Once, There Was Even a Man Who Had Scissors for Hands: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

So every year we review a Vincent Price film. Here we go!

Once, there was even a man who had scissors for hands

What?

Yes I said that right, Vincent Price.

Many of you may not know this, but this was Vincent Price’s last film. When I first saw this, I actually knew about Vincent Price than Johnny Depp.

In fact Vincent Price was supposed to have more screentime, but unfortunately was very ill at and they had to cut back on those scenes. Sad for us.

We didn’t get as much

This also fills another yearly notch, a Tim Burton film.

I have always loved Edward Scissorhands

So let’s not wait any longer. On with the review.

So the film starts off with a grandma, Kim Boggs (Winona Ryder) telling her granddaughter a story-of a man with scissors for hands.

Flashback years ago-Peg Boggs is the Avon lady, along with being kindest and sweetest woman ever. She tries to sell in her Suburban neighborhood but none are interested.

She’s finally reached the end of her rope-but then spots the creepy, spooky castle that exists at the end of the block. She decides to go in there and that is when everything changes.

Inside the worn and crumbling mansion-which she enters by herself! Very unsafe-and meets Edward.

Edward was created by the Inventor, but is unfinished-he still has scissors for hands.

Peg feels bad for him and takes him home with her-he meets her husband Bill (Alan Arkin), who is completely checked out and doesn’t see or hear anything, and son Kevin. Kevin is fascinated by Edward and wants to show him off.

That’s awesome

As many times as I have watched this I am just amazed with the character of Peg. She reminds me of the mom in My Boyfriend’s Back, but sweeter, kinder, and not nearly as psychotic. She is always encouraging and helping Edward.

Peg Boggs: Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself? What happened to your face? No, I won’t hurt you. But at the very least, let me give you a good astringent. And this will help to prevent infection. What’s your name?

Edward: Edward.

Peg Boggs: Edward… I think you should just come home with me.

And if anyone tries to say anything about him, she will go mama bear on them.

Audience Member #3: But if you had regular hands you’d be like everyone else.

Edward: Yes, I know.

Host-TV: I think he’d like that.

Audience Member #4: Then no one would think you’re special. You wouldn’t be on TV or anything.

Peg Boggs: No matter what, Edward will always be special.

So Pegg let’s Edward stay in her daughter’s room while she is camping with friends on her waterbed. Really Peg, he has scissors for hands!

Anyways, the neighbors are fascinated and want to take a look at him, forcing themselves on them with a BBQ.

Edward starts trying to get used to living with people. If you carefully watch Edward in the beginning he is moving his hands all over-but as he watches the others and as the movie progresses learns to better control his hands and be more humanlike.

And I do have to say I like the costume of Edward. I like Buster Keaton look carrying over from Benny & Joon and his Cure/Tim Burton-inspired hair. It wouldn’t always work, but it does on him.

So Edward is a hit, especially after he starts creating colorful topiaries.

Kim returns home from her trip in the mountains with her boyfriend Jim (Anthony Michael Hall). The first time I saw this-I didn’t recognize him. I don’t what he did but he went from major nerd in the ’80s to playing football jocks in the ’90s. I  always think if him as being one of the lucky three who were able to go from “nerd” to “heartthrob”-him, John Cusack, and Patrick Dempsey.

Kim returns home after “camping” and goes to her room-only to find Edward. Proof why scissors and waterbeds don’t work out.

From lawns Edward goes into animal haircuts.

And here he becomes an even bigger sensation. But not everyone loves him.

Poor Edward-hopefully in love with Kim and he really is. At this time Depp and Ryder starting dating and even got engaged-and you can just see in his eyes how much he cares for her. In fact, re-watching it this time I realize they spend hardly any screentime together, but can carry the romance in their looks, body language, tone, etc.

Here is where we get a slight look into Tim Burton. The eccentric, weird kid in love with the cheerleader but the jock keeping them apart? Hmm…

Anyways, Edward keeps trying. Kevin takes him to school for show-and-tell, he is always there to lend a blade, and then begins haircuts.

Edward Scissorhands in Wonderland

In fact the scene when he first cuts hair is a wink at Sweeney Todd, which Tim Burton and Johnny Depp would make years later.

The sweetest thing is when Edward is going to cut Peg’s hair-he makes it extra special and neat for her-his mom. Aw.

Very cute

With all this Edward goes on TV and the idea of opening his own business is brought up.

Neighbor Joyce is going to help and takes him to the area where they will be having the salon. She then strips and assaults him. Edward flees and Joyce is very upset.

I’m out!

Peg is going to help Edward and takes him to the bank-but here is where I realize I am an adult. I mean I know I am one, after all I’m six and twenty-but here is where I KNOW. My first response was how will he get a loan? He has no social security card, birth certificate, anything. Poor Edward is sad and they are unsure what to do next.

Now let me take a moment here and just go over Vincent Price’s role in the film. Throughout the movie we have flashbacks to when Edward was first created. The Inventor (Vincent Price) has an assembly line making cookies. As he enjoys them he gets the idea to make his son-Edward.

I love these scenes as they are so endearing and said. What would have been if the creator lived. I love Vincent Price’s voice as well. I could just listen to him speak for hours.

One day Kim forgets her key and they are locked out of the house. Edward opens the door by picking the lock and Jim gets the idea to use Edward to rob his house. You see JIm is a Neanderthal that instead of getting a job to get his own car wants his dad to do it. And if dad refuses-well then the only way is to rob his house. What a baby-WAH BOO HOO I can’t get my way let’s make dad pay for it.

They lie to Edward that a guy stole Jim’s stuff and want to get it back. Kim feels bad and wants to stop, but they don’t listen to her. Instead-they go but when the alarm goes off abandon him.

Kim is angry wanting to go back, but they don’t listen to her and she doesn’t do anything. Now I like Kim, but she never tells the truth. It makes me so angry-all this awful things keep happening to Edward afterwards and they could have stopped it if she had just told the truth.

Very disappointed in you Kim.

So Edward is taken to jail and held until Peg and Bill can pick him up. After that he is a pariah. No one wants to be around him, have him cut their lawn, dog, or hair.

Kim gets angry with Jim, but he just taunts her with how she hasn’t said anything. Edward sees this and becomes even more angry as he did it for Kim and she is still with the jerk.

He gets depressed and ruins his creations-he also gets angsty and messes up the walls.

Peg is awesome-she continues to be there for Edward. She has him keep giving her haircuts to make him feel better. Se sweet.

So cute

All comes to a head on Christmas. Edward and Kim have grown closer. He works on an ice sculpture and accidentally nicks Kim. Jim comes and chases Edward off who goes on a rage destroying shrubbery.

Kim is done with Jim and he storms off drinking with his friend.

Kim’s hand is taken care of by her mom and it wasn’t a serious wound just a small one. They worry about Edward and go off to find him leaving Kim to wait in case he comes back or the neighbors come for the party.

Edward returns and they have a good moment, broken when a drunken Jim comes racing down the street and almost hits Kevin. Edward runs and pushes Kevin out of the way before he gets killed. But by doing so nicks Kevin, especially as Kevin doesn’t know what is going on.

Jim comes and tries to attack Edward, who nicks him too. Edward then storms off-followed by Kim. Meanwhile like in every monster movie the neighborhood storms together creating a mob to converge on Edward.

mob

Grab your torches and sharpen your pitchforks!

