The Austen Series: Amanda

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Amanda (The Austen Series) by Debra White Smith

So this book is a retelling of Jane Austen’s Emma, set in modern times Australia

Under Capricorn

I know, Australia was an odd choice for a retelling of Jane Austen. I mean most people in Austen’s time wouldn’t really like Australians as they would see them as robbers, thieves, criminals, etc.

I also had a few issues with it being Australian as I am not scholled in Australian. Sometimes they way they talked I had no idea what it was about.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

But moving on…

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Amanda Wood Priebe (Emma Woodhouse) is a successful owner of a travel agency. She lives with her father and takes care of him as he is aging. Even though he doesn’t really need additional care.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

This was one of the problems I had with the book. In Emma, her father was destroyed with the death of his wife and became the biggest hypochondriac and worrywart you could ever imagine. He ages exponentially and this is why Emma want to stay and take care of him. She knows that he needs her or will fall apart, and that factors into her decision to never leave or ever marry.

Emma

In this he is confident, lucid, and perfectly al;e to take care of himself with maybe a little extra help. There is no reason why she feels the need to stay with him. In fact it is kinda weird…

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So Amanda’s best friend is her secretary Haley Schmitz (Harriet Smith). She is currently dating Roger a farmer, who Amanda feels isn’t right for her. Instead she wants to set her up with the new music minister, Mason Eldridge.

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Her other best friend is Nathan Knighton (Mr. Knightley) owner of a well to do department store. He is also the younger brother of the man that Emma’s sister married.

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So the book mostly follows the story of Emma with a few differences.  Instead of a ball, Emma throws a yearly party at her agency. You know, small things like that.

No big deal

No big deal

So let’s go over first what I liked in this adaption.

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Nate Knitghton/Mr. Knightley

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I really liked the way that Smith wrote the Mr. Knightley character.

Say What

Yes. Unlike other adaptions, she really got into his head and showed aspects of the story from his point of view. Often authors only go so far, but I enjoyed how he interacted with Amanda/Emma and the other characters, how they built up his attraction, and his qualms about having a relationship with a friend, what if she doesn’t reciprocate? What if it goes bad?

Knightly proposel28o7_250

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Haley/Harriet

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The Harriet character was also done well. Giving her a background of foster care and being moved from place to place established the perfect level of insecurity to blindly follow all Amanda’s plans with matchmaking.

It makes sense why she would act this way.

It makes sense why she would act this way.

I also like how you see her love for Roger has a few insecurities with him going away and focusing on the business, coupled with her own insecurities and Emma’s manipulations; all creating the perfect breeding ground for her to be swayed to another. But at the same time we see how she is able to quickly move past that heartbreak of Mr. Elton (as she didn’t really like him), and return to her real love of Roger.

HIMYM TedLove you and not tolerate quirks

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Now what I didn’t like:

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Colonel Wood Priebe/Mr. Woodhouse

I already talked about the Mr. Woodhouse-Emma relationship, so let me move on.

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Christian but Not Really

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Another thing I didn’t like about this book was that it marketed itself as Christian but isn’t really.

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In reality the the praying or  when they talk about their “relationship” with God is just a footnote or an afterthought.

Blah, blah

I mean write if you want to write a non-Christian retelling of Emma then write it. If you want it to be Christian then write that. Just don’t give me this lukewarm mess that is “Christian” but only a smatter. I mean go big or not at all, no in between.

No thank youhowaboutno

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 Amanda/Emma

Emma

So to our final piece, the one that carries it all…how did she do?

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I did not like the character of Amanda.

Something is not right!

Mostly because Emma just didn’t work in this modern setting.

No thank youhowaboutno

In Jane Austen’s work, Emma is from a wealthy class and doesn’t really have any friends her equal to spend her time with; especially with her sister and governess married. She is extremely lonely and bored.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

She begins manipulating, not out of spite, but because it is far interesting than another night alone with her dad, reading, just doing the same old thing. It doesn’t fit with Amanda having this other outlet, as she is great at her job and her work is something she loves. Australia is not as constrained by “social standing” so there isn’t the same level of alienation either. Instead of being bored and turning to matchmaking, she just comes off a controlling manipulator who only cares about herself.

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It just didn’t work; instead of the character being lovable or enjoyable she just seemed cold and cruel. A real “Mean Girl”, if you know what I mean.

MeanGirls I know right!

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So in conclusion? I didn’t like it.

dislike hate you

I mean some parts were good like Harriet and Mr. Knightley’s modern counterparts, but on a whole the book was kinda boring and just didn’t work without a fantastic main character, Emma/Amanda.

No thank youhowaboutno

If I were you, I would just pass this one by.

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For more books based on Jane Austen’s work, go to The Dashwood Sisters Tell All: A Modern Day Novel of Jane Austen

For more on Emmago to Is This Really Just the Same?: Daring Chloe

For more Emma variations, go to Emma (1996) AKA the Kate Beckinsale Version

For more on bible verses, go to I’d Lay Down My Life for You: Pocahontas (1995)

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Where We’re Going, We Don’t Need Roads

So it’s that time of the year again!

Happy-New-Year

It’s time for our year in review! This is a time to reflect on what the past year held for us, the big posts, what’s new, and what you all seemed to like the most. 😀 Something I did this year that I have never done before is post every single day, in fact I have reached my 300th and 400th post in this year.

Double double yay

So even though what I have listed below may seem like a lot, especially compared to the previous year’s reviews, this post is actually only covering a few things. You really should check out the year yourself. To start at the beginning go here.

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1) The Views

DisturbWhileRead

This year I had 31000 views!!!! Isn’t that amazing! I had only 9,542 views last year, which means this blog has widely grown! I have all of you to thank along with twitter and the good people at Buzzfeed who have been using my pics and linking them back to me. The top viewed day was October 11, in which I posted my review of Scream 2It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?: Scream 2.

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2) The Number One Post

Princess Leia

The number one post this year came during my 30 Days of Disney (see #17) in which I wrote about my favorite Disney princess. Since Disney has acquired Lucasfilm that makes Princess Leia a Disney Princess, and, in my opinion, the ultimate one. To read more go to A True Princess.

Second place went to a post from my first Valentine’s Day countdown, Fulfilling the List: A Walk to Remember. In third was a post from my 2013 Halloween countdown, I Saw Goody Osburn With the Devil: The Crucible. In fourth place a post dedicated to my sixth month anniversary, Happy Anniversary. And rounding out this list we have in fifth place, a post all the way from my first holiday countdown, HorrorfestA Monster Race: Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf

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3) The Followers

Thank-you-in-many-languages

So this community has really grown in numbers and I can not describe how pleased I am about that. We have gone from 14 followers in 2012 to 42 followers in 2013, and are now at 169. That’s amazing!

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So enough about the statistics and numbers! Let’s move on to what was covered this year and what changes I have made to the blog!

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4) Quotable Quotes

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I started a new category this year called Quotable Quotes. These are different quotes from books or sayings that I just absolute adore. Since I’ve added it, I’ve had a gazillion of them posted. In fact, almost every post has a quote or saying now incorporated in it. Be sure that 2015 will bring many more!

For more on Ayn Rand, go to In Their Proper Place: Metropolis (1927)

For more Quotes, go to The Final Chapter

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5) Social Media

Twitter

This year I have expanded myself throughout social media! I am on facebook, twitter, and tumblr. Follow me for extra goodies, including my #ManCandyMondays and #FilmFridays.

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6) Quizzes

MeanGirls

Go here to see who you are

Another new category I added this year was quizzes. Everyone loves personality quizzes, right? Well I’ve decided since I love to take them, that I might as well incorporate them in my posts. They are fun, and I always include the link so you can take your own.

For more Quizzes, go to What a Fanatic!

For more on Mean Girls, go to Food, Food, Food!

