So during COVID19, we have been reorganizing the library. No better time to rearrange shelves than when people are not in the building.
So as I was making the changes and this caught my eye:
“Friday Night Lights meets Jane Austen’s Emma in this delightful novel about big dreams, big games, and a little romance.”
Hmm…
So of course Emma, caught my eye as I plan on reviewing every Jane Austen adaption, (I know that’ll take years, but I’m okay with that), and had to check it out. Besides Jane Austen, I’m a big fan of Friday Night Lights.
So let’s get started.
Kate Hamilton (Emma Woodhouse) and her mother and Congressman father have been sent back to her father’s hometown of Red Dirt, Texas after her public scandal.
It started off as something good…Kate discovered that there was serious graft regarding which kids received letters of recommendation, scholarships, etc, for colleges. She exposed this and changed the practices, but it was a hollow win.
Her boyfriend, now EX, was cheating on her with a senator’s daughter who lost her recommendation, and he secretly took photos of Kate- styling them to look extremely compromising and blasting them on the internet.
So Kate has a plan-she wants to go to art school to be a photographer, but to do that she needs an awesome portfolio and a fantastic letter of recommendation. She decides to find a way to lay low, up her volunteer hours, send them to her old school, get the letter and get out with what she wants.
She espechially wants to get way from her dad as she feels so guilty about what happened, and hates having to always be in “political mode”-all the time. She needs volunteer hours and starts to help her Aunt Celia at her animal shelter.
There she is in the middle of trying to birth a calf, unsuccessfully, when she meets Hunter (Mr. Knightley). He is cute and nice and whenever Kate gets a little too cocky and sure of himself, he is there to help push her on the right track, espechially as he understands the dynamics and politics of the town better than her.
The two end up being paired as science partners and they spend a lot of time together. In fact, they become best friends as Hunter helps her transition to Texas life, and appreciate things without constructing a narrative of doing some political machinations.
Kate quickly becomes friends with Ana-a shy, studious, photographer who helps Kate out with her photography and gets her in on yearbook staff (which gives her access to the darkroom she needs). Kate hates to owe anyone anything and has decided that she is going to help Ana. Ana is adorable, but her ex-boyfriend has given her a bad reputation with the lies he has spread about her.
Kate decides the best way to fix Ana’s reputation is to pair her up with a guy better than her ex-basketball playing boyfriend Hank. Someone higher up the social hierarchy and settles on quarterback, Kyle.
Hunter warns her that Kyle is a serious jerk and that matchmaking Ana and him up is not a good idea, but Kate doesn’t listen.
Kyle is not just the quarterback, but he is also the son of her father’s political rival. Her father wants her to avoid Kyle, as he doesn’t trust him or his father, but she ignores him and sets her plan into serious levels of action.
She hangs out with him a bit, takes photos of him.
This popped in my head when reading it.
Kate has lunch with him and Ana and people begin changing in the way they are acting around her-and after Kyle defends her, things seem to be going great. Kate and Ana even get coveted invites to several after game bonfires.
Kate is super pleased at how things are going and starts to divert her attention to her other plans. Spending time working with her Aunt and seeing how much her Aunt pours into her shelter, she decides to help out by creating a website where people can donate to care for an animal, getting D.C. friends and friends’s parents to give. She also tries to match her D.C. friend Tasha up, over the phone by giving her advice.
Emma 1996 AKA the Gwyneth Paltrow version.
She also works hard on her project with Hunter. But it turns into more than science. He helps her see the beauty of the area, she helps him mend some of his broken relationship with his mom, as said before they become best of friends…thoughts turn to more-but their can’t be as Kate is not interested in anything more after her jerkwad ex.
Except Hunter
But then Kate goes to a party with Kyle and he tries to force himself on her.
She breaks his wrist and takes off in his car crashing in a ditch (she’s only had one lesson). Hunter, worried about her going to a party alone with Kyle, rescues her-but things are looking grim.
It seems like everything Kate does screws up:
Kate’s breaking Kyle’s wrist and crashing his car reflects bad on her father
Everyone in the town hates Kate for costing them the championship game (as they have no quarterback)
Her aunt found out about the website and hates it-yelling at Kate
Kyle treats Kate and Ana like crap (espechially Ana-publicly dissing her [such an Elton], but Hunter helps her out)
Kate gets revenge against Kyle by making mock yearbook pages embarrassing him and she and Ana spread them around the school
Their little revenge plan gets Ana is kicked off yearbook
And Hunter who never wanted to play football ever again (as it is too much pressure) does so to save the team and Kate.
