The Final Chapter

So if you have been following my blog you probably wonder why my attitude from my ex went from I’m happy it’s over to he’s a cheating, lying,

wordICan't say Toy Story

Some of you are probably like that is every relationship, but no that’s not the reason. Let me back up and just give you who are new to following a brief recap.

So my ex and I broke up last year and it was not the best ending for me. You see I was away at school and we were trying to make a long-distance relationship work.

longdistancenicholassparks

I had thought things were fine, until Michael, my ex started talking to me less and less. I went down to see him and he took an extra shift. When I was coming back for Thanksgiving he wasn’t sure he would be able to fit me in.

Now for all you people (and me now) it is clear that this guy was obviously moving on from me. But of course, I didn’t see it as:

Love_Is_Blind_by_Luquicas

So he was talking to me less and less and I was just so confused by it.

VeronicaMarsBrokenUpbutNot

My grandfather died, and still barely any peep from him. I know, my grandfather dies and he can’t see me or comfort me. What a major loser, am I right?

Jerk

So I go surprise attack him and see him, trying to get an answer out of him why he was so distant. Did he even want to stay together? You know, the usual questions. I mean I was so confused and unhappy and emotional, I just wanted the truth. We ended up breaking up. Now at first I was completely heartbroken, and there are earlier posts which detail that phase of my life.

HeartHurtsDon'tKnowCanDoAgainHeartbroken

In fact I stupidly blamed myself for most of it. Maybe if I had done this differently or this we would still be together.

what-not-to-say-to-broken-hearted-girl-3what went wrong holiday

Luckily, I eventually realized it wasn’t all my fault, in fact I was a great girlfriend. I sent him care packages, I treated him wonderfully and he was the one who was acting wrong and not like a boyfriend at all. I mean I got hit on by tons of guys and could have cheated on him or passed him up for someone “better”, but I didn’t as I really cared about him. I’m not gonna lie, it took a while, but I eventually got over him.

Miss you less sweeney-todd-sweeney-todd-23636342-500-270

I realized that breaking up was better than being in a relationship that was becoming non-existent.

EndingisBetterThanPending

I mean he couldn’t even get up the balls to break up with me. Like what was he expecting me to do  over Christmas break? Never come around?

Hatetobeignored

But then I found out something. You see, Michael was cheating on me those past few months of our relationship. When I found that out I was incensed! I wanted to hurt him so bad!

broken-heart-breakYouPatrick

I was seriously angry. I would imagine myself going and punching his lights out.

dean_punching_supernatural

I really wanted to make him pay. In fact it took every ounce of my will to not go to his work and teach him a lesson.

GoldenGirlsGetIceCreamCommitFelony

Now some of you this might seem a normal response, but for those of you who are shocked or appalled at my confession, let me tell you why this rankled me so much. You see I have always vetted the guys I date very throughly, so much that many don’t make it far with me. Yes, I’m picky but I just don’t want any old boy.

HighstandardsExtraordinary

And I had allowed Michael to get farther than any other boy had. I became his girlfriend, which is something I had always stayed away from becoming as I was always afraid of picking the wrong guy. With Michael, I didn’t think we were soul mates or meant to be together forever, but he just seemed so right.

he gets me

Only for me to find out I was dead wrong. Extremely wrong. You see when he asked me to be his girlfriend I told him I had three rules he had to agree to for me to say yes. The first was to NEVER, EVER cheat on me. Cheating is just a horrible thing to do as it screws people up for a long time. Second to call or skype me once a week, and third visit me at least once a semester. He agreed, especially to the first rule as he had been cheated on before and knew what it felt like.

That horrible guy!

GoldenGirlsEat&DieTrash

How could he treat me like that if he knew how it felt! I was enraged! But slowly, I got over it.

