Why I Still Love My Fair Godmother

Day 25) Y is for Young: Choose a junior or Young adult book

My Fair Godmother (My Fair Godmother #1) by Janette Rallison

I first came upon Janette Rallison when I stumbled upon her book, All’s Fair in Love, War, and High School (Pullman High #2). I thought the story was hilarious, fun, the characters were fun; i.e. I just LOVED it!

I then went on to stalk her work and reading anything published that I could get my hands on: Just One Wish; My Double Life; It’s a Mall World After All; My Unfair Godmother; How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend; Fame, Glory, and Other Things On My To-Do List; Revenge of the Cheerleaders; Playing the Field; and Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Free Throws. 

But out of all of these, my favorite was and still is My Fair Godmother.

Now you all know I like fairy tales,

I mean I have already reviewed I think four retellings. And this book is the ultimate: you get a combo of two fairy tales, magical creatures, princes, funny situations, and just all around a fantastic book.

Yes, even though I’m heading into adulthood more than “young adult”; I still read this book like every three months. I just can’t get enough.

Chrysanthemum “Chrissy” Everstar wants to attend Godmother University and go from “fair” to full. For extra credit she was sent to the Delano family in Herndon, Virginia the 21st century. There she is to figure out which Delano sister is in need of her services and assist them.

She starts with no-nonsense, older sister Jane. Jane is logical, intelligent, and doesn’t care about clothes, looks, or boys.

She is interested in one boy, Hunter, and he approaches her one day, but it turns out that he is dating her younger sister, Savannah.

What?!

Jane is upset but then begins to believe that Hunter does like her and rationalize that everything he does means he really loves her.

But when that moment is shattered she begins an attack on him for hurting him. She gets a makeover, flirts, and does all she can to get other boy’s attentions.

She succeeds in getting his attention and the two date, even though he hasn’t broken up with Savannah.

What jerks

I mean seriously, you are her sister!!! You should know better.

Anyways, after that heartbreak, Chrissy turned her attentions towards Savannah using her magic to give both sister a happily ever after full of handsome princes, beautiful gowns, and a renewed bond.

Yes, in the words of my algerbra II math teacher: “You are not passing this class unless you show you work. Even of the answer is correct I need to see how you came to the answer or you will fail.”

Professor Goldengill, admissions, is not taking that for the full answer. Before they let Chrissy in, they want the whole story, not part of it. They ask the leprechaun who was assigned to assist her, Clover T. Bloomsbottle, but he isn’t helpful in his information either. Only one thing left to do, call in the memory elves.

They go in and get the real story.

Savannah Delano

After Savannah Delano blew her money on the perfect prom dress and spent all that time bringing out Jane’s beauty; her boyfriend dumps her.

And not just dump her, but dump her for her older sister!

Understandably, Savannah is upset and doesn’t make the best decisions. She starts with the normal post-boyfriend phases. Eating sugar:

Getting back and her sister by hiding her stuff

And by buying a bikini (something her parents have forbidden her to wear) to wear to the big pool party. She hopes to capture the interest of someone else and maybe get Hunter back in the process.

To rub the salt in the wound, Hunter and Jane are trying to fix her up with Hunter’s friend Tristan.

Tristan is nice, but having your ex who dumped you for your sister and then try to fix you up is just too painful and embarrassing.

At the pool party, Savannah removes her contacts for fear of losing them or ruining them with chlorine getting in her eyes. She goes swimming and has the most mortifying night; losing her top, going in the men’s room on accident, etc. After that she is done with life and everything.

Enter Chrissy, Savannah’s fair godmother, here to grant her three wishes. Chrissy a gum chewing, bubble headed, heel wearing godmother. Not your usual grade.

Not good

Savannah is given a contract to sign and told that until her wishes are fulfilled she will be cursed with having to tell the truth or else snakes and toads and such will come sliding out of her mouth.

Savannah agrees and tries to figure out what to wish for, this popping out of her mouth:

“I just wish that somehow my life could be like a fairy tale. You know, with a handsome prince waiting for me at the ball, and that somehow when I meet him, everything will work out happily ever after.”

Wish #1: Cinderella

Savannah finds herself sent back to a medieval time and as Cinderella. There she has to serve two evil stepsisters and a stepmother.

Forced to do backbreaking labor for months that she has no skills or knowledge of doing before. Everyday she calls for Chrissy, but gets no answer.

Then Prince Edmond, Prince Hugh, and their sister stop by the house when passing through and in need of lodging for the night. There Savannah sees the handsome prince destined for her, is actually nothing but a big jerk.

She continues to call and call with Chrissy finally answering. Chrissy has sent Savannah long before the ball to learn her lesson. Savannah, however, doesn’t want this and makes a new wish.

“I just…um…I want to feel beautiful and loved, and although I like the idea of having a prince, he has to be more than just handsome and rich. He has to be nice and kind…”

Wish #2: Snow White

Savannah now finds herself as Snow White living with seven dwarves. Apparently Snow White isn’t the brightest bulb of the bunch as the dwarves treat her like an imbecile.

And Savannah can’t do anything to show she is intelligent as she doesn’t know their names, doesn’t know how to make bread, doesn’t know how to make soup, and doesn’t know the people in the town.

After a truly embarrassing scene where she tries to outwit the tale of her poisoning to only confusing a harmless widow with the witch’s change of appearance:

She then tries to convince the group she is from another time as Chrissy won’t return her calling her and she doesn’t know what else to do. They don’t believe her and plan to do some bloodletting to remove the crazy.

Chrissy finally comes and Savannah makes her third wish.