Kate has to figure out a way to fix things and she decides to do the one thing she never thought-she is willingly going to put herself in the front of the camera-and partner in her father’s campaign.
Will Kate be the thing that helps tip the scales in her father’s favor? Will Ana get back on yearbook and achieve her photography dreams? Will Hunter win the big game or choke? And will Kate admit she cares for Hunter or let her fear and insecurity keep her from taking a leap?
So when I was first reading this book I had a hard time. The beginning moves slow and her parents seem checked out. They just leave her alone and don’t seem to care about the trauma she went through with her pictures being posted everywhere. Nothing about that relationship seemed to micmic the one shared by Emma and Mr. Woodhouse.
Hmmm…
But once I reached the middle with Kate and Hunter being best friends, adorable Ana, Kate’s matchmaking…I got invested.
And then when they got to the hardcore part of Kate taking Kyle down and then her pairing up with her father to take down Kyle’s dad- it became a real page turner.
Tell ME!!!!!
I really liked Kate and Hunter’s relationship, although I think he if he had been a little less vague about Kyle not being a good guy it would have been better. I mean he did try, telling her he heard the way Kyle would talk in the locker room-but with Kate/Emma you can’t be subtle.
From Emma (1996)
I really enjoyed it and how it had the aspects of Jane Austen but still was its own story. Like Clueless, this is a great gateway to get teens interested in Jane Austen and Austen fans will adore it.
Now I know that some of you may not be football fans, but I love the sport. I don’t normally post something for it, celebrating it, but I felt that this was Super Bowl 50 I just had to.
I decided that I would approach it in a way I’m not sure anyone has done before, if Austen heroes were real, alive today, and fans of American football (or in some ways at least semi-interested). Here are my pairings of teams with the characters.
Edward Ferrars & the New Orleans Saints
So Edward Ferrars doesn’t strike me as a real sportsy guy, so I think he would be a Saints fan just because of the name.
So unlike Edward, Colonel Brandon is a sporty guy. I almost went with the panthers as it would be a connection to his time in India, but settled on the Buffalo Bills. The Buffalo Bills are reminiscent to the cowboy and Native American age, along with the mighty Buffalo. I thought this fits perfectly with Colonel Brandon’s bravery, expedition, and love of the exotic.
As the team has never won a Super Bowl, and are underdogs; they also appeal to Colonel Brandon. After all the sadness he has encountered, and how he has a soft spot for those who have obstacles thrown in their dreams, he would be a faithful fan until the end.
Their theme song is Shout, and while I don’t see him as someone who would dance or get into it; he’d be a secret hummer or singer.
Super Bowl Trivia: They are the only team to go to four consecutive Super Bowls.
Elinor is quiet, reserved, not one to show her emotions or be picked out of the crowd. That’s why I chose the Tennessee Titans as I have never heard of them.
Originally the Houston Oilers, changed to the Tennessee Oilers, and then ultimately the Tennessee Titans
Super Bowl Trivia: After the changed their name to the Tennessee Titans they went to the Super Bowl.
Marianne has a lot of emotions, likes to share her feelings and thoughts, is impulsive, at times brash, and doesn’t care what others think of her. That makes her perfect for being a fan of the Raiders. All Raiders fans, myself included, intensely feel for their team and even though others may make fun of us we are fans until the end.
The Raiders used to be in Los Angeles, but were returned to Oakland; that move from a big city to a smaller one is something Marianne can also relate to as she was forced to move when her father died (entailment sucks).
Super Bowl Trivia: Against all odds, the Raiders beat the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl XV.
A man like Mr. Darcy is someone of old money and societal standing. Therefore I think he would pick a team that is well established. As the Chicago Bears are one of the oldest teams in the league. Originally created in 1919 in Decatur, Illinois as the Decatur Stanleys; they moved to Chicago in 1921 and in 1922 changed to the Bears.
The Bears have won nine NFL Championships and one Super Bowl and hold the NFL record for the most enshrines in the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the most retired jersey numbers. The Bears have also recorded more regular season and overall victories than any other NFL franchise.
Super Bowl Trivia: For the 1985 Super Bowl recorded a rap song, the Super Bowl Shuffle.
I’m not quite sure why Elizabeth would be a fan of the Seahawks, it just seemed right. Maybe it’s because they aren’t as established, having been formed in 1971, yet not the newest team on the block. It might also be because they are a Western team, and anything established in the West is seen as a lesser pedigree as the East.
Super Bowl Trivia:They are the first and only, post-merger expansion team in NFL history to play in consecutive Super Bowls.