In the mansion Kim approaches Edward, ecstatic that he is alive, but just like in Beauty and the Beast, Jim the jerk followed them and tries to kill Edward. He was going to shoot him-but Kim intercedes. Edward had not planned on doing anything-but when Jim slaps Kim he becomes angry and stabs Jim-throwing him out the window.

Kim and Edward see the dead body and know the mob won’t stop until Edward is dead. Kim kisses Edward and says good-bye.

Noooo!

Downstairs, the people are calling for Edward’s blood. Kim notices a machine and grabs a scissorhand-using it as proof that Edward is dead. She tells them it is all over.

This scene definitely has a Nightmare on Elm Street feel to it with the scissors-which Johnny Depp is also in.

That ends it and all goes back to how it should be-except the Boggs family. Years pass and they all move on-but Kim always remembers Edward.

And Edward never forgets her. His garden growing and he’s making an ice sculpture of Kim to grace his garden.

Such a great story with a gentle sweet character. I love this film and could just continue to watch it over and over again.

And this little extra for you guys!

To start Horrorfest VII from the beginning, go to It’s the End of the World: The Birds (1963)

For the previous post, go to Do You Ever Feel Like Your Life Has Turned into Something You Never Intended?: Nocturnal Animals (2016)

For more Edward Scissorhands, go to I Did It for You: Edward Scissorhands (1990)

For more Tim Burton, go to He’s Married to a Corpse. He Has A Corpse Bride!: Corpse Bride (2005)

For more Vincent Price, go to They’re Coming for Me Now…And Then They’ll Come for You: House on Haunted Hill (1959)

For more Johnny Depp, go to It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

For more Winona Ryder, go to 25 Films of Christmas

For more Anthony Michael Hall, go to Don’t You Forget About Me

For more teen monster films, go to I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

Part X: The Movie List That Would Not Die

 

Horror Films

901)”Dr. Ross Jennings: Respect is fine, but actually I’ve always wanted to be feared.”–Arachnophobia (1990)

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902)”Cathy Brenner: He [Mitch] has a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times! Can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don’t you think?”–The Birds (1963)

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903) “Brody: You’re gonna need a bigger boat.”–Jaws (1975)

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904)”Madeleine: Here I was born, and there I died. It was only a moment for you; you took no notice.”–Vertigo (1958)

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905)”Roger Thornhill: I didn’t realize you were an art collector. I thought you just collected corpses.”–North by Northwest (1959)

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906)”Roderick Fitzgerald: [narration] They call them the haunted shores, these stretches of Devonshire and Cornwall and Ireland which rear up against the westward ocean. Mists gather here… and sea fog… and eerie stories…”–The Uninvited (1944)

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907)”Prof. Gerald Deemer: The history of medicine is the history of the unusual.”–Tarantula (1955)

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908)”Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running’s not a plan! Running’s what you do, once a plan fails!”–Tremors (1990)

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909)”Steve Andrews: How do you get people to protect themselves from something they don’t believe in?”–The Blob (1959)

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910)”Mary Shelley: It’s a perfect night for mystery and horror. The air itself is filled with monsters.”–The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

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911)”Harrison Hill: A very famous man once said that sincerity is everything. Once you learn to fake that, the rest is easy.”–Perfect Stranger (2007)

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912) “Johnny: They’re coming to get you, Barbara.” –Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Night of the living dead zombie

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913)”Dr. Frankenstein: I am going to turn you into a mindless zombie. Have you ever seen a mindless zombie?
Alvin Seville: Are you kidding? I live in Hollywood!”–Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein (1999)

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914)”Burt Robeson: I spy, with my lttle eye, something that starts with C.

Vicky: Corn.”–Children of the Corn (1984)

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915)”Stephanie ‘Steve’ Clayton: You make it sound so creepy.
Dr. Matt Hastings: The unknown always is.”–Tarantula (1955)

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1616)”Carl Denham: And now, ladies and gentlemen, before I tell you any more, I’m going to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld. He was a king and a god in the world he knew, but now he comes to civilization merely a captive- a show to gratify your curiosity. Ladies and gentlemen, look at Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World.”–King Kong (1933)

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917) “Ro: It’s a world where you *think* actions have no consequence, where guilt is cloaked by anonymity, where there are no fingerprints. An invisible universe filled with strangers, interconnected online and disconnected in life. It will steal your secrets, corrupt your dreams, and co-opt your identity. Because in this world, where you can be anything you want, any *one* you want, you just might lose sight of who you are.”–Perfect Stranger (2007)

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918)”Fred Krueger: I’m your boyfriend now, Nancy.”–Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

EW!

EW!

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919) “Burt: Any religion without love and compassion is false! It’s a lie!”-Children of the Corn (1984)

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920)”Debbie Jellinsky: I don’t wanna hurt anybody. I don’t enjoy hurting anybody. I don’t like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won’t listen. And so, I have to use persuasion. And slides. [Showing slide pictures] My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or *were they*? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday. [the slide shows her as a child, smiling and opening a gift] I was 10, and do you know what they got me? *Malibu* Barbie.

Morticia: Malibu Barbie.

Gomez: The nightmare.

Morticia: The nerve.

Debbie Jellinsky: [flicks to the next slide of her throwing a bared-teeth temper tantrum] That’s not what I wanted! That’s not who I was. I was a *ballerina*, graceful, delicate! They had to go. [the next slide shot shows a burning house].

Bad things happen when you don't listen

Bad things happen when you don’t listen

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921)”The Monster: Alone: bad. Friend: good!”–The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

The-Bride-of-Frankenstein-006

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922)”Dr. Jekyll: I have no soul. I’m beyond the pale. I’m one of the living dead!”–Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

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923) “Alice: The boy. Is he dead, too?

Tierney: Who?

Alice: The boy. Jason.

Tierney: Jason?

Alice: In the lake, the one – the one who attacked me – the one who pulled me underneath the water.

Tierney: Ma’am, we didn’t find any boy.

Alice: But – then he’s still out there.”–Friday the 13th (1980)

Alice: The boy. Is he dead, too?  Tierney: Who?  Alice: The boy. Jason.  Tierney: Jason?  Alice: In the lake, the one - the one who attacked me - the one who pulled me underneath the water.  Tierney: Ma'am, we didn't find any boy.  Alice: But - then he's still out there.

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924)”Hooper: I’m not going to waste my time arguing with a man who’s lining up to be a hot lunch.”–Jaws (1975)

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925)”Walter Chang: Earl. Here’s some swiss cheese and some bullets.”–Tremors (1990)

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926)”Morticia: Wednesday’s at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.

Ellen: Boys?

Wednesday: Homicide.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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927)”The Monster: [Speaking to Frankenstein and Elizabeth] Go you live [turning to Dr.Pretorius] You stay we belong dead.”–The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

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928)”Simon: Aren’t you afraid this will rot your brain?
Alvin: Too late.”–Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman (2000)

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929)”Quint: But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I’ll find him for three, but I’ll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole d*** thing.”–Jaws (1975)

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930)”Children: One, two, Freddy’s coming for you. Three, four, better lock your door. Five, six, grab your crucifix. Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again.”–Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

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931)”Police Lieutenant: Well, Denham, the airplanes got him.
Carl Denham: Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast.”–King Kong (1933)

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932)”Morticia: [confronting Debbie in her house] You have gone too far. You have married Fester, you have destroyed his spirit, you have taken him from us. All that I could forgive. But Debbie…

Debbie Jellinsky: What?

