So amazon brought this film back and I just had to watch it again. As you know, I love Lifetime movies, and this was one of the top Lifetime movies. I was only two when it came out, but I have watched it again and again through the years.
It is Lifetime at its best-based on a true story and full of over the top drama!
It is based on a true story of the murder of Kirsten Costas by Bernadette Protti. And I just want to say, this review in no way is meant to hurt or poke fun at the victim or their family, I know what it is like to have someone close to you be stabbed to death-this is just a review of Lifetime’s depiction.
So the film is pretty low-budget and ’90s to the max. One of the many reasons to love it.
We start off with Stacy Lockwood (Tori Spelling) knocking on a door and asking to use their phone. She explains she was out with a friend, but their friend started acting weird so she left. She tries to reach her parents, but no dice.
The father of the family drives her home and drops her off. As he is driving away, he hears screaming. He witnesses her being stabbed by a “friend” and calls the police. When the Lockwoods arrive, they find the paramedics and police outside the home.
They flashback 10 months, to the start of the school year. Angela Delvecchio (Kellie Martin) is going to Santa Mira High this year instead of St. Josephs. Angie is a shy girl who wants to be the best she can be. She wants to be devout, do well academically, be the most popular, most beautiful, and above all-a cheerleader. Just like the beautiful and perfect Stacy Lockwood.
Angie feels this year will be her year-no doubt. Her best friend Jill tries to talk her out of it, but Angie has a manic devotion to her goals. Angie tries as hard as she can to get into the coveted school sorority, the Larks.
By the skin of her teeth she makes it in-and just a short regress in 80-90s book and movies they always had these “special” high school sororities/clubs that were for popular people that did community service and threw all kinds of parties-the Pearls, Unicorns, Pi Belta Alpha, etc. Did people really do that? I never went to a regular school-I went to an art school so my high school life wasn’t normal.
Anyways, she gets in and reconnects with her old friend from Saint Joseph’s, Jamie, and tries to do all she can to get close to Stacy-to be Stacy.
Angela loves the Larks, her favorite thing being the community service.
Jill: Great, Angela, my friend the do-gooder. Honestly, you make me feel like I should go to church and confess or something.
Angela sets herself to her next goal-the school attendance office. To be chosen is to rule the school as you have the power for hall passes. Only the coolest can get it, so when Angie gets picked she is over the moon.
Angela Delvecchio: I got a job in the Attendance Office, and guess who I’ll be working with!
Jill: From the way you sound, it must be someone important. Who is it? Nancy Reagan?
Angela Delvecchio: Stacy Lockwood!
Jill: Oh. Miss Queen Bee herself! What? Are you one of her drones? I’m sorry, Angela, I just don’t wanna see you get hurt.
Jill tries to be friends with Stacy, but Stacy is incredibly mean and cruel-Regina George has nothing on her. Stacy rules the school with an Iron Fist-what she says is cool is cool and what she says or who she says is lame is destroyed!!! Such as a girl Monica who wears all black. Stacy constantly taunts her in class:
Stacy Lockwood: [reading her poem] Face like a ghost, hair black as sin/the witch of Santa Mira scratches her chin/she cackles, she gloats, she summons her broom/and flies like a banshee right out of the room.
Teacher: Monica! [to Stacy] Stacy, I think you better apologize.
Stacy Lockwood: I’m sorry, Mrs. Chadfield. It was just a poem. It wasn’t about her.
Actually, now that I think about it, Stacy is like Regina George and Heather Chandler rolled into one. Speaking of Heathers, this film has the same type of vibe of that with a touch of David Lynch. Beautiful on the outside, with evil and ugliness lurking on the inside.
Angie fawns over Stacy and strives to be her friend. She’s kind of like Anna Kendrick in A Simple Favor.
Angel works hard to go on the Ski Trip with the Larks, even though her family isn’t wealthy. There Stacey steals Monica’s diary and reads it in front of EVERYONE.
[after Monica threatens Stacy about her diary]
Angela Delvecchio: Monica, just let it go. She didn’t mean anything by it.
Monica: [angry] I’d like to kill her.
Angela Delvecchio: No, Monica, you don’t mean it. You’re just angry.
Monica: [to Angela, darkly] What would a wannabe like you know about it anyway, huh? Go on, go. Get away from me, run back and lick her boots. That’s what your dying to do anyway, isn’t it?
As said before-Stacey rules the school. And all must bow to her will.
Angela sets her sights on the next part of her goal-yearbook. But isn’t accepted. She contiues to try for cheerleader and tries to be noticed to be known, but is continuously looked over by teachers and others. She has to be a cheerleader, just has to be.
But she isn’t picked-Stacey is.
That really gets Angela, after all everything on her list-Stacey has gotten it. Sure Angela is a Lark and Office Aid-but she doesn’t have true popularity. Stacey has achieved all she has wanted. She will never be Stacey Lockwood…but maybe she can be her friend?
Jill comes over one night and the two drink and hang out. Jill brings up a party that is coming up. That’s when it hits her-that is how she will become Stacey’s friend. She lies to her parents about baby-sitting and borrows her sister’s car. She calls the Lockwood home and tells them about a party for the Larks that Stacey is invited to, something she will be honored for.
The night comes and Angie picks Stacy up. Stacy is not happy being with a nobody loser like Angie, but she convinces her that she lied about the dinner so her parents wouldn’t find out about the rager they are going to. But things don’t turn out well,
Stacy Lockwood: [looks at a knife and vegetable next to her] What’s this, hors d’ouvres?
Angela Delvecchio: Oh, my sister. She sometimes fixes lunch in the car.
