Edward and Jacob Fight Over Who Should Be With Bella, And We Get Jasper’s Back Story: The Twilight Saga, Eclipse (2010)

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga”. I remember when they came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X. This is my first time watching them and I do not understand why people like this films. I just do not get it at all.

Huh?

I find them to be really boring and to not make any sense at all. I would actually like to not finish this series, but you know me. When I start something I have to complete it. So here we go with film three.

So we start this film off very different than the others. Some dude we don’t know is walking in the rain, and gets knocked over by a vampire. There is screeching, fighting, etc. I don’t know if that’s how the book starts, but this makes me feel like some studio head did a survey and the charts said that they needed more action.

I’m done

We then switch to Bella and I’m tired of her saying all these deep quotes and laying in the fields and grass. It looks so uncomfortable.

This interaction between Bella and Edward is weird as she is nagging him about turning her and I thought this was all solved in the last film when he agreed to turn her if she married him. Why are they still fighting over this?

We are still on this?

Oh it’s a problem because it turns out Bella doesn’t believe in marriage.

What??

So she doesn’t believe in marriage because her parents are divorced and half of marriages end in divorce; basically she’s not sure they will last forever. Yet even though she’s like “I don’t know if I want to be with you forever”, she also tells him she does want to spend forever with him and needs her to turn her into a vampire.

Like Edward, this girl is crazy! Run from her, run far from her! But he won’t. And you know why? Because this sums Edward up in one image.

So her dad doesn’t know what has been going on (with the vampire/werewolf things) but knows something isn’t quite right and like a good dad senses this relationship with Edward is not beneficial to his daughter. While he doesn’t want to push too hard, as she is 18 and an adult, he does start laying down some rules: such as a curfew and having Bella hang out with her friends and not just Edward. Good for him. I really like Charlie Swan, he’s probably my favorite character.

Bella decided to go visit Jacob on the reservation, as he won’t return her calls since he is still mad about her wanting to become a vampire. But Edward won’t allow this stops her car to stop her. This is horrible as this relationship is super toxic.

Edward acts really weird trying to get Bella to leave Forks but like why not tell her why? It’s plot lines like this that I can’t stand. Bella agrees to go but only if Edward goes with her. Bella visits her mom in Florida and her mom is horrible as she is every encouraging of this dangerous relationship. Edward’s behavior is really disconcerting. The way he stares and always watching isn’t romantic but gives me flashbacks to when I was in an abusive relationship.

Back in Forks, Victoria has arrived and that is why they sent Bella away. The vampires try to kill her but she runs into wolf territory and gets into a little skirmish. Jacob shows up warns the Cullens to stay off the Rez.

I really don’t like how Edward doesn’t want Bella to be around Jacob. It really bugs me how he tries to control who her friends are. He’s extremely controlling.

Bella goes to visit the pack anyway and talks to Jacob and learns more about the werewolves. Jacob describes imprinting and it is really weird. Like the way he describes it, does not stop how creepy it is that he does it later with a baby. Also it makes it even creepier that Sam imprinted on Emily when she was an adult while Jacob does it to a BABY!

I like that Jacob tries to convince Bella not to turn into a vampire. He brings up valid points that Bella needs to think about. She hasn’t even lived, how does she know she wants to spend the rest of her like with Edward? And will she be okay with never having children. And does she even care that her being turned will destroy a contract that the vampires and werewolves made and start a giant war between them. No she doesn’t think about those things and he doesn’t even care that these people she cares about could die because she’s selfish.

Yep Bella don’t care about anybody but herself, and keeps nagging Edward to turn her. But like Bella doesn’t care that Edward doesn’t want to steal her soul, he doesn’t want her to go to hell, he hates living forever, etc.

Jacob and Bella are hanging out and Jacob admits his feelings for Bella. He gets really upset when she says she feels nothing for him and I don’t blame him as she lead him on in the previous film. I mean she was all up on him, touching his abs a lot, etc.

Later that evening Rosalie tries to talk sense into Bella as she doesn’t understand what is going to be given up and what she’ll never have in the end.

Rosalie’s story is so sad. She was supposed to get married but was raped by her fiancé and his friends. After she was turned she gets her revenge on the men, and dressed as a bride too! Good for her. I SO wish she continued her revenge and became a vigilante that continuing killing abusive men. I would 100% read/watch that! Like turn that backstory into

Meanwhile in Seattle, Victoria is building a vampire army. Now the Volturi is supposed to be taking care of things like this but instead are like the UN not doing anything. They just want to let the world burn, what happened to law and order?

We switch from that plot to graduation and Anna Kendrick’s speech is really bad and there is no way they would let them her do that as they have to approve all the speeches.

Bella goes to the graduation party and Jacob shows up with his friends. Bella gets really mad and Jacob apologizes for his earlier poor choices. He brings her a cute wolf charm, and those are super expensive. When I went to Montana all the Native American crafts were SUPER pricey, especially if you can prove it have been made by Native Americans.

Alice gets a vision at the the party that vampires are coming and the werewolves have decided they will stop the army. Bella is mad and tries to get Edward to stop them, but Bella the vampires can’t tell wolves what to do, he’s not the boss of them.

Edward is all mad at her for wearing Jacob’s cute little wolf charm but I’m like settle down Edward those are cute. Again extremely controlling.

We then get the newborn mythology and Jasper training. What is with this training scene. Why didn’t they just do this at home, why do they need it to be done in front of the werewolves?

If I was in this story I wouldn’t be hanging out with the vampires, I’d be chilling with the wolves like Princess Mononoke.

Edward in these next few scenes really make me angry. So Victoria wants to kill Bella and to protect her Jacob carries Bella off to mask her stench. Edward is all angry and he just needs to chill.

Then Edward is a total jerk when he decides to give Bella a bracelet to not only replace Jacob’s and get him to stop wearing Jacob’s and try to show himself as better as his bracelet is more expensive.

