Heaven on Earth: 13 of the Best Fictional Libraries

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So if you’ve been following me, you are pretty aware of my love of libraries.

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A few months back I tried to get a job at Buzzfeed, who won’t let you apply unless you create posts. So as I was racking my brain for something to write about, I decided to do a post on my favorite fictional libraries. After all:

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Sadly, it didn’t get very much interest on Buzzfeed as I would have liked. So I decided that I would repost it on here.

So here we go, my top 13 Favorite Fictional Libraries.

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13) Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

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Guy Montag is a fireman in the future, and as a fireman his job is to burn books. Books are now illegal, and it is up to firemen to root out the secret libraries and destroy them. After witnessing a woman willingly burn alive with her library, it gets Guy thinking about what the books contain. It begins with one book, but ends with Guy questioning everything he has ever known.

Why the library is awesome!: So we don’t actually know what is in this library, but if a person is willing to die with it you know it has to hold some amazing things. Even if the books are only valuable to the owner.

For more on Ray Bradbury, go to Friday Night Fun

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12) The Music Man

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A conman salesman, “Professor” Harold Hill (Robert Preston),  visits the town of River City, Iowa; and convinces the townspeople that the only way to save their children from becoming bad eggs, is to create a boys’ band. But where to get the instruments? From Professor Harold Hill of course! Marian, the town librarian, is a piano teacher, and the only one who could expose Professor Hill as a fraud, so Professor Hill sets out to seduce her. Along the way Professor Hill changes as he starts to care for the people he plans to con.

Why the library is awesome!: One of the musical numbers is Marian the Librarian in which Professor Hill attempts to seduce Marian by singing and dancing with her around the library. A library in which the librarian and town dance around singing? You get two in one—items to read and a show.

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11) The Cat Who… Series

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The Cat Who…Series is about amazing reporter  Jim “Qwill” Qwilleran who solves murders with the help of his cats. Qwill was a nationally-acclaimed reporter, until he became an alcoholic and lost everything. The first book, The Cat Who Read Backwards, Qwill is trying to put his life back in order and is searching for a job as a reporter. He joins the staff of the Daily Fluxion as a feature writer. After his landlord, the art critic, is killed, Qwill starts investigating with little clues pointed out by his landlord’s cat, Kao K’o Kung (Koko for short). As Qwill continues his investigations he ends up picking up another cat, Yum Yum. In The Cat Who Played Bhrams, Qwill journeys up north to the small town of Mooseville, and visits an old family friend. He ends up inheriting millions, but in order to get them, he has to remain in Moose County. This changes his life forever.

Why the library is awesome!: Qwill is an avid reader and collects as many as he can afford. When he inherits the money, he also receives a stone mansion with a giant library. It holds thousands of books from rare pieces that are worth millions to secondhand and beloved buys.

For more on The Cat Who… Series, go to The Cat Who Wrote A Blog

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10) The Breakfast Club

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So the movie begins one Saturday morning when five very different students have been sentenced with detention and are stuck with each other. We have Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy), “the basket case” who just came for fun; Andrew Clark (Emilio Esteevez), “the athlete”, who recieved detention for bullying a kid; John Bender (Judd Nelson), “the criminal”, sent there because of his acting up in class;  Claire Standish (Molly Ringwald), “the princess”, caught skipping school to go shopping; Brian Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall), “the brain”, who brought a flare gun to school. At first everyone abides by their cliques, but through the course of the day they all bond together sharing their most personal secrets and working out their dysfunctions.

Why the library is awesome!: A gigantic library with multiple levels and a great sound system! Who wouldn’t want to spend their Saturdays there?

For more on The Breakfast Club, go to The Anniversary of Its Formation

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9) My Fair Lady

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Based on the play Pygmalion, this musical has Professor Henry Higgins (Rex Harrison) is disgusted with how the English butcher their English. As he is complaining, he runs into a cockney-accented, flower girl Eliza Doolittle (Audrey Hepburn). He makes a bet with his friend Colonel Pickering, that he will be able to teach Eliza how to speak so well that people will mistake her for a duchess. Eliza agrees to the bet as she wants to own a high class flower shop. However, they have their work cut out for them, as Professor Higgins methods are helpful, but extremely rude and harsh.

Why the library is awesome!: Henry Higgins may be rude and a jerk, but this professor has one of the best libraries. Why can’t all libraries be like this?

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8) 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

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In the late 19th century, something is destroying ships as they are navigating the seas, cutting huge holes in the sides and completely ruining them. Professor Aronnax, a leading marine biologist, theories that the creature destroying the ships may come from the deepest depths of the ocean, which would give it incredible strength. He joins a crew who has set out to destroy it, taking along his assistant. The ship is destroyed; but Professor Aronnax, his assistant, and whaler Ned Land survive. They find themselves on a giant submarine, the Nautilus, joining its creator Captain Nemo on a journey under the sea.

Why the library is awesome!: This library is a masterpiece as Captain Nemo had thousands of books by the greatest minds. His collection covered science, morals, philosophy, and literature-in every language.

Professor Aronnax: “I thank you for having placed this library at my disposal. It contains treasures…and I shall profit by them.”

For more on 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, go to Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines List

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7) The Mummy (1999)

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In 1290 B.C. Egypt, a high priest Imhotep is caught having an affair with the Pharaoh’s woman. He is put through all the death rites, while still alive, and buried in Hamunaptra. Fast forward to 1932, a French Foreign Legion officer, Rick O’Connell (Brendan Fraser), finds himself in Hamunaptra, but lost in the desert. Three years later, librarian Evie (Rachel Weisz) is approached by her treasure-hunter brother Jonathan, with an artifact that he thinks will lead him to Hamunaptra. They pick up Rick O’Connell as a guide, and find the city. As they search for treasure they discover the mummy, and accidentally awaken him.

Why the library is awesome!: Even though Evie makes a mess, most of us book lovers wouldn’t mind putting the library she worked at back together as it would allow us to check out all those books. Plus it holds a map to a lost city that holds the Book of Life and the Book of the Dead.

For more on The Mummy (1999), go to Part X: The Movie List That Would NOT Die!

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6) Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade

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In this Indiana Jones adventure, Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) is on the search for his dad (Sean Connery) and the Holy Grail. His father had been searching for the artifact and disappeared, causing Indy to pick up the trail. He picks up where his dad left off in Venice with Dr. Elsa Schneider, discovering a clue to the Grail. He continues from there to save his dad on the Austria-Hungary border, and discovers a betrayal stemming all the way from the Nazis

Why the library is awesome!: You have a library that has spiral staircases, stain glass windows, and secret treasure underneath. How cool is that? It does rest over the graves of dead bodies…BUT you hold a key to finding the Holy Grail! That’s a great tradeoff.