Stacy Lockwood: Mmm, now that’s real class, Angie. So, who did you say was gonna be at this party?
Angela Delvecchio: Oh, the older crowd.
But when Staey pushes for more information, she gets Angie to admit that she wasn’t invited to the party, Jill was. Stacey is not going to crash a party and be laughed at. She starts calling Angie pathetic and refuses to go to the party.
Angela Delvecchio: Why are you so mean?
Stacy Lockwood: [coldly] Come on, put a lid on it. Let’s go.
Angela Delvecchio: I don’t understand – I just wanna be your friend!
Stacy Lockwood: [sarcastically] Sure, and I wanna fly to the moon.
Angela Delvecchio: I admire you, Stacy. I’ve always admired you. You’re so pretty and funny and confident.
Stacy Lockwood: You’re pathetic!
Angela Delvecchio: All I want is to be like you.
Stacy Lockwood: That’s it, I’m out of here.
Angela Delvecchio: Wait! Wait, no!
Stacy Lockwood: You know what, you are even weirder than I thought! [exits the car] Why don’t you give Monica a call. Maybe SHE can be your date.
Angela Delvecchio: [yells] No, Stacy, that’s not what I meant!
Stacey gets out and knocks on the door of the house and uses their phone. With Angie she drives away but all she can think about is Monday at school, all the things that Stacey will say, how her social life will be OVER! She snaps and knows she has to go after and convince Stacey not to make her a pariah, not another Monica, NOT after all the hard work she did!
Angela grabs the knife left in the car by her sister-now this is so weird to me that her sister would carry a knife in her car to cut up vegetables and fruits for snacks. That always rang false with me, it just seemed too weird. And you are talking to a person who used to take her nieces to school in the morning, then go to work for five hours at one job, and then to another for two hours. I spent a lot of time eating in my car, but I wouldn’t bring a knife that would get dirty and make the car gross. Yeah, I don’t buy it. I’m not saying she planned the murder-but there is more there I know it!
Anyways, she speaks to Stacey but it is too late.
Angela Delvecchio: [approaches Stacy, voice breaking in anguish] I would’ve driven you home.
Stacy Lockwood: You are so weird! Just go away! GO AWAY!
[Angela attacks Stacy and stabs her leaving her for dead]
Her family returns home and find the scene of the police, paramedics, etc. Angela hurries home.
Angela is questioned as she fits the description and is a friend, but overlooked as she is nice, quiet, and not memorable.
[after the news on Stacy’s death and describing her killer]
Angela Delvecchio: [in disbelief] I’m a teenage girl with shoulder-length hair and we have a Nova.
Jill: [chuckles] Don’t be ridiculous, Angie, nobody’s gonna suspect you. You’re, like, the nicest girl in Santa Mira.
But Angie isn’t caught. Time passes and soon Junior year is going to begin. They want to disband the Larks, but Angela rouses everybody with a speech about how important the Larks were to Stacy, how they help the community and that it can’t be disbanded. This gains her popularity and title of secretary/treasurer.
She also does peer mentoring, candy stripping and more-being popular, confident, and achieving all she wanted.
I have everything I have ever wanted!
But the guilt starts to eat at her when everyone attacks Monica. They harasses her, attack her, vandalize her locker, and it starts to wreck her.
[Jamie and Angela notice Monica’s locker with the word “Killer” in red]
Jamie: She had an alibi, you know? There’s no way she could’ve possibly done it. And it didn’t matter… they just kept hounding her and hounding her.
Angela Delvecchio: I know.
Jamie: All because she was different. And you know what? I did it too. Stacy mocked her, so I mocked her. Stacy said “jump”, and I jumped. You know, Angie, I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, and I’m ashamed to admit it: I never really liked her. I was just afraid of her. And I’ve been thinking about her killer too. Maybe it was… I don’t know… someone like me.
The FBI comes and resumes investigations, hounding Angie until she finally snaps and confesses to her priest, the police, and family. She is sentenced to prison until she is 25.
The film ends with Jamie writing a letter to Angie, staying her friend and sorry to have not done more. She leaves Santa Mira to go back to Saint Josephs.
I think why this movie has struck a cord with viewers and became so popular is that it is very relatable. Everyone has either been or known the mean popular girl (Stacy), the “weird” girl who is picked on (Monica), the girl who wants to be popular and goes with the crowd (Jamie), the girl who doesn’t care and does her own thing (Jill), and the girl who is desperate to be popular she will do anything (Angie).
Plus there is a fascination with murders over the smallest things. Social reputation, that’s what set her over the edge and its crazy. Either way it is an entertaining film and captures your attention.
So I was housesitting and dogsitting for a family friend while they went camping, and they asked if I would hang out with their dogs as they just love attention. They told me to help myself to anything to drink and that I could watch TV or movies.
Sounds good to me.
As dogs love attention I would come multiple times a day. And as I don’t have cable anymore I miss watching TCM (Turner Classic Movies) along with Lifetime and Hallmark.
So I was checking out what was on and then decided to look up xfinity’s on demand. I came across this movie’s summary.
Ellie was just your regular cheerleader until her father and sister were murdered. Now she’s investigating, but then two other girls are kidnapped. It seems as if the killer is on to Ellie’s investigation. Will she figure it out before they go after her next?
I thought it sounded great. Girl’s father and sister are murdered and she’s hunting down the killer’s in this huge game of cat and mouse?
I’m ready to watch
This film was no where near that at all.
Instead it was stupid, Ellie was a giant numbskull, and it was extremely obvious who the killer was. I hated it and wished I hadn’t wasted my time.
However, as I already spent about two hours watching, so you guys are going to get my review.
