And if you listen to the old-timers in town, they’ll tell you he’s still out there, some sort of demented creature, surviving in the wilderness, full grown by now… stalking…Jason’s out there… watching… always on the prowl for intruders… ready to kill… ready to devour… thirsty for young blood.
So today is Friday the 13th!
And you know what that means! Time for one of my traditions!
Suit up in Ghostbusters’ clothing!
That’s how I roll
Pick up some pizza:
And watch some horror films!!!!
And of course as this is a Friday the 13th in October, you all know exactly which film I will be reviewing.
Yep, this is the whole reason why I moved all the TV episodes to Tuesdays. So I could review Friday the 13th on Friday the 13th.
I was so busy with my movie marathon:
That I wasn’t able to post my review in time. I will be updating soon though. Promise! Until then:
And if you listen to the old-timers in town, they’ll tell you he’s still out there, some sort of demented creature, surviving in the wilderness, full grown by now… stalking…Jason’s out there… watching… always on the prowl for intruders… ready to kill… ready to devour… thirsty for young blood.
So you all know how I don’t like sequels:
But I decided to watch this and surprised myself in enjoying it more than I thought.
Slow down everyone, I haven’t changed that much. I didn’t say that I loved it, but I did enjoy it a lot more than I thought I wouldSo the film starts off with a review of what happened at the end of the original Friday the 13th. When the real killer’s identity was discovered, the fight, almost drowning in the lake, etc.
Pamela Voorhees: [high voice] Kill her, Mommy! Kill her! Don’t let her get away, Mommy! Don’t let her live! [normal voice] Pamela Voorhees: I won’t, Jason. I won’t!
It has been two months since then, and Alice has been horrified with nightmares and flashbacks. One night she has had a bad one when Jason comes and kills her.
Why is Jason so old? In the first one he died as a child. If he becomes a ghost/monster/zombie thingy-why is he so old? He should have stayed a child. Like in the original film.
Friday the 13th (1980)
They never say why, just that he never died fully and was living on his own in the woods hunting, etc. But if he never died, than why was his mother so angry and trying to get revenge on the people who caused her son’s death. The fact that he is still alive ruins all the motivations and stuff from the first.
I will say, that Jason may be a crazy, psycho, serial killer-but he is courteous. After he kills Alice he turns off the kettle that Alice was using to make tea. That was nice of him.
Oh, well
Five years pass and Paul is a camp director, having called in the new recruits. He’s training them in the basics before the summer season starts. They aren’t at Camp Crystal Lake, like in the original, but right next door. Paul warns them of the story of Jason, but doesn’t believe in him or the things he “did”.
The next night some of the counselors go out to party in the town bar, while others have to stay behind. Two of them got caught by the police checking out Camp Blood, one guy is in a wheelchair and in training for the olympics, one girl wants to do with the olympic guy, one girl is searching for her dog, and the last guy is there to try and make it with one of the girls. Of course, Jason starts taking them all out one by one.
The reason why I liked this film was that the characters were actually not too dumb, and you felt bad that they died. I mean there was still sex scenes (this is Friday the 13th), Vicky walks around outside in her underwear to get something from the car (why?), and one of the ladies wears a shirt and shorts that cover nothing and walks around naked for a chunk of time.
But while I only cared for like two in the other film, in this one I was sad each time they were taken out.
So sad
But then Paul and his assistant Ginny come back. I don’t know why, but Jason doesn’t kill Paul-he knocks him out. Ginny has to run from him and she is hardcore. She attacks him, tries to trick him into thinking she’s his mother, and does the final knockout. Pretty sweet!
But the end is weird. Did Paul die? Why didn’t Jason kill Ginny? What’s real and what is a dream?
So this year’s Horrorfest was very, very different. After last year’s issues, I started writing this in May. This was the first time I have ever fully planned out a Horrorfest, as I had all the films picked and almost all finished by September.
So for the past two years, you have heard me say how I haven’t been able to complete all of Universal’s Classic Monster Films. Well I finally did it. Wooot!!!
Once I wrote that post, I was so excited. You see, I felt I really couldn’t do a post on any werewolf films until I had covered the first one. I thought it was only right to start with the original. With that done, I could move onto any other werewolf film I desired. And I did. I decided to end Horrorfest with The Wolfman (2010). But then I decided to take it one step further. About every five episodes has a werewolf in it. It was a howling good time.
I also decided to do When a Stranger Calls, because of the phone harassment I had experienced. I took this one step further by doing all four of the Scream films, along with the Alfred Hitchcock film Dial “M” for Murder.
Speaking of Alfred Hitchcock, after hearing me complain for two years about trying to review one of his films, I have reviewed not one, not two, but three Alfred Hitchcock films. I was only planning on doing Under Capricorn, because I was planning on talking about Samson Flunky for St. Patrick’s Day 2015. I ended up doing Shadow of a Doubt as it just entered my mind and Dial “M” for Murder. Still haven’t gotten around to Psycho. Well, there’s always next year.
So every year I mention wanting to do Vincent Price films; like House on Haunted Hill. The Tomb of Ligeia, The Pit and the Pendulum, etc. I didn’t get around to any of those famous Vincent Price films, but I did do a film with him in it. I went over Laura (1944), which is when he is really young.
So I hope you all enjoyed it! I did. But then everyday to me is October.
So I usually put in a poll to see what you all you like, but I decided that I don’t care. I liked them all. Instead I’m just going to list them below for some of you who might have missed them.
You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don’t f*** with the original!
If only Wes had followed his own advice.
I wish they hadn’t messed with the original. This movie sucked.
Just plain horrible. You see this all happened because everyone wanted to make another film after Scream 3. Wes told them he wouldn’t, unless the script was as good as the original film. Unfortunately, those dunderheads thought that meant they needed to do a horrible remake of the first amazing film.
