Somebody Help Me Please

It’s that time of the year again. You know what I’m talking about, the time of the year when all willpower goes out the window. The time of the year when it is impossible to stop, the addicting qualities are just too high. You know what I’m talking about…

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Yep. Usually it can be bit of a trouble, trying to trek down a girl scout to purchase my faves from.

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This year one of the kids that comes to my work was selling them. When I saw the list I wanted to buy like every one of them.

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I could only buy two as they are exorbitantly expensive. $5 a box?

outrageous

But of course that’s not the real issue, now is it? Nope the real problem is not completely devouring every single cookies after you open the box.

girlscoutcookies

I tell myself not to, that I should resist; but I just can’t seem to stop.

No, stop! Alright.

No, stop! Alright.

Cookie after cookie just seem to be ending up in my mouth.

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If only there was an easier way to work off fat. Then I could eat whatever I want.

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But that’s not going to happen. As all my willpower goes out the window I am in desperate need of someone keeping me on track, of stopping me from constantly eating.

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But then I think of their deliciousness and I realize something:

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So you know what, forget serving sizes! I’m going to eat what I want!

servingsizeeat

 I eat what I want!

dietntfatSabrina the teenage witch

I think I’m going to eat one right now in fact!

cookies

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For more on Girl Scout Cookies, go to It’s That Time of the Year Again

For more on eating, go to Always There for You

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A Real Life Saver

So if you have been reading my blog, you know I know a little about fashion:

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But I’m not perfect.

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Yep, I don’t always follow what is in or what I should wear, because I like doing my own thing. For instance, my most important accessory is a book.

booksarefashionable

And I don’t always follow the rules. For example, one of the first rules of fashion, “always wear something that fits you”. Well I like wearing oversize clothing every now and then.

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Comfy and slim feeling. But you know what? Oversize clothing once saved my life!

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

For Reals!

So one of my good friends is a Supernatural fan like me.

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And of course like any fan, we began to do marathons together.

MyKindOfMarathon

Now while this was all fine and good, there is just one problem. Her dog hates me. And I mean really hates me. Every time I come he barks at me or advances at me. And I don’t know why, animals (except guinea pigs and birds) love me.

Why is this happening?!!

Why is this happening?!!

And this isn’t any ordinary dog. This is a giant great dane who is bigger than me.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, Taurean (the dog) is one scary creature.

So far we had had three very successful marathons, and we had some great treats. Popcorn of course

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Cupcakes, brownies, and then one time my friend Michelle made these really amazing cookies, mamafuku or something like that.

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I’m going to have to get my sister blog, MysteriousEats.wordpress.com to make me some. Anyways as you might have noticed everything was on the snacky side, nothing quite a full meal. So this latest time I thought I would take a pizza.

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When I got to her house and rang the doorbell, the dogs barked at me as usual. However, this time Taurean pushed past Michelle and came running toward me.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried to back away, but he was too fast and bit my side.

OMG gasp

Yep, I would have been seriously injured if it wasn’t for the fact I had an oversized sweater on. Taurean grabbed that instead of my body, and Michelle was able to grab him and wrestle him to the backyard.

I’m lucky that I choose comfort that day, and am making that a life long choice if I’m to be around any more dangerous company.

BeComfortable

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For more on my fashion choices, go to Clothes Make the Woman

For more on Supernatural, go to Back to the Supernatural

For more of my everyday life, go to It’s Raining, It’s Pouring

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For today’s Christmas Carol, I choose the song The First Noel. The song is about the anunciation to the shepherds and the announcement of Jesus’ birth (Luke chapter 2). Noel is an Early Modern Europe term equivalent to Christmas.

No one knows when the poem was first written, but the version we sing today was published in 1823.

It’s short and sweet, and I absolutely love it. Take it away Bing!

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For more Bing Crosby, go to Inner Beauty

For more Christmas carols, go to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

 

Gypsy Justice: Thinner (1996)

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Justice, ain’t about bringing back the dead, white man. Justice, is about justice. Your friend the policeman, your friend the judge, they make sure nothing happen to you. They keep you safe. But I make sure something happen to them. That justice, white man. Gypsy justice!

