You Have Thirteen Hours in Which to Solve the Labyrinth, Before Your Baby Brother Becomes One of Us…Forever.: Labyrinth (1986)

You have thirteen hours in which to solve the labyrinth, before your baby brother becomes one of us… forever.

Labyrinth is one of my friend’s favorite movies. The first time she wanted us to watch it, years and years ago, I was like I don’t think I’m going to like this movie.

Majorly

Yep, I was 100% wrong as I Loved it!

This movie is a ton of fun and is one of my favorites. I can always watch it.

It is such a great film and stars the amazing David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly.

Did you know Jim Henson originally wanted Sting to play Jareth the Goblin King? He only picked David Bowie because his kids loved him. This makes me think of Nightmare on Elm Street and the decision to cast Johnny Depp. Good thing Henson listened to his kids. I love Sting, but David Bowie was perfect in this role.

David Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King is supposed to be the villain of the film, but at the same time he channels the teenage dream/ideal of a man. I don’t know if it is his Bad Boy nature, his awesome mix of leather jacket/fantasy coat, his ‘80’s glam rock hair, or just the David Bowie of it all; but he’s amazing and every scene with him is a treasure. He makes every girls’ heart beat every time he enters the frame.

But I’m not only reviewing this film because it is a favorite and fits for Halloween, but also because it is a:

Yes, this film reminds me a lot of Jane Austen, which I will share why at the end of the review.

So our story begins with teenager Sarah, who is out at the park acting out a scene from her favorite book, The Labyrinth. Unfortunately, she keeps forgetting the last line. only to realize she also forgot how late it is.

Sarah: Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great…[thunder rumbles] For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great…D***. [pulls the Labyrinth book out of her pocket] I can never remember that line. [reads] You have no power over me.

She has to run home and take care of her baby brother (half brother) who she dislikes, as her stepmother (who she hates) and father are going out that night. I always thought Sarah’s mother died, but after some googling, it turns out that Sarah’s mother was an actress who left her family for another man. As Sarah doesn’t have her mom present to be angry with, she has directed all that toward her stepmother and little brother.

Sarah is doubly angry as not only did she not get to finish recreating her favorite book, but she has to babysit while her parents are out, and she discovered one of her stuffed animals was taken and put in Toby’s room. Her teen angst has hit an all time high and she erupts, wishing her brother would be taken away by the Goblin King.

The goblins listen and do take him. When Sarah realizes that Toby is gone, she screams out that she wants him back and Jareth, the Goblin King, makes a deal with her. I always thought that Jareth saw something different about herself, a worthy opponent to face off with. She will have 13 hours to solve the labyrinth-if she does she gets the baby, if she fails he becomes a goblin forever.

Sarah begins her journey and believes she can outsmart the labyrinth and the Goblin King, but quickly things are not exactly like the stories she grew up reading. Her plan to leave a mark of the places she traveled fails, she solves the logic puzzle but falls down a hole with grabby hands, encounters fairies who bite, etc. She eventually finds Hoggle, a troll, who agrees to help her in exchange for her bracelet.

But Hoggle is working for Jareth and is supposed to lead her away, so she will lose. However, Sarah not only uses her cunning to get him to help, but Hoggle begins to like her too. This is something Jareth is none too pleased about.

Jareth: Ah, what have we here?

Hoggle: Oh, uh, nothin’.

Jareth: [removing his disguise at the last second] Nothing? Nothing? NOTHING? Nothing, tra la la?

That’s one of my favorite parts of this film. It is just so silly yet fits. Sarah then sasses Jareth and ends up losing time from her quest. Yep, not the best idea but Sarah will not give up. That’s another reason why this film is such a great one to watch. Sarah is your typical teen and she can be dramatic, whimsy, and at times can be whiny (like most teens), but she’s also a dreadful determined woman who will not stop until she accomplishes what she is setting out to do. She feels very real and is someone you can root for. I love this exchange between her and Jareth:

Sarah: That’s not fair!

Jareth: You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is?

After their encounter, Sarah sees a Wiseman who she exchanges a ring for-but doesn’t get that much wisdom in return. They continue on and Sarah ends up adding to their party when she saves Ludo, a creature that can call rocks. Ludo is so cute and sweet, I definitely would want him on my questing team.

After this she enters the forest, having been separated from Ludo and Hoggle and encounters the creepiest things ever and the true villains of this story: the Fierys. I hate these things as they seriously creeped me out when I first watched it, and I still struggle with watching this scene. Ugh, they need to just go to die with those creatures for Fraggke Rock, they creeped me out too.