For those of you just tuning in, this is the last of our Screamtastic Saturdays. Every Saturday this month I reviewed one of the Scream films. To read about them before you start this one, go to Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3.
Now as you can tell I didn’t enjoy this one. As I watched this film I took a lot of notes on my feelings, A LOT. I’m just going to write them verbatim.
So let’s get started on this travesty…
I don’t wanna
So the film starts out with two girls (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) hanging out discussing horror films and stuff. One of them has a facebook stalker. It turns out to be ghostface who stabs and kills them both.
Ghostface attacks!
Victims 1&2
But wait…
It turns out that its not real. It is the opening scene from the film Stab 6 that two girls are watching. (Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell).
So that’s the first problem of this film. It was so dripped in big name actors that it was impossible to get into. I mean the original had famous actors too, but this was tooooo jam packed. It’s too much, far too much.
So Anna Paquin talks too much during the movie that Kristen Bell kills her.
I know Kristen Bell? Whatever.
Body #3
Just kidding
Yep, it’s just another fakeout. It’s Stab 7 that Julie from Friday Night Lights, I mean Jenny (Aimee Teagarden) and her friend Marnie are watching. After that Jenny goes upstairs to get something, and instead prank calls her friend. The “real” Ghostface comes in and kills Marnie, with Jenny right behind her.
Victim 4 & 5
And here we have another garage scene that is improbable. I’m telling you, any automatic garage door will not be able to kill someone. They design the mechanisms so that if there is something underneath them, it will cause them to be incapable of being squished.
Duh!
And the other problem with this scene is the fact that having two fakeouts was too many. After the two psych-outs, I was not attached to the characters as I was just expecting them to die. It wasn’t scary, mysterious, funny, or good. It was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Plain ol’ lazy writing. Come on Wes, you’re better than this. This is reverting back not evolving.
So this film, and the first scene, take place 10 years after “The Woodsboro Massacre” or the amazing phenomenon known as Scream. Deputy Dewey is now Sheriff and married to Gale Weathers. Gale has stopped reporting and turned to writing fiction. Sidney has written a book on her experiences and is on tour. In fact, she has just arrived in Woodsboro. And Randy is dead.
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!
Still not over that.
We then see the horrible Emma Roberts getting picked up for school. I hate Emma Roberts. She has no talent whatsoever. She always seems as if she is acting, so I never believe that she is whatever “character” she is playing. She’s like a block of wood. I think she is secretly a robot as she never gives any emotion. None whatsoever. She’s proof that just because one family member has talent, doesn’t mean the rest do.
I bet she is the killer. She’s all I hate Sidney. Blah, blah blah…
Anyways, Jill (Emma Roberts) is being picked up by her friends Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) and Olivia (Marielle Jaffe). Now who are these girls trying to fool? There is no way these girls are in high school they look sooo OLD.
I mean Roberts could pass for 19 at the youngest, but Panettiere and Jaffe? They are clearly are late 20s heading for their thirties. I’m looking it up now…let’s see…Roberts was 20 at the time, Panettiere was 22, and Jaffee was also 22. Okay so they weren’t as old as I thought they were, although they look it. I mean it’s laughable how they think they could pass off people so old as high school students.
Jill and Olivia receive texts from Jenny and Marnie, even though they aren’t close friends or anything…and the two girls are dead (although no one has discovers it yet. Speaking of which where were the parents during all of this? Why weren’t they with their kid? How come it took someone so long to discover the body? Come on now!)
Wes also has a love affair in this film with fake jumps. It’s like every five seconds. Seriously, just stop.
At the station Sheriff Dewey gets called on the scene and I notice something here Wes. Yes…yes…it appears that Dewey no longer suffers from a limp. I see, I see. Dewey gets to be limp free WHILE RANDY IS DEAD??!!
Never letting that one go. Moving on.
So Sheriff Dewey is called on the scene and he knows, he just knows
RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!
So as Sheriff Dewey is looking around, one of his deputies calls him Sheriff Riley. And I was like Whaaaaaaat????? Dewey has a last name?
Sorry. Back to the film.
So then we zoom to the high school were we have Hollywood’s version of high school students. You know horribly unrealistic and clichéd to the farthest ranges of the imagination. Because in Hollywood:
Yep, enter super nerd who has a computer hooked up to his headphones so he can blog every moment of his life.
Really Wes? Have you been to a school and seen real nerds? They don’t dress like that or do that? I mean when Ned’s Declassified did the Nerd has camera/computer hooked up to their glasses they did it to spoof. They weren’t trying to portray the nerd/online/blogger culture. You fail. Big time.
Duh!
So then we enter douche boy, Jill’s ex-boyfriend. I mean this is some serious deja vu as he ex is a total creep. I guess douche dating runs in the family.
So during homeroom, everyone’s cellphones buzz with the news. I’m just like, why wasn’t the school notified? When I was in high school we had two deaths. One was a car crash, the other an overdose and the teachers were all immediatey notified before the friends even found out. Same thing in college when a guy committed suicide, and another guy jumped off his balconey as he was high and had a bad trip. Although in college they sent emails and texts to the students, while in high school they told us.
At the bookstore, Sidney is reading an excerpt from her book when Sheriff Dewey comes marching in. He interrupts the signing as they are tracking the phone that placed the calls. They discover it in the back of Sidney’s rental, along with bloody handprints.
Back at the station, Sheriff Dewey s dealing with a lot. Gale comes down as her old investigative spirit is still alive. She encounters a huge prob though. Dewey’s deputy, Deputy Judy, has a mondo crush on Dewey. But Gale, she’s not having any of that.
I love that Gale is still kickin’ butt.
So Sheriff Dewey decides to put Sidney on 24-hour police protection, and all I can think is do you remember what happend last time? Yeah, it did not end well.
