Did the Niece Poison Mrs. Harlowe?: The House of the Arrow (1953)

Did the niece poison Mrs. Harlowe?

So I have been wanting to watch this movie Gosford Park for a while and when I saw it was returned to the library-I was so excited! Unfortunately, it was dirty and would not play for me.

I didn’t have any other movie planned and decided to fill the place I would choose something that was on my Amazon Prime queue suggested list.

So this movie is based off a book and is the second remake, (3rd version of the story) filmed in and by a production crew in England.

On with the review!

The story takes place in France, the old stately Lady Harlowe, has just died. Her brother-in-law, Boris Waberski, thinks that he will inherit everything- he has even borrowed against his future gains-but to everyone’s surprise-the money is left to her adopted niece-Betty Harlowe!

Boris becomes so angry he accuses Betty of murdering his sister-in-law. They have the body exhumed and it turns out that she was poisoned.

Uh oh

Betty’s friend, Ann Upcott, is worried and sends to England for help. Jim Frobisher arrives to investigate, aiding the very intelligent and top french detective, Inspector Hanaud.

I found the story very boring

Meh.

And the inspector a complete rip off Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot in The Mysterious Affair at Styles. You have the accented inspector-“the greatest mind in the world” and an old manor house with a “locked room mystery” and puzzles. Except Poirot was much better.

I think it was incredibly boring and that the characters were just too bland. Skip the film if I were you.

To start Horrorfest VII from the beginning, go to It’s the End of the World: The Birds (1963)

For the previous post, go to Did the Niece Poison Mrs. Harlowe?: The House of the Arrow (1953)

For more private investigators, go to The Murderer is Never the One You Initially Suspect: Crooked House (2017)

For more remakes, go to Welcome to a New World of Gods and Monsters: The Mummy (2017)

Advertisements

It Feels So Good to See the Bad Guys Scared for a Change: Hangman’s Curse (2003)

It feels so good to see the bad guys scared for a change.

So you might have remembered me talking in the past about how much I love Frank Peretti’s books. Peretti wrote Christian novels, ranging from suspense, to horror, to everyday fiction; but most have to do with angels battling demons.

This film is an adaption of one of his books, Hangman’s Curse, so yes it is a Christian film. I know not all of you might be interested in it, but let me say I have shown this film to Christian and non-Christian friends and both liked it. It’s pretty good.

So the movie isn’t exactly like the book, they cut a bunch out-but they kept it pretty similar.

I like this

So the film starts off with young high schooler Abel Frye committing suicide. He had been tormented so much he felt it was the only way to stop the pain. This scene is a little intense and I don’t recommend it to anyone who may be triggered by that.

Ouch

Supposedly, he killed himself in the old wing of the school and his ghost haunts the halls helping those who are also bullied.

Fast forward to present time, and we see the high school football game. One high schooler has a freak out and sees the ghost of Abel Frye and goes crazy-ending up in a coma.

This wasn’t the only one who has been affected. There have been several football players who have had the same problem. It is time to call in The Veritas Project.

The Veritas Project consists of a family of four-David, Sarah, and their twin teenagers-Elisha & Elijah Springfield. They have all been heavily trained  by police, FBI, etc and sent in to deal with drugs, supernatural or unexplained events.

The principle decides to call the family in. David will be the janitor, Sarah the nurse, Elisha will go into the popular/jocky crowd and Elijah with the nerds/outcasts.

As they start checking out who could be responsible they discover that there are a group of outcasts/goths who have a secret club that practices witchcraft and the occult in order to get Abel Frye to attack those that are bullying them.

As Elisha and Elijah get closer to figure out if the truth is supernatural or physical; one of them gets “cursed” by the spirit of Abel Frye and ends up on the hit list. Will they solve it in time, or will they meet the fate of all the others?

Hmm…

I love this movie and thought it was extremely well done. You should definitely give it a look, especially as the ending is great and something I cannot reveal.

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Jason’s Out There… Watching… Ready to Kill… Thirsty for Young Blood: Friday the 13th, Part II (1981)

For more on Hangman’s Curse and The Veritas Project, go to A Whole Lot of Fanfare

For more Frank Peretti, go to He is Coming: The Visitation (2006)

For more films based on a book, go to It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

For more ghosts, go to Night on Bald Mountain: Fantasia (1940)

For more on witches, go to For All You Know, A Witch Might Be Living Next Door to You: The Witches (1990)

For more on going undercover, go to The Butcher of Burtonsville High: The Death of the Queen Bee, Bones (2010)

 

Xactly Why I Think Beastly is An Xcellent Story

Day 24) X is for X: Choose a book whose author has an X in their name

Say What

An X?

Wow

I couldn’t think of anything, of any name that had an X in it. I decided that I would just shelve it for now and come back to it later.

Whatever.jpg cheese fries

But then the days passed and we grew closer and closer to the 24th and I had no idea what to pick.

I don't know what to do

But then my friend returned my book Beastly, by AleFlinn, that I had let her borrow. I looked at it and I knew!

batmanBamSmackKaboom

This was the book I was going to use for my X.

book-cover-beastly-film-20558308-350-500

Beastly (Kendra Chronicles #1) by Alex Flinn

So I don’t know exactly how I stumbled onto this book. But I read it, loved it, and then went on to read everything else Flinn wrote.

read-i-love-matilda

Flinn is a master teller at taking fairy tales and rewriting them in modern times with youth audiences and characters.

FairyTales

Now I read this years ago, a few years after it was published and just absolutely loved it. Then I heard the movie was coming out based on it, and tracked that film; so excited to see it on the screen and dragging two of my friends with me. But then I saw it:

dontjudgeabookbyitsmovie

It was horrible. I did not like it one bit. They just cut the heart and soul of the book leaving a shadow of what it was. The book was much better.

bookbetterthanTV

Now when I first read the book I had only previously seen Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and read the tale it was based on. Since then, I have seen a few other things and I have noticed that Flinn pulls from both La Belle et la Bête

And the Beauty and the Beast TV show from the ’80s.

In fact one of the characters is called Lindy in the book and Linda Hamilton played “Belle” in the TV show. Coincidence? I think not. Plus the way he looks, the way he protect Lindy, havoc on the subway, etc.

Well that’s enough of that, let’s check out the book.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

So we start in a way I have never seen a retelling of a fairy tale start before. With IMing between a bunch of different fairy tale characters. We have the little mermaid from The Little Mermaid, the Bear from Snow White and Rose Red, the frog prince from The Frog Prince, and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast,  And who is the chat room run by? Mr. Anderson.

No, not that Mr. Anderson. Anderson as in Hans Christian Andersen.

FairyTaleHansChristianAnderson

So then we flashback to how our Beast, became a beast.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

Part 1: A Prince and a Witch

Kyle Kingsbury is a freshman at a private school, Tuttle, and the son of the very wealthy news anchor, Rob Kingsbury. Kyle is a perfect dreamboat, utter perfection in height, looks, etc.

swoon dreamy

But while the outside is a treat, how he acts is the exact opposite.