For more on Indiana Jones, go to And Away We Go

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5) The Swan Princess

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Derek and Odette were arranged to be married when they were babies. Every summer Odette and her father would visit Derek and his mother in order to get the two to become friends and hopefully, fall in love. The two dislike each other as they don’t like playing with each other. They reach the marriageable age, but Derek messes up with Odette as he tells her that beauty is the only thing that matters. As he runs after them to make up for his stupidity, Odette is captured by an evil wizard and her father killed. The wizard wants Odette to marry him so he can have her kingdom, but Odette says she will never marry the wizard and is turned into a swan, only to become human when the moon touches the pond. Derek searches for Odette and trains himself to be able to handle it. When Derek discovers Odette, the two have to find a way to save her and change her to human.

Why the library is awesome!: So we only see this library for one scene in the film and it rivals that of Beauty and the Beast. Multiple levels, spiral staircases, and incredibly tall ladders to reach everything.

For more on The Swan Princess, go to You Should Write a Book

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4) Harry Potter Series

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Harry Potter discovers that he is a wizard and goes to Hogwarts School, learning magic spells, potions, and having to fight all kinds of creatures.

Why the library is awesome!: Think of all the magical knowledge within in this place? How awesome would it be to roam these stacks and unlock that. Really explains why Hermione likes to spend so much time there.

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For more on Harry Potter, go to A Bit Pottery About Jane Austen

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi3) Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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Buffy is a teenage girl that discovers she is a slayer. She’s equipped with certain abilities that allow her to take down all kinds of monsters-demons, vampires, etc.

Why the library is awesome!: You have a library that holds tons of books for school along with almost anything on the supernatural. Not to mention it doubles as a training area that holds all kinds of weapons. What else do you need?

For more on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, go to Simply Fantastic

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2) The Sandman Chronicles

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The Sandman Chronicles follows the story of the sandman, or Dream. He was captured and imprisoned, but manages to escape after years, and then has to right his dominion and the rest of the world. These series combines Christianity, mythology, Shakespeare, and more.

Why the library is awesome!: The library in Dreaming holds every book ever dreamt of, even those that were never written. How awesome would it be to roam those stacks?

For more on The Sandman Chronicles, go to Dreaming of the Sandman 

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1) Beauty and the Beast

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Belle loves to read and finds it hard to relate to anyone in her town. Her father goes out of town on business and gets lost, staying over at a castle he finds. He upsets the owner and is kept prisoner, that is until Belle offers herself in her father’s place.

Why the library is awesome!: Do I really need to explain how awesome this library is? I’m sure every book lover has fallen in love with it. Multiple levels, spiral staircases, and comfy chairs in front of the fireplace-it’s a dream come true.

Yep:

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For more on Beauty and the Beast, go to You’re Doing It Wrong

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Yep these are some of the greatest libraries ever, and I hope the one I create is even a fraction of these.

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For more on libraries, go to When in Doubt

For more book filled posts, go to Taking in Strays

For more of my favorite quotes, go to Perfectly Imperfect

For more quizzes, go to Fandom Love

Oh NO YOU DIDN’T!

So when someone says something bad about us, we as people tend to get angry.

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We want to make that person pay. We want them to suffer.

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Grab your torches and sharpen your pitchforks!

And that explains how Elizabeth felt after Darcy dissed her at the ball.

You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room,’ said Darcy, looking at the eldest Miss Bennet.

‘Oh! She is the most beautiful creature I have ever beheld! But there is one of her sisters sitting down just behind you, who is very pretty, and I dare say very agreeable. Do let me ask my partner to introduce you.’ [said Mr. Bingley]

‘Which do you mean?’ and turning round he looked for a moment at Elizabeth, till catching her eye, he withdrew his own and coldly said: ‘She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me…”

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What a jerk!!!

How rude

How could he say that? Loser!

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This part of the book always strikes a deep chord with me. Once when I was in middle school I was sitting a bit away from these two boys and accidentally overheard their conversation. Elijah and Kevin were discussing different girls at the school and rating their “hotness level”. Elijah had a girlfriend but Kevin was “on the prowl”. Elijah brought up my name and Kevin said “Nah, all the girls in this school are WAY hotter than her.”

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I was crushed. Utterly upset at what he had said.

Words-Hurt sticks and stones break bones

And it took a while to get over.
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At the time I did nothing. I was a preteen and very vulnerable. Today I think I would have handled it differently. Either:

PridePrejudiceDon'tTemptmeOr:

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Just kidding about the second one. I wouldn’t get into a real fight, instead a verbal beatdown.

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Anyways, I didn’t deal with the situation with the best aplomb. I was angry and upset and wanted to make Kevin suffer.

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I got my payback at a school dance a year later. Kevin had changed his mind about me and was interested, but I didn’t have any of that. He asked me to a school dance and I turned him down, meanly.

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Revenge completed.

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I have to admit that Elizabeth handled the whole situation way better than me and you have to give her major props. It must be so hard to hear yourself compared to your sister constantly in your own home, but out in public? To hear other guys say you aren’t as hot?

ouch Hermione

I mean people want to hear that they are the good-looking ones.

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But Elizabeth is one classy woman. Instead of striking against him, being rude or hurtful; she just let’s it roll of her back.

“Elizabeth remained with no very cordial feelings toward him. She told the story, however, with great spirit among her friends; for she had a lively, playful disposition, which delighted in anything ridiculous.”

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And that is just one of the many reasons why Elizabeth is a totally awesome person.

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For more on Pride & Prejudice, go to Opening With…

For more on Elizabeth, go to First Impressions

For more on revenge, go to All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bet are Off

For more of my favorite quotes, go to The Little Moreland

Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

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You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don’t f*** with the original!

If only Wes had followed his own advice.

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I wish they hadn’t messed with the original. This movie sucked.

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Just plain horrible. You see this all happened because everyone wanted to make another film after Scream 3. Wes told them he wouldn’t, unless the script was as good as the original film. Unfortunately, those dunderheads thought that meant they needed to do a horrible remake of the first amazing film.

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For those of you just tuning in, this is the last of our Screamtastic Saturdays. Every Saturday this month I reviewed one of the Scream films. To read about them before you start this one, go to Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3

Now as you can tell I didn’t enjoy this one. As I watched this film I took a lot of notes on my feelings, A LOT. I’m just going to write them verbatim.

So let’s get started on this travesty…

I don't wanna

I don’t wanna

So the film starts out with two girls (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) hanging out discussing horror films and stuff. One of them has a facebook stalker. It turns out to be ghostface who stabs and kills them both.

Ghostface attacks!

Ghostface attacks!

1&2

Victims 1&2

But wait…

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It turns out that its not real. It is the opening scene from the film Stab 6 that two girls are watching. (Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell).

So that’s the first problem of this film. It was so dripped in big name actors that it was impossible to get into. I mean the original had famous actors too, but this was tooooo jam packed. It’s too much, far too much.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

So Anna Paquin talks too much during the movie that Kristen Bell kills her.

