I Will Wait for You: This Episode Sucks, Psych (2011)

Romantic Moment #7

“This Episode Sucks” Psych (2011) 

I love Psych.

I found the show absolutely hilarious and started watching it all the time. That is until they mentioned the last season. I stopped watching as I didn’t want it to end right away. But of course, if you love something you can’t stay away from it too long.

So the show is about Shawn Spencer (James Roday) who is just your average guy, except for one thing. He has a photographic memory.

His father was a cop and honed a thousand such skills, like psychology of body language, how to detect liars, etc- in him. He rebelled from his father and left his home of Santa Barbara, CA to travel all over the world. When he returns, he is able to solve tons of crimes just from watching the news reports. When the cops get suspicious on how he is doing it, thinking he is actually committing some of these crimes, he lies and says he is a psychic.

Oh, well

Soon he has roped his best friend since childhood, Burton “Gus” Guster into being a part of his crime solving crew, and the duo become consultants for the SBPD (Santa Barbara Police Department).

So a lot of stuff has happened when this episode airs. Shawn and Gus have cemented themselves as consultants for the SBPD and have solved tons of cases. Shawn has started dating Officer Juliet O’Hara, after a long series of him trying to get with her.

Carlton Lassiter and Shawn have a relationship in which most of the time they can’t stand each other, but do have moments where they actually work together.

Carlton wife has divorced him, he’s lonely and unhappy with life. One night as he is drinking at a bar he is approached by a beautiful blonde woman, Marlowe. For serious fans, you’ll recignize her as Kristy Swanson, the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Sh disappears, and Carlton searches for her. The next morning he’s called to a crime scene where a victim has lost all their blood and has two pinpricks at the neck and wrist.

hmm…

Of course Shawn and Gus immediately think Vampire.

And they start investigating as others are attacked and the local blood bank is hit.

Juliet O’Hara; Shawn Spencer as Lestat from Interview With a Vampire; and Gus Guster as Mamuwalde from Blacula

Marlowe ties into all this somehow-could she be a killer? Or worse-a vampire?

Most Romantic Moment: I Will Wait for You

***Spoiler Warning***

So this romantic moment comes at the very end of the episode. Carlton has fallen for Marlowe, only to discover that she originally approached him to knock him out and drain his blood for her brother-someone who suffers from a rare blood type and rare disease that keeps him in constant need of transfusions.

Ouch

She didn’t go through with it, and wanted to date him for him-but has to serve jail time for breaking into the local blood bank and stealing vials for her brother.

She asks him to visit so she can talk to him and he comes.

Marlowe Viccellio: [in jail] I wasn’t sure you’d come.

Carlton Lassiter: I’m a man of my word.

Marlowe Viccellio: I’m so sorry. I wish I…

Carlton Lassiter: Look, you did what you thought you had to do. If there’s an upside to any of this, it’s that your brother will finally get the care he needs now that he’s going to be in the system for a long, long, long time…Can I ask you something?

Marlowe Viccellio: Anything.

Carlton Lassiter: Where would you rate “Pink Cadillac” in the Eastwood canon?

Marlowe Viccellio: Not very high, I’m afraid. I mean, I suppose it’s good as a companion piece to “City Heat”, but he’s much funnier with the orangutan.

[Lassiter turns away, hastily scribbles a note on a scrap of paper, then turns back around and presses the note against the glass]

Awwwwwwwww, so romantic!

Aw!

Not only is he loyal and waits for her, but faithfully visits her every Wednesday.

Aw! How sweet!

To start Romance is in the Air: Part V, go to Who Says I Have to Stop: Fireproof (2008)

For the previous post, go to You Can Be Yourself With Me: George of the Jungle (1997)

For more Psych, go to It’s A Fan World After All

For more on Carlton Lassiter, go to At the End of the Rainbow: 17 More Irish Heroes

For more on Vampires, go to Scarlet Night: Archie’s Weird Mysteries (2000)

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Scarlet Night: Archie’s Weird Mysteries (2000)


 

So you know what today is:

So that means it is time to review a TV episode for TV Tuesday

Vampires are coming to Riverdale

This came on the VHS with Attack of the Killer Spuds. This was a pretty good series of episodes, although I thought the end made no sense.

So this storyline is told in three parts; a Vampire Tale in Three Acts. Originally I was going to do them all together, but I have been trying to review this since the first Horrorfest, and every time I find mysef unable to do it . That’s six years of trying.

Wow

So I have decided that I will review each episode individually. I know that makes it a little odd to have so many TV episodes, but I am ready to get this done.

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Act One: Scarlet Night

“Cross of silver, ray of light, in ender’s hand, shall end the night”

The film starts out with Veronica having this strange dream of a Vampire attacking her, only to destroy him with an antique cross necklace. She laughs off the freak only to be scared by a redheaded girl.

The next day she is telling Betty about her dream, mostly laughing it off. They meet up with Jughead and Archie. Then a new girl enters the scene

Redhead Ah!

A new girl has moved to town, and she looks exactly like the girl in Veronica’s dream.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Her name is Scarlet Helsing (like Van Helsing) and she promptly takes Archie off to discuss his article and her own “weird mysteries”.

Hmm…

This makes Veronica very angry.

that girl is going after my man she is going to wish she was never born

Betty and Veronica are determined to get Archie back, Betty going on the computer to research her, while Veronica decides to follow them.

stalker

Veronica is driving around not paying attention to anything, when she crashes right into Dr. Strange’s Mystical Shop. No, it’s not the Dr. Strange, although he does remind me of him, Dr. Beaumont is the proprietor. As Veronica is picking up Dr. Beaumont’s spilled items, she sees a necklace, an amulet to be exact.

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Just like the one in her dream.

thisisheavybacktothefuture

Dr. Beaumont tells Veronica that it is the Ender’s Stone.

“Cross of silver,

Ray of light,

In Ender’s Hand,

Shall end the night.”

He tells Veronica that there is a prophecy, that on Halloween this year, the sun will set and never rise again, beginning the reign of the Vampires!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, in Pop’s Chocklit Shop, Scarlet is telling Archie the same thing. She has been researching the event and discovered that the only one who can save them is the Ender using the Sun stone or Amulet. Scarlet doesn’t know who the Ender is, as the book wasn’t complete. BUT does know that it is a girl.

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Does this sound familiar to you?

The plot thickens

How about her?

Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer

buffyvampireslayerTed

Yes, this series of episodes are a parody of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. While the Master looks like the Master in Buffy the Vampire (TV Series), the rest of it resembles more of the 1992 film than the show.

In the 1992 film, Buffy was a valley girl, uber rich, and a cheerleader who only cared about fashion. In Archie’s Weird Mysteries (AWM), Veronica talks in a valley girl voice, is uber rich, and a cheerleader who only cares about fashion. Both don’t want to be a Slayer or Ender, trying to pass it off to others, but find themselves accepting the role when push comes to shove.

buffythevampireslayer

Also the way the Vampires look and float everywhere resembles the 1992 film more than the TV show.

All right, let’s get back to the review.

So Dr. Beaumont, after hearing Veronica’s dream, decides that she must be the chosen one. He gives her the amulet and takes off.

run-away

Veronica does not want the amulet or to be the chosen one.

No thank youhowaboutno

She decides to head over to Pops to find Archie. After all, he’s the Weird Mystery expert, he should know what to do.

While Archie and Veronica are talking in the parking lot, two vampires come up behind them and begin chasing them, trying to bite them.

Dean-Dracula-The-Delusional-Shapeshifter-in-Monster-Movie-supernatural-24166990-700-300

They manage to climb a building, but when the Vampires follow them there, they jump off, using a vampire to break their fall.

Back on solid ground, they spot Dr. Beaumont’s Shop, and as he forgot to lock the door, they hide inside it. Veronica is even more convinced that she is not the Ender, and gives the necklace to Archie. But while inside Veronica spots an open book. She reads the pages and sees another prophecy about the Ender.

“Raven and Red upon their heads,

Destiny awakens,

One girl is the Ender,

While the other is mistaken.”

rchieiverdalevampiresarchieweirdmysteriesscarletnightnecklacebook

Before she can think about what it means, Archie tells her the coast is clear and that they should make a run for it. They discover that it was really a trap, as the Vampires are waiting outside the doors. The Vampires attack, but they manage to fight them off and run.

Run Away

As they run, they run right into Scarlet.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

How did she just happen upon them? Sounds suspicious. I think she’s evil.

you're evil

Scarlet takes down the Vampires, knocking them out. When Archie asks how she found them, she tells him she was “lucky” and that she has been following Archie to “help him.” Yeah, I don’t think so. This girl is crazy. Step away, step far, far, away.