“I don’t want to be in some medieval fairy tale. I want to live back home with my family. When I said I wanted a prince, I didn’t mean somebody from history or the pages of a storybook. I meant that I wanted that type of guy, but I wanted him from my own day and age. I want a boyfriend who is nice, kind-and handsome too, but that’s not the most important thing. As I’ve thought about Jane and Hunter during my time here, I realized that the problem was that he never liked me, he just liked what I looked like. He always wanted someone who was more like Jane and when they met, well, it was just bound to turn out that way. So I want someone who is loyal and has integrity-but most important I want a guy who likes my personality…And okay, I admit that in the past I haven’t applied myself in school like I should have, but I’m turning over a new leaf, so I want a guy who is smart too. And I want this guy to go to prom with me.”

Back Home

Savannah is thrilled to be home again, to her it has been months (one week there equals one hour in our time) but the family thinks she has just been in her room for hours; Chrissy’s magic not perfect as it should be as if no time has passed like in Narnia. And after being forced to eat medieval food, she pigs out and enjoys modern living.

But then Savannah goes to school and hears Tristan is missing.

Not good

She starts to suspect what might have happened, with Chrissy confirming it. Chrissy has sent him back to the medieval time that Savannah was in. He has to become a prince or else he can’t come home again. Savannah tries to wish him out, but can’t as she has used up all her wishes already.

She tries to get help from Clover, setting up a leprechaun trap, but he will only help is she promises to send him and his gold back to Ireland.

Ugh! My life!

She agrees, and Clover points out that in the contract she can oversee her wishes. Therefore Chrissy can send her back to that time so she can aid Tristan. Savannah returns her prom dress and uses the money to buy a costume dress to wear, along with paying the postage to send Clover back. But before leaving she uses all her knowledge of the times to pack items that she can use to barter and will help them: aspirin, spices, costume jewelry of glass, silverware, etc.

She also makes Jane promise to mail the package for her as she has no time to waste.Eventually Chrissy answers her and Savannah finds herself back in time.

Wish #3: Turn Tristan into a Prince

When Tristan meets her he is less than happy, having spent about five months in medieval times due to her wish. Savannah explains she didn’t mean it, and she had just gotten cheated on and dumped for her older sister. This softens Tristan.

Aw, man.

She shows Tristan the items she brought and he explains what must be done in order for him to become a prince. He needs to kill a cyclops, a dragon, and defeat a mysterious black knight.

The next day he goes to get fitted for armor, while Savannah runs into a wizard. There she trades some items to get a potion switching elixir. If she kisses anyone or is kissed (or licked by an enchanted animal) she will find herself trading enchantments with that person (or animal). This becomes increasingly hard as she finds herself falling for Tristan, but unable to share about her curse or show her feelings as she can’t get the enchantment to become a prince. She’ll never be able to go home!

Savannah calls for the black knight, and ends up getting him to kiss her, swapping his invincibility for her only being able to tell the truth. She then tries to help Tristan fight the cyclops, making a mess and having to be rescued.

Not in this case.

However things get even more complicated when Jane and Hunter arrive (having opened the box and striking a deal with Clover), the Princess wants to get rid of Savannah, both Princes appear to be fighting over her, and it turns out that she is still living out her Cinderella and Snow White wishes. This means not only does she have to go to the ball, where Edmond will fall for her, but Snow White’s stepmom is still trying to kill her.

Will Savannah be able to save Tristan and get back home? Or will she be doomed to spend the rest of her days in Medieval Times?

I love this book so much and think it is the penultimate for any fairy tale fan. I also just love Tristan, he is beyond the perfect guy.

If only he were real:

So yes, go to your local library or bookstore and pick up your copy today!

To start the 30 Day Challenge from the beginning, go to It Was a Pleasure to Burn: Fahrenheit 451

For the previous post, go to Xactly Why I Think Beastly is An Xcellent Story

For more fairy tales, go to At Midnight, Your Coach Will Become a Pumpkin Again, and the Animals Will Regain Their Original Shape Until Your Next Ball: Ella Enchanted

For more on Cinderella, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

For more on Snow White, go to Snow White of A Day

For more sisterly rivalry, go to Fantastic Fantasies

For more Audrey Hepburn, go to The Dashwood Sisters Tell All: A Modern Day Novel of Jane Austen

And once again:

Merry Christmas

“And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10-11 (KJV)

At Midnight, Your Coach Will Become a Pumpkin Again, and the Animals Will Regain Their Original Shape Until Your Next Ball: Ella Enchanted

Day 8) H is for Happily Ever After: Choose a novel that is a retelling of a Fairy Tale

So you all know how I feel about fairy tales:

And besides fairy tales, I like to read retellings of them. So out of all the ones I read and have ever read I had to think, which is the best one. So I thought and thought and thought…

And then it came to me…

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine

When I was younger I loved going to the library (still do).

I used to go and look through the stacks for the next books I wanted to check out. I would go down the rows and pick whatever stood out to me, along with the book I would read all the time, The Phantom of the Opera. I was obsessed with The Phantom of the Opera and would check it out, return it, then check it out again in an endless cycle.

 My mom didn’t like my obsession with The Phantom of the Opera as she is not a horror fan.

So she also roamed the stacks and tried to find something, anything else, for me to read that wasn’t dark. I don’t know where or how she found it, but after I picked out as many books as I could take:

I ran into her. She wanted me to leave The Phantom of the Opera behind as I had just read it, and wanted me to try out this book, Ella Enchanted. She had read it while waiting for me and thought I would like it. I didn’t want it as I wanted what I had picked out.

We argued for a while and then reached a compromise, I would check out The Phantom of the Opera but had to check out and read Ella Enchanted. I agreed, but secretly thought I wouldn’t like it, even if it was based on a fairy tale; and I loved fairy tales (still do).

Oh well.

But then I read it!

