Part VIII:The Little Movie Line List

MovieQuotes

Yep. it’s time for another My Favorite Movie Lines Lists! Enjoy!

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701)”King Henry VIII: Mistress Anne, will you teach the king of England how they dance in the French court?
Anne: There is nothing that France can teach England, your majesty.
King Henry VIII: Well said. Well said.”–Anne of the Thousand Days (1969)

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702)”Landon: I’m sorry she never got her miracle.
Reverend Sullivan: She did. It was you.”–A Walk to Remember (2002)

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703)”Flik: Here, pretend – pretend that that’s a seed.

Dot: It’s a rock.

Flik: Oh, I know it’s a rock, I know. But let’s just pretend for a minute that it’s a seed, alright? We’ll just use our imaginations. Now, now do you see our tree? Everything that made that giant tree is already contained inside this tiny little seed. All it needs is some time, a little bit of sunshine and rain, and voilá!

Dot: This rock will be a tree?

Flik: Seed to tree. You’ve gotta work with me, here. Alright? Okay. Now, y-you might not feel like you can do much now, but that’s just because, well, you’re not a tree yet. You just have to give yourself some time. You’re still a seed.

Dot: But it’s a rock.

Flik: [shouting] I know it’s a rock! Don’t you think I know a rock when I see a rock? I’ve spent a lot of time around rocks!

Dot: You’re weird, but I like you.”–A Bug’s Life (1998)

 

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704)”Princess Fiona: And my groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what’s he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in “short” supply.
Donkey: Yeah! Though there are those who think “little” of him!–Shrek (2001)

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705)”Jack: You’re gonna pay a disobedience fee of $10,000! Plus another $40,000 to rebuild the bar! And if you wanna see your friend alive again, do not call the cops! If you’re not here in half an hour to settle this, I’m gonna take the fine out on your friend’s legs! I’m gonna break ’em with this tire iron!
Dudley Frank: Don’t bring the money! I’m a computer programmer! I don’t need my legs!
Jack: Fine! I’ll break his hands!
Dudley Frank: Oh, d*** it. Bring the money!”–Wild Hogs (2007)

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706)”Scott: You’re perfect Kate… and so far not flammable.”–John Tucker Must Die (2006)

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707)”Hopper: First rule of leadership: Everything is your fault.”– A Bug’s Life (1998)

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708)”Anne: We had the situation under control.

Teresa: Yeah. We were about to go all Buffy on their gringo a****.”–Man of the House (2005)

 

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709)”Landon: Listen, Jamie, I was hoping we could run lines together?
Jamie: Okay, but just not so anybody knows, right?
Landon: Well I just figured we could surprise everyone with how good I get.
Jamie: Like we could be secret friends.
Landon: Exactly, exactly it’s like you’re reading my mind.
Jamie: Great umm… maybe you could read mine.
[she gives him a cold glare and turns away]”–A Walk to Remember (2002)

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710)”Terry: You know, sometimes I just wish I was a guy.

Buddy: No, you don’t! The male body needs sex at all times! It’s a living hell!”–Just One of the Guys (1985)

 

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711)”Queen Gorgo: There’s only one woman’s words that should affect the mood of my husband. Those are mine.” –300 (2006)

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712)”Lord Farquaad: Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.”–Shrek (2001)

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713)”Anne: No, he means the other Texas Rangers, you know, like The Lone Ranger.

Heather: He had that cool Indian friend, what was his name?

Teresa: Tonto?

Barb: He was hot! Why don’t guys wear loincloths anymore?”–Man of the House (2005)

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714)”Constance MacKenzie: All men are alike. The approach is different; the result is always the same.”–Peyton Place (1957)

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715)”Lucius: Always giving orders. Just like every other adult.”–Planet of the Apes (1968)

 

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716)”Ernst Robinson: It’s better to use your head than break your back, I always say.”–Swiss Family Robinson (1960)

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717) “Guinevere Pettigrew: Not everything comes along just when we want it. There are times when decisions just have to be made, or you certainly will miss out.”–Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (2008)

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718)”[teaching Dizzy how to fight]
Clem: First thing you wanna do is gouge the dude’s eyes out.
Luther: Hey, it’s just kids in high school.
Clem: Oh. So you’re gonna want to fight dirty. “–The New Guy (2002)

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719)”Tuck: You fired!

Roll: You fired!

Tuck: You fireeeeeed!”–A Bug’s Life (1998)

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720)”Terry: I’m just so confused.