Jerk

All he cares about is his looks and popularity, hurting and being cruel to others around him. This year they are getting ready for homecoming and have their election for freshman Prince, of which Kyle is nominated. As they start voting, one person speaks out.

I don't think so

Kendra Hilferty is not what most would call beautiful. She has a strange green hair, is rather plain, and dresses in black “gothish” type clothing. She is upset about how this contest is all about looks instead of who they are, telling Kyle he is ugly where it really counts.

Ugly

Kyle is angry over what Kendra said so he decides to play a trick on her. He invites her to the Homecoming dance, all the while planning on going with his real girlfriend, Sloane, and roasting Kendra.

She'll get what's coming to her.

She’ll get what’s coming to her.

When Sloane hears that Kyle will be going with Kendra, she is livid, but Kyle calms her down when he tells her about his “joke”. Kyle doesn’t really like Sloane, she’s really annoying and bratty, but she is the hottest girl and after tonight is going to let him come to her house while her parents are out…well as long as he brings an orchid.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Kyle goes home and tries to talk to his dad, but he doesn’t care. Kyle doesn’t have a mom as she left years ago and has never tried to contact him. His dad is super shallow and only cares about himself and his needs, never thinking of his child or the example he is setting.

jerk_alert32

That night Kyle is ready to go to the ball, dance I mean (I’m reading too many fairy tales), when it turns out his maid Madga didn’t buy the orchid but bought a single, white rose. Sloane is furious about there being no orchid and refuses to have the rose. However, there is a scholarship student taking the tickets who exclaims over its beauty. Kyle gives it to her, the only genuine, nice thing he has ever done.

How sweet!

How sweet!

When Kendra arrives and discovers what he has done she tells him he will pay for what he has done and will be as ugly on the outside as he truly is on the inside.

She'll get what's coming to her.

She’ll get what’s coming to her.

Kyle is upset, and scared, but continues to do what is expected as Prince of Homecoming. But at twelve o’clock that night Kendra appears to him and reveals she is a witch, and Kyle is turned into a beast.

yellangrybeastbeautyandthebeast

NOOOOOOO!

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

Part 2: The Beast

When Kyle’s father discovers the transformation, he carts him all over the United States to see what they can do. But nothing can change him.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

He cuts his hair, it grows back. He slices his skin, it instantly heals. Kendra gives him a magic mirror that allows him to see anyone he wants, and she uses it to “call” him throughout the book. Nothing can destroy him, and nothing can change him back except if he could find someone to love him in this bestial form. And he has two years, because of his gift of the rose, to find it or be stuck as a beast forever!

Belle could

And this is what I don’t like about the film. They just give him a bunch of tattoos, but that isn’t as hard to love as something that doesn’t even look human. Plus they cut out how long he has to be a beast, removing his first year of angst, anxiety, and depression and being pushed apart from the rest of the world.

HeartbreakBuffy the Vampire slayer heartbroken Sad

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

Part 3: The Castle

Yes, Kyle’s father can’t stand the sight of him and ships him off to an old brownstone in Brooklyn which has old windows that can’t open and no one can come in and see him. He sends Magda to take care of him and things to amuse him.

The_Wolf_Man_4Crying sad

Kyle decides that he is no longer Kyle. After careful consideration, he chooses Adrian as it speaks of his new nature. He tries to find love online, but Kendra warns him that won’t work.

I don't think so

After deciding he will spend the rest of his life alone, he blackmails his father into providing him a tutor. The father complies, but selects a blind tutor, that way no one will hear of what his son is.

self-esteemDeadtoMebreakupbroken

Will, the tutor, comes into Adrian’s life and he and Magda become his only friend, besides those who also have been transformed that he IMs. This is really interesting as they follow what occurs in those stories too.

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

Adrian discovers that Will used to have sight, but lost it as he aged. Magda had a family, but they weren’t allowed into the country so she is alone now. Adrian calls Kendra and works a deal that if he finds his love to break the spell, Kendra will grant the wishes of the others.

wandstar

Adrian begins to read and study as he has nothing else in his life.

StepasiderealityBook

Something else he does with his time is watch people from his former life and school. One day he looks up the girl he gave the rose to, Lindy. Lindy is from a poor neighborhood and is a scholarship student. Her father is a drug addict and pusher, and she tries as hard as she can to take care of him. She spends as much time as she can reading, the library being her refuge.

LibraryOK

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

Part 4: The Intruder in the Garden

One night everything changes. Adrian hears a crash and discovers that someone is trying to break into the house.

yellangrybeastbeautyandthebeast

He goes to protect it and threatens the man with police. The man, in fear for his life, offers to trade his daughter for his life. He shows Adrian a picture and it is Lindy.

Whattheheck

Adrian is horrified that he would do such a thing, but accepts as he wants to protect her and has hope that maybe she is the one to break the spell.

beautyandthebeastrosepetalflower

Lindy moves in, and things do not go according to Adrian’s plan. Lindy is furious and wants to leave. Will at first feels the same way, but after meeting her father agrees with Adrian’s solution.

truestoryofmen beauty and the beast

After giving him a lot of time, Lindy starts to come around as she is just as lonely. At first she is weirded out by Adrian’s appearance, but as their friendship grows she begins to enjoy being around him.

Beauty&theBeastLibrary

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

Part 5: Time Lapses, Autumn and Winter

Adrian begins to care more about Lindy’s feelings than his own desires to have the curse broken and gets his dad to rent them a place in the country where they are freer to roam and hangout. He also decides to release Lindy from her commitment to stay with him, and she decides to remain there.

How sweet!

How sweet!

However, one night Lindy says how she is worried about her father and Adrian shows her the mirror. When she looks into it, she sees her father, sick and shaking. She leaves to go take care of him and promises to return.

Terminatorillbeback

Months pass and no Lindy.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

Adrian starts to become depressed and decides that he will be a beast forever.

feelings

They move back to the brownstone and still no Lindy.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

Adrian watches her in the mirror but she never comes to him. All have given up hope except Magda, who keeps encouraging Adrian. It comes down to the final day and still no Lindy.

weather-winter-snow-alone-girl-hold-umbrella-image

Then at night Adrian hears Lindy scream and looks her up in the mirror. She is being held up for money owed by her dad. Adrian takes off in the subway, not caring who sees him, but going to her aid.

yellangrybeastbeautyandthebeast

When he arrives, the other pusher is so freaked at his appearance he shoots Adrian, who continues to run at him tossing the gun aside and saving Lindy. As Adrian starts bleeding, Lindy says the words he has always desperately wanted to hear:

Beauty and the Beast

Instantly, he is transformed into Kyle again.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

Part 6: Happily Ever After

The police come and after they deal with that mess they return to the brownstone. When they get there it is revealed that Magda is really Kendra.

what what'shappeningSupernatural

She too had to serve a sentence and Kyle’s breaking of his spell has allowed her to return home to her family. Will’s eyes are healed and three pick up their lives; Will teaching at Tuttle and Lindy and Kyle attending. They continue to live at the brownstone, a happy family, with Kyle being a better person.

