suicide, abuse, bullying, shooting, etc. if any of those things might be a trigger for you, it would be best not to watch this film.

Although, now as an adult watching this film I’m like Veronica you are a junior, why are you freaking out? You only have two years left in school and then you can go any where and do anything you want! Her family is rich and if her dad puts up with her calling him an idiot every day I’m sure he will pay for whatever she wants to do whether it is college, seeing the world, or moving to the City and trying to make it on her own doing whatever. I mean if she was poor, wasn’t the best student, or was stuck in her place, I would be more sympathetic.

The other thing I love about this film are the clothes, the ‘80s really could go over the top. I love that these girls are always wearing blazers, giant hats, ostentatious outfits, bright clothes- Veronica even wears a monocle. This juxtaposition of wealth and color with the sad dark themes of suicide works so well in ways I don’t fully understand. There’s just something about Heathers.

The film starts off with this crazy dream sequence, the three Heathers playing croquet, and Veronica (Winona Ryder) is buried up to her neck. She’s unable to move but finds herself at the will of the Heathers. She talks to them, being sarcastic and making cutting comments, but no change occurs as the Heathers ignore her words and she is still stuck in the same place.

“Heather McNamara: It’s your turn Heather.

Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it’s Heather’s turn. Heather?

Heather Duke: Sorry Heather

As I’m sure you can tell, the symbolism runs deep. The Heathers run the school with Heather Chandler (Kim Walker) as the Queen Bee, Heather McNamara (Lisanne Falk) as her yes-man, and Heather Duke (Shannon Doherty) is treated better than the rest of the school, but still the one Heather C. likes to kick around.

Veronica is in a weird place, as she’s not the doormat Heather D. is, but she’s also not as cemented in the group either. She’s still very much an individual, not a minion like the other two Heathers, but at the same time still goes along with all they do-even though she may voice a concern or complain about their activities-she still does it. Just like in her dream.

The film starts off with Veronica noticing the new boy in school, J.D. (Christian Slater). He’s got the bad boy look down pat, long hair, and wearing a trench coat. Very cool and the type of guy every girl falls for at least once in their life.

He’s a bad boy

They ask him the question of the day which is “what would you do if you won 5 million dollars but only have one day left on Earth because Aliens are going to destroy it?” He gives a pretentious answer, but Veronica eats it up.

Christian Slater has stated that his performance was heavily inspired by Jack Nicholson and I believe it as he is creepy! But he also is much better looking than Jack Nicholson and does that eyebrow thing we all love.

Oh, wow…

Veronica’s fallen for him, but gets dragged away by Heather as J.D. is not their crowd. Two football players Ram and Kurt don’t like him trying to move up into another stratosphere and run over to try and bully him. J.D. listens to their insults and pulls a gun out and shoots them.

Later, the girls are talking about the events and all the Heathers think J.D. is insane! But Veronica-poor Veronica is blinded by her crush on the bad boy defends him as “it was just a joke and blanks”.

Veronica no!!! NO NO NO! This is a big red flag, but Veronica doesn’t see it. Poor, dumb, in love, Veronica. Not only has her crush on J.D. blinded her from this scary, crazy event that has happened, but she actually likes what J.D. did. She never liked Ram and Kurt and thinks they should be taken down a leg or two. In her mind J.D. isn’t insane, but a vigilante, a Robin Hood against high social hierarchy.

This makes me so sad as this kind of thing happened all the time with women, and men. They meet someone who exhibits insane and dangerous behavior, but in their mind they make excuses, they reinvent it so it’s then staid go up against something, maybe “protecting” someone or something. But all it is, is a red flag that should be warning you to stay away-but so often it just draws people in.

Veronica is going with Heather C. to a Remington Frat Party, but on the way there they stop at the connivence store, where Veronica runs into J.D. She zooms in on him as she is fascinated by how different he is and wants to be with him. Veronica is an interesting character as she becomes “different people” depending on who she is around. With Heather she’s the popular girl with a slightly better moral code than the others-with J.D. she can rebel, be wild, and free.

J.D.: Is your life perfect?

Veronica Sawyer: I’m on my way to a party at Remington University… No, my life’s not perfect. I don’t really like my friends.

J.D.: I… I don’t really like your friends either.

Veronica Sawyer: Well, it’s just like – they’re people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit.

J.D.: Maybe it’s time to take a vacation.

Now I understand what Veronica is going through, high school can feel like a tremendous pile of crap while you are going through it, but at the same time I’m like Veronica it isn’t your job. You only have a year and a couples months left and then you can do whatever you want. Try not to take it so seriously.

I also love the outfit Veronica wears in this scene. I would love to own it.

The two separate with Veronica going off with Heather to the party. There none have a nice time as Heather C. Is pressured into things she doesn’t want to do to keep up with the college crowd and Veronica’s date only cares about sleeping with her and doesn’t like the word no. Veronica spends the rest of the night getting drunk and then throws up in the alley. Heather C. yells at Veronica, with Veronica finally standing up to her. Heather declares everything is over for Veronica.

