Is She Mrs. X?: So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Woman! Woah-man! Wooaahhhhh-man! We had love, not just sex. Is she Mrs. X? I had to run for my life… Jane, get me off of this crazy thing called love.

I had always heard of this movie, but never had the opportunity to watch it. Every time I tried I would come in the middle or miss pieces. Then one day my friend and I were looking through Hulu and spotted it, deciding to watch it.

**Spoiler Alert**

Charlie Mackenzie (Mike Meyers) is a Scottish poet living in San Francisco. He performs at a coffee shop doing his riffs on love.

One day he stops at a butcher shop, Meats of the World, to pick up some haggis for his family dinner and meets the butcher-Harriet.

When he visits the family, his mother feels it is her duty to let him know of female serial killer, Mrs. X, that she read about in the tabloids. She hopes that Charlie will be careful and not end up he next victim.

Charlie Mackenzie: Hey Mom, I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as, “The paper.” The paper contains facts.

May Mackenzie: This paper contains facts. And this paper has the eighth highest circulation in the whole wide world. Right? Plenty of facts. “Pregnant man gives birth.” That’s a fact.

Charlie can’t get Harriet out of his mind and goes back to the butcher shop to spends time with her-actually being hired on as an assistant. There he entertains Harriet, they go out and eat, and ultimately spend the whole day together-and night.

The next morning Charlie meets Harriet’s sister who is really odd.

Huh?

They way she talks about her sister Harriet is a bit off.

Rose Michaels: Well… you know Harriet.

Charlie Mackenzie: Well, actually, I don’t.

Rose Michaels: But you did have sex with her.

Charlie Mackenzie: Hello!

Rose Michaels: Let me make you some breakfast.

Charlie Mackenzie: Oh, gee, you know, I’d love to. But you know, I’m really running late, but thanks!

Rose Michaels: What would you say to silver-dollar pancakes, fresh-squeezed orange juice, bacon, and Kona coffee?

Charlie Mackenzie: Well, that sounds great!

Rose Michaels:[Cut to Rose pouring cereal in Charlie’s bowlSorry. I didn’t have those other things.

Charlie Mackenzie: No, no, that’s fine. That other stuff will probably kill you… whereas “Froot Loops” are light, and reasonably high in fiber. I care for “Apple Jacks” a great deal.

But while Harriet is fun, charming, and gives Charlie a great time; there is something not quite right about her.

Hmm…

She is evasive, needy, and slightly odd. She also has all kinds of things from all over the country that were given to her by “friends”. These friends being similar to Mrs. Xs husbands.

Hmm…

He tries to do some research into Mrs. X:

Obituary Writer: There’s another one here. Native San Franciscan. Plumber. Elliot, Ralph. Moved to Dallas, disappeared four months ago, body was found in a sewer.

Obituary Employee: Well, guy takes his job too seriously, life goes down the drain. [both laugh]

Charlie Mackenzie: Did they mention anything about his wife?

Obituary Employee: All right, okay. Look, I know that we’re talking about real people here. I’m sorry.

Charlie Mackenzie: No no, I’m serious. Did they mention the wife?

Obituary Employee: Look, I’m sorry you know. You know, I didn’t mean to make a joke about other people’s lives.

Charlie Mackenzie: No no, I’m really serious. Did they mention the wife?

Obituary Employee: You win, you win okay? I’m a bad person!

Obituary Writer: Just take it easy!

Obituary Employee: No, he’s sayin’ I’m insensitive! He’s sayin’ I’m a s***!

Obituary Writer: He’s not sayin’ you’re a s***!

Charlie Mackenzie: [yelling] Did they mention the wife? Did they mention the wife?

Obituary Employee: No! No! They didn’t mention the wife! Ya happy? [speaking to the whole officeYEAH! Oh yes, yeah. I’m insensitive! I’m a very insensitive man! Stop you’re job, look at the insensitive man! That’s what they’re paying you for! [leaves]”

So he then asks his police friend Tony Giardino. Tony tells him that Harriet is not likely to be Mrs. X; but Charlie isn’t convinced. He starts watching Harriet closely on their dates and her behavior is odd and off.

hmm…

He eventually gets so terrified that he breaks up with Harriet, happy to have outlived Mrs. X.

Or is he happy? He misses Harriet and keeps thinking about her.

Hmm…

Was he wrong to break up with her? Then his friend, the police detective Tony, tells him that they caught Mrs. X. It wasn’t Harriet!!! Charlie was wrong! He overreacted! His imagination ran away from him!

He tries to get back with Harriet, but after he dumped her no dice.

Does he give up?

So sweet, right?

Aw!

Everything is going well, so well that Charlie asks Harriet to marry him.

“Charlie Mackenzie: Marry me.

Harriet: No.

Charlie Mackenzie: Please?”

It is weird how Harriet was trying to make them more formal and pushing the relationship forward, but at marriage she balks. After Charlie explains how much he cares and talks to her, Harriet agrees, but then at the wedding acts weird again.

Hmm…

They head off to a romantic honeymoon. All is going well!

Yay!!!

Meanwhile, Tony is working when he finds out that the woman who claimed to be Mrs. X is a compulsive liar!

He tries to get a hold of Charlie, but a storm knocks out the power lines and the message is cut off. Tony heads up to their hotel to try and save them, he ends up commandeering a car from the dad from Beethoven and living out his fantasies of being a TV cop.

So now Charlie is trapped with an ax murderer!

So while they make it seem as if Harriet is an ax murderer, I was convinced the whole movie that it was really Rose?

Huh?

I know, Rose has like only a few minutes in the film but while Harriet is weird-

Rose seemed like:

Yeah, a real psycho. I think I suspected her because of the way she talked about “their” home and how Harriet always leaves for a little while, but then “always comes back.” The way she said “always comes back” made me think she was either obsessed with her sister or afraid of losing her forever-and was killing Harriet’s husbands without her knowing. Yep, I think Rose is:

Meanwhile, Charlie is terrified of Harriet-thinking she is going to kill him.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

But when he gets alone he discovers a “Dear Jane” letter. A letter that appears that it was signed by him! Saying he was leaving her!

What?

To make things even more surprising he finds Rose in his honeymoon suite!

And she has an ax!

AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now he gets in a game of cat and mouse as he has to run for his life!

In the end they all live happily ever after. Rose gets the help she needs in prison, Harriet knows that she wasn’t dumped and left and that Charlie loves her, and Charlie loves Harriet and knows she won’t kill him.

No facebook cover for this one either. Man the movies I have picked have been hard ones to find a moment to use. Oh well.

Oh, well

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to The Cruel Giggling Ghoul: Teen Titans Go (2016)

For more serial killers, go to Someone is Killing By Copying Old Murders!: Real Murders

For more female serial killers, go to The Butcher of Burtonsville High: The Death of the Queen Bee, Bones (2010)

For more horror-comedy, go to China is Here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, They’ve Been Fighting for Centuries: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

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China is Here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, They’ve Been Fighting for Centuries: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

China is here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, they’ve been fighting for centuries.

I have wanted to watch this movie for a loooooong time. I heard it was good, Kurt Russell looks fantastic; but every time I tried to see it I always came in near the end.

One day, my friend and I were cruising through Netflix and we decided to check it out.

Let me say this is one of the weirdest films I have ever seen.

What?

I don’t even know really how to review it. I mean it is hard to classify it. It is kinda horror-comedy-action-adventure-everything. Half the time I wasn’t even sure what was going on

Huh?

But surprising to me, I really liked it.

So the film starts off with Egg Shen (Victor Wong, the grandpa from 3 Ninjas), telling an account of what happened…

Flashback

Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) is a truck driver throughout California. He stops in San Francisco for a delivery and to meet up with some friends for some gambling. His friend Wang Chi (Dennis Dun) bets him double or nothing, but loses. Jack wants his money immediately, but Wang has to run to the airport to pick up his fiancé, Maio Yin. Jack doesn’t want to go, but whatever.

Meh.

When they get there, they are interrupted by a woman grabbing onto another Chinese woman and a gang of guys taking Maio Yin. The guys try to go after them and find themselves caught in a supernatural battle with mystical and legendary characters.

All kinds of crazy things happen, confusing crazy things-you totally need to watch yourself.

Jack Burton: All I know is, this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a ******* alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with *light* coming out of his mouth!

And this is one of the reasons that makes this film so enjoyable. It is a crazy film blending Chinese mysticism, history, and all blended in modern times. So a lot of the film you go:

Help me! I’m confused!

And the best thing is that Jack Burton spends most of the film this way. He is totally confused and lost; meaning that he gets to be us. He takes place of us in the film. You completely relate to him and everything he is going through and thinks.

So they are interrupted by Wang Chi’s cousin Eddie Lee who wants to help them (he’s a lawyer). While they are al taking, in bursts the woman from the airport who took the Chinese woman- lawyer Gracie Law (Kim Cattral).

Kim Cattral cracks me up in this, I could totally see her with her own little sitcom-with bumpity high music playing in the background as she charges in shouting “I’m Gracie Law”.

So what happened was that Gracie Law is an immigration lawyer and was helping a Chinese woman escape from being sold into sexual slavery. When she took the woman they paid for, the guys sent needed to bring someone back so they took the first Chinese woman they saw-Maio Yin.

Yep, Maio Yin just came in at the wrong time.

So they are trying to get her back, but it will be hard.

Wang Chi: Jack, listen, I need more of your help. I can’t pay you today, okay?

Jack Burton: Oh, s***.

Wang Chi: How can I? I need all my cash for Miao Yin.

Eddie: And it’s gonna cost. She’s got green eyes.

Gracie: Oh no, seriously? Oh, that’s an extra to these people. It’s like leather bucket seats, it’s double the price.

The group-Gracie Law, Jack Burton, Eddie Lee, Wang Chi and Gracie’s reporter friend Margo-concoct a plan to try and spring her from the brothel. I love him trying to act like a nerdy guy. And let me say that Kurt Russell totally pulls off the brawny-beefy guy and the cute-smart guy in glasses.

But they are interrupted by the mystical and magical Lo Pan. Lo Pan wants Maio Yin because of her green eyes, he has been looking for a green-eyed Chinese bride for centuries. When he realizes Gracie Law also has green eyes he decides to take her too.

“Lo Pan: Egg Shen… EGG SHEN! You have come a long ways to find me. But it is too late. There are two girls with green eyes, and I will marry them both. And then I will sacrifice Gracie Law to appease my emperor and live out my earthly pleasures with Miao Yin. [cacklesThat’s right, Egg Shen. The best of two worlds!”

Here is where things get crazy. Kurt Russell has a fantastic scene in the wheelchair, you’ve got to see it. What a hunk!

The rest you have to try to view on your own. I loved how Kurt Russell is this buff and manly dude, but then he ends up shooting his gun in the ceiling and knocking himself out and fighting and getting knocked out of it. Yes, in reality, Kurt Russell/Jack Burton doesn’t turn out to be the main character but the sidekick, Wang Chi being the real savior of the day with his awesome moves.

And the end is hilarious, it is so unexpected, I just love it! I just loved the film.

Not to mention I have a new couple goal. I’ve said I’d love to dress up as Anne and Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables but here is another. I totally want to be Jack Burton and Gracie Law. I mean I HAVE green eyes, and there are very few anything green-eyes, so I am down for that. Plus I love Jack’s style-you know me and boots. The only issue I see is trying to find the bride’s headpiece-and of course the guy to do it with. I know I could do it on my own, but it hard enough to know who we are together, never mind on my own.

Maybe one day.

Aw!

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Because We’re Addams: The Addams Family (1991)

For more John Carpenter films, go to Everyone’s Entitled to One Good Scare: Halloween (1978)

For more ’80s films, go to That’s What We’re Trying to Find out! We’re Trying to Find Out Who Killed Him, and Where, and With What!: Clue (1985)

For more horror-comedies, go to I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

Because We’re Addams: The Addams Family (1991)

Because we’re Addams

So I know, I committed a huge faux pas five years ago when I reviewed the sequel over the original film.

It was my first Horrorfest, I hadn’t established any “rules” but was just doing whatever I watched or films that just popped in my head.

Oh, well

However, since then, I have realized that I need to not ignore the first film. Even though it is not very good.

Meh.

Yes, I love The Addam’s Family. I watched the TV show, I loved everything about them, and have seen The Addam’s Family Values like a million times.

