So during COVID19, we have been reorganizing the library. No better time to rearrange shelves than when people are not in the building.
So as I was making the changes and this caught my eye:
“Friday Night Lights meets Jane Austen’s Emma in this delightful novel about big dreams, big games, and a little romance.”
Hmm…
So of course Emma, caught my eye as I plan on reviewing every Jane Austen adaption, (I know that’ll take years, but I’m okay with that), and had to check it out. Besides Jane Austen, I’m a big fan of Friday Night Lights.
So let’s get started.
Kate Hamilton (Emma Woodhouse) and her mother and Congressman father have been sent back to her father’s hometown of Red Dirt, Texas after her public scandal.
It started off as something good…Kate discovered that there was serious graft regarding which kids received letters of recommendation, scholarships, etc, for colleges. She exposed this and changed the practices, but it was a hollow win.
Her boyfriend, now EX, was cheating on her with a senator’s daughter who lost her recommendation, and he secretly took photos of Kate- styling them to look extremely compromising and blasting them on the internet.
So Kate has a plan-she wants to go to art school to be a photographer, but to do that she needs an awesome portfolio and a fantastic letter of recommendation. She decides to find a way to lay low, up her volunteer hours, send them to her old school, get the letter and get out with what she wants.
She espechially wants to get way from her dad as she feels so guilty about what happened, and hates having to always be in “political mode”-all the time. She needs volunteer hours and starts to help her Aunt Celia at her animal shelter.
There she is in the middle of trying to birth a calf, unsuccessfully, when she meets Hunter (Mr. Knightley). He is cute and nice and whenever Kate gets a little too cocky and sure of himself, he is there to help push her on the right track, espechially as he understands the dynamics and politics of the town better than her.
The two end up being paired as science partners and they spend a lot of time together. In fact, they become best friends as Hunter helps her transition to Texas life, and appreciate things without constructing a narrative of doing some political machinations.
Kate quickly becomes friends with Ana-a shy, studious, photographer who helps Kate out with her photography and gets her in on yearbook staff (which gives her access to the darkroom she needs). Kate hates to owe anyone anything and has decided that she is going to help Ana. Ana is adorable, but her ex-boyfriend has given her a bad reputation with the lies he has spread about her.
Kate decides the best way to fix Ana’s reputation is to pair her up with a guy better than her ex-basketball playing boyfriend Hank. Someone higher up the social hierarchy and settles on quarterback, Kyle.
Hunter warns her that Kyle is a serious jerk and that matchmaking Ana and him up is not a good idea, but Kate doesn’t listen.
Kyle is not just the quarterback, but he is also the son of her father’s political rival. Her father wants her to avoid Kyle, as he doesn’t trust him or his father, but she ignores him and sets her plan into serious levels of action.
She hangs out with him a bit, takes photos of him.
This popped in my head when reading it.
Kate has lunch with him and Ana and people begin changing in the way they are acting around her-and after Kyle defends her, things seem to be going great. Kate and Ana even get coveted invites to several after game bonfires.
Kate is super pleased at how things are going and starts to divert her attention to her other plans. Spending time working with her Aunt and seeing how much her Aunt pours into her shelter, she decides to help out by creating a website where people can donate to care for an animal, getting D.C. friends and friends’s parents to give. She also tries to match her D.C. friend Tasha up, over the phone by giving her advice.
Emma 1996 AKA the Gwyneth Paltrow version.
She also works hard on her project with Hunter. But it turns into more than science. He helps her see the beauty of the area, she helps him mend some of his broken relationship with his mom, as said before they become best of friends…thoughts turn to more-but their can’t be as Kate is not interested in anything more after her jerkwad ex.
Except Hunter
But then Kate goes to a party with Kyle and he tries to force himself on her.
She breaks his wrist and takes off in his car crashing in a ditch (she’s only had one lesson). Hunter, worried about her going to a party alone with Kyle, rescues her-but things are looking grim.
It seems like everything Kate does screws up:
Kate’s breaking Kyle’s wrist and crashing his car reflects bad on her father
Everyone in the town hates Kate for costing them the championship game (as they have no quarterback)
Her aunt found out about the website and hates it-yelling at Kate
Kyle treats Kate and Ana like crap (espechially Ana-publicly dissing her [such an Elton], but Hunter helps her out)
Kate gets revenge against Kyle by making mock yearbook pages embarrassing him and she and Ana spread them around the school
Their little revenge plan gets Ana is kicked off yearbook
And Hunter who never wanted to play football ever again (as it is too much pressure) does so to save the team and Kate.
Kate has to figure out a way to fix things and she decides to do the one thing she never thought-she is willingly going to put herself in the front of the camera-and partner in her father’s campaign.
Will Kate be the thing that helps tip the scales in her father’s favor? Will Ana get back on yearbook and achieve her photography dreams? Will Hunter win the big game or choke? And will Kate admit she cares for Hunter or let her fear and insecurity keep her from taking a leap?
So when I was first reading this book I had a hard time. The beginning moves slow and her parents seem checked out. They just leave her alone and don’t seem to care about the trauma she went through with her pictures being posted everywhere. Nothing about that relationship seemed to micmic the one shared by Emma and Mr. Woodhouse.
Hmmm…
But once I reached the middle with Kate and Hunter being best friends, adorable Ana, Kate’s matchmaking…I got invested.
And then when they got to the hardcore part of Kate taking Kyle down and then her pairing up with her father to take down Kyle’s dad- it became a real page turner.
Tell ME!!!!!