You know what almost everyone in this film has drunk the kool-aid. I know that Wes wanted to provide a wide range of “suspects” (totally obvious Jill and Culkin brother/crazy film nerd guy). But he makes everyone seem CRAZY!!! Jill’s ex, the deputy, and that’s not all. Let’s add Sidney’s publicist who delights in the murders because it will sell more books. She actually hopes more will occur. And then we have Sidney’s aunt Kate. “Nobody cares about the fact that it was MY sister that was killed or what I’VE been going through.
So at this point in the film I’m starting to wonder what happened to Patrick Dempsey? AKA Detective Mark Kincaid. I guess he was too busy being a doctor or maid of honor. Let’s see…Yes to doctor, no to maid of honor. He was trying to protect a bank teller and working with Decepticons. I wish they had given us a clue as why they didn’t stay together. I liked Mark.
Later that evening, Sidney goes to talk to Jill and you know what..how come we have never heard of this aunt and niece before? I mean they have lived in the town their whole life and not once was concerned with Sidney? Like why didn’t she stay with her aunt when he dad was out of town? This Wes, is why you do not try and remake a good thing. Just leave well enough alone.
So Sidney goes in to talk to Jill and sees her creep ex climbing in her window trying to talk to her. He’s extra creepy and weird calling himself “the ninja”. Who nicknames themselves? He is also a total control freak and won’t listen to “no”. What a jerk.
That night Kirby comes over and she and Jill are watching scary movies. Kirby gets a call from Ghostface that he’s hiding in the closet. She decides to be stupid and looks around, finding no one. Like this guy KILLED people. Maybe you should CALL THE POLICE!!!!
The voice says that he never stated which closet he was in.
Now the house next door is Olivia’s who is home alone (of course). The police offered to walk her to her home but she refused and like the stupid caricatures they are, they agreed. I just realized that policeman in the Scream films are pretty stupid. Dewey and Mark being the exception. I mean SHE RECIEVED A DEATH THREAT FROM GHOSTFACE EARLIER!!!! WHY IS NO ONE PROTECTING HER!!! So of course, Ghostface is in her closet and kills her.
Victim 6
And her friends just watch.
Seriously, they DO NOTHING BUT WATCH THEIR FRIEND GET SLICED APART. Scream! Call the police!!! Do something!!!!
Sid hears it and rushes over to help. Now Sid I love you, but couldn’t you have brought a weapon with you? How do you expect to save the girl if you have nothing. I mean come on, grab a bat, frying pan, knife, SOMETHING!!!
Sid does manage to take him down as she rules! But when the cops come he’s disappeared? Who is he Michael Myers? How does he move so fast? I mean they did the same thing in Scream 2.
Why weren’t the cops able to find him? WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK??? THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!!! CRAVEN YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN! IT’S LIKE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET ALL FREAKIN’ OVER AGAIN!!!
Not happy, not happy at all
Gale seduces the two nerds to get them to help her. At first I thought it was funny, but the more I think about it, it’s creepy. I know on Cougar Townyou are always with younger men, but this is a 47 year old woman hitting on 17 year olds.
PR girl is the devil. I am sorry but the way she gushes about the killings, she needs help.
So after she leaves from visiting Sidney in the hospital (minor cut) she runs into Ghostface and is killed.
Victim #7
Now to be honest its her own fault as she really shouldn’t be walking around at night by herself with a killer on the loose. And what’s really stupid was that she was by her car. Just get in and drive away, run him over. Instead she tries to run. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB. I mean come on, you were sitting inside the car! Why would you ever take off?
You know what I just realized. so far the killer has only murdered women. What’s up with that? In the other films it was always equal. How come you’re just killing women Wes? Huh? Why? You know what else? In every film we have couples who are murdered first. Scream– Steve and Casey, Scream 2– Boyfriend and Jada Pinket-Smith, & Scream 3– Cotton’s girlfriend and Cotton. But in this one its only been girls. There’s a formula!
But now, we only have females murdered. What happened Wes, did you have a woman break your heart so now you are releasing your anger on females?
And you know what’s really depressing about this film is that it lost everything. It isn’t a horror parody and a horror film at the same time; It’s just sad and boring. You can tell from the beginning who the killers are (Jill & Charlie [Culkin brother super nerd]). It’s just a recycled plot. A poorly recycled one too.
I mean each previous Scream brought something new and fresh.
Scream
Parody of the Horror film Genre while still being a great horror film
Twist ending with two killers, and one being the boyfriend.
Obsession with horror films and trying to create their own
Revenge because his mother left.
Scream 2
Parody of sequel films and horror sequels
Debates issue if whether horror films turn people into killers
Twist ending where you think it is the boyfriend murdering, but really ex’s mom
Female serial killer
Scream 3
Parody of trilogy films
Twist ending with mother’s secret early life + half brother
Single killer this time
All the survivors end in a couple-Dewey & Gale, Mark & Sid
Scre4m
Recycled plot
Pop culture of the day inserted but it feels more like an old man trying to be “hip” and failing than avant-garde.
They waited far too long to make this film. It should have come sooner.
So the next day Gale gets Sidney to come speak at the film club at the high school. In return for this, the two geek boys Charlie (the Culkin brother) and his friend blogger- headphones, Robbie, will help her out. Gale thinks the new Ghostface is copying the murders, but the nerd twins point out that it is a remake “as only remakes are being made these days.” Tru dat. In 2011 alone there was Silent House, Gnomeo & Juliet, The Green Hornet, The Roommate, The Mechanic, Just Go With It, Unknown, Jane Eyre, Winnie the Pooh, Arthur, X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian, Real Steel, Straw Dogs, The Thing, Footloose, The Muppets, and The Sitter.
The kids tell Gale & Sidney that if the killer wants to make it intense and new he is going to record the murders. That’s not new, it’s been happening for quite so time now. Just another ripoff.
They decide the next place he will strike is the annual Stab-a-thon. Now you have a killer running about and you refuse to stop your party? Definteky Charlie. He’s the killer. I mean come on, any smart person would be like nope, let’s stop this so people don’t die.
