This is a Bad One, the Worst Yet. I Need the Old Blade Runner…: Blade Runner (1982)

I need ya, Deck. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.

So this movie was reccommended to me by one of my closest friends. She said I would love it. It is a dystopian future film, and you know how I love that…

wow

Plus film-noir, one of my faves!

Has Harrison Ford as the star

Has android/cyborgs:

And the film is about questions of morality, the soul, what it means to be human, is it wrong to create life, etc. You know…

And…

Jurassic Park (1995)

So what did I think if it?

I HATED IT

Huh?

I know-it makes no sense. How can all these elements blend together, and not be something I love? It makes no sense!

So the film is based of the book Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep? by Phillip K. Dick. It is set in 2019 and follows Rick Deckard, Harrison Ford, who is a bounty hunter hired to “retire” (kill) replicants. Replicants are androids who look like humans with extras -such as speed, agility, and strength. They have no empathy or other emotions and are created for services-mining, sex, etc. Deckard is the best in the business, the “Blade Runner”, and is hired to take down a serious group of runaway replicants-Roy Batty, Zhora, Leon, and Pris.

He visits Tyrell Corp. to speak to the owner and creator of the replicants. Tyrell asks him to talk to his assistant Rachael who is beautiful, intelligent, a femme fatale, and a replicant. So good she almost fools him.

I didn’t think she was a very compelling character. I also didn’t get the relationship between the two-I didn’t feel any chemistry. I thought Rachael was very robotic and lost in the eyes.

Meh.

The rest of the story has Deckard trying to track down these killers-while we also see their side of everything. They want to live and as people-not four years on the outerplanet mines where they are worn out, or used for sex/to excite people. Life is not good for them and they want better.

In theory it should be good, but I just did not get into it. The visuals were good, but the people- I didn’t feel their emotions. I know a lot love it, but for me it was a complete wash.

To start Horrorfest VII from the beginning, go to It’s the End of the World: The Birds (1963)

For the previous post, go to The Witch’s Curse: Murder She Wrote (1992)

For more film-noir, go to You Don’t Know Which Way to Turn, There’s No Place to Hide, Nowhere to run…: The Blue Gardenia (1953)

For more dystopian futures, go to It Was a Pleasure to Burn: Fahrenheit 451 

For more cyborgs, go to For Darkness Shows the Stars

For more Harrison Ford, go to I Know You Can Do This: Working Girl (1988)

For more bounty hunters, go to I Only Care That You Succeed: How I Met Your Mullet, Raising Hope (2014)

I Know You Can Do This: Working Girl (1988)

Most Romantic Moment #6

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Working Girl (1988)

I had never seen this movie before, but I knew that Brittany Murphy’s character in Little Black Book was obsessed with it.

I had also heard it had all these awards and people loved it. So when my friend and I spotted it on Netflix she and I watched it.

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I thought it was okay, not spectacular but not horrible; and was surprised at the amount of awards it had won. But it did have a moment I thought was pretty romantic.

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Tess (Melanie Griffith) is a secretary who dreams of becoming more, but finds that her Staten Island backgrounds stalls her from any promotion.

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She also has a boyfriend that will never move things forward and is cheating on her.

Jerk

After being sexually harassed by her bosses and ending her employment by getting revenge, she finds herself at the end of the line. Her last job for a female employer, and if she doesn’t make this stick she is out of New York.

I don't know what to do

Katherine Parker (Sigourney Weaver) is new to the company and takes Tess under her wing teaching her about proper presentation, the right way to speak, etc. Tess sees Katherine as her mentor and shares a great idea with her.

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Katherine breaks her leg while skiing and is going to be out of the office for months. She sends Tess to do a few errands, and Tess finds out that Katherine stole her idea and was planning to pass it off as her own. This betrayal coupled with finding out about her boyfriend’s cheating on her, causes her to become so furious she decides that she is going to take over the deal herself.

Don't mess with me!

Don’t mess with me!

She cuts her hair, borrows Katherine’s home, clothes, etc. She then approaches Jack Trainer (Harrison Ford) herself to get the deal rolling. The Harrison Ford scenes are the best: especially when he changes his shirt. 🙂

Aw!

Aw!

The two start getting really close when things become super complicated!

Not good

Not good

Katherine comes home early, it turn out that her sometimes boyfriend is Jack, Tess’ cover is starting to crack, and Katherine tries to steal back the credit for the idea.

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Most Romantic Moment: 

**Spoiler Warning**

So the most romantic moment for me comes at the very end of the film. Katherine tried to steal back the credit and Jack; with Tess coming in and proving the idea was hers, that she is intelligent, and pulling of this amazing deal for the company.

Yay!!!

Yay!!!

Tess is rehired for the company, (as Katherine fired when she tried to discredit her), and is extremely nervous for her first day back as she doesn’t know what to expect and is afraid of messing up again.

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Jack prepares her lunch, hands it to her, and encourages her as she goes off.

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How sweet is that?

Aw!

Aw!

Especially when you compare him to her previous boyfriend. He just leached off of her, never took her out, never encouraged her, and the only thing he ever gave her was lingerie (really a gift for himself).

What jerks

What jerks

Jack is the complete opposite as he supports her, comforts her, and calms her down; taking care of the tiny details so she could just focus on her duties.

Aw!

Aw!

Perfect Boyfriend

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To start Romance is in the Air: Part V from the beginning, go to I Did It for You: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

For the previous post, go to I Only Care That You Succeed: How I Met Your Mullet, Raising Hope (2014)

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For more Harrison Ford, go to You Don’t Have to Say the Words, I Already Know: Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

For more ’80s films, go to I Will Face My Fears for You: Back to the Future (1985)

I Feel A Great Disturbance in the Force: Star Wars, The Force Awakens

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened

So I have been postponing this post as I wanted to give people plenty of time to watch the film. But just in case…

***Contains Spoilers***

So a lot of people have been asking me what I think about the new Star Wars film. And why not? After all you know how much I love Star Wars.

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So let me say right away:

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Yes, I did not like it.

Something is not right!

It wasn’t absolutely horrible but I felt that it was far from the great raves everyone gave it. I was greatly disappointed.

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So let’s count down my issues with the film. And remember, this is just my opinion: you can take it or leave it; read it or skip it; love it or hate it; etc.

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1) Who Are You?

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So one of my biggest issues with this film is that we were given hardly any backstory on these characters. We don’t know Rey, Finn, or Poe’s hopes, dreams, goals, histories, etc.

Now some of you are probably saying that J.J. Abrams just wants to surprise us, well there is a HUGE difference between surprise and no information.

Think about Episode IV: A New Hope; we knew that Luke wanted to get off the desert planet,; that he wanted to fight in the rebellion against the Empire; that he was “too much like his father” which was a bad thing; that he had a crush on Princess Leia; and that he was well versed in fixing mechanical things.

In the revamped Star Trek that Abrams did we get to see Spock and Kirk at different parts in their lives. We see Kirk’s father sacrifice his life to save all the others, we see Kirk getting into trouble with pranks as he is acting out against his stepdad, and we see him at the Academy getting on track. We also see Spock as a young boy trying to figure out who he is with being biracial, along with him as an adult and instructor at the Academy. So Abrams can do it, and so it well. So why didn’t he?

In my opinion I think he was afraid.

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I think after Star Trek: Into Darkness‘ villain was leaked and we all knew that it was Khan; Abrams overcorrected to protect the “secrets” and “surprises” by giving us nothing. And I hated it. In order for us to care for a character we need to know something about them. Otherwise they are just strangers and we don’t care if they live or die. When Poe was “killed” I was like oh that’s sad but not devastated or anything, because I had no idea what his role was in the grand scheme or if I was supposed to be devastated. Instead I was just like whatever.

