That’s What We’re Trying to Find out! We’re Trying to Find Out Who Killed Him, and Where, and With What!: Clue (1985)

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That’s what we’re trying to find out! We’re trying to find out who killed him, and where, and with what!

So last year I had planned to review this film as it had just reached its 30th anniversary, but unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to and it was pushed back to this year.

I love the game Clue. I have been playing it as a child and still do. Out of everything this is my game. I didn’t read/watch all those mysteries for nothing!

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I rarely ever lose, that’s how good I am at this.

I'm on FIRE!

I’m on FIRE!

So one day after playing, my friend Stella asked if we had ever seen the film version of the game.

What

What

I DIDN’T KNOW THAT THERE WAS A FILM!!! We decided that we must watch it immediately.

So six strangers are invited to a mansion on a hill. There they meet the English Butler, Wadsworth (Tim Curry), and French maid Yvette (Colleen Camp). It turns out that all are being blackmailed and have been invited here.

clue

Miss Scarlet (Lesley Ann Warren) is the owner of an escort business and was found out by Mr. Boddy. Mrs. White (Madeline Kahn) has had five husbands who “disappeared”, the last having “killed” himself by cutting off his head and manhood. Professor Plum (Christopher Lloyd) lost his psychiatric license when he slept with his patients. Colonel Mustard (Martin Mull) has been caught in the act with prostitutes, Mr. Green (Michael McKean) is a homosexual, and Mrs Peacock (Eileen Brennan) was taking bribes.

When Mr. Boddy (Lee Ving) shows up, he gives each of the six invited guests a weapon.

Clue

Mr. Boddy reveals his plan:

Mr. Boddy: In your hands, you each have a lethal weapon. If you denounce me to the police, you will also be exposed and humiliated. I’ll see to that in court. But, if one of you kills Wadsworth now, no one but the seven of us will ever know. He has the key to the front door, which he said would only be opened over his dead body. I suggest we take him up on that offer. The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front pages is for one of you to kill Wadsworth. NOW.

The lights go out but Wadsworth hasn’t been killed, instead it was Mr. Boddy. With all having a reason to kill him, there is only one question.

WhoDoneItMystery?whodunit

I won’t continue as this is a film you should see on your own. It is comedic, mysterious, and has a good sense of drama. The only thing I didn’t care for was that the characters don’t dress in the colors they are in the game. The beginning introduction moves a bit slow, although the dialogue is fast, but otherwise I thought it was a fun film.

I love Tim Curry, so he was a favorite in this.

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to But If Any of It Fell Into the Wrong Hands…:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, Secret of the Ooze (1991)

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For more on Clue, go to She’s Still Preoccupied With 1985

For more Horror-Comedy, go to We’ve Seen Dracula, the Wolf Man, and Frankenstein’s Monster: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

For more mysteries, go to A Murder Has Been Committed on Your Property: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode One (2013)

For more Tim Curry, go to Haunted Harmonies of Halloween: Top 5 Songs to Play on Halloween

For more Christopher Lloyd, go to The Future is NOW!: Happy Back to the Future Day!

For more ’80s films, go to I’m…a Werewolf: Teen Wolf (1985)

What Have You Done to Him?: Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

Rosemary's Baby

What have you done to him? What have you done to his eyes, you maniacs!

So this was my first viewing of Rosemary’s Baby. Prior to watching this I knew that the haircut Mia Farrow had in the film became super popular:

rosemary'sbabyknife

That her baby is the devil’s child; and that the apartment where this all happens, the Bramhouse, is actually the Dakota; and that this film is supposed to be very scary.

i'mscared

In fact the way I was introduced to this film was actually through The Baby-Sitters Club. In one of the books, the BSC all go and visit Stacey McGill in New York, seeing the place where Stacey’s friend, Laine Cummings, lives which is the Dakota.

So let’s move on to the film review:

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

So the film starts off with a creepy, light lullaby type music. In fact the first thing it actually makes me think of is Flowers in the Attic (1987). And it is definitely creepy.

shiver

This film was based on a novel of the same name that came out the year before. The author, Ira Levinsaid that this was his favorite adaption of the novel, as the director Roman Polanski, was strict about following the book to the letter, only cutting for sake of time. This is the dream of every book lover.

Take note, rest of Hollywood.

Take note, rest of Hollywood.

We get a look at a building that has a clear gothic and early Renaissance look to it. Definitely an old building, probably made during the turn of the century. This is The Bramford, where our couple Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse are looking at the apartments.

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They are just a sweet, ordinary couple. Guy is an actor, while Rosemary doesn’t work but has amazing decorating and artistic talent. Rosemary really wants to have a baby, while Guy says they have to wait until they are “more established”. However, he did agree to move to a bigger apartment for their future child and them.

They look at the apartment, and Guy isn’t pleased. It is cram full of the prior tenant’s belongings, which are stuffed so full it is kind of ugly.

No thank youhowaboutno

Rosemary, on the other hand, sees the potential. With wallpaper, paint, new furnishings, it will be absolutely beautiful.

love it

The only strange thing about the apartment, is that there was a large chest put in front of one of the closet doors. The landlord and Guy move it aside and when they open it…

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just kidding. The only thing in it are a few linens and a vacuum cleaner.

weird

It is extremely weird. Why would anyone try to keep such random things locked inside?

There must be something she was trying to keep out, or keep in. In fact, it reminds me of The Twilight Zone episode where the guy has the devil locked in the closet. Is that what happened? The tenant was keeping the devil inside and they just unleashed them?

suspicious Hmm

They speak to their friend and landlord, Eric “Hutch” Hutchinson, to get out of their of lease. Hutch has been like a father to Rosemary since the couple has moved to New York. He warns them about the Bramford place. Back at the turn of the century, Adrian Marcato was a witch and had a coven in the building, he was murdered in the lobby. Then there were the Trench sisters, they killed children and tried to eat them. And these are only a few of the strange occurrences.

But they take the apartment and Rosemary makes it absolutely beautiful.

One day, Rosemary has gone down to the basement to do laundry. There she meets a girl, Terry, who has been saved and given a home by Guy & Rosemary’s neighbors, Roman and Minnie Castevet. Rosemary is looking for new friends and they make plans to meet up later. 

Now to me that seems odd. Why would they just take this girl off the streets. Is it really out of the goodness of their hearts? Or something darker?

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Before Terry and Rosemary can actually meet again, Guy and Rosemary come home from an evening out and find Terry’s dead body outside.

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Rosemary is sad and confused as Terry seemed so happy. She tells the Castevets that they meant a lot to Terry.

Now to me the Castevets don’t seem really sad over the death of their “adopted daughter”.

suspicious Hmm

The next day Minnie stops by to see Rosemary. She is super nosy looking at everything and every section of the apartment, she even goes as far as asking the price of everything.

How rude

She is so sad and lonely over missing Terry, and asks if Rosemary and Guy will come for dinner that night. Rosemary doesn’t really want to but feels bad and agrees.

Guy comes home and is very upset. He was auditioning for a few parts, prime ones to pull his career front and center, but lost out to every one.

Sadface Batman

He just wants to sit around and mope, but Rosemary tells him about the dinner they are supposed to go to. Guy doesn’t want to, as he doesn’t want to befriend their neighbors, then they will always be hanging around and bothering them.

But Rosemary made a promise, so they go.

Now the whole dinner is very odd. When Minnie invited them over, she made it sound like she needed a young woman to help temporary fill the space left by Terry’s absence. But at the actual dinner, they only want to pay attention to Guy.

Whattheheck

They go on and on and on about his acting, his good looks, his charms, etc.

The other strange thing is how anti-Christianity and religion they are. Like hard core being mean about it to Rosemary, even though they know that she is uncomfortable about their inflammatory remarks.

Roman Castevet: No pope ever visits a city where the newspapers are on strike.

Minnie Castevet: I heard he’s gonna postpone and wait till it’s over.

Guy Woodhouse: Well, that’s showbiz.

Roman Castevet: That’s exactly what it is: all the costumes, the rituals – all religions.

Roman Castevet: I think we’re offending Rosemary…

Rosemary Woodhouse: [Not very convincing] I wasn’t offended, really I wasn’t.

Roman Castevet: You’re not religious, my dear, are you?

Rosemary Woodhouse: I was brought up a Catholic… now, I don’t know.

Now believe what you want to believe in, but when you invite a guest to your home for dinner, you shouldn’t be as rude or insult the guest’s belief.

How rude

After dinner the ladies and men split. Minnie questions Rosemary, asking her if she is pregnant. Rosemary isn’t, but really wants a baby. She came from a large family, six kids, but once again Guy doesn’t want a baby. At least not yet.

She’s ready to go, and they interrupt the men, Guy was surprisingly having a great time with Roman.

weird

When they get home they discuss the dinner, with Rosemary saying that the food tasted weird, and left a strange taste in her mouth. Guy agrees, but he ate twice as much food as Rosemary. Surprisingly, Guy wants to go back the next day and hangout with Roman. Rosemary doesn’t want to, so they kind of fight about it.

The next day Roman goes over there while Rosemary settles for a quiet night in, nursing her period pains.

No joke this enters m mind every month

Her quiet solitude is destroyed when Minnie comes over with her friend Laura-Louise. They just settle in without even asking, knitting, embroidering, and gabbing.

How rude

I would have had them kicked out. I mean what annoying busybodies.

They also give her a necklace of Tannis root, it’s supposed to be a good-luck charm. It was the same one Terry wore, so I don’t think it is that lucky as Terry died.

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So the film originally kept the devil impregnating Rosemary a secret, as a huge reveal at the end. Unfortunately, it was a major blockbuster, an award-winning film: so it has been referenced, parodied, is a huge part of our culture and always cropping up around Halloween. Even if you haven’t seen the film, you know Rosemary carries the devil’s baby. I mean it is mentioned in the Netflix description. So I am not going to ignore that.

So let’s talk about Guy.

rosemarys-baby

Guy is a struggling actor who really wants to hit it big. We don’t know how long he has been in New York, but he is very upset at how little his career has progressed.

Roman has come along and started flattering Guy, making him feel super special. He promises that he can achieve all of Guy’s dreams, if he joins their coven, and allows Rosemary to be used as the vessel for Satan’s child. They need the opposite of Mary: not a virgin, married, not Jewish, etc. And Guy agrees.

Whattheheck

I guess for someone as self-centered as Guy is, he can rationalize it. This small trade will enable him and Rosemary will have a fantastic life. And it is only one child, they can have more later. I can just say one thing:

No thank youhowaboutno

You do not sell your wife to be a vessel, especially for the devil’s child. Just no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!!

Jerk

That night, Rosemary shows Guy the good-luck charm and how she doesn’t want to wear it. But Guy insists, he starts hanging around with Roman and Minnie more and more. I just think, who is this guy?

weird

That night they get a call:

LOL Cotton and Cotton

It turns out that the guy chosen for one of the parts Guy auditioned for, has gone blind.

Whattheheck

So they offer Guy the part. Soon Guy is riding high, with everyone after him. He now has no time for Rosemary, with all his other commitments.

jerk

Rosemary is sad and mentions  it to Hutch when the two talk on the phone.

One day, Guy comes homes with roses. He is sorry and wants to make it up to Rosemary, telling her that he wants to have a baby.

Whattheheck

Who is this man, what has he become? I mean he even picks out the day they should try for their baby, October 4th or 5th.

Rosemary is just so happy that he is open to having children that she agrees! She can’t wait until they have a little baby.

The appointed night comes, with Guy making it a very special, romantic night.

rosemarys-baby

As they are eating, guess who shows up at the door. Minnie.

ugh

She just drops off some mousse she made and then leaves, fortunately. They start eating it but Rosemary quickly stops. It taste funny to her and she doesn’t want it.

No thank youhowaboutno

But Guy insists. Guy has become a super control freak, I would have left to the safety of Hutch, surrogate father, rather than stay with this guy.

Anyways, when Guy steps out of the room, Rosemary dumps the mousse in her napkin, rather than eat it.

EW!

EW!

Afterwards, she is walking to the other room and faints.

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Guy carries her to the bed so she can rest. She then has one incredibly strange dream.

Super creepy!

Gilmore girls creep

The next day Rosemary wakes up and discovers herself naked and covered in scratches.

what what'shappeningSupernatural

She tells Guy her dream of being raped, and he says that he couldn’t help himself and give up on baby night.

Rosemary Woodhouse: You… you had me while I was out?

Guy Woodhouse: It was kinda fun in a necrophile sort of way

Say What

This guy is freak, get far, far, far away.

Certified Creepo Ribbon

So Rosemary goes to the doctor and discovers that she is pregnant. She tells Guy who doesn’t seem that excited. Kind of weird for a guy who “wanted a baby so much he couldn’t wait but slept with her when she was knocked out.”

suspicious Hmm

 Her due date is June 28th of the next year, 1966. Get it? 6/66?

Although it doesn’t make exact sense. 9 months from October is July, wouldn’t it make more sense if they tried for the baby in September?

So Rosemary has been going to see Dr. Hill, the doctor who delivered her friend’s baby; but Minnie, Roman, and Guy want them to see their doctor: Dr. Abraham Sapirstein.

Dr. n tells Rosemary not to take prenatal vitamins, read any pregnancy books, or talk to her friends about her and their pregnancies as each one is different and they will worry her. She also will have to take herb shakes made by Minnie.

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

I don’t know, that seems too weird for me. I wouldn’t trust them. These people all become controlling, and won’t let her go out or speak to any of her friends.

Rosemary is also in excruciating pain, and losing massive amounts of weight. She actually looks quite horrible, no glow.

anthony-michael-hall-brian-insecure-quotes-the breakfast club see myself don't like what i see insecure body image

Hutch comes to visit and tells her she looks bad. They are discussing the strangeness of everything, when suddenly Guy comes home in full, makeup, something he never does. He kind of chases off Hutch so it is only the two of them.

suspicious Hmm

Why is he suddenly against Hutch. Why is he suddenly against all their friends? Hmm????

That night Rosemary gets a call from Hutch.

dangerous crossingphoneringsscared

He wants to meet the next morning as he has something important to discuss with her.

The next morning she goes to the appointment place, but no Hutch. When she calls after waiting so long, she finds out that Hutch is in a coma. It happened some time after she called.

IUnderstandSomelieithot

She walks around when she runs into Minnie:

So the film moves along pretty sloooow. The people are controlling, she doesn’t go out, suffers all the time, etc. She finally starts thinking something is weird, ad stops the herbal drinks. She makes her own and decides that they are going to throw a party with their old friends.

christmas-holiday-party-with-dancing

Guy doesn’t want to, and gets mad that Minnie and Roman are not invited. Minnie tries to get invited, but Rosemary is firm..no one under the age of 60 is allowed.

No thank youhowaboutno

It comes to a head at the party when she talks to her friends about her pains and they tell her it is not normal. She needs to get a second opinion. Guy is not happy about that at all.

Guy Woodhouse: [on Rosemary’s decision to switch doctors] You know what Dr. Hill is? He’s a Charlie Nobody, that’s who he is!

Rosemary Woodhouse: I’m tired of hearing about how great Dr. Sapirstein is!

Guy Woodhouse: Well, I won’t let you do it Ro.

Rosemary Woodhouse: Why not?

Guy Woodhouse: Well, because… because it wouldn’t be fair to Sapirstein.

Rosemary Woodhouse: Not fair to Sap… – what do you mean? What about what’s fair to me?

Yeah! You SHOULD CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR WIFE!!!! NOT SOME DOCTOR’S FEELINGS!!!

Guy you suck!

Guy you suck!

However, the pain stops and she can feel the baby kicking. Everything proceeds normally as they all get ready for the baby. Their peace is shattered when Rosemary receives a call that Hutch died.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

I loved Hutch, why’d he have to go?

She goes to the funeral, where she is given a book left to her by Hutch.

Grace Cardiff: He told me to make sure and tell you: the name is an anagram.

When she gets home she opens the package and sees that it is a book on witches, “All of Them Witches“, with a chapter on Adrian Marcato and his family.

Rosemary tries to rearrange the title, but comes up with nothing.

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

She is about to give up that it was just his being in a coma, when she looks at the chapter on Marcato’s family, specifically his son Steven. When she rearranges those letters, it comes up with Roman Castevet.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She starts talking about it with Guy that they are witches, and all those people are in their coven.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Guy thinks she is insane, and needs sleep so he takes the book and throws it away.

Whattheheck

YOU DO NOT THROW AWAY BOOKS!!!!

Rosemary is incensed so she goes to the bookstore and gets another copy and another book on witchcraft. She discovers that some covens can work together and create blindness or illness if they have an object of the person.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

Rosemary remembers the guy who Guy took the part from. She calls Donald Baumgart and discovers that before he went blind, Guy took his tie.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She remembers that the day Hutch came over, he was missing a glove. Guy must have stolen it and they killed him.

She also reads that many covens use baby’s blood in their activities.

Rosemary freaks out:

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She packs her bag and takes off to see the doctor to let him know what is going on. However, when she gets there she discovers that the doctor is a witch too.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

She takes off to get help from the only person she can think of now, Dr. Hill.

She manages to get Hill to meet with her and reveals everything. Hill seems to believe her, which I thought was weird.

suspicious Hmm

And puts her to sleep.

She wakes up to see Guy and Dr. Saperstein.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

They bring her home, but she manages to sneak away from them and get in the apartment first, locking the door and dead bolting it behind her. She calls her friend Elise, trying to get help as everyone is after her baby:

dangerous crossingphoneringsscared

However, they somehow sneak into the apartment room some way. Unfortunately, she goes into labor and then is knocked out.

The next day, Guy wakes her up.

WakeUpNoThankYou

She asks for her baby, but they tell her he died. They give her a pill, and take her milk “to throw away”.

aw cry

Rosemary is completely heartbroken. And then she hears a baby crying.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

They tell her that it is from a new family, but Rosemary knows that her baby is alive and they took him.

She slowly is a docile person, waiting for the right time to night sneak away when everyone thinks she is sleeping. She takes a knife with her for protection.

rosemary'sbabyknife

She goes to the closet that was blocked by the dresser, there she finds a secret door.

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A door that connects to the Castevet’s apartment. That must be how they got in!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor girl. How could her husband do that to her? How could this happen?

I have to say most of the film was kind of slow and boring, as I already knew those people were evil, but once she found that book on witches it was great. Intense and creepy! A good addition to my Halloween Horror films.

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to She’s Been Totally Different…Like Stepford: Ted, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)

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For more on witches, go to The Two Witch Sisters: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble (1993)

For more films based on books, go to She Cries in the Night: The Screaming Skull (1958)

A Haunting We Will Go: The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries (1977)

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Why would they all come back?

So this year I am doing something a bit different. I decided that every Friday this year I will review a TV episode instead of a film. I know it kind of goes against the grain, but I just feel bad for those awesome shows that try to make really creepy Halloween episodes or just have great episodes that fit for this. Their still horror, so they count.

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So this episode is from the TV series, The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew Mysteries. This show came out in the 1970s, the first season alternating every week between the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew. The second season saw four crossover episodes, and only three Nancy Drew as the actresses playing her, left the series. Season three was reworked to be just the Hardy Boys. It was a good series while it lasted, I just wish there had been more. If you are interested in watching, all these episodes are currently on youtube, here’s the link if you want to watch this one.

So on to the review:

nancydrewdetectiveonthecasesuspicious

At the beginning of every episode we see the Universal logo. I’ve always wondered why they haven’t remade it, I would watch it. But then again they would probably mess it up like they did with Nancy Drew (2007) film.

forgetaboutit

So then we have the awesome intro and amazing intro music.

I love the setup, the book covers in the background, and that music. Ooh! It sends shivers up an down my spine and gets me in the mood for a mystery.

shiver

So the first thing we see is a woman, yelling at Nancy Drew (Pamela Sue Martin) about knowing who she is and pulling a knife on her!

HardyBoysNancyDrewMysteries

But it turns out that it is just a rehearsal for a play they are doing. Yep, they are tearing down the old theater in River Heights, and using the property to build a youth center. It was Nancy’s idea to put on a play Murder in the 4th Act. 

Unlike the book series, Ned and Nancy’s relationship isn’t clearly defined. Are they going out? Or just good friends? He seems more into her than she into him. As much as I like book Ned, I have to be honest and admit I love the idea of Nancy Drew and Frank Hardy, especially in this series. OTP of the TV series.

nancydrew_frankhardy_kiss

Anyways, so Ned is a bit of an egotistical jerk in the TV series than the book, and this episode is no different. He sent some telegrams to some famous actors: Thelma March, Hollywood actress; Alex Richmond, game show host; Danny Day, TV actor, and Seth Taylor, news anchor- and they all agreed to come. Ned thinks it is because of his brilliance, Nancy thinks it is a bit odd. Why would these famous people be willing to give up their time for free to help a youth center?

The woman Nancy was rehearsing with, Janet Mustane (Pippa Scott), used to perform with these people, choosing to remain in River Heights instead of going off to “bigger things”. She does not seem happy about all those people coming back. Wonder why?

suspicious Hmm

Nancy decides to clean up the stage area and make sure that everything is nice for the “famous” people. As she looks around stage, their is a shadowy figure above her on the catwalk.

Phantom of the Opera

No it’s not him, :(. However there is a story that the theater is haunted by “The Phantom”.

Well, whoever or whatever this is, they decide to take down the chandelier and almost get Nancy with it.

Bad Stuff happens when you don't listen

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nancy was able to get out of the way in time, but starts thinking that something inky is going on. She checks the cord and sees that it isn’t frayed or old, but was cut.

sabotage

No one believes her though. So its up to Nancy to figure it out.

nancydrewdetectiveonthecasesuspicious

The team split up to check over the theater more thoroughly.

splitupScoobyDoo

Nancy heads down into the prop room to see if she can figure out what is bringing everyone back. As she is looking, she finds an old playbill from the orginal opening of the play. And it turns out, all of those who are coming back, including Janet, were in the original performance.

Nancydrewhardyboysmysteries

Weird

Weird

So they all show up, but no one can pay the cab, leaving Ned to foot the bill. How odd. How can such huge entertainment giants have no money? Hmmm….

suspicious Hmm

Something else strange is that they all seem to hate each other.

Hate YOu

If they dislike each other, why would they come back to perform with each others? And stay in the hotel across the alley (Janet’s place) rooming with each other?

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

So they start practicing, when Seth decides that he can’t do the scene without a pipe. He heads down to the prop room, but the lights won’t work.

You know what that means. Someones coming after you.

You know what that means. Someone’s coming after you.

But instead of looking for a prop he tries to open the window. While he is doing that, our mystery person or ghost knocks a statue over, trying to hurt him.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He’s fine, but Nancy wonders if there is more going on. Janet is convinced that the Phantom did it, and everyone else thinks it was just an accident; but Nancy knows that something is not adding up.

suspicious Hmm

She notices the light was unscrewed so it wouldn’t work, and that the window is opened. The window shouldn’t be unlocked as Ned checked it earlier, so Nancy is convinced someone came through there. Seth tells her it is stuck, so no one could get through it.

Wait a second!

Wait a second!

Now how would he know that? He was looking for a prop. He must have tried to open the window, but why?

suspicious Hmm

Later that night Nancy tries to get Ned, her friend George Fayne, and her Dad, Carson Drew to investigate with her to find out what is going on, but no wants to help. None are convinced that there is anything more to it then an old building that is falling apart. In fact Mr. Drew thinks they should move the play somewhere else, as that building is probably too old.

forgetaboutit

But Nancy is convinced there is far more to the tale and won’t give up. She notices how all the actors are completely hostile to each other, and there has to be another reason why they would all come that isn’t nostalgia. But what?

The plot thickens

The plot thickens

That night the four visiting actors sneak out of their rooms and head over to the theater. They head down into the prop room and start taking it apart.

hardyboysnancydrewmystery

That night, unbeknownst to them, Ned decides to head over and check the place out. You see Ned is very full of himself (I cannot repeat this enough, he is not like that in the book series) and decides that he needs to recheck the light plan as his genius must reflect well on the actors. When he gets there he runs into Julia and Alex disposing of the bricks from the prop room wall.

Hardyboysnancydrewmysteries

This is one of the funniest scenes in the whole episode. Ned asks them what they are doing, and Alex tells him he needs the bricks to make a bed for his back, it is the only thing that can help him sleep. Ned finds it weird, but who is he to question it? He tries to head into the theater, but Julia stops him telling him he needs to go to bed and be well-rested. He says he doesn’t need to because he is young, and then Julia gets offended.

Ryan-Gosling-Oh-No-You-Didnt-Half-Nelson

She yells at him, are you calling me old?

I don't think so

And Ned, like a typical male, knows that it is no time to argue but vamoose.

Run Away

The next day, Nancy discovers the actors all asleep in the dressing room. They wonder what the heck is going on? Ned wakes them up and as they head upstairs to the stage, Ned tells Nancy about everything that happened the night before. Now Nancy is 100%s sure something is up, but what?

strange things are afoot at the circle k

So while they are talking the actors are having their own discussion. They are a bit worried about Nancy as she is always watching them.

creep watching lovely bones Stanley tucci

The other thing that is making them act crazy is they are all completely broke. Everyone has been paying a blackmailer for something they haven’t discussed, just yet. They know one of them must be the blackmailer, but which one is doing it?

suspicious Hmm

So they rehearse, and just as they are about to break up for lunch, a light comes crashing down, nearly hitting some people.

Phantom of the Opera chandelier

Everyone thinks that it is just another accident in an old theater, but Nancy feels that these accidents are too deliberate. As if someone was purposely attacking the people performing. But which one is doing it?

WhoDoneItMystery?

So Nancy tries to get Ned and Mr. Carson to back her again, but they still just think all the mishaps are from an old building falling apart, not a saboteur. Ned says that he heard a door shut and he thinks someone might have been there, but wasn’t sure. George disagrees as she thinks it is the Phantom!

midnightmadnesstheaterscreennosferatuphantomghostvampire

Nancy decides to put together a plan. She gets some phosphoric paint, and starts painting the areas in the prop room to discover who might be this “Phantom” messing with things.

Afterwards, the actors return and she puts her plan into motion. She turns off the lights and has George turn on the blacklight….and it shows that EVERYONE has the paint on them.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

THEY ALL ARE A PART OF IT!!!

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

So Nancy overhears them talking and decides there is much more to this story. Time to head to the library and do some research.

BuffyvampireslayerLibrary92

They find the newspaper article and get some answers.

hardyboysnancydrewmysteries

So Jason Hall went from town to town raising money and investors for the show, promising it would be an amazing thing. In fact he really took River Heights, Nancy’s hometown, for a ride. The play closed before it opened, and it turned out that Jason took off with it all!!!! Or at least that’s what people think because he just disappeared. It turned out that he never had New York critics coming, that he intended to take everyone for a ride. But is that it, or is there more to the story?

suspicious Hmm

She starts thinking about it and everything starts coming together: the disappearance of Jason Hall, they all hate each other, they all are poor, etc. They must have done something to Jason. Someone is blackmailing them and they have no more money left. When they heard that the theater was going to be destroyed they must have decided to come back and clear up whatever evidence  they have before it comes to light with the destruction.

I-got-this-reaction-gif

Nancy thinks she has it figured out, now all she needs is to find the hard evidence to prove her theory.

While they are looking, the actors have been trying very hard to finish what they started. At last they have opened up the wall, and pulled out a sarcophagus. It turns out that Nancy was right. They did kill Jason, they hid the body in the sarcophagus, and sealed up the wall. They have been digging to get it out, so that their crime would not be discovered. And they have finally accomplished it.

When Ned spots them carrying it out, they tell him that Mr. Drew said they could have whatever props they wanted, and Seth wanted this one.

hardyboysnancydrewmysteries

Nancy sees Ned who tells her about the sarcophagus and Nancy knows instantly, that must be where they put body. She tells her dad, who decides to call in the Sheriff.

As the group is gathered to open it, in walks the Sheriff. He demands to open it and when they do, they discover………………..

come on

Bricks.

Say What

Yes everyone is shocked! What happened? Where is the body?

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Everyone but the actors are sent on home, and they talk amongst themselves. Danny thinks that one of them came back and moved the body, only pretending to help dig it out, but which one did it?

WhoDoneItMystery?

That night is the performance and the mystery is bothering Nancy. Who is the blackmailer? What happened to Jason? Who has been sabotaging the theater?

The plot thickens

She finally comes to the conclusion that the only solution that fits, is if Jason IS the blackmailer. Think about it: he somehow recovered from whatever they did to think they killed him and has been blackmailing them since. He must also be the person who has been sabotaging the theater. Yes that has to be it! Before she can tell Ned and everyone her cue comes, and she has to go onstage.

She goes onstage, and has to give everyone champagne, as she plays a maid. As she is giving out the glasses, she smells something odd.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Poison!

Spoke too soon

Nancy stops the play, crushing the glasses and keeping everyone from drinking them. She then yells at George to put on the blacklight. As they scan the audience, they spot one man covered in phosphorus paint. They get him.

batmanBamSmackKaboom

They pull off wig, fake glasses, and pretend nose. And discover that it is Jason. He has been alive the whole time.

thats-how-its-done

Afterwards the crew met up so Nancy can get the whole story.

nancydrewhardyboysmystery

It turned out that Jason was a hustler and conman. He took the money for investing in the play and sent it to a private account in the Cayman Islands. He was planning in leaving the actors holding the bag, and having to pay for his crimes. They discovered this and argued with him, Jason fell and hit his head. They thought they killed him, so they buried the body in the wall, like in Edgar Allen Poe’s story The Black Cat. He escaped at one point and began blackmailing them, while the whole time they thought it was one of the five.

With everything done, the actors decide to finally stop bickering and continue in the play until enough money is raised for the youth center. Another case solved by Nancy Drew!

TheEnd_Title_2

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

halloween banner

For more Nancy Drew, go to I’m So FANcy!

For more mysteries, go to Murder is My Favorite Crime: Laura (1944)

For more TV series based on books, go to Happily Ever Aftermath: Grimm (2012)

Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Scream-4-Intl-3

You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don’t f*** with the original!

If only Wes had followed his own advice.

2013-11-27-bradpittUgh

I wish they hadn’t messed with the original. This movie sucked.

Bad Sequels psycho-1960-alfred-hitchcock-janet-leigh-pic-21

Just plain horrible. You see this all happened because everyone wanted to make another film after Scream 3. Wes told them he wouldn’t, unless the script was as good as the original film. Unfortunately, those dunderheads thought that meant they needed to do a horrible remake of the first amazing film.

hmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

For those of you just tuning in, this is the last of our Screamtastic Saturdays. Every Saturday this month I reviewed one of the Scream films. To read about them before you start this one, go to Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3

Now as you can tell I didn’t enjoy this one. As I watched this film I took a lot of notes on my feelings, A LOT. I’m just going to write them verbatim.

So let’s get started on this travesty…

I don't wanna

I don’t wanna

So the film starts out with two girls (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) hanging out discussing horror films and stuff. One of them has a facebook stalker. It turns out to be ghostface who stabs and kills them both.

Ghostface attacks!

Ghostface attacks!

1&2

Victims 1&2

But wait…

Psych!Gameofthrones

It turns out that its not real. It is the opening scene from the film Stab 6 that two girls are watching. (Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell).

So that’s the first problem of this film. It was so dripped in big name actors that it was impossible to get into. I mean the original had famous actors too, but this was tooooo jam packed. It’s too much, far too much.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

So Anna Paquin talks too much during the movie that Kristen Bell kills her.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

I know Kristen Bell? Whatever.

3

Body #3

Just kidding

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

Yep, it’s just another fakeout. It’s Stab 7  that Julie from Friday Night Lights, I mean Jenny (Aimee Teagarden) and her friend Marnie are watching. After that Jenny goes upstairs to get something, and instead prank calls her friend. The “real” Ghostface comes in and kills Marnie, with Jenny right behind her.

Victim 4 & 5

Victim 4 & 5

And here we have another garage scene that is improbable. I’m telling you, any automatic garage door will not be able to kill someone. They design the mechanisms so that if there is something underneath them, it will cause them to be incapable of being squished.

Duh!

Duh!

And the other problem with this scene is the fact that having two fakeouts was too many. After the two psych-outs, I was not attached to the characters as I was just expecting them to die. It wasn’t scary, mysterious, funny, or good. It was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Plain ol’ lazy writing. Come on Wes, you’re better than this. This is reverting back not evolving.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

So this film, and the first scene, take place 10 years after “The Woodsboro Massacre” or the amazing phenomenon known as Scream. Deputy Dewey is now Sheriff and married to Gale Weathers. Gale has stopped reporting and turned to writing fiction. Sidney has written a book on her experiences and is on tour. In fact, she has just arrived in Woodsboro. And Randy is dead.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Still not over that.

We then see the horrible Emma Roberts getting picked up for school. I hate Emma Roberts. She has no talent whatsoever. She always seems as if she is acting, so I never believe that she is whatever “character” she is playing. She’s like a block of wood. I think she is secretly a robot as she never gives any emotion. None whatsoever. She’s proof that just because one family member has talent, doesn’t mean the rest do.

big mistake

I bet she is the killer. She’s all I hate Sidney.  Blah, blah blah…

boohoo_zps058c9fe1

Anyways, Jill (Emma Roberts) is being picked up by her friends Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) and Olivia (Marielle Jaffe). Now who are these girls trying to fool? There is no way these girls are in high school they look sooo OLD.

I mean Roberts could pass for 19 at the youngest, but Panettiere and Jaffe? They are clearly are late 20s heading for their thirties. I’m looking it up now…let’s see…Roberts was 20 at the time, Panettiere was 22, and Jaffee was also 22. Okay so they weren’t as old as I thought they were, although they look it. I mean it’s laughable how they think they could pass off people so old as high school students.

Jill and Olivia receive texts from Jenny and Marnie, even though they aren’t close friends or anything…and the two girls are dead (although no one has discovers it yet. Speaking of which where were the parents during all of this? Why weren’t they with their kid? How come it took someone so long to discover the body? Come on now!)

Wes also has a love affair in this film with fake jumps. It’s like every five seconds. Seriously, just stop.

Stop stop it now!

At the station Sheriff Dewey gets called on the scene and I notice something here Wes. Yes…yes…it appears that Dewey no longer suffers from a limp. I see, I see. Dewey  gets to be limp free WHILE RANDY IS DEAD??!!

800__shadow_of_a_doubt_blu-ray_04_intense stare angry upset mad creep

Never letting that one go. Moving on.

So Sheriff Dewey is called on the scene and he knows, he just knows

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

So as Sheriff Dewey is looking around, one of his deputies calls him Sheriff Riley. And I was like Whaaaaaaat????? Dewey has a last name?

phil first name agent Avengers phil coulson tony stark pepper potts

Sorry. Back to the film.

So then we zoom to the high school were we have Hollywood’s version of high school students. You know horribly unrealistic and clichéd to the farthest ranges of the imagination. Because in Hollywood:

thats-how-its-done

Yep, enter super nerd who has a computer hooked up to his headphones so he can blog every moment of his life.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Really Wes? Have you been to a school and seen real nerds? They don’t dress like that or do that? I mean when Ned’s Declassified did the Nerd has camera/computer hooked up to their glasses they did it to spoof. They weren’t trying to portray the nerd/online/blogger culture. You fail. Big time.

Duh!

Duh!

So then we enter douche boy, Jill’s ex-boyfriend. I mean this is some serious deja vu as he ex is a total creep. I guess douche dating runs in the family.

Girl Please

So during homeroom, everyone’s cellphones buzz with the news. I’m just like, why wasn’t the school notified? When I was in high school we had two deaths. One was a car crash, the other an overdose and the teachers were all immediatey notified before the friends even found out. Same thing in college when a guy committed suicide, and another guy jumped off his balconey as he was high and had a bad trip. Although in college they sent emails and texts to the students, while in high school they told us.

At the bookstore, Sidney is reading an excerpt from her book when Sheriff Dewey comes marching in. He interrupts the signing as they are tracking the phone that placed the calls. They discover it in the back of Sidney’s rental, along with bloody handprints.

dun-dun-duuuun

Back at the station, Sheriff Dewey s dealing with a lot. Gale comes down as her old investigative spirit is still alive. She encounters a huge prob though. Dewey’s deputy, Deputy Judy, has a mondo crush on Dewey. But Gale, she’s not having any of that.

that girl is going after my man she is going to wish she was never born

I love that Gale is still kickin’ butt.

verbalbeatdown

So Sheriff Dewey decides to put Sidney on 24-hour police protection, and all I can think is do you remember what happend last time? Yeah, it did not end well.

ouch Hermione

You know what almost everyone in this film has drunk the kool-aid. I know that Wes wanted to provide a wide range of “suspects” (totally obvious Jill and Culkin brother/crazy film nerd guy). But he makes everyone seem CRAZY!!! Jill’s ex, the deputy, and that’s not all. Let’s add Sidney’s publicist who delights in the murders because it will sell more books. She actually hopes more will occur. And then we have Sidney’s aunt Kate. “Nobody cares about the fact that it was MY sister that was killed or what I’VE been going through.

Gilmore girls creep

So at this point in the film I’m starting to wonder what happened to Patrick Dempsey? AKA Detective Mark Kincaid. I guess he was too busy being a doctor or maid of honor. Let’s see…Yes to doctor, no to maid of honor. He was trying to protect a bank teller and working with Decepticons. I wish they had given us a clue as why they didn’t stay together. I liked Mark.

Later that evening, Sidney goes to talk to Jill and you know what..how come we have never heard of this aunt and niece before? I mean they have lived in the town their whole life and not once was concerned with Sidney? Like why didn’t she stay with her aunt when he dad was out of town? This Wes, is why you do not try and remake a good thing. Just leave well enough alone.

So Sidney goes in to talk to Jill and sees her creep ex climbing in her window trying to talk to her. He’s extra creepy and weird calling himself “the ninja”. Who nicknames themselves? He is also a total control freak and won’t listen to “no”. What a jerk.

jerk

That night Kirby comes over and she and Jill are watching scary movies. Kirby gets a call from Ghostface that he’s hiding in the closet. She decides to be stupid and looks around, finding no one. Like this guy KILLED people. Maybe you should CALL THE POLICE!!!!

Scream 2

The voice says that he never stated which closet he was in.

Now the house next door is Olivia’s who is home alone (of course). The police offered to walk her to her home but she refused and like the stupid caricatures they are, they agreed. I just realized that policeman in the Scream  films are pretty stupid. Dewey and Mark being the exception. I mean SHE RECIEVED A DEATH THREAT FROM GHOSTFACE EARLIER!!!! WHY IS NO ONE PROTECTING HER!!! So of course, Ghostface is in her closet and kills her.

Victim 6

Victim 6

And her friends just watch.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Seriously, they DO NOTHING BUT WATCH THEIR FRIEND GET SLICED APART. Scream! Call the police!!! Do something!!!!

Sid hears it and rushes over to help. Now Sid I love you, but couldn’t you have brought a weapon with you? How do you expect to save the girl if you have nothing. I mean come on, grab a bat, frying pan, knife, SOMETHING!!!

Sid does manage to take him down as she rules! But when the cops come he’s disappeared? Who is he Michael Myers? How does he move so fast? I mean they did the same thing in Scream 2.

Why weren’t the cops able to find him? WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK??? THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!!! CRAVEN YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN! IT’S LIKE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET ALL FREAKIN’ OVER AGAIN!!!

800__shadow_of_a_doubt_blu-ray_04_intense stare angry upset mad creep

Not happy, not happy at all

Gale seduces the two nerds to get them to help her. At first I thought it was funny, but the more I think about it, it’s creepy. I know on Cougar Town you are always with younger men, but this is a 47 year old woman hitting on 17 year olds.

ew! Gross Yuck

PR girl is the devil. I am sorry but the way she gushes about the killings, she needs help.

you're evil

So after she leaves from visiting Sidney in the hospital (minor cut) she runs into Ghostface and is killed.

Victim #7

Victim #7

Now to be honest its her own fault as she really shouldn’t be walking around at night by herself with a killer on the loose. And what’s really stupid was that she was by her car. Just get in and drive away, run him over. Instead she tries to run. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB. I mean come on, you were sitting inside the car! Why would you ever take off?

Girl Please

You know what I just realized. so far the killer has only murdered women. What’s up with that? In the other films it was always equal. How come you’re just killing women Wes? Huh? Why? You know what else? In every film we have couples who are murdered first. Scream– Steve and Casey, Scream 2– Boyfriend and Jada Pinket-Smith, & Scream 3– Cotton’s girlfriend and Cotton. But in this one its only been girls. There’s a formula!

But now, we only have females murdered. What happened Wes, did you have a woman break your heart so now you are releasing your anger on females?

And you know what’s really depressing about this film is that it lost everything. It isn’t a horror parody and a horror film at the same time; It’s just sad and boring. You can tell from the beginning who the killers are (Jill & Charlie [Culkin brother super nerd]). It’s just a recycled plot. A poorly recycled one too.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

I mean each previous Scream brought something new and fresh.

Scream

  1. Parody of the Horror film Genre while still being a great horror film
  2. Twist ending with two killers, and one being the boyfriend.
  3. Obsession with horror films and trying to create their own
  4. Revenge because his mother left.

Scream 2

  1. Parody of sequel films and horror sequels
  2. Debates issue if whether horror films turn people into killers
  3. Twist ending where you think it is the boyfriend murdering, but really ex’s mom
  4. Female serial killer

Scream 3

  1. Parody of trilogy films
  2. Twist ending with mother’s secret early life + half brother
  3. Single killer this time
  4. All the survivors end in a couple-Dewey & Gale, Mark & Sid

Scre4m

  1. Recycled plot
  2. Pop culture of the day inserted but it feels more like an old man trying to be “hip” and failing than avant-garde.
  3. They waited far too long to make this film. It should have come sooner.

So the next day Gale gets Sidney to come speak at the film club at the high school. In return for this, the two geek boys Charlie (the Culkin brother) and his friend blogger- headphones, Robbie, will help her out. Gale thinks the new Ghostface is copying the murders, but the nerd twins point out that it is a remake “as only remakes are being made these days.” Tru dat. In 2011 alone there was Silent House, Gnomeo & Juliet, The Green Hornet, The Roommate, The Mechanic, Just Go With It, Unknown, Jane Eyre, Winnie the Pooh, Arthur, X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian, Real Steel, Straw Dogs, The Thing, Footloose, The Muppets, and The Sitter.

The kids tell Gale & Sidney that if the killer wants to make it intense and new he is going to record the murders. That’s not new, it’s been happening for quite so time now. Just another ripoff.

They decide the next place he will strike is the annual Stab-a-thon. Now you have a killer running about and you refuse to stop your party? Definteky Charlie. He’s the killer. I mean come on, any smart person would be like nope, let’s stop this so people don’t die.

jerk_alert32

So a bunch of the kids dress up in Ghostface masks which is incredibly stupid. I mean you have a KILLER IN THE GHOSTFACE MASK? Why is everyone so STUPID.

Ugh

Ugh

Gale goes there just like in the first film and hooks up some “secret cameras”. The cameras get covered up and Gale calls Dewey before she goes into take care of them. Now the smart thing would be to just wait as it is obvious that Ghostface is the one doing it, but whatever! I mean like even if you feel like you HAVE  to go, why not be extra cautious and take a weapon! I mean, come on now people. She goes and is stabbed by the killer, however, she’s Gale so she just has to go to hospital. That’s cause Gale is awesome.

I just want this film to be over. It is that painful.

So I am liking nobody in this film. Like every character is crazy or stupid. The only exceptions are Gale, Sid, Dewey, and Aimee Teagarden’s character as she tried to run away. Even though I think Emma Roberts is the killer I want her to get stabbed so I won’t have to see her face again this film and hear her horrible acting voice.

Duh!

Duh!

So back at the house Sidney sees something outside. She goes to take a look at it instead of CALLING THE POLICE! Come on Sid, you’re better than that.

Stop stop it now!

So the cops outside Kate/Jill/Sid’s residence are all comedic and talking about movie cops. They say that cops are what you never want to be as they are always “getting it” in films. Uh, not true! What about Dirty Harry? Ain’t nobody taking down Clint Eastwood. Or what about Patrick Dempsey in Scream 3, I mean Wes you freakin’ made that film. Witness? Harrison Ford always dominates! Sidney Poitier In the Heat of the Night or They Call Me, Mr. Tibbs! Mark Wahlberg in The Departed? Die Hard?

Besides why would the black cop be worried that since he is a cop he’s going to killed? He’s got bigger worries, he’s a minority. He’s going to get killed for that. The only horror films I’ve ever seen where the minority doesn’t get killed first and makes it to the end would be Night of the Living Dead and Aliens vs. Predator.

They both get killed.

Victim #8 & 9

Victim #8 & 9

I was actually happy about that as they were annoying.

So someone in this film finally wises up, as Sid grabs a knife to protect her. Ghostface comes and attacks. Yawn! Knew it was going to happen. There is NOTHING original in this film, NOTHING!!!! Wes you have failed, fAILED FAILED FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!

So Kate also gets killed, she was stabbed through a door.

Victim #10

Victim #10

Yawn! Wes you already did that in Scream 2.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

Is it over yet? Is the film done yet? Boo. There’s still 30 mins left! UGH, UGH, BLEH! I would stop watching like a did with An American Werewolf in London, but I promised full reviews of every Scream film and I can’t go back on that.

So Sidney escapes. She starts to head next door to protect Jill.

Next door we have Jill, Kirby, Robbie, & Charlie watching horror films.

So why don’t any of these kids feel remorse for the murdered people? I mean in Scream the main characters weren’t close to Steve and Casey (except Stu) so I could see where it didn’t make the biggest impact. But Sid started feeling when it was Tatum, Dewey, Gale, etc. In Scream 2, the girl in the film class was sad about her friend that was murdered in the movie theater and everyone is heartbroken over Randy.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Then in Scream 3 Cotton’s death, and while the characters didn’t know the movie stars, they were still sad to see them killed. I mean Olivia was their friend as she was MURDERED!!! And you know how they react? Jill in her monotone voice is fine and doesn’t say anything. Kirby goes to the Stab-a-thon in sa freakin’ ghostface mask. A GHOSTFACE MASK! I mean your friend was MURDERED, MUREDERED! And you are wearing the thing that killer wore to murder to your friend. Something is wrong with you all.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

 And you know what, that is the problem with this film. In the other versions you believed the actors were the characters. You believed them. In this film every character except for the 3 survivors are so fake. They have any real emotions. They don’t have any real reactions. They are like robots or something.

metropolis-Robot

Why is everyone dumb in this movie? This movie is horrible and stupid! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! OMG! it’s LIKE HE WANTS TO MAKE A SUCKY VERSION OF AN AMAZING FILM! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY? WHY? WHO GAVE HIM THE MONEY. You all should be held accountable for this!!!!

Is this too crazy?

Is this too crazy?

This is film is a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

big mistake

So the group is hanging out. Trevor comes over as he says Jill invited him. She tells them that is impossible as her phone has been missing. Jill goes upstairs and Trevor follows her. While he is gone, Robbie gets drunk and heads outside for another blog post. When he does this we have the only real scare in the film. He runs into a plant. That’s it folks, so far the plant has been the most scariest and original thing in this travesty. And that’s not even that original.

Back inside, Kirby is trying to seduce Charlie in the most horrible and painful way. It hurt to watch this scene. It was awkward, it was stupid, and it would never happen that way in real life.

ouch Hermione

You know what I’m wondering now? Where are the parents? Come on now, is Jill the only one in town with a parent? They are completely absent! At least in Scream they explaned it. Casey’s parents were out having dinner. Mr. Prescott was going out of town. Mrs. Riley (Dewey & Tatum’s mom) is a single parent. Stu’s parents don’t care and are out of town all the time. Mr. Loomis works late hours and has recently become a single parent. I get that, although they should have done a better job. Scream 2, in college parents aren’t there., although I’m really surprised not one of them came down to check on their kids. Scream 3 all are adults. But these kids have no parents anywhere, nor do they give an explanation except for Olivia She mentions that her mom works late. Its like this whole film is in an alternate dimension where reality plays no part at all. I mean I know its a movie, but explain! Movie EXPLAIN!!!

So this film is far too predictable. You know Robbie who is hanging outside is going to be killed first, then Kirby, then Trevor, and then Charlie. It is soooo obvious.

This is horrible. Why am I watching this? Why?

So Robbie of course is killed, and too his shock as he thinks being gay will save him. I thought that was a weird thing to say. I mean, I can’t think of horror films where a gay person always survive. I mean technically he’s in the minority category and we all know that minorities hardly ever make it to the end of a horror film.

Victim #11

Victim #11

Before Kirby and Charlie could get it on, Trevor comes downstairs. He couldn’t find Jill upstairs. He and  Charlie head to the kitchen, leaving Kirby alone in the living room. Jill comes from downstairs, now how the heck was she there? (I mean obvs to me she’s the killer, but why doesn’t anyone else think that weird?) Sidney runs into the house to warn everyone. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF YOU HAD CALLED THE POLICE FOR BACKUP. Kirby goes down to the basement, while Jill and Sidney go upstairs. Jill hides under the bed.

I don't think so

That is the worse place to hide. Beds and  closets are always checked first.

Sidney comes down to the basement with Kirby and they see Charlie. He wants them to let him in, but Kirby is unsure whether or not she can trust him. Ghostface grabs him and ties him to a chair. Ghostface then calls Kirby.

scary movie mansfield park Scream

The two are going to play a game. Kirby wins, Charlie is free.

The Voice: I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching Stab, instead you get to live it.

Kirby Reed: No. No, no, no, no. He’s the expert. It’s not me.

The Voice: Warm up question: Jason’s weapon?

Kirby Reed: Uh,it’s a machete.

The Voice: There. You see? You do know the genre. Michael Myers?

Kirby Reed: Uh, butcher knife.

The Voice: Leatherface?

Kirby Reed: [crying] Chainsaw! Please!

The Voice: Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?

Kirby Reed: Razor-hands.

The Voice: Name the movie that started the slasher craze: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left or Psycho?

Kirby Reed: Psycho.

The Voice: None of the above! Peeping Tom, 1960, directed by Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the audience in the killer’s POV.

Kirby Reed: Wait. No, no, no. Please, just ask me one more question. Just one more.

The Voice: Alright, Kirby, then it’s time for your last chance. Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the vill…

Kirby Reed: Halloween, uh, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, uh, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When A Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, Piranha. It’s one of those, right? Right?

[silence]

Kirby Reed: I got it right. I was fucking right. [goes outside; unties Charlie] Don’t worry, Charlie. I f****** won. I won. He tried to beat me but I f****** won.

Charlie Walker:[holding knife] Kirby? This is is making a move! [stabs her] Four years of class together and you notice me now? You stupid b****! It’s too late! Shhh, I know. It doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.

[finishes stabbing her and drops her; runs away]

Yep Kirby is dead.

Victim #12

Victim #12

And Charlie was the killer. Totally obvious.

Duh!

Duh!

So deputy Judy comes into play as she discovers Kate’s body and the dead cops. She heads over to Kirby’s house to check on everyone. I still want to punch her crazy-obsessed with Dewey face.

dean_punching_supernatural

Does that make me a bad person?

So Sidney is being chased by Charlie and manages to escape him heading for the door. But Sid, don’t forget, except for Scream 3 there are always two killers. And as she heads for the door…boom Jill stabs her.

Now if Wes wanted to make this really unique. He should have down a group of female killers. It is rare, but does happen. Olivia, Kirby, and Jill. Or deputy Judy. She could be doing all these murders just so she could kill Gale and get Sheriff Dewey. Or he could have not tried making a remake. That would have been fantastic!.

So the two totally obvious killers start revealing the reasoning behind it. Jill was always jealous of her cousin’s fame. And as Emma Roberts…I mean Jill has no talent, she figures this is the quickest way to make her famous.

Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it? This has never been about killing you? It’s about becoming you. I mean, for f***’s sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just gotta have f***** up-s*** happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead, and let’s face it, your ingenue days, they’re over.

Charlie was her new boyfriend that was helping her do this. They plan to have Trevor take the fall for it, stabbing themselves, but shooting him to make it look like “self-defense”. Charlie is happy that the “geek will get the girl”, but Jill tells him sorry and kills him.

Victim #13

Victim #13

You know what I just realized. They never clean the knife. Ever. With all those kids having sex and the amount of diseases that abound, now all I can think is how they’ve been spreading so much to people. They’ve all probably got Chlamydia or something.

Also WHERE ARE THE POLICE!!!??? I mean deputy Judy was right next door!!!

So then Jill kills Trevor and Sidney.

Victim #14 &15

Victim #14 &15

After that she starts taking care of the evidence. Planting the knife/gun. Beating /mutilating herself. Even ripping hair out and putting it in Trevor’s hand.

When the police finally come, they discover her and name her the sole survivor. They cart her off to the hospital. In the hospital Dewey visit Jill, who is all smiles. I have to say nobody is freaked out by the fact she doesn’t care that her best friends, mother, and cousin have all been brutally murdered???!!! Someone ship her off to the psycho ward. That girl is crazy!

Certified Creepo Ribbon

Jill tells Dewey that maybe she and Gale can write about the murders as they have matching wounds. Dewey tells her that Sidney might be able to also help, as she is going to recover.

Say What

Yep, looks like we have Dial “M” for Murder all over again.

“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?

Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.

Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?

Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”

You can’t plan everything sweetheart.

So Jill gets out of her bed and charges down to ICU to get to Sidney.

I don't think so

That is impossible. There is no way she would be able to get across the hospital as they are jam packed with people. Especially ICU. Most ICU units actually are protected by some kind of card swipe or button so that only certain people can go in. There’s no way she’d be able to get to Sidney.

Girl Please

Dewey goes to see Gale, and as he mentions Jill’s comments they both realize that the information about her stabs were not released to the public. There is no way she could have known where Gale was stabbed, unless she had done it herself.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Dewey runs down to get to Sidney, and sees Jill trying to kill her. Sidney is doing a great job as she is Awesome!  Sid you rule! Jill does have an upper hand as she tries to hurt Sidney in her stab wounds. Dewey is trying to help, but gets knocked out by a bedpan. Gale and Deputy Judy also come in, but Jill stole Dewey’s gun and threatens killing Dewey to get Deputy Judy’s gun. After the gun is passed, she shoots Deputy Judy in the chest.

Victim #13

Victim #15

Jill is threatening all and planning on killing them but this is very stupid. She already framed Trevor and gave a statement. How is she going to explain the other dead bodies? Who can she pin the murder of Sidney, Gale, Deputy Judy, and Sheriff Dewey on. Not going to work.

Jill plans in killing Gale next, as Sidney’s wounds have reopened and she seems to be the lesser threat. She is about to when Sidney shocks her with the defibrillator.

Jill tries one last time, but Sid shoots her.

Gale-Randy-Billy-and-Sidney-scream-23148646-499-198

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Sid is awesome!! Best scene in the whole film. Yeah don’t mess with the original baby!!!! Yeah!!! But its not over. What about deputy Judy

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

She’s alive! She was wearing a bulletproof vest. In the end the body count ends at 15.

Victim #13

Victim #15

And Wes I only have one thing to say to you

Over You

So this ends our Screamtastic Saturdays kind of on a bad note, but don’t blame me. I didn’t make this film. Wes did.

2011Scre4m

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

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For more on the Scream series, go to All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bets are Off

For more modern remakes, go to Keep Clear of the Moor. Beware the Moon

For more serial killers, go to But the Book, It Will Never Close…

For more slasher films, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?

For more on Wes Craven, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bets are Off: Scream 3 (2000)

Scream3_ver2

What do you know about trilogies? You mean like movie trilogies…Well, all I know about trilogies is that in the third one, all bets are off.

So welcome to another Scream-tastic Saturday! (For the previous Saturdays, go to Scream and Scream 2)

Scream-Casey-Becker-drew-barrymore-31896958-2560-1088

Yep the third installment in this now trilogy, Scream 3.

While this was a great horror parody, it wasn’t my favorite of the three. I thought it was okay, as it had Patrick Dempsey, but didn’t like how it was missing one of the best characters: Randy.

Randy

So this one is a complete throw out of left field, as it is the third film. This time we have the secret backstory that changes all that was ever given to us in the first two.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

In fact Wes Craven actually filmed three different endings and didn’t tell the cast which one he was going to use. It was one big surprise.

Scream 3 takes place three years after Scream 2. If you recall from Scream 2, Cotton Weary is exonerated and Sidney agreed to do that interview with him. Well, that really helped as now Cotton hosts his own nationally syndicated talk show, called 100% Cotton.

hold-up-wait-a-minute-let-me-put-some-pimpin-in-it

That’s really the name they went with? I know its catchy, but it sounds more like an underwear commercial than a real show.

felix_the_cat_laughing

Anyways, back to the plot. He gets a phone call that starts out benign, but then quickly turns deadly.

Look at that smile!

Cotton Weary: Who’s this?

Female Caller: Who’s this?

Cotton Weary: Who are you calling?

Female Caller: Oh, you know what, I’ve got the wrong number.

Cotton Weary: That’s okay.

Female Caller: Wait, your voice. You sound a lot like that guy on TV, uh, Cotton Weary.

Cotton Weary: I do huh?

Female Caller: Yeah, I think he’s got a really sexy voice.

Cotton Weary: [laughs] Okay, well, thank you.

Female Caller: Wait a minute. You are Cotton, aren’t you? Oh my God, I am talking to Cotton Weary.

Cotton Weary: [laugh] You caught me. Listen can you hold on for a minute? I got someone on the other line.

Female Caller: Yeah…

Cotton Weary: Hold on.

Cotton Weary: [switches to car phone] Andrea, I got someone on the other line. I’ll have to call you back [switches back to cell phone] So… you a 100% Cotton fan?

Female Caller: Yeah, 110%.

Cotton Weary: [chuckle] That’s very good. So, uh… Why don’t you tell me your name?

Female Caller: Ooh, you’re a naughty boy, Cotton. Now, what would your girlfriend think?

Cotton Weary: What makes you think I have a girlfriend?

Phone Voice: [click] I know you do. I’m right outside her bathroom door. She’s in the shower. She’s got a nice little… voice. Let’s go in for a closer look. Ooh, she’s very, very pretty, Cotton. A step up from Maureen Prescott. Speaking of which, let’s play a game. Answer right, your girlfriend lives, answer wrong she dies. Where’s Maureen’s daughter, Sidney?

Cotton Weary: Who the f*** is this?

Phone Voice: Someone who would kill to know where Sidney Prescott is. You’ve got connections. One chance, Cotton. Where is she?

Cotton Weary: Listen to me, you son of a b****, if you touch Christine, I’ll f****** kill you.

Phone Voice: Wrong answer! [click; dead line]

LOL Cotton and Cotton

LOL Cotton and Cotton 100% Cotton

Cotton rushes home to try and reach his girlfriend.

Now Christine the girlfriend is pretty stupid. She doesn’t lock her bathroom when she takes a shower? Who does that? Everyone does!

Ren Stevens: What? Honey, you're chased by six mutants, and you just decided to take a shower?

Ren Stevens: What? Honey, you’re chased by six mutants, and you just decided to take a shower?

Pretty much she gets killed, Psycho-style.

Psycho-Shower

Making her

Victim #1

Victim #1

Ghostface attacks!

Ghostface attacks!

Cotton is soon to follow.

Victim #2

Victim #2

Now that begs the question, where is Sidney? What happened to her?

Suspense have to know

So Sidney had a major breakdown and faced a lot of changes since the last film. Let’s review. She had a killer target her again. She thought it might be her boyfriend. She watched her best friend die. She watched her boyfriend die. Someone who she thought was her friend, turned out to be a “sleeper agent” and tried to murder her. She almost died.

ouch Hermione

Yeah…that’s a lot to deal with a lot.

I don't know what to do

In fact, so much to deal with that Sidney has moved very, very far away to a secluded spot and only a handful have an idea of where she is. What she does for a living is work with a suicide prevention hotline. She gets one call a day. Today’s call isn’t the usual…its THE caller.

When-a-Stranger-Calls-s01

When a Stranger Calls

She hears about what happened to Cotton and realizes, it’s happening again.

scream 2 start again

Currently in Hollywood they are creating another Stab film, Stab 3, based on the true events of Scream 2. Cotton was one of the producers, so the cops have been checking it out. One cop is Mark Kincaid, played by Patrick Dempsey. In fact just like Mark Wahlberg in The Lovely Bones, Dempsey was hired the night before and had to figure the character out without any real ideas of the script. Anyways, Kincaid has been using Gale Weathers for background info as they found a photo of Sidney’s mother Maureen at the crime scene. Gale journeys out to Hollywood and when she gets there she discovers Dewey is there. Yep, the two broke up as Dewey didn’t like how she treats people. He is working as a consultant for the film, and dating the actress playing Gale Weathers that looks just like her, Jennifer Jolie.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

 Meanwhile on the set of Stab 3, one of the blond bimbos enters an office looking for someone and gets murdered.

Victim #3

Victim #3

Yep, this killer wastes very little time as later at Jennifer Jolie’s house her bodyguard gets a phone call and is murdered by ghostface.

Victim #4

Victim #4

The bodies are just dropping like flies. I wasn’t going to post this, but I feel like I can’t go any farther as this song is running through my brain nonstop.

To add to the intensity of this particular Ghostface is that he then blows up Jennifer Jolie’s house

OMG

The killer tries to attack Gale, but Dewey saves her by shooting at him.

Meanwhile, Sidney’s back. The attacks and calls encouraged her to come back and help find the killer. She and Mark clash at first a bit.

Sidney: What do you know about trilogies?

Mark: You mean like movie trilogies?

Sidney: You seem to like movies, Detective.

Mark: Call me “Mark”, will you? ‘Cause I’m gonna keep calling you Sidney.

Sidney: I’ll call you “Mark” when you catch the killer, Detective.

Mark: Well, all I know about trilogies is that in the third one, all bets are off.

Sidney: Did you request this case?

Mark: No. They tend to put me on the ones that deal with the business. I grew up here and I know my way around the studios.

Sidney: Must be exciting. Beautiful place, beautiful people.

Mark: To me, Hollywood is about death.

Sidney: Excuse me?

Mark: I’m a homicide cop. When you see what I see day in and day out, the violence that people do to each other, you get haunted. I think you know about that.

Sidney: What do you mean?

Mark: I know what it’s like to see ghosts that don’t go away, to be watching a scary movie in your head, whether you want to or not, watching it alone.

Sidney: Ghosts are tough. You can’t shoot ghosts.

Mark: Can’t arrest ghosts. But the trick to keep from getting haunted is to be with people. You’re here, you’re not in hiding. You’ve done the right thing… Miss Prescott. What did you know about your Mother?

Sidney: I always thought I had the perfect Mom, the perfect family until I found out I was wrong. She had a secret life and I tried to understand that. And… soon as I thought… then I had more secrets. I don’t know who my Mom was.

Mark: You knew who she was to you. Here’s the deal: I’m off to search the set. I think that what you saw is real. That’s the good news.

Sidney: How’s that good news?

Mark: Because it means that we are dealing with a flesh and blood killer, and I know how to handle guys like that.

Sidney: Oh, yeah. How?

Mark: Catch him or kill him.

Sidney: Hey, Detective? What’s your favorite scary movie?

Mark: My life.

Sidney: Mine, too.”

And that brings up a very interesting concept. What are the rules for a trilogy? How should we do this? Last time we had Randy to lead us, but now what are we going to do? Poor Randy! Best character ever! Oh, Randy! Randy nooooooooo!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

So what Craven decided to do is to bring Randy into the film via video recording.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

That’s how you gonna do it? That’s it? That’s really it?

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

 

The original idea was to have Randy survive the stabbing in Scream 2, his family having rescued him secretly. This was ultimately deemed to be too far-fetched so Randy was resurrected via a post-mortem video appearance instead. They knew they had to bring him back as the fans loved him. In fact Wes Craven got a ton of hate mail for killing off Randy, and thought this would appease the fans. Yeah you dunderheads, you made a big mistake.

big mistake

Well you know what would have been an even better idea? NOT KILLING HIM!!!!!!!!

Mhm great gatsby

So here we go. Rules for a trilogy.

So Gale is eager to do some investigative reporting and finds herself being followed by Jennifer Jolie. Jolie wants to really “get into” her role. Great for Jolie, bad for Gale.

Ugh

Ugh

I’m sure she would rather be punched in the face by Sidney.

Scream-Punch

So they go down to the archives and we have the funniest scene in the whole film.

Sidney also gets attacked by the killer.

Scream

She gets away and goes down to police headquarters to make a statement. At this point in time Sidney discovers that Mark Kincaid has a lot of newspaper clips and info on her. It creeps her out and makes her wonder whether or not he is the killer.

Scream 2 Doubts

But it turns out her story and survival had intrigued him and he fell for her. Just like Det. Lt. Mark McPherson in Laura (1944). Which causes this earlier statement to make a lot more sense.

“Mark: I’m gonna talk to the studio guys about those photos.

Detective Wallace: Yeah right, I know where you’re going.

Mark: Yeah keep an eye on Sidney.

Detective Wallace: I know where you’re going, you’re gonna get her some flowers and candy, right? Huh?

Mark: Gimme a break!”

You're_in_love_with_her

The main producer of the film, John Milton, invites everyone over for a cast party at his house. Unfortunately, they have been dragged to that house for one reason alone, the killer is going to kill them all!

dun-dun-duuuun

Time to prepare yourself.

Sidney in the parlor with a candlestick

Sidney in the parlor with a candlestick

Now this is where the bodies really start hitting the floor.

Dewey and Gale discover the film’s director, Roman, stuffed in a chest.

Victim #5

Victim #5

Angeline, an actress, runs off and is murdered.

Victim #6

Victim #6

Then Tyson (another actor)

Victim #7

Victim #7

And Jennifer

Victim #8

Victim #8

The killer then attacks Gale and Dewey, knocking them out and tying them up. In a surprising twist, Ghostface doesn’t murder them but uses them to bait Sidney to the house.

Sidney shoots him, but he ends up escaping. Kincaid comes in to save the day, but gets knocked out by the killer. The killer then chases Sidney and reveals himself to be Roman.

Say What

Yep he had faked his own death. Now you may be wondering why would a famous film director want to murder Sidney Prescott? Well it turns out that he is Maureen’s illegitimate son.

dun-dun-duuuun

This is actually radically different than any of the other Scream films. All the others have two killers; Scream-Billy & Stu, Scream 2-Mrs. Loomis & Mickey, Scream 4 had two but I won’t reveal until next week. Now the reason that this film had only one was that it was supposed to be the last film. That is until Wes got greedy and made the atrocity Scream 4 which I will review next week.

So know not only do we have the villain monologue, but the big reveal.

Phone Voice: You’re not going anywhere Sidney. It’s time you came to terms with me, and with mother. Maybe you never knew her at all Sidney… maybe you just can’t get past the surface of things.

Sidney: Who the hell are you?

Phone Voice: The other half of you. I searched for a mother too, an actress named “Reena Reynolds” tried to find her my whole LIFE, and four years ago I actually tracked her down. Knocked at her door thinking she’d welcome me with open arms, but she had a new life and a new name, Maureen Prescott! You were the only child she claimed Sidney. She shut me out into the cold forever! Her own son [takes off mask to reveal he is Roman Bridger] Roman Bridger, director, and brother. She slammed the door in my face, Sid. She said I was “Reena’s” child and Reena was dead… and then it struck me. What a good idea, so I watched her. I made a little movie, a little family film. Seems Maureen…”Mom”… she really got around. I mean Cotton was one thing; everybody knew about that. But Billy’s father – that was the key. Your boyfriend didn’t like seeing his daddy in my film too much. He didn’t like it at all. And once I supplied the motivation… all the kid needed was a few pointers. Have a partner to sell out incase you got caught, find someone to frame, it was like he was making a movie.

Sidney: You… this is all because of you.

Roman: I’m a director Sid, I direct.

Sidney: Ah.

Roman: I had no idea, that they were gonna make a film of their own. I mean intoducing Sidney the victim, Sidney the survivor, SIDNEY THE STAR!

He also reveals that John the producer raped Maureen, and Roman was their child. He kills John for revenge, bringing the body count to

Victim #8

Victim #8

Sidney is just tired of this.

boohoo_zps058c9fe1

Tired of hearing another killer blaming the circumstances of their life on her. Sidney berates Roman who gets angered enough to attack her leading to a fight. Roman manages to gain the upper hand but a distraction by Kincaid allows Sidney to grab his knife. He takes Kincaid’s gun and shoots her.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

However, it turns out that she is wearing a bulletproof vest. She uses the knife and stabs him several times in the back and heart. Dewey takes his gun and shoots him several times, making sure he gets in a headshot.

Gale-Randy-Billy-and-Sidney-scream-23148646-499-198

The four-Gale, Dewey, Kincaid, and Sidney head out to her secluded mountain home. There Dewey proposes to Gale, by carving out her book and placing the ring inside. Now I know this is “romantic”, but to me it sounds horrible. You just destroyed a book!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Sidney also starts a relationship with Kincaid, and it ends on a happy note. At last it is all over.

hereIgoagainWhitesnake

That is until this horrible thing comes up:

Scream-4-Intl-3

Well that was Scream 3. Tune in next week for the final chapter.

2000Scream-3

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to Tuesday the 17th

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For more on the Scream Franchise, check out It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?

For more trilogies, go to Life Finds a Way

For more on serial killers, go to You Think You Know Something, Don’t You?

For more horror parodies, go to A Deliciously Creepy Tale

For more on slasher films, go to Hello? Is There a Killer in My Kitchen?

For more on Patrick Dempsey, go to I Don’t Dance or Sing, Except When I’m With You

For more on Wes Craven, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

For more on Whitesnake, go to Here I Go Again

For more of my fav songs, go to Rock You Like a Hurricane 

Even a Man Pure of Heart: The Wolf Man (1941)

the wolf man

“Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.” 

This is such an amazing film as the story is excellent, the acting superb (Lon Chaney Jr. + Claude Rains). It is also a member of Universal’s Classic Monster Movie Collection, its buddies being The Phantom of the OperaFrankenstein,  The Bride of FrankensteinThe MummyDracula, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, etc. And this post means that I have finally, finally finished the list I set out to complete two years ago.

But what really makes this a spectacular film is that many of the modern myths of werewolves were originated in this film: such as a person becoming a werewolf through a bite; the only way to kill a werewolf is with a silver bullet; and changing into one during a full moon. These are all original concepts created by writer Curt Siodmak. Isn’t that amazing! Like The Mummy and The Creature from the Black Lagoon this film isn’t based on a book or any specific resource, which allowed the writers a lot of leeway in their work and creations.

So this isn’t the first werewolf film, as that was The Werewolf of London, which actually did rather poorly in theaters. This was the second werewolf horror film to be made and become the most famous. All the later depictions such as: The Howling, An American Werewolf in London, I Was a Teenage Werewolf, Van Helsing, The Wolfman (2010), etc.looked to it in creating their stories.

So the film was originally written for Boris Karloff, but he turned it down. And although I love that man [read my The Mummy (1932), Frankensteinor The Bride of Frankenstein post] I can’t imagine this film being as amazing with him as the title role. Lon Chaney Jr. was just superb. Lon Chaney Jr, was the son of the famous Lon Chaney (who I talk about in my Phantom of the Opera post) and interestingly the set that was used to film this movie was the same used for The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923) which starred Lon Chaney Jr.’s  father, Lon Chaney.

Unlike other films, The Wolf Man is the only Universal monster to be played by the same actor in all his 1940s film appearances; Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man (1943), House of Frankenstein (1944), House of Dracula (1945), and  Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948).

Now I love this movie and story but it is soooo sad as well. Here is a wonderful man pure of heart, who has the unfortunate luck of being bitten by a werewolf and can’t do anything to stop it. Unlike modern movies where the person can control it, change at will, etc; in the original when the man transformed into a wolf he literally transformed into becoming a beast and losing all his humanistic thought, reasoning, etc.

wolfman

So the film starts out with Lon Chaney Jr. as Lawrence Talbot returning home.

Look at this sweetheart

Look at this sweetheart

His older brother has died, and as he is the second son he will now inherit everything–money, title, family home, etc. More importantly, after the realization that his brother is no longer, Lawrence AKA Larry, is eager to rebuild his relationship with his father. They had previously parted on not the best terms (he wanted to be an engineer his father wanted him to be something else. He decided to run away to California, against his father’s wishes).

Larry reacquaints himself with the village, taking a deep interest in a particular shopkeeper, Gwen Conliffe, who is unfortunately engaged. However, she is equally interested and as Larry buys a silver-wolf handled cane the two make a date to meet up later that night and visit the gypsies that are camping nearby.

Lon-Chaney-Jr-The-Wolf-Man-1941-acting-16369193-325-217

  That night Larry meets up with Gwen and her friend Jenny. The three make off to the gypsies passing some wolfsbane along the way. Both girls repeat the old gypsy folklore about wolfsbane:

Even a man who is pure in heart

and says his prayers by night

may become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms

and the autumn moon is bright

Now what is really interesting about this old piece of folklore is that it isn’t that old. This quote has been thought to be an Eastern European folk saying, but Siodmak admits that he was the one who made it up. Even though that might be true, it went  down in film history becoming a part of almost every future Werewolf film and recited in every future Universal film appearance of the Wolf Man. [It is quoted by Van Helsing, but one of the lines was changed to “The moon is shining bright” instead of “The autumn moon is bright“]

Meanwhile, in the gypsy camp one of them has a terrible secret. Bela, played by Bela Lugosi, is actually a werewolf and hiding it from everyone.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

When the group gets to the gypsy camp and have their fortunes read, Bela sees the pentagram on Jenny’s hand and knows that she’s next for death.

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

 

Bela runs off and the trio start walking home. Soon Jenny is attacked by a wolf and Larry tries to save her. He wrestles with the wolf and kills it by braining it with his cane. (It being silver can kill it) Unfortunately, he couldn’t save Jenny and during the battle, he ended up getting bit…

dun-dun-duuuun

Making him the next werewolf.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The next day the constable comes to visit, causing Larry to second guess himself as they found a dead Bela instead of a wolf!

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They found Bela beat in the head, and Larry’s silver cane matches perfectly as the weapon.

Col. Paul Montford, chief constable: [showing Larry’s stick to him] Is this your walking stick?

Larry Talbot: Why, yes. That’s the stick I killed the wolf with.

[Sir John Talbot and Col. Montford look at Larry with great concern]

Sir John Talbot: Larry, Bela the gypsy was killed last night. Your walking stick was found next to the body.

Larry Talbot: You mean, Bela the fortune teller? But… I only saw a wolf.

Larry is completely confused as he knows that it was a wolf. And how does that explain the murder of Jenny? Which was done by a wolf? The constable tells him he is still investigating as he really doesn’t want to arrest the Lord’s son, especially since there are so many questions. He ultimately deems the incident an accident.

Larry on the other hand is extremely puzzled. Could he have killed Bela? But he saw a wolf he was bit by one. Except the mark can not be found!

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Larry needs answers and decides he will go see the Gypsy woman and not only apologize for her son’s death but ask her what is going on! Gwen and her fiancé Frank go with him.

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The gypsy woman, Maleva reveals that he did kill a wolf–a werewolf. Her son Bela was a werewolf and the only thing that could kill him was silver, silver like the silver on his cane.

Maleva: You killed the wolf.

Larry Talbot: Well, there’s no crime in that is there?

Maleva: The wolf was Bela.

Larry Talbot: You think I don’t know the difference between a wolf and a man?

Maleva: Bela turned into a wolf and you killed him. A werewolf can only be killed by a silver bullet, or a silver knife…[looks down at Larry’s walking stick]…or a stick with a silver handle.

Larry Talbot: You’re insane! I tell you, I killed a wolf! A PLAIN, ORDINARY WOLF!!!

Maleva: Whoever is bitten by a werewolf and lives becomes a werewolf himself.

Larry Talbot: Ah, don’t hand me that. You’re just wasting your time.

Maleva: The wolf bit you, didn’t he?

Larry Talbot: Yeah. Yeah he did!

Maleva: [Larry shows Maleva his chest wound concealed under his shirt] Go now – and heaven help you!”

 

Larry of course doesn’t believe her and leaves. That night he transforms into the WEREWOLF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now the transformation was laborious. The makeup took six hours and was the design by  Jack Pierce  for Henry Hull in Werewolf of London Hull had rejected it as he didn’t like how long the process would be to apply it. Chaney Jr. claimed he had to sit motionless for hours as the scenes were shot frame by frame. Pierce used grease paint, a rubber snout, wigs, and glued layers of yak hair to Chaney Jr.’s face. Larry’s dissolve transformation on screen only took seconds, while in actuality it took almost ten hours as they had to keep reapplying layers for the changing fur.

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That night the Wolf Man attacks a grave-digger, Richardson.

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The constable and the Doctor finds his ravaged body and wolf tracks.

Meanwhile, Larry finds himself in bed with wolf tracks all around and has finally decided that the gypsy women must be telling him the truth. He talks to his father who just thinks that he is in shock and doesn’t take any of the “werewolf nonsense” seriously. He even calls the doctor who deems it just a mild form of hysteria.

The Constable and doctor prepare the woods to catch the wolf so that it doesn’t kill another person. The night Larry as the Wolf Man steps in one of the traps and gets caught. Luckily the Gypsy woman frees him, as she had  felt sorry for his predicament.

Larry transforms back into a human and asks the Gypsy woman and for help. She gives him a charm that will protect him from turning into a werewolf and warns him not to give the charm to ANYONE ELSE AS IT WON’T WORK FOR ANYONE ELSE!

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He then runs off to see Gwen to tell her that he is leaving. He knows he has killed the others and doesn’t want to hurt anyone else.

“Larry Talbot: You wouldn’t wanna run away with a murderer wouldja?

Gwen Conliffe: Oh Larry, you’re not. You know you’re not.

Larry Talbot: I killed Bela. I killed Richardson. If I stay here any longer, you can’t tell who’ll be next.”

Gwen tries to get him to take her with him as she loves him, but Larry sees the mark of the pentagram on her hand and tells her he can’t. Instead he gives her the charm. YES THE CHARM  THAT IS ONLY SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HIM! Really Larry? REALLY??????!!!!!!

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YOU ARE MAKING THE  SAME FREAKIN’ MISTAKE THAT EVERY OTHER MONSTER FILM HERO DOES!

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DID YOU NOT HEAR THE WOMAN EARLIER? SHE SAID IT WILL WORK ONLY FOR YOU! ONLY FOR YOU!! ONLY YOU!!! YOU KEEP IT! What’s the point of going to a gypsy for help if you ARE NOT GOING TO LISTEN????!!!!!!! I mean this is such a classic mistake made by these men in these horror films. In Dracula, he gives the girl the cross charm that is supposed to protect only him, and then gets knocked out and is unable to keep her from being kidnapped. In The Mummy, he gives the girl the charm that is only supposed to protect him, and it doesn’t work for her. Instead Imohtep knocks him out and takes the girl anyway. MORAL OF THESE STORIES, KEEP THE DANG CHARM!!! DON’T GIVE IT AWAY!!! Alright! So if any of you are given a protective charm you freakin’ keep it!!! YOU HEAR ME????!!!!

And now that I got that little rant out of my system, let’s get back to the story.

So Larry goes to see his father and asks him to lock him up; tie him up in a chair, lock the door, etc and to go far, far, away as he doesn’t want him to be hurt. He also gives his father his silver cane as he knows that it will protect him.

Now this is why I hate modern interpretations of werewolves, except for The Wolfman (2010), as they never capture this aspect of the story. Here is a good man who has become evil, but he doesn’t want to be evil. It wasn’t like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in which Dr. Jekyll made a choice, or even The Phantom of the Opera where he suffered such horrible things and had a complete snap and broke down. This was a good man who wanted to fix bad things in his life but the timing was off and he too is caught up in the evil. Modern interpretations also never cover the heartbreaking scene as this with his dad. He knows he can’t control the evil and the last thing he does is try to protect the ones he loves, first Gwen and then his father. The most emotional is the scene with his father, as here is a man he has been fighting with, had a horrible relationship, but you see in this moment how much love he has for his father. He gives him the cane as he wants his father to be safe, no matter what. And you see how much his father loves him by taking the cane, even though he thinks Larry is delusional.

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Gwen is worried about Larry and goes looking for him, running into the woods even though the Gypsy warns her not to. I mean seriously, why don’t we listen to the Gypsies? They are gypsies, they know stuff.

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So Gwen runs out and into Larry, who has escaped from his room. But instead of the sweet, adorable, loving Larry we are confronted by the horrible beast.

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But before the werewolf can do anything, Sir John comes and hits him with the cane, killing him.

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The constable and doctor presume that Larry was killed trying to save Gwen, but Sir John knows the truth and now is left alone and has to bury his other son.

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Maleva: The way you walked was thorny though no fault of your own, but as the rain enters the soil, the river enters the sea, so tears run to a predestined end. Now you will have peace for eternity.”

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Yep. I have to say that this is one of my all-time favorite horror films. Although it makes me want to cry every time. 

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So that was our kick-off piece. Stay tuned for many more wonderful pieces to come!

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For more on The Wolf Man (1941), go to Pink Elephants

For more on werewolves, go to A Halloween Hello from the Austen Men

For more monster movies, go to They’re Coming to Get You Barbara

For more on Claude Rains, go to Universal’s Classic Monster Movies

For more on Bela Lugosi, go to I Bid You Welcome

For more films that spanned countless sequels and remakes, go to Everyones Entitled to One Good Scare

At the End of the Rainbow: 17 More Irish Heroes

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

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“Those Irish men and women…[who’s] rich vitality and culture they brought with them. Britain, the U.S. and many commonwealth countries are richer for their presence.”   –Tony Blair

So I picked seventeen of my favorite Irish characters from film, TV, and books. I had to get a little more creative as I used up a lot of my all time favs last year. Next year I might have to do only seven. So they mostly turned out to be cops, but I swear I didn’t plan that, it just kinda happened. Hope you enjoy! 🙂

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17) Irish National Quidditch Team from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter is about to start his fourth year at Hogwarts, but before the term starts he will be joining the Weasleys and Hermione Granger at the Quidditch World Cup to see Ireland vs. Bulgaria. While there, Voldemort’s followers come and fire the Dark Mark into the sky, signaling that Voldemort will return soon. At Hogwarts, they are hosting the Triwizard Tournament, however, only those over 17 will be allowed to enter. The Goblet of Fire ends up choosing  Fleur DelacourViktor Krum, and Cedric Diggory to compete in the tournament. But to everyone’s surprise, the cup chooses a fourth name, Harry Potter. The four compete in many tasks, surmounting in the final course, conquering a maze. There they discover that the Champion cup is a Portkey that takes them to Voldemort and allows him to begin his evil plan.

Why they are awesome:

First of all, let me just say that I LOVED this book. The movie was so-so, but the book was amazing. Anyways, so the Irish Quidditch team is super cool. They were up against Krum, who is pretty tough, the Bulgarian Veela and still managed to make it out on top. They didn’t catch the snitch but were able to still win with a score of  170-160. Pretty sweet.

For more on Harry Potter check out Even After All This Time

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16) Greta Conroy from  The Dead

The Dead is by James Joyce and about an Irish family and friends celebrating Epiphany. Three spinsters, Aunt Julia, Aunt Kate, and Mary Jane are hosting a party. Gabriel, the nephew and one of the main characters, attends the party with his wife Greta but rejects his Irishness, wanting to be more British and his ideas clash with the others at the party.

Why Greta is Awesome:

Greta is awesome because she has to put up with a lot having a husband like Gabriel. He doesn’t want to visit West Ireland were she is from, tries to force all these modern ideas upon her and the family; etc. But Greta, while she compromises at times, as that is crucial to every relationship, she doesn’t always give in. She sticks to her guns if it is something she really cares about. Greta also lost the boy she loved when she was young, and has persevered through that pain all the years. She married and move on with her life, no one ever knowing about the travesty in her past. A real warrior, she is.

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Freddy The Dead

15) Freddy Malins from  The Dead

The Dead is by James Joyce and about an Irish family and friends celebrating Epiphany. Three spinsters, Aunt Julia, Aunt Kate, and Mary Jane are hosting a party. Gabriel, the nephew and one of the main character, attends the party with his wife Greta but rejects his Irishness, wanting to be more British and his ideas clash with the others at the party.

Why Freddy is Awesome:

Now when we are first presented Freddy, he seems like the fullfillment of the Irish stereotype. He is slovenly and drunk, but as we see more of him, you find out that there is much more to him then meets the eye. (Plus his mom is always ragging on him and saying he is a horrible, stupid person. I think she would drive anyone to drink.) Joyce purposely had Freddy be the stereotype, so that when he revealed more of who he was it would make you refrain from making rash judgements and make his character of being kind and caring even more surprising. When Aunt Julia, retired singer, performs and doesn’t do that well, he immediately jumps up and compliments her. When everyone is saying bad things about the Irish opera singers and such, he pips up and not only praises them but the African-American singer. Kudos to Freddy always speaking his mind and being adorable.

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14) Gerald O’Hara from Gone With the Wind

Gone With the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell, is the story of a Southern family that goes through some radical changes from the Antebellum period, to the Civil War, and the Reconstruction era. At the heart of all this chaos is the story of the beautiful, ruthless Scarlett ‘O’ Hara and the dashing soldier of fortune, Rhett Butler.

Why Mr. O’Hara is awesome:

Now I know a lot of people hate this movie, but trust me the book is much better. You really get a better sense of the characters and really understand their motivations and what in the past made them who they are.

So in the movie we don’t get much of the dad. We see a bit of him in the beginning and then when he goes crazy from grief and loss of his wife. But in the book he was pretty cool. Back in Ireland he was a part of a Catholic Emancipation group, like the Ribbonmen or such. He has to flee Ireland because of his illegal activities. He comes over to America who works with his brother in his store, but decides that he wants to have more. He wants to be one of higher position and actually does it. Pretty sweet for any immigrant. He wins the plantation in a poker game and builds it up, creating a vast fortune. He tries to marry, but isn’t completely ingrained in Southern society. They like him but don’t “know his family”, you know how people were. So he goes back to his brother so that he can find someone, and falls for the beautiful Ellen, from a very old, established family. Everyone tells him he’s stupid for thinking that he could ever win her heart, but he does. (Her heart being broken from her cousin does help the situation). O’Hara is pretty cool; political activist sticking it to the man, self-made millionaire, and won the heart of the prom queen equivalent; daddy O’Hara is one amazing guy.

For more on Gone With the Wind, go to My Favorite Movie Lines

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13) Michael Hagarty from “Widow, Weep for Me” Murder She Wrote

Jessica Fletcher goes undercover at a Caribbean resort to discover who murdered her friend. When she gets there she finds sand, sun, and plenty of suspects.

Why Michael is Awesome:

Michael is an ex-MI5 agent and has a colorful past. He is debonair, great in a crisis, handsome, and has an amazing accent. 🙂 He is a great character that helps Jessica catch the real killer. He’s the type of guy you’d always want on your side (crack shot, safe cracker, etc) and to date. It’s the accent and lethal skills. 😉

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12) Lily the maid from The Dead

The Dead is by James Joyce and about an Irish family and friends celebrating Epiphany. Three spinsters, Aunt Julia, Aunt Kate, and Mary Jane are hosting the party. Gabriel, the nephew and one of the main character, rejects his Irishness and clashes with others at the party.

Why Lily is Awesome:

We only get a small glimpse of Lily in the book and film, but what we see of her is awesome. Lily is a modern woman, not one to be subservient in spirit. The aunts are starting to dislike her as she is no longer as malleable as she was, but more opinionated. Besides, I love her snarky remark when Gabriel suggests that she will be marrying soon; “the men that is now is only all palaver and what they can get out of you.” Gabriel is shocked at her for saying such things, but Lily just tells it like it is.

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11) Connor McGuire from A Passion Most Pure

Connor McGuire is a total bad boy. After his father died, Connor turned away from the life he was living only focusing on himself and pleasure. He goes after Charity O’ Connor, but finds himself falling for her older sister Faith, even though he doesn’t agree with her faith. Connor finds his life being changed by the O’Connor clan, Faith and WWI.

Why Connor is awesome:

While originally Connor was a class A jerk, (on par with Glenn from The Wedding Singer) later on he changes his life and becomes an extremely endearing man. Faith and his war buddy Brady’s faith really infect Connor and makes him reevaluate his life. He becomes a better person, adding to his attractiveness. When he reenters Faith’s life, instead of trying to freak her out or hurt her, like before, he only cares about making her happy. He knows that she is getting married, and keeps his distance from her, only caring for her happiness. Of course, in the end, the two get together as they are perfect for each other.

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Shawn Spencer

10)Shawn Spencer from Psych

Shawn Spencer has been trained by his dad to cultivate his photographic memory to become super observant, analytical, etc; all in his efforts to create the perfect cop. However, Shawn  resists his father and rebels against him. Eventually to escape being imprisoned for knowing too much about recent crimes and figuring out who the perpetrator’s are, he lies to the Santa Barbara Police Department, saying he is a psychic. He then finds himself working alongside the cops; particularly head detective, Carlton Lassitar, and his partner Juliet O’Hara.

Why Shawn is awesome:

Shawn can be a jerk, childish, selfish, and a bit whiney at times; but all in all he is one pretty cool guy. He may be a goofball, but he is also highly intelligent, passing the detective test 100% at age 15, often feeling that things are too easy for him. He has great taste in films and music, making all these references that I absolutely adore. While he often uses Gus; his money, car, etc; he cares for his friend and would do anything for him. He cares for all his friends helping Lassiter when he was in a crime-solving slump and thought to have committed murder, Chief Vick from being fired, etc.  As the series progresses, Shawn matures; refraining from his previous extreme narcissistic tendencies. He and Juliet start dating in the last few seasons, this relationship really changing his childish ways, but not too much, as Juliet’s level-head and stable life works really well with Shawn.

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9) Billy Costigan from The Departed

The Departed is a great film that gives a dual view of one main event. Colin Sullivan has been raised by mobster Frank Costello, and is a mole for him in the Massachusetts State Police’s organized crime unit. Billy Costigan comes from a criminal background, but instead of graduating from the academy and going into law enforcement he gets placed undercover to figure out who is the rat is and bring him down. The two start living similar lives as they both start a relationship with the same psychiatrist and both become heavily stressed as they get closer to finding out who the rats are.

Why Billy is awesome:

Billy sacrifices himself as a mole for the department. That’s a huge risk to take, working for the underlords, having to play a role 24/7, no one ever knowing who you are or the good you are doing, etc. Plus he really kicks butt when he takes out guys as his cover. I mean imagine the pressure he is under and how awful it would be. And he is so patriotic, how he gave his life over because he believed it was better to do it this way. Plus he tries to kill Matt Damon, and anyone who does that is AWESOME! I hate Matt Damon, go to number 3 to read why.

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8) Scarlett O’Hara from Gone With the Wind

Gone With the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell, is the story of a Southern family that goes through some radical changes from the Antebelluem period, to the Civil War, and the Reconstruction era. At the heart of all this chaos is the story of the beautiful, ruthless Scarlett ‘O’ Hara and the dashing soldier of fortune, Rhett Butler.

Why Scarlett is awesome:

Okay so I know, I know people really hate her. She is horrible and does some horrifying things in the film, but the book is much, much, much, much, better. Trust me the book was awesome I recommend reading it. (Just FYI there will be posts on some of my favorite quotes from this book. I don’t know when, but they will be a-coming.)

So Scarlett has a bunch of bad qualities, yes its true. She is selfish, a man stealer, a horrible mother, cruel, and stuck in the past. She does ruin her relationship with Rhett because she is so hung up on stupid Ashley. I thoroughly recommend this book for anyone who just ended a relationship, as it shows you why you must move on!

However, she is a pretty cool character with a lot of good qualities. Okay so Scarlett is a Southern women in the Antebellum period and has very little schooling. In fact she has very little worth or path in life other than to marry and have children. But Scarlett doesn’t follow that path. She lives her own life and does her own thing, not because she wants to, but because there is no one else to; so takes it upon her self to get things done. She works the land, runs the plantation, pretty much becomes the head of the household. It’s all on her to make sure everyone has food. Then a Union deserter comes around and she takes him out. She uses the gun that Rhett gave her and makes sure that her family and womanhood is safe. She does steal her sister’s passive and simple beau, but whips him into shape, making him and her family sucessful. She also operates a lumber mill, while not being the most highly educated, still having a brain for numbers. Now everyone tells  her she isn’t being a lady, running businesses and doing better than her husband. Everyone tries to convince her to stop, but she keeps on doing it. Power to you!!! Here is a woman who is doing whatever she wants, what makes her feel strong; even it it means going against society. She continues to be this strong, forceful woman throughout the rest of the novel; even though she does make a lot of bad decisions. Still, for a woman in the 1800s to have her own business, earn her own money, choose who she will marry (several times), is pretty awesome!

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7) Seamus McFly from Back to the Future: Part III

So 1985 Doc has been sent back to the Wild West, and its up to 1955 Doc to send Marty back so that he can save him. While there, Marty meets his newly immigrated family and discovers that Doc doesn’t want to return to the ’80s but enjoys living in the West. However, after discovering that Mad Dog Tannen (Biff’s grandfather) is out to kill him Doc agrees to return with Marty, that is until a pretty young teacher catches his eye. Then Mad Dog decides that he will switch his vendetta to Marty. Now both are in a dilemma.

 Why Seamus is awesome:

So this is the second year in which a Back to the Future character and a Michael J. Fox character has made it onto the Saint Patrick’s Day countdown. Let’s given them a big round of applause! Now back to business.

First of all he is played by Michael J. Fox. Instant Win. Anyways, Seamus is Marty’s great-great grandfather, newly Irish immigrants. He discovers Marty, after  he was chased by Native Americans and fell. Even though he doesn’t know him, and his wife says that he should’ve left him, Seamus helps him because he believes it is the right thing to do. Seamus is awesome, because even though he is bullied and harrassed by the Tannen’s he ignores it. Now that takes a lot of self-control and patience and fortitude to just ignore it and keep going. To be able to walk away from a fight because you know the issue is not that big a deal, that’d you’d rather not die over a silly argument. He became this way after his brother Martin, Marty’s namesake, was provoked and killed in a knife fight. His wisdom and positivity teaches Msarty to control himself as well, and helps make his future better.

For more on Back to the Future, go to The Clock is Ticking

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6) Maggie McKendrick from The Parent Trap (1961)

Sharon is traveling to camp from California. She meets Susan from Boston. This wouldn’t be unusual except for the fact that they look exactly alike. That’s right, Sharon and Susan are twins, separated after their parents divorced, each getting one to take home with them. The two become friends and decide to switch places in order to get to know the other parent and reunite their parents. Unfortunately, a lot has changed while Sharon was away. Her father met someone and is engaged! Now the girls are trying to reformulate their plan to break up her dad and his fiancé, and get the mom to CA and back with the dad.

Why Maggie is awesome:

So if you haven’t guessed this is the original, and while I like the remake, this one is just so amazing. First of all it has Maureen O’Hara. I just love her!

Anyways, Maggie is super cool. When Sharon (pretending to be Susan) comes home with pieced ears and short hair, she doesn’t freak out, or get angry, but instead praises her daughter and supports her decisions. Not only does she approve, but tells her she looks wonderful.  When she discovers that her ex-husband, and love, is going to throw his life away on a vapid, horrible, cruel gold-digger; she goes out there and fights for her daughters and her  man. And instead of being mean or bitter; she just acts her beautiful nice self; winning everyone over. The fam is going to go on a camping trip and Vicky gets jealous about Mitch and Maggie spending time together, Maggie steps aside; not only because she knows Vicky will reveal her true colors, but because she is the bigger person. She’s just a sweet, considerate, kind, and a bit edgy person; someone you can’t help but love.

For more on Maureen O”Hara, check out the 25 Films of Christmas

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5)Faith O’Connor from A Passion Most Pure (Different Synopsis from the one before)

Faith O’Connor has only ever loved one man, Connor McGuire, who after his father’s death drastically changed and is no longer the man he once was. Faith finds comfort in her faith, and keeps praying and loving him silently. Faith and her sister Charity have always been rivals and now Connor is courting her sister while at the same time making a play for Faith. This story spans from Boston to Europe as the beginning of WWI changes everything.

Why Faith is awesome:

Faith is amazing. She recovered from polio and her twin sister’s death. She has to contend with her younger sister being prettier and attracting all the beaus, with little Faithy always bullied and left in the dust. But even through all this she continues to pray and show her love for others. She is never mean, bitter, harsh, or cruel to anyone; even to her sister, who steals both of the men she loves; Conner and her fiancé, Mitch. Instead Faith just tries to be kind and care for everyone.

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4) Juliet “Jules” O’Hara from Psych

Psych is about a super observant man, Shawn Spencer, who pretends to be a psychic for the Santa Barbara Police Department. His pharmacist friend, Burton Guster, assists him and the two work with head detective Carlton Lassiter and his partner Juliet O’Hara.

Why Jules is awesome:

You might recognize her from the DCOM Model Behavior (one of two people on this list who have been in DCOMs). Jules is the young police officer who moves from Miami to Santa Barbara when Carlton Lassitar’s old partner is transferred. Jules may be a very pretty, bubbly, sweet, rainbow-sunshine kind of girl; but she is not just bubbles and fizz, but is a very deep and intelligent person. She has scored the highest on the detective test (second to photographic memory Shawn), beating Carlton Lassitar. She also is fluent in Spanish, due to her time in Miami. While she is gentle and sweet, she can be gruff and unmoving when she needs to be; holding her own and not allowing anyone to walk over her. She and Shawn Spencer end up getting together and her stability and his goofiness work well together.

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Staff Sergeant Dignam The Departed

3) Staff Sergeant Dignam from The Departed

Mark Wahlberg is the second person on this list to make a return from last year, read it to see my thoughts on The Fighter.

The Departed is a great film that gives a dual view of one main event. Colin Sullivan has been raised by mobster Frank Costello, and is a mole for him in the Massachusetts State Police’s  organized crime unit. Billy Costigan comes from a criminal background, but instead of graduating from the academy and going into law enforcement, he gets placed undercover to figure out who is the rat is and bring him down. The two start living similar lives as they both start a relationship with the same psychiatrist and both become heavily stressed as they get closer to finding out who the rats are.

Why Staff Sgt. Dignam is awesome:

Like I mentioned in A Horse’s Tale, I can tolerate very few Matt Damon films. However, I absolutely love Mark Wahlberg, he’s just so attractive! Anyways, Mark Dignam is the one in charge of the undercover unit, and one of two who knows that Billy is the department’s rat. He is a great cop who really cares about ending the crime in the area, and about the people in his unit. When Colin starts messing with his investigation and wants names, instead of giving in Dignam just takes a leave of absence, disappearing rather than reveal who his person is. However, the best thing about Dignam, besides the fact that he is Mark Wahlberg, he takes out Matt Damon! 😀

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2)Kevin “Corky” Corcoran from Copper

Copper is about the NYPD in the mid 19th century. New York is a crazy place with the Civil War  going on bringing tension between Southerners and Northerners; the racial clashes between “Americans”, “White” Europeans, Irish, and African-Americans. Corky is one of the “coppers” trying to keep the notorious Five Points in line with its murders, thievery, prostitution, opium trade, etc.

Why Corky is awesome:

Now Corky isn’t perfect, but he is one pretty awesome (and Hot!) guy. Corky, while having faults and vices, is one pretty honorable person who tries to be just and fair, caring for all in his community. He tries to save a child prostitute from her slavery; love and be true to his wife, even when she cheated on him and killed their child; one of the few men who is not a racist, not only respecting Dr. Freeman, but becoming really good friends with him. He makes sure prostitutes are not mistreated, people are not unjustly thrown in prison, women are not accosted by their landlords, and those that break the law, hurt others, molest/rape children get what’s coming to them. That’s another thing that makes Corky so amazing (and sexy!) is that he not only a honorable man, but one of action who goes out and takes care of things.

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1) Carlton “Lassie” Lassiter from Psych

Psych is about a super observant man, Shawn Spencer, who pretends to be a psychic for the Santa Barbara Police Department. His pharmacist friend, Burton Guster, assists him and the two work with head detective Carlton Lassiter and his partner Juliet O’Hara.

Why Lassie is awesome:

Now I have a huge TV crush on Carlton Lassiter, its a little hard not to. He is pretty awesome (although tightly wound). Now some of you may recognize him as the evil leprechaun from the DCOM Luck of the Irish, for more on that check out last year’s post. However, as Lassie, Carlton is far from evil. Carlton is a strictly by the book kind of guy; SB law, the Constitution, NRA, etc. He is a great cop, a bit old fashioned, but stubborn, persistent, etc. While he can be pigheaded, truth be told it would be hard dealing with Shawn all the time. He is a huge Clint Eastwood fan, wishing he could be Dirty Harry or Tom Highway. He also loves Westerns and wants to be a modern day cowboy. He is a huge Civil War history buff and takes part in reenactments. He knows how to shot like every type of gun and has built up a immunity to chloroform. However, the best thing about him is how strongly he throws himself into relationships. He does everything he can to try and work things out with his ex-wife (really not wanting to get a divorce). True he did cheat on her with his old partner, but they had been separated for quite some time and she was porking around with someone else. (Doesn’t make it right but it is understandable). However, the best thing was when his gf was arrested and imprisoned (she stole blood from a blood bank for her sick brother), he went and visited her every time he was allowed to. Nothing kept him from being there or true to her. He also did everything he could to free her from the jail. So sweet! 🙂

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So Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! I know I’ll be wearing green, just so no stupid  kids try and pinch me. And watching this movie like I do every year.

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But I hope you all have a wonderful day in however you celebrate it.

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Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

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