What Do They Want You For? Murder: Silver Streak (1976)

What do they want you for?

Murder.

Drop me off anywhere along here okay? I don’t mess with the Big M.

So I don’t know about you all but one of my favorite actors is Gene Wilder:

It is a spoof of the thriller, disaster, and mystery films. In fact it reminds me of the Alfred Hitchcock film The Lady Vanishes, but definitely more ’70s flavor.

George Caldwell (Gene Wilder) is a quiet book editor that is traveling from Los Angeles, CA to Chicago for his sister’s wedding. He is hoping for a quiet time alone on the train, but life is not planning that.

He meets Hilly Burns (Jill Clayburgh), secretary for Professor Schreiner, who has a new book coming out on Rembrandt. She comes on to him and the two get close in a few short minutes. 

But then things start going a little strange. He sees a dead body hanging outside his window.

I know, right?

George wants to investigate it, but Hilly says he is drunk and should just come to bed with her. Of course George ignores the body and goes with Hilly.

The next day, George looks at the book Hilly gave him about Rembrandt and sees a picture of the author-who turns out to be the dead body he saw last night.

George gets thrown off the train by the minions that took Professor Schreiner out and finds himself meeting up with a fun farmlady who helps him make it back to the train. 

Finally

Afterwards, George confides in a vitamin salesman, Bob Sweets, who spoke to him earlier, and it is revealed that the guy is actually an FBI agent, named Steven, who is investigating an important art ring. While they go to make an arrest-Steven gets shot. Now George finds himself branded a murderer in the press, on the run as a fugitive, thrown off the train, and it looks like Hilly has moved on to the super rich Roger Devereau.

But George won’t give up. He needs to get the truth, get is girl, and get back on that train. He ends up teaming up with thief Grover T. Muldoon (Richard Pryor). The rest of the film is full of hijinks, hilarity, and thrills.

Now there is one thing that people won’t like. There is a scene in which Grover tries to help George hide from he police by painting him black and teaching him “to be black” with George failing of course. It is funny, but there is quite a few out there who might find it offensive.

If you like thrills, mystery, parodies, etc-you should check this out on Netflix.

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to It Feels So Good to See the Bad Guys Scared for a Change: Hangman’s Curse (2003)

For more Gene Wilder, go to A Trip to the Mall Turns into the Twilight Zone

For more train centered films, go to Have You Seen Megan Hipwell?: The Girl On the Train (2016)

For more horror-comedies, go to Is She Mrs. X?: So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Is She Mrs. X?: So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Woman! Woah-man! Wooaahhhhh-man! We had love, not just sex. Is she Mrs. X? I had to run for my life… Jane, get me off of this crazy thing called love.

I had always heard of this movie, but never had the opportunity to watch it. Every time I tried I would come in the middle or miss pieces. Then one day my friend and I were looking through Hulu and spotted it, deciding to watch it.

**Spoiler Alert**

Charlie Mackenzie (Mike Meyers) is a Scottish poet living in San Francisco. He performs at a coffee shop doing his riffs on love.

One day he stops at a butcher shop, Meats of the World, to pick up some haggis for his family dinner and meets the butcher-Harriet.

When he visits the family, his mother feels it is her duty to let him know of female serial killer, Mrs. X, that she read about in the tabloids. She hopes that Charlie will be careful and not end up he next victim.

Charlie Mackenzie: Hey Mom, I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as, “The paper.” The paper contains facts.

May Mackenzie: This paper contains facts. And this paper has the eighth highest circulation in the whole wide world. Right? Plenty of facts. “Pregnant man gives birth.” That’s a fact.

Charlie can’t get Harriet out of his mind and goes back to the butcher shop to spends time with her-actually being hired on as an assistant. There he entertains Harriet, they go out and eat, and ultimately spend the whole day together-and night.

The next morning Charlie meets Harriet’s sister who is really odd.

Huh?

They way she talks about her sister Harriet is a bit off.

Rose Michaels: Well… you know Harriet.

Charlie Mackenzie: Well, actually, I don’t.

Rose Michaels: But you did have sex with her.

Charlie Mackenzie: Hello!

Rose Michaels: Let me make you some breakfast.

Charlie Mackenzie: Oh, gee, you know, I’d love to. But you know, I’m really running late, but thanks!