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7) Chinese New Year

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With 2014 we saw a return of the Chinese New Year post, but it being a bit different. Because there are so many lovable Horse characters, I decided to list 14 of my favorite fictional horses from books and movies; instead of favorite moments involving horses. To read the post, go to A Horse’s Tale

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8) Romance is in the Air: Part II

Valentines

I brought back my Romance is in the Air: 14 Most Romantic Moments. I have to say some of them may be unusual, but my blog, my choices. The movies I covered were: It Happened One Night (1934), It’s a Wonderful Life (1946), Roman Holiday (1953), Mystic Pizza (1988), The Little Mermaid (1989), Anastasia (1997), Flintstones Viva Rock Vegas (2000), Princess Diaries (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), Love Actually (2003), The Notebook (2004), Persuasion (2007), Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II (2011), and Catching Fire (2013)

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9) Scenes from My Life 

StoryOfMyLifeSomeLikeItHotMarilynMonroe

As every year I like to include little snippets of my everyday life. Such as my brush with death in Final Destination: Bike Edition. A weird experience in the mall, A Trip to the Mall Turns Into the Twilight Zone. Getting attacked in Snow White of a Day. Phone harassment by an ex-girlfriend in Do You Know Where Alex Is? A teddy bear I could NOT get rid of no matter how hard I tried in The Teddy Bear that Would NOT Die! My views on clothes of the day in Fashion Show. A day of incredibly BAD luck in Just One of Those Days…Nights…No DaysHow ordering pizza can be more than ordinary in Pizza Delivery. My attempt to start a revolution and its failure in Viva La Révolution. My attempts to dye my hair in That Girl is Poison. An exercise attempt gone horribly wrong in The Little MorelandA chance meeting with a really hunky guy in Just a MomentHow chickens really hindered my day in Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?  And an attack by a Christmas Tree in O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree.

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10) My Favorite Movie Lines

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As promised I brought this back! I tried to post every month 100 of my favorite movie lines: Episode III: Revenge of the My Favorite Movie Lines, Episode IV: A New Favorite Movie Lines List, Episode V: My Favorite Movie Lines List Strikes Back, Part VII: It Was Said One Night, Part VIII: The Little Movie Line List, and Part IX: Adventures in Movie Lines.

In June I did a whole post on my favorite Disney movie lines, Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines ListIn October I did a post on my favorite horror film lines, Part X: The Movie List That Would Not DieAnd in November, I did an ’80s themed post: Part XI: A Movie Lines List Excellent Adventure.

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11) Verne’s Back

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2014 saw the conclusion of the Verne Saga. Some of you may have read my Verne Saga, but for those of you who have never heard of it before, Verne was a guy who kept hitting on me and never leaving me alone. Everytime I thought it was over, he’d pop up again. Although this last sighting was the very last one…I hope.

To read the Verne Saga from the beginning,  go to Flirting With Disaster

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13) Honoring Pride and Prejudice

Pride and Prejudice Book Cover

Two years ago marked the 100th birthday of Pride and Prejudice and I was hoping to do extensive posts on the book; going over the novel, reviewing books based on it, movies, TV series, etc. Unfortunately, things happened and I was unable to continue. However, I did pick it up this year, and here are the posts I did on it. In Flu Season I talk about how Kitty is treated unfairly. In Just Can’t Get a Break I discussed how worse off Mary has it. In First ImpressionsI talked about all the wrong things Mr. Darcy did when he was introduced to everyone. In Oh NO YOU DIDN’T I wrote on Elizabeth’s reaction to Darcy calling her “tolerable.” In The After Party, I wrote on how one always discuses what went on during a dance when it has ended. In An Assembly Such As This, I reviewed Pamela Aidan’s first novel in the Fitzwilliam Darcy, Gentleman series. Be assured there are plenty more to come.

Now when I was working on going through the novel, I decided it was unfair to the rest of the works to ignore them all. So what I have decided is that I am going to try and do all at the same time. Reading so many chapters in one, and matching that in all the others. Of course, along with doing books based on, films, etc. I have already started on Sense and Sensibility. 

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I have so far done only one post on it, A Family Affair, but there are plenty more coming. I also will be doing something on Emma as December 25th marks her 100th birthday as well.

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14) Painted Portrayals

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For Easter, I once again discussed different pieces of Art that depicted Christ. This year I chose The Last Supper by Juan de JuanesDuccio’s Betrayal of Christand Reubens’ The Elevation of the Cross

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15) Musical Stylings of Me

SabrinatheTeenageWitchgroovin

So I continued my posts of my favorite songs. This year I covered The Final Countdown by EuropeUnbound (The Wild Ride) by Avenged Sevenfold, Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas, Na-Na-Na (Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na) by My Chemical Romance, Highway Star by Deep Purple, Rock You Like a Hurricane by The Scorpions, Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace, and In Love with the ’80s (Pink Tux to the Prom)There will be many more as I love music!

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16) Scenes of Supernatural

wantManSupernatural

Since my love of Supernatural is extremely strong and I include stuff from them all the time (i mean they have a gif for everything), I have also included a Supernatural category this year. There is plenty in the past and even more of Supernatural in the future.

For more on Supernatural, go to I Before E, Especially After P

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17) 30 Day Challenge: Disney Edition

DisneyLove

Every day in the month of June I did a post on something I love about Disney. I’m such a Disney girl, that these were hard choices but I was able to complete them all. Day 1) Your Favorite Disney Princess, Day 2) Your Favorite Disney Prince, Day 3) Your Favorite Disney Heroine, Day 4) Your Favorite Disney Animal, Day 5) An Underrated Disney Movie, Day 6) Your Favorite Disney Villain, Day 7) Your Favorite Disney Male Sidekick, Day 8) Your Favorite Disney Female Sidekick, Day 9) A Disney Film You Like but Others Hate, Day 10) The Most Aesthetically Pleasing Disney Film, Day 11) Your Favorite Disney Song, Day 12) Your Favorite Disney Love Song, Day 13) Your Favorite Disney Villain Song, Day 14) Your Least Favorite Disney Song, Day 15) The First Disney Movie You Ever Saw, Day 16) A Disney Movie that Makes You Laugh, Day 17) Your Least Favorite Disney Classic, Day 18) Your Favorite Disney-Pixar, Day 19) Your Least Favorite Disney-Pixar, Day 20) Favorite Disney Sequel, Day 21) A Disney Movie that Makes Your Cry, Day 22) Saddest Disney Death, Day 23) Your Favorite Disney Theme Park Ride, Day 24) Your Favorite Disney Kiss, Day 25) Your Favorite Disney Classic, Day 26) Your Favorite Disney Original Movie (DCOM), Day 27) Your Favorite Disney Hero, Day 28) Your Favorite Scene from Your Favorite Disney Movie, Day 29) Your Favorite Disney Remake, and Day 30) Your Favorite Disney Character of All-Time.

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18) Getting Over a Heartbreak Series

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This July I started a series of songs to help someone get over a break up. I would post every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday from July to September. It was a lot of work but fun as well. The songs I chose were If It Means a Lot to You by A Day to RememberThe End by SilversteinI Don’t Love You by My Chemical RomanceNow You’re Gone by Everyday Sunday, Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley, Good or Bad by Action Item, Love Stinks by The J. Geils Band, That’s What You Get by Paramore, Chin Up Kid by Forever the Sickest KidsI’ll Be Alright Without You by Journey, For a Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic by Paramore, Missing You by John Waite, Gone Forever by Three Days GracePut Me Out by The Used, But It’s Alright by Huey Lewis & the News, Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson, Move Along by The All-American RejectsUp and Up by Relient K, Red Rubber Ball by The Cyrkle, Over You by Daughtry, I Don’t Want to Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem) by Good Charlotte, Here I Go Again by Whitesnake, Love Will Find a Way by Pablo Cruise, Don’t Stop Believin’ by JourneyThe Lining is Silver by Relient K, Whip It by Devo, Be Good to Yourself by Journey, Any Way You Want It by Journey, Unbound by Avenged Sevenfold, Here I Go by Relient K, and I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.