Bandaid

It sucks that the first guy I gave my heart to turned out to be such a Wickham:

Darcy Wickham Pride&Prejudice

But I’m not going to let him have any more power over my life. I already wasted time thinking, crying, plotting revenge, etc on him.

moveon

It sucks that he turned out to be such a rotter, but that’s life right? You can’t protect yourself from everything.

falsepersonSoulmate

Bitterness, resentment, and revenge may seem like your best friends, but they really aren’t doing you any favors.

resentmentForgiveinfavor

After all, they’ve already misused you, why let them continue that. It is always better to move on.

strongwoman

And I’m not letting that guy hurt me anymore. After all I got the best deal. I love his family, and they still love me. Plus I’m amazing! Eventually, maybe not anytime soon, but one day he’ll realize what a catch I was and kick himself for letting me get away! Your loss!

yourloss

And someone else’s gain.

And you are out of my thoughts forever.

I don't need you

And that would be the end of the post, except for one thing. I did see him again. And no I didn’t hit him or injure him.

You see every year my family goes to see the free Christmas play in town. And this year guess who had the lead? Michael.

mob

Grab your torches and sharpen your pitchforks!

No I’m kidding. It actually wasn’t that bad. I saw his relatives again who I absolutely adore. I saw him and to be honest I didn’t care. I will admit that at one time the urge to kick him really hard came over me:

KickShin

But it was a really small urge.

In fact seeing him again, I actually wasn’t impressed. No heartfelt longing to get back together. No breaking down and crying. In fact, nothing at all.

OverThemNewPerspectiveNothingSpecial

Now some of you might be wondering why I haven’t said anything about the girl he cheated on me with. I don’t really feel as if I can say anything because I don’t really know her role in this. Did she know he had a girlfriend? Did she try purposely to break us up? And to be honest, if she was actively involved than she is a horrible person, as scamming on somebody else’s person is just down right low. But, the person in the relationship is more at fault as they should know better.

And you know what, whoever is at fault, they’re going to get what’s coming to them. What goes around comes around. I don’t have to settle the score as someone else will. What’s important is to concentrate on me, and the next phase of my life.

Some of you may think, that’s a lot of personal information. Aren’t I worried if the guy finds out and reads it? Well, first of all:

Idon'tcareanymoreDeanWinchesterSupernatural

And secondly, if he wanted me to say something nice, he should have been nicer.

storiestellthemhowyouwant

Now I’m planning this to be the very last post on my ex, I’m not planning on seeing him ever, and I don’t think I will write another thing on him. Now think is the operative word as every time I thought the Verne Saga was over, he would come around again.

So I am going to end this last ex post with something I want you all to remember. If you have ever been hurt by someone, let it go and never, ever let it take over your life or destroy your personality.

HeartneverhardensCharlesDickens

Stay golden!

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

For more musings of me, go to Concentrated Awesome

For more on getting over a broken heart, go to If It Means A Lot to You

For more on Nicholas Sparks, go to I Don’t Want to Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)

For more on Sarah Dessen, go to I Will Survive

For more on Steve Maraboli, go to Love Will Find a Way

For more of my favorite quotes, go to The Many Reincarnations of Me

I Don’t Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)

feelings

I’m sure you all are very aware of what this post is about. Yep, another post in the “Getting Over Heartbreak Series”.

goodCharlotte

21) I Don’t Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)

So I’ve been a huge fan of Good Charlotte forever. They were really big when I was a preteen-teen. You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing their music play. My favorite (although I don’t agree with everything in it), is Girls & Boys.

Anyways, so this is a great song. It is about how after you are through with a breakup and fully over the other person, you have to work on yourself and put yourself out there again. It really details the emotions you feel and how you don’t want to be in love.

This is the third anthem in their musical career. The song was written by Joel Madden, the lead vocalist, about a previous relationship. There are two sets of people in this song. One is a couple where the girl had been trying so hard and the guy treated her wrongly. The second couple, the girl is the horrible one and the guy is the one that had been trying.

