You’re My Wife and the Mother of My Children: Move Over Darling (1963)

MoveOverdarling

So this film is a remake of the Cary Grant and Irene Dunne screwball comedy, My Favorite WifeNow you all know how I feel about remakes:

remakeBad Sequels psycho-1960-alfred-hitchcock-janet-leigh-pic-21

But I actually really enjoyed this one. I mean Doris Day? Young James Garner? You can’t go wrong with that.

hearts banner

Nick Arden’s (James Garnier) wife Ellen disappeared in a plane crash five years ago. After all the searching, wondering, and raising his daughters on his own; he decides that he has to face facts. Ellen is dead and never coming back. He needs to move on.

MoveForwardStopLookingAtPastLeverageNateFord

He decides to have Ellen declared legally dead, marry Bianca, and head out on a honeymoon to Monterey.

cinderella-wedding-day-shoe

At the very moment those two are being married, Ellen (Doris Day) has just arrived on the California shore. It turns out she survived all those years on a desert island. They finally found her and she is eager to return home to her husband and children. However, when she gets to the house, her mother-in-law reveals what has happened.

Not good

Not good

Ellen hurries to get to Nick before he can consummate the marriage with his new wife. She gets to him in time, but Nick finds it difficult to tell Bianca what has occurred, especially as Bianca isn’t in the mood for talking.

uh-no-gifuhno

This turns into even more hilarious hijinks as Nick discovers his wife wasn’t alone on that island but with an adonis. He tries to search out the truth, while Ellen hires a nerdy shoe salesman to pretend to be her co-survivor. Will this family be able to straighten everything out or will Nick end up with not two, but zero wives?

hearts banner

Most Romantic Moment: You’re My Wife and the Mother of My Children

**Spoiler Alert**

So the most romantic moment comes at the very end of the film. They have had a huge blowup in the courthouse: Nick is cleared of bigamy, Nick and Bianca are annulled, Ellen is declared legally alive, but Steven Burkett (Ellen’s co-islander) came and has disrupted the Ardens getting back together.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Nick storms out of the courthouse and after beating up Steven and driving around Ellen has returned home unsure what to do. She is distraught over how it looks like she and Nicky are headed for divorce, and still afraid about what to do with the girls. She has wanted to tell them she is their mother, but hasn’t had the courage to do it. What if they hate her? They already have said they don’t need a mother, just their father.

I don't know what to do

She heads out to the backyard to talk to them, and finds out they already know. Their father told them and he is waiting with them in the pool for Ellen.

Aw!

Aw!

Now I know this may sound strange to be romantic, but it just shows how much he loves his wife and wants to be with her. I mean his kids were babies when she left, he  could tell them nothing and use that lack of time together as a selling point in court to get full custody.

So not only does he want them to continue to be a family; but he also wanted to spare her any pain or rejection; instead letting the kids know who she is and getting them excited to see her.

lfk18ab5cf45zbjfcy5pnmqazpf

That’s extremely romantic and caring.

aw thinkgonnacry

hearts banner

To start Romance is in the Air: Part V, go to I Did It for You: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

For the previous post, go to I Know You Can Do This: Working Girl (1988)

hearts banner

For more on James Garner, go to It’s Fantastico!

For more remakes, go to Dracula. Not Myth, Nor Ravings of a Mad Irish Novelist, Oh No, He’s Real: Dracula 2000 (2000)

Advertisements

Nothing Wrong With It

beingyourself-woman

sexes1

 

feminine Strength Empowered

What bothers me in the news these days; everywhere you look people are telling you as a women who you should be. You need to be a feminist. You have to be single, getting married will only harm your dreams. You should strive to be a CEO or scientist: housewife, teacher, etc.; are clichés and holding women back. You shouldn’t care about your appearance, that’s shallow and vain. On and on they go. But here is what I think:

Feminist or Anti-Feminist. Athlete or Fashionista. Housewife or CEO. Nerd or Cheerleader. A Good Girl or a Bad Girl. Damsel or Superhero. Overachiever or Underachiever. Mother Hen or Baby. Wise Crone or Foolish Youth. Spoiled or Humbled. Clingy or Independent. Single or Married.

Don’t let the world label you, real power and strength comes from being yourself.

Psmartorprettyeitherorsarahdessenmorethanthat

Go be strong in believing what you believe and being your true self.

gossipgirlpowerfulWonderfulwoman

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

For more on Agatha Christie, go to A Whole Lot of Fanfare

For more on Sarah Dessen, go to The Strange Case of a Fangirl and Her Fandoms

For more quotes, go to Man of Respect

A Whole Lot of Fanfare

Benedict-Cumberbatch-people-obsessedFandom

So here we are in part four of my fandom posts. You know, I originally planned this as one post and now I am laughing at myself for even thinking that. I guess I didn’t realize how many things I loved. It seems that every time I start on another post, I add like three more things to the list. Well I hope you all are enjoying these and that it sparks your interest in checking these things out.

hearts banner

Agatha Christie

AgathaChristieAndThenThereWereNoneAgathaChrisie75thanniversary

Agatha Christie is one of my favorite authors. She revolutionized the way mysteries are written, and created a wonderful collection of characters. Not only are her plots amazing, but I like how she presents all the information to you that she gives her detective characters, putting the two of you on equal footing. Although, Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot tend to always be smarter. She also does not shy away from doing extremely radical ideas, such as having a child be the killer or having a part of the narration be through the killer (although at the time you don’t realize that person is the killer.) Her work is so great that every time I am in a bookstore I hunt down her books as I hope to one day own them all. I strongly recommend reading any of her novels. When you start one, you just can’t stop.

book Binge

I’m such a fan that I have not only read her mysteries (and watched the films and TV series) but I have read her biography and romance novels that she wrote prior to the mysteries.

Here are a few that I absolutely love: The Mysterious Affair at Styles, The Secret Adversary, The Secret of  Chimneys, Murder on the Links, The Murder at the Vicarage, The Sittaford Mystery aka Murder at Hazelmoor, Peril at End House, Murder on the Orient Express, Why Didn’t They Ask Evans aka The Boomerang ClueDumb Witness, Death on the Nile, Appointment With Death, Hercule Poirot’s Christmas aka A Holiday for Murder aka Murder for ChristmasAnd Then There Were None aka Ten Little Indians, One Two Buckle My Shoe aka Patriotic Murders aka An Overdose of DeathThe Body in the Library, Murder in Retrospect aka Five Little PigsThe Moving Finger, Murder After Hours aka The HollowCrooked House, Murder is Announced, They Came to Baghdad, Funerals Are Fatal aka After the FuneralWhat Mrs. McGillicudy Saw aka 4:50 from PaddingtonThird Girl, Nemesis, Curtain, and Sleeping Murder. I know that seems like a lot, but there is so much more of her books I could have also included.