Morticia: …pastels?”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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933)”Lucas: I can tell you something about this place. The boys around here call it “The Black Lagoon”; a paradise. Only they say nobody has ever come back to prove it.”–The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

Love Triangle!

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934)”Angela Dodson: I guess God has a plan for all of us.”–Constantine (2005)

GodhasaPlan

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935)”Brody: I used to hate the water…
Hooper: I can’t imagine why.”–Jaws (1975)

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936)”Steve Karnes: I feel Admiral, what we’re facing is a marine animal of tremendous size and strength.

Admiral Summers: Do you mean to believe that a whale could’ve smashed through steel plates so high above the water line?

Steve Karnes: I didn’t say a whale.

Professor James Bickford: Behemoth?

Steve Karnes: That’s as good a name as any for now.”–The Giant Behemoth (1959)

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1637)”Wednesday: [as an Pocahontas ad-libbing during a Thanksgiving play] Wait!

Amanda: What?

Wednesday: We cannot break bread with you.

Amanda: Huh? Becky, what’s going on?

Becky: [whispered] Wednesday!

Wednesday: You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d’oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, “Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller.”

Amanda: Gary, she’s changing the words.

Wednesday: And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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938)”Mr. Hyde: So, you’re the great Van Helsing.

Van Helsing: And you’re a deranged psychopath.

Mr. Hyde: We all have our little problems.”–Van Helsing (2004)

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939)”Angela Dodson: Well, this has been real educational, but… I don’t believe in the devil.
John Constantine: You should. He believes in you.”–Constantine (2005)

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940)”Hooper: Ha, ha – they’re all gonna die.”–Jaws (1975)

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941) “Nancy: Whatever you do don’t fall asleep.”–Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

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942)”Burt: [about the Bible] What, did you rewrite the whole thing, or just the parts that don’t suit your needs?”–Children of the Corn (1984)

 

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943)Frank Whemple: Had to! Science, you know. Well after we’d worked among her things, I felt as if I’d known her. But when we got the wrappings off, and I saw her face… you’ll think me silly, but I sort of fell in love with her.

Helen Grosvenor: Do you have to open graves to find girls to fall in love with?”–The Mummy (1932)

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944)”Mr. Hyde: Think before you decide, I tell you! Do you want to be left as you are, or do you want your eyes and your soul to be blasted by a sight that would stagger the devil himself?”–Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

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945)”Officer Burroughs: Jill, Jill. We traced the call! It’s coming from inside the house! Do you hear me? It’s coming from inside the house! You need to get out! Jill?”–When a Stranger Calls (2006)

When-a-Stranger-Calls-s01

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946)Anna Valerious: I think if you’re going to kill somebody, kill them! Don’t stand around talking about it!”–Van Helsing (2004)

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947)”Bill: Sweetheart, you can’t buy the necessities of life with cookies.”–Edward Scissorhands (1990)

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948)”Richard Hannay: Beautiful, mysterious woman pursued by gunmen. Sounds like a spy story.
Annabella Smith: That’s exactly what it is.”–The 39 Steps (1935)

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949″Jenny Williams: Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright.”–The Wolf Man (1941)

wolfman

 

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950)”Jill Johnson: Tiffany, I know it’s you. I can see your name on Caller ID, genius.

Voice of the Stranger: This isn’t Tiffany.”–When a Stranger Calls (2006)

Oh Crap! [Note: Pic from When a Stranger Calls not Phantoms]

Oh Crap!

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951)”Van Helsing: My life… my job… my curse… is to vanquish evil.”–Van Helsing (2004)

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952)”Mary Henry: It’s funny… the world is so different in the daylight. In the dark, your fantasies get so out of hand. But in the daylight everything falls back into place again.”–Carnival of Souls (1962)

Carnival of Souls

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953) “Tony Wendice: [to Mark] People don’t commit murder on credit.”–Dial “M” for Murder (1954)

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954)Sheriff Watson: And this bullet stuck among the hymns, eh? Well, I’m not surprised Mr. Hannay. Some of those hymns are terrible hard to get through.”–The 39 Steps (1935)

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955)”Hannibal Lecter: [on telephone] I do wish we could chat longer, but… I’m having an old friend for dinner. Bye.

Clarice Starling: Dr. Lecter?… Dr. Lecter?… Dr. Lecter?… Dr. Lecter?…”–The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

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956)”Doctor Muller: Burn the scroll, man. Burn it! It was through you this horror came into existence.”–The Mummy (1932)

the mummy

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957)”Minister: You cannot live in isolation from the human race, you know.”–Carnival of Souls (1962)

Carnival of Souls

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958)”Morticia: [to Gomez] I’m just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It’s just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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959)”Steve Karnes: [solemnly] One thing is sure. Something has happened here that isn’t in the book. Something came out of the ocean and now has gone back into.”–The Giant Behemoth (1959)

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960)”Sheriff Leigh Brackett: It’s Halloween, everyone’s entitled to one good scare.”–Halloween (1979)

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961)”Hannibal Lecter: Well, Clarice – have the lambs stopped screaming?”–Silence of the Lambs (1991)

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962)”Gomez: [to Fester] You’ll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won’t press charges.”–The Addams’ Family (1993)

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963)”Tom Trevethan: From the sea… burning, like fire!

John: What was it?

Tom Trevethan: Behemoth!”–The Giant Behemoth (1959)

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964)”Verden Fell: The eyes, they confound me. There’s a blankness, a mindless sort of malice in some Egyptian. They do not readily yield up the mystery.”–The Tomb of Ligeia (1964)

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965)”Don Nicholas Medina: You will die in agony. Die!”–The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)

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966)”Chip Douglas: You know what the trouble about real life is? There’s no danger music.”–The Cable Guy (1996)

thememusic

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967)”Debbie Jellinsky: [meeting Gomez] Isn’t he a lady killer!

Gomez: Acquitted.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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968)”Maleva: Whoever is bitten by a werewolf and lives becomes a werewolf himself.”–The Wolf Man (1941)

Wolf Man 1941 5

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969)”Fred Wilson: Lights! Camera! Kong!”–King Kong (1976)

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970)”Hannibal Lecter: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”-Silence of the Lambs (1991)

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971)” Morticia: My baby is ill, and my husband is dying. Oh Mama, what shall I do?

Grandma: Well, you have a black dress.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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972) “R: [voice-over, introducing M] This is my best friend. By best friend, I mean we occasionally grunt and stare awkwardly at each other. We even have almost conversations sometimes.”–Warm Bodies (2013)

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973)”Doctor Lloyd: I believe a man lost in the mazes of his own mind may imagine that he’s anything.”–The Wolf Man (1941)

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974)”Beni: [after a shipwreck] Hey, O’Connell! It looks to me like I’ve got all the horses!

Rick: Hey, Beni! Looks to me like you’re on the wrong side of the river!”–The Mummy (1999)

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975)”Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb: It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.”–Silence of the Lambs (1991)

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976)”Gomez: [at the police station after asking to arrest Debbie. *Shouting*] Has the planet gone mad? My brother, passion’s hostage. I seek justice – denied! I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil! [Grandma waves Pubert in the air] I have seen horror! [Lurch waves]I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!