As I didn’t really like the film it will be mostly images from other things. Just a quick FYI for you all.
So the film starts off extremely strangely. The girl believes everything that has gone wrong in her life is because of a curse.
Some “curse” of cheerleaders follows her family. First the prom king was killed when he was with her mom in high school. Then her sister and her boyfriend broke up. He didn’t take it kindly and snuck into the house. Ellie saw him and didn’t say anything due to her shock. He went into the sister’s room and shot her.
The father hearing the cries came out and was shot as well. The boyfriend then committed suicide.
Ellie blames herself for the murders, saying they happened because she is cursed.
Now I get blaming yourself (even though it wasn’t her fault. In fact if she had tried to do something she probably would have been killed) but a curse? A curse? Really? Why does she believe it? It makes zero sense, it just doesn’t jell of line up. There is no reason why she would believe she is cursed.
So now it is a year later. The mom and daughter are strangely still living in the same house. I don’t know way they wouldn’t have moved, I sure would’ve.
Getting out of here
So Ellie is friends with the two most popular girls in school, also cheerleaders, Morgan and Dee. Morgan’s parents are out of town so she’s having a sleepover with Dee and Ellie. Ellie also dates the newest, yet hottest, guy in the school; Nicholas.
They think they are pretty hot.
Meanwhile, there is a guy who is on the fringe of high school social society, Ben. He tries to talk to Morgan but Dee scares the “loser” off.
Meanwhile, Morgan and the coach seem very friendly, so much that there is a rumor that something might be going on there but Morgan denies it.
At the sleepover one of the girls notices a little clay bunny. They ask Morgan where it came from, but Morgan doesn’t know, it just appeared.
So the sleepover doesn’t end well. Ellie and Dee are trying to find out if Morgan’s rumors with the coach are true. She gets mad and says some remarks to the two girls. Dee strikes back and Ellie gets offended when they say something that triggers her father’s and sister’s death.
Ellie leaves and heads home. When she arrives there she finds a clay bunny in her room too.
The next day Morgan and Dee don’t show up at school. It isn’t weird that they would skip, as neither girl is really an academic like Ellie, but hey would never miss the big day of the pep rally, I mean after all Dee’s the head cheerleader.
Something is not right!
Ellie decides to drive out to the house to check on the girls, but both are gone! And it looks like a struggle! She calls the police and they start investigating as to what could have happened.
Ellie goes home where they have the police wait outside just in case. After all, everyone knew she was going to be at the sleepover, she is lucky she left when she did or she would’ve been taken too.
Woah! Close Call!
Now I don’t understand why she thinks there is a “curse” that affects her. I mean she is pretty lucky. Here she wasn’t kidnapped, and later she does some real stupid things but makes it out okay. If anything she should think she is a “blessed” person.
Anyways, so she is at home while her boyfriend pulls a Billy from Scream and sneaks in through the window instead of going through the front door.
Now immediately I think, “hey, he’s new in town, this never happened before they moved here, and he gives off mega Billy vibes.” He is definitely in the equation.
So they end up finding Morgan’s body out of town in a ravine. It matches up with some other deaths that have happened all over the country, and is clearly the work of a serial killer. The FBI are called in and are very interested in Ellie.
But why would they think that Ellie is involved? There is zero evidence and no reason why she would do such a thing.
The FBI find a clay bunny in Dee’s room as well. Could it be left by the killer?
Ellie then receives a threatening note at school and decides to tell NO ONE ABOUT IT!!
What the HECK?!! WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?! So stupid! TELL the POLICE!!!
And this makes no sense at the end. How did the…whoa getting a head of myself.
So Ben has been questioned by the police and acting up, yelling, being mean, etc. Ellie becomes suspicious of Ben and decides to investigate.
And DOES THE STUPIDEST THING EVER!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING GOING TO THE HOUSE OF A PERSON YOU THINK IS A KIDNAPPER AND MURDERER?
There, at Ben’s house, Ellie finds a bunch of clay bunnies. She freaks out, and then Ben come home with his drugged up mother. He says that he did leave the bunnies, but only because he wanted to be friends with them.
Well then why you creeping around? I mean I know that he didn’t feel he could approach them one on one in school, as they might be cruel or laugh in his face. But come on man, did you really think that by breaking into their house you would become besties with them?
Ben gets arrested, of course, but I know it’s not him. 1) He doesn’t seem like a killer, just a misunderstood boy looking for the love he is not getting from an abusive mother. 2) Its too easy. 3) There is a whole lot more left to the film.
Nope, not him.
Now Ben, I feel bad for you but you are going about this all in the completely WRONG way. First, stop skulking about the halls, no one likes a skulker. Second, stop being so mean and grouchy. Everyone likes a brooder but not someone who yells all the time. “
So Ellie gets more threats, but these through her text messages. She still choses to not discuss it with the police.
She’s also not even freaked out that crazy kidnapper and murderer, nay serial killer is after her. She’s just like no big deal.
really? I can’t stand this movie.
So she is not at all questioning her boyfriend or his father’s weird behavior. I mean she barely knows them, they just moved here, none of this happened before they came.
It is totally one of them and I’m leaning toward the dad.
Ellie decides to head out to where Morgan was found and the little altar/memorial they made for her but does the stupidest thing in the world.
really? I can’t stand this movie.
First, she was supposed to go with her mom but tells her she can’t because Nicholas and her are going together. Then Nicholas offers to go with her but she turns him down as she wants to go BY HERSELF TO TRY AND CATCH THE KILLER!!! Can you believe that? How stupid! Did you just forget that you’ve been threatened twice already?
You are just asking to be killed.