But Sarah is able to defeat these monsters and is reunited with Hoggle who saves her. But not for long as Hoggle has met with the Goblin King who wants Hoggle to ensure that Sarah does not defeat him. Hoggle has been given a peach that will put Sarah to sleep and he must do it or else he will be cursed to live in the Bog of Eternal Stench.

After they are reunited they find themselves in the Bog of Eternal Stench, the only way out a bridge protected by a fox like soldier. I love this characters of Sir Didymus and his noble steed the sheepdog named Ambrosius. These characters are absolute fun.

Like in most fairy stories and legends the bridge cannot be crossed, but Sarah outwits him.

Sarah: Okay, let’s handle this thing logically. What exactly have you sworn?

Didymus: I have sworn with my life’s blood, none shall pass this way without *my* permission!

Sarah: Well… May we have your permission?

Didymus: Well I, uh… I… that is, uh… hm… Yes?

They are able to escape the Bog with help from Ludo who can speak to the rocks. From here they enter an enchanted forest and Sarah, as she has been in the Labyrinth for hours, says she is hungry. Hoggle gives her the enchanted peach and instantly regrets it and runs away ashamed at his cowardice.

Sarah wakes up in a dream, a ball with the romantic song As the World Falls Down. She is almost distracted from her quest, but when she hears the clock she proves herself to not be any ordinary girl and escapes by waking up with a Junk lady who returns her home. This quest wasn’t real, just another dream and she has now awakened. Film over.

I know, it’s too easy and too simple. And Sarah knows it, she is truly a worthy opponent for Jareth.

The Junk Lady: What’s the matter, my dear, don’t you like your toys?

Sarah: [comes to her senses] It’s all junk!

The Junk Lady: [picks up a music box] Well, what about this? This is not junk, eh?

Sarah: [smashes music box] Yes, it is! [Sarah’s room crumbles without her notice] I have to save Toby!

Sarah wakes up and goes with Didymus and Ludo to the Goblin City. Hoggle joins them and apologizes and they fight the Goblins and more as they continue to fight.

Sarah has reached where she needs to be, but finds herself in a more challenging test of skills. She has to find Toby who has been hidden from her. This scene is fantastic as I love they way they filmed and set up the scene. Just amazing!

Then we have one of the best scenes when Sarah has to face off against Jareth. First Jareth comes out of the shadows, intense music playing as he does. I love the way the scene is fuzzy at the corners to give it that dreamlike quality! Oh yes, it’s fantastic! The pacing and the dialogue is just great too!

The way Jareth pleads with Sarah tempting her almost convincing her- but props to Sarah, she knows better what makes a healthy relationship than most people-refusing his charm and promises. And the thing I love the most, Sarah not being able remember the lines “you have no power over me” is so powerful. Such few and simple words, but at times can be so hard for people to say and believe. But finally she does, declares it to the Goblin King, and wins the Labyrinth.

Sarah: Give me the child.

Jareth: Sarah, beware. I have been generous up ’til now. I can be cruel.

Sarah: Generous? What have you done that’s generous?

Jareth: *Everything*! Everything that you wanted I have done. You asked that the child be taken. I took him. You cowered before me, I was frightening. I have reordered time. I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for *you*! I am exhausted from living up to your expectations. Isn’t that generous?

Sarah: Through dangers untold. And hardships unnumbered. I have fought my way here to the castle; beyond the goblin city, to take back the child that you have stolen. My will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom as great…

Jareth: Stop! Look what I’m offering you. Your dreams.

Sarah: My kingdom as great… my kingdom as great… damn, I can never remember that line.

Jareth: I ask for so little. Just fear me. Love me. Do as I ask, and I shall be your slave.

Sarah: You have no power over me! YOU have no power over ME! [the clock chimes 13:00 at that moment. Defeated, Jareth sends Sarah and Toby back to the real world where the clock finishes chiming midnight]

The best scene! A must watch!

She defeats him and goes home. At first going to say goodbye to her fantasies, dreams, and childhood-but deciding to not give it up just yet!

Ludo: [in the mirror] Goodbye, Sarah.

Didymus: And remember, fair maiden, should you need us…

Hoggle: Yes, should you need us, for any reason at all…

Sarah: I need you, Hoggle.

Hoggle: You do?

Sarah: [nods] I don’t know why, but every now and again in my life – for no reason at all – I need you. All of you.

Hoggle: You do? Well… WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO?

[Sarah] spins around and sees them all in her room, including the goblins. She hugs them all, and a huge party begins]

I love this film and I think the more you watch it the more you see, relate to, and love. I also really appreciate that they didn’t end this with a romance but friendship, that’s not something that is not really done all that often.

