Why I Still Love My Fair Godmother

Day 25) Y is for Young: Choose a junior or Young adult book

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My Fair Godmother (My Fair Godmother #1) by Janette Rallison

I first came upon Janette Rallison when I stumbled upon her book, All’s Fair in Love, War, and High School (Pullman High #2). I thought the story was hilarious, fun, the characters were fun; i.e. I just LOVED it!

Iloveit love

I then went on to stalk her work and reading anything published that I could get my hands on: Just One Wish; My Double Life; It’s a Mall World After All; My Unfair Godmother; How to Take the Ex Out of Ex-Boyfriend; Fame, Glory, and Other Things On My To-Do List; Revenge of the Cheerleaders; Playing the Field; and Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Free Throws. 

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But out of all of these, my favorite was and still is My Fair Godmother.

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Now you all know I like fairy tales,

FairyTales

I mean I have already reviewed I think four retellings. And this book is the ultimate: you get a combo of two fairy tales, magical creatures, princes, funny situations, and just all around a fantastic book.

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Yes, even though I’m heading into adulthood more than “young adult”; I still read this book like every three months. I just can’t get enough.

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Chrysanthemum “Chrissy” Everstar wants to attend Godmother University and go from “fair” to full. For extra credit she was sent to the Delano family in Herndon, Virginia the 21st century. There she is to figure out which Delano sister is in need of her services and assist them.

She starts with no-nonsense, older sister Jane. Jane is logical, intelligent, and doesn’t care about clothes, looks, or boys.

the mentalist NoNonsense

She is interested in one boy, Hunter, and he approaches her one day, but it turns out that he is dating her younger sister, Savannah.

What?!

What?!

Jane is upset but then begins to believe that Hunter does like her and rationalize that everything he does means he really loves her.

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But when that moment is shattered she begins an attack on him for hurting him. She gets a makeover, flirts, and does all she can to get other boy’s attentions.

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She succeeds in getting his attention and the two date, even though he hasn’t broken up with Savannah.

What jerks

What jerks

I mean seriously, you are her sister!!! You should know better.

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Anyways, after that heartbreak, Chrissy turned her attentions towards Savannah using her magic to give both sister a happily ever after full of handsome princes, beautiful gowns, and a renewed bond.

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Yes, in the words of my algerbra II math teacher: “You are not passing this class unless you show you work. Even of the answer is correct I need to see how you came to the answer or you will fail.”

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Professor Goldengill, admissions, is not taking that for the full answer. Before they let Chrissy in, they want the whole story, not part of it. They ask the leprechaun who was assigned to assist her, Clover T. Bloomsbottle, but he isn’t helpful in his information either. Only one thing left to do, call in the memory elves.

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They go in and get the real story.

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Savannah Delano

After Savannah Delano blew her money on the perfect prom dress and spent all that time bringing out Jane’s beauty; her boyfriend dumps her.

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And not just dump her, but dump her for her older sister!

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Understandably, Savannah is upset and doesn’t make the best decisions. She starts with the normal post-boyfriend phases. Eating sugar:

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Getting back and her sister by hiding her stuff

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And by buying a bikini (something her parents have forbidden her to wear) to wear to the big pool party. She hopes to capture the interest of someone else and maybe get Hunter back in the process.

I don't need you

To rub the salt in the wound, Hunter and Jane are trying to fix her up with Hunter’s friend Tristan.

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Tristan is nice, but having your ex who dumped you for your sister and then try to fix you up is just too painful and embarrassing.

So embarressed

At the pool party, Savannah removes her contacts for fear of losing them or ruining them with chlorine getting in her eyes. She goes swimming and has the most mortifying night; losing her top, going in the men’s room on accident, etc. After that she is done with life and everything.

Reality Sucks

Enter Chrissy, Savannah’s fair godmother, here to grant her three wishes. Chrissy a gum chewing, bubble headed, heel wearing godmother. Not your usual grade.

Not good

Not good

Savannah is given a contract to sign and told that until her wishes are fulfilled she will be cursed with having to tell the truth or else snakes and toads and such will come sliding out of her mouth.

ew! Gross Yuck

Savannah agrees and tries to figure out what to wish for, this popping out of her mouth:

“I just wish that somehow my life could be like a fairy tale. You know, with a handsome prince waiting for me at the ball, and that somehow when I meet him, everything will work out happily ever after.”

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Wish #1: Cinderella

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Savannah finds herself sent back to a medieval time and as Cinderella. There she has to serve two evil stepsisters and a stepmother.

Crap

Forced to do backbreaking labor for months that she has no skills or knowledge of doing before. Everyday she calls for Chrissy, but gets no answer.

