13 Films to Watch on Valentine’s Day If You Are in An Anti-Romance Mood

So I wasn’t originally going to post anything for Valentine’s Day, I’m just not in the mood. Some of you know my story, for those who don’t, go to Plot Twist.

Meh.

But then I was looking through my drafts, and I spotted this one. The idea of a list of films to watch on Valentine’s Day when you are not in a romantic mood was born last year, but I never had a chance to flesh it out so I didn’t post it. However, it is perfect for this year! So even though we will not be having our usual Romance is in the Air: 14 Days, 14 Romantic Moments in film and TV, we will still have something.

Some of us just get in an unromantic mood during Valentine’s Day. Sometimes it is because of a bad relationship, sometimes it’s because you aren’t a romantic person, sometimes it is just Valentine’s Day itself that sets you off.

So I decided that instead of doing a romantic moment, that I would list thirteen films for you who are anti-romance this “season” to enjoy.

Now note that I said anti-romance, there will be love in some of the films, but I am choosing ones that are not romantic love, or full of love.

13) Legally Blonde

Elle Woods imagined that when her boyfriend asked her out to a fancy dinner, he was going to propose, but he dumps her because she isn’t the “right image.” Angry, wanting to prove him wrong, and hoping to win him back-she takes her LSATS and enrolls in Harvard Law School. There she surprisingly discovers a love of law and justice.

So it does have some romance in it, as she hopes to get her man back, but as the film continues it really becomes about Elle finding her place and who she is, and not letting anyone keep her down or other’s views of her affect her self-esteem. She does end up with a new boyfriend, but that isn’t really the primary focus in the film or a strong part of the story,

For more on Legally Blonde, go to The Bend and Snap

12) What A Way To Go

I first ran into this film when I was shelving the DVDs at work, and when I saw the cast list I had to watch it! Shirley MacLaine is Louisa May Foster Hopper Flint Anderson Benson who has dreamed of living a poor, simple life with the man she loves. Instead each man she marries gets rich, spends zero time with her, and is killed by their work-leaving her richer and trying again to find love. Each sequence also has a flashback when a “movie type scenario” from a silent film, Parisian film, big technicolor extravaganza, and a musical.

This film is hilarious as all Louisa wants is to be poor, but keeps making each man richer-ending up alone. She and all her co-stars gel so well-you can’t miss this amazing and fun film. Louisa does fall in love again and again, but as she gives her husband’s ideas that make them rich and busy, she actually doesn’t spend that much time with them. It is sooo funny, that all will enjoy and need to watch.

11) Double Jeopardy

Libby Parsons went out for a romantic night with her husband and woke up to him dead! She then finds herself on trial for his murder, convicted and in jail, her son taken and missing, and it turns out her husband is still alive. Libby serves her time and as soon as she is paroled she will do all she can to find her boy and make her husband pay!

There is no romance in this, just a mother’s love and determination to get her son. Plus-revenge and hardcore justice!

For more on Double Jeopardy, go to I Could Shoot You in the Middle of Mardi Gras and They Can’t Touch Me…: Double Jeopardy (1999)

10) Shenandoah

James Stewart is Charlie Anderson, yeoman farmer and father of seven living in Shenandoah, Virginia. Charlie does not own slaves, he has six sons who can help with the work, therefore he does not believe in fighting in the Civil War. Instead Charlie chooses to go on with his daily life, believing that if he stays out of the war, then him and his family will be safe. However, people in his household have conflicting views; one of his sons, Jacob, wants to fight in the war and his son-in-law is an officer in the Confederate army. His youngest boy ends up being mistaken as a confederate troop and captured as a prisoner of war, then causing Charlie and his family to go after him; ultimately thrusting them into the war.

Shenandoah is radically different in its portrayal of the Civil War. It steers away from celebrating, idealizing, and romanticizing war-instead not choosing to not honor a side but vilify war in general. It presents all viewpoints on the Civil War and raises issues concerning the Civil War that are applicable in contemporary times. The way Shenandoah is able to encompass all views makes it a film that is still relatable today. It is a sad film, but powerful. It has no real romantic love, but focuses on the love of a family.

9) Dangerous Crossing

Ruth Stanton has just eloped with John Bowman and the two are going on a cruise for their honeymoon. He goes to the purser while she heads up to the deck. When she returns to her room, it isn’t her room! There is no record of John Bowman, the staff has not seen him and don’t recall seeing them together. Ruth Stanton did have to go to a sanitarium, after her father died, could she be having another breakdown? Or is there a sinister plot against her?

This is a film noir that has mystery and suspense and very little romance. Yes, Ruth is on her honeymoon, but as her husband is missing (or does he even exist?) there is no romance-just her drive to find out what happened.

For more on Dangerous Crossing, go to I Do Think You Are Confused Mrs. Bowman: Dangerous Crossing (1953)

8) Jaws

Amity Island is getting ready for the summer and what should be a great time on the beach. However, all is not well as a rogue great white shark has decided to make the beach this year’s home. He’s eating up tourists and locals, scaring the crowds away, and causing all kinds of havoc. Soon the sheriff, a marine biologist, and fisher have to team up to hunt the monster down.

Let’s see the film starts off with a couple trying to be romantic and getting turned into shark bait, so you know the romance in this will be zero. A fantastic film that anyone will enjoy.

For more on Jaws, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Screen: Happy 40th to JAWS

7) Night of the Living Dead

Barbara and her brother are visiting their grandparent’s grave when they are attacked by a zombie!! Her brother is taken, but Barbara escapes ending up in a house with several others who are trying to survive this attack and find a way out.

There is absolutely no romance in this film as everything is focused on surviving the dreaded event. There is a teenage couple who try and escape the horror, but they succumb to zombies.

For more Night of the Living Dead, go to They’re Coming To Get You Barbara: Night of the Living Dead (1968)

 

6) The Trouble With Angels

I got this movie as a gift from a friend one year. She said, and direct quote, “I saw it was an old movie so I figured you would like it.” Ha ha.

Mary Clancy (Hayley Mills) is quite the troublemaker, so much that her father has decided to send her to Catholic school. There she teams up with fellow newcomer, Rachel Devery, and they begin to pull pranks on the Nuns and Mother Superior. Mother Superior won’t be outdone, however, and plans to do all she can to tame their temperamental moods.

An adorable film about friendship, faith, and growing up. Not a drop of romance in it.

5) The Beverly Hillbillies

Jed is just an average “hillbillie” trying to keep his family fed. He’s out shooting and finds the biggest oil field in America on record. He takes his daughter Ellie May, cousin Jethro, granny (Jed’s mother-in-law), and a truckfull of animals to Beverly Hills, CA. The try and navigate in Beverly Hills, their ways being a full “fish out of water” scenario. When Jed sees that his daughter is completely unladylike, he decides it is time to get a wife who can raise his daughter right. Enter Woodrow Tyler and Laura Jackson, conmen, who plan to make Jed fall in love with Laura and take all his money. Will their plan work? Or will these Hillbillies prove they are much smarter than they seem at first glance.

This film is hilarious and so much fun to watch, I know I could watch it over and over again. You might think a film that centers around marriage has to be about love and romance, wrong! There is none really at all in this film. It is hilarious as we see the hillbillies trying to survive in ’90s Beverly Hills. There is no real romance as Jed gets engaged not for love but because he wants to help his daughter, no real courting involved. Instead just laughs and hijinks, and fun.

4) She-Devil

Roseanne Barr plays housewife to a verbally abusive husband, and mother to equally abusive children. When her husband cheats on her with romance writer, played by Meryl Streep, Roseanne decides to get even. She systematically destroys all that her husband holds dear-his house, job, etc. She leaves her abusive kids to go to live with their dad and new wife-destroying Meryl Streep as well. Now having to be a mom and wife-Streep finds herself suffering at all of Roseanne’s plotting.

This is a fun comedy where all those who wronged you get their just desserts. A comedic film where revenge is a dish that keeps getting served over and over again. A great film if you want zero romance and see those who deserve it-suffer!

3) The First Wives Club

Three college friends (played by Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, and Bette Midler) are reunited after the death of their once close friend. They discover that each one’s husband is leaving them for another woman. Instead of sitting around, they decide to form a group and get back at the cheating losers.

No love here as these women take their spouses down and rediscover the beauty of friendship.

2) The Outsiders

This film has always been a favorite for me. My friends and I used to do a Hunk-a-Thon, where we bring films with our favorite hot guys and marathon watch, and this was always one of my choices. Why you may ask? Well it has Patrick Swayze, Rob Lowe, C. Thomas Howell, Ralph Macchio, Tom Cruise, Emilio Estevez, and Matt Dillion.

A touching story about boys from the wrong-side of town getting caught up in a situation over their heads. Based on the book by S.E. Hinton, it is poignant, heartwarming, and completely relatable.

There is no romance in the film, only the incredible love of friendship and family. An amazing film-watch if you haven’t yet.

1) 9 to 5

One year, my friend had her heartbroken and we were trying to cheer her up, and I said let’s watch this movie. There is no romance, it is hilarious, and we’ll all be too focused on the hijinks to be sad. No one else had seen the movie, so at first they weren’t sure, but we had a great time watching it.