Another thing I like about this movie is that it is similar to Total Recall, in that the film lets you decide whether this really happened to Sarah or if it is all in her mind. In her room we see the characters that surface later in the film: a stuffed animal that looks like Sir Didymus on her dresser, a doll that looks like Ludo on the shelves next to her door, a Firey doll on a shelves next to her bed, bookends with Goblins reminiscent of Hoggle on her dresser, a figurine of Jareth on the right hand side of her desk, newspaper clippings of Sarah’s famous actress mom with another man (David Bowie), the dress that she wears in the ballroom scene is on the woman in her music box, a wooden maze game which looks like the Labyrinth is on her desk, and a copy of the famous picture by M.C. Escher which is used in the final confrontation with Jareth. So the question is did the Goblin King use these elements in his creations to give Sarah a fair chance, borrowing items similar to her surroundings which is sometimes done in fairy stories, did he choose her because he wanted a worthy opponent, does the Labyrinth change itself to Whomever enters, or is this all a teen angst dream. You decide.

So why do I consider this a Non-Austen Film for Austen Fans? First of all we have the character of Sarah being one who loves to read, and live in a fantasy world; which reminds me of both Marianne Dashwood and Catherine Morland. Both Marianne and Catherine love to read and are dreamers. All three characters are also very sweet, kind, naive, and innocent.

Sarah shares even more similarities with Marianne as both are young in spirit. Sarah still plays with dolls and stuffed animals and Marianne believes she knows all about love and life from the poems she reads.

Both girls have also been betrayed by people they love, Sarah having her mom leave the family and now having a new mother and brother, while Marianne’s father fails to protect his daughters by planning for their future; along with her having a brother that broke his promise to protect and care for her and her sisters.

Both Marianne and Sarah are also extremely emotional and act on their feelings, expecting others to be as honest as them. Sarah never considers that Hoggle could be deceitful or someone she shouldn’t trust, even after he tells her (and Jareth) that he is planning on sending her back to the beginning. Marianne never considers that Mr. Willoughby could not be as earnest in his affections or even that her lack of fortune might be something that could cause a roadblock in their relationship.

Sarah, Marianne, and Catherine all fits

go on a journey that teaches them about themselves and help them grow and mature. For Sarah she learns to love and care for her brother and not to speak out in such haste, Marianne is taught to not always act on her emotions and feelings but use sense as well, and Catherine learns to not always trust everyone and to use caution instead of imagination.

A fantastic film with wonderful imagery, amazing songs, and just a lovely storyline. It’s a film you can’t help but love and watch again and again.

Some friends and I went axe throwing a few weeks ago and dressed up as fantasy characters. I was going to be the Goblin King, but my niece pointed out that I looked like Sarah. So of course I had to dress up as her. I couldn’t find the vest she wears and had to with what I did have. Pretty close right?

And of course the Facebook cover photo!

For more on Labyrinth, go to A Dog’s Life: Chinese New Year

For more Non-Austen Films for Austen Fans, go to No Haunt Me Then!…I Know That Ghosts Have Wandered On The Earth. Be With Me Always…Drive Me Mad, Only Do Not Leave Me in This Dark Alone…I Cannot Live Without My Life! I Cannot Die Without My Soul.: Wuthering Heights (1939)

For more David Bowie, go to Changes, Turn and Face the Strange

For more ‘80s films go to, Something’s Out There and It’s Killing People! And If It’s Monsters, Nobody’s Going to Do a Thing About it Except Us!: The Monster Squad (1987)

Once, There Was Even a Man Who Had Scissors for Hands: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

So every year we review a Vincent Price film. Here we go!

Once, there was even a man who had scissors for hands

What?

Yes I said that right, Vincent Price.

Many of you may not know this, but this was Vincent Price’s last film. When I first saw this, I actually knew about Vincent Price than Johnny Depp.

In fact Vincent Price was supposed to have more screentime, but unfortunately was very ill at and they had to cut back on those scenes. Sad for us.

We didn’t get as much

This also fills another yearly notch, a Tim Burton film.

I have always loved Edward Scissorhands

So let’s not wait any longer. On with the review.

So the film starts off with a grandma, Kim Boggs (Winona Ryder) telling her granddaughter a story-of a man with scissors for hands.

Flashback years ago-Peg Boggs is the Avon lady, along with being kindest and sweetest woman ever. She tries to sell in her Suburban neighborhood but none are interested.

She’s finally reached the end of her rope-but then spots the creepy, spooky castle that exists at the end of the block. She decides to go in there and that is when everything changes.