Ugh great gatsby

Then Prince Edmond, Prince Hugh, and their sister stop by the house when passing through and in need of lodging for the night. There Savannah sees the handsome prince destined for her, is actually nothing but a big jerk.

jerk

She continues to call and call with Chrissy finally answering. Chrissy has sent Savannah long before the ball to learn her lesson. Savannah, however, doesn’t want this and makes a new wish.

“I just…um…I want to feel beautiful and loved, and although I like the idea of having a prince, he has to be more than just handsome and rich. He has to be nice and kind…”

wandstar

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Wish #2: Snow White

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Savannah now finds herself as Snow White living with seven dwarves. Apparently Snow White isn’t the brightest bulb of the bunch as the dwarves treat her like an imbecile.

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And Savannah can’t do anything to show she is intelligent as she doesn’t know their names, doesn’t know how to make bread, doesn’t know how to make soup, and doesn’t know the people in the town.

I don't know what to do

After a truly embarrassing scene where she tries to outwit the tale of her poisoning to only confusing a harmless widow with the witch’s change of appearance:

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She then tries to convince the group she is from another time as Chrissy won’t return her calling her and she doesn’t know what else to do. They don’t believe her and plan to do some bloodletting to remove the crazy.

Run Away

Chrissy finally comes and Savannah makes her third wish.

“I don’t want to be in some medieval fairy tale. I want to live back home with my family. When I said I wanted a prince, I didn’t mean somebody from history or the pages of a storybook. I meant that I wanted that type of guy, but I wanted him from my own day and age. I want a boyfriend who is nice, kind-and handsome too, but that’s not the most important thing. As I’ve thought about Jane and Hunter during my time here, I realized that the problem was that he never liked me, he just liked what I looked like. He always wanted someone who was more like Jane and when they met, well, it was just bound to turn out that way. So I want someone who is loyal and has integrity-but most important I want a guy who likes my personality…And okay, I admit that in the past I haven’t applied myself in school like I should have, but I’m turning over a new leaf, so I want a guy who is smart too. And I want this guy to go to prom with me.”

wandstar

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Back Home

Savannah is thrilled to be home again, to her it has been months (one week there equals one hour in our time) but the family thinks she has just been in her room for hours; Chrissy’s magic not perfect as it should be as if no time has passed like in Narnia. And after being forced to eat medieval food, she pigs out and enjoys modern living.

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But then Savannah goes to school and hears Tristan is missing.

Not good

Not good

She starts to suspect what might have happened, with Chrissy confirming it. Chrissy has sent him back to the medieval time that Savannah was in. He has to become a prince or else he can’t come home again. Savannah tries to wish him out, but can’t as she has used up all her wishes already.

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She tries to get help from Clover, setting up a leprechaun trap, but he will only help is she promises to send him and his gold back to Ireland.

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Ugh! My life!

She agrees, and Clover points out that in the contract she can oversee her wishes. Therefore Chrissy can send her back to that time so she can aid Tristan. Savannah returns her prom dress and uses the money to buy a costume dress to wear, along with paying the postage to send Clover back. But before leaving she uses all her knowledge of the times to pack items that she can use to barter and will help them: aspirin, spices, costume jewelry of glass, silverware, etc.

Let'sdothis

She also makes Jane promise to mail the package for her as she has no time to waste.Eventually Chrissy answers her and Savannah finds herself back in time.

wandstar

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Wish #3: Turn Tristan into a Prince

When Tristan meets her he is less than happy, having spent about five months in medieval times due to her wish. Savannah explains she didn’t mean it, and she had just gotten cheated on and dumped for her older sister. This softens Tristan.

Aw, man.

Aw, man.

She shows Tristan the items she brought and he explains what must be done in order for him to become a prince. He needs to kill a cyclops, a dragon, and defeat a mysterious black knight.

ouch Hermione

The next day he goes to get fitted for armor, while Savannah runs into a wizard. There she trades some items to get a potion switching elixir. If she kisses anyone or is kissed (or licked by an enchanted animal) she will find herself trading enchantments with that person (or animal). This becomes increasingly hard as she finds herself falling for Tristan, but unable to share about her curse or show her feelings as she can’t get the enchantment to become a prince. She’ll never be able to go home!

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Savannah calls for the black knight, and ends up getting him to kiss her, swapping his invincibility for her only being able to tell the truth. She then tries to help Tristan fight the cyclops, making a mess and having to be rescued.

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Not in this case.

