When Legendary Titans Meet: Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)

This is actually the first review I did of the Monsterverse trilogy, so I apologize if there are any repeats in this one.

So after Godzilla (2014) I resolved to never, ever again watch another one of the Godzilla films. You see I grew up watching all the old Godzilla films and I was so, so, so disappointed in the fact that we hardly had any Godzilla but it was just MUTO. It also was extremely boring and had a bunch of other issues. Yep, never-ever again.

But this past April I was watching my niece for her Spring Break and she wanted to see Godzilla Vs. King Kong. I did not want to watch it, but as it was my niece asking, I gave in. It actually was kind of circular as the last film I watched before everything shut down was King Kong (1933) and the first film I saw coming back in was a King Kong film.

So at this point in time I haven’t yet seen Kong: Skull Island but hopefully I can still follow everything.

Since writing this review I have watched the other two films that came prior to this one, (although I still have a lot of questions that were not answered). If interested in those reviews go to Kong: Skull Island or Godzilla: King of the Monsters. 

So the world has changed since we last saw Godzilla, as the world is recovering from the destruction he caused. To me it seemed this film was split into three storylines:

Madison Russell and the Curious Case of What is Really Going on at the Apex Corporation

Time to get on the case!

So one man has a podcast and he believes something strange is going down at Apex, a genetic corporation. He has infiltrated the company and believes himself to finally be on the cusp of a big scoop. As he tries to investigate what they are hiding, Godzilla attacks.

Everyone is upset and freaking out, except for Madison. They think they need to find a way to stop Godzilla, as all believe the way he protected them from the other Titans in the last film is over and that Godzilla is just going to harass and destroy everything and people everywhere. (Even though in every previous film he clearly only attacked when there was a titan/monster/alien.) But he did destroy a lot of things, so it does make sense that people are scared.

Madison still trusts Godzilla since he saved them last time and thinks something shady must be going down at Apex for Godzilla to attack when he only protects. Her dad, Dr. Mark Russell (Kyle Chandler) does not agree with her, and even though we saw in the last film how he would go to the ends of the Earth for his teenage daughter, in this her dad is really kind of checked out. He doesn’t seem to be worried about Madison, hardly checks in with her to see if she is okay, and even heads out to China to help with relief efforts without even speaking to his daughter. Like he doesn’t make sure to see her before he goes, or just make sure she has all she needs as he will be on the other side of the planet.

I mean she is a minor, she only has one parent, and he’s leaving her home after Godzilla just attacked their state to help in a country where Godzilla is going to attack. If she died or was injured he wouldn’t know where to find her or even start looking. If he died or was injured who’s going to take care of her? But more importantly, what happened to his character development?

Anyways, she is reluctantly joined by her friend in the search for the podcaster, as Madison believes she and him are the only ones who can find the truth. She and her friend do mange to track him down and she convinces him to break into the facility with her. She treats her friend really bad though, bullying him into coming along with them. And neither child tells an adult where they are or planning to go to, so if anything happens-no one will be there to save them.

You are just asking to be killed.

When they get to the Apex facility they hear people coming and of course hide in the pods that are to be shipped to China (something the podcaster had thought odd as they were shipping a lot to China, to a facility that can’t really handle the volume…or can it?) and end up being shipped to China. All I can think is what a nightmare that will be trying to come home. They have no money, no passports, they have illegally entered another country, it will be one serious mess.

After they arrive in China they don’t try to leave but continue to investigate and discover a large animal pen that it seems something is fighting something else. They also find some leftover monsters bits and all I can think of none of these people are movie fans as this room looks like the dinosaur pen they used for the demonstrations in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom when they were having the monsters “prove” themselves for the auction. It also made me think of the pen they throw Luke in, in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi and the one the crew fights in, in Galaxy Quest.

There the group sees a mechanical Godzilla fighting, yes we have MECHAGODZILLA!!! So for all you who don’t know, I grew up watching the old Godzilla’s and LOVED them. My brother and mom were giant fans and it was the only thing that my brother, who was eleven years older, was willing to do with me. My absolute favorite was Mechagodzilla and I was so pleased to see MechaGodzilla in this, but it turns out he misses 2/3 of the film.

What a ripoff! I’d rather see more more fighting of him then some of the other storylines.

Yes, it turns out that Apex stole a Rodan head from the previous film and have been using it to create their own Godzilla to fight and put mankind on top of the food chain. Madison is horrified at this, but the scientists at Apex are convinced it is the only way. By using the Rodan head they are also able to use his telepathic powers and communicate from the Rodan skull to the MechaGodzilla. They decide to fill it with a giant boost of electricity, but when they do it goes all Frankenstein, becomes alive, takes out its creators, and runs free into China-destroying it.

Yes, once again mankind has failed to learn anything- and we have another film where the creations has run amuck. (i.e. Frankenstein, Jurassic Park, Avengers: Age of Ultron, etc.)