It’s that time of the year again. Our annual Stephen King Post. Now some of his film’s I do like, The Secret Window, Children of the Corn, The Shining, etc. Thinner is not one of them.

Now this doesn’t have all the usual tropes:

But it is kind of a lame story. Let’s get started before I give too much away.

So Billy Halleck is an obese lawyer.

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{Now the film is set in modern times, I just felt like using an old photo from a previous post.} Anyways, he lives with his wife Heidi and their daughter Linda. Heidi tries to get him to stop eating:

Heidi Halleck: Billy, you’ve got to stop eating like that. I want you to stop digging your grave with a spoon and fork.

But Billy can’t stop, he loves food too much.

Whatever.jpg cheese fries

Billy has just helped a Mafioso, Richie, get off from going to prison. Something his wife also finds fault in him.

Meanwhile, in the town Billy lives in, there is a carnival, one which is run by gypsies. One day his wife is distracting him, by doing oral sex, and he hits and kills a gypsy woman.

Spoke too soon

You need to leave gypsy women alone. They can lay some serious curses.

This gypsy woman, however, dies instantly. The death is ruled an accident and no charges filed. The dead woman’s 106 year old father, Taduz Lempke, is angry that Billy got off so easily and curses him, saying to him “Thinner”.

OMG

So Billy keeps losing more and more weight. No matter what he eats, he keeps getting thinner and thinner.

He's getting emaciated

He’s getting emaciated, almost as thin as this guy.

Heidi calls in a doctor, Dr. Mike Houston, who can’t find anything to help him. So the doctor decides to help himself to Billy’s wife.

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Billy enlists the help of Richie and they begin to wage a war on the gypsies. Billy’s friend, the Judge who let him off, also gets cursed, “Lizard”. He commits suicide as he can’t stand looking at himself anymore. It all comes to a head when Richie kidnaps Taduz’s granddaughter, Gina, intending to kill her, but stopped by Bill.

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Taduz finally agrees to lift the curse, but only if they promise to leave him and his family alone. With Billy’s agreement, Taduz makes a pie from Billy’s blood. Whoever eats the piewill die, and Billy will gain more weight.

Need Pie

Taduz tells Billy he should eat the pie himself, and die honorably, but Billy has decided that this pie is going toward the people he wants revenge on.

In this case it is fattening as it will help Bill gain weight.

In this case it is fattening as it will help Billy gain weight.

He calls his daughter and tells her that he is doing better and she should spend the night at a friend’s house. He then goes home and gives the pie to his cheating wife.

PieTwinPeaks

That night he puts the rest of the pie in the fridge and goes to sleep. The next day he wakes up and Heidi is dead.

AWESOME!!!

AWESOME!!!

But when he goes downstairs he discovers that Linda has eaten some of the pie. That means in his quest of selfishness, to get revenge on his wife and her lover, he has just killed his own daughter.

Jerk

He decides to head the gypsies advice and eat the pie, killing himself, when the doorbell rings. It’s the Dr. Houston, the man his wife was having an affair with!

Billy then decides to give this doctor the pie and complete his revenge.

Billy Halleck: Dr. Mikey! A bit early for a house call, isn’t it?

Dr. Mike Houston: Oh, Billy! It’s- it’s not what you think! I…

Billy Halleck: It’s okay, Dr. Mikey. I was acting like kind of a big jerk. But, everything’s fine with Heidi, I’m even starting to gain a little weight. In fact, I was just about to dig into this breakfast pie. Care to join me?

Dr. Mike Houston: I couldn’t possibly…

Billy Halleck: Oh, it’s no trouble at all…

[Dr. Mike Houston enters the house]

Billy Halleck: …white doctor from town [chuckles and shuts door]

Yeah, he seemed to get over the fact he killed his own daughter pretty quickly. What a jerk.