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19) Harry Potter

Harry Potter Slytherin

So this year I read all the Harry Potter books and saw all the movies. I am planning on doing a post on my thoughts of them soon. (I just have so many ideas and never enough time!) But because of that, I included a new category on Harry Potter and have mentioned it in many posts. And, yes I am a Slithryn, just like my favorite character Snape.

For more on the Harry Potter Series, go to When in Doubt

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20) Horrorfest III

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So this was the third installment of my horrorfest series, that is 31 days of horror films or Halloween episodes.

I covered the following films this year: Metropolis (1927), The Wolf Man (1941), Shadow of a Doubt (1943), Laura (1944),  Under Capricorn (1949), Dial “M” for Murder (1954), I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957), Queen of Outer Space (1958), Jaws (1975), An American Werewolf in London (1981), The Terminator (1984), Scream (1996), Scream 2 (1997), Phantoms (1998), Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman (2000), Scream 3 (2000), Along Came a Spider (2001), The Ring (2002), When A Stranger Calls (2006), The Mist (2007), The Lovely Bones (2009), Vampires Suck (2010), The Wolfman (2010),  Scre4m (2011), Godzilla (2014), and Gone Girl (2014). 

I also reviewed the following TV episodes: Happily Ever Aftermath from Grimm, Monster Movie from Supernatural, Tuesday the 17th from Psych, and Who’s Afraid of Cory Wolf? from Boy Meets World, 

And I did a post on 100 of my favorite movie lines from horror films, Part X: The Movie List That Would Not Die. 

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21) The Fifth of November

V for vendetta V remember the 5th of november

So celebrating the 5th of November isn’t exactly new as I have done it in the past. However, the last time I did it, it was on Doc Brown’s amazing idea of Time Travel. This year I did it on V for Vendetta. To read the post, go to Remember, Remember the 5th of November.

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22) Fandom Posts

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This year I started a series of posts on things I am a huge fan of or fandoms I am in. It was supposed to just be one post, but instead has become very many. I post every Sunday, with each post covering six of the things I fan over. So far I have covered: Agatha Christie, Alfred Hitchcock,  Anne of Green Gables, Archie ComicsThe Avengers, Avenged Sevenfold, Awkward, Back to the Future, Batman, Bones, Boy Meets World, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Captain America, The Chronicles of Narnia, Copper, Criminal Minds, CSI, DanisNotOnFire/Dan Howell, Deadwood, Diagnosis Murder, Disney, Downton Abbey, Frank Peretti, The 4400, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Friday Night Lights, Game of Thrones, Garfield, Gilmore Girls, The Godfather, and Jane Austen

If you would like to check these out, go to Fanning All Over the Place, Simply Fantastic, Fantastic Fantasies, A Whole Lot of Fanfareand What a Fanatic!

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23) Thanksgiving
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Two years ago I did a Thanksgiving post, and I decided to do it again this year. I not only talked about what I’m thankful for, but pie, Twin Peaks, and Supernatural.

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Last year I mentioned I found this on Pinterest:

Jar of memories

But I ended up with so much stuff I actually had to do a shoebox full. Just so you all know, I will be posting on that shortly.

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So happy 2015 everybody!

And don’t forget to dress like this!

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And this!

Backtothefuture2

May this year be as awesome as always imagined!

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To read a review of the year 2013, go to Looking at the Past, Focusing on the Future

For the review of the year 2012, go to Looking Back, Moving Forward

For more on Back to the Future, go to Just a Friendly Reminder

It’s Coming From Inside the House: When A Stranger Calls (2006)

when-a-stranger-calls-2006-posterWe traced the call! It’s coming from inside the house! Do you hear me? It’s coming from inside the house! You need to get out!

So I love this movie so much! It came out during the period of remakes of 1970s horror films, you had Dracula 2000, The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005), The Wicker Man (2006), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Carrie (2002), The Omen (2006), The Hills Have Eyes (2006), Dawn of the Dead (2004), Halloween (2007), and Invasion (2007). 

I thought it was a great remake, although I’ve never seen the original. And as the trailer revels the climatic ending I don’t feel bad about doing so either.

So the film starts off a police cleanup as a baby-sitter and the kids she had been watching were ripped to shreds.

The_Wolf_Man_4Crying

 Then we cut to out protagonist Jill who is practicing track. She is suffering from a supremo of bad days. Her times are all off and she needs to improve her speed. Part of the reason she is sucking so much is that she is distracted by her broken heart.

Broken Heart

It turns out that her boyfriend and best friend hooked up! What jerks!

jerk_alert32

And she is grounded because she went over the mins on her phone. Remember, back in the day when every cellphone plan had min limits, and everyone was going over them all the time?

Oops!

Oops!

She really wants to go to the bonfire party, but the only place she is allowed to go is to babysit.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Yep, the money from the job is supposed to be enough to cover the cost of the phone bill. They must be paying her an awful lot of money.

money money money

To further her punishment, she can’t have her own car but has to be dropped off by her dad and then dropped off by the couple when they return from their night. Now this is a pretty sweet baby-sitting job. It is for a rich family, who lets you eat anything in the house, watch things on their massive TV, getting paid lots of money, and you don’t even have to look after the kiddos as they’re sick.

MeanGirls I know right!

Only one problem, she is in the freakin’ middle of nowhere. But it is a beautiful house!

when a stranger calls

It has a so many glass windows and such, it also has an inside garden/aviary thing.

When a stranger calls

Now my home has a whole wall of windows, so when I first watched this with my friends we were all freaked out during the…well I’ll save that for later.

So Jill doesn’t have much to do as the kids are sick and knocked out upstairs. The maid is there, but will be leaving shortly after she finishes her rounds. The couple have an older son who attends college and he may or may not be coming back to visit, but if he does he’ll crash in the guest house in their backyard.

Seems easy enough

Seems easy enough

So Jill gets ready for a night o’ fun. She eats popsicles and tries on jewelry and clothes.

Thesweetestthing.png movie montage

Everything is fun and games until Jill begins to receive anonymous and annoying phone calls.

when-a-stranger-calls

Jill Johnson: [phone rings] Hello? [no answer] [sighs] Mandrakis Residence.

Voice of the Stranger: Have you checked the children?

Jill Johnson: What

[Stranger hangs up. Jill runs and checks on the children. Comes back downstairs]

Jill Johnson: [phone rings] Hello?

Voice of the Stranger: [pauses] How were the children?

At this point in the film if you look hard enough you can actually see him watching her through the window while she is walking around and talking to her on the phone.

Gilmore girls creep

In between she gets some creepy calls from her ex’s friends. She gets even more calls, but then one turns out to be her ex-friend Tiffany. Tiff the big, bad, boyfriend stealer.

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Tiff comes and tries to fix things between them, with Jill feeling lukewarm about the whole thing. She kicks Tiff out, who tries to leave but can’t as a tree blocks her path. A tree that wasn’t there earlier. That means only one thing, bye-bye Tiff.

Goodbye now!

Goodbye now!

 

The calls continue getting even creepier.

When-a-Stranger-Calls-s01

Jill Johnson: Tiffany, I know it’s you. I can see your name on Caller ID, genius.

Voice of the Stranger: This isn’t Tiffany.

Jill Johnson: Who is this?

Voice of the Stranger: [pause] Who is this?

Jill Johnson: Cody?

Voice of the Stranger: Who’s Cody?

Jill Johnson: You better cut this out!

[stranger hangs up]

Now for the most part Jill is pretty smart girl. She calls the police and tries to get them to trace the call and get rid of her stalker. She keeps the security system on at all times. When she sees a light go on in the guest house, she thinks it might be the son and tries to get him to come back with her to help.

She turns the security system off and runs down to the guest house to get the son. When she gets in there, she discovers that there is no one there.