Her in this case

Her in this case

And following him? Hello stalker.

stalker

Archie needs to hang out with Betty more, she’s the only normal one here.

Anyways, Veronica is convinced that any girl who can beat up a couple of Vampires, must be the Ender. She decides to head home, while Archie and Scarlet go to his place.

Back at Veronica’s mansion, Betty calls. It turns out that she has some very interesting news about Scarlet from her old school. It is really old, as Scarlet went to high school over 200 years ago!

OMG

That means only one thing. She is a Vampire!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Veronica collects her things and sets out for Archie’s place.

Back at the Andrews residence, Archie gives Scarlet the amulet, telling her that he thinks she is the Ender. Scarlet refuses, Archie argues and while he is doing so, he notices something weird. Scarlett has no refecltion in the mirror!!!

Say What

Scarket is a vampire!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scarlet can walk around during the day, like the other vampire minions, as long as she stays in her human form. It was her job to find and kill the Ender, so that nothing stood between the Master and the Eternal night. He needs Eternal night as he cannot roam during the day. As Scarlet has revealed all, she settles down to feed on Archie.

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When she is stopped by…Jughead with a hamburger!

SayWhat?BuffyVampireSlayernosense

Yes, Jughead stuffs a GARLIC hamburger in Scarlet’s mouth, while he, Betty, and Veronica pull Archie out of the house through the window. Archie grabbing the necklace on his way out.

Count Dracula: Van Helsing. [Van Helsing turns to face Count Dracula] Count Dracula: Now that you have learned what you have learned, it would be well for you to return to your own country. Van Helsing: I prefer to remain and protect those whom you would destroy. Count Dracula: You are too late. My blood now flows through her veins. She will live through the centuries to come, as I have lived. Van Helsing: Should you escape us, Dracula. We know how to save Miss Mina's soul if not her life. Count Dracula: If she dies by day. But I shall see that she dies by night. Van Helsing: And I will have Carfax Abbey torn down, stone by stone, excavated a mile around. I will find your earth-box and drive that stake through your heart. Count Dracula: Come here. [Dracula raises his hand to hypnotise Van Helsing] Count Dracula: Come here...Your will is strong, Van Helsing. [Van Helsing reaches out for his crucifix as Dracula looms toward him] Count Dracula: More wolfbane? Van Helsing: More effective than wolfbane, Count. Count Dracula: Indeed. [Dracula lunges towards Van Helsing. Van Helsing holds up the crucifix. Dracula snarls and turns away. Van Helsing, in triumph, puts away the crucifix]

Veronica quickly grabs the necklace and thrusts it upwards, using it to kill the vampires. Archie & the gang have not only won, but Veronica discovered she is capable of much more than shopping.

TheEnd_Title_2

Or is IT?

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Welcome to a New World of Gods and Monsters: The Mummy (2017)

For more on Archie’s Weird Mysteries, go to When Potatoes Go Bad: Attack of the Killer Spuds (1999)

For more on Archie Comics, go to Simply Fantastic

For more on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, go to I’d Risk My Life to Save Yours: Earshot, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1999)

For more vampires, go to Dracula. Not Myth, Nor Ravings of a Mad Irish Novelist, Oh No, He’s Real: Dracula 2000 (2000)

I’m…a Werewolf: Teen Wolf (1985)

Let’s see, we’ve done teen zombies with Thriller, teen vampires with Once Bittenwhat are we missing? Oh yes:teenwolf

I’m… a werewolf.

So you are probably wondering why I didn’t review this film two years ago when my Horrorfest III was obsessed with werewolves. I wanted to, but didn’t have enough time.

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So instead I am doing it now as it seems fitting with all my other teen films I have done so far. So this film was Michael J. Fox’s first non-TV film. The only reason he was able to make it, was because filming was delayed by his TV mom, Meredith Baxter’s pregnancy. However, this film came out after Back to the Future even though he made it first. And even though people liked this film, Back to the Future became the monster hit of the year.

BacktothefutureMartyMcflyrocknrollguitarsolo

But while people loved this film, this was actually Michael J. Fox’s least favorite film. He disliked it so much he declined being in the sequel Teen Wolf Too. Instead going on to do The Secret of My Success, Bright Lights Big City, and of course Back to the Future: Part II.

Backtothefuture

I have to agree with Michael J. Fox, while I don’t hate it, it isn’t my favorite of his work. I mean we all know what that is…

BacktotheFuture

Okay, enough with The Back to the Future references, let’s move on to Teen Wolf!

teenwolf

So this film takes the idea from I Was a Teenage Werewolf but steers away from the darker tones and tries to focus on what teen life would be like with instead of puberty, you turn into a werewolf.

This film also came out during a cycle of werewolf films, such as: An American Werewolf in London, The Howling, etc.

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teenwolf

So the film starts off with Scott Howard’s (Michael J. Fox) basketball game. Scott is not the best player and not popular, more on the geeky side.

As if Clueless

I know, an uncool Michael J. Fox?

thisisheavybacktothefuture

It seems impossible to me. But this is acting, sometimes we pretend to be the opposite of what we are.

So moving on. So he’s horrible at basketball, the most popular girl in school won’t say two words to him, he is bullied, etc. And to top it all off his body has been going through some…changes.

thisisheavybacktothefuture

First he growls during the basketball game

Then he finds a super long hair on his chest, hair on his hands, pointy ears, wolf teeth, and during a two minutes in heaven at a party he grows crazy long nails and scratches up his best friend, who is secretly in love with him and he is totally oblivious to), Boof.

What?

What?

Yes, that is her name. She was named after the writer’s friend from high school. Anyways, he soon learns from his dad what is causing this.

I liked the transformation scene it was pretty creepy looking, good job makeup guys. I thought the make up was cool too, sort of similar to I Was a Teenage Werewolf but longer hair.

I was a teenage werewolf

Scott decides to let his best friend know about him being a werewolf, and his friend Stiles (Jerry Levine [you might recognize him as Jamie in Casual Sex] who doesn’t freak out but decides that they could profit from this if done right. Yes, in this werewolf’s don’t act bestial and attack, the full moon doesn’t come into play, and no one screams in terror or tries to kill him; instead the Horwards can control it, most of the time. And unlike most horror or werewolf films; Michael J. Fox spends most of the film in werewolf makeup.

whatdoyouthinkTwilightzoneRealmartianpleasestandup

Most werewolf films is either split fifty-fifty, or under fifty. And of you think of it, most werewolf films focus on how the person’s life is affected, trying to stop it, the carnage that comes of it; not how you could profit from it or being a werewolf almost 24 hours a day. Yes, this is a very different concept.

I'm in shock

I’m in shock

So everything comes to a head when during one of the games he fully voges into a werewolf.

We then see how being the wolf is bettering his life. He is a better basketball player

SayWhat?BuffyVampireSlayernosense

I know I thought it was weird too, but then again they did do the same thing in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992). After the guys were bit by vampires, they suddenly became extremely good at basketball. I guess being a supernatural being makes you good at sports.

Who knew?

Who knew?

He becomes super popular, Stiles selling all kinds of merchandise and products. It makes him smarter as he starts getting A’s in his classes, everyone loves him and wants his autograph, and the the most popular girl in school starts wanting to be with him.

hot pretty sexy

In fact, one of the weirdest nonsensical scenes involves the most popular girl in school, Pamela. Scott has been asked to be in the school play, a play that was previously just Pamela and the director, and she comes on to Scott. At first the scene starts off with her in her bra and panties, and then she takes her bra off. We cut away to hear Scott howling, so it is safe to assume they had sex. After this they go on a date and her boyfriend Mick is there and angry at Scott for being with his woman. When Scott talks to Pamela about it, she says:

Pamela: Well, you can’t really blame him. He is my boyfriend.

Well then why were you messing with Scott?

What?

What?

When Scott asks her the same thing, she says that it was then and just something that happens.

Say What

And she legit does not get why Scott is confused. If you ask me, she and the school drama teacher were probably doing some stuff backstage. I mean otherwise why was the school production a production of one and why did he cast such a horrible actress as the lead?

Mmhm great gatsby

So the film instead of being a werewolf film, actually becomes a teen film about a person getting too much fame and losing who they are; turning on their friends and the people who really care about him. He hardly spends time with Boof and keeps having “cooler” things to do then help out with his father’s hardware store.

Scott Howard: I was with Stiles this afternoon.

Harold Howard: I know.

Scott Howard: You saw?

Harold Howard: Yeah, I saw, unless that was another werewolf doing a handstand on top of Stiles’ wolfmobile and making a fool of himself.

I think that is one of the things that made me dislike the film. We had a werewolf but not a real one; instead a drama about teenagers that could have been done without the transformation scenes.

No thank youhowaboutno

Although I did think the van surfing scene was cool.