For more on Agatha Christie, go to Quite a Horror Story: Agatha Christie’s Poirot Hallowe’en Party (2011)

hearts banner

Awkward

AwkwardTVShow

So I was a huge fan and fangirled over the first season of this show. After that, it kinda went downhill for me and I stopped watching it, so I have no idea how it is now. But that first season, that first season is gold.

So I was flipping channels one day and just happened upon Awkward. As I was watching the episode I decided that I would watch the first one to see what’s what, and that’s it. I was hooked.

NextEpisodeBingeWatching

I watched all the episodes I could to catch up, and then reached the point where I had to be like all the other fans and watch one by one.

come on

And I was a mega-fan. I actually went on the message boards.

fangirl casual fan diehard fan consume me love it

I would write constantly my thoughts on the episodes, how I felt about the whole love triangle, who I wanted her to end up with, and promoting the J-train all the way (will explain in a minute).

So what is the show about? Well, Awkward is about Jenna Hamilton, nerd girl, who hopes this year will be different. Jenna has had a crush on this guy Matty McKibbon, forever.

Bruce-Almighty-Love-Me

She is surprised when at summer camp he wants to have sex with her. She thinks that maybe this could work out, this could happen, but nope. After Matty gets what he wants he ignores her.

Jerk

She gets home and gets this horrible letter stating everything wrong with her. She is reading it in the bathroom when she accidentally slips and falls. The big prob, her blow dryer fell in the tub, she spilled all her razors and asprins, etc. It looks like she was trying to commit suicide.

awkward-look-on-face1

Everyone thinks she was trying to commit suicide, even though she keeps telling them she wasn’t. Now she has to go to counseling sessions all the time.

Not only that, but she constantly picked on by the most popular girl in school, Sadie, who is jealous of how pretty Jenna is. Now this was one of the reasons why I liked this show. Jenna reminded me of a more sexually active (as I abstain) and more passive version of myself. As I was bullied too by other girls. Of course, I would have reacted differently.

PassaFist

Now to further the drama of the year she has the guy issues. First there is Matty who only uses her for sex.

Funny-how-you call when need something cable guy

He never wants to publicly be seen with her, never acknowledges her, and puts her down in front of everyone.

jerk_alert32

Then you have Jake. The two start of as friends, then Jake realizes he has feelings for her.

mr darcy

He breaks up with his girlfriend and tries to date her, never pressuring her for anything, not caring who knows he likes her, etc.

Perfect Boyfriend

And now Matty gets mad. As soon as Jake mentions he’s into Jenna, now Matty is into Jenna. Eventually it all comes down to Jenna having to make a decision as to which boy to pick. And I of course was all about Jenna and Jake, the J-train as us fans called it. Jake was just so perfect!

swoon dreamy

Sweet, sensitive, funny, and completely secure in himself that he didn’t care what anyone said about him dating Jenna. Plus, the best thing ever: he showed Jenna that a relationship is more than sex. Sure that’s what he wants, but he can wait a long time, making sure he got to know the person, before he did anything.

oldfashioned

So season one was great, and ended perfectly.

Season two was where I had issues. Matty purposely tries to do stuff to break the two up as he wants to be with Jenna. That whole, you have it I want it.

And not only that, the kept writing it so Jenna was unsure if maybe Matty really loved her and that’s the guy she should be with.

Girl Please

This dude only wanted you for sex! Only sex. He never wanted to have a conversation. He didn’t care how you felt. He paraded other girls in front of you. He treated you horribly! Horribly! And you think that’s love?

Don'tlovebecauseyoudontdestroypeopleyoulovegrey'sanatomy

Plus he was too ashamed to even be seen with you.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

And, and he made fun of you in front of the whole school!

jerk_alert32

He is a horrible human being.

IfTheyreallywantedyou

So like I said, I stopped watching it. First season is golden! And that is where it ends for me in my mind. So defintely check out the first season, the rest of it depends really whether you are a Matty or a Jake fan. J-train all the way!

hearts banner

Deadwood

Deadwood

Deadwood was one of those series that ended too soon. It lasted only a season, but was so cool. It tells the history of Deadwood, South Dakota; one of the most famous Western towns.They combine a lot of historical figures; such as Seth Bullock, Al Swearengen, Wild Bill Hickok, Sol Star, Calamity Jane, Wyatt Earp,George Crook, E. B. Farnum, Charlie Utter, Jack McCall, and George Hearst; along with blending it with fictional people. It’s not 100% accurate, but is really awesome! I loved this show as I love practically anything Western. Plus it has the handsome Timothy Olyphant.

This doesn't feel right.

hearts banner

Diagnosis Murder

Diagnosis Murder

Diagnosis Murder was one of my absolute favorite TV shows growing up. It came on every Thursday night on PAX, now ION, and it was the only time that my parents would let us stay up past our bedtimes on a school night.

Dr. Mark Sloane (Dick Van Dyke) is the super intelligent doctor at Community General Hospital in Los Angeles, CA. He always loved mysteries and wanted to be a detective, achieving this dream by helping his police detective son, Steve (played by his real son Barry Van Dyke). The two are rounded out by Dr. Amanda Bentley (Victoria Rowell), the medical examiner; and Jack Stewart (Scott Baio); guy from a crime family turning on that life and making something of himself. Jack ended up leaving to go to Denver, and they brought on Jesse Travis(played by Charlie Schlatter), my second favorite character. Jesse is the sweet, handsome, and adorable resident at Community General, and later head of the Emergency Room.

It was one awesome show that balanced mystery, medicine, and crime. You used to be able to watch them all on Youtube, but for some strange reason they took them down. 😦

But if you can get a chance, you should definitely check it out.

hearts banner

Frank Peretti

rightwrongFrankPeritti

Frank Peretti is one of my favorite authors. In fact I was able to meet him once and totally fangirled over him. But he was super nice as he autographed my books and actually spent a long time talking to me. It made the other people in line mad, and I can’t blame them, but I didn’t care as I had just met FRANK PERETTI!

Double double yay

Frank Peretti started out being a pastor, but discovered that it wasn’t the life for him. He drifted from job to job, and while working in a snowshoe factory he wrote his first novel, This Present Darkness. He has now written over 30 books for adults, teens, and children. His books are amazing as they always have great, realistic characters, action, adventure, suspense, and a moral message. Everytime I read his works I feel great! Although also like this:

Fangirlfinishedreadingwhattodonow

So I haven’t read everything, but I’ll tell you what I think about the things I have read.