I really liked Kate and Hunter’s relationship, although I think he if he had been a little less vague about Kyle not being a good guy it would have been better. I mean he did try, telling her he heard the way Kyle would talk in the locker room-but with Kate/Emma you can’t be subtle.
From Emma (1996)
I really enjoyed it and how it had the aspects of Jane Austen but still was its own story. Like Clueless, this is a great gateway to get teens interested in Jane Austen and Austen fans will adore it.
So remember how I started playing that game Desire & Decorum from the app Choices?
The one that is similar to the game design in the film Big? A computer game/book that you read but get to make choices as to what will happen next?
Wow!
I know this isn’t a “movie”-its a game-but it’s like a combo of the two. You have a mix of film and book storytelling in combo of a video game.
This one is sort of like It by Stephen King. A group of kids meet a mysterious powerful creature called Mr. Redfield. After a tragic accident they never returned to the woods. The group split up and went their separate ways.
There is Stacey who became cheerleading captain and is being blackmailed by fellow cheerleader Brittany, into doing her bidding. Lucas is the class president and every moment of his time is chock full of extracurriculars, schoolwork, and etc.-where does he find the time? Andy-a transexual basketball player who faces prejudice because of his sexual orientation and race. Ava, full goth/witch who does whatever she wants and seeks powers. Lily, a lesbian in love with popular Brittany and the school nerd. Dan, football player but has been pulling away from everyone lately. Noah, who has been damaged by the incident that took his sister Jane and caused his family to fall apart. And there’s you.
Everything changes on the night before senior year when you and your friends receive strange texts from Dan. Then a mud monster in Dan’s form attacks you!
Dan has gone missing-bad things happen that “help you”, and it’s up to you what happens next as you fight mud monsters, massive spiders, bone and vine creatures, and have to figure out how to stop Mr. Red from hurting you all. What will you choose and will you make the right decision? Can you defeat Mr. Red?
I thought it was amazing. I couldn’t stop playing it, I just had to know what happened next.
The music is great as well and all together an amazing experience. I definitely suggest trying this game out.
Let’s see, we’ve done teen zombies with Thriller, teen vampires with Once Bitten…what are we missing? Oh yes:
I’m… a werewolf.
So you are probably wondering why I didn’t review this film two years ago when my Horrorfest III was obsessed with werewolves. I wanted to, but didn’t have enough time.
So instead I am doing it now as it seems fitting with all my other teen films I have done so far. So this film was Michael J. Fox’s first non-TV film. The only reason he was able to make it, was because filming was delayed by his TV mom, Meredith Baxter’s pregnancy. However, this film came out after Back to the Future even though he made it first. And even though people liked this film, Back to the Future became the monster hit of the year.
But while people loved this film, this was actually Michael J. Fox’s least favorite film. He disliked it so much he declined being in the sequel Teen Wolf Too. Instead going on to do The Secret of My Success, Bright Lights Big City, and of course Back to the Future: Part II.
I have to agree with Michael J. Fox, while I don’t hate it, it isn’t my favorite of his work. I mean we all know what that is…
Okay, enough with The Back to the Future references, let’s move on to Teen Wolf!
So this film takes the idea from I Was a Teenage Werewolf but steers away from the darker tones and tries to focus on what teen life would be like with instead of puberty, you turn into a werewolf.
So the film starts off with Scott Howard’s (Michael J. Fox) basketball game. Scott is not the best player and not popular, more on the geeky side.
I know, an uncool Michael J. Fox?
It seems impossible to me. But this is acting, sometimes we pretend to be the opposite of what we are.
So moving on. So he’s horrible at basketball, the most popular girl in school won’t say two words to him, he is bullied, etc. And to top it all off his body has been going through some…changes.
First he growls during the basketball game
Then he finds a super long hair on his chest, hair on his hands, pointy ears, wolf teeth, and during a two minutes in heaven at a party he grows crazy long nails and scratches up his best friend, who is secretly in love with him and he is totally oblivious to), Boof.
What?
Yes, that is her name. She was named after the writer’s friend from high school. Anyways, he soon learns from his dad what is causing this.
I liked the transformation scene it was pretty creepy looking, good job makeup guys. I thought the make up was cool too, sort of similar to I Was a Teenage Werewolf but longer hair.
Scott decides to let his best friend know about him being a werewolf, and his friend Stiles (Jerry Levine [you might recognize him as Jamie in Casual Sex] who doesn’t freak out but decides that they could profit from this if done right. Yes, in this werewolf’s don’t act bestial and attack, the full moon doesn’t come into play, and no one screams in terror or tries to kill him; instead the Horwards can control it, most of the time. And unlike most horror or werewolf films; Michael J. Fox spends most of the film in werewolf makeup.
Most werewolf films is either split fifty-fifty, or under fifty. And of you think of it, most werewolf films focus on how the person’s life is affected, trying to stop it, the carnage that comes of it; not how you could profit from it or being a werewolf almost 24 hours a day. Yes, this is a very different concept.
I’m in shock
So everything comes to a head when during one of the games he fully voges into a werewolf.
We then see how being the wolf is bettering his life. He is a better basketball player
I know I thought it was weird too, but then again they did do the same thing in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992). After the guys were bit by vampires, they suddenly became extremely good at basketball. I guess being a supernatural being makes you good at sports.
Who knew?
He becomes super popular, Stiles selling all kinds of merchandise and products. It makes him smarter as he starts getting A’s in his classes, everyone loves him and wants his autograph, and the the most popular girl in school starts wanting to be with him.