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As for Finn; I guess with his brainwashing he doesn’t know that much of anything so I’ll give him a half pass. As for Rey, I know that Abrams wants to surprise us with her being Luke’s daughter but still give us something. I mean you could have had her talk about wishing the Jedis were still alive, or how she always heard stories of them, or even who or why she was left on the planet. What happened to the person she was supposed to be taking care of? Who is she waiting for? Come on give us something!!

come on

Take your cues from George Lucas, he knew how to film one heck of a reveal. Still can’t get over how amazing this scene was built up in Episode IV and V.

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2) Boom! We Here!

My second issue with the film was the pacing. It was way, way, too fast.

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With the original we have substance. It takes time for Luke to find Obi-Wan, get a plan together, get a ship, create a plan to save the princess, find the princess, escape, help destroy the Death Star; etc.

This same thing was continued in the rest of the series and prequels. It took time to get from one planet to another aspect of the universe. And the directors used this time. We were able to really get to know the characters and have some of the best scenes.

In The Force Awakens it too fast, completely losing the journey aspect. In this it was like bam we are there, bam next planet, bam bam bam. Everything was too quickly reached, found, etc. I didn’t like that at all.

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There is a certain style to these films. Star Wars essentially is a Western film set in space, building off those components. And what are Westerns based on? Knight stories. And Knight stories are based on Greek mythological tales. The reason why the original films did so well was that they stayed true to the type of tale they are based on; following the elements of a journey tale. There was no weight to the film in the same sense the other films had in unfolding the tale. There was no journey, making this a weaker film and not as long lasting.

In a few months/years everyone will be over the hype and realize this new film just doesn't measure up.

In a few months/years I believe that everyone will be over the hype and realize this new film just doesn’t measure up.

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3) Finn Wields a Lightsaber

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I also didn’t care for how quickly the characters seemed to adapt to the situations. Really a stormtrooper who has never even fought in real life before and only used a blaster has the ability to wield a lightsaber, something he knows literary nothing about, not even how to turn on, and be able to not only do it, but hold his own in not one but two fights; and one being against a person who has been training on how to fight with a lightsaber for at least ten years.

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 You have to remember this is a weapon that hasn’t been used for over sixty years except by three people; Anakin, Luke, and Kylo Ren. Do you think that someone who hardly knows anything besides what he has been brainwashed could use technology from sixty years ago when he doesn’t even know what Jedi are or have ever seen a Jedi? He didn’t even see Kylo Ren open his lightsaber.

And yes, he did lose both fights, but he did lot of attacking that I thought was way to advance for someone who has never even fought in a battle with a blaster. For someone who was so traumatized by war he had to run away, he got over that PTSD rather quickly.

Some of you might argue say that he just “picked it up” or has “jedi blood.” But even if you argue that he has Jedi abilities inherited from his family, whoever they are, it takes training to know how to wield one. When you are trained in using swords you practice first with fake ones as one of the first things you usually do is hit yourself with it. This is a much stronger weapon than a swords, and multi-edged. It is not something you just pick up and can do.

After all idea of using a sword is different than using one in battle. Yeah you point it toward the other person but it is more complicated when actually attacking another person, especially when your weapon can slice through almost any material, and all sides can injure you.

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4. Rey Masters the Force

Game of thrones jon Snow kit harrington I know how

Rey also too quickly managed the force, especially for one who thought it was a myth. One of the reasons why the original series was so amazing was that it had weight and a feeling of reality. Luke has to train to use his natural abilities, to build up his faith in the force.

And even though he has so much untapped reserves,he had trouble controlling the force when he was in stressful situations, like wanting to help his friends. I thought her telling the stormtrooper to leave was good, but her other uses were just too fast. Let’s remember she has no clue what a Jedi is and has zero training. At least Luke had dreams and believed in it. He just had to believe in himself.

And even though I believe she is Luke’s daughter and therefore has an extremely strong connection to the force; but if Luke, Anakin’s son and therefore one with an even stronger connection, has trouble picking up things and concentrating on the force, and also had a stronger belief, Rey shouldn’t have picked up on as easily as she did.

I will say that at least her fighting was defensive and involved more running away than anything else. I thought that was more realistic for someone who has never used a lightsaber before.

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5) It’s All About Looking Great

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I felt this film also ran into the same mistakes as the new Avengers film were they concentrated on constant action every where, not always completing the move.

For instance Kylo Ren kills his father and is below on a bridge. Rey and Finn are above, with at least a 20 mins headstart and Kylo manages to not only reach them, but be in front of them? Can he teleport now? Even if he had a secret passageway or path known to him, how did he get there? And so quickly?

Or their giant death star/planet thing. How can it take power from the sun to decimate planets on the other side of the galaxy (as the guy says they will destroy a planet far, far, away) and be able to hit with such precision, not destroying all the many things in the pathway that exist in outer space? How could they have such precision in such distance? How can they manage to take the sun completely to destroy everything, but not destroy the planets around them as they have removed the sun?

I mean it is science fiction and they are going to push the boundaries of your beliefs, while creating new technology; but I felt the other films (the original Star Wars, Star Wars prequels, and Star Trek remakes) while not explaining everything had stronger ties to what could be happening in reality. In this they seemed to focus on let’s “look good” or have “great action” rather than make sense to what was going on.

I didn’t like the action as it wasn’t as choreographed but more messy and at times hard to follow. It was like The Avengers: Age of Ultron in which some parts resembled a video game rather than a film.

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6) Han Solo’s Death is a Crime

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

So I knew going in that they were going to kill an important character and famous actor. I mean we have Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan Kenobi in A New Hope; Liam Neeson as Qui Gon Jinn in The Phantom Menace; I knew it was going to be one of the dream team; most likely Harrison Ford.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

So the fact that they killed Han Solo is a completely horrible thing to do, but the fact that they killed him before he and Luke had a reunion and forgave each other was inexcusable. He should have been involved in the journey to find Luke.

A journey that in my opinion should have been saved until the second film as if he was hiding somewhere impossible for all these people to find, even with a map it has got to take time; and I am sure they are to encounter storms, asteroids, obstacles along the way. It shouldn’t be instantaneous.

I just don’t know if I can watch a Star Wars film with no Han Solo.

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I need him in my life

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7) Story Has to Be Surprises Not Substance

Wow

Wow

I thought that the story/dialogue was okay but felt that they focused way too much time on trying to outwit you and surprise you then writing a cohesive whole. I wish the people who wrote Jurassic World wrote the new Star Wars movie as they were able to capture aspects of the past and place it in a new storyline; one that pleased fans and new viewers.

Take note, rest of Hollywood.

Take note, rest of Hollywood.

I think on a whole the film would have better if they went off the canon that Lucas had made, that was ghostwritten/published.

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But J.J. Abrams wanted to surprise people with his own thing.

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So that’s my opinion. You can agree with me and think I am a genius in my critique:

And I truly mean it

Or that I am completely unenlightened and crazy:

Guy you suck!

Guy you suck!

Either way it is just my personal opinion and you are free to share yours as well if you want.

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One thing still remains. The original Star Wars is still extremely amazing and because of this new movie there have been tons of Star Wars products that I can buy and add to my collection.

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What can I say? I’m just a Jedi girl.

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For more on Star Wars, go to You Don’t Have to Say the Words, I Already Know: Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

For more on Episode VII: The Force Awakens, go to A Very Merry Star Wars Christmas

For more Han Solo, go to Be Like Han

 

You Don’t Have to Say the Words, I Already Know: Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

Most Romantic Moment #5

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So you all know that I am a HUGE Star Wars fan.

True story!

True story!

And what’s not to like, Star Wars is AWESOME!!!!

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Star Wars is a way of life.

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So three years have passed since Episode IV: A New Hope in which Luke discovered his father was a Jedi, teamed up with Obi-Wan-Kenobi, and hired smuggler Han Solo to save Princess Leia, (although she really saves herself). They fought the Empire, with Luke ultimately destroying the Death Star

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So now the group are on their Rebel base while Darth Vader is actively searching them out. Luke decides to leave for Dagobah to train with Yoda, while Han, Leia, and Chewbacca have escaped the empire, stopping at Cloud City when they have trouble with the ship.