Journey to the Center of Hollow Earth with Professor Lind, His Companions, and Associate King Kong

So this was what a majority of the film spent its time on and to be honest I thought this was the least interesting part of the film. Both my niece and I felt like the film seemed rather short and that there was too much Kong and not enough Godzilla.

So Kong is living on Skull Island where they keep him in a Truman Show like prison, including a fake top to make it always sunny and bright. The leading Kong specialist is there with the last remaining survivor of the native people from Skull Island, a little dead girl who is “friends” with Kong. The team there grows worried as the facility is not going to be able to hold him forever and they don’t know what they will do when it can’t. They also worry about Godzilla as the ancient drawings foretell of the two fighting and bringing destruction to Earth.

But what happened to all the other people? How did they construct this? They did not answer those questions in Kong: Skull Island. How did this woman become the expert on Kong? How long have they had this dome?

Hmm…

In a University in America, professor Linton (Alexander Skarsgard), is sitting in his little office when he is approached by the head of Apex. Apex tells him he is fascinated by his book and his theories of a Hollow Earth, the idea of a world inside ours where these monstrous creatures/Titans come from, and also possibly still roam. This is very much like Journey to the Center of the Earth and I 100% believe that the professor is based off the one in the book. I do like that in the previous film they had mentioned this Professor Linton and his book, nice job on the continuity.

Apex want Professor Linton to launch a new expedition, but he is not interested as his brother died trying to go into the center of the earth. The theory is impossible to test as the pressure is too great to handle with its reverse gravitational pull and kills anyone who tries to go through the only opening they have currently found, in Antarctica. (This makes me think a lot of Alien Vs. Predator.)

It turns out APEX has been building something to help conquer the gravitational pull as they encourage the professor to try it as it is necessary better understand these giant creatures and maybe find a way to lure them all home. This whole encounter gave me really weird vibes and I can’t believe the Professor wasn’t questioning why they were being so philanthropic. I would immediately be wondering what they were really after.

Hmm…

But professor wants to experiment, so he agrees. But before they can go he does need something, he needs someone originally from that area to lead them back-he needs a Titan. He needs Kong. He decides to pay a visit to an old friend, and possibly ex-girlfriend (there is a vibe), who is the leading Kong expert.

At first Dr. Andrews isn’t eager to help, but when he convinces her that Kong could go home, where he will be much happier than his gilded cage, along with the possibility that he might not be the only one and able to actually have a family: she agrees. But she will only help if she can join the expedition with her adopted daughter, the native girl. They are also joined by some other scientists, the military, and the daughter of the the head of APEX, Maia.

They travel through the sea and of course attract the attention of Godzilla. The two fight, them having to unchain Kong, and the fight was alright. I thought the Godzilla KOTM film was much better. I mean this whole concept is hard for me as Kong is just a giant ape while Godzilla can shoot fire from his mouth!

They manage to stop the fight only when they shut off all the power and pretend to be dead. They airlift Kong the rest of the way, the daughter, Jia, convincing him to go down and see his “family” and they all go through to Hollow Earth which reminds me exactly of Journey to the Center of the Earth book by Jules Verne.

There Kong finds “his” throne room and an axe made with a scale from Godzilla. He places it in a slot and it shoots out a signal that attracts Godzilla who shoots a hole down to Kong and Hollow Earth. There the APEX’s CEO daughter, Maia, uses a machine to send the signal back, I was a little confused at to how this worked exactly, but it is just what her father needed to power up MechaGodzilla.

Maia and her group try to leave but are crushed by Kong, making professor and co the only ones to escape. When they come above ground, Kong and Godzilla meet up and fight. Which leads us to…

Godzilla Versus Kong Versus MechaGodzilla

So for a film that is titled Godzilla versus Kong, it actually doesn’t make up that much of the film. The fights scenes were okay, but again one is flesh, fur, bone, and strength. The other has plates, is strong, and can shoot Fire! Godzilla can shoot fire, he is obviously going to win!

The two fight with Godzilla at a slight disadvantage as he used a lot of his Fire when shooting the hole to Kong. The fight scene is cool and of course Godzilla overpowers Kong and knocks him out, leaving him to go off to fight MechaGodzilla.

Kong is dying is like I said, Godzilla has FIRE! And the only way to revive him is to restart Kong’s heart. If only they had a machine with enough juice to light Las Vegas. Oh wait! They do! Good thing the APEX CEO had mentioned that one he first met the professor about his new machines. They use it to restart his heart and he is up again.

Meanwhile MechaGodzilla has been going on a rampage and fighting Godzilla, being too much for him to handle (false in my book). Kong and Godzilla team up to fight, Godzilla superpowering Kong’s axe.

Meanwhile MechaGodzilla’s controls are trying to be hacked by Madison and co but they are extremely unsuccessful. Her friend has the idea to use Bernie’s flask of alcohol that he always has on him (for his last drink) and throws it on the controls, short circuiting him as Kong gives the final whack. Afte they defeat MechaGodzilla, Godzilla and Kong give each other a nod and decide not to fight, each going their own way.

