I’ll Be Watching You: Austentatious (2015)

So this title of course references The Police song, even though it has nothing to do with the episodes plot.

Sorry, anytime I think of Sting and The Police I think of that scene from Footloose. But yes, the song:

I’d rather not be watching this. I have already watched two episodes and have not been impressed. I can see why it was canceled after one season.

Ouch

I know harsh, but I speak the truth. Basically, the story is that Marianne and Elinor Dashwood live together and are friends with Elizabeth Bennet, Emma Woodhouse, and Grant/George Knightley. All live in modern times and are an accountant, jobless, real estate agent, divorce lawyer (!!! I know Emma, really?), and I don’t know what “Grant” does.

So we start off this episode with Marianne trying to make eggs and falls of course because she is a dumb blonde. Why do they make her that way?

Elizabeth is over and complains about the awful Darcy, who she has been emailing and she can’t stand him.

I am with her, they make him too jerky-seriously I hate him.

I know, I know

This series killed me okay. It made me utter what never should be uttered and then I died. It is a ghost of my former self that is writing this.

An angry ghost

And I’m sure if Jane was around, she sure wouldn’t appreciate what you writers did!

Elizabeth gets a call about a house and it is Collins looking for a realtor. Remember in the last episode he had his date where he tried to pump Elinor.

See Hook agrees with me.

Elinor, the accountant, has to deal with a tough client, who’s angry that she has to pay so much. I actually like this part of the episode because that’s what I have to deal with sometimes at work. It feels very real and it isn’t silly or stupid like a lot of other parts of these shows.

What I wish I could say to some people.

Poor Elinor, that sucks.

Yes, Elinor I know exactly how you feel.

She’s complaining to Knightley, I find that interesting. I like that he has taken that friendship role with all the girls. Plus in Sense and Sensibility, Elinor and Colonel Brandon talk quite a bit (as everyone feels the need to confide in her) so it kind of meshes that with this. Good job TV show, there are two things you are doing right.

But will it last?

For the thousandth time

Elinor has a promotion, woohoo!

Meanwhile, Marianne is shopping online and Emma hires her as the receptionist at her firm. Marianne is thrilled to be around hot lawyers, but down about that she has to be there at 8.

So Elinor’s promotion, she doesn’t get much time to settle in. Not only does she have to start her new job that afternoon, the IRS is coming and she has to deal with them. I know the show is trying to add drama, but I really don’t think that is how it works. I don’t think they would just “throw you in”. And certainly not throw you to the IRS, I mean I think she could defintely complain about that to HR.

An IRS agent is coming and all I can think of it it kinda makes me think of Parks and Rec when Ben comes and Leslie’s all mad about it and then they fall for each other-I just have a feeling Edward Ferrars is to be the IRS agent.

But seriously, you have a giant IRS dilemmea with your firm and you are going to promote someone from lower to take care of it. I mean I get they are probably trying to set up a fall guy, but wouldn’t you want someone who knows to take care of it and make sure all is good?

Woohoo, gold star theIRS agent is Edward Ferrars-did I call it or what?

Edward is like really cool and collected…I never pictured him that way since he was so controlled by his mama.

Majorly

Anyways, the two hit it off and he acts really sweet and gets command of the situation and calm a freaking, babbling Elinor down.

Interesting, a very different portrayal…

Hmmm…I don’t know of I like it.

All the girls meet up and Emma complains about Darcy, And oh my gosh he is so awful. No wonder this TV show was canceled. Like can we just sock him in the face. Please leave.

I know, I know-I said the dreaded words again-but I’m already dead inside from watching this.

Marianne offers to get revenge by mixing up his messages, but then she will get fired, so I’m not sure that is a good revenge idea.

So not fun…

So Elinor and Edward are eating breakfast and hanging out-telling stories and it is pretty cute. I like their interactions.

Good job!

Elizabeth meets with Collins to discuss “houses” but its a total date. Like seriously Lizzie, he has you meet at a restaurant for DINNER!!!