Buddy: Of course you’re confused. You’re wearing my underwear.”-Just One of the Guys (1985)

 

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721)”Wayne Campbell: [after Ben orders Chinese food while speaking Cantonese] This guy is good.
Benjamin: I picked up a little Cantonese while I was in the Orient. You know, you sound a lot like you’re from Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong.
Cassandra: I was born in Kowloon Bay!
Benjamin: There you have it!
Wayne Campbell: This guy is really good.”–Wayne’s World (1992)

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722)”Shrek: Example… uh… ogres are like onions!
[holds up an onion, which Donkey sniffs]
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes… No!
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Oh, you leave ’em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs…
Shrek: [peels an onion] NO! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.”–Shrek (2001)

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723)”Terry McKay: Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories…”–An Affair to Remember (1957)

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724)”Mrs. Thornton: A person doesn’t always get what she deserves. Remember it. If there’s anything in life you want, go and get it. Don’t wait for anybody to give it to you.”–Peyton Place (1957)

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725)”Guinevere Pettigrew: I am not an expert on love, I am an expert on the lack of love, Delysia, and that is a fate from which I wish more fervently to save you.”–Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (2008)

 

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726)”Alex Whitman: This morning I couldn’t decide between a hamburger and a tuna melt. But my life made perfect sense. Now I know exactly want I want, but my life makes no sense. Somewhere between tuna melt and your aunt’s tamales, life lost meaning and gained a purpose.
Isabel Fuentes: What are you saying?
Alex Whitman: I am saying- This is morning I was worried I’d met the girl of my dreams at the drycleaners and not recognize her. But you- you are what I never knew I always wanted.”–Fools Rush In (1997)

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727)”Dizzy/Gil: Don’t make me do crazy eyes…”–The New Guy (2002)

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728)”Loretta Lynn: [Loretta catches Doo with another woman] Woman, if you want to keep that arm, you better get it off my husband.

Girl at fairgrounds: Who are you telling what?

Loretta Lynn: I don’t know who you are, but I know what you are.”–Coal Miner’s Daughter (1980)

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729)”Dizzy/Gill:The onIy music worth being called music. I’m talking about the funk.–The New Guy (2002)

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730)”Lonny: Drew… what’s the name of your band, mate?
Drew Boley: Wolfgang Von Colt.
Lonny: …and you’re sticking with that are you?
Drew Boley: Yeah…
Lonny: [to audience] Please welcome to the stage very poorly titled Wolfgang Van Colt!
Drew Boley: …Von Colt.
Lonny: [to Drew] It’s not an improvement.”–Rock of Ages (2012)

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731)”Interviewer: Do you have a criminal record?
Rocky Balboa: Nothin’ worth braggin’ about.”–Rocky II (1979)

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732)”Novalee Nation: You tell them that our lives can change with every breath we take… and tell ’em to hold on like hell to what they’ve got: each other, and a mother who would die for them and almost did… You tell them we’ve all got meanness in us, but we’ve got goodness too. And the only thing worth living for is the good. And that’s why we’ve got to make sure we pass it on.”–Where the Heart Is (2000)

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733)”Reporter: Where did you get the name, “The Italian Stallion”?
Rocky: Oh I made that up one night while I was eating dinner.”–Rocky (1976)

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734)”Henry Tilney: Now I must give you one smirk, then we can be rational again.”–Northanger Abbey (2007)

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735)”Willy Jack Pickens: Why does anyone lie? Cuz we’re scared? Or crazy? Or jut mean?… There’s a million reasons why a person lies… But sometimes, you tell a lie so big… that it changes your whole life… Lie’s so big… it makes you think…”–Where the Heart Is (2000)

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736)”Ben Calder: If I kiss you, do you think they’ll shoot me?
Anna Foster: No, but I will if you don’t.”–Chasing Liberty (2004)

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737)”Donkey: You know, not everybody like onions. What about cake? Everybody loves cake!
Shrek: I don’t care what everyone else likes! Ogres are not like cakes.
Donkey: You know what ELSE everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, “Let’s get some parfait,” they say, “H*** no, I don’t like no parfait”? Parfaits are delicious!”–Shrek (2001)

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738)”Grandma Halley: First loves are never really over. Nobody’s perfect, Sweetheart. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.”–How to Deal (2003)

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739)”Henry Tilney: No! The discourtesy was all his. I-I have broken with my father, Catherine, I may never speak to him again.

Catherine Morland: What did he say to you?

Henry Tilney: Let me instead tell you what I said to him. I told him that I felt myself bound to you, by honor, by affection, and by a love so strong that nothing he could do could deter me from…

Catherine Morland: From what?

Henry Tilney: Before I go on, I should tell you there’s a pretty good chance he’ll disinherit me. I fear I may never be a rich man, Catherine.

Catherine Morland: Please, go on with what you were going to say!

Henry Tilney: Will you marry me, Catherine?

Catherine Morland: Yes! Yes I will! Yes!–Northanger Abbey (2007)

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740)”Old Woman: [watching Shrek fight] The chair! Give him the chair!”–Shrek (2001)

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741)”Leland: You don’t care about anything except you. You just want to persuade people that you love ’em so much that they ought to love you back. Only you want love on your own terms. Something to be played your way, according to your rules.”–Citizen Kane (1940)

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742)”J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!
J.P. Prewitt: [pauses] Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln in. The first model/actor! Dallas. 1963. John F. Kennedy.
Matilda: Lee Harvey Oswald wasn’t a male model.
J.P. Prewitt: You’re ******* right he wasn’t, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the Grassy Knoll sure as s*** were!”–Zoolander (2001)

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743)”Annie Reed: Destiny is something we’ve invented because we can’t stand the fact that everything that happens is accidental.”–Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

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744)”Novalee Nation: It’s too late, isn’t it, Forney?

