A Man Dressed as a Giant Bat, Psychotic Deformed Man Wrecking Havoc, and a Zombie Cat Woman…A Batman Christmas: Batman Returns (1992)

Merry Christmas!

Just kidding! Today we are reviewing a horror film that also is a Christmas movie.

And for this year we are doing something special: Sleuthing Sundays.

Each Sunday I’ll post a film with a super sleuth! Our fourth and final film is:

Yes, it time for our annual Tim Burton film. Last year I reviewed Batman, and decided to cover the sequel.

Some of you might not think this counts for a horror film, as it is a superhero film but I say it does.

I mean we have a psychotic deformed killer.

And a zombie cat woman:

So I grew up watching this film and I just love it. When I think of Batman, to me it is always Michael Keaton or Kevin Conroy. There is no other Batman (although I do recognize Adam West, I just never watched his show until I was older) This is an absolutely amazing film and Keaton is an amazing Batman and Michelle Pfeiffer is the best Catwoman.

Originally Tim Burton and Michael Keaton hadn’t signed for a sequel, but were convinced when the script met all of Burton’s demands and Keaton only agreed to do the second film after a serious increase in his salary. Thank goodness for that or who else would we have had?

For me this movie is the end of the original film series as after this we had Val Kilmer and George Clooney take over, neither of which was very good in my opinion.

 It’s Christmastime and evil businessman Max Shreck (Christopher Walken) has committed many, many crimes. His secretary, Selina Kyle, discovered this and was murdered by him. Luckily, she was revived by the stray cats she’s been feeding. I kind of like that they never really answer the how and why. Sometimes it is better to leave it open-ended then to explain it strangely like in Catwoman. It pays to be a catlover.

From Breakfast at Tiffany’s

After she is revived she runs about Gotham and she is a fantastic character as she wants Shreck to pay, but other than that she has no real plan and just goes about-sometimes nice and sometimes cruel, like a cat. I love the scene when she saves the lady who was attacked in an alleyway but then gives her an angry lecture-that’s cattitude right there, or at least it makes me think of how my cat can be nice and then strike out at you.

Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot (Danny DeVito) was born deformed and tossed away by his parentns, found ad raised by circus people. He has discovered what Shreck has been doing and blackmails him. Shreck tries to use him, when the penguin comes up with a plan to make every parent and family pay.

The Penguin and Catwoman team up to take Batman down, when on the flipside Bruce Wayne and Selina have been growing closer and closer and falling in love. While Vicky was annoying, I really like them together. They have excellent chemistry and amazing timing.

Everything comes to a head at the Christmas Ball. Will Batman be able to stop the villains? Will Bruce lose another love?

I have to watch! {Picture from Ringu)

The filming is fantastic and the dialogue is amazing! Here are a few of my favorites: Alfred’s zingers

Alfred: Why are you now determined to prove that this Penguin is not what he seems? Must you be the only lonely man-beast in town?

After Selina has been revived and had her change of personality:

Selina Kyle: Honey, I’m home. Oh, I forgot. I’m not married.

Or when she sasses Batman:

[Catwoman is hit]

Catwoman: How could you? I’m a woman.

Batman: I’m sorry, I-I…[Catwoman hits him]

Catwoman: As I was saying, I’m a woman and can’t be taken for granted. Life’s a b****, now so am I.

And one of my favorite parts of the film:

Bruce Wayne: [working on the Batcomputer. Alfred sets down a bowl of soup in front of him. He picks up the spoon and takes a sip, only to spit it out] Cold!

Alfred: It’s vichyssoise.

Bruce Wayne: [stares, not knowing why it’s important]

Alfred: It’s *supposed* to be cold.

Bruce Wayne: [Eats it]

The costumes are great. The penguin is hideous and terrifying. Michelle Pfeiffer hated the costume as she was vacuumed sealed in it and had to take breaks as it constricted her so much she had trouble breathing. But it looks so cool. Deranged and cool.

A great film and I highly recommend it.

