What are you? I’m Batman: Batman (1989)

So it is time for our Tim Burton movie!

Batman: I’m not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.

Nic: What are you?

Batman: I’m Batman.

So I was trying to decide which Tim Burton movie to do next, when I saw this at the library and realized this was perfect as it turns 30 this year.

Some of you might not think this counts, as it is a superhero film but I say it does.

Yes, first of all every year on abcFamily, now known as freeform, as part of their 13 Night of Halloween they would always show this. So I always associate this film with Halloween.

The second reason it counts is because the Joker is chemically changed into a monster, but even without that he is a total psycho-killer.

So I grew up watching this film and I just love it. When I think of Batman, to me it is always Michael Keaton or Kevin Conroy. There is no other Batman (although I do recognize Adam West, I just never watched his show until I was older) This is an absolutely amazing film and Keaton is an amazing Batman. So without further ado…

We have an amazing opening with fantastic music…oh yeah, Danny Elfman did the music, Tim Burton just loves him.

Gotham city-I have always loved how it looked as it was a blend of modern with art deco giving it feeling of being both times and not of the time.

So a guy is leaving the theater with his family at night trying to get a taxi. They are tourists and lost. As they walk around the bad side of town, they get mugged, the father getting knocked out. (Although to be honest, it was kind of his fault. Why didn’t he stay in front of the theater?)

That’s not good.

So one of the robbers look like Kevin Bacon but it is totally a discount Kevin Bacon.

So the best part is when Batman creeps up behind the two muggers as they are dividing up the spoils. His cape flying out, creepy and cool. Spooky!

Spooky…

He takes them down, so tough and awesome. I know the costume kept him from moving his head right, but it looks so cool. He looks otherworldly.

Wow!

He was supposed to say something else about being justice in the night or so. But Michael Keaton changed it to “I’m Batman”, and it was awesome!

He takes those muggers down and flies out.

Meanwhile, the mayor is having a news conference with him appointing a new district attorney, Harvey Dent (Billy Dee Williams)-although why isn’t he in the third film? Why did they replace him with first of all, a white guy, and secondly why Tommy Lee Jones?

I’m surprised

Meanwhile Jack (Jack Nicholson) is a thug watching the conference. I can’t stand Jack Nicholson, he just looks creepy in EVERYTHING. That voice, that smile, it creeps me out. And not in a good way like Vincent Price.

He’s talking to his moll, mobster’s gal, about his plans for keeping control of the city.

Meanwhile, on the conference they get questioned about “The Bat”, by reporter Knox. No one believes the reporter, and laugh it off.

I love how they all wear 1940s clothes! Oh, I just love this movie. They have that film noir, Dana Andrews in Laura vibe going on.

Laura

It turns out one of the detectives is dirty, on the payroll of Jack. He tells him that D.A. Dent is onto one of their deals, a property, and he needs it to be handled. The cop insults him, but Jack is not having that, he pulls a gun on him. Watch out you are dealing with a psycho.

Don’t mess with me!

This is why you don’t become involved with bad guys, they can easily kill you.

The mayor is trying to take done crime and wants Grissom to go on trial. He wants to bring business back and revitalize the town.

Vicki Vale (Kim Basinger) meets with Knox, the pressman from earlier. She’s a photojournalist and is interested in this “Bat”. She knows that if they can prove it-it’s pulitzer prize worthy. She wants a piece by trying to get a picture of it. He thinks that he might show up to Bruce Wayne’ social, and she has an invite. Already they are a dynamic duo.

Sorry!

Meanwhile, Grissom and Jack are discussing what to do about this Dent. Grissom wants Jack to take care of him. Grissom’s moll comes, and its the dame that Jack was with. Oh it looks like Jack was a naughty boy.

I love how Jack wears a purple suit. I like when movies do things like that, setting the stage for what is to come. Plus that suit is sharp, I don’t find him attractive-just creepy-but I can see why she might be into him.

Grissom sends Jack out, but I can’t help but feel that there is more to this than mets the eye.

Oh yes, he calls up Lt. Eckhardt and it seems he found out about Jack dating his girl and he is on the way out.

That’s not good.

So the big Casino Night Gala has come. All the bigwigs are there and Knox. Vicki Vale has come too, working the room searching for Bruce Wayne. She taps a guy asking for his help and it is Michael Keaton.

Our first look at him. I think I love him as Batman because he is just a regular guy. He’s not ostentatious, he’s not super serious-he’s cool, composed, and just chill. I love it as you don’t realize who he is until later as he is just so normal. Perfect intro and contrast to when we see how awesome he is as Batman.

So like I said, it is the perfect intro, but it is weird that these reporters don’t know who he is. He’s a gazillionaire and leading philanthropist in the city. I mean Vale gets a somewhat pass as she has just arrived in the city, but Knox should know!

Knox and Vale notice Commissioner Gordon speaking to a police officer. Sensing a story, they try to track him down, but end up in an armory.

Bruce Wayne comes in as they eviscerating his collection. I love it. Who are you-Bruce Wayne.

He compliments them and I can’t get over it. He’s perfect! You would never ever think a guy like this would dress up as a giant bat and run around the city protecting it.

I’m surprised

He starts flirting with Vale but has to run off. The two just can’t get him as he seems so odd? But you know what they say, the rich aren’t odd they are “eccentric.”

Bruce enters his batcave where he goes over the film he shot of the Commissioner, getting the info on what was going on. I like this version because he actually does detective work, rather than in the Christian Bale version when Morgan Freeman solves everything.

Lt. Eckhardt is leading the people who are out to get Jack. Jack, Jack, Jack the first rule of being in a mob, never get with the boss’ gal. Should’ve know.

The police shoot them and gunfire starts between the two in a dangerous warehouse full of chemicals. Gordon shows up with his people as he doesn’t trust Eckhardt. He goes over Eckhardt refusing his order shoot to kill as he wants Jack alive to get the goods.

Jack destroys the warehouse, steam and bullets flying everywhere. But then Batman descends slowly from nowhere. SO COOOL!!!

He uses his batarang to catch one of the criminals. OMG every time I watch this I feel like I go back to the age I was when I first saw this on VHS. I was probably six or seven and after seeing this just thought Batman was SO COOOOL! Still feel this way 20-21 years later.

And that music.

So COOL!!!

Anyways Jack tried to make enough steam to confuse the cops and get out of there, but he didn’t count on the Batman.

I love how he flies in his cape flowing so cool!

WOW!

He catches Jack, using his utility belt to get the gun away, but Jack’s man gets Gordon. Jack picks up his gun to shoot Batman, but he’s gone. So COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!

Sorry, I can’t help it, 6-7 year old me just keeps popping out.

Jack shoots Eckhardt and tries to get Batman, but accidentally mars his own face, Then oops Barman accidentally knocks him into vat of chemicals, he tries to save him but oops, Jack falls in.

Batman throws a fogbomb and is gone! Sooooooooooooo cooooooooooooooool!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So COOL!!!

Vale and Knox are working on the story, but haven’t figured anything out yet. Knox tries to take Vale out, but Wayne asked her first.

Too slow

He invites her to his home for dinner. It always cracks me up- he’s in this ostentatious and gorgeous house, seated at a giant table that could fit 20 and acts like a regular joe. I love it. I love him. Michael Keaton is one of my favorites.

He takes her from the dining table to eating in the kitchen instead. There Alfred tells stories-good job Alfred. Doing what a parent would do.

Vale shares about herself and her family. Bruce tells her how he doesn’t have any family but Alfred. Vale says this house doesn’t seem him-and she’s right. He’s just too normal, not at all like those typical rich guys. And I love it.

So Jack survived his fall and went to the plastic surgeon. The nerves were messed up so the doctor did the best he could, but Jack isn’t happy with it.

Grissom is getting ready for bed when Jack walks in. He pretends he’s happy to see him, but Jack’s not buying it.

They start him off in the shadows so we don’t see what happened yet. But we know-it’s not going to be good!

Grissom reaches for his gun, but Jack has one on him already. He walks into the light and we see-The Joker. White face, green hair, and permanent grin. I think he looks as creepy as he always does.

Jack Nicholson is perfect. He always creeped me out when he looked his regular self and does it double as the joker.

Vale got drunk and stayed the night. She wakes up and sees Bruce doing upside down exercises? Sleeping like a bat? I’m not sure exactly what he was doing. She takes him to bed, but I personally think I would be weirded out by that.

Joker’s thrilled at the death of Grissom but mad that no one in the paper cares about him, even though he’s been the Joker for one night. But any-who, who cares about that logic, he wants fame, glory, and to enact his psychotic vengeance/reality/crime spree on Gotham.

The next morning Vale wakes up and invites Bruce out for lunch, but he’s too busy running “errands” We know what that means-Batman Business.

Meanwhile, Grissom’s gal gets home and finds Joker, fainting. Joker takes over the mafia. He covers his face with paint and tries to look normal-but still looks creepy. One guy challenges him, and Joker kills him, death by hand buzzer. Wow, love that he stays in theme.

Just noticed this boardroom has weird artwork. A lady naked but tied up, her nipples covered by the tie. Then it looks like a nude man’s chest on another wall. Weird art choices.

Weird

Oh Jack Nicholson is so creepy with that extra creepy laugh and creepiness on the side.

Knox is jealous that Vale was with Bruce, while she’s mad because she thinks Bruce just slept with her and then is going to ignore her. She finds nothing in the newspaper files as to who he is-weird as a gazillionaire there should be a gazillion clips- and then she decides to sneak over to his house and follow him.

He is walking down the street, bringing two roses outside an old hotel building. Aw. I know why he does it, but Vale is confused. Who is this guy? What is he doing? Why toss out expensive roses.

Meanwhile, the court trial of Grissom has stalled as no one can find him. Bruce goes to the courthouse when a guy announces he’ll be taking over his business. As he watches the exchange a mime shows up, then another one. Odd.  But are they just mimes?

Hmmm…

Never trust a mime. They are evil.

Then the Joker shows up and challenges the guy trying to take over Grissom’s business. He has a feather pen and uses it to stab and kill him He walks down the stairs in a top hat, spats, and shiny shoes. Man, I love that this joker has style. I like this better than today’s constant brooding , chaos, evil blah blah blah.

Blah, blah

I just love how he acts.

Meanwhile, Bruce spots Vale and storms off angry that she followed him.

The Joker’s angry that after his big show stopper number no one cares about him, they just care about the bat. I love it. I love him as the Joker. He is so evil and fun. They don’t make villains like that now. They are all so serious, brooding, and stiff.

OMG, Bruce has an amazing library! It’s going on my next library list!

Alfred tries to get Bruce to call Vale as she lifts his spirits, but Bruce is all business. He needs to take this joker down!

Vale calls Knox and gets him to check out the alley Bruce laid the roses on. She know it has to mean something but what?

Hmm…

Meanwhile, the Joker starts checking out the photos from the guy he had follow the reporters and falls for Vicki Vale. He wants her as his new gal.

Mh my goodness, I love his one liners.

Back at the Chemical factory, Joker starts working on his master evil plan.

We switch to the news, Action News, who bring up a story of models dying. They became allergic to something? But what? Three more mysterious deaths at a beauty parlor? Then the female news anchor starts going crazy laughing. She faints and is dead too.

Meanwhile, Joker cuts in to the broadcast. He reveals that he has poisoned all the makeup. and he doesn’t just reveal his plan on TV. He does his own infomercial.

THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He does an infomercial about his evil plan of poisoning makeup.

WOW!

Bruce looks into Jack Napier, the Joker. He has an interesting backstory, since 25 his rap sheet has started but he also has studied art, art history, and chemistry.

The next day we see the news anchors with no makeup. Its hilarious! They look tired and haggard a major difference from the day before.

The mayor still wants to celebrate the city’s bicentennial, even though there is a mad man and batman. Crazy mayor.

Ah, Bruce is wearing a cable knit sweater. I love men in sweaters.

So Vale goes to meet Bruce at the art museum, but it was actually a set up so the Joker could get to her. Bruce only found out when Vale called to let him know she would be running late.

She waits, and waits but no Bruce shows up. However, a package does saying urgent in child’s scrawl.

I know Jack probably wasn’t the best student but he really needs to work on an adult handwriting. It is a gas mask and she quickly puts it on as the museum is filled with noxious gas that knocks everyone out.

Joker shows up in a purple coat, purple chef hat, a posse, one dude with a boombox playing music as he robs the museum. I LOVE IT! This film. I can’t get over it!

This Joker is awesome and the kind of crazy, illogical, chaos that I love.

They don’t steal the art but destroy it.

He switches his dance music to “romance”. He looks at her portfolio and call it crap. Wow, you sure know how to romance a lady.

The only one he does like is of the dead body. He knows real art as he is:

“Joker: I am the world’s fully functional homicidal artist.”

Can you imagine if you had the Joker, Norman Bates as his mother, Jason, Michael Myers, and the other psychos all stuck together in a therapy group. Someone needs to make this into a film or short.

Joker’s former girlfriend comes wearing her mask, her face marred from the Joker as “a living piece of art”. Jack questions Vale about Batman.

I can’t get over his one liners!

“Vicki Vale: You’re crazy.

Joker: I thouht I was a pisces.”

He tries to get her to spill on batman and almost sprays acid on her face. Just when all hope seems lost, Batman comes crashing through and swings Vale to safety, crashing out the doors. SOO COOOL!

Wow!

OMG, that Batmobile! Sigh. SOOOOOOOOO COOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got to see it person at the Ca State fair once. It’s Amazing!

The Joker’s people drive a purple car with a green top. I just love how committed he is to his theme. I miss stuff like that in modern superhero films.

Vale and Batman ditch the car, shield coming up it as he can’t drive through the street. Vale tosses her shoes and they run for it.

Batman and Vale face an alley with no way out. He asks her how much she weighs, not cool batman.

Uh oh

He sends her up to safety and stays behind to fight the guys. They shoot him, and one guy says “Who’s this guy?” The one guy says to check his wallet. Like Batman is really going to by carrying a wallet or a credit card or something.

Flashes to Batman and Robin I know I made that joke on purpose.

Sorry!

Anyways, his body armor protects him and he take these goons out. AWESOME fight scene!!!!! Vale photographs the whole thing, although where was she carrying her camera. Her bag was tiny, but whatever.

Huh?

Batman calls his ride and Batman tells her she weighs more than 108 lbs, Haha. That makes me laugh.

They car picks them up and they drive out to the Nightmare Before Christmas wood Seriously with the Elfman soundtrack I expect to see the gate to Halloween land.

