Jane Austen’s Guide to Dating

So often we feel as if we will never find love.

But never fear, Austen’s books can guide us into finding our perfect match.

That’s not what I am talking about. I mean real life dating.

Yep, with the fantastic book:

Jane Austen’s Guide to Dating by Lauren Henderson

I can’t remember if this book was recommended to me by Goodreads or by one of you followers-but somehow it was and I decided to check it out. At the time I got it I was interested in dating anybody:

But then eight months later I was and thought what better time to start.

Each chapter covers a topic to do with dating and analyzes couples from Jane Austen’s novels. One couple has examples you should follow:

And a couple with examples you shouldn’t:

Henderson then has a modern-day couple who she uses as an example.

And she concludes each chapter with a list of Dos

And Don’ts

For example:

---

CHAPTER SIX:

LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN BRING OUT YOUR BEST QUALITIES

---

The chapter starts off examining the relationship of  Charles and Mary Musgrove.

The two are complete opposites with Charles being very outdoorsy and Mary a hypochondriac. Charles is good-natured and easy-going, while Mary unkind, snobby, and self-absorbed. Mary is whiney and shrill, while Charles still acts like a child versus a man.

Charles is also still in love with Mary’s sister Anne, who he originally proposed to.

Mary is a bully, manipulator, and only cares about herself. In fact when her child gets injured she argues with her husband about who can attend a party-gets upset when Charles says she should stay home with their child and then convinces Anne to babysit her boy.

What jerks

Basically, both have bad qualities and they feed off each other. Mary mangifies Charles rebellious spirit, his bad additude, self-indulgence and the sam for Mary.

---

LESSON TO BE LEARNED:

DON’T BE INFECTED BY THE BAD QUALITIES OF THE PERSON YOU’RE DATING!

---

 

Henderson then goes on to give a real life example of couple Brad and Louise. Brad was an okay cleaner, while Louise was a total slob. When they got together, her bad habits caused Brad to pick up on it and he became a slob as well. They had a messy apartment, bills were always final notice or overdue, laundry piled up, and they began to resent each other.

---

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:

SET A POSITIVE EXAMPLE, USING HUMOR TO HELP IT ALONG

---

THERE IS NO PERFECT PERSON FOR YOU

THERE IS ONLY THE MAN WHO IS GOOD ENOUGH

Anyone you meet will have qualities you hate. You have to look at whether the good outweighs the things that annoy you. Can you tolerate those things in exchange for all the stuff you love that he brings to the relationship?

Henderson then goes on to describe a couple-Gary and Lucy. Lucy is easy-going and pleasant while Gary is a worrywort. Whenever Gary would get upset and rant, Lucy always made sure to validate his feelings, tease him, and give him the reassurance he needed.

It will all be okay

We then look at Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth.

Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet (1940)

Darcy falls for Elizabeth because she is who she is. She sees him and how she acts and lets him know what she is not interested in.

He learns his lesson and ligtens up-letting her see him and the things about each other they may not really like-they tolerate for all the other things they do.

---

LESSON TO BE LEARNED:

YOU SHOULD LIKE WHO YOU ARE WHEN YOU’RE WITH THE PERSON YOU LOVE

---

---

WHAT NOT TO DO:

DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES TO A BAD PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR

---

 

Henderson uses the real life example of Lacey and Mark. Lacey was really into Mark, but he didn’t prioritize their time-was always having a ton of parties and events to go to, always switching up plans and changing what he was doing, he would stay out all night and not tell her where he was, she would dress for one thing and Mark would change it-leaving Lacey uncomfortable and out of place.

This would make Lacey mad and she would nag him. She felt she had no control or say and more and more tried to control him.

Mark actually enjoyed the nagging as it made him feel rebellious and naughty-like he was disobeying his mother. In fact his behavior turned Lucy into a bitter, angry, mother like character.

Ouch

---

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:

LISTEN TO YOUR BOYFRIEND WHEN HE GENUINELY TRIES TO HELP YOU

---

Henderson gives us the example of Kate and Lee. Kate was a beautiful, thin, blonde and also an anorexic. Henderson shows how Lee was able to help Kate by showing that he cared for her and was there for her, also trusting her and not pushing her too much.