We end the film with Madison running outside APEX and just happening to find her dad in a city of a bazillion people, where everyone has been running around scared. Meanwhile, Kong, Prof, & co all head to Hollow Earht for a a happily ever after

Yeah, this was way better than Godzilla (2014) but I think King of Monsters was a much better film with plot and action. This one was not only really plot heavy but only focused on Kong instead of the two of them. I also think the use of previous characters were nice but they didn’t really add much to the story. We could have had the same story without them. This film didn’t make me want to get my money back like Godzilla (2014) or Kong, but I also felt really meh about it all.

The Facebook cover photo:

For more Godzilla, go to They’re Everywhere. Battling for Dominance. A Rival Alpha to Godzilla.: Godzilla King of the Monsters (2019)

For more King Kong, go to Kong’s God on the Island, But the Devils Live Below Us: Kong, Skull Island (2017)

For more monsters, go to Peculiarities, Monsters, and Time Travel.: Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children (2016)

They’re Everywhere. Battling for Dominance. A Rival Alpha to Godzilla.: Godzilla King of the Monsters (2019)

They’re everywhere. Battling for dominance. A rival alpha to Godzilla.

So after Godzilla (2014) I resolved to never, ever watch another one of the Godzilla films. You see I grew up watching all the older Godzilla films and I was just so, so, so disappointed in the fact that we hardly had any Godzilla and just the scummy old MUTO. But this past April I was hanging out with my niece for her Spring Break and she wanted to see Godzilla Vs. King Kong. So of course I took her (and that review will be posted next week) and I thought the film was only okay.

Meh.

But as I didn’t watch this film before there were a few things I was a bit lost in. When I was flying home from visiting my niece I saw that this film was one of the options to watch on the flight, and I thought why not check it out. Hopefully it is not as bad as the 2014 Godzilla, and maybe better then the okay 2021 Godzilla? Let’s find out!

So watching the credits I spot Sally Hawkins, you know Anne Elliot in Persuasion (2007). Was she in the first one? It’s been so long since I’ve seen it and I don’t remember much other than I hate it and it was a waste of my money.

So the film begins at the end of Godzilla (2014), Dr. Emma Russell and Dr. Mark Russell (Kyle Chandler) lost their son in the attack on San Francisco. Me being me I had to find out why they didn’t continue with the characters of Brodie (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), his son, and his unfaithful wife (at least that was the vibe she gave me as she seemed to care so little about him). It turns out they had to replace the characters as Elizabeth Olsen (the wife) was busy with The Avengers and Aaron Taylor-Johnson was busy in something else. So we have these new characters that we know nothing about. I really hate when movies do this as they are trying to force an emotional connection that isn’t there.

I don’t know them!

So Emma and Mark have split up, extremely common after a child passes, and Mark is off studying wolves, having left the goverment program Monarch that is tracking and trying to control the Titans (Godzilla, MUTO, all the other creatures in the Monsterverse). She has Madison and is out in China studying Mothra. That seems weird to me, as why would the court grant her custody over the father in her line of work, as she’s up close and personal with unstoppable monsters!? Anyways. Emma is working on this machine to speak to the monsters and hopefully enable humans to communicate with them. They get word that Mothra is waking up and Emma goes running to fetch Madison to be a part.

Now this seems really weird to me as she is just a chilld not an employee, why would they allow Emma to bring daughter to this serious event, especially one that could go wrong at any moment. Why would she want to risk the life of her daughter? All I could think is that we had better protocals at the museum I interned at than this top secret facility with giant creatures.

Anyways, things start going wrong with Mothra (like I said), but they get the machine working and Mothra is calmed down. Unfotunately, right after a team comes in and shoots everyone up, kidnapping Madison and Dr. Emma .This group is lead by Abel Jonah (Charles Dance), ecoterrorist.

After this is discovered, Mark’s old friends and coworkers at Monarch, Dr. Ishirō Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) and Dr. Vivienne Graham (Sally Hawkins), approach him and let him know the situation. Mark goes with them and they have a size contestent with some of the other guys, it ending when Mark angrily yells that we should kill all the Titans and Godzilla. But he does calm down and notices that Godzilla is moving from his usual area and tells them to they should follow him, the team heading to Antartica.

Meanwhile, in Antarctica Jonah, Emma, and the team run into the Blob, I mean the Thing, no a Giant Behemoth, oops I mean a frozen monster, Monster Zero who is actually King Ghidorah. Why do they even call him Monster Zero? I mean he isn’t even the first Titan they discovered. Is he the oldest? They never say.

You know what else is weird, this ecoterrorist took everyone out in the Monarch facility, but they only had like five guys. You think the Monarch facility would have a ton of people and security. What did they have, just two gunned guards guarding a giant creature? Seriously?

