Every Twenty-Third Spring for Twenty Three Days, it Gets to Eat: Jeepers Creepers (2001)

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Every 23rd Spring, for 23 days, it gets to… eat.

So years ago my sister was looking to watch something on TV and put on Jeepers Creepers 2. I saw the part where he is a scarecrow, or actually pretending to be one, I guess. After that scene she changed the channel as she either thought it was too scary for me, or was tired of my asking questions about who the guy was and why he was doing that.

No thank youhowaboutno

Since then I have never seen another Jeepers Creepers film, but the other day my friend and I were having a scary movie marathon and decided to check it out. She had never finished it, and I had never seen it before; so we thought we’d make good company.

Even Stevens watch tv watch films

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So the film starts off with Darry Jenner (Justin Long) and his sister Trish (Gina Phillips) are heading home for spring break. They play a game of guessing the meaning of license plates as they drive. They are having a pretty uneventful trip when a van comes behind them and drives all crazy, frightening them.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The car eventually goes around them and they see the license plate says “BEATINGU”. They think that is the last of him.

Majorly

They continue driving when they see an old church. And just who should be there? The guy who was driving frantically earlier. They see him dump a black bag tied up with rope that resembles a body down a large pipe. They quickly decide to call the police, but can’t because the phone is dead.

Trish: [Darry’s cell phone las a low battery] The point of having a portable phone, idiot, is so that it works when you need it.

Darry: I have a power cable for it.

Trish: Yeah, and I have a cigarette lighter *that doesn’t work*!

Darry: G****** it! What did I say? My car! We should’ve taken my car!

As they continue past, the guy sees them and drives after them, scaring them again, and running them off the road.

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When they get their car running again, they decide to do the smart thing and drive until they can find a phone and report what happened.

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Oh wait, no they do not do that. They decide to go to his place and investigate it.

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He is crazy, he has twice tried to run you off the road, and you are pretty sure that he just killed someone. WHY WOULD YOU GO THERE???!!

You are just asking to be killed.

You are just asking to be killed.

I thought these people were so stupid. No sane person would do that, that is until I saw what this was based on.

Say What

The director and writer insist that the film was an original concept and not based on anything but I think that is a lie. There is an Unsolved Mysteries episode that was aired in 1990, 11 years prior to the film, and is about a couple who likes playing games with license plates and has a similar experience of almost being run off the road, seeing a man toss a body, and trying to “investigate” it. One Youtuber put the two right after each other, and it is clear that Jeepers Creepers is based on this tale.

The killer in that case turned out to be Dennis DePue, a Michigan man, who murdered his wife when she wanted to leave him.

Anyways, so the two are stupidly looking around the area, when Darry gets the bright idea that he will go into the pipe and try to see if anyone is in there in need of help, while Trish holds his feet. All I can say is, bad idea.

Trish:[Darry wants to climb down in the pipe leading to the Creeper’s House of Pain] You know the part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid, and everybody hates them for it? This is it.

Yes, you guys never should have gone there, but called the police.

So of course Darry falls in, when the two are surprised by some rats.

Mmhm great gatsby

When he goes down into this pit he finds all kinds of horrors. Bodies that missing things, one that have been cut open and re-sewn. Some have been sewed together. Truly creepy and disgusting. And all the bodies are attached to the walls, like some crazy spider web/wall/cave thing.

Gilmore girls creep

Trish waits for him on top, not even looking to see if the PERSON IS COMING BACK!!! Seriously what is wrong with you?

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Eventually Darry comes up, but they never explain how he got out. He is extremely traumatized, especially after he saw a dead girl from their home town’s body.

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

They drive to the nearest phone and to get gas. There they get a call on the pay phone from Jezelle Gay Hartman, the local psychic.

LOL Cotton and Cotton

She knows all about them and warns them to get away. The creeper will be after them. They think it is a prank, hangup and call the police.

When the police get there they don’t really believe Darry as he sounds out of his mind.

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The car license was registered years ago, and no longer valid. Some of the things he says, the people, have been missing for over twenty years. If they were dead that long, how was the body still full of skin? It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but they decide to follow the two and head out to the church.

This next scene I thought was done really well. I liked how they do all the action with the Creeper in the background, through the back window. And watch for the sign placement when the Creeper eats the policeman.

After that they try and stop somewhere for a phone, and end up at a cat lady’s house. She’s pretty awesome as she grabs her shotgun and starts shooting the Creeper up, not letting him in her house. He kills her though, and reveals what he looks like. And it is pretty gross. He’s like a bat-person thing, and even has wings.