Forney Hull: Too late for what?

Novalee Nation: I lied to you, when you asked me if I loved you, and I said no. Remember?

Forney Hull: Yes.

Novalee Nation: I lied. It wasn’t true, I-I love you. It’s just I lied because I thought you deserved something better.

Forney Hull: Something better than you? Novalee, there isn’t anything better than you.

[they kiss]”–Where the Heart Is (2000)

Where the Heart is

 

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745)”Catherine Morland: When shall we go into society, Mrs Allen? I suppose it is too late this evening?

Mrs. Allen: Bless you, my child, we neither of us have a stitch to wear!

Catherine Morland: I did bring my best frock and my pink muslin is not too bad, I think.

Mrs. Allen: No, no, no, no! Would you have us laughed out of Bath?

Mr. Allen: Resign yourself, Catherine! Shops must be visited! Money must be spent! Do you think you could bear it?

Catherine Morland: Very easily, sir!”–Northanger Abbey (2007)

 

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746)”Jack Colton: What did you do, wake up this morning and say, ‘Today, I’m going to ruin a man’s life’?”–Romancing the Stone (1984)

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747)”Chiron: Percy, take this to defend yourself. It’s a powerful weapon. Guard it well. Only use it in times of severe distress.
Percy Jackson: This is a pen. This is a *pen.*”–Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightening Thief (2010)

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748)”Ruth Meyers: My name is Ruth Meyers. Call me Ruth Meyers.”–Where the Heart is (2000)

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749)”[Riding in the curricle, Henry and Catherine see the first view of Northanger Abbey]

Henry Tilney: There.

Catherine Morland: It’s exactly as I imagined. It’s just like what we read about.

Henry Tilney: Are you prepared to encounter all of its horrors?

Catherine Morland: Horrors? Is Northanger haunted, then?

Henry Tilney: That’s just the least of it. Dungeons, and sliding panels; skeletons; strange, unearthly cries in the night that pierce your very soul!

Catherine Morland: [sardonically] Any vampires? Don’t say vampires. I could bear anything, but not vampires.

Henry Tilney: [laughing] Miss Morland, I believe you are teasing me now.”–Northanger Abbey (2007)

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750)”Patricia: I love you more than all the words in all the books in all the world.”–Why Did I Get Married? (2007)

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751)”Tiresias: It is the journey itself that makes up your life.”–The Odyssey (1997)

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752)”Lexie Coop: Americus? What kind of a name is Americus?

Novalee Nation: I wanted her to have a strong name.

Lexie Coop: Well, I guess I shouldn’t talk. I named my kids after snack foods: Brownie, Praline, Cherry and Baby Ruth.”–Where the Heart Is (2000)

 

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753)”Sam Baldwin: What is “tiramisu”?
Jay: You’ll find out.
Sam Baldwin: Well, what is it?
Jay: You’ll see!
Sam Baldwin: Some woman is gonna want me to do it to her and I’m not gonna know what it is!”–Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

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754)”Judge Dredd: Judgement time.”–Dredd (2012)

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755)”[Jack takes Joan’s shoes and breaks the heels off so she can hike through the forest]

Joan Wilder: These were Italian.

Jack Colton: Now they’re practical.”–Romancing the Stone (1984)

 

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756)”Thelma ‘Sister’ Husband: Home is where your history begins. Home is where they catch you when you fall.”–Where the Heart Is (2000)

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757)”Larry Zoolander: I just thank the Lord she didn’t live to see her son as a mermaid.
Derek Zoolander: Mer-man! [high-pitched cough] Mer-man!”–Zoolander (2001)

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758)”Becky: That’s your problem! You don’t want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.”–Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

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759)”Jem Trehearne: That’s women for you – save your life one minute, frightened of you the next. I guess I’m not a very pretty sight at the moment, but I don’t bite, you know.”–Jamaica Inn (1939)

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760)”[after reading Joan’s new novel based on her adventure]

Gloria: Joanie, you are now a WORLD-CLASS hopeless romantic.

Joan Wilder: No, hopeful. Hopeful romantic.”–Romancing the Stone (1984)

 

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761)”Data: Hey McFly, you bojo, those boards don’t work on water!”–Back to the Future Part II (1985)

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762)”Shrek: [Burps] Better out than in, I always say.”–Shrek (2001)

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763)”Jamie: How can you see places like this… and have moments like this and not believe?
Landon: You’re lucky to be so sure.
Jamie: It’s like the wind. I can’t… see it, but I feel it.”–A Walk to Remember (2002)

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764)”Richard Hannay: I know what it is to feel lonely and helpless and to have the whole world against me, and those are things that no men or women ought to feel.”–The 39 Steps (1935)

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765)”Americus: Forney, if you give a cow chocolate will you get chocolate milk?

