How To Survive A Horror Film

HorrorfilmCan'tlookaway

With Halloween approaching and the number of Horror films increasing, I thought it would be a good time to write a post on how to survive a horror film, just in case you happen upon this situation ūüėČ . Most of us have heard of the “Randy Rules” in Scream (1996), but in this we are going to look a bit more in depth in how to successfully survive a horror film.

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1)¬†Do Not¬†Try Out Witchcraft, Ouija Boards, or any of the Occult for “Fun.” You Will Be Messing with Forces You Have No Control Over

It is never good to mess with the occult, play around with witchcraft, or use the ouija board. When you do such things you are opening a door to a lot of stuff you don’t want to mess with. Often you open yourself or others to demon possession or evil spirits. It is best to just stay far away from such things.

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2) Do Not Make Deals With the Devil, Demons, or Other Supernatural Beings

Never, ever make a deal with the devil. It is like trying to mess with the occult or witchcraft, you are opening yourself up to serious trouble, and the devil will not like to loose his quarry. Besides, the deals/wishes you make never turn out exactly as you hope.

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3) Anything and Everything Can be a Weapon

One of the things that bothers me the most is when people are surrounded by potential weapons and don’t use them. I mean look at¬†Scream (1996), when Tatum is in the garage and attacked by Ghostface, she tries to squeeze herself through a tiny hole to escape rather then use something, anything in the garage. I mean she is in a GARAGE!!! There are hundreds of potential weapons! USE THEM!!! That is one example, but seriously, use anything and everything.

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4)¬†Don’t Stop Assaulting Your Attacker Until You are Sure They Are Not Going to Get Up

Now this is huge. In horror movies, if the person is able to outwit the killer and knock them out, they usually just leave it at that and take off. DON’T! You knock that sucker out until you are sure they are no longer going to try to injure you. Break their legs if necessary. Because if you don’t, they are just going to recover and come after you.

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5) If Someone Gives You a Protective Charm Do Not Give It Away

I have mentioned this in Dracula (1931), The Mummy (1932), The Wolf Man (1941), Scream 2 (1997), and many more. If someone gives you some kind of charm that is supposed to help you and only work for you, DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY!!!! It will only work FOR YOU!!!! That is why it was given TO YOU!! And if you give it away you are just going to get yourself and the person you were trying to help in serious trouble. Keep it and protect yourself so that you can actually help others, instead of accidentally killing them.

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6) Sex = Death

As Randy says in Scream, Sex = Death. Never overlook the purity angle, it is like a protective charm. If you don’t do it, you are less likely to die.

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7) Doctors are Almost Always Evil

Sometimes Doctors can be good people, but if you are in a horror film, forget it; they are usually evil. Such as Dr. Hartz from The Lady Vanishes (1938), he seems kindly and trying to help, but in reality just wants the main character to think they are going crazy! Same thing in Dr. Hollingshead from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947). Then you have doctors who commit horrible things in the name of science; like We have Dr. Frankenstein (from any Frankenstein film) who tries to create life and can’t control his monster. Or ¬†there is Dr. Arthur Carrington from The Thing From Another World (1951),¬†who almost kills everyone as he doesn’t care about human life but scientific discovery is what matters. Not to mention Dr. Alfred Brandon from I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957), who experiments on teenage boy. And lets not forget Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who eats people. I could go on, but there are too many examples to choose from.

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8) Do Not Spend the Night in an Abandoned or Haunted House, Psychiatric Hospital, or Carnival

I mean seriously. Just do not go there. Nothing good will ever, ever, ever come of it! I mean look at¬†The Uninvited (1944), House on Haunted Hill (1959), House on Haunted Hill (1999), The Hunting (1963), The Haunting (1999),¬†etc. I could go on and on, but let’s continue with our list.

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9) If There is a Curse on Something Do Not Touch It

I know curses, many laugh at them; but of you are in a horror film and you see something that says it is cursed DON’T TOUCH IT! It is better to live another day then to have yourself face all kinds of horrors.

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10) Do Not Drink Any Potions or Test An Experiment On Yourself

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER test a potion or try an experiment on yourself. It always ends badly! I mean you have¬†Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, The Fly, Batman’s Man-Bat he had to fight, even¬†Goosebumps did an episode where the dad ended up creating a plant clone of himself. I know many don’t like animal testing or get under the stress of trying to accomplish something; but just stop! Don’t test yourself or else something bad will be created.

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11) If There is a Murderer Running Around, Do Not Go Out and Party

This drives me crazy! A murderer is running around killing people and people decide to: 1) not take any precautions; 2) go about their lives like nothing is different; and 3) party. If there is a murderer running around, yes it is good to be in a group (rule 12 & 17) but you shouldn’t be out partying, drinking (rule 13) or putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

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12) Never Split Up

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NEVER, EVER, EVER go anywhere by yourself. There is power in numbers! As a group you could take a killer down, versus as a couple or single. When you split up, all you do us make it easier for someone to kill you.

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13) Do Not Do Drugs or Drink

While some of you might enjoy that type of thing it is never a good idea in a horror film. Anytime you try something that will keep you from thinking clearly, you are in serious trouble as you are likely to make bad decisions that will lead to your death. It is better to just say no.

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14) Always Call the Police

If you are being attacked, threatened, harassed, etc.; call the police. Don’t try and take care of it yourself, don’t try to investigate, call FOR BACKUP! That’s their job!!! They have guns and can make an arrest!