We then see Emma and Frank Churchill

Frank is a coxcomb, he only cares about himself and his interests. He flatters people, and when their back is turned cuts them down to the quick. He is secretly engaged to Jane Fairfax and treats her horribly.

When he gets with Emma he brings out the worst in her and she in him. They both bring out a the careless, judgmental, and sarcastic sides of each other. They would have been an awful couple always bickering, nasty, mocking, judgmental, rude, etc.

Ugh

---

LESSON TO BE LEARNED:

DON’T DATE SOMEONE WHO ENCOURAGES YOUR SELF-DESTRUCTIVE IMPULSES

---

WHAT NOT TO DO:

DON’T MISTAKE DANGER FOR EXCITEMENT

---

Kate an AT&T supervisor fell for Rob a rock ‘n roll guitarist. Everything he did was exciting and new to Kate, but soon it cut into her real life and she wasn’t performing so well at work or missing too much. She tried to talk toRob about it but he didn’t care and eventually Kate had to cut back on their partying or lose her job. Rob dumped her and quickly hooked up with some other girls, leaving Kate crying her heart out and trying to pick up the pieces of the life she had completely dropped for him.

---

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD:

PICK A BOYFRIEND WHO IS A GOOD INFLUENCE ON YOU

---

Beverly was a real party girl and would always go over the top when she had a few drinks. She could be very cruel but never listened to warnings until Ed. Ed was quiet and calm. The two complemented each other and brought out the best traits in each other, smoothing down the rough ones.

---

SUMMARY:

DO

• Keep Your Own Values:If someone doesn’t have the same fundamental value system as you-and, worse, if they try and sway you from what you know to be right-you are not in a good relationship.
• Choose Someone Who Brings Out the Best in You: Your boyfriend should help you to strengthen your positive qualities and suppress the negative ones.
• Support Him as Much as He Supports You: Its a two-way street. If you’re both helping each other to reach your goals in life and be nicer, happier people, you have a much greater chance of maintaining a successful, strong relationship.

DON’T

• Try to Change Your Boyfriend in Major Ways: Either decide you can put up with his annoying quirks, or leave him. If you start trying to change him you will turn into a nag, and you WILL end up hating yourself.
• Be Influenced By His Bad Behavior: Don’t get sucked into things you feel aren’t good for you. Don’t stay around someone who wants to drag you down.
• Put All the Blame on Him: YOU chose him, after all. If he’s not good for you, why did you pick him in the first place? Instead of blaming him, spend your time more and more usefully by figuring out why you made that mistake so you won’t repeat it in the future.

---

TIPS FOR TELLING IF YOU’RE WITH SOMEONE WHO BRINGS OUT YOUR WORST QUALITIES

1. You’re stuck in a rut of criticizing each other, without the situation ever improving.
2. You feel irritable most of the time you spend with him and you can’t put your finger on why.
3. You change your outfit or hair five times before going out on a date with him, never sure whether you’ve picked the image of yourself that will please him.
4. You disagree with a lot of his core values, but you yell yourself it doesn’t matter, because they have nothing to do with your relationship.
5. You find yourself doing things with him that you would never normally do-things you don’t mention to your friends because you know they would disapprove.

---

Then at the end of the book they have a quiz so you can see which Jane Austen character you and your significant other are. I took it before I read the book and got:

Elizabeth Bennet

I took it after I read the book and got:

Elizabeth Bennet

If your score is 41-51, you are Elizabeth-outgoing, funny, and direct. You want a serious relationship, but it’s essential for you to find someone you can have fun with or teach to have fun. Your best matches are:

• Mr. Darcy
• Henry Tilney
• Captain Wentworth

Then I took the quiz for my then boyfriend (now my fiancé), and I got for him a mix of Captain Wentworth, Henry Tilney, and Mr. Bingley

But my boyfriend (now fiancé), said he wanted to take it and he got a mix of Captain Wentworth, Henry Tilney, and Mr. Bingley.