So a bunch of the kids dress up in Ghostface masks which is incredibly stupid. I mean you have a KILLER IN THE GHOSTFACE MASK? Why is everyone so STUPID.
Ugh
Gale goes there just like in the first film and hooks up some “secret cameras”. The cameras get covered up and Gale calls Dewey before she goes into take care of them. Now the smart thing would be to just wait as it is obvious that Ghostface is the one doing it, but whatever! I mean like even if you feel like you HAVE to go, why not be extra cautious and take a weapon! I mean, come on now people. She goes and is stabbed by the killer, however, she’s Gale so she just has to go to hospital. That’s cause Gale is awesome.
I just want this film to be over. It is that painful.
So I am liking nobody in this film. Like every character is crazy or stupid. The only exceptions are Gale, Sid, Dewey, and Aimee Teagarden’s character as she tried to run away. Even though I think Emma Roberts is the killer I want her to get stabbed so I won’t have to see her face again this film and hear her horrible acting voice.
Duh!
So back at the house Sidney sees something outside. She goes to take a look at it instead of CALLING THE POLICE! Come on Sid, you’re better than that.
So the cops outside Kate/Jill/Sid’s residence are all comedic and talking about movie cops. They say that cops are what you never want to be as they are always “getting it” in films. Uh, not true! What about Dirty Harry? Ain’t nobody taking down Clint Eastwood. Or what about Patrick Dempsey in Scream 3, I mean Wes you freakin’ made that film. Witness? Harrison Ford always dominates! Sidney Poitier In the Heat of the Night or They Call Me, Mr. Tibbs! Mark Wahlberg in The Departed? Die Hard?
Besides why would the black cop be worried that since he is a cop he’s going to killed? He’s got bigger worries, he’s a minority. He’s going to get killed for that. The only horror films I’ve ever seen where the minority doesn’t get killed first and makes it to the end would be Night of the Living Dead and Aliens vs. Predator.
They both get killed.
Victim #8 & 9
I was actually happy about that as they were annoying.
So someone in this film finally wises up, as Sid grabs a knife to protect her. Ghostface comes and attacks. Yawn! Knew it was going to happen. There is NOTHING original in this film, NOTHING!!!! Wes you have failed, fAILED FAILED FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!
So Kate also gets killed, she was stabbed through a door.
Is it over yet? Is the film done yet? Boo. There’s still 30 mins left! UGH, UGH, BLEH! I would stop watching like a did with An American Werewolf in London, but I promised full reviews of every Scream film and I can’t go back on that.
So Sidney escapes. She starts to head next door to protect Jill.
Next door we have Jill, Kirby, Robbie, & Charlie watching horror films.
So why don’t any of these kids feel remorse for the murdered people? I mean in Scream the main characters weren’t close to Steve and Casey (except Stu) so I could see where it didn’t make the biggest impact. But Sid started feeling when it was Tatum, Dewey, Gale, etc. In Scream 2, the girl in the film class was sad about her friend that was murdered in the movie theater and everyone is heartbroken over Randy.
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!
Then in Scream 3 Cotton’s death, and while the characters didn’t know the movie stars, they were still sad to see them killed. I mean Olivia was their friend as she was MURDERED!!! And you know how they react? Jill in her monotone voice is fine and doesn’t say anything. Kirby goes to the Stab-a-thon in sa freakin’ ghostface mask. A GHOSTFACE MASK! I mean your friend was MURDERED, MUREDERED! And you are wearing the thing that killer wore to murder to your friend. Something is wrong with you all.
And you know what, that is the problem with this film. In the other versions you believed the actors were the characters. You believed them. In this film every character except for the 3 survivors are so fake. They have any real emotions. They don’t have any real reactions. They are like robots or something.
Why is everyone dumb in this movie? This movie is horrible and stupid! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! OMG! it’s LIKE HE WANTS TO MAKE A SUCKY VERSION OF AN AMAZING FILM! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY? WHY? WHO GAVE HIM THE MONEY. You all should be held accountable for this!!!!
Is this too crazy?
This is film is a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the group is hanging out. Trevor comes over as he says Jill invited him. She tells them that is impossible as her phone has been missing. Jill goes upstairs and Trevor follows her. While he is gone, Robbie gets drunk and heads outside for another blog post. When he does this we have the only real scare in the film. He runs into a plant. That’s it folks, so far the plant has been the most scariest and original thing in this travesty. And that’s not even that original.
Back inside, Kirby is trying to seduce Charlie in the most horrible and painful way. It hurt to watch this scene. It was awkward, it was stupid, and it would never happen that way in real life.
You know what I’m wondering now? Where are the parents? Come on now, is Jill the only one in town with a parent? They are completely absent! At least in Scream they explaned it. Casey’s parents were out having dinner. Mr. Prescott was going out of town. Mrs. Riley (Dewey & Tatum’s mom) is a single parent. Stu’s parents don’t care and are out of town all the time. Mr. Loomis works late hours and has recently become a single parent. I get that, although they should have done a better job. Scream 2, in college parents aren’t there., although I’m really surprised not one of them came down to check on their kids. Scream 3 all are adults. But these kids have no parents anywhere, nor do they give an explanation except for Olivia She mentions that her mom works late. Its like this whole film is in an alternate dimension where reality plays no part at all. I mean I know its a movie, but explain! Movie EXPLAIN!!!
So this film is far too predictable. You know Robbie who is hanging outside is going to be killed first, then Kirby, then Trevor, and then Charlie. It is soooo obvious.
This is horrible. Why am I watching this? Why?
So Robbie of course is killed, and too his shock as he thinks being gay will save him. I thought that was a weird thing to say. I mean, I can’t think of horror films where a gay person always survive. I mean technically he’s in the minority category and we all know that minorities hardly ever make it to the end of a horror film.