So the Monarch team follows Jonah & co, and Mark goes all in trying to save his daughter and Emma-who at this very moment are waking up King Ghiddorah. King Ghiddorah and Godzilla fight, Dr. Graham being killed in the process, and Mark goes up against Jonah and his team who have huge weapons while he has an itty bitty gun. He manages to subdue them, but then Dr. Emma does something weird. Instead of going with him, she and Madison run off with Jonah.

So instead of going with her husbsnd she goes with the ecoterrorist? Is she in on it? OMG did she betray her team so she could use her machine? Was she seduced by the temptation to test scientific boundaries? OMG this is just like in The Thing From Another World isn’t it? (Why haven’t I reviewed that movie yet! Darn). She’s just like that crazy doctor too. You know I hope she dies for all the trouble she is going to cause. She doesn’t care about any of the innocents that are going to die for her scientific achievements. She doesn’t even care that she is risking her daughter’s life. What a terrible person!

So everyone is debating whether or not Emma betrayed them, her team not believing she could, but Mark assuring them she did. Meanwhile Dr. Che searches mythology for what this creature Monster Zero is and can find “zero information” because “people were too afraid”. Uh, King Ghidorah looks like the Hydra. I mean right away I knew that and she could find zero information? Where is she looking? What kind of reserch credentials does she have that she can’t tell that? Has she never seen a movie of Hercules? Read a myth? Seen any artwork? I mean she could do a google search and find tht info, how with all Monarch has is she able to find zero? Especially in the Hercules, Lore Olympus, Percy Jackson world we live in?

So Emma sends the group a video message to tell them why she decided that these Titans needed to be awakened, as she believes they will heal the world citing all the improveents we have had since Godzilla destroyed San Francisco and it grew back with trees and such (although Godzilla is radioactive wouldn’t that destroy the land? Hmm?) She doesn’t care who dies saying that it is the price needed to pay for what happened, and those that survive will adapt to serve ou new overlords. She warns them to find a Monarch secret shelter and hide out there awaiting until all the destruction ends, signing off at the end.

What really surprises me is that Madison is okay with her mom betraying everybody and causing mass death and destruction, especially as you think she would have a lot of trauma from when Godzilla attacked San Francisco and not wish that on anyone else. But she doesn’t care either. Like doesn’t she have any non-Monarch friends she is worried for? Ones that won’t have access to bomb shelters?

And her reasoning makes me hate the mom even more. Who made you the one to decide everyone’s fate and that people are just expendable? Huh, I bet you wouldn’t feel that way if it was you child in trouble, but sice it isn’t you don’t care that millions will die. And yes, it turns out all those people in her team were murdered by her command. What a jerk. I hate her.

Emma awakens Rodan in Mexico, the Monarch team trying to help evacuate people, but they get there too late to save them all. Rodan is defeated by King Ghidorah-and then Godzilla shows up.

The fighing scenes are the best as to be honest, we don’t really know a lot about these characters so I don’t really care about them at all. Like Mark is okay and Dr. Ishirō because he was in the first film-but the rest I don’t know and don’t really care about. What I do care about is watching Godzilla destroy things and this gave me exactly what I was wanting.

Godzilla rips out a head, woohoo! I have to say I am extremely happy to see how much Godzilla was in here, vast improvement.

But unfortunately before Godzilla can take King Ghidorah out, the military shoots the two with an oxygen depleting missile that shortens Godzilla out, but King Ghidorah is unaffected. He even grows his head back and wrecks havoc everywhere. Man sometimes humans suck.

Emma and her eco crew continue to awaken Titans going from South America, to Arizonia, to Germany, and so on.

So Dr. Chen still hasn’t found out anything from King Ghidorah even though him growing back a head is so Hydra. Like all I can think is this is why Gen Ed classes are important. Maybe if she had taken a Greek History class, Mythology, or art history she would have recognized it right away and know what they are dealing with.

Madison, meanwhile, has started to have second thoughts about everything and plans to escape. She takes some supplies, the Orca (machine that wakes the monsters up), and sneaks out of the underground bunker. Again, I see that this team has adopted a no security policy along with a let’s not protect our important invention policy. Really, really guys? You are supposed to be tough ecoterriorists?

Finally Chen finds “something” in the research that reveals King Ghidorah is an alien and not of our world (hence the oxygen missile not working on him). How I don’t know as I though people were “too afraid” to document him.

Mothra has imerged from her Chrysalis and goes to Godzilla. With a submarine the team go under the water ad find the ruins of a city that Mark calls Egyptian, but the statues look more like the Greek Kores to me. What is this supposed to be, Atlantis?

Anyways, it is Godzilla’s home where they find him recuperating. They need to help him and decide to nuke Godzilla to give him the extra juice he needs. The only problem is, the ship was damaged so the only way to do it is of course manually, Ken Watanabe sacrificing himself for the world. This scene is actually very cute as he brings the watch that stopped when Jappan was bombed in WWII and reaches out touch Godzilla, the creature he’s been studying forever before he goes.