So everything comes to a head when they go to the school dance. First Scott starts off as the wolf, but goes back to being plain old Scott; switching back to the wolf when instigated into a fight. The rage and anger he has at the other student scares him and makes him wonder at his ability. Can he hold it together, or will he become like the other wolfmen?

wolfman-strangle

He also is struggling with who he should be, another teen element and not real horror one. Should he be what everyone wants? The wolf? Or should he be true to his heart and be himself?

I don't know what to do

It is time for the final game, and Scott decides to be himself instead of the wolf. In Karate Kid fashion (but not as good) we have a montage of the basketball game with Scott scoring the final basket and finally coming to terms with who he is.

So there is Teen Wolf. It isn’t horrible, but just regurgitates a lot of teen films clichés and tosses in werewolves. It also had a lot of montages and drags in a quite a few places. It also is weird placing it in a genre; it’s too serious to be a comedy, but too serious to be a drama, and it doesn’t really contain the typology of a horror film. Its a bit mish-mash and will be either be a hit for you or just meh.

Mehsleepyhollownotimportant

But whether you love or hate the film, there is one thing we can all agree on: Michael J. Fox is the BEST!

BacktothefutureMartyMcflyrocknrollguitarsolo

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teenwolf

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to We’ve Seen Dracula, the Wolf Man, and Frankenstein’s Monster: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

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For more werewolf films, go to Beast or Man: The Wolfman (2010)

For more Michael J. Fox, go to Portrait of a Fangirl

For more ’80s films, go to I Don’t Want to Be a Vampire. I’m a Day Person: Once Bitten (1985)

For more teen films, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

A Horrorfest Hitch

Happy Halloween jack-o-lantern

So I hope you all had a great Halloween. Mine was pretty good, and I had an awesome costume. I was a ghostbuster, and designed a suit and proton pack; making it as close to the film as possible, but using a name patch with my own last name. In fact, I plan on wearing it every Friday the 13th. Awesome right?

ghostbusters

So I’m sure you all have been wondering, what was going on with Horrorfest? I missed days, posted unedited pieces, and only completed 28/31 posts. Well, October was really full. I had two weddings; both of my cats were injured within two days of each other and I had to take them to the vet for stitches, having to monitor them, administer medicine twice a day, and change their box constantly; worked my usual jobs; went to the Back to the Future trilogy at my local cinema; and I had a graduation for one of my works, and more.

keanu Whoa

And that’s just the tip of it. I also had some family issues that came up, causing me less time to work on this.

So I am sorry for the delays and unfinished work, next year I promise it won’t be like that. Next year will mark my fifth Horrorfest, and I’m planning to go all out for it.

So as there are only three posts that weren’t done, I am going to finish writing and posting them. After I do so I will update this post with those completed works. So let’s go to our Horrorfest  wrap-up!

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So this year I reviewed 23 films, 4 TV episodes, and had 2 editorials.

So one thing I noticed about this year was that my first Horrorfest the first film I reviewed was made in 1962, in the second Horrorfest the first film I reviewed was made in 1954, in the third Horrorfest the first film I reviewed was made in 1941, and this year’s first post was made in 1931. 1960s, 1950s, 1940s, and 1930s. I did that all without realizing it. Pretty cool, huh?

keanu Whoa

So this year I ended up with quite a few themes. The first being mad scientists; this occuring in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, along with Avengers: Age of Ultron.

Jekyll&Hydedrink potion

Classic literature once again proved to be a prime place to find film adaptations perfect for Horrorfest. This year we had Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, A Study in Scarlet, and The Brothers’ Grimm Fairy Tales.

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Aliens were also a big theme this year. There was Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, Alien vs. Predator, Twilight Zone episode, The Iron Giant, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Total Recall.

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I also thought that doing three Alfred Hitchcock films was something I should continue. This year I reviewed Jamaica Inn, The 39 Steps; and after talking about it for three years, I finally reviewed Psycho. 

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This year I decided that every Friday would be a TV show review: choosing episodes from The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries, The Twilight Zone, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Midsomer Murders.

Ringu Watch TV

I also had the theme of boyfriends/husbands/wives who are more than what they seem. These were Dangerous Crossing, The Screaming Skull, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, Rosemary’s Baby, Gaslight, The Stepford Wives, and Total Recall.

gaslightingrid-bergman-theredlist

We also had quite a few robots. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, The Iron Giant, Avengers: Age of Ultron, and The Stepford Wives.

iron-giant

Witches made a comeback; in Rosemary’s Baby and the Midsomer Murders episode.

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)allofthemwitches

And after reading every year how I really, really, really wanted to do a famous Vincent Price thriller/horror/mystery; well guys you don’t have to hear me whine anymore, I finally did it with The Bat. Yay!!

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So for those who have missed it, here is everything in Horrorfest IV:

You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

And Then There Was Two: A Study in Scarlet (1933)

What Are the 39 Steps?: The 39 Steps (1935)

That Place…There’s Queer Things Go On There: Jamaica Inn (1939)

There Are Thirteen Chairs at the Table…And That’s Unlucky: Mystery of the 13th Guest (1943)

Because I Am Mad I Hate You. Because I Am Mad I Have Betrayed You: Gaslight (1944)

I Do Think You Are Confused, Mrs. Bowman: Dangerous Crossing (1953)

They’re Already Here! You’re Next!: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

It’s Mrs. Archer. She’s On a Rampage!: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)

She Cries in the Night: The Screaming Skull (1958)

A Man Without a Face: The Bat (1959)

We All Go a Little Mad Sometimes: Psycho (1960)

Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?: The Twilight Zone (1961)

What Have You Done to Him?: Rosemary’s Baby  (1968)

There’ll Be Somebody With My Name…But She Won’t Be Me!: The Stepford Wives (1975)

A Haunting We Will Go: The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries (1977)

Someone Has Erased His Memory: Total Recall (1990)

I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to Be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

A Giant Metal Man: The Iron Giant (1995)

Gypsy Justice: Thinner (1996)

She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend: Alien Vs. Predator (2004)

The Story, We’re Living It. It’s Alive: The Brothers Grimm (2005)

He is Coming: The Visitation (2006)

A Book Considered Too Dangerous to Keep: The Magician’s Nephew, Midsomer Murders (2008)

Psycho Strangers: The Girl He Met Online (2014)

We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

Monster Mash

Haunted Harmonies of Halloween: Top 5 Songs to Play On Halloween

I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

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Buffy, you’re the guy. You are the chosen guy.

Right. I’m the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.

 So I’m sure a lot of you are surprised. What Buffy the Vampire Slayer is this? Well before we had this:

Go here to see which you belong in

We had this:

Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer

In 1992, Joss Whedon’s idea of a Californian cheerleader finding out she was actually the vampire slayer of her generation, came to theaters. Only one problem, Whedon HATED it.

HateEverythingthewomen

In fact he hated it so much, that he was reported to walk off set one day and never come back.

ouch Hermione

Five years later, Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series came out, one that stayed true to his “vision”.

So What Went Wrong?

Apparently the screenwriters felt that Whedon’s story was too dark and depressing. They wanted it to be more of a horror-parody comedy, kind of like Heathers with vampires instead of a homicidal maniac. Whedon wasn’t interested in that, as you can tell with his much darker TV series.

Joss Whedon to a T

Joss Whedon to a T

So Is this Film Bad?

Let’s get down to the review and find out:

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

The film starts out with a historical piece. A medieval woman who has the birthmark (a mole), proving she is the Vampire Slayer of this generation. We switch from a very serious moment of her asking to “become the blade”.

BraveheartVictorySwordinAir

And fighting Vampires.

Dracula

And then we switch to Los Angeles and a group of cheerleaders chanting.

vampireslayerbuffy

And Miss Buffy Summers, cheerleader extraordinaire, fashionista, and a total valley girl.

Say What

Yeah, that is pretty much the essence of the movie. They try to pin together opposites. And is it horrible? No. I love it. It is so quirky and funny. And come on, a cheerleader by day and vampire slayer ay night? That’s awesome.

indiana_jonesoh_yesyeah

So as I’m reading the credits and as I have seen this movie before I didn’t think think I would see anything important, but then Paul Reubens…wait, what?!

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Pee-Wee is in a teen film? Pee-Wee Herman is in a vampire film? PEE-WEE?!!! PEE-WEE??!!! PEE-WEE HERMAN is in a TEEN VAMPIRE FILM?

SayWhat?BuffyVampireSlayernosense

How could I have missed that? Huh. And Hilary Swank? Ugh! I hate her. Ever since she ruined the Karate Kid series.

ugh

This was supposed to be her first film, so maybe she won’t be too bad. So Buffy and the gang go to the mall, shopping!

fashion-show-

And there is something you might notice in this scene. While this movie came out in 1992, we hadn’t completely crossed over from the ’80s. You can kind of see it in the stonewash, abundance of leather, and in the “gothic” clothes of the vampire and “uncool” crowd, but most of it looks like this:

80s

And I LOVE IT!