I love how kind and caring and macabre they are. It is fantastic.

So if it is such a great concept, why did this film bomb so? (At least in my opinion.)

Hmm…

Well let’s do a brief synopsis:

The Addams family is zany, fun, and awesome. They used to be a giant clan, but have lost people in zany and interesting ways through the years. Now they consist of Gomez Addams, his wife Morticia, and their two kids Pugsley and Wednesday. Morticia’s mother also lives with them in their old Victorian home. Along with the family is their butler Lurch and the servant hand Thing.

Gomez had an older brother Fester-but he and Gomez got in an argument and Fester took off, never to seen again. Through the years Gomez has tried everything to find him.

And has been heartbroken at the loss of his brother and hoped that he would return.

Meanwhile, their accountant Tully Alford has been trying to embezzle from their treasure room. He has no other clients and owes a ton of money to a loan shark.When she comes to collect bringing her goliath of a son, Gordon, Tully gets an idea.

If they give Gordon a few alterations, he’s a dead ringer for Uncle Fester. They decide to send him in with a story of him having amnesia in order to discover where the money is.

Gordon does, but as he pretends to be Uncle Fester he starts to enjoy the Addams’ Family way of life. Will he be able to stick to the plan, or will he instead become Uncle Fester.

Hmm…

So why doesn’t this film work?

Well the issues are that the storyline is boring.

It is something we have seen many times before and you knew immediately how it would conclude.

Meh.

The storyline is amazing in the sequel! You never knew what was going to happen with the kids, the adults, or Debbie.

The characters never go all out like they do in the sequel. I think it is just because they weren’t sure how far they could go.

It isn’t horrible, but it just isn’t fun. Especially in comparison to the sequel.

The only thing I really loved about this film was I thought it was cute when Margaret Alford and Cousin It get together, especially how at first she was all I can’t stand the Addams-and then she becomes one.

Aw!

And Raúl Juliá. He was such an amazing actor and he was Gomez Addams. I could watch hour after hour after hour of him being Gomez Addams.

If they had made a third film (not The Addams Family Reunion), that was just Raúl Juliá being Gomez Addams I would have paid to watch that over and over.

Sadly he passed away at an early age. So sad as we lost a talented star.

The best thing will be skip this film and check out the amazing and fun sequel.

To start Horrorfest VI, from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Why Didn’t You Stop Me, Sam? You Know How Much I Hated Her! Why Didn’t You Stop Me?: The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946)

For more on The Addams Family, go to Someone Very Special: The Addam’s Family Values (1993)

For more Horror-Comedies, go to I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

I died for you! I came back from the dead for you! I love you!

So last year we had Teen Wolf

And Teen Vampire:

While I did cover Michael Jackson’s Thriller, it would have been nice to have a full-length teen zombie film.

Oh, well

But now I do with My Boyfriend’s Back:

I stumbled upon this on Amazon Instant Watch, recommended as I had loved Once Bitten. Well…I think Amazon needs to rethink that recommendation. The films had some similarities, both are teen horror-comedies, but this movie is one of the weirdest I have ever seen. And know I get to share that strangeness with you all.

Johnny (Andrew Lowery) is a nerd who has been in love with Missy McCloud (Traci Lind) since first grade. He tried to give her a dream gift and tell how he felt, but choked on the words, and has been doing so ever since.

When Missy and her boyfriend Buck break up, Johnny sees his in, but before he can ask her out, Buck comes back.

Buck’s minion (played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman) Chuck Bronski is weird guy who has murderous tendencies. He makes sure no one comes around his buddy’s girl and is extremely weird and creepy.

Why is he even allowed in school?

But Johnny won’t give up on his dream and comes up with what he thinks is the best plan ever. He will have his friend pretend to rob the store Missy works at, Johnny will save her, and Missy will fall in love with her.

Why would you do that?

Johnny tries to do his idea, but he ends up being interrupted by a real robber. When the robber is about to shoot Missy, Johnny jumps into the way, saving her, and with his dying words asks Missy to go to prom with him. She agrees.

I got the yes!

But Johnny dies and is buried.

Not really as this is a zombie film.

from Warm Bodies

Yes, Johnny rises from the dead as he has a date with his dream girl and intends to keep it.

The gravedigger tries to warn him that he can’t go back to the and of the living, but Johnny ignores him.

Bad things happen when you don’t listen

He goes home to the shock of his parents, although they quickly get over it as they are pleased to have their son back. He then goes to school and tries to make plans with Missy, but she is in shock. She only agreed to go to prom with Johnny because she felt bad for him, and to be honest, because he was dying.

She didn’t expect him to be a zombie and come back for her. Well Johnny is back and he’s not taking no as an answer. He is more determined than ever to get his prom date.

Buck and Chuck don’t like Johnny as a zombie any more than they did when he was a person. They are continue to bully him

from Back to the Future

And their behavior makes Missy decide to go out with Johnny. In fact she states to really enjoy his company, and become really into him. And I mean into him. As she wants to be with him even though she knows he is DEAD!

Johnny finally has what he always dreamed of getting…that is until Johnny’s ear falls off when he and Missy are making out.

He runs to the doctor, but they can’t do anything to fix him, he’s dead! The doctor promises to try and find a cure, and sends Johnny over to Maggie, the only person who can deal with zombies as her husband was one. She tells him that the only solution to keep him together is to eat human flesh. Something Johnny desperately does not want to do.

At school, he and Missy talk but then Buck and Chuck come into play, and Chuck chases after him trying to kill him WITH AN AXE. I don’t care that Johnny is a zombie, Chuck would probably have done this to Johnny sooner or later if he remained human. Chuck is that insane.

And in some weird twist, Chuck kills himself, and a hungry Johnny eats him.

Johnny is good for a while, but now everyone is after him as he ate Chuck. They come to his house after but are chased out by his mom. Now this is the only thing I liked in this film. His mom.

YES!!!! His mom.

So at first you think Johnny’s mom is just a cliché housewife. She always has food ready, wears her little pearls, and is just perky and cleaning and everything. But she adjusts from having her son be a zombie in no time at all, trying to help him in any way she can. (In fact she is so down with the whole thing she tries to bring him people to eat. That’s crazy!) The best scene is when an angry mob is trying to take her son and this prim little woman in pearls pulls out a shotgun, yes A SHOTGUN, ready to defend her son.

Johnny tries to fix things with Missy, giving her the locket he picked out and saved all those years ago. He wins her heart, but she’s the only non-relative who likes him. Everyone else wants him dead. Well to stay dead.

mob

Grab your torches and sharpen your pitchforks!

The doctor figures out how to help him, but his nurse convinces him not to waste the serum on Johnny, but use Johnny to make a giant batch of serum and sell it for millions.

So we have everyone in town after Johnny, him being captured by the doctor, while the rest of the storms the area looking for him. Missy and his friend find him, rescuing him as Johnny runs back to the graveyard. They end up in a shootout with his parents, and he manages to convince everyone to leave him alone, as all he wants is to be with Missy for prom.

He goes to prom, but then dies again

Johnny is sent to heaven, and then back as his death was a mistake. He goes to the prom with Missy (as saving her life was a good plan) and gets the girl.

Meh.

Yeah, I did not like this movie.

It was really horrible, it was awful, it was a waste of time.

The jokes were not funny and not on point

There is no explanation for why this was happening to Johnny until the very end.

You got to play me like that?

And most of the plot was borrow from all kinds of films that came before it. Once Bitten, Heaven Can Wait, Teen Wolf, Little Shop of Horrors, Frankenstein, etc. It wasn’t interesting, or avant-garde- just recycled plots.

Andrew Lowery was so unemotional-even before he was a zombie. He was like a monotone John Malkovich.

Ugh.

As I have said before the psychotic and weird redneck Chuck, who no in this universe finds weird or creepy (except Johnny). I mean this guy is not normal! He is a psycho! Why does everyone act like it is okay?

Then there are these weird “dream sequences” the main character has like every five minutes in the film. Okay so it isn’t every five minutes, but it does happen so much that I spent 90% of this film confused as to what was really happening and what was just in Johnny’s mind.

Help me! I’m confused!

And Missy (Traci Lind) is a horrible actress. I can never tell if she is serious, joking, or  what Johnny sees in his dreams. A lot of this film I just felt like what is going on?!

Halfway through I just gave up trying to get it.

The only thing worthwhile was Johnny’s mom:

I mean she is the scariest thing in this film. A sweet, adorable, intense woman who goes from talking about the four food groups to kidnapping children.

It wasn’t funny and the acting was horrible. My suggestion? Pass this one by.

And I know I do a banner thing every year for Facebook, part of my countdown to Halloween, but I couldn’t find a picture large enough. So no banner thing for this film.

Oh, well

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For more zombie films, go to No Mere Mortal Can Resist the Evil of the Thriller: Thriller (1983)

For more Teen Horror films, go to I’m…a Werewolf: Teen Wolf (1985)

For more Teen Horror Prom films, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more Horror-Comedies, go to That’s What We’re Trying to Find out! We’re Trying to Find Out Who Killed Him, and Where, and With What!: Clue (1985)

I Don’t Want to Be a Vampire. I’m a Day Person: Once Bitten (1985)

a70-5166

I don’t want to be a vampire. I’m a day person.

My friend found this film months ago on Youtube and thought it was just hilarious. She knew I loved ’80s films and horror and sent the link to me. Unfortunately, the video had been taken down.

Reality Sucks

However, the other day a friend of hers found a copy of it, so we were able to watch it. Now this film is a horror-comedy, Com-Ror, but at the same time being a parody of those teen films from the ’50s, like I Was a Teenage Werewolf, etc.

I was aTeenage_Werewolf_by_BryanBaugh

Originally the  screen writer wanted Michael J. Fox to star in the film, but the director, Samuel Goldwyn Jr. thought he wouldn’t be able to carry a theatrical film of this scale.

the irony iron

By the time this film came out, Fox had already starred in Teen Wolf and Back to the Future, both making far more money then this film and cementing Fox’s stardom.

But we aren’t here to talk about those films, we are going to talk about this one.

oncebitten

The Countess (Lauren Hutton) is nearing her 400th birthday. In her mansion resides: one from early 18th century England, a french sailor, a confederate from the Civil War, her butler and chauffeur from the 1880s,  a WWI pilot, a 1960s flower child, and a set of twins. Every so many years she needs virgin blood to keep her young and beautiful. Three times and the one she has bitten will become a vampire too. That time has come again, but she and her minions are having trouble finding a virgin in 1985 Hollywood.

Countess: How many days left till Halloween, Sebastian?

Sebastian: Oh, a little more than a week, Countess. I told you not to worry.

Countess: Not to worry? How amusing. But then you’re not the one who needs to have the virgin blood of a young man not once, but three times before All Hallows Eve. Not to worry? Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare!

She ponders on what to do, but Sebastian reassures her, they will find a virgin.

I-got-this-reaction-gif

So we are introduce to 18-year-old Mark Kendell (Jim Carrey) and his girlfriend Robin, who live near Hollywood, CA. Mark really wants to have sex, but Robin isn’t ready to do it yet. She wants to wait. Mark is feeling extremely frustrated as he feels as if he is only one who is a virgin.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

I mean come on dude, your best buds haven’t had sex yet and neither has your girlfriend. That’s four right there and there are probably a lot more.

Anyways, so Mark goes to see his friends at the burger joint they work, and these two dudes are quite the crew. One believes he is God’s gift to women and continuously uses the stupidest line to try and pick up women, thinking it will work.

Russ: Hi. I’m Russ, and I’m a Sagittarius. I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoy. Listen: I’m a mature person and you’re a mature person, so why don’t we just skip all the bullshit, get rid of our inhibitions, and DO what we really wanna DO?

completelydelusional

The other, Jamie, is Eeyore in human form; always pessimistic and believing the sky is falling.

Reality Sucks

So he goes to his friends and complains about the relationship, Russ telling him that Robin is never going to do it and he should just move on.

What a jerk

What a jerk

Russ then suggests they go find some women to loose their virginity to. They decide to head out to Hollywood and see if they can find some. When I think of Jim Carrey in Hollywood, one film comes to mind…

But I digress, so the group heads to a club called Phone a Date. You pick a table, phone one of the other tables by the numbers assigned to them, and ask to come on over. It actually is kind of a cute idea.

whenastrangercallsphone

As long as the person on the other end isn’t a serial killer or creep.

