On Me Next Thousandth Birthday, I’ll Stalk Your Fairest Offspring and Claim Her As Me Bride!: Leprechaun 2 (1994)

A curse be placed upon your seed, William O’Day. You may have saved your daughter, but on me next thousandth birthday, I’ll stalk your fairest offspring and claim her as me bride! Ha ha ha ha ha! Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

Back in 2017 October had a Friday the 13th and I was excited as I planned to review the second installment of the Friday the 13th franchise, Friday the 13th Part II

Then I had the idea, why not make every Friday a slasher film? I could review Psycho II, Halloween II, and Nightmare on Elm Street II. Unfortunately, a lot of things happened that year, the biggest issue being that my charge stopped working and the new one didn’t come in until much too late. I never finished that Horrorfest and I didn’t complete the four slasher film reviews I had been planning.

I then decided that I would just try to review the other two films in the years leading up to another Friday the 13th in October. After all it was happening again in 2023, that was plenty of time to review the films. Right?

Majorly

Yep it’s 2022 and I have failed to review the other films. I’m planning on still reviewing Halloween II, but I don’t have time to watch a movie I haven’t seen before, Nightmare on Elm Street II, as I have so little time these days. So I decided I would have to replace that slasher franchise with another one, but which one?

Hmm…

I started going through a slasher film list alphabetically and looking for a movie franchise where I had already reviewed the first film, seen the second and could review it, and had a third film for next year. When I hit the “L”s I saw the Leprechaun film franchise and even thought I dislike both films, it fit my requirements. That’s why it’s here and will be back again next year.

Leprechaun is a terrible film and the sequel is just as bad. In fact the only reason I have seen it is my friend and I watched it a few years ago to make fun of it. We had a “green food” themed Saint Patrick’s Day of which I made Irish Soda Bread (none green) and Brown Butter Matcha Brownies.

But enough of that, let’s get on to reviewing this travesty.

This is the only film in the Leprechaun franchise to take place on St. Patrick’s Day. Odd isn’t that? Originally the film was pitched with the Leprechaun searching for his bride, and tricking Tory (Jennifer Aniston) into marrying him. They reached out to Aniston, but she declined. Good choice.

Very smart decision

The film starts off in 994 on the Leprechaun’s 1000th birthday. He tells his slave that he has found the perfect bride and will free him once he is married. The slave, William O’Day, is happy at first, but then horrified to see that the bride is his daughter. The Leprechaun tells O’Day that if his daughter sneezes three times without someone saying “bless you” she will forevermore be his.

Yes someone was paid big bucks for that plot point.

Of course she sneezes, dad says bless you, she’s free and the leprechaun has to wait another 1000 years to try and marry again. Why? I don’t know.

The Leprechaun is angry that O’Day foiled his plans (although it’s his own fault since he told him, rookie mistake); curses O’Day and kills him.

We then fast forward 1000 years to L. A., 1994, and of course it is also Saint Patrick’s Day. The Leprechaun will be able to come back even though they killed it in the previous film. I hate when they do that, at least Halloween Michael Myers was also supposed to be the embodiment of evil and therefore unkilliable.

Anyways, our main characters in this is the unlikable and I don’t really care about Cody who works with his uncle on giving “dark death” tours of L.A. in a hearse. He was supposed to go out with his girlfriend, Bridget O’Day, (yep you guessed it, a descendant) but cancels when his uncle is too drunk to drive. She’s angry ant him always dropping their dates and decides to hang at the go-kart place with a guy who has a crush on her, Ian.

Meanwhile, the Leprechaun has woken up and come out of a tree that was at the home of Harry Houdini. He starts his reign of terror by stealing a man’s gold tooth.

Back with Bridget she’s been flirting all night with Ian who takes her home. He turns out to not be a nice guy as he tries to force himself on her, Bridget punching him to get away. After she goes inside, he sees her in the garage beckoning him over. Of course it’s not really her, obvious to any woman, but Ian’s not thinking with his brain, and it turns out the Leprechaun has disguised a mower and kills Ian with it.

Bridget doesn’t hear any of this, odd as his screams were super load and a mower is also not quiet; when Cody comes by to apologize with flowers. Bridget is happy but starts sneezing (as the Leprechaun is trying to claim her), but when Cody tries to say God Bless You, he starts to be strangled by a phone cord. They fight and the Leprechaun takes off with Bridget, but accidentally drops a gold coin.

From Clueless

The Leprechaun is furious as he’s greedy and can’t spare to loose a single piece of his treasure. He sets off to get it back. Meanwhile the police suspect Cody of Ian’s murder and Bridget disappearance. He runs away and begs his uncle for advice. Morty just happens to have an overdue library book on leprechauns.

They read about the Bride search and that cast iron is the Leprechaun’s weakness. The Leprechaun attacks Cody, he’s managed to be okay and he makes a deal with the Leprechaun to trade the coin for the girl. Morty intervenes and challenges the Leprechaun to a drinking contest, and wins. Meanwhile, Cody sneaks to the go-kart racing place and steals the cast iron safe. They manage to trick the Leprechaun into the case and win. It’s over!