But Bella is worse as she keeps pushing him to have sex with her, even though he has already made it clear he does not want to have sex until he is married. It is really abusive and inappropriate that she doesn’t respect his no. Like if she was a guy talking to a girl this to would make a lot of people mad, it’s like Unbreakable all over again.

That evening Bella is freezing to death in the tent and Jacob comes into to give her warmth and Edward gnat . I don’t know why he doesn’t become a wolf. Edward is all mad but hey, he’s trying to help and you can’t do it.

Jacob and Edward talk all night and I’m kind of done with it. All this scene makes me think is that none of these people are mature enough to be in a relationship or to be thinking about marriage and “forever”. Plus isn’t there a battle going on, what happened to that?

Jacob finds out that they are planning to marry and Edward does it on purpose even though Bella told him she was going to Jacob later. So rude as he should respect her wishes and let her tell him in her own time.

Then when Jacob wants to run off to join the fight she gets really mad and tells him to kiss her which is really horrible as she is not only leading him on but she’s engaged and cheating on her fiancé. Both these boys should not be involved with her she has no loyalty or respect.

And what kind of vampire film is this? Jasper just punches the heads off people. There is no staking of the hearts but just punching and ripping heads off like they are glass or something. It is really weird.

The vampires light up super fast as well, I feel like they should just get blowtorches and blow them all away.

The Volturi arrive and I’m not sure why they are even the villains as they don’t seem that scary. Like there are only four of them and Jane’s power doesn’t even work on Bella she could take them all out. They should also be afraid of Bella as a vampire as the powers don’t work on her.

But the biggest come away for me is that Edward you should not marry Bella. They were engaged two days ago and she cheated on you with a child. She’s not forever material. And it is even worse when you realize she did that in real life as well. Yep, life imitating art as Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson got engaged in real life and she cheated on him.

For more on Twilight, go to The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

For more vampires, go to Bella Becomes Obsessed With Edward and Won’t Leave Him Alone Until He Dates Her: Twilight (2008)

For more werewolves, go to You’re Mother is a Shadowhunter…Like You: The Mortal Instruments, City of Bones (2013)

The True Villain is Not the Volturi But Bella’s Abusive Manipulation: The Twilight Saga, New Moon (2009)

So as I said in my review of Twilight, I have never read or watched this “saga”. I remember when they came out (I’m 29) and how crazy everyone went over them, including one of my best friends, but they never interested me.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X.

Plus people are always saying that if Catherine Morland existed today she’s be all over this series, so it is Jane Austen related. Sort of. 

This film was really really hard for me to watch. It is badly written, which I expected, but what was worse was how manipulative and abusive Bella was to Edward.

We begin the film with Bella having a dream that she is old and she has turned 18 in real life, but Edward will stay forever 17. The first thing she starts with is trying to convince Edward to turn her. She uses emotional abuse and manipulation to convince Edward to turn her. She is constantly trying to guilt him into it and almost all of her dialogue is about 18 is ancient turn me, when will you turn me, please turn me, and so on.

They watch Romeo and Juliet and Bella keeps talking over and over that suicide is great and how she would love him to turn her into a vampire and it is really disturbing. Edward is not at all into it, and all I can think is Edward should dump her and run far away because Bella is really weird.

I feel so much for Edward, Bella is super annoying about being a vampire and constantly harassing him. He’s only known her for less then a year and she’s only 18, like how does she know she will want to spend “forever” with him? She kind of sounds like The Little Mermaid, and not in a good way.

To be perfectly honest it feels more like she would try to be “forever” with any vampire as she just wants to be a vampire. She doesn’t love Edward, he was just the first vampire she met.

Then Bella has her birthday party at the Cullen’s house and I think it is super rude that she doesn’t celebrate with her dad. Why didn’t she bring Edward over to her house? Like that would make a lot more sense. In fact as I think about it, she never has Edward come to her house or interact with her dad. Very suspicious!

Hmm…

So at the party Bella gets injured and Edward flings her across the room and throws her on the wall where she breaks something and is more severely injured then she was before, her arm bleeding everywhere as he tries to “protect” her.

Like seriously? What is Edward doing.

So Bella is all this is fine even though that is a serious injury, and again one she has had from being around the Cullens and vampires. Although it’s just a cut when she should have a seriously bruised tailbone as Edward threw her across the room, into the wall, with his vampire super strength. Edward is starting to realize that this is not a good idea, then being around will probably just put her more at risk especially as Jasper has a really hard time dealing with stuff like that.

Edward is starting to realize that hanging out with a mortal human who is constantly getting injured at his hands is not a good idea, and that continuous time around her will probably just put her more at risk. So Edward does the mature thing and breaks up with Bella, he and his family leaving as it isn’t the best thing for them to be around her right now.

Bella Swan: If this is about my soul, take it I don’t want it with out you!

Edward Cullen: It’s not about soul Bella. You’re just not good for me!

But Bella is not mature. She does not deal with the breakup well. She isolates herself from her friends and spends all her time in her room. I don’t know why people always hate on her dad as he tries really hard. He’s so concerned about her he is going to send her back with her mom but she refuses to go and hangs out with Jessica to please him. Her dad is trying to help her, but she doesn’t really communicate well with him.

When she is out with Jessica she sees some bikers and it reminds her of the time when Edward saved her from some dudes. She goes with him and sees Edward’s image. Here is where she becomes abusive by using coercion and constantly putting her life in danger so that she can bring Edward to her, so that he will save her from these terrible situations, or if she dies so that he will be forced to turn her. Because if he really “loved” her he would always be there to “save” her. Well how about your stop doing things like that.

She literally is

This really gives me a vibe that Stephanie Meyer was obsessed with some boy at school and he rejected her and she wanted him and tried to get him and instead wrote this book.

So Bella starts hanging out with Jacob and using him to make her feel better. And this really makes me upset as she has no romantic feelings for him but she continues to lead him on.