So boys try it out: with Russ first getting a transvestite, then getting rejected, and finally someone calling Mark over. By this time the boys are extremely hammered, having consumed 4 beers each. When Mark walks over, the woman is the Countess.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

She gives him champagne and starts coming on to him, but Mark isn’t really interested in going home with her. He pretty much is out of it, actually. Meanwhile, his friends have two older ladies who are interested in them. They start talking and having fun, when one of the ladies’ husband comes, yells at the boys, and then starts shooting the club up.

0dial_1119cshootgunkiller

Mark freaks out, and the Countess convinces him to come with her, taking him up to her mansion. Meanwhile, the guy is arrested and the friends are taken off too.

Back at the house, the Countess gives Mark even more champagne. She goes upstairs to get ready, and comes back prepared to feast!

After he is bitten, Mark passes out. The next day he is awakened by Sebastian and the Countess. Mark leaves and promises that he will call and the two can meet up again sometime, but has no real plans to see her anymore. He has a girlfriend, and he is happy to finally lost his virginity.

Yes-Man-yes-man-11097494-1280-1024

But he feels really weird. He starts eating raw meat, even though he’s only loved well-done food. He also can’t remember a thing that’s happened.

His friends ask him what happened and he tells them in the crowded quad, right where his girlfriend is.

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She of course become angry with him for cheating on her and breaks up with him.

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Robin Pierce: Oh Mark, I can’t believe you’re going to throw away our relationship on a one-night stand with a chauffeur and a butler and a slut who eats buttons! But you did. You really did! [takes ring off her fingerYou can have your d*** ring back!

Mark Kendall: What am I supposed to do with it?

Robin Pierce: Use your imagination!

 Mark’s weird behavior continues as he wants to sleep in trunks, looks pale, wears sunglasses all the time, and just acts vampireish.

Dracula

He starts having these strange dreams where the Countess is in, but he doesn’t want her. He doesn’t call her like he said he would but tries to get back with Robin.

pretty please beg

Robin accepts his apology and everything is all right again.

Majorly

That night Mark and his friends head downtown. Russ and Jamie try again to pick up on women, but it doesn’t turn out well. Russ hits on a dominatrix and Jamie…well I don’t know what he said but it sure wasn’t good.

Mark goes to Robin’s work and picks out some clothes to try on, black of course.

Black is best

Black is best

While he is in the dressing room, who should appear but the Countess. Mark tries to get rid of her as he isn’t interested, but she won’t take no for an answer. She bites him again. This film actually reminds me of Fatal Attraction, as the morals of both stories: Don’t cheat in a relationship and don’t try to have a one night stand.

So Mark passes out and Robin takes him home. The next day he is acting even stranger. He looks more like a Vampire, can barely tolerate light, wears only black, drinks blood, etc. Then when he tries to sell some ice-cream, he…

hisssesangryupset

Mark becomes extremely worried, and goes to the nearby Catholic Church to ask for help. Unfortunately, a drunkard steps into the confessional and tell him he’s screwed.

Reality Sucks

Mark is continuously haunted by the Countess and starts to really become frightened with the idea that he might become a vampire.

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I really liked the dream sequence as it was reminiscent of Dracula (1931).

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Soon it will be Halloween but as it falls on a weekend, they are having a pre-Halloween party.

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Mark and Robin were supposed to go as Jack and Jill, but Mark couldn’t get the costume so he dressed like he normally does. But everyone thinks he is a vampire.

Dracula

While Robin and Mark are dancing, the Countess comes in and tries to control Mark into going with her. But Robin doesn’t like people messing with her man.

that girl is going after my man she is going to wish she was never born

And this resorts in one of the best scenes, a dance-off.

Afterwards, Mark has a bit of a freakout and takes off, Robin chasing after him. She tries to calm him down. His reflection disappears and Mark tells Robin everything. Robin is weirded out, but when she doesn’t see his reflections, she starts to believe it. So she heads out to do some research.

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She finds out that in order to know if he has been bitten by a female vampire, all you need to do is check the inner thigh for a bite mark. So of course she asks Mark and finds out that yes, he has been bit.

Majorly

Majorly

Instead she asks his friends to find out for her, to look at him. They don’t want to but she guilt trips them into doing it, telling them that if they are really his friends they would look.

Why not ask?

Why not ask?

So they ask Mark.

Majorly

Majorly

Instead they try to look at him in the shower, resulting…well I guess I didn’t have to say it, you know it won’t turn out well.

Mark Kendall: What was that scene in the shower all about?

Russ: That’s the thanks I get for trying to help out a friend?

Mark Kendall: Oh you’re a big help, thanks a lot. Did it ever occur to you guys that maybe you could’ve asked me?

Jamie: Oh my God!

The way Jamie says that reminds me of Arnold in Troll 2.

So they see Robin in the parking lot when she is abducted by the Countess and her gang. You see tonight is Halloween and the Countess needs the third bite or she will revert to showing her true age. Mark is worried about something happening to Robin so he heads over there, aided by Jamie and Russ.

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

When they get there they find Robin tied up and let her out, but the whole thing…

The vampires capture them and take them upstairs, where they get ready to get the last bite and turn Mark into a vampire. Mark doesn’t want to:

imadaypersononcebitten

The Countess starts trying to control him, but Robin isn’t going to lose her man. She jumps in the middle with a cross, the friends grabbing fire, and they free him.

Count Dracula: Van Helsing. [Van Helsing turns to face Count Dracula] Count Dracula: Now that you have learned what you have learned, it would be well for you to return to your own country. Van Helsing: I prefer to remain and protect those whom you would destroy. Count Dracula: You are too late. My blood now flows through her veins. She will live through the centuries to come, as I have lived. Van Helsing: Should you escape us, Dracula. We know how to save Miss Mina's soul if not her life. Count Dracula: If she dies by day. But I shall see that she dies by night. Van Helsing: And I will have Carfax Abbey torn down, stone by stone, excavated a mile around. I will find your earth-box and drive that stake through your heart. Count Dracula: Come here. [Dracula raises his hand to hypnotise Van Helsing] Count Dracula: Come here...Your will is strong, Van Helsing. [Van Helsing reaches out for his crucifix as Dracula looms toward him] Count Dracula: More wolfbane? Van Helsing: More effective than wolfbane, Count. Count Dracula: Indeed. [Dracula lunges towards Van Helsing. Van Helsing holds up the crucifix. Dracula snarls and turns away. Van Helsing, in triumph, puts away the crucifix]

[Van Helsing reaches out for his crucifix as Dracula looms toward him]
Count Dracula: More wolfbane?
Van Helsing: More effective than wolfbane, Count.
Count Dracula: Indeed. [Dracula lunges towards Van Helsing. Van Helsing holds up the crucifix. Dracula snarls and turns away. Van Helsing, in triumph, puts away the crucifix]

Then the chase is on!

In the end there is only one thing left to do to save Mark.

All, besides the vampires, are happy. Mark scored, Jamie scored, Russ scored, Robin scored.

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I really enjoyed this film and I thought it was pretty hilarious, although having Hocus Pocus level anti-virginity theme. But a  lot of fun to watch and sure to be a fun film to watch this season.

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous, go to I Came Upon a Shattered Glass Jar and Four Baby Turtles Crawling into a Strange Glowing Ooze: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

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For more ’80s films, go to No Mere Mortal Can Resist the Evil of the Thriller: Thriller (1983)

For more Jim Carrey, go to I Can Be Your Best Friend Or Your Worst Enemy: The Cable Guy (1996)

For more vampires, go to Every Time I Bring a Girl Over, You Try to Eat Her!: Vampires Suck (2010)

For more teen horror films, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more Horror-Comedies, go to A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

For more Horror Parodies, go to Monster Movie: Supernatural (2008)

Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

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Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night? Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic? Have you or your family ever seen a spook, specter or ghost? If the answer is “yes,” then don’t wait another minute. Pick up the phone and call the professionals…

So I know this is a little unusual to start Horrorfest off with as it isn’t a classic Horror film but instead a horror, comedy, & parody fusion. But it is one of my favorite movies, and as I was unable to review it last year; and adhering to my plan to be a little different and unusual this year; I thought it would be a great opening.

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So I just love everything about Ghostbusters. So much that last year I dressed up as one for Halloween. Sadly they don’t make the original costume (those new ones are ugly), in female form (except the stupid shorty mini skirts), so I had my own made. I even made my own pack.

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Pretty cool right?

Oh yeah!

Oh yeah!

So I can’t remember when I first really watched Ghostbusters. It seems like they have been part of my childhood for as long as I can remember. And I am such a hardcore fan, that I went to the rerelease in theaters, in full costume.

NotaPsychopathFangirl

It was hard picking a quote for the beginning of the review as there are just so many great ones:

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But I eventually went with the most famous one, although it is from the song, rather than the movie.

Anyways, that is enough of my back story for this post, let’s move on to the review!

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So the film was thought up by Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi. They envisioned Ghostbusters throughout the country, time, space, and even using wands.

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After Belushi’s death, the script was a bit reworked, and still sent out. Ivan Reitman liked the idea, but felt there needed to be a lot of changes and hired Harold Ramis to take it on.

Number two of the dream team obtained.

Number two of the dream team obtained.

A lot of the script was ad-libbed, especially Bill Murray’s part. I guess that is what happens when you get a bunch of comedians together.

They asked many people for different roles, but settled on Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray. They wanted Eddie Murphy, but he declined for Beverly Hills Cop. But with his refusal they gained Ernie Hudson.

Number three locked on!

Number four locked on!

They wanted other actors to play Egon Spenglar, but when they just couldn’t find the right fit, they went with Harold Ramis. And the perfect quartet was born.

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So the film starts out in the New York Public library:

Me

But what should be nice time in a quiet space, turns paranormal as library books float throughout the area. And then, no NOT THE CARD CATALOGUE!!!

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Frightened and screaming, the librarian goes running, screaming. I have to admit that this is super creepy, I remember this freaking me out when I first watched this.

We then cut to our logo.

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So Dr. Peter Venkerman (Murray), Dr. Raymond Stanz (Ankroyd), and Dr. Egon Spengler (Raimis); all reside in the Paranormal Studies Department at the University.  Peter is currently working on an experiment with two students.

He is doing an experiment on ESP, but in reality is trying to get in the female student, Jennifer’s, pants.

But before he can make a serious move, Ray interrupts them with the news that there was a ghostly apparition at the library.

Ooooooooooooooooo!

Ooooooooooooooooo!

Now let me start and say how much I love Egon Spenglar. I just love how he is so nerdy, unemotional, and speaks in a monotone at every time and at every moment.

Peter Venkman: “Spengler, are you serious about actually catching a ghost?”

Egon Spengler: “I’m always serious.”

He makes me laugh so hard!

Laughter

They go there and question the librarians, Peter crossing the line a bit, but you know Peter:

“Dr. Peter Venkman: Back off man, I’m a scientist.”

They continue down to the area where they saw the “spector”. They collect ectoplasmic residue, with Peter still upset over missing his date for “ghost boogers”. Ew! All I can think of, being a librarian, is she got it all over the card catalog. It would take FOREVER to fix it all. Aw!!!

Aw, man.

Aw, man.

They continue on when they find symmetrical stacking, and are almost knocked over by a bookcase. (This was actually an accident and ad-libbed.)

They find the ghost, and at at first Peter tries to get her to calm down, sort of romancing her. She shushes them and when Ray tells them to go get her, but then they end up running away.

They head back to the college, Peter disgusted with Ray’s plan

Dr. Peter Venkman: Hee hee hee! “Get her!” That was your whole plan, huh, “get her.” Very scientific.

They return to the college to face bad news. They are fired by the university and the college is shutting that area of study down.

Reality Sucks

Egon takes it in stride like he always does, Peter is never serious, and Ray is heartbroken. But Peter has another idea:

Dr Ray Stantz: Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities. We didn’t have to produce anything! You’ve never been out of college. You don’t know what it’s like out there. I worked in the private sector. They expect results.

Dr. Peter Venkman: For whatever reasons, Ray. Call it fate. Call it luck. Call it karma. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we were destined to get thrown out of this dump.

Dr Ray Stantz: For what purpose?

