Scarlet Night: Archie’s Weird Mysteries (2000)

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From the Friday the 13th parody done by Psych

So you know what today is:

So that means it is time to review a TV episode for TV Tuesday

Vampires are coming to Riverdale

This came on the VHS with Attack of the Killer Spuds. This was a pretty good series of episodes, although I thought the end made no sense.

So this storyline is told in three parts; a Vampire Tale in Three Acts. Originally I was going to do them all together, but I have been trying to review this since the first Horrorfest, and every time I find mysef unable to do it . That’s six years of trying.

Wow

So I have decided that I will review each episode individually. I know that makes it a little odd to have so many TV episodes, but I am ready to get this done.

Act One: Scarlet Night

“Cross of silver, ray of light, in ender’s hand, shall end the night”

The film starts out with Veronica having this strange dream of a Vampire attacking her, only to destroy him with an antique cross necklace. She laughs off the freak only to be scared by a redheaded girl.

The next day she is telling Betty about her dream, mostly laughing it off. They meet up with Jughead and Archie. Then a new girl enters the scene

Redhead Ah!

A new girl has moved to town, and she looks exactly like the girl in Veronica’s dream.

Her name is Scarlet Helsing (like Van Helsing) and she promptly takes Archie off to discuss his article and her own “weird mysteries”.

Hmm…

This makes Veronica very angry.

Betty and Veronica are determined to get Archie back, Betty going on the computer to research her, while Veronica decides to follow them.

Veronica is driving around not paying attention to anything, when she crashes right into Dr. Strange’s Mystical Shop. No, it’s not the Dr. Strange, although he does remind me of him, Dr. Beaumont is the proprietor. As Veronica is picking up Dr. Beaumont’s spilled items, she sees a necklace, an amulet to be exact.

Just like the one in her dream.

Dr. Beaumont tells Veronica that it is the Ender’s Stone.

“Cross of silver,

Ray of light,

In Ender’s Hand,

Shall end the night.”

He tells Veronica that there is a prophecy, that on Halloween this year, the sun will set and never rise again, beginning the reign of the Vampires!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, in Pop’s Chocklit Shop, Scarlet is telling Archie the same thing. She has been researching the event and discovered that the only one who can save them is the Ender using the Sun stone or Amulet. Scarlet doesn’t know who the Ender is, as the book wasn’t complete. BUT does know that it is a girl.

Does this sound familiar to you?

How about her?

Yes, this series of episodes are a parody of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. While the Master looks like the Master in Buffy the Vampire (TV Series), the rest of it resembles more of the 1992 film than the show.

In the 1992 film, Buffy was a valley girl, uber rich, and a cheerleader who only cared about fashion. In Archie’s Weird Mysteries (AWM), Veronica talks in a valley girl voice, is uber rich, and a cheerleader who only cares about fashion. Both don’t want to be a Slayer or Ender, trying to pass it off to others, but find themselves accepting the role when push comes to shove.

Also the way the Vampires look and float everywhere resembles the 1992 film more than the TV show.

All right, let’s get back to the review.

So Dr. Beaumont, after hearing Veronica’s dream, decides that she must be the chosen one. He gives her the amulet and takes off.

Veronica does not want the amulet or to be the chosen one.

She decides to head over to Pops to find Archie. After all, he’s the Weird Mystery expert, he should know what to do.

While Archie and Veronica are talking in the parking lot, two vampires come up behind them and begin chasing them, trying to bite them.

They manage to climb a building, but when the Vampires follow them there, they jump off, using a vampire to break their fall.

Back on solid ground, they spot Dr. Beaumont’s Shop, and as he forgot to lock the door, they hide inside it. Veronica is even more convinced that she is not the Ender, and gives the necklace to Archie. But while inside Veronica spots an open book. She reads the pages and sees another prophecy about the Ender.

“Raven and Red upon their heads,

Destiny awakens,

One girl is the Ender,

While the other is mistaken.”

Before she can think about what it means, Archie tells her the coast is clear and that they should make a run for it. They discover that it was really a trap, as the Vampires are waiting outside the doors. The Vampires attack, but they manage to fight them off and run.

As they run, they run right into Scarlet.

How did she just happen upon them? Sounds suspicious. I think she’s evil.