Just kidding. Morty double crosses them and locks Cody in the closet. He demands the Leprechaun give him his pot of gold, which the Leprechaun does…only he makes it appear in Morty’s stomach.

The Leprechaun tricks Morty into letting him free and takes the gold out like he promised, killing the Morty in the process. The Leprechaun and Cody fight, the Leprechaun trying to run Cody over with a go-kart.

But Cody can’t die as long as he has the coin. Cody heads out to save his girl. When he gets to the lair he fight the skeletal slave O’Day. They then have to escape the labyrinth, but are separated. When Cody finds Bridget, she asks him for the coin, which he gives her. Rookie mistake as it turns out to be the Leprechaun.

But that’s okay, if turns out to be a chocolate coin. Cody kills the Leprechaun, and they all live happily ever after…that is until the third film.

Or is it? It isn’t, there are more films to come.

For more Leprechaun, go to What the H*** Are You? I’m a Leprechaun, Me Dear: Leprechaun (1993)

The Cutest Alien You’ll Ever See: The Cat From Outer Space (1978)

The Cat From Outer Space is one of my favorite movies. I used to watch it over and over again until the tape we had wore out as it was no longer playable.

I loved this Disney film (yep completed that yearly tradition), as besides it being amazing I liked that the cat was the hero instead of the villain. There are very few movies that do that as usually the dog is the good guy.

This film is hilarious and even though it was made in the ‘70s the special effects still look really good. I watched this with my 10 year old niece and she not only loved and was invested in the story, but she also really liked the special effects as she thought they were cool.

And the cat is beyond adorable! It was played by two Abyssinians that are siblings and they are both amazing actors. I know it sounds silly to say that, but those trainers did such a great job as they really look like they are engaged in the conversation and a part of the scene. It’s amazing!

Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7 AKA Jake

So the film starts off with a ship from outer space landing, and the cutest alien in the world that can invade my life anytime he wants, Abyssinian cat Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7. His ship has had some issues so he had to make an emergency landing on our planet Earth. He looks like your average cat but can talk and has the power of telekinesis through the special collar he wears.

The military shows up and confiscates the ship, but they totally miss the cat. Unbeknownst to them, Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7 follows them back to the base.

The next day the military calls together the top scientists from Energy Research Laboratory. They try to have a closed room conference, but it turns out that Mr. Stallwood (Roddy McDowell) is trying to infiltrate it. Yep, he’s a spy although not a very good one.

But one who is good at what they do is Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7 who slips in unnoticed and listens to the deliberations.

The General shows the scientists a floating object the soldiers took from the ship. The scientists discuss it, but can’t come up with any reason to how it can levitate. One scientists, Dr. Liz Bartlett (Sandra Duncan), suggests bringing in new scientist Frank, (Ken Berry). Frank has a lot of theoretical ideas and some out there thoughts.

They call him in, but unfortunately he makes too many jokes and the General and the rest don’t take him seriously.


[Dr. Frank Wilson has been brought in to view the artifact removed from the flying saucer]

Frank: It’s beautiful.

General Stilton: Don’t you have any other observations?

Frank: Only that it looks like an artichoke, sir.

General Stilton: We know it looks like an artichoke, Wilson. What makes it tick?

Frank: Mayonnaise?

General Stilton: Negative.

Frank: No, no, I was only joking, sir.

Frank then tries to explain his real theory but the General is done and kicks him out of the room. However, Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7 is very interested in what he has to say as it actually was tracking near the truth of how his ship works.

Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7 follows Frank to his office. Frank notices the cat and decides to call him Jake, but then is interrupted by Dr. Bartlett who comes to give Frank a piece of her mind, but after the two talk articles they have published, Frank manages to get Dr. Liz Bartlett to agree to go on a date with him. Frank is overjoyed over this, but his celebration is interrupted by Jake who decides to tell Frank the truth in order to get his help. Frank is shocked:

Frank: [realizing the voice is coming from the cat] It… it’s you?

Jake: It’s not the mouse. Now sit down.

Frank: But your lips aren’t moving. You’re not speaking.

Jake: Through transference. Nothing exceptional where I come from. Now, sit.[Using telekinesis generated through his collar, Jake pulls a chair behind Frank forward and he collapses into it]

Jake: My name is Zunar-J-5/9 Doric-4-7.

Frank: [struggling] Zunar…

Jake : Why don’t we stay with Jake, okay? Frank, last night, at 03 hours plus 13, I made an emergency landing in a spaceship from another galaxy. That so-called “artichoke”, it’s from my craft.

Frank: But… you’re a cat.

But being a scientist, Frank get over this shock pretty quick, especially as Jake promises to share some interplanetary secrets with him.