Forney Hull: Yeah. And if you spin a cow around real fast you’ll get whipped cream.

Americus: Wow! You know a lot.

Forney Hull: Well, I work in the library.”–Where the Heart Is (2000)

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766)”May: Love is many things. It’s varied. One thing it is not and can never be is unsure.”–Madea’a Family Reunion (2006)

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767)”Prince John: And why should the people listen to you?
Robin Hood: Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent.–Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

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768)”Marty McFly: Great Scott!
Doc: I know, this is heavy”–Back to the Future Part III (1990)

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769)”Dizzy/Gil: Did we give up when Pearl Harbor was bombed?
Football player #72: Hey, I thought that movie made money.”–The New Guy (2002)

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770)”Mark Darcy: I don’t think you’re an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother’s pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever’s in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences… But the thing is, um, what I’m trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.”–Bridget Jones’ Diary (2001)

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771)”Suze: Fluent in Finnish?
Rebecca Bloomwood: Everyone has fudged their resume a little.”–Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

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772)”Donkey: All right, nobody move! I’ve got a dragon and I’m not afraid to use it! I’m a donkey on the edge!”–Shrek (2001)

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773)”[a leaf falls in front of one of the worker ants in the food lineWorker Ant #1: I’m lost! Where’s the line? It just went away. What do I do? What do I do?

Worker Ant #2: Help!

Worker Ant #3: We’ll be stuck here forever!

Mr. Soil: Do not panic, do not panic. We are trained professionals. Now, stay calm. We are going around the leaf.

Worker Ant #1: Around the leaf. I-I-I don’t think we can do that.

Mr. Soil: Oh, nonsense. This is nothing compared to the twig of ’93.”–A Bug’s Life (1998)

 

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774)”Richard Hannay: There are 20 million women in this island and I get to be chained to you.”–The 39 Steps (1935)

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775)”Doc: No one should know too much about their destiny.”–Back to the Future Part II (1989)

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776)”Rebecca Bloomwood: Men like you are the reason I left Finland.”–Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

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777)”Shrek: Fiona? Are you all right?
[Fiona looks at herself, and sees she is still an ogre] Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek: But you are beautiful.”–Shrek (2001)

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778)”Sam Baldwin: I am NOT going to New York to meet some woman who could be a crazy, sick lunatic! Didn’t you see Fatal Attraction?”–Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

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779)”Dr. Harris: I blew it didn’t I? Why didn’t I concur?”–Catch Me If You Can (2002)

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780)”Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read… if they can’t even fit inside the building?–Zoolander (2001)

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781)”Sherrie Christian: I’m a stripper at the Venus Club.
Drew Boley: I’m in a boy band.
Sherrie Christian: You win.”–Rock of Ages (2012)

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782)”Mable ‘Madea’ Simmons: I told you, you don’t know how to lie. What kinda lawyer don’t know how to lie? Lie and lawyer go together lie-awyer… lie-awyer!”–Madea’s Family Reunion (2006)

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783)”Landon: Jamie has faith in me. She makes me want to be different, better.”–A Walk to Remember (2002)

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784)”Derek Zoolander: I’m sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.”–Zoolander (2001)

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785)”Batiatus: Good luck, and may fortune smile upon… most of you.”–Spartacus (1960)

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786)”Manny: Utilizing psychic vibrations, I shall select the perfect volunteer.

Molt: Oh, oh, oh, oh! Pick me! Oh, oh! C’mon, I’m asking you with my brain.”–A Bug’s Life (1998)

 

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787)Frank Abagnale Jr.: [whispering to girl] Hey…You should fold it.
Joanna: What?
Frank Abagnale Jr.: That note. It’s a fake, right? You should fold it.
Joanna: It’s… It’s a note from my mom. I have a doctor’s appointment.
Frank Abagnale Jr.: Yeah, but there’s no crease in the paper. When your mom hands you a note to miss school, the first thing you do is, you fold it and you put it in your pocket. I mean, if it’s real, where’s the crease? [Joanna folds note to give it a crease.]–Catch Me if You Can (2002)

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788)”Angela: They’re just so sneaky that you think it was your idea.
Frances: Yeah. You’re sitting back and you’re like: “Oh, yeah. This my idea. But wait a second, why am I alone? Why am I unhappy?”
Angela: “Why have I gained 20 pounds?”
Frances: They Jedi mind-trick you. “–He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

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789)”J.P. Prewitt: Male models don’t think for themselves.
Derek Zoolander: That’s not true!
J.P. Prewitt: Yes it is, Derek.
Derek Zoolander: [meekly] Okay.”–Zoolander (2001)