If his score is 41-51 he is Captain Wentworth, Henry Tilney, or Mr. Bingley-straight forward, happy, and looking for love. PROBLEM: If you’re used to playing games, you may put him off. SUITABLE FOR: Everyone-his happy nature and friendly disposition make him the easiest man to get along with on the whole list.

I don’t think he’s very much like Mr. Bingley, but I could see Mr Tilney:

Or as Captain Wentworth:

If I were you and dating I would definitely check this book out.

For more books based on Jane Austen, go to Prude & Prejudice

For more Emma, go to You Cannot Think That I Will Leave Off Match-Making

For more Northanger Abbey, go to In Celebration of Northanger Abbey

For more Persuasion, go to I’m On a Boat

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to Pride & Prejudice: A Latter Day Comedy

For more Sense & Sensibility, go to The Austen Series: Reason and Romance

 

Advertisements

One Hot Date

For more book-filled posts, go to Things I Want

Oh What A Night

When I read this comic it kind of made me think of the song Shut Up and Dance. It also made me think of the song December, 1963 (Oh What A Night) by Frankie Valli & the Four Seasons.

I am a huge fan of Frankie Valli and this one of my favorite songs by the group. Whenever I hear a chord or lyric I just start bursting out singing.

The song was originally supposed to be titles December 5th  1933 and about the repealing of Prohibition; but Frankie Vallie made them change it. He thought a song about nostalgic memories of a beautiful girl once met was a much stronger premise. And I agree, the memory aspect makes this song so much better and more enjoyable.

The song was written Bob Gaudio about the meeting and courtship of his wife Judy Parker.

How romantic

Oh, what a night, late December back in ’63

What a very special time for me
As I remember what a night!
Oh what a night,
You know I didn’t even know her name
But I was never gonna be the same
What a lady, what a night!
Oh, I got a funny feeling when she walked in the room

And I, as I recall it ended much too soon
Oh what a night,
Hypnotizing, mesmerizing me
She was everything I dreamed she’d be
Sweet surrender, what a night!
I felt a rush like a rolling ball of thunder
Spinning my head around and taking my body under
(Oh what a night!)
Oh, I got a funny feeling when she walked in the room
And I, as I recall it ended much too soon
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night,
Why’d it take so long to see the light?
Seemed so wrong, but now it seems so right
What a lady, what a night!
I felt a rush like a rolling ball of thunder
Spinning my head around and taking my body under

(Oh what a night!)
I felt a rush like a rolling ball of thunder
Spinning my head around and taking my body under
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit
Oh what a night! Doo dit doo dit dit doo dit doo dit dit

For more Frankie Valli, go to You’re Just Too Good to Be True: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

For more of my music, go to T.N.T.

I’m Putting You First: How to Steal a Million (1966)

Most Romantic Moment #10

So I’ve mentioned before how this film was one I had been searching for, for a long, loong time. When I was young I watched a movie about stealing art that took place in France, but couldn’t remember the title, just the one scene. I was pointed toward To Catch a Thief, but it wasn’t how I remembered the film.

I figured I just had faulty memory and was done with it.

Over ten years later, I decided to watch this movie as I love Audrey Hepburn and Peter O’Toole. As I started watching it, I had this sense of deja vu, but I was certain I’d never seen it before. It wasn’t until they played the one scene that I realized this was the movie I had been thinking of the whole time.

Finally!

This is an absolutely hysterical heist film. Audrey plays Nicole Bonnet, daughter of a forger and leading citizen of Paris. She has been trying to get him to stop to no avail.

Parents

One night, she catches a bungling burglar, Simon Dermott (Peter O’Toole), who is more than what he seems. He likes her and tries to date her; but she wants nothing to do with him.

Meanwhile, her father has allowed the museum to take the famed Cellini‘s Aphrodite (a forgery done by Nicole’s grandfather) for an exhibition. After he has signed off the museum paperwork, he discovers that the museum will be testing the statue in order to insure it.

Both Nicole and her father know that such tests will show that it is a fake and bring ruin to both Bonnets. In order to stop it, Nicole hires Simon to steal it for her, using one  incredibly crazy scheme.