That night Veronica gets out her monocle and really let’s her feelings fly in her journal-she especially shares all about her hatred of Heather.

Veronica Sawyer: [writing in diary] Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west… wait east. West!

Veronica is interrupted by her musings when J.D. climbs through her window. I’m like Veronica, here is another red flag. You didn’t ask him over, he searched out where you lived, waited for you to come home, and climbed through your window without permission. Like it would be one thing if he got her attention or had asked her address or phone number-but he never did. It doesn’t matter how many times I watch this, I’m always like Veronica no! Even though I know what will happen next.

The two play strip croquet and Veronica confides in J. D. about her hatred of Heather. Veronica was really just trying to vent, but too bad she doesn’t realize her newly acquired boyfriend is a psycho!

The next day Veronica and J. D. break into Heather C.’s house as Veronica plans on making her a fake hangover cure and getting her semi-revenge. J. D. pours draino into a cup, but Veronica ignores him as she thinks it is just a joke-Veronica this is like the fourth red flag!

Veronica makes an orange juice and milk mixture and the two hawk some loogies into it. Afterwards, J.D. tricks Veronica into taking the draino one by kissing her. Everyone says it is an accident, but I think it was done on purpose. It is such a weird time to kiss her so to me it seems like a distraction, but then again he is a freak. He does almost warn her, but changes his mind so it could have be an accident turned into an opportunity. Either way they go into Heather’s room and basically double dog dare her to drink it, she does, and dies.

Veronica is freaked out and doesn’t know what to do, and says these iconic lines (one of my favorite parts)

Veronica Sawyer: I just killed my best friend.

J.D.: And your worst enemy.

Veronica Sawyer: Same difference.

Now Veronica is unsure what to do and wants to call the police, but J. D. convinces her to hide it by writing a suicide note. She’s so upset that she goes along with him. Again, another red flag Veronica.

The suicide note is an sensation. School shuts down for the cheerleader, they have a funeral service, and everyone talks about how lovely the note was, how Heather had such a poetic soul.

Veronica is amazed at how this whole thing has turned Heather into more of a “goddess” at school as all are worshiping her. At first she laughs about it, but then the worshipfulness starts getting to her. Later, she meets J. D.’s father and he and his father’s relationship is weird. Even more so when he shares how his mother died, she stayed in a building that his father was going to demo, committing suicide. The way his dad is I’m not so sure it was suicide, I’m thinking it might have been murder! Or it might have been the only way she could be free of him.

What is even more upsetting with Heather gone, Veronica hoped life would be better but Heather C. is still everywhere and Heather D. has stepped up to take her place. That always happens, Queen Bs are like Hydras, cut off the head and there will always be one to take their place.

After the funeral, Heather M. asks Veronica to help her out as she needs someone to go on a double date with her as she is going out with football player, Ram. Veronica insists that she is dating J. D. and she doesn’t want to go out as the guys will just want to tip cows. Heather continues to beg and Veronica agrees only to have a horrible night as the boys get drunk, tip cows, and when Kurt tries to make a move Heather goes off with J. D. (who just happened to show up another red flag). Kurt collapses drunk in a field and in the background you can see Ram date rape Heather. I forgot how disturbing this film can be.

The next day Kurt and Ram spread a story about Veronica that she was with both of them and this makes Veronica and J. D. furious. J. D. wants to get revenge and decides to use some German guns that use “blanks”. He asks if she she knows German, she says no, and then he gives the guns a German name, words which mean he is lying. Veronica is so mad at the guys for spreading lies she goes along with his plan to “kill” them, thinking she is using blanks. I’m like Veronica no! Another red flag, but J. D. is kryptonite to her common sense as he can tell she wants to be a cool, rebellious, person of action-and totally plays into it. Plus he is hot. Unfortunately, attractiveness can really blind you to faults.

The next morning Veronica is happy and giddy to play their prank. She watches as J.D. pulls out all the evidence to make it looks as if they were gay lovers who decided to commit suicide. Again, it is so easy to be like Veronica how can you not see what is happening-but J. D. has really manipulated her. They go to commit their act, Veronica having the guys strip, before they “rip her clothes off”, and when they are in their underwear, they shoot. Ram dies with a bullet in the head, while Veronica misses Kurt. J. D. yells at her and shepherds Kurt back to their suicide circle and Veronica shoots him. They finish setting up their little scene and take off as they hear police, jumping in the car and pretending that they were out there making out.

They go to school and this is one of my favorite parts when Veronica has seen what is happening and realizes she doesn’t want this life. She didn’t really want anyone dead she was just being dramatic and upset, but she’s no killer. The two argue with her going did not (meaning she did not want them to die) and J. D. saying did too. The remaining Heathers see her and think they are just having an argument about their relationship.

She should not have gotten involved with him.

