It Doesn’t Exist

Ever feel as if finding the right guy is impossible?

Men&Mon

It’s like every guy you know is a loser.

HOrrible guy Sabrina Teenage Witch

That is if you can even meet single men.

Dontknowanysingleattractivemenilovelucy

They have the worst lines (I wrote a whole post on that). I mean one time I had the same guys in a corvette hit on me two days in a row. You’d think they’d get the point that I’m not interested and that they should really invest in some new lines.

No

Not to mention how guys seem to treat girls these days. The act like you are just a commodity and that you need to be giving of your whole self just because they’re willing to drop a couple bucks for food.

StarTrekBonesMcCoyPoorGirl PM

And if you refuse they call you names and say that you are being a prude, poor sport, b*****, or worse.

StoplisteningtoYouBigBangTheory

No wonder we girls are obsessed with fictional men.

SingleOnlyGoodMenFictionalAustenland

It sometimes feels as if you will never find anybody. As Marianne in Sense and Sensibility puts it:

NevermeetamanIcouldLove

I mean aren’t there any good men anymore?

HighstandardsExtraordinary

But don’t give up.

findperfectguy

That dream guy is out there. It may take him a while, but eventually you two will meet up.

SomedayPrinceWillComeMostLikelyLost

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For more on Marianne Dashwood, go to Some Things Never Change

For more Sarah Dessen, go to The Final Chapter

For more on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, go to Food, Food, Food!

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What is This Thing?: Phantoms (1998)

Just what is this thing? Chaos, chaos in the flesh.

Phantoms is a 1998 film that is based on the book by Dean Koontz. The story is very creepy, and I was surprised at how well the film was done. I thought it was going to be done in a very stupid, silly way; but it was the essence of creepiness. The only thing I didn’t care for was Liev Schreiber, I felt that he didn’t portray the character very well in the beginning. I wouldn’t have chosen Rose McGowan either, but she did surprisingly well. I loved Ben Affleck as the sexy Sheriff and love interest. I love Ben Affleck though, I mean who doesn’t? They changed the film from the book, as expected, but the changes do not destroy the film, thank goodness. If you’d like to watch the film go here. So the film starts out with Dr. Jennifer Pailey bringing her trouble-making sister Lisa to live with her. They are hoping the change of scenery will help straighten her out as she was involved with gang members in Los Angelas.

I want to go back to LA

When they reach the town, it is empty. Like really empty. There is no one out and about even though they are in a ski town, in the middle of winter with great snow.

Gilmore girls creep

They continue on home. When Jennifer gets there she finds her housekeeper dead. All the life had been sucked out of her and she looks burned.

[Note: Pic from The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms not Phantoms

[Note: Pic from The Giant Behemoth not Phantoms]

OMG

The girls are widely freaked and decided to head to the sheriff’s. But there is one problem, their car won’t work.

Oh no!

Oh no!

The girls hurry on to the sheriff’s office where they find a deputy, burned and blackened. He appears to have shot his gun at something, but they don’t find any traces of it, except shells. Dr. Jennifer grabs a gun and the two run off to the bakery, as it is getting dark and they are really freaked out. They head to the baker’s, running quickly as they hear sounds as if someone is following them. When they get there the oven goes off revealing severed heads!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

The girls are completely grossed out and confused when the Sheriff (who ex-FBI) finds them.

Hello Sexy!

Hello Sexy!

With him are his two deputies Steve Shanning (Nicky Katt) and Stuart Wargle (Liev Shreiber) have come to investigate. They decide the best thing to do is go to the sheriff’s department, and just when they do every single horn, siren, whistle, bell, etc. goes off and then suddenly stops. The only lights left on are down on the Candleglow Inn up the street.

What the

They check it out and see that only four guests are registered. The Sheriff and Stu go upstairs, while the girls stay behind with deputy Steve.

While the sheriff is upstairs he goes into a room and starts looking through an opening in a closet. When he does he sees a vision of a young boy with a gun, which disappers. You see when the Sheriff was FBI he accidentally shot a boy, which made him quit and turn to small town life.

Aw! Look at his face. :(

Aw! Look at his face. 😦

Stu goes in the other room and finds a beautiful, dead woman. He sits next to her and puts his hand up her leg…

ew! Gross Yuck

What a perv!