A little more man than bat though.

A little more man than bat though.

Trish hits the Creeper with her car and then runs over it five times. You go girl! You keep doing that, make sure that sucker is extremely injured or dead.

[after running over the Creeper]

Darry: Is he dead?

Trish: They never are.

They go to the police station and try to report what has happened, but the cops don’t really believe them. There they meet the psychic Jezelle, who tells them the Creeper is after them. Every 23 years, for 23 days, he hunts people; taking those he can who have organs he can eat and will become a part of his body. He smells something in Darry and Trish; although Jezelle isn’t sure which one he is after.

I really love how they don't show his face right away. That always adds to the effect of the horror film.

He’s coming to get you

The Creeper is wounded and his body all broken in places. He cuts the power at the police station and feasts on the prisoners to heal himself. The police try to stop him but can’t.

Meanwhile Jezelle has warned the two that one will die a horrible death. She tells them they need to get away and stays behind to try and fight the creeper. The creeper doesn’t want her, and throws her aside, hunting the brother and sister.

He goes after the two, and takes Darry. Trish tries to change his mind and pleads for her to take him; but he looks at her and goes off with Darry.

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The police check the abandoned church and find everything like Darry said; but no Creeper and no Darry. He has found a new lair, and has taken Darry’s eyes.

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I thought the film was alright. I didn’t think it was that good, and there was a lot of stuff unexplained; but I guess I’m in the minority as it was a huge hit in theaters and for Long’s career, had a sequel that made even more money, and will be getting a threequel next year.

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jeeperscreepers

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to Night on Bald Mountain: Fantasia (1940)

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For more Justin Long, go to You’re My Exception: He’s Just NOT That Into You (2009)

For more psychics, go to Someone Has Erased His Memory: Total Recall (1990)

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How To Survive A Horror Film

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With Halloween approaching and the number of Horror films increasing, I thought it would be a good time to write a post on how to survive a horror film, just in case you happen upon this situation 😉 . Most of us have heard of the “Randy Rules” in Scream (1996), but in this we are going to look a bit more in depth in how to successfully survive a horror film.

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1) Do Not Try Out Witchcraft, Ouija Boards, or any of the Occult for “Fun.” You Will Be Messing with Forces You Have No Control Over

It is never good to mess with the occult, play around with witchcraft, or use the ouija board. When you do such things you are opening a door to a lot of stuff you don’t want to mess with. Often you open yourself or others to demon possession or evil spirits. It is best to just stay far away from such things.

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2) Do Not Make Deals With the Devil, Demons, or Other Supernatural Beings

Never, ever make a deal with the devil. It is like trying to mess with the occult or witchcraft, you are opening yourself up to serious trouble, and the devil will not like to loose his quarry. Besides, the deals/wishes you make never turn out exactly as you hope.

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3) Anything and Everything Can be a Weapon

One of the things that bothers me the most is when people are surrounded by potential weapons and don’t use them. I mean look at Scream (1996), when Tatum is in the garage and attacked by Ghostface, she tries to squeeze herself through a tiny hole to escape rather then use something, anything in the garage. I mean she is in a GARAGE!!! There are hundreds of potential weapons! USE THEM!!! That is one example, but seriously, use anything and everything.

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4) Don’t Stop Assaulting Your Attacker Until You are Sure They Are Not Going to Get Up

Now this is huge. In horror movies, if the person is able to outwit the killer and knock them out, they usually just leave it at that and take off. DON’T! You knock that sucker out until you are sure they are no longer going to try to injure you. Break their legs if necessary. Because if you don’t, they are just going to recover and come after you.

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5) If Someone Gives You a Protective Charm Do Not Give It Away

I have mentioned this in Dracula (1931), The Mummy (1932), The Wolf Man (1941), Scream 2 (1997), and many more. If someone gives you some kind of charm that is supposed to help you and only work for you, DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY!!!! It will only work FOR YOU!!!! That is why it was given TO YOU!! And if you give it away you are just going to get yourself and the person you were trying to help in serious trouble. Keep it and protect yourself so that you can actually help others, instead of accidentally killing them.

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6) Sex = Death

As Randy says in Scream, Sex = Death. Never overlook the purity angle, it is like a protective charm. If you don’t do it, you are less likely to die.