In fact, one of the weirdest nonsensical scenes involves the most popular girl in school, Pamela. Scott has been asked to be in the school play, a play that was previously just Pamela and the director, and she comes on to Scott. At first the scene starts off with her in her bra and panties, and then she takes her bra off. We cut away to hear Scott howling, so it is safe to assume they had sex. After this they go on a date and her boyfriend Mick is there and angry at Scott for being with his woman. When Scott talks to Pamela about it, she says:
Pamela: Well, you can’t really blame him. He is my boyfriend.
Well then why were you messing with Scott?
What?
When Scott asks her the same thing, she says that it was then and just something that happens.
And she legit does not get why Scott is confused. If you ask me, she and the school drama teacher were probably doing some stuff backstage. I mean otherwise why was the school production a production of one and why did he cast such a horrible actress as the lead?
So the film instead of being a werewolf film, actually becomes a teen film about a person getting too much fame and losing who they are; turning on their friends and the people who really care about him. He hardly spends time with Boof and keeps having “cooler” things to do then help out with his father’s hardware store.
Scott Howard: I was with Stiles this afternoon.
Harold Howard: I know.
Scott Howard: You saw?
Harold Howard: Yeah, I saw, unless that was another werewolf doing a handstand on top of Stiles’ wolfmobile and making a fool of himself.
I think that is one of the things that made me dislike the film. We had a werewolf but not a real one; instead a drama about teenagers that could have been done without the transformation scenes.
Although I did think the van surfing scene was cool.
So everything comes to a head when they go to the school dance. First Scott starts off as the wolf, but goes back to being plain old Scott; switching back to the wolf when instigated into a fight. The rage and anger he has at the other student scares him and makes him wonder at his ability. Can he hold it together, or will he become like the other wolfmen?
He also is struggling with who he should be, another teen element and not real horror one. Should he be what everyone wants? The wolf? Or should he be true to his heart and be himself?
It is time for the final game, and Scott decides to be himself instead of the wolf. In Karate Kid fashion (but not as good) we have a montage of the basketball game with Scott scoring the final basket and finally coming to terms with who he is.
So there is Teen Wolf. It isn’t horrible, but just regurgitates a lot of teen films clichés and tosses in werewolves. It also had a lot of montages and drags in a quite a few places. It also is weird placing it in a genre; it’s too serious to be a comedy, but too serious to be a drama, and it doesn’t really contain the typology of a horror film. Its a bit mish-mash and will be either be a hit for you or just meh.
But whether you love or hate the film, there is one thing we can all agree on: Michael J. Fox is the BEST!
Right. I’m the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.
So I’m sure a lot of you are surprised. What Buffy the Vampire Slayer is this? Well before we had this:
We had this:
In 1992, Joss Whedon’s idea of a Californian cheerleader finding out she was actually the vampire slayer of her generation, came to theaters. Only one problem, Whedon HATED it.
In fact he hated it so much, that he was reported to walk off set one day and never come back.
Five years later, Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series came out, one that stayed true to his “vision”.
So What Went Wrong?
Apparently the screenwriters felt that Whedon’s story was too dark and depressing. They wanted it to be more of a horror-parody comedy, kind of like Heathers with vampires instead of a homicidal maniac. Whedon wasn’t interested in that, as you can tell with his much darker TV series.
Joss Whedon to a T
So Is this Film Bad?
Let’s get down to the review and find out:
The film starts out with a historical piece. A medieval woman who has the birthmark (a mole), proving she is the Vampire Slayer of this generation. We switch from a very serious moment of her asking to “become the blade”.
And fighting Vampires.
And then we switch to Los Angeles and a group of cheerleaders chanting.
And Miss Buffy Summers, cheerleader extraordinaire, fashionista, and a total valley girl.
Yeah, that is pretty much the essence of the movie. They try to pin together opposites. And is it horrible? No. I love it. It is so quirky and funny. And come on, a cheerleader by day and vampire slayer ay night? That’s awesome.
So as I’m reading the credits and as I have seen this movie before I didn’t think think I would see anything important, but then Paul Reubens…wait, what?!
Pee-Wee is in a teen film? Pee-Wee Herman is in a vampire film? PEE-WEE?!!! PEE-WEE??!!! PEE-WEE HERMAN is in a TEEN VAMPIRE FILM?
How could I have missed that? Huh. And Hilary Swank? Ugh! I hate her. Ever since she ruined the Karate Kid series.
This was supposed to be her first film, so maybe she won’t be too bad. So Buffy and the gang go to the mall, shopping!
And there is something you might notice in this scene. While this movie came out in 1992, we hadn’t completely crossed over from the ’80s. You can kind of see it in the stonewash, abundance of leather, and in the “gothic” clothes of the vampire and “uncool” crowd, but most of it looks like this:
And I LOVE IT!
Anyways, so at the mall the girls are shopping when Buffy spots this totally rad jacket. And let me tell you, Buffy has a great sense of style
Her friend Kimberly (Hilary Swank), and let me just stop her and say that unless you are a pink ranger, having the name Kimberly means you are EVIL. I don’t know why, it just seems to be a trait that carries on with a name.
Anyways, she convinces her that the jacket is ugly and so yesterday.
When she is not shopping, she spends her time out with her jocky boyfriend, Jeffrey.
Jeffery is on the basketball team and one day after practice, his group splits up. Jeffery is heading over to hang out with Buffy, while two of the other guys go about town, and the last one, Robert heads home. And the route he chooses goes right through an abandoned amusement park.