Anyways, so at the mall the girls are shopping when Buffy spots this totally rad jacket. And let me tell you, Buffy has a great sense of style

StyleMarcJacobs

Her friend Kimberly (Hilary Swank), and let me just stop her and say that unless you are a pink ranger, having the name Kimberly means you are EVIL. I don’t know why, it just seems to be a trait that carries on with a name.

you're evil

Anyways, she convinces her that the jacket is ugly and so yesterday.

How rude

When she is not shopping, she spends her time out with her jocky boyfriend, Jeffrey.

Jeffery is on the basketball team and one day after practice, his group splits up. Jeffery is heading over to hang out with Buffy, while two of the other guys go about town, and the last one, Robert heads home. And the route he chooses goes right through an abandoned amusement park.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Come on dude! You are going to go through an abandoned AMUSEMENT PARK????!!!!!! You are just asking to be killed.

doyouwanttodie

And of course, he gets attacked by a Vampire and turned. Good-bye Robert.

Good-bye

Good-bye

So Jeffery is alright, but not altogether that interesting and handsome. Sorry dude, Luke Perry of the “uncoolness squad” is much better looking.

Luke Perry plays Pike, a leather wearing, motorcycle driving, mechanic. He lies above the garage that he works at. He is very dissatisfied with life him, only having one friend, Bennie (wonder if it is a nickname after the drugs, wouldn’t be surprised if it was), played by David Arquette (aw David, just can’t keep you out of Horrorfest). The boys spend most of their time drinking and making fun of those richer than them.

HateEverythingthewomen

We then jump back to historical times so that we can get more of a background of Lothos. Lothos is the head Vampire that has destroyed every prior slayer. He is over 800 years old and has the power to hypnotize his enemies.

Spoke too soon

So for Buffy everything is going as usual. The only thing she has to worry about is the senior dance.

Buffy: [Trying to come up with an issues-related theme for their school dance] The environment.

Nicole: The homelesses?

Kimberly: [to Nicole] Oh, please.

Jennifer: Are there any good sicknesses that aren’t too depressing?

Buffy: Guys. The environment. I’m telling you, it’s totally key. The earth is in terrible shape, we could all die, and besides, Sting’s doing it.

You know that actually sounds difficult. From being on my high school’s prom comittee, I know that it is already hard enough trying to get the committee to come up with a theme and work on decorations and such. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to throw a “socially conscious” dance.

idon'tgotthis

Buffy & co run into the uncoolness squad and there is definitely one thing this movie did wrong, they made the “undesirable” guys, undesirable. I mean come on, there is a formula to this thing! They are supposed to be secretly charming and adorable. Not pigs and boring because they have zero character development!

Stop stop it now!

Both Pike and Bennie are super drunk and start hitting on the girls, incredibly gross style. Bennie even acts as if he is going to whip out his junk, and Buffy slices it.

escalatedquickly

Turns out it was just a hotdog, but it just goes to show you that Buffy is intense. I would not want to mess with her.

So one night as Benny is going home, he gets attacked by a vampire and turned. He goes to the window and tries to get Pike to come out and join him, but even in his alcohol induced state, Pike can tell something is not right.

Benny: Let me in, Pike. I’m *hungry*!

Pike: Go home, Ben.

Benny: [whining] C’mon I’m hungry.

Pike: You’re floating! C’mon, man, get away from here!

uh-no-gif

Pike can tell that things aren’t right and tries to leave the city, thinking anywhere is better than here. As he is fleeing town, he luckily is saved by a creepy dude.

You look like a pervert but I guess thank you?

You look like a pervert but I guess thank you?

 So life is going good for Buffy, until the same perverted-looking, old, creep comes to kidnap her.

Say What

Nah, it’s actually Donald Sutherland who is Buffy’s watcher, Merrick. But he looks like a pervert and sounds UBER CREEPY. He tells her that he can show her “the birthmark mole of slayer, if he can look on her body”, and “Come with me to the graveyard”.

Gilmore girls creep

Apparently Sutherland thought decided to rewrite his dialogue, I’m not sure which lines but I’m guessing these ones as they suck. He’s creepier than Nicholas Cage in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

Certified Creepo Ribbon

I mean did he not hear himself? Did he not hear how creepy he SOUNDS?!!!!!!!

The idea to update to a kindly, well-dressed, English, librarian was just perfect.

Music With it Giles Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy still doesn’t believe him. To prove it, Merrick tosses a knife at her and Buffy catches it.

Buffy: You threw a knife at my head!

Merrick: Yes, I had to show you.

Buffy: But… you *threw* a *knife* at my *head.*

Merrick: And you caught it. Only the chosen one could have caught it.

This scene is amazing. This is some Aragorn-awesomness right here.

So Buffy agrees to go down to the graveyard and wait for Robert to come out so she can kill him. Say what you want about this movie, but you have to admit this Buffy is pretty awesome. She’s tough, intense, and extremely brave.

NCISTonyDinozzoAwesome

While they are waiting, Buffy gets bored and asks him for gum.I don’t know why, but that line just cracks me up.

indiana_jonesoh_yesyeah

I think it is because Merrick is all super serious and trying to get Buffy to understand what’s happening, but Buffy is just bored.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

Robert awakes and Buffy has to fight and take him down.

Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer

Buffy may come off as a a stupid, silly cheerleader, but she can seriously kick butt. When Merrick gets attacked, Buffy takes out, not one but two Vampires.

Gotcha!

Afterwards, Buffy heads home for some serious relaxing with her boyfriend Jeffrey. There we meet her parents who are so out of it. Like in the film, Heathers, they are just selfish and only into themselves.

Buffy’s Mom: Bye-Bye Bobby!

Jeffrey: Bye! She thinks my name is Bobby?

Buffy: It’s possible she thinks *my* name’s Bobby.

I’m not sure which is worse, to have parents who completely ignore you and don’t seem to care a whit, OR a parent that ignores you most of the time, while punishing you the rest (Joyce Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series).

The plot thickens

So her parents go on their merry way, an Buffy + Jeffery spend the night together.

Mmhm great gatsby

We know what they’re doing

Later that night Buffy awakes to a strange man in her bed.

Say What

As Lothos is wakening, the past lives of Slayers are flooding into her and crossing over to her world. It is a very weird scene and for a while keeps you guessing as to what is real and what is all in her head.

Carnival of Souls Don;y know real

So Buffy and Merrick begin her training. Merrick is really hard on her as they have to make up their years of training. I just wonder who’s fault is that?

Mmhm great gatsby

They never explain why Merrick is just approaching Buffy now either. And since we are on the topic, Merrick sucks! He’s creepy, rude, and mean. He keeps pushing Buffy and blaming her, when she’s still trying to get her head around the fact that her life is completely different.

Buffy: All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now it may not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it’s swell. And you come along and tell me I’m a member of the hairy mole club so you can *throw* things at me?

Oh ’90s. When everyone was in love with Christian Slater. I know I was.

ChristianSlaterHeathers

Sorry for that, moving back on track.

So Buffy is upset with Merrick as he is pushing her too hard and punches him out.

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Buffy is a total knockout, literally as it only took one punch to take Merrick down.

Buffy: Oh, wow. I-I never hit anybody before.

Merrick: Really? Well you did it perfectly.

Buffy: I didn’t even break a nail.

Yep, Buffy is awesome!

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awesome

Merrick gives her some background information on Slayers and Watchers. A slayer is born every generation, being reincarnated when killed (so if you watch the beginning again you’ll notice that Kristy Swanson plays the historical slayer). Merrick trains the girls, watches them die, and then when his life is up he is reincarnated into Merrick the watcher again. A very sad existence if you ask me.

Sadface Batman

After this we get a training montage, Rocky style.

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Yep you always need a montage .

Buffy has accepted everything and gets super into her training. You know it’s actually not that far-fetched that a cheerleader could be this totally awesome fighter. To be a cheerleader you have to do gymnastics, lift weights; it can be INTENSE. And with Buffy, she works hard.

She’s also been hunting at night with Merrick, and one night runs into Pike.

So because of all her training, she’s been missing practices and dance committee meetings. As always in a teen movie, the principal assumes it’s drugs.