Rebels, Jedi training, fear of who you are, Darth Vader, bounty hunters, carbonite; it is one great adventure.

Star Wars

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Most Romantic Moment: You Don’t Have to Say Anything, I Know

I pretty sure you have all figured out which moment I have chosen; it is when Princess Leia tells Han she loves him and he says I know.

So I know a lot of people view it as Han was too masculine to say “I love you” back. I mean he’s a smuggler, space cowboy, always shoots first…

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He’s wanted alright. Wanted i MY life.

But to me his “I know,” means more. Not only is he saying I love you, but also telling Leia that he knows, without a doubt she loves him and that she doesn’t have to say more. She doesn’t need to do any big dramatic move, or even try and save him (as he wants her safe), he knows how much she cares. Knew it all along.

How romantic

How romantic

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To start Romance is in the Air: Part IV from the beginning, go to I Can’t Pretend, I Have to Be: Casual Sex? (1988)

For the previous post, go to I Want to Be Your Ideal Man: Grease (1978)

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For more on Star Wars, go to A Very Merry Star Wars Christmas

For more Han Solo, go to Be Like Han

For more on Princess Leia, go to A True Princess

I’m So FANcy!

So I’m sure you all think I will be talking about this:

NOPE!

Instead it’ll be on this:

fangirlfansfandom fan

 

Yep, here we are with another fan-filled posts all on the things I hardcore fangirl over. Read, watch, and enjoy!

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Audrey Hepburn

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Audrey Hepburn is my favorite actress in the whole wide world. I think she is just so amazing in everything she has been in and absolutely beautiful. Plus she has the best fashion sense! Everything I see her in I want, every hairstyle I need; but I would never look as breathtakingly beautiful as her. Not only was Audrey an amazing actress, but she was a true patriot (working against the Nazis on her bike delivering messages in WWII) and a philanthropic woman, creating and giving to many charities. There is no better woman to look up to.

Now my favorite movies of hers is Sabrina.

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Words cannot express how much I love this movie, although I did try in my Valentine’s countdown. To read my review, go to Now That I’ve Met You, I Can’t Imagine Life Without You: Sabrina (1954) Another great favorite of mine is her first film Roman Holiday (1953).

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In which she plays a princess playing hooky, in order to have a real holiday. I reviewed that for 2014’s Valentine’s countdown and you can read the review at: Your Secret is Safe With Me: Roman Holiday (1953)I also love Funny Face (1957)

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Now how can you think that? You’re Audrey Hepburn and utter perfection.

in which she plays Jo Stockton, philosopher and book store employee. On a photo shoot she gets noticed by a famous photographer (played by Fred Astaire) who quickly gets this beatnik caught up in the world of fashion and takes her to Paris as his model. She tries to stay true to her beliefs, do well in the shoots and on the runway; all the while falling for the man behind the camera. Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

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I’m sure you all have heard of it, if not seen it. It is about Holly Golightly, New Yorker and sometimes model, trying to find a millionare to take care of her all her life. She meets Paul Varjak, a one hit writer, who has traded his typewriter to be a kept man to an older, rich, society woman. The two become friends, and Paul becomes fascinated with the mysterious Holly, eventually falling in love with her. Now Paris When it Sizzles (1964)

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is not for everyone. Any one I show this film to has one of these two reaction: 1) they love it and think it is a hilarious comedy, or 2) think it is the stupidest thing they have ever seen in their life. I’m in the #1 category, of course. Anyways, this film is a parody of filmmaking: criticizing the way writers, directors, and producers act; cliches like the bad boy/girl with the heart of gold; the use of fade-out for time passing or characters getting closer than the MPAA would like them too; etc. In this film we have the pairing of William Holden and Audrey Hepburn once again. William Holden plays an alcoholic, procrastinating, Hollywood scriptwriter, living in Paris. As he has waited until the last minute to write the script for his film, The Girl Who Stole the Eiffel Tower, he has hired typist Gaby, played by Audrey Hepburn, to help him finish the piece by his deadline, three days from now. As Holden writes, he and Hepburn act out the characters in the story creating one comedic masterpiece. As an extra treat, there is a hilarious bit part done by Tony Curtis. Moving on to something that is both funny, serious, and musical…we have My Fair Lady (1964)

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A retelling of Pygmlion with music. In this Audrey plays the flower girl, Eliza Dolittle, that Professor Henry Higgins bets he can turn into a true lady by altering the way she talks. A truly great musical and film. Now the story of me and How to Steal A Million (1966)

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Is tale of trying to find each other. When I was young I watched this movie about stealing art that took place in France, but couldn’t remember the title, just one scene. I remember asking my mother about it and quoting the scene, but she couldn’t figure out what film I was talking about. The only film she could think of that had a burglar, that isn’t really burglarizing, the man being the thief, a woman partner, and taking place in France was To Catch a Thief. I eagerly watched the film, and loved it, but it wasn’t how I remembered the film. I figured I just had faulty memory and was done with it. Over ten years later, I decided to watch this movie as I love Audrey Hepburn and Peter O’Toole. As I started watching it, I had this sense of deja vu, but I was certain I’d never seen it before. It wasn’t until they played the one scene that I realized this was the movie I had been thinking of. This is an absolutely hysterical heist film. Audrey plays Nicole Bonnet, daughter of a forger and leading citizen of Paris. She has been trying to get him to stop to no avail. One night, she catches a bungling burglar, Peter O’Toole, who is more than what he seems. He likes her and tries to date her; but she wants nothing to do with him. Meanwhile, her father has allowed the museum to take the famed Cellini‘s Aphrodite, a forgery done by Nicole’s grandfather. After he has signed off the museum paperwork, he discovers that the museum will be testing the statue in order to insure it. Both Nicole and her father know that such tests will show that it is a fake and bring ruin to both Bonnets. In order to stop it, Nicole hires O’Toole to steal it for her, using one crazy scheme.

Now these are just a few of her great works, and I urge you to watch her films and see for yourself how truly amazing she is.

For more on Audrey Hepburn, go to I Can See Your Beauty

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Everyday Sunday

Everyday Sunday

I was in my early teens when I became obsessed with the band. My parents had heard of this free concert that had Ever Stays Red and Everyday Sunday. Ever Stays Red performed first, and I thought they were okay. When Everyday Sunday performed…oh I was hooked. I bought their CD immediately. Of course I thought the guys in the group were hot, but even more I enjoyed their songs. The Wake Up! Wake Up! album was my favorite and I bought it as soon as it came out. I listened to the song Let’s Go Back on my CD player a gazillion times. I was obsessed with them.

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And of course there is my story of getting all their autographs. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but for those of you who missed it, this is what happened:

So I went to this huge outdoor concert, (three days and a bunch of bands), to see them. I was first in line to get their autographs, and was fully prepared as having borrowed my mom’s sharpie with the promise to return it to her. So I was waiting in line and I had recieved Trey ❤ (squee!) and another band member’s autographs, but I still needed the other two. I was standing around waiting, when one of the guards/manager/whatever people told me I had to go because I was blocking the way. I was so heartbroken to have to leave, but started making my way out:

right in the feels broken heart

As I was walking out I ran into another member and got his autograph.

Oh yeah!

Oh yeah!

So I was still sad that I didn’t have the last signature, but then as I was walking out I ran into the last guy!  And got his autograph. But then I realized I had left my mom’s sharpie! And I had specifically been told to make sure I brought it back. So I ran all the way down to the autograph table, told them what happened and was given the sharpie back. It wasn’t until I got back to our tent that I realized I had my  mom’s sharpie had been in my pocket all along! Now I had an awesome souvenir!!!

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Unfortunately, I lost that pen sometime when we moved. 😦

The band has changed a lot since then, so I don’t follow them as much as I used to. They still remain a big part of me, as I constantly listen to that Wake Up! Wake Up! album.