The two decide to break into the base so that Jake can find out what needs to be done to fix his ship but they are interrupted by Frank’s neighbor and fellow scientist, Dr. Link. Dr. Link is a sports enthusiast and a gambler and wants to watch the game on Frank’s TV as he and his wife got into an argument. Frank and Jake are in a hurry so Jake uses his collar to help Dr. Link’s team win. But just as they fix that problem, Dr. Liz stops by to go out with Frank.

The two lie that Jake is sick and head down to the base. Stallwood, the spy, also has the same idea of sneaking into the base and tries to get in as well, following the pair. When Frank and Jake get caught, Jake uses his collar to freeze the soldier and then they sneak into the ship.

Frank is amazed and wants to know everything, but Jake needs to take care of business. He gives Frank his spare collar and has him bring a device to the outside of the ship so he can run diagnostics. Frank is eager to try it out, and has a lot of fun levitating/flying, so much fun that Jake has to snap him back to the plan at hand.

When they run the diagnostics it turns out that something was destroyed and needs to be replaced. To do that he needs Org 12 which on our planet is gold, a lot of gold. $120,000 worth of gold. In today’s time that would be almost $500,000.

The solider Jake froze earlier is seen by another soldier who sounds the alarm and the whole base comes alive with people

Frank is fuh-reaking out about where to get that much money, rightly so, and Jake is nonplussed. As they try to figure out how to get the money, the answer to their problems walks in as Dr. Link wants to watch more games and gamble. Jake decides to let Dr. Link know what is really going on. At first Dr. Link doesn’t believe them, but Jake uses his collar to convince him.

This scene is funny as they make the beer he is drinking go back in the can, shoot him in the face, have towels wrap around him, and Jake makes him float (and yes I do think it is weird how this film promotes drinking and gambling.) But the thing that distracts me watching it now is the poster that Frank has on his wall. It looks just like Jane from Tarzan (1999).

But unbeknownst to them, Stallwood who witnessed all the shenanigans at the base the night before had followed them and is filming them to show his employer.

So our cool cat crew puts some bets out there, but are interrupted when Dr. Bartlett shows up with her cat for their rescheduled date. Yes, it seems like Frank has a bit of The Absentminded Professor (Flubber) in him. He didn’t listen to her and totally didn’t realize they rescheduled their plans.

Frank tries to get rid of Dr. Bartlett by saying Jake is sick, but as Dr. Bartlett is a responsible pet owner, she gets the veterinarian in the complex to stop by and help make Jake better.

The only problem is that this Vet is more into the football game instead of helping the cat and proceeds to knock Jake out. Jake managed to help then win this football game, but they are out of luck for the next game and will lose all their money.

That’s not good.

The only way to get their money back to send Jake home is to go down to the pool hall and try to get the bookie to let them make another bet. They hurry down, with sleeping Jake, and on the way explain everything to Dr. Bartlett who actually believes it really quickly.

Meanwhile the military, NASA, ERL, etc have been analyzing the ship and have discovered Frank’s fingerprints all over it, along with paw prints and cat hair. They have the computer analyze the ship and it declares that the cat is the pilot, but the General refuses to listen to that. They decide to head to Frank’s and wait outside to see who he is working with.

When the cat crew get to the pool hall they can’t get another game to bet on, but Frank decides to try for a pool game. To make back their money they have Dr. Bartlett face off against Sarasota Slim, pool hustler. Dr. Link and Dr. Bartlett are worried as Dr. Bartlett doesn’t know how to play, but decide to trust that Frank can use the collar.

I love that the crew brought Jake with them and no one is mad that there is a cat in the pool hall. Frank has Dr. Link hold Jake, and luckily there is a guy who likes onion and sauerkraut on his sandwich and has no boundaries as he stands right next to Dr. Link and Jake, his sandwich waking Jake up.

However, it isn’t fast enough and Frank hasn’t had enough practice that when he tries to help Dr. Bartlett out he makes the cue ball bounce around the room instead of knocking the balls around. They lose the game and their money.

But thanks to stinky sandwich guy, Jake wakes up and they are back on track. Frank tries to up the odds by betting on Dr. Bartlett to win blindfolded, with Sarasota Slim breaking and getting half the balls. The odds are 200 to 1, just what they need, and with Jake on their side they win.

They head back to the apartment where they are being watched by the military and Stallwood’s secret employer. The cat crew give Jake the gold who converts the giant brick into a tiny lego sized object.

Before they get a chance to leave the General marches in and is about to arrest them, when Jake freezes him. They are trying to decide what to do next when they get the idea to steal his clothes and have Frank pretend to be the General. The shirt they give the General is so not him, a touristy Hollywood shirt.

Frank and Jake head to the base, while Stallwood’s employer kidnaps Dr. Bartlett.