9 to 5 takes place in the early ’80s and is about three different working women who have to deal with a cheating, lazy, misogynistic boss: Franklin Hart Jr. Violet Newstead (Lily Tomlin) is the senior office manager and the one who really runs the corporation. Unfortunately, she never moves up as Hart takes credit for her ideas. Doralee Rhodes (the amazing Dolly Parton), is Hart’s secretary who he sexually assaults and tells the whole office he is sleeping with, turning all the other staff against her. Judy Bernly (Jane Fonda) has just entered the workforce as her husband has left her for his secretary, Hart yells and threatens to fire her after an office mistake that anyone could make. After a particularly distressing day, the women end up going to a bar, becoming friends, and fantasizing about actually killing their boss. The next day Violet thinks she accidentally poisoned him. The rest is hilarious. You should totally check it out..

This movie is soooooooo funny. It is a must watch! No romance-just comedy, music, justice, and friendship.

For more on 9 to 5, go to Five to Nine

I hope you all enjoy that! Of course of you are in a romantic mood you can always check out one of my previous Romance is in the Air series:

For I Only Want to Be With You: Romance is in the Air, go to Boom Box of Love: Say Anything (1989)

For Keep On Loving You: Romance is in the Air Part II, go to Language of Love: Love Actually (2003)

For What I Like About You: Romance is in the Air Part III, go to I Can See Your Beauty: The Breakfast Club (1985)

For Good Lovin’: Romance is in the Air Part IV, go toI Can’t Pretend, I Have to Be: Casual Sex? (1988)

For How Sweet It Is To Be Loved By You: Romance is in the Air Part V, go to I Did It for You: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

For The Power of Love: Romance is in the Air Part VI, go to Who Says I Have to Stop: Fireproof (2008)

Or snuggle up with an Austen film!

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No Mere Mortal Can Resist the Evil of the Thriller: Thriller (1983)

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And though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver. For no mere mortal can resist the evil of the thriller.

So I know you are probably thinking, a music video? That’s not a horror film.

Majorly

This music video is almost 14 mins and a recommended length for a short film, by the New York Film Academy, is 10-15 mins. That makes this “music video” a short film, and perfect for our countdown.

It was directed by John Landis, most known for his film An American Werewolf in London, and he made the film because he wanted to bring back the theatrical short, you know the short film before the movie. Like Pixar and Disney used to do.

“I saw it as a chance to resurrect a genre that had once been a Hollywood staple. Music videos were new in 1983, and MTV was just two years old.”

They even tried to get an Academy Award nomination for Best Short Live Action, but the Academy didn’t have the same love for it as the rest of the world did. However in 2009 it was selected for the National Film Registry by the Library of Congress, being the first music video in history to receive that honor.

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It takes place in the 1950s and starts off with Michael and his date (Ola Ray) are driving and the car runs out of gas. They get out to walk through the creepy forest:

Stay out of the forest!

Stay out of the forest!

Michael wears a red letterman that looks a lot like a certain jacket from a certain horror film:

He asks his date to be his girlfriend, and she agrees him giving her a ring to symbolize it.

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How sweet.

But then he warns her:

Michael: There’s something I’ve got to tell you.

Michael’s Girl: Yes, Michael?

Michael: I’m not like other guys.

Michael’s Girl: Of course you’re not. That’s why I love you.

Michael: No, I mean I’m different.

Michael’s Girl: What are you talking about?

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Nothing good is going to come of this.

And then the moon comes out:

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And he changes into a Werecat!

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And the makeup is pretty creepy. You can thank Rick Baker for that. Even though CGI is probably cheaper, I love seeing what people were able to make with such limited supplies and technology. It is unbelievable.

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Back to the video. So Michael the werecat os chasing his date through the forest. Run girl, run!

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Just as the werecat is about to grab her, we cut to a movie theater. Yes this is a film that Michael and his girlfriend are watching.

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Michael loves the film but his date (Ola Ray) is not into horror films. Such a pity.

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She walks out and Michael, being a good date, follows. As they are outside the music starts up and we get those perfect lyrics that are impossible to hate.

It’s close to midnight and something evil’s lurking
In the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops
Your heart
You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before
You make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between
The eyes
You’re paralyzed

Now at first this is Michael just joking around with his girlfriend, teasing her. But it will soon change.

You hear the door slam and realize there’s nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you’ll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination
But all the while you hear the creature creepin’up behind
You’re out of time

I like how in his dance Michael Jackson throws in a Frankenstein monster move and hints at famous “thrillers”.

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Night creatures call
And the dead start to walk in their masquerade
There’s no escapin’ the jaws of the alien this time (they’re open wide)
This is the end of your life

They’re out to get you, there’s demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together
All thru the night I’ll save you from the terrors on the screen,
I’ll make you see

Now in this scene it is very apparent that they are taking there time walking home in not the best conditions. There are no streetlights and a ton of fog. You know what’s coming, something bad.

I'm getting shivers

I’m getting shivers

And then we have the best thing in the world. Just as Michael and his girlfriend go by the cemetery, we hear Vincent Price’s voice. Bringing us:

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And then things begin to rise in the graveyard.

Night of the living dead zombie

Darkness falls across the land
The midnite hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’awl’s neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse’s shell

It’s funny to think that this music video never would have had such an amazing voice in it, I mean aside from Michael Jackson, if it wasn’t for writer Rod Temperton’s wife, Peggy Lipton. Temperton had wanted talking at one part and needed a classic horror actor to give the music the edge he desired. Lipton was a good friend of Price, asked him and he agreed.

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So the rest of the dead are waking up; out of every grave, tomb, and casket.

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The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller
Can you dig it?!

And of course, they head after Michael.

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They are surrounded! Oh no! Michael’s girlfriend looks to Michael for help, but it is too late:

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AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then we have one of the most engaging dances ever to be created/performed.

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They actually had to think long and hard how to create the scene where they dance that wasn’t childish or silly, but kept to the mood of the previous scenes; and I have to say they accomplished it. In fact, before Landis agreed to direct, he made it mandatory that all extras spend two weeks in rehearsals with the choreographer; something that had never been done before. This dance has been such a big part of our culture from Thrill Around the World to being referenced in numerous films and TV shows.

‘Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one’s gonna save you from the beast about to strike
You know it’s thriller, thriller night
You’re fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

That it’s a thriller, thriller night
‘Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
Thriller here tonight

Michael’s date is horrified and runs into a creepy old house, with the zombies surrounding her on every side. Very Night of the Living Dead.

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Too bad she doesn’t have a Ben to save her as they start destroying the house to get her.

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Michael grabs her and bam. It turns out they are just in a home, Michael isn’t a zombie….Or is he? We close on Vincent Price’s amazing laugh with  frozen still of Michael’s yellow werecat eyes.

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That was Michael Jackson’s Thriller and it is amazing. From the song, to Jackson, to Price, to Ray, to the dancing, the makeup- I could go on and on but it is just perfect. I mean it gives you everything you want

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Plus a fun dance to do. Check it out for yourself!

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to Every Three Thousand Years, the Stars Align. Unleashing an Army of Monsters: TMNT (2007)

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For more on Michael Jackson, go to Haunted Harmonies of Halloween: Top 5 Songs to Play on Halloween

For more Vincent Price, go to A Man Without a Face: The Bat (1959)

For more zombies, go to Those Aren’t Men They Are the Living Dead: White Zombie (1932)

For more music reviews, go to Shook Me All Night Long

For more ’80s music, go to Back in Black

For more ’80s films, go to I’ll Be Back: The Terminator (1984)

How To Survive A Horror Film

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With Halloween approaching and the number of Horror films increasing, I thought it would be a good time to write a post on how to survive a horror film, just in case you happen upon this situation 😉 . Most of us have heard of the “Randy Rules” in Scream (1996), but in this we are going to look a bit more in depth in how to successfully survive a horror film.

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1) Do Not Try Out Witchcraft, Ouija Boards, or any of the Occult for “Fun.” You Will Be Messing with Forces You Have No Control Over

It is never good to mess with the occult, play around with witchcraft, or use the ouija board. When you do such things you are opening a door to a lot of stuff you don’t want to mess with. Often you open yourself or others to demon possession or evil spirits. It is best to just stay far away from such things.

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2) Do Not Make Deals With the Devil, Demons, or Other Supernatural Beings

Never, ever make a deal with the devil. It is like trying to mess with the occult or witchcraft, you are opening yourself up to serious trouble, and the devil will not like to loose his quarry. Besides, the deals/wishes you make never turn out exactly as you hope.

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3) Anything and Everything Can be a Weapon

One of the things that bothers me the most is when people are surrounded by potential weapons and don’t use them. I mean look at Scream (1996), when Tatum is in the garage and attacked by Ghostface, she tries to squeeze herself through a tiny hole to escape rather then use something, anything in the garage. I mean she is in a GARAGE!!! There are hundreds of potential weapons! USE THEM!!! That is one example, but seriously, use anything and everything.

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4) Don’t Stop Assaulting Your Attacker Until You are Sure They Are Not Going to Get Up

Now this is huge. In horror movies, if the person is able to outwit the killer and knock them out, they usually just leave it at that and take off. DON’T! You knock that sucker out until you are sure they are no longer going to try to injure you. Break their legs if necessary. Because if you don’t, they are just going to recover and come after you.

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5) If Someone Gives You a Protective Charm Do Not Give It Away

I have mentioned this in Dracula (1931), The Mummy (1932), The Wolf Man (1941), Scream 2 (1997), and many more. If someone gives you some kind of charm that is supposed to help you and only work for you, DO NOT GIVE IT AWAY!!!! It will only work FOR YOU!!!! That is why it was given TO YOU!! And if you give it away you are just going to get yourself and the person you were trying to help in serious trouble. Keep it and protect yourself so that you can actually help others, instead of accidentally killing them.