“Bella Swan: Dear Alice, I wish I had your real address. I wish I could tell you about Jake. He makes me feel better. I mean, he makes me feel alive. The hole in my chest… well, when I’m with Jake it’s like it’s almost healed for a while. But even Jake can’t keep the dreams away.

Like this is a horrible thing to do and it really makes me mad how she just uses him. Poor little boy, he’s like only 15 in this film.

So she and Jacob grow close and she injures herself again and again being dumb and bleeds a lot. It’s funny to me how she doesn’t see how much better it is with a human helping her as he doesn’t push her into another rock or something and cause more bleeding or broken bones.

Jacob really likes her and let’s her know his feelings but she crushes them. He then gets sick and she takes him home and it turns out that he is a werewolf.

Bella is furious at this and tells him he should try and stop and I’m like really? Werewolves don’t have any choice in the matter, like vampires. And I can’t believe someone who is constantly begging vampires to turn her can tell someone to stop being a cryptid, especially one who has no control over it but has a gene that causes them to turn. Stop being a hypocrite and get over yourself Bella.

It really bugs me too how horribly they treat the Native Americans. The Native Americans are seen as the bad guys as Bella tells Jacob to change, he can be better than that. Better than my race Bella? Really?

I also don’t like how the one man, Sam, he abused his girlfriend as he couldn’t control his wolf power (which I like that the film makes it very clear that this is not okay) and Bella is all upset, but yet the damage Edward does to her is no big deal. I mean Emily had her face scratched but Bella has been thrown against the headboard (when they were making out in her underwear), had her leg broken, femeol artery cut open, Edward sucks the poison out and almost kills her (Carlisle has to smack him out of it), and she’s been thrown against a wall by Edward causing a vase to break and cut her arm open. Yet, that’s okay? But the Native American werewolves are bad guys?

Bella is also mad that Jacob doesn’t want to be around her because he is afraid of hurting her. But again, all she tells him is he should change.

She is also mad that Jacob killed the vampire that tried to kill her as Vampires being killed is evil. This whole storyline is that werewolves are really bad as they kill animals and vampires they don’t have a treaty with but what are the vampires killing and eating? They are definitely killing animals too.

Seriously

I also don’t like this negative undertone of Narive Americans as being angry, aggressive, can’t control themselves, killers, need to change who they are but Vampires are pale, perfect, and something to be achieved.

So it turns out Edward thinks that Bella is dead as Alice told him she saw a vision where Bella died and when he called the house Jacob tells him the dad is at a funeral (his friend who had a heart attack when he was hunting) and Edward thinks it is Bella, even though Edward could have just asked who’s funeral.

I think it is weird as the first thing he does is decide to kill himself instead of coming to the funeral or paying the last respects first. Something that most normal people would do. And interesting that Bella this while time has been trying to kill herself so Edward could save her or turn her, but when he finds out she died he does neither of those things. Sucks to suck.

Edward then heads to Italy to try and kill himself by the Vultori but they don’t want to kill him as they want his ability to read minds. Weird, whatever.

Back in Forks, Alice comes and is surprised to see if Bella is alive. It turns out because Bella was with a werewolf that it blocked her vision.

They then hurry to Italy but I don’t know how as Vampires aren’t able to cross over water. And even if they aren’t following that lore, they’re no way they would beat him with how long it takes to travel and these vampires don’t shape shift.

But they save Edward, return home, and stood up to the Volturi who aren’t even scary. They look like they bought their vampire outfits at the discount store.

I know a lot of people like these movies, but I don’t get it. And there are three more films left to watch, I’m really regretting this.

I know I have!

For more on Twilight, go to Bella Becomes Obsessed With Edward and Won’t Leave Him Alone Until He Dates Her: Twilight (2008)

For more vampires, go to You’re Mother is a Shadowhunter…Like You: The Mortal Instruments, City of Bones (2013)

For more werewolves, go to Holy Smokes! Your Mom’s a Werewolf!: My Mom’s a Werewolf (1989)

Bella Becomes Obsessed With Edward and Won’t Leave Him Alone Until He Dates Her: Twilight (2008)

So I’m 29 and I remember when these books and movies came out. People were going crazy over them, girls would get in fights in the halls over team Jacob or team Edward. People would camp outside theaters to get tickets to go and see it. It was a crazy time.

I was never a fan but one of my best friends was obsessed with it, so I had a front seat view to the craziness and all the drama on and off screen.

I have never actually ever watched these films, I mean I have seen a clip or two of them but never actually watched or read them as they never appealed to me. I’m a Dracula vampire lover and want something more like that or even Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

But my niece was visiting this summer and she really wanted to watch them, so I thought why not give them a look over. And do #twihardsaturdays for Horrorfest X.

Plus people are always saying that if Catherine Morland existed today she’s be all over this series, so it is Jane Austen related. Sort of.

So this film is sooooooo bad!!! Like who, where, what, why??? Just what is this?

It is just horrible and dumb and the people they picked do an awful job. Like why did they pick Kristen Stewart to be the lead in this? She is so horrible. When she talks she pauses so much that I zone out and when the sentence is finished I’m like what were you all talking about again? What just happened?

Huh

Like ugh.

Ugh

So the film starts off with Bella moving from Arizona with her mom to Forks, Washington although the movie never makes it clear why. I know her mom is in a relationship wint a minor league baseball player (not sure if married or dating) but minor league times are pretty stagnant in one area and then just go for away games. Why couldn’t she go with them?

She gets back and meets people who she doesn’t remember except Jacob and Billy Black, Jacob’s dad. Her dad also gives her, her own truck and she’s not the nicest about it. Hey I would have loved to have my own vehicle for free instead of having to work and save up for one.

At school everyone is all about Bella although I don’t know why. She’s not friendly, she’s not stunning, she’s not witty, she’s not articulate, she isn’t super intellectual, she’s isn’t a jock, her clothing choices are extremely questionable…but everyone wants to talk to her and be her friend.

