I Can’t Pretend, I Have to Be: Casual Sex? (1988)

Most Romantic Moment #1

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So you are probably wondering what am I doing watching this movie, well it wasn’t really the one I wanted. You see I was at Big Lots and they were having a 20% everything sale. That sounded great to me, so I went and looked around. I found a DVD set for $4, of which three were Michael J. Fox films and the other two were ones I had never heard of.

AWESOME!!!

AWESOME!!!

Well you all know how I feel about Michael J. Fox

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I love him, so this seemed like a deal too good to pass up.

So my friend and I were watching some of the films, when we decide to check out this one, Casual Sex?, as we both like Lea Thompson.

I have to admit this movie surprised me a lot. It was rated “R” but didn’t really show anything, you know nothing like Game of Thrones, and actually dealt with the issues of sex. How you can get diseases, pregnant, sometimes the person just wants you for the sex, how sometimes you get involved with a person and they turn out to be nothing like you expect; and how hard it can be to meet anyone whether you desire sex or a relationship. It was pretty good.

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So the film is about two women, Stacey and Michelle, who have not had the best luck in love.

ouch Hermione

Stacey is constantly falling for artists, of which she not only changes herself for them but they always leave her in the lurch.

Melissa has only been with two men, and the second one, her ex-fiancé broke up with her as he was “going through a selfish phase.” Ugh, Men.

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The girls decide to leave the LA area and head on some kind of getaway in hopes to meet the perfect man.

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They decide to head to a health spa in which they meet a variety of possibilities. There is Vinny “the Vin Man” from New Jersey who hits on everybody and is always talking about his “attributes.”

Person hate talking

Jamie, one of the spa workers who seems sweet and caring:

You're so cute

Matthew, a psychologist, who is looking for material for his newest book on psycho-sexual tendencies of pre-menopausal females.

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And Nick, a fitness instructor who dreams of becoming a rock star.

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Will the girls find the man of their dreams? Or will they be disappointed once again?

NevermeetamanIcouldLove

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Most Romantic Moment: From Vin Man to Vincent

So the most romantic moment comes from the most unlikely source, Vincent otherwise known as Vinny or the Vin Man.

Vincent is from New Jersey, a pre Michael “The Situation”. He is gross, annoying, and just doesn’t understand that women are not interested in crudity.

Men

Men

However, as he keeps striking out with the women, one of the spa instructors gives him a book, The Pretend You’re Sensitive Handbook.

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He tries it out on Stacey, but as she has her own stuff going on she wants nothing to do with it.

Vinny: Stacy, how nice to see you. Do you have a few minutes? I mean, it occurred to me, I don’t even know where you work.

Stacy: Where I work?

Vinny: Yeah, you know, your career plans, your dreams, your aspirations… I really want to hear all about them.

Stacy: What I want? I don’t even know — ask me what anyone else wants. Give me three seconds, I’ll figure out your whole entire life.

Vinny: Would you maybe want to share something with me about your childhood, perhaps?

Stacy: Vinny, what the hell are you talking about? I’m in a big rush. Look, I have to go talk to Melissa, because if I don’t figure out something about my life soon, I’m going to crack!

Vinny: I respect your strength, Stacy, and I think you’ve got a lot of potential!

After striking out once again, Vinny runs to the spa instructor and tells him that he can’t do this. He can’t pretend, he has to be it. He decides to leave, catching a ride with Stacey to the bus stop. There we see a look at the real Vinny as he asks Stacey for advice. He wants to have a real relationship with a woman; like a friendship but more, but doesn’t know what to do. What do women want?

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She doesn’t have the answers and drops him off at the bus station. We think that is the last of him, but then we are given this surprise.

Stacy: [reading] ‘Dear Stacy, I hope you don’t mind me writing to you…

 Yes, Vinny writes Stacy a letter and tells her about how his life has been changing. He wants to be a different person, but no more pretending, he’s going all the way. He starts reading books,

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Cooking, changing his wardrobe to more appropriate clothing (and no more super “Vs” showing off the chest,

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Giving up all those aspects of the Vin Man and transforming himself, from the inside out, into a new person, Vincent.

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The sweetest, most romantic thing about this is that he made all these changes on his own, no “promise of getting the girl”, no other motivation than he wanted to be better and strove for it, turning himself from jerk to heartthrob. And once he feels his change is complete, he travels from Jersey to LA to see Stacy and prove that he is not only a new man, but ready for a real relationship.

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swoon dreamy

What a guy!

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For more Valentine’s posts, go to Now That I’ve Met You, I Can’t Imagine Life Without You: Sabrina (1954)

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For more ’80s films, go to We’re in the Future: Goodbye 2015

For more Jane Austen quotes, go to We Wish You a Merry Christmas

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The Past of a Man: Under Capricorn (1949)

under Capricorn

“The past of a man it is something.”