And I had this reaction…

I thought it was absolutely amazing! I loved it so much I went on to read her other books: The Princesses of Bamarre, The Fairy’s Mistake, Cinderellis and the Glass Hill, The Princess Test, Princess Sonora and the Long Sleep, For Biddle’s Sake, The Fairy’s Return, and Fairest. Levine is amazing in how she rewrites fairy tales and breathes new life into them.

This story is a retelling of Cinderella but not one of those average ones that film companies throw out year after year; this one has curses, ogres, elves, quests, fairies, obstacles, etc. It is amazing!

Wow

And then they made the film of it…

They ruined it! All the amazing things and hard work, and all the challenges she has to work through tossed out for a silly comedy?!!

The book had heartbreak, real emotion, pain, suffering, while having comedy, and fun; and the film was a stupid facsimile.

I mean they only had two things in common: Ella’s curse and the name of all the characters. Everything else was completely wrong. I was so mad I started yelling in the movie theater. That film is crap and deserves to be destroyed.

But this book is AMAZING! And I think everyone should read it!

If you recall from the original tale of Sleeping Beauty, or the film, fairies were invited to births and would bestow gifts on the new babies.

Ella is visited by the fairy Lucinda and given the “gift” of obedience. Lucinda called it a gift, but it is really a curse as Ella must always find herself at the will of others, forced to do whatever she is told.

Her mother and their cook, Mandy, tried to intercede for her but nothing could change Lucinda’s mind. Ella was stuck.

Ella’s mother was a lady who married Sir Peter, a merchant. At first, to win her heart, he came off as kind but he really only cares about money and having his way. Luckily, at Ella’s birth he was not there but off trading, or else he would have seized upon the gift and used it to have his way always.

When Ella was a young girl she told her friend about the curse when they were playing games. Her friend immediately seized upon it and commanded all kinds of things, only stopping when punched in the nose.

After that, Ella was commanded to never tell anyone about it, but that command didn’t matter. She knew not to trust anyone so easily again.

How the curse works is that if Ella is given any command she must follow it. Failure to comply makes her very ill, in pain, nauseous, and feeling as if she will shatter into pieces. As soon as she begins following the orders, she is okay again.

The problem with the curse is not only that she must follow any order given, such as kill yourself, is that the curse does not recognize sarcasm or jokes, and she must follow every letter of the command. Very dangerous indeed.

But Ella is no one’s willing puppet.

Instead of making me docile, Lucinda’s curse made a rebel of me. Or perhaps I was that way unnaturally.”

When given commands, even harmless ones that were just for her own good, Ella would do her best to fight back. Asked to bring something, she would only take part of it. Asked to do something, would only do half or find some loophole to work around it. Did all she could to fight back against it.

When Ella was fifteen, she and her mother became extremely sick. Mandy gave the two unicorn soup, but instead of drinking it with the unicorn hairs in it, Ella’s mother removed them. Because of this Ella became well, but her mother died.

The funeral comes and Ella is heartbroken. She makes a mess of herself and is told to go off until she can be calm. After crying her soul out, she notices that one person remains. The Prince.

Prince Charmont introduces himself as Char and tells Ella how he enjoyed meeting her mother in the past. He tells her the stories his cook has heard from Mandy about Ella, and walks her back to her father.

Back at the house Ella meets Dame Olga and her two daughters; Hattie and Olive. Dame Olga is after her Sir Peter as he is extremely wealthy and she wants to increase her wealth and power. Hattie and Olive are annoying, boring, and just want to eat and talk about money.

Men?

Later that night, an upset Ella questions Mandy about her fairy godmother. Her mother was going to tell her when she was older, and Ella wants to see her to get her help. Mandy reveals she is the fairy godmother. She only does small magic, and her soup should have cured her mother but she removed the unicorn hair. After that, there was nothing else she could do. She can’t take her curse away either, but one day Ella will be able to break it herself.

Ella’s family line are the friends of the fairies. They all have a drop of fairy blood in them, which doesn’t give them anything different except for unusually small feet.

Sir Peter is not the fatherly type, as anything that doesn’t have a monetary ching doesn’t interest him. He wants to send Ella away somewhere, but she wants to stay. But nothing she can say will stop him.

Not good

Mandy has nothing she can do and promises that Ella will have fun meeting different school girls and making new friends. She gives her a fairy tale book that is magic! And a Gnomish necklace that belonged to Ella’s mother.

Before Ella leaves, she heads off to the zoo to visit all her favorite exotic animals: the dragons, birds, centaurs, etc. She runs into Char and the two spend a fun afternoon together. As they walk further toward the ogres, they come upon a baby gnome.

Ella tries to help the gnome, using the gnomish she imitates from the exotic birds. Char looks around for his parents, but the real danger lies in the ogres. Just by looking at you they know your secrets. As Ella holds the baby, the ogre commands her to come to him and give him the child.

Not good

Luckily Char commands her to stop and they find the gnome parents. Gnomes can see into the future, and one gives Ella a glimpse:

Gnomes do not see detail. What you wear tomorrow, what you will say, are mysteries. I see outlines only…Danger, a quest, three figures. They are close to you, but they are not your friends…Beware of them.”

Not good

They next day she is off to finishing school, going with Hattie and Olive. After being together for a few minuets, Hattie discovers that Ella must follow every order given. She doesn’t know why, but that doesn’t stop her from lording over Ella.

What jerks

Hattie takes everything from Ella; her money, jewelry, and food. And when they get to school it gets no better. No matter how hard Ella tries, Hattie always has the power.

The teachers make it no better as they are as bad as Miss Michin in A Little Princess. Ella does all she can to fight back their commands, constantly trying to keep herself from becoming a puppet.