Gary: [Thinking Buffy is doing drugs] Hey, there’s nothing to be afraid of! I know where you’re coming from. Believe me. I’ll tell you the truth. I’ve had my drug experiences, too. I did a lot – I did some acid in the Sixties. Well, the late Seventies, actually. It was at a Doobie Brother’s concert… and I could see the music flowing into me, it was bright red and electric, and I felt like a big toaster, and I thought, maybe I am a toaster, we’re all molecules, and my friend Melissa, her head looked like a big party balloon, and that scared me, I started to freak out…

The sad thing is that this is probably the only thing in a teen film that actually resembles reality. When people in power act as if they are a “pal”. Ugh.

2013-11-27-bradpitt friends ugh slap face stupid

So Buffy is really starting to feel the pressure of everything. She has Merrick constantly pushing her to do more and more; otherwise she won’t be ready and die. She has her boyfriend tired of the fact that she can’t spend her time with him, constantly getting mad at her. And she has her friends who don’t understand at all.

Kimberly: Buffy? What’s your sitch? You’re acting like the thing from another tax bracket. It’s too weird.

Buffy: Listen, a lot’s been going on you guys, okay? And I really wanted to talk to you guys about it. See, um, a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy-…

Kimberly: Oh my god, you’re having an affair?

Nicole: Cool!

Jennifer: Does Jeffrey know?

Buffy: It’s not about that. He’s, like, old. He’s fifty.

KimberlyNicoleJennifer: Ewwwww!

Jennifer: Gross!

Buffy: Haven’t you guys noticed what’s been going on here? The strange things? Have you noticed people disappearing, turning up dead?

Nicole: What are you talking about?

Kimberly: Weird? You mean like hanging around with that homeless Poke?

Buffy: Pike.

Nicole: [gasp] Eww, you’re having an affair with him?

Jennifer: He doesn’t look fifty.

Buffy: Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

Yep, the pressure is mounting and to combat it, she goes Shawn Spencer on Merrick, quipping right and left.

Buffy: Does the word “duh” mean anything to you?

I love how sassy she is.

Mmhm great gatsby

To make everything worse, it looks like Buffy’s period has come.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

but it turns out that it is just her Slayer sense.

No thank youhowaboutno

Man that would suck.

Merrick: And you’re going to be able to use that to track them.

Buffy: Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That’s just terrific. Thanks for telling me.

Merrick: It’s not a weapon. It’s an alert system.

Buffy: Well, aren’t we kung fu? I don’t see you out there killing any vampires.

Merrick: I play my part.

Buffy: You can play with your part all you want, but it’s my neck on the block.

That night Pike is wandering around inebriated. And let me tell you I am totally not digging Luke Perry. He’s cute but that’s not enough. All we’ve seen so far is him getting high, drunk, and be nasty.

ew! Gross Yuck

Now this is where the TV did a better job. Every person had a backstory. I mean when they brought Angel on to the show, they started him mysterious and cool, and then revealed his tragic backstory. We need MORE! We NEED a backstory! We NEED development!

come on

One night Pike is drunk, AGAIN, and gets attacked by vampires. Luckily Merrick and Buffy are there. They save his life, AGAIN. As you have probably figured out, with Buffy being the totally awesome Slayer, Pike is her damsel in distress. I mean it’s not like he doesn’t do anything, he helps Buffy fight, becoming her partner, but still gets into trouble a lot. He’s the Sam Winchester to her Dean.

sam_winchester___kidnapped_by_spartichi

After the help him, they defeat Lothos’ right hand man Amilyn, by pulling a Star Wars and cutting off his arm. Amilyn returns to the vampire lair, with the knowledge of Buffy being the Slayer.

Meanwhile, Buffy takes Pike to her home. Pike is homeless (hence the fact that he was working as a mechanic for a home). The thing that really bothers me is that we never find out why. Were his parents horrible and he emancipated himself? Did they die? Is he an orphan? WHAT IS HIS BACKSTORY!!!!!!!!

Sorry about that. Back to the film.

So at Buffy’s home, Pike starts going on how awesome she is, but Buffy is having a hard time keeping it together. She breaks down on and lets out all her feelings.

feelings

And while we haven’t had too much development other than he’s from “the wrong side of town” and a drunk, he just listens to everything she has to say. He doesn’t try to take advantage of her, put the moves on her-nope. All he does is listen.

How romantic

How sweet.

Instantly redeemed.

So the next day, Buffy is back to doing what she normally does. She is trying to hang out with her friends but the spawn of Satan, Kimberly (I’m telling you, don’t name your children that.)

you're evil

Has turned them agaist her. Her boyfriend is also mad and avoiding her.

Reality Sucks

And some football player grabs her for fun.

jerk

But Buffy is not having any of that. She totally takes him down, making him learn his lesson.

Don't mess with me!

Don’t mess with me!

Not kidding, after doing that this is what he says with a straight face: “I see the errors of my ways.” Hilarious & awesome!!!!

And I truly mean it

So something you might have noticed, is that there a quite a few people who have been turned into vampires. It is mostly those on the low side of the totem pole, you know the unpopulars. But there are a few popular kids too. I just wonder how no one has noticed. Well…I guess they do look pretty normal most of the time.

Hmmm....

Hmmm….

So Buffy is going back to her regular schedule as there is a basketball game.

vampireslayerbuffy

They do the cheer “how funky is your chicken, how loose is your goose”. Now years back when I was in middle school and only a select few had cellphones that could not get on the internet, and you couldn’t get on the school computers unless for schoolwork, people came to me with their movie questions. Now I know what you’re thinking:

But it wasn’t like that. Although how AWESOME would that be?????!!!! SUPER AWESOME!!!!!

Anyways you all know how much I love film,

AmericanWerewolfinLondon

Well everyone at school did too. So one of the girls was a cheerleader and they were bringing back the “how funky is your chicken, how loose is your goose” cheer. She knew it was a famous cheer and came to to find out which film it was from. I couldn’t remember the film it was first in, and when I saw this film years later i was like “of course, duh.” Oh well.

oh well

oh well

Anyways, back to the game. So Buffy is cheerleading when she notices something weird. One of the players looks completely different. It turns out that one of the guys has been turned, and as the adreneline starts pumping he starts vamping out.

Dracula

And as he does so, he also starts becoming an awesome basketball player. I guess like in Teen Wolf, becoming something not human increases basketball skills?

Buffy is the only one to realize that he’s a vampire and ends up chasing him down. She finds herself in some weird place which is Lothos hideout. This is the worse place for a lair. I’m not kidding. Like there is a giant horse plant structure, and the whole place is just too obvious to be a secret hideout. Then again this is the most flamboyant Vampire I have ever seen, and he doesn’t care what others think of him.

Favorite Lydia Bennet

Buffy meets Lothos and begins fighting with him, when he puts her in a trance and is about to kill her.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Merrick can’t stand that and interferes. A big watcher NO-NO. Watchers are supposed to train and then watch, no interfering.

And Lothos can’t have that. So he kills him.

Say What

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????????!!!!!!!!! THEY JUST KILLED THE WATCHER!!!!! CAN THEY DO THAT???

He’s not really dead is he? Is he? He is! He is DEAD???!!! WHAT??!!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED???!!!

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Lothos and his horde leave, while Buffy hears Merrick’s dying words. He tells her she’s special and to d things HER way.

Buffy is shocked at the death and completely heartbroken.

right in the feels broken heart

She sufferes from shock of everything and wants to be done slaying. It scares her and hurts her and she just wants out.

idon'tgotthis

She tries to hang out with her friends, but just finds them shallow and vapid. They are also selfish as they don’t want to invite every senior to the dance. Just the cool ones. She yells at them and takes off.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

Her boyfriend is still ignoring her as well. She decides she is just going to be a “normal” girl and goes shopping for a dress. While she is searching for the perfect gown, she runs into Pike. The two have a huge fight as Pike can’t believe she is backing out and letting the world down.

Pike: Buffy, you’re the guy. You are the chosen guy.

Buffy: Right. I’m the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.

Buffy just wants to be in denial as she is too scared. If she fights she will get hypnotized and die, maybe causing the death of others. If she doesn’t fight then Lothos and his group might kill a ton of people. What’s a girl to do.

I don't know what to do

After the two storm off, we discover that Benny has been hiding in the phone booth. He overheard everything and returns to the master to tell him all about it. When the master hears, he is estatic about the party and chooses it to be the best final moment of Buffy’s life.

So while Buffy is getting ready for the dance, Pike has decided to step up to the plate. He returns to his home above the mechanic shop, and grabs every bit of wood he can find, turning them into stakes.

Get ready for this!

Get ready for this!

So while I have complained about his lack of background (and it still bothers me) every scene after the one when he listened to Buffy he has risen up and up in my esteem.

How romantic

How romantic

So Buffy goes to the dance and I absolutely love her outfit. She has her hair back in a no-nonsense bun, a beautiful puffy white dress, and boots. Yes boots.

princesswearsbootscowboycowgirlIt’s as if she subconsciously wanted to be ready in case something should happen.  Her boots are actually white boxing boots

I can look pretty and feminine and kick butt.