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7) Doctors are Almost Always Evil

Sometimes Doctors can be good people, but if you are in a horror film, forget it; they are usually evil. Such as Dr. Hartz from The Lady Vanishes (1938), he seems kindly and trying to help, but in reality just wants the main character to think they are going crazy! Same thing in Dr. Hollingshead from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947). Then you have doctors who commit horrible things in the name of science; like We have Dr. Frankenstein (from any Frankenstein film) who tries to create life and can’t control his monster. Or  there is Dr. Arthur Carrington from The Thing From Another World (1951), who almost kills everyone as he doesn’t care about human life but scientific discovery is what matters. Not to mention Dr. Alfred Brandon from I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957), who experiments on teenage boy. And lets not forget Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who eats people. I could go on, but there are too many examples to choose from.

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8) Do Not Spend the Night in an Abandoned or Haunted House, Psychiatric Hospital, or Carnival

I mean seriously. Just do not go there. Nothing good will ever, ever, ever come of it! I mean look at The Uninvited (1944), House on Haunted Hill (1959), House on Haunted Hill (1999), The Hunting (1963), The Haunting (1999), etc. I could go on and on, but let’s continue with our list.

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9) If There is a Curse on Something Do Not Touch It

I know curses, many laugh at them; but of you are in a horror film and you see something that says it is cursed DON’T TOUCH IT! It is better to live another day then to have yourself face all kinds of horrors.

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10) Do Not Drink Any Potions or Test An Experiment On Yourself

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER test a potion or try an experiment on yourself. It always ends badly! I mean you have Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, The Fly, Batman’s Man-Bat he had to fight, even Goosebumps did an episode where the dad ended up creating a plant clone of himself. I know many don’t like animal testing or get under the stress of trying to accomplish something; but just stop! Don’t test yourself or else something bad will be created.

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11) If There is a Murderer Running Around, Do Not Go Out and Party

This drives me crazy! A murderer is running around killing people and people decide to: 1) not take any precautions; 2) go about their lives like nothing is different; and 3) party. If there is a murderer running around, yes it is good to be in a group (rule 12 & 17) but you shouldn’t be out partying, drinking (rule 13) or putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

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12) Never Split Up

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NEVER, EVER, EVER go anywhere by yourself. There is power in numbers! As a group you could take a killer down, versus as a couple or single. When you split up, all you do us make it easier for someone to kill you.

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13) Do Not Do Drugs or Drink

While some of you might enjoy that type of thing it is never a good idea in a horror film. Anytime you try something that will keep you from thinking clearly, you are in serious trouble as you are likely to make bad decisions that will lead to your death. It is better to just say no.

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14) Always Call the Police

If you are being attacked, threatened, harassed, etc.; call the police. Don’t try and take care of it yourself, don’t try to investigate, call FOR BACKUP! That’s their job!!! They have guns and can make an arrest!

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15) Never Say “I’ll Be Right Back”

Unlike the Terminator here, you won’t be back. Uttering these words is signing a death warrant, as soon as they leave your lips you become next on the killer/creature’s hit list.

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16) Never Say “Who’s There?”

Killer Scary Movie

Never say “who’s there”. If the person was a friend, they wouldn’t be skulking around your house in the first place, trying to scare you. Instead they would knock, ring the doorbell, or call out to you. The only type of person who would be creeping in your house is one who intends on harming you. And if you call out “who’s there”, you’re just helping them find and kill you faster.

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17) Do Not Go Out to Investigate a Strange Noise

When you hear something strange outside, do not go out and look into it. You should wait for assistance or call in the police. If you try looking yourself, you are going to end up in a trap set by a monster, psychopath, murderer, etc. Besides, why unlock the door or turn off the alarm; allowing whatever is watching you the opportunity to come in and attack? Just stay inside snug like a bug.

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18) Do Not Use the Bathroom

Have you ever though of how vulnerable you are in the bathroom? Most have no windows to flee from or they aren’t the most accessible. Some do, but for most the only easy way out is the door, which is where most attackers will come through. Plus the reason you would be in the bathroom; shower or toilet, you won’t have any weapons to help you and it would be extremely easy to kill you. If you are in a horror film, just hold it or stay stinky. You are more likely to live that way.

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19) Never Go Off By Yourself

Like I said before, the less people around you, the easier you are to kill. If you go off on your own to investigate, look around, run away; you are just putting a giant target on your back. Stay together, it is safer.

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20) Always Look Behind You and Above You

Always take a 360 degree look around you. They may be behind, they may be in front, they may even be above you. Search every angle!!!