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15) Never Say “I’ll Be Right Back”

Unlike the Terminator here, you won’t be back. Uttering these words is signing a death warrant, as soon as they leave your lips you become next on the killer/creature’s hit list.

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16) Never Say “Who’s There?”

Killer Scary Movie

Never say “who’s there”. If the person was a friend, they wouldn’t be skulking around your house in the first place, trying to scare you. Instead they would knock, ring the doorbell, or call out to you. The only type of person who would be¬†creeping in your house is one who intends on harming you. And if you call out “who’s there”, you’re just helping them find and kill you faster.

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17) Do Not Go Out to Investigate a Strange Noise

When you hear something strange outside, do not go out and look into it. You should wait for assistance or call in the police. If you try looking yourself, you are going to end up in a trap set by a monster, psychopath, murderer, etc. Besides, why unlock the door or turn off the alarm; allowing whatever is watching you the opportunity to come in and attack? Just stay inside snug like a bug.

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18) Do Not Use the Bathroom

Have you ever though of how vulnerable you are in the bathroom? Most have no windows¬†to flee from or they aren’t the most accessible. Some do, but for most the only easy way out is the door, which is where most attackers will come through. Plus the reason you would be in the bathroom; shower or toilet, you won’t have any weapons to help you and it would be extremely easy to kill you. If you are in a horror film, just hold it or stay stinky. You are more likely to live that way.

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19) Never Go Off By Yourself

Like I said before, the less people around you, the easier you are to kill. If you go off on your own to investigate, look around, run away; you are just putting a giant target on your back. Stay together, it is safer.

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20) Always Look Behind You and Above You

IT'S BEHIND!!!!!

IT’S BEHIND!!!!! from¬†The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

Always take a 360 degree look around you. They may be behind, they may be in front, they may even be above you. Search every angle!!!

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21) Be Nice, A Person Scorned or Mistreated Can Do Horror-ble Things

In horror movies, there are lots of people who have been bullied so much and hurt by others they end up becoming homicidal maniacs. And who do they tend to attack first? The last person to hurt them. Look at The Phantom of the Opera¬†(any version),¬†Carrie (1976), Hangman’s Curse (2003), Heathers (1985), etc.¬†So if you don’t want to end up being first on the hit list be kind to those you meet.

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22) If You Are a Girl Or Not White, Be Extra Cautious

Psychopaths and monsters love to kill/eat women and minorities. Because of this if you are either, or both; take extra steps to protect yourself. Be like Ben in Night of the Living Dead.

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23)¬†Don’t Trust Anyone, They Are All Suspects

People can tell you all kinds of things, but that doesn’t mean they are telling the truth. If you find yourself in a horror film, don’t trust anyone. And I mean ANYONE!

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24) Never Judge a Book By its Cover

Never judge a book by its cover. Someone who seems sweet, innocent, impossible to commit cruel acts, etc; could secretly have evil intentions lurking under the adorable facade. Always be watchful and once again, trust NO ONE!

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25) Children can Be Evil too, Never Rule Them Out

When trying to figure out who the murderer is, never overlook kids. I mean sure some will be obvious in their creepiness, such as the one pictured above, but there are many who look innocent and sweet but are actually evil. Don’t be fooled!

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26) Never Try to Create Life

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER try to create Life. It just does not go the way you plan. You can’t control the beasts you create and they just run amuck everywhere. I mean look at¬†Frankenstein,¬†Bride of Frankenstein, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, Alien:¬†Resurrection, the list goes on but I’ll stop here.

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27) Never Try to Control a Monster

In any horror film, whenever they create ¬†life they always think they have complete control over it. Well, that never works out. You see, just because you made it doesn’t mean it will listen to you; every parent knows that. And more often than not, those creations will try and kill you.

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28) If Someone Tries to Make a Deal with You to Kill Someone, Do Not Think it is a Joke

Joking around with the idea of murder might be something you would do with a friend, but be careful, you never know how far they might take it.

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29) Listen to Urban Myths, They Tend to be Right

We all like to hear scary stories around a campfire and about areas. But if you are in a horror film, play very close attention as more often than not, the myths and legends turn out to be true or someone is copying them and making them true. It is always good to pay attention and know the details, it just might save your life.

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30) Never Think You Have Destroyed a Monster, They Always Find a Way to Come Back

You try to kill them and you think you do, but they always come back. Always make sure you keep an eye out for the sequel and their return.

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31) Don’t Be an Idiot

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Be smart! Don’t be stupid and do stupid things. Use your common sense! Bimbos and Mimbos are almost always the first to die.

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So there we are, 31 tips to help you survive a horror film. I hope they help you survive October.

This post is brought to you by a

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

Keep tuned for more horror film reviews!

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Horrorfest IV: The Curse

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Sorry, sorry, for the messy posting and the lack of posting. I have just been so excited for Horrorfest and trying to get everything ready in between work and all my other commitments.

So October is upon us, and while:

 

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October is the penultimate.

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So what do I have planned for you this year? Every year has had something extra planned, beyond just reviewing horror film. In Horrorfest (2012), I reviewed what I call the Big Three in remakes & sequels, Friday the 13th (1980), Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), and Halloween (1978). 

I see more sequels and remakes coming in the future.

I see more sequels and remakes coming in the future.

The year after that, Horrorfest II: Return of the Terror and Woe, I posted on the odd days of October. I also reviewed all three Jurassic Park films: Jurassic Park, The Lost World, and Jurassic Park III. 

It was great

It was great

Then last year, Horrorfest III: The Revenge was the best Horrorfest I have ever done. I was able to get it halfway completed, before October 1st even came around. Last year I did a Werewolf theme: I started with The Wolf Man (1941) and ended with The Wolfman (2010), and making nine out of the thirty-one reviews Werewolf related.