Inside the worn and crumbling mansion-which she enters by herself! Very unsafe-and meets Edward.

Edward was created by the Inventor, but is unfinished-he still has scissors for hands.

Peg feels bad for him and takes him home with her-he meets her husband Bill (Alan Arkin), who is completely checked out and doesn’t see or hear anything, and son Kevin. Kevin is fascinated by Edward and wants to show him off.

That’s awesome

As many times as I have watched this I am just amazed with the character of Peg. She reminds me of the mom in My Boyfriend’s Back, but sweeter, kinder, and not nearly as psychotic. She is always encouraging and helping Edward.

Peg Boggs: Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself? What happened to your face? No, I won’t hurt you. But at the very least, let me give you a good astringent. And this will help to prevent infection. What’s your name?

Edward: Edward.

Peg Boggs: Edward… I think you should just come home with me.

And if anyone tries to say anything about him, she will go mama bear on them.

Audience Member #3: But if you had regular hands you’d be like everyone else.

Edward: Yes, I know.

Host-TV: I think he’d like that.

Audience Member #4: Then no one would think you’re special. You wouldn’t be on TV or anything.

Peg Boggs: No matter what, Edward will always be special.

So Pegg let’s Edward stay in her daughter’s room while she is camping with friends on her waterbed. Really Peg, he has scissors for hands!

Anyways, the neighbors are fascinated and want to take a look at him, forcing themselves on them with a BBQ.

Edward starts trying to get used to living with people. If you carefully watch Edward in the beginning he is moving his hands all over-but as he watches the others and as the movie progresses learns to better control his hands and be more humanlike.

And I do have to say I like the costume of Edward. I like Buster Keaton look carrying over from Benny & Joon and his Cure/Tim Burton-inspired hair. It wouldn’t always work, but it does on him.

So Edward is a hit, especially after he starts creating colorful topiaries.

Kim returns home from her trip in the mountains with her boyfriend Jim (Anthony Michael Hall). The first time I saw this-I didn’t recognize him. I don’t what he did but he went from major nerd in the ’80s to playing football jocks in the ’90s. I  always think if him as being one of the lucky three who were able to go from “nerd” to “heartthrob”-him, John Cusack, and Patrick Dempsey.

Kim returns home after “camping” and goes to her room-only to find Edward. Proof why scissors and waterbeds don’t work out.

From lawns Edward goes into animal haircuts.

And here he becomes an even bigger sensation. But not everyone loves him.

Poor Edward-hopefully in love with Kim and he really is. At this time Depp and Ryder starting dating and even got engaged-and you can just see in his eyes how much he cares for her. In fact, re-watching it this time I realize they spend hardly any screentime together, but can carry the romance in their looks, body language, tone, etc.

Here is where we get a slight look into Tim Burton. The eccentric, weird kid in love with the cheerleader but the jock keeping them apart? Hmm…

Anyways, Edward keeps trying. Kevin takes him to school for show-and-tell, he is always there to lend a blade, and then begins haircuts.

Edward Scissorhands in Wonderland

In fact the scene when he first cuts hair is a wink at Sweeney Todd, which Tim Burton and Johnny Depp would make years later.

The sweetest thing is when Edward is going to cut Peg’s hair-he makes it extra special and neat for her-his mom. Aw.

Very cute

With all this Edward goes on TV and the idea of opening his own business is brought up.

Neighbor Joyce is going to help and takes him to the area where they will be having the salon. She then strips and assaults him. Edward flees and Joyce is very upset.

I’m out!

Peg is going to help Edward and takes him to the bank-but here is where I realize I am an adult. I mean I know I am one, after all I’m six and twenty-but here is where I KNOW. My first response was how will he get a loan? He has no social security card, birth certificate, anything. Poor Edward is sad and they are unsure what to do next.

Now let me take a moment here and just go over Vincent Price’s role in the film. Throughout the movie we have flashbacks to when Edward was first created. The Inventor (Vincent Price) has an assembly line making cookies. As he enjoys them he gets the idea to make his son-Edward.

I love these scenes as they are so endearing and said. What would have been if the creator lived. I love Vincent Price’s voice as well. I could just listen to him speak for hours.

One day Kim forgets her key and they are locked out of the house. Edward opens the door by picking the lock and Jim gets the idea to use Edward to rob his house. You see JIm is a Neanderthal that instead of getting a job to get his own car wants his dad to do it. And if dad refuses-well then the only way is to rob his house. What a baby-WAH BOO HOO I can’t get my way let’s make dad pay for it.