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6) Sex = Death

As Randy says in Scream, Sex = Death. Never overlook the purity angle, it is like a protective charm. If you don’t do it, you are less likely to die.

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7) Doctors are Almost Always Evil

Sometimes Doctors can be good people, but if you are in a horror film, forget it; they are usually evil. Such as Dr. Hartz from The Lady Vanishes (1938), he seems kindly and trying to help, but in reality just wants the main character to think they are going crazy! Same thing in Dr. Hollingshead from The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (1947). Then you have doctors who commit horrible things in the name of science; like We have Dr. Frankenstein (from any Frankenstein film) who tries to create life and can’t control his monster. Or  there is Dr. Arthur Carrington from The Thing From Another World (1951), who almost kills everyone as he doesn’t care about human life but scientific discovery is what matters. Not to mention Dr. Alfred Brandon from I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957), who experiments on teenage boy. And lets not forget Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who eats people. I could go on, but there are too many examples to choose from.

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8) Do Not Spend the Night in an Abandoned or Haunted House, Psychiatric Hospital, or Carnival

I mean seriously. Just do not go there. Nothing good will ever, ever, ever come of it! I mean look at The Uninvited (1944), House on Haunted Hill (1959), House on Haunted Hill (1999), The Hunting (1963), The Haunting (1999), etc. I could go on and on, but let’s continue with our list.

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9) If There is a Curse on Something Do Not Touch It

I know curses, many laugh at them; but of you are in a horror film and you see something that says it is cursed DON’T TOUCH IT! It is better to live another day then to have yourself face all kinds of horrors.

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10) Do Not Drink Any Potions or Test An Experiment On Yourself

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER test a potion or try an experiment on yourself. It always ends badly! I mean you have Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, The Fly, Batman’s Man-Bat he had to fight, even Goosebumps did an episode where the dad ended up creating a plant clone of himself. I know many don’t like animal testing or get under the stress of trying to accomplish something; but just stop! Don’t test yourself or else something bad will be created.

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11) If There is a Murderer Running Around, Do Not Go Out and Party

This drives me crazy! A murderer is running around killing people and people decide to: 1) not take any precautions; 2) go about their lives like nothing is different; and 3) party. If there is a murderer running around, yes it is good to be in a group (rule 12 & 17) but you shouldn’t be out partying, drinking (rule 13) or putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

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12) Never Split Up

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NEVER, EVER, EVER go anywhere by yourself. There is power in numbers! As a group you could take a killer down, versus as a couple or single. When you split up, all you do us make it easier for someone to kill you.

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13) Do Not Do Drugs or Drink

While some of you might enjoy that type of thing it is never a good idea in a horror film. Anytime you try something that will keep you from thinking clearly, you are in serious trouble as you are likely to make bad decisions that will lead to your death. It is better to just say no.

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14) Always Call the Police

If you are being attacked, threatened, harassed, etc.; call the police. Don’t try and take care of it yourself, don’t try to investigate, call FOR BACKUP! That’s their job!!! They have guns and can make an arrest!

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15) Never Say “I’ll Be Right Back”

Unlike the Terminator here, you won’t be back. Uttering these words is signing a death warrant, as soon as they leave your lips you become next on the killer/creature’s hit list.

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16) Never Say “Who’s There?”

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Never say “who’s there”. If the person was a friend, they wouldn’t be skulking around your house in the first place, trying to scare you. Instead they would knock, ring the doorbell, or call out to you. The only type of person who would be creeping in your house is one who intends on harming you. And if you call out “who’s there”, you’re just helping them find and kill you faster.

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17) Do Not Go Out to Investigate a Strange Noise

When you hear something strange outside, do not go out and look into it. You should wait for assistance or call in the police. If you try looking yourself, you are going to end up in a trap set by a monster, psychopath, murderer, etc. Besides, why unlock the door or turn off the alarm; allowing whatever is watching you the opportunity to come in and attack? Just stay inside snug like a bug.

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18) Do Not Use the Bathroom

Have you ever though of how vulnerable you are in the bathroom? Most have no windows to flee from or they aren’t the most accessible. Some do, but for most the only easy way out is the door, which is where most attackers will come through. Plus the reason you would be in the bathroom; shower or toilet, you won’t have any weapons to help you and it would be extremely easy to kill you. If you are in a horror film, just hold it or stay stinky. You are more likely to live that way.

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19) Never Go Off By Yourself

Like I said before, the less people around you, the easier you are to kill. If you go off on your own to investigate, look around, run away; you are just putting a giant target on your back. Stay together, it is safer.

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20) Always Look Behind You and Above You

Always take a 360 degree look around you. They may be behind, they may be in front, they may even be above you. Search every angle!!!

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21) Be Nice, A Person Scorned or Mistreated Can Do Horror-ble Things

In horror movies, there are lots of people who have been bullied so much and hurt by others they end up becoming homicidal maniacs. And who do they tend to attack first? The last person to hurt them. Look at The Phantom of the Opera (any version), Carrie (1976), Hangman’s Curse (2003), Heathers (1985), etc. So if you don’t want to end up being first on the hit list be kind to those you meet.

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22) If You Are a Girl Or Not White, Be Extra Cautious

Psychopaths and monsters love to kill/eat women and minorities. Because of this if you are either, or both; take extra steps to protect yourself. Be like Ben in Night of the Living Dead.

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23) Don’t Trust Anyone, They Are All Suspects

People can tell you all kinds of things, but that doesn’t mean they are telling the truth. If you find yourself in a horror film, don’t trust anyone. And I mean ANYONE!

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24) Never Judge a Book By its Cover

Never judge a book by its cover. Someone who seems sweet, innocent, impossible to commit cruel acts, etc; could secretly have evil intentions lurking under the adorable facade. Always be watchful and once again, trust NO ONE!

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25) Children can Be Evil too, Never Rule Them Out

When trying to figure out who the murderer is, never overlook kids. I mean sure some will be obvious in their creepiness, such as the one pictured above, but there are many who look innocent and sweet but are actually evil. Don’t be fooled!

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26) Never Try to Create Life

NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER try to create Life. It just does not go the way you plan. You can’t control the beasts you create and they just run amuck everywhere. I mean look at FrankensteinBride of Frankenstein, Jurassic Park, Jurassic World, Alien: Resurrection, the list goes on but I’ll stop here.

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27) Never Try to Control a Monster

In any horror film, whenever they create  life they always think they have complete control over it. Well, that never works out. You see, just because you made it doesn’t mean it will listen to you; every parent knows that. And more often than not, those creations will try and kill you.

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28) If Someone Tries to Make a Deal with You to Kill Someone, Do Not Think it is a Joke

Joking around with the idea of murder might be something you would do with a friend, but be careful, you never know how far they might take it.

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29) Listen to Urban Myths, They Tend to be Right

We all like to hear scary stories around a campfire and about areas. But if you are in a horror film, play very close attention as more often than not, the myths and legends turn out to be true or someone is copying them and making them true. It is always good to pay attention and know the details, it just might save your life.

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30) Never Think You Have Destroyed a Monster, They Always Find a Way to Come Back

You try to kill them and you think you do, but they always come back. Always make sure you keep an eye out for the sequel and their return.

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31) Don’t Be an Idiot

stupidmoranhmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

Be smart! Don’t be stupid and do stupid things. Use your common sense! Bimbos and Mimbos are almost always the first to die.

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So there we are, 31 tips to help you survive a horror film. I hope they help you survive October.

This post is brought to you by a

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To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

Keep tuned for more horror film reviews!

A Man Without a Face: The Bat (1959)

thebat-final

“One of his victims who lived for a moment after she was found described the Bat as a man without a face.”

So every year I talk about how great Vincent Price is and how he has made truly amazing films in which he plays a terrifying, horrifying, and thrilling person.

VincentPrice

The past three years I just haven’t gotten around to reviewing any of his famous works (although I did review Laura last year.) So this year I decided it was time to finally review one of his horror-suspense films. So prepare yourself for:

sensationhorrorshock_VincentPrice

As I present to you The Bat!

So this is another film off the 50 Greatest Horror Classics Collection, like The Screaming Skull, Night of the Living Dead, etc. This film is based on a play written by Mary Roberts Rineheart. Now I’m not a huge fan of this author, I find her boring, but if Vincent Price is in it, it must be good.

VincentPrice

So we  begin our story looking at a beautiful mansion, The Oaks.

rebeccamansionmanderley

Here mystery writer Cornelia van Gorder is staying while she works on her newest novel. But the events that occur here are more mysterious and terrible than anything Cornelia has ever written.

Cornelia van Gorder: As an author I write tales of mystery and murder, but the things that have happened in this house are far more fantastic than any book I’ve ever had published.

Right away we are sucked in. What happened?

Suspense have to know

So Cornelia is having a hard time keeping her servants. There was a killer called “The Bat”, who was murdering people. There is a rumor that he is back and on the prowl.

Cornelia van Gorder: Why? What does it say about the Bat?

Lizzie Allen: His specialty seems to be killing women, my goodness, two of them in one night, all his victims died the same way, like their throats had been ripped open with steel claws.

Cornelia van Gorder: That’s charming, I’ll have to try it some time. [Lizzie stares at her weird]  In a book.

I guess he’s the pre-Freddy Kruegar.

Freddy Kruger

To make things even worse, he has been releasing rabid bats into the community.

a7x_deathbat_animation_by_xxdarksoraxx-d3eogbz

Now Cornelia doesn’t care if the servants are too scared to work there as she thinks the whole thing is silly. If everyone leaves, she’ll just replace them. She and her assistant Lizzie leave to run some errands.