Most Romantic Moment: I’ll Protect You and Your Family

*Spoilers*

So the most romantic moment comes at the end of the film. Simon and Nicole have successfully stolen the sculpture and Simon is hiding it.

Simon Dermott: [about the Cellini Venus] Oh! She’s fine. She’s wrapped up in one of my old shirts, just as snug as could be. I rocked her to sleep in my arms last night.

He takes Nicole out to dinner, and reveals that he isn’t an art thief. He is actually a private detective who specializes in art forgery; finding the criminals and gathering evidence that will send them to prison.

Yeah not good for Nicole or her father. But because he loves Nicole he decides to not prosecute her father, (as long as he promises to not make or sell any more forgeries).

How romantic

This is HUGE! It is his job! If word got out he would be in big trouble, and probably end up in prison for obstruction or accessory charges.

But for a man who has never settled and was only focused on work; he decided to put the girl he loved and her happiness first.

To start Romance is in the Air: Part IV from the beginning, go to I Can’t Pretend, I Have to Be: Casual Sex? (1988)

For the previous post, go to You’re Sad So I’m Making This Day Extra Special: The Bikini in the Soup, Bones (2011)

For more Audrey Hepburn, go to Heart and Soul

For more Peter OToole, go to What is This Thing: Phantoms (1998)

For more heist films, go to I’m Here for You: The Italian Job (2003)

For more private detectives, go to I Don’t Care What You Think, She’s My Girl: A Trip to the Dentist, Veronica Mars (2005)

I’m Going Down the Tubes: Making the Grade (1984)

Most Romantic Moment #5

Making the Grade (1984)

So this was a movie I came upon when I read a countdown list on best back-to-school films. I saw that it starred Judd Nelson and I was very intrigued, as I love Judd Nelson. I have to say that on a whole I thought this movie was okay. Judd Nelson was awesome and hot as always.

I mean I love him in The Breakfast Club, but you can’t go wrong with a well-dressed man.

However, I didn’t like his friends as I felt they were just using him to a) defend them, b) make them popular, and c) to pick his brain about how to date and interact with girls. I ABSOLUTELY hated the girl who becomes his girlfriend. She was a rich snob and horrible girl, who was trying to be more accepting of the lower classes, as she is dating a man who has “new money”. Gross. What a jerk.

Anyways, so let me get to the synopsis. Palmer (Dana Olsen), is a lazy, rich boy. He’s been kicked out of over 7 schools, yes 7, and finds himself at his father’s limit. If he doesn’t finish college this year, than no trust fund, no allowance, no anything; he’ll be forced to get a real job.

Eddie is living on the street, and trying to make ends meet. He owes a bookie a ton of money and has no way to pay it back. He flees for his life and runs into Palmer and his problem. Palmer agrees to pay all of Eddie’s expenses and a $10,000 bonus if he pretends to be Palmer and graduates for him.

Now Eddie isn’t exactly the Ralph Lauren type. He actually does great academically, but the “upper crust” social skills are nothing like he’s used to. However, everyone but the prep trio; Bif, Skip, and Bland; enjoys the changes he starts making as he shakes the campus up.

Eddie falls for the daughter of the school founders, Tracey Hoover (Joanna Lee), and begins trying to romance her away from Bif, fascinating her with his breakdancing and “normal everyday” person attitude.

Problems arise when Dice, the bookie, tracks Eddie down and tells him that he’ll have to pay all his winnings to him. Muffy, Palmer’s girlfriend, keeps showing up and causing issues with Tracey. Palmer himself comes back from Europe, and chills on campus, his partying and attitude causing issues for Eddie. Bif tries to destroy Eddie and Tracey’s romance and the headmaster tries to kick Eddie out. To top it off, Eddie finds himself becoming a mega-preppie jerk and losing who he is.