Here are some of my favorite songs: Apathy for Apologies, Bring It On, Find Me Tonight, From Me to You, I’ll Get Over It (Mis Elaineous), I Won’t Give Up, Let’s Go Back, Now You’re Gone, Star of the Show, Take Me Out, Tell Me You’ll Be There, Untitled Anonymous, Wake Up! Wake Up!, and What We’re Here For.

For more Everyday Sunday, go to Now You’re Gone

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Indiana Jones

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I am a huge fan of Indiana Jones. I used to dream about meeting him (or Harrison Ford). And how could you not love the incredible hunky hero? For those of you who have been living under a rock and are unaware of this awesome man; Indiana Jones is an archeologist and Professor of History, living in the 1930s; who balances his time with his classwork and going on grand adventures. The first film is Raiders of the Lost Ark, in which Indiana is hired by the U.S. government to find the Ark of the Covenant from the bible, before Hitler does. He sets out trekking the globe, bringing along old flame Marian and friend Sully. The sequel to this movie wasn’t as good, and for years I would watch only the beginning and end as one scene scared the crap out of me. Eventually I overcame this, but it was’t until last year that I actually sat down and watched the film from beginning to end. In this, Temple of Doom, the adventure starts out in China, with a deal gone wrong causing Indy to flee the country with his sidekick Short Round plus a singer and the MOST ANNOYING PERSON IN THE WORLD, WillieThe group ends up crash-landing in India and set out to save a tribe’s lost children and sacred stones, both of which were stolen from them. The series picks up again with the third film, The Last Crusade, in which Indy and his father (played by Sean Connery) set out to save the Holy Grail from being stolen by Nazis. They made a fourth film which was a real disappointment so I won’t even speak about it. The first and third films are absolutely amazing, with the second definitely having its cool moments.

Now after the three films came out, we had Indiana Jones mania and lots of other things were made to increase money. I have to say I jumped on a lot of those trains. There was The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. This TV series had Indiana Jones meeting famous people throughout history (educational) and going on adventures. In the second season he is an adult and it follows his adventures with Pancho Villa, the IRA, and involvement in WWI, later returning to school and joining a jazz group. This show was a lot of fun, and you learned a lot as well. Piggybacking off of this series was two book series involving the adventures of young Indiana Jones. One was a regular story format about his adventures as a boy, while the other covered his time as an teenager and were Choose Your Own Adventure themed. I have to admit that I read both of them. Big time fan.

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And that’s not all. I read the book series Indiana Jones: Prequels of which detail his life from college to right before the first film. Now quite a few books in the series were bad fanfiction, but there were actually quite a number that were written well. Most of the good ones were written by Rob MacGregor who actually assisted with the screenplays, so he had the truest to form character of Indiana Jones. Indiana Jones and the Seven Veils, Genesis Deluge, Unicorn’s Legacy, Philosopher’s Stone, Dinosaur Eggs, and Secret of the Sphinx were good. The rest were okay or downright awful. I even went as far as starting the series that took place during WWII and covered events mentioned in the last Indiana Jones film, but those weren’t as good.

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And that doesn’t end my fangirlness. I also started a Indiana Jones fanclub. All us girls in it chose state names before our last names, in honor of Indy. We had Alaska Adams, Ohio Hirano, Virgina Mabel, Georgia Hattie, Illinois Villers, and Nevada Sinclair (Me). We even created our own pictograph language to pass notes.fandomvsReallife Yep, I was obsessed and still am. In fact, my most recent purse was chosen because it resembled Indian Jones satchel.

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And of course I am a huge fan of the ride, which you can read more about at And Away We Go.

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For more on Indiana Jones, go to Heaven on Earth

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My Chemical Romance

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Now I got into this fandom after the group had broken up. It all started with just one song, Welcome to the Black Parade and that was it. I was hooked and had joined the fandom.

First of all we have the amazing Gerard Way who looks good no matter what he does.

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The songs are amazing and the music videos are AWESOME!!! Like Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na). 

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Now I could go on and on, but I won’t. I’ll be saving that for my individual posts on the songs. Here are some of my favorites: Welcome to the Black Parade, I Don’t Love You, House of Wolves, Cancer, Mama, Teenagers, Na-Na-Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na), Bulletproof Heart, The Only Hope for Me is You, Save Yourself I’ll Hold Them Back, Summertimeand The Kids from Yesterday.

For more on My Chemical Romance go to Na-Na-Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)

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Nancy Drew

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Now I never wanted to be a fan of Nancy Drew. My older sister Jessica loved her, and that was her thing. But, Nancy would not be deterred from my life. Oh no.

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It started one day when I was in sixth grade. My middle school library was amazing and I spent many happy days there. They had a great collection of all types of books. I loved the series Sweet Valley High (more on that later) and would check out tons of the series’ books. One day I grabbed Strange Memories as I was in a hurry, and when I got home realized it wasn’t a Sweet Valley High, but a Nancy Drew: Case Files.

After that, I was hooked. I started reading the series and became a huge fan. I still try to collect the whole series, every time I spot one in a thrift store, snapping it up to add to my collection. These books came out in the late ’80s and continued until the early 2000s. These books involved pretty, redhead, 18 year old Nancy Drew who was one amazing crime-solving sleuth. She was often assisted by George Fayne, her tall athletic, dark-haired friend; and Bess Marvin, George’s cousin, blonde, curvy, and also utterly gorgeous and boy-crazy. She is always trying to lose 5-10 pounds, but looks good all the same. Ned Nickerson is Nancy’s boyfriend, who attends college and is always having an internship in a various things (making me wonder what his major is) which always involve Nancy coming around to solve a mystery. The two fight over Nancy not always paying attention to Ned and his needs, and even break up momentarily. Of course this couple can’t be far apart for long, and resume dating.

Now I absolutely loved this series, but not everyone did. As Nancy Drew is revamped every ten years or so, people who liked the series before don’t care for this version, and those who become a fan later, can’t get into it either. The other thing I loved about this series was that they did Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys crossovers. I love Nancy and Ned together, but I have to admit…a big part of me always wanted her and Frank Hardy to get together.

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I’m conflicted.

Hmm

Hmm

Some of the books were absolutely wonderful, while others were just okay. But hey, that always happens in a series. My favorites are: Secrets Can Kill (#1), in which Nancy goes undercover in a preppy high school to figure out who a blackmailer is; Deadly Intent (#2), in which a concert to see Barton Novak turns out to an abduction case; White Water Terror (#6)Nancy wins a river rafting trip for four and takes along Bess, George, and Ned. But what should be fun in the sun, turns into a series of sabotage and murder. In Stay Tuned for Danger (#17), Nancy goes on TV to figure out who is threatening a famous soap opera star. When Bess falls for the star, Nancy finds herself racing against time to save both of them. Sisters in Crime (#19) sends Nancy to San Diego State in order to investigate an accidental drowning and a sorority. She discovers that college life isn’t glitz, fun, and studying; as murder walks the campus. Recipe for Murder (#21) finds Nancy back in school, cooking school that is. She and the full gang are getting lessons in French cooking, pastry, and Chinese food. While there Nancy discovers some unsavoriness; sabotage, blackmail, slander, murder, and espionage. In Something to Hide (#41), Ned is doing a testing project on acne creme for his marketing class. When Nancy steps by to say hi, Bess becomes ill. And she’s not the only one! Suddenly an epidemic is spreading through the town, all of which tie back to the Acne creme. Now Nancy is one the case to discover who could be poisoning teens, and why? A Model Crime (#51) in this book, Bess is chosen to be a finalist for Face of the Year, a modeling contest (think America’s Next Top Model), but as Nancy travels to Chicago she sees that there is more to this “Face” than meets the eye as someone is trying to sabotage it. Don’t Look Twice (#55), is one of my absolute favorites. In this Nancy goes to visit Ned at an away game, finding a cheerleader who looks a lot like her, wanting to put Nancy out of the picture. This cheerleader, Denise, invites the group out to pizza, where Nancy gets kidnapped! She is let go as the kidnappers got the “wrong girl”, leaving Nancy to figure out who will be abducted and when. Tall, Dark, and Deadly (#66) when a young girl is kidnapped, Nancy and Bess go undercover to figure out where she is. The two find themselves trying to find the girl’s last date and hopefully abductor. Designs in Crime (#89), Nancy once again sees that the fashion world has a dark side when she investigates the thefts of a designer’s famous designs. This case of corporate espionage turns deadly, when an assistant is found murdered. Betrayed by Love (#118)Nancy and Ned are invited to an old friend, Angela’s, wedding. There they find what should be a happy occasion is anything but: with the mother of the bride wasting away to a disease unknown, the groom’s ex-girlfriend insisting that they are still together, a serious case of sabotage, threats against the bride; and one dead body. And of course, Strange Memories (#122)in which Nancy and George are vacationing in San Francisco, only to find a girl with amnesia.