Scarlet takes down the Vampires, knocking them out. When Archie asks how she found them, she tells him she was “lucky” and that she has been following Archie to “help him.” Yeah, I don’t think so. This girl is crazy. Step away, step far, far, away.

Her in this case

And following him? Hello stalker.

Archie needs to hang out with Betty more, she’s the only normal one here.

Anyways, Veronica is convinced that any girl who can beat up a couple of Vampires, must be the Ender. She decides to head home, while Archie and Scarlet go to his place.

Back at Veronica’s mansion, Betty calls. It turns out that she has some very interesting news about Scarlet from her old school. It is really old, as Scarlet went to high school over 200 years ago!

That means only one thing. She is a Vampire!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Veronica collects her things and sets out for Archie’s place.

Back at the Andrews residence, Archie gives Scarlet the amulet, telling her that he thinks she is the Ender. Scarlet refuses, Archie argues and while he is doing so, he notices something weird. Scarlett has no refecltion in the mirror!!!

Scarket is a vampire!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scarlet can walk around during the day, like the other vampire minions, as long as she stays in her human form. It was her job to find and kill the Ender, so that nothing stood between the Master and the Eternal night. He needs Eternal night as he cannot roam during the day. As Scarlet has revealed all, she settles down to feed on Archie.

When she is stopped by…Jughead with a hamburger!

Yes, Jughead stuffs a GARLIC hamburger in Scarlet’s mouth, while he, Betty, and Veronica pull Archie out of the house through the window. Archie grabbing the necklace on his way out.

Veronica quickly grabs the necklace and thrusts it upwards, using it to kill the vampires. Archie & the gang have not only won, but Veronica discovered she is capable of much more than shopping.

Or is IT?

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Welcome to a New World of Gods and Monsters: The Mummy (2017)

For more on Archie’s Weird Mysteries, go to When Potatoes Go Bad: Attack of the Killer Spuds (1999)

For more on Archie Comics, go to Simply Fantastic

For more on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, go to I’d Risk My Life to Save Yours: Earshot, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1999)

For more vampires, go to Dracula. Not Myth, Nor Ravings of a Mad Irish Novelist, Oh No, He’s Real: Dracula 2000 (2000)

I’ll Be Alright Without You

So since Michael and I broke up I’ve been looking for a song to listen to to kind of help me through this, as music is always a great solace in any time of trouble. (It’s funny it has only been a week but it seems so much longer) I mean I instantly thought of Breaking Up is Hard to Do, I Will Survive or Missing You; but those just didn’t really seem to be able to capture how I was feeling. So I was thinking I should check out this playlist I made for my friend and see what spoke to me. About seven months ago my friend Jane broke up with her boyfriend, and I made her a care package full of food, games, some lotion/toiletry stuff, etc.; but I also made her a CD full of songs to help her through her breakup that I titled “Heartbreak”. Its actually kind of ironic because after I made it I was going to delete it, but thought hey I should save that in case I need to play it for someone else later (little did I know that was going to be me). So the music ranges from all kinds of songs starting out sad but moving on to things getting better and ending of course in I Will Survive. Maybe I will do that for another post, my recommended playlist for heartbreak, always a possibility. Anyways, so I was listening to it and found the perfect song that really captures how I’m feeling. I’ll Be Alright Without You by Journey.

I’ve actually been playing it like nonstop (with headphones as not to annoy my roommate). It’s such an amazing song with really great lyrics.

So unlike my other musical posts I couldn’t find a whole lot of background info on the song. It was released in 1986 on their Raised On Radio album. The song was #7 on the Adult Contemporary chart, #26 on the Mainstream Rock chart and  #14 in the Billboard Hot 100. It was written by Jonathan Cain, Steve Perry, and Neal Schon. It is one of their most known songs, because of course not only is it amazing but because of the content.

So like I said before the lyrics are really beautiful and truly express trying to get over someone.