Liz is all business and Collin is all let me try and get info because I want to date you. The vibe is as strong as a 7th grader spraying himself with AXE for the first time-super ob.

Emma is working and Darcy is throwing a full on B.F.

Ugh I hate him. Like I want to STOP WATCHING. If I could I would throw my fist into the TV and punch him in the face. UUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

I hate you, I hate this series, I hate the writers…

Back to Liz and Collins, nothing is getting done and Collins is all yeah she’s into me.

Uh no.

Emma and Darcy fight some more-ugh

Marianne is too dumb to know the difference between a fax machine and a copy machine. Although, I have to admit that happens a lot at the library.

So Liz goes to Elinor’s home and she’s all “glad you are home” So Liz lives with her? I thought in the first episode Elinor was all “it’s my apartment Marianne” and going on and on and on about how it was her home and she wasn’t sure she wants to share with her and she has everything just how she likes it, blah blah blah. But if Liz lives there too, shouldn’t she have a say in her home? And shouldn’t she have spoken to her about Marianne living there? This makes no sense within the context of the first episode, but I guess it explains why all the girls are there all the time. I thought they were just limited on sets, I mean Collin takes Liz out to the same place he took Elinor. Which does work for his character.

Liz complains-and Elinor knows why he is flirting-but doesn’t tell her. Bad friend.

See Hook agrees with me.

Finally she spills and Liz is so angry- and she’s right, she been wasting her time getting her chained yanked while he is just goofing around pretending to buy. I’d be so angry.

Forget you!

Marianne is on the hate Darcy train as well after dealing with him.

You jerk!

Marinne tears a message for him, hmm…

Darcy is all blah, blah Emma I’m an angry stupid prick and I want you to do all this work even though I’ve complained that this is my area of expertise and I don’y want you touching it. I can’t find a file and its all your fault ad I hate how they make him.

I hate this

Do I have to finish this series, because I don’t want to. Why did they make Darcy so awful, he was not that awful in he book.

Ugh!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Or TV show in this case.

Emma is angry and justifiably. She should report him to HR. He should not treat her that way.

Liz is walking and Collin surprises her. They meet to discuss her dropping him. And he’s infuriating . Liz is pretty nice, I think I would have been more upset.

Marianne and Emma are walking and eating. Marianne left Darcy fake messages to the movie theater and weather station. She tells him, sorry the numbers came in too fast, maybe try a few combinations. It’s pretty funny, but Emma warns her he could her fired for it.

Marianne does’t care as it is only a temp job. Marianne shares some backstory on her family, and the writer’s got it right, thank goodness. When their dad died, Elinor took over taking care of everything, and making sure things were done-causing her to quickly grow up and adopt the “sensible persona”. And how her mom just let Marianne be herself, she’s always been the one taken care of versus taking care of others like Elinor.

Edward and Elinor grow closer together, and they are very cute. I like it! More Edward please and less Darcy.

I think a thousand fangirls died over that statement.

Darcy starts acting like a human being and actually tells a not really apology which makes me still want to punch him.

WHAT!!!!

They have a loooooooooooooong way to go to fix him.

I am NOT happy!

Collins stops by Elinor to see Liz. He wants her to show him a house as he has settled on an idea of what he wants. Liz gets mad an tells him he needs boundaries. True dat. Good job Liz-stick to your guns.

Collin leaves and calls her on the phone to set an appointment.

Ugh! This dude!

For more Austentatious, go to Big Girls Don’t Cry: Austentatious (2015)

For more Jane Austen film retellings, go to Mrs. Darcy Wants to Know the Truth!: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode Three (2013)

For more Sense & Sensibility, go to The Smart One and the Pretty One

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to I Met Mr Darcy

For more Emma, go to Austen Avengers Assemble!

Happily Ever Aftermath: Grimm (2012)

“Its two distinct states of existence simultaneous within one physical body. The duality of humanity. The yin and the yang. The Ike and Tina Turner of it all.”