For more detectives, go to The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Meet Dracula, Part I: The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries (1977)

For more Batman, go to What Are You? I’m Batman!: Batman (1989)

For more Tim Burton films, go to Once, There Was Even a Man Who Had Scissors for Hands: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

For more Michelle Pfeiffer, go to Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans: Stardust (2007)

For more Christopher Walken, go to It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

For more film-noir, go to This Is Fate We’re Talking About, and If Fate Works At All, It Works Because People Think That THIS TIME, It Isn’t Going to Happen!: Dead Again (1991)

 

Don’t Go in There! You Don’t Have to Die! No One Has to Die at 30! You Could Live! LIVE!: Logan’s Run (1976)

NO! Don’t go in there! You don’t have to die! No one has to die at 30! You could live! LIVE! Live, and grow old! I’ve seen it! She’s seen it!

The first time I heard of this film was when I was watching The Island with my mom, she kept saying that the film reminded her of Logan’s Run. While I think The Island is more like The 6th Day, it does take quite a bit from this film. So does that Justin Timberlake, Olivia Wilde, and Amanda Seyfried film and that one Matt Damon time movie.

Yes, none of those could be made if it wasn’t for this film.

This is based off a book and had high class special effects for the time, my mom was telling me how watching it for that first time on the big screen, it just blew everyone away.

Wow!

The film is set in 2274 and people live in this doomed domed city, all their life revolves around is pleasure, like the city in Metropolis.

Pleasure Garden

No sickness, diseases, pain, suffering, etc-just sex, play, and everyone dies at 30, unless they can be lucky enough to get to carousal and renew.

To make sure people accept their fate at 30, they have a police force-called Sandmen. They hunt the “runners”, those that try to escape.

When everyone is born they have a jewel on their palm. They start out white, then become yellow, from there they turn green, then red, then black and flash when their time is up.

Logan (Michael York) is a sandman and in his red period, 26 years old. We first see him when he is looking at his son Logan in the nursery. In this time men donate their seed, women give birth, and children are raised separately from their parents-the only thing they have from them is their name-boys take their father’s name and girls their mother’s name. Now this is an interesting scene, because even though Logan acts like a Sandman we see there is a part of him that doesn’t quite match up with how this world works. He goes to see his child-something his friend finds odd as no one ever does that.

Logan: [tapping on a glass window of maternity room] Wake up.

Francis: Logan, you are here. I couldn’t believe it when they told me. What are you doing?

Logan: [indicates baby] Logan 6. Well it’s not everyday that they authorize a new sandman. I tell you Francis…[indicating babythat’s him.

Francis: Well maybe, maybe not. What does it matter? Anyway, he isn’t yours anymore.

[Logan continues to tap lightly on the glass]

It reminds me of Fahrenheit 451, how Montag was a fireman and did what they were supposed to do-but there was something different about him, something in his foundation that opened himself to Clarisse’s wondering and changed.

So anyways, Logan goes about his day as normal, watch people try to renew and fail, kill those running, then go home and drink, get high, and swipe left or right for sex.

That last part though, it actually sounds quite a bit like today…

Spooky…

Seriously, you call people up on the circuit, they materialize, and you guys decide if you are going to be together or not. This night Logan meets Jessica, a green-wearing girl (younger than him) wearing an ankh necklace.

Stop, that is important to the plot. Remember it.

Jessica (Jenny Agutter) is sad, as a close friend of hers tried to reach “renewal” but didn’t, he died. She went on the circuit to distract herself, but has changed her mind. She isn’t interested.

Logan: Killed? Why do you use that word?

Jessica: Isn’t that what you do? Kill?

Logan: I’ve never killed anyone in my life. Sandman terminate runners. What’s your name?

Jessica: Jessica.

Logan: You’re sad enough. You’re beautiful. Let’s have sex.

Jessica: No.

Logan: Then why are you wasting my time, hmmm? Why did you put yourself on the circuit?

Jessica: I thought I had to do something. I told you it was a mistake. And I’ve changed my mind.

Logan: Because I’m a Sandman? Am I your first?

Jessica: Yes. And I’m curious.

But she’s got into him. The way she talked about his job, and sandmen has got him thinking…

Hmm…

Like I said before, this film really reminds me of Fahrenheit 451. As Jessica challenges the way Logan looks at things, just like Clarisse did for Montag. From that first meeting-their whole life changes. The book Fahrenheit 451 was published in 1953 and the film came out in 1966, so it is easy to see how it influenced this film.