Batman drives off in silence, leaves flying as he races down the highway. SOO COOOOOL!!!!!!

I love how Vale is totally creeped out. Like adrenaline and fear kept her going, but now she’s like I don’t know this dude he could be taking me to his torture cave. She’s seriously freaked out.

Batman takes her to the batcave which is a dumb idea. You don’t take a reporter to your secret cave. In fact as a superhero you shouldn’t date a reporter! Especially one who is investigating both of you-superhero and secret identity. Batman’s Achilles heel.

Seriously dude!

He reveals what he knows as he wants her to print it. I love how he hides in the shadows. I love how Vicky is curious but uncertain.

The screen fades to black and bats and Vale wakes up passed out on her bed. Did he drug her?

Not cool bats.

She gives the newspaper what Batman gave her and its printed. Deodorants with baby powder, lipstick, and hairspray are all infected.

Joker is not so angry but hurt that Batman figured it out. I love it!

I love this movie. Sorry Christopher Nolan, Christian Bale, Ben Affleck, Zach Synder, and others. This movie is better than yours.

Sorry, not sorry!

Bruce goes to see Vale who gives him a cool reception. She was saved by Batman and you didn’t call after your night. She’s kinda over you.

This sucks for superheroes they are always competing with themselves for a girl.

Bruce tries to tell Vale about his “secret life” but it sounds like he is a creep or bipolar or has a weird love/torture room thing.

This scene is so funny. He is speaking gibberish and just sounds crazy . I love it. You know Vale is really nice, I would just been like you’re crazy get your butt outta here.

But before he can make any sense, someone rings the doorbell.

The Joker shows up and is angry that she has a “boyfriend”.

He tells Joker off and insulting him, egging him on, distracts him and pulls the fireplace poker out.

The Joker: Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Bruce Wayne: What?

The Joker: I always ask that of all my prey. I just… like the sound of it. [shoots him]

And the Joker shoots him. Bruce is dead!

Joker says goodbye and Vale cries, she dressed appropriately in black. How did she know a death would come?

But when she turns around Bruce is gone, her silver tray on the ground. He put it under his shirt and used it as armor.

SOOOO COOOL! And definitely a nod to the 39 Steps.

Vale opens the box and there is a Jack in the box hand with dead flowers. She goes to the newspaper office and Knox reveals Bruce’s sad backstory to Vale.

Meanwhile, Bruce is in he batcave. That saying that the Joker told him rally shook him up. He starts looking through the file on his parents. Hmm…how does this connect? (I know how I just like asking rhetorical questions)

Joker cuts into the broadcast again. “You guys have said some really mean things, some of which are true.” He has the best one liners.

Wow!

He announces that a midnight he will dump $20 million on the city. He announces this in PBS Masterpiece Theater style in a fancy old fashioned armchair and sweater vest. This guy. He calls out Batman to meet him and basically challenges him to a duel.

We then see a flashback of Bruce and his parents coming home from the theater.  Why they are walking and don’t have a car waiting when they are uber rich I don’t know. That makes the least bit of sense actually in all of this. Why walk down an alley. Why not have a car waiting?

How does this make any sense?!!

They get approached by a thug who steals his mother’s pearls and another who shoots them dead. The shooter asks Bruce:

“The Joker: You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?”

It was him, it was Jack. That guy looks just like that guy.

Vale storms to the batcave. How she figured it out when she is like the worst reporter, I don’t know. And like I said THIS IS WHY YOU DO’T DATE REPORTERS INVESTIGATING YOU OR BRING THEM TO YOUR SECRET HIDEOUT!!!

This was always my least favorite part. I love you stop doing this blah, blah. Vale you hardly know him.

He dresses in epic fashion. Gets going in his batmoblie, and speeds down to the warehouse, shoot the door down SOOOO COOOOOOOOL!!!!

Batmobile drops a bomb, and all are taken out at the factory. Batmobile continues down the fire and smoke. The factoy is destroyed, but the Joker is in a helocopter.

The Joker holds his own parade with ’80s music blasting. He dances on his float, OMG I love how the Joker has style. I love this movie.

Like seriously, he is Ferris Buellering it up, while his minions toss money int the street. But it isn’t real money, it is bills with his face on them. Which means, he must have some kind of evil plan, but what?

Joker says he giving money but where is Batman, and boom here he comes, flying overhead. Everyone puts masks on releasing noxious fumes from one of his balloons.

Vicky gets good pics While everyone is going crazy. Luckily Knox has a mask in his trunk and a baseball bat as he goes after the minions. He puts Vicky in the car, but that can’t really help her as air gets in the car. She should be going crazy too. It’s not like a car is air proof.

Weird

She  realizes this and drives off, hitting Knox and knocking him onto the hood, and into trash cans. Knox gets a cut on the side of his face. Ouch. Dang Vale.

Batman goes flying into the parade taking the balloons with him. Joker is seriously hurt that he stole his balloons. This cracks me up. I love this movie.

He so upset after Batman shoots his “number one guy” he needs a minute or two alone. OMG he cracks me up.

Batman goes flying down, missiles launched taking out the float. He launches it into Joker then misses because he has honor.

Joker pulls a gun out and shoots Batman from the sky with his giant gun.

His plan crashes and Vale goes charging after him. The plane is destroyed and Joker takes his giant shotgun, and Vale up into the church.

But Batman is alive, it takes more than bullets, crashed plane, fire, and a possible concussion to stop him (just kidding about concussion, he wears a helmet.)

Batman goes after them and knocks all the pews down in the church. Like this does nothing to help Vicky and to be honest it is kinda a jerky thing to do as the ushers are going to have to pick them all up next church service.

The joker forces Vicky up the staircase, like out of Vertigo, Batman follows, the police behind him.

Joker has her in the belltower, and shoots acid at the bell causing it to crash down and destroy the stairs. The police won’t save her, but Batman isn’t going to let a thing like no stairs stop him.

He’s Batman!

The police shine their searchlights at the top of the old church. Now it is time for the final showdown between Joker and Batman.

One minion really gets the punches in there and throws him over, but he’s batman, he uses his utility belt to get up and knock that guy over.

Joker continues dancing while batman stalks by. Vale spots him and distracts the Joker by kissing him.

You’re so powrful and purple, I  love purple. She ducks down and is she…? But Batman comes storming in.

Joker says you made me, but Batman counters with you made me.

WOW!

He pits glasses on and says you wouldn’t hit a guy with glasses. He manages to push both Vale and batman over the edge. They are hanging on the side of the building.

Is this he end?

Joker steps on the church’s old bricks trying to get it come crashing down on the two. His helicopter comes and it looks like it is the end.

Batman has one more thing, he shoots a batarang that gets the joker caught on a gargoyle. They can’t pull him up and  when they pull the gargoyle out, ouch as it is pulling down on is leg.

Joker can’t hold the weight, slips, and goes crashing down. So does the church roof, but Batman and Vale are saved.

The police gather around Joker’s body and  that’s his end of the reign of terror.

At the next press conference, thy reveal Batman gave them the bat signal to call him if they were ever in need. Vale walks off and looks up to the sky, then sees her man’s butler in his fancy car. And that is the amazing Batman (1989)

And just cause:

To start Horrorfest VIII from the beginning, go to Count Dracula the Propagator of This Unspeakable Evil Has Disappeared. He Must Be Found and Destroyed!: Horror of Dracula (1958)

For more Batman, go to Man-Bat: On Leather Wings, Batman the Animated Series (1992)

For more Tim Burton films, go to Once, There Was Even a Man Who Had Scissors for Hands: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

For more film-noir, go to This Is Fate We’re Talking About, and If Fate Works At All, It Works Because People Think That THIS TIME, It Isn’t Going to Happen!: Dead Again (1991)

For more Nostalgia Critic, go to Ever Heard of the Tommyknockers?: The Tommyknockers (1993)

I Can Show You the World: Aladdin (1992)

It is time for our annual animated film pick! This year I am going with:

Romantic Moment #8

Aladdin (1992) 

I love Aladdin. In fact, the first Disney film I ever saw was Aladdin. I was just a baby but my mom took me when the whole family went to see it. I used to watch the first and third one all the time. I love all the songs in this film and committed them all to memory at an early age.

Aladdin is a retelling of a chinese tale in Arabian Nights or A Thousand and One Nights, tales that Scheherazade told her husband to keep herself alive each night, (for more on that go here). Disney disneyfied it into being much happier and brighter, like they do with everything.

In the Disney story, Aladdin is an orphaned boy living with his monkey friend, Abu. The two are street rats, scrounging about for food and hiding from the castle guards. Every night Aladdin goes home and dreams of being rich and living in the palace, never having to worry about anything.

Meanwhile, Princess Jasmine is in the palace and has to marry by her sixteenth birthday. She hates every prince that has called on her and she feels they all are after her fortune.

Also in the palace lurks Jafar, the evil vizier, who wants to take the throne for himself. Along with grabbing the throne he is trying to get inside the fabled Cave of Wonders to get a lamp, but only a pure-hearted, diamond in the rough can enter.

These three stories intersect when Jasmine sneaks out of the palace, only to be helped by Aladdin when she gets into trouble. The two run from guards but are caught, with Jasmine revealing herself and going home, while Aladdin is sent to the dungeon. Jafar disguises himself and frees Aladdin- convinced he is the perfect person to enter the cave. Aladdin is and does, but Abu brings the whole place toppling down when he tries to take something he is not supposed to touch. Aladdin gets stuck inside the Cave, but there he finds the genie of the lamp

And the adventure to capture the heart of the princess is on.

Most Romantic Moment: I Can Show You the World

So I’m sure you all know what moment I’m choosing from Aladdin; when Aladdin takes Jasmine on the magic carpet ride through the world. Of course this is super romantic, a flight around the world-but there is a reason why it is extra romantic.

So earlier in the film, Aladdin saves Jasmine and takes her back to his place when they run from the guards. There they talk and learn about each other, with Jasmine sharing her dreams and how she feels.

Aladdin: Wow. The palace looks pretty amazing, huh?

Princess Jasmine: [glumly] Oh… It’s wonderful.

Aladdin: I wonder what it’d be like to live there, and have servants, and valets.

Princess Jasmine: Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress.

Aladdin: That’s better than here. You’re always scraping for food and ducking the guards.

Princess Jasmine: You’re not free to make your own choices.

Aladdin: Sometimes you feel so…

Princess Jasmine: You’re just…

AladdinPrincess Jasmine: …trapped.

Of course at the time he didn’t realize that she was the princess, he thought she was just sharing her opinion. But later when he is trying to make up for being a jerk and try and win her heart, he remembers what she said and gives her what she has wanted. The ability to leave and explore and be out of the palace. Freedom to go wherever, out of the palace walls, with her choosing where to go and what they should do.

Aw!

To start Romance is in the Air: Part V, go to Who Says I Have to Stop: Fireproof (2008)

For the previous post, go to I Will Wait for You: This Episode Sucks, Psych (2011)

For more on Aladdin, go to A Little Monkey Business: Chinese New Year

For more on Princess Jasmine, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

For more Disney love songs, go to Once Upon a Dream

For more Disney films, go to You Can Be Yourself With Me: George of the Jungle (1997) 

A Little Monkey Business: Chinese New Year

So the New Year started on February 8th, but I was in the middle of Romance is in the Air: Part IV, my countdown to Valentine’s Day so I had to postpone it until today, the last day of the New Year celebration. This year is a special year because it is my zodiac animal, the year of the Monkey.

Chinese Calligraphy 2016Monkey

Monkeys are intelligent, wise, clever, inquisitive, flexible, quick-witted, innovative, and honest. They are also known to have a temper; along with being cunning, mischievous, and suspicious.

Monkeys can do well in any job they try due to all their positive traits. They work best with Oxen, Rabbits, and Dragons. Their enemies are Tigers or Pigs.

Some famous people born in the year of the monkey are: Leonardo da Vinci, Charles Dickens, Tom Hanks, Michael Douglas, Bette Davis, Annie Oakley, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Betsy Ross.

So to celebrate the year of the Monkey I am going to do my nine favorite monkey moments from film and TV. And I decided to do only Monkeys; no gorillas, orangoutangs, chimpanzees, or baboons. This year is all about the Monkey.

MonkeyBorderbanner

9) The Jungle Book (1994)

jungle book

The Jungle Book is pretty much what Disney used as their basis for the Tarzan film (both being Disney films). The Jungle Book 1994 version is not the cartoon version, this one is a live action film and the animals don’t talk (hopefully they keep that the same in the new version coming out this year). The film starts out with Mowgli’s father being a guide for some Englishmen who are patrolling India. One night Shere Khan attacks the camp as someone has broken the jungle rules, that is killed for sport instead of food. Mowgli is lost in the confusion and thought to be dead, later raised by animals. He is eventually found by his old compatriots, who attempt to be bring him back into society. He still has feelings for Kitty, a girl he played with as a child, but she is engaged to the hunter/poacher William Boone who wants to use Mowgli as a guide to Monkey City and the rumored King Louie treasure. Adventure ensues

Best Monkey Scene:Monkey Spectators

Instead of lions or dueling ex-soldiers or slaves; this gladiator match pitches treasure hunters searching for the lost Monkey City and the billions of gold, against Kaa the python. For who’s pleasure? None other than King Louie, the Orangoutang, and his subjects ,the Monkeys.

For more on The Jungle Book (1994), go to Redone Done Right

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8) Toy Story 3

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In Toy Story 3 many years have passed since Toy Story 2. Andy is 18 and heading off to college and doesn’t need his old toys anymore. Destined to reside in the attic until Andy has his own kids or decides to get rid of them; the toys take matters into their own hands. They escape in a donation box for a Children’s Daycare, hoping this would bring fun times and games. Woody however, is not ready to give up on Andy and gets lost trying to find his way home. Back at the daycare center, the toys discover that a stuffed bear is the “Don” of the center and relegates them to being played with toddlers instead of the older kids who care for the toys. When they try to escape, they are punished. Will the toys esacape? Will they be able to get back to Andy?

Best Monkey Scene:Death by Monkeys

This scene is in the opening dream/flashback sequence. The toys are playing a massive game of cowboys and robbers. Woody, Buzz, and Jessie have just defeated the potato pair; when Ham, as evil Dr. Porkchop, comes in: releasing a bomb of a barrel of monkeys. It’s funny, cute, and brings back a whole lot of nostalgia.

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7) Dragon Ball

This is actually a anime series based on the classic novel Journey to the West,  also known as Monkey, written in the 16th century by Wu Cheng’en.