Dr. Peter Venkman: To go into business for ourselves.

Dr Ray Stantz: [Ray thinks it over and takes a drink from Peter’s flask] This ecto containment system that Spengler and I have in mind is gonna require a load of bread to capitalize. Where are we gonna get the money?

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They end up mortgaging Ray’s house that was left to him by his parents. From there they go looking for places. Ray settles on an old firehouse

Dr. Peter Venkman: [evaluating a site for their businessWhat do you think, Egon?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I think this building should be condemned. There’s serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it’s completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.

Dr Ray Stantz: Hey. Does this pole still work? [slides down a fireman’s poleWow. This place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I’m gonna get my stuff. Hey. We should stay here. Tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.

[Venkman looks at Spengler. Spengler slowly shakes his head. Venkman turns to the real estate agentDr. Peter Venkman: I think we’ll take it.

Ray may be a super scientist, but he is a horrible negotiator. However, he has since made me want an old firehouse to convert.

Meanwhile, classical musician Dana Barrett is just about to discover something strange about her building. At first it seems normal…she is approached by her next door neighbor, Louis (Rick Moranis), who I think is absolutely hilarious. He is nerdy, an accountant, health foodie, and tries so hard to be liked by all.

“Louis: Listen, that reminds me, you shouldn’t leave your TV on so loud when you go out. The creep down the hall phoned the manager.

Dana Barrett: That’s strange, I didn’t realize I’d left it on. [unlocks her door]

Louis: [droning on] Well yeah, you know what I did? I climbed on the ledge and tried to disconnect the cable, but I couldn’t get in, so you know what I did? I turned my TV up real loud too so everyone would think all our TVs had something wrong with them.

Dana Barrett: [abruptly closing her door] Bye, Louis.

Louis: [alone again] Okay, so I’ll see you later, huh? I’ll give you a call! I’m going to go have a shower. [tries to go back into his apartment but he’s locked himself out]

Hmm, very odd, but Dana doesn’t really think about it. In fact she is distracted by the Ghostbusters’ commercial on TV.

I just LOVE this commercial, it is hilarious. You have Ray who is super gung-ho about it, Egon who has no social skills and sounds as if he is reading off a cue card, and Peter who doesn’t give a hoot. Hilarious!

Meanwhile, no one has been coming into Ghostbusters. Their secretary Janine does nothing all day but read.

PaidtoRead

Sounds like a good job to me! But of course, the Ghostbusters don’t like it. They want clients!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, any calls?

Janine Melnitz: No.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Any messages?

Janine Melnitz: No.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Any customers?

Janine Melnitz: No, Dr. Venkman.

Dr. Peter Venkman: It’s a good job, huh? [Janine smilesType something, will you? We’re paying for this stuff! And don’t stare at me, you got the bug-eyes…[pauseJanine, sorry about the bug-eyes thing. I’ll be in my office.

Janine enjoys the job for more than being able to read all day, she is in love with Egon. But as he is a typical nerd he has no clue.

Janine Melnitz: You’re very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Print is dead.

Janine Melnitz: Oh, that’s very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I’m too intellectual but I think it’s a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play racquetball. Do you have any hobbies?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I collect spores, molds, and fungus.

Meanwhile, back to Dana. She has encountered her first foray with the supernatural. Her fridge has another world in it and is talking about Zhul. When she unpacks her groceries they are flying everywhere, the eggs cooking on the counter.

what what'shappeningSupernatural

She decides to see the Ghostbusters, but is a little weirded out by how unprofessional they seem. I mean they are sitting around eating Cheez-Its and Chunky bars.

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They check her out and when it appears that she has nothing do do with it; Egon decides to look up what Zhul means, Ray sets out to the Hall of Records to see if it has anything to do with the building; and Peter decides to head to the apartment.

Of course, Peter

Of course, Peter

While there he tries to put the moves on Dana, but she is too tough and is taking nothing from him. Peter looks the apartment over, not really knowing what he is doing, and there appears to be nothing supernatural at all.

weird

Later the crew are hanging out eating, and knowing that this is the end if they don’t get a paying client soon. Luckily they are saved by a call to get a ghost at the Sedgwick Hotel.

Janine Melnitz: [answers the phone] Hello, Ghostbusters… Yes, of course they’re serious… You do?… You have?… No kidding! Just gimme the address… Oh sure, they will be totally discreet. Thank you! [hangs upWE GOT ONE!

Double double yay

They head out to the hotel, the manager not at all pleased with how loud and brash they are. They pretend to be exterminators, but while they are heading up they realize they have never tested anything out.

Dr Ray Stantz: You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven’t had a successful test of this equipment.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I blame myself.

Dr. Peter Venkman: So do I.

Dr Ray Stantz: Well, no sense in worrying about it now.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.

Oh geez

Oh geez

They turn everything on, but step away just in case the person blows up.

Please don't destroy us.

Please don’t destroy us.

Luckily no one dies and they go searching for the ghost, destroying everything along the way.

Egon just cracks me up, I cannot get enough of him.

loveitSupernatural

This is when the Ghostbusters first meet Slimer. Now I know a lot of people love him, but I have to admit I have always hated Slimer. I thought he was gross and disgusting, and such. Ugh, ultimate torture to be slimed by him.

Ew Yuck Gross

They do manage to get themselves together enough to capture the little booger.

After this, things start hitting the big time for the Ghostbusters, with them getting calls out of the wazoo.

This causes them to need extra help, hiring Winston Zeddermore, (Ernie Hudson). He’s just a regular guy like us all, and I think that makes him an even more enjoyable character. Just your average joe caught up in the paranormal.

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So in Egon’s research, he has found out some things on the architect of the building. He was involved with the occult, and a worshipper of Gozer, Zhul being a key part in this.

Peter decides that with this extra man, he can go see Dana; flirting with her.

Uh no.

Uh, no.

She’s not really interested, but does play along, agreeing to dinner.

Back at headquarters, they discover someone from the EPA, Walter Peck. He wants to study everything, but Peter pushes him off,  Peck threatening to come back with a court order.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

If that wasn’t enough, Egon thinks they might be having a problem with the spirit world.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I’m worried, Ray. It’s getting crowded in there and all my data points to something big on the horizon.

Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean, big?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning’s sample, it would be a Twinkie… thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.

Winston Zeddemore: That’s a big Twinke!

Meanwhile back at Dana’s place, Louis is having a party. He invites Dana, and is heartbroken to hear that she already has plans. She heads into her apartment and gets on the phone when she is attacked.

This scene used to creep me out so much as a kid, and it still is 100% freaky! Can you imagine having that happen to you?

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Meanwhile, at Louis’ party he invited just clients in order to write the whole thing off. His one date gets really bored, but he convinces her to stay. I can’t understand why he is trying so hard to win Dana when he has this blonde, supermodel type that loves him. People are weird

Anyways, Louis ends up being attacked and possessed by the other gargoyle dog, Zhul’s mate.

OMG gasp

When Peter returns for his date, their is no Dana, but Zhul. Zhul is the lock and is looking for the “keymaster” to wield “his key” and unlock her “gate”, allowing Gozer to walk about and take control of the Earth. I have to give them points for slipping that right past the kids. I never realized what Zhul was asking Peter until I was much older.

So Zhul wont let Peter in until he says he is the keymaster. And to be honest, I think if I was Peter I wouldn’t want to go in there. Possessed Dana is so creepy!

Gilmore girls creep

Peter calms her down by shooting her up with some drugs, weird how he was just carrying that around on his date…

Suspicious and kinda creepy.

Suspicious and kinda creepy.

So possessed Louis is wandering around looking for the gatekeeper. I love when he talks to the horse, just hilarious. The cops catch him and drop him off at Ghostbusters headquarters so they can deal with him.

To make things even more intense then dealing with two possessed people, a building that is a gateway for some serious paranormal activity, the dreaded Peck arrives. He wants to shut the grid off, and no convincing can stop him.

What a jerk! He doesn’t have any clue what will happen next and he does this.

Jerk

This causes a HUGE explosion, destroys the Ghostbusters Headquarters, sends Louis off as he has seen his sign, releases ghosts, and wakens Dana who destroys a section of her building to reach the top.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

All are arrested and while waiting, look at a blueprint, trying to get a plan together.

The are taken out of jail and are sent to see the mayor. Hopefully they can plead their case and get out of there.

Meanwhile, Louis and Dana have met up and the key has opened the lock.

dun-dun-duuuun

At the mayor’s office the Ghostbusters, Peck, and the mayor argue again and again. The mayor decides to side with the Ghostbusters and they head out.

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Everyone is cheering for them as they mug it up for the crowd, but soon they grow unahappy as they have to climb twenty-two flights of stairs to reach Dana’s apartment, the gateway.

Argh!!!

Argh!!!

They find a staircase and climb up. There they find Dana and Louis who have turned into the gargoyle dogs. Their transformation opens the temple doors and Gozer comes out.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Go get her, Ray!

Dr Ray Stantz: Gozer the Gozerian… good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [Sarcastically] That oughta do it. Thanks very much, Ray.

Gozer: [to Ray] Are you a God?

Dr Ray Stantz[Ray looks at Peter, who nonchalantly nods yes] No.

Gozer: Then… DIE! [Lightning flies from her fingers, driving the Ghostbusters to the edge of the roof and almost off; people below scream]

Winston Zeddemore: Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say “YES”!

Dr. Peter Venkman: All right! This chick is TOAST!

They try to destroy her

ghostbusters

But she is too fast for them. Gozer has them choose the form that the destructor will be in. They all close their mind, buuut……..

And they save the day getting Dana and Louis out.

This is just a fantastic movie, hilarious, fun, and creepy, all the elements you want in a Halloween film. And of course that fantastic song. I cannot say enough just how awesome this film is.

And just a little extra fun!

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Well that’s our opening review! I hope you all enjoy it and keep coming back for more! And of course, a facebook banner. I make them every year and use them all October long!

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For more on Ghostbusters, go to When You Least Expect It

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For more ghosts, go to She Cries in the Night: The Screaming Skull (1958)

For more horror-comedy, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more horror-parody, go to A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

For more Nostalgia Critic, go to Return of the Fandom

A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

Under Wraps

What should we call him? How about ‘Mummy’?

So last June I I did the 30 Day Challenge: Disney Edition. Everyday I posted something on my favorite Disney character, prince, princess, song, villain, etc. (If you want to read more, go here.)

One of my posts I talked about the different DCOMs, Disney Channel Original Movies, that I loved watching growing up. I decided that a few I would wait to talk about until October, making them a part of Horrorfest III.

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By the time October rolled around, I had already planned out Horrorfest III and there was so many movies I wanted to do, that I just couldn’t fit this one in. I decided to do it the next year.

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And then this year I had all planned out and instead of doing this film, I really wanted to do The Mummy (1999). However, life got in the way and I was very far behind in my postings. I decided The Mummy (1999) was just going to have to wait until next year. And as I wanted a mummy film, Under Wraps would be the perfect substitute.

Under Wraps

 So it is a silly film that takes a lot from the film The Mummy (1932) but gives it a comedic twist.

Look familiar?

There are three twelve year old kids-Gilbert, Marshall, and Amy. One of their neighbors died and like the kids in Stand By Me they want to check it out.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

I know it makes no sense to me either.

Anyways, there they discover a sarcophagus and a mummy in the dead guy’s house.

He's getting emaciated

That same night it is the right time in thousands of years in which the moon is aligned perfectly…

attack Wolf Boy Meets World

And brings the mummy back to life.

Look familiar?

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At first the kids are freaked out, but then discover that he is friendly and name him Harold. They have all kinds of fun with him, all over the town. A Mummy in modern times.

They eventually find out that they have to put him back in his sarcophagus by midnight on Halloween or else he will die.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

The kids want to put him back but they can’t. You see it turns out that neighbor wasn’t really dead, but just faking it so he could skimp out on taxes.

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It turns out that the neighbor, Mr. Kubat, is a real villian, complete with the evil henchmen. He sends them out to look for the mummy in order to sell him.

Besides Kubat, they also have to worry about Harold’s fiancé, as he wants to bring her to life as well.

Boris Karloff and Zita Johann in 'The Mummy'

A cute film that is definitely worth the view.

Check it out for yourself!

