For All You Know, A Witch Might Be Living Next Door to You: The Witches (1990)

vjskf3d

For all you know, a witch might be living next door to you.

So I’m a giant fan of Roald Dahl, I’ve read pretty much everything he has written.

One book I had never read before was The Witches. I wasn’t really interested in reading about witches.

However, I was able to get a free copy of the book for free and decided to read it. The next step after reading-of course checking out the film version.

Luke Eveshim visits his grandmother in Norway and she tells them all about Witches. Witches hate children and wish to wipe them off the face of the Earth. They can smell a child a mile away.

Helga: Real witches are very cruel, and they have a highly developed sense of smell. A real witch could smell you across the street on a pitch-black night.

Luke: She couldn’t smell me. I’ve just had a shower.

Helga: Oh yes, she could. The cleaner you are, the more a witch can smell you.

Luke: That doesn’t make sense.

Helga: Oh, yes it does. A dirty child, it is the dirt she smells. A clean child, it is the child.

She then goes on to tell him how he can tell a woman is a witch:

  1. They always wear glovesA real witch will always be wearing gloves when you meet her because she doesn’t have finger-nails. Instead of finger-nails, she has thin curvy claws, like a cat, and she wears the gloves to hide them.”
  2. They’ll be as ‘bald as a boiled egg’Not a single hair grows on a witch’s head. You’d think this would make them easy to spot? Wrong! Real witches always wear a wig. And not just any wig. An expensive first class wig that looks like real hair. The only way to check is to give it a pull to see if it comes off.”
  3. They’ll have large nose-holesWitches have the most amazing powers of smell and therefore have slightly larger nose-holes than ordinary people. They can even smell out a child who is standing on the other side of the street on a pitch-black night, and the cleaner you are, the more smelly you are to a witch. Witches call them stink-waves.”
  4. Their eyes change colour– Look carefully into their eyes, right into the middle of the eye where there’s normally a little black dot. If she’s a witch, the black dot will keep changing in colour, and you’ll see fire and you’ll see ice dancing right in the very centre of the coloured dot. It will send shivers running all over your skin.”
  5. They have no toes– Witches don’t have any toes. They just have feet with square ends. A real witch will hide her ugly feet by squeezing them into pretty shoes, which they find extremely uncomfortable. Look very closely and you might see a real witch limping very slightly.”
  6. They have blue spit– Real witches have blue spit, like ink (they even use it to write with). If you look very carefully you might be able to see a slight blueish tinge on their teeth.”

Shortly after, Luke’s parents die and he is to go live with his grandma. He doesn’t mind it too much, but then his grandma becomes ill and can no longer eat sweets. The doctor recommends visiting the English sea to improve her health.

They head out with Luke bringing along his pet mice, even though the manager is very much against it. He warns them that if the mouse is found anywhere not in its cage, they are out of the hotel.

Luke tries to train his mice in secret, running into an overweight boy, Bruno  who only wants to eat and then finds an empty conference room. It soon is filled with the RSPCC-the Prevention of Cruelty to Children group. But this group turns out to be something much different.

When I saw this scene I was like:

AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I was an adult watching it. I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to a child.

The Grand High Witch (Anjelica Huston), the boss, goes over her new plan to destroy all the children in the world.

Grand High Witch: Now, this is my plan: Each of you will go back to your homes… and resign from your jobs. Give notice. Retire. You will then buy with the money I give you…[Irvine gives her the money from the case boxSweet shops. Candy stores. The best and most respectable sweet shops in England. [throws the money, the ladies are picking up the moneyUpstairs: I have a trunkload of this English money… So, you’ll be able to offer three, maybe four times what these shops are worth. Go, go, go.

Yes, her plan is for them to sell chocolate that will transform children into:

Ahhh!

Yep, their plan is pretty sound. The only thing that throws a wrench in it is that Luke has heard the whole thing and is preparing what to do to stop them.

That is until his mouse gets away from him and reveals that he is in the room. The witches see him and turn him into a mouse as well.

Luke has to navigate the hotel, one of which does not allow mice and has said if they find any about the Eveshims will be out.

Luke hurries back to his room as fast as he can in the hopes he can make it to their room without being squished. He hurries as fast as he can and tells his grandma the whole story. The two come up with a plan to steal the Witches formula and stick it in their special banquet soup, turning them all into witches.

There are only two problems: 1) How to get past the hotel staff without being caught.

Hmmm….

And how to change Luke and Bruno back to boys again?

Will they succeed and save the world? Fail and every child be turned into mice?

So I really liked it.

It isn’t like American film, slower paced and has more dialogue than action but I really enjoyed it. Best of all they kept it almost exactly like the book.

When they showed the way the witches looked it was amazing! Completely perfect in how terrifying it is.

I liked the ending of the book better than how they changed it in the end, but the film’s ending would appeal to children more I’m sure.

To start Horrorfest VI, from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to One Blow to the Head and the Deed is Done: Candlestick (2014)

For more on Roald Dahl, go to Come With Me and You’ll Be in a World of Pure Imagination: Happy 100th Birthday Roald Dahl

For more on Anjelica Huston, go to Someone Very Special: The Addam’s Family Values (1993)

For more on witches, go to It was a Horseman, a Dead One. Headless: Sleepy Hollow (1999)

Advertisements

Disney Lesson

Frozen

I am so tired of hearing over and over again that Frozen is the first Disney movie to teach girls that you don’t need a man to save you. It is not. Now I’m not denouncing Frozen but there are plenty of films that came before that taught the very same lesson.

blue-swirl-banner-background-8268422Alice in Wonderland

1) Alice in Wonderland (1951)

Alice in Wonderland is the film based on the books Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll. Alice has to undergo many challenges: shrinking, growing, getting stuck in a house, crazy men, and an even crazier Red Queen. The Red Queen tries to kill Alice and who saves her? Does a man save her? NO! Alice saves herself. SHE SAVES HERSELF!!!! Alice is truly hardcore.

alice in wonderland hardcore

For more on Alice in Wonderland, go to Disnified Horror

blue-swirl-banner-background-8268422

Pocahontas

2) Pocahontas (1995)

So Pocahontas is a story based on not the exact life of Pocahontas. Now Pocahontas is a revolutionary figure, trying to learn more about people who come from other walks of life, along with trying to bring together those of different backgrounds. Does a man save her? NO! Pocahontas saves her people, John Smith and her home. Strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man. In fact her man is the damsel in distress. And she shows women they don’t need a man long before Frozen as she ends up with no one. She rejects Kocoum first, as that isn’t the life she wants, but doesn’t end up with John Smith either.

twistedprincess_pocahontas

For more on Pocahontas, go to According to Disney

blue-swirl-banner-background-8268422Mulan-1998

3) Mulan (1998)

Mulan tells the story of a young girl who pretends to be a boy so that she can save her father from joining the army and try and achieve greatness. She clearly doesn’t need a man to save her as she saves EVERYONE! THE Chinese Army, Shang (her bf), the Emperor, and ALL OF FREAKING CHINA!!!!!!!!! SHE SAVES FREAKING CHINA!!!!! CHINA! Did they do that in Frozen? NO. They saved Norway (which should have been Denmark as that is where the story originated. I mean Hans Christian Anderson is are most famous Dane, the one my people can be proud of and what does Disney do? Freakin’ betrays us by placing it in Norway). China is way, way bigger and more populated than Norway.

Mulan

For more on Mulan, go to A Horse’s Tale: Chinese New Year

blue-swirl-banner-background-8268422Inspector_gadget_ver2

4) Inspector Gadget (1999)

Now this is a horrible film based on the adorable cartoon, about a man so full of gadgets trying to save the world. Now let’s all be honest here, the film and tv show is named after Gadget but the true hero is Penny. We all know that he would have been dead if Penny hadn’t saved the day. She always, always, always has to save him. 

Inspector-Gadgetblue-swirl-banner-background-8268422Motocrosseed

5) Mototcrossed (2001)

A Disney Original Movie (DCOM), this modern telling of Twelfth NightWhen Andrew is injured and can’t compete in the motorcross competition and the family is in trouble, Andrea cuts her hair and pretends to be  Andrew to save the day. What was that I said? Who saves the day? Andrew? NO! Andrea.  She saves her family’ s business, her brother, and becomes the first female motorcross star. No guy saves her. She does it all on her own

Andrea pre-haircut and post-haircut.

Andrea pre-haircut and post-haircut.

blue-swirl-banner-background-8268422theLizziemcguiremovie6) The Lizzie McGuire Movie (2003)

In The Lizzie McGuire Movie, Lizzie and her friends travel to Italy in a school trip and she is mistaken for an Italian superstar. She pretends to be her, having a huge adventure. Now just like Frozen  Lizzie has a love that is not true. She falls for Paolo, but he’s really a jerk (That makes this the first Disney film to prove that first loves are not true. And who saves Lizzie from this jerk? A man? NO! ITALIAN LIZZIE. It’s pretty horrible accent, but yeah she saves the day.

Lizzie and Isabella

For more on Lizzie McGuire go to, Night of the Day of the Dead

blue-swirl-banner-background-8268422

Kim Possible

7) Kim Possible: A Sitch in Time (2003)

In this Disney Original Movie (DCOM), Kim Possible is saving the day again, but this time traveling through time. Now how can people forget this? Really now?  Kim saves EVERYONE. 24/7 no one ever saves her. One of the toughest Disney girls.

kim_possible

blue-swirl-banner-background-8268422

Howl's Moving Castle

8) Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)

In Howl’s Moving Castle, a young girl named Sophie gets transformed into an old woman and caught up in a huge adventure with the wizard, Howl. In the film Sophie saves Howl. Without Sophie’s help he’d be dead and still a coward. Sophie is awesome and saves the day.

Sophie1blue-swirl-banner-background-8268422AvalonHigh

9) Avalon High (2010)

Avalon High, A Disney Original Movie (DCOM), is about a high school contains reincarnations of characters from the Arthurian legend. Even though this film totally sucked and wasn’t remotely like the book, the main character, Allie,  saves everyone because she is the descendent of Arthur.

Allieblue-swirl-banner-background-8268422Brave

10) Brave (2012)

In Brave, Mérida saves the kingdom and her mom. Without her the whole mess wouldn’t have started, but then again it wouldn’t have been resolved.

merida

blue-swirl-banner-background-8268422

So you see, Disney has been trying to instill that lesson for a far longer time. It’s just that most of can’t see it because we aren’t looking for it, instead we are looking for ways to hate on Disney.

For more on Disney Films go to, Snow White of a Day

For more on Disney Orginal Movies go to, When Horror Doesn’t Stay on the Screen

For more on Disney Princesses go to, I’m Not Gonna Lose Her Again!

For more on Frozen go to, Frozen Solid