Carl and her married!!!

In the end we hear from the chat group how each has completed their own journey, some with happy endings and others with ones that were not quite what they expected.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

It was a great book and I just LOVE it.

Iloveit love

I highly recommend it for any fairy tale fan.

fairytalesfightdragonsdefeat

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

bookonWorldoff

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

To start the 30 Day Challenge from the beginning, go to It Was a Pleasure to Burn: Fahrenheit 451

For the previos post, go to There’s a Cyclone Coming: The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

For more Alex Flinn, go to Someone is Killing By Copying Old Murders!: Real Murders

For more on Beauty and the Beast, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

For more fairy tales, go to I Found this Blank Book of Stitched Together Pages…I’ll Record the Details of Our Confinement: Book of a Thousand Days

For more Audrey Hepburn quotes, go to At Midnight, Your Coach Will Become a Pumpkin Again, and the Animals Will Regain Their Original Shape Until Your Next Ball: Ella Enchanted

For more on Hans Christian Anderson, go to I Will Not Bend, I Will Not Break

For more G. K. Chesterton, go to A Book Only a Reader Could Write

christmas-flowers-banner

Let me just start with this, George you will be missed.

So as this book is about true and false love, I decided to go with the song that has been on the radio nonstop, Last Christmas by Wham!

I love Wham! I’ve been obsessed with them for a looong time. This isn’t my favorite by them, for the longest time I didn’t even like this song; but after hearing it on the radio constantly I grew to really love it.

It was written by the late, great George Michael and tells the tale of someone giving their heart to someone, only to have it broken as they were unfaithful.

LoveBrokenHeart

But luckily they find someone to give their heart to that will protect it.

It has been extremely popular and been constantly redone by other artists. Wham! is my favorite, not just because I love the band, but because it is nice to hear the broken heart from a guy’s point of view instead of always a woman.

christmas-flowers-banner

For more ’80s music, go to No Mere Mortal Can Resist the Evil of the Thriller: Thriller (1983)

For more Christmas Carols, go to It Looks…as Though We are Being Kidnapped: Five Were Missing

But If Any of It Fell Into the Wrong Hands…:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, Secret of the Ooze (1991)

tmnt_2

But if any of it fell into the wrong hands… I’m well aware of the risks.

So now we come to our last Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle review of Horrorfest V. Will they be back next year? I don’t know. But for now, let’s get this review on the road.

startrekletsgetstarted

If you’ve been following me you’ve read this already, but for the new readers I’m giving a little background as to why I choose a TMNT film. If you have seen it already, feel free to skip ahead

So this is our third installment of four reviews of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ films.

Double double yay

So I know those of you who haven’t been following me, and have stumbled upon this post are probably really confused. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? As a horror film? NO WAY.

crazy

I know you are all saying to yourselves, hey this is a superhero movie, not a horror film. Au contraire, you see the turtles are radioactively enhanced to be larger; agile, smarter, etc. In fact the only thing that separates them from other radioactively changed creatures: such as the ants in Them, the giant spider in the Tarantula, or even Godzilla. They choosing to use their abilities for good and be superheroes doesn’t change the fact of how they were made.

So there! tongue sticking out pug

This Post We Are Switching Things UP!!

So I started Horrorfest V with the 2014 live action film, and worked backwards to the 2007 animated version.  The former had a Frankenstein-like quality and the latter had monsters. I decided to skip Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993) when they travel back in time to Japan, and went with the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)Now we are going to look into the sequel where we get the turtles backstory along with more mutated creatures.

halloween banner

So we saw a big shift with this film. Because of complaints about violence, the film was lighter than the original and the turtles hardly use their weapons. Casey Jones was seen as “too violent” and his character replaced by one of the turtle stuntmen actors, Ernie Reyes Jr., being the teenager Keno.

They also had a bit of a fight over the story. The comic book writers wanted them to follow their stories, like the first film did, while the TV execs wanted them to follow the TV as that was more mainstream and child friendly. What we have is a combination of the two, with elements from both.

tmnt_2

After their battle with the Foot clan, the Turtles found themselves homeless. April took them in, and they have been living in her apartment since then, off of a lot of pizza delivery.

Pizza Delivery Sabrina the teenage witch

Pizza delivery boy, Keno, is out dropping off his pizza’s when he comes across a burglary.

Not good

Not good

Keno: Hold it! You guys are under arrest.

Burglar: What are you, night security?

Keno: No, I’m a pizza delivery.

[the gang laugh and attack, and Keno easily kicks their butts]

Keno: Did I mention I also study the martial arts?

But even with that, Keno is no match for their numbers. Luckily he has a a certain, special crew looking out for him.

But Keno has seen them, and four giant turtles is something he won’t forget easily.

AMAZING!

AMAZING!

Back at the house the turtles get into am argument over whether to stay hidden or reveal themselves. Raphael is eager to be “out of the shadows”.

Couldn't resist

Couldn’t resist

Splinter: Their world can never be ours.

Michaelangelo: Uh… Not even pizza?

Splinter: [after pause] Pizza’s okay.

[the turtles sigh with relief]

Michaelangelo: Man, give a guy a heart attack.

Meanwhile, Tatsu has grabbed the remaining members of the Foot and have them situated in a junkyard to regroup. He is planning on taking lead control of the Foot, when he is interrupted.

The Shredder

The Shredder

OMG gasp

Yes Shredder lived! And he is back with a deep rooted vengeance and a thirst for blood. Turtle blood.

tmntshreddertumblr_mxn1lp02e71t0ow0mo1_500

So April is out reporting on Techno Global Research Industries (TGRI) as they are doing a cleanup of a few spilled canisters. April feels as if there is more to the story, but she can’t get anything else out of Professor Jordan Perry.

irongiantreallyhmmokayyeahright

After she is gone, Professor Perry reveals there is a lot more going on.

[after being given a giant mutated dandelion]

Professor Jordan Perry: You know, if the soil’s contaminated so far away, there must be more leaky canisters than we thought.

TGRI Assisstant #1: Well, how can that be? They were only buried fifteen years ago.

Professor Jordan Perry: Fifteen, fifty. Just make sure that the rest are found and removed!

TGRI Assistant #1: Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to invite the press.

Professor Jordan Perry: Sometimes the best place to hide is right out in public.

TGRI Assisstant #1: But if any of it fell into the wrong hands…

[Perry looks as giant dandelion]

Professor Jordan Perry: I’m well aware of the risks.