On base, Frank gets in and helps Jake repair his ship and move it. As they are about to say goodbye Dr. Link shows up and shares that Dr. Bartlett and her car Lucybelle were kidnapped and they want the collar in exchange. Jake likes Lucybelle the cat a lot and wants to help, but if he does he will never be able to return home again. Frank tells Jake to go home and he he and Dr. Link sadly watch Jake leave. Frank only had him for a little while but will greatly miss him.

As the ship disappears from the sky, Jake hops in the Jeep ready to help and stay on Earth. They head to the airport to try and save their lady loves.

Meanwhile, the General and his team have woken up and they head to the base, not too far behind Frank and Jake.

When Frank gets to the airport there are no planes available so Jake uses his collar to bring an old dilapidated plane that looks like it can barely run it or air.

On the plane, Stallwood realized that they have kidnapped Dr. Bartlett and that his employer plans on killing her. He doesn’t like it, and tries to stop him, but unfortunately he grabs the flare gun and shot the controller making it impossible to fly. Everyone bails out except Dr. Bartlett and Lucybelle as there are no more parachutes.

That’s not good.

Jake and Frank try to save them in an incredible display, but when Frank puts Lucybelle on the plane with Jake, Jake gets distracted and Frank has to get him to focus.

In the end they catch the spy, the president decides that Jake will not be harmed but seen as an ambassador, and Jake goes to court to become a citizen of the USA, and plans to spent the rest of his days with Frank, Dr. Bartlett, Lucybelle, and Dr. Link.

It’s a very cute film that I highly recommend for all cat lovers!

For more on The Cat From Outer Space, go to The Cat’s Meow

For more Disney films, go to A Carefree Holiday Suddenly Plunged Into Danger: The Moon-Spinners (1964)

For more aliens, go to Nothing Will Stop It! Nothing Can Stop the Blob!: The Blob (1958)

For more on cats, go to A Man Dressed as a Giant Bat, Psychotic Deformed Man Wrecking Havoc, and a Zombie Cat Woman…A Batman Christmas: Batman Returns (1992)

In the Spa House of the Spirits: Spirited Away (2001)

It is Time for Our Annual Disney and Animated Film

So this film isn’t considered a “Halloween” movie by some, but I always think of it as one because when they rerelease the Studio Ghibli films in theaters every month, they always do this one in October. Not to mention it has spirits in it.

I think I have seen it maybe three times in theaters? I forget. Anyways, I love this movie.

I first heard of Studio Gibli because my friend was really into the films. We watched Kiki’s Delivery Service and My Neighbor Totoro. Then when I was in college my best friend and roommate had a bunch of his films and we watched Spirited Away, Howl’s Moving Castle, Castle in the Sky, and Princess Mononoke.

I absolutely loved Howl’s Moving Castle and bought it- making my nieces watch it, (they love it now too), and Spirited Away.  And as I still needed a Disney film and an animated film (yearly Horrorfest tradition) I thought it was perfect!

So the film is Japanese, and then voice dubbed in English for the states. There are a few differences in phrases and terms, mostly because there are things you won’t understand if you don’t know Japanese culture.

So the film starts out with little Chihiro (Daveigh Chase) and her parents are driving to their new home. Chihiro is very upset to have to leave her friends and family.

Her father decides to go down a shortcut, which leads him through an old abandoned amusement park and the world of Kami (spirits) of Japanese Shinto folklore.

Her parents see the food left out for the spirits and eat it. Oh no-you aren’t supposed to do that. Being of Mexican descent, I know you never, ever eat the food for the dead/spirits. Remember that Lizzie McGuire episode?

So of course her parents have something bad happen to them, they turn into pigs and run off!

Poor 10-year old Chihiro, what is she going to do now?

Luckily, she is saved by a young boy, Haku (Jason Marsden [he played Goofy’s son Max], who takes her to the bathhouse. He gives her some food to eat so she can remain in the spirit world.

Haku: Don’t be afraid, I just wanna help you.

Chihiro: No… no… no… no… no…

Haku: Open your mouth and eat this. If you don’t eat food from this world, you’ll disappear.

He tells her to see the boiler man Kamaji, and ask for a job. He will have to give her one if she asks and then she can stay in the world, and look for her parents. He refuses, but does claim her as his granddaughter.

Kamaji sends her to the owner of the spahouse, the witch Yubaba. Yubaba tries to scare her off, but as Chihiro prevails, she gets hired on and signs a contract. Yubaba takes her name and changes it to Sen. Haku finds her later and gives her the card from her friend with her real name. He warns her, don’t forget you name or else you can never leave.

I liked that, as in fairy tales that is a common theme with witches and warlocks, Rumplestilskin-your name is powerful.

No one likes Sen as she is still human. She gets paired with Lin (Susan Egan, who you’ll recognize the voice as the same actress who was Meg in Hercules). Lin is unhappy as no one wants to help her as well, now that she is paired with Sen. Yubaba makes things difficult by giving them the hardest tasks as she wants to break little Sen.