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790)”Alex: I dunno… I like you
Gigi: [She’s taken aback] You do?
Alex: Well, yeah, okay, don’t start doodling my name on your binder, okay.”–He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

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791)”Capt. Crewe: Because it’s magic. Magic has to be believed. It’s the only way it’s real.”–A Little Princess (1995)

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792)”African Woman #1: I’m sure he just forgot your hut number!
African Woman #2: Or was eaten by a lion.
African Woman #3: You guys are awesome!”–He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

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793)”Stoney: Bud-dy!”–Encino Man (1992)

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794)”Gigi: I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You’ve think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an a** of yourself that way but you don’t fall in love that way either. You have not won. You’re alone. I may do a lot of stupid s*** but I’m still a lot closer to love than you are.”–He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

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795)”Mugatu: SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You’ve done nothing! NOTHIIIING!”–Zoolander (2001)

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796)”Sara Crewe: I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren’t pretty, or smart, or young. They’re still princesses. All of us.”–A Little Princess (1995)

Princess

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797)”Von Luger: Are all American officers so ill-mannered?

Hilts: Yeah, about 99 percent.

Von Luger: Then perhaps while you are with us you will have a chance to learn some. Ten days isolation, Hilts.

Hilts: CAPTAIN Hilts.”–The Great Esacape (1963)

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798)”Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope. “–He’s Just Not That Into You (2009)

film-strip-799)”Bridget: It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.”–Bridget Jones’ Diary (2001)

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600)”Scott Calvin: Hey, Charlie, you know how to call 911?

Charlie: Sure, 9-1-1.”–The Santa Clause (1994)

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For the previous list, go to Part VII: It Was Said One Night

For more on A Bug’s Life, go to CANDY TIME!

For more on A Walk to Remember, go to Fulfilling the List

For more on Back to the Future, go to Fashion Show

For more on Bridget Jones’ Diary, go to The Beauty of Darcy

For more on Catch Me If You Can, go to 25 Films of Christmas

For more on Confessions of a Shopaholic, go to Episode V: My Favorite Movie Lines Strike Back

For more on Dredd (2012), go to Na-Na-Na-(Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na)

For more on Fools Rush In, The Swiss Family Robinson, and The Odyssey, go to Snakes on a Post

For more on He’s Just NOT That Into You, go to You’re My Exception

For more on Northanger Abbey, go to The Lining is Silver

For more on Rock of Ages, go to Don’t Stop Believin’

For more on Rocky, go to There’s No One Like Gaston

For more on Shrek, go to Episode IV: A New Favorite Movie Lines List

For more on Sleepless in Seattle, go to Anything Can Happen

For more on The Santa Clause, go to On the 11th Day ‘Til Christmas

For more on Wayne’s World, go to Episode III: Revenge of the My Favorite Movie Lines List

For more on Where the Heart Is, go to Forney Hull

For more on Wild Hogs, go to Sucky Sequels

For more on Zoolander, go to It’s Back:The Sequel

 

 

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Snakes on a Post: Chinese New Year

So Sunday the 10th was the start of the Chinese New Year, which is the year of the snake.

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Since posting on the 10th would interfere with my Valentine’s Day posts, Romance is in the Air, I decided to save the Chinese New Year posts until after I finished it by posting on the last day of the New year, February 25th.

People born in the Year of the Snake are intelligent and wise; and usually thought of as great thinkers. Snakes are materialistic, prefer to work alone, and are easily stressed. Snakes are best with an Ox or Rooster. They’re worst pairings are with a Tiger, Monkey or Pig. Snakes are those born in 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001,  and 2013.

Some famous people born in the year of the snake are Ben Stiller, Bob Dylan, Charlie Sheen, Dennis Quaid, Desi Arnaz, Dolores del Rio, Edgar Allen Poe,  Jacqueline Kennedy, Pierce Bronsnan, Abraham Lincoln, Robert Downey Jr., Sarah Jessica Parker, and Tim Allen.

So to celebrate the year of the snake I am going to do my 13 favorite snakes/snake moments in film. For those of you expecting it, sorry to disappoint; I have never seen Snakes on a Plane so that film will not be taking any spot on my list. I just thought that it would be a fun parody title.

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13) Swiss Family Robinson (1960)

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One of the great disney classic films, this film and book are absoltely amazing.

It tells the story of the Robinson family, (they are Swiss), who are traveling to New Guniea but end up getting stuck in a storm, abandoned, and stranded on their broken ship. They pack up every bit of supplies they can and travel to the nearest place, a little island. The family consists of the father, mother, and three boys; Fritz (my fav the cute one), Ernst (the smart one), and Francis (the baby). The family creates a tree house and lives on the island going through many adventures; dealing with wild animals, saving a young teen, fighting pirates, etc.