Ella has only two bright spots in her day. One is the magic fairy book that not only presents a new tale every time you open it, but also gives letters from her friends and those she cares about. One night she reads a letter from Mandy that Char caught her a centaur and is training it for her. He is extremely upset that she was sent away as he thought Ella was perfect the way she was.

How sweet!

The other thing that goes better for her is that she befriends an Ayorthaian girl, Areida. None of the other girls like her because she is poor, but she and Ella become the best of friends. One night,  Hattie decides she doesn’t like this glimpse of happiness. She commands Ella to stop being her friend.

Ella looks in her book as she contemplates what to do. In it is a note from Dame Olga to her daughters, one from Char about his ogre hunting, and then a letter from her father that he will be visiting a giant’s wedding in the hopes of seeing a fairy, and getting a fairy gift to trade. Ella sees this as the perfect opportunity and decides that she will run away from school and go to the wedding to try and get Lucinda to get rid of her curse. Before she goes she steals Hattie’s wig.

Ella heads out to the giants, trading her wig with a baker for bread. She is told that the giants aren’t too far off, but as she travels the journey is longer and longer. She then comes upon elves with spears.

Not good

She tells them who she is, Sir Peter’s daughter, and they invite her to dinner. She shares her book with them and afterwards they show her their elfin products. Elfin made objects look as if they are alive, and are extremely valuable. They end up giving Ella one, as they like to give their gifts to those who love them.

The net day she sets off with an Elfin pony and is told it is only four days to the giants. Unfortunately, her luck turns.

Ella is captured by Ogres. They have eaten her pony and want to eat her next, but luckily she vomits, making her too “sour” to eat. She hopes to leave, maybe if they bind her she can go, but the ogres know her story. They just command her and she is stuck.

But Ella has one other option. She has been studying languages at school and learned how to speak ogreese. She tricks them into falling asleep, a small win but what to do next?

As she contemplates, she sees a vision of knights coming. But they aren’t a vision, they are real! It is Char. They try and capture the ogres, but are only able to when Ella charms them again and puts them back to sleep.

After a wonderful reunion, Char sends her on her way with one of her knights. He promises that he won’t be gone long and hopes to see her again soon.

How sweet!

They get there just in time for the wedding. The knight heads back to the ogres, and Ella sits watching for the fairies. They arrive, but before Ella can talk to Lucinda, she grants a horrible gift to the Giants and disappears.

She is upset, but at least there is food.

As she is eating she goes to talk to the other two normal fairies, but then Lucinda reappears. Ella tries to talk to her about the fairy gift, but Lucinda just commands her to to be happy, and Ella runs off looking for Sir Peter to get more orders.

Sir Peter has sold land that didn’t belong to him and will have to pay for this with all his money and then some. He tries to marry Ella off to Edmond, Earl of Warwick. To make sure things flow right, he feeds her special mushrooms to make her extra attentive.

What a jerk

It works as she fawns over him and he is interested in her hand in marriage.

That guy!

The next day, Ella has a horrible hangover and feels stupid about what happened. But luckily, the Earl has lost a lot of his lands and is too poor for Sir Peter; no marriage. But what’s worse, Sir Peter is to marry Dame Olga.

Uhhhhh!

Hattie and Olive will be her step sisters.

The wedding happens in the old castle and Ella tries to hide from her family and the fairy Lucinda. Luckily it is a masquerade and she has a mask to hide her identity. She sits through the ceremony and takes off as soon as she can.

She runs upstairs into a room, when she is come upon by Prince Char.

They skip the ball and search the castle for secret passageways and rooms, having a reunion. They stop at a garden shed where they open a bench and find glass slippers. Char puts them on her.

Then Char asks her to dance.

So romantic!

Afterwards, they decide to slide down the bannister. The second time the two run right into Ella’s confused parents.

Afterwards, things go bad. Dame Olga finds out that Sir Peter is poor. She decides that Ella will be a servant in their house as soon as Sir Peter leaves.

Hattie is upset that the prince likes Ella and punishes her.

Char is going away to the neighboring country and wiill be gone for a while. He stops to see Ella before he goes, but Hattie imprisons her in her room.

After that Ella lives out every day a servant, doing the worst and most horrible tasks. She writes to Char, and the two develop a beautiful relationship. Char is a dream come true, although he does have his faults. When his opinion is lost it is lost forever.

But we all have our faults, if the person was a perfect person with nothing wrong with him, then he’d be as bland as a saltine.

As they write Ella falls in love with Char, and her dream comes true when Char asks her to marry him.

Ella wants to say yes, but she can’t because of the curse. It would be too dangerous, so she writes as Hattie and refuses the prince; her heart breaking at every moment.

There’s real love there. She cares more about Char’s happiness rather  than her own and would never risk his life.

She tells Mandy, and Mandy decides that Lucinda really needs to be stopped. She calls her in and they make an agreement: Lucinda will be a squirrel for three months and then an obedient child for another three months.

She’ll get what’s coming to her.

Ella holds on to the hope that in six months Lucinda will take the curse away and she can marry Char.

The night before Lucinda is to com,e Hattie tells Ella that the Prince is coming back and is holding a masked ball. The ball will last for three nights and the Prince is rumored to pick his wife there.

Ella is ecstatic. She has hope again to win Char back! Lucinda comes that night and says that she regrets everything and would love to take everything back. But Lucinda won’t, as she is done with “big” magic.

Ella is heartbroken, but she is planning to go to the balls. She won’t talk to him, she will just sit and watch.

They take the dresses saved from her mother, refashion them, and all is ready except is rains, a pouring rain.

Saddened at this, she wishes that Mandy would do magic, but Mandy refuses. She calls on Lucinda who gives her a pumpkin carriage, mice turned into footmen ands she is off to the ball.