Morticia: They’re at camp.

Gomez: I have seen all this, officer. But until today, I had never seen… *you*!

Desk sergeant: Hook him, book him, cook him. *Now*!

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977)”Kevin: Hey.

R: [voice-over] *Say something human. Say something human.* How… are… you…? [voice-over] *Nailed it.*

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978)”Sir John Talbot: You policemen are always in such a hurry. As if dead men didn’t have all eternity.”–The Wolf Man (1941)

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979)”Evelyn: [Upon opening the tomb] I’ve dreamt about this since I was a little girl.

Rick: You dream about dead guys?”–The Mummy (1999)

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980)”Evelyn: No harm ever came from opening a chest

Rick: Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?”–The Mummy Returns (2001)

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981)”Debbie Jellinsky: My first husband, the heart surgeon. All day long, coronaries, transplants.

Grandma: What about your needs?

Debbie Jellinsky: “Sorry about dinner, Deb. The Pope has a cold.” [the next slide shows a shadow of an axe on the wall heading towards the Surgeon]

Grandma: An axe! That takes me back.”–The Addams’ Family (1993)

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982)”R: [voice-over] Don’t be creepy. Don’t be creepy. Don’t be creepy.”–Warm Bodies (2013)

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983)”Larry Talbot: It isn’t a wolf… it’s a werewolf!”–The Wolf Man (1941)

wolfman-strangle

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84)”Mort: [voiceover] ‘I know I can do it,’ Todd Downey said, helping himself to another ear of corn from the steaming bowl. ‘I’m sure that in time, every bit of her will be gone and her death will be a mystery… even to me.”–Secret Window (2004)

He stole my story!

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985)”Evelyn: Look, I… I may not be an explorer, or an adventurer, or a treasure-seeker, or a gunfighter, Mr. O’Connell, but I am proud of what I am.

Rick: And what is that?

Evelyn: I… am a librarian.”–The Mummy (1999)

Librarian

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986)”Rick: [witnessing Imhotep’s resurrection] You know, a couple of years ago, this would have seemed really strange to me.”–The Mummy Returns (2001)

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987)”Debbie Jellinsky: Husband number two. The senator. He loved his state, he loved his country!

Grandma: What about Debbie?

Debbie Jellinsky: “Sorry Debbie, no Mercedes this year. We have to set an example.” Oh yeah? Set this![the next slide shows car headlights heading towards the Senator in panic]”–The Addams’ Family (1993)

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988)”Rick: Are you sure you want to be playing around with this thing?

Evelyn: It’s just a book. No harm ever came from reading a book.”–The Mummy (1999)

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89)”Mort: You know, the only thing that matters is the ending. It’s the most important part of the story, the ending. And this one… is very good. This one’s perfect.”–Secret Window (2004)

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990)”R: [voice-over] They call these guys Bonies. They don’t bother us much, but they’ll eat anything with a heartbeat. I mean, I will too, but at least I’m conflicted about it.”–Warm Bodies (2013)

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991)”Ardeth Bay: There is a fine line between coincidence and fate.”–The Mummy Returns (2001)

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992)”Debbie Jellinsky: But with your looks, your charm… women must follow you everywhere!

Uncle Fester: Store detectives.”–Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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993)”Dorian Gray: If only it was the picture who was to grow old, and I remain young. There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t give for that. Yes, I would give even my soul for it.”–The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)

Ivan Le Lorraine Albright's famous painting of the decayed Dorian Gray - which took approximately one year to complete - is now owned by the Art Institute of Chicago, where it has been on display for many years.

Ivan Le Lorraine Albright’s famous painting of the decayed Dorian Gray – which took approximately one year to complete – is now owned by the Art Institute of Chicago, where it has been on display for many years.

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994)”Mort: I don’t respond well to intimidation. Makes me feel *icky*.”–Secret Window (2004)

secret window

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95)”Norville ‘Shaggy’ Rogers: [as two female zombies approach him and Scooby-Doo] Like… we’re not looking for any ghoul-friends, are we, Scooby?”–Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998)

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996)”John Proctor: Because it is my name! Because I cannot have another in my life! Because I lie and sign myself to lies! Because I am not worth the dust on the feet of them you have hanged! How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!”–The Crucible (1996)

How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!

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997)”Rick: I only gamble with my life, never my money.”–The Mummy (1999)

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998)”Ardeth Bay: If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.”–The Mummy Returns (2001)

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999)”Morticia: Children, do you think we love the baby more than we love you?

WednesdayPugsley: Yes.

Morticia: Do you think that when a new baby arrives, one of the other children has to die?

WednesdayPugsley: Yes.

Grandma: Well, that’s just not true. [sighs] Not anymore.”–The Addams’ Family Values (1993)

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100)”Daphne Blake: What I need is a real, live ghost.

Velma Dinkley: That’s an oxymoron, Daph.”–Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998)

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to I Was Here For A Moment. And Then I Was Gone

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For more of my fav movie lines, go to Part IX: Adventures in Movie Lines

For more on The 39 Steps (1935), go to Part VIII:The Little Movie Line List

For more on The Addam’s Family Values, go to Someone Very Special

For more on Arachnophobia, go to When the Itsy-Bitsy Spider is No Longer Itsy-Bitsy

For more on The Bride of Frankenstein, go to I Want Friend Like Me

For more on Carnival of Souls, go to I Don’t Belong in the World

For more on Children of the Corn, go to He Who Walks Behind the Rows

For more on The Creature from the Black Lagoon and The Silence of the Lambs, go to Disnified Horror

For more on The Crucible, go to I Saw Goody Osburn With the Devil

For more on Edward Scissorhands, go to 25 Films of Christmas

For more on Frankenstein, go to My Favorite Movie Lines

For more on Friday the 13th (1980), go to Camp Blood

For more on The Giant Behemoth, go to From the Sea Burning Like Fire

For more on Jaws, go to For All the Men Who Wonder What It’s Like

For more on The Mummy (1932), go to Eternal Punishment for Anyone Who Opens This Casket

For more on Night of the Living Dead, go to They’re Coming To Get You Barbara

For more on Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), go to Whatever You Do Don’t Fall Asleep

For more on North by Northwest, go to Part VII: It Was Said One Night

For more on Perfect Stranger, go to Secrets are Great, Unless You Get Caught

For more on The Picture of Dorian Gray, go to If Only It Was the Picture Who Was to Grow Old, and I Remain Young

For more on The Secret Window, go to The Only Thing That Matters is the Ending

For more on Warm Bodies, go to Say Something Human

For more information on When a Stranger Calls, go to It’s Coming From Inside the House


horror films

What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie?: Scream (1996)

So this Horrorfest, I am going to be doing something a little different. We are going to have “Screamtastic Saturdays”. Every Saturday in October going to be on a different Scream movie. So let’s kick it off with:

scream1

What’s your favorite scary movie?

*Spolier Alert*

So I really loved this movie. I have to say that Wes Craven as one of the horror kings totally tanked on Nightmare on Elm Street. This was by far, much better. One of the coolest things about this film is that it is a parody of horror films, while still being its own horror film.

So the beginning starts off with Drew Barrymore cooking popcorn and preparing for a fun night in watching scary movies with her boyfriend. Just like When A Stranger Calls, she receives a strange phone call and is at first into it, thinking it is just a joke.

scary movie mansfield park Scream

 

However, it slowly turns as the caller threatens Casey that he is going to kill her and her boyfriend.