They lie to Edward that a guy stole Jim’s stuff and want to get it back. Kim feels bad and wants to stop, but they don’t listen to her. Instead-they go but when the alarm goes off abandon him.

Kim is angry wanting to go back, but they don’t listen to her and she doesn’t do anything. Now I like Kim, but she never tells the truth. It makes me so angry-all this awful things keep happening to Edward afterwards and they could have stopped it if she had just told the truth.

Very disappointed in you Kim.

So Edward is taken to jail and held until Peg and Bill can pick him up. After that he is a pariah. No one wants to be around him, have him cut their lawn, dog, or hair.

Kim gets angry with Jim, but he just taunts her with how she hasn’t said anything. Edward sees this and becomes even more angry as he did it for Kim and she is still with the jerk.

He gets depressed and ruins his creations-he also gets angsty and messes up the walls.

Peg is awesome-she continues to be there for Edward. She has him keep giving her haircuts to make him feel better. Se sweet.

So cute

All comes to a head on Christmas. Edward and Kim have grown closer. He works on an ice sculpture and accidentally nicks Kim. Jim comes and chases Edward off who goes on a rage destroying shrubbery.

Kim is done with Jim and he storms off drinking with his friend.

Kim’s hand is taken care of by her mom and it wasn’t a serious wound just a small one. They worry about Edward and go off to find him leaving Kim to wait in case he comes back or the neighbors come for the party.

Edward returns and they have a good moment, broken when a drunken Jim comes racing down the street and almost hits Kevin. Edward runs and pushes Kevin out of the way before he gets killed. But by doing so nicks Kevin, especially as Kevin doesn’t know what is going on.

Jim comes and tries to attack Edward, who nicks him too. Edward then storms off-followed by Kim. Meanwhile like in every monster movie the neighborhood storms together creating a mob to converge on Edward.

Grab your torches and sharpen your pitchforks!

In the mansion Kim approaches Edward, ecstatic that he is alive, but just like in Beauty and the Beast, Jim the jerk followed them and tries to kill Edward. He was going to shoot him-but Kim intercedes. Edward had not planned on doing anything-but when Jim slaps Kim he becomes angry and stabs Jim-throwing him out the window.

Kim and Edward see the dead body and know the mob won’t stop until Edward is dead. Kim kisses Edward and says good-bye.

Noooo!

Downstairs, the people are calling for Edward’s blood. Kim notices a machine and grabs a scissorhand-using it as proof that Edward is dead. She tells them it is all over.

This scene definitely has a Nightmare on Elm Street feel to it with the scissors-which Johnny Depp is also in.

That ends it and all goes back to how it should be-except the Boggs family. Years pass and they all move on-but Kim always remembers Edward.

And Edward never forgets her. His garden growing and he’s making an ice sculpture of Kim to grace his garden.

Such a great story with a gentle sweet character. I love this film and could just continue to watch it over and over again.

And this little extra for you guys!

To start Horrorfest VII from the beginning, go to It’s the End of the World: The Birds (1963)

For the previous post, go to Do You Ever Feel Like Your Life Has Turned into Something You Never Intended?: Nocturnal Animals (2016)

For more Edward Scissorhands, go to I Did It for You: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

For more Tim Burton, go to He’s Married to a Corpse. He Has A Corpse Bride!: Corpse Bride (2005)

For more Vincent Price, go to They’re Coming for Me Now…And Then They’ll Come for You: House on Haunted Hill (1959)

For more Johnny Depp, go to It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

For more Winona Ryder, go to 25 Films of Christmas

For more Anthony Michael Hall, go to Don’t You Forget About Me

For more teen monster films, go to I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

I Did It for You: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

Most Romantic Moment #1

Edward Scissorhands (1990)

So I’ve been meaning to review this film for Horrorfest since October 2012, but just haven’t gotten around to it. How funny that it’s first appearance was Christmas and second Valentine’s Day.

Edward Scissorhands (Johnny Depp) was created by the Inventor (Vincent Price) who lives in a castle at the end of suburbia. Before he could complete Edward and give him hands, he passed away.

Edward has been living alone until he is found by Avon Lady, Peg Boggs. She decides to take him home to her house to take care of him: introducing him to her husband, son Kevin, and daughter Kim (Winona Ryder). Having lived home alone he doesn’t have a lot of social skills or understand things such as sarcasm.

They throw a big party for the neighborhood to meet him and all like him, especially as they see his lawn trimming capabilities. He then grows from lawn work to dog grooming to hair styling.