Best Snake Scene: Fritz Fights an Anaconda

Okay, so Fritz is my favorite brother, as he is super manly and tough. At this point in the film, Fritz and Ernst are traveling through the island trying to see how big it is and what it holds. On the way they encounter pirates and save a young boy from becoming a pirate slave. This boy is super annoying, and they hate having to deal with him, but take him with them because they don’t feel right about leaving him to be traded. They are on their way home, with the boy in tow, when they have to cross a river. As they are crossing, Ernst gets attacked by an anaconda and Fritz acts all manly and cool wrestling with the snake to save Ernst’s life. Such a great brother!

For more on the Swiss Family Robinson, go to 25 More Films of Christmas

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12) Aladdin (1992)

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I loved Aladdin growing up as a kid. I used to watch the first and third one all the time, I remember that when I was in that little kid phase were you don’t want to take a bath, the only way my mom could get me in the tub willingly would be to promise me that I’d be able to watch Aladdin when I was done. I love all the songs in this film and committed them all to memory at an early age.

Aladdin is a retelling of a chinese tale in Arabian Nights or A Thousand and One Nights, tales that Scheherazade told her husband to keep herself alive each night, (for more on that go here).  In the disney story, Aladdin is an orphaned boy living with his monkey friend, Abu. The two are street rats, scrounging about for food and hiding from the castle guards. Every night Aladdin goes home and dreams of being rich and living in the palace, never worrying about anything. Meanwhile, Princess Jasmine is in the palace and has to marry by her sixteenth birthday. She hates every prince that has called on her and she feels they all are after her fortune. Also in the palace lurks Jafar, the evil vizier, who wants to take the throne for himself. He also is trying to get inside the fabled Cave of Wonders to get a lamp, but only a pure-hearted, diamond in the rough can enter. These three stories intersect when Jasmine sneaks out of the palace, only to be helped by Aladdin when she gets into trouble. The two run from guards and are caught, Jasmine revealing herself and going home, while Aladdin is sent to the dungeon. Jafar disguises himself and frees Aladdin convinced he is the perfect person to enter the cave. Aladdin is and does, but Abu brings the whole place toppling down when he tries to take something he is not supposed to touch. Aladdin gets stuck inside the Cave, but there he finds the Genie of the lamp and the adventure to capture the heart of the princess is on.

Best Snake Scene: Jafar is a Cobra

Near the end of the film, Jafar has stolen the lamp from Aladdin and has taken over the kingdom. He has turned the sultan into a puppet and tried to turn Jasmine into a love slave (very Jabba the Hutt-esque), to little success. He had sent Aladdin far away, but with the magic carpet’s help Aladdin has returned to free the sultan, Jasmine, and the Genie from Jafar’s evil grasp. At one point when Aladdin is fighting Jafar, he calls Jafar a cowardly snake. At this insult, Jafar decides to actually become one, in fact a King Cobra. Man, Jafar is so creepy here, I was just begging for Rikki-Tikki-Tavi to come save everybody.

For more on the Aladdin, go to Diamond in the Rough

16741-Slimy_Stretch_Mini_Schlange-Halloween_Dekoration-Snake11) Hercules (1997)

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In Hercules, Hercules is born to the gods Zeus and Hera. Hades wants Hercules killed so he send his two minions to first turn Hercules mortal and to then kill him. With Hercules dead,  Hades’ plan to rule Olympus will be complete. The only problem is, Hades’ minions are very incompetent and fail to complete their mission. Hercules is turned mortal, but still retains his super strength. He is adopted and raised by mortal parents, but eventually journeys to the temple of Zeus to figure out who he is as he knows he doesn’t belong with the others. He finds out he is the son of Zeus and the only way to take back his rightful spot on Olympus and become a god is if he becomes a “true hero”. From the temple he travels to see the satyr Philoctetes and train to be a hero. From that point on Hercule is involved in all kinds of monster fights as he is eager to prove himself a hero and Hades is eager to be rid of him.

Best Snake Scene: Hercules destroys the snakes

When the minions are going to kill Hercules they first give him mortal juice, but fail to give him every last drop. Therefore Hercules keeps his super strength. The minions change into snakes and attack Hercules, but the little cute baby is able to completely trounce them. He is so cute when he does it too! A sweet lil’ bouncing baby knotting up the snakes and throwing them far away.

(Start at 10:33)

For more on the Hercules, go to Love Makes You Do Crazy Things: Hercules (1997)

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10)The Odyssey (1997)

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The Odyssey tells the story of Odysseus, from his fighting in Troy, and all his adventures as he tries to get home. It was a very big cast with Isabella Rosallini, Bernadette Peters, Vanessa Williams, and Armand Assante.

Best Snake Scene: When Laocoön gets killed

So Odysseus comes up with the idea to create a huge wooden horse and hide all the soldiers in it; pretending that the Greeks have left and given a surrender gift, aka the Trojan Horse. Only one person doesn’t trust that this “horse” is a “gift”, Laocoön. Laocoön is an adviser for King Priam, and he tells everyone that the horse is probably a trick and they should destroy it. Right after he declares this, a giant sea serpent comes out of the ocean and kills him and his family. Immediately everyone believes that since Laocoön was killed by a creature sent by the gods, everything he said should not be trusted and take the horse into Troy, ultimately sealing their doom.