Certified Creepo Ribbon

Then the Sheriff walks in. He lets it go, even though he is severely grossed out as he knows what Stu was doing, but he needs every man he can get as he has no idea what the situation is.

The Sheriff has Stu watch the hall as he continues checking things out. Stu comes on to Lisa who tells him flat out no, she is not digging that.

I don't think so

Dr. Jennifer joins the Sheriff and they discover that a bathroom locked from the inside (that has no other windows or doors) is empty, with something written on the mirror in lipstick. The writing says “Dr. Timothy Flyte–The Ancient Enemy“.

Phantoms Timothy Flyte Ancient Enemy mirror Note

 

The two have no idea who Dr. Flyte is but intend on finding out.  In another empty room they find a bunch of metal objects like jewelry, buttons, watches, gold teeth, a pacemaker, etc.; concluding that this thing, whatever it is strips a person completely of everything, if it chooses.

EW!

EW!

They go back into the lobby to regroup and figure out their next step. But then they suddenly hear a woman crying out “Help me!” and Deputy Steve rushes out to save her. The Sheriff follows him, but when he gets outside all that is left of Steve is his shoes and a gun.

What the

They head back to the Sheriff’s office and put the dead deputy in a body bag. They then call for help–military, Dr. Flyte, anybody, but the line was so bad they don’t know whether or not it went through.

AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! [Note: from When a Stranger Calls not Phantoms]

Bryce and Stu go through the dept. and pull out all their ammunition getting ready for–whatever the thing is that is trying to attack them. The lights go out and the creature takes on a Alien/The Thing (1982) feel. The next thing you know, Stu is dead.

victim

Too be honest, good riddance. He was a creep and I didn’t like him.

IDon'tTrustHimGreatGatsby

They also put Stu in a body bag and wait out the night.

We then switch to another part of the country- Dr. Flyte. Dr. Flyte (Peter O’Toole) is a tabloid worker in New York City. He used to a professor at Oxford, but they let him go as they felt his writings were “too silly”.

Phantoms Swine Peter O' Toole

 

Two FBI agents ask him to go to the small, winter, town of Snowfield to help solve what the “thing” is.

Back in Snowfield the three survivors are trying to figure out what to do next. Lisa tries to take a nap while the Sheriff tells Dr. Jen about how the monster called up the incident with the young boy. The two are interrupted when Lisa asks the Sherif to walk with her to the bathroom. He checks it and finds it clear. Lisa begins to smoke when she hears a squealing noise coming out of the drain.

Psycho-Shower

She checks out the bathroom stalls (much like Scream) and finds the Deputy Stu there!

im-back

 

Scream-Casey-Becker-drew-barrymore-31896958-2560-1088

In the book the “Phantom thing” was more like the Blob from The Blob (1958); although it could take on the shape of other things, or create small phantom pieces of itself. In the film, however, the “Phantom” embodies the form of Stu, which is understandable from a filmmaker point of view. It doesn’t copying The Blob at all, as I mentioned earlier copying The Thing. Just like The Thing, the “phantom” takes on the appearance of something. This wasn’t a horrible decision as I bet it was easier to film. They also did a lot of blackout or limited lighting when the creature was in its true form, which allowed it to remain creepy as your imagination creates it. The director of It (1990)  should have used the same technique, it would have been a better film.

I didn’t really care for Liev Schreiber, and thought he could have been much creepier. Instead he just comes off as a pervert. This film has actually ruined him for me in all other films. When I watch Kate & LeopoldScream, Scream 2, Scream 3, Lee Daniel’s the Butler, or X-Men Origins: Wolverine; I keep expecting him to do something perverted to all the women.