Edmund is all about believing he can change the people he loves, such as Mary Crawford. That is why the Cleveland Browns are perfect. They have never won a super bowl, but that won’t stop a fan like Edmund who will never stop believing.
Super Bowl Trivia:They have never gone to the super bowl.
Fanny is from a humble home, moving to her rich relatives; and later showing that her heart and character surpasses everyone else. I thought her perfect match was the Green Bay Packers. Started as a “small town team”, named after the meat packers, and have become one of the best teams in the league (although the color scheme is horrible).
The New York Giants were established in 1925, the only team created then that is still in existence. With it’s pedigree and being ranked third, it seemed like Knightley’s top pick.
Emma doesn’t strike me as a football team, but if she had to root for one I think it would be the Arizona Cardinals. They have a huge pedigree as they were established in 1898 in Chicago, moving in the ’90s to Arizona.
Super Bowl Trivia: Their 2008 super bowl was the first time the franchise ever played in the Super Bowl
The New York Jets are one the first teams established as part of the American Football League (AHL). That pedigree matches with Mr. Tilney as he too comes from an old, established family. I also think he would have fun singing lyrics from West Side Story;
“When When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette to your last dyin’ day.
When you’re a Jet, let them do what they can,
You got brothers around, you’re a family man!
You’re never alone, you’re never disconnected!
You’re home with your own– when company’s expected,
You’re well protected!
Then you are set with a capital J,
Which you’ll never forget till they cart you away.
When you’re a Jet,
You stay a Jet!”
They kind of plays in with his jokey moods.
Super Bowl Trivia: In Super Bowl III they beat the Baltimore Colts and solidified the AFL in professional football.
First of all, out of all the Austen female characters, Catherine would be the most likely as a football fan. Grew up as a tomboy, probably loves the sport. So there is only one reason why I picked this team, as Catherine is a huge fan of Gothic Romance and fiction; she would love a team that is based of the Gothic writer, Edgar Allen Poe.
Super Bowl Trivia: They are currently the only team in the NFL to hold a perfect record in multiple Super Bowl appearances
As a current member of the military, it is clear that he would choose the New England Patriots, although he wouldn’t agree with all their dirty tricks.
Super Bowl Trivia: They have eight super bowl appearances, tying with three other teams for the most appearances of all time.
Anne Elliot & the Saint Louis Rams/Los Angeles Rams
The Rams didn’t start out in Los Angeles, but if you meet any diehard Rams fans that is all they talk about, and how they need to come back. They are waiting and hoping for that decision. That type of perseverance of hope and patience made me think of none other than Anne Elliot, the woman who waited and waited for her love to return.
And just like Anne was rewarded by receiving the man of her dreams again, so will the Rams fans as they are coming back to LA.
Super Bowl Trivia: The St. Louis Rams won Super Bowl XXXIV in a thrilling 23-16 last-second victory over the Tennessee Titans.
You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don’t f*** with the original!
If only Wes had followed his own advice.
I wish they hadn’t messed with the original. This movie sucked.
Just plain horrible. You see this all happened because everyone wanted to make another film after Scream 3. Wes told them he wouldn’t, unless the script was as good as the original film. Unfortunately, those dunderheads thought that meant they needed to do a horrible remake of the first amazing film.
For those of you just tuning in, this is the last of our Screamtastic Saturdays. Every Saturday this month I reviewed one of the Scream films. To read about them before you start this one, go to Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3.
Now as you can tell I didn’t enjoy this one. As I watched this film I took a lot of notes on my feelings, A LOT. I’m just going to write them verbatim.
So let’s get started on this travesty…
I don’t wanna
So the film starts out with two girls (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) hanging out discussing horror films and stuff. One of them has a facebook stalker. It turns out to be ghostface who stabs and kills them both.
Ghostface attacks!
Victims 1&2
But wait…
It turns out that its not real. It is the opening scene from the film Stab 6 that two girls are watching. (Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell).
So that’s the first problem of this film. It was so dripped in big name actors that it was impossible to get into. I mean the original had famous actors too, but this was tooooo jam packed. It’s too much, far too much.
So Anna Paquin talks too much during the movie that Kristen Bell kills her.
I know Kristen Bell? Whatever.
Body #3
Just kidding
Yep, it’s just another fakeout. It’s Stab 7 that Julie from Friday Night Lights, I mean Jenny (Aimee Teagarden) and her friend Marnie are watching. After that Jenny goes upstairs to get something, and instead prank calls her friend. The “real” Ghostface comes in and kills Marnie, with Jenny right behind her.