When they reach the bank they meet a very surprised Victor Bailey, vice president to the bank. John Fleming, the bank president and owner of The Oaks, said he would never let the place.

never-say-never-in-front-of-fantasy_1279

Cornelia tells them that Mark was the one who actually rented it to them. They then meet Victor’s wife, Dale, who used to be his secretary. Lt. Andy Anderson also comes in and is introduced to Cornelia. Lt. Andy is on the bank board. Interesting…I didn’t think cops that much money.

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

So Cornelia and Lizzie go off to do what they came to do. Suddenly Victor comes back extremely upset and takes aside Lt. Andy and Dale. It turns out the bank been looted over $1 million worth of securities!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But who could do this? Only Victor and Mr. Flemming have the keys!

suspicious Hmm

Victor wants to call him, but can’t as he is on vacation with his best friend, Dr. Malcolm Wells, on a huting trip on the deep woods with no phone.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

So then we switch to another scene of two men in a cabin. They are John Flemming and Dr. Malcolm (Vincent  Price).

John asks the doctor:

John Fleming: Doctor.

Dr. Malcolm Wells: Yes, John?

John Fleming: What would you do for half a million dollars?

Dr. Malcolm Wells: Anything short of murder.

John Fleming: Why not murder?

Dr. Malcolm Wells: Too messy.

John Fleming: Too great a risk?

Dr. Malcolm Wells: For half a million, yes.

John Fleming: I pinched a million from the bank.

JamaicaInnItwasYou

Yes John is the culprit. He embezzled $1 million dollars from the bank, framed Victor, and know is in the stage of how to disappear without anyone realizing he was the thief and hid all the money in his house. And that’s where the Doctor comes in.

John Flemming: I have a weak heart. What if you called and said I died, and then ship my body back. We don’t need an open casket.

Dr. Malcolm Wells: Where do we get a body?

John Flemming: We’ll provide one. We could kill Sam our guide. He’s a hermit and no one would care.

Dr. Malcolm Flemming: The local undertaker would know.

John Flemming: Not if we mess up his face.

Dr. Malcolm Flemming: Why do all this if you set up Bailey?

John Flemming: The jury might acquit. I am a logical suspect, and could try to disappear, but it is safer if I am dead.

Dr. Malcolm isn’t really feeling it, but John threatens he will kill him if he says no. Better for him to say yes and get a part of the money. While the two are talking, the woods catch on fire. John goes to investigate and when he turns around he sees Dr. Malcolm with a gun.

John Flemming: Doctor, we need to get out the back way. 

[Turns around and sees Dr. Malcolm pointing a gun at him]

Dr. Malcolm Wells: We will, as soon as I provide that body we’ve been talking about.

So back at the Oaks, Cornelia is trying to play solitaire but the lights keep flickering.

Never a good sign.

Never a good sign.

Lizzie comes in with the newspaper. Victor Bailey arrested for embezzlement, John Fleming is  dead, and Dr. Malcolm brings the body back to put in tomb this Friday.

Meanwhile, creepy things have been going on at the Oaks.

Lizzie Allen: This is his house, and ever since he [John Flemming] died, some funny things have happened here.

Cornelia van Gorder: For instance?

Lizzie Allen: The housekeeper, the cook and the butler said that they heard strange noises at night, and the upstairs maid swore she met a man without a face coming up the back stairs.

Cornelia van Gorder: Oh so that’s why they quit and left me to run this place without a staff.

Lizzie Allen: They didn’t tell you, Miss Gordy, but the truth is they were scared to stay.

Cornelia van Gorder: Why? What does it say about the Bat?

Lizzie Allen: His specialty seems to be killing women, my goodness, two of them in one night, all his victims died the same way, like their throats had been ripped open with steel claws.

Creepy!

Creepy!

So the two ladies are the only ones at home. They have a chauffeur, but he is gone for the night. To make matters worse, it is super windy and in an old house everything seems to rustle, move, and go bump in the night.

Lizzie Allen: [The wind is banging a shutter against the house] That ain’t nothing, just something bumping against the house. [Wind blows a door open and closedThat’s just the wind banging the door, pay no attention to it. Listen to this, One of his victims who lived for a moment after she was found described the Bat as a man without a face’. Honestly, Miss Gordy, I think that woman was exaggerating. [A tapestry blows against an open windowThat’s just the taphestry at the top of the stairs.

Cornelia van Gorder: I know, I know, I’ve heard it before on a windy night [Tapestry clinks a shaking suit of armorThat sounds as if someone were on the stairs, I know there isn’t, at least there shouldn’t be.

Lizzie Allen: Them’s just the noises you hear in any old house on a windy night.

Even though it’s probably nothing:

Gilmore girls creep

So while the two go upstairs and continue talking, we see a man at the front door, opening it and sticking his clawed hand in.

I guess a backwards wolfman?

They see it, lock the door and run upstairs calling the police. They think they are safe, but little do they know the Bat has cut a hole in the glass on the door and has come inside.

Scream-Casey-Becker-drew-barrymore-31896958-2560-1088

The officers are on there way, but Cornelia and Lizzie take extra measure. They not only lock the doors, but push all the furniture against the door. They think they are safe, but the transom over the door has no lock, or way for them to keep it closed. Cornelia decides to put something in front of it, that way if someone tries to come through there, they will set off her booby trap.

The two women are scared and decide to share the room that night. Lizzie goes to get her night items, but doesn’t know that the Bat is creeping outside her door.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

Luckily lightening flashes and shows the shadow:

thebat1959shadowclaw

Causing Lizzie to run back inside the room.

The police finally call back, saying they see nothing outside her house. She tells them he is inside now and shouts that she has a gun and is not afraid to use (she doesn’t really. Just trying to scare the Bat.)

The police search everywhere, but find nothing.

Whattheheck

Where did he go?

They go on guard outside, and the women try to sleep, but are having an extremely hard time.

i'mscared

Meanwhile, the Bat has opened the transom and released a bat into the room. It lands on Lizzie biting her, and then flying into the closet.

Lizzie is freaked!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So just knows she is going to get rabies and die.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

They call Dr. Malcolm, but the answering service can’t get a hold of him. They promise to keep trying and if still can’t will send another doctor.

Meanwhile, Dr. Malcolm is home. He is in his lab working on some experiments. He is studying and testing bats.

thebat1959labsciencelair

But is he trying to study the bats to find a cure? Or is he trying to find a way to kill the women and get the million dollars John stole?

suspicious Hmm

Unbeknownst to the doctor, Lt. Andy is creeping around his house. He touches his car to see if it is hot from a recent drive, looks through the windows, etc.

He's creepin' in your windows. He's starin' at your people.

He’s creepin’ in your windows. He’s starin’ at your people.

While he is watching him, the service finally gets through and reaches the doctor. He puts the bat away and heads out to help.

While he is gone the Detective breaks into office, and looks around. He opens the window shades sees a bat. Does this mean he is the Bat?

a7x_deathbat_animation_by_xxdarksoraxx-d3eogbz

So it looks like they are trying to say that Dr. Malcolm is the Bat, but I don’t think he is the one as it is too obvious.

So the doctor goes to the house and examines Lizzy, asking for the bat to examine and see if it is rabid.

Dr. Malcolm Wells: Pity you are in this house. I don’t want to alarm you, but so many unexplainable things happen here. It has an apprehension of disaster.

He looks at the bat, but it is not rabid. He places him in his doctor bag and makes plans to return the next day. He starts to leave but sees someone, who’s there?

thebat1959shadowclaw

But it is just Lt. Andy. Should we sigh in relief or be afraid? Could he be the Bat?

suspicious Hmm

Lt. Andy asks a lots of questions.

Lt. Andy Anderson: How did a Bat get in?

Dr. Malcolm Wells: There are lots of ways for bats to get in a house

Lt. Andy Anderson: Well you should know.

What is he implying? A Bat lover? Or The Bat?!!!

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

The Detective notices the cut glass on the door and figures that must be how the bat got in.

Dr. Malcolm Wells: I phoned twice, weren’t you there Andy?

Lt. Andy Anderson: No, but they called me. I have a man patrolling outside.

Dr. Malcolm Wells: No one inside, Andy?

Lt. Andy Anderson: Why should there be?

That is a weird answer. There is a crazy man who tried to get in the house twice!!! There should be more policeman, not less.

So I definitely think it is not Vincent Price, as it is too obvious. From what little I have read of Mary Roberts Rineheart is she tells you a mystery, giving you limited knowledge so she can do some big reveal at the end.

Really?

Really?

In my personal expertise in film watching, Vincent Price is far too perfect to be the Bat. My money is on Lt. Andy or the nephew we have heard so much about, but have yet to see.

Hmm...

Hmm…

So the Lt. is quite sure that the Bat is not in the house as he suspects it is Dr. Malcolm, but decides to put someone in the house anyway.

The next day the Lt. goes to see Mark Flemming, John’s nephew. He has just bought all new office furniture. Is he squandering his inheritance? Nope he hasn’t received it yet. The Lt. finds that strange as he left the whole fortune to Mark? But it turns out that the whole fortune is missing. What happened to it?

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

Lt. Andy needs to find the missing million dollars.  All his money was in the securities stolen, if he can’t find the money, he’s out everything. He suspects John Flemming, even though the only fingerprints on it was Victors Bailey’s. To the Lt., he knows John is wily enough to plant everything. Besides the secretary has some new evidence she will give at trial.

