Go Ahead and Shoot…As Far As Killing Me, Well, I Don’t Think You’re That Good a Shot: Possessed (1947)

Well, go ahead and shoot. Mathematically, the chances of your hitting me are slight. And as far as killing me, well, I don’t think you’re that good a shot.

So I was watching the lifetime film Widow on the Hill, which is based on the true story of a hospice nurse who ended up marrying her wealthy patient’s husband (after the patient died) later being arrested for his murder after he died under suspicious circumstances. It was not a bad film, but all I could think as I was watching it was that it reminded me of a film I saw years ago, Possessed, starring Joan Crawford and Van Heflin.

***Side Note***: This film is nothing like the 1931 film starring Joan Crawford and Clark Gable, yes Joan Crawford is the only actress to ever have been in two completely different films that share the same name.

This a film-noir which you know I adore. It deals with mental illness, Joan and the director visiting different psychiatric wards to make sure they depicted things accurately.

Wow!

Anyways, the film starts off with Louise Howell (Joan Crawford) roaming the streets having suffered a psychotic break and saying the name “David” over and over again.

She gets picked up and taken to an asylum.

Dr. Harvey Williard: It was pain that made her this way.

Yes a man damaged her-poor girl. We then get a flashback to how her life was before.

Louise was a nurse hired to help the horrible, mean, invalid Mrs. Graham. True she is sick, but how she treats and accuses Louise constantly of cheating with her husband- makes Louise hate Mrs. Graham and every day of her life.

Believe me, living with that abuse it horrible. Every day is hell on earth.

Dean Graham (Raymond Massey), the husband, is kind and caring-very friendly. But Louise isn’t interested. Truth is, she would have left a long time ago except for one thing-David.

David Sutton (Van Heflin), is the handsome, engineer, next door neighbor and started a relationship with Louise. He doesn’t really care for her, but to Louise it is love. She becomes more obsessive, more possessive, more desperate-hoping to hold on to him, hoping to marry, hoping to be taken away from this life.

Except in this situation Louise is the desperate one.

David grows tired of her not understanding “the game” and leaves for a job in Canada. Louise begs him to take her with him, but he refuses-not wanting anything to do with her.

David Sutton: I’m sorry, Louise. I seldom hit a woman, but if you don’t leave me alone, I’ll wind up kicking babies.

I hate men like that:

Ugh

Louise becomes more and more distressed and finds it harder to keep her life together. Especially with Mrs. Graham on her back. One night when Louise is gone, Mrs. Graham drowns herself…or does she. Hmm…

Suspicious

Louise is going to leave, but Dean asks her to stay on to help with his kids, college age Carol and little Wynn. Carol, however, hates having Louise here as she believes her mother’s accusations about Louise and her father. Louise wants to leave, but Dean convinces her to stay on.

However, Louise is suffering from hallucinations and starting to break a little. She keeps thinking she hears Ms. Grahame’s voice.

Later David returns and is surprised to find that Louise remained on with the Grahmes. Louise is thrilled to have him back, but he rebuffs her.

Louise Howell: [on meeting again after long separation] Aren’t you going to kiss me?

David Sutton: I had no plans one way or the other.

Louise Howell: All right, then. Go ahead and kiss me. You don’t have to mean it. [He gives her the briefest peckI didn’t expect you to mean it that little.

David Sutton: When a woman kisses me, Louise, she has to take pot luck.

This guy! UGHHHHH!!!!

Dean however, has fallen for Louise and wants to marry her. She tells him that she does not love him and probably never will, but he is fine with that. He will take her anyway he can:

He believes that through time she will grow to love him.

Carol apologizes for her accusations, and it looks as of Louise and her might have a good relationship. But one thing ruins it all:

One day they are out and run into David. David couldn’t care less about Louise buts finds Carol intriguing.

David Sutton: [upon meeting Carol again who he last saw when she was a bratty 11-year-old girl, but is now a shapely 20-year-old woman] Let me look at you. Mm-hmm. Well, you… you haven’t grown very much, but… then again, you have.

I can’t stand him!!! Why do they like him??????

Louise begs off early with a headache, but when she gets home starts hallucinating. She believes the two to be in love and plotting against her.

As she is a nurse she goes to a psychiatrist to see what is going on with her. When doing so she finds out that she suffers from schizophrenia. She goes to Dean to try and get him to divorce her, but he refuses, he loves her. He takes her on a vacation but it doesn’t go well.

They go back to the old house, where the former Mrs. Grahame died. There Louise starts to have a complete psychotic breakdown. She believes the first wife is after her, that she is telling her to kill herself.

She admits to Dean that she killed Mrs. Grahame. Mrs. Grahame went on the water and started drowning and Louise did nothing. Dean tells her that it is false, that she was in the village and nowhere near Pauline.

So this is interesting, the film leaves it open up to us to decide. Was Louise in the village and just suffering from her psychotic break? Or did she really murder Mrs. Grahame and pretend to being in the village? Hmmm…

But then Carol and David announce they are going to marry. And Louise loses it.

She completely breaks down and does all she can to stop it. David won’t listen to her so she tells Carol all about her and David-that David is in love with her, But Carol won’t believe her.

They decide to admit her, but Louise eludes them and goes to see David. She can’t stay away from him, she can love none but him. If she can’t have him then no one can.

David doesn’t believe she will do it, but Louise proves him wrong.

And you know what, I’m glad. He was an awful man.

We then pick up where the film begins. The doctor is going to treat her and Dean will stay by her side. He really loves her no matter what. It’s sweet and sad.

Its a great film, Joan Crawford is amazing and just does all she can to lead the film. Van Heflin is a great bad guy and a total scumbug being. I recommend it.

To start Horrorfest VII from the beginning, go to It’s the End of the World: The Birds (1963)

For the previous post, go to Mrs. Darcy Wants to Know the Truth!: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode Three (2013)

For more film-noir, go to The Misery That Walks Around On This Pretty, Quiet Night: Deadline at Dawn (1946)

For more Van Heflin, go to Why Didn’t You Stop Me, Sam? You Know How Much I Hated Her! Why Didn’t You Stop Me?: The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (1946)

Advertisements

Sometimes, Dead is Better: Pet Sematary (1989)

Sometimes, dead is better.

So in Horrorfest VI nothing has gone according to plan. Everything I usually do-haven’t done.

I was right on track and am now very much behind with no hope of catching up.

But-there is one thing that can get us back on track-

A Stephen King film!!

Yes, Stephen King. Sometimes we love his films:

Sometimes we love to laugh at the absurdity of his films:

And sometimes we hate his films:

But either way, they are always entertaining.

So it was Friday the 13th and you know what that means:

As my friends and I were trying to figure out which film to watch, Pet Sematary was suggested. I had never seen it and as I needed a Stephen King film for my blog, I was totally down for it.

Alright!

We watched it and it was pretty good.

Wow

I mean there are a few Stephen King-isms.

And at times some things make no sense at all:

And some areas move really slow.

Ugh, its taking too long.

But the story and end was pretty creepy.

So Louis Creed and his family-wife, son, and daughter- have all moved to Maine. They never give a reason why, but there is a lot of division in the home and it is clear that the Creeds aren’t quite 100% happy with their move. Something has been rotting under the surface.

Hmm…

Anyways, they meet their new neighbor, Jud -you will recognize him as Mr. Herman Munster.

Jud shows them the pet sematary that was created because of the mass amount of animals ran over by the trucks that run through the highway that is across from their property.

The Creeds have a cat, Winston “Church” Churchill and resolve to what they can to protect it.

Louis Creed is a doctor and working at the university. One day a jogger comes in,Victor Pascow, and Louis is unable to save them. But later Victor comes and haunts him, warning him to not cross the boundaries of the Pet Sematary.

Thanksgiving arrives and Louis’ wife Rachel and kids Ellie and Gage are going to Rachel’s family for the holiday. Louis refuses to go as Rachel’s father hates him. While they are gone, Church gets run over by a car and Louis has to figure out how to tell Ellie.

Jud is sad as he really cares for the Creed family-looking on Ellie as a granddaughter and takes Louis and Church to the pet sematary.

But they go beyond the sematary and into the Micmac Native American burial ground-the area that Pascow told Louis not to go. There they bury the cat and do the incantation. Louis doesn’t think that much of it, but the next day Church is alive!

Wow

But Church isn’t the same. He’s sluggish, mean, angry, and always attacking Louis.

I know, right?

Louis asks Jud, and Jud tells him that when they come back-they never come back right. But at least Ellie won’t be sad-right?

One day everyone is outside and Gage is running off, as young kids do. He runs into the street and is killed by the impact of a semi-truck.

The whole family is completely broken and grieving.

But then Louis gets an idea on how to bring him back-the sematary. Jud recognizes that is what Creed is going to do and tries to warn him against it. The cat acted weird, but his son will be worse. Someone tried that before with their son, and he returned as a zombie trying to kill everyone.

But Louis won’t listen. When Rachel and Ellie go to her parent’s home- Louis goes up to the burial ground and buries his son-waiting for him to return. Afterwards-Gage comes but he is no longer the Gage they knew.

He starts killing. He kills Jud, and goes after Rachel when she returns.

When Louis sees what has happened, he decides that he needs to clean up his mess and kills Church and Gage again. But he can’t live without Rachel. So he goes up the hill again.

I think the creepiest thing about this film was when the kid was killing people. So scary.

So yeah, pretty good one to view and something that will make any October, Friday the 13th, or Halloween film watching time great.

To start Horrorfest VI from the beginning, go to One of Our Guests is a Werewolf, I Know It.: The Beast Must Die (1974)

For the previous post, go to Scarlet Night: Archie’s Weird Mysteries (1999)

For more Stephen King, go to I’ll Be Watching You: Cat’s Eye (1987)

For more Zombies, go to I Died for You! I Came Back from the Dead for You! I Love You!: My Boyfriend’s Back (1993)

We’ve Seen Dracula, the Wolf Man, and Frankenstein’s Monster: Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948)

poster-abbott-and-costello-meet-frankenstein_04

And another thing Mr. Chick Young! The next time I tell you that I saw something when I saw it, you believe me that I saw it!

I had never seen this movie before and decided to rent it after looking over my Wolf Man (1941) review. I thought it was hilarious!

felix_the_cat_laughing

I highly recommend it to anyone.

loveitSupernatural

So this film was done during a time of a series of monster films, along with Abbott and Costello films. I’m not sure who came up with the “meeting” idea, but it was a fantastic one.

abbottcostellofrankenstein

It’s funny, the other day I was watching the Nostalgia Critic‘s review of Freddy Vs. Jason, and he cited that that film created the Versus series we see today. I would have to disagree with him and say this is probably the first “versus” film, with Dracula versus the Wolf Man. It was a great comedy, horror film, parody, a multi-genre crossover.

AMAZING!

AMAZING!

I’m actually not going to do a big review as it is really something you have to watch. The script is hilarious:

Chick Young: People pay McDougal cash to come in here and get scared.

Wilbur Grey: I’m cheatin’ him. I’m gettin’ scared for nothin’.