Now this is an Alfred Hitchcock film that is not as well known or talked about, for various reasons. A lot of people think the story is too melodramatic, and others don’t like it because certain elements resemble Rebecca and Gaslight. However, the reason why most people at the time hated it was it came out right after the news of Ingrid Bergman’s affair with Roberto Rossellini, the impeding divorce of her husband Dr. Petter Aron Lindström, and the birth of her twins by Rossellini. (To read more on that go here.) I on the other hand really liked this movie as I love:

  1. Alfred Hitchcock
  2. Ingrid Bergman
  3. Joseph Cotten

Really now, how can you ever think this was horrible?

MeanGirls I know right!

The title “Under Capricorn” references the Tropic of Capricorn, which bisects Australia. As you can tell now that I’ve explained the title, the film is set in Sydney, Australia during the 19th century.

So before we get into the film, we need to touch on the background history. In the 18th-19th century, England tried to discover a better way to deal with the mass amount of criminal activity and overcrowding jail cells. One thing that England did was hanging. However, people began to get upset about that. Some of the crimes were not really all that bad, but yet people were being given the death penalty. In order to have a harsh punishment, less-crowded jails, and less death-transportation became the way to go. Originally convicts were sent America, but with our revolution in 1776, that option was no longer possible. In the 1780s they started sending people to New South Wales, but with the Napoleonic wars, more labor was needed and they stopped the transportation.

After the war, problems arose again and they turned their attention to Australia. Between 1788-1868, they estimate about 165,000 people were sent Australia from a sentence that was usually 3 years to life (average was 7-14 years). Most people who were sent over were guilty of poaching, arson, robbery, and murder.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

They were usually sent to extremely remote areas to prevent escape and discourage any attempt at returning. While it was allowed for people to return after they served their sentence, most people wouldn’t. More often than not they would create a better life in Australia. Typically, criminals would change their names, get land, farm, and create a brand new life for themselves.

This ended in the 1860s, although it had started to drop off by the 1830s. Most of the areas that were for “convicts”, began to become real towns and attracted better emigrants. (Most of this info came from the Victorian Crime and Punishment website, if you would like to check it out)

Now back to the story.

Under Capricorn

So it is 1831 in Sydney, Australia. Sydney is still a frontier with most of the population being ex-convicts. The new Governor, Sir Richard arrives, bringing along his foppish, indolent, “rich boy” nephew, Charles Adare (Michael Wilding).

It's one of those guys!

It’s one of those guys!

So Charles is hoping that he will make a fortune out here in Australia. While there he meets the gruff Samson Flusky. Samson is a convict that had been transported from Ireland out to Australia to serve his time, for murder.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

But now he is a successful buisnessman. He owns a lot of land and makes a lot of dough. He is highly respected in the community.

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Anyways, so Samson has now reached the legal limit of land he can purchase and needs to look to new ways in order to expand his business. He wants Charles to purchase the land and sell it to Samson, guaranteeing a good profit.

Under Capricorn

Charles is intrigued by the prospect and agree to the invitation of dining at Samson’s house. While there, he has a pleasant surprise. He knows Samson’s wife, Lady Henrietta (Ingrid Bergman).

Under Capricorn Dining eating

She was friends with Charles’ sister but now has encountered a lot of problems. She is an alcoholic and shunned by society as she is seen to be crazy.

Under Capricorn Aah oh no ugh

Sam decides to invite Charles to visit as much as he wants, hoping it will help bring his wife out of her current depression.

Now Charles has always had a crush on Henrietta and is confused at her crazed behavior and decline. He asks his uncle about what happened to her. Lady Henrietta was the daughter of one of the fine Irish gentry. To the surprise of everyone, she ran off with one of the handsome stable boys, Samson, to elope in England. Lady Henrietta’s brother went after them and was killed by Samson. Instead of the noose, Samson decided to go to Australia.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Lady Henrietta followed him to Australia and waited seven years for the term to end. After Samson served his years, he was different. He wanted to be rich and to buy everything, but that was never enough. Henrietta was extremely unhappy and began drinking.

Sadface Batman

Now unbeknownst to all, Samson’s housekeeper Milly has a crush on him.

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She has been running the house and secretly feeding Lady Henrietta alcohol. She is hoping that Henrietta will kill herself, leaving Samson all to Milly.

perfect plan

Charles decides to help try and restore Henrietta’s confidence. At Sam’s urging, he moves into their home. But that’s not all he’s interested in. He has always found Henrietta to be attractive, and now she is vulnerable and needy. He begins to pursue her.

Under Capricorn Kiss

Charles’ work has been going great. In fact, Henrietta gains enough courage to try and take the power back from Milly and put her in her proper place as housekeeper, not wife. Milly turns things around and Henrietta runs up to her room and locks herself in. Charles goes in to talk to her and Milly sees them. She tries to use it to her advantage, telling Sam all kinds of lies about their behavior. This angers Sam, who kicks her right out of the house. (Sam you rock! I always had a soft spot for Sam. I don’t know if it was because he was played by Joseph Cotten or because he just seems like a great guy who has been mistreated.)