What the

Jill concludes that it must have been the maid, going over here to clean and then left after she completed the job. She runs back to the house, causing the security system to go off. She gets a call from the company, but tells them that it is only her. She must have only thought she turned the system off.

She continues to get more calls from “the Stranger”, telling her that he can see her.

Oh Crap! [Note: Pic from When a Stranger Calls not Phantoms]

Oh Crap!

Jill Johnson: He can see me!

Officer Burroughs: Sorry?

Jill Johnson: It’s Jill, the girl who called before about the man who keeps on calling.

Officer Burroughs: What’s going on?

Jill Johnson: He called me again.

Officer Burroughs: What did he say?

Jill Johnson: He’s out there, he’s outside, he’s watching me through the windows.

Officer Burroughs: Did you see him?

Jill Johnson: No, but I know he can see me, because I went upstairs…

Officer Burroughs: Okay, take a deep breath, where’s the house keeper?

Jill Johnson: I don’t know, I saw her purse and the keys but I can’t find her.

Officer Burroughs: The house locked up?

Jill Johnson: Yes.

Officer Burroughs: Alarm system?

Jill Johnson: It’s on.

Officer Burroughs: Okay, you’re safe inside that house. If he wanted to break in, he wouldn’t be calling.

Jill Johnson: But he must want something!

Officer Burroughs: Listen to me, Miss, it’s just some a****** trying to hassle you.

So when my friends and I were watching this film, we were in the living room which has a whole wall made entirely out of windows, similar to the house in the film. There is also a window behind the TV. As we were watching this part, something hit our window.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our cat had jumped up on the fence outside and hit the window with her tail. We were just so into the film that we were creeped out.

So back to the film. So Jill keeps trying to talk to “the Stranger” so the police can trace the calls. It is so creepy, it was like when that crazy girl kept calling/texting me last spring.

Jill Johnson: [On phone] You really scared me, if that’s what you wanted. Is that what you wanted?

Voice of the Stranger: No.

Jill Johnson: What do you want?

Voice of the Stranger: Your blood all over me.

Gilmore girls creep

As gross and creepy and Nightmare in Elm Street’s Freddy Kreugar.

EW!

EW!

That’s when everything starts to fall apart.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Besides Tiff, Jill also finds the body of the housemaid. She tries to help save the children, but end up getting in a deadly fight with “the Stranger”.

Save the Children!!!!

Save the Children!!!!

Jill is awesome how she takes down the stranger, totally kicking butt.

Kudos for carrying the crowbar

Kudos for carrying the crowbar

The cops come and capture the killer and cart him off, taking Jill with them to be looked at.

when a stranger calls

The ending is great, with its nod to Friday the 13th. Check it out, it is an amazing film!

The creepiest thing about this film is how the guy watches her and how he gets in the house and does the whole cat and mouse game. It is such a creeptastic film.

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

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For more on When a Stranger Calls, go to Do You Know Where Alex Is?

For more on psychopathic killers, go to Everyone’s Entitled to One Good Scare

For more great remakes, go to Redone Done Right

Food, Food, Food!

Let’s talk about food.

I'mahobbit

It’s like I’m a hobbit or something

2ndBreakfast Lord of the Rings

And of course after I eat I feel like a fatty

hungry

Like every time

don't eat

But how can I when food is so good!???!

BonesSweetsLoveChocolate

Yeah…so

Lovefood

But you know what? Food is always there for you:

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So you know what, I’ve decided to give up the fight.

Fridge

I’m gonna just enjoy those fatty foods

extrafries

How could I live without fries? You can’t

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And Nachos:

Nachos

Pizza:

I love Pizza

I love Pizza

Cheese:

parmesanCheesetoomuch

Pie:

PieTwinPeaks

Cookies?

cookies

Yep:

AnAffairtoRememberillegalimmoralfatteningthingswelovemost

But you know what:

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I agree

julia child

Thank you Julia for approving of my life choices. After all

MentalistDeadIcecream

And BTW:

curvy

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I want to end this post honoring those who died on 9/11. Thank you to those who helped out in the aftermath, and an even greater thank you to those who gave their lives. We owe a debt to you and your families that we can never repay.

“That I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.”

-God Bless the U.S.A.

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For more on Lord of the Rings, go to Lord of the Cats

For more on Lydia Bennet, go to How to Catch a Man

For more on Sabrina the Teenage Witch, go to Pizza Power

For more on Mean Girls, go to Just Can’t Get a Break

For more on Jim Davis, go to For All the Men Who Wonder What It’s Like

For more on Friends (TV Show), go to I Will Survive

For more on Joey Tribbiani, go to I Don’t Wanna Be in Love (Dance Floor Anthem)

For more of my favorite quotes, go to Here I Go

Parental Favoritism

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Favoritism sucks, unless you are the one getting it. But even then it can be bad as others will be jealous of you and mean to you because of it. After all look what happened to Joseph.

Now everyone knows that in a family of more than one there is a favorite child. And everyone suspects that it is someone other than them. Hardly anyone ever thinks they are the favorite. Now while we know this, we never expect to hear our parents actually say who the favorite one is. Nothing sucks more than to hear your parents clearly state who they love best..

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Knowing who is the favorite or the golden child often drives children to rebel or do all kinds of things to hurt their parents or beloved sibling because they are so angry. I mean its hard not to sympathize with the way they were treated and understand why they end up doing such horrible things. I mean look at King Lear. I don’t feel bad for Goneril or Regan but  empathize with Edmund. I mean after constantly being told you are nothing more than an accident and worthless because you are not legitimate, would make nearly anyone power mad and crazy.

In Pride and Prejudice, parental favoritism is loud and clear and in your face. Mrs. Bennet just adores Lydia (probably because Lydia is exactly like her) with Jane being her second favorite as in Mrs. Bennet’s eyes she is the prettiest of all the Bennet girls.

“I am sure she [Elizabeth] is not half as handsome as Jane, nor half so good-humored as Lydia.” (pg. 4)

Rank

Mr Bennet too has his favorite, and like Mrs. Bennet has no qualms saying who it is:

“They are all silly and ignorant like others girls; but Lizzie has something more of a quickness than her sisters.” (pg. 4)

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Just like all those other things I referenced, letting your children know who you favor can totally screw them up. I mean first of all look at Lydia. Lydia knows she is the mom’s favorite and just does what she wants to, never thinking about how she is affecting the rest of her family. She is spoiled and never disciplined. I mean it’s no wonder that she runs off with Wickham, with her attitude, you wonder how she didn’t get in trouble long before.

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Then you have Jane, who all her mother focuses on is her beauty while her father mostly ignores her. Poor Jane, forever only being seen as an object rather than a person. Her mother sees her as a tool for prosperity, always going on and trying to maneuver her. I’m surprised someone hasn’t written a book with her version of the story. I mean with all the Darcy, Wickham, Lydia and numerous other ways the story has been retold you kind of wonder why one hasn’t been done to show us what Jane thinks.

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And what about Kitty? Older than Lydia but always stuck in her shadow. Either getting blamed for things (like coughing or her being at fault for Lydia taking off with Wickham) its no surprise that she holds on to the secret of Lydia running off, happy to finally be the center of attention.

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And poor Mary. She gets nothing!

She’s not the pretty one or the smart one and is mostly ignored by everyone. Jane & Lizzie are best friends and Lydia & Kitty are best friends; leaving Mary all alone with nobody. No wonder she throws herself into her music, intent on proving how special she is with her musical talent.

Just make sure your musical genius doesn't lead you to becoming a stalker or murderer Your story isn't as romantic as the POG's. Mary can't pull that off.

Just make sure your musical genius doesn’t lead you to becoming a stalker or murderer or recluse. We all can’t pull off that story

One of these days, poor Mary might just break. If the girls lived in modern day I would definitely put my money on her being featured on the news. Tonight on SnappedOne day mild-mannered Mary up and murdered tons of people. When asked why:

You made me stop and let other girls have a turn.

You made me stop and let other girls have a turn.