Goku is a little monkey boy, (as in he only has a monkey tail). He befiends a teenage woman, Bulma, and the two set off to find the seven wishing dragon balls. He becomes a student of the turtle hermit, Kame-Sennin, later entering a huge tournament with some of the most powerful fighters in the world.

He also destroys the Red Ribbon Army single-handedly. When Goku’s best friend, Kuririn, is murdered by Piccolo, then Goku sets out to destroy him as revenge.

Best Monkey Scene: Great Ape Transformation

So as Goku is a monkey boy, when the full moon is out instead of turning into a werewolf, he becomes a giant monkey. A monkey on par with Mighty Joe Young or King Kong. He may be scary and frightening, but also pretty awesome in his menacing nature.

For more on Dragon Ball, go to Fun & Full of FANcy

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6) Aladdin

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Aladdin is a retelling of a chinese tale in Arabian Nights or A Thousand and One Nights, tales that Scheherazade told her husband to keep herself alive each night, (for more on that go here). Disney disneyfied it into being much happier and brighter, like they do with everything.

In the Disney story, Aladdin is an orphaned boy living with his monkey friend, Abu. The two are street rats, scrounging about for food and hiding from the castle guards. Every night Aladdin goes home and dreams of being rich and living in the palace, never worrying about anything. Meanwhile, Princess Jasmine is in the palace and has to marry by her sixteenth birthday. She hates every prince that has called on her and she feels they all are after her fortune. Also in the palace lurks Jafar, the evil vizier, who wants to take the throne for himself. He also is trying to get inside the fabled Cave of Wonders to get a lamp, but only a pure-hearted, diamond in the rough can enter. These three stories intersect when Jasmine sneaks out of the palace, only to be helped by Aladdin when she gets into trouble. The two run from guards and are caught, Jasmine revealing herself and going home, while Aladdin is sent to the dungeon. Jafar disguises himself and frees Aladdin convinced he is the perfect person to enter the cave. Aladdin is and does, but Abu brings the whiole place toppling down when he tries to take something he is not supposed to touch. Aladdin gets stuck inside the Cave, but there he finds the genie of the lamp and the adventure to capture the heart of the princess is on.

Best Monkey Scene: Anything Abu

Abu is the cutest little monkey. He does have some issues as he doesn’t like to share, is greedy that he almost kills him and Aladdin, and gets jealous easily. But besides that he is kind, loyal, and all around a great little buddy to Aladdin.

For more on Aladdin, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

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5) George of the Jungle

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This was one of my favorite movies as a kid, and the film that created my crush and longtime love of Brendan Fraser. He is super hunky in this film.

Ursula Stanhope from San Francisco, CA is traveling throughout Africa. Her fiancé, Lyle Van De Groot (Thomas Haden Church) is a total pompous jerk and has gone looking for her to drag her back to be immediately married, guided by two poachers. The next day when Ursula and Lyle are out, they run into a lion. Lyle takes off; tripping, falling, and knocking himself out. But Ursula doesn’t need to worry, George; a man who was lost in Africa and raised by an ape named Ape, saves her. He cares for her until they are come upon by her fiancé. When he and the poachers attack trying to “save” Ursula and capture the famed “White Ape”; George gets injured and finds himself traveling to San Francisco with Ursula. Is San Fran ready for this Ape-Man? Will his home be okay without the King of the Jungle?

Best Monkey Scene: Monkey Vs. Lion

So George is King of the Jungle, and one of his duties as King is to help his subjects in trouble. One of the baby monkeys, the runt of the litter, keeps getting picked on by all the other monkeys. He goes to George for help, and the two come up with a plan. When a lion comes to “fight” and the monkey pretends to be George”scaring” the lion away.

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4) Jumanji (1995)

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In 1969, Alan Parish is constantly getting picked on. One day he hears drums and discovers an old game buried in a new construction site. He takes it home and after he gets in a fight with his dad and a surprise visit from a friend, the two accidentally play the game. One of the roles causes Alan to be sucked into the game while bats come streaming out.

26 years later, the Parish house has been bought by a women who has recently become guardian of her niece and nephew: Judy and Peter. The two kids discover the old game and play. What they thought would be a fun game turns out to be a death defying adventure as monkeys, mosquitoes, a lion, crocodiles, and Alan all come out of the game. They have to finish the game, survive whatever comes out, in order to fix everything and send all these creatures and storms back.

Best Monkey Scene: Monkeys Slow the Expedition

The second thing to come out of the game board are a group of monkeys. Not only do they terrorize the the two kids, but they end up running amuck throughout town. Stealing cop cars, ransacking stores, and taking off and causing havoc.

For more on Jumanji, go to Every Month at the Quarter Moon There’ll Be a Monsoon

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3) Jumanji (1995)

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So the summary is the same as before. You might be wondering why I’m doing this film twice, but there was another monkey scene I just love.

Best Monkey Scene: Peter the Monkey Boy

So Alan, Peter, Judy, and Alan’s old friend Susan; have been through the thick of game having faced down monkeys, a lion, giant mosquitoes, human eating pods, poisonous violets, a big game hunter named Van Pelt, and a stampede.

Peter is only a few spaces away and decides to drop the dice, hoping to reach the end of the game and save everyone. Unfortunately, the game does not like cheaters and Peter is turned into a monkey. Sorry Goku, Peter is the cutest Monkey Boy. He’s just TOOOOO adorable.

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2) The Wizard of Oz

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Dorothy Gale is a young girl in grey Kansas. She lives with her aunt and uncle on their farm, along with the farmhands. When their mean neighbor takes Dorothy’s dog away for snapping at her; Dorothy decides to grab her dog and run away. She gets caught up in a twister and ends up in the land of Oz. She ends up on a journey to find the Wizard to get home; pairing up with a Scarecrow, a Tin Man, a Cowardly Lion; and chased by the Wicked Witch of the West.

Best Monkey Scene: Fly My Pretties, Fly

So the Wicked Witch’s evil minions are the winged monkeys. She sends them out to find Dorothy and destroy her companions in one of the best, and scariest scenes, of the film.

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1) The Jungle Book (1967)

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This is the original Disney version and based on the novel by Rudyard Kipling. In the story Mowgli is a man cub raised by wolves. Ten years pass by and when news of Shere Khan, the great tiger, has returned to the jungle they decide to send Mowgli back to the Man village. Bagheera, the panther, tries to take him back but they get interuppted by Kaa, the snake who tries to eat him, and Baloo a slothy bear who discourages Mowgli from returning to the world of men. Mowgli meets other crazy charcters such as King Louie the Orangutan, Colonel Hathi the Elephant, and a group of Vultures who act like The Beatles.

Best Monkey Scene: I Wanna Be Like You

So I know you might be questioning why I choose this moment as my number one. Well when I think of Monkeys this is the first thing that always pop in my head. It is one of the best songs in the film, and a whole lot of fun.

So the scene, for those who don’t know, comes in the middle of the film. Mowgli has been captured by King Louie the Orangutan who wants Mowgli to teach him to be like humans, how to create fire. Baloo comes in and sings along to the bopping song, saving Mowgli as well.

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So that ends this year’s countdown. I hope you all have a great 2016.

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For the 2013 list, go to Snakes on a Post

For the 2014 post, go to A Horse’s Tale

For the 2015 post, go to Well I Feel Sheepish

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For more holiday posts, go to To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before

For more Disney posts, go to I’d Lay Down My Life for You: Pocahontas (1995)

Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

So you all know how much I love Disney:

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And how much I love Jane Austen:

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So one day I was thinking about Disney and thinking of Jane Austen, when it hit me. If the Austen characters were Disney characters who would they be?

The plot thickens

So I thought and thought and thought some more. And below is my list of the perfect Disney/Austen crossover.

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A Prideful Beauty & the Prejudiced Beast

(Beauty & the Beast meets Pride & Prejudice: scenario one)

So Beauty and the Beast was the natural choice for the Darcy/Elizabeth storyline. In Pride & Prejudice Elizabeth becomes angry at Darcy, hurt by his comments on her looks, therefore fueling her dislike of him. Darcy, on the other hand, realizes he was wrong and falls for Elizabeth, slowly having to show her he is a good man, despite his bad first impression.

Just like in Pride & Prejudice, Belle has to work through her own misgivings of the Beast, his looks and her anger at him imprisoning her father. The Beast, first rude to her, realizes his mistakes and works on showing her his true heart and soul under the ugly exterior. Just like in P&P Darcy is seen as “a beast”, rude and cruel; but by the end of the book, and Disney film, we are loving both men.

Elizabeth Bennet = Belle

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Both Belle and Elizabeth Bennet are avid readers, close to their fathers, and not afraid to speak their minds. They both come from middle class family, as they have land (and farm but not for necessity). The Bennets have the estate of Longbourn, and Belle’s father Maurice have their country land. Maurice must have some money from his family as his inventions don’t work very well enough to bring money in.

As mentioned before, both characters create judgements on Mr. Darcy and the Beast based on their initial view of looks (Darcy’s scowl & Beast’s beastiel form) along with their behavior. However, over time this opinion is changed as their heroes save them (Elizabeth’s family saved when Wickham marries Lydia, and Belle is saved from wolves); along with both realizing there is much more to the man than their prickly personality.

Mr. Darcy = The Beast/Prince Adam

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Like Beast, Darcy is the only son raised in a wealthy family with a lot of power and expectations of him. Darcy also has a temper, but it is more controlled than the Beast’s. Both have to learn a lesson on character, the Beast’s inability to see more than the outer shell of a person, while Darcy’s is more of getting past a preconceived notion.

While they initially are prickly characters they change themselves in order to win the woman they love. Both also are willing to do things for the woman they love with no expectations. For Darcy he saves Elizabeth’s family for Elizabeth, and while he still cares for her, he doesn’t use that as a bargaining chip for marriage, allowing her to act on her own feelings. The Beast lets Belle out of the deal they made and allows her to leave, even though it breaks his heart. He doesn’t try to use their contract or the fact that he saved her life to try and manipulate her to stay.

Mr. Wickham = Gaston

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Although in the Disney film Gaston doesn’t play as much a love interest to Belle as Wickham was to Elizabeth; he is instrumental in painting an ugly picture of the Beast and getting the town riled up to destroy him. Yep, just like Wickham does. In fact I think this is one of the best Disney pairings. Both men are arrogant, care only about their outside appearance and women who will provide something for them. For Wickham he uses Elizabeth to spread lies about Darcy, and then tries to go after the very wealthy Miss King to have a poke at her money. For Gaston, he wants Belle to gain the ultimate trophy and to have children as good looking as him. Both care only for themselves, and use others achieve whatever they want.

For  more on Pride & Prejudice, go to The Confession of Fitzwilliam Darcy

For more on Beauty and the Beast, go to Number Two Look Just Like You

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A Little Prideful & Prejudiced Mermaid 

(Pride & Prejudice meets The Little Mermaid: scenario two)

Now you may wonder why I included this as another avenue for Pride & Prejudice. While I don’t see Jane as much of a main character in the novel, her role is important and I felt that Beauty and the Beast didn’t capture the whole of Pride & Prejudice, specifically her part.

So both The Little Mermaid and Pride & Prejudice address people of two different worlds falling for each other and others trying to keep them apart.

Jane Bennet = Ariel

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Out of all the Disney characters I see Jane as Ariel. Both are kind, naive, the prettiest of the family, and don’t always understand other’s views of them. For instance Grimsby heavily disapproves of Eric spending so much time with this unknown girl, of which Ariel blindly does not see. She also can’t tell that Ursula is EVIL. Mr. Bingley’s sisters despise Jane’s family and are rather cruel to her, but Jane too cannot see this, instead always giving them the benefit of the doubt. Both Jane and Ariel fall for a man out of their league: in Ariel’s case a human, while for Jane a much wealthier man; however that doesn’t stop them as they go after what their heart desires. Both also have issues with a parent: Ariel her controlling father and Jane her controlling mother. But in the end they are able to get win their man and happiness.

Charles Bingley = Prince Eric

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Prince Eric is a sweet, kind character, who follows his own ideas but is still susceptible to what others advise; just like Bingley. While Eric cares for Ariel and is set on making the girl who saved him his wife, he still listens to Grimsby’s cautions and of course is completely controlled by the Sea Witch’s hypnosis. Bingley tolerates all the negative things his sisters have to say, planning on persuing Jane, but he finally gives way to Darcy’s powerful persuasion. But both men when they realize they have made the wrong choice, go back and do all they can to win the woman of their dreams. Both marry girls that are below them (Jane financially, Ariel literally as in under the sea), but yet their equal (Jane and Bingley same personalities, Eric and Ariel are both royalty).

Caroline Bingley = Grimsby

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Caroline and Grimsby are very similar. As a sister to Charles, Caroline is constantly giving her opinion on matters. She is the one that criticizes Jane (and her family), along with pointing out what is improper. Grimsby is an advisor to Prince Eric, doing the same thing. Both aren’t listened to, as Charles and Eric ignore their rules and suggestions to follow their heart and own ideas.

Both Grimsby and Caroline also disapprove in the matters of the heart. Caroline sees Jane as too far below their family, along with carrying the extra baggage of her mother and embarrassing sisters. Grimsby also doesn’t approve of Ariel as they know nothing about her, and she can’t talk. Grimsby wants Eric to settle down, but with a more suitable person, liking Vanessa (secretly Ursula), just as Caroline wants someone better than Jane for her brother, Georgina Darcy. In aligning the two, she hopes that she and Darcy will grow much closer.

Mr. Darcy = Ursula

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I know, I know you are probably thinking what? Yes in this scenario of Jane Austen/Disney, Darcy doesn’t get a favorable character. Then again it is fitting that he is paired up with the villianess as if we were to look at Pride & Prejudice from Jane’s view, he is kinda the villain of the story.

Now the two aren’t exactly similar, Darcy has his best friend’s interest at heart while Ursula is after global domination. However, both are similar in the fact that they don’t want the romantic leads together. Darcy feels that Jane has a lot of baggage (mother + sisters) but that she also doesn’t really seem to care strongly for Charles. In The Little Mermaid, Ursula wants Ariel to fail to get Eric’s kiss and heart so that she can have her as a slave and exchange her life for Ariel’s father’s powers.

Now here is where the real similarity comes into play. These two are the only ones capable of true persuasion. In Pride & Prejudice, Caroline and Bingley’s other sister have done everything they can to point out why marrying Jane would be a bad idea. They constantly criticize, point out every faux pas, etc; but Charles will not listen. He’s in love. That is until Darcy advises him. Charles clearly relies more heavily on Darcy than his own intuition, and leaves Netherfield for London. In The Little Mermaid, Eric isn’t set on marrying Ariel, but he definitely starts thinking about her as more than a friend. He won’t listen to Grimsby, who keeps saying that it is a bad idea to get involved with a girl you know nothing about. The only thing that steers him away from Ariel, is Ursula’s transformation into Vanessa.