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

At the Oaks the next day, there is quite a party. The secretary is there, getting a book from Cornelia. Dale Bailey is also there, hoping they might figure out a way to save him. The Dr. also comes to check on Lizzie.

batparty

Cornelia has her chauffeur back and has a new employee, John’s old housekeeper Mrs. Patterson.

They start discussing who took the money, and Cornelia believes it was John who did it. Judy agrees as she saw something that made her suspect him. Cornelia suspects that if John were the one to do it, he would hide all the money in the house. There must be some secret room or safe.

Hmm...

Hmm…

They need the blueprints to look it up. Dale decides to call Mark and ask if he has any blueprints. Mark was speaking with Lt. Andy, and when he hears Dale ask for the blueprints, he knows she is after the loot. Mark promises to come over that night and look for the blueprints in the house, also promising to call the Lt. if he does find them.

That night the women  are having dinner when Mark comes over and lets himself in.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Weird. He was invited to the house so why is he sneaking around like a criminal. That means, he doesn’t want the girls to know he is there. He doesn’t want to share the blueprints, he wants them all to himself. But as he heads straight to the secret wall/compartment that holds them, the Bat starts creeping behind him.

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Mark finds blueprint, but the Bat kills him before he can ever make a sound. The Bat has the blueprints, but hears the women coming, and moves the clock in front of the compartment. He then takes off before the women spot him.

The women go to the room, where they hear the clock working, even though it hasn’t in ten years. Dale looks at it and notices that there os a door behind the clock. They move the clock and open the door to find…

Victim #14 &15

They call police, the Lt. isn’t there. They call him in his car and he goes on his way. The Doctor also heads out there, and finds that the body has been dead for half an hour. The bell rings, and it is Warner the Chauffeur/Butler. He had to use the front door as he lost his keys.

The Lt. question all the staff  and doesn’t trust Warner, as they have met before. Where or when cannot remember, but will eventually.

So who knew Mark was coming  the Lt. Andy, Warner, Judy, Dale, Lizzie, & Dr. Malcolm Hmm…

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

So that night all the women go to their rooms. Lt Andy promises to stay and protect them. But what if he is the Bat?

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lt. promises they will be safe with him. Yeah right! No one is safe from the Bat!!

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Warner is watching the police and doctor as they head to the door. Could it be because he is the Bat?

hmm...

hmm…

The Dr. leaves, with the Lt. staying until the windows and doors are good, then promising to return in the morning.

WHY???? WHY???? If he knows the Bat has been coming around, why would he do that.

That night the Bat goes into the house. He cuts all the wires for the phones, making sure no calls will be made. He goes into a room being used for storage, the women have all their suitcases and trunks in there. He starts banging on the walls, hammering them to find the opening.

Meanwhile, the women all hear the noises which freaks them out. Cornelia tries to call the police but the phone won’t work.

dangerous crossingphoneringsscared

Meanwhile, Dale has decided she is going to investigate what that noise is. Her roommate Judy is trying to stop her, but Dale wants to save her husband, so she goes upstairs to look.

She goes to the room and tries to look inside, the Bat hiding behind the door. He pulls and tosses her in, running downstairs were Judy is, knocking her out of the way and down the stairs. Cornelia tosses something at his head, beaning him on the way out.

Shadow of a doubt stairs creepy look

Judy is dead.

The Lt. comes back and heads straight for Judy.

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

They ask him where he went as he was, and he said he was following someone out the back.

suspicious Hmm

They go looking for everyone, and can’t find Warner. He comes inside and says he was following the Lt. to help him, getting brained and knocked out. Was he?

suspicious Hmm

It turns out that the Lt. finally remembers where he saw him before. On a circular for wanted men. Warner claims he was tried and found innocent. Just as they are talking, the Dr. shows up.  All three suspects in one area. But which one?

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

They ask the doctor what he is doing back here, and he tells them he was in a car accident, and his wheel fell off in the ditch. He came to get help, as his head is bleeding. Hmm…?

suspicious Hmm

We go back to Cornelia dictating the story. The next night she decided she was going to pursue this mystery alone. She saw the police downstairs asleep, and heads up to the room where the Bat was w0rking on the walls. All I can think is why didn’t they try open it up in the daytime?

While she goes up, we spot Warner walking around downstairs.

Meanwhile, The Bat is in the Doctor’s lab. He is leaving suicide note, planning on killing the Doc and lying all the blame on him. But just as he finishes, who should show up but the Doctor, who doesn’t take kindly to this plan. He threatens the Bat. It looks like the Doctor will be murdering him like he did John. The Bat races toward him and the two begin fighting. The Doctor is shot accidentally, Bat leaves having completed mission. I knew it wasn’t him.

Screen shot 2015-10-03 at 12.20.02 AM

Aw that’s sad, I liked the doctor, because I love Vincent Price. Too bad. 😦

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

That night, Lizzie wakes up looking for Corelia but can’t find her anywhere. She rushes downstairs and wakes the police officer up, looks like he’d been slipped a mickey tp be knocked out. She wakes up the housekeeper and asks her to fetch Warner.

WE NEED TO FIND CORNELIA!!!

WE NEED TO FIND CORNELIA!!!

So Cornelia is locked up in a secret room. The officer calls Lt. Andy but they are looking for him to investigate the murder of the Doctor. And it turns out that Warner is missing! Down to two! Who could it be???

They finally find Cornelia who is currently fainting from lack of air. When they get inside the Cop finds the control panel on wall and  a safe. But just then the garage catches on fire!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The detective wants to put it out, but Cornelia says to let it burn.

Cornelia van Gorder: Can’t you see that fire was set to get us out of the house?

Detective Davenport: Out of the hou… are you talking about the…

Cornelia van Gorder: Yes, yes, I’m talking about the Bat! Now that the lights are out, he’ll think his trick has worked, and we’ve gone, here’ll be here in a minute.

Detective Davenport: So will Lieutenant Anderson.

Cornelia van Gorder: I hope so but the Bat will be here first, and he’ll KILL AGAIN if we get in his way… we’ve got to be as clever as he is!

They wait in room, when the Bat comes creeping in door. The officer gets knocked out and the Bat is about to shoot the women, when he is shot in the back by someone…who?

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

It is Warner!!! He saved them!!! Yay, I liked him.

And we see the Bat was the Lt. after all. He did it so he could get his money back. The only question I have, was he the orginal murdering Bat? Or was that a persona he choose to throw suspicion off himself? I guess we won’t ever know.

TheEnd_Title_2

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Whoops! Almost forgot the banner/facebook cover/mini poster:

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

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For more on Vincent Price, go to Murder is My Favorite Crime: Laura (1944)

For more on the 50 Greatest Horror Classics Collection, go to She Cries in the Night: The Screaming Skull (1958)

For more films based on plays, go to I Do Think You Are Confused, Mrs. Bowman: Dangerous Crossing (1953)

Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?: The Twilight Zone (1961)

TwilightzoneRealmartianpleasestandup

She’s just like a science fiction, that’s what she is! A reg’lar Ray Bradbury! Six humans and one monster from outer space. You wouldn’t happen to have an eye in the back of your head, would you?

So yes, yes yes. I have finally gotten around to review a Twilight Zone episode. This has to be one of my favorite TV shows of all time, one of the biggest part of my childhood.

So for those of you who have never seen it, The Twilight Zone was a TV series that ran from 1959-1964. Every episode was its unique story and they all had to do with the supernatural unusual, strange, alien, etc. It was a great show.

At the beginning of every episode, Rod Serling would do an introduction, and at the end wrap it up with a concluding thoughts or moral.

To be perfectly honest, I love him so much I wouldn't care if he did pop up like that.

It was a fantastic show, and Rod Serling actually wrote most of seasons 1-3, leveling off on seasons 4-5.

So while this isn’t the spookiest, creepiest, or most traumatizing episode in the series, it is my absolute favorite, so I decided to review it.

We open on two state troopers. They are out in the snow looking for a UFO.

Say What

Yes, they were called by a woman who said she heard, something overhead. When they went out to look, they find that something crashed into the nearby pond.

thethingfromanotherworldintheice

And footprints coming out of the ice and ship, leading to a nearby diner. A diner that has a bus parked in front of it.

Enter Rod Serling:

Wintry February night, the present. Order of events: a phone call from a frightened woman notating the arrival of an unidentified flying object, then the checkout you’ve just witnessed, with two state troopers verifying the event – but with nothing more enlightening to add beyond evidence of some tracks leading across the highway to a diner. You’ve heard of trying to find a needle in a haystack?

TwilightzoneRealmartianpleasestandup

 So in the next scene we have the troopers heading into the cute little diner.

cafeTwilightzoneRealmartianpleasestandup

When they get inside everyone looks normal.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Who is the Alien????

whatdoyouthinkTwilightzoneRealmartianpleasestandup

The troopers tell everyone they have to remain in the cafe. The bridge to go on has been declared unfit for the time being, as the ice storm has weakened it. And they need to find an alien.

Say What

They ask Olmstead the bus driver about a passenger manifest, but he says he doesn’t have one. The bus is old, business is bad, and they don’t care about names they just want what little money they can eke out.

Idon'tcareanymoreDeanWinchesterSupernatural

The head trooper, Dan Padgett, asks Olmstead how many passengers were there on the bus? Olmstead tells him six.

But wait...

But wait…

There are seven people, not counting the bus driver and the cafe owner. SEVEN!