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But she has a chance at being saved, all she has to do is answer who was the killer in Friday the 13th.

“Phone Voice: Name the killer in Friday the 13th.

Casey: Jason! Jason! Jason!

Phone Voice: I’m sorry. That’s the wrong answer!

Casey: No, it’s not. No it’s not. It was Jason.

Phone Voice: Afraid not. No way.

Casey: Listen, it was Jason! I saw that movie 20 g******* times!

Phone Voice: Then you should know that Jason’s mother, Mrs. Voorhees was the original killer. Jason didn’t show up until the sequel. I’m afraid that was a wrong answer.

Casey: [Weeping] You tricked me.

Phone Voice: Lucky for you there’s a bonus round, but poor Steve… I’m afraid he’s OUT!”

So Steve is murdered and Casey runs throughout the house trying to get away from the killer. Of which she doesn’t make it out and finds herself victim #1.

victim

And thus the body count begins…

So the killing of Drew Barrymore holds two significant things. One, she was one the most famous actress in the film, and was killed first. This was supposed to be a homage to Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho (1960), in which the most famous actress of the film, Janet Leigh, was only in the movie for a short while before she was killed. This was also supposed to be a parody of Craven’s film Nightmare on Elm Street, when the first character we meet, Tina (played by Amanda Wyss),is killed. Craven also had his character Casey wear white just like Tina in Nightmare on Elm Street.

The next day, the town Woodsboro is just ravanged by reporters who are eager to find out more about this murder, especially since it occurred almost exactly a year after their little town experienced a murder just as gruesome. The murder of Maureen Prescott by Cotton Weary.

Meanwhile, Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) is trying to cope with everything that is going on.

Scream

She is having a really hard time with the anniversary of her mother’s death. When she hears about the murders and sees the reporters it brings the mess of the past year back to her. The memories just come flooding back.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

One of her other big issues is her boyfriend Billy Loomis.

Billy-From-Scream-scream-1804906-547-342

 

Okay, I just have to go off on a tangent here: Billy is sooooooooooooo creepy looking. When I first saw this I was like he is toooootally the killer. I mean LOOK AT HIM! He has killer written alllll over him. Those eyes, they are super frigtening. And the way he talks? He tells Sidney that he was watching Silence of the Lambs and that made him think of her and want to come over and get funky. What a freak!

Certified Creepo Ribbon

IDon'tTrustHimGreatGatsby

(BTW it is another Psycho reference. Billy Loomis is a homage to Sam Loomis, Marion Crane’s boyfriend in Psycho; and Dr. Sam Loomis in Halloween.)

Anyways, so the two have been having issues since Sidney’s mom died. She was so traumatized by the event that she has isolated herself and found it hard to let anyone in again. Her best friend Tatum is cool with it as she understands she needs time to grieve, but Billy has been having a hard time backtracking from third base to the benches. Ladies, let me just say that if any guy ever tries to pressure into having sex when you aren’t ready, junk punch him and run away. You don’t need that loser in your life.

That day her father has to go out of town, leaving Sidney all alone in a big house.

Yep, gonna make references all night.

Yep, gonna make When a Stranger Calls  references all night.

She makes plans to meet up with Tatum and stay at her place, but falls asleep. Tatum is late picking her up as her cheerleading practice went way over. While Sidney is waiting she gets a phone call from the killer who starts harassing her. And she stupidly calls throughout the house trying to find him.

Killer Scary Movie

“Sidney Prescott: Can you see me right now?  Ah, okay. [puts a finger in her nose] What am I doing? Huh? Huh? What am I doing? Hello? [takes finger out] Nice try, Randy. Tell Tatum to hurry up, okay? Bye now.

Ghostface: IF YOU HANG UP ON ME, YOU’LL DIE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER! Do you want to die, Sidney? Your mother sure didn’t.

Sidney Prescott: F*** you, you cretin!”

Soon the killer comes in her house and she has to run away from him and try to get the police there. Billy shows up, climbing through her window. Sidney sees that he has a cellphone and freaks out, having the police cart him away.

Gilmore girls creep

So there are a couple places that were filmed in Santa Rosa, CA. One was the bathroom scene in which Sidney is attacked, the other is Tatum’s house which is right across the street from the house used in Pollyanna (1960). It is also across the street from the house used in Alfred Hitchcock’s Shadow of a Doubt (1943). The house in the opening scene was next door to the house used in Cujo (1983).

Sidney spends the night at Tatum’s house and the next day is completely crazy. Billy was released as they had nothing to hold him. And they still are unable to find her father as he never checked into his hotel. Plus Gale Weathers, a reporter who has been harassing her for a year,  and all the other reporters are driving her crazy!

“Gale: There she is! Sidney, hi, what happened? Are you alright?

Tatum: She’s not answering any questions alright. Just leave us alone.

Sidney Prescott: No, no Tatum it’s OK. She’s just doing her job, right Gale?

Gale: That’s right.

Sidney Prescott: So how’s the book?

Gale: Oh it’ll be out later this year.

Sidney Prescott: Oh, I’ll look for it.

Gale: I’ll send you a copy.

[Sidney turns around a punches Gale in the face]”

Scream-Punch

Also at the school we have a little Wes Craven easter egg, as he dresses up as a janitor in a Freddy Krueger sweater.

So the principal decides to suspend school until further notice as it is just too risky for the students. After they all have left, he finds himself joining the body count as well, victim #2.

victim

The death of the principal was actually added to the film late into production. Bob Weinstein noticed there were 30 pgs in the script were nobody died and they decided that they needed another victim.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Billy’s friend Stu decides to throw a party and have all the kids in school come. I don’t understand why anyone’s parents would allow their kids to go out like that with A FREAKIN’ KILLER ON THE LOOSE. Come on people, Parent!!

hmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

At the party, the kids are chillin’, drinking beer, watching horror films, etc. Billy and Sidney go upstairs and talk, resulting in the two having sex.

Meanwhile downstairs everyone is chillin’ while Tatum goes off to the garage to get more beer. The scene in the garage is the only weak link in the film. First of all when Tatum walks over to the garage door and it almost closes on her, that would never happen. My dad is a contractor and I remeber when I was a kid I thought the garage would close on me too. However, they design garage doors specfically to not do that. In fact they have a certain radius that if someone was to walk within that radius the door would stop. And come on she IS IN A FREAKIN’ GARAGE!!! Do you know how many weapons there are in that thing? She passes over a hoe, rake, and a shovel! You see all kinds of tools throughout their fight too. She could easly find something to attack him and win. Although I do have to give props to Wes for allowing Tatum to to put up such a great fight.

Victim #3

Victim #3

Back in the living room,  Randy is giving a rundown on how to survive a horror film,  (* are the rules that are given by the killer).