She’s going out to forget they were together
All that time he was taking her for granted
She wants to see, if there’s more
Than he gave
She’s looking for

gothroughanything

GoodCharlotteNoLove

He calls her up; he’s trippin’ on the phone now
He doesn’t want her out there and alone now
He knows she’s movin’ it
Knows she’s using it
Now he’s losing it
She don’t care

can'twait

Everybody, put up your hands
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”
Feel the beat now, if you’ve got nothing left
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”
Back it up now, you’ve got a reason to live
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”
Feelin’ good now, don’t be afraid to get down
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”

GoodCharlotteNoLove

He was always givin’ her attention
Working hard to find the things she mentioned
He was dedicated, by most suckers hated
That girl was fine, but she didn’t appreciate him

She calls him up; she’s trippin’ on the phone now
He had to get out and he ain’t coming home now
He’s tryin’ to forget her; that’s how he got with her
When he first met her, when they first got together

all-americanrejects

Everybody, put up your hands
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”
Feel the beat now, if you’ve got nothing left
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”
Back it up now, you’ve got a reason to live
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”
Feelin’ good now, don’t be afraid to get down
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”

Feel the beat
Feel the beat
Feel the beat
You got nothing to lose
Don’t be afraid to get down


We break up, it’s something that we do now
Everyone has got to do it sometime
It’s okay, let it go
Get out there and find someone

GoodCharlotteNoLove

It’s too late to be trippin’ on the phone here
Get off the wire; you know everything is good here
Stop what you’re doin’, you don’t wanna ruin
The chance that you got to find a new one

stopworrying

goodcharlottenolove

Everybody, put up your hands
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”
Feel the beat now, if you’ve got nothing left
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”
Back it up now, you’ve got a reason to live
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”
Feelin’ good now, don’t be afraid to get down
Say: “I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love”

Love…
Love…
Now you know what to do
So come on, feelin’ good.

Don’t forget:

passionate

valuable

You may feel that you need to protect yourself and never let anyone back into your heart, don’t give up. Continue to open yourself and love.

heartguideyou

Listen to your heart, it will lead you.listentoHeart

musicnotes

To start the “Getting Over a Heartbreak” series from the beginning, go to If It Means A Lot to You

To go to the previous post, go to Over You

musicnotes

For more of my fav songs, go to Na-Na-Na-(Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na)

For more of my fav quotes, go to Red Rubber Ball

For more on Alex Flinn, go to Missing You

For more on All-American Rejects, go to Move Along

For more on Friends, go to Pizza Power

For more on Nicholas Sparks, go to That’s What You Get

Now You’re Gone

MusicThis how I feel about this song:

Everyday Sunday

4) Now You’re Gone by Everyday Sunday

Now I used to be obsessed with Everyday Sunday so much. They changed some people so its sadly not the same anymore. 😦 But I saw them one time at a concert and after that I was hooked, espechially this Wake Up, Wake Up album. I used to listen to it over and over.

Don't be fooled by its cuteness, evil lurks in that heart.

 

Of course like any girl I had a major crush on one of the band members. I had a a huge thing for Trey Pearson, I thought he was soooo cute. (He’s the second to the left) You know me I love tall, handsome, long-haired musicians (my weakness, every time).

talldarkawesome

In fact I have this great story of getting their autographs on my copy of Wake Up, Wake Up. So I went to this huge outdoor concert, (three days and a bunch of bands), to see them. I was first in line to get their autographs, and was fully prepared as having borrowed my mom’s sharpie with the promise to return it to her. So I was waiting in line and I had recieved Trey ❤ (squee!) and another band member, but I still needed the other two. So I was standing around waiting, when one of the guards/manager/whatever people told me I had to go because I was blocking the way or whatever. I was so heartbroken to have to leave, but started making my way out:

right in the feels broken heart

As I was walking out I ran into another member and got his autograph.

Oh yeah!

Oh yeah!

So I was still sad that I didn’t have the last signature, but then as I was walking out I ran into the last guy!  And got his autograph. But as I was walking away with my friend, I realized I had left my mom’s sharpie! And I had specifically been told to make sure I brought it back. So I ran all the way down to the autograph table, told them what happened as was given the sharpie back. It wasn’t until I got back to our tent that I realized I had my  mom’s sharpie in my pocket all along! Instead I had an awesome souvenir!!!

throw confetti

Unfortunately, I lost that pen sometime when we moved. 😦

So anyways, I majorly got off topic. So this song is part of the heartache song list I had made up. If you remember where we last left off on I Don’t Love You, we were at the point when one is horribly angry at the other person for dumping them.