Under capricorn

Henrietta is doing much better, and improving more and more each day. In fact she is doing so well, that when she receives an invitation to the Governor’s Ball, she is eager to go. They all get ready, but Sam decides to not go after all. He had purchased a ruby necklace for her, but after overhearing how Henrietta and Charles don’t consider ruby to be the right accessory, he decides not to give it to her. You see Sam has enjoyed having Charles there as he has helped his wife, but at the same time it has been upsetting. With the two together, it makes him realize just how different he and Henrietta are. He thought it could be different in Australia, but sees that moving to a new place hasn’t really changed societal rules.  Sam thinks the rest of the ball will be the same, and that he’ll be too out of his element or that he’ll embarrass himself. He decides to stay home.

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Sad and lonely

At the ball, Henrietta stuns everyone as they all adore her. And more importantly, Henrietta has a great time.

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Back at the house, Milly has returned.

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Milly asks for forgiveness and her job back but also starts talking smack about Henrietta. She tells Samson exaggerated stories of what has been going on between Henrietta and Charles. The two had shared only one kiss, and everything had been instigated by Charles. Milly, on the other hand, insists that Henrietta is the one that has been carrying on and that it has gone much, much further. To further push the issue and him, she tells him that Henrietta is of a different class than her and Samson, and those people do things non-aristocrats could never get away with.

you're evil

I mean seriously this girl is a major jerk.

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You just need to understand that he loves his wife and back the heck away from him. You- you-

wordICan't say Toy Story

At first Samson shrugs it off. Charles is younger than Henrietta and more concerned about clothing than anything else. But that evil woman Milly keeps pushing him, and when she mentions the differation in classes, that’s where he snaps.

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Sam goes to the ball, makes a scene, and humiliates Henrietta in front of everyone

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She returns home, weeping and half-crazed.

Sad and lonely

Sad and lonely

Charles runs after her and tries to help her. He tells her to leave Sam, but Henrietta can’t. She tells Charles that she deeply loves her husband and is bound to him. You see, Sam didn’t shoot her brother, she did.

Say What

Yep, that’s right. Sam has never killed anyone. Henrietta fell in love with Sam as he was kind and handsome. Can you blame her? He’s one attractive man.

MeanGirls I know right!

The two wanted to marry, but it was impossible as Samson was a much lower class than Henrietta. So the ran off to England, but her brother followed them. Her brother tried to kill Samson, but missed and the two struggled. Henrietta took the gun and shot her brother so he wouldn’t kill Samson. Samson took the blame as he didn’t want her to suffer in  jail.

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Unfortunately, that didm’t actually help. Henrietta couldn’t stay at home, and couldn’t leave Samson by himself so she followed him to Australia. Not only has she been dealing with the guilt of killing her brother, but the guilt of allowing Samson to rot in prison for her deeds. To further this, when Samson came out of prison he was a changed person. This lead to even greater guilt and drove Henrietta to the bottle. No wonder she’s been going crazy.

Sad and lonely

Now even though Henrietta admits this to him, Charles doesn’t really believe her. He thinks it is just her way of trying to protect the man she loves.

When Samson sees Charles in his house with Henrietta, he becomes incensed  for the betrayal and kicks Charles out.

Under Capricorn

Charles steals Sam’s horse and takes off. While riding, the horse breaks its leg, causing Charles to have s a really bad fall. He reluctantly returns to the house and relays the news. Samson goes for his gun to “shoot the horse”, but Charles believes he is going to kill him, as he has “killed” before. The two struggle over the gun and during the conflict, Charles is shot.

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With Samson’s past, he is immediately thrown into prison, to either rot for good or be hanged. Henrietta tries to save him and tells the Attorney General the truth. That Samson has never killed anyone, she did it. This presents a serious problem for Samson. The only way he can get out of his predicament is if he corroborates Henrietta’s story, but then she will be sent back to Ireland to stand trial and imprisonment. If he says his wife is lying, then he will be killed. The Governor is really pushing a conviction as he wants someone to be punished for trying to harm his nephew. The AG gives Samson twenty-four hours to decide.

A no win situation

A no win situation

Back at the house the evil Milly sees the perfect oppurtunity to get Sam. She tries to poison Henrietta and plants a shrunken head on her bed to further scare her. Fortunately, she is discovered and ousted.

Good-bye

Good-bye

Meanwhile Charles has recovered from his wound and vouches for Samson, telling everyone that it was an accident.

Charles is put on a ship back to Ireland, and Samson and Henrietta are now happy. Henrietta has been freed from the poisonous Milly and finally from the guilt of what she did to her brother and Samson. Samson is better as he finally knows that Henrietta truly loves him and that he didn’t destroy her life.

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All in all, this film really teaches you one thing:

let go past

Yep, sometimes you just need to move on.

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For to the previous post, go to Werewolves Roam Among Us.

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For more on Alfred Hitchcock, go to Horrorfest III: The Revenge

For more on Joseph Cotten, go to You Think You Know Something, Don’t You?

For more on Ingrid Bergman, go to I’ll Always Be There When You Need Me

For more on the Victorian Period, go to Redone Done Right