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to Darcy’s Story: Pride and Prejudice Told From a Whole New Perspective

For more The Little Mermaid, go to The Little Moreland

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A Frozen Sense & Sensibility

(Frozen meets Sense & Sensibility)

So I am pretty sure you saw this one coming, after all how many Disney films have two very close sisters (in relationship and age)? I couldn’t think of that many. Both Frozen and Sense & Sensibility revolve around sisters, one who’s feelings are heavily regulated (sense) while the other is more out and sharing whatever comes to mind (sensibility). A parent’s death strongly affects the family and shifts everything about them. One sister falls for a horrible guy, but luckily for her the real deal is waiting nearby. There also is a real comedy about a couple trying to match two off.

Elinor = Elsa

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Other than the ice powers, Elinor and Elsa are very similar. Both are the eldest in their families and trying to keep everything together in their home after a parental death (Elinor her father, Elsa both parents). While their younger sister is allowed to be more freewheeling, Elinor and Elsa do not share the same luxury. They control their emotions because if they didn’t either the family would fall apart (as in Elinor’s case she is the one taking control of everything) or there could be a lot of destruction (Elsa’s ice). Both experience moments of total release that shock all closest to them, Elinor when she reveals the pain she has experienced of her love for Edward, and Elsa’s finally “letting go”. In the end both stop keeping such a harsh rein on their emotions and allow themselves to open up and love.

Both also care deeply about their sisters, especially in the love department. Elinor is the only one who doesn’t trust the relationship with Willoughby, as she thinks Marianne is moving way too fast with a boy she just met. Elsa is the same way, refusing her blessing on Anna marrying a guy she just met and only knows a few things about. Besides that, both girls care deeply for their sisters.

And let’s not forget a similarity in names. (Just saying!)

Marianne = Ana

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Both are romantics who don’t believe in reigning in their feelings but expressing everything. As feelings guide them, they tend to rush into things not clearly thinking them through and acting on their heart. Marianne gets involved with a man she hardly knows anything about, and later when brokenhearted tries to go to after him in a storm, nearly killing herself. Anna also gets involved with a man she hardly knows anything about, along with trekking after her sister in a storm, whilst wearing summer clothing.

While both have bond with their sister they also are very distanced. Marianne doesn’t understand Elinor’s sense and feels she cannot express all her thoughts with her. She also knows her sister would disapprove of much she does. Ana has a more physical separation, as her sister avoids her, but also shares that sense of not understanding Elsa’s actions, along with being afraid of what she might think of her (check out that awkward ballroom scene where they run into each other).

Now let’s move back to their love interests. At first Marianne falls for a handsome, romantic hero guy she has just met, only to find out that he is only interested in one thing: money. As Marianne doesn’t have it, he leaves her. At first she is broken hearted, but she later realizes that she is better off without him and instead ends up with the guy who started out as just a friend, but turned out to be the grand prize. Ana follows a similar route as her “first love” turns to be false as he is only after her kingdom, dumping her when realizes he can get it another way. She too is hurt initially, but quickly realizes that her friend who liked her all along, is the real deal and perfect for her

They too share similar names. I’m sensing a theme here Disney.

Willoughby = Hans

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First of all sideburns. Seriously did Disney decide that Austen made better source material than the original fairy tale Hans Christian Anderson wrote?

Moving past that, both are men who are after a good time and searching for the women who will net their fortune. For Willoughby, he loves Marianne, but he loves his money much more. After spending all his time with her and making her believe he loved her (which some argue he did have strong feelings for her, his love of money just overpowered it) he ends up leaving her, trading her in for a model that could support his expensive habits. He also proves to be a true scoundrel, sleeping with other women and abandoning them with a ruined reputation and no hope of marriage or a happy future.

For Hans he too is lacking the wealth, being the 13th son, and is setting his eyes on a woman who will provide the lifestyle he wishes. While originally planning on marrying Ana, when an opportunity comes where he can have everything without her, he quickly dumps her for his second plan. His character is darker than Willoughby’s though, as he actually plans to murder both sisters to achieve his means.

 

Colonel Brandon = Kristoff

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While they may different financially (Colonel Brandon with his manor house and wealth while Kristoff is an ice cutter) everything else about them is very similar.

Both share sad backstories: Colonel Brandon losing the girl he loved, and after her death caring for her child from another man; and Kristoff being orphaned and on his own with a reindeer (although later adopted by trolls).

Both men are rugged outdoorsmen: Colonel Brandon does fencing, horseback riding, a falconer, a soldier, etc. Kristoff is an ice cutter, sledder, etc. They match brain with brawn, a winning combination. Both are also loyal, intelligent, appreciative of beauty and fine craftsmanship.

Unfortunately for them, they also are surrounded by well-meaning people that actual harm their chances rather than help them. For Colonel Brandon, he and Marianne were becoming friends and getting along very well…that is until Sir John and Lady Middleton try to push them together; upsetting Marianne and making her not want to consider Colonel Brandon out of spite. For Kristoff, the trolls don’t damage his chances as much, but they certainly do not win him any consideration from Ana in the moment they attempt to wed them off.

But how they are the most similar is the way in which they love so whole-heartedly that they are willing to do anything to ensure that the woman they love has her happiness. For Colonel Brandon, he loves Marianne but when he realizes that she cares for Willoughby he steps aside. He knows tons of damaging things about him, has enough money to pay him off, could do countless things to get rid of him; but if he makes Marianne happy that is all he cares about. He later does challenge Willoughby to a duel when he breaks Marianne’s heart, and of course does all he can to help her; never pushing or manipulating, but allowing her to make the decision of whether to pursue a relationship or not. With Kristoff he loves Ana, but as he knows she is engaged does nothing to truly hinder the relationship. He helps her get to Hans, as he wants only her happiness. But just like Colonel Brandon, when his lady is in trouble he is there to help her, coming to her rescue.

Both characters also have a scene where they are carrying the women they love through a storm as she grows sicker and sicker. Wow these are some serious parallels.

Sir John and Lady Middleton = Trolls

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These guys are like carbon copies of each other I swear! Sir John and Lady Middleton are sweet people, who heavily assist the downtrodden and financially insecure Dashwoods. They provide the family with a place to live, food they cannot afford, trips they would be unable to take etc. The only downside? They are busybodies and enjoy actively taking a role into marrying Marianne off, something that backfires as their involvement makes her lose any desire to even be friends with Colonel Brandon.

The trolls also take in some downtrodden, lost souls: Kristoff and Sven; adopting them and giving them a family, food, and a place to live. They also like to meddle, trying to marry Ana and Kristoff off, backfiring as their weirdness makes Ana say no way.

For  more on Sense and Sensibility, go to The Sense and Sensibility Screenplay and Diaries

For more on Frozen, go to I Could Kiss You

 

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Cindermansfield Parkella

(Mansfield Park meets Cinderella)

So Cinderella is a story we all have heard of. A sweet kind girl is forced to slave away for her family. Those that bring her particular pain are her evil stepmother and two evil stepsisters. She manages to escape her dreary life for a ball, where she meets the man of her dreams. But unfortunately there are others with a darker intentions making the same play for him.

Mansfield Park may be a story you have never heard of before, but it make shock you with the similarities it has. A sweet kind girl is forced to slave away for her richer family. Those that bring her particular pain are her evil aunt and two evil cousins. She falls in love with the man of her dreams, but unfortunately there is another with a darker heart making the same play.

Fanny = Cinderella

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This is the most obvious choice for this novel. Fanny Price is the niece to the Betram family, and was sent to stay with them. Instead of being treated as family, she takes on the duties of a servant because of her “bad blood” inherited from the low class, wastral father her mother married down to. She is particularly mistreated by her evil aunt and two cousins; all of which take pride in bossing her around and being as cruel as can be. Cinderella is the stepdaughter, and technically rightful heir, but instead of being treated as a part of the family, she too is treated like a servant to her evil stepmother and two stepsisters. Like Fanny, Cinderella is the essence of swetness, taking this injustice in stride and trying to remain optimistic in a bad situation. Both know that any kind of rebellion could spell disaster for them; with Fanny being sent back to the hovel she escaped and Cinderella being sold, institutionalized, or worse.

Both have absentee fathers: Fanny’s father is a drunkard while Cinderella’s is dead; who’s decisions ultimately caused their predicament. With Fanny her father being one of so low behavior and drinking all his money away; causes her family to have to send her somewhere else as they cannot care for her. This behavior causes those in the “richer” family to believe they have the right to treat her like garbage. For Cinderella, her father married evil incarnate who makes her life horrible.

Both fall in love with a man out of their league: Fanny with her cousin Edmund and Cinderella with the Prince. While initially their love interest is waylaid by other women; for Edmund the enigmatic and manipulative Mary Crawford, and the Prince with the other woman who claim to be the girl he fell for; those turn out to be false and the girls get their dream guy. And in true poetic justice, those that tried to hurt them end up getting their just desserts for their evil ways and bad decisions.

Mrs. Norris = Lady Tremaine

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In Mansfield Park Mrs. Norris is Fanny’s aunt and a horribly cruel woman. She loves her nieces Maria and Julia, treating them far better than Fanny; along with encouraging and rewarding their cruel ways, especially those aimed at Fanny. Lady Tremaine also encourages her daughter’s cruelty: from horrible nicknames, cruel jokes, and even assault. Watch that scene where they rip Cinderella’s dress, that was pretty psychologically and physically damaging.

Mrs. Norris enjoys bossing Fanny around and often asks her to do more than then her frail system can take. Lady Tremaine is the same way, asking impossible tasks as she takes true delight in seeing Cinderella suffer.

Both also are trying to ensure that their girls marry well, have a good fortune, and anything else that pleases them. Mrs. Norris encourages Maria’s choice in the wealthy, but dim, Mr. Rushworth and later her infidelity with Henry Crawford. Lady Tremaine is intent on marrying her daughters off to a prince, stooping to locking Cinderella up, breaking the glass slipper, and almost destroying her daughters feet.

Drizzella = Maria Bertram

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It was difficult to determine which evil cousin went with which evil stepsister, but I think I found the match that worked best.

Both Julia and Drizzella are favored by their aunt and mother. Both also are intense in going after what they want; Maria a rich husband and later a hot lover; Drizzella having no qualms about stuffing her foot into a strange shoe and pretending to be a women she isn’t in order to bag a prince.

Both are especially cruel to the heroine, being the bigger bully between them and their sister. Both also have restrained relationships with their sister, always in competition with them and trying to prove they are prettier, better, etc.

In the end, both lead unhappy lives, having to deal with the decisions they made. Maria losing her lover and husband, sent away to live in exile; while Drizzella has to live with her mother and probably has to take on chores as Cinderella leaves them behind with her prince.

Anastasia = Julia Bertram

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Julia and Anastasia are always being compared to their older sister and feeling they are lacking. Both try to compensate by trying their hardest to outshine their sibling, or at certain times out cruel them. Both are also not the favorite and have more insecurities about who they are and how they look.

Now one of the reasons why I felt these two were a good fit, is that both fall for someone their parents strongly disapprove of. For Julia, she runs off with her brother’s actor friend, eloping in Ireland. Her parents hate this, disowning her and wondering where they could have gone wrong. In Cinderella II: Dreams Come True, Anastasia falls for the baker, a man her mother strongly disapproves of. She doesn’t run off and marry him; but does go behind her mother’s back to get a makeover and go to a ball with him.

Edmund = Prince Charming

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Edmund is my least favorite of the Austen heroes and Prince Charming my least favorite Disney prince. It is only right that they are the two that match up.

While my dislike for Prince Charming comes more from a lack of character, my dislike for Edmund comes from his stupidity, easy manipulated spirit, and love of a fantasy that doesn’t exist. When the girl has told you time and time again that she could never marry a minister and wants someone with money, don’t think that “your love” can “change” her. Forget her and move on.

Sorry this was supposed to be a comparison. Both Edmund and Prince Charming were born into wealthy families with controlling fathers. For Edmund, his father does not want him to be a minister but chose the vocation he had picked out, and for Prince Charming his father wants him married and making grandchildren. Both men want to live the lives they have desired, with Edmund choosing to go into the church and the Prince waiting, and later choosing an unconventional bride.

Both men are stubborn, tenacious, and when they set their mind to something they will not be persuaded out of it. For Edmund it is the church, and later wooing Mary Crawford. For the Prince, he wants the women who fits the slipper even if they have to search every corner and crevice of the kingdom for her.

Both marry women that are kind, sweet, and of not completely low standing, but not quite on par with them. And both marriages turn out great for them, much better than their siblings’ (Edmund’s & Cinderllas’s).

For more Mansfield Park, go to Opening With…

For more Cinderella, go to If the Shoe Fits: Why Cinderella is Actually Awesome

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Tarzan & Emma

(Tarzan meets Emma)

I know that this pairing isn’t perfect but it is the only one I could find that correlated well together. None of the other Disney characters were even remotely like Emma or had the close relationship she had with her father.

Emma= Jane

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Emma is a wealthy woman and the apple of her father’s eye. She often does as she pleases, believing that her ways and knowledge are right. She sets her mind to tasks at hand and does all she can to achieve them, not always thinking things through or realizing that she cannot control every person’s actions.

Jane isn’t as wealthy but does come from a well to do family. She is also the apple of her father’s eye as they too share a great bond. When they are searching for the gorillas, she too exhibits some of the I’ll do what I think is best and doesn’t always make the best decisions. With Emma it was pairing up two people, with Jane threatening a baby baboon.

Both of these girls try to remold someone into what is the highest level of society, but it doesn’t quite go according to plan.

They also try to prove that they now better with their planning and scheming, but end up being proved wrong by someone who knows better; for Emma it is Mr. Knightley, and for Jane Tarzan.

Both girls have these amazing guys in love with them, but at first don’t realize and then secondly don’t really want it. Emma doesn’t realize for the longest time that Mr. Knightley is head over heels for her; and when she does she is at first ecstatic, but then doesn’t want it as she is worried about what her poor father will do without her. Knightley of course comes up with the perfect solution and the two live happily ever after. Jane also takes a long time to realize how much Tarzan cares for her and is then worried about how it will work out. Can he really handle English society? Could she survive in Africa? What about her father? In the end all works out.

Like I said not a perfect match, but the closest I could get.