The sight gags are perfect:

And you have both Bela Lugosi reprising his role as Dracula and Lon Chaney Jr. reprising the Wolf Man.

-Jim-Carrey-beautiful-gif-UYfb

The only thing I don’t like is the title. I mean they meet Frankenstein’s monster but he is hardly even in the film. It really should be Abbott and Costello Meet Dracula or Abbott and Costello Meet the Wolf Man as both of those characters play a much larger role.

halloween banner

So the film starts off with Wilbur Gray (Lou Costello) and Chick Young (Bud Abbott) working as package delivery men. Wilbur is currently dating a beautiful woman, Sondra and has plans the next night to go to a masquerade ball.

Erik: [at the Bal Masque as "The Red Death"] Beneath your dancing feet are the tombs of tortured men! Thus does The Red Death rebuke your merriment!

Too bad they didn’t put the Phantom in here too.

Later that day he gets a call from Lawrence Talbot (Lon Chaney Jr.), AKA the Wolf Man, warning him not to deliver packages to Dr McDougol’s House of Horrors. But the full moon comes out,  turning him into a werewolf and Wilbur doesn’t get the full message.

wolfman

That night Wilbur and Chick are delivering the packages, and it turns out to be Dracula (Bela Lugosi)

Dracula

and Frankenstein’s monster (Glenn Strange).

Frankenstein

They are freed; both taking off as Dracula wants to give the monster a new brain, a dumber one, to control it better. He has enlisted the help of Dr. Sondra Mornay, the same Sondra who is dating Wilbur. Yes, it turns out she is only with him as his brain is the one she wants to use in the operation.

youngfrankenstein

Meanwhile, Wilbur and Chick have been put in jail as McDougal holds them responsible for the missing exhibits, believing they stole them. They are bailed out by Joan Raymond, private investigator, who doesn’t believe they are responsible. She has also fallen in love with Wilbur.

wouldhavehisbabieslovehim

So now Wilbur has two beautiful girls after him, Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula trying to get his brain, and the Wolf Man trying to get his help/also attack them when Lawrence turns into the beast.

Not good

Not good

It is hilarious fun and there is a great scene at the ends when Dracula and the Wolf Man duke it out.

abbottcostellofrankenstein

And don’t forget to keep your ears peeled for a Vincent Price cameo!

VincentPrice

halloween banner

abbottandcostellomeetfrakenstein

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to I Don’t Want to Be a Vampire. I’m a Day Person: Once Bitten (1985)

halloween banner

For more on Count Draculago to I Bid You Welcome: Dracula (1931)

For more Wolf Man, go to Beast or Man: The Wolfman (2010)

For more of Frankenstein’s Monster, go to Monster Mash 

For more Bela Lugosi, go to Those Aren’t Men They Are the Living Dead: White Zombie (1932)

For more Lon Chaney Jr., go to Even a Man Pure of Heart: The Wolf Man (1941)

For more Vincent Price, go to No Mere Mortal Can Resist the Evil of the Thriller: Thriller (1983)

For more horror-parody, go to A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

For more horror-comedy, go to Someone Very Special: The Addam’s Family Values (1993)

I Came Upon a Shattered Glass Jar and Four Baby Turtles Crawling into a Strange Glowing Ooze: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

TMNT

One day, I came upon a shattered glass jar and four baby turtles…The little ones were crawling into a strange glowing ooze from a broken canister nearby. I gathered them up in an old coffee can and when I awoke the next morning, I received a shock. For they had doubled in size. I, too, was growing. 

If you’ve been following me you’ve read this already, but for the new readers I’m giving a little background as to why I choose a TMNT film. If you have seen it already, feel free to skip ahead

So this is our third installment of four reviews of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ films.

Double double yay

So I know those of you who haven’t been following me, and have stumbled upon this post are probably really confused. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? As a horror film? NO WAY.

crazy

I know you are all saying to yourselves, hey this is a superhero movie, not a horror film. Au contraire, you see the turtles are radioactively enhanced to be larger; agile, smarter, etc. In fact the only thing that separates them from other radioactively changed creatures: such as the ants in Them, the giant spider in the Tarantula, or even Godzilla. They choosing to use their abilities for good and be superheroes doesn’t change the fact of how they were made.

So there! tongue sticking out pug

This Post We Are Switching Things UP!!

So I started Horrorfest V with the 2014 live action film, and worked backwards to the 2007 animated version.  The former had a Frankenstein-like quality and the latter had monsters. Instead of doing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993) when they travel back in time to Japan, I’ve decided we are going to the film that started it all.

TMNT

The 1990 version. This version doesn’t have as many horror elements as the others, but mutated creatures are still mutated creatures. And that counts!

So shall we wait any further? Or

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

halloween banner

So I was a gigantic fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies, especially the first two. My sister, friends, and I used to always act out the films or create our own stories.

TMNT

The film tried to stay true to the comic series, rather than the TV show; from backstories, to lighting, to introductions, etc.

The craziest thing for me to wrap my head around was how no one wanted to make it. It was supposed to be done in the ’80s before the TV show, but financing always fell through. In fact, it was done by a new company and is one of the most productive independent films ever made.

What?

What?

And almost everyone, from writers, producers, Judith Hoag (April O’Neil), Jim Hensen, etc; complained that this film was too dark and too violent. That’s just crazy to me.

TMNT2

They were a tremendous part of my childhood and I can’t wait to share it with you. So no use waiting around anymore:

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

halloween banner

TMNT

So the film begins with April O’Neil giving a report for Channel 3 news about the recent crime wave that has been occurring in New York City. Everything from purse snatching, to breaking & entering, etc. But the strangest thing? No one even seems to get a view of them. They are like a blink of an eye, a ninja.

April O’Neil: But whoever is behind these crimes, one thing is certain, these are much than just a series of random isolated incidents. Crimes without criminals? An invisible gang at work? Who are we gonna call? Unfortunately the police are the only ones to combat what some are already dubbing the silent crime wave. But perhaps the most disturbing silence is that coming from city hall. April O’Neill, Channel 3 Eyewitness News.

While April’s reporting is good for her viewers, it doesn’t make her any friends in city hall or the police station.

Not good

Not good

 

One night when April is heading home, she is walking past an alley when she sees some teenagers stealing from a van. They chase after her and pin her to the ground when the lights go out.

Never a good sign.

Never a good sign.

We hear some buttkicking, and when the lights come back on, the guys are tied up and April is fine.

WOW

WOW

But there is no one there? Who did this?

April finds a sai and takes it before the police can see it. She is being watched by a figure who realizes that he left his sai behind.

clueless mybad oops

We then head down to the sewers and get our first look at the brothers and their father/instructor, Splinter:

TMNTpizza

And when I first saw them as a kid I was amazed at how lifelike and incredible they look. That’s what’s wrong with a lot of CGI, it just doesn’t feel real, it doesn’t take space or have weight. These felt real, they were just incredible.

OMG gasp

The turtles took multiple people doing the face, body, and voice; and were created by Jim Henson. They were the most advanced he had ever worked with; made out of fiberglass and foam rubber latex. They took 18 weeks to make. Incredible.

Splinter had three puppeteers; one for the face, one for the arms, and the puppet himself.

AMAZING!

AMAZING!

So the four boys: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael; return home to tell their master what happened.

Leonardo: We have had our first battle, Master Splinter! They were many, but we kicked… but we fought well.

Splinter: Were you seen?

Leonardo: Uh-uh.

Splinter: In this, you must never lapse. Even those who would be our allies, would not understand. Our domain is the shadow; stray from it reluctantly, for when you do, you must strike hard and fade away, without a trace.

Raphael: I lost a sai!

Splinter: Then, it is gone.

Raphael: But I can get it back! I can get it back…

Splinter: Raphael!… Let it go.

Done with work, time for a reward. And you know what the TMNT’s favorite thing to have is Pizza.

Pizza Delivery Sabrina the teenage witch

Raphael is upset and heads out to a movie, dressed up in a trench coat and hat. Donatello and Michelangelo wait for their delivery.

And the turtles enjoy their favorite snack:

TMNTteenage_mutant_ninja_turtles_movie

PIZZA!!!

Raphael goes to see Critters which he hates and stumbles upon some thugs who snatch a ladies purse. There he meets Casey Jones, sports vigilante.

Casey grew up watching all kinds of cop shows and decided to become a vigilante. I thought he was one of the coolest, apart from the turtles, and one of my favorite characters.

If he existed.

If he existed.

So he and Raphael fight about who’s right about how to treat the thugs. When Casey knocks Raphael into a garbage can, he takes off and Raphael heads off for home.

The next day, April goes to the police to report what happened, but the chief isn’t much help as he hates the way she showed him on TV. Well maybe you should stop acting so much like bumbling fool and do your job.

stupidmoranhmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

She then goes to the subway to go home when she is approached by the gang, the Foot. They warn her about her mouth and start to attack her, knocking her out, but are stopped by Raphael who has been following April in hopes to get her sai back. When he finishes the Foot off and sees a knocked out April, there is only one thing he can do. Bring her back to his home.

uh-no-gifuhno

I know bad idea, but what else can he do. It’s not like he can drop her off at a hospital or something, and its not like he can leave her there.

Leonardo: [Raphael has brought an unconscious April O’Neil into the sewer] Are you crazy?

Raphael: Yeah, Leo, I’m crazy, OK? A loony, OK?

Donatello: But why?

Raphael: Why? Why, oh I don’t know, ’cause I wanted to redecorate. You know, a couple of throw pillows, a TV news reporter, what do ya think?

And when she wakes up, she has the appropiate response to seeing four, life-size talking turtles and a rat.

screamhouseonhauntedhill

But they are able to calm her down and get her to listen to their story.

teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-pic-2

Can we take a moment and pause to talk about Splinter. Now in real life I hate rats. I think they are disgusting and ugly.

ew! Gross Yuck

I hated the new version of Splinter too as he was horrifying, fake looking, and mean. But this Splinter is perfect, he is friendly, kind, cuddly, adorable.

You're so cute

Sorry for that tangent, let’s get back to the film.

The turtles take April home, and she invites them in for their favorite thing:

April O’Neil: I’d like to invite you all in but I really don’t have anything to offer you guys except for some… frozen pizza.

Michaelangelo: [springs up from the manhole like a jack-in-the-box] Let’s go for it!

Donatello: You said the magic word.

April O’Neil: You guys eat pizza?

MichaelangeloDonatello: Doesn’t everybody?

April O’Neil: Um, yeah… alright.

Leonardo: [from below] Hey, did she say pizza?

Pizzaiseternal

When the turtles return home, they find their home burglarized and Splinter gone!

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

With nowhere else to turn they stay with April in her apartment over and old antique shop.

Meanwhile, April’s boss Charles’ son Danny has just been released from jail for stealing. The Chief has promised to keep it off the record if he can keep April off his back.

Mmhm great gatsby

Charles goes to talk with April, who is housing 4 giant turtles

No thank youhowaboutno

Charles tries to talk to April but she doesn’t really listen and she plans to continue with her story.