She sees Char and stays as far away as she can. But she ends up being unable to hold out and talks to him. She tells him she is Lela and they spend a lot of time together, so much that they fall all over again for each other.

But Hattie, not to be undone, removes the mask she wears

And it is Ella.

She hurries home as fast as she can, and they try to leave, but the Prince and entourage arrive. Char asks Ella to marry him.

Dame Olga says yes, as that will give her power and money; Olive says yes as that will give her money; Hattie says no as she wants him for herself. Char tells her to say yes. Ella wars within herself, what should she do!

She knows that saying yes would be death of them, she practically splits apart in two; but then she refuses! She refuses!

After she let’s it all out, after she has finally broken the curse: she tells Char yes.

They get married and live happily ever after; with Ella finally being able to make choices: good and bad, she finally is in charge of her own life.

To start the 30 Day Challenge from the beginning, go to It Was a Pleasure to Burn: Fahrenheit 451

For the previous post, go to You Will Be Haunted By Three Spirits: A Christmas Carol

For more on Cinderella, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

For more books based on fairy tales, go to I Found this Blank Book of Stitched Together Pages…I’ll Record the Details of Our Confinement: Book of a Thousand Days

For more Audrey Hepburn quotes, go to The Dashwood Sisters Tell All: A Modern Day Novel of Jane Austen

For more J. Cole, go to A Cautionary Tale

For more John Green, go to The Fans and the Furious

Since this is a fairy tale, I thought I should pick a fairy tale Christmas Carol. I settled on the Miniature Overture from The Nutcracker Suite.

The Nutcracker is based on the fairy tale by E.T.A. Hoffmann’s story The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. The ballet was written by Ilyich Tchaikovsky and premiered in 1892.

I like this song a lot and it is my favorite in the entire suite.

For more Christmas carols, go to Austenland

It Was the Curse. My Curse: The Cheerleader Murders (2016)

“It was the curse. My curse.”

So I was housesitting and dogsitting for a family friend while they went camping, and they asked if I would hang out with their dogs as they just love attention. They told me to help myself to anything to drink and that I could watch TV or movies.

Sounds good to me.

As dogs love attention I would come multiple times a day. And as I don’t have cable anymore I miss watching TCM (Turner Classic Movies) along with Lifetime and Hallmark.

So I was checking out what was on and then decided to look up xfinity’s on demand. I came across this movie’s summary.

Ellie was just your regular cheerleader until her father and sister were murdered. Now she’s investigating, but then two other girls are kidnapped. It seems as if the killer is on to Ellie’s investigation. Will she figure it out before they go after her next?

I thought it sounded great. Girl’s father and sister are murdered and she’s hunting down the killer’s in this huge game of cat and mouse?

I’m ready to watch

This film was no where near that at all.

Majorly

Instead it was stupid, Ellie was a giant numbskull, and it was extremely obvious who the killer was. I hated it and wished I hadn’t wasted my time.

However, as I already spent about two hours watching, so you guys are going to get my review.

As I didn’t really like the film it will be mostly images from other things. Just a quick FYI for you all.

So the film starts off extremely strangely. The girl believes everything that has gone wrong in her life is because of a curse.

Some “curse” of cheerleaders follows her family. First the prom king was killed  when he was with her mom in high school. Then her sister and her boyfriend broke up. He didn’t take it kindly and snuck into the house. Ellie saw him and didn’t say anything due to her shock. He went into the sister’s room and shot her.

The father hearing the cries came out and was shot as well. The boyfriend then committed suicide.

Ellie blames herself for the murders, saying they happened because she is cursed.

Now I get blaming yourself (even though it wasn’t her fault. In fact if she had tried to do something she probably would have been killed) but a curse? A curse? Really? Why does she believe it? It makes zero sense, it just doesn’t jell of line up. There is no reason why she would believe she is cursed.

huh

So now it is a year later. The mom and daughter are strangely still living in the same house. I don’t know way they wouldn’t have moved, I sure would’ve.

Getting out of here

So Ellie is friends with the two most popular girls in school, also cheerleaders, Morgan and Dee. Morgan’s parents are out of town so she’s having a sleepover with Dee and Ellie. Ellie also dates the newest, yet hottest, guy in the school; Nicholas.

They think they are pretty hot.

Meanwhile, there is a guy who is on the fringe of high school social society, Ben. He tries to talk to Morgan but Dee scares the “loser” off.

Meanwhile, Morgan and the coach seem very friendly, so much that there is a rumor that something might be going on there but Morgan denies it.

At the sleepover one of the girls notices a little clay bunny. They ask Morgan where it came from, but Morgan doesn’t know, it just appeared.

So the sleepover doesn’t end well. Ellie and Dee are trying to find out if Morgan’s rumors with the coach are true. She gets mad and says some remarks to the two girls. Dee strikes back and Ellie gets offended when they say something that triggers her father’s and sister’s death.

Ellie leaves and heads home. When she arrives there she finds a clay bunny in her room too.

The next day Morgan and Dee don’t show up at school. It isn’t weird that they would skip, as neither girl is really an academic like Ellie, but hey would never miss the big day of the pep rally, I mean after all Dee’s the head cheerleader.

Something is not right!

Ellie decides to drive out to the house to check on the girls, but both are gone! And it looks like a struggle!  She calls the police and they start investigating as to what could have happened.

Hmm…

Ellie goes home where they have the police wait outside just in case. After all, everyone knew she was going to be at the sleepover, she is lucky she left when she did or she would’ve been taken too.

Woah! Close Call!

Now I don’t understand why she thinks there is a “curse” that affects her. I mean she is pretty lucky. Here she wasn’t kidnapped, and later  she does some real stupid things but makes it out okay. If anything she should think she is a “blessed” person.