So I’m like please take a weapon or something with you, and does she? NO! BECAUSE SHE IS A BIG, FAT, STUPIDHEAD. Jeez, I try not to judge but you are really encompassing that stereotype of dumb cheerleader because you are so dumb!!!
My dream ending is that Ben will comes to Ellie’s rescue somehow, redeeming him and making everyone love and want to be his friend. That’s how I would end it. Either the dad or boyfriend turns out to be the psycho and Ben has to help her.
But back to the film. As soon as Ellie gets to the memorial, everyone just disappears! Why?
Morgan’s dad comes depressed, sad, and acting really creepy. A big red herring is what I think, tossing him in like that as a potential suspect.
You think I’m really going to fall for that?
As Ellie is leaving a car kind of attacks her and they go on a chase, but he takes off and Ellie gets no plates or anything.
So Ellie decides to drive up the highway where Morgan was found. So goes up to THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!! YOU ARE JUST ASKING TO BE KILLED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!
She finds this house that is all alone and just looks like the ideal murder spot. And what does she do? Call the police? NO OF COURSE NOT. THIS DUNDERHEAD DECIDES TO GO MARCHING IN. Just because you can’t see a car doesn’t mean the killer isn’t there. And what if there is more than one? Eh? You don’t have anything to protect yourself. I mean, seriously.
Look at your life, look at your choices. You are making some really bad ones.
So she breaks a window and gets into the house. Now of course this is the murder site, the writer of this flick wasn’t too bright or interesting. But what if this wasn’t the murder house? What if this house belongs to someone and you just wrecked it? You just don’t think do you.
Or do anything
This girl is so dumb, she deserves to die. Now I’m not usually that callous, but seriously the way she is acting. She’s asking to be a victim.
So Ellie hears a noise and heads down into the basement. There she finds Dee chained up, starved, and abused. Ellie gets her free and expects her friend to take off with her, but Dee is in too much of shock. She can barely move. If only Ellie had not forgotten to bring her phone.
Yes this entire movie Ellie has her phone permanently in her pocket, but then this one time she cold really use it, she left it in her car.
Then the killer returns. This part as actually interesting as the girls have to play a type of cat and mouse trying to flee from their attacker. Now this guy is fast, really fast like a football player. Hmm…just like her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s dad…
The killer is wearing a mask so they can’t see who it is. As they are running, Dee of course falls as she barely has control over her body after being bound for so long. The killer gets her as Ellie continues to run to the car and eventually has to go before she too is killed.
Told you so!
Again she blames the curse but this is on you. Too bad you didn’t bring a friend with you. Or your phone.
So later Ellie is an artist and draws the car that she saw trying to drive her off the road. Nicholas comes over to cheer her up when he looks at the sketch and freaks out:
Nicholas: [Worried] It’s happening again.
The dad is the killer, he just has to be the one!
Then we have Ellie who is completely convinced she is cursed and everything is her fault.
Again with that? Really. I mean a five year old would believe that but you are almost an adult and you think a “curse” is to blame?
Anyways we have this weird and crazy flashback. This happens periodically throughout the film but have no reason. They don’t add anything to the story and they are just dumb.
really? I can’t stand this movie.
Ellie then gets a creepy message about how she can’t save the other? Others who? cheerleaders? I mean, come on. If you are going to threaten someone be clear.
So Ellie starts talking to her mom about the curse and the mom is actually pretty bright and decides to send her to the grandma in Sacramento.
It is extremely rare in this film.
Ellie is mad and decides to go see Nicholas to tell him good-bye. Nicholas isn’t home so the dad lets her go up to his room to wait for him. Nicholas’ room is really weird. He has a bunch of pics of himself, nothing with friends or anyone, just him. Weird.
Nicholas finally comes home and says some vague creepy things.
Nicholas: What if things weren’t exactly how you think they are.
What are you talking about?
The dad ends up killing his son and goes after Ellie taking her back up to the house. Luckily, the FBI were doing their job and has investigated the house, discovering it belongs to Nic’s dad. One of the FBI saves Ellie.
The film is over!!!
But Ellie still doesn’t think she is safe. She is still CURSED. UGH!!!!
So yeah. This film was extremely bad.Do yourself a favor and just skip on by it.
I Love this musical. My best friend Carson and I were obsessed with it when we were eight years old. We used to watch it over and over, knew every song by heart, and could do the hand jive in our sleep. Grease was definitely the word.
So the movie is set in the 1950s, you know one of my favorite decades.
Sandy is from Australia and visiting the American beach for summer vacation (winter in Australia). She meets Danny is also away at the beach and the two meet and fall head over heels for each other. But Sandy has to back home, with both thinking they would never see each other again.
School’s back in session, and we see Danny is the hottest and coolest guy in school.
He and his gang are ready to finish their senior year when he gets the biggest surprise of his life, Sandy is in school. Can this designated bad boy and good girl make a relationship work?
Throw in a car racing challenge, dance contest, Frankie Avalon, and amazing songs.
Most Romantic Moment: I Will Do What I Can to Get You Back
So throughout the whole film we see that Danny is all about “his reputation”.
Sleeping around with girls, not caring about what happens to them but just using and losing…
However when he meets Sandy that changes. At first he tries to keep to his “tomcattin” ways, but realizes that’s not what he wants; he wants Sandy. But how to win her back?
As Sandy is a cheerleader, he decides to go out for a team sport going from greaser to jock. (Which was a big deal then. Remember Daryl in The Outsiders and how he was able to cross over into Soc territory if he wanted to because of football? Ponyboy too was offered that as well but he wouldn’t give up his cigarettes for track). But Danny doesn’t really mean it, he’s just doing it to try and win Sandy back at this moment. But because he doesn’t put his whole heart into it, he messes up again and again; ditching her for another girl to win the dance contest and giving her his “ring of commitment” in order to make out.