What the heck?

Like all want to be her friend-from popular girl Jessica played by Anna Kendrick, to nerdy Angela played by Christian Serrantas, the popular jock, and the newspaper editor. What’s weird for me is loooking at this film the most attractive boy isn’t Edward or Jacob but the boy who runs the school newspaper. Justin Jitae Chon portrays Eric Yorkie.

But back to the film. So everyone is salivating over Bella (I guess they don’t often get new people) including Edward the vampire. Although when he first sees her he is pretty rude and looks like he is in pain at the sight and smell of her. It’s weird that Bella wants the one guy who isn’t trying to be up in her space, but trying to stay far, far away from her…what no-Bella has a lot of issues that makes sense she would want the one guy who isn’t acting like she the hottest thing ever.

Hmm…

So Edward is “out sick” a few days and comes back and is very polite but she’s incredibly rude.

One day a car is coming toward Bella and Edward run and saves her. He tries to pretend it was nothing but Bella knows his speed isn’t normal. It is kind of a weird action to be honest, like how did he really think he would explain that?

The guy who almost hit her is a horrible driver as later he isn’t paying attention when he is parking and looks as if he will hit some other students. Maybe he needs glasses.

Hmm…

Then they go on a field trip to a nursery to look at compost. I can’t believe that a town of about ~1000 people would be willing to waste what little budget they had to go look at compost, but whatever.

I really haven’t been paying much attention to the dialogue as Kristen Stewart pauses so often between her words that I seriously start to zone out. By the time she reaches the end of the sentence I can’t recall what she started with.

Huh

They then all go surfing where Bella runs into Jacob again. She had invited Edward but he stood her up. She then gets told the Cullens can’t go on the reservation.

Bella wants to go to a “special bookstore” to get more information and when she hears her friends are dress shopping at that town she goes with them. She doesn’t try on any dresses, but you know in the end she will have a “stunner”.

To be honest this movie is really boring. I don’t really follow what is happening right now. Bella is followed by Edward and he helps save her. She also has dreams about him and is convinced they should be together. But Edward gives off MAJOR RED FLAGS.

Edward Cullen: All superhero stuff right? But what if I’m not the hero? What if I am the bad guy

Uh, girl run! He’s warning you! If a guy says this, then run run far away. But does she? No instead she does what unfortunately a lot of women do, she stays convinced that is just a wall he is putting up to protect himself. Even though he told her he is not safe or to be trusted, she decides to put all her time and effort into convincing Edward to be with her, completely ignoring him telling her that he doesn’t want to.

This really drives me crazy as Bella refuses to listen to his rejection. If the roles had been reversed and this was a woman being harassed by a man it wouldn’t be seen as romantic, the guy would be creepy. And Bella is creepy.

Then Bella does research and discovers that Edward must be a vampire, although that conclusion is pretty weird. I mean all she knows is he runs super fast, put otherwise he hasn’t exhibited any “vampire qualities”. I would be more likely to believe he is a superhero or his doctor father experiments on his foster children then to assume he is a vampire. I mean she has seen him walk around in daylight, he goes to school, he never drinks blood or has ever bit anyone. I don’t quite understand why she jumps to that conclusion.

And when I typed in cold blooded and super speed all that came up was cold blooded reptiles. Then I added reads minds and two books titled cold blooded popped up- the first is about a superhero and super villains and the second is about vampires. So vampires are not the first thing that pops up.

Edward tries to warn her off, again! He admits he is a vampire and says multiple times that she isn’t strong enough to stop him if he ever attacked her and that she could never outrun him and also mentions other very scary things about his relationship with her. Like huge giant red flags! She should just run away too!

Edward Cullen: Beautiful? This is the skin of a killer, Bella… I’m a killer.

Isabella Swan: I don’t believe that.

Edward Cullen: That’s because you believe only the lies… the camouflage. I’m the world’s most dangerous predator, Bella. Every thing about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell. As if I would need any of that… as if you could out run me… as if you could fight me off. I’m designed to kill.

Isabella Swan: I don’t care.

Edward Cullen: I’ve killed people before.

Isabella Swan: It does not matter.

Edward Cullen: I wanted to kill you at first. I’ve never wanted a human’s blood so much, before

Like Bella don’t be dumb run away from him and this!

Isabella Swan: Why did you hate me so much when we met?

Edward Cullen: I did, only because of wanting you so badly. I still don’t know if I can control myself.

Uh no! This is dangerous behavior and she should stay far away.

“Edward Cullen: [to Bella] You are my life now.”

Again, no! This is one of those things that sounds romantic but isn’t really. No one should be your whole life. Having been in an abusive relationship, this dialogue really brings up some bad memories.

What Love Bombing looks like

So Edward has given in and starts doing “vampire behavior” in front of everyone which is weird. Like can you not jump on my car. And just because Bella knows doesn’t mean you should tell the whole neighborhood.

He then takes Bella to his house where his dad cooks for them Italian food as they think Bella is Italian. That’s a really weird assumption to make as Bella is just a popular name. I once had a class with three Bella’s in it, one was African-American, one was Mexican, and the other white (non-Italian).

Anyways Bella doesn’t eat and Rosalie throws a tantrum. Weird! Edward then shows her his room and house. On one area they have framed graduation caps to show all the high schools they have graduated from and again I wonder why? I mean I get they go to school for interaction so they aren’t bored at home living on and on but why high school? I mean they are 17 not 10. They could go to college and just learn a lot or get jobs like in The Highlander? Why don’t they be like in The Highlander, and just move around and have different businesses, sell them and move elsewhere. Like he had the antique shop, the boxing club, then he does antiquities again. If I was a vampire or immortal I would do antiques/antiquities or get into restoration work (like in The Age if Adalind).