So Grimm is a show that I have gotten really into. It’s modern day telling of the Grimm Fairy Tales but with a twist. Creatures from the fairy tales live among us, appearing as human to all but a select few. Instead of being the “brothers Grimm”, the Grimm are certain people who have the ability to see those monsters, or Wesen as they are called, from the tales. It is their job as Grimms to destroy all of them. Grimm is passed genetically, and sometimes it can miss a generation or skip a few, but all Grimms are related if you go back far enough on the family tree.

In the series the main character is a homicide detective named Nick Burkhardt, who is played by the very handsome David Giuntoli.

OMG I just find him so attractive. He has these really intense green eyes that just bore into you. He also has an amazingly adorable little boy/mischievous smile. Sometimes I’ll be watching the show and lose track of what has been happening because I’m too caught up in staring at him.

What can I say? He’s dreamy. Anyways let’s get back on track.

So the “Grimm sight” didn’t come to Nick until he was in his 30s. He discovers that it’s up to him to destroy all the creatures, but Nick actually does things much different. Because he is a cop, he likes to ask questions first before shooting, maiming, beheading, etc. Because of this he actually befriends a lot of Wesen.  He meets up with a vegetarian Blutbad (Werewolf) named Monroe, who helps him figure out what the monsters are and how to take them down. Later on they recruits a Fuschbau (Fox) named Rosalee. It’s really cool as they bring to life all those fairy tale stories you used to love as a kid, but at the same time they also use a lot of German and the culture; promoting the same thing the Brothers’ Grimm did. There also is a lot of mystery and intrigue with a story that spans over the three seasons (can’t wait for season 4!!!)

So season one is Nick trying to figure things out, as everything is completely new and a little hard to understand. Season two he has a better handle on it, but also faces issues of trying to conceal or reveal to his close friends. He also gets involved more in the political intrigues and history of the Grimm. In the third season we have a guy who really has it together but faces a lot of issues as an enemy from the past is trying to kill him, a new Grimm comes to town, and much, much more. I highly recommend it!

So now that you all have a better handle on the background, lets move on to the episode. So this episode falls in the first season when Nick is still floundering, trying to figure out a lot. What is a Grimm? What are these creatures? How do I stop them? What really happened to my parents? What is this secret key that was given to him by his aunt? Etc. Now the episode I choose isn’t really a Halloween episode, but it was one that I thought was done very well. To be honest, the material that these episodes cover could be used for any Horrorfest post. Just like Supernatural, they cover a lot of “supernatural” things that are ripe for the Halloween countdown.

Okay, I’m sorry. Back to the episode. So the reason I chose this was because I liked how they presented the material. So here we go.

So the film starts off with a Ponzi-scheme guy committing suicide. Arthur Jarvis, handsome, rich guy is listening to the radio when he hears about the Ponzi scheme and the suicide. He becomes extremely worried as he has invested all his money with him.  He doesn’t want to upset his new wife, Lucinda, and instead goes to her godfather Spencer Harrison to ask him what to do. He tells him that the only thing he can do is to go to Lucinda’s stepmother, Mavis,  and ask her for money. He doesn’t want to go there but has no other choice.

No no no no no

They go to see her but she refuses.

Mavis has always hated her stepdaughter, and feels that Lucinda and Arthur will have to deal with it. That upsets the Arthur and Spencer. The two leave to try and figure things out.

That night Mavis is going to bed when she hears a noise

She looks under the bed and sees a Horned King-like creature!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mavis runs out of the room, but the creature  follows giving off this loud screeching that destroys all the glass in the house; blows the her eardrums, eyeballs, and arteries. Mavis goes falling off the stairs and hits the floor. DEAD.

Victim #1

The next day her daughter, Tiffany, stops by and discovers the body. She calls the police, and Nick heads to the crime scene.