I can look pretty and feminine and kick butt.

It’s awesome how hardcore she is.

Take note Hollywood

Take note Hollywood

So she goes over to her boyfriend, to ask why he didn’t pick her up for the dance. And it turns out that since she wasn’t around to give him what he wanted, he broke up with her on her machine and started dating her friend.

Buffy: You left me a message?

Jeffrey: You weren’t home! Like always.

Buffy: You broke up with my machine?

What a loser.

Jerk

Come on, really? That’s so wrong. He’s a loser to the max. And how could her friend date him? That’s breaking the code!

How rude

 The two leave to have sex in the parking lot and Buffy is left all alone. But not for long as Pike comes to the dance, dressed up in a button up shirt, slacks, and his leather jacket.

swoon dreamy

He brings Buffy flowers and asks her to dance with him.

How romantic

How romantic

Okay, just gained 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 points! That was so sweet of him coming to the dance, especially since he’s not into that sort of thing but did it because he knew it would make her happy!

Perfect Boyfriend

The Vampires come to the dance. Pike gives Buffy all his stakes and his jacket, while she rips her dress so it is shorter and doesn’t constrict movement. She runs to warn everyone to close the doors, as if we don’t invite them in they are unable to come. One problem, she forgot about an earlier conversation.

Buffy: Don’t worry. They can’t come in unless they’re invited.

Kimberly: I already invited ’em. [Buffy looks at her] They’re seniors!

Yes, Buffy was being a good person telling her friends to invite all seniors, and unknowingly just caused one huge problem.

clueless mybad oops

Now when the Vampires come in we really reach a horror/comedy pinnacle. A Com-Ror as I like to say. It’s cheesy, but fun.

dean whinchester shrug smile oh well

Except for the Vampire DJ, that was dumb.

No thank youhowaboutno

So the fight begins. Some parts are silly, others creepy. I still haven’t gotten over seeing Pee-Wee Herman as a vicious vampire. It’s just does not compute that this is the same guy.

processinginfo

Benny tries to convince Pike to turn vampire, and in a bizarre way, channels Christian Slater’s character J.D from Heathers. Talking about people being sheep and this chaos is better, etc. That makes Pike his Winona/Veronica. The only problem is that Benny is nowhere near as hot.

So they kids inside are following Pike and Buffy’s lead trying to take down the vampires, while Buffy heads out to do a throwdown with Lothos.

She takes down Pee-Wee, his right hand man (horrible death scene) and heads down to Lothos. The two fight, with Buffy surprising him with a flame torch made out of hairspray and a cross.

AWESOME!!!

AWESOME!!!

She then stakes him! BUFFY ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

buffythevampireslayer

She and Pike ride off on his motorcycle, as the dumb principal hands out detention slips to the dead vampires:

Gary: [Throwing detention slips on the dead vampires] Detention [Walks to another body]… detention [Walks to another body]… detention. [Throws 2 more slips on the same body. Says quickly]Detention, detention.

And the rest of the group is interviewed about what happened.

TheEnd_Title_2

So How Does It Hold Up?

Some parts of it seem a bit underdeveloped, mainly backstories of the characters. And at times it can be cheesy or silly, but on a whole I loved it.

Say What

Yes, I LOVED IT!!!!! The series on a whole is better, as it has more time to devote to the characters, but this movie was awesome. Buffy is incredible.

buffythevampireslayer

It’s a great film if you are looking for something funny and silly, but with a horror twist.

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1992BUFFYTHEVAMPIRESLAYERD

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to Psycho Strangers: The Girl He Met Online (2014)

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For more on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, go to Heaven on Earth

For more on vampires, go to Monster Movie: Supernatural (2008)

For more Com-Rors, go to Someone Very Special: The Addams Family Values (1993)

For more David Arquette, go to Don’t F*** with the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Simply Fantastic

fangirl

So here we are with post two on my fandoms. As I mentioned in Fanning All Over the Place there was just too, too many to include in one post so I split them up into a series. Here we go again! 🙂

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Archie Comics

ArchieComicsGang

I first got into Archie Comics through my parents. They had grown up with the comics as kids, and bought my sister and I our first comic books for Christmas one year. We quickly grew to love them.

bookfriends

So the comics came out in the 1940s, and are about a clumsy, accident-prone, redhead, Archie Andrews; who moves to Riverdale meeting a blonde, girl-next-door, Betty Cooper and a food-consuming, girl hater Forsythe “Jughead” Jones. As the series progressed they added more characters, and changed the history to being everyone grew up in Riverdale together. I love the comics from the 1940s-90s. The ones that have been written in the last ten years are not really my favorites as these newer ones seeming to have something missing. So here are the fun characters:

Archie Andrews is the sweet, all around “good guy”. He’s your average male, but has a heart of gold. He is always having issues in his classes, and constantly going to summer school, but is still a pretty clever guy as on more than one occasion he manages to outwit Reggie. He does every sport known to man and also is the school’s newspaper editor. His biggest flaw is that he is girl crazy. Not only does he form a triangle with Betty and Veronica, but he will run after any pretty girl he sees. Add to this a habit of attracting disasters, and he is one funny guy.

Betty Cooper is the girl-next-door. Blonde, sweet, a great cook, and always lends a hand when one is needed. She is not only pretty, but brainy to boot.

Big brain small boobs

She also is a mechanic, school newspaper reporter, sews her own clothes, and a budding writer.

That's a lot!

That’s a lot!

Betty is the best. She was always my favorite character and I felt bad about her constant competition with Veronica over Archie. Betty has loved Archie since the first time she saw him, and will wait around, anytime for him. I know they need her to be one of the points in the love triangle, but I aways wanted Betty to say love me or leave me; no more in-between. In one issue she did dump Archie and started dating this guy Adam, but the fans didn’t like it and she and Archie got back together. Betty and Veronica may compete over Archie, but they are also the best of friends. Veronica is the total opposite of Betty, and Betty often uses her morals and kindness to show Veronica a better way to be. Betty is one of the few characters with siblings; having an older brother that works for the FBI, Chip Cooper; and an older sister who is an investigative reporter, Polly Cooper.

Veronica Lodge the final point in the love triangle. Veronica is the only daughter of gazillionaire Hiram Lodge. Mr. Lodge worked up from nothing and now has not only billions, but his fingers in every financial pot. Him and his wife were unable to have children for a while and had her in their old age. Veronica can be nice but is mostly spoiled, conniving, materialistic, and devoid of any skills besides ordering people and looking nice. Unlike Betty who has eyes only for Archie, Veronica flits about with any guy she finds attractive. She is also highly temperamental  and can be a major ice queen if one little thing upsets her. Of course this is somehow irresistible to Archie (as with most guys). Her constant scheming to get Archie away from Betty, while dating more wealthier and cuter guys, always brings laughs.

Triangles are not for me:

Love triangle pizza

Forsythe “Jughead” Jones is an interesting character. Jughead pretty much marches to the beat of his own drum. He wears a crown instead of a hat, shirts with the letter “S” on them, is a girl-hater, and an immense lover of food. Yep, he eats nonstop. But hey:

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Jughead doesn’t always do well in school, but is one of the cleverest guys out there. I believe that he just has his own way of learning that hasn’t been discovered. He loves to always pull one over on Reggie. Besides eating, his hobbies are sleeping, video games, and almost every sport. Ethel Muggs has the hots for him, and is always trying to get him to date her but Jughead is not interested. Usually if Jughead is “dating”, the girl’s parents own some restaurant he wants free food from. He and Archie have been best buds since day one, and will stay that way until the end.

Reggie Mantle is one of those jerk characters I love anyway. Think Gaston. He’s completely superficial, narcissistic, a prankster, and all around jerk. But all Reggie sees in himself is perfection.

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Reggie is also spoiled as he is an only child and also comes from a very wealthy family. He, like Archie and Jughead, doesn’t do the best in school and plays every sport offered. He is an amazing athelete, as he always manages to outscore Archie. He mainly dates Veronica, but also chases any girl he thinks is hot. The other girl he is interested in is Midge Klump, something her boyfriend doesn’t appreciate. What’s interesting about Reggie is that he and Archie have what I call a “Bert and Ernie” relationship. At times they seem to be each other’s enemies and can’t stand one another, but other times they are best buds.

Ethel Muggs is a tall, gangly, girl who has the hots for Jughead. If Betty is a doormat, then Ethel is even lower than that. She doesn’t have too much more of a personality other than her comedy of trying to win Jughead’s heart. She is nice, an athlete, and does well in school.