The only one who doesn’t care for Edward is Jim, Kim’s boyfriend. Jim wants money to buy a van for  him and Kim, but his father won’t give him any more. Jim comes up with a plan to break into his father’s house, using Edward to get in.

Not good

They do and the alarm goes off. Everyone runs away and Edward takes the blame. After that everyone shuns Edward. Everything comes to a head one Christmas. In the end will Edward be able to find love, his place, and create more art?

Most Romantic Moment: I Did It Because You Asked Me to

So Edward gets caught in the burglary, Jim having done it on purpose, and everyone hates him and speaks badly about him.

Kim talks to him, sorry for what occurred and sorry she didn’t do anything to assist him. She is also sorry for who the house belongs to.

But Edward reveals he knew that all along.

Here is a guy that understands very little of how people talk and the secret meanings we might have underneath things; such as sarcasm, often thought of like a kid. But he knew what was going on, and even though he knew, he did it anyway.

Aw!

He would have done anything that Kim asked him to do, because he loves her.

Kim: You’re here… They didn’t hurt you, did they? [Edward shakes his head] Were you scared? I tried to make Jim go back, but, you can’t make Jim do anything. Thank you for not telling them that we…

Edward: You’re welcome.

Kim: It must have been awful when they told you whose house it was.

Edward: I knew it was Jim’s house.

Kim: You… you did?

Edward: Yes.

Kim: …Well, then why’d you do it?

Edward: Because you asked me to.

For more Edward Scissorhands, go to 25 Films of Christmas

For more on Johnny Depp, go to It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

For more Tim Burton, go to He’s Married to a Corpse. He Has A Corpse Bride!: Corpse Bride (2005)

It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

It was a headless horseman… But it was a headless horseman…you must believe me. It was a horseman, a dead one. Headless.

I saw this years ago with my sister. She probably shouldn’t have shown it to me as I was too young to be watching an “R” rated film, and all I mostly remember is being confused.

Ichabod Crane was detective not a teacher?

What?

The horseman didn’t follow the correct rules of not being allowed to cross over the bridge. That made me so mad as I had read the book!

And there were these weird flashbacks of Ichabod; lots of witchcraft; and the worst performance of Christopher Walken…I don’t know it didn’t make a lot of sense to me.

So whenever I do Horrorfest, I always plan out ahead of time the things I will review and then because of life when I actually do the reviews, half the things I choose end up not making it into Horrorfest, but are changed out with other films. This film, however, was not one of those. From the beginning of Horrorfest I had wanted to review it.

You see I had decided it was time to do a Tim Burton film, and choose Sleepy Hollow. I then ended up adding Corpse Bride into the mix as that film I just happened to see. So with Corpse Bride filling that quota, did I need to review Sleepy Hollow?

Well , yes. You see I decided this year I am going to go through my old posts and do films I mention in them, along with remakes and sequels. Tying the old to the new. As I reviewed Disney’s Sleepy Hollow during the original Horrorfest, I decided to bring it back.

Ghosts are bad, but the one that’s cursed,
Is the Headless Horseman; he’s the worst!

So now as an adult, older I decided to watch it. And what did I think?

You as in the film

I thought it was horrible. First let’s look at Johnny Depp’s character Ichabod Crane. In New York he is “forward thinking” and “ahead of his time”.

as always

Tim Burton really needs to move on from that theme it is boring to see it in every film he does. Anyway, Ichabod is a constable, police officer, but America didn’t have a police force until 1838, and New York didn’t have it until 1845. If the film takes place in 1779, he couldn’t be a police officer.

Does Burton do any historical research?

Or do anything

So he’s all advanced that no one understands him.

He gives a powerful speech, but is sent to Dutch area of Sleepy Hollow to solve their murders.

Now when he gets there he turns into the wimpiest person ever. He faints at everything, everything turns him into a shudder; he is brave enough to go into the forbidden woods but too afraid of a Legend. You can’t have him a scaredy-cat and super brave at the same time. It just makes no sense.

Then we have this whole storyline that witches are good, the church is bad. Ichabod’s mother was a witch, or excuse me “a child of earth and nature” killed by his father the minister. Katrina Van Tassel, is a witch and they go on and on that witches are good, pure, kind, etc.

Young Masbath: A strange sort of witch, with a kind and loving heart. How can you think [her guilty]?

But then the villain of the film is a Witch! You constantly go on about witches being good and misunderstood, and end with your crazy, vengeful, psychopath villain being the thing you are defending.

And more importantly WHAT DOES WITCHES HAVE TO DO WITH THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN????!!!!