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under-wraps

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to They’re Here Already! You’re Next!: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)halloween banner

For more on mummies, go to Eternal Punishment for Anyone Who Opens This Casket: The Mummy (1932)

For more DCOMs, go to When Horror Doesn’t Stay on the Screen: Phantom of the Megaplex (2000)

For more Disney, go to Who’s Afraid of Cory Wolf?: Boy Meets World (1994)

For more horror-comedies, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to Be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

The Story, We’re Living it. It’s Alive: The Brothers Grimm (2005)

Brothers_grimm_movie_poster

The story, it’s happening to us now. We’re living it. It’s-it’s alive, it’s real, it’s breathing.

So remember way back in April, when I talked about how much I love the Brothers Grimm and all their stories?

brothers grimm fairy tales

Well for those of you who don’t, I loved them. I used to read the stories over and over and over again.

readingabkkid impression identity a part of us You've got mail meg ryan

They are such a huge, huge part of my childhood. I not only read them, but I read like every version of their tales. Such as Shannon Hale’s The Goose Girl; The Princess Test by Gail Carson Levine; or The Rumplestilskin Problem by Vivian Vande Velde. And that’s just naming a few, I’ve read practically every version and retelling out there.

LifeasaFangirl

So when I saw a trailer for The Brothers Grimm I was so EXCITED! I’m not quite sure what I was expecting, I don’t even remember what the trailer was like. I just know if it had the Brothers Grimm’s name on it. I WAS THERE!!!!!!!!

excited

My mom, sister, and went to see it and I thought…..

Whattheheck

 

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS THING? THE BROTHERS GRIMM WHAT? THIS THING IS SO CREEPY I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE!!! SCARRED!!!

Needless to say I didn’t like it.

I don't like it 11

I didn’t understands half the things that were happening! I didn’t like most of the characters. And I thought it was one of the creepiest things I had ever seen. And I was like thirteen at the the time and saw many different films, but this one creeped me out. After a while, I kind of forgot about it, other than I liked Heath Ledger (he’s always awesome) and that I actually liked Matt Damon in this.

What the

I know, I know. If you have been following you should be shocked at that statement as I have said quite a few times how much I dislike Matt Damon. I just think he is a horrible actor as he is the same in everything!! However, he was so different in this film that I actually forgot it was him. And that is what a good actor does, they melt away so all you see is their character on the screen.

So there! tongue sticking out pug

Anyways, so time past and I completely forgot about this movie. That is until I saw it on Amazon Prime Instant Watch.

It's Paul!

Amazon’s all watch this!

And I thought, hey, ten years have past. Maybe it’s time to give it another view.

The plot thickens

Why not?

And as I remember it being a horrorish/comedy film (what I call Com-Ror), I can totally review it for horrorfest. So here we go. I present to you:

Brothers_grimm_movie_poster

So this film is actually a melting pot. It is a historical fiction, horror, comedy, and fantasy concoction.

IndianaJonesHmmMaybe

And they actually work pretty well together.

So the film opens up with the poor Grimm family. The young sister is sick and they are all shivering from the cold as they have no more wood for a fire. Wilhelm, the oldest, is trying to be the man of the house and helping his mother while Jacob has gone out to sell the family cow. Instead of bringing back money, he has “magic beans”.

Spoke too soon

Poor, sweet, naive little Jacob. He was tricked into getting magic beans. The mom is sad, but Wilhelm becomes incensed and beats his brother.

escalatedquickly

I know we are barely into the film and already we have a dead father, soon-to-be dead sister, a boy tricked out of everything, and then one brother getting beat by the other. That’s a really dark opening scene for a family picture.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

And by now you can kind of see the direction this film is taking. It is going to be the story pieces occurred in real life and lead to the collection of tales we have today. I have to say I was actually down with that. It could be pretty cool. The sort of prequel to Once Upon a Time or something.

indiana_jonesoh_yesyeah

We then have the title and a killer opening scene. SUPER DRAMATIC! And I loved it! Dark night, rain, two strangers on horses with a note demanding entrance!

shiver

It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, it turns out that Wilhelm (Matt Damon), or Will as he is more often called, and Jacob (Heath Ledger), or Jake are ghost hunters/witch killers/ monster destroyers. Basically the 19th century version of Dean and Sam Winchester.

Supernatural

Say What

When I first saw this I was like what are you doing? I’m pretty sure that there were nothing like that. After watching I had to read up on them.

It turns out in real life that Jacob was actually the older brother. Their father did die when they were young and they had to take care of the family, eventually going to school for law. But later during the Romantic period, they began collecting folk tales, creating the classic literature we have today.

keanu Whoa

How did they go from that to:

FBIMonster-Movie-supernatural-2654708-1280-720

Yeah…

SayWhat?BuffyVampireSlayernosense

This was one of the reasons I wasn’t really into this “modern”, twisted type of film, in fact a lot weren’t. This film was actually ahead of its time as if it had come out a few years ago (instead of 10) it would have fit right in with Red Riding Hood (2011), Snow White and the Hunstman (2012), The Raven (2012), Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012), and Hansel & Gretal: Witchhunters (2013)I mean look at that poster! Isn’t this something you would see today?

Brothers_grimm_movie_poster

Eliminating Evil Since 1812 this is something you would definitely see today.

Anyways, back to the review. So the brothers are in Karlstadt to get rid of a witch menacing a mill. This is actually a pretty awesome scene as they fight the witch. I wish I could find a video. Oh well. This is kind of what it looked like:

black cauldron

So this witch comes at them and attacks. They try and destroy her, but she starts to control them and they start to fight with each other.

Spoke too soon

They fight, but Will manages to overcome it and kill the ghost. They get paid and all is well until we discover that the whole thing is fake. They hire two guys to play the monsters of the folk tales around the area, and then the Grimms come in and save the day by ridding the area of them.

Oh jeez.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

You are taking folk historians and making them not only hunters but conmen.

IDon'tevenknowhowtorespondGilmoreGirls

Besides that, movie, I see what you’re doing.

do-you-think-im-stupid-do-you-not-see-the-glasses

This is going to be one of those films where they show a fake thing in the beginning that is going to be the direction the film goes to in the end. You know like in An American Werewolf in London, where he growls at himself in a mirror, only to later do the same things as a werewolf.

Gotcha!

Oh well.

I guess we will just have to wait to see how it turns out.

So while in reality Jacob and Will were the best of friends, in this Will is extremely cruel.

Jerk

When he goes to give Jacob his half of the money, his has to throw in one last dig.

Will: Your half professor, or would you like it in beans?

Ryan-Gosling-Oh-No-You-Didnt-Half-Nelson

Come on Will, he was just a little boy!!!. He was trying to help!!!! Let it go!

LetGoofthePast

So while they are celebrating and having fun, we cut to the village Marbaden. A girl in a little red cape is looking through the forest. Now the forest is amazing! It is exquisitely beautiful and terrifying. It looks just like something out of an illustration in a book or a painting. The film was worth it for those moments alone.

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Anyways, the little girl becomes fightened and tries to outrun whatever it is, but doesn’t manage to and is taken.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

So as the the guys are celebrating their sucess, Jacob starts to feel down. He was a scholar and is unhappy as to what he is doing now.

All I could think was why isn’t he a scholar anymore? Did he lose his job? Was it because of the French? Time for a history lesson!

historyteach

So in 1837 the two lost their posts at the university of Göttingen as they went against King Ernest Augustus I who dissolved parliament and demanded oaths of allegiance from all employees. But this film takes place earlier than that…In the early 19th century, Napoleon was seizing control of the world and had gained Western Germany. It is logical that Jacob, being rather outspoken and prone to not always thinking before he speaks, refused to do something similar to what happened at Göttingen, and lost his position.

Jacob Grimm BrothersGrimm

Moving on…

Anyways, Will has gone on to be with some bar maids, while Jacob is scribbling in his book when a man charges in. It is the famous Italian torturer, Mercurio Cavaldi. He takes them to see French General Delatombe who is strangely played by the same actor who plays Elizabeth Swann’s dad in Pirates of the Caribbean.

brothersGrimm

They have discovered that the Grimms are conmen, having captured their other workers, and tortured them And this movie spares nothing, showing the men upside down and covered in snails.

Whattheheck

Yes, snails. I mean I hate snails and that would be torture to me, but is having snails on you really painful? Let’s look it up! And I found nothing so I’m unsure why they would do that.

Anyways, Delatombe demands to know where the 10 missing girls are. Jacob and Will have no clue what is going on.

SayWhat?BuffyVampireSlayernosense

Apparently someone has stolen 10 girls from the village of Marbaden. The French General doesn’t like that the German people are not listening and reverting back to their cultural ways. He sends the Grimms and their team to solve the mystery, or be killed. The Grimms heartily go.

Meanwhile, two siblings have decided to go looking for the missing girls, Hans and Greta (Hansel and Gretal). The forest steals Greta’s scarf away from her, using it to eventually lure her away and capture her.

WizardofOzAppleTreesDorothySmacked

Hans races home to find his father.

Back in the villlage the town has gathered and are telling the Grimm brothers everything that has happened. Who has disappered and how they have disappered.

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As they are talking, Hans rushes in and relates what has happened. The Grimms are eager to get started and ask for a guide. They recommend the “cursed one”.

shiver

They go see the “cursed one”, who turns out to be Angelika. Her father was a great woodsman, but died last year in the winter snow, although a body was never recovered. Her two sisters were the first to be taken, hence making her “cursed”.

Reality Sucks

Angelika doesn’t want to help, but the torturous Calvadi convinces her, by almost killing her with a knife. And then he starts hitting on her in the nastiest way. He’s just ew!

ew! Gross Yuck

Yeah…

Certified Creepo Ribbon

So with all parties in accord they journey into the forbidden forest.

Now I just want to stop and say that I really like that while the film is predominately English (of course) there is quite a lot of dialogue spoken in French and German. I like when movies do that. Good going guys.

Take note Hollywood

Take note Hollywood

Back to the forest. Will is totally in his role saying how he “feels” things and can “sense” things.

And Jacob is all, whatever Will.

Karen stop talking

But he loves the forest as it seems as if all those stories he’s studied over the years are finally coming alive. In fact he believes that this particular story they are in is about King Childeric I’s beautiful Queen. She was the fairest of all, and cared only about herself. When the black plague came, she built a tower high above the forest and the dying people. Unfortunately she still caught it, but tried to use black magic to overcome it and live forever. The spell worked, but instead of remaining beautiful, she aged.

It was this bad.

It has been over 500 years and Jacob believes that not only is she in the tower, but she is behind it all.

Will on the other hand thinks that is the stupidest thing he has ever heard

stupidestThingeverheard

and that someone else is trying to con the villagers.

They find the tower in the woods, of which Angelika tells them that it was destroyed, but mysteriously grew back.

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Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Some of the first creepy things we see are all these ugly black bugs coming out of stuff. It’s like The Mummy beetles or something. Then the trees keep moving all around. If that was me I’d want to get out of there asap.

Run Away

So far we have had beetles, creepy trees, and now birds. Creepy birds right out of a Hitchcock scene.

birds Brothers Grimm

Gilmore girls creep

They want to leave and are trying to go, but can’t find the way as the trees have moved around.

WizardofOzAppleTreesDorothySmacked

While everyone is distracted, a wolf transforms into a person, the woodsman.

I guess a backwards wolfman?

I guess a backwards wolfman?

And feeds one of the horses spiders. And guess which horse it is? Jacob’s.

mary_bennetCan't get a break

He leaves and the Grimm team regroups eager to leave the forest. Angelika grabs a toad and talks to it, licking its belly so it will point the way.

ew! Gross Yuck

DISGUSTING!!!!

I mean seriously, what were you thinking?

At this point I was looking at Anjelika and thought, she looks really familiar. Where have I seen her before….?

suspicious Hmm

So I looked her up and it was LENA HEADEY. Man that woman, I CAN NEVER RECOGNIZE HER. She looks different in like every movie she is in. From The Jungle Book, to The Brothers Grimm, to 300, to Dredd, to Game of Thrones; man I never would have realized her characters were played by the same person unless you lined them up next to each other. And probably not even then. You’re good Lena, real good.

indiana_jonesoh_yesyeah

So they make it back to the village. The Grimms are working as Cinderella’s in girls clothes, by orders of Calavadi.

Whattheheck

I told you he was one real sicko.