It’s also weird that Edward doesn’t have a bed and he never sleeps as every single vampire legend has a time when Vampires have to rest, but whatever.

The other thing that is super weird is how Bella has not only hounded Edward into dating him but how she really, really wants to be a vampire. Like she is constantly beinging it up to him all the time trying to convince him to turn her. It’s really annoying how obsessed she is.

Meanwhile there are three vampires running around killing people. Every time I see them all I can think of is Vampires Suck

“You know who we are don’t you?”

“You’re the Black Eyed Peas?

“Why does everyone always think we are the Black Eyed Peas?

Vampires Suck! (2010)

They are roaming around and they run into the Cullens when they play baseball in a storm. Yes this scene is really weird as they are running and leaping and using their super speed. I just can’t believe the editor and then later those in the writing room thought this was a good idea.

“Rogue” vampires ruin the game, one being obsessed with Bella as all the men in this film are and wants her. They won’t give up so Edward tells her she needs to leave and go away with them, and she agrees to protect her dad.

The two stage a huge fight with Bella freaking out and yelling that she is so upset she decides to go with her mom in Jacksonville. Her dad is stunned and she just takes off. Edward hitches a ride with her and they go to Arizona where Bella goes to her old ballet studio, a room filled with mirrors when vampires can’t have their reflection seen. Like that makes zero sense Bella?!!

So I guess they can be seen? Whatever?!! This film follows no vampire lore and the lore they do have makes no sense. I’m over it and this girl.

I’m done

James attacks Bella and acts like he is going to kill her, but just bites her as if he is going to turn her-but doesn’t.

Edward comes and saves the day, but Bekka is pretty bad with a broken leg and her femoral artery has been cut. Edward’s dad tries to save her, offering to turn her vampire but Edward won’t. Instead Edward decides to suck out the vampire poison/venom. He “saves” the day, but this next scene is really troubling to me.

So Bella’s Mom arrives and Bella is at the hospital asking what happened. Bella’s mom tells her she ran off to Arizona and Edward and his dad followed her to convince her to come back to Forks, Washington. She tells Bella that Edward and Dr. Cullen found her after she fell down two flights of stairs and through a windows taking her to the hospital. They saved her life and all she has is the broken leg and the cut artery although she is okay.

I don’t know why her mother and father aren’t freaking out over that. I have never been to a hotel, and I have been to some fancy ones, where there is a window by the stairs. Usually they don’t have that. And if they did have one, why wasn’t it safety glass? And the fact she fell down two flights of stairs, yet has no other bruises or any other marks on her body to verify that? In fact this whole thing sounds like Edward is abusing her and I can’t believe her father a cop isn’t thinking that. From his point of view she and her boyfriend got into such a terrible fight she wanted to leave the state, he and his father followed her to try and get her to come back, she “fell” down two flights of stairs and a window and broke her leg and cut her femoral artery. To me it sounds like Edward followed her to try and force her back, she didn’t want to come so he threw her down the stairs. Like this story sounds like he is abusing her.

And if they do believe this story, why aren’t they asking which hotel and going down there to sue or get some recompensation for their daughter’s accident.

But in this they all go back home and everything is happily ever after.

Watching this I feel like Stephanie Meyer really liked some boy and he rejected her so in her story her main character is desired by all and convinced that everyone loves her.

All I know is this is bad and the characters are supposed to be “romantic” but all are just horrible. As this is domestic abuse survivors month, I just wanted to drop this here:

And even though this is not a film I enjoyed, the obligatory Facebook cover pic:

You’re Mother is a Shadowhunter…Like You: The Mortal Instruments, City of Bones (2013)

I don’t understand what any of this has to do with my mom.

Your mother was a shadowhunter, like him; like you.

So about a year ago, I read the book City of Bones (Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments #1) by Cassandra Clare. I decided to read it as it is SUPER popular at the library. The book is returned and gets checked out as soon as it is shelved.

After I finished it…I was not pleased at all and I could not get the appeal.

It kind of felt like a mashup between Supernatural and Harry Potter. And it MOST definitely was not better than The Hunger Games. 

Seriously, they thought that?!

It was an okay story, but it went overload on the cultural references. Like these kids are into fantasy and Scifi, I get it-but when you just reference or quote things constantly to fill in your story instead of developing the characters-that’s where I have issues.

Not for me.

Plus I found the character Simon, Clary’s best friend, to be super annoying, and I wanted her to end up with Jace the shadowhunter she meets-as the author is constantly putting them together, but it turns out that they are brother and sister?

I mean why would you construct a story that way to want two characters to get together and then be all, psych they are brother and sister.

Why, why would you do that. Ugh, it made me feel disgusting after reading it.

Or are they? Could Valentine be lying?

Hmm…is it her?

Yeah, not interested in reading more…

So I was scrolling through my streaming sites, and the film popped up and I thought, why not? There was nothing else on. Let’s see how they did the film.

Hmm…

So Clary Fray (Lily Collins) is a normal 16-year old. She lives with her mother as her father passed away years ago. Her family is rounded out by her best friend Simon, who has a huge crush on her that she can’t see, and her mother’s best friend Luke Garroway (Aiden Turner).

Wait, what?

AIDEN TURNER is in this?

For those of you who don’t know-Aiden Turner is an Irish actor who is immensely talented and has the best looking curly hair I have ever seen. I became a fan of him and his hair after watching Poldark, so I was excited. As I said, it’s been over a year since I read the book, but I do remember Luke playing a crucial role in the end of the book and I couldn’t wait to see Aiden Turner.

Clary and Simon go out to a coffee poetry night. Clary sees this “hot” blonde guy and decides to be spontaneous and go to the club he is going to. To be fair it wasn’t just because of the guy-her mother has sheltered her, her whole life and tht coupled with her mom calling her again about when she will be home and her turning 16-she decides to have fun. The hot gut was the final push.

At the club she sees him with a girl and a guy and watches the group as they approach a man and kill it.