Hangman’s Curse– This was the first of the Peretti novels I read, and when I read this one I was hooked. The Springfield family of four- mom, dad, teenage twins (boy and girl), work for the government as an undercover unit to infiltrate places the FBI, CIA, and Police departments can’t. A sort of 21 Jump Street. They are sent to a small town to investigate the mysterious deaths of students. Students who are bullying others, are being killed. How? By a ghost of a student who hung himself. Or at least that is what everyone is saying. When the team goes in, they discover that there is much more to this plot then they could ever have imagined.

It was an amazing book! Suspenseful, supernatural, action, etc. It had me on the edge of my seat furiously flipping pages to discover what happens next. And the ending is so unexpected and fantastic!

This book was turned into a movie, in which it was absolutely amazing. I’ve been meaning to do a post on it for Horrorfest, and will soon.

Nightmare Academy– A healthy, extremely intelligent boy runs away from home and is found a few months later naked, incoherent, and with the mental capacities of a one-year old. The only thing he seems to remember is two words-Nightmare Academy. The government calls upon the Springfield family, who once again go undercover. The twins pretend to be runaways and are approached by a woman from the Knight-Moore Academy. They agree to go, but this school is more sinister than they imagine. The two are drugged and wake up in a place where there are no morals, no truths, but a world where anything you believe is right is right, and absolutes are non-existent. Their parents had been keeping an eye on the twins, but find they’d been carried away right under their noses and there is no trace that they even existed. Who are these people? What are they doing to the kids?

This books was freakin’ amazing.

love it

It is suspenseful, it is mind-boggling, it is realistic, is crazy…I could go on. Let me just say that if any of you are a fan of Hunger Games, Maze Runner, or Divergent this will totally be something you’d love.

This Present Darkness– His first novel and a really amazing one. In this book a small town becomes the battleground in a war between the angels and demons. A collection of people want to take over the town and its college in order to indoctrinate the students into believing their untruths. On the other side of the battle is an agnostic editor, Marshall, and his star reporter, Bernice, trying to figure out what is going on in the town as nothing sits right with them. Fighting alongside, but unbeknowest to them, is Hank, the pastor of a little church and a true prayer warrior. It has action, comedy, suspense, drama, and the supernatural

Piercing the Darkness The sequel to This Present Darkness. In this novel, a group of people are set on closing down a Christian school, removing kids from a widowed Christian teacher, and causing their school material to be the only thing taught. Once again people find themselves fighting in the earthly and spiritual realm. This book is its own story with its own characters, but Peretti does bring back a few favorites such as Marshall, Hank, and Bernice. It was a great read, and almost as good as the original.

Prophet– John Barrett is the attractive and most popular news anchor on his station. He is estranged from his father and son, but in everything else doing absolutely splendid. Money, fame, adoring fans. Everything changes when his father dies, and no one seems to find the circumstances suspicious. Later he finds out that his news station is being selective in what has actually occurred and changing stories so they are sensational, instead of truthful. This causes John to start looking for the real truth and sets him down a path he never thought he would ever go down. It was a great book that sucks you in.

The Visitation– I have yet to read this, as you all know my to-read list is in the millions, but I have seen the film. In this a man comes to town who seems to have miraculous powers and claims to be the son of God, Jesus. Yet, there is more to this man than meets the eye. The film was amazingly good and you can all expect a review of it to be coming in some future Horrorfest.

House– House is actually a collabaration between Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker (the Christian version of Stephan King). This is not my all-time favorite books of his, mostly because Ted Dekkar style really doesn’t suit me. He’s just a bit too dark. I wouldn’t read this until I had finished all of Frank Peretti’s other books. They made a movie out of this and it was on Amazon Instant Watch, a while back, but I couldn’t watch it. I’ll get around to it eventually, and you’ll probably see it popping up on a future Horrorfest.

For more on Frank Peritti, go to A Little Bit of Love

hearts banner

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

freshprince

I can still sing the intro to this show 100% perfectly. Oh I loved this show growing up, and of course Will Smith. I think everyone was in love with him, I mean come on funny and attractive? Carlton was another of my favorites because he was so incredibly straightlaced. And don’t forget Geoffrey the sarcastic butler. But wait…I’m getting ahead of myself

So the story is about Will (played by Will Smith) who in West Philidelphia was born and raised. And on the playground is where he spent ost of his days. Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool-shooting some b-ball outside of school. Then a couple of guys who were up to no good, started making trouble in the neighborhood. He got in one little fight and his mom got scared, and said your moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

His uncle Phil and Aunt Viv grew up poor, but have moved up the social ladder-him a judge and her a professor, and are now rich. They at times seem to have forgotten their past, which Will reminds them of.

Their oldest daughter is Hilary, vapid, only cares about shopping, and for lack of a better word-bimbo. She is sweet and always providing comic relief.

Their second child is Carleton, who is about the same age as Will and always butting heads with him. Carlton is a super prep, nerd, ultra-conservative; but extremely hilarious. And a great dancer.

In fact “The Carlton” was so popular they reprised it on Dancing With the Stars.

Just Dance you guys need to add this to your repitoire.

The youngest child is Ashley. Ashley is still trying to figure out who she is and, as her siblings are older and in that phase where they want nothing to do with their younger sis, she gets really close to Will and bonds with him. She ends up with a singing career, encouraged by Will.

And rounding out the the household is the British, sarcastic butler. Hmm…I wonder who had it first? FPBA or The Nanny?

Anyways, it was a hilarious show and the essence of the ’90s.

hearts banner

LifeasaFangirl

hearts banner

For Part 3, go to Fantastic Fantasies

Stay tuned for Part 5

hearts banner

For more posts on my love of books, go to A Sad and Lonely Place

For more of my favorite quotes, go to Over and Over Again

Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Scream-4-Intl-3

You forgot the first rule of remakes, Jill. Don’t f*** with the original!

If only Wes had followed his own advice.

2013-11-27-bradpittUgh

I wish they hadn’t messed with the original. This movie sucked.

Bad Sequels psycho-1960-alfred-hitchcock-janet-leigh-pic-21

Just plain horrible. You see this all happened because everyone wanted to make another film after Scream 3. Wes told them he wouldn’t, unless the script was as good as the original film. Unfortunately, those dunderheads thought that meant they needed to do a horrible remake of the first amazing film.

hmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

For those of you just tuning in, this is the last of our Screamtastic Saturdays. Every Saturday this month I reviewed one of the Scream films. To read about them before you start this one, go to Scream, Scream 2, Scream 3

Now as you can tell I didn’t enjoy this one. As I watched this film I took a lot of notes on my feelings, A LOT. I’m just going to write them verbatim.