And Elizabeth…well Elizabeth is practically perfect in every way. It’s amazing how she was able to do that

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Oh yeah…well…I did say practically! 🙂

For another Pride & Prejudice post go to It’s a Truth Universally Acknowledged

For more Jane Bennet, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen

For more Elizabeth Bennet, go to The Real Revolutionary

For more on Mary Bennet, go to Just Can’t Get a Break

For more on Kitty Bennet, go to Flu Season

For more Lydia Bennet, go to Death Comes to Pemberley

Sucky Sequels: Mean Girls 2 (2011)

So the other day I had just come home from the store and was dead tired from walking there and back; along with carrying my groceries.

I had work in little over an hour so I decided to surf the channels until I found something good. Of course it was one of those days where nothing is on.

Then I saw something with Meaghan Jette Martin in it. I was intrigued as I only knew Meaghan from the completely sucky TV series  10 Things I Hate About You(The show was so awful! They ruined the movie! I could write a huge post on everything wrong with that show, but I’ll save that for another time. To read more on what I think of the actual film, click  here.)

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The film was Mean Girls 2 which sucked so bad. I mean the original film was awesome as it was so real at how it expressed how girls are in high school. Every girl could relate to it! Everyone could relate to it! I loved it! Why must they constantly remake or create sucky sequels of great films?

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I was just about to flip the channel and try to find something else when who should walk across the screen and change everything?

The Very Handsome…The Very HOT…The Very Talented…

Rock Of Ages - European Film Premiere

Diego Boneta!!!

I love this guy! Ever since his guest role in Pretty Little Liars and Drew in Rock of Ages! I couldn’t believe he was in this movie! I mean he deserves so much better. But now that I saw him in there I couldn’t stop watching. I mean look at this guy how could you say no?

Can't look away from his gorgeousness.

Can’t look away from his gorgeousness.

So the film was very dumb and predictable. The main girl, Jo, bands with the “losers” to take down the head girls. Problems arise as the secret Jo has been hiding is found out and she loses her friends; her love interest, and her power. In the end everything works out and everyone gets back together.

Blah, blah

Besides  sucking because of its predictability, it had HUGE plot holes and many, many, many things wrong with it! How did the writers and producers pass this on through?

What the heck is that?

1) North Shore High in Ohio

Why are they in Ohio? They weren’t in Ohio in the first film. I thought they were in California. So now why place them in Ohio? Do they feel that having it in Ohio makes it more racecar friendly as that is the job her dad has? And if it is a different school from the first one, why have the same principle? Does he just like to oversee schools named North Shore? Since the plot was nowhere near the first film, and in a completely different area; why even use the same actor to be the principle and use the same name? Don’t establish links of continuity if there is none!

2) People would not think Jo was the hottest girl ever because she is new

Contrary to cinema belief, when a girl moves to a new school, people don’t think she’s automatically hot. New does not equal hot. It’s more on par with John Tucker Must Die as people don’t know the new girl and don’t care to. I mean in this film they treat her as if she is Aphrodite gracing Earth with a visit.

LOL another 10 Things I Hate About You reference

LOL another 10 Things I Hate About You reference

Now I am not saying that this is what a personally believe, nor am I saying that this is what people should assume; what I am saying is that if a girl dressed grungy, took shop class, knew how to work on cars, made feminist remarks, knew all about sports, almost breaks a guy’s arm for touching her, and doesn’t wear a bra all the time; most people would assume she was a man-hating feminist; also decreasing her hotness factor with most of the guys in the school to 0. And therefore Jo would be friendzoned for life.

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3) NO dogs in school

Okay dogs are not allowed in school. My friend trained guide dogs and brought the pup into school until it graduated and the teachers plus the principle always hated it. Principal Miller had a cow the day that one of the yellow labs pooped in the outside hallway. I remember our English teacher Ms. Martyn hated the dogs. She was always complaining about tripping over it and “play” threatening to get rid of it. One year the dog’s name was Mackenzie, Ms. Martyn’s first name and she would become upset whenever someone would call the dog.

Anyways, yeah dogs are not allowed in school. City ordinances state that domestic animals are not allowed in public education places.

 

Better Schooch your Pooch

Better Scooch your Pooch

4) Dating the School “Hottie” to get a modeling career

So Mandi is dating the school “Hottie”, I put it in quotations because he is clearly a nottie. Tyler (Diego Boneta) is the hottest, but as we have just been told that he and Mandi are siblings that means he is off limits. Anyways, Mandi’s convoluted plan is to date this immature jerk, Nick, so that when he gets his football scholarship to UCLA she can visit him and become a model.

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Mandi’s supposed to be rich and the prettiest girl around. Why doesn’t she just have her parents pay for a portfolio, model there in Ohio and then move out to California. I’m pretty positive that there are many modeling agencies in Ohio.  Oh look there are! And why California over New York? New York is closer to Ohio than California and it has been the fashion capital of the United States for a lot longer. LA will always be second.

I mean it makes sense that she would date the school “hottie” to keep her position of power, but for a modeling career? That just seems weird. And why even go to CA just to visit him? If she wants to be a model that bad, why not just move out there on her own? Why does she need him to be a model? That doesn’t make any sense at all.

5) Guess what…we’re poor

So Jo has always wanted to go to Carniege Mellon since that is where her mom went. Unfortunately, dear old dad lost all the money they had and they can’t afford to send her there, she’ll have to apply to in-state. Now I may be wrong here, but Jo made it sound as if her dad had all the money tucked away set on her tuition. Tuition for Carniege Mellon in 2011 when this film came out was $44,450, (that’s just tuition alone). That means it was $177,800 (before tuition increased) for four years. How did the dad lose all that money? You think that even if he was playing the stock market, like the film uses as an explanation for lack of funds, he would still have been plugging some away. You don’t just put money on stocks and hope that sixteen years later you would have over $177,800. I mean he should have at least most of the first year squirreled away. I mean she is an only child and it seems like he was always planning on sending her to college. And with Jo applying to financial aid she should get some support. The next year she would have completed a year’s residency and can apply for in-state tuition.

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It would be more believable if her dad lost it gambling or due to a past addiction; but I think this was on abcfamily so they wouldn’t have that.

6) French Revolution Meltdown

So we hear of why the Queen Bee Mandi hates super nice girl Abby. Back in middle school Mandi had a French Revolution party and Abby outshone her in a Marie Antoinette oufit.

First of all what 11-year old has a French Revolution themed Halloween party? What kid (besides me and other nerds) even knew about the French Revolution? (I had read he children’s version of A Tale of Two Cities already and the Marie Antoinette Diary from the Royal Diary Series.)  What popular kid who is not into school or history would do that? And what kid would ever do that for a Halloween party? Not much imagination allowed for costumes. Usually you do “At the Movies”, “Disney”, “Monster Films”or a “Decade” party. But hey, I guess it makes buying the food easy, as you can serve them nothing. That would get those kids really into the spirit. It would make more sense for her to have a Phantom of the Opera party as the film just came out. The Marie Antoinette film which would have sparked interest in the French Revolution wouldn’t be coming out for another two years.

And why would someone throwing a French Revolution party, and not dress up as Marie Antoinette? It’s her party of course she is going to be Queen, especially if she is Queen Bee of the school. No way would the host dress up as a peasant girl.AdrianBoothroyd_998696c

And on that note, what parent would dare send their child to someone else’s party dressed up as the Queen? That is just rude and distasteful. Dear Abby would disapprove! You know, at this point I can’t say I blame Mandi for hating Abby, I would have been pissed too.

Is this too crazy?

Oh look Abby, you’re up.

7) I Want the Disabled Spot!!!

Okay so Mandi gets a boot up her butt because she has the number two spot, the number one is the disabled parking, which Abby ends up snagging. Come on now, no one would be jealous over that. Besides, Mandi would hate to wear a walking cast, as it would clash with all her outfits. Not buying it.