Meanwhile, Danny takes off when his dad tries to talk to him about stealing and heads to a secret teen hideout. It like a gang, at first everything seems fun with skateboarding, video games, etc.; but turns darker as they are expected to steal and eventually the best of the best are chosen to join the Foot clan. The hideout is run by the second-in-command, Tatsu; while the leader is Shredder.

tumblr_mxn1lp02e71t0ow0mo1_500

Shredder used to terrify me as a child. He hardly says anything but he has those cold, cruel eyes, and that steely voice. Frightening.

I'm getting shivers

I’m getting shivers

I think the scariest thing about him too is how little he cares for anyone else. He practically kills a guy in here and has done some sick, crazy things in the past. He is a complete psychopath that cares about achieving his goals; and if you get in the way…well he is called Shredder for a reason.

tumblr_mxn1lp02e71t0ow0mo1_500

So back at the apartment, the turtles are watching April’s newscast. Afterwards Leonardo and Raphael argue about what to do next, Raphael thinking they should find the Foot and get some answers, Leonardo think they should wait until April picks up on something. Leo says some horrible things about how they don’t need him and Raphael goes upstairs to the roof to workout his frustration.

fliptablesangrysurprised

The foot has tracked them down and approach the house as April arrives home. Downstairs April shows off the antiques, while Raphael gets pummeled. He comes falling through the roof and the fights escalate, until Casey shows up to lend a hand.

The hockey mask wearing and weapon wielding type of guy you want to see.

The hockey mask wearing and weapon wielding type of guy you want to see.

“Casey Jones: [to the Foot soldiers of Raph] You guys mind telling me what you’re doing to my little green pal over there, hm? [sees AprilOh, who is the babe?

Leonardo: Who the heck is that?

Michaelangelo: Wayne Gretzky on steroids?”

The building catches fire and the turtles and April escape in a secret tunnel. As they exit the building, Casey is the last one out and hears a message left by April’s boss:

As they leave we spot Danny watching the building fro afar, he is the one who betrayed them.

betrayal_super_mario_world_by_ggrock70-d37inzj.png

They drive out to a farmhouse in more rural New York, also left to April. Raphael remains motionless while Leonardo tries to help him. The rest try to concentrate on doing something, anything but all the questions constantly bombard them. What to do? Is Splinter okay? Is he alive? Will Raphael recover?

I don't know what to do

Back in the city, Shredder has the whole Foot searching for the turtles. Something about the way they fight is so familiar, reminds him of the past…he also has them searching for Danny as he too has disappeared.

On the farm, Raphael has reawaken!

Leonardo: [sees that Raphael is awake and rushes to him] Raph! You’re awake! How do you feel?

Raphael: What’s a guy gotta do… to get some food around here?

Leonardo: [stands up, ecstatic, and runs to bathroom door] Hey! Hey, he’s awake! He wants some food! Bring some food! [runs back to RaphaelYou’re gonna be ok Raph… you’re gonna be ok!

Raphael: Yeah, yeah, alright Leo! Get a grip, will ya?

Leonardo: Listen, Raph…[helps Raphael to his feet]-about what I said before… y’know… about not needing you and all?

Raphael: Leo… don’t. [They hug]

Leonardo: Boy, we missed you.

Donatello: [he and April watch from the doorway] It’s a Kodak moment.

They let Raphael build up his strength, while Leo tries to contact Splinter through meditation. He feels him and has his brothers go off into the woods to join him. There they hear Splinter speak and are ready to head back to the city.

Let's Do IT!

Let’s Do IT!

The turtles return home and find Danny hiding out there. They don’t know he was the one who lead Shredder to them, and warmly welcome him. Casey is claustrophobic, as decides to stay in the truck, above ground.

Even though Danny doesn’t like the Foot clan, once you are in a gang it is hard to get out. He returns and finds Splinter, hearing his story pre-turtles

Splinter: I too once had a family, Danny. Many years ago I lived in Japan: a pet of my master Yoshi, mimicking his movements from my cage and learning the mysterious art of Ninjitsu, for Yoshi was one of Japan’s finest shadow warriors. His only rival was a man named Oroko Saki, and they competed in all things, but in nothing more fiercely than for the love of a woman, Tang Shen. Shen’s love was only for my master and rather than see him fight Saki for her hand, she persuaded Yoshi to flee with me to America. But Saki vowed vengeance. I remember it well, as my master returned home to find his beloved Shen lying on the floor, and then he saw her killer. Saki wasted no words, and during the struggle, my cage was broken. I leapt to Saki’s face, biting and clawing, but he threw me to the floor and took one swipe with his Katana, slicing my ear. Then he was gone, and I was alone.

Danny: What became of this Oroku Saki?

Splinter: Nobody really knows… But you wear his symbol.

OMG gasp

It’s the…

tmntshreddertumblr_mxn1lp02e71t0ow0mo1_500

His psychopath levels have just increased a thousand percent.

Shredder appears and removes a drawing of the turtles done by April. He leaves to gather troops and sends Tatsu back to kill Splinter.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

Danny heads back to help Splinter, and runs into Casey. They manage to get him out in time.

The Foot go out to fight Splinter, but are surprised by the turtles. Back in the hideout, Tatsu and Casey fight, with Casey defeating him. Afterwards, he talks to the group and asks if this is the kind of “family” they want.

Gang Leader: We have a loyalty to the Shredder.

Splinter: The Shredder uses you. He poisons your minds to obtains for that which he desires. He cares nothing for you or the people you hurt.

Gang Leader: We’re family.

Casey Jones: Family? Did you say family? You call this here and that…[points to Tatsu, who he just knocked out]…down there, family?

If only it was that easy in real life.

After the Turtles defeat a group of ninjas, they all step aside for Shredder.

Yes, Splinter is like the animal version of Mr. Miyagi. And he rocks!

But is the Shredder dead? Or is he like every other horror villain? they always come back.

Terminatorillbeback

April has her story, the police stop the gang, Casey has April and the turtles celebrate their family and victory!

Leonardo: We were awesome!

Michaelangelo: Bodacious!

Raphael: B******’!

Donatello: Uh…

Michaelangelo: Gnarly!

Leonardo: Radical!

Raphael: Totally tubular, dude!

Michaelangelo: Wicked!

Leonardo: Hellacious!

Donatello: Uh, mega…

Splinter:[Splinter clears his throat, the Turtles clam up] I have always liked… Cowabunga.

LeonardoMichaelangeloRaphaelDonatello: COWABUNGA!

Splinter: [laughs] I made a funny!

And there is only one way to end a turtle film, in SONG!

Well that’s the awesomeness of the turtles. It was perfect and I just:

loveitSupernatural

Before we end, I have one more little Turtle delight for you:

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to A Murder Has Been Committed on Your Property: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode One (2013)

halloween banner

For more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, go to Every Three Thousand Years, the Stars Align. Unleashing an Army of Monsters: TMNT (2007)

For more Nostalgia Critic, go to Fanning All Over the Place 

He’s Married to a Corpse. He Has A Corpse Bride!: Corpse Bride (2005)

corpse_bride

He’s married to a corpse. He has a corpse bride. There must be some way to undo what’s been done.

Every year I do an animated movie as part of my Horrorfest review. As I was trying to decide which one, I finally settled on The Corpse Bride as I thought it was high time I reviewed a Tim Burton film. I have been trying to do Edward Scissorhands or Sleepy Hollow (1999), for years now but it just seems as if 31 days is never enough time to do everything I wish.

timeisshort

So I have never seen this whole film from beginning to end. Starting with ABC Family’s 13 Nights of Halloween, and just seeming to continue on, I always only catch the end of this film. So here we go!

halloween banner

corpse_bride

I didn’t like this movie.

Something is not right!

To me it seemed like Tim Burton was trying to recapture The Nightmare Before Christmas with the style and characters, but the story just wasn’t that good.

See ya!

Why didn’t I like it? Well let’s get started.

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

So the story begins with Victor Van Groot (Johnny Depp), nouveau rich, as he prepares to marry Victoria Everglot, from an old important family (who unfortunately has no money). There marriage is supposed to be one of convenience, but Victoria and Victor have fallen for each other.

iLoveyou

However, even though Victor is in love with Victoria, he is extremely nervous about the wedding and messing things up. He ruins the rehearsal when he drops the ring, (symbolizing his death) and accidentally catches Mrs. Everglot’s dress on fire.

ouch Hermione

He runs away embarrassed and tries to work on his vows. He manages to knock them out of the park, but when he gets to placing the ring on the finger (a stick off a tree) it turns out that he has awaken the dead, a zombie bride.

emily-and-victor-emily-the-corpse-bride-21484118-600-400

He then gets dragged down…I don’t know actually know where. Is it is heaven, hell, purgatory, or final resting place for the townspeople? They never explain.

It works

Is it for everyone or just the village? And how was she even able to drag Victor down if he isn’t dead?

Anyways, they give him the story behind the Corpse Bride, Emily. She was engaged to marry a man her parents disapproved of. She stole all their money and jewels as the two planned to elope. But when Emily arrived, her betrothed strangled her and took off with everything. She then decided she would wait there until her true love awoke her.

SleepingBeautyTrueLoveKiss

Victor wants to leave, but Emily doesn’t want him too. He convinces her to let him return to the world above so that they can see his parents. They go, but instead of seeing his parents, he tries to tell Victoria what has happened.

Emily follows him, and upset at his betrayal, drags him back down to the underworld.

immatureHowIfeelBones

Victoria is worried and tries to seek help, but everyone thinks she is crazy. Her parents are desperate for money, so when Lord Barkis, (who has just arrived in town and no one knows him but he gives the appearance of being wealthy and from a distinguished family) offers to marry Victoria, her parents accept. Victoria on the other hand is completely distraught.

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

Meanwhile, below the ground, Victor’s coachman has just arrived and given him the news about Victoria. Heartbroken that she would marry another, Victor agrees to spend eternity with Emily. In order to make the ceremony lawful, they must return topside, preform the wedding ceremony, and Victor must take poison so that he can join Emily in the afterlife.

TheDead

They come in right after Victoria and Lord Barkis have performed the ceremony. Everyone is terrified including the townspeople.

tumblr_dr.jekyllhydemirrorsneakupbehindscareaah!

However, after they discover that the skeleton/zombie creations are their dead relatives, they are happy to have their loved ones back.

Double double yay

Lord Barkin wants to flee and tells Victoria to get all her family’s money so they can take off. Victoria reveals they have no money, now they both are unhappy.

I am not happy

I am not happy

Victor and Emily are getting ready to perform the ceremony when Victoria arrives at the church. Emily sees how much Victor loves Victoria and stops the ceremony. Victor and Victoria are together, but unfortunately they can’t really be together as she is already married, something Lord Barkin reminds everyone. But as he comes to take Victoria away, it is revealed that he was the one who killed Emily.

you're evil

All the other skeletons and zombies are furious, but there is nothing that can be done by the dead as he is still alive. Lord Barkin laughs at this and takes a drink of the wine set out for the wedding ceremony, making fun of Emily. But the wine he drank was the poisoned wine that was set out for Victor.

Get him!

Get him!

As he is now dead, Emily can get justice; Victoria and Victor get their happy ending; and Emily is released and able to pass on.

Good-bye!