Dilton Doiley is a genius. Besides being great in school, he is an all around nice guy. He is picked on by Reggie, and finds it hard to get a date. Mostly Dilton comes in the story with some kind of invention he’s made. Sometimes they are great improvements, other times they create big messes, but they always produce something hilarious.

Chuck Clayton is African-American and was introduced into the series with his girlfriend Nancy Wood. Chuck is a great student, one of the best athletes in Riverdale, and a terrific artist (his favorite media is cartooning). His father is the assistant coach at Riverdale High and is always encouraging Chuck and his friends to do well and go to college. While Archie is goofy, Jughead unique, and Reggie deeply into himself; Chuck is more level-headed and less likely to get into crazy scrapes. In fact, he often tries to talk Archie out of them.

Nancy Wood is also African-American and was introduced the same time as Chuck. Like Ethel, she doesn’t have a lot of interaction in the comics besides being Chuck’s girlfriend and a friend of Betty. She is a tremendous athlete and student.

Moose Mason is the brawn to Dilton’s brains. Moose is tall, muscular, and loves sports excelling in everthing. School, however, gives him a lot of trouble. He’s a real nice guy always eager to help out, although he becomes insanely jealous if anyone even looks at his girlfriend Midge.

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He and Dilton are best friends.

Midge Klump is Moose’s girlfriend and friend of Betty and Veronica. She is a great student & athlete; although a bit of a gossip. She wavers between liking Moose’s jealousy and constant attention to feeling stifled by how much he “cares”. This is a continuos issue for her, which causes her to time and time again date Reggie to “test” her feelings. This of course hardly ever turns out well for Reggie.

Cheryl Blossom is a redhead, snob, gazillionaire, conniver, and the archenemy of Betty & Veronica. She somehow is irresistible to all the guys in town and is constantly cooking up some strategy to steal them away from their girlfriends. At one point in the story she moved away and the writers introduced her replacement, Ginger, but fortunately they realized that Cheryl was too good to leave her out for long. With Cheryl around, humor abounds.

Besides almost every character having their own actual comic book, there is also Archie’s Weird Mysteries. These stories involved Archie investigating into some strange occurrence in Riverdale. This eventually became a TV series, and I would watch it every Saturday morning.

For more on Archie Comics, go to When Potatoes Go Bad: Attack of the Killer Spuds (1999)

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Boy Meets World

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Yes, this show. I love it so much!

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I used to watch this show everyday. My friends and I were huge fans and fangirls over it!

So the story is about Cory Matthews, a middle son in a five person family. It covers them and their friends, all living in a suburb not too far from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. It was funny, sweet, and even hit the really hard issues.

Cory Matthews is our main character and he starts out your average preteen boy. He only cares about sports, food, etc. As he got older he fell for Topanga Lawrence, and the two became inseparable.

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Cory is an all around sweet guy. His best friend is Shawn Hunter, and the two were living a bromance before the word was ever invented. Shawn grew up on the “wrong side of the tracks”, but Cory never let that come between them or saw it as a bad thing. The two remain best buds until the end of the series.

Shawn Hunter is Cory’s best bud. He also is the bad boy with the heart of gold that all us ladies love!

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Now he was the stereotype of the hot guy who does okay in school and gets all the ladies, but he was also much more than that. His mom and dad ran off and he had to deal with that abandonment along surviving without them. He was afraid to get close to any girl, as he was afraid they would leave him, but at the same time recognized what Topanga and Cory had was really special. He did everything he could to get them together, and keep them together. Eventually he fell for Angela, but they had some problems as he had to once again deal with those issues brought on by his parents’ abandonment. It’s the same reason he had so much trouble letting Cory go when he and Topanga married. He was afraid of losing another person he loved.

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Later on in the series he finds out that he has a half-brother Jack (played by Matthew Lawrence). That brings more issues for him as the two try to figure out what it meant to be brothers and how to deal with not having had each other in their lives.

Topanga Lawrence is one of the most unique characters on TV.

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She is the youngest daughter in a hippie family that owns a health food store. She wore what she wanted, and just ultimately was herself. However weird it was at times.

Boy Meets World

As the series progressed her unquie qualities dimmed down, but she always remained the powerhouse she was.

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So later on in the series they actually changed her family. Her father was played by three different characters, of which the second and third were high ranking businessmen that only seemed to care about money. At one point her family moves away, but Cory and her are able to convince her aunt to let her finish up high school with him.

Then as the two are planning to get married, Topanga finds out that her parents are getting divorced and she stops believing in love as she saw her parents as an ideal. To make matters worse, the divorce is because of her father’s infidelity. Cory fights hard to win her back, as nothing will stop him from loving Topanga.

Eric Matthews is Cory’s brother and he was played by Will Friedle. He was Cory’s hot older brother.

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He wasn’t book smart, as he didn’t do well in school, but was full of  brotherly wisdom. He loved the ladies and was a girl chaser, but when he had a women he focused solely on her. He was hilarious, sensitive, and had some great moments. He and Jack become friends, and he helps the socially awkward guy meet the ladies. He and Mr. Feeny have a really great relationship as well. Mr. Feeny mentors all, but he and Eric are even closer than that.

Fee-hee-nay Call Boy Meets World Eric Matthews

Near the end of the series they made Eric really dumb, which I always hated as I loved the old Eric.

Mr. Feeny, you just can’t have a Boy Meets World post without him. Mr. Feeny lived next door to the Matthews and was the kids’ teacher in middle school. When Cory and Shawn move up to high school, they are thrilled to be done with him, only to find him becoming the principal and teacher at their high school. The year Cory, Shawn, and Topanga graduate, he decides to retires. Luckily the writers decided that was a bad idea and brought him back. He first attends college as a student, and later becomes a professor there.

Besides school teachings, Mr. Feeny was always a great mentor, friend, and grandfather to the kids. He could be hard and strict.

Boy Meets World Mr. Feeny I have a megaphone

But always encouraged them

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and tried to teach them life lessons.

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Sarcastic, sweet and ultimately lovable. This series really won a place in everyone’s heart! So much that Disney decided to bring it back (sort-of) with a series chronicling Cory and Topanga’s daughter Girl Meets World. Power of the fans! We rock!

For more on Boy Meets World, go to Who’s Afraid of Cory Wolf

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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When you become friends with someone one of the first things you do is try and brainwash them into liking everything you like.

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It’s not like you are trying to make them into something else, change them, or anything like that. It’s just you love something so much you want to share it with the world. You want everyone to love it as much as you.

When someone likes the show I love Spongebob Squarepants

This is what happened with my friend Elaine and the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I had heard of Buffy the Vampire Slayer as I like Sarah Michelle Geller, but I was never really into the show. I did see the 1992 film and loved it. It was more of a horror-parody than scary film, and Joss Wheedon decided that with the TV show he wanted to take it to a deeper level.

So in the show we have a blonde, sweet, “damsel in distress like character” be the Slayer. That is the woman who is going to save the world slaying demons, monsters, vampires, aliens, bug creatures, etc.

BoyMeetsWorld Topanga Damsel in distress not distress

Buffy is a strong, independent woman that totally kicks butt and goes against every female stereotype. The only thing that I wonder is if you know you are going to be hunting vampires, why not invest in heavy duty turtlenecks?

She is lead by Giles her Watcher or mentor. He’s the type of guy you’d want as a dad or uncle.

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One if her best friends is Willow (played by Alison Hannigan) a shy, insecure, brilliant girl. Later she takes care of spells and reversing curses.

We have Xander who is a total goofball. He is the comic relief and has some hilarious moments. He also has some really stupid ones. But that’s to be expected.

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Cheating on his girlfriend with his best friend. Going off with Faith and sleeping with her.

But he does have his moments. Like the Halloween episode when everyone turns into their costumes, and he becomes this intense military guy.

Then we have Cordelia, the snooty, rich girl. At first she is Buffy’s nemesis, but she actually ends helping the group out. The more you see her the more you love her. She and Xander date for a while, until Xander screws it up.

And then you have Angel (played by the sexy David Boreanaz).

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Oh yeah, one of the best characters in the series.

Angel

Angel was a guy living in Ireland in the 19th century. He was turned into a vampire and wrecked havoc on the world. He was cursed by a group of witches in getting his soul back, forcing him to have feelings and a conscious. He turns from his life of killing, to protecting; attempting to atone for his mistakes. He’s just the way I love them:

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He’s just one of the most romantic characters ever!

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To read more about him, come back next March and check out my Saint Patrick’s Day post.

Besides a great show, great actors, great characters, and great lines; it has one amazing theme song.

Yep, thanks to Elaine this is now my show. 🙂

Go here to see which you belong in

Go here to see which you belong in

For more on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, go to Every Time I Bring A Girl Over, You Try to Eat Her!: Vampires Suck (2010)

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 Captain America

Captain America

I love Captain America. I just think he is one of the best superheros ever. He is so earnest, sweet, perfect!