Hate YOu

So yeah, I didn’t like it. I thought it was boring, the main character unlikable, and I hated the fact that He KILLS his daughter he supposedly doted on and had an incredible bond with, and a second later he’s over it and planning revenge. A true dud King, a true dud.

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1996Thinner

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to I Do Think You Are Confused, Mrs. Bowman: Dangerous Crossing (1953)

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For more Stephen King films, go to There’s Nothing Out There. Nothing in the Mist: The Mist (2007)

For more on gypsies, go to Beast or Man: The Wolfman (2010)

You Think You Know Something, Don’t You?: Shadow of a Doubt (1943)

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“You think you know something, don’t you? You think you’re the clever little girl who knows something. There’s so much you don’t know, so much. What do you know, really? You’re just an ordinary little girl, living in an ordinary little town. You wake up every morning of your life and you know perfectly well that there’s nothing in the world to trouble you. You go through your ordinary little day, and at night you sleep your untroubled ordinary little sleep, filled with peaceful stupid dreams. And I brought you nightmares.”

So for my first Alfred Hitchcock film, I am going to review Shadow of a Doubt. This really surprised me as I never thought this would have been the first, (I was sure it would be Psycho). But I had such an urge to talk about it, that I had to follow it. Now this has never been considered one of Hitchcock’s greats, in fact it bombed at the office, but it was both Alfred Hitchcock’s and Teresa Wright’s favorite film.

I actually have a personal connection to this film myself. I used to go to college near Santa Rosa and one day for film class we were going to watch a psychological film. The one we chose wouldn’t work and I suggested that we had to watch an Alfred Hitchcock film, specifically Shadow of a Doubt. I had this urge and was pushing the film so hard, even though it is not one of my favorite Hitchcock films. It was only when we watched it, that I remembered that it was set and filmed in Santa Rosa. In fact, I have been to all the areas the film was set in.

So the film is supposed to be about a happy town, full of normal American people, but underneath this lies something horrible. This kind of thing was what David Lynch ended up doing and becoming famous for in his film Blue Velvet and TV series Twin Peaks.

TwinPeaks dark henious evil

So the film starts off with the extremely handsome Joseph Cotten, lying on a bed. His name is Charlie Oakley.

Cotten, Joseph (Shadow of a Doubt)_01 phone call

His landlady knocks on the door and tells him that there are two men looking for him. Charlie quickly packs some things up, gathers his money, and takes off. He makes plans to get out of the East coast, going heading to California to visit his sister Emma in Santa Rosa.

In Santa Rosa, we meet Charlie 2 (Teresa Wright), named after her Uncle Charlie. (From now on I’m going to say Charlie for Teresa Wright and Uncle Charlie for Joseph Cotten as otherwise it will be too confusing.) Anyways, Charlie has been complaining that life is boring. Nothing interesting ever happens in life.

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She finds out that her Uncle Charlie is coming and is ecstatic. The two of them have always shared a special bond. Out of everyone in their family, she feels that Charlie is the only one who really gets her.

he gets me

Uncle Charlie greets the family and not only bring life into the house but gifts. Charlie gets the most special gift of all, an emerald ring. Charlie notices an engraving of initials on the inside and asks Uncle Charlie what they stand for. He doesn’t know and blames the jeweler for selling him an old ring instead of a new one.

Sound suspicious

Sound suspicious

He keeps trying to push Charlie to let him get it re-engraved, but she refuses. At dinner, Emma is humming this song. It has been stuck in her head all day and she can’t remember what it is called. She asks around to everyone else, and her husband Joseph says that it is The Merry Widow Waltz. When Uncle Charlie hears this, he is startled and spills his wine.

shadowofadoubt unhappy

After dinner, Joseph’s friend comes over. Now this is an interesting subplot. The two of them are huge mystery fans and are constantly trying to create the perfect murder. This subplot always makes me laugh and it reminds me of a friend and I. We are always talking about the best way to kill someone and get away with it. I always go with the Secret Window way.

“Joseph Newton: We’re not talking about killing people. Herb’s talking about killing me and I’m talking about killing him.”