Good-bye!

halloween banner

So let’s start with what I did like:

1) The Animation

In a world that was moving from 2D animation to CGI, it is nice to see a throwback like this, I actually wish we had more films like it. I know it was becoming too expensive for a lot of studios to do it and will eventually become totally outmoded, but I like it. There is something so real about these puppets.

loveitSupernatural

2) The Ending

The ending was so cute, it was why I even wanted to watch the film. I mean loved how Victor and Victoria get together and Emily has peace.

I love it

Although, why does she turn into butterflies?

halloween banner

Now why I Didn’t like:

1) Too Nightmare Before Christmas

nightmare before christmas nothing turn out like it should

I really felt like Burton was just trying to recapture The Nightmare Before Christmas. He just borrowed too much from his earlier film that this piece felt like a poor companion. I mean the creatures had the same style; Emily looked like a Blue Sally; there are two skeleton kids and a dwarf replacing the three trick or treaters; a bone dog instead of ghost dog; and tons of song. Instead of being cute it just seems boring, as if Burton has no new ideas.

Something is not right!

2) Too Many Songs

StoplisteningtoYouBigBangTheory

Now I love music

HighFidelityBooksMusicMatter

But the songs in a film need to be good and have something to do with advancing or enhancing the plot. These songs were not like that, they were horrible. I mean have the time the people aren’t even really singing but talking their lyrics. It really felt like they were trying to reach a quota of songs instead of adding to the film. I mean this was so bad it was like Frozen.  What are you doing Burton?

Bad. Very bad.

Bad. Very bad.

3) This Was too Short

TheEnd_Title_2

Everything felt as if it was moving too quickly. It was like boom, boom, boom, done. It made me feel as if they couldn’t really think of a plot so they just jammed a bunch of songs in and hurried to the ending.

4) The Older Generation is Wrong Theme

Burton has been doing this for a looooooong time and it is getting really boring.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

In everything lately, it seems as if Burton is trying to say the older generation is silly, spurious, stupid, cruel, etc. We got it, you don’t like the older generation, move on!

And the weird thing is, Burton is technically the “old generation”, so does he not like himself?

It works

It works

5) Music is Not Right for a Young Lady

Whattheheck

Uh, did he do any research? Victoria wants to play the piano, but isn’t allowed as “music is not right for a girl”. Uh, no. Music has always been something young ladies were trained in. Think of the three acceptable arts: piano, painting, and embroidery. I mean remember Mr. Darcy?

“a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions, or the word will be but half deserved.’ Caroline Bingley…’All this she must possess,’ added Darcy, ‘and to all this she must yet add something more substantial, in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading.”

6) No Character Development 

Nope, not him.

So Victoria and Victor are cute, but we hardly know anything about them! I mean we know Victoria doesn’t want to wear corsets, or follow society’s rules, but what does she like? What does she want? Who is she? Victor is insecure and frightened, but that’s it. There is nothing else to him.

overlookedthatoneJoss

7) Why Would They Marry Their Daughter Off to Someone They Don’t Know

MrWestonMrsWestonWedding

Now don’t tell me “it is because they need money”. Why would a family that was so concerned over their daughter marrying a rich fish merchant’s son, even though they are filthy rich, just send her off with a guy they know nothing about? That is dumb and makes no sense. Why wouldn’t they have looked into his background and discovered he has no money either?

So obs

8) They Couldn’t Just End an Engagement

So as stated before I guess Burton did zero research as you can’t just switch one engagement for another. Since Victor never actually ended his engagement there could be legal steps taken against the Everglots, and a family that has no money would be careful about that.

9) More Research Issues

So again another problem with the time period they set this film in. The Everglots are angry at  Victor and Victoria alone in the room but that wouldn’t be as big an issue, as when a couple was engaged there were a few relaxed rules. I mean Victor couldn’t be in her bedroom, but he could be in the room alone with her for a bit. I mean seriously, Did you do ANY research?

really? I can't stand this movie.

Ultimately, I thought it wasn’t that good until the end and really not worth watching.

See ya!

halloween banner

And bringing back the facebook covers/mini posters. I haven’t been able to do them for the last few posts as I couldn’t find pics I liked that had a horror-ish feel. But I did make one for The Corpse Bride.

corpse-bride-emily-angry-scary

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to It’s A Hard World: Backfire (1950)

halloween banner

For more zombies, go to Say Something Human: Warm Bodies (2013)

For more animated films, go to A Giant Metal Man: The Iron Giant (1995)

For more claymation films, go to A Matter of Loaf and Death: Wallace and Gromit (2008)

For more on Johnny Depp, go to Lookin’ Over a Four-Leaf Clover: 17 More Irish Heroes

For more on Helena Bonham Carter, go to I Don’t Want to Own You, I Just Want to Be With You: A Room With a View (1985)

For more historical fiction, go to Because I Am Mad, I Hate You. Because I Am Mad, I Have Betrayed You: Gaslight (1944)

Heroes are Not Born, They’re Created: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

Teenage_Mutant_Ninja_Turtles_film_July_2014_poster

People want heroes…but heroes are not born, they’re created.

So this is our first installment of four reviews of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle films.

So I know those of you who haven’t been following me, and have stumbled upon this post are probably really confused. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? As a horror film? NO WAY.

crazy

I know you are all saying to yourselves, hey this is a superhero movie, not a horror film. Au contraire, you see the turtles are radioactively enhanced to be larger; agile, smarter, etc. In fact the only thing that separates them from other radioactively changed creatures: such as the ants in Them, the giant spider in the Tarantula, or even Godzilla. They choosing to use their abilities for good and be superheroes doesn’t change the fact of how they were made.

So there! tongue sticking out pug

You also might be wondering why am I starting with the 2014 film instead of the 1990 one? Well I decided that I would review the one with the closest horror film components, as these turtles are engineered in a lab instead of accidentally created, just like Frankenstein.

Clive, Colin (Frankenstein)_02

It might be a little confusing working backwards, but fun all the same. So here we go.

DeanSupernaturalLetsGetStarted

The Review

So as you know I hate remakes and sequels.

Bad Sequels psycho-1960-alfred-hitchcock-janet-leigh-pic-21

I was not excited about this film coming out at all. And when I heard that Michael Bay was directing?

ugh

It’s going to suck. I just knew I would hate it.

DislikeYOuScream2

But then, I had some friends tell me they liked it and really enjoyed it. I thought, okay. I’ll watch it, I’ll see how it is.

Hmm...

Hmm…

So I went to the movies and I sat through it. And I really tried to be objective, I really tried to be open and like the film. The only problem was that it sucked.

I don't like it 11

It had some good things, but on a whole it was boring, ugly, the same-old-same-old, and stupid. I hated it. I hated everything they did. They ruined the turtles!

michaelBayruinchildhood

So let’s get started on the actual review.

Teenage_Mutant_Ninja_Turtles_film_July_2014_poster

So I liked the beginning comic book look for the credits, that was okay although I didn’t like the backstory. I mean it makes no sense that Splinter would want to prepare the turtles to fight Shredder and the Foot clan, unless they had a backstory and prior knowledge of each other, like in the original. This made no sense whatsoever. It was just so stupid!

stupidestThingeverheard

So Megan Fox as April O’Neal. Why, why would you do that? She is a horrible actress because she doesn’t act. If you put her, Kristen Stewart, and Channing Tatum in a room with a pile of wood, you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between any of them.

This film suck!

This film sucks!

Now the whole April O’Neal being a young, fluff reporter trying to make it as a serious journalist, at first put me off…but afterwards I didn’t mind it so much.

It works

It works

I prefer the established April, but I didn’t mind that change. I know they wanted to make her young, “hot”, and more relatable to the viewers.

really? I can't stand this movie.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

So this is the first film to have Vernon, a character from the original cartoon TV show. Instead of being an egotistical jerk, he’s one of those “ugh guys”. You know the type that tries to be Fonzie, but isn’t anywhere as cool as him.

This is you fault!

 So April is looking for a way to break into the serious news scene. She has been hearing rumors of these vigilantes fighting back. She knows there is more but no one will talk to her. One dock hand says he knows a guy that will talk to her later, at night.

What?

What?

That night April heads to the docks to get answers.

hold-up-wait-a-minute-let-me-put-some-pimpin-in-it

Excuse me? At night? What person in their right mind would head down to the docks in the middle of the night?

stupidmoranhmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

That seriously has to be the stupidest thing anyone could do.

So April spots a group of people breaking into the storage containers at the docks and of course calls the police.

do-you-think-im-stupid-do-you-not-see-the-glasses

Oh wait, I’m sorry. That would have been the smart thing to do. Instead she goes to record it, but her phone starts dying. Her phone can’t record anymore, as the battery is too low, but instead of making a phone call to the police and reporting it, she gets closer!

doyouwanttodie

April in the other film was much better as she made smarter decisions.

So this April witnesses the Turtles fighting, sort of. It’s too dark to make it out what is actually happening. She sees the graffiti mark they leave behind and photographs it.

The next day she goes to speak to her supervisor, Whoopi Goldberg. Now this is a big problem with this film. In the original, the actors became the characters. They were all well-known people before the film, but they were just so awesome they became them. In this the stars don’t make you forget, they constantly push it into your face that they are Megan Fox and Whoopi. It would have been better of they had picked different people.

Bad. Very bad.

Bad. Very bad.

Whoopi is especially distracting as I don’t even know what her character name is.

Truth be told I don't

Truth be told I don’t

I also think it is so stupid that she would throw her idea out there in front of everyone instead of going to speak to her editor one-on-one. She should have waited until later.

Seriously

Seriously

So then we switch to our first introduction of Shredder. I thought this was okay. We watch Shredder blindfolded in the shadows, masking his face and fighting the Foot clan. I like that they all speak in Japanese. That was pretty cool.

loveitSupernatural

Now the thing I hate, is they make a big deal on keeping Shredder in the shadows and masking his face, just like in the original, only to show his face and then go back to the shadows. WHY WOULD YOU BOTHER TO KEEP HIM IN THE SHADOWS AND THEN SHOW HIM WHEN IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A BIG REVEAL.

really? I can't stand this movie.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

And as we are sidenoting, have you noticed how every single person has green eyes in this film? Do you know how rare that is? I have natural green eyes and hardly run into anyone who has them (naturally). In fact let’s get the statistics.

“Green eye color is the rarest color found around the world, and it is estimated that only around 2% of the world’s population has green colored eyes.”

But yet every single person in this film has been given the green contacts. Seriously, Michael Bay back down.

Look at your life, look at your choices. You are making some really bad ones.

That night April heads down to a big event in which Eric Sacks, gazillionaire, is teaming up with the NYPD to fight crime. And of course, obvious bad guy is obvious.

  1. Owns a huge corporation? ✓
  2. Has gazillions of dollars? ✓
  3. Talks in a creepy voice oozing with evil intentions so that all know he is evil ✓

you're evil

And of course he’s connected to April.

Come on!

Come on!

Yep, as I said this films is full of boring film cliches. He and April’s father used to work together, until a fire destroyed the whole lab, April’s father having died in the process. Same old, same old.