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Now Ross, one of the passengers on a hurry to reach Boston, thinks the bus driver is just mistaken. The troopers ask, but no. Olmstead is 100% sure, he counted before they left. There is an extra person in the cafe.

OMG

The troops want to be sure that they aren’t overacting, so they ask Haley if anyone was in here before. But Haley and Olmstead confirm there wasn’t anyone here until they came. Someone must have sneaked in with the group.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now the easy thing to do in order to figure out who the alien is, is pick out which of the seven the passengers and bus driver don’t recognize.

tellyouthetruthidon'tknowTwilightzoneRealmartianpleasestandup

The snow was coming down so hard, everyone bordered the bus as quickly as possible. The bus driver counted, and then they headed for Boston. They decided to stop at the diner, and with the snow still falling down like crazy, no one really remembers seeing anyone.

idontrememberseeingyouTwilightzoneRealmartianpleasestandup

So now we have a perfect setup for an amazing episode. Like Night of the Living Dead, tensions start rising and everyone begins turning on each other.

whatdoyouthinkTwilightzoneRealmartianpleasestandup

So which one could it be? Which of the seven passengers is not human?

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

1. Ethel McConnell

thetwilightzone

Ethel McConnell is a dancer going to Boston. When asked for ID, she says she doesn’t have it. It was sent on ahead. Now the bus driver says she was the only one he noticed, as she is hot, but is he just saying that because he thinks speaking up for her might win her over?

New plan

She does point out one interesting fact. The best thing to do is cross off the couples.  As they were together most of the, they are less likely the alien.

Is it Her?

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2 & 3. George and Connie Price

thetwilightzone

George and Connie are newlyweds heading to Boston. George says that they are in the clear as they are a couple, but it’s too late. Tensions are starting to rise and doubt is creeping in.

[Connie looking at George intently, studying his face]

George: What are you doing.

Connie: I…I thought you had a mole on your chin.

George: I’ve never had a mole.

Is it One of Them?

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

4 & 5. Rose and Peter Kramer

thetwilightzone

They are a married couple, and also believe they should be exonerated. But they too are suffering from doubt and fear.

Peter Kramer: We’re all going to get so panicky that everyone and his brother will start picking up invisible clues from everybody else. 

Rose Kramer: It’s completely ridiculous for a husband and wife to question whether the husband is really the husband and the wife is really…[starts staring intently at her husband Peter]

Peter Kramer: I think twenty-three years is long enough for a wife to know who her husband is.

Is it One of Them?

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6. Avery

idontrememberseeingyouTwilightzoneRealmartianpleasestandup

Now Avery just looks crazy and inhuman. Every time he speaks he either is joking or pointing fingers as to who could be the alien.  In fact the troopers suspect him more than anyone else. They interrogate him, asking about baseball, of which he knows everything.

Avery: Didn’t figure us Martians would know nothin’ about the great American pastime, did ya?

Is it Him?

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7. Ross

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Ross is in a hurry to get to Boston for business. He is grumpy, rude, and trying to get the show on the road. The whole time he has been pushing and pushing to get out of the cafe and away from the area, saying that the hunt for an alien is stupid.

Is it Him?

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While they are questioning the passangers, all of a sudden the jukebox starts playing, even though no one is over there.

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

And then the lights start flickering.

You know what that means. Someones coming after you.

weird

They are all freaked out when the phone rings.

LOL Cotton and Cotton

The trooper listens, and when it is over he tells everyone that it was the county engineer, the bridge has been cleared. They don’t want to release the group without figuring which was the alien, but have no real way of being able to keep them.

Olmstead doesn’t want to go, as he feels the bridge is unsafe, but what the heck. Let’s go. So they all settle their accounts and everyone leaves with us not knowing who the alien is.

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Not too long after, someone comes back into the cafe.

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It is the passenger, Ross.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

What is he doing back here? Haley starts questioning what happened, when Ross tells him everyone died. The bridge wasn’t safe at all. It was all an illusion; like the jukebox, lights, and phone.

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JamaicaInnItwasYou

Ross is the alien!

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

Yes Ross is a Martian and he has been sent ahead to check out the area. In fact, his friends should be there soon to start the colony. Haley is surprised, to say the least.

But wait...

But wait…

That’s not all,

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What a twist, what an ending!

Narrator: Incident on a small island, to be believed or disbelieved. However, if a sour-faced dandy named Ross or a big, good-natured counterman who handles a spatula as if he’d been born with one in his mouth, – if either of these two entities walk onto your premises, you’d better hold their hands – all three of them – or check the color of their eyes – all three of them. The gentlemen in question might try to pull you into – The Twilight Zone.

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To start Horrorfest IV from the beginning, go to You Cannot Conquer It. It Has Conquered You!: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

For the previous post, go to Monster Mash

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For more on The Twilight Zone, go to A Trip to the Mall Turns Into the Twilight Zone

For more on aliens, go to Its Mrs. Archer. She’s on a Rampage!: Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (1958)

There’s Nothing Out There. Nothing in the Mist: The Mist (2007)

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David, there’s nothing out there. Nothing in the mist.

So The Mist was an okay movie. I thought it was doing really good and totally creepy until the end. The end was totally screwed up as the director had to go and change the story. What a loser!

Book Slappers

So this is based on a story by Stephen King. And I know y’all know that a Horrorfest would not be complete without one. It is also not a complete rip-off of The Fog (the new or old film), as everyone thinks it is. There are quite a lot similarities, but they are extremely different in the motive and what the “monster” that is attacking is. In the different versions of The Fog, the creatures are it is supernatural, while in The Mist…well, you’ll see.

So the film starts the day after a huge thunderstorm has hit a little town (of course) in Maine (the usual). A thick, unnatural mist starts to descend on the town, and at first they don’t realize that something far more sinister is lurking within it.

supernatural supernatural

So, that day David Drayton (Thomas Jane), a graphic artist, decides to go to the local grocery store to buy supplies, bringing his eight-year-old son, Billy (Nathan Gamble), and his neighbor, Brent Norton (Andre Braugher) along. You know, just a normal average day.

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So while they are at the store, another storm comes and hits the the town. This time it severely engulfs the area in a thick mist. (Whenever I bike to work early in the morning I always think about this movie and The Fog.)

They do notice something very strange. It seems as if there is a plethora of military roaming about the area.

That's strange

That’s strange

When they get to the supermarket, they find it packed with people stocking up. A military policeman, goes after the soldiers in the supermarket, telling them to pack it up as their leave is over and they need to head out. Everything is normal until a local townsperson runs into the store covered in blood.

OMG

He begins screaming that there is something out there in the mist, killing and attacking people. People go to look out the windows to see what is out there, but the mist is so thick that they are unable to spot anything.

TheMist Supermarket wall window

Several people rush, out and everyone hears their screams…then nothing.

What!

Gilmore girls creep

The decide to seal the doors in order to keep “everything” out. One woman is worried about her children and decides to risk trying to go home. She asks for someone to accompany her, but no one volunteers.

How rude

She leaves and we never see her again.

Sadface Batman

So as you can guess, just like Night of the Living Dead, this film becomes more of a survivor story/deconstruction of humanity than an actual monster movie. You have a group of people trying to survive in a confinied area and while some rise to the challenge, others do not. This film has all the usual Stephen King clichés, like an deeply religious psychotic person who wants to kill/punish all who tries to control every one.

Of course

Of course

It couldn’t be a Stephen King film without it.

At one point the group tries to go check on their clogged generator. A couple men go to open the loading dock door to see what the issue is when large tentacles come reaching out and kill them.

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This is just the beginning in monster attacks, as they face giant insect, pterodactyl -like creatures, and many more.

In a raid for medicine vis-à-vis The Day After Tomorrow, they run into the military supervisor from earlier hanging from a gigantic spider web. He tells them to question the men in the store for the true backstory of the mist.

truth downton Abbey Lord Earl

In the end it turns out that military are to blame as they opened a portal to another world.

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Yes. In an ending as disappointing as Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull aliens just leaving. (Although the worse is yet to come.)

Eventually the section of the group that is run by the psychotic women, has increased that it outnumbers the other group lead by David. As she tries to get Billy to be a sacrificed, David’s team decides to leave, risking the unknown.

They are able to score a car and the group drive as far as the SUV will take them. They take stock of their options and decide it is better to end their lives, rather than be torn apart by whatever the things are. David shoots everybody in the car, including his son. Right before he turns the gun on himself, a military tank comes charging through proclaiming that they have defeated the monsters.

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Yes. Yes. He has just killed his child and everyone when he didn’t need to.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

Now I could forgive everything else. The stupid plotholes, the crazy clichés, the other dimension monsters, ANYTHING; but that ending? Really? Really? It’s just dumb.

Duh!

Duh!

Did you guys have to that? It is so horrible! First of all as he murdered his child when he didn’t need to. And secondly, it is extremely anti-climatic! I mean come on, it would have been so much better if they just had them driving off, no one knowing what will happen to them or whether they will survive. You know, like how it ended in the book?!

BetterthantheMovie

Yep you guys really messed up there.

See Hook agrees with me.

See Hook agrees with me.