Mr. Woodhouse = Professor Archimedes Q. Porter

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Both Mr. Woodhouse and Prof. Porter are single dad’s, having lost their wives to an illness. While this made Mr. Woodhouse shrink from fear and Prof. Porter live more dangerously; one thing is the same with both. It made them concentrate and rely more heavily on their daughter.

For Mr. Woodhouse he would have died from depression, if not for his two girls; particularly Emma. She remains by his side constantly, tending to his ever fear and worry; enveloping him with love and care.

For Prof. Porter, why do you think he has Jane as an assistant and not a man? Sure he could have done it because she was intelligent enough to handle it, but I think it goes deeper than that. I believe that like Mr. Woodhouse, he became so concentrated on his daughter after the death of his wife that he wanted her always with him. Training her in his field (whether society approved or not) and having her always journey with him. In fact that is why he decides to give up the modern world and remain with his daughter. He couldn’t stand being apart from her.

Mr. Knightly = Tarzan

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Some of you are thinking maybe Tarzan should be Harriet as both Emma and Jane take on pet projects in improving someone, but I think the Mr. Knightley/Tarzan comparison works too.

So both men are from wealthy English families, the ones to inherit all the land, manors, and titles. (Read Tarzan the book.)

Both sometimes give the appearance they don’t know what is going on; Mr. Knightley being older and as Emma believes uneducated in matters of the heart; while Tarzan seems too “stupid” by the animals to be a true ape and too “beastlike” by the humans to ever master English society. However they have a whole more going on that the other characters expect. First Knightley is spot on about everybody; Emma, Jane & Frank, Harriet & Robert, Mr. Elton; proving to Emma time and time again that he knows what’a what.

Tarzan too proves to everyone that not only is he capable of being King of the jungle, but mastering every aspect of human society (except sarcasm and lying). Jane may believe at first that she knows more, but quickly realizes the knowledge that Tarzan has is something much deeper than what she knows.

Both fall for the girls, Knightley for Emma and Tarzan for Jane; of which the women take forever to realize. Both men do their best to cultivate the relationship, but not push too hard that they may lose them. In the end all works out with them both gaining a father-in-law as well.

Frank Churchill= Clayton

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So while Clayton is much more evil being a poacher; both men are liars, betrayers of trust, manipulators, only care about themselves and what they need, etc. Ugh horrible men.

Frank Churchill is the son of Mr. Weston but was sent to live with his mother’s family after she died and adopted by them. He never cares to come see his father or spend anytime, being far too busy with his own things. The only reason he does come visit his father is that he is secretly engaged to a member of the community. But instead of letting people know of his involvements, he pretends to court another girl, Emma, playing with her heart and stabbing a knife through his “beloved’s”. He not only lies about that that his actions, but manipulates the whole community, just to protect his secret. What a jerk!

With Clayton he too comes along on the expedition to “help” the Porters and “protect” them from any attacks; but in reality that is all a lie. He too has a secret engagement, and engagement to trap as many gorillas as possible. Not only is he playing the Porters, but also tries to manipulate Tarzan to achieve his means; not caring what happens to anyone else. What a jerk!

For more Emma, go to Mr. Knightley’s Diary

For more Tarzan, go to Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines List

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A Sleeping Northanger Abbey Beauty

(Sleeping Beauty meets Northanger Abbey scenario 1)

So as I was thinking about what Disney films the characters of Austen matched up to, one of the firsts that popped up in my head was Northanger Abbey and Sleeping Beauty. I believe I might have mentioned some of their similarities in the past, but here we go with a full on comparison.

Catherine = Aurora

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Catherine Morland is a dreamer. While she spent her earlier years as a tomboy, participating in games with her brothers, running all around; as she grew she began to devour literature and began dreaming of the perfect man and adventure.

Aurora or Briar Rose, is the same. While her early days are more dramatic with a bethrol, curse, and having to be sent away; she grew up in the forest and don’t tell me she wasn’t a tomboy playing with the animals; running, climbing trees; etc. because I am 100% sure she was. As she grew older, she also began to dream; dream more than just the cottage hideaway and dream of her perfect match.

Catherine and Aurora are also kind, sweet, and adorable people. The type you love to have in your life.

Both Catherine and Aurora have “storybook” romances, as Catherine meets this tall, handsome stranger, with a great personality (Mr. Tilney) that no one really knows that much about but something about him seems to pull at her. For Aurora she meets a tall, handsome stranger in the forest, who has a great personality, (Prince Phillip) and is at first a little unsure as she doesn’t know him but something about him seems to pull at her heart.

Of course the road to love is never easy as John Thorpe has his eyes on Catherine, and Mr. Tilney’s father doesn’t approve of her as he thinks she isn’t wealthy enough for his son. For Aurora she has Maleficent who is trying to kill her and Prince Phillip’s father who thinks she is just some peasant girl.

Of course true love conquers all and all is set right in the end.

Mr. Tilney = Prince Phillip

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Mr. Tilney is Prince Phillip, no if, ands, or buts.

Both are sons to controlling fathers who want to dictate their lives to how they want it. General Tilney wants his son to not be a minister but to marry a very wealthy woman who will increase the family fortune. Prince Phillip’s father the King is set on Phillip marrying King Stefan’s daughter as it will not only unite the kingdom, but increase land and wealth. However, both of these sons have their own ideas. They don’t directly oppose their father in the beginning; as Mr. Tilney agrees to find a woman with wealth, and Philip does go through the betrothal ceremony; but when they find something they love and want they say good-bye dad.

In fact both of these men are willing to go to the end for who they care about. For Mr. Tilney, when his father discovers that Catherine isn’t as rich as he thought she was he sent her packing back home (she was visiting Miss Tilney). When Mr. Tilney returns from out of town he lets his father know that he is in love with Catherine, and that he will say good-bye to all his family money as he is in love and will marry her. Prince Phillip is the same way, willing to give up the throne for his lady love.

John Thorpe = Malificent

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While John Thorpe is a man with an agenda. He sees Catherine and assumes she is wealthier than she is, doing everything he can (and aided by his sister) to try and bag her. He is manipulative, a liar, and causes her pain in order to get what he wants. One of his most underhanded ways was to first get his sister to “become friends” with Catherine, gaining an inn; and second to try and make sure she made no other connections with anyone.

Malifcent also has her own agenda. She wants to hurt the royal family and curses a little baby to death. When it appears the fairies may have outsmarted her with sleep instead of death, she manipulates the game by pretending to be Aurora and capturing Prince Phillip, to keep him from freeing Aurora.

General Tilney = King Hubert

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General Tilney married for money rather than love and he has made that top priority for his own children. He wants them to increase the family coffers or else they get nothing! When he finds out that Catherine isn’t an heiress, he tosses her out of the house.

The King isn’t as cruel, but he too has definite ideas about matrimony. Marriage is a business deal and he wants his daughter-in-law to be Aurora who will bring peace, land, and money. He is most unhappy when his son wants to marry a peasant girl instead, but unlike Colonel Tilney he agrees to his son’s wishes. In fact he was planning on breaking the engagement, but the fairies sleeping spell took over before he could tell King Stefan.

For more on Northanger Abbey, go to God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

For more on Sleeping Beauty, go to For She Filled Their Lives With Sunshine

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Northanger Aladdin

(Northanger Abbey meets Aladdin scenario 2)

So this one is probably something you never saw coming, but it just seemed to fit so right I had to include it as well.

Catherine = Aladdin

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Catherine is a girl from an okay family, but dreams of something more, some adventure. She is kind, sweet, and real gem. She is given the trip of a lifetime, when wealthy family friends include her on their trip to bath. There people assume she is richer than she is and she manages to catch the eye of the wealthier Mr. Tilney.

Aladdin is not as well off as Catherine, being an orphan living on the streets. He too wishes of better things; living in the palace, food, etc. Like Catherine he sort of is blessed with wealth, when he becomes master to a Genie. For both of these characters the wealth is only temporary; Catherine her trip and Aladdin his three wishes. With this new “life” Aladdin is able to recapture the eye of the princess.

Both have someone plotting against them and their happiness (for Catherine she has throne who is trying to get her for himself, while Aladdin has Jafar trying to remove him so that he can get the throne.)

Both have things turn sour when the real truth is revealed about them; although in Catherine’s defense she never lied about anything. Others lied about her. Anyways, that doesn’t stop General Tilney from removing her from the family homestead. In Aladdin’s case; his lies are revealed and when all find out he isn’t a prince, he too is sent packing by Jafar.

In the end they are able to overcome those trying to stop them and win the person of their dreams. Both fathers later relenting from their harsh stands.

Mr. Allen = Genie

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While Mr. Allan doesn’t play as large a role in the story as the Genie; both are instrumental in the changes they bring about in the main characters lives.

Mr. Allan not only finances the trip to Bath, but he and his wife also purchase some things for Catherine. He is the one who brings her into the world she would have been unable to visit; catching the attention of good and bad.

For the Genie he is more than a window dresser, he becomes Aladdin’s best bud. But like Mr. Allan he is the one changes the appearance and introduces the character to the world he had only previously dreamed of.

Mr. Tilney = Jasmine

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Both Mr. Tilney and Jasmine are headstrong people. Both have father’s who have a plan for their lives, but they are still allowed some wiggle room. For Mr. Tilney he must marry wealthy, but gets to choose whom. For Jasmine she has the stipulation that her man must be a prince, but her father has allowed her to pick which prince she wants to marry.

When both are faced with the challenge of falling in love with someone who does not fit the parameters set out by their fathers, they choose to ignore it. With Mr. Tilney, he risks disinheritance; while Jasmine chooses Aladdin anyway, causing her father to repeal his law.

General Tilney = Sultan

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As stated previously, both are men who are used to being in control. General Tilney first and foremost of his troops, and also his family having parameters they must follow. The Sultan has a whole country, along with his daughter.

Both desire their children to marry wealthy and titled, and are less then pleased when they pick someone below that. Both get very upset and threaten; but in the end change their minds. General Tilney allows Mr. Tilney to keep his inheritance after his marriage and the Sultan changes the law so that Jasmine can marry whomever she wishes.

Mr. Thorpe = Jafar

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This is probably one of the best comparisons as these men are very similar. Both are ambitious and want things out of their reach. For Thorpe he wants to marry way up, to a women who will take care of him with her inheritance; and Jafar wishes to be Sultan.

To get their ways both men do every underhanded thing they can think of. Mr. Thorpe talks Mr. Tilney down, saying how his family is strange, keeps Catherine away from the Tilneys, uses his sister to promote him; etc. Jafar also uses manipulation, hypnotism, thievery, and even plans to marry Jasmine (and then kill her) to achieve his means.

Both only care about themselves and achieving their own interests.

For more Northanger Abbey, go to It’s All Jane Austen’s Fault

For more Aladdin, go to Well I Feel Sheepish: Chinese New Year

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A Robin Hood Persuasion

(Persuasion meets Robin Hood)

These have similar parts of the story. Both involve sweethearts being unable to marry because of a war. Both have a story about a reversal of fortune after the war, changing their lives dramatically. Both also invove dim relations, and a power play with marriages.

Anne = Maid Marion

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Ann and Maid Marian are very similar. Both feel in love at an early age, but forgo marrying because a war was separating them. Even though they were apart from their sweetheart, they never stopped loving him or dreaming that he would come back.

Both are related to not the brightest or smartest of men. With Anne her father Walter is a horrible manager of money and only cares about his looks, for Maid Marian her cousin Prince John is the same.

They both find their relations trying to manuever marriages and relationships they do not desire. Sir Walter thinks that Mr. Elliot would be a good match, Anne however only has eyes for one man. For Maid Marian, Prince John pushes her at the Sheriff, but he cuts rather a lackluster picture next to Robin Hood.

Frederick Wentworth = Robin Hood

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These two’s characters don’t exactly match up perfectly, but are pretty close. While Fredrick starts off poor, but comes back from the war wealthy; Robin Hood is the opposite, being wealthy and coming home from the crusades with his home having been given away.

However, both has childhood sweethearts they wanted to marry, Frederick & Anne and Robin Hood & Maid Marian. They leave for war which prevents them from getting married and when they return they consider starting the relationship up again, but have some obstacles. For Fredrick, he has his pride and hurt over being rejected; for Robin he is now an outlaw which is no life for a Lady. Even with these issues, both continue to love from afar and once again, proving that in their case, absence allows the heart to grow fonder.

Mr. Elliot = Sheriff of Nottingham

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Mr. Elliot is the long estranged cousin and next in line for Sir Walter’s title, unless Sir Walter remarries and has a son. Mr. Elliot is all about himself and how he can advance, romancing three women to ensure his future. The Sheriff is another man that cares about titles and advancement. He commits some horrible acts in order to keep the job of Sheriff and stay on the good side of Prince John, where the money is currently coming from. Like Mr. Elliot, he isn’t below some bad acts; such as taking money from an injured man, hanging a priest, and cheating at a tournament.

Both characters also try to be a love interest to the main character, Mr. Elliot with Anne and the Sheriff with Maid Marian. They do this because of the advancements that it could bring them, for Mr. Elliot, Sir Walter may not care about siring a son, allowing his daughter to gain her mother’s title and Mr. Elliot Sir Walter’s title. And for Sheriff Nottingham, marrying the cousin of the King and Prince, that will only raise him up.

Sir Walter Elliot = Prince John

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So Sir Walter and Prince John are very, very similar. Both are pompous jerks that think they are more special than they are. And both have an affection for mirrors and their apperance. All Sir Elliot can do is look at himself, spending tons of money on mirrors and lotions. Prince John cares only about he how he looks as well, physically and with the public.

Both also have a bad sense of money, burning through it rapidly. Sir Walter loses so much money he has to move to Bath and rent out the family home. Prince John runs through so much money, he taxes the stuffing out of his people.

Both men also don’t care very much about their family, Sir Walter trying to keep all his children away, except his eldest who has taken on the “Lady’s” household duties; and Prince John who wants his brother to continue to be captured as he wants to stay in command.

For more on Persuasion, go to A Letter of Love: Persuasion (2007)

For more on Robin Hood, go to Oh Oh De Lally

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So I hope you enjoyed that list. It took a long time finding the perfect people, the best pictures. I started in September and just now managed to finish.

For more on similarities between Austen and other famous characters, go to A Bit Pottery About Jane Austen

For more Disney posts, go to A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

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So today’s Christmas Carol is one that I love and one has been around for quite some time, Oh Come All Ye Faithful. 

This song was written in the 17th century, actual author unknown. Three claim to have written it: King John IV of Portugal, John Reading, and John Francis Wade. It was originally written in Latin and then later translated into English.