Rose Michaels: What would you say to silver-dollar pancakes, fresh-squeezed orange juice, bacon, and Kona coffee?

Charlie Mackenzie: Well, that sounds great!

Rose Michaels:[Cut to Rose pouring cereal in Charlie’s bowlSorry. I didn’t have those other things.

Charlie Mackenzie: No, no, that’s fine. That other stuff will probably kill you… whereas “Froot Loops” are light, and reasonably high in fiber. I care for “Apple Jacks” a great deal.

But while Harriet is fun, charming, and gives Charlie a great time; there is something not quite right about her.

Hmm…

She is evasive, needy, and slightly odd. She also has all kinds of things from all over the country that were given to her by “friends”. These friends being similar to Mrs. Xs husbands.

Hmm…

He tries to do some research into Mrs. X:

Obituary Writer: There’s another one here. Native San Franciscan. Plumber. Elliot, Ralph. Moved to Dallas, disappeared four months ago, body was found in a sewer.

Obituary Employee: Well, guy takes his job too seriously, life goes down the drain. [both laugh]

Charlie Mackenzie: Did they mention anything about his wife?

Obituary Employee: All right, okay. Look, I know that we’re talking about real people here. I’m sorry.

Charlie Mackenzie: No no, I’m serious. Did they mention the wife?

Obituary Employee: Look, I’m sorry you know. You know, I didn’t mean to make a joke about other people’s lives.

Charlie Mackenzie: No no, I’m really serious. Did they mention the wife?

Obituary Employee: You win, you win okay? I’m a bad person!

Obituary Writer: Just take it easy!

Obituary Employee: No, he’s sayin’ I’m insensitive! He’s sayin’ I’m a s***!

Obituary Writer: He’s not sayin’ you’re a s***!

Charlie Mackenzie: [yelling] Did they mention the wife? Did they mention the wife?

Obituary Employee: No! No! They didn’t mention the wife! Ya happy? [speaking to the whole officeYEAH! Oh yes, yeah. I’m insensitive! I’m a very insensitive man! Stop you’re job, look at the insensitive man! That’s what they’re paying you for! [leaves]”

So he then asks his police friend Tony Giardino. Tony tells him that Harriet is not likely to be Mrs. X; but Charlie isn’t convinced. He starts watching Harriet closely on their dates and her behavior is odd and off.

hmm…

He eventually gets so terrified that he breaks up with Harriet, happy to have outlived Mrs. X.

Or is he happy? He misses Harriet and keeps thinking about her.

Hmm…

Was he wrong to break up with her? Then his friend, the police detective Tony, tells him that they caught Mrs. X. It wasn’t Harriet!!! Charlie was wrong! He overreacted! His imagination ran away from him!

He tries to get back with Harriet, but after he dumped her no dice.

Does he give up?

So sweet, right?

Aw!

Everything is going well, so well that Charlie asks Harriet to marry him.

“Charlie Mackenzie: Marry me.

Harriet: No.

Charlie Mackenzie: Please?”

It is weird how Harriet was trying to make them more formal and pushing the relationship forward, but at marriage she balks. After Charlie explains how much he cares and talks to her, Harriet agrees, but then at the wedding acts weird again.

Hmm…

They head off to a romantic honeymoon. All is going well!

Yay!!!

Meanwhile, Tony is working when he finds out that the woman who claimed to be Mrs. X is a compulsive liar!

He tries to get a hold of Charlie, but a storm knocks out the power lines and the message is cut off. Tony heads up to their hotel to try and save them, he ends up commandeering a car from the dad from Beethoven and living out his fantasies of being a TV cop.

So now Charlie is trapped with an ax murderer!

So while they make it seem as if Harriet is an ax murderer, I was convinced the whole movie that it was really Rose?

Huh?

I know, Rose has like only a few minutes in the film but while Harriet is weird-

Rose seemed like:

Yeah, a real psycho. I think I suspected her because of the way she talked about “their” home and how Harriet always leaves for a little while, but then “always comes back.” The way she said “always comes back” made me think she was either obsessed with her sister or afraid of losing her forever-and was killing Harriet’s husbands without her knowing. Yep, I think Rose is:

Meanwhile, Charlie is terrified of Harriet-thinking she is going to kill him.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

But when he gets alone he discovers a “Dear Jane” letter. A letter that appears that it was signed by him! Saying he was leaving her!