However things get even more complicated when Jane and Hunter arrive (having opened the box and striking a deal with Clover), the Princess wants to get rid of Savannah, both Princes appear to be fighting over her, and it turns out that she is still living out her Cinderella and Snow White wishes. This means not only does she have to go to the ball, where Edmond will fall for her, but Snow White’s stepmom is still trying to kill her.

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Will Savannah be able to save Tristan and get back home? Or will she be doomed to spend the rest of her days in Medieval Times?

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I love this book so much and think it is the penultimate for any fairy tale fan. I also just love Tristan, he is beyond the perfect guy.

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If only he were real:Dateficchar

So yes, go to your local library or bookstore and pick up your copy today!

SeizetheBook

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To start the 30 Day Challenge from the beginning, go to It Was a Pleasure to Burn: Fahrenheit 451

For the previous post, go to Xactly Why I Think Beastly is An Xcellent Story

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For more fairy tales, go to At Midnight, Your Coach Will Become a Pumpkin Again, and the Animals Will Regain Their Original Shape Until Your Next Ball: Ella Enchanted

For more on Cinderella, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

For more on Snow White, go to Snow White of A Day

For more sisterly rivalry, go to Fantastic Fantasies

For more Audrey Hepburn, go to The Dashwood Sisters Tell All: A Modern Day Novel of Jane Austen
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And once again:

Merry Christmas

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“And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10-11 (KJV)

I Don’t Want to Be a Vampire. I’m a Day Person: Once Bitten (1985)

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I don’t want to be a vampire. I’m a day person.

My friend found this film months ago on Youtube and thought it was just hilarious. She knew I loved ’80s films and horror and sent the link to me. Unfortunately, the video had been taken down.

Reality Sucks

However, the other day a friend of hers found a copy of it, so we were able to watch it. Now this film is a horror-comedy, Com-Ror, but at the same time being a parody of those teen films from the ’50s, like I Was a Teenage Werewolf, etc.

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Originally the  screen writer wanted Michael J. Fox to star in the film, but the director, Samuel Goldwyn Jr. thought he wouldn’t be able to carry a theatrical film of this scale.

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By the time this film came out, Fox had already starred in Teen Wolf and Back to the Future, both making far more money then this film and cementing Fox’s stardom.

But we aren’t here to talk about those films, we are going to talk about this one.

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The Countess (Lauren Hutton) is nearing her 400th birthday. In her mansion resides: one from early 18th century England, a french sailor, a confederate from the Civil War, her butler and chauffeur from the 1880s,  a WWI pilot, a 1960s flower child, and a set of twins. Every so many years she needs virgin blood to keep her young and beautiful. Three times and the one she has bitten will become a vampire too. That time has come again, but she and her minions are having trouble finding a virgin in 1985 Hollywood.

Countess: How many days left till Halloween, Sebastian?

Sebastian: Oh, a little more than a week, Countess. I told you not to worry.

Countess: Not to worry? How amusing. But then you’re not the one who needs to have the virgin blood of a young man not once, but three times before All Hallows Eve. Not to worry? Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare!

She ponders on what to do, but Sebastian reassures her, they will find a virgin.

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So we are introduce to 18-year-old Mark Kendell (Jim Carrey) and his girlfriend Robin, who live near Hollywood, CA. Mark really wants to have sex, but Robin isn’t ready to do it yet. She wants to wait. Mark is feeling extremely frustrated as he feels as if he is only one who is a virgin.

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I mean come on dude, your best buds haven’t had sex yet and neither has your girlfriend. That’s four right there and there are probably a lot more.

Anyways, so Mark goes to see his friends at the burger joint they work, and these two dudes are quite the crew. One believes he is God’s gift to women and continuously uses the stupidest line to try and pick up women, thinking it will work.

Russ: Hi. I’m Russ, and I’m a Sagittarius. I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoy. Listen: I’m a mature person and you’re a mature person, so why don’t we just skip all the bullshit, get rid of our inhibitions, and DO what we really wanna DO?

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The other, Jamie, is Eeyore in human form; always pessimistic and believing the sky is falling.

Reality Sucks

So he goes to his friends and complains about the relationship, Russ telling him that Robin is never going to do it and he should just move on.

What a jerk

What a jerk

Russ then suggests they go find some women to loose their virginity to. They decide to head out to Hollywood and see if they can find some. When I think of Jim Carrey in Hollywood, one film comes to mind…

But I digress, so the group heads to a club called Phone a Date. You pick a table, phone one of the other tables by the numbers assigned to them, and ask to come on over. It actually is kind of a cute idea.

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As long as the person on the other end isn’t a serial killer or creep.