 It is a great song, uplifting and serene. I really enjoy the version by Celtic Woman.

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For more on Celtic Woman, go to Joy to the World

For more Christmas Carols, go to The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You)

Well I Feel Sheepish: Chinese New Year

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So this year is the year of the Sheep, and since it is hard to find favorite sheep like horses, as I did in last years A Horse’s Tale, this year I’m going to have to revert back to my 2012 post Snakes on a Postin which I counted down my favorite snake moments from films. This year I’m going to pick my fav sheep, ram, lamb, goat, and ewe moments/characters.

But before I go there, let’s talk about those born in the year of the sheep. Now this symbol of the Chinese Zodiac is not just sheep, it can also be symbolized by a ram or goat, hence my using all types in my countdown. Sheep tend to be shy and well-mannered, but can also be awkward and not socially adept at things. They have charm, innocence, and attract loyal friends. Sheep people are often dreamy and starry-eyed, and can be extremely insecure finding themselves relying heavily on something for a sense of security in life. They work best with rabbits, pigs, and horses.

Famous sheep include Jamie Foxx, Mel Gibson, Michelangelo, Mark Twain, Rudolph Valentino, Bruce Willis, Orville Wright, and the amazing Jane Austen.

So now onto the countdown.

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Toy Story

7) Toy Story (1995)

I’m sure all of you know the plot to this, but just in case…When you were a kid did you ever think that your toys came to life when you were gone and moved around on their own? Well in Toy Story they address the question that every kid was wondering and say, “yes, they do”.

Whenever Andy leaves his room his toys come to life. These toys are lead by a cowboy named Woody (Tom Hanks). As the family is moving, Andy’s birthday party is moved up and he gets lots of space type things, including a new space toy, Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen). Woody becomes jealous as he is demoted from Andy’s favorite toy, and everyone in the toy chest is going ga-ga over Buzz. One day Woody accidentally knocks Buzz outside Andy’s window. He and the other toys believe that Woody killed him, the other toys believing he did it on purpose. Woody is saved when Andy takes him along on his family’s trip to dinner. While his mom is filling up the tank who should show up? A very angry Buzz seeking revenge. Buzz survived the fall and snuck into the car. As the two fight, Andy and his mom leave for the resturant. Woody hatches a plan to get them there as well,  but they are unfortunately picked up by Andy’s next door neighbor Sid, a sadistic toy torturer. During this time period Buzz has a breakdown as he realizes that he is not a real spaceman, but just a toy. Now it is up to Woody to pull Buzz together and for the two of them to figure out a way to get back to Andy before he moves and is gone forever.

Favorite Sheep Moment: Mistletoe

This scene occurs at the end of the film. It takes place the Christmas after Woody and Buzz have defeated Sid, found their way back to Andy, and settled in the new house. The toys are worried about what new things Andy will be getting and whether or not they will be replaced. They are setting up a communications center to hear everything going on downstairs when the china Bo Peep figurine hooks Woody and pulls him under the mistletoe her sheep have so conveniently set up. It’s a cute scene with Woody and Bo; and finally shows that Bo Peep’s sheep can do more than run away.

This is the only clip I could find and it is poor quality (sorry!). Start it at about 8 mins and you’ll be good to go.

For more on Toy Story, go to They’re Alive!

For more Woody and Buzz Lightyear, go to The Boys Are Back in Town

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Aladdin

6) Aladdin (1992)

Aladdin is a retelling of a chinese tale in Arabian Nights or A Thousand and One Nights, tales that Scheherazade told her husband to keep herself alive each night, (for more on that go here). Disney disneyfied it into being much happier and brighter, like they do with everything.

In the disney story, Aladdin is an orphaned boy living with his monkey friend, Abu. The two are street rats, scrounging about for food and hiding from the castle guards. Every night Aladdin goes home and dreams of being rich and living in the palace, never worrying about any thing. Meanwhile, Princess Jasmine is in the palace and has to marry by her sixteenth birthday. She hates every prince that has called on her as she feels they all are after her fortune. Also in the palace lurks Jafar, the evil vizier, who wants to take the throne for himself. He is trying to get inside the fabled Cave of Wonders to get a lamp, but only a pure-hearted, diamond in the rough can enter. These three stories intersect when Jasmine sneaks out of the palace, only to be helped by Aladdin when she gets into trouble. The two run from guards and are caught, Jasmine revealing herself and going home, while Aladdin is sent to the dungeon. Jafar disguises himself and frees Aladdin, convinced he is the perfect person to enter the cave. Aladdin is and does, but Abu brings the whole place toppling down when he tries to take something he is not supposed to touch. Aladdin gets stuck inside the Cave, but there he finds the Genie of the lamp and the adventure to capture the heart of the princess is on.

Fav Sheep Moment: Well, I Feel Sheepish

It’s just a one bit line and an itty-bitty scene but this always used to make me laugh. In this scene Aladdin has tricked the Genie into getting him out of the cave without actually wishing for it. He instead insulted the genie and told him he could never get all three of ’em out, which of course causes the Genie to do exactly that as he has to prove he can. When he realizes what he has done he turns into a sheep and says “Well, I feel sheepish.” Cute and funny. You can clearly see how much I enjoyed it as I used it for the title of the post.

For more on Aladdin, go to Diamond in the Rough

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5) The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader (1989)

Prince Caspian and Voyage of the Dawn Treader are two of my absolute favorite books in The Chronicles of Narnia series. I enjoyed the character of Prince Caspian, along with the battles and adventures in these books.

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So out of the 1980s miniseries, Voyage of the Dawn Treader is one of my favorites. I wouldn’t even watch the films that came out in the 2000s as the first and second one were absolutely horrible (I never saw the third as I just couldn’t stomach any more). Anyways, in this book and film Prince Caspian has grown to be a young man and is setting sail to the lone islands that not only have failed to pay tribute to Narnia since his father died, but hold ten lords who were loyal to his father, but banished by his evil uncle. As he is setting sail; Lucy and Edmond are visiting their horrid relative, cousin Eustace, in England. When they are looking at a painting of a boat all three are called into Narnia, in the exact spot that Prince Caspian is sailing. They go on grand adventures as the islands hold much more than they bargained for. They encounter slavery, nightmares coming true, a midas touch that backfired, dragons, invisible thumping creatures, a spell that has cursed an island, Aslan’s country and much more.

Favorite sheep moment: Lamb or Lion

This moment occurs both in the book and miniseries. The Dawn Treader has sailed to the farthest edge of the world, sending Reepicheep into Aslan’s country (heaven) and dropping off Lucy, Edmund, and Eustace. The three end up on land and find a lamb. As they speak to the lamb, questioning it whether they will be able to find the way to Aslan’s country, he tells them they must enter from their own world and transforms into a Lion. I always thought that scene was so cool as a child.

This was the only clip I could find. Start at the 5:30 mark.

For more on The Chronicles of Narnia, go to Simply Fantastic

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Legend1985

4) Legend (1985)

Legend is a fantasy film directed by Ridley Scott and starring a very young, handsome, Tom Cruise. The Lord of Darkness (Tim Curry) is imprisoned in the shadows, but wishes to break free. He sends his minions to destroy the unicorns, as their horns are the safeguards of light and keep him locked away. Meanwhile, Princess Lili has grown bored with royal life and has sneaked out once again into the forest. There she meets up with her friend Jack (Tom Cruise), a young man who has been raised by the forest and speaks the languages of the animals. Jack has a surprise that day for Princess Lili, as he calls the unicorns for her to see. Princess Lili, used to getting her own way all the time, refuses to listen to Jack’s warnings of only looking at them and approaches the unicorns, distracting them, and causing the stallion to be attacked and poisoned by Darkness’ minions. Princess Lili makes light of the situation, and tells Jack that the man who finds her ring will win her hand in marriage. She then tosses it into a stream, with Jack quickly diving after it. With one of the unicorns killed and horn cut off, things begin changing in the forest. All becomes cold and winter, with the stream Jack jumped into freezing over. Princess Lili becomes distraught, and runs off hiding in a cabin. She is so ashamed of what she has done that she sets out to protect the mare, getting captured by Darkness. In his castle Darkness tries to seduce Princess Lili into becoming his queen. Meanwhile, Jack has survived the water and teams up with elves and dwarves on a quest to save the unicorns, the forest, and Princess Lili.

Fav Sheep Moment: Darkness Emerging from the Mirror

This is the first time we are introduced to the full form of Lord Darkness, as previously we had only heard his voice. This scene is amazing as you are so creeped out and fascinated by this giant red arm coming out of a mirror, with fire blazing all around. As I was watching it, I didn’t know what to expect or guess. Then you have this giant ram hoof come down and finally the giant form and face of darkness revealed.

For more on Tim Curry, go to 25 More Films of Christmas

For more on Tom Cruise, go to Rock You Like a Hurricane

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Kid in Aladdin's palace

3) Kid in Aladdin’s Palace (1997)

A Kid in Aladdin’s Palace  is the sequel to the Disney film, A Kid in King Arthur’s Court, (modern retelling of A Conneticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain), in which a young boy named Calvin is transported back to the time of King Arthur by the wizard Merlin in order to save the day. In A Kid in Aladdin’s Palace, Calvin in older and concerned with more things these days. Such as how to get the hottest girl in school to go out with him, and how to deal with Elliot the bully. While cleaning some old pots his boss bought at an auction, he awakens a genie. The genie has been sitting in the lamp for thousands of years, awaiting the time he would be woken by the deliverer. You see Aladdin has married Jasmine and they rule the kingdom, alongside their daughter Sheherazade. Aladdin’s evil brother, Luxor, has been trying to steal the throne. In order to save the kingdom, yet still receive help, Aladdin put the lamp back in the cave of wonders, split the key, and hid them far away from each other. He left clues for a deliverer to save them all. Luxor has poisoned Aladdin leaving him nothing more than a vegetable and in dire need of the genie to cure him. Calvin doesn’t want to go back, but finds himself once again having to save a kingdom. He teams up with Ali Baba and the three thieves (his younger brothers), along with Princess Sheherazade. Calvin uses his items and know-how of the future to try to save the day, but he must act quickly as Luxor is growing more powerful every day, is trying to pressure Jasmine into marrying him, and is planning on killing Sheherazade, the only heir.

Favorite sheep moment: Just Part of the Flock

This scene takes place when Calvin and Ali Baba are running from the guards. In order to throw them off the trail, they through some wool on their backs and jump into a group of sheep, blending in with the animals. I know it’s an old joke, but I still find this moment absolutely hilarious.

Once again clip is of a poorer quality and covering more than I wish. Just start at 6:50 and you will be fine.

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Last Battle C.S.Lewis

2) The Last Battle by C. S. Lewis

This is the last book in the Chronicles of Narnia series. In this book hundreds of years have passed, and almost all have forgotten of the four children who defeated the White Witch, Prince Caspian, and Prince Rilian. Now the current king, King Tirian, is told that the time of peace is at an end. In the country, an ape finds a lion skin and decides to dress up a donkey named Puzzle in it. He starts telling people that it is Aslan, and as the current animals and people haven’t seen him, they believe it. The ape starts to use his newly gained power to turn the animals into slaves. He even goes as far as selling them to the evil Calormenes. King Tirian and his friend the unicorn Jewel, are captured and bound. There they hear awful lies that Aslan is the same as the Calormenian god Tash. He calls to Aslan for help, and is answered by Eustace and Jill Pole using the rings from The Magician’s Nephew. They team up to save Narnia, in it’s final battle.

Favorite sheep moment: You Can’t Pull the Wool Over My Eyes

While the Ape is telling everyone what life will be like, what “Aslan” wants (in reality Puzzle is stuck in a shed, being held against his will), and that Tash and Aslan are the same thing. All the animals are just agreeing with whatever is being said until one little lamb speaks up against him.

“What have we to do with the Calormenes? We belong to Aslan. They belong to Tash. They have a god called Tash. They say he has four arms and the head of a vulture. They kill Men on his altar. I don’t believe there’s any such person as Tash. But if there was, how could Aslan be friends with him?”

The Ape yells at the Lamb and he later disappears as he is “taken care of”, but he was brave to speak his mind and stand up for what he believed in.

Amy poelherRealHeroRightThing boy meets world

For more by C.S. Lewis, go to The Biggest Bill You Should Be Paying

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Hoodwinked

1) Hoodwinked (2005)

Hoodwinked  is a twist on the classic “Little Red Riding Hood” fairy tale. The story begins with the conclusion of the tale: wolf in the bed dressed as a woman; Red screaming her head off; Granny tied up in the closet; the huntsman running in swinging an axe; etc. The police come in being lead by Chief Fuzzy Wuzzy Bear who believes one of them is the Goody Bandit who is stealing recipes and closing down shops in the forests. He later calls in a Detective Nicky Flippers (a parody of Nick Charles) to help him solve the case. We see that no one is as they seems as Red wants to leave the forest and travel the world, Granny an extreme sports enthusists, the wold an undercover reporter, and the Hunstman an actor. As each tells their story, they all intersect and reveal the truth of what actually happened.

Favorite sheep moment: Have to Check My Source

Wolf W. Wolf is an undercover reporter and wants to crack this “Goody Bandit” case wide open. He goes to check his source, which happens to be a sheep. In order to get the goods, he dresses up as a sheep. This scene is hilarious as the interaction between the straight circuit wolf and Jersey shore sheep are just perfect.

Unfortunately I can’t find the clip, so I’ll just post a pic. But trust me watch the film and enjoy.

Hoodwinked-wolf-disguise-5

For more Hoodwinked!, go to I Wanna Get Off This Ride

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2015

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For more on Disney, go to Love Makes You Do Crazy Things: Hercules (1997)

For more fairy tales, go to Are You the Dread Pirate Roberts?

That Girl is Poison

So if you have been following me for a while, you are quite aware of the fact that I am a huge Batman fan. For any superhero fan you have got to have a favorite villain. And mine is Poison Ivy.

poisonivy DC comics

I’ve always loved how she is this super stong feminist, girl-power; yet at the same time isn’t above using seduction and feminine wiles to get what she wants. Plus, I don’t know, she always seemed so cool. So back in April my friends and I were discussing Halloween costume ideas and that’s when I decided I was going to be Poison Ivy.

Go here to see who you are.

Go here to see who you are.

But then I ran into a few problems with the putting of the costume together. You see her original outfit is like a green sweetheart leotard, tights, and boots. Not a lot there and October is cold. I wasn’t going to do a leotard and tights. That’s crazy!