So let’s get started on this travesty…

I don't wanna

I don’t wanna

So the film starts out with two girls (Lucy Hale and Shenae Grimes) hanging out discussing horror films and stuff. One of them has a facebook stalker. It turns out to be ghostface who stabs and kills them both.

Ghostface attacks!

Ghostface attacks!

1&2

Victims 1&2

But wait…

Psych!Gameofthrones

It turns out that its not real. It is the opening scene from the film Stab 6 that two girls are watching. (Anna Paquin and Kristen Bell).

So that’s the first problem of this film. It was so dripped in big name actors that it was impossible to get into. I mean the original had famous actors too, but this was tooooo jam packed. It’s too much, far too much.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

So Anna Paquin talks too much during the movie that Kristen Bell kills her.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

I know Kristen Bell? Whatever.

3

Body #3

Just kidding

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

Yep, it’s just another fakeout. It’s Stab 7  that Julie from Friday Night Lights, I mean Jenny (Aimee Teagarden) and her friend Marnie are watching. After that Jenny goes upstairs to get something, and instead prank calls her friend. The “real” Ghostface comes in and kills Marnie, with Jenny right behind her.

Victim 4 & 5

Victim 4 & 5

And here we have another garage scene that is improbable. I’m telling you, any automatic garage door will not be able to kill someone. They design the mechanisms so that if there is something underneath them, it will cause them to be incapable of being squished.

Duh!

Duh!

And the other problem with this scene is the fact that having two fakeouts was too many. After the two psych-outs, I was not attached to the characters as I was just expecting them to die. It wasn’t scary, mysterious, funny, or good. It was just bad. Bad, bad, bad. Plain ol’ lazy writing. Come on Wes, you’re better than this. This is reverting back not evolving.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

So this film, and the first scene, take place 10 years after “The Woodsboro Massacre” or the amazing phenomenon known as Scream. Deputy Dewey is now Sheriff and married to Gale Weathers. Gale has stopped reporting and turned to writing fiction. Sidney has written a book on her experiences and is on tour. In fact, she has just arrived in Woodsboro. And Randy is dead.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Still not over that.

We then see the horrible Emma Roberts getting picked up for school. I hate Emma Roberts. She has no talent whatsoever. She always seems as if she is acting, so I never believe that she is whatever “character” she is playing. She’s like a block of wood. I think she is secretly a robot as she never gives any emotion. None whatsoever. She’s proof that just because one family member has talent, doesn’t mean the rest do.

big mistake

I bet she is the killer. She’s all I hate Sidney.  Blah, blah blah…

boohoo_zps058c9fe1

Anyways, Jill (Emma Roberts) is being picked up by her friends Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) and Olivia (Marielle Jaffe). Now who are these girls trying to fool? There is no way these girls are in high school they look sooo OLD.

I mean Roberts could pass for 19 at the youngest, but Panettiere and Jaffe? They are clearly are late 20s heading for their thirties. I’m looking it up now…let’s see…Roberts was 20 at the time, Panettiere was 22, and Jaffee was also 22. Okay so they weren’t as old as I thought they were, although they look it. I mean it’s laughable how they think they could pass off people so old as high school students.

Jill and Olivia receive texts from Jenny and Marnie, even though they aren’t close friends or anything…and the two girls are dead (although no one has discovers it yet. Speaking of which where were the parents during all of this? Why weren’t they with their kid? How come it took someone so long to discover the body? Come on now!)

Wes also has a love affair in this film with fake jumps. It’s like every five seconds. Seriously, just stop.

Stop stop it now!

At the station Sheriff Dewey gets called on the scene and I notice something here Wes. Yes…yes…it appears that Dewey no longer suffers from a limp. I see, I see. Dewey  gets to be limp free WHILE RANDY IS DEAD??!!

800__shadow_of_a_doubt_blu-ray_04_intense stare angry upset mad creep

Never letting that one go. Moving on.

So Sheriff Dewey is called on the scene and he knows, he just knows

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

RIP Randy! Love you forever!!!!!!!

So as Sheriff Dewey is looking around, one of his deputies calls him Sheriff Riley. And I was like Whaaaaaaat????? Dewey has a last name?

phil first name agent Avengers phil coulson tony stark pepper potts

Sorry. Back to the film.

So then we zoom to the high school were we have Hollywood’s version of high school students. You know horribly unrealistic and clichéd to the farthest ranges of the imagination. Because in Hollywood:

thats-how-its-done

Yep, enter super nerd who has a computer hooked up to his headphones so he can blog every moment of his life.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Really Wes? Have you been to a school and seen real nerds? They don’t dress like that or do that? I mean when Ned’s Declassified did the Nerd has camera/computer hooked up to their glasses they did it to spoof. They weren’t trying to portray the nerd/online/blogger culture. You fail. Big time.

Duh!

Duh!

So then we enter douche boy, Jill’s ex-boyfriend. I mean this is some serious deja vu as he ex is a total creep. I guess douche dating runs in the family.

Girl Please

So during homeroom, everyone’s cellphones buzz with the news. I’m just like, why wasn’t the school notified? When I was in high school we had two deaths. One was a car crash, the other an overdose and the teachers were all immediatey notified before the friends even found out. Same thing in college when a guy committed suicide, and another guy jumped off his balconey as he was high and had a bad trip. Although in college they sent emails and texts to the students, while in high school they told us.

At the bookstore, Sidney is reading an excerpt from her book when Sheriff Dewey comes marching in. He interrupts the signing as they are tracking the phone that placed the calls. They discover it in the back of Sidney’s rental, along with bloody handprints.

dun-dun-duuuun

Back at the station, Sheriff Dewey s dealing with a lot. Gale comes down as her old investigative spirit is still alive. She encounters a huge prob though. Dewey’s deputy, Deputy Judy, has a mondo crush on Dewey. But Gale, she’s not having any of that.

that girl is going after my man she is going to wish she was never born

I love that Gale is still kickin’ butt.

verbalbeatdown

So Sheriff Dewey decides to put Sidney on 24-hour police protection, and all I can think is do you remember what happend last time? Yeah, it did not end well.

ouch Hermione

You know what almost everyone in this film has drunk the kool-aid. I know that Wes wanted to provide a wide range of “suspects” (totally obvious Jill and Culkin brother/crazy film nerd guy). But he makes everyone seem CRAZY!!! Jill’s ex, the deputy, and that’s not all. Let’s add Sidney’s publicist who delights in the murders because it will sell more books. She actually hopes more will occur. And then we have Sidney’s aunt Kate. “Nobody cares about the fact that it was MY sister that was killed or what I’VE been going through.