Victim #11
Before Kirby and Charlie could get it on, Trevor comes downstairs. He couldn’t find Jill upstairs. He and Charlie head to the kitchen, leaving Kirby alone in the living room. Jill comes from downstairs, now how the heck was she there? (I mean obvs to me she’s the killer, but why doesn’t anyone else think that weird?) Sidney runs into the house to warn everyone. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF YOU HAD CALLED THE POLICE FOR BACKUP. Kirby goes down to the basement, while Jill and Sidney go upstairs. Jill hides under the bed.
That is the worse place to hide. Beds and closets are always checked first.
Sidney comes down to the basement with Kirby and they see Charlie. He wants them to let him in, but Kirby is unsure whether or not she can trust him. Ghostface grabs him and ties him to a chair. Ghostface then calls Kirby.
The two are going to play a game. Kirby wins, Charlie is free.
The Voice: I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching Stab, instead you get to live it.
Kirby Reed: No. No, no, no, no. He’s the expert. It’s not me.
The Voice: Warm up question: Jason’s weapon?
Kirby Reed: Uh,it’s a machete.
The Voice: There. You see? You do know the genre. Michael Myers?
Kirby Reed: Uh, butcher knife.
The Voice: Leatherface?
Kirby Reed: [crying] Chainsaw! Please!
The Voice: Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?
Kirby Reed: Razor-hands.
The Voice: Name the movie that started the slasher craze: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left or Psycho?
Kirby Reed: Psycho.
The Voice: None of the above! Peeping Tom, 1960, directed by Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the audience in the killer’s POV.
Kirby Reed: Wait. No, no, no. Please, just ask me one more question. Just one more.
The Voice: Alright, Kirby, then it’s time for your last chance. Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the vill…
Kirby Reed: Halloween, uh, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, uh, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When A Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, Piranha. It’s one of those, right? Right?
[silence]
Kirby Reed: I got it right. I was fucking right. [goes outside; unties Charlie] Don’t worry, Charlie. I f****** won. I won. He tried to beat me but I f****** won.
Charlie Walker:[holding knife] Kirby? This is is making a move! [stabs her] Four years of class together and you notice me now? You stupid b****! It’s too late! Shhh, I know. It doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.
[finishes stabbing her and drops her; runs away]
Yep Kirby is dead.
Victim #12
And Charlie was the killer. Totally obvious.
Duh!
So deputy Judy comes into play as she discovers Kate’s body and the dead cops. She heads over to Kirby’s house to check on everyone. I still want to punch her crazy-obsessed with Dewey face.
Does that make me a bad person?
So Sidney is being chased by Charlie and manages to escape him heading for the door. But Sid, don’t forget, except for Scream 3 there are always two killers. And as she heads for the door…boom Jill stabs her.
Now if Wes wanted to make this really unique. He should have down a group of female killers. It is rare, but does happen. Olivia, Kirby, and Jill. Or deputy Judy. She could be doing all these murders just so she could kill Gale and get Sheriff Dewey. Or he could have not tried making a remake. That would have been fantastic!.
So the two totally obvious killers start revealing the reasoning behind it. Jill was always jealous of her cousin’s fame. And as Emma Roberts…I mean Jill has no talent, she figures this is the quickest way to make her famous.
Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it? This has never been about killing you? It’s about becoming you. I mean, for f***’s sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just gotta have f***** up-s*** happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead, and let’s face it, your ingenue days, they’re over.
Charlie was her new boyfriend that was helping her do this. They plan to have Trevor take the fall for it, stabbing themselves, but shooting him to make it look like “self-defense”. Charlie is happy that the “geek will get the girl”, but Jill tells him sorry and kills him.
Victim #13
You know what I just realized. They never clean the knife. Ever. With all those kids having sex and the amount of diseases that abound, now all I can think is how they’ve been spreading so much to people. They’ve all probably got Chlamydia or something.
Also WHERE ARE THE POLICE!!!??? I mean deputy Judy was right next door!!!
So then Jill kills Trevor and Sidney.
Victim #14 &15
After that she starts taking care of the evidence. Planting the knife/gun. Beating /mutilating herself. Even ripping hair out and putting it in Trevor’s hand.
When the police finally come, they discover her and name her the sole survivor. They cart her off to the hospital. In the hospital Dewey visit Jill, who is all smiles. I have to say nobody is freaked out by the fact she doesn’t care that her best friends, mother, and cousin have all been brutally murdered???!!! Someone ship her off to the psycho ward. That girl is crazy!
Jill tells Dewey that maybe she and Gale can write about the murders as they have matching wounds. Dewey tells her that Sidney might be able to also help, as she is going to recover.
Yep, looks like we have Dial “M” for Murder all over again.
“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?
Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.
Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?
Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”
You can’t plan everything sweetheart.
So Jill gets out of her bed and charges down to ICU to get to Sidney.
That is impossible. There is no way she would be able to get across the hospital as they are jam packed with people. Especially ICU. Most ICU units actually are protected by some kind of card swipe or button so that only certain people can go in. There’s no way she’d be able to get to Sidney.
Dewey goes to see Gale, and as he mentions Jill’s comments they both realize that the information about her stabs were not released to the public. There is no way she could have known where Gale was stabbed, unless she had done it herself.
Dewey runs down to get to Sidney, and sees Jill trying to kill her. Sidney is doing a great job as she is Awesome! Sid you rule! Jill does have an upper hand as she tries to hurt Sidney in her stab wounds. Dewey is trying to help, but gets knocked out by a bedpan. Gale and Deputy Judy also come in, but Jill stole Dewey’s gun and threatens killing Dewey to get Deputy Judy’s gun. After the gun is passed, she shoots Deputy Judy in the chest.
Victim #15
Jill is threatening all and planning on killing them but this is very stupid. She already framed Trevor and gave a statement. How is she going to explain the other dead bodies? Who can she pin the murder of Sidney, Gale, Deputy Judy, and Sheriff Dewey on. Not going to work.