No thank you

So I decided to reimagine her outfit. Instead of the tights and leotard I decided a corset top, shrug with a high villaness collar, green leggings, and my yellow 5 inch platform shoes.

hot pretty sexy

But things didn’t quite turn out as I planned.

nightmare before christmas nothing turn out like it should

The corset and shrug looked awesome, it was the leggings that ran into some issues. You see I have a large butt.

curvy

And I do like it, but it can cause some problems. One of which being that leggings don’t always cover its ampleness like they should.

Stupid, stupid

So then we had to change plans. I was going to go with a skirt and tights, although it wasn’t what I really wanted. I wanted pants because if I was an evil villian that is what I would wear. I would want to be able to kick somebody. Luckily my sister heard of my dilemma and told me she could make me some pants.

Double double yay

Everything was going according to plan. The only thing left to do was my hair. And we know how that usually goes.

Hair humidity lion king

But it went better than I thought it would. You see I had thought about using a wig, but they are so itchy I decided to dye it instead (temporarily). I went to the beauty store and was warned my hair was too dark of a color the red wouldn’t show. I told the workers I understood that, but I didn’t want bright Ariel hair, I was hoping for a more auburn-y color.

Game of thrones jon Snow kit harrington I know how

So I ask my sister to help me as she has died her hair multiple times. She went to work and the results were…well let me start that by saying my hair is unusual.

DisneyJHair

Yeah, it doesn’t do what most people’s hair does. Even my hairdresser has remarked on this. When you want it to be wet, it dries instantly. When you want it dry, it is resistant to the hairdryer. When you want it parted on one side, it flips to the other. When you want it pushed back, it wants to go forward.

hair no control

So she was trying to slick my hair back to put the dye in, but it kept going forward. Luckily, I had read online that when you dye your hair you should put vaseline along the hairline to protect the dye from staining your skin. It was a good thing I had read that, or else I would have come out looking weird.

Queen of outer space

When my sister was done putting the dye in. She showed me her gloves and it looked like we had just murdered someone, the way the dye had gotten everywhere. It was like a Dexter episode.

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Ayways, after I sat the most time allowed, we washed my hair. Sadly it looked like all the dye was running out into the tub and that my hair was the same color.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

But I figured, oh well. If nothing happens, then at least I have a great story to blog.

Yeah-Dean-dean-winchester-33251540-500-300

Well, I was wrong. Not all  the die did wash out. It still looked red!

hair dying

I really liked how it came out. You see my hair is a golden brown with blond and copper natural highlights. The whole mane ranges in lights and darks. The dye came out really cool, witth some areas being a really dark brown, auburn, red. While others were much, much brighter. I actually really like it and am considering dying it permenantly. I could totally pull it off as I have the two thinngs needed to be a sucessful redhead. 1) I have light eyes-green. 2) I do not tan at all, but remain white year round. The only issue I face is money!

So here’s the pic of my costume and hair. My sis and friend went as Catwoman and Harley Quinn, making us the three tantilizing women of Gotham.

PoisonIvyHalloweenDC costumes copslay

Yep you should join the dark side.

Star Wars Dark side power Darth vader

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For more on Batman, go to I’m Batman!

For more strong, independent women; go to How to Catch a  Man

For more quizzes, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

For more on Star Wars, go to Part IX: Adventures in Movie Lines

Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Scream-4-Intl-3

You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don’t f*** with the original!

If only Wes had followed his own advice.

2013-11-27-bradpittUgh

I wish they hadn’t messed with the original. This movie sucked.

Bad Sequels psycho-1960-alfred-hitchcock-janet-leigh-pic-21

Just plain horrible. You see this all happened because everyone wanted to make another film after Scream 3. Wes told them he wouldn’t, unless the script was as good as the original film. Unfortunately, those dunderheads thought that meant they needed to do a horrible remake of the first amazing film.

hmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

For those of you just tuning in, this is the last of our Screamtastic Saturdays. Every Saturday this month I reviewed one of the Scream films. To read about them before you start this one, go to Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3

Now as you can tell I didn’t enjoy this one. As I watched this film I took a lot of notes on my feelings, A LOT. I’m just going to write them verbatim.

So let’s get started on this travesty…

I don't wanna

I don’t wanna

So the film starts out with two girls (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) hanging out discussing horror films and stuff. One of them has a facebook stalker. It turns out to be ghostface who stabs and kills them both.

Ghostface attacks!

Ghostface attacks!

1&2

Victims 1&2

But wait…

Psych!Gameofthrones

It turns out that its not real. It is the opening scene from the film Stab 6 that two girls are watching. (Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell).

So that’s the first problem of this film. It was so dripped in big name actors that it was impossible to get into. I mean the original had famous actors too, but this was tooooo jam packed. It’s too much, far too much.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

So Anna Paquin talks too much during the movie that Kristen Bell kills her.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

I know Kristen Bell? Whatever.

3

Body #3

Just kidding

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

Yep, it’s just another fakeout. It’s Stab 7  that Julie from Friday Night Lights, I mean Jenny (Aimee Teagarden) and her friend Marnie are watching. After that Jenny goes upstairs to get something, and instead prank calls her friend. The “real” Ghostface comes in and kills Marnie, with Jenny right behind her.

Victim 4 & 5

Victim 4 & 5

And here we have another garage scene that is improbable. I’m telling you, any automatic garage door will not be able to kill someone. They design the mechanisms so that if there is something underneath them, it will cause them to be incapable of being squished.

Duh!

Duh!

And the other problem with this scene is the fact that having two fakeouts was too many. After the two psych-outs, I was not attached to the characters as I was just expecting them to die. It wasn’t scary, mysterious, funny, or good. It was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Plain ol’ lazy writing. Come on Wes, you’re better than this. This is reverting back not evolving.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

So this film, and the first scene, take place 10 years after “The Woodsboro Massacre” or the amazing phenomenon known as Scream. Deputy Dewey is now Sheriff and married to Gale Weathers. Gale has stopped reporting and turned to writing fiction. Sidney has written a book on her experiences and is on tour. In fact, she has just arrived in Woodsboro. And Randy is dead.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Still not over that.

We then see the horrible Emma Roberts getting picked up for school. I hate Emma Roberts. She has no talent whatsoever. She always seems as if she is acting, so I never believe that she is whatever “character” she is playing. She’s like a block of wood. I think she is secretly a robot as she never gives any emotion. None whatsoever. She’s proof that just because one family member has talent, doesn’t mean the rest do.

big mistake

I bet she is the killer. She’s all I hate Sidney.  Blah, blah blah…

boohoo_zps058c9fe1

Anyways, Jill (Emma Roberts) is being picked up by her friends Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) and Olivia (Marielle Jaffe). Now who are these girls trying to fool? There is no way these girls are in high school they look sooo OLD.

I mean Roberts could pass for 19 at the youngest, but Panettiere and Jaffe? They are clearly are late 20s heading for their thirties. I’m looking it up now…let’s see…Roberts was 20 at the time, Panettiere was 22, and Jaffee was also 22. Okay so they weren’t as old as I thought they were, although they look it. I mean it’s laughable how they think they could pass off people so old as high school students.

Jill and Olivia receive texts from Jenny and Marnie, even though they aren’t close friends or anything…and the two girls are dead (although no one has discovers it yet. Speaking of which where were the parents during all of this? Why weren’t they with their kid? How come it took someone so long to discover the body? Come on now!)

Wes also has a love affair in this film with fake jumps. It’s like every five seconds. Seriously, just stop.

Stop stop it now!

At the station Sheriff Dewey gets called on the scene and I notice something here Wes. Yes…yes…it appears that Dewey no longer suffers from a limp. I see, I see. Dewey  gets to be limp free WHILE RANDY IS DEAD??!!

800__shadow_of_a_doubt_blu-ray_04_intense stare angry upset mad creep

Never letting that one go. Moving on.

So Sheriff Dewey is called on the scene and he knows, he just knows

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

So as Sheriff Dewey is looking around, one of his deputies calls him Sheriff Riley. And I was like Whaaaaaaat????? Dewey has a last name?

phil first name agent Avengers phil coulson tony stark pepper potts

Sorry. Back to the film.

So then we zoom to the high school were we have Hollywood’s version of high school students. You know horribly unrealistic and clichéd to the farthest ranges of the imagination. Because in Hollywood:

thats-how-its-done

Yep, enter super nerd who has a computer hooked up to his headphones so he can blog every moment of his life.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Really Wes? Have you been to a school and seen real nerds? They don’t dress like that or do that? I mean when Ned’s Declassified did the Nerd has camera/computer hooked up to their glasses they did it to spoof. They weren’t trying to portray the nerd/online/blogger culture. You fail. Big time.

Duh!

Duh!

So then we enter douche boy, Jill’s ex-boyfriend. I mean this is some serious deja vu as he ex is a total creep. I guess douche dating runs in the family.

Girl Please

So during homeroom, everyone’s cellphones buzz with the news. I’m just like, why wasn’t the school notified? When I was in high school we had two deaths. One was a car crash, the other an overdose and the teachers were all immediatey notified before the friends even found out. Same thing in college when a guy committed suicide, and another guy jumped off his balconey as he was high and had a bad trip. Although in college they sent emails and texts to the students, while in high school they told us.

At the bookstore, Sidney is reading an excerpt from her book when Sheriff Dewey comes marching in. He interrupts the signing as they are tracking the phone that placed the calls. They discover it in the back of Sidney’s rental, along with bloody handprints.

dun-dun-duuuun

Back at the station, Sheriff Dewey s dealing with a lot. Gale comes down as her old investigative spirit is still alive. She encounters a huge prob though. Dewey’s deputy, Deputy Judy, has a mondo crush on Dewey. But Gale, she’s not having any of that.

that girl is going after my man she is going to wish she was never born

I love that Gale is still kickin’ butt.

verbalbeatdown

So Sheriff Dewey decides to put Sidney on 24-hour police protection, and all I can think is do you remember what happend last time? Yeah, it did not end well.

ouch Hermione

You know what almost everyone in this film has drunk the kool-aid. I know that Wes wanted to provide a wide range of “suspects” (totally obvious Jill and Culkin brother/crazy film nerd guy). But he makes everyone seem CRAZY!!! Jill’s ex, the deputy, and that’s not all. Let’s add Sidney’s publicist who delights in the murders because it will sell more books. She actually hopes more will occur. And then we have Sidney’s aunt Kate. “Nobody cares about the fact that it was MY sister that was killed or what I’VE been going through.

Gilmore girls creep

So at this point in the film I’m starting to wonder what happened to Patrick Dempsey? AKA Detective Mark Kincaid. I guess he was too busy being a doctor or maid of honor. Let’s see…Yes to doctor, no to maid of honor. He was trying to protect a bank teller and working with Decepticons. I wish they had given us a clue as why they didn’t stay together. I liked Mark.

Later that evening, Sidney goes to talk to Jill and you know what..how come we have never heard of this aunt and niece before? I mean they have lived in the town their whole life and not once was concerned with Sidney? Like why didn’t she stay with her aunt when he dad was out of town? This Wes, is why you do not try and remake a good thing. Just leave well enough alone.

So Sidney goes in to talk to Jill and sees her creep ex climbing in her window trying to talk to her. He’s extra creepy and weird calling himself “the ninja”. Who nicknames themselves? He is also a total control freak and won’t listen to “no”. What a jerk.

jerk

That night Kirby comes over and she and Jill are watching scary movies. Kirby gets a call from Ghostface that he’s hiding in the closet. She decides to be stupid and looks around, finding no one. Like this guy KILLED people. Maybe you should CALL THE POLICE!!!!

Scream 2

The voice says that he never stated which closet he was in.

Now the house next door is Olivia’s who is home alone (of course). The police offered to walk her to her home but she refused and like the stupid caricatures they are, they agreed. I just realized that policeman in the Scream  films are pretty stupid. Dewey and Mark being the exception. I mean SHE RECIEVED A DEATH THREAT FROM GHOSTFACE EARLIER!!!! WHY IS NO ONE PROTECTING HER!!! So of course, Ghostface is in her closet and kills her.

Victim 6

Victim 6

And her friends just watch.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Seriously, they DO NOTHING BUT WATCH THEIR FRIEND GET SLICED APART. Scream! Call the police!!! Do something!!!!

Sid hears it and rushes over to help. Now Sid I love you, but couldn’t you have brought a weapon with you? How do you expect to save the girl if you have nothing. I mean come on, grab a bat, frying pan, knife, SOMETHING!!!

Sid does manage to take him down as she rules! But when the cops come he’s disappeared? Who is he Michael Myers? How does he move so fast? I mean they did the same thing in Scream 2.

Why weren’t the cops able to find him? WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK??? THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!!! CRAVEN YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN! IT’S LIKE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET ALL FREAKIN’ OVER AGAIN!!!

800__shadow_of_a_doubt_blu-ray_04_intense stare angry upset mad creep

Not happy, not happy at all

Gale seduces the two nerds to get them to help her. At first I thought it was funny, but the more I think about it, it’s creepy. I know on Cougar Town you are always with younger men, but this is a 47 year old woman hitting on 17 year olds.

ew! Gross Yuck

PR girl is the devil. I am sorry but the way she gushes about the killings, she needs help.

you're evil

So after she leaves from visiting Sidney in the hospital (minor cut) she runs into Ghostface and is killed.

Victim #7

Victim #7

Now to be honest its her own fault as she really shouldn’t be walking around at night by herself with a killer on the loose. And what’s really stupid was that she was by her car. Just get in and drive away, run him over. Instead she tries to run. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB. I mean come on, you were sitting inside the car! Why would you ever take off?

Girl Please

You know what I just realized. so far the killer has only murdered women. What’s up with that? In the other films it was always equal. How come you’re just killing women Wes? Huh? Why? You know what else? In every film we have couples who are murdered first. Scream– Steve and Casey, Scream 2– Boyfriend and Jada Pinket-Smith, & Scream 3– Cotton’s girlfriend and Cotton. But in this one its only been girls. There’s a formula!

But now, we only have females murdered. What happened Wes, did you have a woman break your heart so now you are releasing your anger on females?

And you know what’s really depressing about this film is that it lost everything. It isn’t a horror parody and a horror film at the same time; It’s just sad and boring. You can tell from the beginning who the killers are (Jill & Charlie [Culkin brother super nerd]). It’s just a recycled plot. A poorly recycled one too.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

I mean each previous Scream brought something new and fresh.

Scream

  1. Parody of the Horror film Genre while still being a great horror film
  2. Twist ending with two killers, and one being the boyfriend.
  3. Obsession with horror films and trying to create their own
  4. Revenge because his mother left.