And unbeknownst to them, April’s new camera guy is watching.

stock-hiding-behind-bush-2

And he’s not just a reporter who has stumbled onto this story; but a member of the Foot.

Not good

Not good.

When Shredder finds out about this, he wants Dr. Perry as he has a plan.

evillaugh

Back with the turtles, they have been watching the report and fighting whether to continue or watch something new. Splinter comes in, and when he sees the report reveals something the Turtles never expected…that company was the one that created/housed the mutagen that made them all.

WHAT!

WHAT!

They decide they need to find Dr. Perry and find out the answers to their questions, and to why or how they were created.

igotstoknow

Both groups head down to TGRI, after the Dr. and the last canister of mutagen.

scientisttgriteenagemutantninjaturtle

They all fight, but Shredder makes off with both prizes.

notenoughChamomileTeaStopRage

When they return to the apartment, they have another surprise. Keno has come to “deliver pizzas” but in reality to track down these things he saw. And what he sees is a shock.

[about to leave April’s apartment, having seen Raph’s foot pretruding from behind the changing curtain and becoming suspicious about their weapons “she” has lying around]

Keno: One last thing, though. I think you might want to know about THIS! [slams his foot on Raph’s]

Raphael: ARGH! [Raph comes out from behind the curtain]

Keno: It’s you guys!

Raphael:[cluthching his foot and being held back by Donny, Leo, and MikeyAh, ah! Let me hurt him. Please! Tell me I can hurt him! Please, please! Grr!

[Splinter puts his hand on Keno’s shoulder]

Splinter: I think you’d better sit down.

[Keno sees Splinter and faints]

After Keno wraps his head around what is going on, he wants to help. He tells them how the Foot are recruiting people and that maybe he should go down and be a spy for them. This is rejected by Leonardo as he knows that if Keno, a pizzaguy, found them, then the Foot will be there soon. It is time to find a new home.

However, Raphael doesn’t always listen to Leo, and he and Keno come up with a plan.

IndianaJonesHmmMaybe

Meanwhile, Shredder is trying to force Dr. Perry to redo the mutation that happened to the turtles. He wants a duo of monsters that he can control and unleash on the turtles. His crew searched all New York, and all they could get was a wolf and a snapping turtle. Dr. Perry continues the experiment and they become Tokka and Rahzar.

tokka-and-rahzar-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles

These took place of Rocksteady and Bebop, the mutated Rhino and Warthog.

But while these are gruesome creations, they aren’t exactly what the Shredder wanted.

And they unleash him out in the city.

The turtles, san Raphael, have found a new home in an abandoned subway area. They head out to try and help the city while Keno and Raphael try to infiltrate the Foot. They pass the tests and Keno is in, but then Raphael is captured by the Foot.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

Keno escapes and warns the turtles who head out to the junkyard.

There they meet Tokka and Rahzar and discover that while they are babies, they have recived a higher dose of the mutagen and are much stronger. They save Dr. Perry and head back to their new home.

Back at their place, Donatello questions Dr. Perry about the mutagen and finds out it was an accident. This upsets him as he thought, maybe, there was more to why they were created.

Splinter: What troubles you, my son?

Donatello: I-I don’t know. I just thought there would be more to it; to the ooze, to you know, us!

Leonardo: I know!

Donatello: I just always thought there would be something that… I thought we’d find out we were special.

Splinter: Do not confuse the professor’s words with your current worth, my son.

Donatello: But I don’t believe him! There’s just got to be more to it!

But soon, they must focus to the task at hand. Shredder has given April a message, the Turtles must fight Tokka and Rahzar that night, or else they will be unleashed in Central Park. They are now on a timeline and must work quickly to figure out a way to stop them.

suspicious Hmm

They discover that the creatures must eat their antidote and Michelangelo comes up with the idea to infuse donuts with them.

They try their plan out, but things do not go right.

They end up breaking a club wall and take the fight to the dance floor, music by Vanilla Ice.

Shredder has drinken the last of the serum and mutated gimself.

Is the Shredder dead? Never! You can never stop him!

Back at home Splinter asks about the fight. The turtles try to hide some of the events, but the people of New York saw a LOT.

Splinter: Were you seen?

Leonardo: Of course not, Master Splinter.

Donatello: We practiced Ninja.

Michaelangelo: [off camera] The art of invisibility.

[Splinter appears from behind RaphSplinter: [holds up the New York Post, with a front page picture of the turtles on stage, with the headline “Ninja Rap is Born!”] Practice harder.

[the turtles groan]

Splinter: Ten flips, now! And remember: “Go Ninja, go Ninja, go!” I made another funny! Ha ha ha ha!

TheEnd_Title_2

A fantastic film, and the last of our series. And because I just love this guys I decided I just had to be one for Halloween.

turtle

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Man, I love being a turtle!

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to I Can Make You all Go Away! Any Time I Want To!: Charlie X, Star Trek (1966)

halloween banner

For more on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, go to I Came Upon a Shattered Glass Jar and Four Baby Turtles Crawling into a Strange Glowing Ooze: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

For more on creating monsters, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For more films based on books, go to It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

sleepyhollow

It was a headless horseman… But it was a headless horseman…you must believe me. It was a horseman, a dead one. Headless.

I saw this years ago with my sister. She probably shouldn’t have shown it to me as I was too young to be watching an “R” rated film, and all I mostly remember is being confused.

confused

Ichabod Crane was detective not a teacher?

What?

What?

The horseman didn’t follow the correct rules of not being allowed to cross over the bridge. That made me so mad as I had read the book!

Legend of Sleepy Hollow

And there were these weird flashbacks of Ichabod; lots of witchcraft; and the worst performance of Christopher Walken…I don’t know it didn’t make a lot of sense to me.

Whattheheck

So whenever I do Horrorfest, I always plan out ahead of time the things I will review and then because of life when I actually do the reviews, half the things I choose end up not making it into Horrorfest, but are changed out with other films. This film, however, was not one of those. From the beginning of Horrorfest I had wanted to review it.

I-got-this-reaction-gif

You see I had decided it was time to do a Tim Burton film, and choose Sleepy Hollow. I then ended up adding Corpse Bride into the mix as that film I just happened to see. So with Corpse Bride filling that quota, did I need to review Sleepy Hollow?

suspicious Hmm

Well , yes. You see I decided this year I am going to go through my old posts and do films I mention in them, along with remakes and sequels. Tying the old to the new. As I reviewed Disney’s Sleepy Hollow during the original Horrorfest, I decided to bring it back.

Ghosts are bad, but the one that's cursed, Is the Headless Horseman; he's the worst!

Ghosts are bad, but the one that’s cursed,
Is the Headless Horseman; he’s the worst!

So now as an adult, older I decided to watch it. And what did I think?