One night, Sen notices something outside when she goes to close the doors. She spots No-Face, which is not supposed to come into the spa (but she doesn’t know that). She leaves the door open as she gets called away by Lin to take care of the stink spirit. After she leaves, No-Face comes in.

That’s not good.

They need serious help to clean up this one, but the guy who gives the special spa bath salts won’t give her anything. However, No Face grabs her a bunch of them. As they clean the stink spirit, Sen realizes that he needs more than just a bath.

Lin: Sen! Sen, where are you?

Chihiro: [from beside the Stink Spirit] Over here!

Lin: Don’t worry… stay right where you are, I’m coming to get you! You’re gonna be fine, I won’t let him hurt you.

Chihiro: I think he needs help! It feels like there’s a thorn in his side!

She frees him and the creature is horrifying looking to me, creeps me out, but he’s the nice spirit of a polluted river and gives Sen a magic emetic dumpling and gold to everyone else.

All are happy, but Sen feels a little distressed. She misses her family and can’t find Haku anywhere.

Lin warns her to stay away frpm Haku, that he is evil and works for the witch Yubaba-don’t trust him. But Sen is convinced that Haku is good.

Meanwhile No-Face has made fake gold and has been treated like a king in the spa. He demands food and tips well, eatign workers when they keep him from reaching Sen.

Meanwhile, Haku has returned from his mission (in the shape of a dragon), and is attacked by paper Shikigami. Haku and Sen try to fight them off, but one morphs into Yubaba’s twin sister, Zeniba, and reveals he stole a seal from her.

That’s not good.

Yubaba’s giant crazy baby Boh captures Sen and doesn’t want her to leave. He wants her to stay and play with her, threatening to break her arm and force her to stay-this baby always scared me.

On second thought-with this baby in it, it is a horror movie.

Zeniba’s image does not like how the baby speaks to her and turns him into a mouse and makes a hologram baby. Haku then attacks her shikigami and that destroys the Zeniba hologram. He’s badly injured and falls down to the boiler room with Sen and Boh.

Kamaji diagnoses him as having eaten some pretty powerful magic. Sen gets the great idea to give him some of  the dumpling she got earlier. He coughs up the seal and a worm, which Sen destroys. Boh and Kamaji’s soot creatures reenact it.

She has to travel to Zeniba and take the seal. Kamaji gives her his roll of tickets to take the spirit train and she is about to head out-but is stopped by the antics of No-Face. No-Face has been going crazy trying to find Sen and eating everything!

Okay I was an adult when I saw this but he is so crazy and creepy looking, he has ALWAYS terrified me. He’s like the creepy blob thing in Phantoms.

She gives him the rest of the dumpling and he spits everything up. Sen leaves and No Face goes with them. Sen, No Face, Boh, and Yubaba’s crow all travel on the train to see Zeniba.

When they reach Zeniba they are surprised to discover that she is so kind and nice. She puts them to work, No Face weaves and the others help out.

They then have a tea party,

And Zeniba reveals she can’t do anything to help her, her parents, or Haku. Chihiro must do it.

Zeniba: I’d like to help you, dear, but there’s nothing I can do. It’s one of our rules here. You’ve got to take care of your parents and that dragon boyfriend of yours, on your own.

Chihiro: But, um, can’t you even give me a hint? I feel like Haku and I met, a long time ago.

Zeniba: In that case, it’s easy. Nothing that happens is ever forgotten, even if you can’t remember it.

Haku wakes up and goes after them. No-Face stays behind while Chihiro, Boh, and the little crow decide to return to the spa house. Sen frees him when she gives him his name back.

Chihiro: Haku, listen. I just remembered something from a long time ago, I think it may help you. Once, when I was little, I dropped my shoe into a river. When I tried to get it back I fell in. I thought I’d drown but the water carried me to shore. It finally came back to me. The river’s name was the Kohaku river. I think that was you, and your real name is Kohaku River.

Haku: You did it, Chihiro! I remember! I was the spirit of the Kohaku River.

Chihiro: A river spirit?

Haku: My name is the Kohaku River.

Chihiro: They filled in that river, it’s all apartments now.

Haku: That must be why I can’t find my way home, Chihiro, I remember you falling into the river, and I remember your little pink shoe.

Chihiro: So, you’re the one who carried me back to shallow water, you saved me… I knew you were good!

But not all is taken care of. Chihiro must now past the test to pick her parents from the pigs or be stuck there forever.

Hmmm…

She and her parents are free and leave. Her parents are groggy as if they have just woken from a dream, and they find their car covered in vines and such as if it has been sitting out there for a long time. I wonder how long they were in the spirt world? Does her father still have a job?

Hmmm

They head to their home and Chihiro’s father asks is she is nervous about going to a new school. After all Chihiro has been through school will not be a problem.