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I mean he is just everything you want in a guy. 🙂 I loved the film Captain America: The First Avenger. At first I wasn’t going to see it because of Chris Evans. I mean I never hated the actor, it’s just he did a horrible job in the Fantastic Four films, and let’s be honest. Practically every film he’s ever been in he plays an egotistical jerk. Not Another Teen Movie, Cellular, Fantastic Four, The Nanny Diaries, etc. But when I watched the film it was perfect, PERFECT!

Finally something GOOD!

I think that prior to The Avengers, it was the best superhero created yet. I completely forgot that it was Chris Evans and instead just saw the Captain America I love!

Perfect!

Perfect!

This past spring break I went to Disneyland as my graduation present to myself. One of the recent changes they have made is that in Tomorrowland you can see the Iron Man suits, Thor props and meet him and MEET CAPTAIN AMERICA! I was thrilled and fangirled out!

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I couldn’t wait to meet him. I mean I was like Phil Coulson. Anyways, when we found out, my friend Elaine and I made plans to go asap and get our pictures with him. As we waited in line, I was joking around that I wasn’t sure what I would do. I might even totally fangirl over him and throw myself at him. LOL I’m not that crazy, lol.

Yeah right.

Yeah right.

So once we reached the second floor that housed the superheros, even though Captain America was to the right they forced you to go all the way around through the Iron Man and Thor exhibits. Elaine and I had already checked those out, so we took off running past Iron Man, Thor, playstation etc. We reached Captain America and were like third in line, excited although really tired.

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When we got to Captain America, I totally lost it. Even though I knew that the guy wasn’t the real Captain America he just seemed so real! I threw myself at him and hugged him like five times. I babbled on that he was one of my favorites and how happy I was to see him.

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A total fangirl.

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He was cool with it. In fact he was perfect. He took the whole thing in stride.

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After we took like ten photos (me & Elaine), we were heading out when this happened:

“Captain America: Hey, Moreland.

Me: Yeah?

Captain America: Maybe I’ll see you around.

Me: Okay!”

I was like:

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Even though I knew the odds were zilch and not going to happen, there was still a small fraction of me that was hoping maybe, just maybe we would run into each other again.

Yep, the mentality of a fangirl. This is why we have places like tumblr where we can be understood for our irrationalities.

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Thank goodness it was Elaine who was with me and understood.

The next day we were heading back to our apartment and stopped off to see Elaine’s parents. We showed her mom all our pictures. She was looking at the Captain America one, and wondered out loud what kind of padding he was wearing. I told her that there wasn’t any padding. Those muscles were real.

If you love Captain America as much as I do, come back in March and check out my St. Patrick’s Day post to hear more on him.

Otherwise: For more Captain America, go to Fanning All Over the Place

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Chronicles of Narnia

Narnia

So while other kids grew up waiting for a letter to Hogwarts, or Camp Half-Blood, or any of those other places I was like whatever. I wanted to go to Narnia. Narnia prepare yourself spider-man memeI read the books and watched all the BBC films. I was so disappointed that I could never find a wardrobe to take me there (no matter how hard I tried).

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It was the first fandom I have ever been in and the one I’ll be in until I die. I will never grow tired of C.S. Lewis’ books. You’re never too old for them.

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The first book in the series is The Magician’s Nephew (1). It was actually the sixth book, but he wrote it as a prequel to the rest of the series. I thought it was okay, but he introduces a backstory that gives me more questions for the whole series. It’s not bad, but not one of my favorites. In it Digory and a Polly find themselves being sent to multiple worlds, having some of those enter their own world, and even witnessing the creation of Narnia.

The actual book that started it all was The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe (2)This is my favorite as it is the first and AWESOME!

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The time is the 1940s and four siblings, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy,  are sent to the country to get away from the bombs of London. While staying at the house they go through a wardrobe into a magical world. The four find themselves caught in a battle between the evil White Witch and the Godly Lion, Aslan.

It is an amazing adventure story with magic, animals, swordfighting, everything you love and want! I always wanted to be Peter the High King and Lord of Narnia. I thought that he was just amazing as he fights the White Queen, werewolves, etc. One Christmas my mother bought me a bible cover that had images from the books and one was Peter with his sword held high. I used to joke that the guy I ended up with had to have the inner soul of that. Yeah-not a joke.

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The “next book” is A Horse and His Boy (3). I don’t really like this book as it was written fifth and doesn’t fit in the timeline right. In The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe it ends with the kids having lived far into their lives and returning home to discover they are back to their orginal ages and had only been gone a few hours. This book takes place in the middle of that time of them ruling. It bugs me as it just doesn’t go. I could have lived without it.

The next book Prince Caspian (4) was another of my all-time favorites and was orginally the sequel to the first. Time between Narnia and our world is much different. In the first book 40 years passed and it was only a few hours. In this one, hundreds of years have passed in Narnia. The land is ruled by men and talking animals, dwarfs, etc.; no longer roam the area. Prince Caspian is a young prince, about 10-12, who has grown up hearing the stories of King Peter, Queen Susan, King Edmund, and Queen Lucy. His uncle is ruling the land until he comes of age. One night he has to flee for his life as his uncle is set on killing him and making his newborn son the next in line for the throne. He rallies the rest of the magical creatures and calls on the help of the four from the first book.

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This was another of my favs as it had the same kind of action and magic of the first one.

Then comes Voyage of the Dawn Treader (5)In this one Peter and Susan are no longer allowed back into Narnia as they are too old. Lucy and Edmond go back, and take along their horrible, annoying cousin Eustace (on accident). They find themselves on the Dawn Treader a boat built by King Caspian, now in his 20s. I loved this book as they are traveling through the lone islands and searching for the lost Lords exiled under his uncle. This has amazing adventures, swordfights, magic, dragons, etc.

In The Silver Chair (6) Lucy and Edmond are also too old to return to Narnia. Instead a bullied Eustace and Jill Pole find there way there. It has been many years in Narnia, as Caspian is now an old man. His son was lost to him years ago, just up and vanished, and Aslan sends Eustace and Jill to find him. They meet up with a Marshwiggle named Puddleglum, who is so negative it is hilarious. In here they continue their adventuring coming upon giants, black knights, underground men, etc.

The last book is The Last Battle (7). This book is the end of the series. It has been hundreds and hundreds of years since Caspian and his son. One day a monkey finds a lion skin, clothes a donkey with it, and proclaims him Aslan. There like in Animal Farm, he begins to use his newly gained power to turn the animals into slaves. Eustace and Jill use the magic rings from the first book to help Narnia, and are soon followed by everyone. Endings are always sad, but this one goes out with a bang.

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The BBC films are amazing as they copy the books to a T. The actors are also fantastic. The special effects are so-so, but that was the technology they had and you got to give them props for that. The Disney versions are horrible. HORRIBLE! Trust me, don’t watch them at all. Read instead.

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For more on The Chronicles of Narnia, go to 25 Films of Christmas

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Copper

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Copper is one of those shows that was amazing and got canceled far too early (only two seasons). I’m still upset over that.

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So I wanted to watch Copper when it first came out as it intrguied me. It was a historical drama and plus it had him:

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Let me back, up I’m getting too far ahead of myself. So Copper takes place during the mid 19th century in New York City. New York has a lot of tension not only between the Southerners and Northerners; but the racial clashes between “Americans”, “White” Europeans, Irish, and African-Americans. The main character, Kevin “Corky” Corcoran is an Irish immigrant, who has become a “copper”. He tries to keep the notorious Five Points in line with its murders, thievery, prostitution, opium trade, etc.

During the war, Corky worked with the wealthy Robert Morehouse (played by the hot guy from Alley Cats Strike). Morehouse used his influence to get Corky that job. Matthew Freeman, a freed slave who fought with them during the Civil War, acts as Corky’s pathologist and coroner.

They had the first season free on Amazon Instant Watch and I breezed through it and the second one as well.

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The main character is amazing as he is just what I like:

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And Irish. 🙂

He also really cares about the people in his neighborhood and protecting him. He not only a honorable man, but one of action who goes out and takes care of things. Super attractive!

Besides all those wonderful things, Copper also has a great intro.

For more on Copper, go to At the End of the Rainbow: 17 More Irish Heros

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Loving Everything

If people don’t like it, well:

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The ones who do understand you, you will have awesome times with.

For Part 1 go to Fanning All Over the Place

And Stay Tuned for Part 3

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For more book filled posts, go to Peeta Please!

For more of my favorite quotes, go to I Before E, Especially After P

For more quizzes, go to That Girl is Poison

For more Disney, go to The Little Moreland