Anyways, so she is at home while her boyfriend pulls a Billy from Scream and sneaks in through the window instead of going through the front door.

Now immediately I think, “hey, he’s new in town, this never happened before they moved here, and he gives off mega Billy vibes.” He is definitely in the equation.

So they end up finding Morgan’s body out of town in a ravine. It matches up with some other deaths that have happened all over the country, and is clearly the work of a serial killer. The FBI are called in and are very interested in Ellie.

But why would they think that Ellie is involved? There is zero evidence and no reason why she would do such a thing.

The FBI find a clay bunny in Dee’s room as well. Could it be left by the killer?

Ellie then receives a threatening note at school and decides to tell NO ONE ABOUT IT!!

What the HECK?!! WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?! So stupid! TELL the POLICE!!!

And this makes no sense at the end. How did the…whoa getting a head of myself.

So Ben has been questioned by the police and acting up, yelling, being mean, etc. Ellie becomes suspicious of Ben and decides to investigate.

And DOES THE STUPIDEST THING EVER!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING GOING TO THE HOUSE OF A PERSON YOU THINK IS A KIDNAPPER AND MURDERER?

There, at Ben’s house, Ellie finds a bunch of clay bunnies. She freaks out, and then Ben come home with his drugged up mother. He says that he did leave the bunnies, but only because he wanted to be friends with them.

Well then why you creeping around? I mean I know that he didn’t feel he could approach them one on one in school, as they might be cruel or laugh in his face. But come on man, did you really think that by breaking into their house you would become besties with them?

Ben gets arrested, of course, but I know it’s not him. 1) He doesn’t seem like a killer, just a misunderstood boy looking for the love he is not getting from an abusive mother. 2) Its too easy. 3) There is a whole lot more left to the film.

Nope, not him.

Now Ben, I feel bad for you but you are going about this all in the completely WRONG way. First, stop skulking about the halls, no one likes a skulker. Second, stop being so mean and grouchy. Everyone likes a brooder but not someone who yells all the time. “

So Ellie gets more threats, but these through her text messages. She still choses to not discuss it with the police.

She’s also not even freaked out that crazy kidnapper and murderer, nay serial killer is after her. She’s just like no big deal.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

So she is not at all questioning her boyfriend or his father’s weird behavior. I mean she barely knows them, they just moved here, none of this happened before they came.

It is totally one of them and I’m leaning toward the dad.

Ellie decides to head out to where Morgan was found and the little altar/memorial they made for her but does the stupidest thing in the world.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

First, she was supposed to go with her mom but tells her she can’t because Nicholas and her are going together. Then Nicholas offers to go with her but she turns him down as she wants to go BY HERSELF TO TRY AND CATCH THE KILLER!!! Can you believe that? How stupid! Did you just forget that you’ve been threatened twice already?

You are just asking to be killed.

So I’m like please take a weapon or something with you, and does she? NO! BECAUSE SHE IS A BIG, FAT, STUPIDHEAD. Jeez, I try not to judge but you are really encompassing that stereotype of dumb cheerleader because you are so dumb!!!

My dream ending is that Ben will comes to Ellie’s rescue somehow, redeeming him and making everyone love and want to be his friend. That’s how I would end it. Either the dad or boyfriend turns out to be the psycho and Ben has to help her.

But back to the film. As soon as Ellie gets to the memorial, everyone just disappears! Why?

Morgan’s dad comes depressed, sad, and acting really creepy. A big red herring is what I think, tossing him in like that as a potential suspect.

You think I’m really going to fall for that?

As Ellie is leaving a car kind of attacks her and they go on a chase, but he takes off and Ellie gets no plates or anything.

So Ellie decides to drive up the highway where Morgan was found. So goes up to THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!!! YOU ARE JUST ASKING TO BE KILLED, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!

She finds this house that is all alone and just looks like the ideal murder spot. And what does she do? Call the police? NO OF COURSE NOT. THIS DUNDERHEAD DECIDES TO GO MARCHING IN. Just because you can’t see a car doesn’t mean the killer isn’t there. And what if there is more than one? Eh? You don’t have anything to protect yourself. I mean, seriously.

Look at your life, look at your choices. You are making some really bad ones.

So she breaks a window and gets into the house. Now of course this is the murder site, the writer of this flick wasn’t too bright or interesting. But what if this wasn’t the murder house? What if this house belongs to someone and you just wrecked it? You just don’t think do you.

Or do anything

This girl is so dumb, she deserves to die. Now I’m not usually that callous, but seriously the way she is acting. She’s asking to be a victim.

So Ellie hears a noise and heads down into the basement. There she finds Dee chained up, starved, and abused. Ellie gets her free and expects her friend to take off with her, but Dee is in too much of shock. She can barely move. If only Ellie had not forgotten to bring her phone.

Yes this entire movie Ellie has her phone permanently in her pocket, but then this one time she cold really use it, she left it in her car.

Then the killer returns. This part as actually interesting as the girls have to play a type of cat and mouse trying to flee from their attacker. Now this guy is fast, really fast like a football player. Hmm…just like her boyfriend and her boyfriend’s dad…

The killer is wearing a mask so they can’t see who it is. As they are running, Dee of course falls as she barely has control over her body after being bound for so long. The killer gets her as Ellie continues to run to the car and eventually has to go before she too is killed.

Told you so!

Again she blames the curse but this is on you. Too bad you didn’t bring a friend with you. Or your phone.

So later Ellie is an artist and draws the car that she saw trying to drive her off the road. Nicholas comes over to cheer her up when he looks at the sketch and freaks out:

Nicholas: [Worried] It’s happening again.

The dad is the killer, he just has to be the one!

Then we have Ellie who is completely convinced she is cursed and everything is her fault.