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21) Be Nice, A Person Scorned or Mistreated Can Do Horror-ble Things

In horror movies, there are lots of people who have been bullied so much and hurt by others they end up becoming homicidal maniacs. And who do they tend to attack first? The last person to hurt them. Look at The Phantom of the Opera (any version), Carrie (1976), Hangman’s Curse (2003), Heathers (1985), etc. So if you don’t want to end up being first on the hit list be kind to those you meet.

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22) If You Are a Girl Or Not White, Be Extra Cautious

Psychopaths and monsters love to kill/eat women and minorities. Because of this if you are either, or both; take extra steps to protect yourself. Be like Ben in Night of the Living Dead.

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23) Don’t Trust Anyone, They Are All Suspects

People can tell you all kinds of things, but that doesn’t mean they are telling the truth. If you find yourself in a horror film, don’t trust anyone. And I mean ANYONE!

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24) Never Judge a Book By its Cover

Never judge a book by its cover. Someone who seems sweet, innocent, impossible to commit cruel acts, etc; could secretly have evil intentions lurking under the adorable facade. Always be watchful and once again, trust NO ONE!

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25) Children can Be Evil too, Never Rule Them Out

When trying to figure out who the murderer is, never overlook kids. I mean sure some will be obvious in their creepiness, such as the one pictured above, but there are many who look innocent and sweet but are actually evil. Don’t be fooled!

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26) Never Try to Create Life

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER try to create Life. It just does not go the way you plan. You can’t control the beasts you create and they just run amuck everywhere. I mean look at FrankensteinBride of Frankenstein, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, Alien: Resurrection, the list goes on but I’ll stop here.

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27) Never Try to Control a Monster

In any horror film, whenever they create  life they always think they have complete control over it. Well, that never works out. You see, just because you made it doesn’t mean it will listen to you; every parent knows that. And more often than not, those creations will try and kill you.

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28) If Someone Tries to Make a Deal with You to Kill Someone, Do Not Think it is a Joke

Joking around with the idea of murder might be something you would do with a friend, but be careful, you never know how far they might take it.

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29) Listen to Urban Myths, They Tend to be Right

We all like to hear scary stories around a campfire and about areas. But if you are in a horror film, play very close attention as more often than not, the myths and legends turn out to be true or someone is copying them and making them true. It is always good to pay attention and know the details, it just might save your life.

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30) Never Think You Have Destroyed a Monster, They Always Find a Way to Come Back

You try to kill them and you think you do, but they always come back. Always make sure you keep an eye out for the sequel and their return.

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31) Don’t Be an Idiot

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Be smart! Don’t be stupid and do stupid things. Use your common sense! Bimbos and Mimbos are almost always the first to die.

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So there we are, 31 tips to help you survive a horror film. I hope they help you survive October.

This post is brought to you by a

horrornerd

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

Keep tuned for more horror film reviews!

Man-Bat: On Leather Wings, Batman the Animated Series (1992)

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 I knew he discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat.

When I think of Batman, two things come to mind instantly. First, Michael Keaton as Batman and Batman: The Animated Series.

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Batman: The Animated Series came out in the ’90s, when children’s television was perfect. It was one of the best animated shows in the history of TV. One of my absolute favorite things about it is how they blend three different styles to create this artistic and amazing work. We have the Art Deco movement of the 1920s-30s, the 1940s outfits and clothing, blended with the technology of the ’90s and beyond (seriously, some of the things they created in this are things we actually have today!)

So this is the “first episode” in the series, but not the first one shown. It was the first one made but was actually aired later because of the popularity of Batman Returns, them going with the episode The Cat and the Claw as it had to do with Selena Kyle.

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So while this isn’t the most famous episode, the best written, etc; I liked it and it fit one of the themes we had going this year. The real name of the episode is actually On Leather Wings, but I liked Man-Bat better.

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So the first part of this episode is the amazing opening.

We open on Phoenix Pharmaceuticals. The night watchman of course, isn’t paying any attention. He’s trying to make a tryout tape for a radio program. All of a sudden he is attacked!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We, the viewer, are unable to see what this creature is. All we see is a shadow, that resembles something like a….Bat!

Dracula

NO not him…that movie were he and Batman meet was kinda weird.

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NO not him either.

Sadface Batman

Definitely not him. But everyone thinks it is. Who else could have gotten in and loves bats as much as him?

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Officer Bullock hates Batman and is all set to do anything to take him down. The commissioner, on the other hand, doesn’t want to destroy Batman, he thinks that he does good (even though he does technically break the law by being a vigilante.)