What!

She hurries away but its too late. Life has changed forever.

She has realized the “reality” of her world and its not going away. Clary gets in a fight with her mom, and later Jocelyn Fray (Lena Headey) calls Clary and warns her not to come back. Jocelyn is kidnapped and the apartment torn apart. Clary returns home, but is attacked by some wolflike creature. Jace, the boy from the club, comes and saves her.

Where is everyone?

He saves Clary and tells her the creature was a demon, as was the man the night before. Jace is a shadowhunter, shadowhunters are a race of mortals who have angelic blood. They reside in the shadow world but cross over to the mortal realm to hunt demons, vampires, werewolves, etc. Shadowhunters can only be created by being born of a shadowhunter or turned into one by The Mortal Cup.

As you have guessed it, Jocelyn is a shadowhunter, meaning that Clary is too. That is why she could see Jace and his friends and no else could. They question the neighbor, a witch, and discover that people are after the mortal cup and believe she has it.

That’s not good.

They need a ride and Simon drives her and Jace over to Luke’s to get more information. Simon is less annoying in this, but is still annoying. And surprise, surprise he hates Jace as Jace is clearly into Clary.

The actors weren’t bad but Lily Collins and the guy who plays Jace have like zero chemistry. In the book they actually connected better.

They reach the antique shop to look for Luke, and find him being beat up. He tells the two guys (the ones who kidnapped Jocelyn) that he cares nothing for the Frays and only wants the cup too. If they let him go he will be able to find it.

The crew leave him-RUDE, like geez Clary this guy was a surrogate dad and you watched him get beat up and did nothing.

So Jace knows they won’t be safe in the city and takes them to the Shadowhunter Institute. On the outside the muggles mundanes see a dilapidated broken down church, but on the inside it is a beautiful building with weapons.

There she meets Alex (Kevin Zeggers) and Isabella Lightwood, and Hodge who runs the institute. The three of the Shadowhunters are on earth because of what their parent’s did. Years ago, Valentine Morgensten’s father was killed by a werewolf and that set him on dark path. He wanted to destroy all downworlders (demons, werewolves, vampires, etc) even ones that were not breaking the law or the Accords. He was aided by the Lightwoods and intended on starting the killing when the next Accord signing was set up. They were stopped and punishment ended up with them being sent from Idris, their home in the Shaddoworld to New York City. Later Jace was sent to live with them. Hodge on the other hand is banished to never be able to return to Idris.

Valentine was experimenting with The Mortal Cup to become more powerful, but he was believed to be dead. With them searching for the cup and coming after Jocelyn, he must have returned.

That’s not good.

Hodge tells Jace to take Clary to the Silent Brothers so they can reveal her memories. When she gets there she discovers that there is a lock on her memories only one person could do that-Magnus Bane.

Magnus Bane is the high Warlock in the area and is just happening to be throwing a killer party. Of course poor Clary knows nothing about fashion and wears boring clothes so we have a makeover by Isabella.

After the makeover all the boys are upset- Jace has been struck by cupid, Simon is mad that Jace is into Clary, and Alec has a thing for Jace and doesn’t like that he is into Clary.

They head to the party and Clary goes off with Magnus. Magnus tells her that her mother wanted to keep her safe and used to take her to appointments regularly. It was getting harder for the block to stay as she growing older and they missed the latest appointment which was to be on her birthday. Magnus tells her he can’t do anything but that without the last session in time everything and all her powers will develop.

Well, thanks for that I guess.

Well that was a useless detour-except Simon gets kidnapped as he is turned into mouse and stolen by vampires. The gang has to go after him and fight, only surviving when they are saved by werwolves.

So about here I was checked out of the film. I like that they had pared down the pop culture references but to be honest this movie is really boring. It was just too much like things you’d seen before you know. I wouldn’t be able to give specifics but it was like a large order of deja vu.

Back at the institute Simon recuperates while Jace and Clary grow closer. Clary is a prolific artists and it turns out that her Shadowhunter powers are very interesting. She can draw something and pull it off the page, or put an ordinary object on into paper. That gets her thinking…

Hmmm…

Jace, Clary, and Simon all have a spat as they are in a triangle-Simon likes Clary, and Clary likes the attention but she likes Jace who likes Clary, but Jace doesn’t like how close Clary and Simon are, etc.

Blah, blah

Clary thinks about her abilities inherited from her mom and realizes she has seen a painting by her mom of The Mortal Cup. It was on set of tarot cards her mom made or their neighbor, the witch.

Jace, Alec, Isabella, and Clary head to her neighbors to get the cup-but she is possessed by a demon. They fight and get the cup, but Alec is wounded. At the institute Isabella blames Clary as Alec is wounded badly, so badly they have to call Magnus as he is the only one who could do anything.

That’s not good.

Clary gives the cup to Hodge, who betrays them by bringing Valentine into their word-he’s been biding his time working for him, the Death Eaters, as long believed dead leader is back.

Oh, wow…

Valentine is back and played by Jonathan Rhys Meyers, oh I had a huge crush on him in the ’90s.

From Bend It Like Beckham

So Valentine reveals that he is Clary’s father. Clary has special abilities she isn’t aware of as he experimented on her when she was a fetus with angel blood and his son (her brother) with demon blood. I am really disappointed that he isn’t in the film that long and second his character is top comical. He’s chewing the scenery in every shot-and he’s not usually like this, so I blame the director.

So Clary is asked by her father to join the dark side him but she refuses, She puts the cup back in the card and travels through a portal to Luke’s. Meanwhile, Valentine bring Jocelyn to the institute and tries to figure out how to turn his daughter. Hodge comes up with the plan to lie to Jocelyn and Clary that Jace is the dead son Jonathan. I’m glad they made it clear in this that the incest is a lie-although it is still a weird plot.