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I know Kristen Bell? Whatever.

3

Body #3

Just kidding

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Yep, it’s just another fakeout. It’s Stab 7  that Julie from Friday Night Lights, I mean Jenny (Aimee Teagarden) and her friend Marnie are watching. After that Jenny goes upstairs to get something, and instead prank calls her friend. The “real” Ghostface comes in and kills Marnie, with Jenny right behind her.

Victim 4 & 5

Victim 4 & 5

And here we have another garage scene that is improbable. I’m telling you, any automatic garage door will not be able to kill someone. They design the mechanisms so that if there is something underneath them, it will cause them to be incapable of being squished.

Duh!

Duh!

And the other problem with this scene is the fact that having two fakeouts was too many. After the two psych-outs, I was not attached to the characters as I was just expecting them to die. It wasn’t scary, mysterious, funny, or good. It was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Plain ol’ lazy writing. Come on Wes, you’re better than this. This is reverting back not evolving.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

So this film, and the first scene, take place 10 years after “The Woodsboro Massacre” or the amazing phenomenon known as Scream. Deputy Dewey is now Sheriff and married to Gale Weathers. Gale has stopped reporting and turned to writing fiction. Sidney has written a book on her experiences and is on tour. In fact, she has just arrived in Woodsboro. And Randy is dead.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Still not over that.

We then see the horrible Emma Roberts getting picked up for school. I hate Emma Roberts. She has no talent whatsoever. She always seems as if she is acting, so I never believe that she is whatever “character” she is playing. She’s like a block of wood. I think she is secretly a robot as she never gives any emotion. None whatsoever. She’s proof that just because one family member has talent, doesn’t mean the rest do.

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I bet she is the killer. She’s all I hate Sidney.  Blah, blah blah…

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Anyways, Jill (Emma Roberts) is being picked up by her friends Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) and Olivia (Marielle Jaffe). Now who are these girls trying to fool? There is no way these girls are in high school they look sooo OLD.

I mean Roberts could pass for 19 at the youngest, but Panettiere and Jaffe? They are clearly are late 20s heading for their thirties. I’m looking it up now…let’s see…Roberts was 20 at the time, Panettiere was 22, and Jaffee was also 22. Okay so they weren’t as old as I thought they were, although they look it. I mean it’s laughable how they think they could pass off people so old as high school students.

Jill and Olivia receive texts from Jenny and Marnie, even though they aren’t close friends or anything…and the two girls are dead (although no one has discovers it yet. Speaking of which where were the parents during all of this? Why weren’t they with their kid? How come it took someone so long to discover the body? Come on now!)

Wes also has a love affair in this film with fake jumps. It’s like every five seconds. Seriously, just stop.

Stop stop it now!

At the station Sheriff Dewey gets called on the scene and I notice something here Wes. Yes…yes…it appears that Dewey no longer suffers from a limp. I see, I see. Dewey  gets to be limp free WHILE RANDY IS DEAD??!!

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Never letting that one go. Moving on.

So Sheriff Dewey is called on the scene and he knows, he just knows

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

So as Sheriff Dewey is looking around, one of his deputies calls him Sheriff Riley. And I was like Whaaaaaaat????? Dewey has a last name?

phil first name agent Avengers phil coulson tony stark pepper potts

Sorry. Back to the film.

So then we zoom to the high school were we have Hollywood’s version of high school students. You know horribly unrealistic and clichéd to the farthest ranges of the imagination. Because in Hollywood:

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Yep, enter super nerd who has a computer hooked up to his headphones so he can blog every moment of his life.

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Really Wes? Have you been to a school and seen real nerds? They don’t dress like that or do that? I mean when Ned’s Declassified did the Nerd has camera/computer hooked up to their glasses they did it to spoof. They weren’t trying to portray the nerd/online/blogger culture. You fail. Big time.

Duh!

Duh!

So then we enter douche boy, Jill’s ex-boyfriend. I mean this is some serious deja vu as he ex is a total creep. I guess douche dating runs in the family.

Girl Please

So during homeroom, everyone’s cellphones buzz with the news. I’m just like, why wasn’t the school notified? When I was in high school we had two deaths. One was a car crash, the other an overdose and the teachers were all immediatey notified before the friends even found out. Same thing in college when a guy committed suicide, and another guy jumped off his balconey as he was high and had a bad trip. Although in college they sent emails and texts to the students, while in high school they told us.

At the bookstore, Sidney is reading an excerpt from her book when Sheriff Dewey comes marching in. He interrupts the signing as they are tracking the phone that placed the calls. They discover it in the back of Sidney’s rental, along with bloody handprints.

dun-dun-duuuun

Back at the station, Sheriff Dewey s dealing with a lot. Gale comes down as her old investigative spirit is still alive. She encounters a huge prob though. Dewey’s deputy, Deputy Judy, has a mondo crush on Dewey. But Gale, she’s not having any of that.

that girl is going after my man she is going to wish she was never born

I love that Gale is still kickin’ butt.

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So Sheriff Dewey decides to put Sidney on 24-hour police protection, and all I can think is do you remember what happend last time? Yeah, it did not end well.

ouch Hermione

You know what almost everyone in this film has drunk the kool-aid. I know that Wes wanted to provide a wide range of “suspects” (totally obvious Jill and Culkin brother/crazy film nerd guy). But he makes everyone seem CRAZY!!! Jill’s ex, the deputy, and that’s not all. Let’s add Sidney’s publicist who delights in the murders because it will sell more books. She actually hopes more will occur. And then we have Sidney’s aunt Kate. “Nobody cares about the fact that it was MY sister that was killed or what I’VE been going through.

Gilmore girls creep

So at this point in the film I’m starting to wonder what happened to Patrick Dempsey? AKA Detective Mark Kincaid. I guess he was too busy being a doctor or maid of honor. Let’s see…Yes to doctor, no to maid of honor. He was trying to protect a bank teller and working with Decepticons. I wish they had given us a clue as why they didn’t stay together. I liked Mark.

Later that evening, Sidney goes to talk to Jill and you know what..how come we have never heard of this aunt and niece before? I mean they have lived in the town their whole life and not once was concerned with Sidney? Like why didn’t she stay with her aunt when he dad was out of town? This Wes, is why you do not try and remake a good thing. Just leave well enough alone.

So Sidney goes in to talk to Jill and sees her creep ex climbing in her window trying to talk to her. He’s extra creepy and weird calling himself “the ninja”. Who nicknames themselves? He is also a total control freak and won’t listen to “no”. What a jerk.

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That night Kirby comes over and she and Jill are watching scary movies. Kirby gets a call from Ghostface that he’s hiding in the closet. She decides to be stupid and looks around, finding no one. Like this guy KILLED people. Maybe you should CALL THE POLICE!!!!

Scream 2

The voice says that he never stated which closet he was in.