Blah, blah

Blah, blah

Later that night, Megan oops, I mean April, comes across the Foot clan taking hostages in the subway. Instead of calling the police or the paper, she runs toward the action and gets herself taken a hostage.

stupidmoranhmm_yes_i_see_youre_a_moron_trollcat

 Then she takes footage with her iPhone. Hello, you are taken hostage by people who have no qualms about killing, and while in plain sight you are going to film them?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

doyouwanttodie

She has no common sense at all.

The Turtles come and knock out all the lights, and defeat the Foot clan. Instead of calling the paper and sharing her story, a real story in which could actually help her break into serious reporting, she takes off after the Turtles trying to get a picture of them. She gets one from far away and of poor quality.

Can't see anything

Can’t see anything

To be honest it is their own faults. Why would they hang around the area after fighting of they don’t want to get caught.

meettheRobinsonsPlannotthoughtthrough

So the Turtles grab her and take her phone. Now why would you do that. Okay in the original April is knocked out and Raphael has no idea what to do. He’s not sure if she is seriously hurt and can’t drop her off at a hospital, so he takes her home. In this the girl is far away, taking a photo at night. The best you are going to get is light flashes, black, and blur. Let it go. Who’s going to believe the story of giant turtles anyway?

Get it together!

Get it together!

But NOOO, they decide, let’s reaffirm her ideas we exist by showing ourselves to her and that they we ARE real.

Can't see anything

Can’t see anything

And I hate the way they made the Turtles. They don’t look real and in the picture. You can tell they are CGI, they just feel fake. And don’t tell me that “that’s the way CGI works”, we had CGI in 2001 with Lord of the Rings, and the stuff in there looks way better than some of the stuff we have today.

This movie

This movie

They also say their “real names” in front of her. Come on, these are teenagers who love pop culture and have never read/seen any superhero thing and realized they need to protect their “secret identity.”

Get it together!

Get it together!

After this whole thing, April runs home trying to figure out where she heard those names before. Excuses me? What happened to the hostage story? That’s a good story. She needs to pitch it to her bosses while she works on the other one. This is why an older, established April works. In the other movies, April played up pieces while continuing to research into the complete story.

You suck!

You suck!

She goes home and finds her old home videos she made of her dad’s lab before he died. Now let me ask you one question. What are the odds that she would have brought those old tapes with her? More likely they would be home and she would have to ask her mom to check the attic or her room for her old stuff.

And to ease the suckage of this film

And to ease the suckage of this film

Anyways, in the videos she named the four turtles that her father is experimenting on. First of all, how would a six-year old even know the names of four great famous artists like Michaelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, and Leonardo? I mean I knew them because I watched the Ninja Turtles. It makes more sense to have Splinter choose those names out of a book he found.

Yeah-Dean-dean-winchester-33251540-500-300

It turns out that April spent lots of time there, feeding the turtles pizza. Excuse me, would scientists conducting an experiment and heavily monitoring everything, allow the turtles to be feed pizza and possibly skew the results? And why do they only eat cheese pizza in this, turtles eat meat more than dairy?(My niece has a turtle, so I know.)

“Never feed a turtle dairy products, as their stomach cannot properly digest lactose.”

So if they are radioactively changed to eat dairy, why not let them eat everything else on the pizza like in the original, TV show, and comics?

April decides that this is her in with a story.

Come on!

Come on!

Meanwhile, in the sewer the turtles try to sneak in, but Splinter catches them. Now Splinter freaks me out.

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t look at him. You guys might not have realized this, but rats are creepy looking. And this version of Splinter is the creepiest. At least in the original he was older, cuddly, cute, and pulled on your heartstrings. You know, an animal version of Mr. Miyagi. This one is a more active rat; mean and more of an instructor than a father. Yes in the original, Splinter was their Ninja instructor/master, but he was also their father and moved between both roles, knowing when to discipline and when to love. In this, Splinter was just cruel and cold, no Fatherly twinges at all. They tell Splinter the truth, and he warns them that April will be in danger, they must go save her.

Plus we have the same old plot of Raphael fighting with Leonardo to be the leader. Blah! Boring!

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

It was great in the first film, and worked for the second, but again? Jeez, guys. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!! It’s boring to repeat the same thing over and over again.

Blah, blah

Blah, blah

Back on the surface, April has decided that she will give her story of giant Mutant turtles fighting evil and leaving graffiti to her editor in front of everyone. Like that is the stupidest thing I have ever seen. Did she not hear how crazy she sounds? Would she really bring all this with zero proof? Like why? This is dumber than dumb.

simpsons d'oh duh

And of course she gets fired, like no duh. What were you expecting?

Come on!

Come on!

She then she heads over to see Eric Sacks to tell him the turtles exist, and we have that old cliché of going to see someone for help and they are actually evil.

So obs

So obs

There Eric shares his back story (Why?) and we find out he grew up in Japan where he was abandoned by his father. He was reared by his mentor/martial arts instructor. This instructor told him an ancient story of Japan and a warlord that took over when crime was running rampant or something. I don’t know. He hands her his card in case she needs anything, and April leaves. Obvious tracker is obvious.

Just stop with these stupid clichés!

Just stop with these stupid clichés!

After April leaves, Eric talk to Shredder who is his mentor that raised him. Now the Shredder in here is boring.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

Originally Eric Sacks was supposed to be the Shredder, but they changed that because fans were upset that the Shredder wasn’t going to be Japanese. They then gave both zero character. Shredder has no real motive, reason, or any development.

meettheRobinsonsPlannotthoughtthrough

The original was AWESOME!!! Why? Well we don’t see the Shredder for most of the figure, just his assistant Tatsu. Then when we are introduced to the Shredder, he is awesome. Taking down people, being scary, evil, all-around awesome bad guy. Then we hear Splinter’s tale of his master being killed by Oroku Saki, and how horrible he was. Only in the end to have it revealed that Oroku Saki and the Shredder are the same person.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

So April starts looking online to get more information when Donatello hacks into her computer and tells her to meet them at a certain address. Let me tell you that is the creepiest thing I have ever heard. They sound as if they are going to murder her!!

Gilmore girls creep

And she actually goes there alone, without telling anybody, the middle of nowhere. Man this girl is just asking to die.

Just do it already, end here.

Just do it already, end here.

They take April to the sewers and it is the first film to bridge the actual distance of the fact that they are in a sewer, you know a place where poop is.

Ew Yuck Gross

So here we have the Bay version of the back story. In the original Splinter’s master, Hamata Yoshi and Oroku Saki were rivals in martial arts and in love. They were supposed to fight to the death for the hand of Tang Shen, but as she loved Yoshi and didn’t want to risk his death, they ran off together to America. Oroku Saki doesn’t give up and years later, he tracks them down and murders them. Splinter becomes incensed and attacks Oroku, disfiguring his face. He gets thrown out and winds up in the sewer coming upon four turtles and radioactive ooze. This mutates them and makes them bigger, smarter, stronger, etc. Splinter changes to, and can read, finding a book on painters, naming his adopted turtle children after the people in the book. They find a home in the sewer where he teaches them the secret art of ninja he witnessed his master doing, now not only remembering but able to teach them.

I-got-this-reaction-gif

In Bay’s version, April’s father and Eric Sacks were working on some kind of mutagen that will increase immunity, make you stronger, and the rest unsure of what exactly. They experimented on four turtles and a rat. April’s father was a good scientist only wanting to increase knowledge, while Eric Sacks is evil after money. Same old, same old.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

When April’s father figures this out, he tries to destroy everything, by burning down the lab. It’s kind of his fault he died. April somehow was there and rescued the turtles and Splinter releasing them into the sewer. Okay, if April’s father was to destroy a lab with fire, why would he bring his six year old along?

That makes no sense

That makes no sense

And why do they always have a bad scientist and a good scientist. It’s boring and been in everything from The Amazing Spider-man to The Fantastic Four. And you notice the father that died is always morally upright. I was thinking that is one of the things that makes Star Wars so awesome. They aren’t afraid to go there, they aren’t afraid to have their hero deal with a moral issue of what is right, should I follow in my father’s footsteps, etc.

StarWarsDarker

So in this after being in the sewer, Splinter just happened to come upon a book on Ninjitsu, teaching himself and then the kids. That’s as stupid as when Danny is trying to teach himself karate in The Karate Kid. You can’t learn martial arts from a book. Especially Ninjitsu. Ninjitsu isn’t a real martial art, the Ninjas were assassins, the only way to learn is to be taught. It is the dumbest thing I have ever heard and the dumbest backstory ever!

stupidestThingeverheard

And if the rat is from America and grew up in a lab how does he know so much about Japan? The culture, the essence, etc? If the film took place earlier, it might work as the ’90s were a plethora of ninja things. But in this version, the film takes place in 2014, the turtles are 15-16, which means that the kids and Splinter start their “mutant” life in 1998-1999, meaning they grew up in the 2000s. That means that Splinter should know nothing about Ninjas, Japan, etc. If anything, they should be obsessed with cops and CSI.

CSI-NY-CSI-CSI-Miami-csi-ny-1323819-1004-800

So back on Shredder, Eric Sacks has given him an ugly robotic suit. Just no, no, no, no.

metropolis-Robot

And with Shredder, why do you keep putting his face in shadow? You already showed us his face, why bother?

Get it together!

Get it together!

So the Shredder comes with the Foot to take down the Turtles and kidnap them for their blood. They trip the alarm. And booby traps. Wait no, no, no that is not what happens. In a world where the Turtles have every kind of tech in the world that exists and more that Donatello made, they have nothing whatsoever to protect their hideout?

really? I can't stand this movie.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

In the original it made sense, the only tech they had was cable. They lived off what they scrounged. So they don’t have any booby traps or worries about people finding them. In this, they have a gargantuan amount of tech, but no security system? These boys read superhero comics and watch TV, they should have thought to have something.

This is what I would like to do to the stupid in this film.

This is what I would like to do to the stupid in this film.

So Shredder and Splinter fight. I do like how Splinter is younger and can fight, using his tail to as a weapon. But it was kind of sad too, as Splinter is no longer Mr. Miyagi, but now Jackie Chan. However, there is a weird dynamic between the two. Shredder and Splinter act as if they are mortal enemies, but why?

That makes no sense

That makes no sense

In this film they have no connection to each other. They know nothing of each other, really. In the original they fight because Splinter ruined his face, and when Shredder sees him, he becomes enraged. In this Shredder even calls Splinter a “father”. How would he know that?

It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!

It is so stupid! It makes no sense!!!!

I hate the Shredder’s fighting style too. In the original he was a master martial artist and we see him actually fight. In this one, it’s more the tech on his suit. BORING!!!

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

They knock Splinter out (dropping a wall on him), and Raphael. They steal the other three.

As April only has a bike, she calls up Vernon to help them. When he gets there she tells him she needs a ride to the Sacks estate as they need to save the TMNT.

Mal_huh Whoa Wow what

Jeez April, Vernon hasn’t been spending every moment with her, he doesn’t know what’s what. You need to give it to him a bit slower. You sound like a psycho.

Victor Moritz: You're crazy! Henry Frankenstein: Crazy, am I? We'll see whether I'm crazy or not.