Apparently, in a later book it is revealed that Valentine faked his and his older son Jonathan’s death and took the identify of Michael Wayland becoming a recluse. Michael and his wife had died, Valentine has been experimenting on Jace’s mother without her knowledge and when she died he saved the child and raised it. Jonathan had extra demon blood and Jace extra angel blood.

Hmm…

So they get to Luke’s shop and he reveals that he is a werewolf (Valentine was trying to get rid of him and took him on a hunt to get him turned into one and killed). Luke has always loved her mother and traveled with her to this world to protect her. He reveals information about Valentine and tells her that he lied to the the men torturing him to protect them. After he escaped he fought with another werewolf and gained a pack, them being the ones that saved them with the vampires.

The werewolves and few shadowhunters team up to take Valentine down.

Back at the institute, Valentine has brought demons in to help him and the Shadowhunters and werewolves do their best to fight him off. Simon discovers Jocelyn in a comalike state in the crypt of the church and tries to revive her. Valentine and Jace fight, but Jace stops when he is told that Valentine is his father.

He stops fighting, as that’s his “dad”, but Clary defeats Valentine and tricks him by giving him a fake cup ands him through the portal. Later Jace goes to see Clary and invites her back in to the Shadowhunter world-telling her he doesn’t think they are really siblings.

That doesn’t change it, still…

This wasn’t that good of a story. I think it was better in some ways than the book, but it was boring. It felt like a Star Wars, Harry Potter, Chronicles of Narnia, Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer smoothie-and not in a good way. I liked Aiden Turner-although I wish he was in it more. Otherwise, meh.

For more demons, go to Suspense & Sensibility (Or First Impressions Revisited)

For more on angels, go to Book Club Picks: This Present Darkness

For more Teen Horror films, go to Just Because I’m a Vampire Doesn’t Mean I’m Bloodthirsty: Cirque du Freak, The Vampire’s Assistant (2009)

For more on Lena Headey, go to The Story, We’re Living it. It’s Alive: The Brothers Grimm (2005)

For more on Jonathan Rhys Meyers, go to Lookin’ Over a Four-Leaf Clover: 17 More Irish Heroes

Time for You to Awaken, Master. Time for You to Go Out: The Return of the Vampire (1943)

“Time for you to awaken, Master. Time for you to go out.”

So last year I was lamenting that I couldn’t think of any films I wanted to open Horrofest with from the 1950s as that was the year I was going to start with. I mentioned some films I really wanted to do, but both came out in the 1940s.

So as this year it is time to start off with a 1940s film, I was like why not do one of the ones I mentioned in last year’s post? I already reviewed Rebecca last year, so I chose The Return of the Vampire. 

I loooove this movie!

I saw it year ago on TCM and it has stayed with me my whole life. You know a movie is good when it hooks you years ago and you stay hooked.

The film was just so engaging and has beautiful cinematography. Plus it also has Bela Lugosi! You cannot go wrong with him in anything, let alone in a Vampire flick. I just love him.

So this film was actually supposed to be a Dracula sequel, but Universal threatened to sue Columbia Studios so they changed it to The Return of the Vampire and instead of Count Dracula, we have Armand Tesla.

We start this film during WWI with a vampire Armand Tesla (Bela Lugosi) stalking the streets of London and using the war as a cover-who cares about people suffering from anemia and a few deaths when there is a war on?!

But someone does, Lady Jane Ainsley (Frieda Inescort) and her colleague Professor Walter Saunders (Gilbert Emery) run a clinic and are baffled by the anemia.

Hmm…

Tesla is furious and uses his slave, a werewolf formally known as Andreas Obry, and the two break into the clinic. When he can’t finish his off his former victim he decides to make Saunders pay and goes after his granddaughter.

Professor Saunders, meanwhile, has concluded that the victim was attacked by a vampire. The victim dies and when Saunders goes home he sees a man feasting on his granddaughter. The vampire flees and Saunders saves his granddaughter Nikki (Nina Foch) by giving her a blood transfusion. While her life is saved for now, she will always be in danger. The vampire will continue to search for her to finish the job, and he will also be able to control her.

Professor Saunders and Lady Jane search for the Vampire in order to stake it and kill it.

From Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

They search out the local cemetery in order to search out the Vampire. They are both attacked by a werewolf who is being controlled by the Vampire-but once they stake the vampire the werewolf returns to his normal form of Andreas Obry.

Wow!

Professor Saunders and Lady Jane know that the only way to keep a vampire dead is make sure the stake isn’t removed from the heart-remove the stake revive the vampire. They bury the coffin and make sure it is well hidden.

Time moves forward and the year is now 1942. Nikki has fully recovered from her experience, having no knowledge of the attack and is engaged to Lady Jane’s son John (Roland Varno). Andreas Obry has recovered from his experience and has become an assistant to Lady Jane.

You know thinking about this movie in 2020 it is really cool that the Vampire hunter/Doctor is a woman. I mean you wouldn’t expect it in the 1940s, and you certainly don’t see it in modern vampire stories (except Buffy the Vampire Slayer), but she basically is Van Helsing. Not the Hugh Jackman version, but the original one from the 1930s.

Of course what comes to mind is Jane the Vampire Hunter:

So Professor Saunders has passed way and Lady Jane decides to share about the vampire with Scotland Yard detective Sir Fredrick Fleet (Miles Mander) . He doesn’t take her seriously, but he does take the murder of a man seriously. He wanted to arrest Lady Jane, but she convinces him to check the body. If it is a regular man, he will be decomposed. If a vampire-his body will not have aged a day.

Stay the same age forever…

Lady Jane is going to show Sir Fleet but then a bombing raid occurs. One of the bombs hits the cemetery and a lot of bodies are dug up and two gravediggers are set to put all to right. When they come across Tesla’s body they find the stake in the heart and feel bad for the man. They pull it out and the Vampire returns!

The first thing Tesla does is contact his slave telepathically as he will need his help in moving the coffin and such. He calls to his former slave and werewolf Andreas.