  1. You will not survive if you have sex
  2. You will not survive if you do drugs or drinks
  3. You will not survive if you say “I’ll be right back.”
  4. Everyone is a suspect
  5. *You will not survive if you ask “Who’s there.”*
  6. *You will not survive if you go out to investigate a strange noise*

While all this is going on, Gale and Tatum’s brother Officer Dewey, have been spying on the party. Gale has snuck a camera into the party, so that she can view everything from her van. She and Dewey both take a break though, “walking off” together where they come upon Sidney’s father’s abandoned car.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Everyone back at the party gets the news that the principal is dead and had been strung up on the football field. Almost everyone leaves; with just Randy, Sidney, Billy, Stu, and Gale’s cameraman Kenny (in the van) staying behind .The killer comes out and starts attacking.

ghostface_scream

One of the best scenes is the scene where a drunk Randy is telling Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween to turn around while the killer is behind him. He constantly repeats, “Jamie, turn around. Turn around, Jamie!” as the killer is slowly creeping up behind him. The actor who plays Randy is also named Jamie (Jamie Kennedy) and the killer was currently behind him. This is also the only scene in which the  killer is actually one of the actors. Skeet Ulrich had asked specifically if he could wear the costume for one scene.

So Kenny and Dewey fall victim to his knife.

Victim #8

Victim #4&5

After Sidney and Billy are done having sex and have placed their clothes back on the killer charges in and stabs Billy. Sidney manages to run away and finds Tatum’s body.

As she continues running away she ends up getting in the way of Gale who was fleeing the killer from her van. Gale swerves to miss Sidney and crashes, getting knocked out. Sidney goes back to the house, taking the gun from the dying Dewey. She runs into Randy and Stu and is unsure who is the killer. She then runs into a wounded Billy and gives him the gun. Billy immediately shoots Randy and stands up.

Say What

Yep, Billy isn’t injured at all. In fact, it was all a ploy he is the real killer.

dun-dun-duuuun

Corn Syrup

Billy: Corn Syrup, just like in the real movies.

Yep, the whole time Billy and Stu have been the killers. From Sidney’s mom to everyone else.

“Sidney Prescott: Why? Why did you kill my mother?

Billy: Why? WHY! You hear that Stu? I think she wants a motive. Well I don’t really believe in motives Sid, I mean did Norman Bates have a motive?

Stu: No.

Billy: Did we ever find out why Hannibal Lecter like to eat people? DON’T THINK SO! See it’s a lot more scarier when there’s no motive, Sid. We did your Mom a favor, Sid. That woman was a slut-bag whore who flashed her s*** all over town like she was Sharon Stone or somethin’.

Stu: Yeah, we put her out of her misery, ’cause let’s face Sidney, your mother was no Sharon Stone,hmm?

Billy: Is that motive enough for you? How about this? Your slut mother was f****** my father and she’s the reason my mom moved out and abandoned me. [Sid looks astonished] How’s that for a motive? Maternal abandonment causes serious deviant behaviour. It certainly f***** you up. It made you have sex with a psychopath.”

Yep, and not only that the planned the whole thing out so that her father would take the blame, make it look like he had a mental breakdown on the anniversary of his wife’s death and started killing people. They had kidnapped him and bring him out for their final act. Billy and Stu planned that attack on Sidney to make any second arrest look false and questionable.

you're evil

Of course their plan will not be complete until they make themselves look like victims. Stu stabs Billy, and Billy stabs Stu. While the two are monologing and arguing they have seemed to forget one important thing.

 Sidney and her father have disappeared.

“Stu: S***…

Billy: What?

Stu: Oh, s***.

Billy: [They go into the kitchen to find Sidney and Mr. Prescott gone] Where are they? Where are they?

Stu: I don’t know, Billy, but I’m hurtin’, man!

Yep, just like they say in Dial M for Murder (1954), you can never plan the perfect murder. What sounds good on paper can never transfer to real life, because in real life there are just too many things that can go wrong.

“Margot Mary Wendice: Do you really believe in the perfect murder?

Mark Halliday: Mmm, yes, absolutely. On paper, that is. And I think I could, uh, plan one better than most people; but I doubt if I could carry it out.

Tony Wendice: Oh? Why not?

Mark Halliday: Well, because in stories things usually turn out the way the author wants them to; and in real life they don’t… always.”

So here Stu and Billy find themselves completely off script, and unsure…

[the phone rings]

Stu: Should I let the machine get it?

Billy: [answers it] Hello?

Sidney Prescott: Are you alone in the house?

Billy: B****! You b****, where the f*** are you?

Sidney Prescott: Not so fast, we’re going to play a little game. It’s called: Guess who just called the police and reported your sorry motherf******* a**!

[Stu is slowly collapsing to the floor]

Billy: Find her, you dips***! Get up!

Stu: I can’t, Billy. You already cut me too deep. I think I’m dying here, man!

Billy: [Billy gives Stu the phone] Talk to her. Talk to her.

Stu: Hello?

Sidney Prescott: Ah, Stu, Stu, Stu… What’s your motive? Billy’s got one. The police are on their way. What are you going to tell them?

Stu: Peer pressure. I’m far too sensitive.

Billy:[Billy takes the phone back] I’m going to rip you up, b****, just like your f****** mother!

Sidney Prescott: You’ve gotta find me first, you pansy-a** momma’s boy!”

Now the game of cat and mouse has changed with the hunted becoming the hunters.

Gale-Randy-Billy-and-Sidney-scream-23148646-499-198

 

In the end Gale, Sidney, Dewey, Mr. Prescott, and Randy survive.

So that was Scream one of the best horror-parodies ever made. For more fun check out Scream in 30 sec with bunnies. And How It Should Have Ended

This film really brought back the slasher genre, as after this slasher remakes and slasher film numbers escalated. It also brought up the debate on whether or not violence in movies affected people and caused them to become more violent? The most important thing is that this film increased the use of caller ID and made such phone harassment much harder. Although not for me.

The other thing I realized in this film is that I am soooooo Randy.

Randy

I also realized that just like The Cable Guy, I’m only a few steps away from the crazy.

screamBilly

Well, that’s Scream. Tune in next Saturday for Scream 2.

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To start Horrorfest III from the beginning, go to Even a Man Pure of Heart

To go to the previous post, go to In Their Proper Place

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For more on Scream, go to When Horror Doesn’t Stay on the Screen

For more on Wes Craven, go to Krueger Town

For more on phone harrasment, go to It’s Coming From Inside the House

For more films influenced by Alfred Hitchcock, go to Everyone’s Entitled to One Good Scare

For more on serial killers, go to Hello? Is There a Killer in My Kitchen?

For more on slasher films, go to Camp Blood

For more films that spanned numerous sequels, go to He Who Walks Behind the Rows

Do You Know Where Alex Is?

when-a-stranger-calls

Do You Know Where Alex is?

So this past week I suffered from some phone harassment. Not as bad as “The Stranger” from When a Stranger Calls or Nightmare on Elm Streetbut it was pretty bad.

So it all started back in December. I received a text asking me if I knew where Alex was because his girlfriend wanted to talk to him. I texted back that I didn’t know anyone named Alex and had no idea where he was. The texts continued and I would answer her again that I didn’t know him. One time I even called and left a message saying I had no idea who he is. Pretty soon I began to ignore it hoping it would go away.

You never learn

You never learn

Then the other day I was at a meeting and my phone went off. We hadn’t officially started so I decided to check it, and it was the girl again looking for Alex. I told my friends about it, and they told me it was probably a prank call. If it had been going on that long, and she still wasn’t getting the message, then it had to be someone messing with me. Then each of them told me their wildest stories about how they would prank people. One of my friends, Ben, told me I should text her back something like “he doesn’t care about you anymore” or “he wants to be with me now” or something silly like that. I agreed as I figured what have I got to lose?

ouch

We all then joked about how funny it would be to see what she texted me back.

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So the girl calls me and GOES CRAZY!!! I actually didn’t even answer the phone. I made Ben do it since it was his idea. He tried to tell her what happened but she was going all kinds of crazy!

angry-young-girl-cute-face-kids2

He told her the whole story about how I have repeatedly tried to tell her I didn’t know her boyfriend and that it was all a joke. Harmless fun.

Inspector-Gadget

Think she saw it that way? Uh uh.

HOW DARE YOU!!!

HOW DARE YOU!!!

This was she. Nooo joke.

The crazy girl sends me massive texts! Massive amounts of them. And here they are, oh and I wrote them out just like she sent them, (misspelling mistakes and all so they are 100% authentic).

“Who is this? I wish you all would leave me alone and try getting a job”

“And why hasn’t Alex told meb”

“Have fun paying his child support”

“Why can’t you call and say it got to hide behind a text. Or are you guys lil kids that needs to get high”

Then she called me THREE more times. THREE times!!! This girl is CRAZY!!!

Certified Creepo Ribbon

So then I called the number to talk to her, but all I got was her aunt. We discussed it and I told her everything; how I kept getting all these texts, I didn’t know him, I thought it was a joke, etc. She apologized and said she would delete my number.

So do you think that was the end of it? Nope!

im-back

Right after, I got even more texts!

“Tell Alex to come out front his truck is here.”

“Just do me a favor and tell alex the stuff in his trunk is gone and he is just like the pettys and he is a coward b****”

Just like the pettys? What does that even mean? Tom Petty? Do you mean petty thief? Do you mean peddy as in pedophile?

“I:m waiting for Alex to call”

You know their relationship seems to consist of her not knowing where he is and waiting for him to call. If he’s avoiding you either 1) You’re Crazy, 2) He’s cheating/a jerk, or 3) All the above. Time to move on.

“Oh and his $4000 in fines. You guys will amt to nothing”

Sounds like you’re getting “petty”. (Sorry I had to do it. It was just set up so well)

bad pun alert

“Didn’t realize all you guys are cowards it was only four of us”

I really am not following this conversation at all.

Blah, blah

Blah, blah

 

“That’s right to Alex new joe would a f****** rip his a**”

Wha? Huh? What does that even mean?

I just don't understand stupidity. Oh, well.

I just don’t understand stupidity. Oh, well.

“And you all of you over there who he’s hiding behind I hope he ripps  you off like he ripped me off with my great-grandmother’s jewelry, stoley daughtets”

This guy just sounds so bad. Why do you even want him as your boyfriend anymore? I mean I know he is the father of your child (earlier text) but seriously, he sounds like baaaaad news.

Like as big a loser as Satipo from Raiders of the Lost Ark

Like as big a loser as Satipo from Raiders of the Lost Ark

“Money and the sheriff is on their way to see if any of this stereo s*** in my ar is stolen. If so i’ll point them that way”

But then the creepiest thing happened. She sent me my sister’s name and the area I’m from. It was so creepy it felt like When a Stranger Calls, you know the part when the guy is watching her through the window or when she finds out where the guy is.

AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

 

“ex. It’s very simple to trace #’s. But why is he hiding behind you guys ohh tweakers stand behind tweakers. Just know he is a liar and I did nothing but”

This girl is CA-RA-ZY!

“take care of him down to buying him a car he traded for dope and now look what he has”

Man this guy and girl have massive problems.

Then she kept calling me again, and it got to the point where I just snapped.

That's it! I will end you!
That’s it! I will end you!

I called them and just started yelling at them, telling them they needed to leave me alone or else I was going to take legal action. My sister worked for the courthouse, I know people on the police force, sheriff, and CHP. I wasn’t going to mess around any longer.

I Will find you

The woman was the aunt (Darn it!) and once again promised to leave me alone. I was hoping that would be the end of it, but that was just not my luck.

The next day at 6:00 in the morning. 6:00 AM! Some guy calls to talk to me about Alex. Now, there is one thing you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to do to me and that is waking me up. There is no thing scarier than waking me up in the morning. I’m like a grizzly bear, I will eat you for breakfast,

GTY_grizzly_bear_jt_130818_16x9_992

If I wake up on my own or by my alarm clock, I’m perfectly fine. So when this guy called I just lost it and started screaming at him to leave me alone, and possibly other things but I can’t really remember our conversation. All I know is I was scary.

Its really funny, because at first I thought it was just part of my dream until I checked my phone log.

So, since then they have left me alone. Yep, just another day in the life.

Final Destination: Bike Edition

So for the past few weeks I have almost been hit by a car; whether I was walking or biking. I mean the rate at which it has been happening has started to make me feel like I’m in Final Destination

Woah! Close Call!

Woah! Close Call!

Like did I miss something here? Was I supposed to die and the universe and death is trying to remedy that? (Just kidding I do not think I am meant to die)

I mean close encounters with death is not something new to me, I mean I have actually had quite a few near death experiences/narrowly avoided massive pain/situations that could have gone much, much worse. I will have to create a series of posts on that now.

Anyways, so a few weeks ago a woman was making a right turn, and totally decided she wasn’t going to look to the right, in case you know a pedestrian WAS CROSSING AS IT WAS THEIR TIME TO GO!!! Seriously I hate every one who makes right turns. THEY NEVER LOOK FOR PEDESTRIANS!!! Anyways, so I’m about to cross because I finally got the walking sign, and you know those don’t last long, I step out and this lady tries to drive forward because she was looking to the left. I scream and jump back, and she gets this horrified look on her face as if I scared her. AS IF I SCARED HER!! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ALMOST HIT ME!!! So I end up mad dogging her the whole time I walk across.

Shame on You!

Shame on You!

Then there was the day that I almost got hit by a right turn person while I was biking across because a girl was on her STUPID CELLPHONE. THERE IS A LAW BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!! PAY ATTENTION!! Eyes should always be looking at where you are going, not down on your cellphone. Ugh. Some people make me sooooo mad!

HOW DARE YOU!!!

ARRRRRGH!!!!!!!

Then there was another person who almost hit me making a right turn (seriously you right turning people WATCH OUT FOR PEDESTRIANS!!) And so on, and so on.

There is this one area where you try to cross the street, it takes forever to get by as you have to wait for both opposing sides to be clear. Usually I wait until the cars going right are clear and move into the crosswalk to the wait for the cars going left to clear/stop for me, as it is impossible to have a time when both are clear. So I do this and a car going left CLEARLY SEES ME WAITING and has plenty of time to stop, so I start moving. Only one problem, they NEVER INTENDED TO STOP! This stupid person had decided they could make it and nearly crashed into me. STUPID JERK!

II will end you

II will end you

That brings me to yesterday. I was biking home and it was night, so I go very, very slow. Let me say the two worst times to bike or walk is when it is 1) Raining, and 2) Night/Dark. People then are CA-RA-ZY!

You are insane

You are insane

So I’m biking and I reach an area where I have to pass apartment complexes. Now, I’m biking on the sidewalk, as I don’t really like biking in the street at night. So I stop because this car is turning, and I’m under the light waiting for the car to clear the crosswalk. She does, and I move forward, when this crazy soccer mom barrels forward nearly crashing into me. Luckily I caught this in time and turned my bike and hit the brakes. She brakes, quickly glances at me, and takes off. UGH! SOME PEOPLE!!!