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And I also reviewed all four films in the Scream series: Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3, and Scre4m.

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And I reviewed three Alfred Hitchcock films: Shadow of a Doubt (1943), Under Capricorn (1949),¬†and¬†Dial “M” for Murder (1954). Yes, I had to make up for lost time.

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I even finally got around to reviewing a Vincent Price film, Laura (1944)

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So what do I have planned for this year? Well you’ll just have to wait to find out.

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After all:

BetterWhenScared friday the 13th jason voorhes

So stay tuned for 31 days of terror, woe, mystery, murder, monsters, mad scientists, vampires, witches, robots, stalkers, serial killers, and much, much more!

Happy Halloween jack-o-lantern

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To start¬†Horrorfest from the beginning, go to I Don’t Belong in the World:¬†Carnival of ¬†Souls (1962)

To start Horrorfest II, from the beginning, go to There are Many Strange Creatures in the Amazon: Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

To start Horrorfest III, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart: The Wolf Man (1941)

You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat: Jaws (1975)

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You’re gonna need a bigger boat…

Jaws really is revolutionary movie. It is an amazing piece of cinema that breaks a lot of previous horror film rules. It focuses on both the people and the creature they are trying to kill. The camera uses are unparalleled. Instead of constantly being shown the shark (as it malfunctioned a lot) it is filmed from the shark’s point of¬† [something down later in¬†Friday the 13th (1980)] which adds to the terror of the film.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!

This also was the first “summer blockbuster” film. It opened on 409 screens nationwide (unusual for the time) and quickly became the¬†highest grossing film of all time. Previous to Jaws, they would show the film on a few screens and then move the picture around.¬†This mass-screening, all-over at the same time became so popular that it set the standard for what film companies do today.¬†Jaws¬†lost its place as the¬†highest grossing film of all time in¬†1977 when¬†Star Wars IV: A New Hope came out.

This film also brought a huge interest in sharks and marine biology. Now previous to this film you had monster movies and horror films that were about sea creatures attacking. Films such as¬†The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms were you have some radioactive created creature that is ginormous and attacks the world. Or the mythological fishman from The¬†Creature from the Black Lagoon.¬†Godzilla, being another radioactively changed creature that is trying to destroy or protect the city.¬†It Came From Beneath the Sea a giant octopus that causes havoc and destruction.¬†The Monster that Challenged the World¬†where giant mollusks come out of a crevice in the ground and try to kill everyone. But have you noticed something? All of these are¬†large¬†creatures, most of the time accidentally or purposely genetically altered. Or fake, such as the fishman. None of these were an actual creature that you could come into contact with…like a great white shark. Not only is Bruce (the shark in the film, named after Steven Spielberg’s lawyer) something real and¬†normal-sized; but he’s just freaky! The book and the film both present actual data (although more studies proved some of the behavior previously associated with great whites are¬†false) and an actual creature you could come upon. I mean great white sharks have over 300 teeth, they can get to be over 21 feet long, they are pretty fast swimmers, can jump out of the water, and are constant eating machines. How could you not be afraid?

Shark Jaws

But just like Spielberg’s other film¬†Jurassic Park made dinosaurs the “it” thing (and they have been ever since, although never as on top as in the ’90s)¬†Jaws¬†made sharks really cool. And they remain so. I remember back in grade school sharks were just so awesome! We had a guy come to our class that did a whole presentation on sharks, and everyone was riveted. And people still remain so. Sharks will never stop being cool. I mean after all, ever summer we have a week devoted to them,¬†Shark Week,¬†on the Discovery channel. Buzzfeed even did a quiz on “What Type of Shark are You”. And did I take this quiz ¬†you may ask?¬†You bet I did!

To see what type you are, go here.

To see what type you are, go here.

Yep,¬†Jaws is pretty amazing. So I’m sure you are now ready for the review, but I’m not about to go there just yet. So¬†Jaws is based on the book by the same name, authored by Peter Benchley. The book was okay, but I preferred the movie. Unlike the book¬†Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton;¬†Jaws the book doesn’t hold a candle to the film version. This mostly has to do with the way they create the characters in the book. Hooper in the film is a an arrogant-rich kid, but you like him because he really gets involved in his work, and loses some of that stigma as the film progresses. In the book he is always annoying and he has an affair with Brody’s wife. The whole affair took away from the storyline and seemed tossed¬†in, rather than attempting to flow.

Now the film on the other hand, follow the story pretty closely, but takes out the extra action not really needed. Plus the people they chose where just perfect. Roy Scheider was an amazing Chief Brody, balancing being a tough police chief, with a scared i-don’t-know-what-to-do everyday person. Richard Dreyfuss, as I mentioned earlier, smoked it as Hooper the marine biologist/rich kid. And Robert Shaw. No one will ever hold a candle to your Quint, no matter how the world may try.

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So now let’s get back to film review-wait, wait wait. Let me say one last thing. So it feels really weird to be talking about this film without mentioning a few more memories. So let me say I have seen every¬†Jaws film created, even the incredibly horrible ones (as pretty much each sequel was). I actually watched them all at a really young age with my older sister Paige. They were doing a movie marathon and we sat down and saw them all (which took a long time as these are not short films). When I was older, I actually couldn’t remember the finer points of the film, the biggest thing that stuck in my mind was the SeaWorld underwater tunnels and shark attack in¬†Jaws 3-D.