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

You as in the film

You as in the film

I thought it was horrible. First let’s look at Johnny Depp’s character Ichabod Crane. In New York he is “forward thinking” and “ahead of his time”.

as always

as always

Tim Burton really needs to move on from that theme it is boring to see it in every film he does. Anyway, Ichabod is a constable, police officer, but America didn’t have a police force until 1838, and New York didn’t have it until 1845. If the film takes place in 1779, he couldn’t be a police officer.

stupidmoranhmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

Does Burton do any historical research?

Or do anything

Or do anything

So he’s all advanced that no one understands him.

screen-shot-2016-10-31-at-4-00-34-pm

He gives a powerful speech, but is sent to Dutch area of Sleepy Hollow to solve their murders.

screen-shot-2016-10-31-at-4-00-40-pm

Now when he gets there he turns into the wimpiest person ever. He faints at everything, everything turns him into a shudder; he is brave enough to go into the forbidden woods but too afraid of a Legend. You can’t have him a scaredy-cat and super brave at the same time. It just makes no sense.

Mehsleepyhollownotimportant

Then we have this whole storyline that witches are good, the church is bad. Ichabod’s mother was a witch, or excuse me “a child of earth and nature” killed by his father the minister. Katrina Van Tassel, is a witch and they go on and on that witches are good, pure, kind, etc.

Young Masbath: A strange sort of witch, with a kind and loving heart. How can you think [her guilty]?

But then the villain of the film is a Witch! You constantly go on about witches being good and misunderstood, and end with your crazy, vengeful, psychopath villain being the thing you are defending.

SayWhat?BuffyVampireSlayernosense

And more importantly WHAT DOES WITCHES HAVE TO DO WITH THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN????!!!!

Ghosts are bad, but the one that's cursed, Is the Headless Horseman; he's the worst!

But it isn’t really the films fault per say. You know how everyone is obsessed with zombies? Well I know you thought the ’90s were only obsessed with dinosaurs and ninjas, but we also had a witches craze. There was The Witches, The Craft, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Hocus Pocus, The Crucible, The Blair Witch Project, Practical Magic, Halloweentown, and even Scooby-Doo got in the act with Scooby-Doo and the Witch’s Ghost.

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)allofthemwitches

So it doesn’t surprise me. I just think it is stupid that they can “control” the horseman and provide better barriers than “holy ground” or THE BRIDGE HE ISN’T SUPPOSED TO CROSS!!!

Yes I am still angry about it.

Yes I am still angry about it.

And Christopher Walken…

I love this man but he was a horrible Headless Horseman. He WASN’T scary! Not at all. All he did was go rah, rah. BORING! Now the Disney one, that was SCARY!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This one:

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

I don’t recommend it. Visually it is beautiful but that isn’t enough for me.

halloween banner

sleepy-hollow-graveyard

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to Dracula. Not Myth, Nor Ravings of a Mad Irish Novelist, Oh No, He’s Real: Dracula 2000 (2000)

halloween banner

For more on Sleepy Hollow, go to A Fright on Halloween Night: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1949)

For more witches, go to A Book Considered Too Dangerous to Keep: The Magician’s Nephew, Midsomer Murders (2008)

For more Tim Burton films, go to He’s Married to a Corpse. He Has A Corpse Bride!: Corpse Bride (2005)

For more Johnny Depp, go to Whatever You Do Don’t Fall Asleep: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

For more Christina Ricci, go to Someone Very Special: The Addam’s Family Values (1993)

For more films based on books, go to I Came Upon a Shattered Glass Jar and Four Baby Turtles Crawling into a Strange Glowing Ooze: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

I Came Upon a Shattered Glass Jar and Four Baby Turtles Crawling into a Strange Glowing Ooze: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

TMNT

One day, I came upon a shattered glass jar and four baby turtles…The little ones were crawling into a strange glowing ooze from a broken canister nearby. I gathered them up in an old coffee can and when I awoke the next morning, I received a shock. For they had doubled in size. I, too, was growing. 

If you’ve been following me you’ve read this already, but for the new readers I’m giving a little background as to why I choose a TMNT film. If you have seen it already, feel free to skip ahead

So this is our third installment of four reviews of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ films.

Double double yay

So I know those of you who haven’t been following me, and have stumbled upon this post are probably really confused. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? As a horror film? NO WAY.

crazy

I know you are all saying to yourselves, hey this is a superhero movie, not a horror film. Au contraire, you see the turtles are radioactively enhanced to be larger; agile, smarter, etc. In fact the only thing that separates them from other radioactively changed creatures: such as the ants in Them, the giant spider in the Tarantula, or even Godzilla. They choosing to use their abilities for good and be superheroes doesn’t change the fact of how they were made.

So there! tongue sticking out pug

This Post We Are Switching Things UP!!

So I started Horrorfest V with the 2014 live action film, and worked backwards to the 2007 animated version.  The former had a Frankenstein-like quality and the latter had monsters. Instead of doing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993) when they travel back in time to Japan, I’ve decided we are going to the film that started it all.

TMNT

The 1990 version. This version doesn’t have as many horror elements as the others, but mutated creatures are still mutated creatures. And that counts!

So shall we wait any further? Or

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

halloween banner

So I was a gigantic fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, especially the first two. My sister, friends, and I used to always act out the films or create our own stories.

TMNT

The film tried to stay true to the comic series, rather than the TV show; from backstories, to lighting, to introductions, etc.

The craziest thing for me to wrap my head around was how no one wanted to make it. It was supposed to be done in the ’80s before the TV show, but financing always fell through. In fact, it was done by a new company and is one of the most productive independent films ever made.

What?

What?

And almost everyone, from writers, producers, Judith Hoag (April O’Neil), Jim Hensen, etc; complained that this film was too dark and too violent. That’s just crazy to me.

TMNT2

They were a tremendous part of my childhood and I can’t wait to share it with you. So no use waiting around anymore:

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

halloween banner

TMNT

So the film begins with April O’Neil giving a report for Channel 3 news about the recent crime wave that has been occurring in New York City. Everything from purse snatching, to breaking & entering, etc. But the strangest thing? No one even seems to get a view of them. They are like a blink of an eye, a ninja.

April O’Neil: But whoever is behind these crimes, one thing is certain, these are much than just a series of random isolated incidents. Crimes without criminals? An invisible gang at work? Who are we gonna call? Unfortunately the police are the only ones to combat what some are already dubbing the silent crime wave. But perhaps the most disturbing silence is that coming from city hall. April O’Neill, Channel 3 Eyewitness News.

While April’s reporting is good for her viewers, it doesn’t make her any friends in city hall or the police station.

Not good

Not good

 

One night when April is heading home, she is walking past an alley when she sees some teenagers stealing from a van. They chase after her and pin her to the ground when the lights go out.

Never a good sign.

Never a good sign.

We hear some buttkicking, and when the lights come back on, the guys are tied up and April is fine.

WOW

WOW

But there is no one there? Who did this?