Armand Tesla: [Offscreen, as Andreas walks in the woods] Andreas! [Andreas can’t locate the source] Andreas!

Andreas Obry: [Suddenly seeing Tesla] You! You have no power over me! That was ended many years ago! I’m no longer your slave! Dr. Ainsley has cleansed me of all the evil you forced upon me! You can’t bring it back! You can’t! I won’t let you! I won’t!

Armand Tesla: You’re a fool, Andreas! A complete, utter fool! Your fate is to be what you are – as mine is to be what I am… your Master! [In a commanding tone] Come here!

Andreas Obry: I won’t! [He moans]

Armand Tesla: [Commandingly] Look at me, Andreas! [There is a closeup of Tesla’s eyes] Look at me!

Andreas Obry: [after Andreas undergoes a metamorphosis into a werewolf] Andreas, come here! [Subserviently] Master, you have returned.

This is a fantastic scene, as you see Andreas really trying! He really, really wants to believe it is true that has overcome this. Looking at this as an adult it resonates so well as you have met people trying to overcome things, thinking they have, but then something happens and they are right back at the bottom again-addiction, toxic relationships, etc. It is extremely well done and poor, poor Andreas.

Now that Andreas is controlled by Tesla he sets him out for his first mission protect the coffin and find him a new identity. Andreas comes across a scientist recently escaped from a concentration camp, Hugo Bruckner. Dr. Hugo Bruckner was freed by help of the Resistance, something Lady Jane is a part of, and will be working with her. Man this vampire is extremely evil to murder a concentration camp survivor.

Tesla takes on the identity and slips into the Ainsleys’ and Nikki’s life. Some of you might wonder why Lady Jane doesn’t recognize him, but she only fought him that one time over twenty years ago, and at night in a foggy cemetery.

Lady Jane is throwing Nikki and her son an engagement party. Sir Fleet shows up and Lady Jane takes the Professor Saunder’s manuscript and locks it up, not wanting Nikki to ever find out about what happened. Tesla/Bruckner shows up, is introduced, and given free reign of Lady Jane’s office and laboratory. He uses this time to steal Saunders’ manuscript, the one Sir Fleet read. All are charmed by him except Sir Fleet, as he feels something is not quite right.

The next night the manuscript is somehow left in Nikki’s room and she reads it and finds out the truth. The Tesla calls to her…and the next day she has been drained of blood! Oh no!

Then they… then my mom made me stop watching it.

I know I was soooooo invested. What happens next? Will Nikki be alright? How will they defeat Tesla? I don’t recall exactly how old I was but this was well before google and we didn’t have TiVo or any blank tapes I could use to record, although my mother wouldn’t have let me as we were leaving the house and they weren’t going to leave the TV on with no one home. So I had to scan the newspaper and TV guide until it was on TV again.

So after she was drained of blood they transfused her. She survives but as we saw in The Horror of Dracula last year, that can only last so long. They need to find this vampire and kill it!

Stake through the heart.

Lady Jane starts to investigate and questions the grave robbers when the body cannot be found. She and Fleet also search Bruckner’s room and discovers the mirrors are all set down and a ring that she recalls from Tesla.

Fleet had had Andreas followed ad he was seen trying to change into a werewolf and found with Bruckner’s effects, his real effects.

Meanwhile, Nikki and John are attacked and Nikki starts to believe she has been transformed into a vampire. She pleads with John to stay away as she doesn’t want to hurt him. But you know these men in this old classic horror films-it doesn’t matter they are staying in this relationship and with the girl. How guys aren’t like that now? Most guys I know would be out in no time at all.

In reality, Tesla has been feeding. Tesla attacks Lady Jane, but she carries a cross and uses it to deflect him.

Wow!

So there are two amazing things I noticed about this scene. First can we just stop and appreciate that Lady Jane has a giant organ. Man, you are a girl after my own heart. I can’t play the organ but if I had money I would want a giant one and learn how to play it. Then I could be my own version of The Phantom of the Opera. 

Second-I love how in this scene she seems so meek and mild-and then bam-she’s got the cross and she flings it out at him. Lady Jane is awesome!

That’s awesome

Later that night Tesla calls Nikki to him again and she and Andreas answer the call. Meanwhile, Lady Jane ad Sir Fleet have decided to follow them. They come upon them in the cemetery but a raid interrupts their pursuit, although Fleet shoots Andreas, mortally wounding him. Andreas begs his master to save him, but Tesla coldly refuses.

Andreas Obry: Heal me, Master. I am hurt!

Armand Tesla: What is that to me?

This was so exciting when I watched it. First of all I really wanted to know what happened after waiting so long. Secondly this scene has the vampire, the damsel, bombs, a gun-you just didn’t know what would happen next!

Tesla leaving Andreas to die is the wake to reality he needs. He grabs a nearby cross and thrusts it at Tesla, coming between him and his victim-Nikki. A bomb hits and the sun comes up, melting Tesla to nothing.

Wow!

This is one of the first films to show a vampire disintegrating like this. It was actually censored in England for being too graphic. Oh, 1940s-if you saw the stuff we have today, although I have to say it was pretty yuck.

Of course Nikki and John get their happy ending, and Lady Jane stays awesome.

It was fantastic! I just loved it and you know who else would have if she existed-Catherine Morland.

You know it.

Please note that this is being said sarcastically.

So that’s our start with Horrorfest IX what else will it bring? Who knows! I start every year off with a plan but you know how that goes-anything can happen! Stay Spooky people!

For more Vampire films, go to Count Dracula the Propagator of This Unspeakable Evil Has Disappeared. He Must Be Found and Destroyed!: Horror of Dracula (1958)

For more Bela Lugosi, go to We’ve Seen Dracula, the Wolf Man, and Frankenstein’s Monster: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

For more WWII, go to Catherine Morland’s Reading List: The Distant Hours