Now every 4th of July I used to do the same thing. I would watch the¬†Twilight Zone¬†marathons that they would show on the SciFi, now SyFy, channel. (I know, I know. I’m a huge fan, but have yet to review any episode for a¬†Horrorfest. I promise I will do at least one next year.) SyFy stopped doing this for a while (they have since brought it back but every year is iffy). Now AMC does some movie marathons on the 4th of July that usually had some patriotic feeling (like¬†Rocky). One year they did a¬†Jaws marathon, as the 4th of July plays a huge role in the film. I watched it that year and loved it all over again. Now my tradition trades off between¬†Twilight Zone¬†and¬†Jaws¬†every 4th¬†of July.

love it

So now we are seriously back on to the film review.

Shark Jaws

First let’s set the mood. It is the summer of 1975. Many families, young adults, teens, etc. are vacationing at beaches. Amity Island (where our story takes place) is one such beach. It is located on the east coast (a sort of Martha’s Vineyard that poor and rich can afford). On this particular night there are quite a few college age kids having bonfires on the beach. They are drinking beer, toking up (it is the ’70s), etc. One guy, Tom Cassidy, spots a blonde, Chrissie. The two run off away from the crowd to “be alone”.

Mhm great gatsby

As they get far from the crowds, Chrissie begins stripping and invites Tom in for some moonlight skinny dipping. She dives in right away and Tom tries to follow. However, he is far too bombed and collapses on the beach.

Chrissie is unaware and continues to swim. This is the last swim she will ever take.

The next day we are introduced to Martin Brody, the new Chief of Police. Brody is a native of New York City, but he and his family moved out to take over the Amity Island police force as they thought it would be easier, simpler and less deadly.

the irony iron

Anyways, we’ll get into that later. So Chief Brody (Scheider) has been called to go looking for Chrissie. He and his deputy Hendricks, go down to the beach to search for clues. It doesn’t take them long until they discover her corpse.

victim

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back at the police station he gets asked to deal with the usual cases of the day; kids karate chopping down fences and other stuff. It seems to be business as usual until the report comes back. It states Shark Attack.

What!

Immediately, Brodie runs to the hardware store to pick up materials to make sign to close the beaches.

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However, the Mayor doesn’t like that. He knows that if word gets around that there are sharks in the water he can say good-bye to all those summer dollars.

Good-bye

Good-bye

Without that money, the winter will be hard on everyone. These people depend on the summer dollars to keep the island going year round. The Mayor convinces the coroner to “take a second look” of which causes the coroner¬†to determine he had made “a mistake”. There was no shark attack, just a boating accident as she swam into a propeller.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Since that is the decision, Brody¬†can’t do anything but allow the beaches to remain open. But this is all against his better judgement.

BadFeelings

But hey, he is a newcomer that lives in a small town. He has to play the politics. Even if they have dire consequences.

dun-dun-duuuun

So as time goes on more tourists come to the island. The beaches are stock full of visitors. Brody is worried and nervously scans the water. Everything is fine…until it isn’t.

I just love that scene when they zoom into Brodie’s face. It is fantastic. So Bruce sure did a number.

Shark Jaws

After her son’s death, Mrs. Kitner issues a $3000 reward for the capture of the shark. The town holds a meeting in which Brody lets them know he contacted someone from the Oceanographic Institute for advice. Brody wants to close down the beaches, but no one will listen. The fighting is interrupted by Quint, in one of the best scenes.

So great it was spoofed:

Brody goes home and orders his children to go nowhere near the water, even though his son Michael just got a new boat. Brody’s wife Ellen thinks he is overreacting, that is until she looks at the pictures in his shark book. She then firmly decides that staying out of the water is a great idea.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With such a high bounty, everyone wants to kill the shark. Expert fishermen from all over. Average joes. Everybody.

Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) comes to town, as he is the person from the Oceanographic Institute. He has an interesting background. Hooper was a rich boy that was into science and became a marine biologist. This can often be something that is hard to fund, so his parents + trust fund really come in handy.

Anyways, once Brody finds out who he is, has has him take a look at the remains.

“[Hooper is examining the remains of the first victim – describes the post-mortem into his tape recorder]

Hooper: The height and weight of the victim can only be estimated from the partial remains. The torso has been severed in mid-thorax; there are no major organs remaining…Right arm has been severed above the elbow with massive tissue loss in the upper musculature… partially denuded bone remaining…[to the m.e. and Brody] This was no boat accident! [to Brody] Did you notify the Coast Guard about this?

Brody: No. It was only local jurisdiction.

Hooper: [continues post-mortem] The left arm, head, shoulders, sternum and portions of the rib cage are intact…[to Brody] Do not smoke in here, thank you very much. [lifts up the severed arm] This is what happens. It indicates the non-frenzied feeding of a large squalus – possibly Longimanus or Isurus glauca. Now… the enormous amount of tissue loss prevents any detailed analysis; however the attacking squalus must be considerably larger than any normal squalus found in these waters. Didn’t you get on a boat and check out these waters?

Brody: No.

Hooper: Well, this is not a boat accident! And it wasn’t any propeller; and it wasn’t any coral reef; and it wasn’t Jack the Ripper! It was a shark.

Conclusion: Shark

Shark Jaws

Meanwhile, out on the ocean, some fishermen have caught a large shark. Everyone is happy to see it and that the reign of terror is over. The monster has been slain.