April finds a sai and takes it before the police can see it. She is being watched by a figure who realizes that he left his sai behind.

clueless mybad oops

We then head down to the sewers and get our first look at the brothers and their father/instructor, Splinter:

TMNTpizza

And when I first saw them as a kid I was amazed at how lifelike and incredible they look. That’s what’s wrong with a lot of CGI, it just doesn’t feel real, it doesn’t take space or have weight. These felt real, they were just incredible.

OMG gasp

The turtles took multiple people doing the face, body, and voice; and were created by Jim Henson. They were the most advanced he had ever worked with; made out of fiberglass and foam rubber latex. They took 18 weeks to make. Incredible.

Splinter had three puppeteers; one for the face, one for the arms, and the puppet himself.

AMAZING!

AMAZING!

So the four boys: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael; return home to tell their master what happened.

Leonardo: We have had our first battle, Master Splinter! They were many, but we kicked… but we fought well.

Splinter: Were you seen?

Leonardo: Uh-uh.

Splinter: In this, you must never lapse. Even those who would be our allies, would not understand. Our domain is the shadow; stray from it reluctantly, for when you do, you must strike hard and fade away, without a trace.

Raphael: I lost a sai!

Splinter: Then, it is gone.

Raphael: But I can get it back! I can get it back…

Splinter: Raphael!… Let it go.

Done with work, time for a reward. And you know what the TMNT’s favorite thing to have is Pizza.

Pizza Delivery Sabrina the teenage witch

Raphael is upset and heads out to a movie, dressed up in a trench coat and hat. Donatello and Michelangelo wait for their delivery.

And the turtles enjoy their favorite snack:

TMNTteenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_movie

PIZZA!!!

Raphael goes to see Critters which he hates and stumbles upon some thugs who snatch a ladies purse. There he meets Casey Jones, sports vigilante.

Casey grew up watching all kinds of cop shows and decided to become a vigilante. I thought he was one of the coolest, apart from the turtles, and one of my favorite characters.

If he existed.

If he existed.

So he and Raphael fight about who’s right about how to treat the thugs. When Casey knocks Raphael into a garbage can, he takes off and Raphael heads off for home.

The next day, April goes to the police to report what happened, but the chief isn’t much help as he hates the way she showed him on TV. Well maybe you should stop acting so much like bumbling fool and do your job.

stupidmoranhmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

She then goes to the subway to go home when she is approached by the gang, the Foot. They warn her about her mouth and start to attack her, knocking her out, but are stopped by Raphael who has been following April in hopes to get her sai back. When he finishes the Foot off and sees a knocked out April, there is only one thing he can do. Bring her back to his home.

uh-no-gifuhno

I know bad idea, but what else can he do. It’s not like he can drop her off at a hospital or something, and its not like he can leave her there.

Leonardo: [Raphael has brought an unconscious April O’Neil into the sewer] Are you crazy?

Raphael: Yeah, Leo, I’m crazy, OK? A loony, OK?

Donatello: But why?

Raphael: Why? Why, oh I don’t know, ’cause I wanted to redecorate. You know, a couple of throw pillows, a TV news reporter, what do ya think?

And when she wakes up, she has the appropiate response to seeing four, life-size talking turtles and a rat.

screamhouseonhauntedhill

But they are able to calm her down and get her to listen to their story.

teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-pic-2

Can we take a moment and pause to talk about Splinter. Now in real life I hate rats. I think they are disgusting and ugly.

ew! Gross Yuck

I hated the new version of Splinter too as he was horrifying, fake looking, and mean. But this Splinter is perfect, he is friendly, kind, cuddly, adorable.

You're so cute

Sorry for that tangent, let’s get back to the film.

The turtles take April home, and she invites them in for their favorite thing:

April O’Neil: I’d like to invite you all in but I really don’t have anything to offer you guys except for some… frozen pizza.

Michaelangelo: [springs up from the manhole like a jack-in-the-box] Let’s go for it!

Donatello: You said the magic word.

April O’Neil: You guys eat pizza?

MichaelangeloDonatello: Doesn’t everybody?

April O’Neil: Um, yeah… alright.

Leonardo: [from below] Hey, did she say pizza?

Pizzaiseternal

When the turtles return home, they find their home burglarized and Splinter gone!

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

With nowhere else to turn they stay with April in her apartment over and old antique shop.

Meanwhile, April’s boss Charles’ son Danny has just been released from jail for stealing. The Chief has promised to keep it off the record if he can keep April off his back.

Mmhm great gatsby

Charles goes to talk with April, who is housing 4 giant turtles

No thank youhowaboutno

Charles tries to talk to April but she doesn’t really listen and she plans to continue with her story.

Meanwhile, Danny takes off when his dad tries to talk to him about stealing and heads to a secret teen hideout. It like a gang, at first everything seems fun with skateboarding, video games, etc.; but turns darker as they are expected to steal and eventually the best of the best are chosen to join the Foot clan. The hideout is run by the second-in-command, Tatsu; while the leader is Shredder.

tumblr_mxn1lp02e71t0ow0mo1_500

Shredder used to terrify me as a child. He hardly says anything but he has those cold, cruel eyes, and that steely voice. Frightening.

I'm getting shivers

I’m getting shivers

I think the scariest thing about him too is how little he cares for anyone else. He practically kills a guy in here and has done some sick, crazy things in the past. He is a complete psychopath that cares about achieving his goals; and if you get in the way…well he is called Shredder for a reason.

tumblr_mxn1lp02e71t0ow0mo1_500

So back at the apartment, the turtles are watching April’s newscast. Afterwards Leonardo and Raphael argue about what to do next, Raphael thinking they should find the Foot and get some answers, Leonardo think they should wait until April picks up on something. Leo says some horrible things about how they don’t need him and Raphael goes upstairs to the roof to workout his frustration.

fliptablesangrysurprised

The foot has tracked them down and approach the house as April arrives home. Downstairs April shows off the antiques, while Raphael gets pummeled. He comes falling through the roof and the fights escalate, until Casey shows up to lend a hand.

The hockey mask wearing and weapon wielding type of guy you want to see.

The hockey mask wearing and weapon wielding type of guy you want to see.

“Casey Jones: [to the Foot soldiers of Raph] You guys mind telling me what you’re doing to my little green pal over there, hm? [sees AprilOh, who is the babe?

Leonardo: Who the heck is that?

Michaelangelo: Wayne Gretzky on steroids?”

The building catches fire and the turtles and April escape in a secret tunnel. As they exit the building, Casey is the last one out and hears a message left by April’s boss:

As they leave we spot Danny watching the building fro afar, he is the one who betrayed them.

betrayal_super_mario_world_by_ggrock70-d37inzj.png

They drive out to a farmhouse in more rural New York, also left to April. Raphael remains motionless while Leonardo tries to help him. The rest try to concentrate on doing something, anything but all the questions constantly bombard them. What to do? Is Splinter okay? Is he alive? Will Raphael recover?