He and his partner start investigating and find it very strange in how she was killed. They then go on to question the two daughters, Tiffany and Taylor. Thats when they discover that there is a third sister (Lucinda). Apparently Lucinda received nothing from the estate as her father gave everything to the stepmother. The stepmother hates her so much that she promised she would never give her a cent.

Nick also discovers that Lucinda’s husband and godfather came asking for money, but were refused. The husband and godfather are the top suspects now.

The Nick and his partner Hank Griffen go down to talk to them. As they are about to question the two, Lucinda (who knows nothing) walks in. Nick and Hank tell the three that Lucinda’s stepmother is dead. As they say this they discover that Harrison isn’t who they think he is. In fact he is a Wesen.

Nick sees the change and knows that something is up. He decides to bring the three in for questioning to try to figure out what’s happened.

When they question Lucinda, they discover that Mavis never really cared for her. She hated her and always gave her daughters everything while Lucinda received nothing.  When her father died and left everything to the stepmother, her home life was awful. Luckily she met Arthur at a benefit and was able to get away.

Sound familiar?

Her alibi is that she was home all night with her husband.

They then question Arthur. He tells them that he knew Tiffany and Taylor, Lucinda’s stepsisters before he met Lucinda. He met them at a benefit and danced with them, but when he danced with Lucinda he fell for her. She was “so beautiful” that he couldn’t help it. Sound familiar?

His albi, that he was also home all night.

They then question Spencer, who tells them the backstory of Lucinda and her family. Her mother died when she was 6, and then her father remarried when she was 11. He died 7 months later. Mavis has always disliked Lucinda, and Spencer was worried about what might happen to Lucinda. He promised her father that he would watch over her and always tries to.

Getting the picture?

His alibi was that he stayed at the Jarvis house, as he and Arthur had gone late into the night working.

There isn’t enough evidence to hold anyone so they have to release all three.

That night we see Arthur and Lucinda fighting. Lucinda wants to go see Tiffany and talk to her, but Arthur wants her to stay home. He’s afraid that one of the sisters killed their mother and will kill Lucinda.

Spencer goes to find Lucinda at the Jarvis’ home but he’s too late. Lucinda has gone out to see her sister. Spencer is mad that Arthur allowed her out as he is supposed to protect her.

Back at Tiffany’s place, Lucinda has come to talk to her sister. Tiff won’t have any of it as she hates Lucinda for how she has treated the family. Lucinda pleads with her, that the past is the past and that they should move on. Tiff just ignores her.

Lucinda tells her stop and woges out, revealing her true self and transforming into a monster. She uses her screeching powers to murder Tiffany.

Meanwhile Nick and Monroe meet up at his Aunt’s trailer that houses a collection of Grimm items. The look through one of the Grimm diaries to figure out what Spencer is. As they look through the book they discover that the cause of all this is a Murciélago Matraca, or a batlike creature.

After reading about how their screeching can destroy vital parts of you body, Nick becomes worried. How is he going to stop this thing? They discover a special weapon that also gives off a high screeching sound. The two test it out.

He goes looking for Spencer and heads over to the Jarvis’ home. Lucinda and Arthur tell him they haven’t seen Spencer since earlier that morning. Arthur tells him, how he was planning to head over to Tiffany’s. Nick rushes over to Tiffany’s home and finds Spencer, along with Tiff. Tiff is doing a wonderful recreation of  The Birds. 

Nick takes Spencer in as he is sure he is the one doing the killing. However, Nick has issues actually charging him as they can’t really pin the murders on him. They have no murder weapon, (the cops besides Nick have no clue how somone could have killed the girls) and Nick can’t tell anyone that Spencer is a wesen. However, they are saved when Spencer says he wants to confess. He tells the truth, and unfortunately it sounds crazy and unbelievable.

He then tells Nick the whole story. Cinder-I mean Lucinda is the villain. She is the Murciélago Matraca and has no conscience whatsoever. She is a blend of the yin and yang, as she is pretty on the outside but pure evil on the inside. Spencer has been taking care of her all these years, giving in to every demand as, as long as she is happy things are fine. However, this financial crisis of the Jarvis family proved to be too much unhappiness for her. Nick freaks out and goes to his partner to talk it over. His partner tells him that if the rest of her family dies, then she gets everything.