Jill plans in killing Gale next, as Sidney’s wounds have reopened and she seems to be the lesser threat. She is about to when Sidney shocks her with the defibrillator.
So this episode of Psych is a parody of Friday the 13th, hence the Tuesday the 17th. I thought that since we don’t have a Friday the 13th or a Tuesday the 17th, so I thought it would be awesome to have this on Friday the 17th, so its a combination of both.
So for those of you who aren’t Psych fans, the series is about a guy, Shawn Spencer, who pretends to be a psychic and works with the Santa Barbara Police Department. His BFF, Burton “Gus” Guster, helps him out. He works with Head detective Carlton Lassiter and junior detective Juliet O’Hara.
*Spolier Alert*
So the episode starts off with Shawn and Gus in their preteens at summer camp. They are being picked up by Shawn’s dad, and Shawn is pissed. He is mad at for Gus choosing Jason as a partner over him for the piñata contest. (They picked the name Jason in reference to the boy and later killer, Jason Voorhees.) As we transition to the present we get a the theme song from Friday the 13th series and a creepy view of Shawn’s piñata, Rick Astley, stuck under the water.
20 years later a girl, Annie (named after the stupid Annie that is killed in the original Friday the 13th) is sitting down watching one of the Friday the 13th films.
Ren Stevens: What? Honey, you’re chased by six mutants, and you just decided to take a shower?
She decides to go off, when the phone rings like When a Stranger Calls.
But its just her friends and she tells them she is feeling sick and going to stay home. All of a sudden she is attacked from behind!!!
Back at the Psych building, Shawn and Gus find Shawn’s old summer camp piñata hanging outside their building. Jason did it as a joke as he came to ask the two to help them. Jason is reopening the summer camp this upcoming Friday, but one of his counselors, Annie, is missing. Shawn doesn’t want to return, but Gus convinces him to go back there.
There the two meet Billy (named after Billy in Scream), the jock and fitness counselor; Clive, the nerd and the water instructor; and Sissy, the damsel in distress in charge of arts and crafts. They start investigating, when Jason starts acting weird. He keeps speaking strange and walking around with a dummy.
They start breaking up into twos and singles, which angers Shawn as everyone is breaking the horror film rules. Never split up!
While they go off into the woods, Billy gets taken by the killer.
They all meet up again, at 6:00 minus Billy. Sissy shows Gus and Shawn the laundry room; in which they discover Annie’s pjs, covered in blood.
Shawn gets freaked out and calls Juliet O’Hara from the SBPD to come down and check things out. She gets everyone to stay inside the cabin. When Jason leaves, Shawn chases after him. As he is running and looking for him, he notices the laundry room going again. He goes inside and finds Annie’s strangled body. After that, a man in a potato bag (like that in Butterfinger the 13th) chases after him. Shawn screams and runs away.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only to be caught by the killer!
But all is not what it seems. Shawn figures out that Jason is behind it all and that it is merely a camp created to scare people. The counselors are actors. People pay to come and get scared out of their minds. It’s like living a horror movie, except you know you will survive in the end.
So everyone goes back to the cabin and celebrates the “rehearsal” of the event.
Everything is great until Shawn spots a dead body in the pond.
Victim #1
They all pull him out and discover that it is the creepy janitor. There is a huge storm that starts up, causing no to be able to leave. Or come to them.
All have to wait until it blows over. They decide to play strip cribbage, as stupid as the strip monopoly they play in Friday the 13th.
Well I don’t make out alive. Must have been too much strip monopoly.
Billy ends up being the one who looses all his clothes. And you know what that means…..Yep let the bodies hit the floor.
After the janitor, Annie is killed and then Billy when he goes to check the breaker after the lights go out.
Shawn figures out that it is Clive and goes after Billy, finding his dead body. Juliet chases Annie down and discovers that she is dead too. They go looking for Clive and find him fighting with Gus. One gets knocked into the pool and Shawn jumps into the pool thinking it was Gus. It’s not, it’s Clive!!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clive tries to attack Shawn, letting him know that the reason he is doing so is because his father died at this camp and he wanted to get revenge.
Very similar to the orginal Friday the 13th film
Luckily Juliet manages to shoot him before he can harm Shawn.
The episode ends with Shawn, Gus, and Juliet looking off into the distance. Thinking about the horror they’ve witnessed.
You know how the original Friday the 13th ended, with Jason coming out of the water? Well, they parodied that too, except with Rock Astley.
So this Horrorfest, I am going to be doing something a little different. We are going to have “Screamtastic Saturdays”. Every Saturday in October going to be on a different Scream movie. So let’s kick it off with:
What’s your favorite scary movie?
*Spolier Alert*
So I really loved this movie. I have to say that I was originally disappointed in Wes Craven as Nightmare on Elm Streettotally tanked. This film was by far, much better. One of the coolest things about this film is that it is a parody of horror films, while still being its own horror film.
So the beginning starts off with Drew Barrymore cooking popcorn and preparing for a fun night in watching scary movies with her boyfriend. Just like When A Stranger Calls, she receives a strange phone call and is at first into it, thinking it is just a joke.
However, it quickly turns serious as the caller threatens Casey that he is going to kill her and her boyfriend, Steve.
But she has a chance at being saved, all she has to do is answer who was the killer in Friday the 13th.
“Phone Voice: Name the killer in Friday the 13th.
Casey: Jason! Jason! Jason!
Phone Voice: I’m sorry. That’s the wrong answer!
Casey: No, it’s not. No it’s not. It was Jason.
Phone Voice: Afraid not. No way.
Casey: Listen, it was Jason! I saw that movie 20 g******* times!
Phone Voice: Then you should know that Jason’s mother, Mrs. Voorhees was the original killer. Jason didn’t show up until the sequel. I’m afraid that was a wrong answer.