Come on dude! You are going to go through an abandoned AMUSEMENT PARK????!!!!!! You are just asking to be killed.
And of course, he gets attacked by a Vampire and turned. Good-bye Robert.
Good-bye
So Jeffery is alright, but not altogether that interesting and handsome. Sorry dude, Luke Perry of the “uncoolness squad” is much better looking.
Luke Perry plays Pike, a leather wearing, motorcycle driving, mechanic. He lies above the garage that he works at. He is very dissatisfied with life him, only having one friend, Bennie (wonder if it is a nickname after the drugs, wouldn’t be surprised if it was), played by David Arquette (aw David, just can’t keep you out of Horrorfest). The boys spend most of their time drinking and making fun of those richer than them.
We then jump back to historical times so that we can get more of a background of Lothos. Lothos is the head Vampire that has destroyed every prior slayer. He is over 800 years old and has the power to hypnotize his enemies.
So for Buffy everything is going as usual. The only thing she has to worry about is the senior dance.
Buffy: [Trying to come up with an issues-related theme for their school dance] The environment.
Nicole: The homelesses?
Kimberly: [to Nicole] Oh, please.
Jennifer: Are there any good sicknesses that aren’t too depressing?
Buffy: Guys. The environment. I’m telling you, it’s totally key. The earth is in terrible shape, we could all die, and besides, Sting’s doing it.
You know that actually sounds difficult. From being on my high school’s prom comittee, I know that it is already hard enough trying to get the committee to come up with a theme and work on decorations and such. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to throw a “socially conscious” dance.
Buffy & co run into the uncoolness squad and there is definitely one thing this movie did wrong, they made the “undesirable” guys, undesirable. I mean come on, there is a formula to this thing! They are supposed to be secretly charming and adorable. Not pigs and boring because they have zero character development!
Both Pike and Bennie are super drunk and start hitting on the girls, incredibly gross style. Bennie even acts as if he is going to whip out his junk, and Buffy slices it.
Turns out it was just a hotdog, but it just goes to show you that Buffy is intense. I would not want to mess with her.
So one night as Benny is going home, he gets attacked by a vampire and turned. He goes to the window and tries to get Pike to come out and join him, but even in his alcohol induced state, Pike can tell something is not right.
Benny: Let me in, Pike. I’m *hungry*!
Pike: Go home, Ben.
Benny: [whining] C’mon I’m hungry.
Pike: You’re floating! C’mon, man, get away from here!
Pike can tell that things aren’t right and tries to leave the city, thinking anywhere is better than here. As he is fleeing town, he luckily is saved by a creepy dude.
You look like a pervert but I guess thank you?
So life is going good for Buffy, until the same perverted-looking, old, creep comes to kidnap her.
Nah, it’s actually Donald Sutherland who is Buffy’s watcher, Merrick. But he looks like a pervert and sounds UBER CREEPY. He tells her that he can show her “the birthmark mole of slayer, if he can look on her body”, and “Come with me to the graveyard”.
Apparently Sutherland thought decided to rewrite his dialogue, I’m not sure which lines but I’m guessing these ones as they suck. He’s creepier than Nicholas Cage in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.
I mean did he not hear himself? Did he not hear how creepy he SOUNDS?!!!!!!!
The idea to update to a kindly, well-dressed, English, librarian was just perfect.
Buffy still doesn’t believe him. To prove it, Merrick tosses a knife at her and Buffy catches it.
Buffy: You threw a knife at my head!
Merrick: Yes, I had to show you.
Buffy: But… you *threw* a *knife* at my *head.*
Merrick: And you caught it. Only the chosen one could have caught it.
This scene is amazing. This is some Aragorn-awesomness right here.
So Buffy agrees to go down to the graveyard and wait for Robert to come out so she can kill him. Say what you want about this movie, but you have to admit this Buffy is pretty awesome. She’s tough, intense, and extremely brave.
While they are waiting, Buffy gets bored and asks him for gum.I don’t know why, but that line just cracks me up.
I think it is because Merrick is all super serious and trying to get Buffy to understand what’s happening, but Buffy is just bored.
Robert awakes and Buffy has to fight and take him down.
Buffy may come off as a a stupid, silly cheerleader, but she can seriously kick butt. When Merrick gets attacked, Buffy takes out, not one but two Vampires.
Afterwards, Buffy heads home for some serious relaxing with her boyfriend Jeffrey. There we meet her parents who are so out of it. Like in the film, Heathers, they are just selfish and only into themselves.
Buffy’s Mom: Bye-Bye Bobby!
Jeffrey: Bye! She thinks my name is Bobby?
Buffy: It’s possible she thinks *my* name’s Bobby.
I’m not sure which is worse, to have parents who completely ignore you and don’t seem to care a whit, OR a parent that ignores you most of the time, while punishing you the rest (Joyce Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series).
So her parents go on their merry way, an Buffy + Jeffery spend the night together.
We know what they’re doing
Later that night Buffy awakes to a strange man in her bed.
As Lothos is wakening, the past lives of Slayers are flooding into her and crossing over to her world. It is a very weird scene and for a while keeps you guessing as to what is real and what is all in her head.
So Buffy and Merrick begin her training. Merrick is really hard on her as they have to make up their years of training. I just wonder who’s fault is that?
They never explain why Merrick is just approaching Buffy now either. And since we are on the topic, Merrick sucks! He’s creepy, rude, and mean. He keeps pushing Buffy and blaming her, when she’s still trying to get her head around the fact that her life is completely different.