Everyone in school finds out about the football players and their note. All are shocked and the two become martyrs for the lgbtq+ cause. Again Veronica is amazed at how such horrible people could have their whole personality changed by death and an eloquent suicide note.

Heather M. is having a really hard time-she’s a follower and her leader killed herself. She poured her sorrows into this new relationship with Ram, who raped her, and then it turns out he’s gay? And he killed himself?! She’s really lost and confused and traumatized-poor girl.

Meanwhile, J. D. has some plans and blackmails Heather D. with fat camp pics of her and Martha “Dumptruck” Dunnstock to get people to sign a petition for Big Fun to come and play at the school their hit song “Teenage Suicide (Don’t Do It!)”. Heather goes along with it, lying about everything in order to get people to sign it. But what is he planning?

Veronica decides it is time to cut all the toxic people out of her life. She dumps J. D., fights with Heather D. over her wanting to wear Heather C.’s scrunchies and take over Heather’s spot, and tries to rekindle her old best friendship with Betty Finn, a real true friend she traded for the Heathers. The two go to play croquet, but the happy afternoon is ruined by Heather D.

Heather D. shares that Martha tried to kill herself only to fail when she didn’t get hit running into traffic. Heather D. makes fun of Martha trying to be cool and failing again. Heather D. and Veronica fight, with Veronica slapping Heather for her cruel words.

Veronica and Heather make up and again we see Veronica has a way out of this, but she doesn’t take it. Instead she goes along with Heather D. as they listen to a radio program Hot Probs, and listen as Heather M. calls in and complains about her perfect life. Poor Heather, she is just trying to figure out what is going on. The next day all the kids in school are making fun of her, and she starts thinking about committing suicide. Veronica notices her leaving class and goes out saving her.

“Veronica Sawyer: If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn’t be a human being. You’d be a game show host.”

Veronica starts to unravel at the chaos she has created. Heather D. rules the school, J. D. tells her parents that she is planning on killing herself (laying the foundation to kill her and hide it as suicide), she finds a hanging doll in her room (courtesy of J. D. and she is full of strange nightmares that highlight the guilt she feels over the killings. Like Veronica should try and seek out help about J.D. or get a restraining order. He won’t give up until she is dead.

After she has a nightmare about J. D., she decides it is time to take control of her life. She pretends to kill herself, hanging so that when J. D. visits that night he reveals his whole plan to blow up the school. The next day Veronica finds him and takes him out, this is such an awesome scene. A fantastic scene!

Veronica Sawyer: You know what I want? [shoots J.D] Cool guys like you out of my life.

After the bomb goes off and kills J. D. we have a smoking Veronica who comes in for the 1-2 punch; first she takes out Heather being the new Queen B, and then she invites Martha to be her friend.

Veronica Sawyer: Hey, Martha. My date for the prom kinda flaked out on me. I was wondering, If you weren’t doing anything that night, maybe we could rent some new releases and pop some popcorn.

Martha ‘Dumptruck’ Dunnstock: I’d like that.

Veronica Sawyer: Yeah. Me too

Such a great ending to this film. It’s weird as it has seriously dark moments, comedic moments, is very sad, but also extremely enjoyable. It’s just one of those films.

We threw a Heathers themed croquet party where we served spaghetti with lots of oregano (Veronica’s favorite). Two dressed as Heather Chandler (red Heather), one as Heather Duke (green Heather), one person came as J.D., and I was Veronica, because I am Veronica.

Looks pretty close, right?

Also our Facebook cover

So with today’s topic, as J. D. is a horrible person and October being national domestic violence awareness month, I felt compelled to share this.

I Am a Survivor of Domestic Violence and I Know Help is Out There:

Are you being abused?

It’s abuse when someone who should care about you does or says things that hurt you or make you feel afraid, helpless or worthless. Here are only a few examples:

• Slapping, hitting, punching, choking, grabbing, shoving, kicking you or your kids, your pets
• Threatening you, your kids, friends, family or pets
• Hitting, kicking, slamming walls, doors, furniture, possessions
• Forcing you to have sex
• Calling you names, swearing at you, yelling
• Controlling all the money, even money you earn
• Blaming you or your kids for everything
• Putting you down, making you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough
• Treating you like a servant or slave
• Controlling where you go, what you do, what you wear
• Controlling who you see, who you talk to
• Humiliating you in front of other people
• Refusing to let you leave the relationship

It can also look like the below cycle

If you are in danger call 911, a local hotline, or the U.S. National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.

• Learn more about the resources in your area from your state or U.S. territory coalition against domestic violence
• Learn more from other national service providers
• Learn more about internet and computer safety
• Learn more about the red flags of abuse
• Learn more about the forms of abuse

For more Winona Ryder films, go to Once, There Was Even a Man Who Had Scissors for Hands: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

For more horror comedies, go to Dirty Deals, Murder, Mob Goons, and a Kidnapping: Men at Work (1990)

For more ‘80s films, go to Father Knows Best: The Stepfather (1987)