This is an absolutely adorable film, although it does have some creepy moments in it. No-Face,

Spooky…

To start Horrorfest VIII from the beginning, go to Count Dracula the Propagator of This Unspeakable Evil Has Disappeared. He Must Be Found and Destroyed!: Horror of Dracula (1958)

For more animated films, go to Basil of Baker Street: The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

For more Disney films, go to One Who Was Both Hero and Villain: Maleficent (2014)

For more ghosts, go to To All the Ghouls I’ve Loved Before: The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo (1985)

They Look Like Regular People, So No One Except Us Knows They’re Monsters Inside.: R.I.P.D. (2013)

Until they pop, they look like regular people, so no one except us knows they’re monsters inside. You see, if you slip through the cracks, and stay on Earth after you die, your soul rots. They rot, the world rots. Global warming, black plague, bad cell reception, get it?

I was processing the new items for the library and I came across this film. This film is extremely memorable to me, not because I liked it-I actually couldn’t remember much about it-but because of what it symbolizes to me-friendship.

Yes, when this film came out I was dating someone, but I made time for my friends while was dating.

Yes, it seems like most people when they get in a new relationship throw their friends on the back-I, however, went to the movies when my friend Sarah wanted to go see this. As you can tell it really bugs me when people get in a relationship and drop everyone else.

I’m so angry!

Anyways, all I could remember of it was that and that I didn’t really care for it. Will I like it the second time?

Ugh, who green lighted this film? It was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.

It was so awful!

Basically, Ryan Reynolds plays a dirty Boston cop, Nick, who stole gold from a crime scene. The guilt is eating at him, so he decides he will face up to it, but before he can, his unit gets called out on a drug bust with possible gunfire.

After they take care of everything, his partner Hayes, played by Kevin Bacon, shoots him in the face.

Ryan Nick is dead and wakes up on the other side. He was going to enter Heaven, but because of his actions, he has to work off time before he can be considered entering heaven. As he was a police officer in real life, he gets added to the RIPD staff-Rest in Peace Department.

That’s not good.

This reminds me a lot of Toothless, except Toothless was better. In Toothless the dentist was a good person but self-centered and never took time to do anything for anyone else. To work off her time in limbo she has to do the only job that she as a formal dentist can do-be the Tooth Fairy. So you really should get a job you will love as you might have to be doing that for the rest of eternity.

So Ryan Nick is the new one on the force and paired up with Roy, Jeff Bridges, who sounds as if he just went to the dentist. I don’t know if he was trying to emulate Sam Elliot or what, but his “accent” sounds soooooooooooo bad.

They have to recapture souls that are trying to stay on Earth, as when the soul rots it can destroy the world. They both go throughout Boston, but look different to people-this is so Ryan Nick can’t be disturbing his wife. When we have these scenes, they are the best parts of the movie.

This is my favorite part:

The rest of the movie is just meh as Ryan Reynolds really didn’t seem into his part. He kind of seemed to just be treading water.

Jeff Bridges went all in, but it wasn’t enough to save the film.

I wouldn’t!!

I’d give it a hard pass as it isn’t really worth your time, although Kevin Bacon does good as the villain.

Pass on it!

To start Horrorfest VIII from the beginning go to, Count Dracula the Propagator of This Unspeakable Evil Has Disappeared. He Must Be Found and Destroyed!: Horror of Dracula (1958)

For more ghosts, go to It Feels So Good to See the Bad Guys Scared for a Change: Hangman’s Curse (2003)

For more Kevin Bacon, go to Camp Blood: Friday the 13th (1980)

For more Nostalgia Critic, go to What the H*** Are You? I’m a Leprechaun, Me Dear: Leprechaun (1993)

What the H*** Are You? I’m a Leprechaun, Me Dear: Leprechaun (1993)

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!!!

So most of you are going:

No, I’m not crazy. I know that this is October, Horrorfest VIII. But I couldn’t help it as this film has a Leprechaun and I watched it on Saint Patrick’s Day.

Tory: What the h*** are you?

Leprechaun: I’m a leprechaun, me dear.

So I have never watched this film prior to this time, I’d only seen Nostalgia Critic’s review of it. It never really interested me, but when we added it at the library I thought “what the heck, why not?”

This was probably the dumbest thing I have ever seen.

Warwick Davis plays the Leprechaun and I’m just why? This is a talented actor! Star Wars, Narnia, Willow, etc. You’re better than this.

Than this movie!

So the film starts off with Dan O’Grady returning from Ireland. He searched and caught a Leprechaun, stealing the Leprechaun’s gold.

The Leprechaun follows him, and is set on killing him, but kills the wife first. But in the midst of his planned murder spree-he stops for tea.

Now I love tea, but it just seems weird to me that he stopped for tea. At first it made me laugh, but then it made me realize how creepy this leprechaun is. Like he just legit murdered someone and then nonchalantly has tea time.

Or scones!

O’Grady outsmarts him and traps him in a chest, putting a four-leaf clover on it. Now the leprechaun is stuck in there until the clover comes off.