However, the mayor sees it as best to get rid of him and gives Bullock full backup. Harvey Dent also agrees if they can get the evidence and the Batman; he will do it.

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Things are looking grim for the Caped Crusader, everyone is going to be on his tail.

Sadface Batman

So Batman starts investigating. The first thing he does, it head out to the Pharmaceutical company to do some research. As he looks around with his special goggles, he spots a hair, strange. After some more thorough digging, he also finds the tape recorder, which not only caught the guard but the sounds of whatever attacked him.

As he is searching around, Bullock comes with a whole contingent of SWAT. Man when the mayor says he’s got your back, he means it.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

So Bullock comes in and pretty much blows up the lab with his trigger happy ways. Thank goodness for Batman, or they would all be dead right now.

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Commissioner Gordon comes by and relays that while Bullock was pretty much wiping out his own men; another company was being robbed. It clearly is not Batman. But we already knew that, I mean come on. It’s Batman!

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As Bruce Wayne is an amazing scientist, with technology that most only dreams of, he still isn’t the leader in the study of bats and heads out to visit a Dr. March.

Freidrich March

Freidrich March?

He tells the doctor that he has a “bat issue”:

Dr. March: You donate a few million and you think you own the place. I understand I’m the analyze something for you.

Bruce Wayne: Yeah, doc. See, I keep hearing squeaks in my chimney.

[Hands Dr. March a small plastic sandwich bag]

Bruce Wayne: And I found these in my empty fireplace. They look like hairs. I thought maybe you could tell me if I have a bat problem.

Dr. March: And what if they are bats, Mr. Wayne? What then? Destroy them like insects? We won’t survive the next evolutionary cataclysm, but bats will! They’re survivors, Mr. Wayne, not pests! You should understand that!

I think he loves bats a little too much.

Gilmore girls creep

However, a beautiful blonde doctor rescues Bruce, Dr. Francine Langstrom, his daughter. She is followed by her husband Dr. Kirk, who assures Bruce that they can help him. Kirk acts kind of weird too…

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Maybe it runs in the family? Francine could be the exception.

Anyways, later Dr. Langstrom calls Bruce and tells him that they ran the hair and that it is a regular old brown bat, and the noise on the tape a combo of bats and birds.

Not always the best idea

Just the usual.

Except, unbeknownst to Dr. Langstrom, Batman already ran the hair follicle and the sounds through the computer and no match came up. He the tape again, under combined noises, but no match.

Meanwhile, we see someone burning the evidence of the tape and the hair. We already know both doctors are crazy, maybe even Francine (nicely rounding out to three), but which could be behind this? And why?

suspicious Hmm

Batman also figures out that the answer lies in the lab and takes off.

Batman reaches the lab and finds things from Phoenix Pharmaceuticals. He  searches for Dr. March to apprehend him, but runs into Dr. Langstrom.

Dr. Kirk Langstrom: Who’s back there? [Batman steps out of the shadowsYou.

Batman: I’m looking for Dr. March.

Dr. Kirk Langstrom: He’s not here, Batman.

Batman: Where is he?

Dr. Kirk Langstrom: Giving a lecture on human extinction and bat evolution. He’s really quite brilliant.

Batman: [holding up a stolen chemical] He’s misguided and a thief.

Dr. Kirk Langstrom: He’s just a theorist. He was afraid to put it to the test. But I wasn’t. I knew he discovered a formula to create a totally new species, neither man nor bat. And once I started taking it, I couldn’t stop.

Yep Kirk is the Man-Bat

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Batman asks him why he didn’t stop, but Dr. Langstrom said he couldn’t.

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And he enjoyed it. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; he got a little taste and can’t give it up. He’s addicted and can’t stop, turning into….the Man-Bat.

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He only needs one more component to stay that way forever, and he’s out to get it.

You know what that means for Batman.

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Batman Vs. Man-Bat

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Batman and the Man-Bat are fighting in the sky, as Batman has hooked on to him. As they struggle, Commissioner Gordon and Officer Bullock heads up in a chopper to try and get him.

They manage to get away from the police and Batman knocks him out.

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He takes him back to the lab, and Batman uses it to fix Dr. Langstrom and heals him of the drug. How you may ask? Two words:

Dean Winchester Batman

Batman can do anything.

Batman NaNaNaNa

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to And Then There Was Two: A Study in Scarlet (1933)

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For more on Batman, go to Na Na Na Na Batman!

For more on mad scientists, go to We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

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