Gilmore girls creep

So at this point in the film I’m starting to wonder what happened to Patrick Dempsey? AKA Detective Mark Kincaid. I guess he was too busy being a doctor or maid of honor. Let’s see…Yes to doctor, no to maid of honor. He was trying to protect a bank teller and working with Decepticons. I wish they had given us a clue as why they didn’t stay together. I liked Mark.

Later that evening, Sidney goes to talk to Jill and you know what..how come we have never heard of this aunt and niece before? I mean they have lived in the town their whole life and not once was concerned with Sidney? Like why didn’t she stay with her aunt when he dad was out of town? This Wes, is why you do not try and remake a good thing. Just leave well enough alone.

So Sidney goes in to talk to Jill and sees her creep ex climbing in her window trying to talk to her. He’s extra creepy and weird calling himself “the ninja”. Who nicknames themselves? He is also a total control freak and won’t listen to “no”. What a jerk.

jerk

That night Kirby comes over and she and Jill are watching scary movies. Kirby gets a call from Ghostface that he’s hiding in the closet. She decides to be stupid and looks around, finding no one. Like this guy KILLED people. Maybe you should CALL THE POLICE!!!!

Scream 2

The voice says that he never stated which closet he was in.

Now the house next door is Olivia’s who is home alone (of course). The police offered to walk her to her home but she refused and like the stupid caricatures they are, they agreed. I just realized that policeman in the Scream  films are pretty stupid. Dewey and Mark being the exception. I mean SHE RECIEVED A DEATH THREAT FROM GHOSTFACE EARLIER!!!! WHY IS NO ONE PROTECTING HER!!! So of course, Ghostface is in her closet and kills her.

Victim 6

Victim 6

And her friends just watch.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Seriously, they DO NOTHING BUT WATCH THEIR FRIEND GET SLICED APART. Scream! Call the police!!! Do something!!!!

Sid hears it and rushes over to help. Now Sid I love you, but couldn’t you have brought a weapon with you? How do you expect to save the girl if you have nothing. I mean come on, grab a bat, frying pan, knife, SOMETHING!!!

Sid does manage to take him down as she rules! But when the cops come he’s disappeared? Who is he Michael Myers? How does he move so fast? I mean they did the same thing in Scream 2.

Why weren’t the cops able to find him? WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK??? THIS MOVIE IS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE I TELL YOU!!! CRAVEN YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED ME AGAIN! IT’S LIKE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET ALL FREAKIN’ OVER AGAIN!!!

800__shadow_of_a_doubt_blu-ray_04_intense stare angry upset mad creep

Not happy, not happy at all

Gale seduces the two nerds to get them to help her. At first I thought it was funny, but the more I think about it, it’s creepy. I know on Cougar Town you are always with younger men, but this is a 47 year old woman hitting on 17 year olds.

ew! Gross Yuck

PR girl is the devil. I am sorry but the way she gushes about the killings, she needs help.

you're evil

So after she leaves from visiting Sidney in the hospital (minor cut) she runs into Ghostface and is killed.

Victim #7

Victim #7

Now to be honest its her own fault as she really shouldn’t be walking around at night by herself with a killer on the loose. And what’s really stupid was that she was by her car. Just get in and drive away, run him over. Instead she tries to run. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB. I mean come on, you were sitting inside the car! Why would you ever take off?

Girl Please

You know what I just realized. so far the killer has only murdered women. What’s up with that? In the other films it was always equal. How come you’re just killing women Wes? Huh? Why? You know what else? In every film we have couples who are murdered first. Scream– Steve and Casey, Scream 2– Boyfriend and Jada Pinket-Smith, & Scream 3– Cotton’s girlfriend and Cotton. But in this one its only been girls. There’s a formula!

But now, we only have females murdered. What happened Wes, did you have a woman break your heart so now you are releasing your anger on females?

And you know what’s really depressing about this film is that it lost everything. It isn’t a horror parody and a horror film at the same time; It’s just sad and boring. You can tell from the beginning who the killers are (Jill & Charlie [Culkin brother super nerd]). It’s just a recycled plot. A poorly recycled one too.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

I mean each previous Scream brought something new and fresh.

Scream

  1. Parody of the Horror film Genre while still being a great horror film
  2. Twist ending with two killers, and one being the boyfriend.
  3. Obsession with horror films and trying to create their own
  4. Revenge because his mother left.

Scream 2

  1. Parody of sequel films and horror sequels
  2. Debates issue if whether horror films turn people into killers
  3. Twist ending where you think it is the boyfriend murdering, but really ex’s mom
  4. Female serial killer

Scream 3

  1. Parody of trilogy films
  2. Twist ending with mother’s secret early life + half brother
  3. Single killer this time
  4. All the survivors end in a couple-Dewey & Gale, Mark & Sid

Scre4m

  1. Recycled plot
  2. Pop culture of the day inserted but it feels more like an old man trying to be “hip” and failing than avant-garde.
  3. They waited far too long to make this film. It should have come sooner.

So the next day Gale gets Sidney to come speak at the film club at the high school. In return for this, the two geek boys Charlie (the Culkin brother) and his friend blogger- headphones, Robbie, will help her out. Gale thinks the new Ghostface is copying the murders, but the nerd twins point out that it is a remake “as only remakes are being made these days.” Tru dat. In 2011 alone there was Silent House, Gnomeo & Juliet, The Green Hornet, The Roommate, The Mechanic, Just Go With It, Unknown, Jane Eyre, Winnie the Pooh, Arthur, X-Men: First Class, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian, Real Steel, Straw Dogs, The Thing, Footloose, The Muppets, and The Sitter.

The kids tell Gale & Sidney that if the killer wants to make it intense and new he is going to record the murders. That’s not new, it’s been happening for quite so time now. Just another ripoff.

They decide the next place he will strike is the annual Stab-a-thon. Now you have a killer running about and you refuse to stop your party? Definteky Charlie. He’s the killer. I mean come on, any smart person would be like nope, let’s stop this so people don’t die.

jerk_alert32

So a bunch of the kids dress up in Ghostface masks which is incredibly stupid. I mean you have a KILLER IN THE GHOSTFACE MASK? Why is everyone so STUPID.