But it isn’t really the films fault per say. You know how everyone is obsessed with zombies? Well I know you thought the ’90s were only obsessed with dinosaurs and ninjas, but we also had a witches craze. There was The Witches, The Craft, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Hocus Pocus, The Crucible, The Blair Witch Project, Practical Magic, Halloweentown, and even Scooby-Doo got in the act with Scooby-Doo and the Witch’s Ghost.

So it doesn’t surprise me. I just think it is stupid that they can “control” the horseman and provide better barriers than “holy ground” or THE BRIDGE HE ISN’T SUPPOSED TO CROSS!!!

Yes I am still angry about it.

And Christopher Walken…

I love this man but he was a horrible Headless Horseman. He WASN’T scary! Not at all. All he did was go rah, rah. BORING! Now the Disney one, that was SCARY!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This one:

I don’t recommend it. Visually it is beautiful but that isn’t enough for me.

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to Dracula. Not Myth, Nor Ravings of a Mad Irish Novelist, Oh No, He’s Real: Dracula 2000 (2000)

For more on Sleepy Hollow, go to A Fright on Halloween Night: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1949)

For more witches, go to A Book Considered Too Dangerous to Keep: The Magician’s Nephew, Midsomer Murders (2008)

For more Tim Burton films, go to He’s Married to a Corpse. He Has A Corpse Bride!: Corpse Bride (2005)

For more Johnny Depp, go to Whatever You Do Don’t Fall Asleep: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

For more Christina Ricci, go to Someone Very Special: The Addam’s Family Values (1993)

For more films based on books, go to I Came Upon a Shattered Glass Jar and Four Baby Turtles Crawling into a Strange Glowing Ooze: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

He’s Married to a Corpse. He Has A Corpse Bride!: Corpse Bride (2005)

He’s married to a corpse. He has a corpse bride. There must be some way to undo what’s been done.

Every year I do an animated movie as part of my Horrorfest review. As I was trying to decide which one, I finally settled on The Corpse Bride as I thought it was high time I reviewed a Tim Burton film. I have been trying to do Edward Scissorhands or Sleepy Hollow (1999), for years now but it just seems as if 31 days is never enough time to do everything I wish.

 

So the first time I watched this movie I wasn’t really into it. I felt the plot wasn’t that interesting and there were too many songs. But my niece really loves it and wanted to watch it (several times) and it is funny, but the more I watch it, the more I like it. I have actually really grown to love it, despite all the things I disliked in the beginning.

 

So the story begins with Victor Van Groot (Johnny Depp), nouveau rich, as he prepares to marry Victoria Everglot, from an old important family (who unfortunately has no money). There marriage is supposed to be one of convenience, but Victoria and Victor have fallen for each other.

 

However, even though Victor is in love with Victoria, he is extremely nervous about the wedding and messing things up. He ruins the rehearsal when he drops the ring, (symbolizing his death) and accidentally catches Mrs. Everglot’s dress on fire.

He runs away embarrassed and tries to work on his vows. He manages to knock them out of the park, but when he gets to placing the ring on the finger (a stick off a tree) it turns out that he has awaken the dead, and now has a zombie bride.

He then gets dragged down to…I don’t know actually. Is it is heaven, hell, purgatory, or a final resting place for the townspeople? They never explain.

Is it for everyone or just the village? And how was she even able to drag Victor down if he isn’t dead?

Anyways, they give him the story behind the Corpse Bride, Emily (Helena Bonham Carter). She was engaged to marry a man her parents disapproved of. She stole all their money and jewels as the two planned to elope. But when Emily arrived, her betrothed strangled her and took off with everything. She then decided she would wait there until her true love awoke her.

Victor wants to leave, but Emily doesn’t want him too. He convinces her to let him return to the world above so that they can see his parents. They go, but instead of seeing his parents, he tries to tell Victoria what has happened.

Emily follows him, and upset at his betrayal, drags him back down to the underworld.

Victoria is worried and tries to seek help, but everyone thinks she is crazy. Her parents are desperate for money, so when Lord Barkis, (who has just arrived in town and no one knows him but he gives the appearance of being wealthy and from a distinguished family) offers to marry Victoria, her parents accept. Victoria on the other hand is completely distraught.

Meanwhile, below ground Victor’s coachman has just arrived and given him the news about Victoria. Heartbroken that she would marry another, Victor agrees to spend eternity with Emily. In order to make the ceremony lawful, they must return topside, preform the wedding ceremony, and Victor must take poison so that he can join Emily in the afterlife.

The dead rise and head to the church, coming in right after Victoria and Lord Barkis have performed the ceremony. Everyone is terrified including the townspeople.