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Then there are the Nancy Drew/Hardy Boys Super Mysteries which always involved two cases that ended up connecting at some point in the book. I loved these as I loved the pairing of the two sleuths and as before-mentioned, Nancy and Frank. Sorry Ned. Of these books I loved: Double Crossing (#1), Nancy goes on a cruise to visit George, the activities director. When she gets there she discovers that Frank and Joe are undercover trying to discover who is robbing the guests. The three detectives also come upon a double dealer, selling American secrets. Will the three find the thief and save America’s security? A Crime for Christmas (#2)Nancy and Bess are visiting New York City, doing a little Christmas shopping; when they run into Frank and Joe. The Hardy Boys are once again on a case, trying to catch a Cat Burglar team. The four also meet a guest staying there, who turns out to be a crown prince and find themselves caught in the middle of a coup. Dangerous Games (#4), Ned calls in Nancy, George, Bess, Frank, and Joe to help protect a sister and brother from Scandinavia competing in the Games tournament. All go undercover and try to find out who could be sabotaging the two. When one of their supervisors starts investigating an old unsolved murder involving the athletes gathered, he is almost killed, leaving the detectives to solve that case as well. Hits and Misses (#16), Bess is competing in a talent TV show with Nancy tagging along. The two discover an amnesic girl and try to find out who she is, a situation that won’t be easy as many are trying to kill her.  Frank and Joe are visiting an old friend and trying to figure out who would steal the masters of the singer Angelique. The two cross paths and discover that their cases as more closely related than they would have thought.

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From 2004-2012, they came out with a new series of Nancy Drew that I was also a fan of. I liked the series, but nowhere as much as I loved the ’80s one. In this Nancy became an environmentalist, scatter-brained, forgetting everything, detective. She also worked with and against the Chief of police more. George was updated to not only being athletic but super tech-savy. Bess was no longer curvy on a diet, but perfectly formed interested in makeup, clothes, and super handy at fixing things. I didn’t care for this series as much as most of the mysteries were really lowkey. For instance in one Ned wants to fly, but then keeps avoiding it; as it turns out he is afraid of heights. In another one George keeps avoiding a certain spa, when it turns out the reason is that she applied for a job there and was turned down. In one they are reenacting the Civil War, and a website like Ancestry.com is ripping people off telling them they are all descendants of Union generals who did amazing things during the war. Boring.

Then they had the graphic novels and I LOVED these! I highly recommend the whole series if you have yet to read them. These involved the same updates from before, but switched from lowkey crimes to high, scary, and at time supernatural ones. I HIGHLY RECCOMMEND THEM!

I’ve read a few of the original books, but can’t get really into them as they are so easily solved. Oh well.

Then there are the films. I reallu liked Nancy Drew: Detective and Nancy Drew…Girl Reporter which came out in the 1930s. In these Nancy is fast talking, crime solving girl who is eager to prove her mettle and will not let chauvinistic comments bring her down. In this Ned and Nancy aren’t dating, and he tends to be her unwilling assistant. These films are funny and adorable and can be viewed on Youtube if you wish.

There also was a film in 2002, Nancy Drew, starring Maggie Lawson. In this Nancy is going to college to be a journalist, but I didn’t like the film at all. I thought they made Nancy sorta brainless and mean to Ned, completely ignoring him.

And then there were the Nancy Drew video games. I never bought these but borrowed them from the library, played them, and sent them back. Secrets Can Kill didn’t work as it had a scratch, but the beginning was great as it really puts you in the mystery. Stay Tuned for Danger I knew as I had read the book. The Final Scene was great, as I had never read the book. In this Bess is kidnapped, and you have to solve the mystery before the theater is demolished with Bess inside! And the last game I played was Danger by Design, in which Nancy goes undercover to infiltrate a Parisian designer, Minette. It was thrilling and hard.

And now finally:

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Now I absolutely loved this show!

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I came upon this series when I bought a VHS at a library sale. Afterwards, I discovered the series online (youtube) and watched the whole thing. I love the mysteries of Nancy and the Hardy Boys; with the crossover episodes being the best. Unfortunately, both actresses who played Nancy Drew left the show, leaving it just The Hardy Boys. I highly recommend this show as well as I think it was absolutely fantastic and wish there were way more episodes of them. Not to mention I love Parker Stevenson and Shaun Cassidy.

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This also has one of the best intros. It starts off with the book covers of both series appearing in time to creepy music. It then switches to clips from the show in combo with book covers. It’s fantastic.

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fangirl casual fan diehard fan consume me love it

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For the previous post, go to Please Excuse My Dear Fan Lady

Stay tuned for part 11

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For more of my favorite music, go to Sisterly Roles

For more book-filled posts, go to Adventure Time

Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

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You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don’t f*** with the original!

If only Wes had followed his own advice.

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I wish they hadn’t messed with the original. This movie sucked.

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Just plain horrible. You see this all happened because everyone wanted to make another film after Scream 3. Wes told them he wouldn’t, unless the script was as good as the original film. Unfortunately, those dunderheads thought that meant they needed to do a horrible remake of the first amazing film.

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For those of you just tuning in, this is the last of our Screamtastic Saturdays. Every Saturday this month I reviewed one of the Scream films. To read about them before you start this one, go to Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3

Now as you can tell I didn’t enjoy this one. As I watched this film I took a lot of notes on my feelings, A LOT. I’m just going to write them verbatim.

So let’s get started on this travesty…

I don't wanna

I don’t wanna

So the film starts out with two girls (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) hanging out discussing horror films and stuff. One of them has a facebook stalker. It turns out to be ghostface who stabs and kills them both.

Ghostface attacks!

Ghostface attacks!

1&2

Victims 1&2

But wait…

Psych!Gameofthrones

It turns out that its not real. It is the opening scene from the film Stab 6 that two girls are watching. (Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell).

So that’s the first problem of this film. It was so dripped in big name actors that it was impossible to get into. I mean the original had famous actors too, but this was tooooo jam packed. It’s too much, far too much.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

So Anna Paquin talks too much during the movie that Kristen Bell kills her.

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I know Kristen Bell? Whatever.

3

Body #3

Just kidding

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

Yep, it’s just another fakeout. It’s Stab 7  that Julie from Friday Night Lights, I mean Jenny (Aimee Teagarden) and her friend Marnie are watching. After that Jenny goes upstairs to get something, and instead prank calls her friend. The “real” Ghostface comes in and kills Marnie, with Jenny right behind her.

Victim 4 & 5

Victim 4 & 5

And here we have another garage scene that is improbable. I’m telling you, any automatic garage door will not be able to kill someone. They design the mechanisms so that if there is something underneath them, it will cause them to be incapable of being squished.

Duh!

Duh!