What?

To make things even more surprising he finds Rose in his honeymoon suite!

And she has an ax!

AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now he gets in a game of cat and mouse as he has to run for his life!

In the end they all live happily ever after. Rose gets the help she needs in prison, Harriet knows that she wasn’t dumped and left and that Charlie loves her, and Charlie loves Harriet and knows she won’t kill him.

No facebook cover for this one either. Man the movies I have picked have been hard ones to find a moment to use. Oh well.

Oh, well

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to The Cruel Giggling Ghoul: Teen Titans Go (2016)

For more serial killers, go to Someone is Killing By Copying Old Murders!: Real Murders

For more female serial killers, go to The Butcher of Burtonsville High: The Death of the Queen Bee, Bones (2010)

For more horror-comedy, go to China is Here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, They’ve Been Fighting for Centuries: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

China is Here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, They’ve Been Fighting for Centuries: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

China is here Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, The Wing Kong, they’ve been fighting for centuries.

I have wanted to watch this movie for a loooooong time. I heard it was good, Kurt Russell looks fantastic; but every time I tried to see it I always came in near the end.

One day, my friend and I were cruising through Netflix and we decided to check it out.

Let me say this is one of the weirdest films I have ever seen.

What?

I don’t even know really how to review it. I mean it is hard to classify it. It is kinda horror-comedy-action-adventure-everything. Half the time I wasn’t even sure what was going on

Huh?

But surprising to me, I really liked it.

So the film starts off with Egg Shen (Victor Wong, the grandpa from 3 Ninjas), telling an account of what happened…

Flashback

Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) is a truck driver throughout California. He stops in San Francisco for a delivery and to meet up with some friends for some gambling. His friend Wang Chi (Dennis Dun) bets him double or nothing, but loses. Jack wants his money immediately, but Wang has to run to the airport to pick up his fiancé, Maio Yin. Jack doesn’t want to go, but whatever.

Meh.

When they get there, they are interrupted by a woman grabbing onto another Chinese woman and a gang of guys taking Maio Yin. The guys try to go after them and find themselves caught in a supernatural battle with mystical and legendary characters.

All kinds of crazy things happen, confusing crazy things-you totally need to watch yourself.

Jack Burton: All I know is, this Lo Pan character comes out of thin air in the middle of a ******* alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him with *light* coming out of his mouth!

And this is one of the reasons that makes this film so enjoyable. It is a crazy film blending Chinese mysticism, history, and all blended in modern times. So a lot of the film you go:

Help me! I’m confused!

And the best thing is that Jack Burton spends most of the film this way. He is totally confused and lost; meaning that he gets to be us. He takes place of us in the film. You completely relate to him and everything he is going through and thinks.

So they are interrupted by Wang Chi’s cousin Eddie Lee who wants to help them (he’s a lawyer). While they are al taking, in bursts the woman from the airport who took the Chinese woman- lawyer Gracie Law (Kim Cattral).

Kim Cattral cracks me up in this, I could totally see her with her own little sitcom-with bumpity high music playing in the background as she charges in shouting “I’m Gracie Law”.

So what happened was that Gracie Law is an immigration lawyer and was helping a Chinese woman escape from being sold into sexual slavery. When she took the woman they paid for, the guys sent needed to bring someone back so they took the first Chinese woman they saw-Maio Yin.

Yep, Maio Yin just came in at the wrong time.

So they are trying to get her back, but it will be hard.

Wang Chi: Jack, listen, I need more of your help. I can’t pay you today, okay?

Jack Burton: Oh, s***.

Wang Chi: How can I? I need all my cash for Miao Yin.

Eddie: And it’s gonna cost. She’s got green eyes.

Gracie: Oh no, seriously? Oh, that’s an extra to these people. It’s like leather bucket seats, it’s double the price.

The group-Gracie Law, Jack Burton, Eddie Lee, Wang Chi and Gracie’s reporter friend Margo-concoct a plan to try and spring her from the brothel. I love him trying to act like a nerdy guy. And let me say that Kurt Russell totally pulls off the brawny-beefy guy and the cute-smart guy in glasses.

But they are interrupted by the mystical and magical Lo Pan. Lo Pan wants Maio Yin because of her green eyes, he has been looking for a green-eyed Chinese bride for centuries. When he realizes Gracie Law also has green eyes he decides to take her too.