THEY JUST MAKE ME SO UPSET!

THEY JUST MAKE ME SO UPSET!

So that brings us to today. Yep, the very next day I have another encounter. I was biking to school and going through the parking lot and this person almost backs into me. Now I know it can be hard to see someone coming, BUT YOU ARE BACKING OUT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING IN THE BACK TO SEE IF YOU ARE GOING TO HIT ANYTHING!!!!!

ouch

Luckily, I made it through ok. Jeez, its like people remember how to drive. Look for pedestrians and bicyclists. Let them go when they are supposed to. Practice safety.

If you liked this post, you might want to check out Doors of Death in which automatic doors almost crush me

and/or

Read about my demon possessed/poltergeist TV, They’re Here

and/or

Read about the time that I had a nightmare on Elm street, Krueger Town

and/or

My 31 horror/suspense/thriller film countdown to Halloween, Horrorfest and its sequel Horrorfest II

Krueger Town

So last night Freddy paid a visit in my dreams.

For the select few who may not recognize the name Freddy Kreugar, he is the evil villain from Wes Craven’s Nightmare on Elm Street. I reviewed the movie for Horrorfest and you can read it here. It was strange that he popped up as I haven’t seen the movie in ages, and it wasn’t a film I really cared for. Maybe that’s why he came into my dreams, he didn’t like what I said and was trying to exact his revenge.

EW!

I really had to try and outsmart this killer, as I was the only one who could  stop him.. Anyways, like in the film Freddy was harassing me trying to kill me, but oh what he didn’t  know is that I am a horror film junkie. (Check out Horrorfest and you will see for yourself) I know how to play the game, I know Randy’s rules, I am a force to be reckoned with. I am Michael Corleone.

Don't mess with me!

Don’t mess with me!

The entire premise was Freddy trying to chase me and kill me, but I got him first. He tried to grab me and cut me with his wolverine claws, but I grabbed a frying pan that was nearby and deflected him at every turn.

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During the day I was able to find his claws and burned them Winchester style, saving the day.  Or at least I thought so, I woke up before I the dream actually ended. But hey, Freddy hasn’t been back since, must have done something right.

The creepiest part of the dream, other than I “lived” the movie and Freddy actually visited my dreams (that’s a mindbender) is that I acted out the telephone scene. Man, I hate that scene, its so gross! Ew, it sends shivers down my spine.

I'm your boyfriend now Nancy!

I’m your boyfriend now Nancy!

The sad thing was no cute Johnny Depp boyfriend. Or any cute boyfriend. 😦  Alas, that’s life.

I get nothing!

I get nothing!

For more of my dreams, go to Mr. Darcy: Man of Dreams

For more Nightmare on Elm Street, go to Whatever You Do Don’t Fall Asleep: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Looking Back, Moving Forward

Happy-New-Year

Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope you all had a fun new years eve and safely enjoyed yourself. I went to two parties; both of which bored me :(, oh well there’s always next year. 🙂

Anyways, I thought it might be fun to do a year in review type thing as I start out with the great things that happened this year and what I hope to bring in the future! 😀

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How could any guy hate this color?

1) The Views

So according to WordPress I received 2000 views on my blog this year. Wow, that is more than I thought I would get and I would like to thank all of you for being a part of this. It really makes me feel as if I am doing something special to see that.

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2) #1 Post

Also according to WordPress, my most popular day was October 31st . Surprisingly; instead of the number one post being Everyone’s Entitled to One Good Scare: Halloween (1978), which I posted that day; I Bid You Welcome: Dracula (1931) took the lead. It still remains the number one viewed post. #2 was A Fright on Halloween Night: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1949), #3 Grimwood Ghouls’ Gym Teacher: Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School (1988), #4 A Monster Race: Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf (1988), #5 Quite A Horror Story: Agatha Christie’s Poirot Hallowe’en Party (2011), and #6 being By George He’s Perfect.

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3) The Followers

I just found out that I know have fourteen followers! That’s amazing! I want to thank each of you that chooses to come back and check out my blog. It really puts a smile on my face to know that my thoughts and views interest others.

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Now that we have reviewed some stats lets move on to reviewing the highlights of the past posts!

The many handsome men who have played Mr. Darcy

The many handsome men who have played Mr. Darcy

4) Mr. Darcy

I also started the first of Mr. Darcy filled posts. There will be many, many more to come as there is just so much to say about him. My favorite Darcy filled posts were Darcy’s Dream Date and The Beauty of Darcy. I recommend reading both, but especially the second!

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4) The Verne Saga

In September, a guy named Verne tried to hit on me, but I brushed him off never thinking I would see him again. That was proved wrong as he kept popping up. To read the whole story check out Flirting With Disaster, Bowled Over, Bad Penny, and Return of the Verne.

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5) Character Sketches

I did two posts of literary/film characters I really like and admire. Forney Hull from Where the Heart Is, and George Knightly from Emma. I hope to do more later on, as it is something I enjoy doing.

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images-26)Embarrassing Moments

I always have embarrassing moments, and I did post a few. If you want a good laugh; check out Doors of Death, Walkin’ Round, Color Me Red, etc.

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7) Horrorfest

For the month of October, I posted a blog everyday that reviewed/had to do with a monster/horror/suspense movie. It was an enormous feat and took a lot of time to do. There were many days when I almost gave up, but I ended up completing my goal and posting all 31. This is something I plan to do again next October, along with possibly doing something in February for Valentine’s Day. The films I reviewed were The Phantom of the Opera (1925), Dracula (1931), Frankenstein (1931), The Bride of Frankenstein (1935), The Legend of Sleepy Hollow (1949), The Bad Seed (1956), The Giant Behemoth (1959), Carnival of Souls (1962), Night of the Living Dead (1968), Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978), Halloween (1978), Friday the 13th (1980), Poltergeist (1982), Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), The Black Cauldron (1985), Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School (1988), Scooby-Doo and the Reluntant Werewolf (1988),  Arachnophobia (1990), The Addam’s Family Values (1993), The Cable Guy (1996), Phantom of the Megaplex (2000), The Secret Window (2004), The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (2005), Perfect Stranger (2007), Aliens in the Attic (2009), and Agatha Christe’s Poirot: Halloween Party (2011).

The days I didn’t review a film I talked about Universal’s classic monster films, the internet movie Butterfinger the 13th, the Even Stevens Halloween Special, Archie’s Weird Mysteries: Attack of the Killer Spuds, and the Austen men in Halloween costumes.

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8) Christmas Failure

I tried to do 12 posts of Christmas reviewing Christmas films, but I just became too sick to continue it. I was only able to do five posts about Christmas films-The 12 Men of Christmas, The Santa Clause, Borrowed Hearts, Holiday in Handcuffs, and The Bishop’s Wife. I did one Jane Austen birthday post that I tied into Christmas, a post I know you Austenites would love. And I did a final post listing off six of my favorite songs of Christmas to “equal” 12 “posts”. I’m sorry I had to disappoint you.

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Well I hope you’ve enjoyed the posts of this past year, I loved writing them. Here’s to a new year full of new surprises, ideas, and adventures. I wish you all the very best in the upcoming year; may it satisfy you all and me a memorable time. Happy New Year!

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I think it will be one lucky year, no matter what the superstitious say!

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For another holiday post go to It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year