Double double yay

Hooper steps up to investigate the shark:

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And tells everyone that it is the wrong shark. It is a tiger shark, not a great white. The bite radius is all wrong. They decide to keep the beaches closed until they can cut him open and see if the remains are inside it. Before they leave, Mrs. Kinter arrives and  slaps Brody across the face. She heard about the deaths and how they suspected sharks were in the area and blames Brody for everything.

Now Brody just takes this as he blames himself, but I always hated that. It wasn’t his fault! He wanted to stop them from keeping the beaches open. It was the greedy, evil mayor who wouldn’t listen.

Mayor from Buffy the vampire slayer

Mayor from Buffy the vampire slayer

Well, I guess he could be much worse.

So Hooper joins the Brody clan for dinner. Now in the book, Ellen knew Hooper’s older brother and the two just spent the time reminiscing. They later had an affair. Luckily Speilberg was smart enough to cut that out, and they instead discuss the situation.¬†Hooper explains that a rogue shark will often claim territory to an area where the feeding is good and will remain there until the food source is gone. In order to protect the town, they decide they need to get down there and cut that shark open.

No human remains means that the real shark is out there. Bruce? Where are you hiding?

da dum Jaws

Here I am!

Here I am!

Hooper decides they have to go out that night as the Great White Shark is a night feeder. Now Brody hates the water, as we mentioned earlier, but goes out with Hooper. Using Hooper’s fancy equipment, they pick up a fishing boat, that Brody recognizes as Ben Gardner’s. Hooper dives under and finds one big surprise.

The next morning Brody and Hooper try to get the Mayor to listen to them, but all the Mayor is thinking about is the graffiti on the Amity Island billboard.

Sign from Universal Studios Backstage Tour

Sign from Universal Studios Backstage Tour

Hooper has figured out that the shark that is attacking is a great white. The evidence all points to it and they need to close the beaches down. But the mayor won’t listen to him. Hooper lost the Great White Shark tooth he found and the Mayor sees it as tooo convinent. He believes that Hooper is just trying to spread a sensation as he wants to be written up in the National Geographic or something. However, that’s not the real truth. To be honest, the Mayor is just thinking about making money over saving lives.

Bad things happen when you don't listen

Bad things happen when you don’t listen

July 4th the beaches are flooded. This is not good, not good at all. Brody, Hooper, and the cops are constantly patrolling the beaches, but all are on edge as they are waiting…waiting for the shark to attack.

come on

Michael, Brody’s son, wants to go in the water, but Brody won’t let him. He tells him to go to the¬†estuary instead as it is safer.

You never learn

You never learn

Suddenly a shark fin appears in the water

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!

But it turns out to be just a prank. Some stupid kids decided to dress as a shark. Seriously guys, what were you thinking?

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

While everyone is watching this and dealing with it…not too far away something happens.

da dum Jaws

A girl painting down by the estuary¬†see’s a shark. She starts crying out the word, but most think it is a hoax. Brody starts to head over, but when he hears his son is down there he runs like crazy.

Now this is a great scene but I can’t find a good clip of it online. You’ll just have to watch the film! So Michael and his friends get capsized along with another guy. The shark devours tons of people, including the man that tried to help them.

Here I am!

Here I am!

Michael makes it out okay, but suffers severely from shock. Brody takes him to the hospital and yells at the Mayor, demanding that he pay all of Quints commands and let’s him kill the shark.

So the three set out to catch that fish, even though they face some issues. Quint wants to go it alone, but Brody insists that he and Hooper have to come along. Quints dislikes Hooper as he sees him as some rich boy having fun with daddy’s money, not a real fisherman or worker like Quint. Quint also dislikes having Brody as he knows nothing about fish or fishing, but at least he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty. Hooper is tired of the¬†all the “you don’t know nothing, kid” crap he is getting from Quint and also annoyed at Brody. Brody has a fear of the water that he is trying to overcome, managing two grown men who are acting like children, and is afraid that he might not make it home to see family. There is a lot of stuff going on.

What!

¬†Once at sea they start getting ready for the hunt. Baiting lines. Chumming the water. And that is when we have the most famous lines from the film uttered. (You know it wasn’t even scripted. Scheider just uttered it in the heat of the moment.)

And that is when the real hunting begins!

That night the guys get drunk and start bonding. Singing drinking songs. Comparing scars and wounds. You know, the typical guy stuff. But that’s when things get serious and Quint describes his hatred for sharks.

At this moment, its not about the money. It’s not about the fame. Quint has become Captain Ahab, and he wants his whale…or shark in this case.

In fact this is one of the most dramatic scenes in the film as you get the underlying reason why this is so important to him. Of course as it is one of the most famous scenes, it has to be parodied.

Back to the film. The next day the hunt continues. They try and take the shark but Bruce proves to more powerful than they expected. They tried to reel it on, but it nearly capsized the Orca. Hooper decides to be lowered down in a shark cage to shoot Bruce with a harpoon filled with strychnine nitrate.

Hooper manages to escape the shark. This was were he was supposed to die, but then Speilberg changed his mind. After attacking Hooper, Bruce decides to go after the ship.

Jaws Shark attack

Pic of the shark from the Universal Backstage Tour ride

He crushes it and causes it to lean toward him. Brody and Quint struggle to hold on, but Quint loses his grip and finds himself in the belly of the beast.

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Brody takes on killing the shark all by himself. This is why Brody is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Shark Week on Discovery channel they actually tested out everything in the film. They discovered that if you shot a tank from the 1970s you could blow up a shark. You just have to shoot it right.

Hooper finally gets his act together and meets up with Brody, the two creating a raft and swimming off in the distance.

“I used to be afraid of the water,” Brody admits.