Just as they are discussing it, Spencer breaks out and heads over to the Jarvis house. There he finds Arthur drunk and upset. Lucinda told him that she never loved him and she took off.

Spencer hunts her down at Taylor’s as does Nick. Lucinda goes running into a barn to hide from the two. Monroe meets Nick there and they set up the device to create the screeching sound to take down Lucinda. As they do that, Lucinda goes running out of the barn and right into Spencer. He attacks her as he knows that is the only way to end her. As he is apologizing for killing her, she “awakes” and kills him.

Nick finds their bodies.

Monroe asks Nick how he is going to explain everything. And Nick just gives that smile and tells him he has a plan.

Back at the police station, Nick shows his boss the device he used to stop Lucinda and tells him they found it at the crime scene. “Apparently” it was what they used to create the sound that killed everybody. Another case and monster destroyed. Also leaving us with that old adage:

And:

I know its a little unusual, but be expecting to see more Grimm in the future!!

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to Only a Woman

For more on Cinderella, go to Episode VI: Return of the My Favorite Movie Lines List

For more modern twists on classical literature, go to A Hunky Helping of Manwich

For more on fairy tales, go to For She Filled Their Lives With Sunshine

For more on monsters, go to What Is This Thing?

For more TV shows based on books, go to Quite a Horror Story

For more of my fav quotes, go to In Their Proper Place

For more bible verses, go to Unbound

For more on Supernatural, go to You Can’t Have Just One

A Hunky Helping of a Manwich

Mmm, mmm, mmm! Doesn’t this look tasty? What a hearty & hunky helping. My favorite sandwich is a Manwich! LOL J/k But this is a true masterpiece, not only because it is made up with characters from some of the best Masterpiece shows, but because they chose three very gorgeous men, with their own unique personalities to give this sandwich some real zest.

The first layer is Sherlock Holmes from the show Sherlock, and played by the very interesting Benedict Cumberbatch. In the modern twist of the old tale, Sherlock is just as intelligent, crime-solving, handsome self. However, this piece has a bit of a bite as Sherlock can be cold, calculated, and just plain rude at times.

Next we have Matthew Crawley from Downton Abbey, played by Dan Stevens. Matthew is the male version of the Cinderella story, as he is a regular guy, working as a lawyer; who ends up becoming the next in line to inherit an earldom and the home Downton Abbey. Not only is he intelligent, charming, and attractive; but Matthew is also sweet, humble, unassuming, relaxed, and open to modern views. (Unfortunately Stevens wanted to do other things and his character was killed off in season 2) But still, a tantilizing choice.

And to crown our hunky helping is Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice (1995), played by the very handsome Colin Firth. Mr. Darcy the stubborn and prideful  gentleman, who is revealed to have a heart of gold is a perfect topping on this extraordinary sandwich. Yummy! 🙂 If only I could get all three guys in real life. Haha J/K.

For other Mr. Darcy posts go to Mr. Darcy Talked to Me

For more on Colin Firth go to 25 Films of Christmas

For more on Downtown Abbey go to There are Some People…and Then There’s Me

On the 12th Day ’til Christmas: The 12 Men of Christmas (2009)

On the 12 Day ’til Christmas my blogger gave to me

The 12 Men of Christmas (2009)

Now this is a film that is very pleasing to any woman out there. E.J. Baxter is a genius New York publicist that after being betrayed by her fiance, leaves that life to move out to Montana. When she gets there she clashes heads with good-looking bad boy, Will Albrecht. She hears the plight of the volunteer search-and-rescue team, as their lack of funds are causing them to use out-of-date equipment. E.J. comes up with the idea of creating a “naked” calendar (nothing is shown but bare chest) to raise the money.