Yes I am

Yes I am

Anyways, back to the story. So the Sheriff goes into the bathroom and can’t find anything. They go down to check the body bags, but both are empty.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile Dr. Flyte is on route to Snowfield with military General Leland Copperfield, some mobile labs, an armored strike van, etc–all ready to take on whatever the “thing” is. They ask Dr. Flyte about “the Ancient Enemy”. Dr. Flyte explains that there were creatures, he calls “Ancient Enemy” who are amoeboid shapeshifters. This Ancient Enemy rarely feeds, but when it does, the effects are devastating and it was theorized that the Enemy either caused or aided in the extinction of the dinosaurs, the destruction of the Mayan civilizationRoanoke disappearance, the missing army of Nanking, China in 1939, etc. And the town appears to have been built on the home of one of these “Ancient Enemies”.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

The group arrives to Snowfield and the three survivors come to meet the army. The next thing you know, “the thing” has taken out almost the whole team using its shape-shifting qualities and the pipes/sewers. Now these scenes are pretty intense. I was watching them and screaming and my roommates were all, are you ok? I highly recommend watching this film.

General Copperfield is last of the military to be killed; as a pair of oily black tentacles seeps up through the pavement, penetrates his hazmat suit, and smothers him.

[Note: From The Mist]

[Note: From The Mist]

This leaves Dr. Flyte, Sheriff Bryce, Jenny, and Lisa as the remaining survivors..

He’s dead but the “Phantom” uses his body as a mouthpiece and begins speaking to the crowd.

 “My Flesh. Study it. Write the gospel. But do not try to leave. Witnesses to the Miracle.”

Phantoms

The body then falls to the ground and an oily black substance comes out along with a gecko, of which the group is supposed to get a sample of. Dr. Flyte begins to analyze the sample, coming to the conclusion it has lived in the depths of the earth for eons, growing to immense size, and absorbing knowledge from its prey. It can separate off parts of Itself to send as drones, warriors, phantoms, etc.–having them assume the shapes of anything or anyone It has absorbed; even of people or monsters from memories and dreams.With these, It has manipulated Bryce, Jenny, and Lisa into bringing Dr. Flyte here, to be Its prophet, and to write Its gospel. For It has begun to think of Itself as God–or the Devil. Indestructible. All-Powerful. Immortal. Unstoppable.

This is bad. Very bad.

This is bad. Very bad.

Dr. Flyte’s analysis reveals that It is similar to oil and if they are able to make the same kind of bacteria that eats away at oil spills, they may just have a chance at stopping it. They create cultures and prepare for the final battle.

Dr. Flyte goes out and calls to the creature.

Fantomy_Phantoms_1998_1266246010-25163.jpg

He tells It that he needs to see all of it in order to write Its “gospel”. He says that the others are creating a weapon against It, that they don’t believe in It like he does. It appears first as a single person, but then becomes all 400 residents of the town, merging and melding into one swirling mass, which resolves Itself into an immense, hideous, upright millipede.

The Sheriff, Jenny and Lisa run and fire the guns loaded with the bacteria culture  into It. This causes It to scream.  Jenny and Lisa run for shelter into the nearby deputy’s office, to reload their guns but are pursued by a drone of Deputy Stu.

Deputy Wargle: Oh, you've got some guns, ladies, you wouldn't shoot an unarmed man, would you? [both women cock shotguns and point them at him] Deputy Wargle: That's a dumb question.

Deputy Wargle: Oh, you’ve got some guns, ladies, you wouldn’t shoot an unarmed man, would you? [both women cock shotguns and point them at him] That’s a dumb question.

They empty their shotguns into him, knocking him down, and blowing away huge chunks of his legs and arms. Tentacles shoot out of his arm and leg stumps. The girls run away and and he follows, but is killed by Dr. Jen as she shoots him with the last of the culture.

The bigger entity is falling apart and the Sheriff follows the last of It down into the sewer, finding him face to face with the boy that he killed. He hesitates, and while he does so, a tentacle shoots out of the boy’s mouth, and knocks him down. His gun with the culture is stolen by It. It pulls the vials out and starts taunting the Sheriff. In response to It’s mockings the Sheriff pulls out his gun and shoots the vials, causing the bacteria to spread all over.

Hello Sexy!

With one final ear-shattering scream It is gone, and Bryce makes his way back to the others. As a helicopter arrives to rescue them, Dr. Flyte announces to the others that the Entity has won after all: It wanted him to tell the world, and that’s just what he’s going to do. Everything seems to end well, or well enough. Dr. Flyte has his story and will win back his prestige; Sheriff Bryce  is no longer traumatized about killing the boy; Dr. Jen and Sheriff Bryce have found each other; and Lisa and Dr. Jen have bonded. Sounds as perfect an ending you can get for a horror film.