So boys try it out: with Russ first getting a transvestite, then getting rejected, and finally someone calling Mark over. By this time the boys are extremely hammered, having consumed 4 beers each. When Mark walks over, the woman is the Countess.

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She gives him champagne and starts coming on to him, but Mark isn’t really interested in going home with her. He pretty much is out of it, actually. Meanwhile, his friends have two older ladies who are interested in them. They start talking and having fun, when one of the ladies’ husband comes, yells at the boys, and then starts shooting the club up.

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Mark freaks out, and the Countess convinces him to come with her, taking him up to her mansion. Meanwhile, the guy is arrested and the friends are taken off too.

Back at the house, the Countess gives Mark even more champagne. She goes upstairs to get ready, and comes back prepared to feast!

After he is bitten, Mark passes out. The next day he is awakened by Sebastian and the Countess. Mark leaves and promises that he will call and the two can meet up again sometime, but has no real plans to see her anymore. He has a girlfriend, and he is happy to finally lost his virginity.

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But he feels really weird. He starts eating raw meat, even though he’s only loved well-done food. He also can’t remember a thing that’s happened.

His friends ask him what happened and he tells them in the crowded quad, right where his girlfriend is.

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She of course become angry with him for cheating on her and breaks up with him.

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Robin Pierce: Oh Mark, I can’t believe you’re going to throw away our relationship on a one-night stand with a chauffeur and a butler and a slut who eats buttons! But you did. You really did! [takes ring off her fingerYou can have your d*** ring back!

Mark Kendall: What am I supposed to do with it?

Robin Pierce: Use your imagination!

 Mark’s weird behavior continues as he wants to sleep in trunks, looks pale, wears sunglasses all the time, and just acts vampireish.

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He starts having these strange dreams where the Countess is in, but he doesn’t want her. He doesn’t call her like he said he would but tries to get back with Robin.

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Robin accepts his apology and everything is all right again.

Majorly

That night Mark and his friends head downtown. Russ and Jamie try again to pick up on women, but it doesn’t turn out well. Russ hits on a dominatrix and Jamie…well I don’t know what he said but it sure wasn’t good.

Mark goes to Robin’s work and picks out some clothes to try on, black of course.

Black is best

Black is best

While he is in the dressing room, who should appear but the Countess. Mark tries to get rid of her as he isn’t interested, but she won’t take no for an answer. She bites him again. This film actually reminds me of Fatal Attraction, as the morals of both stories: Don’t cheat in a relationship and don’t try to have a one night stand.

So Mark passes out and Robin takes him home. The next day he is acting even stranger. He looks more like a Vampire, can barely tolerate light, wears only black, drinks blood, etc. Then when he tries to sell some ice-cream, he…

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Mark becomes extremely worried, and goes to the nearby Catholic Church to ask for help. Unfortunately, a drunkard steps into the confessional and tell him he’s screwed.

Reality Sucks

Mark is continuously haunted by the Countess and starts to really become frightened with the idea that he might become a vampire.

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I really liked the dream sequence as it was reminiscent of Dracula (1931).

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Soon it will be Halloween but as it falls on a weekend, they are having a pre-Halloween party.

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Mark and Robin were supposed to go as Jack and Jill, but Mark couldn’t get the costume so he dressed like he normally does. But everyone thinks he is a vampire.

Dracula

While Robin and Mark are dancing, the Countess comes in and tries to control Mark into going with her. But Robin doesn’t like people messing with her man.

that girl is going after my man she is going to wish she was never born

And this resorts in one of the best scenes, a dance-off.

Afterwards, Mark has a bit of a freakout and takes off, Robin chasing after him. She tries to calm him down. His reflection disappears and Mark tells Robin everything. Robin is weirded out, but when she doesn’t see his reflections, she starts to believe it. So she heads out to do some research.

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She finds out that in order to know if he has been bitten by a female vampire, all you need to do is check the inner thigh for a bite mark. So of course she asks Mark and finds out that yes, he has been bit.

Majorly

Majorly

Instead she asks his friends to find out for her, to look at him. They don’t want to but she guilt trips them into doing it, telling them that if they are really his friends they would look.

Why not ask?

Why not ask?

So they ask Mark.

Majorly

Majorly

Instead they try to look at him in the shower, resulting…well I guess I didn’t have to say it, you know it won’t turn out well.

Mark Kendall: What was that scene in the shower all about?

Russ: That’s the thanks I get for trying to help out a friend?

Mark Kendall: Oh you’re a big help, thanks a lot. Did it ever occur to you guys that maybe you could’ve asked me?

Jamie: Oh my God!

The way Jamie says that reminds me of Arnold in Troll 2.