But none of these work, Sandy is a high quality girl and she won’t have some pretender, she needs something real.
So Danny realizes that if he loves her, he needs to stop the pretending and kidding around. He is going to have to do something really drastic to show Sandy he truly cares about her.
So he decides to quit the T-Birds
Now contrary to what some bloggers say, he is not just putting a “cardigan on”. The sweater is a symbol that he is completely changing his life. By changing the T-Bird leather jacket to the cardigan with his “letter for track” on it, he’s not only saying that he is giving up the “fast” lifestyle, the parting with all these other women, the reputation of never settling down; but that he is going to be something more stable and trustworthy. Something that she can rely on and that will be there for her.
As he tells the other boys, he grown out of that, and is instead looking forward to a future with Sandy, not just a “playdate”.
“Danny Zuko: Oh c’mon you guys…You know you mean a lot to me…it’s just that Sandy does too. And I’m going to do anything I can to get her…“
After all, what’s comfortable, can be worn anywhere, and something that makes you feel relaxed, supported, and warm…a leather jacket or a cardigan?
Right. I’m the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.
So I’m sure a lot of you are surprised. What Buffy the Vampire Slayer is this? Well before we had this:
We had this:
In 1992, Joss Whedon’s idea of a Californian cheerleader finding out she was actually the vampire slayer of her generation, came to theaters. Only one problem, Whedon HATED it.
In fact he hated it so much, that he was reported to walk off set one day and never come back.
Five years later, Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series came out, one that stayed true to his “vision”.
So What Went Wrong?
Apparently the screenwriters felt that Whedon’s story was too dark and depressing. They wanted it to be more of a horror-parody comedy, kind of like Heathers with vampires instead of a homicidal maniac. Whedon wasn’t interested in that, as you can tell with his much darker TV series.
Joss Whedon to a T
So Is this Film Bad?
Let’s get down to the review and find out:
The film starts out with a historical piece. A medieval woman who has the birthmark (a mole), proving she is the Vampire Slayer of this generation. We switch from a very serious moment of her asking to “become the blade”.
And fighting Vampires.
And then we switch to Los Angeles and a group of cheerleaders chanting.
And Miss Buffy Summers, cheerleader extraordinaire, fashionista, and a total valley girl.
Yeah, that is pretty much the essence of the movie. They try to pin together opposites. And is it horrible? No. I love it. It is so quirky and funny. And come on, a cheerleader by day and vampire slayer ay night? That’s awesome.
So as I’m reading the credits and as I have seen this movie before I didn’t think think I would see anything important, but then Paul Reubens…wait, what?!
Pee-Wee is in a teen film? Pee-Wee Herman is in a vampire film? PEE-WEE?!!! PEE-WEE??!!! PEE-WEE HERMAN is in a TEEN VAMPIRE FILM?
How could I have missed that? Huh. And Hilary Swank? Ugh! I hate her. Ever since she ruined the Karate Kid series.
This was supposed to be her first film, so maybe she won’t be too bad. So Buffy and the gang go to the mall, shopping!
And there is something you might notice in this scene. While this movie came out in 1992, we hadn’t completely crossed over from the ’80s. You can kind of see it in the stonewash, abundance of leather, and in the “gothic” clothes of the vampire and “uncool” crowd, but most of it looks like this:
And I LOVE IT!
Anyways, so at the mall the girls are shopping when Buffy spots this totally rad jacket. And let me tell you, Buffy has a great sense of style
Her friend Kimberly (Hilary Swank), and let me just stop her and say that unless you are a pink ranger, having the name Kimberly means you are EVIL. I don’t know why, it just seems to be a trait that carries on with a name.
Anyways, she convinces her that the jacket is ugly and so yesterday.
When she is not shopping, she spends her time out with her jocky boyfriend, Jeffrey.
Jeffery is on the basketball team and one day after practice, his group splits up. Jeffery is heading over to hang out with Buffy, while two of the other guys go about town, and the last one, Robert heads home. And the route he chooses goes right through an abandoned amusement park.
Come on dude! You are going to go through an abandoned AMUSEMENT PARK????!!!!!! You are just asking to be killed.
And of course, he gets attacked by a Vampire and turned. Good-bye Robert.
So Jeffery is alright, but not altogether that interesting and handsome. Sorry dude, Luke Perry of the “uncoolness squad” is much better looking.
Luke Perry plays Pike, a leather wearing, motorcycle driving, mechanic. He lies above the garage that he works at. He is very dissatisfied with life him, only having one friend, Bennie (wonder if it is a nickname after the drugs, wouldn’t be surprised if it was), played by David Arquette (aw David, just can’t keep you out of Horrorfest). The boys spend most of their time drinking and making fun of those richer than them.
We then jump back to historical times so that we can get more of a background of Lothos. Lothos is the head Vampire that has destroyed every prior slayer. He is over 800 years old and has the power to hypnotize his enemies.
So for Buffy everything is going as usual. The only thing she has to worry about is the senior dance.
Buffy: [Trying to come up with an issues-related theme for their school dance] The environment.
Nicole: The homelesses?
Kimberly: [to Nicole] Oh, please.
Jennifer: Are there any good sicknesses that aren’t too depressing?
Buffy: Guys. The environment. I’m telling you, it’s totally key. The earth is in terrible shape, we could all die, and besides, Sting’s doing it.
You know that actually sounds difficult. From being on my high school’s prom comittee, I know that it is already hard enough trying to get the committee to come up with a theme and work on decorations and such. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to throw a “socially conscious” dance.