Buffy: All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now it may not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it’s swell. And you come along and tell me I’m a member of the hairy mole club so you can *throw* things at me?
Oh ’90s. When everyone was in love with Christian Slater. I know I was.
Sorry for that, moving back on track.
So Buffy is upset with Merrick as he is pushing her too hard and punches him out.
Buffy is a total knockout, literally as it only took one punch to take Merrick down.
Buffy: Oh, wow. I-I never hit anybody before.
Merrick: Really? Well you did it perfectly.
Buffy: I didn’t even break a nail.
Yep, Buffy is awesome!
Merrick gives her some background information on Slayers and Watchers. A slayer is born every generation, being reincarnated when killed (so if you watch the beginning again you’ll notice that Kristy Swanson plays the historical slayer). Merrick trains the girls, watches them die, and then when his life is up he is reincarnated into Merrick the watcher again. A very sad existence if you ask me.
After this we get a training montage, Rocky style.
Buffy has accepted everything and gets super into her training. You know it’s actually not that far-fetched that a cheerleader could be this totally awesome fighter. To be a cheerleader you have to do gymnastics, lift weights; it can be INTENSE. And with Buffy, she works hard.
She’s also been hunting at night with Merrick, and one night runs into Pike.
So because of all her training, she’s been missing practices and dance committee meetings. As always in a teen movie, the principal assumes it’s drugs.
Gary: [Thinking Buffy is doing drugs] Hey, there’s nothing to be afraid of! I know where you’re coming from. Believe me. I’ll tell you the truth. I’ve had my drug experiences, too. I did a lot – I did some acid in the Sixties. Well, the late Seventies, actually. It was at a Doobie Brother’s concert… and I could see the music flowing into me, it was bright red and electric, and I felt like a big toaster, and I thought, maybe I am a toaster, we’re all molecules, and my friend Melissa, her head looked like a big party balloon, and that scared me, I started to freak out…
The sad thing is that this is probably the only thing in a teen film that actually resembles reality. When people in power act as if they are a “pal”. Ugh.
So Buffy is really starting to feel the pressure of everything. She has Merrick constantly pushing her to do more and more; otherwise she won’t be ready and die. She has her boyfriend tired of the fact that she can’t spend her time with him, constantly getting mad at her. And she has her friends who don’t understand at all.
Kimberly: Buffy? What’s your sitch? You’re acting like the thing from another tax bracket. It’s too weird.
Buffy: Listen, a lot’s been going on you guys, okay? And I really wanted to talk to you guys about it. See, um, a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy-…
Kimberly: Oh my god, you’re having an affair?
Nicole: Cool!
Jennifer: Does Jeffrey know?
Buffy: It’s not about that. He’s, like, old. He’s fifty.
Kimberly, Nicole, Jennifer: Ewwwww!
Jennifer: Gross!
Buffy: Haven’t you guys noticed what’s been going on here? The strange things? Have you noticed people disappearing, turning up dead?
Nicole: What are you talking about?
Kimberly: Weird? You mean like hanging around with that homeless Poke?
Buffy: Pike.
Nicole: [gasp] Eww, you’re having an affair with him?
Jennifer: He doesn’t look fifty.
Buffy: Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago.
Yep, the pressure is mounting and to combat it, she goes Shawn Spencer on Merrick, quipping right and left.
Buffy: Does the word “duh” mean anything to you?
I love how sassy she is.
To make everything worse, it looks like Buffy’s period has come.
Yep, that pretty much sums it up.
but it turns out that it is just her Slayer sense.
Man that would suck.
Merrick: And you’re going to be able to use that to track them.
Buffy: Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That’s just terrific. Thanks for telling me.
Merrick: It’s not a weapon. It’s an alert system.
Buffy: Well, aren’t we kung fu? I don’t see you out there killing any vampires.
Merrick: I play my part.
Buffy: You can play with your part all you want, but it’s my neck on the block.
That night Pike is wandering around inebriated. And let me tell you I am totally not digging Luke Perry. He’s cute but that’s not enough. All we’ve seen so far is him getting high, drunk, and be nasty.
Now this is where the TV did a better job. Every person had a backstory. I mean when they brought Angel on to the show, they started him mysterious and cool, and then revealed his tragic backstory. We need MORE! We NEED a backstory! We NEED development!
One night Pike is drunk, AGAIN, and gets attacked by vampires. Luckily Merrick and Buffy are there. They save his life, AGAIN. As you have probably figured out, with Buffy being the totally awesome Slayer, Pike is her damsel in distress. I mean it’s not like he doesn’t do anything, he helps Buffy fight, becoming her partner, but still gets into trouble a lot. He’s the Sam Winchester to her Dean.
After the help him, they defeat Lothos’ right hand man Amilyn, by pulling a Star Wars and cutting off his arm. Amilyn returns to the vampire lair, with the knowledge of Buffy being the Slayer.
Meanwhile, Buffy takes Pike to her home. Pike is homeless (hence the fact that he was working as a mechanic for a home). The thing that really bothers me is that we never find out why. Were his parents horrible and he emancipated himself? Did they die? Is he an orphan? WHAT IS HIS BACKSTORY!!!!!!!!
Sorry about that. Back to the film.
So at Buffy’s home, Pike starts going on how awesome she is, but Buffy is having a hard time keeping it together. She breaks down on and lets out all her feelings.
And while we haven’t had too much development other than he’s from “the wrong side of town” and a drunk, he just listens to everything she has to say. He doesn’t try to take advantage of her, put the moves on her-nope. All he does is listen.