And the other problem with this scene is the fact that having two fakeouts was too many. After the two psych-outs, I was not attached to the characters as I was just expecting them to die. It wasn’t scary, mysterious, funny, or good. It was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Plain ol’ lazy writing. Come on Wes, you’re better than this. This is reverting back not evolving.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

So this film, and the first scene, take place 10 years after “The Woodsboro Massacre” or the amazing phenomenon known as Scream. Deputy Dewey is now Sheriff and married to Gale Weathers. Gale has stopped reporting and turned to writing fiction. Sidney has written a book on her experiences and is on tour. In fact, she has just arrived in Woodsboro. And Randy is dead.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Still not over that.

We then see the horrible Emma Roberts getting picked up for school. I hate Emma Roberts. She has no talent whatsoever. She always seems as if she is acting, so I never believe that she is whatever “character” she is playing. She’s like a block of wood. I think she is secretly a robot as she never gives any emotion. None whatsoever. She’s proof that just because one family member has talent, doesn’t mean the rest do.

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I bet she is the killer. She’s all I hate Sidney.  Blah, blah blah…

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Anyways, Jill (Emma Roberts) is being picked up by her friends Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) and Olivia (Marielle Jaffe). Now who are these girls trying to fool? There is no way these girls are in high school they look sooo OLD.

I mean Roberts could pass for 19 at the youngest, but Panettiere and Jaffe? They are clearly are late 20s heading for their thirties. I’m looking it up now…let’s see…Roberts was 20 at the time, Panettiere was 22, and Jaffee was also 22. Okay so they weren’t as old as I thought they were, although they look it. I mean it’s laughable how they think they could pass off people so old as high school students.

Jill and Olivia receive texts from Jenny and Marnie, even though they aren’t close friends or anything…and the two girls are dead (although no one has discovers it yet. Speaking of which where were the parents during all of this? Why weren’t they with their kid? How come it took someone so long to discover the body? Come on now!)

Wes also has a love affair in this film with fake jumps. It’s like every five seconds. Seriously, just stop.

Stop stop it now!

At the station Sheriff Dewey gets called on the scene and I notice something here Wes. Yes…yes…it appears that Dewey no longer suffers from a limp. I see, I see. Dewey  gets to be limp free WHILE RANDY IS DEAD??!!

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Never letting that one go. Moving on.

So Sheriff Dewey is called on the scene and he knows, he just knows

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

So as Sheriff Dewey is looking around, one of his deputies calls him Sheriff Riley. And I was like Whaaaaaaat????? Dewey has a last name?

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Sorry. Back to the film.

So then we zoom to the high school were we have Hollywood’s version of high school students. You know horribly unrealistic and clichéd to the farthest ranges of the imagination. Because in Hollywood:

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Yep, enter super nerd who has a computer hooked up to his headphones so he can blog every moment of his life.

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Really Wes? Have you been to a school and seen real nerds? They don’t dress like that or do that? I mean when Ned’s Declassified did the Nerd has camera/computer hooked up to their glasses they did it to spoof. They weren’t trying to portray the nerd/online/blogger culture. You fail. Big time.

Duh!

Duh!

So then we enter douche boy, Jill’s ex-boyfriend. I mean this is some serious deja vu as he ex is a total creep. I guess douche dating runs in the family.

Girl Please

So during homeroom, everyone’s cellphones buzz with the news. I’m just like, why wasn’t the school notified? When I was in high school we had two deaths. One was a car crash, the other an overdose and the teachers were all immediatey notified before the friends even found out. Same thing in college when a guy committed suicide, and another guy jumped off his balconey as he was high and had a bad trip. Although in college they sent emails and texts to the students, while in high school they told us.

At the bookstore, Sidney is reading an excerpt from her book when Sheriff Dewey comes marching in. He interrupts the signing as they are tracking the phone that placed the calls. They discover it in the back of Sidney’s rental, along with bloody handprints.

dun-dun-duuuun

Back at the station, Sheriff Dewey s dealing with a lot. Gale comes down as her old investigative spirit is still alive. She encounters a huge prob though. Dewey’s deputy, Deputy Judy, has a mondo crush on Dewey. But Gale, she’s not having any of that.

that girl is going after my man she is going to wish she was never born

I love that Gale is still kickin’ butt.

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So Sheriff Dewey decides to put Sidney on 24-hour police protection, and all I can think is do you remember what happend last time? Yeah, it did not end well.

ouch Hermione

You know what almost everyone in this film has drunk the kool-aid. I know that Wes wanted to provide a wide range of “suspects” (totally obvious Jill and Culkin brother/crazy film nerd guy). But he makes everyone seem CRAZY!!! Jill’s ex, the deputy, and that’s not all. Let’s add Sidney’s publicist who delights in the murders because it will sell more books. She actually hopes more will occur. And then we have Sidney’s aunt Kate. “Nobody cares about the fact that it was MY sister that was killed or what I’VE been going through.

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So at this point in the film I’m starting to wonder what happened to Patrick Dempsey? AKA Detective Mark Kincaid. I guess he was too busy being a doctor or maid of honor. Let’s see…Yes to doctor, no to maid of honor. He was trying to protect a bank teller and working with Decepticons. I wish they had given us a clue as why they didn’t stay together. I liked Mark.

Later that evening, Sidney goes to talk to Jill and you know what..how come we have never heard of this aunt and niece before? I mean they have lived in the town their whole life and not once was concerned with Sidney? Like why didn’t she stay with her aunt when he dad was out of town? This Wes, is why you do not try and remake a good thing. Just leave well enough alone.

So Sidney goes in to talk to Jill and sees her creep ex climbing in her window trying to talk to her. He’s extra creepy and weird calling himself “the ninja”. Who nicknames themselves? He is also a total control freak and won’t listen to “no”. What a jerk.

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That night Kirby comes over and she and Jill are watching scary movies. Kirby gets a call from Ghostface that he’s hiding in the closet. She decides to be stupid and looks around, finding no one. Like this guy KILLED people. Maybe you should CALL THE POLICE!!!!

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The voice says that he never stated which closet he was in.

Now the house next door is Olivia’s who is home alone (of course). The police offered to walk her to her home but she refused and like the stupid caricatures they are, they agreed. I just realized that policeman in the Scream  films are pretty stupid. Dewey and Mark being the exception. I mean SHE RECIEVED A DEATH THREAT FROM GHOSTFACE EARLIER!!!! WHY IS NO ONE PROTECTING HER!!! So of course, Ghostface is in her closet and kills her.

Victim 6

Victim 6

And her friends just watch.

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Seriously, they DO NOTHING BUT WATCH THEIR FRIEND GET SLICED APART. Scream! Call the police!!! Do something!!!!

Sid hears it and rushes over to help. Now Sid I love you, but couldn’t you have brought a weapon with you? How do you expect to save the girl if you have nothing. I mean come on, grab a bat, frying pan, knife, SOMETHING!!!

Sid does manage to take him down as she rules! But when the cops come he’s disappeared? Who is he Michael Myers? How does he move so fast? I mean they did the same thing in Scream 2.

Why weren’t the cops able to find him? WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK??? THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!!! CRAVEN YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN! IT’S LIKE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET ALL FREAKIN’ OVER AGAIN!!!

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Not happy, not happy at all

Gale seduces the two nerds to get them to help her. At first I thought it was funny, but the more I think about it, it’s creepy. I know on Cougar Town you are always with younger men, but this is a 47 year old woman hitting on 17 year olds.

ew! Gross Yuck

PR girl is the devil. I am sorry but the way she gushes about the killings, she needs help.

you're evil

So after she leaves from visiting Sidney in the hospital (minor cut) she runs into Ghostface and is killed.

Victim #7

Victim #7

Now to be honest its her own fault as she really shouldn’t be walking around at night by herself with a killer on the loose. And what’s really stupid was that she was by her car. Just get in and drive away, run him over. Instead she tries to run. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB. I mean come on, you were sitting inside the car! Why would you ever take off?