“I can’t imagine why,” Hooper replies.

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But that’s not the end of the post. Oh, no we still have a bit more to cover. ūüôā

So for my 20th birthday, my parents told me we could do whatever I wanted. It was the last time they were going to throw a party for me. I really wanted to go to Disneyland as the last time I had gone was when I was 12 (I went recently and will do a post on what it was like later). I decided on Universal Studios as it was much cheaper, and they were having a special for their anniversary that you buy a pass, you get in free for the year! Sweet!

So as we entered the gates, I was asked by a worker to fill out a survey for a free gift. You know me and free.

free stuff

So I did and we got to skip the lines for the Backstage Studio Tour! Whooooooooooo!!!!!

Double double yay

So you see all kinds of cool things on that tour, but I’m not going to speak on everything. We gotta stay Jaws focused here. So at one point we drive to Amity Island.

Sign from Universal Studios Backstage Tour

Sign from Universal Studios Backstage Tour

We see the fake shark that they thought was Bruce but wasn’t.

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Then we things get intense. Bruce attacks!

Jaws Shark attack

There were actually three Bruces created for the film. The first one is passed along museums, the second is at Universal studios, and the third privately owned. After Bruce attacks, they blow him up!

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It’s so intense! The flames feel so close! It’s AWESOME!

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Later I got to see Brody’s actual costume in the Universal Pictures Museum (that’s where I saw the Marty McFly one from Back to the Future: Part III).

Jaws

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But that’s not the end! So the other day a friend and I were discussing¬†Jaws and Bruce’s motives.

Anjelica: Is this a horror movie? Or is it an animal, drama/history movie about a misunderstood shark that only wants hugs from others, but his eating disorder and anger issues gets in the way?

Me: Horror film. He is purposely hunting down Brody and his family, as seen in the sequels.

Anjelica:¬†“Hunting down” or passionately pursuing the family he always wanted to have. Jaws should just befriend, Orca: The Killer Whale. lol

Me:¬†I have changed my view on Bruce the shark. So Quint was in a shark attack but survived. He was supposed to die in it but somehow cheated death. Bruce is a supernatural entity (that’s why he can’t really die and comes back in the 3 sequels) in the guise of a shark that has been hunting him down to right that past wrong. He finally succeeds in killing him and is supposed to take Hooper too (as he dies in the book and original draft of the script) but Brody gets in the way. In fact Brody manages to destroy his “earthly form”. Then Bruce becomes angry and falls from his post (like Davy Jones in the Pirates films) and starts hunting for Brody, along with taking down all of his family.

So there we have it. I have officially joined the dark side. I have fully become a tumblr with that last comment.

Star Wars Dark side power Darth vader

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So there we go. One of the best horror films that have affected us as people so strongly. People are afraid to swim because of this movie. Ever summer one week on the Discovery Channel is devoted to sharks. The theme is so AWESOME!!!!! I mean every time you go in water you have to hum it.

Jaws

It is one amazing film. If you haven’t seen it, watch it. If you have seen it, watch it again.

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And that’s the real end. I swear. Hope you enjoyed it!

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to Monster Movie

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For more on Jaws, go to Part X: The Movie List That Would Not Die

For more shark attacks, go to For All the Men Who Wonder What It’s Like

For more on hunting a monster, go to Let Them Fight

For more monster movies, go to Keep Clear Of the Moor. Beware the Moon

For more films based on a book, go to Murder is My Favorite Crime

For more films that spanned sequels, go to You Will Die in Seven Days

For more in Universal Studios, go to There Are Many Strange Legends in the Amazon

For more quizzes, go to¬†I’m Batman!

For more on Star Wars, go to Part IX: Adventures in Movie Lines

For more Buffy the Vampire Slayer, go to Every Time I Bring a Girl Over, You Try to Eat Her!

Looking at the Past, Focusing on the Future

Happy-New-Year

So another year has gone by, and full of interesting and unexpected things. I will say that to me, 2013 will always be remembered as the year of the weddings, as I had a TON of friends get married this year. It was like every other week was somebody’s wedding.

Anyways, so this is a time to reflect what the past year held for us, the big posts, the planned posts, and what you all seemed to like the most. ūüėÄ

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1) The Views

According to WordPress I had 9,542 views this year. That’s¬†7542 more than last year.¬†I would like to thank all of you for being a part of this and giving me your time and attention.

Anniversary 2) #1 Post

Surprisingly, the top post of the year was my Happy Anniversary post in which I celebrated six months of blogging. I have to say I never saw that one coming. Runner ups were¬†Snakes on a Post: Chinese New Year, Fulfilling the List: A Walk to Remember, Grimwood Ghouls’ Gym Teacher: Scooby‚ÄďDoo and the Ghoul School, A Monster Race: Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant ¬†Werewolf, and Save the Last Dance for Me: Dirty Dancing.¬†

thankyou153) The Followers

I now have 42 followers, that is 28 more than last January. Thank you all who follow and make my blog a part of your life. You are all awesome! ūüėÄ

Now for the success and failures of the year.

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4) My Favorite Movie Lines Lists

This all started when I did a post on one of the best movie lines ever. I then decided to do my own countdowns and post them once a month. I only did two;¬†My Favorite Movie Lines¬†and¬†It’s BACK!: The Sequel.¬†I planned up to 10 lists but never finished looking for videos to include, so they are just backlogged waiting to be published. I will have to look through them and post them this year.