TheEnd_Title_2

Uh, uh uh. Not quite yet!

We switch to a scene in a bar where Dr. Flyte is in TV talking about It and how it may still be out there waiting. One of the guys in the bar turns to his companion and says its a lot of hooey. A strange laugh is heard and at the end of the bar is Deputy Stu Wrangle, showing that It is still alive.

dun-dun-duuuun

So it really was a good film, and I’m telling you the scenes with the creature are super creepy!!! You’ll love them if you love scary movies!

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So unlike the other facebook cover pages I have made (and you should have guessed by now that practically every post has one) I made two for this one as the first one wasn’t working out right. Here’s the second one for those of you interested.

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Comment below which you think is better!

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to Unleash the Savage Instincts That Lie Hidden Within

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For more monster movies, go to Let Them Fight

For more films based on books, go tA Bit Pottery About Jane Austen

For more on Rose McGowan, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

For more on Ben Affleck, go to Pot o’ Gold

Heeeeee’s BA-CK!

im-back

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So last year, there was this freshman boy, Verne, that kept hitting on me. He just sat with me one day when I was waiting for a friend, (click here to read), and I was my typical cool self. I thought, what are the odds of seeing him again? Not very high, that’ll be the end of it.

Hahahahahaha,

Hahahahahaha,

Oh, ho, ho. I was sooooooooooooo wrong. I went out bowling with my friends and guess who just happened to be bowling as well, right next to me. Yep, it was him. (My life should be a movie or a TV show) To get the full story, check it here. I told him I had a boyfriend, which was a lie, but thought that would end it completely. Right?

You never learn

You never learn

That’s right. It was not the end. So we had another encounter, he found me when I was on my way to class. And again I thought this was it, this was the end.

Really? Really? After all that has happened?

Really? Really? After all that has happened?

Yep, he entered my life again. My friends and I went to a Halloween dance and he came, but luckily I had my friends there to run interference for me.

So after that, I didn’t really run into him again. If I saw him I would abruptly away and flee whatever direction he was going in.

I use this picture so much I should just make it my widget!

I use this picture so much I should just make it my widget!

One time we almost ran into each other, but I hid behind some bushes until he was gone.

stock-hiding-behind-bush-2

But the other day, as I was walking to class I ran into him again.

im-back

He saw me on the second floor and called out to me. I quickly got out of there and continued on my way. I hope this doesn’t mean a return to my life.

AHHHHHHH!!!!

AHHHHHHH!!!!

To read the Verne Saga from the beginning, go to Flirting With Disaster

For more on scenes of my everyday life go to It’s That Time Of the Year Again

The Return of the Verne

So if you have been following the Verne saga, you are well aware of his habit of popping up in random places and trying to talk to me/convince me to go out with him.  I hadn’t seen him in weeks, and was convinced the reign of terror was over. (J/K it wasn’t that terrifying). But it wasn’t over. Just like in Return of the Living Dead, nothing is ever truly over, they only just begin once again.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

So I went to a dance this week, and me and my friends were just cheering and having fun hanging out, when I look across the room and there he was! Verne! I want to be a lawyer Verne.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m not particularly proud of this but I hid away from him, and had my friends run interference for me until he ultimately left. I know that’s mean, but all I wanted was a nice time with my friends and no one to bother me. It was a great night beside that.

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To read the rest of the Verne Saga; check out Flirting With Disaster, Bowled Over, and Bad Penny.

I Don’t Belong in the World: Carnival of Souls (1962)

I don’t belong in the world

Carnival of Souls is a very creepy movie! It was simply fantastic! I highly recommend it for anyone out there who is into creepy films as this one really fits the bill. It was made in 1962 in three weeks on a very low budget. It was categorized as a B horror film, and due to problems with the distributing company, (it went out of business), it failed to be as big of a hit as it could have been. However, it is now a cult classic and loved by many. If you want to watch the film click here.

****FYI Spolier Alert****

The film starts off with this girl, Mary, who is out in her car driving around with her friends. They run into these guys who challenge them to a drag race, and as every young adult does in ’50s and ’60s movies, they agree.