2007The-Mist-2007

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

For the previous post, go to The Past of a Man

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For more on Stephen King, go to He Who Walks Behind the Rows

For more films based on books, go to You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat

For more quotes, go to Part X: The Movie List That Would Not Die

Part X: The Movie List That Would Not Die

 

Horror Films

901)”Dr. Ross Jennings: Respect is fine, but actually I’ve always wanted to be feared.”–Arachnophobia (1990)

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902)”Cathy Brenner: He [Mitch] has a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times! Can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don’t you think?”–The Birds (1963)

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903) “Brody: You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”–Jaws (1975)

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904)”Madeleine: Here I was born, and there I died. It was only a moment for you; you took no notice.”–Vertigo (1958)

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905)”Roger Thornhill: I didn’t realize you were an art collector. I thought you just collected corpses.”–North by Northwest (1959)

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906)”Roderick Fitzgerald: [narration] They call them the haunted shores, these stretches of Devonshire and Cornwall and Ireland which rear up against the westward ocean. Mists gather here… and sea fog… and eerie stories…”–The Uninvited (1944)

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907)”Prof. Gerald Deemer: The history of medicine is the history of the unusual.”–Tarantula (1955)

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908)”Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running’s not a plan! Running’s what you do, once a plan fails!”–Tremors (1990)

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909)”Steve Andrews: How do you get people to protect themselves from something they don’t believe in?”–The Blob (1959)

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910)”Mary Shelley: It’s a perfect night for mystery and horror. The air itself is filled with monsters.”–The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

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911)”Harrison Hill: A very famous man once said that sincerity is everything. Once you learn to fake that, the rest is easy.”–Perfect Stranger (2007)

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912) “Johnny: They’re coming to get you, Barbara.” –Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Night of the living dead zombie

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913)”Dr. Frankenstein: I am going to turn you into a mindless zombie. Have you ever seen a mindless zombie?
Alvin Seville: Are you kidding? I live in Hollywood!”–Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein (1999)

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914)”Burt Robeson: I spy, with my lttle eye, something that starts with C.

Vicky: Corn.”–Children of the Corn (1984)

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915)”Stephanie ‘Steve’ Clayton: You make it sound so creepy.
Dr. Matt Hastings: The unknown always is.”–Tarantula (1955)

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1616)”Carl Denham: And now, ladies and gentlemen, before I tell you any more, I’m going to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld. He was a king and a god in the world he knew, but now he comes to civilization merely a captive- a show to gratify your curiosity. Ladies and gentlemen, look at Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World.”–King Kong (1933)

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917) “Ro: It’s a world where you *think* actions have no consequence, where guilt is cloaked by anonymity, where there are no fingerprints. An invisible universe filled with strangers, interconnected online and disconnected in life. It will steal your secrets, corrupt your dreams, and co-opt your identity. Because in this world, where you can be anything you want, any *one* you want, you just might lose sight of who you are.”–Perfect Stranger (2007)

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918)”Fred Krueger: I’m your boyfriend now, Nancy.”–Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

EW!

EW!

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919) “Burt: Any religion without love and compassion is false! It’s a lie!”-Children of the Corn (1984)

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920)”Debbie Jellinsky: I don’t wanna hurt anybody. I don’t enjoy hurting anybody. I don’t like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won’t listen. And so, I have to use persuasion. And slides. [Showing slide pictures] My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or *were they*? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday. [the slide shows her as a child, smiling and opening a gift] I was 10, and do you know what they got me? *Malibu* Barbie.

Morticia: Malibu Barbie.

Gomez: The nightmare.

Morticia: The nerve.

Debbie Jellinsky: [flicks to the next slide of her throwing a bared-teeth temper tantrum] That’s not what I wanted! That’s not who I was. I was a *ballerina*, graceful, delicate! They had to go. [the next slide shot shows a burning house].

Bad things happen when you don't listen

Bad things happen when you don’t listen

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921)”The Monster: Alone: bad. Friend: good!”–The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

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922)”Dr. Jekyll: I have no soul. I’m beyond the pale. I’m one of the living dead!”–Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

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923) “Alice: The boy. Is he dead, too?

Tierney: Who?

Alice: The boy. Jason.

Tierney: Jason?

Alice: In the lake, the one – the one who attacked me – the one who pulled me underneath the water.

Tierney: Ma’am, we didn’t find any boy.

Alice: But – then he’s still out there.”–Friday the 13th (1980)

Alice: The boy. Is he dead, too?  Tierney: Who?  Alice: The boy. Jason.  Tierney: Jason?  Alice: In the lake, the one - the one who attacked me - the one who pulled me underneath the water.  Tierney: Ma'am, we didn't find any boy.  Alice: But - then he's still out there.

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924)”Hooper: I’m not going to waste my time arguing with a man who’s lining up to be a hot lunch.”–Jaws (1975)

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925)”Walter Chang: Earl. Here’s some swiss cheese and some bullets.”–Tremors (1990)

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926)”Morticia: Wednesday’s at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.

Ellen: Boys?

Wednesday: Homicide.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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927)”The Monster: [Speaking to Frankenstein and Elizabeth] Go you live [turning to Dr.Pretorius] You stay we belong dead.”–The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

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928)”Simon: Aren’t you afraid this will rot your brain?
Alvin: Too late.”–Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman (2000)

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929)”Quint: But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I’ll find him for three, but I’ll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole d*** thing.”–Jaws (1975)

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930)”Children: One, two, Freddy’s coming for you. Three, four, better lock your door. Five, six, grab your crucifix. Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again.”–Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

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931)”Police Lieutenant: Well, Denham, the airplanes got him.
Carl Denham: Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast.”–King Kong (1933)

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932)”Morticia: [confronting Debbie in her house] You have gone too far. You have married Fester, you have destroyed his spirit, you have taken him from us. All that I could forgive. But Debbie…

Debbie Jellinsky: What?

Morticia: …pastels?”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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933)”Lucas: I can tell you something about this place. The boys around here call it “The Black Lagoon”; a paradise. Only they say nobody has ever come back to prove it.”–The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

Love Triangle!

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934)”Angela Dodson: I guess God has a plan for all of us.”–Constantine (2005)

GodhasaPlan

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935)”Brody: I used to hate the water…
Hooper: I can’t imagine why.”–Jaws (1975)

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936)”Steve Karnes: I feel Admiral, what we’re facing is a marine animal of tremendous size and strength.

Admiral Summers: Do you mean to believe that a whale could’ve smashed through steel plates so high above the water line?

Steve Karnes: I didn’t say a whale.

Professor James Bickford: Behemoth?

Steve Karnes: That’s as good a name as any for now.”–The Giant Behemoth (1959)

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1637)”Wednesday: [as an Pocahontas ad-libbing during a Thanksgiving play] Wait!

Amanda: What?

Wednesday: We cannot break bread with you.

Amanda: Huh? Becky, what’s going on?

Becky: [whispered] Wednesday!

Wednesday: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d’oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, “Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller.”

Amanda: Gary, she’s changing the words.

Wednesday: And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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938)”Mr. Hyde: So, you’re the great Van Helsing.

Van Helsing: And you’re a deranged psychopath.

Mr. Hyde: We all have our little problems.”–Van Helsing (2004)

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939)”Angela Dodson: Well, this has been real educational, but… I don’t believe in the devil.
John Constantine: You should. He believes in you.”–Constantine (2005)

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940)”Hooper: Ha, ha – they’re all gonna die.”–Jaws (1975)

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941) “Nancy: Whatever you do don’t fall asleep.”–Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

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942)”Burt: [about the Bible] What, did you rewrite the whole thing, or just the parts that don’t suit your needs?”–Children of the Corn (1984)

 

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943)Frank Whemple: Had to! Science, you know. Well after we’d worked among her things, I felt as if I’d known her. But when we got the wrappings off, and I saw her face… you’ll think me silly, but I sort of fell in love with her.

Helen Grosvenor: Do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?”–The Mummy (1932)

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944)”Mr. Hyde: Think before you decide, I tell you! Do you want to be left as you are, or do you want your eyes and your soul to be blasted by a sight that would stagger the devil himself?”–Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

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945)”Officer Burroughs: Jill, Jill. We traced the call! It’s coming from inside the house! Do you hear me? It’s coming from inside the house! You need to get out! Jill?”–When a Stranger Calls (2006)

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946)Anna Valerious: I think if you’re going to kill somebody, kill them! Don’t stand around talking about it!”–Van Helsing (2004)

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947)”Bill: Sweetheart, you can’t buy the necessities of life with cookies.”–Edward Scissorhands (1990)

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948)”Richard Hannay: Beautiful, mysterious woman pursued by gunmen. Sounds like a spy story.
Annabella Smith: That’s exactly what it is.”–The 39 Steps (1935)

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949″Jenny Williams: Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.”–The Wolf Man (1941)

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950)”Jill Johnson: Tiffany, I know it’s you. I can see your name on Caller ID, genius.

Voice of the Stranger: This isn’t Tiffany.”–When a Stranger Calls (2006)

Oh Crap! [Note: Pic from When a Stranger Calls not Phantoms]

Oh Crap!

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951)”Van Helsing: My life… my job… my curse… is to vanquish evil.”–Van Helsing (2004)

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952)”Mary Henry: It’s funny… the world is so different in the daylight. In the dark, your fantasies get so out of hand. But in the daylight everything falls back into place again.”–Carnival of Souls (1962)

Carnival of Souls

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953) “Tony Wendice: [to Mark] People don’t commit murder on credit.”–Dial “M” for Murder (1954)

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954)Sheriff Watson: And this bullet stuck among the hymns, eh? Well, I’m not surprised Mr. Hannay. Some of those hymns are terrible hard to get through.”–The 39 Steps (1935)

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955)”Hannibal Lecter: [on telephone] I do wish we could chat longer, but… I’m having an old friend for dinner. Bye.