She’s crazy!

Raphael reveals himself, and they all head off to the Sacks estate.

At the Sacks estate, Eric reveals his evil plans. They want their blood to make an antidote for a virus they created and will be releasing onto the world. The reason? MONEY!!! People dying will pay through the nose for it. Even though Eric is a gazillionare, he wants more. Like world domination would make way more sense than money?

really? I can't stand this movie.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

April and Vernon crash into the estate and go in to save the turtles. As they are fighting, they manage to release the turtles giving them shots of adrenaline. Now I tried to discover of this would really help, and it seems adrenaline can reduce blood loss, but there was nothing there on bringing people back after massive blood loss. I’m saying, they died. The end.

TheEnd_Title_2

The group hijacks a truck and makes there way down to save the day. Now this scene has some stupid parts, but it was pretty cool. The only thing I hate, they made Donatello more than the nerdy one, they downright Urkeled him. I hate that.

really? I can't stand this movie.

really? I can’t stand this movie.

The elevator scene, probably the best part in the whole series. Cute and funny.

They go to do the final fight with Shredder and I hated it. It was boring, cliche, and there is no way they would have survived.

Mysteryofthe13thguestdead

April manages to secure the mutagen. She later attacks Shredder trying to channel Indigo Montoya but failing.

inigo montoya PrincessBride kill my father prepare to die

The Turtles then band together with a maneuver that allows them to push Shredder off the roof. Donnie goes to stop the toxin’s release as Shredder pulls himself back up. Leo, Raph, and Mikey continue to hold him off, and Donnie is able to stop the release with a second to spare. Shredder then tries to knock the top of the tower down, and the Turtles try holding it back as April gets to the roof and shows off the mutagen to Shredder to distract him. The top of the tower comes crashing down as Shredder lunges at April and throws them both off.

What was the Shredder’s plan here? Run toward crumbling architecture?

meettheRobinsonsPlannotthoughtthrough

They hang on for dear life, and the Turtles try to save April. Shredder tries to finish them off, but Leo throws his katana at him, causing Shredder to lose balance and fall to the ground.

We know he doesn’t die as you can’t really kill the Shredder. He’s always needed for the sequel.

Get it together!

Get it together!

The top of the tower comes loose, taking April and the Turtles with it. Then we hear this really boring thing from Raphael, blah blah blah. I’ve already checked out.

Blah, blah

Blah, blah

And when everything is done, EVERYONE HAS SEEN THE TURTLES!!! WORST NINJAS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2013-11-27-bradpitt friends ugh slap face stupid

In the end Vernon still trying to put the moves on April, and failing. We end with Happy Together a sad song about hoping you aren’t dumped instead of the awesome and pumping turtle power or Go Ninja or anything.

It pretty much it sucked and was absolutely horrible. Once again, Michael Bay trying to destroy everything I love.

HateEverythingthewomen

Why did they ever have to remake it?

And to ease the suckage of this film

And to ease the suckage of this film

But there is one good thing to come out of this: How It Should Have Ended

halloween banner

To start Horrorfest V from the beginning, go to Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

For the previous post, go to A Matter of Loaf and Death: Wallace and Gromit (2008)

halloween banner

For more on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, go to Return of the Fandom

For more How It Should Have Ended, go to We’re Mad Scientists. We’re Monsters: Avengers, Age of Ultron (2015)

For more sucky remakes, go to Don’t F*** With the Original: Scre4m (2011)

Who You Gonna Call?: Ghostbusters (1984)

ghostbusters

Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night? Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic? Have you or your family ever seen a spook, specter or ghost? If the answer is “yes,” then don’t wait another minute. Pick up the phone and call the professionals…

So I know this is a little unusual to start Horrorfest off with as it isn’t a classic Horror film but instead a horror, comedy, & parody fusion. But it is one of my favorite movies, and as I was unable to review it last year; and adhering to my plan to be a little different and unusual this year; I thought it would be a great opening.

ghostbusters

So I just love everything about Ghostbusters. So much that last year I dressed up as one for Halloween. Sadly they don’t make the original costume (those new ones are ugly), in female form (except the stupid shorty mini skirts), so I had my own made. I even made my own pack.

12191062_10205126317105961_1050155715456710593_n

Pretty cool right?

Oh yeah!

Oh yeah!

So I can’t remember when I first really watched Ghostbusters. It seems like they have been part of my childhood for as long as I can remember. And I am such a hardcore fan, that I went to the rerelease in theaters, in full costume.

NotaPsychopathFangirl

It was hard picking a quote for the beginning of the review as there are just so many great ones:

ghostbusters

But I eventually went with the most famous one, although it is from the song, rather than the movie.

Anyways, that is enough of my back story for this post, let’s move on to the review!

halloween banner

ghostbusters

So the film was thought up by Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi. They envisioned Ghostbusters throughout the country, time, space, and even using wands.

uh-no-gif

After Belushi’s death, the script was a bit reworked, and still sent out. Ivan Reitman liked the idea, but felt there needed to be a lot of changes and hired Harold Ramis to take it on.

Number two of the dream team obtained.

Number two of the dream team obtained.

A lot of the script was ad-libbed, especially Bill Murray’s part. I guess that is what happens when you get a bunch of comedians together.

They asked many people for different roles, but settled on Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray. They wanted Eddie Murphy, but he declined for Beverly Hills Cop. But with his refusal they gained Ernie Hudson.

Number three locked on!

Number four locked on!

They wanted other actors to play Egon Spenglar, but when they just couldn’t find the right fit, they went with Harold Ramis. And the perfect quartet was born.

ghostbusters

halloween banner

So the film starts out in the New York Public library:

Me

But what should be nice time in a quiet space, turns paranormal as library books float throughout the area. And then, no NOT THE CARD CATALOGUE!!!

1Star-Wars-Luke-NOOO-Not-my-father

Frightened and screaming, the librarian goes running, screaming. I have to admit that this is super creepy, I remember this freaking me out when I first watched this.

We then cut to our logo.

ghostbusters

So Dr. Peter Venkerman (Murray), Dr. Raymond Stanz (Ankroyd), and Dr. Egon Spengler (Raimis); all reside in the Paranormal Studies Department at the University.  Peter is currently working on an experiment with two students.

He is doing an experiment on ESP, but in reality is trying to get in the female student, Jennifer’s, pants.

But before he can make a serious move, Ray interrupts them with the news that there was a ghostly apparition at the library.

Ooooooooooooooooo!

Ooooooooooooooooo!

Now let me start and say how much I love Egon Spenglar. I just love how he is so nerdy, unemotional, and speaks in a monotone at every time and at every moment.

Peter Venkman: “Spengler, are you serious about actually catching a ghost?”

Egon Spengler: “I’m always serious.”

He makes me laugh so hard!

Laughter

They go there and question the librarians, Peter crossing the line a bit, but you know Peter:

“Dr. Peter Venkman: Back off man, I’m a scientist.”

They continue down to the area where they saw the “spector”. They collect ectoplasmic residue, with Peter still upset over missing his date for “ghost boogers”. Ew! All I can think of, being a librarian, is she got it all over the card catalog. It would take FOREVER to fix it all. Aw!!!

Aw, man.

Aw, man.

They continue on when they find symmetrical stacking, and are almost knocked over by a bookcase. (This was actually an accident and ad-libbed.)

They find the ghost, and at at first Peter tries to get her to calm down, sort of romancing her. She shushes them and when Ray tells them to go get her, but then they end up running away.

They head back to the college, Peter disgusted with Ray’s plan

Dr. Peter Venkman: Hee hee hee! “Get her!” That was your whole plan, huh, “get her.” Very scientific.

They return to the college to face bad news. They are fired by the university and the college is shutting that area of study down.

Reality Sucks

Egon takes it in stride like he always does, Peter is never serious, and Ray is heartbroken. But Peter has another idea:

Dr Ray Stantz: Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities. We didn’t have to produce anything! You’ve never been out of college. You don’t know what it’s like out there. I worked in the private sector. They expect results.

Dr. Peter Venkman: For whatever reasons, Ray. Call it fate. Call it luck. Call it karma. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we were destined to get thrown out of this dump.

Dr Ray Stantz: For what purpose?

Dr. Peter Venkman: To go into business for ourselves.

Dr Ray Stantz: [Ray thinks it over and takes a drink from Peter’s flask] This ecto containment system that Spengler and I have in mind is gonna require a load of bread to capitalize. Where are we gonna get the money?

paris-whenitsizzlesaudreyhmmHepburn

They end up mortgaging Ray’s house that was left to him by his parents. From there they go looking for places. Ray settles on an old firehouse

Dr. Peter Venkman: [evaluating a site for their businessWhat do you think, Egon?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I think this building should be condemned. There’s serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it’s completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.

Dr Ray Stantz: Hey. Does this pole still work? [slides down a fireman’s poleWow. This place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I’m gonna get my stuff. Hey. We should stay here. Tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.

[Venkman looks at Spengler. Spengler slowly shakes his head. Venkman turns to the real estate agentDr. Peter Venkman: I think we’ll take it.

Ray may be a super scientist, but he is a horrible negotiator. However, he has since made me want an old firehouse to convert.

Meanwhile, classical musician Dana Barrett is just about to discover something strange about her building. At first it seems normal…she is approached by her next door neighbor, Louis (Rick Moranis), who I think is absolutely hilarious. He is nerdy, an accountant, health foodie, and tries so hard to be liked by all.

“Louis: Listen, that reminds me, you shouldn’t leave your TV on so loud when you go out. The creep down the hall phoned the manager.

Dana Barrett: That’s strange, I didn’t realize I’d left it on. [unlocks her door]

Louis: [droning on] Well yeah, you know what I did? I climbed on the ledge and tried to disconnect the cable, but I couldn’t get in, so you know what I did? I turned my TV up real loud too so everyone would think all our TVs had something wrong with them.

Dana Barrett: [abruptly closing her door] Bye, Louis.

Louis: [alone again] Okay, so I’ll see you later, huh? I’ll give you a call! I’m going to go have a shower. [tries to go back into his apartment but he’s locked himself out]

Hmm, very odd, but Dana doesn’t really think about it. In fact she is distracted by the Ghostbusters’ commercial on TV.

I just LOVE this commercial, it is hilarious. You have Ray who is super gung-ho about it, Egon who has no social skills and sounds as if he is reading off a cue card, and Peter who doesn’t give a hoot. Hilarious!

Meanwhile, no one has been coming into Ghostbusters. Their secretary Janine does nothing all day but read.

PaidtoRead

Sounds like a good job to me! But of course, the Ghostbusters don’t like it. They want clients!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Janine, any calls?

Janine Melnitz: No.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Any messages?

Janine Melnitz: No.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Any customers?

Janine Melnitz: No, Dr. Venkman.

Dr. Peter Venkman: It’s a good job, huh? [Janine smilesType something, will you? We’re paying for this stuff! And don’t stare at me, you got the bug-eyes…[pauseJanine, sorry about the bug-eyes thing. I’ll be in my office.

Janine enjoys the job for more than being able to read all day, she is in love with Egon. But as he is a typical nerd he has no clue.