Now the house next door is Olivia’s who is home alone (of course). The police offered to walk her to her home but she refused and like the stupid caricatures they are, they agreed. I just realized that policeman in the Scream  films are pretty stupid. Dewey and Mark being the exception. I mean SHE RECIEVED A DEATH THREAT FROM GHOSTFACE EARLIER!!!! WHY IS NO ONE PROTECTING HER!!! So of course, Ghostface is in her closet and kills her.

Victim 6

Victim 6

And her friends just watch.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Seriously, they DO NOTHING BUT WATCH THEIR FRIEND GET SLICED APART. Scream! Call the police!!! Do something!!!!

Sid hears it and rushes over to help. Now Sid I love you, but couldn’t you have brought a weapon with you? How do you expect to save the girl if you have nothing. I mean come on, grab a bat, frying pan, knife, SOMETHING!!!

Sid does manage to take him down as she rules! But when the cops come he’s disappeared? Who is he Michael Myers? How does he move so fast? I mean they did the same thing in Scream 2.

Why weren’t the cops able to find him? WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK??? THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!!! CRAVEN YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN! IT’S LIKE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET ALL FREAKIN’ OVER AGAIN!!!

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Not happy, not happy at all

Gale seduces the two nerds to get them to help her. At first I thought it was funny, but the more I think about it, it’s creepy. I know on Cougar Town you are always with younger men, but this is a 47 year old woman hitting on 17 year olds.

ew! Gross Yuck

PR girl is the devil. I am sorry but the way she gushes about the killings, she needs help.

you're evil

So after she leaves from visiting Sidney in the hospital (minor cut) she runs into Ghostface and is killed.

Victim #7

Victim #7

Now to be honest its her own fault as she really shouldn’t be walking around at night by herself with a killer on the loose. And what’s really stupid was that she was by her car. Just get in and drive away, run him over. Instead she tries to run. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB. I mean come on, you were sitting inside the car! Why would you ever take off?

Girl Please

You know what I just realized. so far the killer has only murdered women. What’s up with that? In the other films it was always equal. How come you’re just killing women Wes? Huh? Why? You know what else? In every film we have couples who are murdered first. Scream– Steve and Casey, Scream 2– Boyfriend and Jada Pinket-Smith, & Scream 3– Cotton’s girlfriend and Cotton. But in this one its only been girls. There’s a formula!

But now, we only have females murdered. What happened Wes, did you have a woman break your heart so now you are releasing your anger on females?

And you know what’s really depressing about this film is that it lost everything. It isn’t a horror parody and a horror film at the same time; It’s just sad and boring. You can tell from the beginning who the killers are (Jill & Charlie [Culkin brother super nerd]). It’s just a recycled plot. A poorly recycled one too.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

I mean each previous Scream brought something new and fresh.

Scream

  1. Parody of the Horror film Genre while still being a great horror film
  2. Twist ending with two killers, and one being the boyfriend.
  3. Obsession with horror films and trying to create their own
  4. Revenge because his mother left.

Scream 2

  1. Parody of sequel films and horror sequels
  2. Debates issue if whether horror films turn people into killers
  3. Twist ending where you think it is the boyfriend murdering, but really ex’s mom
  4. Female serial killer

Scream 3

  1. Parody of trilogy films
  2. Twist ending with mother’s secret early life + half brother
  3. Single killer this time
  4. All the survivors end in a couple-Dewey & Gale, Mark & Sid

Scre4m

  1. Recycled plot
  2. Pop culture of the day inserted but it feels more like an old man trying to be “hip” and failing than avant-garde.
  3. They waited far too long to make this film. It should have come sooner.

So the next day Gale gets Sidney to come speak at the film club at the high school. In return for this, the two geek boys Charlie (the Culkin brother) and his friend blogger- headphones, Robbie, will help her out. Gale thinks the new Ghostface is copying the murders, but the nerd twins point out that it is a remake “as only remakes are being made these days.” Tru dat. In 2011 alone there was Silent House, Gnomeo & Juliet, The Green Hornet, The Roommate, The Mechanic, Just Go With It, Unknown, Jane Eyre, Winnie the Pooh, Arthur, X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian, Real Steel, Straw Dogs, The Thing, Footloose, The Muppets, and The Sitter.

The kids tell Gale & Sidney that if the killer wants to make it intense and new he is going to record the murders. That’s not new, it’s been happening for quite so time now. Just another ripoff.

They decide the next place he will strike is the annual Stab-a-thon. Now you have a killer running about and you refuse to stop your party? Definteky Charlie. He’s the killer. I mean come on, any smart person would be like nope, let’s stop this so people don’t die.

jerk_alert32

So a bunch of the kids dress up in Ghostface masks which is incredibly stupid. I mean you have a KILLER IN THE GHOSTFACE MASK? Why is everyone so STUPID.

Ugh

Ugh

Gale goes there just like in the first film and hooks up some “secret cameras”. The cameras get covered up and Gale calls Dewey before she goes into take care of them. Now the smart thing would be to just wait as it is obvious that Ghostface is the one doing it, but whatever! I mean like even if you feel like you HAVE  to go, why not be extra cautious and take a weapon! I mean, come on now people. She goes and is stabbed by the killer, however, she’s Gale so she just has to go to hospital. That’s cause Gale is awesome.

I just want this film to be over. It is that painful.

So I am liking nobody in this film. Like every character is crazy or stupid. The only exceptions are Gale, Sid, Dewey, and Aimee Teagarden’s character as she tried to run away. Even though I think Emma Roberts is the killer I want her to get stabbed so I won’t have to see her face again this film and hear her horrible acting voice.

Duh!

Duh!

So back at the house Sidney sees something outside. She goes to take a look at it instead of CALLING THE POLICE! Come on Sid, you’re better than that.

Stop stop it now!

So the cops outside Kate/Jill/Sid’s residence are all comedic and talking about movie cops. They say that cops are what you never want to be as they are always “getting it” in films. Uh, not true! What about Dirty Harry? Ain’t nobody taking down Clint Eastwood. Or what about Patrick Dempsey in Scream 3, I mean Wes you freakin’ made that film. Witness? Harrison Ford always dominates! Sidney Poitier In the Heat of the Night or They Call Me, Mr. Tibbs! Mark Wahlberg in The Departed? Die Hard?

Besides why would the black cop be worried that since he is a cop he’s going to killed? He’s got bigger worries, he’s a minority. He’s going to get killed for that. The only horror films I’ve ever seen where the minority doesn’t get killed first and makes it to the end would be Night of the Living Dead and Aliens vs. Predator.

They both get killed.

Victim #8 & 9

Victim #8 & 9

I was actually happy about that as they were annoying.

So someone in this film finally wises up, as Sid grabs a knife to protect her. Ghostface comes and attacks. Yawn! Knew it was going to happen. There is NOTHING original in this film, NOTHING!!!! Wes you have failed, fAILED FAILED FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!