So they see Robin in the parking lot when she is abducted by the Countess and her gang. You see tonight is Halloween and the Countess needs the third bite or she will revert to showing her true age. Mark is worried about something happening to Robin so he heads over there, aided by Jamie and Russ.

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When they get there they find Robin tied up and let her out, but the whole thing…

The vampires capture them and take them upstairs, where they get ready to get the last bite and turn Mark into a vampire. Mark doesn’t want to:

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The Countess starts trying to control him, but Robin isn’t going to lose her man. She jumps in the middle with a cross, the friends grabbing fire, and they free him.

Count Dracula: Van Helsing. [Van Helsing turns to face Count Dracula] Count Dracula: Now that you have learned what you have learned, it would be well for you to return to your own country. Van Helsing: I prefer to remain and protect those whom you would destroy. Count Dracula: You are too late. My blood now flows through her veins. She will live through the centuries to come, as I have lived. Van Helsing: Should you escape us, Dracula. We know how to save Miss Mina's soul if not her life. Count Dracula: If she dies by day. But I shall see that she dies by night. Van Helsing: And I will have Carfax Abbey torn down, stone by stone, excavated a mile around. I will find your earth-box and drive that stake through your heart. Count Dracula: Come here. [Dracula raises his hand to hypnotise Van Helsing] Count Dracula: Come here...Your will is strong, Van Helsing. [Van Helsing reaches out for his crucifix as Dracula looms toward him] Count Dracula: More wolfbane? Van Helsing: More effective than wolfbane, Count. Count Dracula: Indeed. [Dracula lunges towards Van Helsing. Van Helsing holds up the crucifix. Dracula snarls and turns away. Van Helsing, in triumph, puts away the crucifix]

[Van Helsing reaches out for his crucifix as Dracula looms toward him]
Count Dracula: More wolfbane?
Van Helsing: More effective than wolfbane, Count.
Count Dracula: Indeed. [Dracula lunges towards Van Helsing. Van Helsing holds up the crucifix. Dracula snarls and turns away. Van Helsing, in triumph, puts away the crucifix]

Then the chase is on!

In the end there is only one thing left to do to save Mark.

All, besides the vampires, are happy. Mark scored, Jamie scored, Russ scored, Robin scored.

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I really enjoyed this film and I thought it was pretty hilarious, although having Hocus Pocus level anti-virginity theme. But a  lot of fun to watch and sure to be a fun film to watch this season.

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous, go to I Came Upon a Shattered Glass Jar and Four Baby Turtles Crawling into a Strange Glowing Ooze: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

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For more ’80s films, go to No Mere Mortal Can Resist the Evil of the Thriller: Thriller (1983)

For more Jim Carrey, go to I Can Be Your Best Friend Or Your Worst Enemy: The Cable Guy (1996)

For more vampires, go to Every Time I Bring a Girl Over, You Try to Eat Her!: Vampires Suck (2010)

For more teen horror films, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more Horror-Comedies, go to A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

For more Horror Parodies, go to Monster Movie: Supernatural (2008)

When You Least Expect It

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Everyone has someone they would rather not see.

Something is not right!

And why does it always seem that when you aren’t thinking about them and totally don’t want to see them they walk back into your life?

really?

really?

That happened to me the other day. I ran into my ex-boyfriend.

Men

So I was headed to the movie theater to see the original Ghostbusters (1984) as it was being rereleased in theaters.

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I was so excited that I even wore my ghostbusters costume.

Taking fandom to the EXTREME!

Taking fandom to the EXTREME!

But then things went wrong. My theater app wasn’t working right so I had to print out my confirmation, but then of course the printer wouldn’t work.

nightmare before christmas nothing turn out like it should

Then I ended up getting stuck behind the theater security guy twice!

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I then got stuck behind an old man complaining about the computer ticket window.

Just one thing after another

Just one thing after another

I finally reached the line and who should be in front of me? Michael.

Men

Out of all the times in the past two years for me to run into him at the theater dressed in a Ghostbuster costume.

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Sometimes I think my life could be a sitcom.

Ren Stevens: What? Honey, you're chased by six mutants, and you just decided to take a shower?

Now the last time I saw him was like two years ago and I was over him and the fact he cheated on me.

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But because I don’t care doesn’t mean I want to see him. It’s like when you pass an area where a skunk has been, there is a bad stink that permeates the air and takes forever to get away from.

It was awful!

I had to wait behind him in line, but thankfully he was with his best friend. If he had been with the girl he cheated on me with (and later married) I don’t know if I could stop old hurts/my temper flaring up. I may have moved on, but in every path there are bumps in the road.