Victim 4 & 5
And here we have another garage scene that is improbable. I’m telling you, any automatic garage door will not be able to kill someone. They design the mechanisms so that if there is something underneath them, it will cause them to be incapable of being squished.
Duh!
And the other problem with this scene is the fact that having two fakeouts was too many. After the two psych-outs, I was not attached to the characters as I was just expecting them to die. It wasn’t scary, mysterious, funny, or good. It was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Plain ol’ lazy writing. Come on Wes, you’re better than this. This is reverting back not evolving.
So this film, and the first scene, take place 10 years after “The Woodsboro Massacre” or the amazing phenomenon known as Scream. Deputy Dewey is now Sheriff and married to Gale Weathers. Gale has stopped reporting and turned to writing fiction. Sidney has written a book on her experiences and is on tour. In fact, she has just arrived in Woodsboro. And Randy is dead.
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!
Still not over that.
We then see the horrible Emma Roberts getting picked up for school. I hate Emma Roberts. She has no talent whatsoever. She always seems as if she is acting, so I never believe that she is whatever “character” she is playing. She’s like a block of wood. I think she is secretly a robot as she never gives any emotion. None whatsoever. She’s proof that just because one family member has talent, doesn’t mean the rest do.
I bet she is the killer. She’s all I hate Sidney. Blah, blah blah…
Anyways, Jill (Emma Roberts) is being picked up by her friends Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) and Olivia (Marielle Jaffe). Now who are these girls trying to fool? There is no way these girls are in high school they look sooo OLD.
I mean Roberts could pass for 19 at the youngest, but Panettiere and Jaffe? They are clearly are late 20s heading for their thirties. I’m looking it up now…let’s see…Roberts was 20 at the time, Panettiere was 22, and Jaffee was also 22. Okay so they weren’t as old as I thought they were, although they look it. I mean it’s laughable how they think they could pass off people so old as high school students.
Jill and Olivia receive texts from Jenny and Marnie, even though they aren’t close friends or anything…and the two girls are dead (although no one has discovers it yet. Speaking of which where were the parents during all of this? Why weren’t they with their kid? How come it took someone so long to discover the body? Come on now!)
Wes also has a love affair in this film with fake jumps. It’s like every five seconds. Seriously, just stop.
At the station Sheriff Dewey gets called on the scene and I notice something here Wes. Yes…yes…it appears that Dewey no longer suffers from a limp. I see, I see. Dewey gets to be limp free WHILE RANDY IS DEAD??!!
Never letting that one go. Moving on.
So Sheriff Dewey is called on the scene and he knows, he just knows
RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!
So as Sheriff Dewey is looking around, one of his deputies calls him Sheriff Riley. And I was like Whaaaaaaat????? Dewey has a last name?
Sorry. Back to the film.
So then we zoom to the high school were we have Hollywood’s version of high school students. You know horribly unrealistic and clichéd to the farthest ranges of the imagination. Because in Hollywood:
Yep, enter super nerd who has a computer hooked up to his headphones so he can blog every moment of his life.
Really Wes? Have you been to a school and seen real nerds? They don’t dress like that or do that? I mean when Ned’s Declassified did the Nerd has camera/computer hooked up to their glasses they did it to spoof. They weren’t trying to portray the nerd/online/blogger culture. You fail. Big time.
Duh!
So then we enter douche boy, Jill’s ex-boyfriend. I mean this is some serious deja vu as he ex is a total creep. I guess douche dating runs in the family.
So during homeroom, everyone’s cellphones buzz with the news. I’m just like, why wasn’t the school notified? When I was in high school we had two deaths. One was a car crash, the other an overdose and the teachers were all immediatey notified before the friends even found out. Same thing in college when a guy committed suicide, and another guy jumped off his balconey as he was high and had a bad trip. Although in college they sent emails and texts to the students, while in high school they told us.
At the bookstore, Sidney is reading an excerpt from her book when Sheriff Dewey comes marching in. He interrupts the signing as they are tracking the phone that placed the calls. They discover it in the back of Sidney’s rental, along with bloody handprints.
Back at the station, Sheriff Dewey s dealing with a lot. Gale comes down as her old investigative spirit is still alive. She encounters a huge prob though. Dewey’s deputy, Deputy Judy, has a mondo crush on Dewey. But Gale, she’s not having any of that.
I love that Gale is still kickin’ butt.
So Sheriff Dewey decides to put Sidney on 24-hour police protection, and all I can think is do you remember what happend last time? Yeah, it did not end well.