I know it is another language and I’m sorry it was the only way I could find a clip. Start watching from 4:21

16741-Slimy_Stretch_Mini_Schlange-Halloween_Dekoration-Snake9) Cleopatra (1934)MPW-32754

Now when most people think of Cleopatra they instantly think of Elizabeth Taylor in the famous 1963 film. But before that movie came out Cecil B. DeMille (one of my fav directors) did a version with Claudette Colbert.

This film tells the same story of the last Egyptian Pharaoh and everything she did to try and keep her power. She tries to get Julius Caesar to help her, by seducing him, and after he is killed; switches her affections to Mark Anthony. But with Anthony and Octavius (Julius’ adopted son and also known as Augustus) fighting for control of Rome, all does not go well for the star-crossed lovers.

Best Snake Scene: Suicide by Asps

Now I’m not one to encourage suicide, but it was probably the best option she could have taken. There was no way for her to escape and if she was taken to Rome, she’d be tortured, raped, or killed. When they have Cleopatra commit her final act, Colbert does it so well. She is so stately, all the way up to the end; a true Queen of Egypt.

Start at 2:43

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8) The Jungle Book (1967)

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This is the original Disney version and based on the novel by Rudyard Kipling. In the story Mowgli is a man cub raised by wolves. Ten years pass by and when news of Shere Khan, the great tiger, has returned to the jungle they decide to send Mowgli back to the Man village. Bagheera, the panther, tries to take him back but they get interrupted by Kaa, the snake who tries to eat him, and Baloo a slothy bear who discourages Mowgli from returning to the world of men. Mowgli meets other crazy characters such as King Louie the Orangutan, Colonel Hathi the Elephant, and a group of Vultures who act like The Beatles.

Best Snake Scene: Kaa & Hypnosis

Kaa is pretty scary, being a python, but the creepiest thing about him is the way he hypnotizes people. He uses his power to attempt to not only eat Mowgli, but Bagheera as well.

For more on the The Jungle Book, go to A Little Monkey Business: Chinese New Year

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7) Fools Rush In (1997)

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Straight-laced Alex (Matthew Perry) is visiting Las Vegas to oversee a construction project and has a one night stand with free-spirited, Mexican-American Isabel Fuentes (Selma Hayek). Alex figures he would never see her again, but three months later she comes back into his life letting him know that she is pregnant. The two decide to do “the right thing”, and get married. But can they overcome their cultural differences?

Best Snake Scene: When Alex gets a snake bite.

So Alex goes out hunting with Isabella’s brothers to bond with them, but unfortunately things don’t quite as he had planned. As Alex is running about trying to connect with Isabel’s family, he gets caught in a rattlesnake nest. The brothers shoot to kill the snake, and Alex gets so scared he runs, right into some cacti. To combat the pain, Isabel’s brothers give him a LOT of tequila. This was always one of my favorite scenes in the movie.

 

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6)Clash of the Titans (1981)

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This version is nothing like the true story of Perseus in mythology but much better than the remake recently made in 2010.

In Clash of the Titansthere are two demigods that are the strong crucial characters. One of them is Calibos, son of Thetis, who is engaged to marry the Princess Andromeda. However, Calibos has killed all of the winged pegasi and this is just the last thing in Zeus’ list of grievances that Calibos has committed. To punish him, Zeus turns him into a hideous monster. Thetis is very angry, and in revenge has Perseus, Zeus’ son of a mortal woman, sent to Joppa. There Perseus sees Andromeda and falls in love with her; but unfortunately she is now under a curse, and if her riddle is answered falsely than the suitor is burned at the stake. (Her predicament resembles the princess in The Traveling Companion by Hans Christian Anderson). Perseus is able to solve the riddle, but unfortunately Andromeda’s life is once again threatened, this time by the Kraken, and he has to go on an adventure to find something to defeat it.

Best Snake Scene: Fighting Medusa

Medusa was a gorgan, and once very lovely until she angered Athena and was cursed with not only snake for hair, but if one looked into her eyes they would be turned to stone. Perseus goes after her to get her head so that he can use it to turn the Kraken into stone and save Andromeda. Now I’ve always imagined Medusa as a beautiful woman with snake hair, much like Uma Thurman’s portrayl in Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)However, in Clash of the Titans they take it once step further, giving Medusa the whole body of a snake, they even gave her a rattler at the end of her tail. I love her hair the most though, as it is constantly moving and squirming; just as it should be.

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5) The Chipmunk Adventure (1987)

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In The Chipmunk Adventure, the chipmunks and chipettes wish they could take a trip around the world. They are overheard by an eccentric millionaire brother and sister. The two  agree to finance the trip, and include a prize of a $100,000 to the ones who finish first. All the chipmunks and chipettes have to do is take two separate routes by hot air balloon, and make several exchanges of little chipmunk and chipette dolls as proof they traveled to the places they said they would. Who will win? As always music and hijinks ensue.

