Holy Smokes! Your Mom’s a Werewolf!: My Mom’s a Werewolf (1989)

Holy smokes! Your mom’s a werewolf.

Really?

This was the weirdest movie I have ever seen.

It looked like a fun ’80s horror film, but it was not.

So Leslie Shaber is your average housewife-who is extremely bored. Her daughter, Jennifer, is a mean sarcastic teenager who doesn’t want to spend any time with her, her husband works late and then is glued to the TV, the only excitement she gets is making up new and strange (gross looking) dishes that she eats alone.

Her daughter takes off to go to some Horror convention with her best friend Stacey who loves it-and is totally me and my love of classic horror. It also makes me think of someone else…

While Stacey is off on a booth, Jennifer goes to the gypsy and gets a prophecy from the gypsy fortune teller. She tells Jennifer that she has the mark of the pentagram, and will be attacked by a werewolf.

From The Wolf Man (1941)

There have been strange attacks going on with a man hunting people.

Hmm…I feel like this information will come in handy later. From Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Meanwhile, Leslie has become angry and her husband and kids and decides to go off to shop away her bad feelings. She stops at the pt store and meets a strange red-eyed man Harry Thropen. Oh no, this dude is trouble. Stay away from him.

From The Twilight Zone

Leslie leaves and a thief tries to steal her bag, but Thropen comes to rescue and saves her belongings. He invites her to come to lunch, brainwashing her with his powers to come with him.

That’s not good.

They go out to lunch, where Jennifer comes upon them as she had a change of heart and wants to fix things between her mom and dad. She planned on bringing her flowers to try and pretend it is from her dad, but when she spots her mom eating with another man-she’s drops them and follows her.

Thropen convinces Leslie to go off with him, again using his powers, and they start getting down, showing way more than I would have expected with a PG rating. He is kissing her legs, when he bites her toe. That makes Leslie mad as it hurts and she snaps out of it and heads home,  Jennifer having witnessed the whole thing.

Leslie goes home and daughter is extra angsty and angry. Leslie is upset about her cheating and makes her husband the perfect meal and later-because if you haven’t guessed yet, she was bitten by werewolf-and is beginning to transform-is in the mood to be with her husband- her and her husband being extremely loud that night with their daughter in the house.

After that Thropen wants her and Leslie starts turning into the werewolf. First her teeth start growing fanglike and she goes to see a dentist who gets his jollies filing her teeth down. He’s like the freak dentist in Little Shop of Horrors

Now this is where the movie gets weirder. Leslie looks like this:

But  Jennifer is the only one who sees her and finds it weird. Like Leslie goes to the beauty shop like that and no one freaks out about how she looks.

That night Jennifer is holding a Halloween party and Leslie spends forever in Jennifer’s bathroom trying to get rid of her werewolf hair and such. I don’t know she doesn’t use her own (as it is off-limits to the party guests) It makes a huge line as all the guests wait outside to use the bathroom. It doesn’t do much as she can’t stop the hair from growing.

I’m a mess

So this film is really boring. I checked out of it. She keeps turning, she fights with the family, and she has a huge fight with Thorpen. Do be honest I didn’t care about the characters they all are rude, angry, don’t listen to each other, etc.

Ugh…

And a news crew shows up and films them, everyone knows at the end that werewolves are real?

In the end Jennifer transforms into a werewolf because she slayed the werewolf? What lore is that?

For more ’80s films, go to They Choose the Wrong Person to Be a Hero: Dark Crystal (1982)

For more on werewolves, go to Women are Like Werewolves

For more gypsies, go to Gypsy Justice: Thinner (1996)

Color Me Red

The lovely shade of embarrassment

So tonight I was in the gym and had a very embarrassing/silly moment. But that’s life, you can’t live without them.

It all started with the T-Shirt I was wearing.

When I go to the gym I like to make sure  no one talks to me. I hate how people try and have a conversation with you when you are out of breath and can’t really talk, it’s on par with dentists who always try to talk to you when they have their hand shoved in your mouth. Why would you ask a question, if you know I can’t answer it due to the fact that your fist is in my mouth!!

See Hook agrees with me.

Anyways, so I go to the gym at night so I don’t run into anyone (or have to give up the machines when I reach the max of 30 mins) I also wear certain clothes so no one will want to talk to me. One shirt I wear is of this band that’s really weird.

Note: It wasn’t a Queen shirt. Queen isn’t weird but AWESOME!!! I wish I had a Queen shirt! ;( But I don’t. 😦

Yeah, sorry about that, I couldn’t find a copy of the shirt online. I love Queen, Queen is not weird.

So this shirt I actually got from a friend. She broke up with her boyfriend and had a huge bag of his clothes she just wanted out of her sight. Me, like the frugal person I am, jumped on that train of free stuff.

You know I never understood that obsession of giving your clothes to your girlfriend. I always thought it was kind of weird. Especially the girlfriends who make their boyfriends give them a ton of their clothes, I mean a jacket I understand, that is more of a symbol. But why does your girlfriend need like 20 of your shirts? Seriously what’s up with that?

So here I am wearing this weird shirt to make sure no one will talk to me, and the guy on duty at the gym just happens to know that band and be really into them. I mean what are the odds of that? Why do such TV-esque things happen to me?

So here I am trying to get out of a conversation like this because I know zero about this group. I act a bit cool toward him, not because I don’t want him to talk to me but because I don’t know ANYTHING about the band.

Later as I was working out, he came over to clean the machine next to me. I go to drink my water and start choking on it. Of course.

So there I am hacking up a storm and I can see the guy out of the corner of my eye.

He comes up to me and asks me if I’m okay, really worried that I might cough up a lung. I assure him I’m okay, but all I can think is I was trying to fly under the radar and completely, utterly, failed! Oh well, that’s my life.

Good thing my face was red from working out so he couldn’t tell how embarrassed I was.

So embarrassed

 

For more embarrassing moments, go to Walkin’ Round

For more “What are the Odd?” moments, go to Heeeeee’s BA-CK!

For more gym stories, go to In Rhapsody Over Clint Eastwood

For more on free stuff, go to CANDY TIME!