As I’m sure you have already guessed, it does not turn out well. In fact the girls’ car ends up going right over a bridge and crashing into a river. The police spend three hours dragging the water searching for the car or the bodies, when something strange happens……

Hey guys! How ya doing?

Mary walks out the river UNHARMED! She is pefectly fine, just dirty and for some strange reason doesn’t remember what happened to cause her to escape unharmed.

However after this episode Mary isn’t at all like herself. She is colder, and wants to isolate herself. She even speaks at one time how she hates being with her parents, calling them “those people”, a feeling she had never expressed before. She ends packing up and moving to Utah where she will be an organist for a local church.

HOWEVER, this is were the film starts to get REALLY CREEPY. I recommend making sure you watch this late at night in the dark for optimal effect.

So she’s driving along on the way to this town and notices this pavillion in which she feels a connection to, but shrugs it off. She continues driving along a deserted road…everything is going great when all of a sudden……

A FLOATING FACE APPEARS IN HER WINDOW!!!!!!!

OMG this part scared me so bad when I first watched it! She’s out on this deserted road and all of a sudden a face without a body APPEARS FLOATING OUTSIDE HER WINDOW!

And this guy is no looker! He’s a majorly creepy dude!

Hello Mary

After that scare, she somehow makes it to a gas station to get directions to the boarding house she is going to stay at. She also asks the attendent about the pavilion. He tells her that it used to be a carnival.

(Okay now we can totally tell that something creepy is going to go down in that Carnival. The anticipation is rising!!!!!)

So she gets to the boarding house where we have a somewhat comedic landlady. Mary is starting to feel better about what happened, shrugging it off as being tired and scared. The next day she visits the church and starts practicing.Everyone is touched by her lovely organ music, it is as sweet as the songs of angels!

(Now I know that organ music can be lovely to some, but to me it always makes me think of creepy monsters such as the Phantom of the Opera or Dracula.)

The minister gives Mary a ride home and she asks to see the carnival.

This movie has some really beautiful cinematography. If you don’t watch it for the horror                                                                              one should watch it for that.

So Mary returns home, still confused as to what her connection to the place must be. Her neighbor John, tries to come on to her but with really lame lines and Mary is just not having any of it.

As she is finally able to get rid of the loser, she looks outside……………..ONLY TO SEE THE FACE AGAIN!!!!!!

AND HE COMES INSIDE THE HOUSE! Mary runs out of her room to look, and THERE HE IS WALKING THROUGH THE DOOR!  AND STARTS TO CLIMB UP THE STAIRS!!!!! HE’S COMING FOR HER!!! RUN MARY! RUN!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mary does run up to her room. And there’s a knock on the door and…..and…..and…..and….and….

It turns out to be the landlady! And she hasn’t seen anyone walking around the house. (Hmm….very suspicious!)

The next day John tries to come on to Mary again and we find out that he reeeeeeeeeeally likes to drink. Mary is very much still uninterested and goes on to buy a new dress.

Then the strangest thing happens. Mary tries on her dress and goes out to talk to the salelady about the hem…..When NO ONE CAN HEAR HER. NO ONE SEES HER. AND SHE CAN’T HEAR ANYTHING.

She changes and wanders aimlessly through the town trying to figure out why she can’t be heard or seen or hear anything.Eventually her hearing comes back and she continues on her way.

She goes to get a drink of water from the drinking fountain when a man comes upon her…….

I’m Back!

Luckily as Mary is running away in fear she happens to run right into a psychiatrist.

Literally. He just happened” to be running about in that area.

He takes her to his office so that she can talk to him and they can work out what she is feeling. And what she thinks she is seeing. He tells her that the only way to truly get over these hallucinations is to go to the carnival. The carnival is where everything began.

She goes and hopes that everything will be better for her. That the nightmare will be over.

The next day she goes to work and starts out playing a lovely song in the church…when all of a sudden………something comes over her and she plays devilish, creepy, horrifying music.

What’s coming over me?

Her hellish music causes her to lose her job, and she goes on home. She ends up going out with John as she is so freaked out and doesn’t want to be alone, but that doesn’t turn out to be any good; as Mary is still so cool and icy. She has a major freakout thinking she sees the creepy guy everywhere, and John takes her home. Mary rushes into her room, with John following hoping to get lucky. She looks up in the mirror expecting to see John when who should be there but…..