How sweet.
Instantly redeemed.
So the next day, Buffy is back to doing what she normally does. She is trying to hang out with her friends but the spawn of Satan, Kimberly (I’m telling you, don’t name your children that.)
Has turned them agaist her. Her boyfriend is also mad and avoiding her.
And some football player grabs her for fun.
But Buffy is not having any of that. She totally takes him down, making him learn his lesson.
Don’t mess with me!
Not kidding, after doing that this is what he says with a straight face: “I see the errors of my ways.” Hilarious & awesome!!!!
So something you might have noticed, is that there a quite a few people who have been turned into vampires. It is mostly those on the low side of the totem pole, you know the unpopulars. But there are a few popular kids too. I just wonder how no one has noticed. Well…I guess they do look pretty normal most of the time.
Hmmm….
So Buffy is going back to her regular schedule as there is a basketball game.
They do the cheer “how funky is your chicken, how loose is your goose”. Now years back when I was in middle school and only a select few had cellphones that could not get on the internet, and you couldn’t get on the school computers unless for schoolwork, people came to me with their movie questions. Now I know what you’re thinking:
But it wasn’t like that. Although how AWESOME would that be?????!!!! SUPER AWESOME!!!!!
Anyways you all know how much I love film,
Well everyone at school did too. So one of the girls was a cheerleader and they were bringing back the “how funky is your chicken, how loose is your goose” cheer. She knew it was a famous cheer and came to to find out which film it was from. I couldn’t remember the film it was first in, and when I saw this film years later i was like “of course, duh.” Oh well.
oh well
Anyways, back to the game. So Buffy is cheerleading when she notices something weird. One of the players looks completely different. It turns out that one of the guys has been turned, and as the adreneline starts pumping he starts vamping out.
And as he does so, he also starts becoming an awesome basketball player. I guess like in Teen Wolf, becoming something not human increases basketball skills?
Buffy is the only one to realize that he’s a vampire and ends up chasing him down. She finds herself in some weird place which is Lothos hideout. This is the worse place for a lair. I’m not kidding. Like there is a giant horse plant structure, and the whole place is just too obvious to be a secret hideout. Then again this is the most flamboyant Vampire I have ever seen, and he doesn’t care what others think of him.
Buffy meets Lothos and begins fighting with him, when he puts her in a trance and is about to kill her.
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!
Merrick can’t stand that and interferes. A big watcher NO-NO. Watchers are supposed to train and then watch, no interfering.
And Lothos can’t have that. So he kills him.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????????!!!!!!!!! THEY JUST KILLED THE WATCHER!!!!! CAN THEY DO THAT???
He’s not really dead is he? Is he? He is! He is DEAD???!!! WHAT??!!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED???!!!
Lothos and his horde leave, while Buffy hears Merrick’s dying words. He tells her she’s special and to d things HER way.
Buffy is shocked at the death and completely heartbroken.
She sufferes from shock of everything and wants to be done slaying. It scares her and hurts her and she just wants out.
She tries to hang out with her friends, but just finds them shallow and vapid. They are also selfish as they don’t want to invite every senior to the dance. Just the cool ones. She yells at them and takes off.
Her boyfriend is still ignoring her as well. She decides she is just going to be a “normal” girl and goes shopping for a dress. While she is searching for the perfect gown, she runs into Pike. The two have a huge fight as Pike can’t believe she is backing out and letting the world down.
Pike: Buffy, you’re the guy. You are the chosen guy.
Buffy: Right. I’m the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.
Buffy just wants to be in denial as she is too scared. If she fights she will get hypnotized and die, maybe causing the death of others. If she doesn’t fight then Lothos and his group might kill a ton of people. What’s a girl to do.
After the two storm off, we discover that Benny has been hiding in the phone booth. He overheard everything and returns to the master to tell him all about it. When the master hears, he is estatic about the party and chooses it to be the best final moment of Buffy’s life.
So while Buffy is getting ready for the dance, Pike has decided to step up to the plate. He returns to his home above the mechanic shop, and grabs every bit of wood he can find, turning them into stakes.
Get ready for this!
So while I have complained about his lack of background (and it still bothers me) every scene after the one when he listened to Buffy he has risen up and up in my esteem.
How romantic
So Buffy goes to the dance and I absolutely love her outfit. She has her hair back in a no-nonsense bun, a beautiful puffy white dress, and boots. Yes boots.
It’s as if she subconsciously wanted to be ready in case something should happen. Her boots are actually white boxing boots
I can look pretty and feminine and kick butt.
It’s awesome how hardcore she is.
Take note Hollywood
So she goes over to her boyfriend, to ask why he didn’t pick her up for the dance. And it turns out that since she wasn’t around to give him what he wanted, he broke up with her on her machine and started dating her friend.
Buffy: You left me a message?
Jeffrey: You weren’t home! Like always.
Buffy: You broke up with my machine?
What a loser.
Come on, really? That’s so wrong. He’s a loser to the max. And how could her friend date him? That’s breaking the code!
The two leave to have sex in the parking lot and Buffy is left all alone. But not for long as Pike comes to the dance, dressed up in a button up shirt, slacks, and his leather jacket.
He brings Buffy flowers and asks her to dance with him.
How romantic
Okay, just gained 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 points! That was so sweet of him coming to the dance, especially since he’s not into that sort of thing but did it because he knew it would make her happy!