Ugh

Ugh

Gale goes there just like in the first film and hooks up some “secret cameras”. The cameras get covered up and Gale calls Dewey before she goes into take care of them. Now the smart thing would be to just wait as it is obvious that Ghostface is the one doing it, but whatever! I mean like even if you feel like you HAVE  to go, why not be extra cautious and take a weapon! I mean, come on now people. She goes and is stabbed by the killer, however, she’s Gale so she just has to go to hospital. That’s cause Gale is awesome.

I just want this film to be over. It is that painful.

So I am liking nobody in this film. Like every character is crazy or stupid. The only exceptions are Gale, Sid, Dewey, and Aimee Teagarden’s character as she tried to run away. Even though I think Emma Roberts is the killer I want her to get stabbed so I won’t have to see her face again this film and hear her horrible acting voice.

Duh!

Duh!

So back at the house Sidney sees something outside. She goes to take a look at it instead of CALLING THE POLICE! Come on Sid, you’re better than that.

Stop stop it now!

So the cops outside Kate/Jill/Sid’s residence are all comedic and talking about movie cops. They say that cops are what you never want to be as they are always “getting it” in films. Uh, not true! What about Dirty Harry? Ain’t nobody taking down Clint Eastwood. Or what about Patrick Dempsey in Scream 3, I mean Wes you freakin’ made that film. Witness? Harrison Ford always dominates! Sidney Poitier In the Heat of the Night or They Call Me, Mr. Tibbs! Mark Wahlberg in The Departed? Die Hard?

Besides why would the black cop be worried that since he is a cop he’s going to killed? He’s got bigger worries, he’s a minority. He’s going to get killed for that. The only horror films I’ve ever seen where the minority doesn’t get killed first and makes it to the end would be Night of the Living Dead and Aliens vs. Predator.

They both get killed.

Victim #8 & 9

Victim #8 & 9

I was actually happy about that as they were annoying.

So someone in this film finally wises up, as Sid grabs a knife to protect her. Ghostface comes and attacks. Yawn! Knew it was going to happen. There is NOTHING original in this film, NOTHING!!!! Wes you have failed, fAILED FAILED FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!

So Kate also gets killed, she was stabbed through a door.

Victim #10

Victim #10

Yawn! Wes you already did that in Scream 2.

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

Is it over yet? Is the film done yet? Boo. There’s still 30 mins left! UGH, UGH, BLEH! I would stop watching like a did with An American Werewolf in London, but I promised full reviews of every Scream film and I can’t go back on that.

So Sidney escapes. She starts to head next door to protect Jill.

Next door we have Jill, Kirby, Robbie, & Charlie watching horror films.

So why don’t any of these kids feel remorse for the murdered people? I mean in Scream the main characters weren’t close to Steve and Casey (except Stu) so I could see where it didn’t make the biggest impact. But Sid started feeling when it was Tatum, Dewey, Gale, etc. In Scream 2, the girl in the film class was sad about her friend that was murdered in the movie theater and everyone is heartbroken over Randy.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Then in Scream 3 Cotton’s death, and while the characters didn’t know the movie stars, they were still sad to see them killed. I mean Olivia was their friend as she was MURDERED!!! And you know how they react? Jill in her monotone voice is fine and doesn’t say anything. Kirby goes to the Stab-a-thon in sa freakin’ ghostface mask. A GHOSTFACE MASK! I mean your friend was MURDERED, MUREDERED! And you are wearing the thing that killer wore to murder to your friend. Something is wrong with you all.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

 And you know what, that is the problem with this film. In the other versions you believed the actors were the characters. You believed them. In this film every character except for the 3 survivors are so fake. They have any real emotions. They don’t have any real reactions. They are like robots or something.

metropolis-Robot

Why is everyone dumb in this movie? This movie is horrible and stupid! Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! OMG! it’s LIKE HE WANTS TO MAKE A SUCKY VERSION OF AN AMAZING FILM! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY? WHY? WHO GAVE HIM THE MONEY. You all should be held accountable for this!!!!

Is this too crazy?

Is this too crazy?

This is film is a HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT! BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

big mistake

So the group is hanging out. Trevor comes over as he says Jill invited him. She tells them that is impossible as her phone has been missing. Jill goes upstairs and Trevor follows her. While he is gone, Robbie gets drunk and heads outside for another blog post. When he does this we have the only real scare in the film. He runs into a plant. That’s it folks, so far the plant has been the most scariest and original thing in this travesty. And that’s not even that original.

Back inside, Kirby is trying to seduce Charlie in the most horrible and painful way. It hurt to watch this scene. It was awkward, it was stupid, and it would never happen that way in real life.

ouch Hermione

You know what I’m wondering now? Where are the parents? Come on now, is Jill the only one in town with a parent? They are completely absent! At least in Scream they explaned it. Casey’s parents were out having dinner. Mr. Prescott was going out of town. Mrs. Riley (Dewey & Tatum’s mom) is a single parent. Stu’s parents don’t care and are out of town all the time. Mr. Loomis works late hours and has recently become a single parent. I get that, although they should have done a better job. Scream 2, in college parents aren’t there., although I’m really surprised not one of them came down to check on their kids. Scream 3 all are adults. But these kids have no parents anywhere, nor do they give an explanation except for Olivia She mentions that her mom works late. Its like this whole film is in an alternate dimension where reality plays no part at all. I mean I know its a movie, but explain! Movie EXPLAIN!!!

So this film is far too predictable. You know Robbie who is hanging outside is going to be killed first, then Kirby, then Trevor, and then Charlie. It is soooo obvious.

This is horrible. Why am I watching this? Why?

So Robbie of course is killed, and too his shock as he thinks being gay will save him. I thought that was a weird thing to say. I mean, I can’t think of horror films where a gay person always survive. I mean technically he’s in the minority category and we all know that minorities hardly ever make it to the end of a horror film.

Victim #11

Victim #11

Before Kirby and Charlie could get it on, Trevor comes downstairs. He couldn’t find Jill upstairs. He and  Charlie head to the kitchen, leaving Kirby alone in the living room. Jill comes from downstairs, now how the heck was she there? (I mean obvs to me she’s the killer, but why doesn’t anyone else think that weird?) Sidney runs into the house to warn everyone. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE IF YOU HAD CALLED THE POLICE FOR BACKUP. Kirby goes down to the basement, while Jill and Sidney go upstairs. Jill hides under the bed.

I don't think so

That is the worse place to hide. Beds and  closets are always checked first.