Buffy & co run into the uncoolness squad and there is definitely one thing this movie did wrong, they made the “undesirable” guys, undesirable. I mean come on, there is a formula to this thing! They are supposed to be secretly charming and adorable. Not pigs and boring because they have zero character development!
Both Pike and Bennie are super drunk and start hitting on the girls, incredibly gross style. Bennie even acts as if he is going to whip out his junk, and Buffy slices it.
Turns out it was just a hotdog, but it just goes to show you that Buffy is intense. I would not want to mess with her.
So one night as Benny is going home, he gets attacked by a vampire and turned. He goes to the window and tries to get Pike to come out and join him, but even in his alcohol induced state, Pike can tell something is not right.
Benny: Let me in, Pike. I’m *hungry*!
Pike: Go home, Ben.
Benny: [whining] C’mon I’m hungry.
Pike: You’re floating! C’mon, man, get away from here!
Pike can tell that things aren’t right and tries to leave the city, thinking anywhere is better than here. As he is fleeing town, he luckily is saved by a creepy dude.
You look like a pervert but I guess thank you?
So life is going good for Buffy, until the same perverted-looking, old, creep comes to kidnap her.
Nah, it’s actually Donald Sutherland who is Buffy’s watcher, Merrick. But he looks like a pervert and sounds UBER CREEPY. He tells her that he can show her “the birthmark mole of slayer, if he can look on her body”, and “Come with me to the graveyard”.
Apparently Sutherland thought decided to rewrite his dialogue, I’m not sure which lines but I’m guessing these ones as they suck. He’s creepier than Nicholas Cage in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.
I mean did he not hear himself? Did he not hear how creepy he SOUNDS?!!!!!!!
The idea to update to a kindly, well-dressed, English, librarian was just perfect.
Buffy still doesn’t believe him. To prove it, Merrick tosses a knife at her and Buffy catches it.
Buffy: You threw a knife at my head!
Merrick: Yes, I had to show you.
Buffy: But… you *threw* a *knife* at my *head.*
Merrick: And you caught it. Only the chosen one could have caught it.
This scene is amazing. This is some Aragorn-awesomness right here.
So Buffy agrees to go down to the graveyard and wait for Robert to come out so she can kill him. Say what you want about this movie, but you have to admit this Buffy is pretty awesome. She’s tough, intense, and extremely brave.
While they are waiting, Buffy gets bored and asks him for gum.I don’t know why, but that line just cracks me up.
I think it is because Merrick is all super serious and trying to get Buffy to understand what’s happening, but Buffy is just bored.
Robert awakes and Buffy has to fight and take him down.
Buffy may come off as a a stupid, silly cheerleader, but she can seriously kick butt. When Merrick gets attacked, Buffy takes out, not one but two Vampires.
Afterwards, Buffy heads home for some serious relaxing with her boyfriend Jeffrey. There we meet her parents who are so out of it. Like in the film, Heathers, they are just selfish and only into themselves.
Buffy’s Mom: Bye-Bye Bobby!
Jeffrey: Bye! She thinks my name is Bobby?
Buffy: It’s possible she thinks *my* name’s Bobby.
I’m not sure which is worse, to have parents who completely ignore you and don’t seem to care a whit, OR a parent that ignores you most of the time, while punishing you the rest (Joyce Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series).
So her parents go on their merry way, an Buffy + Jeffery spend the night together.
We know what they’re doing
Later that night Buffy awakes to a strange man in her bed.
As Lothos is wakening, the past lives of Slayers are flooding into her and crossing over to her world. It is a very weird scene and for a while keeps you guessing as to what is real and what is all in her head.
So Buffy and Merrick begin her training. Merrick is really hard on her as they have to make up their years of training. I just wonder who’s fault is that?
They never explain why Merrick is just approaching Buffy now either. And since we are on the topic, Merrick sucks! He’s creepy, rude, and mean. He keeps pushing Buffy and blaming her, when she’s still trying to get her head around the fact that her life is completely different.
Buffy: All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now it may not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it’s swell. And you come along and tell me I’m a member of the hairy mole club so you can *throw* things at me?
Oh ’90s. When everyone was in love with Christian Slater. I know I was.
Sorry for that, moving back on track.
So Buffy is upset with Merrick as he is pushing her too hard and punches him out.
Buffy is a total knockout, literally as it only took one punch to take Merrick down.
Buffy: Oh, wow. I-I never hit anybody before.
Merrick: Really? Well you did it perfectly.
Buffy: I didn’t even break a nail.
Yep, Buffy is awesome!
Merrick gives her some background information on Slayers and Watchers. A slayer is born every generation, being reincarnated when killed (so if you watch the beginning again you’ll notice that Kristy Swanson plays the historical slayer). Merrick trains the girls, watches them die, and then when his life is up he is reincarnated into Merrick the watcher again. A very sad existence if you ask me.
After this we get a training montage, Rocky style.
Buffy has accepted everything and gets super into her training. You know it’s actually not that far-fetched that a cheerleader could be this totally awesome fighter. To be a cheerleader you have to do gymnastics, lift weights; it can be INTENSE. And with Buffy, she works hard.
She’s also been hunting at night with Merrick, and one night runs into Pike.
So because of all her training, she’s been missing practices and dance committee meetings. As always in a teen movie, the principal assumes it’s drugs.
