My Favorite Martian

How many of you out there are artists or crafters? Hands up.

Well as all artists or crafters will tell you, when we are at work things can get messy.

From splattered aprons…

To residue under our fingernails and dyed skin.

Not to mention burns from hot glue guns, kilns, etc.

Well the experience I had the other day was quite different then I’ve ever had.

So this month at work we are all about space; astronauts, aliens, the sun, planets, etc.

So the other day our theme was the moon. We pretended to be walking on it, read some adorable books: Moon Rope by Lois Ehle, Kitten’s First Full Moon by Kevin Henkes, and Happy Birthday Moon by Frank Asch (all some of my favorites).

After, it was time for our craft in which we were making moon rocks.

I was following the recipe the Crafty Chicks gave out, but things didn’t go exactly as expected.

So the recipe was drier than I expected. We kept trying to make the balls but they weren’t sticking together.

But never fear. I am a prime tortilla and pie dough maker, so I know exactly what to do in this situation, add more water.

So I knead it all together like making pie or tortillas and it comes out great. Except that now my hands are dyed a very dark green.

Yes, the food coloring I used to dye the rocks came off on my hands, like the Crafting Chicks said it would, but I was not prepared for how much.

My hands were super dark green. And then when I went to wash the, it wouldn’t come off.

I tried as much as I could, but they were too stained. Guess I should’ve worn gloves.

The kids all said I looked like an alien.

I told them, maybe I am an alien and my human makeup came off…

But they knew I was just joking. Although it did make me want to go out and say “Klaatu barada nikto” like in The Day the Earth Stood Still.

But there is a limited demographic that will understand what I’m saying. That is what happens when you are an old soul.

It still was weird walking around with green hands. I kept getting all these strange looks from people as they were trying to figure out why my hands looked like that.

But such is the life!

For more on stories from my everyday life, go to Escape to Alcatraz

For more on aliens, go to Someone Has Erased His Memory: Total Recall (1990)

Only A Woman: Queen of Outer Space (1958)

How did she manage to overthrow the men? They didn’t take her seriously. They were preparing for war. After all, she was only a woman.

Now this is a film I didn’t really care for. It was HIGHLY sexist.

So the film is about four astronauts going on a mission to Venus to try and find out what it holds.

The interesting thing is that they used the same space station and uniforms from Forbidden Planet.  I spotted it right away.

When the guys arrive at Venus they discover it full of only women!

I know you guys are thinking that it sounds really great. However you are dead wrong!!!! These women hate men.

The women take the men and lock ’em up.

The whole Venetian society is run by one woman, the Queen, who is the biggest man hater of them all.

Now Zsa Zsa Gabor is often thought to be “the queen of outer space”, but she is just an underling (unfair as she gets to be all over the poster). However, it is actually played by Laurie Mitchell. Anyway Queen Yllana (Mitchell) hates men, and when she took over the planet she rid them of them. She wears a mask and forces everyone else in a position of power to follow that credence.

While they lock up the men, we get to hear all the beautiful things that the men say:

Lt. Larry Turner: How can a doll as cute as that be such a pain in the neck?

Lovely guys, just lovely.

Ugh

So the Queen doesn’t know how the men were able to get to Venus and that is something she is trying to figure out.

Capt. Neal Patterson: I didn’t say anything to the Queen. I didn’t want to put her on guard, but I’m beginning to think our being here is not an accident.

Prof. Konrad: I’m afraid I must agree with you.

Lt. Mike Cruze: What is that? What is that?

Capt. Neal Patterson: The ray that destroyed the space station and knocked us off our course may have originated right here.

Lt. Mike Cruze: Oh, come off it! How could a bunch of women invent a gizmo like that?

Lt. Larry Turner: Sure, and even if they invented it, how could they aim it? You know how women drivers are!

Ugh, men

They find out that Talleah (Zsa Zsa Gabor) was the one who brought them. She leads a rebellion that doesn’t like being away from men. She wants to end the Queen’s rule.

She and the Captain of the vessel start a relationship. However, someone else is interested in the Captain.  The Queen. She saw him and wants him.

He thinks he can use it to his advantage, by romancing her.

Talleah: I hate her! I hate that queen!

Lt. Mike Cruze: She’s jealous!

Lt. Larry Turner: Twenty-six million miles from Earth, and the little dolls are just the same.

Ugh, men

So he tries to romance her and the Queen is actually eating it up. In fact he convinces her, that he likes her so much he won’t be turned away by her face. She is so convinced of his care that she allows him to unmask her.

She has horrible scarring on her face from radiation. This is why she hates men. No one would give her any attention because of her ugly face. She becomes so angry she wants to destroy the opera house…I mean the Earth!

“Queen Yllana: I’m going to allow myself the exquisite pleasure of watching you while I obliterate the Earth.”

While Queen Yllana is crazy and evil, but at the same time you understand it. She could have been a nice person, but if no one is willing to give her a chance and look past her outer self, than how could she not turn evil?

So in the end Talleah and her group take down the Queen and allow the men to roam free. And Talleah becomes the new queen.

Ugh, men

Yeah, I didn’t really like it. It wasn’t that interesting and I hated the men’s attitude to the women. It was just so hard to get through.

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to What Is This Thing?

For more on aliens, go to Friday Night Fun

For more on men being a disappointment, go to Men What Happened?

For more on radiation poisoning, go to They’re Coming to Get You Barbara

For more on unmasking, go to Feast Your Eyes on My Accursed Ugliness