The calendar is a success and both Will and E.J. realize that there is more to each other than meets the eye and they fall in love. After some misunderstandings the two break up, and E.J. returns to the big apple.  When she gets there, she realizes how dissatisfied she is and goes back reuniting with Will; the end!

However, when I was watching it I realized that a lot of the storyline was just like Pride and Prejudice

1) Their Names

• Their names are
• (Main Guy) Will = Fitzwilliam Darcy
• (Main Girl) E.J. = Elizabeth Jane
• (Main Girl’s BFF) Jan:  Jane -E = Jan

2) Comment Trama

• Will Albrecht says something to E.J. and it causes them to hate each other. Just like how Darcy makes that comment about Elizabeth. In this film Will was the one who was prejudiced while E.J. was the one who was prideful.

3) Water Scene

• They also do a water scene [copying Pride & Prejudice (1995)]. E.J. visits a fancy manor house and happens across Will who is swimming in the pool. Of course this scene is taken much further than P&P. In this version Will is in his birthday suit, but because it is on TV, we don’t see anything.

4) Wickham Surfaces

• E.J. starts dating this guy Mike who hates Will. He tells her that Will is a horrible guy as he dumped his fianceé on their wedding night, leaving her stranded at the altar. He also goes on about there was this perfect modeling job that Will had for his store, but Will kept Mike from getting it because he was jealous of him. This is just like when Wickham goes on and on about Darcy being awful and taking away his inheritance and chance to become a minister.

5) Persuasive Person

• E.J.’s friend, Jan, has been in love with Will’s best friend Eric forever and has been waiting ever patiently for him to ask her out. He is about to, but Will convinces Eric that Jan doesn’t really care for him. Eric listens to his friend and drops all of his attentions to Jan, completely breaking her heart. Just like Bingley was easily swayed by Darcy; Eric is swayed by Will.

6) Terrible Proposal

• One random day Will decides to go to E.J’s office and tells her that even though he fought it and is disgusted with himself, he is in love with her. He goes on and on about how displeased he is, just like Darcy does to Elizabeth when he asked her to marry him. And just like Elizabeth Bennet, E.J. turns him down cold; claiming that he was the last person in the world she would ever get with.

7) Disgrace Be Gone

• So the calendar is going well and they have finished the first 11 months and ready to start on the 12th when the last guy drops out. They can’t find anyone to replace him and don’t know what to do when Will steps forward and fills in their empty slot. Not only does Will save the day, but E.J. realizes that she loves Will. Just like when Darcy saved Elizabeth’s family from disgrace over the Lydia scenario, E.J. too was saved from disgrace.

8) Miss King-ed Out of My Mind

• Mike stops paying attention to E.J., eventually breaking up with her. This is fine as she realizes Will is the one she wants to be with. Later we find out that just like Wickham tried to go higher than the Bennets by attempting to get with Miss King, Mike traded up. He gets with a rich, recently divorced woman. Unlike Wickham, he ends up with her.

9) Wickham’s Wicked Reveal

• At the end we find out that Will wouldn’t give Mike the job because he stole his fiancee. His fianceé cheated on him with Mike, and left Will stranded at the altar, not the other way around. Just like in P&P as we find out that the lies spread about by Wickham to the whole town are untrue, we find out the lie spread by Mike about Will dumping his fiancé is also false.

10) Reunited Couples

• In the end Jan and Eric have finally gotten together; along with Will and E.J. working through their pride and prejudices. Just like P&P, we have a very happy ending.

It’s a great film and you should watch it. You definitely should check out the calendar. Mr. May is my favorite, I’d keep him up all year long.

If you’re wondering Mr. December, as I said earlier, is Will and  Mr. July is the very uncute Mike (I don’t see how anyone would find him attractive).

I think it is a great movie and I highly recommend you watching it! To find out when it will be playing on Lifetime go here.

 

For more modern works based on Pride and Prejudice, go to Definitely Not Mr. Darcy

For more Pride & Prejudice posts go to Let’s Hear it For the Boys

For more of my fav quotes, go to It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year