Gary: [Thinking Buffy is doing drugs] Hey, there’s nothing to be afraid of! I know where you’re coming from. Believe me. I’ll tell you the truth. I’ve had my drug experiences, too. I did a lot – I did some acid in the Sixties. Well, the late Seventies, actually. It was at a Doobie Brother’s concert… and I could see the music flowing into me, it was bright red and electric, and I felt like a big toaster, and I thought, maybe I am a toaster, we’re all molecules, and my friend Melissa, her head looked like a big party balloon, and that scared me, I started to freak out…
The sad thing is that this is probably the only thing in a teen film that actually resembles reality. When people in power act as if they are a “pal”. Ugh.
So Buffy is really starting to feel the pressure of everything. She has Merrick constantly pushing her to do more and more; otherwise she won’t be ready and die. She has her boyfriend tired of the fact that she can’t spend her time with him, constantly getting mad at her. And she has her friends who don’t understand at all.
Kimberly: Buffy? What’s your sitch? You’re acting like the thing from another tax bracket. It’s too weird.
Buffy: Listen, a lot’s been going on you guys, okay? And I really wanted to talk to you guys about it. See, um, a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy-…
Kimberly: Oh my god, you’re having an affair?
Jennifer: Does Jeffrey know?
Buffy: It’s not about that. He’s, like, old. He’s fifty.
Kimberly, Nicole, Jennifer: Ewwwww!
Buffy: Haven’t you guys noticed what’s been going on here? The strange things? Have you noticed people disappearing, turning up dead?
Nicole: What are you talking about?
Kimberly: Weird? You mean like hanging around with that homeless Poke?
Nicole: [gasp] Eww, you’re having an affair with him?
Jennifer: He doesn’t look fifty.
Buffy: Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago.
Yep, the pressure is mounting and to combat it, she goes Shawn Spencer on Merrick, quipping right and left.
Buffy: Does the word “duh” mean anything to you?
I love how sassy she is.
To make everything worse, it looks like Buffy’s period has come.
Yep, that pretty much sums it up.
but it turns out that it is just her Slayer sense.
Man that would suck.
Merrick: And you’re going to be able to use that to track them.
Buffy: Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That’s just terrific. Thanks for telling me.
Merrick: It’s not a weapon. It’s an alert system.
Buffy: Well, aren’t we kung fu? I don’t see you out there killing any vampires.
Merrick: I play my part.
Buffy: You can play with your part all you want, but it’s my neck on the block.
That night Pike is wandering around inebriated. And let me tell you I am totally not digging Luke Perry. He’s cute but that’s not enough. All we’ve seen so far is him getting high, drunk, and be nasty.
Now this is where the TV did a better job. Every person had a backstory. I mean when they brought Angel on to the show, they started him mysterious and cool, and then revealed his tragic backstory. We need MORE! We NEED a backstory! We NEED development!
One night Pike is drunk, AGAIN, and gets attacked by vampires. Luckily Merrick and Buffy are there. They save his life, AGAIN. As you have probably figured out, with Buffy being the totally awesome Slayer, Pike is her damsel in distress. I mean it’s not like he doesn’t do anything, he helps Buffy fight, becoming her partner, but still gets into trouble a lot. He’s the Sam Winchester to her Dean.
After the help him, they defeat Lothos’ right hand man Amilyn, by pulling a Star Wars and cutting off his arm. Amilyn returns to the vampire lair, with the knowledge of Buffy being the Slayer.
Meanwhile, Buffy takes Pike to her home. Pike is homeless (hence the fact that he was working as a mechanic for a home). The thing that really bothers me is that we never find out why. Were his parents horrible and he emancipated himself? Did they die? Is he an orphan? WHAT IS HIS BACKSTORY!!!!!!!!
Sorry about that. Back to the film.
So at Buffy’s home, Pike starts going on how awesome she is, but Buffy is having a hard time keeping it together. She breaks down on and lets out all her feelings.
And while we haven’t had too much development other than he’s from “the wrong side of town” and a drunk, he just listens to everything she has to say. He doesn’t try to take advantage of her, put the moves on her-nope. All he does is listen.
So the next day, Buffy is back to doing what she normally does. She is trying to hang out with her friends but the spawn of Satan, Kimberly (I’m telling you, don’t name your children that.)
Has turned them agaist her. Her boyfriend is also mad and avoiding her.
And some football player grabs her for fun.
But Buffy is not having any of that. She totally takes him down, making him learn his lesson.
Don’t mess with me!
Not kidding, after doing that this is what he says with a straight face: “I see the errors of my ways.” Hilarious & awesome!!!!
So something you might have noticed, is that there a quite a few people who have been turned into vampires. It is mostly those on the low side of the totem pole, you know the unpopulars. But there are a few popular kids too. I just wonder how no one has noticed. Well…I guess they do look pretty normal most of the time.
So Buffy is going back to her regular schedule as there is a basketball game.
They do the cheer “how funky is your chicken, how loose is your goose”. Now years back when I was in middle school and only a select few had cellphones that could not get on the internet, and you couldn’t get on the school computers unless for schoolwork, people came to me with their movie questions. Now I know what you’re thinking:
But it wasn’t like that. Although how AWESOME would that be?????!!!! SUPER AWESOME!!!!!
Anyways you all know how much I love film,
Well everyone at school did too. So one of the girls was a cheerleader and they were bringing back the “how funky is your chicken, how loose is your goose” cheer. She knew it was a famous cheer and came to to find out which film it was from. I couldn’t remember the film it was first in, and when I saw this film years later i was like “of course, duh.” Oh well.
Anyways, back to the game. So Buffy is cheerleading when she notices something weird. One of the players looks completely different. It turns out that one of the guys has been turned, and as the adreneline starts pumping he starts vamping out.
And as he does so, he also starts becoming an awesome basketball player. I guess like in Teen Wolf, becoming something not human increases basketball skills?