Janine Melnitz: You’re very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Print is dead.

Janine Melnitz: Oh, that’s very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I’m too intellectual but I think it’s a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play racquetball. Do you have any hobbies?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I collect spores, molds, and fungus.

Meanwhile, back to Dana. She has encountered her first foray with the supernatural. Her fridge has another world in it and is talking about Zhul. When she unpacks her groceries they are flying everywhere, the eggs cooking on the counter.

what what'shappeningSupernatural

She decides to see the Ghostbusters, but is a little weirded out by how unprofessional they seem. I mean they are sitting around eating Cheez-Its and Chunky bars.

Tom-Hanks-Saying-Really

They check her out and when it appears that she has nothing do do with it; Egon decides to look up what Zhul means, Ray sets out to the Hall of Records to see if it has anything to do with the building; and Peter decides to head to the apartment.

Of course, Peter

Of course, Peter

While there he tries to put the moves on Dana, but she is too tough and is taking nothing from him. Peter looks the apartment over, not really knowing what he is doing, and there appears to be nothing supernatural at all.

weird

Later the crew are hanging out eating, and knowing that this is the end if they don’t get a paying client soon. Luckily they are saved by a call to get a ghost at the Sedgwick Hotel.

Janine Melnitz: [answers the phone] Hello, Ghostbusters… Yes, of course they’re serious… You do?… You have?… No kidding! Just gimme the address… Oh sure, they will be totally discreet. Thank you! [hangs upWE GOT ONE!

Double double yay

They head out to the hotel, the manager not at all pleased with how loud and brash they are. They pretend to be exterminators, but while they are heading up they realize they have never tested anything out.

Dr Ray Stantz: You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven’t had a successful test of this equipment.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I blame myself.

Dr. Peter Venkman: So do I.

Dr Ray Stantz: Well, no sense in worrying about it now.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.

Oh geez

Oh geez

They turn everything on, but step away just in case the person blows up.

Please don't destroy us.

Please don’t destroy us.

Luckily no one dies and they go searching for the ghost, destroying everything along the way.

Egon just cracks me up, I cannot get enough of him.

loveitSupernatural

This is when the Ghostbusters first meet Slimer. Now I know a lot of people love him, but I have to admit I have always hated Slimer. I thought he was gross and disgusting, and such. Ugh, ultimate torture to be slimed by him.

Ew Yuck Gross

They do manage to get themselves together enough to capture the little booger.

After this, things start hitting the big time for the Ghostbusters, with them getting calls out of the wazoo.

This causes them to need extra help, hiring Winston Zeddermore, (Ernie Hudson). He’s just a regular guy like us all, and I think that makes him an even more enjoyable character. Just your average joe caught up in the paranormal.

idon'tgotthis

So in Egon’s research, he has found out some things on the architect of the building. He was involved with the occult, and a worshipper of Gozer, Zhul being a key part in this.

Peter decides that with this extra man, he can go see Dana; flirting with her.

Uh no.

Uh, no.

She’s not really interested, but does play along, agreeing to dinner.

Back at headquarters, they discover someone from the EPA, Walter Peck. He wants to study everything, but Peter pushes him off,  Peck threatening to come back with a court order.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

If that wasn’t enough, Egon thinks they might be having a problem with the spirit world.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I’m worried, Ray. It’s getting crowded in there and all my data points to something big on the horizon.

Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean, big?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning’s sample, it would be a Twinkie… thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.

Winston Zeddemore: That’s a big Twinke!

Meanwhile back at Dana’s place, Louis is having a party. He invites Dana, and is heartbroken to hear that she already has plans. She heads into her apartment and gets on the phone when she is attacked.

This scene used to creep me out so much as a kid, and it still is 100% freaky! Can you imagine having that happen to you?

i'mscared

Meanwhile, at Louis’ party he invited just clients in order to write the whole thing off. His one date gets really bored, but he convinces her to stay. I can’t understand why he is trying so hard to win Dana when he has this blonde, supermodel type that loves him. People are weird

Anyways, Louis ends up being attacked and possessed by the other gargoyle dog, Zhul’s mate.

OMG gasp

When Peter returns for his date, their is no Dana, but Zhul. Zhul is the lock and is looking for the “keymaster” to wield “his key” and unlock her “gate”, allowing Gozer to walk about and take control of the Earth. I have to give them points for slipping that right past the kids. I never realized what Zhul was asking Peter until I was much older.

So Zhul wont let Peter in until he says he is the keymaster. And to be honest, I think if I was Peter I wouldn’t want to go in there. Possessed Dana is so creepy!

Gilmore girls creep

Peter calms her down by shooting her up with some drugs, weird how he was just carrying that around on his date…

Suspicious and kinda creepy.

Suspicious and kinda creepy.

So possessed Louis is wandering around looking for the gatekeeper. I love when he talks to the horse, just hilarious. The cops catch him and drop him off at Ghostbusters headquarters so they can deal with him.

To make things even more intense then dealing with two possessed people, a building that is a gateway for some serious paranormal activity, the dreaded Peck arrives. He wants to shut the grid off, and no convincing can stop him.

What a jerk! He doesn’t have any clue what will happen next and he does this.

Jerk

This causes a HUGE explosion, destroys the Ghostbusters Headquarters, sends Louis off as he has seen his sign, releases ghosts, and wakens Dana who destroys a section of her building to reach the top.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

All are arrested and while waiting, look at a blueprint, trying to get a plan together.

The are taken out of jail and are sent to see the mayor. Hopefully they can plead their case and get out of there.

Meanwhile, Louis and Dana have met up and the key has opened the lock.

dun-dun-duuuun

At the mayor’s office the Ghostbusters, Peck, and the mayor argue again and again. The mayor decides to side with the Ghostbusters and they head out.

ghostbusters

Everyone is cheering for them as they mug it up for the crowd, but soon they grow unahappy as they have to climb twenty-two flights of stairs to reach Dana’s apartment, the gateway.

Argh!!!

Argh!!!

They find a staircase and climb up. There they find Dana and Louis who have turned into the gargoyle dogs. Their transformation opens the temple doors and Gozer comes out.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Go get her, Ray!

Dr Ray Stantz: Gozer the Gozerian… good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [Sarcastically] That oughta do it. Thanks very much, Ray.

Gozer: [to Ray] Are you a God?

Dr Ray Stantz[Ray looks at Peter, who nonchalantly nods yes] No.

Gozer: Then… DIE! [Lightning flies from her fingers, driving the Ghostbusters to the edge of the roof and almost off; people below scream]

Winston Zeddemore: Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say “YES”!

Dr. Peter Venkman: All right! This chick is TOAST!

They try to destroy her

ghostbusters

But she is too fast for them. Gozer has them choose the form that the destructor will be in. They all close their mind, buuut……..

And they save the day getting Dana and Louis out.

This is just a fantastic movie, hilarious, fun, and creepy, all the elements you want in a Halloween film. And of course that fantastic song. I cannot say enough just how awesome this film is.

And just a little extra fun!

halloween banner

Well that’s our opening review! I hope you all enjoy it and keep coming back for more! And of course, a facebook banner. I make them every year and use them all October long!

ghostbusters_jul2012-a

halloween banner

For more on Ghostbusters, go to When You Least Expect It

halloween banner

For more ghosts, go to She Cries in the Night: The Screaming Skull (1958)

For more horror-comedy, go to I’m the Chosen One. And I Choose to be Shopping: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

For more horror-parody, go to A Modern Mummy: Under Wraps (1997)

For more Nostalgia Critic, go to Return of the Fandom

Return of the Fandom

Fandom

So we are back with our usual scheduled fandom posts. Here are another group of things I have fandomed over. I hope they strike your FANcy and that you check them out for yourselves.

hearts banner

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

TMNT

Go here to see what movie you are

I am a huge Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (TMNT) fan.

TMNT2

In fact, as I am currently writing this I am wearing my TMNT shirt. Yeah I fandom to the extreme.

TMNT

Not in a sewer extreme, but you get my point.

So for those of you who for some strange reason might not know who the Turtles are; they are a group of four boy turtles who are raised by a rat named Splinter. He named them after the great artists: Donatello, Leonardo, Raphael, and Michelangelo. They come across some mutagen, and become more humanlike. Splinter teaches them ninjutsu and they become vigilante superheroes; saving the people of New York. One of their biggest villains is the leader of the Foot clan and the man who killed Splinter’s owner,Oroku Saki, also known as the Shredder.

So I grew up watching the ’80s TV show and while very silly it was a lot of fun. You have the four turtles who are reared by Splinter, solving crime and kicking Shredder butt. For those of you who have never watched this, Shredder is aided by his two dumb as rock minions, RockSteady and Bebop, a mutant rhino and warthog; along with a banished brain alien from Dimension, Krang. They also aasist April in outwitting her annoying, egotistical, jerk of a coworker, Vernon.

The boys team up with the awesome April O’Neil, along with her friend Irma (who has a crush on one of the turtles. Even though she is older and a girl). And of course the amazing Casey Jones, vigilante athlete.

And let’s not forget that the show had one great theme song!

Now while I liked the show, I LOVED the TMNT movies of the ’90s. I used to watch them over and over again;

watch movie over and over

And my sister, friends, and I would act them all out. I was always Donatello.

The first two in the series: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991) were the best in the series. The characters were played perfectly. In the first film we have a great introduction and backstory into how the turtles were created and learned to be ninjas. In the second they see the return of Shredder and having to fight other mutant beings.

The third one they go back in time to Japan. It isn’t horrible, but not as nearly as awesome as the first two.

In fact I urge you to watch the 1990 film as it really was just so, so, so, so amazing.

I hated the newer film TMNT (2007) as it sucked and made no sense at all. And don’t get me started on the Michael Bay version, as they look creepy and I hate Megan Fox. In fact I have decided that this October I am going to review all the live action TNMT filmsAs they have been mutated, they fall under a horror film.

But besides those horrible later depictions, I have always loved the turtles and wished they were real and that I could hang out with them.

TMNT2

For more on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, go to Pizza Power

hearts banner

 The Thorn Birds

thornbirdPain

So my friend was really into the Thorn Birds, I had never heard of it before. She suggested we watch it,

tumblr_static_keep-calm-and-join-fandoms

but unfortunately she didn’t own it, it was too much for us to buy, and our university library didn’t have it. But our county library did, although only on VHS. Luckily I had a VHS player so that was okay.

Strangely, someone else was watching the mini series while we were. We had to wait for the next installment, almost like how it would to watch it when it aired.

weird

So the series is a historical romance. It begins in the early 20th century when the Cleary family moves to Australia. Paddy Cleary and his wife have four sons and one daughter, Meggie. Paddy’s sister, Mary, owns a huge ranch, and offers him a job there.

When they arrive the meet the very handsome priest, Ralph de Bricassart (Richard Chamberlain), who has been sent to the ends of the earth for insulting a bishop. He is very ambitious and has befriended Mary in order to woo out a dig donation so he can go back to “civilization.” Mary lusts after Ralph and wants him, but he refuses to break his vows for her.