8) Pimping Out Your Friends…That’s Real Friendship

So Mandi enlists the help of school web designer and nerd Elliot in order to embarrass Abby. In fact to make sure he does it, she pimps out her friend Chastity. The only problem with this is that she never had to pimp out her friend in the first place. Mandi asks Elliot for a favor and he agrees right away. Then she sics Chastity on him to make sure he does it. But if he already agreed than why do that? Why pay for something when you can get it for free? That makes no sense at all!

9) “Most Girls Would Have Laughed, Texted, or Posted a Status Update”

Okay writers I don’t know what Hell you’ve been having Tyler live in, (oh wait that’s right Mandi’s house), but every girl he knows would have reacted that way? I find that a bit odd that Jo is the first girl he’s ever met that would actually show compassion. Seriously? Even if he has been sequestered in a home with a she-devil, I do expect him to go outside sometime and if he did he should meet way more than one girl who would not have been cruel to others for laughs. As a delegate of my sex I take it upon myself to be the one to teach Diego, uh I mean Tyler, that there are caring and compassionate women in this world. 😉

It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.

It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it.

10) Guns in School? Is this Writer on Crack?

So embarrassing Abby by spilling beans and sour cream on her, taking a pic, uploading that to the school website and texting it out to everyone wasn’t good enough for Mandi. She had a guy paintball Abby’s car! PAINTBALL!

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How the heck did they get a paintball gun in the school? Man the security guards, the principal, the cops, SWAT team would be all over this thing.

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And why on Earth would the black kid be the one doing it. Hello! Abby’s parents are super rich, and Mandi is not going to stick up for you! There is no way that this black guy would have been doing the shooting.

And lets get back to the gun issue. How the heck do you get a paintball gun in school, and why are there no cops crawling all over or taking you down? Paintball guns are not that quiet, a teacher would have heard and seen you and called 9-1-1. I mean a 7 year old got suspended for bringing a water gun to school, an Ohio first grader got suspended for bringing an airsoft gun to school (maybe it happens in Ohio more than I thought), oh and looky here Kansas student expelled for bringing a paintball gun to school. I mean after the Columbine shootings and Virgina Tech, schools don’t mess around. This kid would have been taken down or shot.

The Steve Sloan tackle

The Steve Sloan tackle

11) “It Wasn’t an Accident, Just Some Girls at School”

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This is more than just teasing, this is serious assault. They hired a guy to shoot up Abby’s car with a paintball gun. That’s messed up, that requires notifying the parents, that means taking action. Don’t  pull a Baby-sitter’s club and try and handle this problem all on your own.

12) Prostitution…I Mean Escorting or Supplying a Service

So Abby’s Billy Mays-esque father offers to pay Jo to be Abby’s best friend. When Jo declines, stating that this is wrong; he offers to pay her college tuition.

He looks devilish and creepy here. Definitely wouldn't want to be in a room alone with him.

He looks devilish and creepy here. Definitely wouldn’t want to be in a room alone with him.

Okay, I don’t care how much anyone wants their kid to have friends, there is no way he is paying $177,800 to some kid he doesn’t even know. If he is such a smart businessman, he could hire an actor and have them fake be enrolled in the school. I mean a guy who is always has a wad of bills on hand and “has more money than he can spend” would make that happen in a second.

And why would he pay her in cash? That seems really weird and under the table. I would think he was secretly in  the mafia or a drug lord. The Kingpin, Henry Hills, etc.

If I was Jo I would ask the dad to create a scholarship (in which I would be the one already set up to win) that I would apply to. Therefore causing me to not feel like a prostitute, and Abby would never find out that I was being paid to be her friend. (Which you know is going to happen, these films always follow a pattern.)

I wonder what her dad would say once he saw the money. I mean you could pull a 21 and tuck it away, but it is probably safer in a bank. But how would you explain were you got the dough from. Can’t say a casino as she isn’t 21 yet. If she tried to pay her tuition in cash the IRS would swoop on ’em. Problems galore.

13) B.A. Biker Chick?

Helloooooo she rides a Vespa! A frickin’ Vespa!! I don’t know what B.A. may be in Ohio but here in CA I have never heard people who ride Vespas called B.A. And Biker chick? Bikers would eat her for breakfast. I’m sure the Hell’s Angels would kill Mandi for even supposing that Vespa riding Jo is in the same level as them.

Ray Liotta would take Mandi, Jo, and the rest of the crew out just like in Wild Hogs. 

14) Paparazzi? Really TMZ Wannabe has that much time?

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I don’t care how popular, how cool, or how much of a Queen Bee she is; there is no way that this girl is going to approach her every morning for a quote on something to place in her paper.

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15) Mandi is a Sociopath

Clearly we have seen that Mandi has some issues, but she is also a raging sociopath. She is attractive and always decked out, she believes herself to be best, has no respect for rules and responsibilities (I think bringing a dog to school and hiring someone to shoot up a girl’s car clearly answers this as check), she is a pathological liar, she is a parasite that feeds on you, comes from a broken family, and she does you wrong “because you asked for it”. Not only does she fit those traits but has exhibited cruelty to animals (threw her dog in the trash), hired someone to assault a girl’s car with a gun (symbolizing what she wants to do to the girl in real life), gave someone with an allergy to strawberries the fruit that could kill her; clearly someone needs to turn her in before she becomes the next Patrick Bateman.

Patrick Bateman: I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Patrick Bateman: I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don’t know why. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

Further proof: Later she pimps out Chastity to get Jo’s file and has Hope stalk Jo. This girl needs help, pronto. And her friends need to find someone saner to hangout with.

16) Random Tyler Moment

Okay not that I’m complaining that we get a look at Diego Boneta, but this is just strange. Jo’s walking down the hallway and we see Tyler behind her about to approach her, but never does. Like what the heck writers! Is he too scared to ask her out? Did he get waylaid by a friend? Like why place him in a scene if he’s not going to do anything? Did you think we would forget about him?

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As if we could ever forget him.

17) Crushed Drink in Anger, Yet no Spills

Seriously?

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First of all it would be really hard to just crush it like that, but even more so not to spill on herself. The drink would have gone flying all over her, and she would have been full of stains. Just saying.

18) Not Breaking but Entering

Screen shot 2013-04-14 at 12.19.02 AMSo Mandi and the crew just run into the Mitchell’s garage in hopes of finding a way to embarrass Jo. Now, maybe this is just me, but wouldn’t you have locked your garage if you aren’t outside? Especially if you have an expensive racecar in it? Now I know that both Jo and her dad are home but that thing must have cost a fortune. Cars can be $1-3 million per team and engines alone can cause up to $8 million. If it were me, I’d be keeping that baby locked up tight.

19) Sticky Situation

So Mandi & Co decide that to really embarrass Jo and get her to march to their tune; they will put industrial glue on her vespa causing her to get stuck. The only problem is, it should have lost it’s stickiness long before then. Jo meets up with Abby around 3:00, went to the auto parts store and probably got home around 4:00-4:30. Abby went home about 4:30-5:20 when the girls showed up. They douse her Vespa with glue about 5:30-6. Now judging by most schools, she has class at 8 which means that she will be leaving anywhere from 7-7:30 So that glue that has been on the chair has been aired out for over 12 hours, it should be very dry now and not sticky. And wouldn’t Jo have noticed when she fixed up her Vespa?  I mean most industrial glue stinks. There is no way that the glue would be working by the time Jo place her rump on the  bike.

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20) Riding Vespa through the School

Screen shot 2013-04-14 at 12.39.21 AMAll I could think of when watching this is how much trouble she would get in. And you notice they always do something like this in movies, but it would never work in real life. There are too many people in the halls for you to get around or make wide enough turns. Plus how would she get it through the bathroom door? They always open out. The principal would be on her case, she’d probably be expelled, yeah muy mal.