“Lo Pan: Egg Shen… EGG SHEN! You have come a long ways to find me. But it is too late. There are two girls with green eyes, and I will marry them both. And then I will sacrifice Gracie Law to appease my emperor and live out my earthly pleasures with Miao Yin. [cacklesThat’s right, Egg Shen. The best of two worlds!”

Here is where things get crazy. Kurt Russell has a fantastic scene in the wheelchair, you’ve got to see it. What a hunk!

The rest you have to try to view on your own. I loved how Kurt Russell is this buff and manly dude, but then he ends up shooting his gun in the ceiling and knocking himself out and fighting and getting knocked out of it. Yes, in reality, Kurt Russell/Jack Burton doesn’t turn out to be the main character but the sidekick, Wang Chi being the real savior of the day with his awesome moves.

And the end is hilarious, it is so unexpected, I just love it! I just loved the film.

Not to mention I have a new couple goal. I’ve said I’d love to dress up as Anne and Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables but here is another. I totally want to be Jack Burton and Gracie Law. I mean I HAVE green eyes, and there are very few anything green-eyes, so I am down for that. Plus I love Jack’s style-you know me and boots. The only issue I see is trying to find the bride’s headpiece-and of course the guy to do it with. I know I could do it on my own, but it hard enough to know who we are together, never mind on my own.

Maybe one day.

Aw!

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Because We’re Addams: The Addams Family (1991)

For more John Carpenter films, go to Everyone’s Entitled to One Good Scare: Halloween (1978)

For more ’80s films, go to That’s What We’re Trying to Find out! We’re Trying to Find Out Who Killed Him, and Where, and With What!: Clue (1985)

For more horror-comedies, go to I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

Because We’re Addams: The Addams Family (1991)

Because we’re Addams

So I know, I committed a huge faux pas five years ago when I reviewed the sequel over the original film.

It was my first Horrorfest, I hadn’t established any “rules” but was just doing whatever I watched or films that just popped in my head.

Oh, well

However, since then, I have realized that I need to not ignore the first film. Even though it is not very good.

Meh.

Yes, I love The Addam’s Family. I watched the TV show, I loved everything about them, and have seen The Addam’s Family Values like a million times.

I love how kind and caring and macabre they are. It is fantastic.

So if it is such a great concept, why did this film bomb so? (At least in my opinion.)

Hmm…

Well let’s do a brief synopsis:

The Addams family is zany, fun, and awesome. They used to be a giant clan, but have lost people in zany and interesting ways through the years. Now they consist of Gomez Addams, his wife Morticia, and their two kids Pugsley and Wednesday. Morticia’s mother also lives with them in their old Victorian home. Along with the family is their butler Lurch and the servant hand Thing.

Gomez had an older brother Fester-but he and Gomez got in an argument and Fester took off, never to seen again. Through the years Gomez has tried everything to find him.

And has been heartbroken at the loss of his brother and hoped that he would return.

Meanwhile, their accountant Tully Alford has been trying to embezzle from their treasure room. He has no other clients and owes a ton of money to a loan shark.When she comes to collect bringing her goliath of a son, Gordon, Tully gets an idea.

If they give Gordon a few alterations, he’s a dead ringer for Uncle Fester. They decide to send him in with a story of him having amnesia in order to discover where the money is.

Gordon does, but as he pretends to be Uncle Fester he starts to enjoy the Addams’ Family way of life. Will he be able to stick to the plan, or will he instead become Uncle Fester.

Hmm…

So why doesn’t this film work?

Well the issues are that the storyline is boring.

It is something we have seen many times before and you knew immediately how it would conclude.

Meh.

The storyline is amazing in the sequel! You never knew what was going to happen with the kids, the adults, or Debbie.

The characters never go all out like they do in the sequel. I think it is just because they weren’t sure how far they could go.

It isn’t horrible, but it just isn’t fun. Especially in comparison to the sequel.

The only thing I really loved about this film was I thought it was cute when Margaret Alford and Cousin It get together, especially how at first she was all I can’t stand the Addams-and then she becomes one.

Aw!

And Raúl Juliá. He was such an amazing actor and he was Gomez Addams. I could watch hour after hour after hour of him being Gomez Addams.

If they had made a third film (not The Addams Family Reunion), that was just Raúl Juliá being Gomez Addams I would have paid to watch that over and over.

Sadly he passed away at an early age. So sad as we lost a talented star.

The best thing will be skip this film and check out the amazing and fun sequel.

To start Horrorfest VI, from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Why Didn’t You Stop Me, Sam? You Know How Much I Hated Her! Why Didn’t You Stop Me?: The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946)

For more on The Addams Family, go to Someone Very Special: The Addam’s Family Values (1993)

For more Horror-Comedies, go to I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

I died for you! I came back from the dead for you! I love you!

So last year we had Teen Wolf

And Teen Vampire:

While I did cover Michael Jackson’s Thriller, it would have been nice to have a full-length teen zombie film.

Oh, well

But now I do with My Boyfriend’s Back:

I stumbled upon this on Amazon Instant Watch, recommended as I had loved Once Bitten. Well…I think Amazon needs to rethink that recommendation. The films had some similarities, both are teen horror-comedies, but this movie is one of the weirdest I have ever seen. And know I get to share that strangeness with you all.

Johnny (Andrew Lowery) is a nerd who has been in love with Missy McCloud (Traci Lind) since first grade. He tried to give her a dream gift and tell how he felt, but choked on the words, and has been doing so ever since.

When Missy and her boyfriend Buck break up, Johnny sees his in, but before he can ask her out, Buck comes back.

Buck’s minion (played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman) Chuck Bronski is weird guy who has murderous tendencies. He makes sure no one comes around his buddy’s girl and is extremely weird and creepy.

Why is he even allowed in school?

But Johnny won’t give up on his dream and comes up with what he thinks is the best plan ever. He will have his friend pretend to rob the store Missy works at, Johnny will save her, and Missy will fall in love with her.

Why would you do that?

Johnny tries to do his idea, but he ends up being interrupted by a real robber. When the robber is about to shoot Missy, Johnny jumps into the way, saving her, and with his dying words asks Missy to go to prom with him. She agrees.

I got the yes!

But Johnny dies and is buried.

Not really as this is a zombie film.

from Warm Bodies

Yes, Johnny rises from the dead as he has a date with his dream girl and intends to keep it.

The gravedigger tries to warn him that he can’t go back to the and of the living, but Johnny ignores him.

Bad things happen when you don’t listen

He goes home to the shock of his parents, although they quickly get over it as they are pleased to have their son back. He then goes to school and tries to make plans with Missy, but she is in shock. She only agreed to go to prom with Johnny because she felt bad for him, and to be honest, because he was dying.

She didn’t expect him to be a zombie and come back for her. Well Johnny is back and he’s not taking no as an answer. He is more determined than ever to get his prom date.

Buck and Chuck don’t like Johnny as a zombie any more than they did when he was a person. They are continue to bully him

from Back to the Future

And their behavior makes Missy decide to go out with Johnny. In fact she states to really enjoy his company, and become really into him. And I mean into him. As she wants to be with him even though she knows he is DEAD!

Johnny finally has what he always dreamed of getting…that is until Johnny’s ear falls off when he and Missy are making out.

He runs to the doctor, but they can’t do anything to fix him, he’s dead! The doctor promises to try and find a cure, and sends Johnny over to Maggie, the only person who can deal with zombies as her husband was one. She tells him that the only solution to keep him together is to eat human flesh. Something Johnny desperately does not want to do.

At school, he and Missy talk but then Buck and Chuck come into play, and Chuck chases after him trying to kill him WITH AN AXE. I don’t care that Johnny is a zombie, Chuck would probably have done this to Johnny sooner or later if he remained human. Chuck is that insane.

And in some weird twist, Chuck kills himself, and a hungry Johnny eats him.

Johnny is good for a while, but now everyone is after him as he ate Chuck. They come to his house after but are chased out by his mom. Now this is the only thing I liked in this film. His mom.

YES!!!! His mom.

So at first you think Johnny’s mom is just a cliché housewife. She always has food ready, wears her little pearls, and is just perky and cleaning and everything. But she adjusts from having her son be a zombie in no time at all, trying to help him in any way she can. (In fact she is so down with the whole thing she tries to bring him people to eat. That’s crazy!) The best scene is when an angry mob is trying to take her son and this prim little woman in pearls pulls out a shotgun, yes A SHOTGUN, ready to defend her son.