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5) Musical Musings

I also started my musical posts, writing about some of my favorite songs. This year I covered¬†Nothing But a Good Time, Eye of the Tiger, In Rhapsody Over Clint Eastwood,¬†¬†Jump (For My Love), I’ll Be Alright Without You,¬†and¬†The End which reviewed a bunch of different songs. Look for more of these as I already have a few ideas for more.

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6) Romance is in the Air

Fourteen posts about some of my favorite romantic moments in film in honor of Valentines’ Day. I covered¬†Say Anything, He’s Just NOT That Into You, A Walk to Remember, An Officer and a Gentleman, The Wedding Singer, Shrek 2, Enchanted, Runaway Bride, 10 Things I Hate About You, An Affair to Remember, Music and Lyrics, It’s a Wonderful Life. Dirty Dancing,¬†and Northanger Abbey.

16741-Slimy_Stretch_Mini_Schlange-Halloween_Dekoration-Snake 4_leaf_clover_banner Holly7) One Day Holiday Posts

¬†Instead of doing a post everyday like with Romance is in the Air or Horrorfest, I did a couple of holiday posts in which I reviewed the films or books that applied in one post on one day. This is can be easier and fit for the holidays chosen;¬†Snakes on a Post: Chinese New Year, Pot O’ Gold: Saint Patrick’s Day,¬†and the¬†25 Films of Christmas.¬†

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8) Painted Portrayals

For Easter I did something a little different from my other holiday posts. I discussed art that featured Christ, discussing the history and advancements of the pieces.  These posts were The Last Supper, The Betrayal of Christ, and Good Friday. I mean I have to use my Art History skills for something.

Pride and Prejudice Book Cover9) Pride and Prejudice Summer

So this was a failure. I had planned to spend a majority of my summer posting about Pride and Prejudice as it had just turned 200, but unfortunately my plans went awry. However, I did get a few done and I am going to complete this quest this year, so I can move on to another book. The posts that I completed as part of this goal are the following: Happy Birthday Pride & Prejudice, It is a Truth Universally Acknowledged, The 12 Men of Christmas, Parental Favoritism, and Definitely Not Mr. Darcy.

halloween-wallpaper-large00610) Horrorfest II

Now Horrorfest II wasn’t a complete failure, but it didn’t turn out how I originally planned. I wanted to do 31 days, but it was far too much work and only did 16. I didn’t get everything I wished to accomplish, but I think it turned out well. I covered the films;¬†The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Warm Bodies, The Mummy (1932), The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Crucible, Ringu, The Beast of Yucca Flats, Double, Double, Toil, and Trouble, Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Jurassic Park III,¬†and Children of the Corn.¬†I also did the episodes “A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It” from¬†Sabrina the Teenage Witch,¬†“Night of the Day of the Dead” from¬†Lizzie McGuire, and “Midnight Madness” from Are You Afraid of the Dark. I also discussed an artist who mixed horror films with Disney, Disnified Horror.

Of course there are plenty of other things that went on this year, but this finishes our review of the year.

On ending note I found this on Pinterest in the spring:

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and wanted to do it, but I thought it would be better if I waited for the new year to partake in this. I think that it is a fun idea and I encourage everyone of you to do it as well.

So Happy New Year, I hope it is the better than last year! And I can’t wait to see what posts come up this year. ūüėÄ

No Force on Earth or Heaven Could Get Me on That Island: Jurassic Park III (2001)

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Are you saying you wouldn’t want to get on Isla Sorna and study them if you had the chance?¬†No force on earth or heaven could get me on that island.

So Jurassic Park III is not nearly as good as Jurassic Park, but much better than The Lost World because of one thing.

Love this guy!

Love this guy!

Yep, Jurassic Park III sees the return of Dr. Grant, Sam Neil. ūüėÄ It was supposed to have Jeff Goldblum too, but he injured himself and dropped out.

A lot of people don’t really like this film either.

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However, I really like it. I like all the Jurassic Park films. ūüėÄ

This version isn’t based on any books of Michael Crichton, but was a newly created plot with a few pieces from the orginal scripts. They took the aviary scene in her from the orginal¬†Jurassic Park novel. ¬†But more about that later.

So the film starts off with two people parasailing around Site B of Jurassic Park, where The Lost World took place. They go into a fog, and the next scene are gone!

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Dr. Grant has become famous for his discoveries, but more people want to know about the Jurassic Park incidents than what he has found.

Dr. Grant: [Dr. Grant is giving a lecture] Now, are there any questions?

[everyone in the audience raises their hand] Dr. Grant: Questions not related to Jurassic Park

[many people lower their hand] Dr. Grant: Or the incident in San Diego, which I did not witness.

[everyone else lowers their hand]

Dr. Grant goes to visit Ellie who is married with a baby. (Now this is something I hate, in the book Ellie & Dr. Grant weren’t dating she was already engaged, so I hated in the films how they were dating in the first film but then weren’t together in the last one.) Dr. Grant and his assistant Billy are working together to create a larynx of a Velociraptor. ¬†The two are appraoached by a couple, the Kirbys, who like to go on wild adventure trips and want to have an air tour of Jurrassic Park. They got a special permit and will only be up in the air. Dr. Grant is adamant, no way, but then the Kirby’s place an extremely large check in his face that changes his mind.

While on the plane, Dr. Grant discovers that the two are lying. They have actually been planning the whole time to stop on the island. Dr. Grant tries to get them to stop, when he gets knocked out.

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So Dr. Grant is on the island. Although its not the same one, as he was on Site A originally. They try and ¬†leave, but are stopped by a Spinosaurus, something that was’t on InGen’s list. ¬†As they try to escape, a T-Rex¬†appears and they manage to escape right before the¬†Spinosaurus¬†snaps the¬†T‚ÄďRexs neck.