[Daniel O’Grady lays the four-leaf clover over the Leprechaun’s crate]

Daniel O’Grady: The power of this clover will keep you in there forever.

Leprechaun: [From inside the crate] Get that d*** clover off this crate. I told you, you couldn’t kill me. Where’s me gold, Danny, me boy? [Mr. O’Grady begins to hammer the crate shut] Oh, Danny, don’t strain yourself.[Mr. O’Grady then begins to pour gasoline over the crate] No, not gasoline. You can’t burn me, I won’t let ya. [the Leprechaun laughs] Don’t strain yourself. You’re not as young as you used to be. You might have a stroke. I curse ye for all eternity. I’ve traded me soul for me gold. You’ll trade your life. [the Leprechaun laughs]

O’Grady has a heart attack, and we flip to the next scene…

Jennifer Aniston is teenage (?) Tory. She is moving with her dad from LA to North Dakota, for reasons unknown. There is no character development, or personality (besides whines a lot) from her.

So anoying

OMG Jennifer Aniston calls where she is New Mexico and her dad said North Dakota-like those two look nothing alike. Ughhhhhh, I can already tell this will be a loooooooong movie.

Ugh!

They come to a beat up, dirty, nasty house that used to be the O’Grady home and the Dad bought it. So….how like much time has passed? I mean O’Grady is alive and in a nursing home, but it looks like it has been forgotten for 25 years. No, make that 50, like the Jumanji house looked way better.

I looked it up and it is ten years. Ten YEARS?! Seriously-it looks waaaay longer.

Time has not been kind to you.

So there is a group of three guys painting the house. I guess the dad hired them, I mean they never explain that, or why they are there-but I guess so.

Speaking of which, who are these guys. I mean I know they are painters, but are they brothers? Cousins? Why is that little kid with them and why isn’t he in school? Now that I mention school, when does this take place? Summer? What is going on?

So Nostalgia Critic and Cinema Snob call the one guy Tory likes Jim Carrey Kevin Bacon, and I have to say they are right. He’s like the no-name brand of a famous cereal.

OMG, I just realized the big guy is evil Francis from Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure! Francis the bike stealer. Better not trust him, once a bike stealer, always a bike stealer.

I loved PeeWee’s Grand Adventure, I used to watch the movie again and again. So hilarious. And much better than this one. But enough about that, back to the movie.

Do I have to?

Francis…I mean Ozzie accidentally knocks the clover off the box, which releases the Leprechaun.

Ozzie tells the rest outside but they don;t believe him.

And…wait a second, why is Jennifer Aniston Tory painting? This doesn’t make sense. With the little bit of her character we have had so far, there is no way she would be into that.

Ozzie spots a rainbow, and he and the little boy follows it finding the gold-Ozzie swallowing one-Really?

Alex: Hey, Ozzie. Do you know what this means?

Ozzie: We’re rich, and I can buy comics every week.

Alex: Yeah, but you know what else? We can get you an operation.

Ozzie: For what?

Alex: To make you smart. See we can go to the hospital and have them operate and fix your brain.

Ozzie: But – But I – I’m smart.

Alex: Yeah. Well, sort of. What I mean is we can make you real smart. That way, people won’t make fun of you.

An operation for your brain, that went dark. Who is this kid-jeez.

What the heck?

The Leprechaun hides under a truck and gropes Tory’s leg. She complains about it and her dad’s reaction is hilarious.

Tory: [Tory falls after something touches her leg from under the truck. Nathan comes to check on Tory] I thought that was you rubbing my leg.

Nathan Murphy: And you let me?

Tory: That’s not the point. Something was rubbing my leg, like caressing it. And it-it ran off over there.

J.D. Reding: It’s probably just an old possum, honey.

Tory: No, dad. That was not an animal. I know what it feels like when a man caresses my leg.

J.D. Reding: You do?

Really dad, I’m sure ANYONE could tell the difference between a possum which has CLAWS and a male hand.

You know what, imagine a movie about horrifying possums, like that would be the SCARIEST thing ever. You don’t know scared until you have had one of these ugly demon creatures hiss at you.

And do Possums even live in North Dakota, I would think it would be too cold…You know what-looking it up…It looks like only in the last few years have they been heading into North Dakota, and a very tiny population.

Hmmm?

The Leprechaun attacks the dad and he ends up in the hospital overnight. The leprechaun follows then attacks them on a tricycle.

A leprechaun on a tricycle-the least scariest thing ever. Seriously? Who green lighted this?

Jennifer…I mean Tori and the Kevin Bacon lookalike go to the hospital and then over to a diner, where Ozzie and the little boy Alex are supposed to meet them. Ozzie and Alex stop at a merchant’s office first, showing him the gold coins, leaving one with him.

Afterwards, the Leprechaun comes and he…

He pogo sticks him to death. Pogo Sticking the merchant to death-this is the stupidest thing I have ever seen.

Ugh! Really!

And then after he kills him-he…he stops to clean his shoes!? WHO green-lighted this film? WHO?