You know what almost everyone in this film has drunk the kool-aid. I know that Wes wanted to provide a wide range of “suspects” (totally obvious Jill and Culkin brother/crazy film nerd guy). But he makes everyone seem CRAZY!!! Jill’s ex, the deputy, and that’s not all. Let’s add Sidney’s publicist who delights in the murders because it will sell more books. She actually hopes more will occur. And then we have Sidney’s aunt Kate. “Nobody cares about the fact that it was MY sister that was killed or what I’VE been going through.
So at this point in the film I’m starting to wonder what happened to Patrick Dempsey? AKA Detective Mark Kincaid. I guess he was too busy being a doctor or maid of honor. Let’s see…Yes to doctor, no to maid of honor. He was trying to protect a bank teller and working with Decepticons. I wish they had given us a clue as why they didn’t stay together. I liked Mark.
Later that evening, Sidney goes to talk to Jill and you know what..how come we have never heard of this aunt and niece before? I mean they have lived in the town their whole life and not once was concerned with Sidney? Like why didn’t she stay with her aunt when he dad was out of town? This Wes, is why you do not try and remake a good thing. Just leave well enough alone.
So Sidney goes in to talk to Jill and sees her creep ex climbing in her window trying to talk to her. He’s extra creepy and weird calling himself “the ninja”. Who nicknames themselves? He is also a total control freak and won’t listen to “no”. What a jerk.
That night Kirby comes over and she and Jill are watching scary movies. Kirby gets a call from Ghostface that he’s hiding in the closet. She decides to be stupid and looks around, finding no one. Like this guy KILLED people. Maybe you should CALL THE POLICE!!!!
The voice says that he never stated which closet he was in.
Now the house next door is Olivia’s who is home alone (of course). The police offered to walk her to her home but she refused and like the stupid caricatures they are, they agreed. I just realized that policeman in the Scream films are pretty stupid. Dewey and Mark being the exception. I mean SHE RECIEVED A DEATH THREAT FROM GHOSTFACE EARLIER!!!! WHY IS NO ONE PROTECTING HER!!! So of course, Ghostface is in her closet and kills her.
Victim 6
And her friends just watch.
Seriously, they DO NOTHING BUT WATCH THEIR FRIEND GET SLICED APART. Scream! Call the police!!! Do something!!!!
Sid hears it and rushes over to help. Now Sid I love you, but couldn’t you have brought a weapon with you? How do you expect to save the girl if you have nothing. I mean come on, grab a bat, frying pan, knife, SOMETHING!!!
Sid does manage to take him down as she rules! But when the cops come he’s disappeared? Who is he Michael Myers? How does he move so fast? I mean they did the same thing in Scream 2.
Why weren’t the cops able to find him? WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK??? THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!!! CRAVEN YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN! IT’S LIKE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET ALL FREAKIN’ OVER AGAIN!!!
Not happy, not happy at all
Gale seduces the two nerds to get them to help her. At first I thought it was funny, but the more I think about it, it’s creepy. I know on Cougar Townyou are always with younger men, but this is a 47 year old woman hitting on 17 year olds.
PR girl is the devil. I am sorry but the way she gushes about the killings, she needs help.
So after she leaves from visiting Sidney in the hospital (minor cut) she runs into Ghostface and is killed.
Victim #7
Now to be honest its her own fault as she really shouldn’t be walking around at night by herself with a killer on the loose. And what’s really stupid was that she was by her car. Just get in and drive away, run him over. Instead she tries to run. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB. I mean come on, you were sitting inside the car! Why would you ever take off?
You know what I just realized. so far the killer has only murdered women. What’s up with that? In the other films it was always equal. How come you’re just killing women Wes? Huh? Why? You know what else? In every film we have couples who are murdered first. Scream– Steve and Casey, Scream 2– Boyfriend and Jada Pinket-Smith, & Scream 3– Cotton’s girlfriend and Cotton. But in this one its only been girls. There’s a formula!
But now, we only have females murdered. What happened Wes, did you have a woman break your heart so now you are releasing your anger on females?
And you know what’s really depressing about this film is that it lost everything. It isn’t a horror parody and a horror film at the same time; It’s just sad and boring. You can tell from the beginning who the killers are (Jill & Charlie [Culkin brother super nerd]). It’s just a recycled plot. A poorly recycled one too.
I mean each previous Scream brought something new and fresh.
Scream
Parody of the Horror film Genre while still being a great horror film
Twist ending with two killers, and one being the boyfriend.