So Kate also gets killed, she was stabbed through a door.

Victim #10

Victim #10

Yawn! Wes you already did that in Scream 2.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

Is it over yet? Is the film done yet? Boo. There’s still 30 mins left! UGH, UGH, BLEH! I would stop watching like a did with An American Werewolf in London, but I promised full reviews of every Scream film and I can’t go back on that.

So Sidney escapes. She starts to head next door to protect Jill.

Next door we have Jill, Kirby, Robbie, & Charlie watching horror films.

So why don’t any of these kids feel remorse for the murdered people? I mean in Scream the main characters weren’t close to Steve and Casey (except Stu) so I could see where it didn’t make the biggest impact. But Sid started feeling when it was Tatum, Dewey, Gale, etc. In Scream 2, the girl in the film class was sad about her friend that was murdered in the movie theater and everyone is heartbroken over Randy.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Then in Scream 3 Cotton’s death, and while the characters didn’t know the movie stars, they were still sad to see them killed. I mean Olivia was their friend as she was MURDERED!!! And you know how they react? Jill in her monotone voice is fine and doesn’t say anything. Kirby goes to the Stab-a-thon in sa freakin’ ghostface mask. A GHOSTFACE MASK! I mean your friend was MURDERED, MUREDERED! And you are wearing the thing that killer wore to murder to your friend. Something is wrong with you all.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

 And you know what, that is the problem with this film. In the other versions you believed the actors were the characters. You believed them. In this film every character except for the 3 survivors are so fake. They have any real emotions. They don’t have any real reactions. They are like robots or something.

metropolis-Robot

Why is everyone dumb in this movie? This movie is horrible and stupid! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! OMG! it’s LIKE HE WANTS TO MAKE A SUCKY VERSION OF AN AMAZING FILM! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY? WHY? WHO GAVE HIM THE MONEY. You all should be held accountable for this!!!!

Is this too crazy?

Is this too crazy?

This is film is a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

big mistake

So the group is hanging out. Trevor comes over as he says Jill invited him. She tells them that is impossible as her phone has been missing. Jill goes upstairs and Trevor follows her. While he is gone, Robbie gets drunk and heads outside for another blog post. When he does this we have the only real scare in the film. He runs into a plant. That’s it folks, so far the plant has been the most scariest and original thing in this travesty. And that’s not even that original.

Back inside, Kirby is trying to seduce Charlie in the most horrible and painful way. It hurt to watch this scene. It was awkward, it was stupid, and it would never happen that way in real life.

ouch Hermione

You know what I’m wondering now? Where are the parents? Come on now, is Jill the only one in town with a parent? They are completely absent! At least in Scream they explaned it. Casey’s parents were out having dinner. Mr. Prescott was going out of town. Mrs. Riley (Dewey & Tatum’s mom) is a single parent. Stu’s parents don’t care and are out of town all the time. Mr. Loomis works late hours and has recently become a single parent. I get that, although they should have done a better job. Scream 2, in college parents aren’t there., although I’m really surprised not one of them came down to check on their kids. Scream 3 all are adults. But these kids have no parents anywhere, nor do they give an explanation except for Olivia She mentions that her mom works late. Its like this whole film is in an alternate dimension where reality plays no part at all. I mean I know its a movie, but explain! Movie EXPLAIN!!!

So this film is far too predictable. You know Robbie who is hanging outside is going to be killed first, then Kirby, then Trevor, and then Charlie. It is soooo obvious.

This is horrible. Why am I watching this? Why?

So Robbie of course is killed, and too his shock as he thinks being gay will save him. I thought that was a weird thing to say. I mean, I can’t think of horror films where a gay person always survive. I mean technically he’s in the minority category and we all know that minorities hardly ever make it to the end of a horror film.

Victim #11

Victim #11

Before Kirby and Charlie could get it on, Trevor comes downstairs. He couldn’t find Jill upstairs. He and  Charlie head to the kitchen, leaving Kirby alone in the living room. Jill comes from downstairs, now how the heck was she there? (I mean obvs to me she’s the killer, but why doesn’t anyone else think that weird?) Sidney runs into the house to warn everyone. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF YOU HAD CALLED THE POLICE FOR BACKUP. Kirby goes down to the basement, while Jill and Sidney go upstairs. Jill hides under the bed.

I don't think so

That is the worse place to hide. Beds and  closets are always checked first.

Sidney comes down to the basement with Kirby and they see Charlie. He wants them to let him in, but Kirby is unsure whether or not she can trust him. Ghostface grabs him and ties him to a chair. Ghostface then calls Kirby.

scary movie mansfield park Scream

The two are going to play a game. Kirby wins, Charlie is free.

The Voice: I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching Stab, instead you get to live it.

Kirby Reed: No. No, no, no, no. He’s the expert. It’s not me.

The Voice: Warm up question: Jason’s weapon?

Kirby Reed: Uh,it’s a machete.

The Voice: There. You see? You do know the genre. Michael Myers?

Kirby Reed: Uh, butcher knife.

The Voice: Leatherface?

Kirby Reed: [crying] Chainsaw! Please!

The Voice: Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?

Kirby Reed: Razor-hands.

The Voice: Name the movie that started the slasher craze: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left or Psycho?

Kirby Reed: Psycho.

The Voice: None of the above! Peeping Tom, 1960, directed by Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the audience in the killer’s POV.

Kirby Reed: Wait. No, no, no. Please, just ask me one more question. Just one more.

The Voice: Alright, Kirby, then it’s time for your last chance. Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the vill…

Kirby Reed: Halloween, uh, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, uh, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When A Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, Piranha. It’s one of those, right? Right?

[silence]

Kirby Reed: I got it right. I was fucking right. [goes outside; unties Charlie] Don’t worry, Charlie. I f****** won. I won. He tried to beat me but I f****** won.

Charlie Walker:[holding knife] Kirby? This is is making a move! [stabs her] Four years of class together and you notice me now? You stupid b****! It’s too late! Shhh, I know. It doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.

[finishes stabbing her and drops her; runs away]

Yep Kirby is dead.

Victim #12

Victim #12

And Charlie was the killer. Totally obvious.

Duh!

Duh!

So deputy Judy comes into play as she discovers Kate’s body and the dead cops. She heads over to Kirby’s house to check on everyone. I still want to punch her crazy-obsessed with Dewey face.

dean_punching_supernatural

Does that make me a bad person?

So Sidney is being chased by Charlie and manages to escape him heading for the door. But Sid, don’t forget, except for Scream 3 there are always two killers. And as she heads for the door…boom Jill stabs her.

Now if Wes wanted to make this really unique. He should have down a group of female killers. It is rare, but does happen. Olivia, Kirby, and Jill. Or deputy Judy. She could be doing all these murders just so she could kill Gale and get Sheriff Dewey. Or he could have not tried making a remake. That would have been fantastic!.