Sidney comes down to the basement with Kirby and they see Charlie. He wants them to let him in, but Kirby is unsure whether or not she can trust him. Ghostface grabs him and ties him to a chair. Ghostface then calls Kirby.

scary movie mansfield park Scream

The two are going to play a game. Kirby wins, Charlie is free.

The Voice: I hear you like horror movies, Kirby. But do you like them as much as him? Forget watching Stab, instead you get to live it.

Kirby Reed: No. No, no, no, no. He’s the expert. It’s not me.

The Voice: Warm up question: Jason’s weapon?

Kirby Reed: Uh,it’s a machete.

The Voice: There. You see? You do know the genre. Michael Myers?

Kirby Reed: Uh, butcher knife.

The Voice: Leatherface?

Kirby Reed: [crying] Chainsaw! Please!

The Voice: Just ask Sidney if you need some help. Freddy Krueger?

Kirby Reed: Razor-hands.

The Voice: Name the movie that started the slasher craze: Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Last House on the Left or Psycho?

Kirby Reed: Psycho.

The Voice: None of the above! Peeping Tom, 1960, directed by Michael Powell. First movie to ever put the audience in the killer’s POV.

Kirby Reed: Wait. No, no, no. Please, just ask me one more question. Just one more.

The Voice: Alright, Kirby, then it’s time for your last chance. Name the remake of the groundbreaking horror movie in which the vill…

Kirby Reed: Halloween, uh, Texas Chainsaw, Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, Amityville Horror, uh, Last House on the Left, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare On Elm Street, My Bloody Valentine, When A Stranger Calls, Prom Night, Black Christmas, House of Wax, The Fog, Piranha. It’s one of those, right? Right?

[silence]

Kirby Reed: I got it right. I was fucking right. [goes outside; unties Charlie] Don’t worry, Charlie. I f****** won. I won. He tried to beat me but I f****** won.

Charlie Walker:[holding knife] Kirby? This is is making a move! [stabs her] Four years of class together and you notice me now? You stupid b****! It’s too late! Shhh, I know. It doesn’t happen as fast as it does in the movies, I know.

[finishes stabbing her and drops her; runs away]

Yep Kirby is dead.

Victim #12

Victim #12

And Charlie was the killer. Totally obvious.

Duh!

Duh!

So deputy Judy comes into play as she discovers Kate’s body and the dead cops. She heads over to Kirby’s house to check on everyone. I still want to punch her crazy-obsessed with Dewey face.

dean_punching_supernatural

Does that make me a bad person?

So Sidney is being chased by Charlie and manages to escape him heading for the door. But Sid, don’t forget, except for Scream 3 there are always two killers. And as she heads for the door…boom Jill stabs her.

Now if Wes wanted to make this really unique. He should have down a group of female killers. It is rare, but does happen. Olivia, Kirby, and Jill. Or deputy Judy. She could be doing all these murders just so she could kill Gale and get Sheriff Dewey. Or he could have not tried making a remake. That would have been fantastic!.

So the two totally obvious killers start revealing the reasoning behind it. Jill was always jealous of her cousin’s fame. And as Emma Roberts…I mean Jill has no talent, she figures this is the quickest way to make her famous.

Jill Roberts: My friends? What world are you living in? I don’t need friends. I need fans. Don’t you get it? This has never been about killing you? It’s about becoming you. I mean, for f***’s sake, my own mother had to die, no great loss there, so I could stay true to the original. That’s sick, right? Well, sick is the new sane. You had your 15 minutes, now I want mine! I mean, what am I supposed to do? Go to college? Grad school? Work? Look around. We all live in public now, we’re all on the Internet. How do you think people become famous any more? You don’t have to achieve anything. You just gotta have f***** up-s*** happen to you. So you have to die, Sid. Those are the rules. New movie, new franchise. There’s only room for one lead, and let’s face it, your ingenue days, they’re over.

Charlie was her new boyfriend that was helping her do this. They plan to have Trevor take the fall for it, stabbing themselves, but shooting him to make it look like “self-defense”. Charlie is happy that the “geek will get the girl”, but Jill tells him sorry and kills him.

Victim #13

Victim #13

You know what I just realized. They never clean the knife. Ever. With all those kids having sex and the amount of diseases that abound, now all I can think is how they’ve been spreading so much to people. They’ve all probably got Chlamydia or something.

Also WHERE ARE THE POLICE!!!??? I mean deputy Judy was right next door!!!

So then Jill kills Trevor and Sidney.

Victim #14 &15

Victim #14 &15

After that she starts taking care of the evidence. Planting the knife/gun. Beating /mutilating herself. Even ripping hair out and putting it in Trevor’s hand.

When the police finally come, they discover her and name her the sole survivor. They cart her off to the hospital. In the hospital Dewey visit Jill, who is all smiles. I have to say nobody is freaked out by the fact she doesn’t care that her best friends, mother, and cousin have all been brutally murdered???!!! Someone ship her off to the psycho ward. That girl is crazy!

Certified Creepo Ribbon

Jill tells Dewey that maybe she and Gale can write about the murders as they have matching wounds. Dewey tells her that Sidney might be able to also help, as she is going to recover.

Say What

Yep, looks like we have Dial “M” for Murder all over again.

“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?

Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.

Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?

Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”

You can’t plan everything sweetheart.

So Jill gets out of her bed and charges down to ICU to get to Sidney.

I don't think so

That is impossible. There is no way she would be able to get across the hospital as they are jam packed with people. Especially ICU. Most ICU units actually are protected by some kind of card swipe or button so that only certain people can go in. There’s no way she’d be able to get to Sidney.

Girl Please

Dewey goes to see Gale, and as he mentions Jill’s comments they both realize that the information about her stabs were not released to the public. There is no way she could have known where Gale was stabbed, unless she had done it herself.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Dewey runs down to get to Sidney, and sees Jill trying to kill her. Sidney is doing a great job as she is Awesome!  Sid you rule! Jill does have an upper hand as she tries to hurt Sidney in her stab wounds. Dewey is trying to help, but gets knocked out by a bedpan. Gale and Deputy Judy also come in, but Jill stole Dewey’s gun and threatens killing Dewey to get Deputy Judy’s gun. After the gun is passed, she shoots Deputy Judy in the chest.

Victim #13

Victim #15

Jill is threatening all and planning on killing them but this is very stupid. She already framed Trevor and gave a statement. How is she going to explain the other dead bodies? Who can she pin the murder of Sidney, Gale, Deputy Judy, and Sheriff Dewey on. Not going to work.