*************Most Romantic Moment*************

So about halfway through the movie Eddie and Tracey have been dating and are a thing. Muffy comes traipsing by and causes Tracey to become jealous. Muffy thinks Eddie is “Bif” Palmer’s friend and keeps coming to visit Palmer, finding herself hanging out with “Bif”. After Palmer comes back and dumps Muffy, she goes to see “Bif” and ask him for help. Unfortunately, at that same time Tracey has arrived with a silver platter of food (I guess rich people’s version of a picnic? I’m not sure), and sees Eddie and Muffy walking off together. Bif comes up to Tracey and insinuates that Eddie and Muffy have been hanging out a lot and doing more than that. Tracey storms off, determined to never speak to Eddie again.

Eddie of course, has no idea why Tracey won’t talk to him anymore, as he keeps calling her and calling her. He decides to go on the offensive and and delivers tons of flowers, of all different types. But that doesn’t work.

Eddie then goes to plan B.

He sends her a TV with his picture and the words “I’m going down the tubes without you”. Isn’t that adorable!!!! I just find it incredibly cute and original. I mean it’s no holding the boom box over the head by John Cusack, but it is still incredibly amazing. I just love it! It may not be what most people consider romantic, but this has got to be the best “sorry” ever.

To start Romance is in the Air: Part III, go to I Can See Your Beauty: The Breakfast Club (1985)

For the previous post, go to Short But Sweet: Up (2009)

For more of the ’80s, go to In Love With the ’80s (Pink Tux to the Prom)

For more on Judd Nelson, go to When Everything is Going Your Way

How Can This Be?

No joke this just happened the other day and I’m like

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

My friend told me that she hated Star Wars. I just cannot comprehend how that is even possible?

Yeah I don’t understand it either

I convinced her to give the original films a try. After all, if a person doesn’t like Star Wars they can still be your friend. I can’t imagine if that was someone I wanted to date. You don’t like Star Wars? Then see ya!

Or guy in my case

After all:

If your significant other doesn’t understand that simple concept, dump them. There are plenty more out there who understand the finer things in life.

For more on Star Wars, go to Part IX: Adventures in Movie Lines

For more scenes of my everyday life, go to Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Remember, Remember The 5th of November

So today is Guy Fawkes Day and you know what that means…

So this something I actually have to thank my ex-boyfriend for. He may have been a cheating scumbag that at times I really want to punch in the face (or kick in the junk)

But he did introduce me to some great music, V for Vendetta, and The Sandman Chronicles.

As it is the 5th of November, it is time to honor it and V. V is amazing. First of all he’s played by Hugo Weaving.

I know, what an amazing actor!!! He has some serious fighter skills!

This was my first date with my ex and all I could do was swoon over him. V, that is not my ex.

Besides being an epic fighter, he’s a man with a message and something to fight for.

Now do I agree with everything he does? No. He never should have cut Evey’s hair. A girl’s hair is more than hair, it is a part of their identity, a mark of their femininity. What he did was just wrong there.

See Hook agrees with me.

But you can’t help but be swayed by him. He is so eloquent!

In fact, I became so enthralled that I actually wrote a song about the film from V to Evey. I composed it as I was biking to school and was unable to write it down. Sadly, by the time I got to class I couldn’t remember much. This is about all I can recall:

“I cut off all your hair,

But I swear to you I care

Because I’ve got a vendetta to win your heart

(Win your heart) (Win your heart)”

Silly huh? But what’s a fangirl to do?

So today I have a proposition for you all. Now none of you under obligation:

So last year my friend Benita, who is also a huge V fan, and I were discussing the film. She suggested that we should tag walls with Vs on November 5th to honor him. I thought that was a great idea, but didn’t want to get in trouble for vandalism. I thought we should do it in chalk, as it washes off, but that’s when I came up with a better idea!

But I thought what could make this 5th of November really special would be if we would post this picture on our facebook walls.

And then on 5 of our friends’ walls asking them to do the same. If we all work together we can cover the world!!! Think about it!

And never forget:

For more on dystopian futures, go to In Their Proper Place

For more on hot masked men, go to I’m Batman!

For more on Hugo Weaving, go to Beast or Man

For more films based on books, go to What Have We Done to Each Other?

For more on Lylod Alexander, go to A Hidden Wonder

For more of my favorite quotes, go to There’s Nothing Out There. Nothing in the Mist