Best Snake Scene: “Getting Lucky

At one point in the film the chipettes are captured by a pre-pubescent sultan who is determined to make Brittany his wife. The girls split up as Eleanor goes off to take care of some things and Brittany & Jeanette go after the dolls (they were taken from them earlier and are needed to win the contest). When the two girls find their lost dolls, they discover that they are being guarded by snakes. Always quick thinkers, the girls decide to charm them–the only way they know how-through music. I love this song and dance number!

For more on Alvin and the Chipmunksgo to On the 6th,5th,4th,3rd,2nd, & 1st Days ‘Til Christmas: The Music of Christmas

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4) Robin Hood (1973)images

Robin Hood (1973) is the Disney version in which all the characters are cartoon animals. Robin Hood and Maid Marian are foxes, Little John a bear, Prince John a lion, etc. It tells the story of the legendary bandit in abbreviated form. Robin Hood plays tricks on Prince John and the Sheriff, he competes in the archery contest in disguise, dances with Maid Marian, and has to save the day. I love this movie as it is Disney at its best.

Best Snake Scene: Anything With Sir Hiss

How do I describe Sir Hiss? Well he is the Cassandra of the Disney world. He is an advisor to Prince John; has a strong head on his shoulders and good intuition about people. The only problem is no one listens to him. He tries to warn Prince John countless times that those gypsy women are probably bandits trying to rip him off, (they are in fact Robin & Lil’ John) and later that the Duke of Chutney is not a real Duke, (once again right as it is Lil’ John). Sir Hiss is one of the characters you have a love/hate relationship with; but he for sure makes the scenes hilarious. He’s such a brownnoser, but funny all the same. “Mere slip of the forked tongue.” “Snakes don’t walk they slither.”

For more Robin Hood, go to Oh Oh De Lally

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3) Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)600full-indiana-jones-and-the-raiders-of-the-lost-ark-poster

In Raiders of the Lost Ark  we are introduced to Indiana Jones; archeologist and total superhero. He travels about and takes down the bad guys that trying to steal treasures for private collections. This film is the first in the series, and has Indiana on a search for the lost Ark. He has an old flame reappear, bouts with a villainous archeologists, and has to deal with a lot of Nazis.

Best Snake Scene: “Why’d It Have to Be Snakes?”

Indiana is afraid of snakes, deathly afraid of them. He just abhors being around them. At this point in the film, Indiana has discovered where the Ark is located and he and his men have completed digging for it. He is just about to climb down into the area when he discovers his worse fear is waiting for him. The line “Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?“; has become a universal saying for when everything seems to have just gone down the crapper.

 

For more Indiana Jones, go to And Away We Go

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2) Conan the Barbarian (1982)

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In Conan the BarbarianConan’s family is killed by the evil Thulsa Doom’s warriors. Conan is enslaved and after years of servitude he is finally freed. He goes out on his own, becoming a thief and forming friendships with other thieves/wanderers. He is eventually brought before King Osric and asked by him to rescue his daughter from Thulsa Doom and the Snake Cult. Conan agrees because of his hatred for Thulsa Doom.

Best Snake Scene: James Earl Jones becomes a Snake. 

The evil villian Thulsa Doom is played by James Earl Jones. Thulsa Doom is the leader of the Snake cult and is a sorcerer. One of his powers is the ability to turn into a snake. When he does this during the film it is so cool, but really creepy!

For more on Conan the Barbarian, go to Conan the Librarian

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1) The Jungle Book (1994)

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The Jungle Book is pretty much what Disney used as their basis for the Tarzan film (both being Disney films). The Jungle Book 1994 version is not the cartoon version, this one is a live action film and the animals don’t talk. The film starts out with Mowgli’s father being a guide for some Englishmen who are patrolling India. One night Shere Khan attacks the camp as someone has broken the jungle rules, that is killed for sport instead of food. Mowgli is lost in the confusion and thought to be dead, later raised by animals. He is eventually found by his old compatriots, who attempt to be bring him back into society. He still has feelings for Kitty, a girl he played with as a child, but she is engaged to the hunter/poacher William Boone who wants to use Mowgli as a guide to Monkey City and the rumored King Louie treasure. Adventure ensues

Best Snake Scene: Kaa takes down William Boone. 

In this version of the story, Kaa is the protector of King Louie’s treasure. When a monkey steals Mowgli’s bracelet, (it was given to him by Kitty) Mowgli chases after him to Monkey City to retrieve it. There he has to fight Kaa to win his bracelet back. Later, when William Boone tries to steal all the riches for himself, he too has to fight Kaa. Finally this Will gets his just desserts.

For more on The Jungle Book, go to Redone Done Right

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For more Chinese New Year Posts, go to A Horse’s Tale: Chinese New Year

To go to the previous holiday post, go to Boom Box of Love: Say Anything (1989)