But-back to the story. So Jessica leaves, and Logan and his best pal and coworker, Francis, have fun with some other ladies and drugs.

Forget that girl…or can he?

Another day, Logan and Francis take down a runner and Logan recovers an ankh symbol. When he and Francis turn over the evidence and items they find off the runners, EVERYTHING CHANGES!

This is going to get good…

When he drops the ankh down, the computer freaks out and creepily calls him over to sit.

I wouldn’t!!

He has started Procedure 033-03. The computer tells him over 1600 people have run and found sanctuary. They don’t know where they go but that the ankh is what they use to find/get to sanctuary,

Logan questions the computer and discovers that there is no “renewal” and “carousal”. They all die.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOGAN, STOP! YOU KNOW TOO MUCH!! THEY ARE GOING TO KILL YOU!!!! RUN NOW!!!!

But of course he doesn’t. The computer gives him his mission to find sanctuary, changes his light so that his time is now up and he has to “run.”

OF COURSE it has to be a secret and he CAN’T TELL ANYONE, really?

This is like Departed-level bad idea. Jeez, no pne knows about you except two of us-one who does, and the other who gets fired so no one is going to help you!

So Logan calls up Jessica again to try and get her to help him, as he remembers she has the ankh symbol too. Jessica, however, is much smarter than Logan thought. She doesn’t really believe him as “sandmen never run”. He does all he can, but her group plots to murder him as he knows too much. Before they accomplish it, Logan gets a call to get a runner thats going through the chapel, the place they keep the wild children. Jessica decides to go with him.

So I’m going to test him.

There they have to fight a band of Lost Boys/Lord of the Flies type guys-who Logan’s manages to outsmart. Logan finds the runner and lets her go, showing that he is on Jessica’s side. This does exactly what he hopes it would, completely convinces her that he is serious.

Unbeknownst to them, Francis has been following Logan to help him, but saw that his time is up and that he let the woman go. Now he is prepared to end him.

But aren’t any more!

Logan remembers that the runner he killed the other day had just been given a face change, in order to help him be harder to track. He decides that is his next stop, accompanied by Jessica.

They get there, where the Doctor’s assistant is played by Farrah Fawcett!

That’s how you know you are in the ’70s! They prepare for the face change, but then the Doctor gets a phone call. The phone call is from the others in the sanctuary group and when he comes back, to operate, he turns his machine on all crazy as Logan finds himself in a real jam.

But of course Logan defeats the doctor and afterwards, he and Jessica run some more, and she takes him to where her people meet. They decide to help him, but he reveals the location on his walkie-talkie and the sandmen come and decimate everyone. Logan realizes his mistake and he and Jessica try to flee.

They run out and think they find sanctuary, but instead run into a frozen ice lair with a crazy robot named Box that freezes escapees and turns them into food for the city.

Yeah I know what you are thinking:

Yes, this came after Soylent Green so it is borrowing a lot of elements.

They manage to escape and find a beautiful outside. Sun? Fresh air? No dome? Also their life clocks have been renewed and reset to white.

They find the old buildings of Washington D.C. and in one is an old man with a ton of cats.

Boom, life goal right there. That’s who I want to be.

You know, minus the dystopian future, war, empty world, people dying when they reach 30, etc.

But things don’t stay that way as Francis comes and Logan has to fight him.

They decide after that to go back and help the others, taking the old man with them as proof.

Logan: NO! Don’t go in there! You don’t have to die! No one has to die at 30! You could live! LIVE! Live, and grow old! I’ve seen it! She’s seen it! [shows the crystal on his palm] Well, look! LOOK! LOOK, IT’S CLEAR!

[crowd laughs]

Computer: Last day, Capricorn 29’s. Year of the City: 2274. Carousel begins.

Jessica: No! Don’t! Don’t go! Listen to him! He’s telling the truth!

[more laughter]

Jessica: We’ve been outside! There’s another world outside! We’ve seen it!

[Sandmen grab them]

Logan: Life clocks are a lie! Carousel is a lie! THERE IS NO RENEWAL!