Jill plans in killing Gale next, as Sidney’s wounds have reopened and she seems to be the lesser threat. She is about to when Sidney shocks her with the defibrillator.

Jill tries one last time, but Sid shoots her.

Gale-Randy-Billy-and-Sidney-scream-23148646-499-198

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Sid is awesome!! Best scene in the whole film. Yeah don’t mess with the original baby!!!! Yeah!!! But its not over. What about deputy Judy

Psych!GameofthronesSyke

She’s alive! She was wearing a bulletproof vest. In the end the body count ends at 15.

Victim #13

Victim #15

And Wes I only have one thing to say to you

Over You

So this ends our Screamtastic Saturdays kind of on a bad note, but don’t blame me. I didn’t make this film. Wes did.

2011Scre4m

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

halloween banner

For more on the Scream series, go to All I Know About Trilogies is That in the Third One, All Bets are Off

For more modern remakes, go to Keep Clear of the Moor. Beware the Moon

For more serial killers, go to But the Book, It Will Never Close…

For more slasher films, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?

For more on Wes Craven, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

Tuesday the 17th: Psych (2009)

Tuesday the 17th

I knew we never should have come back here

So this episode of Psych is a parody of Friday the 13th, hence the Tuesday the 17th. I thought that since we don’t have a Friday the 13th or a Tuesday the 17th, so I thought it would be awesome to have this on Friday the 17th, so its a combination of both.

So for those of you who aren’t Psych fans, the series is about a guy, Shawn Spencer, who pretends to be a psychic and works with the Santa Barbara Police Department. His BFF, Burton “Gus” Guster, helps him out. He works with Head detective Carlton Lassiter and junior detective Juliet O’Hara.

*Spolier Alert*

So the episode starts off with Shawn and Gus in their preteens at summer camp. They are being picked up by Shawn’s dad, and Shawn is pissed. He is mad at for Gus choosing Jason as a partner over him for the piñata contest. (They picked the name Jason in reference to the boy and later killer, Jason Voorhees.) As we transition to the present we get a the theme song from Friday the 13th series and a creepy view of Shawn’s piñata, Rick Astley, stuck under the water.

Friday the 17th

20 years later a girl, Annie (named after the stupid Annie that is killed in the original Friday the 13th) is sitting down watching one of the Friday the 13th films.

Ren Stevens: What? Honey, you're chased by six mutants, and you just decided to take a shower?

Ren Stevens: What? Honey, you’re chased by six mutants, and you just decided to take a shower?

She decides to go off, when the phone rings like When a Stranger Calls.

When-a-Stranger-Calls-s01

But its just her friends and she tells them she is feeling sick and going to stay home. All of a sudden she is attacked from behind!!!

Tuesdaythe17th

Back at the Psych building, Shawn and Gus find Shawn’s old summer camp piñata hanging outside their building. Jason did it as a joke as he came to ask the two to help them. Jason is reopening the summer camp this upcoming Friday, but one of his counselors, Annie, is missing. Shawn doesn’t want to return, but Gus convinces him to go back there.

There the two meet Billy (named after Billy in Scream), the jock and fitness counselor; Clive, the nerd and the water instructor; and Sissy, the damsel in distress in charge of arts and crafts. They start investigating, when Jason starts acting weird. He keeps speaking strange and walking around with a dummy.

tuesday the 17th

They start breaking up into twos and singles, which angers Shawn as everyone is breaking the horror film rules. Never split up!

Randy Scream

While they go off into the woods, Billy gets taken by the killer.

Tuesdaythe13th

They all meet up again, at 6:00 minus Billy. Sissy shows Gus and Shawn the laundry room; in which they discover Annie’s pjs, covered in blood.

Gilmore girls creep

Shawn gets freaked out and calls Juliet O’Hara from the SBPD to come down and check things out. She gets everyone to stay inside the cabin.  When Jason leaves, Shawn chases after him. As he is running and looking for him, he notices the laundry room going again. He goes inside and finds Annie’s strangled body. After that, a man in a potato bag (like that in Butterfinger the 13th) chases after him. Shawn screams and runs away.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Only to be caught by the killer!

Tuedaythe17th

But all is not what it seems. Shawn figures out that Jason is behind it all and that it is merely a camp created to scare people. The counselors are actors. People pay to come and get scared out of their minds. It’s like living a horror movie, except you know you will survive in the end.

So everyone goes back to the cabin and celebrates the “rehearsal” of the event.

Tuesdaythe17th

Everything is great until Shawn spots a dead body in the pond.

Victim #2

Victim #1

They all pull him out and discover that it is the creepy janitor. There is a huge storm that starts up, causing no to be able to leave. Or come to them.

dun-dun-duuuun

All have to wait until it blows over. They decide to play strip cribbage, as stupid as the strip monopoly they play in Friday the 13th.

Well I don't make out alive. Must have been too much strip monopoly.

Well I don’t make out alive. Must have been too much strip monopoly.

Billy ends up being the one who looses all his clothes. And you know what that means…..Yep let the bodies hit the floor.

After the janitor, Annie is killed and then Billy when he goes to check the breaker after the lights go out.

Shawn figures out that it is Clive and goes after Billy, finding his dead body. Juliet chases Annie down and discovers that she is dead too. They go looking for Clive and find him fighting with Gus. One gets knocked into the pool and Shawn jumps into the pool thinking it was Gus. It’s not, it’s Clive!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clive tries to attack Shawn, letting him know that the reason he is doing so is because his father died at this camp and he wanted to get revenge.

Pamela Voorhees: [high voice] Kill her, Mommy! Kill her! Don't let her get away, Mommy! Don't let her live!  [normal voice]  Pamela Voorhees: I won't, Jason. I won't!

Very similar to the orginal Friday the 13th film

Luckily Juliet manages to shoot him before he can harm Shawn.

tumblr_nbzk97FFx11t9pwxfo1_500 tumblr_nbzk97FFx11t9pwxfo2_500

The episode ends with Shawn, Gus, and Juliet looking off into the distance. Thinking about the horror they’ve witnessed.

Tueadaythe17th

You know how the original Friday the 13th ended, with Jason coming out of the water? Well, they parodied that too, except with Rock Astley.

Tuesday17th

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even A Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to Part X: The Movie List that Would Not Die!

halloween banner

For more on Psych, go to At the End of the Rainbow

For more Friday the 13th (1980), go to Camp Blood

For more on Shawn Spencer, go to Treat Her Right

For more parodies of horror films, go to What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?

For more on summer camp, go to Someone Very Special

For more of my fav songs, go to It’s Happening Again, Isn’t It?