As they are moving through the island, and being followed by the Kirbys & Co., they discover parasail remains.

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This when the whole story comes out. It turns out that the Kirbys are divorced. The wife is remarried and her husband and the Kirby’s son went parasailing and disappeared. The father, played by William H. Macy, went to the traveling agency and hires a guy. The guy who is a “mercenary” and “knows guys” doesn’t really know or do anything he said he could. ¬†And the check is completely fake too. They are looking for their son Eric and needed a guide, so they tricked Dr. Grant. Unfortunately, Dr. Grant was never on Site B, so he’s like I don’t know what is out here.

The group¬†is trying to make its way through the island without dying, and they end up in the actual area where the dinos were constructed. ¬†The one they showed them in Jurassic Park was all for show, but isn’t the real area. When they are there they get attacked by Raptors.

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What’s interesting about this portrayl of the raptors is that the designers wanted to incorporate the archeological findings. Scientists have discovered that Raptors were covered in feathers made out of keratin. They couldn’t go completely over the top, so they just put the feathers on the head.

The group gets seperated and Dr. Grant finds himself all alone. He is saved by a young boy, Eric Kirby. Eric Kirby, against all odds, has managed to survive 8 weeks on the island. He’s been living off candy, uses dino pee to scare things off, etc. Eric used to be a big fan of Dr. Grant too.

Erik: Be careful with that. T-Rex. It scares some of the smaller ones away but attracts one really big one with the fin.

Dr. Grant: This is T-Rex pee?

[Eric nods yes]

Dr. Grant: How’d you get it?

Erik: You don’t wanna know.

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Erik: I read both of your books. I liked the first one more. Before you were on the island. You liked dinosaurs back then.

Dr. Grant: Back then they hadn’t tried to eat me yet.

Dr. Grant: Did you read Malcolm’s book?

[Erik nods]

Dr. Grant: So?

Erik: I don’t know. It was kinda preachy. And too much Chaos. Everything Chaos. It just seemed like the guy was high on himself.

Dr. Grant: That’s two things we have in common.

The two go out looking for the rest of the group when Eric hears his father’s satellite phone.

I love the Spinosaurus there, he reminds me of my dog Katy, when she gets all riled up and you have her chew toy, she makes that face, posed to attack.

The group manages to escape and head to the compound, hoping to find some radio equipment to call for help. After they catch their breath, Billy asks for his bag back, and Dr. Grant tells him he is fine carrying it. Billy keeps insisting and insisting that Grant hand over the bag. This makes Dr. Grant very suspicious and he looks inside, discovering that there are raptor eggs in there. Along the way, Billy found some and took them, hoping that when they got off the island he could sell them. That’s why they have been chased by raptors.

Dr. Grant is furiuous with Billy. And who can blame him. I mean that it has to be tempting to steal those eggs, but come on Billy these aren’t chickens.

Billy Brennan: You have to believe me, this was a stupid decision but I did it with the best intentions. Dr. Grant: With the best intentions? Some of the worst things imaginable have been done with the best intentions. You know what, Billy? As far as I'm concerned, you're no better than the people that built this place.

Billy Brennan: You have to believe me, this was a stupid decision but I did it with the best intentions.
Dr. Grant: With the best intentions? Some of the worst things imaginable have been done with the best intentions. You know what, Billy? As far as I’m concerned, you’re no better than the people that built this place.

They then make their way into a large outdoor cage that hold pteradactyls and other pteranodons. This one of the freakiest scenes in the whole movie. It is super creepy with the fog and the birds. When my sis, niece, and I went to the San Diego Safari Park they have the birdhouse/plant area, it looked JUST like the aviary in Jurassic Park III. I kept saying that if I go in, there are going to be¬†¬†pteradactyls in there that are going to try to kill me. It freaked my niece out soooooooooooooooo bad!!! She started crying and said she wasn’t going to go in. We had to say so many things to convonce her that she would be okay.

Anyways so they get in the aviary they think is abandoned, but it turns out there is something hiding in there.

The group is reeling from Billy’s death, and make their way down the river on a boat. They float by the Spinosaurus’ poop and find the satillette phone. The Spinoisaurus comes upon them and they begin to fight to ¬†get away.

Dr. Grant manages to get out “Site B River” on the satillete phone to Ellie before he loses it to the river. They manage to get away again. The Kirbys are now all reunited and happy and want to be together.

They are almost free when they are come upon by the raptors. They sense that the Mrs. Kirby, Amanda, is a female and go straight for her. Dr. Grant saves the day when he uses Billy’s larynx creation. He blows in it just right so that it sounds like other Raptors are calling for help.

After they manage to get out of there they take off to the coast where the Coast Guard, Marines, and Navy are waiting for them. They even manage to find Billy.

Billy Brennan: I rescued your hat. Dr. Grant: Well... that's the important thing.

Billy Brennan: I rescued your hat.
Dr. Grant: Well… that’s the important thing.

They all  make it home okay.

So a couple of years ago they were talking about making a Jurassic Park 4 film, which my friend Margarita and I were super excited about it. But then they canceled when Michael Crichton unexpectedly died.

However, now that it is back on and supposed to be out in theaters in 2015, I am so jazzed! In a few years I can include it in the Horrorfests. ūüėÄ

Well that concludes our Jurassic Park Week. ūüėÄ

Here’s a cover page/poster I made for my Halloween countdown on Facebook.

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