Meanwhile, a little girl hears a voice calling her. She gets up to see where it is coming from and it turns out to be one of the horses making noises. She goes over to calm it down. ALONE!

Every time!

Now this part always bothered me. We see how SUPER protective the father was of his daughter, and she knew that pretty much every girl has been captured and taken away, why would you do this alone? I would have woken up my father and been like I hear something come with me.

Now this part is truly disgusting with the horse. All these spiders come and make a web that grabs the girl, and the horse swallows her. The third most horrifying scene in this film.

There is always a but

It is so disgusting and horrible, but also very well done. The Grimm brothers and friends follow them and her and the forest is truly horrifying.

When the tree kills the man, just ouch.

Calvaldi believes that the Grimm brothers killed his men with the help of Angelika, and they all head back to see the General. Now this is the second most horrifying scene when they torture them, trying to get them to confess. They kill a kitten! A KITTEN! Why would they kill a cute orange kitten in this?

I mean seriously, what were you thinking?

I mean seriously, what were you thinking?

They convince the General they will stop it and head back to the village.

Now in this moment I realized how much I absolutely love Jacob Grimm.

Jacob-Grimm-heath-ledger-11279684-2560-1440

Jacob is a total fanboy!

FANGIRLJackSparrowPiratesoftheCaribbean

He loves folk and fairy tales, and has studied them for so long.

LiteraryAdventures

And now he is actually in the story!! He gets to be the hero of his favorite thing to read!!! How awesome is that!!! That is like every fan’s dream. I know it was mine. There were so many places I always wanted to visit and so many tales I wanted to be the hero of. I AM JACOB.

Anyways so Jacob is really excited, but Will isn’t. In fact Will wants to take off and leave this all behind.

WishlifelikebookbrothersGrimm

And what’s wrong with that? Doesn’t everyone?

fandomvsReallife

Anyways, so Jacob tries to convince Angelika to help him out.

Will Grimm: Ignore him. He wishes his whole life was something out of a book. And now he thinks he’s in love.

Jacob Grimm: Shut up, Will!

Will Grimm: Angelika, do what your father wanted: leave the village now.

Angelika: No, Will. I’m gonna find my sisters.

Jacob Grimm: Will doesn’t care about them. Will doesn’t care about anything but himself!

Will Grimm: This isn’t a fairy tale. They are not coming back!

Jacob Grimm: This is not your world, Will! [to Angelika] Angelika, you know, don’t you? The story, it’s happening to us now. We’re living it. It’s-it’s alive, it’s real, it’s breathing. And we can give it a happy ending.

Angelika: Jake…

Jacob Grimm: Angelika, we’ll find your sisters. All right? We’ll bring them back.

Will Grimm: [getting angry] Bring back her sisters? [kicks Jacob] Bring them back? Bring them back with what? Magic beans?

Jacob Grimm: Why do you say that?

Will Grimm: Magic beans don’t work! They don’t bring people back to life! They did not then and they will not now! You go wait by the horses! Jacob, wait by the horses!

Will is such a jerk, I totally want to punch him in the face!

Pride&PrejudiceDarcypunch

Will talks to Angelika, but Jacob will not be deterred and he runs off to the forest to try and save the girls.

Jacob Grimm BrothersGrimm

But Will chases after him.

When Jacob punched Will in the face finally I was so happy. Yeah!!!!

Finally something GOOD!

Finally!

So now the brothers are back to being a team, but while they are doing that, back in the village comes the most horrifying scene ever. This is not for the weak of heart. I swear, this scene scarred me FOR LIFE! FOR LIFE!!!!

HorrorfilmCan'tlookaway

So Sasha is going to get water from the well, when a bird falls in and…I can’t do the scene justice, you’re just going to have to watch it yourself.

OMG

That ball of goo coming to life

ew! Gross Yuck

Her face, eyes, and mouth melting away

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Then this black blob has her face and mouth and starts following her

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then it goes inside and grabs her and eats her!

Tuesdaythe17th scream ah

And turns into a cookie and runs away!!!

Scream-Casey-Becker-drew-barrymore-31896958-2560-1088

I am SCARRED FOR LIFE!!! It gave me nightmares, it made it impossible for me to eat gingerbread for a few years. And I wasn’t a little little kid when I saw this either. I was 13. This scene, it just

shiver

I have to move on now.

So the Grimms are in the forest. Will has helped get Jacob on top of the very high tower,

Don't fall.

Don’t fall.

On the roof Jacob notices the coffins they saw before are numbered 12, like a clock.

IndianaJonesHmmMaybe

Down below Will spots something strange in the water. It’s Sasha in a dress. He goes over to look at her, when the wolf comes.

wolfman

He changes into a person and we see his face, seeing that it is Angelika’s dad!!! He goes over to Sasha and places her into a coffin. On her feet form glass slippers, and he takes one drop of blood, giving it to a raven to give to the queen upstairs.

In the mirror she looks beautiful and young, but in reality she is an old skeleton.

Phantomoftheopera1925unmasked

She starts to charm Jacob, while below Will has to deal with her woodsman.

The whole breaking the mirror destroys the power of the witch reminds me of The Picture of Dorian Gray. The only way to kill Dorian was to destroy his picture, the only way to kill this witch, break the mirror.

BrothersGrimmBrokenmirrorQueen

They run back to the village with Sasha, Will being the one to kiss the frog to find out the way. When they get there, Sasha is prounounced dead as she isn’t breathing, even though Will saw her walk to the coffin. While they are trying to figure things out who should show up but the French General and a mass of troops.

They declare that the Grimms are really behind it all, having killed their two workers who “confessed” it all.

They decide they are going to burn down the forest and the Grimm brothers. As they are tied up and ready to start the pyre, they toss in Jacob’s book, his collection of tales. All I could think was

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

NOT THE BOOOOOOOOOOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anjelika has been able to free herself and she goes and saves the boys from being burnt to a crisp. Jacob tries to save his book, but Will drags him off as his life is more important.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

NOT THE BOOKS!!!!

you're evil

Now the Queen doesn’t appreciate anyone trying to destroy her home and sends out some magic that not only stops the flames, but takes out a few guys as well.

When the get into the forrest they run into the wolfman/huntsman who reveals to Angelika that he is her father. He was dying in the forest when the Queen found him and saved him. He is in love with her and would do anything for her. Even sacrificing his own children.

Star Wars Dark side power Darth vader

Not only did he take his two youngest girls first, but he snags Angelika to replace Sasha and complete the circle of 12.

How rude

I know he’s under a magic spell, but his OWN DAUGHTERS!!!

Will is totally unsure of what to do, while Jacob is in his element and has become even more attractive. Not only is set out on saving Angelika, but he also takes out the murderous General.

Jacob Grimm BrothersGrimm

It must be nice for Jacob to be the hero for once, instead of Will.

I noticed something about the French, German, and Italians. Everyone who is not German is a crazy psychopath. We have the murderous, vain, evil Queen; the gloutton, tortourous, evil General; Calvadi the pervert and master of torture; and then the general’s right hand man just as crazy and creepy. I think it was on purpose, trying to show the way that the Germans thought of the invaders, how stereotyped and evil they are. It works for the film.

New plan

Jacob climbs up the tower to kill the queen, but the knife he picks up is enchanted and he ends up stuck to the wall. I know that he had no other weapon on hand, but come on! She’s an evil sorceress, anything in the room that belongs to her, chances are she can control them!!!

Will ends up following Jacob and when he gets there the Queen enchants the knives so that they have a duel to the death. (Just like I said they would)

I think that is a pretty jerk move to slip from the knife so you brother can kill you. I understand why you do it as it is the only way to free one of you and have him save the day, but it still is pretty mean.

As Jacob is trying to figure out what to do next, the Queen decides that dear old dad, is too old, and turns her attentions toward Will becoming her love slave. As she is turning Will, Jacob finally remembers the mirror and destroys it, killing the Queen.

BrothersGrimmBrokenmirrorQueen

So Jacob is the hero!

      Jacob’s Hero List

  • Save the Girls ✓
  • Defeat the Evil Queen ✓
  • Save the Day ✓

Now if only he had a plan on how to get out of a crumbling castle.

meettheRobinsonsPlannotthoughtthrough

He makes it out okay, but it looks like he celebrated prematurely. The girls are still dead, or really frozen in eternal sleep.

Spoke too soon

Spoke too soon

Jacob is lost in what to do, but Calavadi, who has now become a “Grimm-y”, tells him that in his home country there is a story of true love’s kiss waking the girl. Jacob goes to kiss Angelika, but Calvadi warns him that if the love is not true than Angelika will die!

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

Jacob goes for the kiss and…

SleepingBeautyTrueLoveKiss

The spell is broken. All the girls come out and are alive and well.

Double double yay

Jacob goes over to Will, but he’s not moving…

Spoke too soon

Spoke too soon

Jacob is heartbroken, but Calavadi reminds him that a kiss could wake him too. As Jacob goes, Will interupts him. Yep it turns out that Will the stinker is alive and fine. Angelika kisses him to “wake him up”; and then everyone returns to town. There the village throws a big party, happy to have everyone back.

Will Grimm: I’ve been thinking of an alternative career path.

Jacob Grimm: Will.

Will Grimm: One that uses all of our new expertise.

Jacob Grimm: Will.

Will Grimm: Now, I haven’t really sorted it yet…

Jacob Grimm: Will, Will, Will, listen. This is the real world. We’re-we’re men without a country, we’re enemies of the state, and worst of all we haven’t a single bean to our name.

Will Grimm: It’s a good name, though, isn’t it?

Jacob Grimm: It’s a damn good name. Let’s dance. Come on!

TheEnd_Title_2

So how did I like it ten years later? I liked it. It made much more sense now that I was older and more used to this kind of film style. The CGI was pretty good for a 2000’s film, and the backgrounds were just beautiful. The story was so-so, but cute and funny, except for the three deranged parts. I don’t think this would be a movie I would purchase to add to my collection, but I definitely will re-watch it in the future.

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2005TheBrothersGrimm

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to It’s Mrs. Archer. She’s on a Rampage!: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)

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For more Brothers Grimm, go to If the Shoe Fits: Why Cinderella is Actually Awesome

For more fairy tales, go to The Fans and the Furious

For more Horror-Comedies, go to I am the Chosen One. And I Choose to Be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more on Heath Ledger, go to You’re Just Too Good to Be True: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

For more on Matt Damon, go to A Horse’s Tale: Chinese New Year

I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

buffytheVampireslayer1992

Buffy, you’re the guy. You are the chosen guy.

Right. I’m the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.

 So I’m sure a lot of you are surprised. What Buffy the Vampire Slayer is this? Well before we had this:

Go here to see which you belong in

We had this:

Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer

In 1992, Joss Whedon’s idea of a Californian cheerleader finding out she was actually the vampire slayer of her generation, came to theaters. Only one problem, Whedon HATED it.

HateEverythingthewomen

In fact he hated it so much, that he was reported to walk off set one day and never come back.

ouch Hermione

Five years later, Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series came out, one that stayed true to his “vision”.

So What Went Wrong?

Apparently the screenwriters felt that Whedon’s story was too dark and depressing. They wanted it to be more of a horror-parody comedy, kind of like Heathers with vampires instead of a homicidal maniac. Whedon wasn’t interested in that, as you can tell with his much darker TV series.

Joss Whedon to a T

Joss Whedon to a T

So Is this Film Bad?

Let’s get down to the review and find out:

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

The film starts out with a historical piece. A medieval woman who has the birthmark (a mole), proving she is the Vampire Slayer of this generation. We switch from a very serious moment of her asking to “become the blade”.

BraveheartVictorySwordinAir

And fighting Vampires.

Dracula

And then we switch to Los Angeles and a group of cheerleaders chanting.

vampireslayerbuffy

And Miss Buffy Summers, cheerleader extraordinaire, fashionista, and a total valley girl.

Say What

Yeah, that is pretty much the essence of the movie. They try to pin together opposites. And is it horrible? No. I love it. It is so quirky and funny. And come on, a cheerleader by day and vampire slayer ay night? That’s awesome.

indiana_jonesoh_yesyeah

So as I’m reading the credits and as I have seen this movie before I didn’t think think I would see anything important, but then Paul Reubens…wait, what?!