Girl Please

You know what I just realized. so far the killer has only murdered women. What’s up with that? In the other films it was always equal. How come you’re just killing women Wes? Huh? Why? You know what else? In every film we have couples who are murdered first. Scream– Steve and Casey, Scream 2– Boyfriend and Jada Pinket-Smith, & Scream 3– Cotton’s girlfriend and Cotton. But in this one its only been girls. There’s a formula!

But now, we only have females murdered. What happened Wes, did you have a woman break your heart so now you are releasing your anger on females?

And you know what’s really depressing about this film is that it lost everything. It isn’t a horror parody and a horror film at the same time; It’s just sad and boring. You can tell from the beginning who the killers are (Jill & Charlie [Culkin brother super nerd]). It’s just a recycled plot. A poorly recycled one too.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

I mean each previous Scream brought something new and fresh.

Scream

  1. Parody of the Horror film Genre while still being a great horror film
  2. Twist ending with two killers, and one being the boyfriend.
  3. Obsession with horror films and trying to create their own
  4. Revenge because his mother left.

Scream 2

  1. Parody of sequel films and horror sequels
  2. Debates issue if whether horror films turn people into killers
  3. Twist ending where you think it is the boyfriend murdering, but really ex’s mom
  4. Female serial killer

Scream 3

  1. Parody of trilogy films
  2. Twist ending with mother’s secret early life + half brother
  3. Single killer this time
  4. All the survivors end in a couple-Dewey & Gale, Mark & Sid

Scre4m

  1. Recycled plot
  2. Pop culture of the day inserted but it feels more like an old man trying to be “hip” and failing than avant-garde.
  3. They waited far too long to make this film. It should have come sooner.

So the next day Gale gets Sidney to come speak at the film club at the high school. In return for this, the two geek boys Charlie (the Culkin brother) and his friend blogger- headphones, Robbie, will help her out. Gale thinks the new Ghostface is copying the murders, but the nerd twins point out that it is a remake “as only remakes are being made these days.” Tru dat. In 2011 alone there was Silent House, Gnomeo & Juliet, The Green Hornet, The Roommate, The Mechanic, Just Go With It, Unknown, Jane Eyre, Winnie the Pooh, Arthur, X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian, Real Steel, Straw Dogs, The Thing, Footloose, The Muppets, and The Sitter.

The kids tell Gale & Sidney that if the killer wants to make it intense and new he is going to record the murders. That’s not new, it’s been happening for quite so time now. Just another ripoff.

They decide the next place he will strike is the annual Stab-a-thon. Now you have a killer running about and you refuse to stop your party? Definteky Charlie. He’s the killer. I mean come on, any smart person would be like nope, let’s stop this so people don’t die.

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So a bunch of the kids dress up in Ghostface masks which is incredibly stupid. I mean you have a KILLER IN THE GHOSTFACE MASK? Why is everyone so STUPID.

Ugh

Ugh

Gale goes there just like in the first film and hooks up some “secret cameras”. The cameras get covered up and Gale calls Dewey before she goes into take care of them. Now the smart thing would be to just wait as it is obvious that Ghostface is the one doing it, but whatever! I mean like even if you feel like you HAVE  to go, why not be extra cautious and take a weapon! I mean, come on now people. She goes and is stabbed by the killer, however, she’s Gale so she just has to go to hospital. That’s cause Gale is awesome.

I just want this film to be over. It is that painful.

So I am liking nobody in this film. Like every character is crazy or stupid. The only exceptions are Gale, Sid, Dewey, and Aimee Teagarden’s character as she tried to run away. Even though I think Emma Roberts is the killer I want her to get stabbed so I won’t have to see her face again this film and hear her horrible acting voice.

Duh!

Duh!

So back at the house Sidney sees something outside. She goes to take a look at it instead of CALLING THE POLICE! Come on Sid, you’re better than that.

Stop stop it now!

So the cops outside Kate/Jill/Sid’s residence are all comedic and talking about movie cops. They say that cops are what you never want to be as they are always “getting it” in films. Uh, not true! What about Dirty Harry? Ain’t nobody taking down Clint Eastwood. Or what about Patrick Dempsey in Scream 3, I mean Wes you freakin’ made that film. Witness? Harrison Ford always dominates! Sidney Poitier In the Heat of the Night or They Call Me, Mr. Tibbs! Mark Wahlberg in The Departed? Die Hard?

Besides why would the black cop be worried that since he is a cop he’s going to killed? He’s got bigger worries, he’s a minority. He’s going to get killed for that. The only horror films I’ve ever seen where the minority doesn’t get killed first and makes it to the end would be Night of the Living Dead and Aliens vs. Predator.

They both get killed.

Victim #8 & 9

Victim #8 & 9

I was actually happy about that as they were annoying.

So someone in this film finally wises up, as Sid grabs a knife to protect her. Ghostface comes and attacks. Yawn! Knew it was going to happen. There is NOTHING original in this film, NOTHING!!!! Wes you have failed, fAILED FAILED FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!

So Kate also gets killed, she was stabbed through a door.

Victim #10

Victim #10

Yawn! Wes you already did that in Scream 2.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

Is it over yet? Is the film done yet? Boo. There’s still 30 mins left! UGH, UGH, BLEH! I would stop watching like a did with An American Werewolf in London, but I promised full reviews of every Scream film and I can’t go back on that.

So Sidney escapes. She starts to head next door to protect Jill.

Next door we have Jill, Kirby, Robbie, & Charlie watching horror films.

So why don’t any of these kids feel remorse for the murdered people? I mean in Scream the main characters weren’t close to Steve and Casey (except Stu) so I could see where it didn’t make the biggest impact. But Sid started feeling when it was Tatum, Dewey, Gale, etc. In Scream 2, the girl in the film class was sad about her friend that was murdered in the movie theater and everyone is heartbroken over Randy.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Then in Scream 3 Cotton’s death, and while the characters didn’t know the movie stars, they were still sad to see them killed. I mean Olivia was their friend as she was MURDERED!!! And you know how they react? Jill in her monotone voice is fine and doesn’t say anything. Kirby goes to the Stab-a-thon in sa freakin’ ghostface mask. A GHOSTFACE MASK! I mean your friend was MURDERED, MUREDERED! And you are wearing the thing that killer wore to murder to your friend. Something is wrong with you all.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

 And you know what, that is the problem with this film. In the other versions you believed the actors were the characters. You believed them. In this film every character except for the 3 survivors are so fake. They have any real emotions. They don’t have any real reactions. They are like robots or something.

metropolis-Robot

Why is everyone dumb in this movie? This movie is horrible and stupid! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! OMG! it’s LIKE HE WANTS TO MAKE A SUCKY VERSION OF AN AMAZING FILM! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY? WHY? WHO GAVE HIM THE MONEY. You all should be held accountable for this!!!!

Is this too crazy?

Is this too crazy?

This is film is a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

big mistake

So the group is hanging out. Trevor comes over as he says Jill invited him. She tells them that is impossible as her phone has been missing. Jill goes upstairs and Trevor follows her. While he is gone, Robbie gets drunk and heads outside for another blog post. When he does this we have the only real scare in the film. He runs into a plant. That’s it folks, so far the plant has been the most scariest and original thing in this travesty. And that’s not even that original.

Back inside, Kirby is trying to seduce Charlie in the most horrible and painful way. It hurt to watch this scene. It was awkward, it was stupid, and it would never happen that way in real life.

ouch Hermione

You know what I’m wondering now? Where are the parents? Come on now, is Jill the only one in town with a parent? They are completely absent! At least in Scream they explaned it. Casey’s parents were out having dinner. Mr. Prescott was going out of town. Mrs. Riley (Dewey & Tatum’s mom) is a single parent. Stu’s parents don’t care and are out of town all the time. Mr. Loomis works late hours and has recently become a single parent. I get that, although they should have done a better job. Scream 2, in college parents aren’t there., although I’m really surprised not one of them came down to check on their kids. Scream 3 all are adults. But these kids have no parents anywhere, nor do they give an explanation except for Olivia She mentions that her mom works late. Its like this whole film is in an alternate dimension where reality plays no part at all. I mean I know its a movie, but explain! Movie EXPLAIN!!!