So the two totally obvious killers start revealing the reasoning behind it. Jill was always jealous of her cousin’s fame. And as Emma Roberts…I mean Jill has no talent, she figures this is the quickest way to make her famous.

Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it? This has never been about killing you? It’s about becoming you. I mean, for f***’s sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just gotta have f***** up-s*** happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead, and let’s face it, your ingenue days, they’re over.

Charlie was her new boyfriend that was helping her do this. They plan to have Trevor take the fall for it, stabbing themselves, but shooting him to make it look like “self-defense”. Charlie is happy that the “geek will get the girl”, but Jill tells him sorry and kills him.

Victim #13

Victim #13

You know what I just realized. They never clean the knife. Ever. With all those kids having sex and the amount of diseases that abound, now all I can think is how they’ve been spreading so much to people. They’ve all probably got Chlamydia or something.

Also WHERE ARE THE POLICE!!!??? I mean deputy Judy was right next door!!!

So then Jill kills Trevor and Sidney.

Victim #14 &15

Victim #14 &15

After that she starts taking care of the evidence. Planting the knife/gun. Beating /mutilating herself. Even ripping hair out and putting it in Trevor’s hand.

When the police finally come, they discover her and name her the sole survivor. They cart her off to the hospital. In the hospital Dewey visit Jill, who is all smiles. I have to say nobody is freaked out by the fact she doesn’t care that her best friends, mother, and cousin have all been brutally murdered???!!! Someone ship her off to the psycho ward. That girl is crazy!

Certified Creepo Ribbon

Jill tells Dewey that maybe she and Gale can write about the murders as they have matching wounds. Dewey tells her that Sidney might be able to also help, as she is going to recover.

Say What

Yep, looks like we have Dial “M” for Murder all over again.

“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?

Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.

Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?

Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”

You can’t plan everything sweetheart.

So Jill gets out of her bed and charges down to ICU to get to Sidney.

I don't think so

That is impossible. There is no way she would be able to get across the hospital as they are jam packed with people. Especially ICU. Most ICU units actually are protected by some kind of card swipe or button so that only certain people can go in. There’s no way she’d be able to get to Sidney.

Girl Please

Dewey goes to see Gale, and as he mentions Jill’s comments they both realize that the information about her stabs were not released to the public. There is no way she could have known where Gale was stabbed, unless she had done it herself.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Dewey runs down to get to Sidney, and sees Jill trying to kill her. Sidney is doing a great job as she is Awesome!  Sid you rule! Jill does have an upper hand as she tries to hurt Sidney in her stab wounds. Dewey is trying to help, but gets knocked out by a bedpan. Gale and Deputy Judy also come in, but Jill stole Dewey’s gun and threatens killing Dewey to get Deputy Judy’s gun. After the gun is passed, she shoots Deputy Judy in the chest.

Victim #13

Victim #15

Jill is threatening all and planning on killing them but this is very stupid. She already framed Trevor and gave a statement. How is she going to explain the other dead bodies? Who can she pin the murder of Sidney, Gale, Deputy Judy, and Sheriff Dewey on. Not going to work.

Jill plans in killing Gale next, as Sidney’s wounds have reopened and she seems to be the lesser threat. She is about to when Sidney shocks her with the defibrillator.

Jill tries one last time, but Sid shoots her.

Gale-Randy-Billy-and-Sidney-scream-23148646-499-198

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Sid is awesome!! Best scene in the whole film. Yeah don’t mess with the original baby!!!! Yeah!!! But its not over. What about deputy Judy

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

She’s alive! She was wearing a bulletproof vest. In the end the body count ends at 15.

Victim #13

Victim #15

And Wes I only have one thing to say to you

Over You

So this ends our Screamtastic Saturdays kind of on a bad note, but don’t blame me. I didn’t make this film. Wes did.

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

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For more on the Scream series, go to All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bets are Off

For more modern remakes, go to Keep Clear of the Moor. Beware the Moon

For more serial killers, go to But the Book, It Will Never Close…

For more slasher films, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?

For more on Wes Craven, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

A Bit Pottery About Jane Austen

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So this post was inspired by my ex. Last summer we were watching Sense and Sensibility (1995), as part of a deal we made, and he noticed that a lot of the same actors were in Harry Potter. So I, being the huge Jane Austen fan I am, decided I would compile a list of actors who crossed over from adaptions of the Jane Austen novels into the world of Harry Potter.

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Alan Rickman as Professor Severus Snape in the Harry Potter Series and Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility (1995)

AlanRickmanSnapColBrandon

So many of you out there know of Severus Snape the Potions instructor from Harry Potter. He is first depicted as a mean, bulling, horrible teacher who dislikes Harry with a fiery passion.

Snape

 

Harry thinks Snape is a truly evil character, but it is later revealed that Snape is secretly helping and aiding Harry, working as a double agent against Voldemort.

Oh My Bad

He loved Harry’s mother Lily, and tried to do everything in his power to protect her. Loving her ’till he died.

Snape+Lily

Well Alan Rickman played Severus Snape in all the Harry Potter films, and also played Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility (1995).

Colonel Brandon is one of the best Austen heroes. He has such a sad backstory, but still remains kind and good-hearted. When he was younger he fell in love with a girl, but his father broke them up. He went on to India, but she went down an awful life as she fell in love with a man who left her alone and pregnant. She died young, but Brandon took care of her child, raising it as his own. He then falls for Marianne, not caring that she had no fortune, but instead loving her mind and spirit. He is rich and of high social standing, but doesn’t allow those customs to dictate the ways of his heart. He continues loving her and even though she may not care for him, he still wishes her well.

So romantic!

So romantic!

When she is injured and caught in the rain, he carries her to safety. When she catches a cold and almost dies he travels a great distance to bring her mother to her. He is such a kind, generous, and one of the most amazing Austen men.

Col.Brandon

Both are men who are absolutely romantic, continuing to love their first love and will do anything to help their children. Snape becomes a double agent to protect Harry, all without his knowing. Brandon cares for the daughter of his first love, treating her as if she was his own. They are just amazing characters that you can’t help but love them. Truth be told, I would marry either one.

For more on Snape go to Even After All This Time: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part II

For more on Colonel Brandon go to It’s All Jane Austen’s Fault

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Elizabeth Spriggs as the Fat Lady in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (2001) and Mrs. Jennings in Sense and Sensibility (1995)

ElizabethSpriggsFatMrsJ

The Fat Lady is the portrait that guards the Gryffindor chamber. The kids have to give her the password before they are allowed in.

Mrs. Jennings is Lady Middleton’s mother, Sir John Middleton’s mother-in-law. She is kind and caring, always trying to send the Dashwoods extra food or inviting them to dinner as she knows the family has a fixed budget. She also invites the girls to join her for a season in London, knowing that they could never afford such a luxury. When stupid Willoughby breaks Marianne’s heart, Mrs. Jennings is in her camp and ready to skin him alive. However, her gossipy and meddlesome ways, does at times make her a difficult person to like all the time.