Johnny tries to fix things with Missy, giving her the locket he picked out and saved all those years ago. He wins her heart, but she’s the only non-relative who likes him. Everyone else wants him dead. Well to stay dead.

mob

Grab your torches and sharpen your pitchforks!

The doctor figures out how to help him, but his nurse convinces him not to waste the serum on Johnny, but use Johnny to make a giant batch of serum and sell it for millions.

So we have everyone in town after Johnny, him being captured by the doctor, while the rest of the storms the area looking for him. Missy and his friend find him, rescuing him as Johnny runs back to the graveyard. They end up in a shootout with his parents, and he manages to convince everyone to leave him alone, as all he wants is to be with Missy for prom.

He goes to prom, but then dies again

Johnny is sent to heaven, and then back as his death was a mistake. He goes to the prom with Missy (as saving her life was a good plan) and gets the girl.

Meh.

Yeah, I did not like this movie.

It was really horrible, it was awful, it was a waste of time.

The jokes were not funny and not on point

There is no explanation for why this was happening to Johnny until the very end.

You got to play me like that?

And most of the plot was borrow from all kinds of films that came before it. Once Bitten, Heaven Can Wait, Teen Wolf, Little Shop of Horrors, Frankenstein, etc. It wasn’t interesting, or avant-garde- just recycled plots.

Andrew Lowery was so unemotional-even before he was a zombie. He was like a monotone John Malkovich.

Ugh.

As I have said before the psychotic and weird redneck Chuck, who no in this universe finds weird or creepy (except Johnny). I mean this guy is not normal! He is a psycho! Why does everyone act like it is okay?

Then there are these weird “dream sequences” the main character has like every five minutes in the film. Okay so it isn’t every five minutes, but it does happen so much that I spent 90% of this film confused as to what was really happening and what was just in Johnny’s mind.

Help me! I’m confused!

And Missy (Traci Lind) is a horrible actress. I can never tell if she is serious, joking, or  what Johnny sees in his dreams. A lot of this film I just felt like what is going on?!

Halfway through I just gave up trying to get it.

The only thing worthwhile was Johnny’s mom:

I mean she is the scariest thing in this film. A sweet, adorable, intense woman who goes from talking about the four food groups to kidnapping children.

It wasn’t funny and the acting was horrible. My suggestion? Pass this one by.

And I know I do a banner thing every year for Facebook, part of my countdown to Halloween, but I couldn’t find a picture large enough. So no banner thing for this film.

Oh, well

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For more zombie films, go to No Mere Mortal Can Resist the Evil of the Thriller: Thriller (1983)

For more Teen Horror films, go to I’m…a Werewolf: Teen Wolf (1985)

For more Teen Horror Prom films, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more Horror-Comedies, go to That’s What We’re Trying to Find out! We’re Trying to Find Out Who Killed Him, and Where, and With What!: Clue (1985)

You Can’t Kill It, It Always Comes Back

So Horrorfest V is over.

The_Wolf_Man_4Crying sad

I know. It is hard to let go of October.

EverydayHalloweenHorrorfanOctober

But while Horrorfest is over for now, you can never truly kill it. It always comes back. Specifically next October with Horrorfest VI. 

Horror Films

It never ceases to amaze me how every October I plan out 26 film reviews, 4 TV reviews, and one post on my personal thoughts; yet what I start off with never matches up with the end result.

The-best-laid-schemes-of-mice-and-men-often-go-awry-erobertFrost

So let’s go over what this Horrorfest V was all about.

HorrorfilmCan'tlookaway

So I started planning my Horrorfest with lots of ’40s films, but it ended up being all about the ’80s. What can I say? You know I love it.

I LOVE the '80s

I LOVE the ’80s

We had Ghostbusters, Thriller, Cat’s Eye, Once Bitten, Teen Wolf, and Clue

And you all remember how I said I wanted to do something different this year? Well I did. This was the most I have ever reviewed Horror-Comedies.

It is horror and funny at the same time!

It is horrorfying and funny at the same time!

We had Ghostbusters, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Once Bitten, Clue, and Teen Wolf.

clueshoutingshouting

My free post, on whatever horror thing I wished to write about, was 31 tips on How to Survive a Horror Film. I got the idea last year, but couldn’t put it into play until this year. I hope it was helpful. 🙂

So Alfred Hitchcock,

trainblackmail2alfredhitchcocktrainread

we only covered one of his films, and it was one of the oldest ones he created. I strayed from what had become a tradition of three as I felt I didn’t want to use his works too quickly. Which film will I review next year? I’m not sure. I was toying with maybe doing one of his last films like Frenzy or Family Plot. Then again, The Birds have been on my list from the beginning and I still haven’t reviewed it. I guess we will see what happens next year.

Ringu Watch TV

So we reviewed a TV episode every Friday in October. This year we had a serial killer Wallace & Gromit episode, a cannibalistic killer in Bones, a murderer in Death Comes to Pemberley, and a teenage boy with incredible powers in Star Trek.

We also had our Turtle Saturdays

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Starting with the 2014 version, to 2007, and then going over the original 1990 version and its sequel in 1991. It might not be what most consider horror, but I think it works as each film involves mutation, two have monsters, and one a whole lot of scientific experiments.

So we saw a group of monsters I haven’t really spent a whole lot of posts reviewing, and that is:

Zombies!

Zombies!

We started with the Corpse Bride; then went on to the first zombie film, White Zombie; and ended on Michael Jackson’s Thriller. I had thought about doing Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, but as I haven’t reviewed the book I decided to wait on the film.

Then we had our usual Stephen King film, with Cat’s Eye. Not one I’d planned on reviewing, but happened to see and add to the lineup.

Who knew?

Who knew?

I finally got around to taking on a Tim Burton film, and actually reviewed two, not one. We had the Corpse Bride and Sleepy Hollow. Still haven’t done Edward Scissorhands. Maybe next year.

We also did a lot of teen monster films. There was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with teen turtles; Thriller with teen zombies; Once Bitten with teen vampires; and a teen werewolf in Teen Wolf.

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We also had vampires and Dracula coming back with Once Bitten, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, and Dracula 2000.

This Horrorfest was very different than the ones prior as I reviewed a lot of films and TV shows I had never seen before such as: Wallace & Gromit: A Matter of Loaf and Death, When a Stranger Calls (1979), Jeepers Creepers, Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter, Cat’s Eye, Death Comes to Pemberley, Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, Backfire, Dial 1119, Let Me Call You Sweetheart, Corpse Bride, The Cheerleader Murders, & The Girl on the Train; along with films and TV shows I hadn’t seen in years, such as: Fantasia: Night on Bald Mountain and Sleepy Hollow. That was about half the reviews!

AMAZING!

AMAZING!

This also was the first time I could really include Jane Austen in my Horrorfest, not with a made up post but actually review an Austen item.

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I was planning on reviewing Pride & Prejudice & Zombies along with Death Comes to Pemberley, but as I said before, I decided to push it back.

And then there is Vincent Price

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I reviewed two films with him: Thriller and the film I have been talking about reviewing since the first HorrorfestHouse on Haunted Hill. 

Double double yay

So if you missed a day, or are interested in every item I covered; here is the complete list:

How To Survive A Horror Film

You’re a Detective, Let Me Give You a Tip. Don’t Wave Important Evidence in a Telephone Booth. They Have Glass Windows: Blackmail (1929)

Those Aren’t Men They Are the Living Dead: White Zombie (1932)

Night on Bald Mountain: Fantasia (1940)

We’ve Seen Dracula, the Wolf Man, and Frankenstein’s Monster: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

It’s A Hard World: Backfire (1950)

The Mad Killer: Dial 1119 (1950)

They’re Coming for Me Now…And Then They’ll Come for You: House on Haunted Hill (1959)

What I Think You Will Think…You are Fully Under My Control: Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter (1966)

 I Can Make You all Go Away! Any Time I Want To!: Charlie X, Star Trek (1966)

Have You Checked the Children: When a Stranger Calls (1979)

No Mere Mortal Can Resist the Evil of the Thriller: Thriller (1983)

Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

That’s What We’re Trying to Find out! We’re Trying to Find Out Who Killed Him, and Where, and With What!: Clue (1985)

I Don’t Want to Be a Vampire. I’m a Day Person: Once Bitten (1985)

I’m…a Werewolf: Teen Wolf (1985)

I’ll Be Watching You: Cat’s Eye (1987)