Get out

But that doesn’t always stay. What usually happens, and I fall in this statistic, is that you slip back into sadness/regret that the person is gone and you want them back in your life.

So for me this song pretty much explains how I felt about everything. I hate having to say good-bye, its so hard for me to let things go.

Quotes-peter-pan-fan-art-34484241-496-355-2651fsd

As I mentioned in The End: Goodbye, Michael, Goodbye I just kept thinking about what could have been.

Summer skies two separate lives
Tell me how we let this go
I hate goodbyes, God knows I’ve tried
I’ve been staring at this phone

EverdaySunday2

I just thought I’d let you know
All these things I did not show you
I’ve just got to let you know
That I still care, still care

EverdaySunday

Now you’re gone, I’m all alone
And nothing here is right
I can’t go another day
Without you in my life

EverdaySunday

God knows I’m hurting
from keeping it inside
Right now I’m praying
that healing comes in time

EverydaySunday

I wish that I could think of the words to say
to make this feeling go away
But you know that until then I’ll be waiting here for you
I just thought I’d let you know
that I still care, still care
that I still care, still care

Now you’re gone, I’m all alone
And nothing here is right
I can’t go another day
Without you in my life

God knows I’m hurting
from keeping it inside
Right now I’m praying
that healing comes in time

Comes in time, yeah, yeah, yeah

I’ve just got to let you know
I’ve just got to let you know
I’ve just got to let you know

Now you’re gone, I’m all alone
And nothing here is right
I can’t go another day
Without you in my life

stopthinkingofyou

God knows I’m hurting
from keeping it inside
Right now I’m praying
that healing comes in time

move on

Remember:

lifeistooshort

musicnotes

To read the Heartbreak series from the beginning, go to If It Means a Lot to You

To go to the previous song in the list, go to I Don’t Love You

musicnotes

Otherwise:

For more of my favorite music, go to The End by Silverstein

For more of my favorite bands, go to Sadness Is…

For more on Peter Pan, go to Second Star to the Right

For more on tall, dark, and handsome guys; go to Definitely, Not Mr. Darcy

For more of my fav quotes, go to Oh Oh De Lally

I Don’t Love You

 Gerard Way

I thought this was a fitting opening on our continued path of, you guessed it…heartbreak.

So the next step on our path is

I Don't Love You MCR

3) I Don’t Love You by My Chemical Romance

So once again this was a song I got from Michael. He really got me into My Chemical Romance which I am so happy for as I just love their music, especially the Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (of which I will be posting music from later). So this is one of their singles, and actually the second-to-last album from the tour bus jam sessions.

The music video is so sad and heartbreaking as it is about two lovers and how their love quickly withers away until one leaves the other alone. The whole video is in black and white, as is the lovers.  

This is also the first music video to show Gerard Way with his newly dyed black hair. Now let me say, Gerard Way is one fine looking man and he can pull off any hair style or hair color; blond, black, or pink. He is the only man I know who can have magenta hair and still look hot. 🙂 (Although my fav is brunette as I like them tall, dark, and handsome).

talldarkawesome

gerardWay

Well, when you go
Don’t ever think I’ll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I’ll be off to find another way
So after the intial sadness, you’re angry. You’re hurt and upset and like forget you, if you’re gonna leave then just go.
MCRIDontLoveYou
And after all this time that you still owe
You’re still the good-for-nothing I don’t know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can
You’re just so angry that all you can think of is the wrongs they did. The promises they didn’t keep. For me, there were different things we had talked about doing in the future and I was so hurt and angry, like what happened to that? What changed? I also was angry because I had put in all those hours watching all those Harry Potter films and he still owed me a Jane Austen film.
Get out
MCRIDontLoveYou
When you go
Would you even turn to say
“I don’t love you
Like I did
Yesterday”
This part I strongly connected to. Like will you even have the guts to tell me what happened? That it’s over? I mean Michael told me NOTHING! He just started ignoring me and when I went to see him he was like “nothing wrong, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s like be a man and be HONEST
waiting
tiredofloving
MCR