So I really enjoyed it! There are a lot of elements borrowed from other films-but a whole lot more films borrow from it, so it evens out.

And the facebook banner!

To start Horrorfest VIII from the beginning, go to Count Dracula the Propagator of This Unspeakable Evil Has Disappeared. He Must Be Found and Destroyed!: Horror of Dracula (1958)

For more dystopian futures, go to Take Your Stinking Paws Off Me, you D*** Dirty Ape!: Planet of the Apes (1968)

For more on cats, go to Cats, Books, & Tea

Cats, Books, & Tea

So besides the special people in my life: such as my husband, family, and friends–here are the three things I love the most.

My godmother gave me this shirt for my birthday and it is my new favorite-as it says my three most favorite things in the world. Cats!

Books!

And Tea!

Yep!

The best things in life, you know besides my husband. 😀

For more on my love of cats, go to Cat Lovers All Know This

For more book love, go to Time Flies When You’re Reading

For more tea, go to Cozy & Comfy Tea Time

 

Cozy & Comfy Tea Time

So you all know how much I love tea:

In fact for Christmas I got quite a few tea things because my friends and family knew of my love.

But one gift was belated, so I decided to post it separately instead of in my earlier Christmas post. This combines my love of tea and my love of something else that I just adore:

Cats!

So now I can drink my tea and look at this adorable creature. I can’t imagine a better tea time.

For more tea posts, go to You Know Me So Well

For more Jane Austen quotes, go to Life Seems But a Quick Succession of Busy Nothings

For more cat posts, go to I’m a Bit Catty

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)

Do you ever have a day where you are just down.

Last week I got sick and had to go to urgent care.

Then my phone was ran over:

Then I had to take my cat to the vet as she hurt her eye. I have to put ointment in it twice a day, ugh, you know what that’s like.

And then my car’s blinkers stopped working.

It’s like I worked so hard all last month and I hoped to do something fun with that extra cash and now it is all spent.

So I was feeling down.

But I didn’t want to stay in the dumps, so I turned to something that can always make me smile:

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers

You’ve probably heard of this song from either Benny & Joon (the film featured in the music video) or from Ted and Marshall’s road trip in How I Met Your Mother.

The song was written in 1988 by the Scottish brothers Craig and Charlie Reid. It did well but then went on to superstardom once it premiered in Benny & Joon in 1993. In fact the money from that song has outdone anything else they have written.

Wow

There is something about the music of this song, the repetition of the lyrics, and of course the romantic nature of the words that makes it so fun. You want to sing along (and I dare you to try not to. You just can’t.) Everything about it makes me super happy, no matter what.

Once I hear it I just can’t stop listening to it.

It is such a sweet song, full of emotion and love. I mean not only does he talk about the every day things he would do because of his love, but that he is willing to walk 1000 miles for the person he cares about. That’s like walking from San Francisco to Cheyenne Wyoming (that would be 396 hours or 16.5 days ). Or since they are Scottish: from Glasgow to Nice, France (362 hours, 15.08 days). Well, wherever you are, that’s love.

When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be,
I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next you
When I go out, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver up, yeah I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s havering to you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

When I’m working, yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s working hard for you
And when the money, comes in for the work I do
I’ll pass almost every penny on to you
When I come home (when I come home) well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow-old (when I grow-old) well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s growing old with you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

Da da da (da da da)
Da da da (da da da)

Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da

Da da da (da da da)
Da da da (da da da)

Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da

When I’m lonely, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who’s lonely without you
And when I’m dreaming, well I know I’m gonna dream
I’m gonna dream about the time when I’m with you
When I go out (when I go out) well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you
And when I come home (when I come home) yes I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the man who comes back home with you
I’m gonna be the man who’s coming home with you

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

Da da da (da da da)
Da da da (da da da)

Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da

Da da da (da da da)
Da da da (da da da)

Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da

Da da da (da da da)
Da da da (da da da)

Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da

Da da da (da da da)
Da da da (da da da)

Da da da dun diddle un diddle un diddle uh da

And I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door

For more of my favorite songs, go to Dancing With Myself

For more on Tiffanie Debartolo, go to Serious Girl and Love