Clarice Starling: Dr. Lecter?… Dr. Lecter?… Dr. Lecter?… Dr. Lecter?…”–The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

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956)”Doctor Muller: Burn the scroll, man. Burn it! It was through you this horror came into existence.”–The Mummy (1932)

the mummy

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957)”Minister: You cannot live in isolation from the human race, you know.”–Carnival of Souls (1962)

Carnival of Souls

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958)”Morticia: [to Gomez] I’m just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It’s just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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959)”Steve Karnes: [solemnly] One thing is sure. Something has happened here that isn’t in the book. Something came out of the ocean and now has gone back into.”–The Giant Behemoth (1959)

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960)”Sheriff Leigh Brackett: It’s Halloween, everyone’s entitled to one good scare.”–Halloween (1979)

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961)”Hannibal Lecter: Well, Clarice – have the lambs stopped screaming?”–Silence of the Lambs (1991)

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962)”Gomez: [to Fester] You’ll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won’t press charges.”–The Addams’ Family (1993)

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963)”Tom Trevethan: From the sea… burning, like fire!

John: What was it?

Tom Trevethan: Behemoth!”–The Giant Behemoth (1959)

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964)”Verden Fell: The eyes, they confound me. There’s a blankness, a mindless sort of malice in some Egyptian. They do not readily yield up the mystery.”–The Tomb of Ligeia (1964)

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965)”Don Nicholas Medina: You will die in agony. Die!”–The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)

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966)”Chip Douglas: You know what the trouble about real life is? There’s no danger music.”–The Cable Guy (1996)

thememusic

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967)”Debbie Jellinsky: [meeting Gomez] Isn’t he a lady killer!

Gomez: Acquitted.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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968)”Maleva: Whoever is bitten by a werewolf and lives becomes a werewolf himself.”–The Wolf Man (1941)

Wolf Man 1941 5

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969)”Fred Wilson: Lights! Camera! Kong!”–King Kong (1976)

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970)”Hannibal Lecter: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”-Silence of the Lambs (1991)

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971)” Morticia: My baby is ill, and my husband is dying. Oh Mama, what shall I do?

Grandma: Well, you have a black dress.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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972) “R: [voice-over, introducing M] This is my best friend. By best friend, I mean we occasionally grunt and stare awkwardly at each other. We even have almost conversations sometimes.”–Warm Bodies (2013)

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973)”Doctor Lloyd: I believe a man lost in the mazes of his own mind may imagine that he’s anything.”–The Wolf Man (1941)

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974)”Beni: [after a shipwreck] Hey, O’Connell! It looks to me like I’ve got all the horses!

Rick: Hey, Beni! Looks to me like you’re on the wrong side of the river!”–The Mummy (1999)

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975)”Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb: It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”–Silence of the Lambs (1991)

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976)”Gomez: [at the police station after asking to arrest Debbie. *Shouting*] Has the planet gone mad? My brother, passion’s hostage. I seek justice – denied! I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil! [Grandma waves Pubert in the air] I have seen horror! [Lurch waves]I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!

Morticia: They’re at camp.

Gomez: I have seen all this, officer. But until today, I had never seen… *you*!

Desk sergeant: Hook him, book him, cook him. *Now*!

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977)”Kevin: Hey.

R: [voice-over] *Say something human. Say something human.* How… are… you…? [voice-over] *Nailed it.*

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978)”Sir John Talbot: You policemen are always in such a hurry. As if dead men didn’t have all eternity.”–The Wolf Man (1941)

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979)”Evelyn: [Upon opening the tomb] I’ve dreamt about this since I was a little girl.

Rick: You dream about dead guys?”–The Mummy (1999)

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980)”Evelyn: No harm ever came from opening a chest

Rick: Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?”–The Mummy Returns (2001)

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981)”Debbie Jellinsky: My first husband, the heart surgeon. All day long, coronaries, transplants.

Grandma: What about your needs?

Debbie Jellinsky: “Sorry about dinner, Deb. The Pope has a cold.” [the next slide shows a shadow of an axe on the wall heading towards the Surgeon]

Grandma: An axe! That takes me back.”–The Addams’ Family (1993)

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982)”R: [voice-over] Don’t be creepy. Don’t be creepy. Don’t be creepy.”–Warm Bodies (2013)

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983)”Larry Talbot: It isn’t a wolf… it’s a werewolf!”–The Wolf Man (1941)

wolfman-strangle

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84)”Mort: [voiceover] ‘I know I can do it,’ Todd Downey said, helping himself to another ear of corn from the steaming bowl. ‘I’m sure that in time, every bit of her will be gone and her death will be a mystery… even to me.”–Secret Window (2004)

He stole my story!

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985)”Evelyn: Look, I… I may not be an explorer, or an adventurer, or a treasure-seeker, or a gunfighter, Mr. O’Connell, but I am proud of what I am.

Rick: And what is that?

Evelyn: I… am a librarian.”–The Mummy (1999)

Librarian

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986)”Rick: [witnessing Imhotep’s resurrection] You know, a couple of years ago, this would have seemed really strange to me.”–The Mummy Returns (2001)

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987)”Debbie Jellinsky: Husband number two. The senator. He loved his state, he loved his country!

Grandma: What about Debbie?

Debbie Jellinsky: “Sorry Debbie, no Mercedes this year. We have to set an example.” Oh yeah? Set this![the next slide shows car headlights heading towards the Senator in panic]”–The Addams’ Family (1993)

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988)”Rick: Are you sure you want to be playing around with this thing?

Evelyn: It’s just a book. No harm ever came from reading a book.”–The Mummy (1999)

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89)”Mort: You know, the only thing that matters is the ending. It’s the most important part of the story, the ending. And this one… is very good. This one’s perfect.”–Secret Window (2004)

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990)”R: [voice-over] They call these guys Bonies. They don’t bother us much, but they’ll eat anything with a heartbeat. I mean, I will too, but at least I’m conflicted about it.”–Warm Bodies (2013)

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991)”Ardeth Bay: There is a fine line between coincidence and fate.”–The Mummy Returns (2001)

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992)”Debbie Jellinsky: But with your looks, your charm… women must follow you everywhere!

Uncle Fester: Store detectives.”–Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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993)”Dorian Gray: If only it was the picture who was to grow old, and I remain young. There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t give for that. Yes, I would give even my soul for it.”–The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)

Ivan Le Lorraine Albright's famous painting of the decayed Dorian Gray - which took approximately one year to complete - is now owned by the Art Institute of Chicago, where it has been on display for many years.

Ivan Le Lorraine Albright’s famous painting of the decayed Dorian Gray – which took approximately one year to complete – is now owned by the Art Institute of Chicago, where it has been on display for many years.

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994)”Mort: I don’t respond well to intimidation. Makes me feel *icky*.”–Secret Window (2004)

secret window

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95)”Norville ‘Shaggy’ Rogers: [as two female zombies approach him and Scooby-Doo] Like… we’re not looking for any ghoul-friends, are we, Scooby?”–Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998)

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996)”John Proctor: Because it is my name! Because I cannot have another in my life! Because I lie and sign myself to lies! Because I am not worth the dust on the feet of them you have hanged! How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!”–The Crucible (1996)

How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!

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997)”Rick: I only gamble with my life, never my money.”–The Mummy (1999)

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998)”Ardeth Bay: If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.”–The Mummy Returns (2001)

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999)”Morticia: Children, do you think we love the baby more than we love you?

WednesdayPugsley: Yes.

Morticia: Do you think that when a new baby arrives, one of the other children has to die?

WednesdayPugsley: Yes.

Grandma: Well, that’s just not true. [sighs] Not anymore.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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100)”Daphne Blake: What I need is a real, live ghost.

Velma Dinkley: That’s an oxymoron, Daph.”–Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998)

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to I Was Here For A Moment. And Then I Was Gone

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For more of my fav movie lines, go to Part IX: Adventures in Movie Lines

For more on The 39 Steps (1935), go to Part VIII:The Little Movie Line List

For more on The Addam’s Family Values, go to Someone Very Special

For more on Arachnophobia, go to When the Itsy-Bitsy Spider is No Longer Itsy-Bitsy

For more on The Bride of Frankenstein, go to I Want Friend Like Me

For more on Carnival of Souls, go to I Don’t Belong in the World

For more on Children of the Corn, go to He Who Walks Behind the Rows

For more on The Creature from the Black Lagoon and The Silence of the Lambs, go to Disnified Horror

For more on The Crucible, go to I Saw Goody Osburn With the Devil

For more on Edward Scissorhands, go to 25 Films of Christmas

For more on Frankenstein, go to My Favorite Movie Lines

For more on Friday the 13th (1980), go to Camp Blood

For more on The Giant Behemoth, go to From the Sea Burning Like Fire

For more on Jaws, go to For All the Men Who Wonder What It’s Like

For more on The Mummy (1932), go to Eternal Punishment for Anyone Who Opens This Casket

For more on Night of the Living Dead, go to They’re Coming To Get You Barbara

For more on Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), go to Whatever You Do Don’t Fall Asleep

For more on North by Northwest, go to Part VII: It Was Said One Night

For more on Perfect Stranger, go to Secrets are Great, Unless You Get Caught

For more on The Picture of Dorian Gray, go to If Only It Was the Picture Who Was to Grow Old, and I Remain Young

For more on The Secret Window, go to The Only Thing That Matters is the Ending

For more on Warm Bodies, go to Say Something Human

For more information on When a Stranger Calls, go to It’s Coming From Inside the House


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