THE CREEPY GUY! THE GUY IS KISSING HER!

Mary looks up in shock, and screams. John is also freaked out and takes off to the safety of his room.

The next day she takes her car in to be looked at, only to have another experience with the creepy guy! She runs off scared for her life! And then no one can see or hear her anymore. She keeps seeing creepy dead people everywhere she goes.

But just like before, everything goes back to normal. She can hear and others can hear her.

She runs to the psychiatrist’s office, so confused and upset; pouring out all her feelings and emotions to him.

When what should happen but………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The CREEPY FACE MAN!

But then Mary wakes up in her car. Was it all a dream? What is happening to her?!

She runs to the carnival, once again to try and get where it all began to end it all. But that is where it really gets creepy. Men and women rise from the water and they do a creepy dance of death. The dance that Mary sees herself in!

The creepy guy and company follow her and chase her to the beach where they all grab her and everything fades to black.

The next day the minister and psychiatrist are looking for Mary. They find her shoes, footprints, and what looks like signs of a struggle on the beach, but there is no Mary to be found.

Back in Mary’s town the police have finally been able to drag the river bottoms and get the car out.

However, they are in for a big surprise as there are THREE bodies in the car. Mary’s body is in the car!

dun-dun-duuuun

I thought it was a simply fantastic movie! Some pieces are predictable, but the creepiness lives throughout.

I hope you enjoyed the first of these posts as there are more to come.

Here is a cover page I made for my facebook as part of my countdown to Halloween:

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Fo more on B Horror films, go to Eternal Punishment for Anyone Who Opens This Casket

For more on carnivals, go to A Tale So Strange It Must Be True

For more on cult classics, go to They’re Coming to Get You Barbara

Walkin’ Round

I don’t have a car, so I’m the type of girl who will walk around all over the place. No matter how far it is, if there is a sidewalk that leads to it; off I will go. If there is no sidewalk, than I usually try to find a friend to take me. 😉

One thing that I hate about walking around, and ALWAYS happens to me, is that guys will always shout stupid things at me or honk their horns. Let me just say that girls DO NOT find that attractive or fun. We find it icky.

ew! Gross Yuck

So the other day I’m out walking to work, I pass some guys and they do the standard yelling weird things they think are cute/funny but are LAME!

I keep walking along, when this car pulls up to me. It’s kind of freaky so I start walking faster.

The person in the car starts following me and yelling Hey! Hey! Now I’m no longer scared but pissed. Who is this jerk? Why are they following me like this. I turn around to yell at them

Don’t mess with me!

When I turn to look and see that it is my friend Emily.

She had seen me walking and wanted to offer me a ride since we work together. Talk about embarrassing!

I just told her the truth about how I was so used to stupid guys yelling dumb stuff that I was totally ignoring her.

Welcome to Embarrassing Moments R US!

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For more of everyday life, go to Doors of Death

For more on The Godfather, go to Bad Penny

For more on freak-outs, go to A Trip to the Mall Turns Into the Twilight Zone

For more on mess ups, go to You May Screw Up, but You’re Not a Screw Up

Bowled Over

So last week I wrote a post, Flirting With Disaster, on how awful I am with flirting. I also mentioned that this guy Verne came over and tried to flirt with me, but had a major fail. Well the story didn’t end there.

The other day I went bowling with some friends. We were having fun and hanging out. Everyone was making fun of my unique bowling style, which involves the bowling ball going reeeeallllly sloooooow. I mean it goes as slow as the girl in the Disney film Alley Cats Strike!

So my turn came up and I went up to the ball return, looking for the one I had been using when all of a sudden the a guy from the group next to us says:

“Hey I see you have a mustang on your shirt. Do you like to ride in them?”

I look up to see what kind of loser is trying to come on to me with that lame line and then it hits me………………………..

It’s VERNE!

Verne, I want to be a lawyer Verne. The Verne who wouldn’t leave me alone that day!

I was so shocked at running into him again, that I shouted you’re VERN! Then he realized who I was.