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Anyways, I didn’t want to ruin the night, or taint it any further, so I just tried to ignore him.

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Although I have to admit for a moment I felt pretty silly that after all this time I was dressed up in a costume.

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But then that moment passed as I remembered how awesome I looked and how I totally rocked my costume.

awesome

And of course I saw that he noticed me and his reaction made me really upset. You see after he dumped me I went to talk to him and see if we could work it out. He acted cold and angry.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

And angry after when I ran into him at the play.

what?

what?

And angry at the theater when he saw me.

Whattheheck

I’m like, excuse me?

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What on earth do you have to be angry about? I’m the one that was cheated on! I’m the one that was dumped. I was the best girlfriend and you were the one who messed it up. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE ANGRY! I’M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO BE!

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It made me angry with him all over again.

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What a horrible-

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It really made me want to go up to him and just teach him a lesson.

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But then after that moment of anger subsided, I remembered that if we hadn’t broken up I might have gone on longer dating a guy who didn’t appreciate me.

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And I’m much happier as I am now then I ever was with him.

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For more on my ex, go to You Put the Ex in Extinct

For more on Ghostbusters, go to Back to the ’80s

For more Oscar Wilde, go to Over and Over Again

For more stories from my everyday life, go to My Favorite Martian

 

It’s Mrs. Archer. She’s on a Rampage!: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)

It’s Mrs. Archer. She’s on a rampage. We’ve got to warn the town.”

Before Fatal Attraction came out in the ’80s, this was the film that taught you cheating on your wife was a bad idea. A really bad idea. Now this B horror film, really is a B film in my opinion. It’s worth a watch at least once in your lifetime, not something I’d want see again and again. In fact the 50 foot woman, Nancy Archer, doesn’t have much to say or any real character development besides revenge on her husband, but that is one of the reasons why you like it. Like I said, a good watch but probably not one that is marathon worthy.

So the film starts of with rich, socialite, Nancy Fowler Archer. Nancy is depressed and distraught. Her husband Harry is a no good, cheating, loser. But she loves him, so she took him back.

Laura what I want No good

She gets wasted and becomes depressed, deciding to search for Harry. As she is driving through the desert she overhears a radio broadcast about aliens. Just then a huge object drops down on the highway and causes her car to swerve. She gets out of the car, when a huge hand comes at her.

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AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She escapes from the hand, running away.

Meanwhile, in Tony’s Bar & Grill, is her jerk of a husband with the gold digging…

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Honey Parker. Ugh.

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Harry had left his wife, but instead of working when he was strapped for cash, he went crawling back to be taken care of. Nancy Archer is worth over $50 million, but with divorce Harry won’t be able to get a thing. Honey tells him that he’d be able to get it all IF his wife dies.

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Harry is a bit perturbed by that suggestion, and decides to try to recommit Nancy.

Nancy has arrived in town, and is intercepted by Deputy Charlie. She is freaking out over the alien encounter, but everyone thinks she’s crazy. The Sheriff tries to clear the crowd, and protect Nancy from onlookers as she is a prominent figure in the community.

Get out

Nancy tries to tell everyone all that happened, but no one will listen.

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Deputy Charlie goes searching for Harry and finds him making out with Honey in a booth. Harry pays him to “not be found”. Charlie goes back to the deputy and they go looking for “the giant”.

Pretty much they think she is crazy and are just humoring her.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Of course, they find nothing. Nancy is furious and heads home. There she runs into Jess, the butler, and Harry. She sends Jess away and gets started on another drink. She and Harry start fighting about his cheating and her drinking.

Hate YOu

They fight and fight. But ultimately, Nancy can’t get rid of him. She’s crazy about him, no matter how bad he makes her feel.

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Nancy Archer: My husband!… My gigolo! That’s what you are. You’re a miserable parasite! You’re just after my money! I was rid of you once. Why did I take you back? Why? Why?

Harry Archer: Why did you, Nancy?

Nancy Archer: Why?… because I love you, Harry!

Poor Nancy. She is stuck in this horrible marriage because she can’t let go.

Laura what I want No good

She tells Harry about the spaceship, but surprise, surprise; he thinks she’s crazy too. He puts her to bed giving her a sedative to knock her out. He then steals her diamond pendant, Star of India, and head’s over to see Honey.

When he gets to the bar he finds Honey with deputy Charlie. She’s angry about having to wait around while he’s with his wife.

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He gives her the diamond to mollify her.

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Dr. Isaac Cushing makes a house call on Nancy, and confirms she is not well at all. When the doctor leaves, Harry and Nancy resume their fight. Harry gives her back the diamond and leaves her alone. And them to make matters worst, the radio makes fun of her “encounter”.