In fact, they remind me of Randy from Scream except with actual murders, than horror films.

Randy

They determine one of the best ways to kill someone is to disguise the murder as a suicide.

The next day, Uncle Charlie is reading the paper, when he sees a story that upsets him. He rips the page with the story on it, and turns it into a house for the kids, hiding the ripped story in his pocket. Ann and Roger think it’s are cool, but they have to dismantle it as their father hasn’t had a chance to look at the paper.

Charlie saw him hiding the torn pages and starts teasing her Uncle. She grabs them out of his pocket and tries to put them together. But before she can, Uncle Charlie gets angry and pushes her away. She becomes frightened, but Uncle Charlie consoles her,  telling her that it was a bad story about a friend.

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Soon after, two men approach the family and let them know they have been chosen to be the feature family for a census agency on “typical American family-ness”. They will be coming to interview them and photograph their average lives.

BMW Average

Emma is really excited as Uncle Charlie will now be a part of the featured story. She tells Charlie about how she only has one photo of him. It was when he was a little boy, before he got in a horrible accident. After he recovered from the accident he never was the same again. Often getting into trouble.

Uncle Charlie says he will be staying in town for a while, and then begins acting strangely. At the bank he deposits forty thousand dollars in cash and makes all these jokes about the bank and Joseph (Charlie’s dad) embezzling funds. He also extremely avoids the census takers. He thinks they are up to something. Whenever they come to the house, he always leaves and won’t answer any questions.

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When his picture gets taken, he becomes extremely angry and demands for the negative roll.

The younger of the two census workers, (Macdonald Carey), asks Charlie to be his guide of the town, and she agrees only to please her mother. When he gets her alone he tells her that he isn’t a census taker, but that instead he is Detective Jack Graham and that he is with the FBI. They are investigating “The Merry Widow Murderer”, a man who romances widows and murders them taking their money. He tells her that that they have two suspects. One of which is her Uncle Charlie.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

The next day Charlie is still reeling from the news and sleeps all day. She doesn’t want to believe her Uncle Charlie is capable of murder. However, she can’t help thinking about his suspicious behavior.

Sound suspicious

Sound suspicious

Charlie gets even more freaked out when Uncle Charlie gives a rant on widows.

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“Uncle Charlie: The cities are full of women, middle-aged widows, husbands, dead, husbands who’ve spent their lives making fortunes, working and working. And then they die and leave their money to their wives, their silly wives. And what do the wives do, these useless women? You see them in the hotels, the best hotels, every day by the thousands, drinking the money, eating the money, losing the money at bridge, playing all day and all night, smelling of money, proud of their jewelry but of nothing else, horrible, faded, fat, greedy women… Are they human or are they fat, wheezing animals, hmm? And what happens to animals when they get too fat and too old?”

Charlie suffers a breakdown as she can’t handle the thought that her Uncle is a murderer. That coupled with her father and Herb’s constant murder talk, ugh she just needs to get away. Uncle Charlie follows her and takes her to a bar to talk.

At the bar, he confronts her suspicions and tells her that he is considered for The Merry Widow Murderer”, but it isn’t him. It is just a coincidence.

Yes I am

Yes I am

Charlie listens, but something doesn’t sit right with her. She still feels suspicious. She sneaks into Uncle Charlie’s room to try and figure out what article he had ripped up.

shadow-of-a-doubt-room door break into

She can’t put the pieces back together, and instead heads to the library. She convinces the librarian to let her search the papers and discovers that “The Merry Widow Murderer” killed a famous entertainer. She notices that the initials of the woman match the ring Uncle Charlie gave her.

OMG

She goes to her uncle to confront him, and he asks her not to say anything. She agrees to wait as she knows it will hurt her mother.

Meanwhile, Jack is pushing Charlie to give him info on her Uncle, but she won’t say a thing. They sent the photo of Uncle Charlie back East but haven’t heard whether or not he is the guy the are actually after. The other suspect they were considering was killed fleeing from the police and many believe he is the murderer.