Scream 2

  1. Parody of sequel films and horror sequels
  2. Debates issue if whether horror films turn people into killers
  3. Twist ending where you think it is the boyfriend murdering, but really ex’s mom
  4. Female serial killer

Scream 3

  1. Parody of trilogy films
  2. Twist ending with mother’s secret early life + half brother
  3. Single killer this time
  4. All the survivors end in a couple-Dewey & Gale, Mark & Sid

Scre4m

  1. Recycled plot
  2. Pop culture of the day inserted but it feels more like an old man trying to be “hip” and failing than avant-garde.
  3. They waited far too long to make this film. It should have come sooner.

So the next day Gale gets Sidney to come speak at the film club at the high school. In return for this, the two geek boys Charlie (the Culkin brother) and his friend blogger- headphones, Robbie, will help her out. Gale thinks the new Ghostface is copying the murders, but the nerd twins point out that it is a remake “as only remakes are being made these days.” Tru dat. In 2011 alone there was Silent House, Gnomeo & Juliet, The Green Hornet, The Roommate, The Mechanic, Just Go With It, Unknown, Jane Eyre, Winnie the Pooh, Arthur, X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian, Real Steel, Straw Dogs, The Thing, Footloose, The Muppets, and The Sitter.

The kids tell Gale & Sidney that if the killer wants to make it intense and new he is going to record the murders. That’s not new, it’s been happening for quite so time now. Just another ripoff.

They decide the next place he will strike is the annual Stab-a-thon. Now you have a killer running about and you refuse to stop your party? Definteky Charlie. He’s the killer. I mean come on, any smart person would be like nope, let’s stop this so people don’t die.

jerk_alert32

So a bunch of the kids dress up in Ghostface masks which is incredibly stupid. I mean you have a KILLER IN THE GHOSTFACE MASK? Why is everyone so STUPID.

Ugh

Ugh

Gale goes there just like in the first film and hooks up some “secret cameras”. The cameras get covered up and Gale calls Dewey before she goes into take care of them. Now the smart thing would be to just wait as it is obvious that Ghostface is the one doing it, but whatever! I mean like even if you feel like you HAVE  to go, why not be extra cautious and take a weapon! I mean, come on now people. She goes and is stabbed by the killer, however, she’s Gale so she just has to go to hospital. That’s cause Gale is awesome.

I just want this film to be over. It is that painful.

So I am liking nobody in this film. Like every character is crazy or stupid. The only exceptions are Gale, Sid, Dewey, and Aimee Teagarden’s character as she tried to run away. Even though I think Emma Roberts is the killer I want her to get stabbed so I won’t have to see her face again this film and hear her horrible acting voice.

Duh!

Duh!

So back at the house Sidney sees something outside. She goes to take a look at it instead of CALLING THE POLICE! Come on Sid, you’re better than that.

Stop stop it now!

So the cops outside Kate/Jill/Sid’s residence are all comedic and talking about movie cops. They say that cops are what you never want to be as they are always “getting it” in films. Uh, not true! What about Dirty Harry? Ain’t nobody taking down Clint Eastwood. Or what about Patrick Dempsey in Scream 3, I mean Wes you freakin’ made that film. Witness? Harrison Ford always dominates! Sidney Poitier In the Heat of the Night or They Call Me, Mr. Tibbs! Mark Wahlberg in The Departed? Die Hard?

Besides why would the black cop be worried that since he is a cop he’s going to killed? He’s got bigger worries, he’s a minority. He’s going to get killed for that. The only horror films I’ve ever seen where the minority doesn’t get killed first and makes it to the end would be Night of the Living Dead and Aliens vs. Predator.

They both get killed.

Victim #8 & 9

Victim #8 & 9

I was actually happy about that as they were annoying.

So someone in this film finally wises up, as Sid grabs a knife to protect her. Ghostface comes and attacks. Yawn! Knew it was going to happen. There is NOTHING original in this film, NOTHING!!!! Wes you have failed, fAILED FAILED FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!

So Kate also gets killed, she was stabbed through a door.

Victim #10

Victim #10

Yawn! Wes you already did that in Scream 2.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

Is it over yet? Is the film done yet? Boo. There’s still 30 mins left! UGH, UGH, BLEH! I would stop watching like a did with An American Werewolf in London, but I promised full reviews of every Scream film and I can’t go back on that.

So Sidney escapes. She starts to head next door to protect Jill.

Next door we have Jill, Kirby, Robbie, & Charlie watching horror films.

So why don’t any of these kids feel remorse for the murdered people? I mean in Scream the main characters weren’t close to Steve and Casey (except Stu) so I could see where it didn’t make the biggest impact. But Sid started feeling when it was Tatum, Dewey, Gale, etc. In Scream 2, the girl in the film class was sad about her friend that was murdered in the movie theater and everyone is heartbroken over Randy.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Then in Scream 3 Cotton’s death, and while the characters didn’t know the movie stars, they were still sad to see them killed. I mean Olivia was their friend as she was MURDERED!!! And you know how they react? Jill in her monotone voice is fine and doesn’t say anything. Kirby goes to the Stab-a-thon in sa freakin’ ghostface mask. A GHOSTFACE MASK! I mean your friend was MURDERED, MUREDERED! And you are wearing the thing that killer wore to murder to your friend. Something is wrong with you all.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

 And you know what, that is the problem with this film. In the other versions you believed the actors were the characters. You believed them. In this film every character except for the 3 survivors are so fake. They have any real emotions. They don’t have any real reactions. They are like robots or something.

metropolis-Robot

Why is everyone dumb in this movie? This movie is horrible and stupid! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! OMG! it’s LIKE HE WANTS TO MAKE A SUCKY VERSION OF AN AMAZING FILM! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY? WHY? WHO GAVE HIM THE MONEY. You all should be held accountable for this!!!!

Is this too crazy?

Is this too crazy?

This is film is a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

big mistake

So the group is hanging out. Trevor comes over as he says Jill invited him. She tells them that is impossible as her phone has been missing. Jill goes upstairs and Trevor follows her. While he is gone, Robbie gets drunk and heads outside for another blog post. When he does this we have the only real scare in the film. He runs into a plant. That’s it folks, so far the plant has been the most scariest and original thing in this travesty. And that’s not even that original.

Back inside, Kirby is trying to seduce Charlie in the most horrible and painful way. It hurt to watch this scene. It was awkward, it was stupid, and it would never happen that way in real life.

ouch Hermione

You know what I’m wondering now? Where are the parents? Come on now, is Jill the only one in town with a parent? They are completely absent! At least in Scream they explaned it. Casey’s parents were out having dinner. Mr. Prescott was going out of town. Mrs. Riley (Dewey & Tatum’s mom) is a single parent. Stu’s parents don’t care and are out of town all the time. Mr. Loomis works late hours and has recently become a single parent. I get that, although they should have done a better job. Scream 2, in college parents aren’t there., although I’m really surprised not one of them came down to check on their kids. Scream 3 all are adults. But these kids have no parents anywhere, nor do they give an explanation except for Olivia She mentions that her mom works late. Its like this whole film is in an alternate dimension where reality plays no part at all. I mean I know its a movie, but explain! Movie EXPLAIN!!!

So this film is far too predictable. You know Robbie who is hanging outside is going to be killed first, then Kirby, then Trevor, and then Charlie. It is soooo obvious.

This is horrible. Why am I watching this? Why?

So Robbie of course is killed, and too his shock as he thinks being gay will save him. I thought that was a weird thing to say. I mean, I can’t think of horror films where a gay person always survive. I mean technically he’s in the minority category and we all know that minorities hardly ever make it to the end of a horror film.

Victim #11

Victim #11

Before Kirby and Charlie could get it on, Trevor comes downstairs. He couldn’t find Jill upstairs. He and  Charlie head to the kitchen, leaving Kirby alone in the living room. Jill comes from downstairs, now how the heck was she there? (I mean obvs to me she’s the killer, but why doesn’t anyone else think that weird?) Sidney runs into the house to warn everyone. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF YOU HAD CALLED THE POLICE FOR BACKUP. Kirby goes down to the basement, while Jill and Sidney go upstairs. Jill hides under the bed.

I don't think so

That is the worse place to hide. Beds and  closets are always checked first.

Sidney comes down to the basement with Kirby and they see Charlie. He wants them to let him in, but Kirby is unsure whether or not she can trust him. Ghostface grabs him and ties him to a chair. Ghostface then calls Kirby.

scary movie mansfield park Scream

The two are going to play a game. Kirby wins, Charlie is free.

The Voice: I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching Stab, instead you get to live it.

Kirby Reed: No. No, no, no, no. He’s the expert. It’s not me.

The Voice: Warm up question: Jason’s weapon?

Kirby Reed: Uh,it’s a machete.

The Voice: There. You see? You do know the genre. Michael Myers?

Kirby Reed: Uh, butcher knife.

The Voice: Leatherface?

Kirby Reed: [crying] Chainsaw! Please!

The Voice: Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?

Kirby Reed: Razor-hands.

The Voice: Name the movie that started the slasher craze: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left or Psycho?

Kirby Reed: Psycho.

The Voice: None of the above! Peeping Tom, 1960, directed by Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the audience in the killer’s POV.

Kirby Reed: Wait. No, no, no. Please, just ask me one more question. Just one more.

The Voice: Alright, Kirby, then it’s time for your last chance. Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the vill…

Kirby Reed: Halloween, uh, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, uh, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When A Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, Piranha. It’s one of those, right? Right?

[silence]

Kirby Reed: I got it right. I was fucking right. [goes outside; unties Charlie] Don’t worry, Charlie. I f****** won. I won. He tried to beat me but I f****** won.

Charlie Walker:[holding knife] Kirby? This is is making a move! [stabs her] Four years of class together and you notice me now? You stupid b****! It’s too late! Shhh, I know. It doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.

[finishes stabbing her and drops her; runs away]

Yep Kirby is dead.

Victim #12

Victim #12

And Charlie was the killer. Totally obvious.

Duh!

Duh!

So deputy Judy comes into play as she discovers Kate’s body and the dead cops. She heads over to Kirby’s house to check on everyone. I still want to punch her crazy-obsessed with Dewey face.

dean_punching_supernatural

Does that make me a bad person?

So Sidney is being chased by Charlie and manages to escape him heading for the door. But Sid, don’t forget, except for Scream 3 there are always two killers. And as she heads for the door…boom Jill stabs her.

Now if Wes wanted to make this really unique. He should have down a group of female killers. It is rare, but does happen. Olivia, Kirby, and Jill. Or deputy Judy. She could be doing all these murders just so she could kill Gale and get Sheriff Dewey. Or he could have not tried making a remake. That would have been fantastic!.

So the two totally obvious killers start revealing the reasoning behind it. Jill was always jealous of her cousin’s fame. And as Emma Roberts…I mean Jill has no talent, she figures this is the quickest way to make her famous.

Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it? This has never been about killing you? It’s about becoming you. I mean, for f***’s sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just gotta have f***** up-s*** happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead, and let’s face it, your ingenue days, they’re over.

Charlie was her new boyfriend that was helping her do this. They plan to have Trevor take the fall for it, stabbing themselves, but shooting him to make it look like “self-defense”. Charlie is happy that the “geek will get the girl”, but Jill tells him sorry and kills him.

Victim #13

Victim #13

You know what I just realized. They never clean the knife. Ever. With all those kids having sex and the amount of diseases that abound, now all I can think is how they’ve been spreading so much to people. They’ve all probably got Chlamydia or something.

Also WHERE ARE THE POLICE!!!??? I mean deputy Judy was right next door!!!

So then Jill kills Trevor and Sidney.

Victim #14 &15

Victim #14 &15

After that she starts taking care of the evidence. Planting the knife/gun. Beating /mutilating herself. Even ripping hair out and putting it in Trevor’s hand.

When the police finally come, they discover her and name her the sole survivor. They cart her off to the hospital. In the hospital Dewey visit Jill, who is all smiles. I have to say nobody is freaked out by the fact she doesn’t care that her best friends, mother, and cousin have all been brutally murdered???!!! Someone ship her off to the psycho ward. That girl is crazy!

Certified Creepo Ribbon

Jill tells Dewey that maybe she and Gale can write about the murders as they have matching wounds. Dewey tells her that Sidney might be able to also help, as she is going to recover.

Say What

Yep, looks like we have Dial “M” for Murder all over again.

“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?

Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.

Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?

Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”

You can’t plan everything sweetheart.

So Jill gets out of her bed and charges down to ICU to get to Sidney.

I don't think so

That is impossible. There is no way she would be able to get across the hospital as they are jam packed with people. Especially ICU. Most ICU units actually are protected by some kind of card swipe or button so that only certain people can go in. There’s no way she’d be able to get to Sidney.

Girl Please

Dewey goes to see Gale, and as he mentions Jill’s comments they both realize that the information about her stabs were not released to the public. There is no way she could have known where Gale was stabbed, unless she had done it herself.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Dewey runs down to get to Sidney, and sees Jill trying to kill her. Sidney is doing a great job as she is Awesome!  Sid you rule! Jill does have an upper hand as she tries to hurt Sidney in her stab wounds. Dewey is trying to help, but gets knocked out by a bedpan. Gale and Deputy Judy also come in, but Jill stole Dewey’s gun and threatens killing Dewey to get Deputy Judy’s gun. After the gun is passed, she shoots Deputy Judy in the chest.

Victim #13

Victim #15

Jill is threatening all and planning on killing them but this is very stupid. She already framed Trevor and gave a statement. How is she going to explain the other dead bodies? Who can she pin the murder of Sidney, Gale, Deputy Judy, and Sheriff Dewey on. Not going to work.

Jill plans in killing Gale next, as Sidney’s wounds have reopened and she seems to be the lesser threat. She is about to when Sidney shocks her with the defibrillator.

Jill tries one last time, but Sid shoots her.

Gale-Randy-Billy-and-Sidney-scream-23148646-499-198

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Sid is awesome!! Best scene in the whole film. Yeah don’t mess with the original baby!!!! Yeah!!! But its not over. What about deputy Judy

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

She’s alive! She was wearing a bulletproof vest. In the end the body count ends at 15.

Victim #13

Victim #15

And Wes I only have one thing to say to you

Over You

So this ends our Screamtastic Saturdays kind of on a bad note, but don’t blame me. I didn’t make this film. Wes did.

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

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For more on the Scream series, go to All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bets are Off

For more modern remakes, go to Keep Clear of the Moor. Beware the Moon

For more serial killers, go to But the Book, It Will Never Close…

For more slasher films, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?

For more on Wes Craven, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?