Buffy is the only one to realize that he’s a vampire and ends up chasing him down. She finds herself in some weird place which is Lothos hideout. This is the worse place for a lair. I’m not kidding. Like there is a giant horse plant structure, and the whole place is just too obvious to be a secret hideout. Then again this is the most flamboyant Vampire I have ever seen, and he doesn’t care what others think of him.
Buffy meets Lothos and begins fighting with him, when he puts her in a trance and is about to kill her.
Merrick can’t stand that and interferes. A big watcher NO-NO. Watchers are supposed to train and then watch, no interfering.
And Lothos can’t have that. So he kills him.
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????????!!!!!!!!! THEY JUST KILLED THE WATCHER!!!!! CAN THEY DO THAT???
He’s not really dead is he? Is he? He is! He is DEAD???!!! WHAT??!!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED???!!!
Lothos and his horde leave, while Buffy hears Merrick’s dying words. He tells her she’s special and to d things HER way.
Buffy is shocked at the death and completely heartbroken.
She sufferes from shock of everything and wants to be done slaying. It scares her and hurts her and she just wants out.
She tries to hang out with her friends, but just finds them shallow and vapid. They are also selfish as they don’t want to invite every senior to the dance. Just the cool ones. She yells at them and takes off.
Her boyfriend is still ignoring her as well. She decides she is just going to be a “normal” girl and goes shopping for a dress. While she is searching for the perfect gown, she runs into Pike. The two have a huge fight as Pike can’t believe she is backing out and letting the world down.
Pike: Buffy, you’re the guy. You are the chosen guy.
Buffy: Right. I’m the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.
Buffy just wants to be in denial as she is too scared. If she fights she will get hypnotized and die, maybe causing the death of others. If she doesn’t fight then Lothos and his group might kill a ton of people. What’s a girl to do.
After the two storm off, we discover that Benny has been hiding in the phone booth. He overheard everything and returns to the master to tell him all about it. When the master hears, he is estatic about the party and chooses it to be the best final moment of Buffy’s life.
So while Buffy is getting ready for the dance, Pike has decided to step up to the plate. He returns to his home above the mechanic shop, and grabs every bit of wood he can find, turning them into stakes.
Get ready for this!
So while I have complained about his lack of background (and it still bothers me) every scene after the one when he listened to Buffy he has risen up and up in my esteem.
So Buffy goes to the dance and I absolutely love her outfit. She has her hair back in a no-nonsense bun, a beautiful puffy white dress, and boots. Yes boots.
It’s as if she subconsciously wanted to be ready in case something should happen. Her boots are actually white boxing boots
I can look pretty and feminine and kick butt.
It’s awesome how hardcore she is.
Take note Hollywood
So she goes over to her boyfriend, to ask why he didn’t pick her up for the dance. And it turns out that since she wasn’t around to give him what he wanted, he broke up with her on her machine and started dating her friend.
Buffy: You left me a message?
Jeffrey: You weren’t home! Like always.
Buffy: You broke up with my machine?
What a loser.
Come on, really? That’s so wrong. He’s a loser to the max. And how could her friend date him? That’s breaking the code!
The two leave to have sex in the parking lot and Buffy is left all alone. But not for long as Pike comes to the dance, dressed up in a button up shirt, slacks, and his leather jacket.
He brings Buffy flowers and asks her to dance with him.
Okay, just gained 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 points! That was so sweet of him coming to the dance, especially since he’s not into that sort of thing but did it because he knew it would make her happy!
The Vampires come to the dance. Pike gives Buffy all his stakes and his jacket, while she rips her dress so it is shorter and doesn’t constrict movement. She runs to warn everyone to close the doors, as if we don’t invite them in they are unable to come. One problem, she forgot about an earlier conversation.
Buffy: Don’t worry. They can’t come in unless they’re invited.
Kimberly: I already invited ’em. [Buffy looks at her] They’re seniors!
Yes, Buffy was being a good person telling her friends to invite all seniors, and unknowingly just caused one huge problem.
Now when the Vampires come in we really reach a horror/comedy pinnacle. A Com-Ror as I like to say. It’s cheesy, but fun.
Except for the Vampire DJ, that was dumb.
So the fight begins. Some parts are silly, others creepy. I still haven’t gotten over seeing Pee-Wee Herman as a vicious vampire. It’s just does not compute that this is the same guy.
Benny tries to convince Pike to turn vampire, and in a bizarre way, channels Christian Slater’s character J.D from Heathers. Talking about people being sheep and this chaos is better, etc. That makes Pike his Winona/Veronica. The only problem is that Benny is nowhere near as hot.
So they kids inside are following Pike and Buffy’s lead trying to take down the vampires, while Buffy heads out to do a throwdown with Lothos.
She takes down Pee-Wee, his right hand man (horrible death scene) and heads down to Lothos. The two fight, with Buffy surprising him with a flame torch made out of hairspray and a cross.
She then stakes him! BUFFY ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She and Pike ride off on his motorcycle, as the dumb principal hands out detention slips to the dead vampires:
Gary: [Throwing detention slips on the dead vampires] Detention [Walks to another body]… detention [Walks to another body]… detention. [Throws 2 more slips on the same body. Says quickly]Detention, detention.
And the rest of the group is interviewed about what happened.
So How Does It Hold Up?
Some parts of it seem a bit underdeveloped, mainly backstories of the characters. And at times it can be cheesy or silly, but on a whole I loved it.
Yes, I LOVED IT!!!!! The series on a whole is better, as it has more time to devote to the characters, but this movie was awesome. Buffy is incredible.
It’s a great film if you are looking for something funny and silly, but with a horror twist.