21) Art Smock Skirt

Seriously? The art smock is just going to magically stay on her without any safety pins, ties, or buttons; and still look good? Yeah right! This is what Abby hands her.

funny_artist_art_smock_art_painting_apron-r3ff7dd4bc34e43dfa1d0dadfb63ae0a6_v9wtf_8byvr_512There is no way you are turning this into an actual skirt. I know, I’ve tried. I had a barbie shirt that was red and white, and really wanted a red skirt to go with it. Barbie didn’t have a red skirt, but she had a red apron. I tried to make a skirt, but a portion of Barbie’s hiney was always showing. You can’t do it by tying. I’m actually going to try myself to see if it works. I’ll let you know.

Yep tried it. Doesn’t work.

22) Golden Gate Bridge

Jo is telling Abby about some her favorite buildings and is super surprised Abby has heard of the Golden Gate Bridge. Hellooo, maybe my California is showing but I would think that most people in the US have heard of the Golden Gate Bridge. After all it is one of the seven man made wonders of the U.S. Jo you need to crawl out from under that rock you have been living in and get in the real world.

23) Grounds for Termination

So Jo is pretending to be Abby’s friend because Abby’s dad is paying her. Then Abby offers to draw buildings for Jo since she sucks as an artist but wants to be an architect, (wow-I hope you are good at math). Abby tells Jo not to tell Abby’s father because he doesn’t approve.

hold-up-wait-a-minute-let-me-put-some-pimpin-in-itI don’t know about you all, but this just screams BAD IDEA. Her dad isn’t going to be too happy to hear that you are encouraging something he disapproves of. If he finds out he will probably out you and fire you.

24) I’m Applying to Columbia…Just Kidding it’s really NYU

Uh, hello Abby but unless you are planning on paying for college yourself, your dad is going to figure out that you are going to NYU and not Columbia. In fact I don’t know how you even imagined getting that past him.

Ugh, and I hate these storylines. Oh no-poor little rich girl who has a ton of money and could go to any college anywhere-but shoot, Dad won’t support my artistic dreams.

Ugh!

I also feel the whole wealthy kid wanting to go to art school and dad not approving, and therefore the girl having to use her skills to make it on her own is a little too much of a ripoff of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, primarily the third book Girls in Pants. The same thing happens to Lena. I don’t understand how these rich kids can always get money and win scholarships, but here I am someone who’s parents can’t afford college and never seems to get the breaks. Oh yeah, that’s right, these are works of fiction and I’m in the real world. Seriously though, please STOP these storylines.

25) Jo’s Daydream/Memory (Not too sure which it is)

Actually there is nothing wrong with this scene. This was the best part of the film, (the only part). I just felt like including it. 😉

26) The Big Egg Drop Project

So in order to be one of the finalist for this architecture scholarship, Jo has to pass this egg drop project that is extremely hard. Now I’ve had to do this in my physics class, it is not that hard so don’t understand the big deal. In my class we had to create a basket made of paper and drop a raw egg in it. If the egg didn’t crack, we’d go on to the next level were we would have to drop an egg from a higher point. I remember just throwing a bunch of paper together and testing it out by tossing Dum Dums in it. Got it completed in less than 20 mins. Now they are having to make a parachute, but seriously why this be the big project? I was expecting something more like the projects they do in Ren’s woodshop class in Even Stevens. The one where she has makes a stool. I mean come on, the writers could have come up with something better.

27)Borrowed Car

I get that Nick has a nice car, and hey it would impress practically any girl but why doesn’t Tyler have his own sweet ride? Mandi has a cool car and she is only his stepsister, why isn’t his father buying his son a set of wheels?

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I mean in Pretty Little Liars when he was the “poor kid” dating rich Spencer he had an amazing set of wheels. Why doesn’t he have any when he is a rich kid?

I love Mustangs!

I love Mustangs!

It is true that we aren’t supposed to know that Mandi and Tyler are stepsibs yet, but still how come he doesn’t have a hot ride?

And granted, his friend could have a better car than him, but if he is planning on making out with Jo that night, wouldn’t it be strange to do it in your friends car? I mean I think that is sooo weird.

28) Photo Finish Date

Okay I get that the writers want to show this awesome date that Jo and Tyler are having but in a serious of snapshots? Are you kidding me? I understand that they might be tired of writing text, but that is one of the worst things you could do in the middle of the film. It just distances the viewer from the plot and to be perfectly honest, bores them. “Photographs” of scenes should only be done in the beginning or end, like The Parent Trap (1998). I mean who is taking these photos on their date? Did they bring a third person just for this? Is it a ghost?

29) Too Touchy-Feely

Okay this is Tyler and Jo’s first date, and Jo’s first date ever, there is no way they’d be THAT comfortable climbing all over and feeding each other. On the first date, you are still reserved as you are trying to figure out what is acceptable by the other person. There ain’t no way that Jo’d be that okay seeing as she’s never been on a date with any guy before and would definitely be way nervous and awkward.

30)Asking About Past Loves

Okay there is no way anyone would ask the question of “how many have you been with?” on the first date! It’s the FIRST DATE! Those are things you wait to ask until you have been dating for a while. No one wants to hear on the first date every single person their crush has been with. That comes later when the two have become more invested in each other and are not so quick to run out. Tyler I love ya, but that was a bad move.

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31) Tyler and Mandi? Hooking Up? GROSS!

Okay, why does everyone say this? I mean yes they grew up together, but they are step siblings. NOT BLOOD RELATED, therefore it is perfectly legal for them to have a relationship. I mean hasn’t any of these kids seen Cruel Intentions? (I don’t recommend it) They have that total vibe going on as Mandi seems waay into Tyler. Except Mandi is both the Ryan Phillippe and Sarah Michelle Gellar characters, Tyler is just awesome.

Cruel Intentions + Mean Girls 2

Cruel Intentions + Mean Girls 2

Jo could definitely be Reese Witherspoon‘s part.

32) I’m Sorry I Posted that Awful Video of You

Okay  Elliot apologizes for posting the video on the web, and says he no longer can be webmaster. All I can say is I’m feeling no sympathy for you here and I want some real groveling. YOU POSTED A VIDEO OF ME ON THE INTERNET, its going to be around FOREVER! You humiliated me in front of EVERYONE I deserve all kinds of things for you to prove your sorry. I’d be screaming at him like Karen when Henry stands her up in Goodfellas.

If I was Abby I’d be yelling at Elliot “whatever you are doing to earn my forgiveness, it better be good”. And it better be as high up there as Henry Hill’s “I’m sorry”.

33) The Wrong Eggs

Screen shot 2013-04-18 at 12.35.30 AM

So Mandi switches the eggs and Jo & Tyler end up with an unboiled egg instead of a boiled one. Their parachute crashes and they receive a 0.

First of all, when I did this in my physics class you had to use raw eggs because that better proved how strong your egg catcher thingy was. And we didn’t have a ruler we just had to try and toss it in our baskets. So I really am not understanding the level of difficulty this is supposed to be.

Secondly, besides that though, how could they not tell the egg was raw? I mean a raw egg has a completely different feel to it regarding weight. It just seems so much lighter and you can tell there is liquid in it.

Third, what teacher is really that much of a dipstick they won’t let you go again using the proper egg? He totally would have. Or they could bring their parents in and start a huge fuss how it wasn’t fair that they weren’t able to have an equal try.

And once again what does the egg drop have to do with architecture? NOTHING!

But hey at least one good thing came out of this. Raw egg is really good for your hair.

34) Doctor Supplying Drugs

Okay I don’t care how rich Hope may be, but there is no way that a doctor is going to provide her with laughing gas just because she asks for it.  Oh look:

“Ohio: Selling nitrous oxide to a person under 21 years of age is illegal. Selling nitrous oxide (to a person over 21 years of age) is illegal if also devices used to inhale nitrous oxide are sold, or if the seller has reason to believe that the nitrous oxide will be inhaled. All sales have to be recorded. All cartridges containing nitrous oxide have to be printed with a note which includes intended use and warning about the presence of ‘dangerous health effects’. “

Yeah, there is no way that Hope could have gotten a supply as her doctor would not want to risk losing his license.