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It’s where you oughta stay

I cried so much after our breakup, it was horrible. I was a total leaky faucet. I also went back one last time to try and make sense of everything, but he told me nothing. I realize now I never should have bothered as in his mind it had been long over.
MCRIDontLoveYou
And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar’s just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
“I don’t love you
Like I did
Yesterday”

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
“I don’t love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday”

I don’t love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don’t love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

But you know what:
gowithlove
want to be in my life stay or go
And don’t forget
Gerard Waymusicnotes
To start the Heartbreak song list from the beginning, go to If It Means A Lot to You
To read the last post in the series, go to The End by Silverstein
musicnotes
For more on my favorite songs, go to Once Upon a Dream
For more on my fav quotes, go to Second Star to the Right
For more on Jane Austen films, go to We’re Following the Leader

If It Means A Lot to You

Audrey Hepburn Music Sabrina

So if you remember my post back in Dec, I’ll Be Alright Without You, I talked about creating a post that listed my favorite songs to help one get over heartache/a breakup; namely what songs really helped me. Well previously I wasn’t in the best place to do it, but now that it has been like eight months since we’ve broken up I’m doing great and can totally handle it.

Pierce the Veil

At least for the most part, like Audrey says in Sabrina, even if you are over things certain songs can bring back memories.

song-cry

The other reason that I have decided to do this list is that I just had a friend go through a breakup and was really struggling, so I promised to put together a compilation for her that helped me through everything.

Music

So actually instead of doing them in all one post, I decided to do a series of posts, weaving them through everything else, so that it isn’t one straight sobfest. I mean imagine trying to storm through constantly sad things?

right in the feels broken heart

After all:

youare

So that brings us to the first song on this list

A Day to Remember

1) If It Means A Lot to You

So when my ex and I first started dating he gave me a bunch of CDs to listen to. And one of them was this CD by A Day to Remember. It was pretty fitting as I was away from Michael and a lot of the songs expressed how I felt about us being apart. In fact I used to listen to this song all the time pre & post-breakup. (I’m not sure if that is romantic or pathetic? Hopefully romantic) So the series is a little scattered, not all songs focus on being “homesick”, however If It Means A Lot to You does. I actually think it is the most powerful song on the whole list, and my favorite (as I connected the most to it).

This song took me the longest to write. It took almost a year, but it was another song that kinda stumped me. I really needed this song to say exactly what I wanted, and I finally got it there. We didn’t know if it would be on the record right up until the end of recording. I wrote it separate from the band, and I wasn’t comfortable changing things. It all worked out in the end, though. I think it’s the perfect end to this record.

                            – Jeremy McKinnon
So the premise of the song is that a guy has to be on the road away from home, and while he doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend, he has to go. He talks about how he knows things are hard and getting rough, but if she could just wait a little longer then he knows everything will be okay, that they will be able to work through everything. She, however, can’t wait. She can’t do it and breaks up with him. It is a heartwrenching song and even more so because it described EXACTLY how I was feeling.
WaitingLove
So the song starts off with the guy singing to the girl that he hopes everything is going well with her and that he just needs to hear from her, anything to get him by the time they are apart. This was totally how I felt, because a few weeks before we broke up Michael stopped texting and calling me. I would ask him when he was free to talk/skype as I missed him and he would tell me he was “busy” ,”didn’t know his schedule”, etc. I mean I found some texts that I thought I deleted, but my phone saved (grr) and its pretty pathetic my responses. “Well just let me know when you are free, I miss you” and “Okay we can try to talk later”, etc. I’d like to say aliens momentarily took over my brain, but that’s not true. It’s hard to accept that someone you cared for and cared for you has just stopped liking you. You kind of go into denial about it. Of course I know now that I’m in my right mind, I should have seen the signs. After all:
Truly Important
So back to the lyrics and the song
And hey darling,
I hope you’re good tonight.
And I know you don’t feel right when I’m leaving.
Yeah, I want it but no, I don’t need it.
Tell me something sweet to get me by,
‘Cause I can’t come back home till they’re singing
La, la la la, la la la,
Till everyone is singing
ADtR
The next part is all about how he knows that if she can just wait a little longer, that he knows everything will work out and be okay. I wasn’t originally going to go home for Thanksgiving break as my aunt was getting married and my whole family was going to the opposite end of the state to do that, and Michael said he couldn’t get the time off to join my family. I however convinced my parents to take me home instead of right back to school as I wanted to see him, as I too thought that if he could wait until I got home we would be able to work through whatever was going on. That everything would be okay.