KRKR-TV Commentator: Ladies and gentlemen, this is KRKR-TV. And now, more news of high fliers. Nancy Archer, the former Nancy Fowler, heiress to the Fowler fortune and the fabulous Star of India diamond, has joined the ever expanding international society of satellite seers. From the Archer’s palatial home away from home comes word that Mrs. Archer claims not only to be seeing a sociable satellite, but its inhabitant as well, a 30-foot giant. Is he pink with big ears and tusks? It seems that Mrs. Archer, who has been feuding with her husband, Handsome Harry, has finally found a man from out of this world, someone who will love her for herself. Come, come, Mrs. Archer. Any man can ignore a million dollars, but fifty million? That’s too much to ask for, even from the man in the moon.

She destroys her radio with an empty bottle. This brings Jess and Harry into the room. Nancy orders Harry to come with her to search the desert. They drive for hours and find nothing. That night, however, Nancy sees a flash of light and follows it. They spot the ship, with Nancy going up to it, estatic that she isn’t crazy. As she is looking at it, the Giant alien comes out again and reaches toward her.

attack of he 50 ft woman

Harry fires at the giant with his gun, but it does nothing. Nancy screams for help from Harry, but he takes off in the car leaving her behind.

When he gets to the house, Jess asks him where Nancy is. He ignores him and continues packing things. The two start fighting, when Harry knocks him back with an empty bottle. He takes off to the hotel, where Honey is waiting.

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He pushes Honey to hurry up and get stuff together. While he ran to Honey, Jess called the sheriff with his suspicions about Nancy and Harry. When Honey and Harry are about to leave, they are stopped by Charlie. Charlie is offered a bribe again, but refuses, taking them down to the station.

While the two are stuck at the office, the sheriff and a posse start searching for Nancy. Eventually she is found at the pool house. Everyone is taken to the house, where Dr. Cushing attends Nancy. He is concerned about blue-green scratches on her neck, that they might have radiation. He asks Harry where they were, but he tells her that he doesn’t know where she was as he was with Honey the whole time. Honey confirms this, but the sheriff warns them not to leave town. He finds the whole thing very suspicious.

suspicious Hmm

As Harry takes Honey home, Honey tells him that she overheard the doctor say that an overdose would kill her. She pushes him, and Harry is planning on it.

perfect plan

Can we just pause and say that Honey is a regular psychopath. She’s got the touch of the crazy in her.

That night he waits until the nurse is asleep, and fills a syringe. As he goes to inject her, the nurse wakes up and catches him. But before they can address that, she screams for the doctor as something has happned to Nancy.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is ginormous!!!!!!

What's going on?

What’s going on?

The next day, doctors come but no one can figure out what caused this growth!

At the hotel Honey is messing with records. She is not happy that Nancy is still alive, but there is nothing that he can do with all the doctors swarming.

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Back at the house, the police are searching for the reason why Nancy grew. They find a gigantic footprint. They find several more and follow it to the desert, concluding that the giant must have brought her back to the house. They find the spaceship and fight with the alien. He leaves in his ship, after having destroyed the car and causing the Sheriff and Jess to walk home.

At home Nancy wakes up, and is very unhappy that Harry is not there. Deputy Charlie tries to get Harry to come home, but he refuses. They try to keep Nancy doped up, but she breaks free, makes an outfit out of her bedsheets, and takes off searching for Harry.

broken-heart-breakYouPatrick

She knows he’s with Honey and takes off after them.

Nancy Archer: I know where my husband is! He’s with that woman!

The doctors and sheriff follow her trek and mass destruction. Just like every other giant being, Nancy takes out buildings, the electrical transmission tower, etc. She keeps yelling Harry! and looking for him.

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She eventually finds the two in the hotel.

attack of the 50ft woman

Harry tries to shoot Nancy, but it doesn’t stop her. Nancy knocks the roof off the building and kills Honey. She picks up Harry, crushing him in her grasp. The sheriff finally kills Nancy, by using a transformer which electrocutes the two. In an ending that is reminiscent of King Kong (1933), they crowd gathers around and end the film with, “

Dr. Isaac Cushing: She finally got Harry all to herself.

attack of the 50 Foot woman

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And of course as always, the facebook cover page/mini poster

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to I Am the Chosen One. And I Choose to Be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

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For more on aliens, go to Only a Woman: Queen of Outer Space (1958)

For more B Horror films, go to Unleash the Savage Instincts That Lie Hidden Within: I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957)

You’re My Hero: Why Did I Get Married? (2007)

Romantic Moment #9

Why did I get Married

Why Did I Get Married? (2007)

Why Did I Get Married? is a film directed by and starring Tyler Perry. Just like Diary of a Mad Black Woman, this film is based on his play of the same name.