Godzilla gets the juice and wakes up raring to go.

You know, how come we don’t ever hear the song of Godzilla anymore? I remember hearing it in the old movies and I wish they would bring them to the new films

So Emma is starting to have some second thouhts as the Titans aren’t “healing” the world like she thought they would. She mentions trying to use the Orca in Fenway Park to stop them listening to King Ghidorah. Madison overhears her, takes her supplies, the Orca and heads to the park. Now I’m super surprise that she knows how to do this. I’m not trying to go against her intelligence or anything, but I’m surprised that Monarch doesn’t have a policy that you cannot take things home with you or only authorized personel should be handeling this. Like shouldn’t all this be confidential so this doesn’t happen?

So Madison gets the machine working and stops the Titans’ destruction, or should I say extra destruction, but all Titans start coming toward her-espechially King Ghidora.

Emma discovers that Madison and the machine is missing and big surprise-she no longer thinks that humans should be killed and destroyed, when it is her daughter. Mmhmm…

Mark and his team run into Emma as they search for Madison, going home which is all intact. Just like in War of the Worlds.

Meanwhile, the monsters fight, just what I’ve been wanting. Mothra Vs. Rodan, Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah, King Ghidora vs. Mothra and Godzilla. It’s awesome.

Godzilla is going nuclear, Mothra sacrifices herself to give him an extra boost while Emma sacrifices herself, paying for the murders of the people she killed, and Madison, Mark, and the team get away.

Godzilla defeats everyone who opposes him, all that remain bow to him.

This was much better than the first film as it gave you what you wanted, watching Godzilla fight and destroy things. The human interest angle was lacking, but if I have my Godzilla fighting, that makes me happy.

And the Facebook cover:

For more on Godzilla, go to Let Them Fight: Godzilla (2014)

For more on monster movies, go to Something’s Out There and It’s Killing People! And If It’s Monsters, Nobody’s Going to Do a Thing About it Except Us!: The Monster Squad (1987)

I Survived!

 

I survived, did you?

So this year’s Horrorfest was very, very different. After last year’s issues, I started writing this in May. This was the first time I have ever fully planned out a Horrorfest, as I had all the films picked and almost all finished by September.

So for the past two years, you have heard me say how I haven’t been able to complete all of Universal’s Classic Monster Films. Well I finally did it.  Wooot!!!

Once I wrote that post, I was so excited. You see, I felt I really couldn’t do a post on any werewolf films until I had covered the first one. I thought it was only right to start with the original. With that done, I could move onto any other werewolf film I desired. And I did. I decided to end Horrorfest with The Wolfman (2010). But then I decided to take it one step further. About every five episodes has a werewolf in it. It was a howling good time.

I also decided to do When a Stranger Calls, because of the phone harassment I had experienced. I took this one step further by doing  all four of the Scream films, along with the Alfred Hitchcock film Dial “M” for Murder.

Speaking of Alfred Hitchcock, after hearing me complain for two years about trying to review one of his films, I have reviewed not one, not two, but three Alfred Hitchcock films. I was only planning on doing Under Capricorn, because I was planning on talking about Samson Flunky for St. Patrick’s Day 2015. I ended up doing Shadow of a Doubt as it just entered my mind and Dial “M” for Murder. Still haven’t gotten around to Psycho. Well, there’s always next year.

So every year I mention wanting to do  Vincent Price films; like House on Haunted Hill. The Tomb of Ligeia, The Pit and the Pendulum, etc. I didn’t get around to any of those famous Vincent Price films, but I did do a film with him in it. I went over Laura (1944), which is when he is really young.

So I hope you all enjoyed it! I did. But then everyday to me is October.

 

So I usually put in a poll to see what you all you like, but I decided that I don’t care. I liked them all. Instead I’m just going to list them below for some of you who might have missed them.

Even a Man Pure of Heart: The Wolf Man (1941)

It’s Coming From Inside the House: When A Stranger Calls (2006)

In Their Proper Place: Metropolis (1927)

What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?: Scream (1996)

I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

Let Them Fight: Godzilla (2014)

Unleash the Savage Instincts that Lie Hidden Within: I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)

What is This Thing?: Phantoms (1998)

Only A Woman: Queen of Outer Space (1958)

Happily Ever Aftermath: Grimm (2012)

It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?: Scream 2 (1997)

You Think You Know Something, Don’t You?: Shadow of a Doubt (1943)

You Will Die in Seven Days: The Ring (2002)

Keep Clear Of the Moor. Beware the Moon: An American Werewolf in London (1981)

I Was Here For A Moment. And Then I Was Gone: The Lovely Bones (2009)

Part X: The Movie List That Would Not Die

Tuesday the 17th: Psych (2009)

All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bets are Off: Scream 3 (2000)

Who’s Afraid of Cory Wolf: Boy Meets World (1994)