However, after they discover that the skeleton/zombie creations are their dead relatives, they are happy to have their loved ones back.

Lord Barkin wants to flee and tells Victoria to get all her family’s money so they can take off. Victoria reveals they have no money, and now both are very unhappy.

Victor and Emily are getting ready to perform the ceremony when Emily sees how much Victor loves Victoria and stops the ceremony. Victor and Victoria are together, but unfortunately they can’t really be together as she is already married, something Lord Barkin reminds everyone. But as he comes to take Victoria away, it is revealed that he was the one who killed Emily.

All the other skeletons and zombies are furious, but there is nothing that can be done by the dead as he is still alive. Lord Barkin laughs at this and takes a drink of the wine set out for the wedding ceremony, making fun of Emily. But the wine he drank was the poisoned wine that was set out for Victor.

Get him!

As he is now dead, Emily can get justice; Victoria and Victor get their happy ending; and Emily is released and able to pass on.

So let’s start with what I did like:

1) The Animation

In a world that was moving from 2D animation to CGI, it is nice to see a throwback like this, I actually wish we had more films like it. I know it was becoming too expensive for a lot of studios to do it and will eventually become totally outmoded, but I like it. There is something so real about these puppets.

2) The Ending

The ending was so cute, it was why I even wanted to watch the film. I mean I loved how Victor and Victoria get together and Emily has peace.

Although, why does she turn into butterflies?

Things I Didn’t like:

1) Too Nightmare Before Christmas

I really felt like Burton was just trying to recapture The Nightmare Before Christmas. He just borrowed too much from his earlier film for me. I mean the creatures had the same style; Emily looked like a Blue Sally; there are two skeleton kids and a dwarf replacing the three trick or treaters; and a bone dog instead of ghost dog; and tons of songs. Even though it is cute it also gives the impression Burton is running out of new ideas.

 

2) Too Many Songs

Now I love music

But the songs in a film need to be good and have something to do with advancing or enhancing the plot. Quite a few of these songs felt more like filler to lad out the runtime instead of enhancing the story.

3) This Was too Short

Everything felt as if it was moving too quickly. It made me feel as if they couldn’t really think of a way to flesh out the idea they had for the plot and  instead decided to jam extra songs in and hurry to the ending.

4) Music is Not Right for a Young Lady

Uh, did Burton do any research? Victoria wants to play the piano, but isn’t allowed as “music is not right for a girl”. Uh, no. Music has always been something young ladies were trained in. Think of the three acceptable arts: piano, painting, and embroidery. I mean remember Mr. Darcy?

“a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half deserved.’ Caroline Bingley…’All this she must possess,’ added Darcy, ‘and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”

6) No Character Development 

So Victoria and Victor are cute, but we hardly know anything about them! I mean we know Victoria doesn’t want to wear corsets, or follow society’s rules, but what does she like? What does she want? Who is she? Victor is insecure and frightened, but that’s it. There is nothing else to him.

7) Why Would They Marry Their Daughter Off to Someone They Don’t Know

 

Now don’t tell me “it is because they need money”. Why would a family that was so concerned over their daughter marrying a rich fish merchant’s son, even though they are filthy rich, just send her off with a guy they know nothing about? That makes no sense. Why wouldn’t they have looked into his background and discovered he has no money either?

8) They Couldn’t Just End an Engagement

So as stated before I guess Burton did zero research as you can’t just switch one engagement for another. Since Victor never actually ended his engagement there could be legal steps taken against the Everglots, and a family that has no money would be careful about that.

9) More Research Issues

So again another problem with the time period they set this film in. The Everglots are angry at  Victor and Victoria alone in the room but that wouldn’t be as big an issue, as when a couple was engaged there were a few relaxed rules. I mean Victor couldn’t be in her bedroom, but he could be in the room alone with her for a bit. I mean seriously, Did you do ANY research?

But even though it has quite a few issues, I will admit that it grows on you. The more I watch it, the more I love the characters of Emily, Victor, and Victoria; and thanks to my this has become a yearly watch. 

-Update 2019- I think Catherine Morland, if she lived today would love this film.

And bringing back the facebook covers/mini posters. I haven’t been able to do them for the last few posts as I couldn’t find pics I liked that had a horror-ish feel. But I did make one for The Corpse Bride.

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to It’s A Hard World: Backfire (1950)

For more zombies, go to Say Something Human: Warm Bodies (2013)

For more animated films, go to A Giant Metal Man: The Iron Giant (1995)

For more claymation films, go to A Matter of Loaf and Death: Wallace and Gromit (2008)