If you can wait till I get home, 
Then I swear to you that we can make this last. 
(La la la) 
If you can wait till I get home, 
Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past. 
Well it might be for the best.
ADTR2

So then we have the girlfriend’s response that she just can’t do it anymore, that she needs him. As much as I hate what she does to the guy at least she gave a reason for why she was breaking up, I just got the “I don’t think you’re my future bride” response, which was like pulling teeth trying to get him to say anything why he broke it off. 

And hey sweetie,
Well I need you here tonight,
And I know that you don’t wanna be leaving me
Yeah, you want it, but I can’t help it.
I just feel complete when you’re by my side,
But I know you can’t come home till they’re singing

La, la la la, la la la,
Till everyone is singing.
La, la la la, la la la.

If you can wait till I get home,
Then I swear to you that we can make this last.
(La la la)
If you can wait till I get home,
Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past.
Well it might be for the best.

So in the next part she tells him she can’t wait its over. And he freaks out, like is this really truly happening? How can this be my life? Let me say that everytime I hear that part my heart stops just like when Michael said he wanted it to be over.

Broken HeartAnd he is in shock at how this can acutually be happening. Yep, I felt that too. And just like the singer in this song, I did not want to be “just friends”. I personlly don’t believe and can’t understand how one can go from being so much more to “just friends”? How can you watch the person who just rejected you pick up their life and move on, while you sit in heartbreak and try very slowly to work past the pain? I sure don’t know.

heartbroken

 

You know you can’t give me what I need.
And even though you mean so much to me,
I can’t wait through everything,
Is this really happening?
I swear I’ll never be happy again.
And don’t you dare say we can just be friends.
I’m not some boy that you can sway.
We knew it’d happen eventually.

ADTR3

La, la la la, la la la,
Now everybody’s singing.
La, la la la, la la la,
Now everybody’s singing.
La, la la la, la la la,
(If you can wait till I get home)
Now everybody’s singing.
La, la la la, la la la,
(Then I swear we can make this last)
Now everybody’s singing.

La, la la la, la la la,
(If you can wait till I get home)
Now everybody’s singing.
La, la la la, la la la,
(Then I swear we can make this last)
Now everybody’s singing.
La

Now some of you may be wondering why I started off with such a sad song instead of a more empowering or forget you song. Well I believe that you need to allow yourself to grieve the end and that listening to something sad helps make things get better.

Latenightsinmycar_sadsings_realfriends

So even though this song (and Hey There Delilah) still make me sad as the feels are just so much, it was still hepful listening to this over and over to help voice my feelings about the breakup.

moveonSarahDessen3

 So that’s the first of many songs, and they do get empowering, you just have to wait for it.

musicnotes

For the next song in the Heartbreak series, go to The End by Silverstein

musicnotes

Here are some other posts you might interested in:

For more of my favorite songs, go to Once Upon a Time

For more on breakups, go to Unbound (The Wild Ride)

For more on ex-boyfriends, go to Push All the Buttons!

For more on Sarah Dessen, go to Happy B-Day

For a song that describes life, go to Nothing But a Good Time