This film is about four couples, all friends from college, who are going on their annual retreat to not only work on their marriage but catch up on what’s been going on in each other’s lives.

  • The first couple is the over-worked, lawyer Dianne (Sharon Leal) and her husband Dr. Terry (Tyler Perry). The two have been arguing because Dianne didn’t want to time off from work to go on the retreat. In fact she doesn’t want to take off ANY time for anything. He hardly ever sees her or spends time with her. She is hardly involved with their daughter as well as she is always working. Terry wants more kids, but not only is Dianne hardly ever around, but when she is, she is too tired to have sex with him
  • Then we have Angela (Tasha Smith) and Marcus (Michael Jai White). Marcus used to be a famous football player and has two kids with another woman. He married Angela and helped finance her first beauty salon of which he now works at. She has gone to make tons of money, including created her own line of hair products. These two are constantly arguing.
  • Then we have perfect Patricia (Janet Jackson) and her husband Gavin (Malik Yoba). Patricia is a professor and author of the hit book Why Did I Get Married? Everything seems great about them, except the two are a bit stilted.
  • Lastly we have the overweight Sheila (Jill Scott) and her rude, arrogant, jerk of a husband Mike (Richard T. Jones). They are taking a flight to the retreat, taking along their friend Trina (Denise Boutte). Yes, bringing a single girl to a couples retreat? Like that’s not odd. Anyways, Sheila doesn’t fit in her seat, and Trina tries to give hers up, but Mike kicks her off the plane and tells her to drive there.

While there Dianne falls asleep alone, ignoring Terry. Her assistant calls and Terry tells her to leave them alone for the week as Dianne is on vacation. Angela and Marcus are fighting again and he asks Terry for help with something. That night Mike is seen, by Angela, sneaking into Trina’s room. Sheila was heading to Colorado but the night was was too dark and snowy, so she pulls off on the side of the road. There Troy (Lamman Rucker), the sheriff, spots her and brings her to the station to spend the night.

The next day Sheila arrives at the retreat and brings Troy to get with Trina, upsetting Mike. They invite Troy to dinner and that’s when all hell breaks loose.

  • It turns out that Dianne had her tubes tied as she doesn’t want anymore kids. She never told Terry as he wants more. She has been avoiding having sex as she doesn’t want to tell him about it.
  • Dianne also found out that Terry had a DNA test done on his daughter as he wasn’t sure she was really his. Dianne is always busy, so he was wondering if she really got pregnant by someone else.
  • Marcus has been cheating on Angela with his ex-girlfriend, and thought he got a STD from her.
  • Angela cheated on Marcus, with Walter, got an STD, and gave it to Marcus.
  • Gavin blames Patricia for the death of their son.
  • Patricia still blames herself for the death of their son.
  • Mike is cheating on Sheila with Trina.

Everyone tries to fix their mistakes, but Mike wants a divorce. Sheila becomes upset with Mike and whaps him on the head.

After that they all go their separate ways. Sheila stays in town with sheriff Troy, as he gets her a job at the general store. All the remaining couples go through a lot of changes and discussions to find out why did they get married? And do they want to stay married?

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***Most Romantic Moment***

So after the whole finding out your husband was cheating on you with your best friend, along with all the abuses he laid on you throughout the years- Sheila was having a really bad time. Troy is really there for her, providing her with a job and a place to stay while she goes through a divorce and has to figure out what to do with her life now. In fact, the two begin an amazing friendship and at one point Troy wants it to move to dating, but Sheila says no. She is scared since he made everything so much better in her life, that she is falling in love with him for his help only. Troy agrees, and the two decide to take it slow, a little at a time.

Why did I get married

Isn’t that amazing! He is so perfect and just perfect for her! He doesn’t care about her past and he sees all the good in her, past the insecurities and her inhibitions.

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She gets strong, moves along, and finds the perfect man of her dreams.

Why did I get married

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To start Romance is in the Air: Part III from the beginning, go to I Can See Your Beauty: The Breakfast Club (1985)

For the previous post, go to Love Makes You Do Crazy Things: Hercules (1997)

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For more on Why Did I Get Married, go to Part VIII: The Little Movie Line List

For more Tyler Perry, go to What Have We Done to Each Other?: Gone Girl (2014)

For more of my favorite quotes, go to You Look Beautiful Just the Way You Are: How to Marry a Millionaire (1953)

For more films based on a play, go to The Perfect Murder: Dial “M” for Murder (1954)