But the Book, It Will Never Close…: Along Came a Spider (2001)

Every Time I Bring a Girl Over, You Try to Eat Her!: Vampires Suck (2010)

Murder is My Favorite Crime: Laura (1944)

Monster Movie: Supernatural (2008)

You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat: Jaws (1975)

Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Werewolves Roam Among Us: Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman (2000)

The Past of a Man: Under Capricorn (1949)

There’s Nothing Out There. Nothing in the Mist: The Mist (2007)

What Have We Done to Each Other?: Gone Girl (2014)

The Perfect Murder: Dial “M” for Murder (1954)

Beast or Man: The Wolfman (2010)

Keep Clear Of the Moor. Beware the Moon: An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Keep clear of the moor. Beware the moon, lads.

This movie has been referenced in so many books and films that I had been dying to watch it. I wanted to see why everyone loved. So this past Friday the 13th, I decided to watch it and The Wolf Man (1941) as it was a full moon. But when I saw it, I found it was HORRIBLE!!!! One of the worst films ever!! On par with Attack of the Killer Tomatoes and The Beast of Yucca Flats. 

The main character, David, is so bland and hardly developed that I don’t even care if he becomes a werewolf or not. He also acts crazy all the freakin’ time. In The Wolf Man (1941), Larry thinks he’s crazy, realizes that he’s not, and then tries to stop turning into a werewolf and hurting others. David on the other hand seems to revel in the crazy, and doesn’t seem sad at all that his friend is dead as he is enjoying Nurse Price, etc. While The Wolf Man  is sad and tragic, this was just boring and…more boring.

It took over an hour to see David turn! Over an hour! This movie is an hour and a half and I don’t want to have to sit through an hour of crazy David and naked David and have no werewolf!

This is like Godzilla (2014)!!!! If I’m watching a monster movie, I want to see that monster mentioned in the title! The Wolf Man (1941), has a wolf right away, as Bela is a werewolf, and then we see Larry turn at the half hour mark. That’s how its done people!!

They really should have changed the title of the film to David Naughton, My Naked Body, as that is really what this film is about. We see more nudity and sex than we do a werewolf, which is super disappointing.

I mean seriously, what were you thinking?

I felt like Dracula in Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf.

I started a M&M eating game. For every time David was naked I would eat an M&M. My stomach started hurting barely in.

 I have to admit I am getting ahead of myself. Lets go back to the beginning and go through some of the issues.

So for those of you who haven’t seen the film, Jack and David are Americans backpacking through Europe after they have just graduated from college. They are lost in the moors and come upon a pub called the Slaughtered Lamb.

I think the name is a message to steer away.

[Side Note: the pub is based on a real one that was destroyed years ago. After the film, they opened one up in New York.]

So as the two are walking towards the pub, David tells Jack knock-knock jokes. And I kid you not, he doesn’t get them.

Like who doesn’t understand knock-knock jokes? I mean three-year old children understand that concept. How did Jack even graduate? And more importantly, why did they even include that in the film?

And why would you ever enter a place called the Slaughtered Lamb? It just doesn’t sound like there will be anything good there. I’m with Jack on that one, you should’ve passed on it David.

Bad things happen when you don’t listen

So they go into the Slaughtered Lamb, Jack sees a pentagram and candles on the wall and he begins telling David all kinds of trivia from The Wolf Man (1941).

The two end up getting kicked out of the pub and start wandering the moor, when a werewolf attacks.

It attacks Jack and David takes off running.

Yep he takes off. You horrible man, you let your friend die! How could you??!! He was trying to help you and when the wolf attacks him you just RUN OFF???!!!

See Hook agrees with me.

So David ends up in the hospital with a “wolf” bite while Jack ends up in the morgue.

Your fault!

And that’s when Nurse Price enters the picture.

Ugh. Hate her.

Nurse Price is crazy and a skank. Now I don’t like to call women that, but she plays with David’s junk to get him to eat! I’m serious!!!

She must have a thing for sick/crazy guys.

Plus she is just annoying in how she acts. Nurse Price calls Mark Twain Samuel Clemens when she is reading A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court I know that is his real name, but who actually goes around using it? NOBODY! Everyone calls him Mark Twain. And I know the director is trying to draw parallels between the stories, but no movie, no.

The only similarity between the two is an American in Britain. NOTHING ELSE!

David doesn’t have the most fun in the hospital. He sees dead Jack and actually talk to him (weird scene). Jack tells David he is going to be a werewolf and he believes it. David is eventually allowed to check out as his bite is not serious. Nurse Price invites David back to her place and tells him she wants to be with him. She says “I don’t really bring strange men home…I’ve only been with seven men, of which three were one-night stands”

Sounds like you do bring strange men home since that is about half the men you’ve slept with, and David will make that four out of eight.