The Vampires come to the dance. Pike gives Buffy all his stakes and his jacket, while she rips her dress so it is shorter and doesn’t constrict movement. She runs to warn everyone to close the doors, as if we don’t invite them in they are unable to come. One problem, she forgot about an earlier conversation.
Buffy: Don’t worry. They can’t come in unless they’re invited.
Kimberly: I already invited ’em. [Buffy looks at her] They’re seniors!
Yes, Buffy was being a good person telling her friends to invite all seniors, and unknowingly just caused one huge problem.
Now when the Vampires come in we really reach a horror/comedy pinnacle. A Com-Ror as I like to say. It’s cheesy, but fun.
Except for the Vampire DJ, that was dumb.
So the fight begins. Some parts are silly, others creepy. I still haven’t gotten over seeing Pee-Wee Herman as a vicious vampire. It’s just does not compute that this is the same guy.
Benny tries to convince Pike to turn vampire, and in a bizarre way, channels Christian Slater’s character J.D from Heathers. Talking about people being sheep and this chaos is better, etc. That makes Pike his Winona/Veronica. The only problem is that Benny is nowhere near as hot.
So they kids inside are following Pike and Buffy’s lead trying to take down the vampires, while Buffy heads out to do a throwdown with Lothos.
She takes down Pee-Wee, his right hand man (horrible death scene) and heads down to Lothos. The two fight, with Buffy surprising him with a flame torch made out of hairspray and a cross.
AWESOME!!!
She then stakes him! BUFFY ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She and Pike ride off on his motorcycle, as the dumb principal hands out detention slips to the dead vampires:
Gary: [Throwing detention slips on the dead vampires] Detention [Walks to another body]… detention [Walks to another body]… detention. [Throws 2 more slips on the same body. Says quickly]Detention, detention.
And the rest of the group is interviewed about what happened.
So How Does It Hold Up?
Some parts of it seem a bit underdeveloped, mainly backstories of the characters. And at times it can be cheesy or silly, but on a whole I loved it.
Yes, I LOVED IT!!!!! The series on a whole is better, as it has more time to devote to the characters, but this movie was awesome. Buffy is incredible.
It’s a great film if you are looking for something funny and silly, but with a horror twist.
Day 26) Your Favorite Disney Original Movie (DCOM)
Now when I was a kid we actually had great shows on TV; such as Boy Meets World, Even Stevens, Sister Sister, Lizzie McGuire, etc. Not like today:
I mean Dog with a Blog? Really? Really Disney? Jessie, ANT Farm, etc. all suck.
Best the best thing was the DCOMs. I loved the Friday nights when they would show these awesome films. So instead of picking just one film, as that is far too difficult, I’m going to list out my favs.
16) The Paper Brigade (1997)
Gunther is new in town and trying to fit in. He wants to go to a concert, with the school hottie, and tries to find a way to make the cash. He gets a paper brigade and is rolling in the dough, (I remember thinking, do paperboys really make that much money?). Some bullies try to take him down and in true Braveheartfashion, he defends his turf.
15) Under Wraps (1997)
This was a hilarious film about three kids discovering a mummy. I won’t say any more because I will be talking about this film more this October during Horrorfest III. Come back and check it out.
14) Johnny Tsunami (1999)
Johnny a surfing Hawaiian boy who is forced to move from his surf and sunny beaches for ice-cold Vermont. There he finds himself sticking out in a town full of snowboarders or skiers. He clashes with the others, but also befriends one snowboarder. He and a skier have a fight over the school hottie, and race against each other to win rights.
13) Brink (1998)
When I was growing up I had a huge crush on the movie surfer Erik von Detten, so I was totally into this film as it starred him. This film is about rollerblading, which every kid in the ’90s loved (whether or not they actually could roller blade). It actually is based on the book Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates, one of my favs as a kid.
So Andy “Brink” Brink, is a great skater who does it for the love of the sport. When his family falls on hard financial times, he sells out and joins Team X-Bladz, changing as he gets money and fame. Eventually Brink realizes his mistakes and who his real friends are, leaving the X-Bladz.
12) Susie Q (1996)
Story of a 1950s girl who is killed on her prom night in a car crash, only to have her spirit reawaken 40 years later to make sure that her parents don’t lose their house. Meanwhile, Zach is an everyday high school student who is dealing with the death of his dad and a move to a new town. His family moves into Susie’s house, where he finds her charm bracelet which enables him to see and communicate with her. The two team up with his little hacker sister and try to take on the evil guy who is trying to kick people out of their homes so he can set up a shopping mall. It is a hilarious film! I remember that I loved the story, and her dress, along with the fact that the pink ranger was in it.
11) The Thirteenth Year (1999)
I have to admit I went through a phase where I thought I too was going to turn into a mermaid, and what better to increase my interest/obsession than this film? So the story is about popular, top swimmer, Cody and how during his 13th birthday he starts turning into a mermaid or merman.
He was adopted as a baby and only now is transforming as 13 is when mermaids become adults (no wonder Ariel was like I’m an adult I’m in love). His friend Sean tries to hep him understand what’s going on, when they soon face the bigger threat of people discovering his abilities and trying to do experiments on him. Everything is eventually resolved with him deciding that he will take turns living with both parents (adopted and his mer-mother who finds him).
10) Alley Cats Strike (2000)
This was a big fav as a kid. I absolutely loved this film and Kyle Schmid (I feel like I say that a looot). So Alex (Schmid), Elisa, Delia, and Ken are these kids who are into retro clothing and bowling, (not very in crowd). Everything changes for them when their school competes in a series of athletic events for the town trophy and finds themselves tied. The tiebreaker is determined to be bowling. Todd, the most popular and athletic kid in school, joins the team to lead the group to victory. Only prob is, he sucks. The team struggles to fit him in, as they find him causing trouble within the group.