Casey: [Weeping] You tricked me.
Phone Voice: Lucky for you there’s a bonus round, but poor Steve… I’m afraid he’s OUT!”
Steve is murdered and Casey runs throughout the house trying to get away from the killer. Of which she doesn’t make it out and finds herself victim #1.
And thus the body count begins…
So the killing of Drew Barrymore holds two significant things. One, she was one the most famous actress in the film, and was killed first. This was supposed to be a homage to Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho (1960), in which the most famous actress of the film, Janet Leigh, was only in the movie for a short while before she was killed. This was also supposed to be a parody of Craven’s film Nightmare on Elm Street, when the first character we meet, Tina (played by Amanda Wyss), is killed. Craven also had his character Casey wear white just like Tina in Nightmare on Elm Street.
The next day, the town Woodsboro is just ravaged by reporters who are eager to find out more about this murder, especially since it occurred almost exactly a year after their little town experienced a murder just as gruesome. The murder of Maureen Prescott by Cotton Weary.
Meanwhile, Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) is trying to cope with everything that is going on.
As to be expected she is having a really hard time with the anniversary of her mother’s death. When she hears about the murders and sees the reporters crawling all over town and school, the memories of the past year come flooding back.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
One of her other big issues is her boyfriend Billy Loomis.
Okay, I just have to go off on a tangent here: Billy is sooooooooooooo creepy looking. When I first saw this I was like he is toooootally the killer. I mean LOOK AT HIM! He has killer written alllll over him. Those eyes, they are super frightening. And the way he talks? He tells Sidney that he was watching Silence of the Lambs and that made him think of her and want to come over and get ”together”. What a freak!
(BTW it is another Psycho reference. Billy Loomis is a homage to Sam Loomis, Marion Crane’s boyfriend in Psycho; and Dr. Sam Loomis in Halloween.)
The two have been having issues since Sidney’s mom died. She was so traumatized by the event that she has isolated herself and found it hard to let anyone in again. Her best friend Tatum is cool with it as she understands Sidney needs time to grieve, but Billy has been having a hard time backtracking from third base to the benches. Ladies, let me just say that if any guy ever tries to pressure into having sex when you aren’t ready, junk punch him and run away. You don’t need that loser in your life.
To top off the already bad day, Sidney’s father has to go out of town, leaving Sidney all alone in a big house.
Yep, gonna make When a Stranger Calls references all night.
Sidney makes plans to meet up with Tatum and stay at her place, but falls asleep at home when Tatum is late picking her up. While Sidney is waiting she gets a phone call from the killer who starts harassing her. And she stupidly calls throughout the house trying to find him.
“Sidney Prescott: Can you see me right now? Ah, okay. [puts a finger in her nose] What am I doing? Huh? Huh? What am I doing? Hello? [takes finger out] Nice try, Randy. Tell Tatum to hurry up, okay? Bye now.
Ghostface: IF YOU HANG UP ON ME, YOU’LL DIE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER! Do you want to die, Sidney? Your mother sure didn’t.
Sidney Prescott: F*** you, you cretin!”
Soon the killer comes in her house and she has to run away from him and try to get the police there before she is victim #3. Billy shows up, climbing through her window saving her; that is until Sidney sees that he has a cellphone and freaks out, having the police cart him away.
So there are a couple places that were filmed in Santa Rosa, CA. One was the bathroom scene in which Sidney is attacked, the other is Tatum’s house which is right across the street from the house used in Pollyanna (1960). It is also across the street from the house used in Alfred Hitchcock’s Shadow of a Doubt (1943). The house in the opening scene was next door to the house used in Cujo (1983). As I lived in that area when I attended college, I’ve been there.
Sidney spends the night at Tatum’s house and the next day is completely crazy. Billy was released as they had nothing to hold him on. And they still are unable to find her father as he never checked into his hotel. Plus Gale Weathers, a reporter who has been harassing her for a over year, is back and won’t let up.
“Gale: There she is! Sidney, hi, what happened? Are you alright?
Tatum: She’s not answering any questions alright. Just leave us alone.
Sidney Prescott: No, no Tatum it’s OK. She’s just doing her job, right Gale?
Gale: That’s right.
Sidney Prescott: So how’s the book?
Gale: Oh it’ll be out later this year.
Sidney Prescott: Oh, I’ll look for it.
Gale: I’ll send you a copy.
[Sidney turns around a punches Gale in the face]”
Also at the school we have a little Wes Craven easter egg, as he plays the janitor and dresses in a Freddy Krueger sweater.
The principal (Henry Winkler) decides to suspend school until further notice as it is just too risky for the students. After they all have left, he finds himself joining the body count as well, victim #3.
The death of the principal was actually added to the film late into production. Bob Weinstein noticed there were 30 pgs in the script where no one was murdered and they decided that they needed another victim.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Billy’s friend Stu decides to throw a party and have all the kids in school come. I don’t understand why anyone’s parents would allow their kids to go out like that with A FREAKIN’ KILLER ON THE LOOSE. Come on people, Parent!!
At the party, the kids are chillin’, drinking beer, watching horror films, etc. Billy and Sidney go upstairs and talk, resulting in the two having sex.
Meanwhile downstairs Tatum goes off to the garage to get more beer and is attacked by the killer. This garage scene is the only weak link in the film. First of all when Tatum walks over to the garage door and it almost closes on her, that would never happen. My dad is a contractor and I remember when I was a kid I thought the garage would close on me too; however, they design garage doors specfically to not do that. In fact, they have a certain radius that if someone was to walk within that circle the door would stop. And come on she IS IN A FREAKIN’ GARAGE!!! Do you know how many weapons there are in that thing? She passes over a hoe, rake, and a shovel! You see all kinds of tools throughout their fight too. She could easly find something to attack him and win. Although I do have to give props to Wes for allowing Tatum to to put up such a great fight.