I’ve been thinking ’bout the times
You walked out on me
There were moments I’d believe, you were there
Do I miss you, or am I lying to my self again

I do these things…
(It’s all because of you)
I keep holding on, but I’ll try
(try not to think of you)
Love don’t leave me lonely
I’ll be alright without you

There’ll be someone else…I keep tellin’ myself
I’ll be alright without you
Oh…love’s an empty face, I can’t replace
(you don’t need it)

People wonderin’ why we broke apart
The great pretender here I go again
These things I do
(It’s all because of you)

I’ll keep holdin’ but I’ll try
(try not to think of you)
All I wanted was to hold you
I’ll be alright without you
There’ll be someone else, I keep tellin’ myself

I’ll be alright without you
Love’s an empty face…Oh I’ve got to replace
I’ll be alright without you
There’ll be someone else, I keep tellin’ myself

I’ll be alright without you
Oh…love’s an empty place, I can still see your face
I’ll be alright

Breaking up is just hard to do (if it wasn’t there wouldn’t be a song titled that), and this just expresses exactly what I keep telling myself. Its going to be okay, I was fine before June, and I will be fine now in Dec. It’s just hard because all I wanted was to hold him and be with him. And people wonder why we broke apart, I do as well, and I just don’t know. I don’t know what happened. I’m just trying to move on and not think of him, but of course that is always easier said then done. (I don’t remember ever speaking in so many song titles. It reminds me of the Archie comic when Betty does that). It’s weird because it comes in waves. Sometimes I feel just fine and like I used to, getting back into the old routine and everything. But other times I don’t know what sparks it, but I just hurt so much and want the pain to stop.

And I know that I’ll be okay, and that later I’ll find someone else, the only problem is that I don’t want someone else, I want him. Things were easier when I was the Ice Queen. Well I know the only thing that can end this is time. Time, chocolate, ice-cream, and Clint Eastwood (Hey he’s single, it could happen).

I changed the wallpaper on my computer to a young, shirtless, Clint Eastwood. That always makes me feel better. 😀

I mean look at this man! Can you blame me for being crazy about him?

Anyways here is the song, happy listening.

To check out my last musical post go to Jump (For My Love)

When Potatoes Go Bad: Attack of the Killer Spuds (1999)

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you

I love Archie Comics, as I grew up reading them. My mom introduced me to them as she used to read the comics when she was a kid. The TV show based on Archie’s Weird Mysteries is based off a spin off series of the same name, and they used to air the animated show every Saturday morning.

This episode is pretty creepy as it always makes me think of Invasion of the Body Snatchers and “Boys! Raise Giant Mushrooms in Your Cellar” from Ray Bradbury’s Machineries of Joy.

So the episode starts out with Jughead and Archie driving down to the TV station. Jughead had been watching a B Horror film movie marathon the night before, and saw that they were having a contest. He answered the questions correctly and became the big winner.  As he can’t drive he asks Archie to help him collect his prize.

When Jughead gets to the station it turns out that his prize is a POTATO

Jughead isn’t that happy about it, but like who would be? You can get those at any grocery store. But Jughead is nicer than I as he takes his freebie and goes on home. When Jughead gets home, he parks himself back on the couch and starts watching more TV, getting into the “zone”. He is so focused that he fails to realize that the potato is not your average spud. It starts to take over, creating its own Jughead creation, very much like in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, when they make the pod people.

The next day, Jughead is acting strangely. He is standing in a pot trying to “absorb nutrients”; he hands out potatoes to everyone, calling them his “friends”, and when Reggie starts eating French Fries Jughead freaks out. All are shocked at this behavior as Jughead has eaten more fries than anyone they’ve ever known.

That night at Betty’s house, Archie and Betty are watching a television program. Betty gets so engrossed in the show that the potato Jughead gave her earlier catches her off guard and she is about to be taken over, but Archie manages to save her. Afterwards, they decide to talk to Jughead about his new potato ‘friends’.

Soon Jughead’s potato friends have sprouted and taken over everyone in the town.

Eventually even Betty gets trapped and the only ones who are still “alive”, are Archie and Dilton. The two team up and discover that the potatoes must be coming from the TV studio, that is where it all began.

When they get there, unfortunately the potato zombies are there and attacking.

Archie and Dilton try to climb up the tower, but Dilton is taken down by one of the potatoes.

It’s up to Archie to save the day. He tries to climb up, but is caught by a potato; he reaches up; attempting to hit the button to destroy the potatoes…..

And he is barely able to make it, but does. All the potatoes burst and are destroyed. Everyone wakes up and are okay.  No one knows where the Great Potato came from or where he has gone, but for now they are safe.

It’s a great story, the perfect amount of creepy and campy; all the tropes you desire.

To start Horrorfest from the beginning, go to I Don’t Belong in the World

For the previous post, go to A Very Scary Story

For more on aliens, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Potato

To buy your own copy, click on the image below: