The End by Silverstein

Please keep reading, you won;t be disappointed,

2) The End by Silverstein

So if you remember from my earlier post If It Means A Lot to You, I am doing a countdown of my favorite heartbreak songs to help one get over a break up. Now I did do an earlier post on this song when Michael and I broke up back in December, The End, but I only briefly talked about it. The album A Shipwreck in the Sand is kind of depressing, but still good:

The album details the story of a guy who is cheated on by his girlfriend. To make it even worse, its not just any guy but his best friend. He eventually goes crazy and sets his house on fire, very Secret Window-esque. Even though they broke his trust he still loves his best friend and girlfriend still so he ends up saving them from the fire, but still goes to court for his crimes. He is acquitted but loses his daughter to his girlfriend. He realizes he can’t go on living and ends up taking his life, hence The End.

Like A Day to Remember and Avenged Sevenfold, Silverstein was a band that Michael got me into, one of the several CDs he gave me. (Like I mentioned before a lot of these songs came from him. Is it irony or full circle?)

Like It Meant A Lot To You this song really expressed how I felt about the breakup. So here we go:

The first time we met
Your face became etched
In my mind

So the first time I saw his face, it wasn’t exactly etched in my mind, I mean I didn’t even think he liked me until a couple weeks later. But I also couldn’t stop thinking about him. He intrigued me and I wanted to know more about him.

You were the sun
I was the one
Who worshiped you.
My hands were your guns
Your eyes were my muse.

And I knew you could never love me
I had so much sorrow inside
You could never reach
But can I still keep
A place in your heart?

This was how I felt after he dumped me. I thought it was all my fault, that I was the reason we broke up. Now I know that it wasn’t necessarily what I did, I mean I still have no clue what went wrong between us, but a breakup isn’t one sided, there us far too much that to have it be blamed on only one person (except when cheating is involved.)

And all I kept thinking and hoping (at the time) was maybe he would change his mind, maybe I could hold a place in his heart (I know pathetic 😦 But people act different when they care for others, they don’t do things they normally would. You just aren’t in your right mind)

You broke my heart
You promised me the moon and stars
I fell for your dreams. I fell for your lies
There was no other way
You know I tried

Now this part of the song is sung by the gf but for me all I could think after we broke up was everything that Michael had promised me. Now I know some things were silly, like him planning our trip to Disneyland (I’m not that dense) but I thought that he meant it when we talked about seeing each other in the upcoming months, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, etc. And the worst thing is that I mentioned these things, and he knew he had already decided to break up with me but didn’t have the guts to let me know.

And I knew you could never love me
I had so much sorrow inside
You could never reach
But can I still keep
A place in your heart?

There is something
I want you to know
I think you know exactly what it is
I didn’t want to save you
I didn’t want to save you
I set our house on fire
To watch it burn
But I couldn’t just leave you there

I’m talking figuratively here. Don’t actually be burning things.

And I knew you could never love me
I had so much sorrow inside
You could never reach
But I’ll ask you this

Will you still miss me?
(Yes I’ll miss you)
Do you love me?
(Yes I love you)

Planes fill the sky
We’ll both die tonight
We’ll both die tonight
Hands from the sky
Swat us away like flies
As we follow the light

Planes fill the sky
We’ll both die tonight
We’ll both die tonight
Hands from the sky
Swat us away like flies
As we follow the light

We’ll both die tonight
We’ll both die tonight

Swat us away like flies
(We’ll both die tonight)
As we follow the light
(As we follow the light)

This union, a battle fought and lost
This union was not about the cause
This union was never about love

But you know what, even though it hurt at the time it probably was for the best. If he couldn’t tell me what was going on with him, couldn’t give me any attention,and just wasn’t as invested in our relationship like I was, it was good that we broke up.

Although it did make me sad:

But it can be better to end than to continue something that was not making both parties truly happy. (BTW by using the above pic I do not want anyone out there to think that I’m  still wallowing [that’s over] or anything, it just fit well with what I was saying)

And you’ll meet someone great who will be just right for you.

For more on the Heartbreak Series, go to If It Means a Lot to You

Otherwise here are a few posts you may be interested in

For more on Avenged Sevenfold, go to Belle of the Ball

For more on stories of betrayal by those close to you, check out Wake Up Dad 

For more on what a real man is, go to A Real Man

For more of my favorite songs, go to Once Upon a Time

If It Means A Lot to You

So if you remember my post back in Dec, I’ll Be Alright Without You, I talked about creating a post that listed my favorite songs to help one get over heartache/a breakup; namely what songs really helped me. Well previously I wasn’t in the best place to do it, but now that it has been like eight months since we’ve broken up I’m doing great and can totally handle it.

At least for the most part, like Audrey says in Sabrina, even if you are over things certain songs can bring back memories.

The other reason that I have decided to do this list is that I just had a friend go through a breakup and was really struggling, so I promised to put together a compilation for her that helped me through everything.

So actually instead of doing them in all one post, I decided to do a series of posts, weaving them through everything else, so that it isn’t one straight sobfest. I mean imagine trying to storm through constantly sad things?

After all:

So that brings us to the first song on this list

1) If It Means A Lot to You

So when my ex and I first started dating he gave me a bunch of CDs to listen to. And one of them was this CD by A Day to Remember. It was pretty fitting as I was away from Michael and a lot of the songs expressed how I felt about us being apart. In fact I used to listen to this song all the time pre & post-breakup. (I’m not sure if that is romantic or pathetic? Hopefully romantic) So the series is a little scattered, not all songs focus on being “homesick”, however If It Means A Lot to You does. I actually think it is the most powerful song on the whole list, and my favorite (as I connected the most to it).

This song took me the longest to write. It took almost a year, but it was another song that kinda stumped me. I really needed this song to say exactly what I wanted, and I finally got it there. We didn’t know if it would be on the record right up until the end of recording. I wrote it separate from the band, and I wasn’t comfortable changing things. It all worked out in the end, though. I think it’s the perfect end to this record.

                            – Jeremy McKinnon

So the premise of the song is that a guy has to be on the road away from home, and while he doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend, he has to go. He talks about how he knows things are hard and getting rough, but if she could just wait a little longer then he knows everything will be okay, that they will be able to work through everything. She, however, can’t wait. She can’t do it and breaks up with him. It is a heartwrenching song and even more so because it described EXACTLY how I was feeling.

So the song starts off with the guy singing to the girl that he hopes everything is going well with her and that he just needs to hear from her, anything to get him by the time they are apart. This was totally how I felt, because a few weeks before we broke up Michael stopped texting and calling me. I would ask him when he was free to talk/skype as I missed him and he would tell me he was “busy” ,”didn’t know his schedule”, etc. I mean I found some texts that I thought I deleted, but my phone saved (grr) and its pretty pathetic my responses. “Well just let me know when you are free, I miss you” and “Okay we can try to talk later”, etc. I’d like to say aliens momentarily took over my brain, but that’s not true. It’s hard to accept that someone you cared for and cared for you has just stopped liking you. You kind of go into denial about it. Of course I know now that I’m in my right mind, I should have seen the signs. After all:

So back to the lyrics and the song

And hey darling,
I hope you’re good tonight.
And I know you don’t feel right when I’m leaving.
Yeah, I want it but no, I don’t need it.
Tell me something sweet to get me by,
‘Cause I can’t come back home till they’re singing

La, la la la, la la la,
Till everyone is singing

The next part is all about how he knows that if she can just wait a little longer, that he knows everything will work out and be okay. I wasn’t originally going to go home for Thanksgiving break as my aunt was getting married and my whole family was going to the opposite end of the state to do that, and Michael said he couldn’t get the time off to join my family. I however convinced my parents to take me home instead of right back to school as I wanted to see him, as I too thought that if he could wait until I got home we would be able to work through whatever was going on. That everything would be okay.

If you can wait till I get home, 
Then I swear to you that we can make this last. 
(La la la) 
If you can wait till I get home, 
Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past. 
Well it might be for the best.

So then we have the girlfriend’s response that she just can’t do it anymore, that she needs him. As much as I hate what she does to the guy at least she gave a reason for why she was breaking up, I just got the “I don’t think you’re my future bride” response, which was like pulling teeth trying to get him to say anything why he broke it off. 

And hey sweetie,
Well I need you here tonight,
And I know that you don’t wanna be leaving me
Yeah, you want it, but I can’t help it.
I just feel complete when you’re by my side,
But I know you can’t come home till they’re singing

La, la la la, la la la,
Till everyone is singing.
La, la la la, la la la.

If you can wait till I get home,
Then I swear to you that we can make this last.
(La la la)
If you can wait till I get home,
Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past.
Well it might be for the best.

So in the next part she tells him she can’t wait its over. And he freaks out, like is this really truly happening? How can this be my life? Let me say that everytime I hear that part my heart stops just like when Michael said he wanted it to be over.

And he is in shock at how this can acutually be happening. Yep, I felt that too. And just like the singer in this song, I did not want to be “just friends”. I personlly don’t believe and can’t understand how one can go from being so much more to “just friends”? How can you watch the person who just rejected you pick up their life and move on, while you sit in heartbreak and try very slowly to work past the pain? I sure don’t know.

 

You know you can’t give me what I need.
And even though you mean so much to me,
I can’t wait through everything,
Is this really happening?
I swear I’ll never be happy again.
And don’t you dare say we can just be friends.
I’m not some boy that you can sway.
We knew it’d happen eventually.

La, la la la, la la la,
Now everybody’s singing.
La, la la la, la la la,
Now everybody’s singing.
La, la la la, la la la,
(If you can wait till I get home)
Now everybody’s singing.
La, la la la, la la la,
(Then I swear we can make this last)
Now everybody’s singing.

La, la la la, la la la,
(If you can wait till I get home)
Now everybody’s singing.
La, la la la, la la la,
(Then I swear we can make this last)
Now everybody’s singing.
La

Now some of you may be wondering why I started off with such a sad song instead of a more empowering or forget you song. Well I believe that you need to allow yourself to grieve the end and that listening to something sad helps make things get better.

So even though this song (and Hey There Delilah) still make me sad as the feels are just so much, it was still hepful listening to this over and over to help voice my feelings about the breakup.

 So that’s the first of many songs, and they do get empowering, you just have to wait for it.

For the next song in the Heartbreak series, go to The End by Silverstein

Here are some other posts you might interested in:

For more of my favorite songs, go to Once Upon a Time

For more on breakups, go to Unbound (The Wild Ride)

For more on ex-boyfriends, go to Push All the Buttons!

For more on Sarah Dessen, go to Happy B-Day

For a song that describes life, go to Nothing But a Good Time