I don't know what to do

Back in the city, Shredder has the whole Foot searching for the turtles. Something about the way they fight is so familiar, reminds him of the past…he also has them searching for Danny as he too has disappeared.

On the farm, Raphael has reawaken!

Leonardo: [sees that Raphael is awake and rushes to him] Raph! You’re awake! How do you feel?

Raphael: What’s a guy gotta do… to get some food around here?

Leonardo: [stands up, ecstatic, and runs to bathroom door] Hey! Hey, he’s awake! He wants some food! Bring some food! [runs back to RaphaelYou’re gonna be ok Raph… you’re gonna be ok!

Raphael: Yeah, yeah, alright Leo! Get a grip, will ya?

Leonardo: Listen, Raph…[helps Raphael to his feet]-about what I said before… y’know… about not needing you and all?

Raphael: Leo… don’t. [They hug]

Leonardo: Boy, we missed you.

Donatello: [he and April watch from the doorway] It’s a Kodak moment.

They let Raphael build up his strength, while Leo tries to contact Splinter through meditation. He feels him and has his brothers go off into the woods to join him. There they hear Splinter speak and are ready to head back to the city.

Let's Do IT!

Let’s Do IT!

The turtles return home and find Danny hiding out there. They don’t know he was the one who lead Shredder to them, and warmly welcome him. Casey is claustrophobic, as decides to stay in the truck, above ground.

Even though Danny doesn’t like the Foot clan, once you are in a gang it is hard to get out. He returns and finds Splinter, hearing his story pre-turtles

Splinter: I too once had a family, Danny. Many years ago I lived in Japan: a pet of my master Yoshi, mimicking his movements from my cage and learning the mysterious art of Ninjitsu, for Yoshi was one of Japan’s finest shadow warriors. His only rival was a man named Oroko Saki, and they competed in all things, but in nothing more fiercely than for the love of a woman, Tang Shen. Shen’s love was only for my master and rather than see him fight Saki for her hand, she persuaded Yoshi to flee with me to America. But Saki vowed vengeance. I remember it well, as my master returned home to find his beloved Shen lying on the floor, and then he saw her killer. Saki wasted no words, and during the struggle, my cage was broken. I leapt to Saki’s face, biting and clawing, but he threw me to the floor and took one swipe with his Katana, slicing my ear. Then he was gone, and I was alone.

Danny: What became of this Oroku Saki?

Splinter: Nobody really knows… But you wear his symbol.

OMG gasp

It’s the…

tmntshreddertumblr_mxn1lp02e71t0ow0mo1_500

His psychopath levels have just increased a thousand percent.

Shredder appears and removes a drawing of the turtles done by April. He leaves to gather troops and sends Tatsu back to kill Splinter.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

Danny heads back to help Splinter, and runs into Casey. They manage to get him out in time.

The Foot go out to fight Splinter, but are surprised by the turtles. Back in the hideout, Tatsu and Casey fight, with Casey defeating him. Afterwards, he talks to the group and asks if this is the kind of “family” they want.

Gang Leader: We have a loyalty to the Shredder.

Splinter: The Shredder uses you. He poisons your minds to obtains for that which he desires. He cares nothing for you or the people you hurt.

Gang Leader: We’re family.

Casey Jones: Family? Did you say family? You call this here and that…[points to Tatsu, who he just knocked out]…down there, family?

If only it was that easy in real life.

After the Turtles defeat a group of ninjas, they all step aside for Shredder.

Yes, Splinter is like the animal version of Mr. Miyagi. And he rocks!

But is the Shredder dead? Or is he like every other horror villain? they always come back.

Terminatorillbeback

April has her story, the police stop the gang, Casey has April and the turtles celebrate their family and victory!

Leonardo: We were awesome!

Michaelangelo: Bodacious!

Raphael: B******’!

Donatello: Uh…

Michaelangelo: Gnarly!

Leonardo: Radical!

Raphael: Totally tubular, dude!

Michaelangelo: Wicked!

Leonardo: Hellacious!

Donatello: Uh, mega…

Splinter:[Splinter clears his throat, the Turtles clam up] I have always liked… Cowabunga.

LeonardoMichaelangeloRaphaelDonatello: COWABUNGA!

Splinter: [laughs] I made a funny!

And there is only one way to end a turtle film, in SONG!

Well that’s the awesomeness of the turtles. It was perfect and I just:

loveitSupernatural

Before we end, I have one more little Turtle delight for you:

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to A Murder Has Been Committed on Your Property: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode One (2013)

halloween banner

For more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, go to Every Three Thousand Years, the Stars Align. Unleashing an Army of Monsters: TMNT (2007)

For more Nostalgia Critic, go to Fanning All Over the Place 

I’ll Be Watching You: Cat’s Eye (1987)

So Horrorfest V is reaching it’s last few weeks and could there be something missing?

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

I’ve already done an animated film like always, a Disney film, and Alfred Hitchcock. All things that have become staples every year. Now who could be missing?

suspicious Hmm

A Stephen King film!!

Yes, it is time to review a Stephen King film. Not a Horrorfest has gone by without me reviewing one of his films, so here we go.

cat'seye

Every breath you take…I’ll be watching you

I had never seen this film before, but my friend really wanted to watch it as she loves ’80s films and was a horror film mood. Aren’t we all?

EverydayHalloweenHorrorfanOctober

The film is actually based on three Stephen King short stories, with the only thing pulling them all together is a cat.

Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7 AKA Jake

So the first third of the film is based on the short story Quitters, Inc. First we see our stray cat wandering the streets. It goes to a store window and sees a little girl mannequin. This changes into a vision of a real girl (Drew Barrymore) who is calling for the cat to come and save her. I guess it is another child with powers, those come up a lot in Stephen King films.

The cat gets captured by a guy who works for Quitters Inc. He takes the cat back to headquarters, where Dick Morrison is being dropped off. Now you might not recognize the actor’s face, James Wood, but you will defintely recognize his voice as Hades from Hercules.

herculesguydifferent

Dick has been a long time smoker and his friend advised using the agency, Quitters Inc. to finally stop his habit. He’s given paperwork to fill out, but finds it hard to as the man next to him is hysterically crying.

The_Wolf_Man_4Crying sad

His wife comes out with her clothes all messed up and looking like she has had a hard time. She is furious with her husband, blaming him, but he quiets her down and tells Dick she is having her second treatment.

Dick thinks the whole thing smells.

Gilmore girls creep

And he decides to leave, but before he can go he is stopped by Dr. Vinnie Donatti. He brings him into his office and explains their 100% success rate.

That poor CAT!!! I just wanted to run in and grab him, save him.

rainbreakfastattiffaneyscat

It’s okay I have you.

So yes the first offense will be James’ wife “cat room”, not too much but there will be shocking. The second offense will be his daughter in the “cat room”, third offense someone will rape his wife, and the fourth offense will be his death.