Obsession with horror films and trying to create their own
Revenge because his mother left.
Scream 2
Parody of sequel films and horror sequels
Debates issue if whether horror films turn people into killers
Twist ending where you think it is the boyfriend murdering, but really ex’s mom
Female serial killer
Scream 3
Parody of trilogy films
Twist ending with mother’s secret early life + half brother
Single killer this time
All the survivors end in a couple-Dewey & Gale, Mark & Sid
Scre4m
Recycled plot
Pop culture of the day inserted but it feels more like an old man trying to be “hip” and failing than avant-garde.
They waited far too long to make this film. It should have come sooner.
So the next day Gale gets Sidney to come speak at the film club at the high school. In return for this, the two geek boys Charlie (the Culkin brother) and his friend blogger- headphones, Robbie, will help her out. Gale thinks the new Ghostface is copying the murders, but the nerd twins point out that it is a remake “as only remakes are being made these days.” Tru dat. In 2011 alone there was Silent House, Gnomeo & Juliet, The Green Hornet, The Roommate, The Mechanic, Just Go With It, Unknown, Jane Eyre, Winnie the Pooh, Arthur, X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian, Real Steel, Straw Dogs, The Thing, Footloose, The Muppets, and The Sitter.
The kids tell Gale & Sidney that if the killer wants to make it intense and new he is going to record the murders. That’s not new, it’s been happening for quite so time now. Just another ripoff.
They decide the next place he will strike is the annual Stab-a-thon. Now you have a killer running about and you refuse to stop your party? Definteky Charlie. He’s the killer. I mean come on, any smart person would be like nope, let’s stop this so people don’t die.
So a bunch of the kids dress up in Ghostface masks which is incredibly stupid. I mean you have a KILLER IN THE GHOSTFACE MASK? Why is everyone so STUPID.
Ugh
Gale goes there just like in the first film and hooks up some “secret cameras”. The cameras get covered up and Gale calls Dewey before she goes into take care of them. Now the smart thing would be to just wait as it is obvious that Ghostface is the one doing it, but whatever! I mean like even if you feel like you HAVE to go, why not be extra cautious and take a weapon! I mean, come on now people. She goes and is stabbed by the killer, however, she’s Gale so she just has to go to hospital. That’s cause Gale is awesome.
I just want this film to be over. It is that painful.
So I am liking nobody in this film. Like every character is crazy or stupid. The only exceptions are Gale, Sid, Dewey, and Aimee Teagarden’s character as she tried to run away. Even though I think Emma Roberts is the killer I want her to get stabbed so I won’t have to see her face again this film and hear her horrible acting voice.
Duh!
So back at the house Sidney sees something outside. She goes to take a look at it instead of CALLING THE POLICE! Come on Sid, you’re better than that.
So the cops outside Kate/Jill/Sid’s residence are all comedic and talking about movie cops. They say that cops are what you never want to be as they are always “getting it” in films. Uh, not true! What about Dirty Harry? Ain’t nobody taking down Clint Eastwood. Or what about Patrick Dempsey in Scream 3, I mean Wes you freakin’ made that film. Witness? Harrison Ford always dominates! Sidney Poitier In the Heat of the Night or They Call Me, Mr. Tibbs! Mark Wahlberg in The Departed? Die Hard?
Besides why would the black cop be worried that since he is a cop he’s going to killed? He’s got bigger worries, he’s a minority. He’s going to get killed for that. The only horror films I’ve ever seen where the minority doesn’t get killed first and makes it to the end would be Night of the Living Dead and Aliens vs. Predator.
They both get killed.
Victim #8 & 9
I was actually happy about that as they were annoying.
So someone in this film finally wises up, as Sid grabs a knife to protect her. Ghostface comes and attacks. Yawn! Knew it was going to happen. There is NOTHING original in this film, NOTHING!!!! Wes you have failed, fAILED FAILED FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!
So Kate also gets killed, she was stabbed through a door.
Is it over yet? Is the film done yet? Boo. There’s still 30 mins left! UGH, UGH, BLEH! I would stop watching like a did with An American Werewolf in London, but I promised full reviews of every Scream film and I can’t go back on that.
So Sidney escapes. She starts to head next door to protect Jill.
Next door we have Jill, Kirby, Robbie, & Charlie watching horror films.
So why don’t any of these kids feel remorse for the murdered people? I mean in Scream the main characters weren’t close to Steve and Casey (except Stu) so I could see where it didn’t make the biggest impact. But Sid started feeling when it was Tatum, Dewey, Gale, etc. In Scream 2, the girl in the film class was sad about her friend that was murdered in the movie theater and everyone is heartbroken over Randy.