Blah, blah

Again with that? Really. I mean a five year old would believe that but you are almost an adult and you think a “curse” is to blame?

Anyways we have this weird and crazy flashback. This happens periodically throughout the film but have no reason. They don’t add anything to the story and they are just dumb.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

Ellie then gets a creepy message about how she can’t save the other? Others who? cheerleaders? I mean, come on. If you are going to threaten someone be clear.

So Ellie starts talking to her mom about the curse and the mom is actually pretty bright and decides to send her to the grandma in Sacramento.

It is extremely rare in this film.

Ellie is mad and decides to go see Nicholas to tell him good-bye. Nicholas isn’t home so the dad lets her go up to his room to wait for him. Nicholas’ room is really weird. He has a bunch of pics of himself, nothing with friends or anyone, just him. Weird.

Nicholas finally comes home and says some vague creepy things.

Nicholas: What if things weren’t exactly how you think they are.

What are you talking about?

The dad ends up killing his son and goes after Ellie taking her back up to the house. Luckily, the FBI were doing their job and has investigated the house, discovering it belongs to Nic’s dad. One of the FBI saves Ellie.

The film is over!!!

But Ellie still doesn’t think she is safe. She is still CURSED. UGH!!!!

So yeah. This film was extremely bad.Do yourself a favor and just skip on by it.

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to That Face-I’ve Seen Her Before…: Let Me Call You Sweetheart (1997)

For more cheerleader-horror films, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more on curses, go to You Will Die in Seven Days: The Ring (2002)

For more serial killers, go to She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

 For more sucky films, go to Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

You Will Die in Seven Days: The Ring (2002)

“You will die in seven days…”

So many of you might remember the post I did a year ago on Ringu, the original Japanese film. I had watched Ringu because I had heard that it was far creepier and better version that the American one. However, I found that to be false, with The Ring being the creepier one of the two. This was mostly due to the actors, some story changes, and a better explanation of Samarra. But more than anything else, my own personal connection to the film (I’ll mention that at the end).

So I was home alone one night (my roommates were all out of town for the weekend) and decided that I would spend the night in watching films. I had spotted this at the library and decided that it was perfect film for the occasion. I decided that instead of watching it alone in the living room, I would watch it in my room with the lights off. You know, set the “creepy mood”.

So the story is pretty similar to the Japanese film. You have two girls who are talking about a cabin weekend that one of the girls, Katie, had gone to. Suddenly the topic of a cursed videotape comes up. If you watch this tape you will die in seven days. After her niece dies, the main character, Rachel (Naomi Watts) starts tracking down what caused her death and gets caught up in a supernatural mystery. (For more info check out Ringu or watch the film).

So what made this film much creepier than the original? Let’s get started.

1. Lighting/Set Design

I’m not sure where the story takes place but it is always raining and gloomy. Plus the camera crew gave the whole movie this blue tint when filming which also adds to the creepiness/horror film feel to it.

 

2. The Kid

In the first film Yoshi wasn’t really in the film that much. He had the nightmares and could hear his cousin “calling” to him, but that was mostly it. He watches the video, which leads his mother to try even harder to discover how to stop it. He then gets dropped off at his grandfather’s house for a bit and we don’t see him until the end of the film.

In the remake this kid is SUPER CREEPY

He’s kinda like Cole from The Sixth Sense, that is if Cole wasn’t a cutie. I mean this kid is an uber creep as he only talks in monotone, and doesn’t act like a kid at all-more like a 30 year old man. To top it off he even draws strange murderous pictures. Horrifying.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3) The Video

So The Ring came out four years after Ringu and had much better special effects, not gonna lie about that. And the video was much more creepy in this film. Freaky, emphasis on the FREAK.

4. Samara/Background Explanation

So in the original film we don’t get a full background on her. We find out that a professor was looking into studies of mental telepathy and other things like that. He found a woman that has this ability and the two end up having a child that for some reason is more powerful, and CRAZY! The main character’s ex-husband also just happens to have this ability. That’s it. That’s all we get.

How does it pass down? Why does the husband have it? Is that why they got a divorce? Why was the girl so much stronger? Why did she kill all the horses?

In the remake they give her a weirder background that explains her murderous tendencies. She was almost drowned as a baby, taken away from her family, and then put into social services. She has a history of trying to get attention/be the center of attention. She was adopted by a couple that really wanted kids but she was unlike anything they had ever seen. She started to develop these powers that freaked out her parents as she was getting into their minds.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She goes to a psychiatric hospital and is questioned and treated, causing her to react as a kid would with anger. She kills her doctor and gets sent back home to the horse ranch.

To prevent her from harming anyone, they put her up in the barn away from everyone else with only a TV set. This makes her very angry.

She gets very jealous and kills all the horses by making them go insane. To her adoptive mother, Anna, those were her children. She loved them and cared for them. She has a complete mental breakdown and gets sent to a sanatarium. After she is released the family goes to the mountains and she kills Samarra by throwing her down a well, and them committing suicide herself.

It may be strange, but explains things a whole lot more than the original. Plus it is very creepy.

So personal connection.

As I mentioned earlier, I was home alone. I had 5 housemates; 3 were staying the night at their boyfriends house and 2 had gone home to see her parents. My actual roommate had gone home to see her parents and wasn’t coming back until the next day. Instead of chilling in the living room, I took my food into my bedroom, along with the film.

So I was watching the film and had just gotten to the part when Rachel has watched the tape and received the call that in seven days she will die. Just as she has hung up her phone, my phone rings!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I pause the film and reach for the phone, shakily saying hello as its ringing scared the bejeezus out of me.

It was just my sister. She had an idea for something and wanted to bounce it off me.

Phew!