So this film is far too predictable. You know Robbie who is hanging outside is going to be killed first, then Kirby, then Trevor, and then Charlie. It is soooo obvious.

This is horrible. Why am I watching this? Why?

So Robbie of course is killed, and too his shock as he thinks being gay will save him. I thought that was a weird thing to say. I mean, I can’t think of horror films where a gay person always survive. I mean technically he’s in the minority category and we all know that minorities hardly ever make it to the end of a horror film.

Victim #11

Victim #11

Before Kirby and Charlie could get it on, Trevor comes downstairs. He couldn’t find Jill upstairs. He and  Charlie head to the kitchen, leaving Kirby alone in the living room. Jill comes from downstairs, now how the heck was she there? (I mean obvs to me she’s the killer, but why doesn’t anyone else think that weird?) Sidney runs into the house to warn everyone. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF YOU HAD CALLED THE POLICE FOR BACKUP. Kirby goes down to the basement, while Jill and Sidney go upstairs. Jill hides under the bed.

I don't think so

That is the worse place to hide. Beds and  closets are always checked first.

Sidney comes down to the basement with Kirby and they see Charlie. He wants them to let him in, but Kirby is unsure whether or not she can trust him. Ghostface grabs him and ties him to a chair. Ghostface then calls Kirby.

scary movie mansfield park Scream

The two are going to play a game. Kirby wins, Charlie is free.

The Voice: I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching Stab, instead you get to live it.

Kirby Reed: No. No, no, no, no. He’s the expert. It’s not me.

The Voice: Warm up question: Jason’s weapon?

Kirby Reed: Uh,it’s a machete.

The Voice: There. You see? You do know the genre. Michael Myers?

Kirby Reed: Uh, butcher knife.

The Voice: Leatherface?

Kirby Reed: [crying] Chainsaw! Please!

The Voice: Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?

Kirby Reed: Razor-hands.

The Voice: Name the movie that started the slasher craze: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left or Psycho?

Kirby Reed: Psycho.

The Voice: None of the above! Peeping Tom, 1960, directed by Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the audience in the killer’s POV.

Kirby Reed: Wait. No, no, no. Please, just ask me one more question. Just one more.

The Voice: Alright, Kirby, then it’s time for your last chance. Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the vill…

Kirby Reed: Halloween, uh, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, uh, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When A Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, Piranha. It’s one of those, right? Right?

[silence]

Kirby Reed: I got it right. I was fucking right. [goes outside; unties Charlie] Don’t worry, Charlie. I f****** won. I won. He tried to beat me but I f****** won.

Charlie Walker:[holding knife] Kirby? This is is making a move! [stabs her] Four years of class together and you notice me now? You stupid b****! It’s too late! Shhh, I know. It doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.

[finishes stabbing her and drops her; runs away]

Yep Kirby is dead.

Victim #12

Victim #12

And Charlie was the killer. Totally obvious.

Duh!

Duh!

So deputy Judy comes into play as she discovers Kate’s body and the dead cops. She heads over to Kirby’s house to check on everyone. I still want to punch her crazy-obsessed with Dewey face.

dean_punching_supernatural

Does that make me a bad person?

So Sidney is being chased by Charlie and manages to escape him heading for the door. But Sid, don’t forget, except for Scream 3 there are always two killers. And as she heads for the door…boom Jill stabs her.

Now if Wes wanted to make this really unique. He should have down a group of female killers. It is rare, but does happen. Olivia, Kirby, and Jill. Or deputy Judy. She could be doing all these murders just so she could kill Gale and get Sheriff Dewey. Or he could have not tried making a remake. That would have been fantastic!.

So the two totally obvious killers start revealing the reasoning behind it. Jill was always jealous of her cousin’s fame. And as Emma Roberts…I mean Jill has no talent, she figures this is the quickest way to make her famous.

Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it? This has never been about killing you? It’s about becoming you. I mean, for f***’s sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just gotta have f***** up-s*** happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead, and let’s face it, your ingenue days, they’re over.

Charlie was her new boyfriend that was helping her do this. They plan to have Trevor take the fall for it, stabbing themselves, but shooting him to make it look like “self-defense”. Charlie is happy that the “geek will get the girl”, but Jill tells him sorry and kills him.

Victim #13

Victim #13

You know what I just realized. They never clean the knife. Ever. With all those kids having sex and the amount of diseases that abound, now all I can think is how they’ve been spreading so much to people. They’ve all probably got Chlamydia or something.

Also WHERE ARE THE POLICE!!!??? I mean deputy Judy was right next door!!!

So then Jill kills Trevor and Sidney.

Victim #14 &15

Victim #14 &15

After that she starts taking care of the evidence. Planting the knife/gun. Beating /mutilating herself. Even ripping hair out and putting it in Trevor’s hand.

When the police finally come, they discover her and name her the sole survivor. They cart her off to the hospital. In the hospital Dewey visit Jill, who is all smiles. I have to say nobody is freaked out by the fact she doesn’t care that her best friends, mother, and cousin have all been brutally murdered???!!! Someone ship her off to the psycho ward. That girl is crazy!

Certified Creepo Ribbon

Jill tells Dewey that maybe she and Gale can write about the murders as they have matching wounds. Dewey tells her that Sidney might be able to also help, as she is going to recover.

Say What

Yep, looks like we have Dial “M” for Murder all over again.

“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?

Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.

Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?

Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”

You can’t plan everything sweetheart.

So Jill gets out of her bed and charges down to ICU to get to Sidney.

I don't think so

That is impossible. There is no way she would be able to get across the hospital as they are jam packed with people. Especially ICU. Most ICU units actually are protected by some kind of card swipe or button so that only certain people can go in. There’s no way she’d be able to get to Sidney.

Girl Please

Dewey goes to see Gale, and as he mentions Jill’s comments they both realize that the information about her stabs were not released to the public. There is no way she could have known where Gale was stabbed, unless she had done it herself.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Dewey runs down to get to Sidney, and sees Jill trying to kill her. Sidney is doing a great job as she is Awesome!  Sid you rule! Jill does have an upper hand as she tries to hurt Sidney in her stab wounds. Dewey is trying to help, but gets knocked out by a bedpan. Gale and Deputy Judy also come in, but Jill stole Dewey’s gun and threatens killing Dewey to get Deputy Judy’s gun. After the gun is passed, she shoots Deputy Judy in the chest.

Victim #13

Victim #15

Jill is threatening all and planning on killing them but this is very stupid. She already framed Trevor and gave a statement. How is she going to explain the other dead bodies? Who can she pin the murder of Sidney, Gale, Deputy Judy, and Sheriff Dewey on. Not going to work.

Jill plans in killing Gale next, as Sidney’s wounds have reopened and she seems to be the lesser threat. She is about to when Sidney shocks her with the defibrillator.

Jill tries one last time, but Sid shoots her.

Gale-Randy-Billy-and-Sidney-scream-23148646-499-198

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Sid is awesome!! Best scene in the whole film. Yeah don’t mess with the original baby!!!! Yeah!!! But its not over. What about deputy Judy

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

She’s alive! She was wearing a bulletproof vest. In the end the body count ends at 15.

Victim #13

Victim #15

And Wes I only have one thing to say to you

Over You

So this ends our Screamtastic Saturdays kind of on a bad note, but don’t blame me. I didn’t make this film. Wes did.

2011Scre4m

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

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For more on the Scream series, go to All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bets are Off

For more modern remakes, go to Keep Clear of the Moor. Beware the Moon

For more serial killers, go to But the Book, It Will Never Close…

For more slasher films, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?

For more on Wes Craven, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?