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!
Then in Scream 3 Cotton’s death, and while the characters didn’t know the movie stars, they were still sad to see them killed. I mean Olivia was their friend as she was MURDERED!!! And you know how they react? Jill in her monotone voice is fine and doesn’t say anything. Kirby goes to the Stab-a-thon in sa freakin’ ghostface mask. A GHOSTFACE MASK! I mean your friend was MURDERED, MUREDERED! And you are wearing the thing that killer wore to murder to your friend. Something is wrong with you all.
And you know what, that is the problem with this film. In the other versions you believed the actors were the characters. You believed them. In this film every character except for the 3 survivors are so fake. They have any real emotions. They don’t have any real reactions. They are like robots or something.
Why is everyone dumb in this movie? This movie is horrible and stupid! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! OMG! it’s LIKE HE WANTS TO MAKE A SUCKY VERSION OF AN AMAZING FILM! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY? WHY? WHO GAVE HIM THE MONEY. You all should be held accountable for this!!!!
Is this too crazy?
This is film is a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the group is hanging out. Trevor comes over as he says Jill invited him. She tells them that is impossible as her phone has been missing. Jill goes upstairs and Trevor follows her. While he is gone, Robbie gets drunk and heads outside for another blog post. When he does this we have the only real scare in the film. He runs into a plant. That’s it folks, so far the plant has been the most scariest and original thing in this travesty. And that’s not even that original.
Back inside, Kirby is trying to seduce Charlie in the most horrible and painful way. It hurt to watch this scene. It was awkward, it was stupid, and it would never happen that way in real life.
You know what I’m wondering now? Where are the parents? Come on now, is Jill the only one in town with a parent? They are completely absent! At least in Scream they explaned it. Casey’s parents were out having dinner. Mr. Prescott was going out of town. Mrs. Riley (Dewey & Tatum’s mom) is a single parent. Stu’s parents don’t care and are out of town all the time. Mr. Loomis works late hours and has recently become a single parent. I get that, although they should have done a better job. Scream 2, in college parents aren’t there., although I’m really surprised not one of them came down to check on their kids. Scream 3 all are adults. But these kids have no parents anywhere, nor do they give an explanation except for Olivia She mentions that her mom works late. Its like this whole film is in an alternate dimension where reality plays no part at all. I mean I know its a movie, but explain! Movie EXPLAIN!!!
So this film is far too predictable. You know Robbie who is hanging outside is going to be killed first, then Kirby, then Trevor, and then Charlie. It is soooo obvious.
This is horrible. Why am I watching this? Why?
So Robbie of course is killed, and too his shock as he thinks being gay will save him. I thought that was a weird thing to say. I mean, I can’t think of horror films where a gay person always survive. I mean technically he’s in the minority category and we all know that minorities hardly ever make it to the end of a horror film.
Victim #11
Before Kirby and Charlie could get it on, Trevor comes downstairs. He couldn’t find Jill upstairs. He and Charlie head to the kitchen, leaving Kirby alone in the living room. Jill comes from downstairs, now how the heck was she there? (I mean obvs to me she’s the killer, but why doesn’t anyone else think that weird?) Sidney runs into the house to warn everyone. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF YOU HAD CALLED THE POLICE FOR BACKUP. Kirby goes down to the basement, while Jill and Sidney go upstairs. Jill hides under the bed.
That is the worse place to hide. Beds and closets are always checked first.
Sidney comes down to the basement with Kirby and they see Charlie. He wants them to let him in, but Kirby is unsure whether or not she can trust him. Ghostface grabs him and ties him to a chair. Ghostface then calls Kirby.
The two are going to play a game. Kirby wins, Charlie is free.
The Voice: I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching Stab, instead you get to live it.
Kirby Reed: No. No, no, no, no. He’s the expert. It’s not me.
The Voice: Warm up question: Jason’s weapon?
Kirby Reed: Uh,it’s a machete.
The Voice: There. You see? You do know the genre. Michael Myers?
Kirby Reed: Uh, butcher knife.
The Voice: Leatherface?
Kirby Reed: [crying] Chainsaw! Please!
The Voice: Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?
Kirby Reed: Razor-hands.
The Voice: Name the movie that started the slasher craze: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left or Psycho?
Kirby Reed: Psycho.
The Voice: None of the above! Peeping Tom, 1960, directed by Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the audience in the killer’s POV.
Kirby Reed: Wait. No, no, no. Please, just ask me one more question. Just one more.
