For All You Know, A Witch Might Be Living Next Door to You: The Witches (1990)

vjskf3d

For all you know, a witch might be living next door to you.

So I’m a giant fan of Roald Dahl, I’ve read pretty much everything he has written.

One book I had never read before was The Witches. I wasn’t really interested in reading about witches.

However, I was able to get a free copy of the book for free and decided to read it. The next step after reading-of course checking out the film version.

Luke Eveshim visits his grandmother in Norway and she tells them all about Witches. Witches hate children and wish to wipe them off the face of the Earth. They can smell a child a mile away.

Helga: Real witches are very cruel, and they have a highly developed sense of smell. A real witch could smell you across the street on a pitch-black night.

Luke: She couldn’t smell me. I’ve just had a shower.

Helga: Oh yes, she could. The cleaner you are, the more a witch can smell you.

Luke: That doesn’t make sense.

Helga: Oh, yes it does. A dirty child, it is the dirt she smells. A clean child, it is the child.

She then goes on to tell him how he can tell a woman is a witch:

  1. They always wear glovesA real witch will always be wearing gloves when you meet her because she doesn’t have finger-nails. Instead of finger-nails, she has thin curvy claws, like a cat, and she wears the gloves to hide them.”
  2. They’ll be as ‘bald as a boiled egg’Not a single hair grows on a witch’s head. You’d think this would make them easy to spot? Wrong! Real witches always wear a wig. And not just any wig. An expensive first class wig that looks like real hair. The only way to check is to give it a pull to see if it comes off.”
  3. They’ll have large nose-holesWitches have the most amazing powers of smell and therefore have slightly larger nose-holes than ordinary people. They can even smell out a child who is standing on the other side of the street on a pitch-black night, and the cleaner you are, the more smelly you are to a witch. Witches call them stink-waves.”
  4. Their eyes change colour– Look carefully into their eyes, right into the middle of the eye where there’s normally a little black dot. If she’s a witch, the black dot will keep changing in colour, and you’ll see fire and you’ll see ice dancing right in the very centre of the coloured dot. It will send shivers running all over your skin.”
  5. They have no toes– Witches don’t have any toes. They just have feet with square ends. A real witch will hide her ugly feet by squeezing them into pretty shoes, which they find extremely uncomfortable. Look very closely and you might see a real witch limping very slightly.”
  6. They have blue spit– Real witches have blue spit, like ink (they even use it to write with). If you look very carefully you might be able to see a slight blueish tinge on their teeth.”

Shortly after, Luke’s parents die and he is to go live with his grandma. He doesn’t mind it too much, but then his grandma becomes ill and can no longer eat sweets. The doctor recommends visiting the English sea to improve her health.

They head out with Luke bringing along his pet mice, even though the manager is very much against it. He warns them that if the mouse is found anywhere not in its cage, they are out of the hotel.

Luke tries to train his mice in secret, running into an overweight boy, Bruno  who only wants to eat and then finds an empty conference room. It soon is filled with the RSPCC-the Prevention of Cruelty to Children group. But this group turns out to be something much different.

When I saw this scene I was like:

AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I was an adult watching it. I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to a child.

The Grand High Witch (Anjelica Huston), the boss, goes over her new plan to destroy all the children in the world.

Grand High Witch: Now, this is my plan: Each of you will go back to your homes… and resign from your jobs. Give notice. Retire. You will then buy with the money I give you…[Irvine gives her the money from the case boxSweet shops. Candy stores. The best and most respectable sweet shops in England. [throws the money, the ladies are picking up the moneyUpstairs: I have a trunkload of this English money… So, you’ll be able to offer three, maybe four times what these shops are worth. Go, go, go.

Yes, her plan is for them to sell chocolate that will transform children into:

Ahhh!

Yep, their plan is pretty sound. The only thing that throws a wrench in it is that Luke has heard the whole thing and is preparing what to do to stop them.

That is until his mouse gets away from him and reveals that he is in the room. The witches see him and turn him into a mouse as well.

Luke has to navigate the hotel, one of which does not allow mice and has said if they find any about the Eveshims will be out.

Luke hurries back to his room as fast as he can in the hopes he can make it to their room without being squished. He hurries as fast as he can and tells his grandma the whole story. The two come up with a plan to steal the Witches formula and stick it in their special banquet soup, turning them all into witches.

There are only two problems: 1) How to get past the hotel staff without being caught.

Hmmm….

And how to change Luke and Bruno back to boys again?

Will they succeed and save the world? Fail and every child be turned into mice?

So I really liked it.

It isn’t like American film, slower paced and has more dialogue than action but I really enjoyed it. Best of all they kept it almost exactly like the book.

When they showed the way the witches looked it was amazing! Completely perfect in how terrifying it is.

I liked the ending of the book better than how they changed it in the end, but the film’s ending would appeal to children more I’m sure.

To start Horrorfest VI, from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to One Blow to the Head and the Deed is Done: Candlestick (2014)

For more on Roald Dahl, go to Come With Me and You’ll Be in a World of Pure Imagination: Happy 100th Birthday Roald Dahl

For more on Anjelica Huston, go to Someone Very Special: The Addam’s Family Values (1993)

For more on witches, go to It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Advertisements

The Morning After

So I don’t know about you all, but the day after Valentines is much more special to me than the actual day. Mainly because of this.

ValentinesDay

Yummy! After all:

Chocolate makes everything better

It’s Not What You Buy, But the Reason Why That Matters: Playing Heart to Get, Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse (2013)

Most Romantic Moment #7

51huQ5p22OL._SL500_AA280_

So yes I am a Barbie girl. I grew up with Barbie loving the message I can do whatever I want to. I liked Barbie the way she used to be, she may not have been proportionate but she looked healthy, not like the thin stick dolls they make today.

So this webisode show is available online and on Netflix. It is done in the way of The Office or Modern Family. Events with a pause for interviews, etc.

I started watching this with my niece, and really enjoy. The characters and situations are hilarious, and hands down; Ken is the perfect boyfriend.

hearts banner

It is Valentine’s Day and Ken is out shopping for the perfect gift for Barbie. While at the flower shop, he is seen by Ryan; a guy who is out to steal Barbie away.

jerk_alert32

Ryan watches Ken pick out a small bouquet of roses, and then decides to purchase a giant horseshoe shaped wreath.

keanu Whoa

Ken then travels to the Candy store and buys a small heart box full of candy. Ryan buys a life size Chocolate Statue of himself.

Chocolate makes everything better

Ken then goes to the card store, but can’t find one he likes. Ryan buys a custom card that is his size and has himself inside singing a love song. Who will Barbie choose?

hearts banner

Most Romantic Moment: It’s the Meaning That Counts

So the most romantic moment comes after Ryan has displayed his gifts and Ken shares why he picked out his. He choose the small bouquet of roses because they were Barbie’s absolute favorites.

adventuresofIchabodumbrellasmellflowerkatrina

He bought her the box of Chocolates, because they were the same one she loved as a girl.

You're so cute

And then he handmade her a card saying that she’ll always be his girl.

How romantic

How romantic

What a guy right? The fact that he got her everything she loved and things that actually meant something is worth more than millions. They are perfect. HE is perfect.

PerfectGuy

Just another fictional man ruining reality.

SingleOnlyGoodMenFictionalAustenland

hearts banner

To start Romance is in the Air: Part IV from the beginning, go to I Can’t Pretend, I Have to Be: Casual Sex? (1988)

For the previous post, go to Even Though I’m Furious with You, I Still Love You: War Room (2015)

hearts banner

For more on Barbie, go to Sucky Sequels: Mean Girls 2 (2011)