Unfortunately, sparking his memory of me didn’t really help me out that night.He told me that he had been high that whole day and actually remembered very little about me. To “make up” for this he spent the rest of the night trying to get to know me.

BoothBonesNo bowlingtonight

I also found out from him that not only did he like to get high all the time, but he liked to party all the time. I am just not into guys who just want to kill off their brain cells with drugs and alcohol, oh no not for me.

Then he tells me that he is going to be doing maintenance, “because he is really good with his hands”.

UGH! Gag Me!

ew! Gross Yuck

Like what part of that line am I really supposed to find attractive?

No

So at the end of the night he tells me he’s going home but would like to get my number.

In my head I’m like

So I’m about to tell him I don’t give my number out to strange guys who party but I only get as far as:

I can’t. I don’t give out my number because…

When he interrupts me and says:

Oh you have a boyfriend?

I know it’s wrong to lie, but I saw this as an easy out and went with it

Well kinda, yeah I do. Sorry! 

Just call me Pinocchio

Hey I could have been mean like I’ve been with other guys. I figured this lie wasn’t too painful. Hopefully my nose doesn’t start growing, I think it is just right as it is.

But that is not the end of it. Check out Bad Penny

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For more on Alley Cats Strike, go to Friday Night Fun

For more on bowling, go to This Isn’t Love, This is Ecstasy

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For more on Disney, go to What’s Your Line

What’s Your Line

Guys have the stupidest lines in the world. And what really gets me is when you try and help a guy out and tell them what to say that would be better at getting the girl’s attention and they tell you:

“You’re not a guy, you don’t know anything”

Oh of course, I’m just a girl so I must “have no clue” what girls like. I mean seriously!

For all the guys out there here are some lines that have guys used on me that you should not use. Repeat: You should NOT use these.

 

“How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!”

That is just sooooo lame. I don’t know anyone who would be into that

“If you where a pirate would you want your parrot on this shoulder? [Puts hand on shoulder closest to him] OR this one? [Puts hand on shoulder farthest away, therefore having arm around girl’s shoulders]

This will cause the girl to push you away, and yell at you. I mean who do you think you are coming up to someone you don’t know and doing that?

“Hey want to have my friend’s baby?”

Puh-leaze! What on earth made you think that was a great line? Most likely you will be slapped.

“Hey babe, wanna give me a refresher course in the female anatomy?”

Heck no loser! Another candidate for getting slapped.

“Hey babe, those are great pants! You’d look better with them off thought.”

Like seriously what about that is going to make me want to spend time with you? Another slap.

“Guy: I wish I could have what I need to be happy

Girl: You deserve to be happy

Guy: Great so that means were going out!”

Excuse me? I did not say that I was going to bring your happiness. Slow down crazy!

“Do you know karate? Cause your body’s kicking!”

Whatever your friends may say, that line is not gold but LAME. One time a guy asked me that and I said I did and was a black belt (not a complete lie) and that got the guy to leave me alone!

“Do you like your eggs fried or fertilized”

Gross and deserving of another slap.

“[Jumping out of a bush] Will you go out with me?”

Sorry I don’t date STALKERS! Seriously, presentation is important! Don’t act like a creep!

“Hey I’m cheap. You can have me for a chicken dinner. I’ll make you a winner!”

Ick. Now I’ll have nightmares for days

“Hey take me home tonight, we’ll have a dance party!”

No way Jose! And that line is muy es tonto!

“You must be tired because you’ve been running through me dreams all night!”

Yeah well, I didn’t take a pit stop there. LAME!

“You should come over tonight and be my nurse. Help me with my health.”

Yeah right perv, the only role playing I want to do is where you are a soccor ball so I can kick you.

I’m really good with my hands!

Ick! That’s so disgusting I don’t know what to say to it.

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These are all I can think of today, but I’ll probably post more. I’m always being hit on by weirdos. It’s like I have some scent that attracts them. Post a comment with any lame lines that you have been hit on by a guy or girl and your reaction!

I found this online, and it will be my response from now on.

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For more on Disney, go to Cinderelly, Cinderelly

For more on modern times, go to Where Oh Where Can it Be?

For more on Beauty and the Beast, go to According to Disney

For more on Gaston, go to There’s No One Like Gaston

For more on Cinderella, go to Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines List