The Smart One and the Pretty One by Claire LaZebnik
So I read this book years ago when my friend gave it to me. I kind of forgot about it, but then it came back to the front of my mind when I read The Dashwood Sisters Tell All.
I meant to do a review of of it then, but then was distracted by other things-you know life.
But lately I have been watching Austentatious, and the character of Marianne made me think of this book again, so I figured why not review it?
The Nickerson sisters have always been known as the “smart” one and the “pretty” one. Ava Nickerson is the older sister, the smart one. She does everything right, is an attorney, pays bills on time, cares little about what she wears or her hairdos.
Elinor Dashwood
Lauren is the pretty one-drop dead gorgeous and a fashionista. She always has a boyfriend, going with her emotions, etc.
She isn’t very financially secure-she in a lot of debt as her credit cards are all maxed out.
Lauren screws up at work as she was trying to seduce a rich guy, only to find out he’s married. She loses her job and is a loss at what to do, or how to achieve her dream of owning her own shop. The creditors are at the door, when she gets news that her mother has been diagnosed with cancer. She packs up all her stuff and heads home.
See ya!
Back in Los Angeles, at her parent’s home, Lauren was looking through a “junk” drawer, and she finds a contract her mother and her mother’s best friend made a long time ago. The contract was signed by the mothers, and their seven year old children, that if by 30 the two were single, than a marriage will be done between Russell Markowitz and Ava.
As Lauren grows tired of her big sister’s financial lectures, budgeting, taxes, etc-she hunts Russell down to set them up. Russell is charming, handsome, twice-divorced, and runs a clothing company.
Not exactly marriage material…but that doesn’t stop Lauren. She’s sure that this is the best plan to loosen up her sister and get her perfect match.
So I didn’t like this book…
Ava is the responsible one who learns that she doesn’t just have to be “smart”, but can care about her appearance as well. She has been afraid to make a commitment to any guy, and finally starts opening her heart.
That wouldn’t be so bad, except the guy she picks is Russell, a jerk who cares about himself and the woman he can turn Ava into.
Yeah, he gives her a bunch of clothes and starts dictating her life and choices and how things will be worn.
And while Ava falls hard for him, there is no indication he really cares for her at all.
And for a book that is supposed to be about sisters, it seems more concentrated on the older sister’s storyline than equally showing them. Spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants Lauren pretty much stays the same: focused on her clothes and appearance. She does try to help her mother out with chemo, but still is irresponsible, bad at managing her time, etc. She never really learns about not spending too much, or the value of saving; just has one remorseful purchase. It was as if nothing changed her.
Ugh, I just can’t stand how all these modern adaptions portray Sense and Sensibility. People always make the Marianne character so dumb! In Austen’s portrayal she isn’t an airhead but young!!!! A young, impressionable, romantic girl. Not a dunce!
She’s like most teenage girls-young, naive, romantic, think they know it all. So please, please, stop making her so dumb.
Justice, ain’t about bringing back the dead, white man. Justice, is about justice. Your friend the policeman, your friend the judge, they make sure nothing happen to you. They keep you safe. But I make sure something happen to them. That justice, white man. Gypsy justice!
It’s that time of the year again. Our annual Stephen King Post. Now some of his film’s I do like, The Secret Window, Children of the Corn, The Shining, etc. Thinner is not one of them.
Now this doesn’t have all the usual tropes:
But it is kind of a lame story. Let’s get started before I give too much away.
So Billy Halleck is an obese lawyer.
{Now the film is set in modern times, I just felt like using an old photo from a previous post.} Anyways, he lives with his wife Heidi and their daughter Linda. Heidi tries to get him to stop eating:
Heidi Halleck: Billy, you’ve got to stop eating like that. I want you to stop digging your grave with a spoon and fork.
But Billy can’t stop, he loves food too much.
Billy has just helped a Mafioso, Richie, get off from going to prison. Something his wife also finds fault in him.
Meanwhile, in the town Billy lives in, there is a carnival, one which is run by gypsies. One day his wife is distracting him, by doing oral sex, and he hits and kills a gypsy woman.
You need to leave gypsy women alone. They can lay some serious curses.
This gypsy woman, however, dies instantly. The death is ruled an accident and no charges filed. The dead woman’s 106 year old father, Taduz Lempke, is angry that Billy got off so easily and curses him, saying to him “Thinner”.
So Billy keeps losing more and more weight. No matter what he eats, he keeps getting thinner and thinner.
He’s getting emaciated, almost as thin as this guy.
Heidi calls in a doctor, Dr. Mike Houston, who can’t find anything to help him. So the doctor decides to help himself to Billy’s wife.
Billy enlists the help of Richie and they begin to wage a war on the gypsies. Billy’s friend, the Judge who let him off, also gets cursed, “Lizard”. He commits suicide as he can’t stand looking at himself anymore. It all comes to a head when Richie kidnaps Taduz’s granddaughter, Gina, intending to kill her, but stopped by Bill.
Taduz finally agrees to lift the curse, but only if they promise to leave him and his family alone. With Billy’s agreement, Taduz makes a pie from Billy’s blood. Whoever eats the piewill die, and Billy will gain more weight.
Taduz tells Billy he should eat the pie himself, and die honorably, but Billy has decided that this pie is going toward the people he wants revenge on.
In this case it is fattening as it will help Billy gain weight.
He calls his daughter and tells her that he is doing better and she should spend the night at a friend’s house. He then goes home and gives the pie to his cheating wife.
That night he puts the rest of the pie in the fridge and goes to sleep. The next day he wakes up and Heidi is dead.
AWESOME!!!
But when he goes downstairs he discovers that Linda has eaten some of the pie. That means in his quest of selfishness, to get revenge on his wife and her lover, he has just killed his own daughter.
He decides to head the gypsies advice and eat the pie, killing himself, when the doorbell rings. It’s the Dr. Houston, the man his wife was having an affair with!
Billy then decides to give this doctor the pie and complete his revenge.
Billy Halleck: Dr. Mikey! A bit early for a house call, isn’t it?
Dr. Mike Houston: Oh, Billy! It’s- it’s not what you think! I…
Billy Halleck: It’s okay, Dr. Mikey. I was acting like kind of a big jerk. But, everything’s fine with Heidi, I’m even starting to gain a little weight. In fact, I was just about to dig into this breakfast pie. Care to join me?
Dr. Mike Houston: I couldn’t possibly…
Billy Halleck: Oh, it’s no trouble at all…
[Dr. Mike Houston enters the house]
Billy Halleck: …white doctor from town [chuckles and shuts door].
Yeah, he seemed to get over the fact he killed his own daughter pretty quickly. What a jerk.
So yeah, I didn’t like it. I thought it was boring, the main character unlikable, and I hated the fact that He KILLS his daughter he supposedly doted on and had an incredible bond with, and a second later he’s over it and planning revenge. A true dud King, a true dud.
Yes the fangirl posts are back with another installment of some of my favorite things. Hope you all enjoy!
The Brady Bunch
Ah, The Brady Bunch. I grew up watching this show all the time. It was cute, silly, cheesy, and all around good family fun.
The story is of a Mike Brady, an architect and widower, who has three sons; Greg, Peter, and Bobby. He meets Carol, a widow, who has three daughters around the ages of his sons; Marcia, Jan, and Cindy. The two get married, uniting the family, and the show follows them as the kids grow up, getting involved in the usual teenager story lines.
My favorite characters were Greg and Peter. They were just adorable.
I know that today a lot of people make fun of the kitsch in the show, along with the fact that they all get along waaay too fast. But it was really cute and fun.
Daredevil
I was first introduced to Daredevil through the ’90s Spider-man TV show I used to watch. In one of the episodes Peter Parker is working for Wilson Fisk, who unbeknownst to him is the crime lord the Kingpin. He is framed for the crime of selling government secrets, and finds himself being helped out by Matt Murdock, lawyer by day, the vigilante Daredevil by night. Eventually Spider-man and Daredevil work together to take down the Kingpin. From this episode I became interested in Daredevil and I wanted to see the Daredevil filmand read the comics.
Now what makes Daredevil so exciting and different? He’s blind. Matthew Murdock was a young Irishman growing up in Hell’s Kitchen, New York City. He chose to save a blind man crossing the street from being hit by a car, and in turn was hit by radioactive substances (they fell off a moving truck) losing his sight. The radioactive materials gifted him with super powers.
“My hearing is so acute, that I can tell if someone is in a room with me just by hearing the heartbeat! And I never forget an odor once I smell it…Even my fingers have become incredibly sensitive! I can tell how many bullets are in a gun just by the weight of the barrel. While my sense of taste has become so developed that I can tell exactly how many grains of salt are on a piece of of pretzel…But my most important new ability is in the form of a built-in radar that I seem to have developed! It enables me to walk anywhere safely, without bumping into anything!” [Daredevil #1, April 1964, pg. 11-12]
After he graduates from high school, he goes to college to study law. There he meets Franklin “Foggy” Nelson, who becomes his best friend. At this point his dad, a boxer, is murdered for choosing to not fix a fight. Matt deals with his grief, and he and Foggy start their own practice, Foggy’s father bankrolling them. They hire a young, beautiful, blonde, Karen Page, to be their secretary. Now I enjoyed Foggy as he was funny. But Karen
She was always pitying Matt, and that became super annoying. “Oh he’s so handsome if only he wasn’t blind.” “He’s so smart, but oh too bad he’s blind Matt. Ugh.
Karen stop talking
Anyways, when the law doesn’t do enough, especially in the case with his father, he dons a bright yellow suit and goes by the name Daredevil, The Man Without Fear. He also has some cool weaponry. He has a cane that can break down into two pieces, sort of like nunchucks or bobby sticks.
Now they later updated his story, changing him to losing his father when he was a boy, and being trained by a blind man with similar abilities called “Stick.” He also gets a better, dark red costume, and cooler tools. His main villain also become the crime lord, the Kingpin, a villain shared by Spider-man, after all they both are in New York. Daredevil also became a darker superhero. Matt Murdock is the white knight, helper, and the one that stands up for justice. Daredevil is a creature of the night, giving those their sentence. Unlike other superheroes he goes the closest to crossing over the moral line. In order to balance the two, Daredevil relies heavily on his faith, as the morals taught by it are the only things that keep him truly from going over to the dark side.
Now in the 2003 Daredevil the film came out and I must admit that though I absolutely love Ben Affleck, the Daredevil film was not as good as it could have been.
BUT, it was not as horrible as people make it out to be either. I thought Ben Affleck was amazing as Matt Murdock, his costume was perfect, and I thought his cane with the hidden pieces was just amazing. However, Colin Farrell’s Bullseye sucked, the Kingpin just was missing something, and come on; Electra starting a fight with a blind man? Seriously? Come, on. This was also in the early 2000s, and studios hadn’t quite figured out how to make an awesome superhero film.
Now I heard things about the Daredevil TV show, but I don’t have Netflix so I was kind of I guess I’ll see it when it gets downloaded onto Youtube or something. However, last month I went to visit my friend, and she was like “hey you should totally watch Daredevil.”
So we started watching, then we had to see the next episode, and the next and…
We watched Daredevil half of it that night, and the rest the next day; throwing all other plans we had made out the window. And let me say it is one of the best shows ever! Everything is absolutely perfect. Starting with the opening credits:
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then there was Charlie Cox (hot guy from Stardust) being the perfect blend of white knight for justice and the hanging judge. He captured every essence of Daredevil, from his pursuit of justice, vengeenance, self-doubt, constant questioning, etc. Just perfect!
Foggy Nelson’s character was changed from the original comics so that he too grew up in Hell’s Kitchen, the son of a butcher. He too was perfect as he was hilarious, sweet, adorable, and just all around a great friend. (BTW he is played by the best friend in She’s All That. Yeah I noticed you right away.) Out of all the characters he’s the one that doesn’t treat Matt as if he’s handicapped, but as a regular person; but at the same time does as much as he can to help him with anything.
And Karen was very much improved. Here she is sensible, sweet, not annoying, and stopped pitying Matt all the time. She still had her moments, but they were very few.
But most of all Wilson Fisk was perfect. At first I was like I don’t know…he doesn’t seem commanding enough, but in each episode you peel back another layer and the white suited, Wilson Fisk, Kingpin, Crime Lord is revealed. I can’t wait until he actually starts wearing one!!!! While in the original comics, Vanessa doesn’t know anything about Fisk’s crime lord status and when she and their son figure it out, it causes a LOT of issues. At one point, his son tries to destroy him and take over. But I actually like how Vanessa knows everything, it’s very romantic.
This show is just all around perfect. And if Netflix comes out with season 2, I might just have to buy a membership.
I love music and I love the ’80s. One of my favorite bands from this time period that I totally fangirled over for a long time.
It’s an American/English band (as half the members are English while the other half is American). They have the most amazing beats and amazing songs. The guitar solos in this are just dreamy!
I used to listen to these songs over and over again, 🙂
Some of my absolute favorite songs are Cold As Ice,Double Vision, Feels Like the First Time, Hot Blooded, I Want to Know What Love is, Juke Box Hero, and Waiting for a Girl Like You. Great hits!
My friend came to visit me a few months back and she was all “you have to check out this show North & South. It is AMAZING!” I asked her if it was the one about the Civil War, but she told me no. It was about England, and starred the very hunky Richard Armitage.
I was like why not, and then we watched the show.
It was so awesome I couldn’t stop watching it.
At least this was a miniseries so the obsession wasn’t too much. And yes, obsession.
So the show takes place during the English Industrial revolution, the late 18th century. Reverend Richard Hale has decided to leave the church of England, as they were asking him to commit to things he didn’t want to follow. After he leaves the church, he is forced to leave his parish in the country South, and go somewhere else. With help of an old Oxford friend, Mr. Bell, gets him a place in Milton, located in the industrial North. He brings with him his wife, and daughter Margaret.
The Margaret and her mother don’t like the move, but put up with it as they have no other choice. Her father becomes a private tutor, with only one client, Mr. Thornton.
Mr. Thornton was born poor and worked his way up, now owning his own cotton mill and becoming one of the richest men in the area. He however, still has some insecurity around himself, and therefore not only wishes to support Mr. Hale, but increase his education. Mr. Thornton is undeniably sexy and broody. You know, just as I like them.
He and Margaret get off on the wrong foot, as the first time she sees him, she finds him pummeling a man for smoking.
You see Mr. Thornton cares very much for his factory and his workers. He has the newest inventions, including a wheel to ensure that the cotton fluff that floats about doesn’t get in the workers and give them “cotton lung”, an incredibly deadly disease. This particular worker has been warned multiple times to stop smoking, as the slightest spark could ignite the place in flames.
So you can see how he would be very angry.
Now Margaret doesn’t like the North and doesn’t understand it. This is a point of contention between her and Mr. Thornton, Mr. Thornton’s mother, and his sister Fanny. They think she thinks she’s better than everyone, but in reality she just was raised differently. In fact she is constantly going out among the workers and doing charity work. The type of things she would do in the South as a vicar’s daughter. She ends up befriending Bess, a worker in Mr. Thornton’s mill, and suffering from cotton lung that she got at a different mill.
Unfortunately, just as Margaret and her family have come to the area, there is a lot of unrest. The workers want more money and are threatening to unionize. The thing I love about this show is that it had the views of both sides. You have the workers who need more money to get by and support their large families, but at the same time; you see that Mr. Thornton doesn’t have more money to give them. He may be wealthy, but his money is wrapped up in cotton prices and completely dependent on how well it does, and lack of storms in shipping. Plus he bought new, pricey, technology to help the workers and doesn’t have enough profits to pay everyone what they wish. It’s a complicated issue.
So as all this is happening, Mr. Thornton finds himself drawn to Margaret. She is intelligent, compassionate, thoughtful, beautiful, and doesn’t care about class systems. Margaret also finds herself falling for him, but hasn’t realized it yet.
Things with the workers grow to a head, where they start striking in front of the mill. Margaret, unaware of what is happening, heads over to the Thorntons to ask for a water bed for her sick mother, and gets caught in the mill during the strike. As Mr. Thornton approaches the mob to talk to them, they grow ugly and Margaret runs out to protect him. She ends up getting hit in the head with a rock. Mr. Thornton carries her to safety and decides that her actions are proof that she loves him too.
How romantic
After Margaret is well, Mr. Thornton asks her to marry him. She refuses as 1) she hasn’t realized she is in love with him, and 2) thinks he thinks he is better than her.
When she said no, ah it broke my heart.
Mr. Thornton is amazing!!! How could you refuse him?
Now I know there has been a big controversy over who is better, Mr. Darcy or Mr. Thornton. Well, I have to say Mr. Thornton.
Wait, hear me out. The reason why Mr. Thornton is more appealing than Mr. Darcy is that he has a fuller character. Pride & Prejudice is told by Elizabeth Bennet, so we only see what she sees. Mr. Darcy at first appears to be a jerk, as you can read more about in my post First Impressions, and then later as she gets to know him better, she falls for his strong moral character. But even though we see development of his character, we never see how he was as a child, we never see how he views that first meeting with Elizabeth, we never see his side of things as much as we do with Elizabeth. We do see it from time to time, but on a whole the story is told by Elizabeth. Now in North & South, the mini-series, as I have yet to read the book, he story is split equally between Margaret Hale and Mr. Thornton. We get a deeper understanding of who he is, his backstory, his impressions, etc. Therefore he feels more real. Besides that he has realistic flaws that make you love him more. He doesn’t always think things through which can cause him to get into trouble, he misunderstands things, he has his own opinions and thoughts and expresses them whether others like it or not, he has insecurities about himself, he has issues with his father and sister, etc. While Darcy seems so perfect, Mr Thornton is perfectly imperfect, and therefore extremely appealing.
So Elizabeth’s mother is getting sicker and sicker, so she writes to her brother in Spain to visit. Her brother was in the Navy and refused a horrible order on moral reasons. Their lawyer is trying to help him, but he had to leave the empire or else he would be imprisoned. Meanwhile, Elizabeth’s friend Bess dies from her cotton lung, and Mr. Thornton stops seeing Mr. Hale for lessons. Elizabeth escapes the unhappiness by going to The Great Exhibition with her London relatives and friends. There she runs into Mr. Thornton, who is giving a talk on the new cotton mill technology. There they talk, and mend feelings a bit.
When Elizabeth returns home, her mother is doing extremely poorly. Her brother arrives in time to see her, but the whole house is under lockdown so no one finds out. Mr. Thornton comes to visit, but is refused entrance. He misunderstands what is going on and thinks that it is because of Elizabeth’s refusal of marriage.
Margaret’s brother has to leave soon, and she goes to the train station with him. Mr. Thornton sees them together and thinks that it is her lover.
Mr. Thornton starts concentrating more on his business as Margaret is a lost cause.
The strike deeply hurt him and he needs to do something to bring up improvements. Mr. Higgins, Bess’ father and the union movement leader, is given employment by Mr. Thornton. The two come up with an idea for a worker’s cafeteria where they can serve nutritious and cheap soup. But unfortunately, Mr. Thornton has to close up his shop.
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, Mr. Hale dies and Elizabeth is going to go to London to stay with relatives. Mr. Thornton doesn’t want her to go, and in this scene we have the most poignant one ever. He would totally ask Margaret to marry him again but just needs a sign, any sign. He watches her walk away and keeps hoping that she will look back, showing that she doesn’t want to leave him, but loves him.
But she doesn’t look back until she is too far away.
After she has left, Mr. Higgins reveals that the man Margaret was with was actually her brother, giving Mr. Thornton the whole story. He decides to go after her, and first runs off to her place of birth to better understand who she is.
Meanwhile, Margaret is very unhappy having visited the South and knows she no longer belongs there, and finds herself unhappy in London as well. She misses the North, more than she cares to admit. Mr. Bell, her godfather, comes to visit and tells her is sick and dying. He decides to go to Argentina for the climate, and leaves her all his money.
Margaret returns to Milton, searching for Mr. Thornton as she plans to loan him all her money to start the mill up again. Mr. Thornton has just arrived from the South, and stares lovingly into Margaret. She tries to explain her ideas, but gets so flustered as Mr. Thornton once again tells her he loves her.
I love it.
The Nostalgia Critic
Nostalgia Critic has his own video series on Youtube. My friend Wade was the one to introduce me to him years ago, but I wasn’t interested. Last year however, I watched one episode and then burned through every single one.
So the Nostalgia Critic reviews movies and items from his childhood, ’80-’90s, although when he came back he started to review everything he likes from last week to childhood. He is perfectly creative and a ton of fun. I highly recommend checking him out.
The Accidental Bride: A Romantic Comedy by Janice Harayda
This book was recommended to me by Goodreads, based on one of the books I have read in the past (I can’t quite remember which one). It sounded interesting: a woman is planning on getting married, but a month before her wedding she starts having second thoughts. Is this really what she wants? As her family and friends are all forcing her hand, she turns to her love of Jane Austen to pull her through. Sounds great right?
I HATED IT!
It just was so, urgh the main character was too annoying.
But let’s wait a moment before we go there. So the book is a Bridget Jones’ Diary style adaption of Pride and Prejudice. The main character is Lily Blair (LB like Lizzie Bennet) who is from an upper class but not old money super wealthy family. Her mother is a meddler (like Mrs. Bennet) who has dreamed of the day her daughter is married off for years (just like Mrs. Bennet). Lily’s fiancé is from an old, established family with a ton of money (third wealthiest in Ohio), and a lawyer (just like in Bridget Jones’ Diary), named Mark (just like BJD) Danforth [M.D like Mr. Darcy].
There is even a woman after Mark named Caroline, just like in Pride and Prejudice when Caroline Bingley uses every trick she can to get Darcy, but he’s not interested.
So why did I dislike the book? Two words Lily Blair.
First of all she has no reason for breaking off the wedding. It’s not that she is unsure she wants to spend the rest of her life with Mark, or that she is unsure if she wants to stay in Ohio, or that she thinks her life is taking her in a new direction away from Mark, or that she has a great job offer, OR ANY OF THOSE THINGS! She just wakes up one morning and says she wants to cancel.
Yeah. With no thought to how this will affect her fiancé, family, or the fact that a ton of money has been spent. And the worst thing is that she doesn’t even feel remorse for this! She’s just like, “women don’t need to be married to be happy.” “Most marriages end in divorce anyway.” Where was this attitude months ago? How can you just do that to your fiancé without feeling bad or sorry or anything???!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean come on, that’s cruel, horrible, selfish, and immature.
And there is no reason to dump him. He’s kind, sweet, considerate, understanding, dependable, handsome…i.e:
I mean it’s like when Meg Ryan dumped Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle. Why would you? Bull Pullman’s such an amazingly sweet guy. It just makes no sense! And at least in Sleepless in Seattle, Meg Ryan felt bad about it. In here, Lily cares zip for how this affects anyone.
And then Lily starts complaining about her life. Her newspaper in New York was being downsized so she moved home, got a job there, an apartment, but oh no woe is me! I had to move home! I have to live in a “small town”. I have a rich, perfect, boyfriend. I come from a family with money. Life is so hard.
Come on,
Get over yourself. So what if New York didn’t turn out how you wanted it. Life is pretty amazing. I know plenty who would love that life. I would love that life.
So you see, she was just so darn annoying that I found the book a total dud.
Jaws really is revolutionary movie. It is an amazing piece of cinema that breaks a lot of previous horror film rules. It focuses on both the people and the creature they are trying to kill. The camera uses are unparalleled. Instead of constantly being shown the shark (as it malfunctioned a lot) it is filmed from the shark’s point of [something down later in Friday the 13th (1980)] which adds to the terror of the film.
AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!
This also was the first “summer blockbuster” film. It opened on 409 screens nationwide (unusual for the time) and quickly became the highest grossing film of all time. Previous to Jaws, they would show the film on a few screens and then move the picture around. This mass-screening, all-over at the same time became so popular that it set the standard for what film companies do today. Jaws lost its place as the highest grossing film of all time in 1977 when Star Wars IV: A New Hope came out.
This film also brought a huge interest in sharks and marine biology. Now previous to this film you had monster movies and horror films that were about sea creatures attacking. Films such as The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms were you have some radioactive created creature that is ginormous and attacks the world. Or the mythological fishman from TheCreature from the Black Lagoon. Godzilla, being another radioactively changed creature that is trying to destroy or protect the city. It Came From Beneath the Sea a giant octopus that causes havoc and destruction. The Monster that Challenged the World where giant mollusks come out of a crevice in the ground and try to kill everyone. But have you noticed something? All of these are large creatures, most of the time accidentally or purposely genetically altered. Or fake, such as the fishman. None of these were an actual creature that you could come into contact with…like a great white shark. Not only is Bruce (the shark in the film, named after Steven Spielberg’s lawyer) something real and normal-sized; but he’s just freaky! The book and the film both present actual data (although more studies proved some of the behavior previously associated with great whites are false) and an actual creature you could come upon. I mean great white sharks have over 300 teeth, they can get to be over 21 feet long, they are pretty fast swimmers, can jump out of the water, and are constant eating machines. How could you not be afraid?
But just like Spielberg’s other film Jurassic Park made dinosaurs the “it” thing (and they have been ever since, although never as on top as in the ’90s) Jaws made sharks really cool. And they remain so. I remember back in grade school sharks were just so awesome! We had a guy come to our class that did a whole presentation on sharks, and everyone was riveted. And people still remain so. Sharks will never stop being cool. I mean after all, ever summer we have a week devoted to them, Shark Week, on the Discovery channel. Buzzfeed even did a quiz on “What Type of Shark are You”. And did I take this quiz you may ask? You bet I did!
Yep, Jaws is pretty amazing. So I’m sure you are now ready for the review, but I’m not about to go there just yet. So Jaws is based on the book by the same name, authored by Peter Benchley. The book was okay, but I preferred the movie. Unlike the book Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton; Jaws the book doesn’t hold a candle to the film version. This mostly has to do with the way they create the characters in the book. Hooper in the film is a an arrogant-rich kid, but you like him because he really gets involved in his work, and loses some of that stigma as the film progresses. In the book he is always annoying and he has an affair with Brody’s wife. The whole affair took away from the storyline and seemed tossed in, rather than attempting to flow.
Now the film on the other hand, follow the story pretty closely, but takes out the extra action not really needed. Plus the people they chose where just perfect. Roy Scheider was an amazing Chief Brody, balancing being a tough police chief, with a scared i-don’t-know-what-to-do everyday person. Richard Dreyfuss, as I mentioned earlier, smoked it as Hooper the marine biologist/rich kid. And Robert Shaw. No one will ever hold a candle to your Quint, no matter how the world may try.
So now let’s get back to film review-wait, wait wait. Let me say one last thing. So it feels really weird to be talking about this film without mentioning a few more memories. So let me say I have seen every Jaws film created, even the incredibly horrible ones (as pretty much each sequel was). I actually watched them all at a really young age with my older sister Paige. They were doing a movie marathon and we sat down and saw them all (which took a long time as these are not short films). When I was older, I actually couldn’t remember the finer points of the film, the biggest thing that stuck in my mind was the SeaWorld underwater tunnels and shark attack in Jaws 3-D.
Now every 4th of July I used to do the same thing. I would watch the Twilight Zone marathons that they would show on the SciFi, now SyFy, channel. (I know, I know. I’m a huge fan, but have yet to review any episode for a Horrorfest. I promise I will do at least one next year.) SyFy stopped doing this for a while (they have since brought it back but every year is iffy). Now AMC does some movie marathons on the 4th of July that usually had some patriotic feeling (like Rocky). One year they did a Jaws marathon, as the 4th of July plays a huge role in the film. I watched it that year and loved it all over again. Now my tradition trades off between Twilight Zone and Jaws every 4th of July.
So now we are seriously back on to the film review.
First let’s set the mood. It is the summer of 1975. Many families, young adults, teens, etc. are vacationing at beaches. Amity Island (where our story takes place) is one such beach. It is located on the east coast (a sort of Martha’s Vineyard that poor and rich can afford). On this particular night there are quite a few college age kids having bonfires on the beach. They are drinking beer, toking up (it is the ’70s), etc. One guy, Tom Cassidy, spots a blonde, Chrissie. The two run off away from the crowd to “be alone”.
As they get far from the crowds, Chrissie begins stripping and invites Tom in for some moonlight skinny dipping. She dives in right away and Tom tries to follow. However, he is far too bombed and collapses on the beach.
Chrissie is unaware and continues to swim. This is the last swim she will ever take.
The next day we are introduced to Martin Brody, the new Chief of Police. Brody is a native of New York City, but he and his family moved out to take over the Amity Island police force as they thought it would be easier, simpler and less deadly.
Anyways, we’ll get into that later. So Chief Brody (Scheider) has been called to go looking for Chrissie. He and his deputy Hendricks, go down to the beach to search for clues. It doesn’t take them long until they discover her corpse.
AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Back at the police station he gets asked to deal with the usual cases of the day; kids karate chopping down fences and other stuff. It seems to be business as usual until the report comes back. It states Shark Attack.
Immediately, Brodie runs to the hardware store to pick up materials to make sign to close the beaches.
However, the Mayor doesn’t like that. He knows that if word gets around that there are sharks in the water he can say good-bye to all those summer dollars.
Good-bye
Without that money, the winter will be hard on everyone. These people depend on the summer dollars to keep the island going year round. The Mayor convinces the coroner to “take a second look” of which causes the coroner to determine he had made “a mistake”. There was no shark attack, just a boating accident as she swam into a propeller.
Since that is the decision, Brody can’t do anything but allow the beaches to remain open. But this is all against his better judgement.
But hey, he is a newcomer that lives in a small town. He has to play the politics. Even if they have dire consequences.
So as time goes on more tourists come to the island. The beaches are stock full of visitors. Brody is worried and nervously scans the water. Everything is fine…until it isn’t.
I just love that scene when they zoom into Brodie’s face. It is fantastic. So Bruce sure did a number.
After her son’s death, Mrs. Kitner issues a $3000 reward for the capture of the shark. The town holds a meeting in which Brody lets them know he contacted someone from the Oceanographic Institute for advice. Brody wants to close down the beaches, but no one will listen. The fighting is interrupted by Quint, in one of the best scenes.
So great it was spoofed:
Brody goes home and orders his children to go nowhere near the water, even though his son Michael just got a new boat. Brody’s wife Ellen thinks he is overreacting, that is until she looks at the pictures in his shark book. She then firmly decides that staying out of the water is a great idea.
AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With such a high bounty, everyone wants to kill the shark. Expert fishermen from all over. Average joes. Everybody.
Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) comes to town, as he is the person from the Oceanographic Institute. He has an interesting background. Hooper was a rich boy that was into science and became a marine biologist. This can often be something that is hard to fund, so his parents + trust fund really come in handy.
Anyways, once Brody finds out who he is, has has him take a look at the remains.
“[Hooper is examining the remains of the first victim – describes the post-mortem into his tape recorder]
Hooper: The height and weight of the victim can only be estimated from the partial remains. The torso has been severed in mid-thorax; there are no major organs remaining…Right arm has been severed above the elbow with massive tissue loss in the upper musculature… partially denuded bone remaining…[to the m.e. and Brody] This was no boat accident! [to Brody] Did you notify the Coast Guard about this?
Brody: No. It was only local jurisdiction.
Hooper: [continues post-mortem] The left arm, head, shoulders, sternum and portions of the rib cage are intact…[to Brody] Do not smoke in here, thank you very much. [lifts up the severed arm] This is what happens. It indicates the non-frenzied feeding of a large squalus – possibly Longimanus or Isurus glauca. Now… the enormous amount of tissue loss prevents any detailed analysis; however the attacking squalus must be considerably larger than any normal squalus found in these waters. Didn’t you get on a boat and check out these waters?
Brody: No.
Hooper: Well, this is not a boat accident! And it wasn’t any propeller; and it wasn’t any coral reef; and it wasn’t Jack the Ripper! It was a shark.
Conclusion: Shark
Meanwhile, out on the ocean, some fishermen have caught a large shark. Everyone is happy to see it and that the reign of terror is over. The monster has been slain.
Hooper steps up to investigate the shark:
And tells everyone that it is the wrong shark. It is a tiger shark, not a great white. The bite radius is all wrong. They decide to keep the beaches closed until they can cut him open and see if the remains are inside it. Before they leave, Mrs. Kinter arrives and slaps Brody across the face. She heard about the deaths and how they suspected sharks were in the area and blames Brody for everything.
Now Brody just takes this as he blames himself, but I always hated that. It wasn’t his fault! He wanted to stop them from keeping the beaches open. It was the greedy, evil mayor who wouldn’t listen.
Mayor from Buffy the vampire slayer
Well, I guess he could be much worse.
So Hooper joins the Brody clan for dinner. Now in the book, Ellen knew Hooper’s older brother and the two just spent the time reminiscing. They later had an affair. Luckily Speilberg was smart enough to cut that out, and they instead discuss the situation. Hooper explains that a rogue shark will often claim territory to an area where the feeding is good and will remain there until the food source is gone. In order to protect the town, they decide they need to get down there and cut that shark open.
No human remains means that the real shark is out there. Bruce? Where are you hiding?
Here I am!
Hooper decides they have to go out that night as the Great White Shark is a night feeder. Now Brody hates the water, as we mentioned earlier, but goes out with Hooper. Using Hooper’s fancy equipment, they pick up a fishing boat, that Brody recognizes as Ben Gardner’s. Hooper dives under and finds one big surprise.
The next morning Brody and Hooper try to get the Mayor to listen to them, but all the Mayor is thinking about is the graffiti on the Amity Island billboard.
Sign from Universal Studios Backstage Tour
Hooper has figured out that the shark that is attacking is a great white. The evidence all points to it and they need to close the beaches down. But the mayor won’t listen to him. Hooper lost the Great White Shark tooth he found and the Mayor sees it as tooo convinent. He believes that Hooper is just trying to spread a sensation as he wants to be written up in the National Geographic or something. However, that’s not the real truth. To be honest, the Mayor is just thinking about making money over saving lives.
Bad things happen when you don’t listen
July 4th the beaches are flooded. This is not good, not good at all. Brody, Hooper, and the cops are constantly patrolling the beaches, but all are on edge as they are waiting…waiting for the shark to attack.
Michael, Brody’s son, wants to go in the water, but Brody won’t let him. He tells him to go to the estuary instead as it is safer.
You never learn
Suddenly a shark fin appears in the water
AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!
But it turns out to be just a prank. Some stupid kids decided to dress as a shark. Seriously guys, what were you thinking?
While everyone is watching this and dealing with it…not too far away something happens.
A girl painting down by the estuary see’s a shark. She starts crying out the word, but most think it is a hoax. Brody starts to head over, but when he hears his son is down there he runs like crazy.
Now this is a great scene but I can’t find a good clip of it online. You’ll just have to watch the film! So Michael and his friends get capsized along with another guy. The shark devours tons of people, including the man that tried to help them.
Here I am!
Michael makes it out okay, but suffers severely from shock. Brody takes him to the hospital and yells at the Mayor, demanding that he pay all of Quints commands and let’s him kill the shark.
So the three set out to catch that fish, even though they face some issues. Quint wants to go it alone, but Brody insists that he and Hooper have to come along. Quints dislikes Hooper as he sees him as some rich boy having fun with daddy’s money, not a real fisherman or worker like Quint. Quint also dislikes having Brody as he knows nothing about fish or fishing, but at least he’s not afraid to get his hands dirty. Hooper is tired of the all the “you don’t know nothing, kid” crap he is getting from Quint and also annoyed at Brody. Brody has a fear of the water that he is trying to overcome, managing two grown men who are acting like children, and is afraid that he might not make it home to see family. There is a lot of stuff going on.
Once at sea they start getting ready for the hunt. Baiting lines. Chumming the water. And that is when we have the most famous lines from the film uttered. (You know it wasn’t even scripted. Scheider just uttered it in the heat of the moment.)
And that is when the real hunting begins!
That night the guys get drunk and start bonding. Singing drinking songs. Comparing scars and wounds. You know, the typical guy stuff. But that’s when things get serious and Quint describes his hatred for sharks.
At this moment, its not about the money. It’s not about the fame. Quint has become Captain Ahab, and he wants his whale…or shark in this case.
In fact this is one of the most dramatic scenes in the film as you get the underlying reason why this is so important to him. Of course as it is one of the most famous scenes, it has to be parodied.
Back to the film. The next day the hunt continues. They try and take the shark but Bruce proves to more powerful than they expected. They tried to reel it on, but it nearly capsized the Orca. Hooper decides to be lowered down in a shark cage to shoot Bruce with a harpoon filled with strychnine nitrate.
Hooper manages to escape the shark. This was were he was supposed to die, but then Speilberg changed his mind. After attacking Hooper, Bruce decides to go after the ship.
Pic of the shark from the Universal Backstage Tour ride
He crushes it and causes it to lean toward him. Brody and Quint struggle to hold on, but Quint loses his grip and finds himself in the belly of the beast.
Brody takes on killing the shark all by himself. This is why Brody is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One Shark Week on Discovery channel they actually tested out everything in the film. They discovered that if you shot a tank from the 1970s you could blow up a shark. You just have to shoot it right.
Hooper finally gets his act together and meets up with Brody, the two creating a raft and swimming off in the distance.
“I used to be afraid of the water,” Brody admits.
“I can’t imagine why,” Hooper replies.
But that’s not the end of the post. Oh, no we still have a bit more to cover. 🙂
So for my 20th birthday, my parents told me we could do whatever I wanted. It was the last time they were going to throw a party for me. I really wanted to go to Disneyland as the last time I had gone was when I was 12 (I went recently and will do a post on what it was like later). I decided on Universal Studios as it was much cheaper, and they were having a special for their anniversary that you buy a pass, you get in free for the year! Sweet!
So as we entered the gates, I was asked by a worker to fill out a survey for a free gift. You know me and free.
So I did and we got to skip the lines for the Backstage Studio Tour! Whooooooooooo!!!!!
So you see all kinds of cool things on that tour, but I’m not going to speak on everything. We gotta stay Jaws focused here. So at one point we drive to Amity Island.
Sign from Universal Studios Backstage Tour
We see the fake shark that they thought was Bruce but wasn’t.
Then we things get intense. Bruce attacks!
There were actually three Bruces created for the film. The first one is passed along museums, the second is at Universal studios, and the third privately owned. After Bruce attacks, they blow him up!
It’s so intense! The flames feel so close! It’s AWESOME!
Later I got to see Brody’s actual costume in the Universal Pictures Museum (that’s where I saw the Marty McFly one from Back to the Future: Part III).
But that’s not the end! So the other day a friend and I were discussing Jaws and Bruce’s motives.
Anjelica: Is this a horror movie? Or is it an animal, drama/history movie about a misunderstood shark that only wants hugs from others, but his eating disorder and anger issues gets in the way?
Me: Horror film. He is purposely hunting down Brody and his family, as seen in the sequels.
Anjelica: “Hunting down” or passionately pursuing the family he always wanted to have. Jaws should just befriend, Orca: The Killer Whale. lol
Me: I have changed my view on Bruce the shark. So Quint was in a shark attack but survived. He was supposed to die in it but somehow cheated death. Bruce is a supernatural entity (that’s why he can’t really die and comes back in the 3 sequels) in the guise of a shark that has been hunting him down to right that past wrong. He finally succeeds in killing him and is supposed to take Hooper too (as he dies in the book and original draft of the script) but Brody gets in the way. In fact Brody manages to destroy his “earthly form”. Then Bruce becomes angry and falls from his post (like Davy Jones in the Pirates films) and starts hunting for Brody, along with taking down all of his family.
So there we have it. I have officially joined the dark side. I have fully become a tumblr with that last comment.
So there we go. One of the best horror films that have affected us as people so strongly. People are afraid to swim because of this movie. Ever summer one week on the Discovery Channelis devoted to sharks. The theme is so AWESOME!!!!! I mean every time you go in water you have to hum it.
It is one amazing film. If you haven’t seen it, watch it. If you have seen it, watch it again.
And that’s the real end. I swear. Hope you enjoyed it!
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