We flip back to Jennifer Anniston complains again-this time about the diner food. I hate to agree with her-but the stuff discount KB is eating looks like dog food. I wouldn’t want it either.

Later, the Leprechaun drives one of those Barbie cars. Oh man, I wanted one of those so bad as a kid. Anyways… A cop pulls the Leprechaun over and I’m like how does a toy car even have lights to actually drive in the dark?

The Leprechaun kills him.

The Leprechaun goes back to the house and tosses it looking for his gold. And stops to shine shoes.

The crew comes back to the house and Discount Kevin Bacon says a bear could have messed up the house? Really? REALLY??? Have you seem what bears do-it would have been way more messed up. I mean you live in North Dakota, you should know what something looks like after a bear attacks it. Why is everyone in this movie so stupid? Oh wait, it is a stupid movie.

“I’m going to check out the bedrooms for where we will stay.” Why are they all staying at the house with Jennifer Aniston? Where do they usually live? Why is she okay with this? She doesn’t know these guys they could be crazy or rape her.

This movie!!!!

And was her dad really okay with this when he was freaking out over the leg thing earlier? Don’t these boys have their own home? Wouldn’t it have made more sense for her to stay at the hospital or a motel rather than go home for the night in a beat up house in the middle of nowhere?

I’m done

Discount KB gets caught in a bear trap and they have a stupid fight with a leprechaun. Basically whack-a-mole with a leprechaun.

I’m out!

They all run to the car, which won’t work because of the leprechaun who dismantled the battery. They are trapped inside it when he comes chasing after them in a car with a pitchfork attached.

First, usually the monster is attacked with the pitchfork so I guess trying to do irony or something.

Huh?

And second, all I can think is that he is a little man in a kid’s car. Like, he seriously can’t be stopped. I mean he’s the size of a toddler. And he manages to knock the truck over? Seriously. This movie is sooooooo dumb!!!!

Or plot!

They escape to the house and slam the door on his hand-making him loose it. Tori then goes out with a gun (even though she’s never shot anything before.) And gives the gold to the Leprechaun.

She asks what he is, and I know it is dark, and your character has already been established as not smart, but really? Really? Really?

Leprechaun counts the gold and realizes one is missing,

They open the fridge-no freezer so I don’t know how this is possible-for ice and the leprechaun is inside. Well if he can transport into buildings-why didn’t he do that earlier. Why didn’t he just get them in the truck or come in the house hours ago. This movie makes no sense!!!! NO SENSE!!!!!

How I feel about this movie:

They try to call for help, but the Leprechaun takes over the phone copying Nightmare on Elm Street with his tongue.

EW!

They then throw shoes at the Leprechaun to escape to find Mr. O’Grady to figure out how to stop the Leprechaun. The Leprechaun actually stops to shine the shoes.

WHAT AM I WATCHING??!!

That little boy Alex is a total sicko and psycho-in-training. The next Norman Bates-the way he talks-just saying!

Killer

So they get to the hospital and the Leprechaun is there. If the Leprechaun was mending the shoes how did he get the hospital so fast? Magic powers? And if he has such powers WHY DIDN’T HE USE THEM EARlIER AND JUST KILL EVERYONE ALREADY

UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH, I’m so over this film. UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!

Tori finds O’Grady and he tells her to find a four-leaf clover. She goes home…and where are the guys? Weren’t they all in a car together? Or are they still at the house. If they were at the house why didn’t the Leprechaun kill them as he wants the gold in Ozzie’s stomach? If they went with her, why didn’t they come back with her? I’m confused.

Tory goes to a green glowing clover patch. Now I’ve seen A LOT of movies, and glowing green-radiation right there. She’s going to become a giant shamrock woman or have earth-driven powers or something after touching these.

But not everyone knows how to wield it.

Of course not really, bur I’m sure that would be a waaaay better film.

So the Leprechaun transports himself and follows her. They get the four-leaf clover, kill the leprechaun, and then throw him in the well? Wow, You just poisoned the water supply.

And then gasoline? Do these people not care at all about the environment?

I’m out!

OMG I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING. THE LEPRECHAUN GETS THROWN IN THE WELL! WHAT IF HE IS REALLY?

Would be a better film, dontcha think?

Hmm…

All in all, it’s a DUUUUUUUUUUUUUMB Movie and I’m glad it’s over.

Yay!

To start Horrorfest VIII from the beginning, go to Count Dracula the Propagator of This Unspeakable Evil Has Disappeared. He Must Be Found and Destroyed!: Horror of Dracula (1958)

For more leprechauns, go to Pot o’ Gold: 17 Irish Heroes

For more Nostalgia Critic, go to Ever Heard of the Tommyknockers?: The Tommyknockers (1993)

For more on Jennifer Anniston, go to Even Though You Are Only Using Me and Made Me Look Like a Jerk, I Only Care About Helping You: Picture Perfect (1997)