So I go back to watching the film. As I reach the part when Samarra comes out of the TV

My door starts to open.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So let me explain campus security. The dorms I was living in were like townhouses. They had 4 bedrooms-2 singles & 2 doubles. Every student was given an ID card that held campus money, allowed us to check out books, go into the rec center & dining hall, and most importantly our rooms. We had two doors to the dorms that were set to only accept the cards of the people of the house. Besides running your card through the slot (like a debit card) each member of the house had a unique four-digit number to gain access. A card wasn’t enough, you had to use your code as well. Plus the code had to match the card or else you were out of luck.

To make that even more impressive, every room was encoded to only accept the occupant’s card. My roommate and I were the only ones who could into my room, unless someone had one of our cards. (The codes were only for the front & back doors.)

So you can see why I was freaked out. Everyone had made plans to be gone, defintely be gone. But yet here was my door opening and someone or something entering.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It being really dark and the fact that the rooms were L-shaped (therefore making it hard to see “who” was exactly coming in through the door) didn’t help that much.

Of course, as I’m sure you all have figured out by now it was just my roommate. It turns out she had changed her mind and decided to come home early.

This experience made the film much more exciting, although anything that happened in the film afterward that last scare was pretty anti-climatic.

So It was a pretty great film and I suggest you check it out.

And I’m not just trying to pass it off to save myself from being killed. LOL

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to You Think You Know Something, Do You?

For more on Ringu, go to That Video…Is Not of This World

For more on real life mimicking horror films, go to Krueger Town 

For more evil children, go to He Who Walks Behind the Rows

For more on remakes, go to Let Them Fight

For more films that spanned sequels, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?

For more on Supernatural, go to I’m Batman!

The Teddy Bear that Would NOT Die!

Now I know I’ve been talking about this forever! I mention all the time how there was a demon bear, the bear that would not leave, etc. I keep promising and promising you guys that I would tell the story, but just haven’t gotten around to it. However, I was reviewing my old posts and decided that it is finally time to do it.

So back in high school there was this one boy, Scott, that liked me. He would do the standard guy thing trying to get my attention, but I pretty much ignored him. I have to admit I was pretty mean back in the day. One day he tried to make a move and sneak attacked me, asking me out.

Not quite this bad

 

I was unnerved and told him maybe, just trying to get out of there. He never asked me again, and I thought that was the end of it.

It wasn’t.

So that was in November/December and the months rolled by…February comes up and then its V-Day.

Now I have had a love/hate relationship with Valentine’s Day for a long time. I used to always get sick right around it, and then had to wait to eat the candy until much later. And its not just sick, but like a, everything coming out. 

So this year I was pretty happy. I was feeling good, and thought I wouldn’t get sick. It was Thursday the 13th, so you know not on guard for anything, but I should have been. No wonder this bear was a demon.

So its Valentine’s Day and I’m chilling with my friends as I have given them Valentine Cards and were eating candy. Its break between classes when Scott walks in the door with a giant teddy bear that says “I Love You” in a pilllow he’s holding and a red rose.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m like eternally freakin’ here. I have never been schooled in this situation. A RED ROSE?!! I LOVE YOU?!!! You haven’t spoken to me in two months what could have possibly made you think that this was the best move? Are you crazy?

I just stare at it for a bit, some of my friends saying its adorable while the others say I don’t have to accept it if I don’t want it. I end up going to the bathroom and getting sick. The V-day flu stalk me again (although after this year I never experienced it again.)

So I took the bear and stuff and left it at home. I shoved the bear in my closet trying to find a way to get rid of it. It would watch me with those button eyes, eternal smile, and “I Love You” pillow.

Don’t be fooled by its cuteness, evil lurks in that heart.

Tried to donate it but somehow, it kept being forgotten or left behind, continuing to lurk in my room.

So a few months later I was in this anti-gambling play, while being performed in April, was set in February. One of the characters in the play falls for this girl, who only cares a fraction for him, and gets her this huge gift. They needed something, and I was like take it, take this bear I don’t want it.

After the play finished, my friend Eliot was talking about how great it would be to have that bear, joking around that he could save it and use it for next year. Well, he may have been joking, but I wasn’t. I told him he could have, as I REALLY did not want it.

So I was like, yeah that’s the end of it. Sucess! 🙂

Until…bum bum bum! He left it behind! HE LEFT IT BEHIND!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How could he do this to me! How could this bear still be here? Why, why, why?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, once again it was in my life. I put it in the closet this time and it would just rest there with its horrible happy face. I would try to get rid of it but it just wouldn’t go. I was starting to feel as if I was cursed. Maybe this was some sort of punishment. I don’t know. 😦

A few months later, my friend Amelia’s mother was doing a toy drive, and was collecting bears. I was so excited!

 

Yes!

So I would bring the bear out when Amelia would come over, I would try to pawn it off any chance I got, but she would always forget to take it!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

 

So here I was, with the bear once again. I was starting to feel like it was Talking Tina from The Twilight Zone. Would I ever get rid of it? Would it try to kill me? Was I safe?

Again I tried. I tried and tried and tried and tried again to get rid of it, but nothing worked out. Everytime, everytime it would just come back.

Then I was invited to a White Elephant party and I knew it was the best thing. I took it to the party and it was the largest gift there so I know someone would take it. I would sit and watch, waiting and hoping for someone to pick it.

Finally it was picked and gone. And I breathed a sigh of relief. My friend liked it and has kept it to the best of my knowledge.

Sometimes though I have nightmares of it coming back. That one day I’m going to wake up and see it in the corner of my room.

Just like I still get creeped out over this guy

But that’s another story

 For more creepy tales check out Hororfest and Horrorfest II, and keep you eyes peeled for Horrorfest III coming this October.

Also look at Kruegar Town

And Final Destination: Bike Edition

And Bad Penny