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Pee-Wee is in a teen film? Pee-Wee Herman is in a vampire film? PEE-WEE?!!! PEE-WEE??!!! PEE-WEE HERMAN is in a TEEN VAMPIRE FILM?

SayWhat?BuffyVampireSlayernosense

How could I have missed that? Huh. And Hilary Swank? Ugh! I hate her. Ever since she ruined the Karate Kid series.

ugh

This was supposed to be her first film, so maybe she won’t be too bad. So Buffy and the gang go to the mall, shopping!

fashion-show-

And there is something you might notice in this scene. While this movie came out in 1992, we hadn’t completely crossed over from the ’80s. You can kind of see it in the stonewash, abundance of leather, and in the “gothic” clothes of the vampire and “uncool” crowd, but most of it looks like this:

80s

And I LOVE IT!

Anyways, so at the mall the girls are shopping when Buffy spots this totally rad jacket. And let me tell you, Buffy has a great sense of style

StyleMarcJacobs

Her friend Kimberly (Hilary Swank), and let me just stop her and say that unless you are a pink ranger, having the name Kimberly means you are EVIL. I don’t know why, it just seems to be a trait that carries on with a name.

you're evil

Anyways, she convinces her that the jacket is ugly and so yesterday.

How rude

When she is not shopping, she spends her time out with her jocky boyfriend, Jeffrey.

Jeffery is on the basketball team and one day after practice, his group splits up. Jeffery is heading over to hang out with Buffy, while two of the other guys go about town, and the last one, Robert heads home. And the route he chooses goes right through an abandoned amusement park.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Come on dude! You are going to go through an abandoned AMUSEMENT PARK????!!!!!! You are just asking to be killed.

doyouwanttodie

And of course, he gets attacked by a Vampire and turned. Good-bye Robert.

Good-bye

Good-bye

So Jeffery is alright, but not altogether that interesting and handsome. Sorry dude, Luke Perry of the “uncoolness squad” is much better looking.

Luke Perry plays Pike, a leather wearing, motorcycle driving, mechanic. He lies above the garage that he works at. He is very dissatisfied with life him, only having one friend, Bennie (wonder if it is a nickname after the drugs, wouldn’t be surprised if it was), played by David Arquette (aw David, just can’t keep you out of Horrorfest). The boys spend most of their time drinking and making fun of those richer than them.

HateEverythingthewomen

We then jump back to historical times so that we can get more of a background of Lothos. Lothos is the head Vampire that has destroyed every prior slayer. He is over 800 years old and has the power to hypnotize his enemies.

Spoke too soon

So for Buffy everything is going as usual. The only thing she has to worry about is the senior dance.

Buffy: [Trying to come up with an issues-related theme for their school dance] The environment.

Nicole: The homelesses?

Kimberly: [to Nicole] Oh, please.

Jennifer: Are there any good sicknesses that aren’t too depressing?

Buffy: Guys. The environment. I’m telling you, it’s totally key. The earth is in terrible shape, we could all die, and besides, Sting’s doing it.

You know that actually sounds difficult. From being on my high school’s prom comittee, I know that it is already hard enough trying to get the committee to come up with a theme and work on decorations and such. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to throw a “socially conscious” dance.

idon'tgotthis

Buffy & co run into the uncoolness squad and there is definitely one thing this movie did wrong, they made the “undesirable” guys, undesirable. I mean come on, there is a formula to this thing! They are supposed to be secretly charming and adorable. Not pigs and boring because they have zero character development!

Stop stop it now!

Both Pike and Bennie are super drunk and start hitting on the girls, incredibly gross style. Bennie even acts as if he is going to whip out his junk, and Buffy slices it.

escalatedquickly

Turns out it was just a hotdog, but it just goes to show you that Buffy is intense. I would not want to mess with her.

So one night as Benny is going home, he gets attacked by a vampire and turned. He goes to the window and tries to get Pike to come out and join him, but even in his alcohol induced state, Pike can tell something is not right.

Benny: Let me in, Pike. I’m *hungry*!

Pike: Go home, Ben.

Benny: [whining] C’mon I’m hungry.

Pike: You’re floating! C’mon, man, get away from here!

uh-no-gif

Pike can tell that things aren’t right and tries to leave the city, thinking anywhere is better than here. As he is fleeing town, he luckily is saved by a creepy dude.

You look like a pervert but I guess thank you?

You look like a pervert but I guess thank you?

 So life is going good for Buffy, until the same perverted-looking, old, creep comes to kidnap her.

Say What

Nah, it’s actually Donald Sutherland who is Buffy’s watcher, Merrick. But he looks like a pervert and sounds UBER CREEPY. He tells her that he can show her “the birthmark mole of slayer, if he can look on her body”, and “Come with me to the graveyard”.

Gilmore girls creep

Apparently Sutherland thought decided to rewrite his dialogue, I’m not sure which lines but I’m guessing these ones as they suck. He’s creepier than Nicholas Cage in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

Certified Creepo Ribbon

I mean did he not hear himself? Did he not hear how creepy he SOUNDS?!!!!!!!

The idea to update to a kindly, well-dressed, English, librarian was just perfect.

Music With it Giles Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy still doesn’t believe him. To prove it, Merrick tosses a knife at her and Buffy catches it.

Buffy: You threw a knife at my head!

Merrick: Yes, I had to show you.

Buffy: But… you *threw* a *knife* at my *head.*

Merrick: And you caught it. Only the chosen one could have caught it.

This scene is amazing. This is some Aragorn-awesomness right here.

So Buffy agrees to go down to the graveyard and wait for Robert to come out so she can kill him. Say what you want about this movie, but you have to admit this Buffy is pretty awesome. She’s tough, intense, and extremely brave.

NCISTonyDinozzoAwesome

While they are waiting, Buffy gets bored and asks him for gum.I don’t know why, but that line just cracks me up.

indiana_jonesoh_yesyeah

I think it is because Merrick is all super serious and trying to get Buffy to understand what’s happening, but Buffy is just bored.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

Robert awakes and Buffy has to fight and take him down.

Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer

Buffy may come off as a a stupid, silly cheerleader, but she can seriously kick butt. When Merrick gets attacked, Buffy takes out, not one but two Vampires.

Gotcha!

Afterwards, Buffy heads home for some serious relaxing with her boyfriend Jeffrey. There we meet her parents who are so out of it. Like in the film, Heathers, they are just selfish and only into themselves.

Buffy’s Mom: Bye-Bye Bobby!

Jeffrey: Bye! She thinks my name is Bobby?

Buffy: It’s possible she thinks *my* name’s Bobby.

I’m not sure which is worse, to have parents who completely ignore you and don’t seem to care a whit, OR a parent that ignores you most of the time, while punishing you the rest (Joyce Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series).

The plot thickens

So her parents go on their merry way, an Buffy + Jeffery spend the night together.

Mmhm great gatsby

We know what they’re doing

Later that night Buffy awakes to a strange man in her bed.

Say What

As Lothos is wakening, the past lives of Slayers are flooding into her and crossing over to her world. It is a very weird scene and for a while keeps you guessing as to what is real and what is all in her head.

Carnival of Souls Don;y know real

So Buffy and Merrick begin her training. Merrick is really hard on her as they have to make up their years of training. I just wonder who’s fault is that?

Mmhm great gatsby

They never explain why Merrick is just approaching Buffy now either. And since we are on the topic, Merrick sucks! He’s creepy, rude, and mean. He keeps pushing Buffy and blaming her, when she’s still trying to get her head around the fact that her life is completely different.

Buffy: All I want to do is graduate from high school, go to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now it may not sound too great to a sconehead like you, but I think it’s swell. And you come along and tell me I’m a member of the hairy mole club so you can *throw* things at me?

Oh ’90s. When everyone was in love with Christian Slater. I know I was.

ChristianSlaterHeathers

Sorry for that, moving back on track.

So Buffy is upset with Merrick as he is pushing her too hard and punches him out.

dean_punching_supernatural

Buffy is a total knockout, literally as it only took one punch to take Merrick down.

Buffy: Oh, wow. I-I never hit anybody before.

Merrick: Really? Well you did it perfectly.

Buffy: I didn’t even break a nail.

Yep, Buffy is awesome!

vampireslayerbuffy

awesome

Merrick gives her some background information on Slayers and Watchers. A slayer is born every generation, being reincarnated when killed (so if you watch the beginning again you’ll notice that Kristy Swanson plays the historical slayer). Merrick trains the girls, watches them die, and then when his life is up he is reincarnated into Merrick the watcher again. A very sad existence if you ask me.

Sadface Batman

After this we get a training montage, Rocky style.

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Yep you always need a montage .

Buffy has accepted everything and gets super into her training. You know it’s actually not that far-fetched that a cheerleader could be this totally awesome fighter. To be a cheerleader you have to do gymnastics, lift weights; it can be INTENSE. And with Buffy, she works hard.

She’s also been hunting at night with Merrick, and one night runs into Pike.

So because of all her training, she’s been missing practices and dance committee meetings. As always in a teen movie, the principal assumes it’s drugs.

Gary: [Thinking Buffy is doing drugs] Hey, there’s nothing to be afraid of! I know where you’re coming from. Believe me. I’ll tell you the truth. I’ve had my drug experiences, too. I did a lot – I did some acid in the Sixties. Well, the late Seventies, actually. It was at a Doobie Brother’s concert… and I could see the music flowing into me, it was bright red and electric, and I felt like a big toaster, and I thought, maybe I am a toaster, we’re all molecules, and my friend Melissa, her head looked like a big party balloon, and that scared me, I started to freak out…

The sad thing is that this is probably the only thing in a teen film that actually resembles reality. When people in power act as if they are a “pal”. Ugh.

2013-11-27-bradpitt friends ugh slap face stupid

So Buffy is really starting to feel the pressure of everything. She has Merrick constantly pushing her to do more and more; otherwise she won’t be ready and die. She has her boyfriend tired of the fact that she can’t spend her time with him, constantly getting mad at her. And she has her friends who don’t understand at all.

Kimberly: Buffy? What’s your sitch? You’re acting like the thing from another tax bracket. It’s too weird.

Buffy: Listen, a lot’s been going on you guys, okay? And I really wanted to talk to you guys about it. See, um, a couple of weeks ago, I met this guy-…

Kimberly: Oh my god, you’re having an affair?

Nicole: Cool!

Jennifer: Does Jeffrey know?

Buffy: It’s not about that. He’s, like, old. He’s fifty.

KimberlyNicoleJennifer: Ewwwww!

Jennifer: Gross!

Buffy: Haven’t you guys noticed what’s been going on here? The strange things? Have you noticed people disappearing, turning up dead?

Nicole: What are you talking about?

Kimberly: Weird? You mean like hanging around with that homeless Poke?

Buffy: Pike.

Nicole: [gasp] Eww, you’re having an affair with him?

Jennifer: He doesn’t look fifty.

Buffy: Guys, I think reality stepped out of here about five minutes ago.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

Yep, the pressure is mounting and to combat it, she goes Shawn Spencer on Merrick, quipping right and left.

Buffy: Does the word “duh” mean anything to you?

I love how sassy she is.

Mmhm great gatsby

To make everything worse, it looks like Buffy’s period has come.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

but it turns out that it is just her Slayer sense.

No thank youhowaboutno

Man that would suck.

Merrick: And you’re going to be able to use that to track them.

Buffy: Great. My secret weapon is PMS. That’s just terrific. Thanks for telling me.

Merrick: It’s not a weapon. It’s an alert system.

Buffy: Well, aren’t we kung fu? I don’t see you out there killing any vampires.

Merrick: I play my part.

Buffy: You can play with your part all you want, but it’s my neck on the block.

That night Pike is wandering around inebriated. And let me tell you I am totally not digging Luke Perry. He’s cute but that’s not enough. All we’ve seen so far is him getting high, drunk, and be nasty.

ew! Gross Yuck

Now this is where the TV did a better job. Every person had a backstory. I mean when they brought Angel on to the show, they started him mysterious and cool, and then revealed his tragic backstory. We need MORE! We NEED a backstory! We NEED development!

come on

One night Pike is drunk, AGAIN, and gets attacked by vampires. Luckily Merrick and Buffy are there. They save his life, AGAIN. As you have probably figured out, with Buffy being the totally awesome Slayer, Pike is her damsel in distress. I mean it’s not like he doesn’t do anything, he helps Buffy fight, becoming her partner, but still gets into trouble a lot. He’s the Sam Winchester to her Dean.

sam_winchester___kidnapped_by_spartichi

After the help him, they defeat Lothos’ right hand man Amilyn, by pulling a Star Wars and cutting off his arm. Amilyn returns to the vampire lair, with the knowledge of Buffy being the Slayer.