All I can think is how many were people presumed to be crazy (as at this point she thinks David is just imbalanced as he says he is a werewolf)? I mean she’s like Sam Winchester over here. (She actually is as he slept with a werewolf. And a demon. Dated another demon, and was involved with some other monsters.)

So as Nurse Price and David head back to her flat (apartment) they comment on how high the price of all food is. I’m like,

You paid like £5 for a bag of groceries. I wish food was that cheap.

Why? Why!

Anyways so we have a second visit from Jack and to be honest, this film is more about the Leprechaun (1993)/Rumpelstiltskin from Once Upon a Time Zombie Ghost Jack, than it is about a werewolf.

The next day after Jack and Nurse Price had sex, she leaves for work and twin girls with a dog come upon Jack. The girls’ dog barks at him and they both laugh like crazy and walk off.

What? I know they are trying to reference The Wolf Man (1941) how the dog can sense he is a wolf (Gwen’s fiance Frank, his dog does this). But what was up with the twin girls? Did they think after The Shinning (1980) that the only way to do a creepy film was to have weird twin girls?

And are they honestly going to included every song that uses the word moon? We’ve already had Blue Moon and Bad Moon Rising, I am now half-expecting Moon River to be played next.

And we get the cliche #56,  “person pretends in the mirror to be the monster they later turn into”.

Ugh

So we switch to the hospital and get a second round of this bratty little boy who says no all the time (he was in the first hospital scene). He’s even more annoying the second time around that I am actually hoping he does get eaten.

Die, die, die!

The transformation scene was okay.

So the next day David wakes up in the zoo naked with the wolves. Now that doesn’t make much sense to me, if you are a wild werewolf, why would you go put yourself in a cage? You’re free! It would make way more sense if he woke up in the park instead.

So David tries to get arrested, “to protect others”, and that was kind of funny because the bobby (cop) won’t consider it until he starts insulting the Queen, Winston Churchill, and Shakespeare. But he is so rude to nurse Price. Telling her to shut up and leave him alone:

He then tells Nurse Price he loves her, and she’s like woah Ted Moseby, slow down. I Love You? Really after one night? Woah, you don’t even know her. Besides she’s crazy. You don’t want to date crazy.

David then runs off to call his family and tell them he cares about them before he kills himself, but can only reach his 10-year old sister as everyone else is out. All I can think is, 1) David was attacked by a werewolf  or “wolf” as the doctors are calling it and 2) his best friend has been killed! How are his parents not in London right now trying to see if he’s okay? Their son could have been killed!!

See Hook agrees with me.

So David tries to kill himself but can’t go through with it. Now all I can think is, haven’t you seen The Wolf Man (1941), I mean I assume you did as you were telling the nurse about it. Well don’t you remember, a werewolf can only be killed by silver? Slitting your wrists doesn’t work.

So stupid

So after that David sees Jack outside a porno film movie house and goes in after him. All I can think is, you’re worried about killing people and you go see a porno? Really?

And don’t give me, that’s where zombie Jack was at and he needed to speak to him. Before that we saw that Jack came to David wherever he went (hospital, Nurse Price’s flat, etc); he could find himself a quiet place and Jack would totally follow him there.

Plus what us up with the film they are watching? A guy and girl are getting it on and a second guy comes marching in the room yelling “You promised you wouldn’t do this again!” The first guy says “No, I didn’t.” The second guy answers, “I’m talking to her.” The women replies, “I don’t know you.” The second guy gets really embarrassed, says “Oh”, and leaves.

What the heck was the point of that? And immediately after, Jack says “great movie”. I know you are super horny Jack, but no, no, no, no ,no, no, no, no. That is horrible, horrible, horrible.

After this I couldn’t stomach anymore. It wasn’t scary. There was barely an werewolf. It was pretty much a huge mess. I’ll take The Wolf Man (1941) any day.

No no no no no

And here I will leave with more werewolf than we see in the film.

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to You Will Die in Seven Days

For more on An American Werewolf in London, go to Pink Elephants

For more on werewolves, go to Unleash the Savage Instincts That Lie Within

For more on Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf, go to A Monster Race

For more modern remakes, go to Let Them Fight

For more on monsters, go to What Is This Thing?

For more on Supernatural, go to Happily Ever Aftermath

For more on How I Met Your Mother, go to I’ll Be Back

Let Them Fight: Godzilla (2014)

“This alpha predator of yours, doctor, do you really think he has a chance? The arrogance of men is thinking nature is in their control and not the other way around. Let them fight.”

So when this film came out I had mixed feelings. I was a huge Godzilla fan when I was a kid and saw all the films growing up, and after the 1998 debacle I wasn’t too excited. My friend, however, really wanted to see the midnight showing, so we did. After I saw the film, I had even more mixed feelings of it. So here we are the pros & cons

Pay Attention

Pros:

1) Opening Credits

• These beginning credits were amazing! I loved how they had pictures from old drawing of plesiosaurus, dinosaurs, disaster headlines, and pictures from the 1940s-50s atomic testing. I thought it was a great idea to overlay it by blacking out words and names to reveal the director, producers, actors, etc.