These two characters aren’t very similar, although they both like to state their views. After the first film, they change the Fat Lady, but I don’t care for those depictions as much as I liked Elizabeth Spriggs.

For more Mrs. Jennings, go to Non-Austen Reads for Austen Readers: Homespun Bride

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Emma Thompson as Professor Sybil Trelawney in the Harry Potter Series and as Elinor Dashwood in Sense and Sensibility (1995)

EmmaThompsonProfSybilTrelawneyElinorDash

Now the Sybill Trelawney costume is done so well that many of you probably didn’t recognize her. But Trelawney is played by Emma Thompson, who not only wrote the Sense and Sensibility screenplay, but also was one of the lead characters, Elinor Dashwood.

Professor Trelawney is the divination teacher, and I have to side with McGonagall that I feel she makes up more than what she actually sees. But at times she does see things, such as she predicted the destruction of Voldemort. She also predicted the return of Peter Pettigrew and Voldemort.

Elinor is very different from Prof. Trelawney. Elinor is always sensible and quiet, keeping all her feelings and thoughts inside her head, never spouting them off at random times. She is very serious as everything to keep the house going and family together falls on her.

This two are nothing alike at all.

For more on Elinor Dashwood, go to On the 10th Day ‘Til Christmas

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Gemma Jones is Madam Pomfrey in the Harry Potter Series and Mrs. Dashwood in Sense and Sensibility (1995)

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In Deathly Hallows, Madame Pomfrey is a great healer. She is able to fix everything, from Hermione’s cat appearance to Harry’s broken arm. She is always in charge, cool, collected, and knows just what to do.

Mrs. Dashwood on the other hand is nowhere near the level of Madame Pomfrey. Truth be told we never see how she acts pre-grief, but after the death of her husband she lost in it. Besides the grief/loss, she is also being kicked out of her home, losing everything she owned, forced to move, and is put in conditions she never thought she would be a part of. She does not cope well, both living in the past and doing nothing; leaving everything for her daughter Elinor to take care of.

For more on Mrs. Dashwood, go to A Family Affair

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Imelda Staunton as Dolores Umbridge in the Harry Potter Series and Mrs. Charlotte Palmer in Sense and Sensibility (1995)

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So as Dolores Umbridge she is evil incarnate. I mean the writing lines in your own blood? How horrifying! How does someone like this work around children? Seriously! And keeping Moody’s eye on her door like some great prize!!! What a, I can’t even say the words…just

Jerk

She deserved everything she got from the centaurs.

As Palmer though, she isn’t mean or evil, she is just very loud and prattles on ALL the time. You know the type. She is kind of annoying but you love her relationship with her husband (played by Hugh Laurie)

Mr. Palmer

Anyways, even though Charlotte can be annoying and never stops talking, much better than ugh, Umbridge.

Ugh

Ugh

 

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Robert Hardy as Cornelius Fudge in the Harry Potter Series and Sir John Middleton in Sense and Sensibility (1995)

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Now as Fudge, he’s a horrible man. He chooses to be a little ostrich and keep his head in the sand rather than deal with the issues that are abounding. He is also extremely awful in the way he tries to turn everyone against Harry. He even brings dementors to the school and tries to kill Buckbeak. He then becomes so afraid of losing his job as Ministry of Magic that he goes crazy trying to make Dumbledore the villain.

While some find Sir John annoying I think he is a really nice guy. He can be a bit intrusive and a gossip, involving himself in other’s affairs (primarily Colonel Brandon’s love life), but he still has a kind and gentle heart. When the Dashwood’s are kicked out of their home, he lets them his cottage for a price far under what it is worth. Not only does he do that, but he invites them over to his house daily, supplying them with food and comfort far beyond their current abilty. He is fiercly loyal and caaring for his friends; standing by Colonel Brandon even when others say things about his rash behavior of breaking up the planned outing. He even forgives Willoughby after the whole Marianne issue. Just an extremely kind man (who definitely deserves more love from the Austen community).

These two guys couldn’t be more different.

For more on Sir John Middleton, go to Let’s Hear it For the Boys

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Ciaran Hinds is Aberforth Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011) and as Captain Frederick Wentworth in Persuasion (1995)

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Now in the films we don’t really get a sense of who Aberforth is. He only comes in at the very end; helping Ron, Hermione, and Harry sneak into Hogwarts for the final battle. He ends up joining the last fight, even though he promised he would do nothing to help his brother as he still blames him for his sister’s death.

Similar to Persuasion, his character Fredrick Wentworth also knows how to hold a grudge. He is upset at Anne for having rejected him all those years ago, but unlike Albus, forgives, moves forward, and the two reconcile.

lovedyou Persuasion

For more on Captain Frederick Wentworth, go to A Letter of Love: Persuasion (2007)

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Fiona Shaw was Aunt Petunia in the Harry Potter Series and Mrs. Croft in Persuasion (1995)

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Now here are two characters that couldn’t be more different. As Aunt Petunia, Shaw is just horrible. Petunia is a mean, jealous, cruel, abusive woman. She has always been jealous that her sister Lily had the powers and she had none, therefore unable to go to Hogwarts. She unleashes all her unhappiness and issues on her nephew; locking him in a cupboard, practically starving him, letting her child bully him, etc.

Mrs. Croft on the other hand totally rocks! She and the Admiral’s relationship is so cute as you can see how much the two love each other, so much that Mrs. Croft refuses to stay on land when her husband is at sea, but travels with him as she hates for them to be parted. She also cares deeply about her brother and wants him to be happy. She is so kind to Anne as well and becomes a dear friend to all.

For more on Mrs. Croft, go to Rational Creatures: Anne Elliot, Mrs. Croft, Mrs. Clay, & Louisa Musgrove

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Sophie Thompson as Mafalda Hopkirk in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I (2010) and as Mary Musgrove in Persuasion (1995) AND Miss Bates in Emma (1996) AKA the Gwyneth Paltrow Version

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Now in the film Malfida Hopkirk doesn’t play as large a role as she did in the book. In the film she seems to be really a nothing character, only being there so Hermione has someone to change into when she, Harry, and Ron are breaking into the Ministry of Magic.

In Persuasion Thomas plays Mary Elliot-Musgrove, Anne’s sister and horribly whiny and annoying. She’s kind of like the Mrs. Bennet of Persuasion. She is the younger sister and has always been jealous of her older and pretty sister Elizabeth, and the nice, quiet, sensitive, sister, Anne. Whenever one of them gets attention she just goes on and on whining about how unfair it is.

Person hate talking

Ugh I hate her. I’ll be writing on her more later.