The Voice: Alright, Kirby, then it’s time for your last chance. Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the vill…
Kirby Reed: Halloween, uh, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, uh, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When A Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, Piranha. It’s one of those, right? Right?
[silence]
Kirby Reed: I got it right. I was fucking right. [goes outside; unties Charlie] Don’t worry, Charlie. I f****** won. I won. He tried to beat me but I f****** won.
Charlie Walker:[holding knife] Kirby? This is is making a move! [stabs her] Four years of class together and you notice me now? You stupid b****! It’s too late! Shhh, I know. It doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.
[finishes stabbing her and drops her; runs away]
Yep Kirby is dead.
Victim #12
And Charlie was the killer. Totally obvious.
Duh!
So deputy Judy comes into play as she discovers Kate’s body and the dead cops. She heads over to Kirby’s house to check on everyone. I still want to punch her crazy-obsessed with Dewey face.
Does that make me a bad person?
So Sidney is being chased by Charlie and manages to escape him heading for the door. But Sid, don’t forget, except for Scream 3 there are always two killers. And as she heads for the door…boom Jill stabs her.
Now if Wes wanted to make this really unique. He should have down a group of female killers. It is rare, but does happen. Olivia, Kirby, and Jill. Or deputy Judy. She could be doing all these murders just so she could kill Gale and get Sheriff Dewey. Or he could have not tried making a remake. That would have been fantastic!.
So the two totally obvious killers start revealing the reasoning behind it. Jill was always jealous of her cousin’s fame. And as Emma Roberts…I mean Jill has no talent, she figures this is the quickest way to make her famous.
Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it? This has never been about killing you? It’s about becoming you. I mean, for f***’s sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just gotta have f***** up-s*** happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead, and let’s face it, your ingenue days, they’re over.
Charlie was her new boyfriend that was helping her do this. They plan to have Trevor take the fall for it, stabbing themselves, but shooting him to make it look like “self-defense”. Charlie is happy that the “geek will get the girl”, but Jill tells him sorry and kills him.
Victim #13
You know what I just realized. They never clean the knife. Ever. With all those kids having sex and the amount of diseases that abound, now all I can think is how they’ve been spreading so much to people. They’ve all probably got Chlamydia or something.
Also WHERE ARE THE POLICE!!!??? I mean deputy Judy was right next door!!!
So then Jill kills Trevor and Sidney.
Victim #14 &15
After that she starts taking care of the evidence. Planting the knife/gun. Beating /mutilating herself. Even ripping hair out and putting it in Trevor’s hand.
When the police finally come, they discover her and name her the sole survivor. They cart her off to the hospital. In the hospital Dewey visit Jill, who is all smiles. I have to say nobody is freaked out by the fact she doesn’t care that her best friends, mother, and cousin have all been brutally murdered???!!! Someone ship her off to the psycho ward. That girl is crazy!
Jill tells Dewey that maybe she and Gale can write about the murders as they have matching wounds. Dewey tells her that Sidney might be able to also help, as she is going to recover.
Yep, looks like we have Dial “M” for Murder all over again.
“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?
Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.
Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?
Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”
You can’t plan everything sweetheart.
So Jill gets out of her bed and charges down to ICU to get to Sidney.
That is impossible. There is no way she would be able to get across the hospital as they are jam packed with people. Especially ICU. Most ICU units actually are protected by some kind of card swipe or button so that only certain people can go in. There’s no way she’d be able to get to Sidney.
Dewey goes to see Gale, and as he mentions Jill’s comments they both realize that the information about her stabs were not released to the public. There is no way she could have known where Gale was stabbed, unless she had done it herself.
Dewey runs down to get to Sidney, and sees Jill trying to kill her. Sidney is doing a great job as she is Awesome! Sid you rule! Jill does have an upper hand as she tries to hurt Sidney in her stab wounds. Dewey is trying to help, but gets knocked out by a bedpan. Gale and Deputy Judy also come in, but Jill stole Dewey’s gun and threatens killing Dewey to get Deputy Judy’s gun. After the gun is passed, she shoots Deputy Judy in the chest.
Victim #15
Jill is threatening all and planning on killing them but this is very stupid. She already framed Trevor and gave a statement. How is she going to explain the other dead bodies? Who can she pin the murder of Sidney, Gale, Deputy Judy, and Sheriff Dewey on. Not going to work.
Jill plans in killing Gale next, as Sidney’s wounds have reopened and she seems to be the lesser threat. She is about to when Sidney shocks her with the defibrillator.
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