I Came Upon a Shattered Glass Jar and Four Baby Turtles Crawling into a Strange Glowing Ooze: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

But If Any of It Fell Into the Wrong Hands…:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, Secret of the Ooze (1991)

That Face-I’ve Seen Her Before…: Let Me Call You Sweetheart (1997)

It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Dracula. Not Myth, Nor Ravings of a Mad Irish Novelist, Oh No, He’s Real: Dracula 2000 (2000)

Every Twenty-Third Spring for Twenty Three Days, it Gets to Eat: Jeepers Creepers (2001)

He’s Married to a Corpse. He Has A Corpse Bride!: Corpse Bride (2005)

Every Three Thousand Years, the Stars Align. Unleashing an Army of Monsters: TMNT (2007)

A Matter of Loaf and Death: Wallace and Gromit (2008)

The Butcher of Burtonsville High: The Death of the Queen Bee, Bones (2010)

A Murder Has Been Committed on Your Property: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode One (2013)

Heroes are Not Born, They’re Created: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

It Was the Curse. My Curse: The Cheerleader Murders (2016)

Have You Seen Megan Hipwell?: The Girl On the Train (2016)

That’s What We’re Trying to Find out! We’re Trying to Find Out Who Killed Him, and Where, and With What!: Clue (1985)

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That’s what we’re trying to find out! We’re trying to find out who killed him, and where, and with what!

So last year I had planned to review this film as it had just reached its 30th anniversary, but unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to and it was pushed back to this year.

I love the game Clue. I have been playing it as a child and still do. Out of everything this is my game. I didn’t read/watch all those mysteries for nothing!

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I rarely ever lose, that’s how good I am at this.

I'm on FIRE!

I’m on FIRE!

So one day after playing, my friend Stella asked if we had ever seen the film version of the game.

What

What

I DIDN’T KNOW THAT THERE WAS A FILM!!! We decided that we must watch it immediately.

So six strangers are invited to a mansion on a hill. There they meet the English Butler, Wadsworth (Tim Curry), and French maid Yvette (Colleen Camp). It turns out that all are being blackmailed and have been invited here.

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Miss Scarlet (Lesley Ann Warren) is the owner of an escort business and was found out by Mr. Boddy. Mrs. White (Madeline Kahn) has had five husbands who “disappeared”, the last having “killed” himself by cutting off his head and manhood. Professor Plum (Christopher Lloyd) lost his psychiatric license when he slept with his patients. Colonel Mustard (Martin Mull) has been caught in the act with prostitutes, Mr. Green (Michael McKean) is a homosexual, and Mrs Peacock (Eileen Brennan) was taking bribes.

When Mr. Boddy (Lee Ving) shows up, he gives each of the six invited guests a weapon.

Clue

Mr. Boddy reveals his plan:

Mr. Boddy: In your hands, you each have a lethal weapon. If you denounce me to the police, you will also be exposed and humiliated. I’ll see to that in court. But, if one of you kills Wadsworth now, no one but the seven of us will ever know. He has the key to the front door, which he said would only be opened over his dead body. I suggest we take him up on that offer. The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front pages is for one of you to kill Wadsworth. NOW.

The lights go out but Wadsworth hasn’t been killed, instead it was Mr. Boddy. With all having a reason to kill him, there is only one question.

WhoDoneItMystery?whodunit

I won’t continue as this is a film you should see on your own. It is comedic, mysterious, and has a good sense of drama. The only thing I didn’t care for was that the characters don’t dress in the colors they are in the game. The beginning introduction moves a bit slow, although the dialogue is fast, but otherwise I thought it was a fun film.

I love Tim Curry, so he was a favorite in this.

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to But If Any of It Fell Into the Wrong Hands…:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, Secret of the Ooze (1991)

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For more on Clue, go to She’s Still Preoccupied With 1985

For more Horror-Comedy, go to We’ve Seen Dracula, the Wolf Man, and Frankenstein’s Monster: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

For more mysteries, go to A Murder Has Been Committed on Your Property: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode One (2013)

For more Tim Curry, go to Haunted Harmonies of Halloween: Top 5 Songs to Play on Halloween

For more Christopher Lloyd, go to The Future is NOW!: Happy Back to the Future Day!

For more ’80s films, go to I’m…a Werewolf: Teen Wolf (1985)