2) Half the Film Was Set in Japan.

• I loved that the beginning to middle of the film was set in Japan as it made it much closer to the original film. I felt it also made Godzilla seem more authentic having it set in Japan. And I absolutely loved that unlike the “whitewashed” Godzilla (1998) they had lots of Asians in the film who actually spoke in Japanese.

3) Increased Diversity

• I also loved that when they moved through different locations, the diversity continued. In Japan we have Japanese; in Hawaii, we see Asians, Whites, and Pacific Islanders; and in  California we have a huge increase in Latino actors. This was great as even in 2014, films tend to be centered on one ethnic group.

4) Godzilla Was Actually Godzilla-(Ravaged the City while Protecting it)

• This is extremely important, as who wants a Godzilla that doesn’t do anything? The earlier Godzilla films caused countless destruction, but at the same time were trying to “save” the city from other monsters. A type of “I’m the only one who can ruin this city”-type thing. You know, like when you have an older sibling that picks on you, but protects you from everyone else? Well in the 1998 Godzilla, not only was it an incredibly dumb storyline (and oh Matthew Broderick was incredibly stupid in that film!) but he just destroyed. He wasn’t fighting anything.

Cons:

1) WHERE WAS GODZILLA???

• GODZILLA WAS BARELY EVEN IN THE FILM!!!!! It takes 55 minutes, HALF THE FILM!!!!, before we even SEE GODZILLA!!!!! I mean I know they wanted to surprise us and throw us for a loop by having the first creature be the MUTO (Moving Unidentified Terrestrial Object), instead of Godzilla; but really? REALLY????? THEY ARE ONLY GOING TO SHOW THE BACK OF GODZILLA???!!!! WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FILM???!!! GODZILLA!!! NOT MUTO!!!

2) Fight? More Like Flight!

• WHAT WAS UP WITH THE FIGHT SCENES???!!! We get a millisecond of him fighting the male MUTO and a glimpse of the female. Then that’s it, game over. Really, really now? Why do you think I even came to see this film, I wanted to see the freakin’ monsters fight!!!

3) MUTO? Better Name WIT (What is This?)

• What was up with the MUTOs? What the heck were those things?
• I get the teasing of Mothra. We  see it on the poster in Ford Brady’s room and it is the name of one of his pet insects.  But then its not Mothra, and I’m okay with that if only they WOULD TELL US WHAT IT IS!!! They give us a male bat/moth thing and a female bat/ape thing? What are they? Where did they come from? Tell us! TELL US!!!

4) The Wife

• I FREAKIN’ HATED THE WIFE!! SHE WAS SOOO HORRIBLE!!
• She did not act like one happy to see the person they have been apart from. I mean she hasn’t seen him in IN OVER 14 MONTHS and he has a job where HE COULD DIE EVERY DAY!!! They are back together and she’s like “nope I need to answer the phone.” “Oh you have to leave, I’ll see you soon. Good-bye!” I mean her husband just got back and she’s pushing him off!!!! She should have been like “I don’t want you to go but your dad needs you so you need to go” or something.
• Then there is when she thinks her husband is hurt in the destruction of Japan by the MUTO. THERE IS NO WAY THAT SHE WOULD HAVE LEFT HER PHONE IN THE OTHER ROOM AND ON VIBRATE. SHE WOULD HAVE THAT THING LOUD AND ON HER 24/7 IN CASE HE CALLED!!!
• Then she is at the hospital, and let me do one quick reminder. Her husband has returned after being away over 14 months. He immediately had to go to Japan where there has been all kinds of destruction (as MUTO escaped) and she hasn’t heard from him. Then she gets a call on the hospital phone while she is at work (she’s a nurse) AND DOESN’T ANSWER THE PHONE??? SHE HASN’T SPOKEN TO HER HUSBAND IN OVER 24 HOURS!!! SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN RUSHING TO THAT PHONE TO SEE IF IT WAS HER HUSBAND!!!
•  I thought she was having an affair or something the way she acted.

5) We Can Kill Them- They’re Just Tourists

• They kill sooooooooooo many people.
• When they are in Hawaii, one of the largest tourist attractions ever, and they don’t even clear the beaches before they start bombing and shooting? That was like Waikiki, do you know how many people are there on vacations?
• In San Francisco, they just bomb and shoot everything!
• There is no way they could do that. They could never get away with that much killing of U.S. citizens, no way!!

If you really want a closer look at the issues with it, check out Everything Wrong With. They are spot on!

But no matter what issues it face it was far, far, far better than that travesty of a Broderick film, and that in itself is enough for me.

To start  Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to I’ll Be Back

For more on Godzilla, go to Just Follow the Screams

For more on monster movies, go to They’re Coming to Get You

For more on atomic bombs, go to From the Sea Burning Like Fire

For more remakes, go to It’s Coming From Inside the House