Victim #4
Back in the living room, Randy is giving a rundown on how to survive a horror film, (* are the rules that are given by the killer).
You will not survive if you have sex
You will not survive if you do drugs or drinks
You will not survive if you say “I’ll be right back.”
Everyone is a suspect
*You will not survive if you ask “Who’s there.”*
*You will not survive if you go out to investigate a strange noise*
While all this is going on, Gale and Tatum’s brother Officer Dewey, have been spying on the party. Gale has snuck a camera into the party, so that she can view everything from her van. She and Dewey both take a break though, “walking off” together where they come upon Sidney’s father’s abandoned car.
Everyone back at the party gets the news that the principal is dead and had been strung up on the football field. Almost everyone leaves; with just Randy, Sidney, Billy, Stu, and Gale’s cameraman Kenny (in the van) staying behind. The killer comes out and starts attacking.
One of the best scenes is the scene is when a drunk Randy is watching Halloween and telling Jamie Lee Curtis’ character to turn around while the killer is behind him (Randy). He constantly repeats, “Jamie, turn around. Turn around, Jamie!” as the killer is slowly creeping up behind him.
So Kenny and Dewey fall victim to his knife.
Victim #5 & 6
After Sidney and Billy are done having sex and have changed back into their clothes the killer charges in and stabs Billy (#7), while Sidney manages to run away and finds Tatum’s body.
As she continues running she runs in the path of Gale who was fleeing the killer in her van. Gale swerves to miss Sidney and crashes, getting knocked out. Sidney goes back to the house, taking the gun from the dying Dewey. She runs into Randy and Stu and is unsure who is the killer. She then runs into a wounded Billy and gives him the gun. Billy immediately shoots Randy (#8) and stands up.
Yep, Billy isn’t injured at all. In fact, it was all a ploy he is the real killer.
Billy: Corn Syrup, just like in the real movies.
Yep, the whole time Billy and Stu have been the killers. From Sidney’s mom (the real first victim) to everyone else.
“Sidney Prescott: Why? Why did you kill my mother?
Billy: Why? WHY! You hear that Stu? I think she wants a motive. Well I don’t really believe in motives Sid, I mean did Norman Bates have a motive?
Stu: No.
Billy: Did we ever find out why Hannibal Lecter like to eat people? DON’T THINK SO! See it’s a lot more scarier when there’s no motive, Sid. We did your Mom a favor, Sid. That woman was a slut-bag whore who flashed her s*** all over town like she was Sharon Stone or somethin’.
Stu: Yeah, we put her out of her misery, ’cause let’s face Sidney, your mother was no Sharon Stone,hmm?
Billy: Is that motive enough for you? How about this? Your slut mother was f****** my father and she’s the reason my mom moved out and abandoned me. [Sid looks astonished] How’s that for a motive? Maternal abandonment causes serious deviant behaviour. It certainly f***** you up. It made you have sex with a psychopath.”
Yep, and not only that, but the two planned the whole thing out so that her father would take the blame, making it look like he had a mental breakdown on the anniversary of his wife’s death and started killing people. They kidnapped her father and brought him out of hiding for their final act. Billy and Stu planned that original attack on Sidney (when Billy was arrested) to make any second arrest look false and questionable.
Of course their plan will not be complete until they make themselves look like victims. Stu stabs Billy, and Billy stabs Stu. While the two are monologing and arguing they have seemed to forget one important thing.
Sidney and her father have disappeared.
“Stu: S***…
Billy: What?
Stu: Oh, s***.
Billy: [They go into the kitchen to find Sidney and Mr. Prescott gone] Where are they? Where are they?
Stu: I don’t know, Billy, but I’m hurtin’, man!
Yep, just like they say in Dial M for Murder, you can never plan the perfect murder. What sounds good on paper can never transfer to real life, because in real life there are just too many things that can go wrong.
“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?
Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.
Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?
Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”
So here Stu and Billy find themselves completely off script, and unsure…
[the phone rings]
Stu: Should I let the machine get it?
Billy: [answers it] Hello?
Sidney Prescott: Are you alone in the house?
Billy: B****! You b****, where the f*** are you?
Sidney Prescott: Not so fast, we’re going to play a little game. It’s called: Guess who just called the police and reported your sorry motherf******* a**! [Stu is slowly collapsing to the floor] Billy: Find her, you dips***! Get up! Stu: I can’t, Billy. You already cut me too deep. I think I’m dying here, man! Billy: [Billy gives Stu the phone] Talk to her. Talk to her. Stu: Hello? Sidney Prescott: Ah, Stu, Stu, Stu… What’s your motive? Billy’s got one. The police are on their way. What are you going to tell them? Stu: Peer pressure. I’m far too sensitive. Billy:[Billy takes the phone back] I’m going to rip you up, b****, just like your f****** mother! Sidney Prescott: You’ve gotta find me first, you pansy-a** momma’s boy!”
Now the game of cat and mouse has changed with the hunted becoming the hunters.
In the end Gale, Sidney, Dewey, Mr. Prescott, and Randy survive (only 5 victims).
So that was Scream one of the best horror-parodies ever made.
This film really brought back the slasher genre, as after this slasher remakes and slasher film numbers escalated. It also brought up the debate on whether or not violence in movies affected people and caused them to become more violent? The most important thing is that this film increased was the use of caller ID and made such phone harassment much harder to do. Although not for me.
The other thing I realized in this film is that I am soooooo Randy.
I also realized that just like in The Cable Guy, I’m only a few steps away from the crazy.
Well, that’s Scream. Tune in next Saturday for Scream 2.
![Pamela Voorhees: [high voice] Kill her, Mommy! Kill her! Don't let her get away, Mommy! Don't let her live! [normal voice] Pamela Voorhees: I won't, Jason. I won't!](https://janeaustenrunsmylife.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/images-111.jpeg)
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