Meanwhile, Buffy takes Pike to her home. Pike is homeless (hence the fact that he was working as a mechanic for a home). The thing that really bothers me is that we never find out why. Were his parents horrible and he emancipated himself? Did they die? Is he an orphan? WHAT IS HIS BACKSTORY!!!!!!!!

Sorry about that. Back to the film.

So at Buffy’s home, Pike starts going on how awesome she is, but Buffy is having a hard time keeping it together. She breaks down on and lets out all her feelings.

feelings

And while we haven’t had too much development other than he’s from “the wrong side of town” and a drunk, he just listens to everything she has to say. He doesn’t try to take advantage of her, put the moves on her-nope. All he does is listen.

How romantic

How sweet.

Instantly redeemed.

So the next day, Buffy is back to doing what she normally does. She is trying to hang out with her friends but the spawn of Satan, Kimberly (I’m telling you, don’t name your children that.)

you're evil

Has turned them agaist her. Her boyfriend is also mad and avoiding her.

Reality Sucks

And some football player grabs her for fun.

jerk

But Buffy is not having any of that. She totally takes him down, making him learn his lesson.

Don't mess with me!

Don’t mess with me!

Not kidding, after doing that this is what he says with a straight face: “I see the errors of my ways.” Hilarious & awesome!!!!

And I truly mean it

So something you might have noticed, is that there a quite a few people who have been turned into vampires. It is mostly those on the low side of the totem pole, you know the unpopulars. But there are a few popular kids too. I just wonder how no one has noticed. Well…I guess they do look pretty normal most of the time.

Hmmm....

Hmmm….

So Buffy is going back to her regular schedule as there is a basketball game.

vampireslayerbuffy

They do the cheer “how funky is your chicken, how loose is your goose”. Now years back when I was in middle school and only a select few had cellphones that could not get on the internet, and you couldn’t get on the school computers unless for schoolwork, people came to me with their movie questions. Now I know what you’re thinking:

But it wasn’t like that. Although how AWESOME would that be?????!!!! SUPER AWESOME!!!!!

Anyways you all know how much I love film,

AmericanWerewolfinLondon

Well everyone at school did too. So one of the girls was a cheerleader and they were bringing back the “how funky is your chicken, how loose is your goose” cheer. She knew it was a famous cheer and came to to find out which film it was from. I couldn’t remember the film it was first in, and when I saw this film years later i was like “of course, duh.” Oh well.

oh well

oh well

Anyways, back to the game. So Buffy is cheerleading when she notices something weird. One of the players looks completely different. It turns out that one of the guys has been turned, and as the adreneline starts pumping he starts vamping out.

Dracula

And as he does so, he also starts becoming an awesome basketball player. I guess like in Teen Wolf, becoming something not human increases basketball skills?

Buffy is the only one to realize that he’s a vampire and ends up chasing him down. She finds herself in some weird place which is Lothos hideout. This is the worse place for a lair. I’m not kidding. Like there is a giant horse plant structure, and the whole place is just too obvious to be a secret hideout. Then again this is the most flamboyant Vampire I have ever seen, and he doesn’t care what others think of him.

Favorite Lydia Bennet

Buffy meets Lothos and begins fighting with him, when he puts her in a trance and is about to kill her.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Merrick can’t stand that and interferes. A big watcher NO-NO. Watchers are supposed to train and then watch, no interfering.

And Lothos can’t have that. So he kills him.

Say What

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????????!!!!!!!!! THEY JUST KILLED THE WATCHER!!!!! CAN THEY DO THAT???

He’s not really dead is he? Is he? He is! He is DEAD???!!! WHAT??!!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED???!!!

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Lothos and his horde leave, while Buffy hears Merrick’s dying words. He tells her she’s special and to d things HER way.

Buffy is shocked at the death and completely heartbroken.

right in the feels broken heart

She sufferes from shock of everything and wants to be done slaying. It scares her and hurts her and she just wants out.

idon'tgotthis

She tries to hang out with her friends, but just finds them shallow and vapid. They are also selfish as they don’t want to invite every senior to the dance. Just the cool ones. She yells at them and takes off.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

Her boyfriend is still ignoring her as well. She decides she is just going to be a “normal” girl and goes shopping for a dress. While she is searching for the perfect gown, she runs into Pike. The two have a huge fight as Pike can’t believe she is backing out and letting the world down.

Pike: Buffy, you’re the guy. You are the chosen guy.

Buffy: Right. I’m the chosen one. And I choose to be shopping.

Buffy just wants to be in denial as she is too scared. If she fights she will get hypnotized and die, maybe causing the death of others. If she doesn’t fight then Lothos and his group might kill a ton of people. What’s a girl to do.

I don't know what to do

After the two storm off, we discover that Benny has been hiding in the phone booth. He overheard everything and returns to the master to tell him all about it. When the master hears, he is estatic about the party and chooses it to be the best final moment of Buffy’s life.

So while Buffy is getting ready for the dance, Pike has decided to step up to the plate. He returns to his home above the mechanic shop, and grabs every bit of wood he can find, turning them into stakes.

Get ready for this!

Get ready for this!

So while I have complained about his lack of background (and it still bothers me) every scene after the one when he listened to Buffy he has risen up and up in my esteem.

How romantic

How romantic

So Buffy goes to the dance and I absolutely love her outfit. She has her hair back in a no-nonsense bun, a beautiful puffy white dress, and boots. Yes boots.

princesswearsbootscowboycowgirlIt’s as if she subconsciously wanted to be ready in case something should happen.  Her boots are actually white boxing boots

I can look pretty and feminine and kick butt.

I can look pretty and feminine and kick butt.

It’s awesome how hardcore she is.

Take note Hollywood

Take note Hollywood

So she goes over to her boyfriend, to ask why he didn’t pick her up for the dance. And it turns out that since she wasn’t around to give him what he wanted, he broke up with her on her machine and started dating her friend.

Buffy: You left me a message?

Jeffrey: You weren’t home! Like always.

Buffy: You broke up with my machine?

What a loser.

Jerk

Come on, really? That’s so wrong. He’s a loser to the max. And how could her friend date him? That’s breaking the code!

How rude

 The two leave to have sex in the parking lot and Buffy is left all alone. But not for long as Pike comes to the dance, dressed up in a button up shirt, slacks, and his leather jacket.

swoon dreamy

He brings Buffy flowers and asks her to dance with him.

How romantic

How romantic

Okay, just gained 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 points! That was so sweet of him coming to the dance, especially since he’s not into that sort of thing but did it because he knew it would make her happy!

Perfect Boyfriend

The Vampires come to the dance. Pike gives Buffy all his stakes and his jacket, while she rips her dress so it is shorter and doesn’t constrict movement. She runs to warn everyone to close the doors, as if we don’t invite them in they are unable to come. One problem, she forgot about an earlier conversation.

Buffy: Don’t worry. They can’t come in unless they’re invited.

Kimberly: I already invited ’em. [Buffy looks at her] They’re seniors!

Yes, Buffy was being a good person telling her friends to invite all seniors, and unknowingly just caused one huge problem.

clueless mybad oops

Now when the Vampires come in we really reach a horror/comedy pinnacle. A Com-Ror as I like to say. It’s cheesy, but fun.

dean whinchester shrug smile oh well

Except for the Vampire DJ, that was dumb.

No thank youhowaboutno

So the fight begins. Some parts are silly, others creepy. I still haven’t gotten over seeing Pee-Wee Herman as a vicious vampire. It’s just does not compute that this is the same guy.

processinginfo

Benny tries to convince Pike to turn vampire, and in a bizarre way, channels Christian Slater’s character J.D from Heathers. Talking about people being sheep and this chaos is better, etc. That makes Pike his Winona/Veronica. The only problem is that Benny is nowhere near as hot.

So they kids inside are following Pike and Buffy’s lead trying to take down the vampires, while Buffy heads out to do a throwdown with Lothos.

She takes down Pee-Wee, his right hand man (horrible death scene) and heads down to Lothos. The two fight, with Buffy surprising him with a flame torch made out of hairspray and a cross.

AWESOME!!!

AWESOME!!!

She then stakes him! BUFFY ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

buffythevampireslayer

She and Pike ride off on his motorcycle, as the dumb principal hands out detention slips to the dead vampires:

Gary: [Throwing detention slips on the dead vampires] Detention [Walks to another body]… detention [Walks to another body]… detention. [Throws 2 more slips on the same body. Says quickly]Detention, detention.

And the rest of the group is interviewed about what happened.

TheEnd_Title_2

So How Does It Hold Up?

Some parts of it seem a bit underdeveloped, mainly backstories of the characters. And at times it can be cheesy or silly, but on a whole I loved it.

Say What

Yes, I LOVED IT!!!!! The series on a whole is better, as it has more time to devote to the characters, but this movie was awesome. Buffy is incredible.

buffythevampireslayer

It’s a great film if you are looking for something funny and silly, but with a horror twist.

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1992BUFFYTHEVAMPIRESLAYERD

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to Psycho Strangers: The Girl He Met Online (2014)

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For more on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, go to Heaven on Earth

For more on vampires, go to Monster Movie: Supernatural (2008)

For more Com-Rors, go to Someone Very Special: The Addams Family Values (1993)

For more David Arquette, go to Don’t F*** with the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Someone Very Special: The Addam’s Family Values (1993)

 

Addams_family_values

You’ll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won’t press charges.

I love this movie soooooo, soooo, soooooo, sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!

love it

I have to watch it every October and any other time it is on TV. I  have loved this movie since I was a kid as it is so hilarious and the dialogue is truly amazing.

I really don’t know where to start with this post as I love every part of this film. To be honest, you just need to watch it! It is that good. Much, much, much, better than the first film; don’t even watch it, enjoy this one. This is one of the few times where the sequel far surpasses the original.

Say What

Yes you heard me. The sequel was better.

I just love Morticia and Gomez, they are an amazing couple.

AddamsFamilyValues

So yeah…

Addams Family

The story is that Morticia and Gomez have had a new baby; which Wednesday and Pugsly hate and are trying to destroy.  Anyways, Morticia and Gomez attempt to hire a nanny because Morticia would like some time to herself.

“Morticia: [to Gomez] I’m just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It’s just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.”

After going through a slew of them, they finally get Debbie Jellinsky, played by the amazing Joan Cusack. Debbie seems really nice at first, but we find out that she is trying to get close to Uncle Fester, marry him, kill him, and getting all his money. In fact we find out that Debbie is no ordinary gold-digger, but a full on serial killer.

addams family love and jewelry

And Murder?

Wednesday and Pugsly find out, so Debbie has them sent off to a summer camp which is hilarious. This has some of the best scenes in the film as the kids wreak Addams’ havoc.

addams family values not perky not happy

Debbie tries to complete her plot, but it takes a lot to kill an Addams! Just watch the film! You’ll love it!

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**** Contains Spoilers ****

So one of my favorite parts, is the play that they put on at the summer camp. In the film the camp counselors have broken Wednesday and Pugsly’s spirits, forcing them to watch Disney films which causes them to become perky. They and the other “losers” of the campers are playing the Native Americans in a Thanksgiving play that one of the counselors wrote. But nothing ever goes as planned when an Addams is involved!

Wednesday is AWESOME! I love her. Christina Ricci did an amazing job at being her. I couldn’t imagine a better person.

My other most absolute favorite part is when we get to hear Debbie’s backstory, and why she turned to a life of murder and thievery.

I LOVE this part so much! I have the whole thing memorized and love to recite it!

That’s today’s terrifying post! More to come! 8 Days ‘Till Halloween!

Here’s a cover page/poster I made for my facebook page as part of my countdown to Halloween last year.

11addams

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To start Horrorfest from the beginning, go to I Don’t Belong in the World

To go to the previous post, go to I Can Be Your Best Friend Or Your Worst Enemy

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For more sequels, go to I Want Friend Like Me

For more on serial killers, go to Halloween

For more on summer camp, go to Camp Blood