Miss. Bates is a spinster, poor, and dependent on the help of others. She lives through her niece Jane, which subsequently means she will not stop talking about her. Everything makes her think of her, she continuously talks about how perfect she is, going on and on. But unlike Mary, Miss Bates is a nice woman, just lonely and unhappy. But you do understand why Emma has a low tolerance for Jane when she does come to live there.

For more Mary Musgrove, go to For Darkness Shows the Stars

For more on Miss Bates, go to Should We Pity Miss Bates or Strive to Be Her?

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Guy Henry plays Pius Thicknesse in the Harry Potter Series and John Knightley in Emma (1996) AKA The Kate Beckinsale Version

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Now Pius played a bigger role in the books than they give him in the films. In fact, you hardly spend anytime seing him the film, making him pretty nonexistent.

Guy Henry also plays John Knightly in the Emma (1996) and John is so annoying. He doesn’t care what anyone says only what he thinks is right. He is such a wet blanket and AWFUL I have a whole ‘nother post on him.

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For more on John Knightly, go to Take a Chill Pill John Knightley

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Mark Williams played Arthur Weasley in the Harry Potter Series along with Sir John Middleton in Sense and Sensibility (2008)

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As Arthur Weasley, we have the pure, albeit poor, wizard. He is deeply interested in muggle things and always asking questions on what is the purpose of this item or that one.-just utterly adorable!

You're so cute

But don’t let that fool you. He still is a butt-kicking member of the Order of the Phoenix and will do anything in his power to take down Voldemort. He also is a great father to not only his kids, but to Harry and Hermione as well.

Now Sir John is kind and adorable but as said earlier, often people find him annoying.  He can be a bit intrusive and a gossip, involving himself in other’s affairs (primarily Colonel Brandon’s love life). Now in this remake they toned it down from how active he was in the book and 1995 version, causing his mother-in-law to be the one who really is the busybody.

He is fiercly loyal and caring for his friends and just one of the sweetest guys ever.

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Michael Gambon replaced the original Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter Series and is Mr. Woodhouse in Emma (2009)

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As Dumbledore, Gambon plays the extremely powerful professor, who has a ton of secrets and never reveals them to Harry Potter-even though most of them have to do with him. Before the death of his sister he was wild, opinionated, rash-but after he lost her, he became calm, cautious, tempered, and loved by all the students.

As Mr. Woodhouse, he’s completely different. After he lost his wife to illness, he shrunk as a man. He became very fearful; everything could cause issues and pain, like cake, going outside, etc.

The two are similar in that tragic deaths in their past changed them significantly, but unlike Mr. Woodhouse, Dumbledore isn’t afraid of the world, but afraid of himself.

For more on Mr. Woodhouse, go to All By Myself

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All this resulting in:

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and

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and

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and

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and

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and

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For more Sense and Sensibility, go to A Sense of Sense and Sensibility

For more Emma, go to Obviously You Never Met George Knightly

For more on Persuasion, go to Opening With…

For more Harry Potter, go to When In Doubt

First Impressions

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So let’s talk about Mr. Darcy’s first meeting. He made several mistakes.

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Yes, you did. You made a ton of blunders that really led to you demise in the public’s eye.

So we see that when Darcy is first introduced as being one hot guy.

“Mr. Darcy soon drew the attention of the room by his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mein, and…having ten thousand a year…the ladies declared he was much handsomer than Mr. Bingley, and he was looked at with great admiration…”

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talldarkawesome

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That is until he showed how prideful he is

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“[Mr. Darcy] was looked at with great admiration for about half the evening, till his manners gave a disgust which turned the tide of his popularity; for he was discovered to be proud; to be above his company, and above being pleased; and not all his large estate in Derbyshire could save him…”

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1. Not Dancing

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Now I am not big on dancing, I’m like William H. Macy in Wild Hogs

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But to people in Regency era dancing was an important thing. As a woman to be dancing it spoke of your beauty and possibility of marriage. Therefore Darcy giving a huge slight on the town  and the women as he danced with no one. It was like saying no one there was good enough for him.

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It also told everyone that they had no chance at all at gaining his heart as

“To be found of dancing was a certain step toward falling in love…”

Not good Mr. Darcy, not good at all.

Ouch

Ouch

But in his defense he only knows a few people, and it can be hard to dance in front of strangers, especially if you are dancing with a stranger.

“You know how I detest it [dancing], unless I am particularly acquainted with my partner.”

I know I couldn’t do it. Mr. Bingley tries to introduce him to people, but Darcy just shuts him down. True it sounds rude, but I believe that Darcy is just socially awkward.

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2. Pride

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Yep, Darcy comes off as a regular tool, the way he acts above everybody else.

“he was discovered to be proud; to be above his company, and above being pleased…”

Jerk

He only dances two dances, one with Mrs. Hurst (Bingley’s sister) and Miss Caroline Bingley. He also only talked to the people within his party, declining to be introduced to anyone else.

How rude

“His character was decided. He was the proudest, most disagreeable man in the world, and everybody hoped he would never come there again.”

Good riddance

Good riddance

However, I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. It can be hard when you are in a new area. Sometimes you can come off being ruder than you mean to be.

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I used to be like that a lot. People would tell me they thought I was a snob before, and glad that they were mistaken. I never realized that my self-consciousness was giving off that kind of vibe. In fact I feel bad for Darcy, as for him it was the same way. He never realizes the way he may portray himself or the attitude he gives off until Elizabeth tells him.

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3. Slighting Elizabeth

Ooooh Darcy, this is where you really dig yourself into a hole.

“She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me.”

Ouch

Ouch

Sorry Darcy, I have nothing to say to defend you. You said such a cruel thing and she tells her friend and family. Her mother spreads the story around and Darcy, you’re coffin is sealed.

Good riddance

Good riddance

 

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So this clearly shows that we need to watch our actions and how we present ourselves to people. First impressions last a long time and take forever to overcome.

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Also that even though Darcy is hot and rich, its personality that will always win over as everyone was willing to forget trying to win his heart, once they felt his personality was a huge zero.

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Yep personality will always win out:

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And it’s a good thing for us that Darcy has a beautiful soul to go with his body. It just takes a bit of time for us and Elizabeth to see it.

Laurence Olivier Mr. Darcy

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For more on Mr. Darcy, go to It’s All Jane Austen’s Fault

For more on Pride and Prejudice, go to Just Can’t Get a Break

For more on Elizabeth Bennet, go to How to Catch a Man

For more on first impressions, go to Happy Birthday Pride & Prejudice

For more on Regency Era, go to Definitely Not Mr. Darcy

For more on tall, dark, and handsome men; go to Gone Forever

For more on Maya Angelou, go to A Woman’s Heart

For more of my favorite quotes, go to Food, Food, Food!

For more on Wild Hogs, go to Part VIII: The Little Movie Lines List

For more on George of the Jungle, go to Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines’ List