35) Now You’re Just Asking for It (Not Breaking but Entering Part 2)

Screen shot 2013-04-18 at 12.53.29 AM

Okay man you have an expensive racecar in your garage! LOCK IT! This baby is  $1-3 million per team and engines alone can cause up to $8 million!! Keep that car locked up tight. You are just asking for someone to steal from you. No sympathy right now. I mean I have nothing valuable in my garage but I keep that puppy sealed up stronger than a Pharaoh’s tomb. This reminds me of the Bling Ring. These kids stole from a ton of stars because they never locked up their belongings. Come on you have valuables! Protect Them!

And this is further proof that Mandi is a psychopath.

36) “Not enough time, not enough money”

Okay so Jo’s dad is crying like a baby because his engine is ruined, and states that only if they had time and money to fix it. Now Jo has money that could probably help, but doesn’t offer it to her dad. What a jerk!

Now I know it would be hard to, because her father would want to know where it came from, and would probably make her give it back, but look at this man! How could you not even offer it?

It would break my heart to see my dad cry.

It would break my heart to see my dad cry.

37) Girl Hormones

Okay, I don’t like the fact that this movie is making it seem as if feeling upset and wanting to crush someone for hurting you is “girly” and something that “tomboy” Jo never did. Those are things everyone goes through, no matter what their sex. Bad form, bad form.

See Hook agrees with me.

See Hook agrees with me.

38) “But it was so much fun”

When Jo confronts Mandi she flat out admits she did it. Come on, there is no way that she would say it in a crowded area like that. I mean TMZ girl is not that far away and this is the scoop of the year. She’d pull a Campus Confidental and expose Mandi for the psycho she is. Mandi seems pretty smart, she’d probably say she didn’t know what Jo was talking about, while smiling the whole time to let Jo she knew exactly what she was talking about. The whole false innocent thing is totally Mandi’s MO. Plus she would know that would piss off Jo even more.

39) Almost tells her, but chickens out at the last minute.

Classic movie cliché, right up there with the POG. I mean right here you seal the friendships death warrant. There is no surprise ending in this film, we know how it will be. I know that it is something you can never seem to cut out of the equation, but I really wish they would come up with a new plot line than “I’m lying abut really being your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend, but I really fell for you in the end. Our relationship may have been built on a lie but the rest has been true” thing.

40) Getting ready for the party scene

Okay I understand that the writers created this scene so that we could see the brother/sister dynamics and that we could hear all the reasons why Tyler dislikes Mandi (that way when Jo starts acting like Mandi we will understand why the two break up. I mean we know they are going to be Super Ob.) But this scene is just too intimate. It just seems weird to me that he is talking to her while she is getting ready in her room that close to her.

Screen shot 2013-04-25 at 11.52.40 PM

I know the film is trying to dissuade a whole stepbrother/stepsister relationship, but this scene kept giving me flashbacks to Cruel Intentions. I mean the tension between the two was really similar.

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They should have had the scene in the  kitchen or living room or at least not have them speak that close to each other. I mean it looks like they are going to kiss.

41)”Who wants to go to a party where they have to wear cocktail dresses?”

Uh, Jo I know you are supposed to be a super tomboy, but do you really have so little imagination that you can’t fathom why some girls would want to dress up? Lots of girls enjoy it, I mean look at prom. You like to dress up and feel like a beautiful creature ever now and then.

And don’t you dare get on your tomboy high horse again, because you wear a nice dress to your own party. So…just shut up. So there. (Granted Abby’s mom insists that she dress up, but if Jo was really as principled as she is always insisting, she would have just ignored her)

So there!

They may be trying to portray Abby’s mom as silly but she’s right. If your the host/hostess you need to dress your best. It’s YOUR party. And the mom is totally right, YOYO (You’re Only Young Once) Live it up, when your old and gray you can look back on those memories of when you could wear those sexy dresses.

42) There is no way that Abby’s dress could fit Jo.

Abby’s mom insists the girls dress up and pulls out a skin tight green tank dress for Jo to wear. There is no way that the two girls could wear the same size as Abby is much more fuller figured. The dress would be way too big for Jo and falling off her. Sorry guys, this isn’t The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It would actually make more sense if the mom pulled something out of her closet as the two are a similar size.

There's just no way

There’s just no way

43) TMZ girl is not a true friend

Okay TMZ wannabe girl has been hanging out with Abby and Jo all the time. She is supposed to be a “good” friend, yet she goes to Mandi’s party first instead of Jo and Abby. What kind of friend would do that? Why write her that way? All I got to say about her now is CUT ‘ER LOOSE!

And run fast

44) Clip in colored hair

Screen shot 2013-04-26 at 12.18.54 AM

Okay NOBODY wears that anymore, it died out in the early 2000s. I remember, because I used to have some. What was really in 2011 was tinseling the hair or the pheasant hair extensions. Whoever was writing this wasn’t with the times.

45) Tree Dancer, not hugger

Seriously?

Seriously?

Like dancing with a tree is really they way into a girl’s heart? I know it is supposed to be sweet/silly, but it just is dumb to me. Like that is really going to impress me and have me forgive you? No way! I want GROVELING!

46) Drug Deal

Screen shot 2013-04-26 at 12.35.06 AM

So Mandi has Hope pay the pizza delivery guy to coat the pizzas in ipecac. And all I can think is how does Hope have that much money and would the pizza guy really jeopardize his job that way? I mean first of all, having all these kids throwing up is going to reflect very badly on whatever pizzareia he is employed at. The guy will lose money, and pizza boy here will be out of a job.

Plus with such a wide amount vomiting, I feel like these kids are going to be tested to make see what was exactly the cause. Their drug tests, I’m sure would show that these kids all took ipecac, which will be denied by everyone. When they test the pizzas, they will see that this is where it came from. Then, everyone will piece together where the ipecac came from which is for sure going to get Pizza boy in a ton of trouble. Hope, I’m not so sure, her family has money.

I mean giving someone laxatives without their knowledge is technically a murder attempt, I know because someone threatened me with this and got in big trouble. It’s because you can die from too much diarrhea. I feel that the same would go for ipecac. I’m pretty sure Pizza boy does not want to go to jail.

47) Delivery Boy Must Have Wings

Okay so Hope pays Pizza boy to coat the pizzas with ipecac, runs back to get the rest of the group at Mandi’s, gets her mask and gloves and the quartet run back over to Abby’s. Now this couldn’t have taken more than 10-15 mins, 20 if we’re really pushing it. So how the heck were they able to, in that short of time get enough Chinese food for everyone?

Where-To-Find-Hong-Kong-One-Dollar-Chinese-FoodThere is no way they could do that with so many people at Abby’s place. I mean they had like 6-8 boxes of pizza, and now they have to buy a carton for everyone? There has to be over a 100 people there. There is no delivery place on Earth that could make that much food, that quickly, then have someone take it over and deliver it, and everyone grab a carton and finish all before Mandi & Co make the less then 10 min walk to Abby’s.

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48) I’m Blind to Everything

Okay, so I understand that Nick is not the brightest crayon in the box and can be pretty oblivious to everything, but when Jo grabs the ipecac-laden pizza out of the trash, how does he not see it? It is right in front of him!

Screen shot 2013-04-26 at 12.51.11 AMHe should have totally seen it and been like, “I don’t want it…” Plus that is just gross and mean to give someone something out of the trash. And mean to use Nick, who hasn’t done anything to you.

And so that’s as far as I got in the film. I then had to go and get ready for work. Let me know what you think of this post, and comment below if you want me to finish reviewing the film. I had a ton of fun writing this, as I hated it, and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

For more (and better) sequels, go to I Want Friend Like Me: The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

For more on Diego Boneta, go to Nothing But A Good Time