9) Mom’s Got a Data With a Vampire (2000)
Love this film so much. Some kids accidentally set their mom up on a date with a Vampire and have to save her from being killed! It is an awesome film and I will talk about more during Horrorfest III. Check back this October.
8) Teen Beach Movie (2013)
Okay so this is a new DCOM, and I know it totally contradicts my earlier rant about Disney sucking today, but I just loved this film. When I was growing up, ’60s Beach movies were my absolute favorite. I loved Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello. The songs, the campiness of it all. So when I saw Disney was going to do a parody film, I was super excited!
So this isn’t the first time this has been done. Sabrina the Teenage Witch did an episode where they go to Florida for Spring Break and have “Good, clean, fun.” In this film, Brady (Ross Lynch) and his girlfriend Mack are having loads of fun surfing, until Brady finds out that Mack is going away to finishing school. When the two ride a 40-foot wave, they find themselves in Brady’s favorite film, the 1960s Wet Side Story. Hilarity ensues as the two find themselves in the middle of a biker and surfer fight, singing, surfing, and having some “good, clean, fun.”
Cute guys, great music, and absolutely fabulous 1960s clothes.
7) Smart House (1999)
I loved this movie so much as a kid! I totally wanted this house, I thought it would be so cool to live there (you know before it went crazy). But this film holds an even greater place in my heart as it truly captures my childhood/pre-teen time of my life. The music, clothes, food, etc.
So in this film this engineer/computer scientist creates a program that runs a house to fulfill your every command. She holds a contest to get the house, in which Ben Cooper and his family win. Even though Mrs. Cooper died a while ago, Ben becomes angry when his father begins dating the house designer, Sara Barnes. He tweaks with the program so it is more motherly, creating a dangerous machine that tries to imprison them. This film is also surprisingly based on a literary work, “The Veldt” by Ray Bradbury. I loved the idea of having a house like this, along with having a huge crush on Ryan Merriman.
6) Luck of the Irish (2001)
Disney plays this film every March 17th, and I am so glad as it is hilarious. Kyle is the golden child; captain of the basketball team, straight-A student, and Lady Luck always seems to be smiling down at him. However that all changes when Kyle’s lucky coin is stolen from him. He then discovers that his mother’s family are leprechauns and that coin held their family luck, also allowing them to walk about the Earth looking like normal humans. With his mom shrinking, and him becoming shorter and more leperchauny ever minute, he sets out to track down the thief and restore his family luck.
So I love this film, and I actually have another post all detailed on it. I had a huge crush on Ryan Merriman, leprechaun or human
This story is about two sisters; the elder being pretty and popular, while the younger brainy, short, and insecure. The two wish to be the other as each thinks the other has an easy life. But when their wish comes true and they switch bodies, they discover that there is more to each other than they originally thought. I just love the portrayal of their relationships and how they are able to work through their problems and bond in the end.
4) Stepsister from Planet Weird (2000)
So in this film two gas formed aliens flee their country for Earth. There the father, Earth name Cosmo Cola, meets Earth woman Kathy Larson and the two fall in love deciding to get married. Kathy’s daughter doesn’t want this to happen as she finds Cosmo and his daughter Ariel to be freaks. Ariel doesn’t want her father to fall in love and marry Kathy as she still hopes to return home, and to her boyfriend Fanul. It is a hilarious film as the aliens try to adapt to Earth and end up having to save the planet.
I just love how cool Ariel seems to everyone, when she isn’t even trying. but just being herself (thank you Disney). I also copied the layered look from her, which did become a major thing. But I have to say the biggest takeaway for me was her line “I fear the wind.” Since they are gas forms, they hate the wind as it kills them. My sis and I would go around saying that every time it was windy, especially when it messed with our hair.
3) Motorcrossed (2001)
This is a modern retelling of Twelfth Nightand is one of my absolute favs. When Andrew is injured and can’t compete in the motorcross competition and the family is in trouble, Andrea cuts her hair and pretends to be Andrew to save the day. Of course, problems arise as she can’t have anyone find out who she is, and starts to fall in love with her friend who thinks she’s a guy.
I loved this movie so much as a kid. My love for it was so great that I sat through its excruciating painful sequels. So this film is about Zenon, girl of the 21st century who lives in a Space Station. She gets in trouble and is grounded (literally as she is sent to earth). While there she discovers an evil plot to destroy the space station, and has to do all she can to save her home. I loved the story, clothes, and expressions used in this film. It was an amazing piece. And after the film came out I used to say this all the time (and still do):
And who could forget this wonderful song?
1) Phantom of the Megaplex
This has to be my favorite DCOM of all! I loved this film so much as a kid! There are so many amazing things involved in it! It’s a very well done modern version of the Phantom of the Opera. It also references so many other movies, that it just makes a cinephile like me squeal in delight! I also had the hugest crush on the lead, Taylor Handley. I was like 8 or 9 and in love with him. I actually reviewed this film during Horrorfest, so I will keep the synopsis short as you should really check it out.
So the film is about Taylor Handley’s character, Pete Riley, who is assistant manager at the megaplex and is getting ready for a huge film premiere, Midnight Mayhem, at the theater. However, chaos rains down throughout the night as a phantom lurks and tries to cause destruction.
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