OMG gasp

What a psychopath. A sadistic one too.

you're evil

So Dick quits cold turkey and goes home. He acts like a real bear because his addiction is gnawing at him. He tries his hardest, but can’t sleep. That night he heads downstairs and starts looking for a cigarette.

4083834-young-indian-stressed-businessman-yuppie-type-standing-with-a-terrified-expression-or-dramatic-grimaican'tcannotllivewithoutit

When he gets downstairs, he hears a noise coming from the closet.

What the fork

He grabs an umbrella and throws it at the closet, hearing an umpf. Quickly he tosses his cigarette away and takes his golf clubs out, pretending that was the whole reason he was in the office.

run-away

The next day Dick goes to visit his daughter, Alisha (Drew Barrymore) who has down syndrome and lives at a school. He brings her a doll, but sees that Dr. Donatti is watching him. Dr. Donatti warns him that his people will always be watching.

creep watching lovely bones Stanley tucci

In fact, just that morning a jogger was around his house, but he wasn’t really a jogger as no jogger wears oxfords. Yes look out Dick, they are everywhere.

paranoidAfterYoujosephheller

So Dick has been doing good for two weeks. He then goes to a party and he is the only one not smoking. The next day when he gets stuck in traffic, he finds a cigarette in the glove box and smokes it, confident no one is watching.

Majorly

Majorly

The guy in the car next to him is a Quitters, Inc. agent and speeds off to report him as soon as the traffic clears. Dick tries to race home and when he gets there he finds it ransacked and his wife missing.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

He runs to Quitters, Inc. and sure enough there is his wife in the cat box. Dick tries to fight with the two men and get his wife free. His confrontation frees our stray cat from his cage and he goes running off.

I'm getting out of here

I’m getting out of here

Dick, however, is forced to stay and watch his wife be tortured.

The_Wolf_Man_4Crying sad

Afterwards, Dick explains everything and his promise to not give into temptation and hurt his family again. I just think why didn’t they go to the police? He never signed a release form and two people will be giving testimony.

I mean, seriously.

I mean, seriously.

So weeks pass and Dick has been doing great, only one problem; he’s been gaining weight. It is common after quitting an addiction, and Dick feels okay about it.

dietntfatSabrina the teenage witch

However, Quitters, Inc says that he needs to lose weight or else they will cut off his wife’s pinky finger.

Diet

A few days later, Dick and his wife are having dinner with a family friend, the same one who advised him to join Quitters, Inc. They are having a great time until Dick realizes his friend’s wife is missing the top of her pinky finger.

OMG gasp

That means that his friend knew what was going to happen. He sent him there and new the horrors he would face. What a-

wordICan't say Toy Story

I would dump that friend and never speak to them again. And that ends our first story.

halloween banner

The second section comes from the short story, The Ledge. The cat and the viewers have traveled from New York to New Jersey, Atlantic City to be exact, as he continues to look for the girl in the vision. Here the cat is trying to cross a busy intersection when he is spotted by Cressner, casino owner and very powerful man. He spots the cat and bets that he will make it across without injury, while his friend thinks the cat will be killed.

All I can think:

Poor cat. They are so cruel to you.

Poor cat. They are so cruel to you.

The cat does manage to make it and Cressner takes him home; telling his two rough guys to “get him”

Who?

Who?

Meanwhile, gambler and tennis pro, Johnny Norris has been seeing Cressner’s estranged wife. He sends her away on her own as he has a few things to take care of and wants her safe from her crazy husband. As soon as she boards the bus, Johnny is beat up and taken.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

He is brought to Cressner’s penthouse and Cressner tells him that he has planted heroin in his car and is going to call the cops on him. However, he will make one deal and if Johnny can do it he will get “money,the girl, the gold watch, the car, and everything.” All Johnny has to do is walk around his ledge without falling off, if he does, he’s dead.

victim

Johnny sees no other way and agrees. However, as he starts to move around, Cressner does everything in his power to try and get him to fall off; playing a trumpet, shooting him with a fire hose, etc.

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

He finally makes it around and back inside. Cressner gives him a bag full of money, but there is one extra item. His wife’s head.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cressner gets ready to kill Johnny too, when Johnny, angry and horrified, lunges toward him trying to knock them over. The cat joins in, causing some to trip and allows Johnny to get the gun. The cat then takes off while Johnny shoots the goon and train the gun on Cressner.

0dial_1119cshootgunkiller

Cressner promises him anything, anything at all, just let him live. But that is not good enough for Johnny.

Instead he forces Cressner to do the same challenge he did. And Cressner isn’t as lucky.

SPLAT!

SPLAT!

halloween banner

We then come to the third installment, General. The cat has finally made it to the little girl who has been calling him the whole time in Wilmington, North Carolina. However, the girl doesn’t act like she has been calling him, so why was that in it earlier?

weirdtwilightzone

So the little girl, Amanda, wants to keep the cat, calling him General, but her mom hates cats. She especially doesn’t want him in the house and throws him out at night. However, General knows he needs to protect Amanda and tries to find a way inside.

Meanwhile, in Amanda’s room a portion of the wall opens up and a troll appears. He kills Amanda’s bird and tries to go after her, when General manages to get through the window and save her, getting stabbed in the process.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

The next day, General is kicked out of the house as “he killed polly” the parrot. General lies about injured, the husband discovering it and commenting on it to the wife; but she doesn’t care. She thinks General should die for what he did. She captures him and drops him off at the animal shelter, telling lies so that he is euthanized that night.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

That poor cat. I would take good care of you.

Poor cat. They are so cruel to you.

Poor cat. They are so cruel to you.

That night the troll comes out and tries to kill Amanda, taking her breath away. General manges to escape, run back to the house, and kill the troll in the weirdest way. He traps him on the record playing Every Breath You Take, and sends him shooting into the fan, cutting him up into a million pieces.

I mean, seriously.

I mean, seriously.

The parents come in and realize there daughter was telling the truth about seeing a troll and decide to keep General to protect her.

TheEnd_Title_2

So that was Cat’s Eye, first of all it made ZERO sense!!! I mean who decided to put this together? It is just strung along and is just kind of dumb. I mean if they has made the cat a more crucial character and also gave a reason to why Drew Barrymore was calling the cat it would have been better. But mostly-

I don't like it 11

The first story was the best, but the other two were just dumb. It really isn’t worth watching.

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to Every Twenty-Third Spring for Twenty Three Days, it Gets to Eat: Jeepers Creepers (2001)

halloween banner

For more Stephen King, go to Gypsy Justice: Thinner (1996)

For more Drew Barrymore, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?: Scream (1996)

For more films based on books, go to Have You Seen Megan Hipwell?: The Girl On the Train (2016)

For more Joseph Heller, go to You Think You Know Something, Don’t You?: Shadow of a Doubt (1943)