After this news, Jack goes to Charlie and tells her that he likes her. And that he would like to date her, maybe even marry her one day.

Say What

I know. He has been nice, but he never even seemed to show that he was that interested in her. He totally pulls a Mr. Darcy, completely dropping that bomb out of the blue.

mr darcy

Uncle Charlie is all smiles and it seems like everything is fine, but Charlie can’t shake an uneasy feeling.

This doesn't feel right.

This doesn’t feel right.

Soon Charlie suffers from an accident. As she is coming down the stairs one of the steps falls through causing her to fall. She checks later but can’t tell of any tampering.

Oh what a horrible accident.

Oh what a horrible accident.

Now these are some of the best scenes in the film. In the beginning you aren’t sure if Uncle Charlie is doing anything, whether they are accidents or not. I mean could he really be so cold-blooded as to kill his own niece?

Gilmore girls creep

Uncle Charlie is asked to give a public lecture and the whole family is going to go hear him speak. There isn’t enough room for them to go in one car, so they decide to send most in a taxi, with the Charlies going in the car. Charlie gets trapped in her garage with the car going. She calls for help, but the music Uncle Charlie is playing overpowers her screams.

Tuesdaythe17th scream ah

Luckily, Herb is coming by as he does everyday and hears her, freeing her.

The next day, Uncle Charlie decides that he is leaving. Everyone but Charlie is sad to see him go. As he gets on the train we see that he won’t be traveling alone, but a rich widow from the town. Every one comes on board to check out the train, with Uncle Charlie gets Charlie to stay longer to talk. The train starts going while she is on it. She tries to run off, but Uncle Charlie tries to push her off the train onto the track of an oncoming one.

shadow of a doubt attack

The two struggle and Charlie manages to overpower him, knocking him off the train.

There is a funeral for Uncle Charlie and Jack comes back. Charlie tells him the truth and why she kept it hidden from him. Together they resolve to keep Uncle Charlie’s crimes a secret.

You have to see this film. The story is great, the acting amazing, and the cinematography is just beautiful.

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?

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For more on Alfred Hitchcock, go to Horrorfest III: The Revenge

For more classic cinema, go to Feast Your Eyes On My Accursed Ugliness

For more serial killers, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

For more psychological thrillers, go to A Deliciously Creepy Tale

For more of my favorite quotes, go to Happily Ever Aftermath

For more on Twin Peaks, go to Food, Food, Food!

Food, Food, Food!

Let’s talk about food.

I'mahobbit

It’s like I’m a hobbit or something

2ndBreakfast Lord of the Rings

And of course after I eat I feel like a fatty

hungry

Like every time

don't eat

But how can I when food is so good!???!

BonesSweetsLoveChocolate

Yeah…so

Lovefood

But you know what? Food is always there for you:

friendshurtFoodDoesn't

So you know what, I’ve decided to give up the fight.

Fridge

I’m gonna just enjoy those fatty foods

extrafries

How could I live without fries? You can’t

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And Nachos:

Nachos

Pizza:

I love Pizza

I love Pizza

Cheese:

parmesanCheesetoomuch

Pie:

PieTwinPeaks

Cookies?

cookies

Yep:

AnAffairtoRememberillegalimmoralfatteningthingswelovemost

But you know what:

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I agree

julia child

Thank you Julia for approving of my life choices. After all

MentalistDeadIcecream

And BTW:

curvy

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I want to end this post honoring those who died on 9/11. Thank you to those who helped out in the aftermath, and an even greater thank you to those who gave their lives. We owe a debt to you and your families that we can never repay.

“That I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.”

-God Bless the U.S.A.

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For more on Lord of the Rings, go to Lord of the Cats

For more on Lydia Bennet, go to How to Catch a Man

For more on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, go to Pizza Power

For more on Mean Girls, go to Just Can’t Get a Break

For more on Jim Davis, go to For All the Men Who Wonder What It’s Like

For more on Friends (TV Show), go to I Will Survive

For more on Joey Tribbiani, go to I Don’t Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)

For more of my favorite quotes, go to Here I Go