Not everything is happy in the Cleary family. Mrs. Cleary, Fee, loves her oldest son Frank the most and ignores her other children, except for treating Meggie cruelly. Paddy loves his sons, except Frank, and ignores Meggie as well.

The youngest son, Hal dies; and Frank is revealed to not be Paddy’s son, but the child of his mother and her lover. When he left her and she found out she was pregnant, her wealthy family married her off to the stablehand who was in love with her. After this comes out Frank leaves the home to find his own fortune.

Meanwhile, Ralph has been taking care of Meg at the parsonage; making sure she has the attention and care a child needs. Meg idolizes Ralph and crushes on him. Meggie grows, the two develop feelings for each other and Ralph tries to stay far away from her. Mary notices the attraction and writes two wills, one in which Paddy inherits 13 million and one where it all goes to the Catholic Church. She gives both to Ralph who must decide on what to do.

There is a lot more betrayal, love, bad decisions, and drama in the series, but I don’t want to give it all to you. It was a pretty good show, with interesting characters. A little soap operay, but still interesting. And of course the main reason why I kept watching, Richard Chamberlain. That man was built to perfection.

hearts banner

Touched by an Angel

This was one of my favorite TV shows of the ’90s. I used to watch this all the time.

The TV show is about three angels who are sent on Earth to help bring guidance or messages from God. The first angel is Monica (Roma Downey) who is young and inexperienced angel. She takes on an every day job to get closer to her person, and approaches them when they are in the crossroads of a decision. Her older mentor Tess (Della Reese) is there to make sure she doesn’t reveal herself to be an angel too early.

There was also the angel Andrew (John Dye) who I absolutely loved, but was always sad to see as he was the Angel of Death, there to take a life to heaven.

It was a truly great and inspirational show. Netflix and Amazon, bring it to streaming!

hearts banner

Twin Peaks

twin peaks

Twin Peaks was an awesome show that had, sadly, a very short run. It was directed and written by David Lynch who loved to do things about beautiful perfect places, that have secrets and dark things under the surface.

TwinPeaks dark henious evil

It starts with a young, perfect, beautiful, straight-A student, Laura Palmer body being found. Why would anyone want to kill her? It turns out that her murder is similar to others that have occurred, bring in FBI agent Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlen) to investigate.

Twin Peaks

When he gets to the town he discovers a crazy group of characters as he searches for the truth. Everything from adultery, betrayal, prostitution, investment schemes, drugs, etc. lie underneath the peaceful scenery.

Agent Dale Cooper, how can I describe him?

To see who you are, go here.

To see who you are, go here.

is the absolute best as he is adorable, strong, brave, courageous, poetic, intelligent. Just dreamy…I love him.

swoon dreamy

There are a lot of great supporting cast too. I really like Audrey Horne. Little rich girl, but trying to be more. I just loved her and Dale together, but I know it would never work as she is too young. She is a really great character.

stranger Twin peaks

I also loved the Donna and James storyline, but the actress who played Donna originally was replaced. I liked the first person better.

Some people think this show is too “dramatic” but it revolutionized TV, and a lot of later mystery shows we have today never would have been created. Without its groundbreaking there would be no Veronica Mars, The Killing, Pretty Little Liars, etc.

And for those who are major fans like me, you’ll love the Psych parody episode, Dual Spires in which a large portion of the original cast was willing to guest star.

And I am so excited that it is coming back. I just can’t wait until it is up!

For more Twin Peaks, go to Stranger Things Have Happened

hearts banner

For more on the Nostalgia Critic, go to Gypsy Justice: Thinner (1996)

hearts banner

For the previous post, go to The Fan, The Girl

And Stay tuned for part 25

hearts banner

LifeasaFangirl

The Cambridge Companion to Jane Austen

cambridgecompanionjaneausten

The Cambridge Companion to Jane Austen compiled by editors Edward Copeland and Juliet McMaster. 2003 (originally printed in 1997).

So I read this book I think about five years ago. There is a brief biography of Austen’s life: her as a writer; a work on Northanger Abbey, Sense & Sensibility, and Pride & Prejudice; Mansfield Park, Emma, and Persuasion; her short stories; the Austen letters; class-consciousness; economy of the culture; religion and politics;style in the novels; the significance of her juvenile works; and Austen cults/cultures.

The Lovely Jane

The Lovely Jane

I thought this book was…okay.

Not always the best idea

Meh.

Some of the essays had some very interesting points

StarTrekFascinatingSpockinteresting

While others were boring or just rehashed old ideas that you already knew.

Bones David Bored I;m bored boring

Now in this book’s defense it was published almost twenty years ago, so the ideas in were most likely new at the time. However, some of those writers are just so dusty. You don’t have to write about the past and make it so stifling.

Really?

Come on now. You can be historical and interesting.

The essay that I recall the most, was the one about Northanger Abbey. It was written by Rachel M. Brownstein and I hated it.

Something is not right!

Something is not right!

In her essay she writes about how Northanger Abbey  is a parody of the romantic genre that was popular at the time. I was okay with that.

okay...

Alright…

Northanger Abbey in a way is a rewrite of The Female Quixote or The Adventures of Arabella by Charlotte Lennox. In fact I agreed with a lot of what she said. How Austen made fun of the romantic tropes, actually quite snarkly. In fact she would have fit in today, on Youtube right next to Nostalgia Critic or something.

Here's to another 200 years!

The part I didn’t like was when she started talking smack about Mr. Tilney.

Ryan-Gosling-Oh-No-You-Didnt-Half-Nelson

In her essay she discusses how Mr. Tilney is the most “feminine” of the Austen heroes and that he is dominated by his father; never really making a move or taking any action toward Catherine; everything being done by General Tilney.

princess-leia-i-dont-know-what-youre-talking-about

So as you can tell I had major issues with that.

I don't think so

So she concludes that he is “feminine” rather than “masculine” because he is interested in muslin (something only for a woman), is dominated by his father, and reads novels. I however, feel he is no less masculine than any other Austen man.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

1)Interest in Muslin

tilneyonmuslin

So Catherine has just met Mr. Henry Tilney who is unlike any man she has met or read in books. Instead of being tall, dark, and brooding; he is jovial, saracastic, witty, hilarious, etc. No reserve for him.

They begin on the subject of muslin by Mrs. Allen who is speaking on her muslin dress and how she would hate for it to be torn. It is a favorite of hers and cost but nine shillings a yard. Henry shares that he would have guessed that as he is a great judge of muslin. He buys his own cravats and sometimes his sister’s gowns.

Now there are many ways to look at this:

1. Henry is a Down to Earth Man

jjfeildhenrytilney

So Henry Tilney is a middle son. He knows that like most middle children, he will not inherit much but instead has to make his own fortune.

workhardforthemoney

Military is out as his older brother is in it already, (who wants to be compared to him?), and it doesn’t suit his temperament. He choose the church as a profession, and while he will live comfortably he won’t be a millionaire, unless he marries up. And until he finds this rich heiress to marry, he most likely won’t have servants doing the shopping for him, so he’ll  probably have to go out and do it himself.

He knows his fabric, most likely because he is getting used to leaving within a means.

2. Henry is a Good Brother

northangerabbeyeleanorhenrytilney

Eleanor Tilney is the youngest of the Tilney clan. She is very reserved and quiet; due to her father General Tilney’s tyrannical ways. We know that the father emotionally abused the mother with his attitude and temperment, being a vampire of spirit, and it is easily concluded that he did the same with his daughter. Because of this, Eleanor doesn’t have many friends, the only one being her brother Henry, and then later Catherine.

The eldest Tilney, Captain Fredrick Tilney, is a lot like his father. He is no friend of Eleanoe; leaving Henry to shoulder the big brother responsibilities and to be the protector of his sister. Like Mr. Darcy, there are probably a ton of different things he does for his sister, buying her clothing the least of it.

pride&prejudicedarcygeorgianapiano

3. Henry is Being Sarcastic

mrtilneynorthangerabbeysass

We know that Mr. Tilney has a wicked sense of humor. He is sarcastic, funny, and likes going against society (not 100% but a mini rebellion).

Right before this exchange he and Catherine are discussing her time in Bath, with Mr. Tilney sassily and snarkily making fun of how society expects such bland converstion (much of how Elizabeth does when she and Darcy dance in Pride & Prejudice).

“[Mr. Tilney] I have hitherto been very remiss, madam, in the proper attentions of a partner here; I have not yet asked you how long you have been in Bath; whether you were ever here before; whether you have been at the Upper Rooms, the theatre, and the concert; and how you like the place altogether. I have been very negligent-but are you now at leisure to satisfy me in these particulars? If you are I will begin directly.’

[Catherine Moreland] ‘You need not give yourself that trouble sir.’

[Mr. Tilney] ‘No trouble I assure you, madam.’ Then forming his features in a set smile, and affectedly softening his voice, he added, with a simpering air, ‘Have you been long in Bath, madam?’

‘About a week, sir. ‘ replied Catherine, trying not to laugh.

Really!’ [said Mr. Tilney] with affected astonishment.

Why should you be surprised. sir?’ [asked Catherine]

Why, indeed!’ said he, in his natural tone. ‘But some emotion must appear to be raised by your reply, and surprise is more easily assumed…

This teasing continues for a while, with Catherine trying her best to withold her laughter.

tilney dating 888982326_n

So we know that Mr. Tilney is a kidder. He likes to joke around, and he likes to be sassy; it is easy to believe that his remarks on muslin are all just one big joke. That he knows nothing about muslin, but is just being sarcastic again.

SarcasmWayofLife

Maybe he decides to play along with what Mrs. Allen is saying as he is in a silly/sarcastic mood, trying to make Catherine laugh once again. We know he likes to tease, and make fun of other’s foibles (eccentricities) so it is easy to conclude that.

Well, whether he knows his muslin, is a good brother, or just making fun. Mrs. Allen believes he knows his stuff, and that is good enough for me.

tilney on muslin

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

2) Dominated by His Father

How do I describe General Tilney?

Jerk

He pretended to be sweet, charming, and kind to win the heart of a wealthy woman, but later revealed his true colors. He was tyrannical and his way always the right one or else. He held all the power and expected his children to bow to his will or find themselves with nothing.

willy-wonka-you-get-nothingyoulose

How is this less than other Austen characters? Mr. Darcy isn’t dominated by a person, per say, but by society. He knows himself to be attracted to Elizabeth, but feels he cannot marry her as she isn’t in his class, nor does he want to be chained to her family. He does all he can to not want to be with her, but ultimately succumbs.

Mr.Darcy Pride&Prejudice

Edward Ferrars is just as dominated by the head of his family, although in this case it is his mother. Just like in the Tilney clan, you must do what she says or risk losing it all. Edward’s mother wants him to follow a more elite career, while Edward wants to be a minister. He almost gives into his mother’s wishes; but luckily stays true to who he is.

quietofPrivateLifeSense&Sensibility

And this was something that happened a lot back then. With inheritance being the key to living comfortably, and rich relatives holding the power, more often than not people always had to bend to their will.

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

3) Reading Novels

Stupid Not to Read Jane Austen Quote

So in the 18th century there was what historians call the “reading revolution”. With the printing press improvements that occured then and in the early 19th century, books could be printed more easily and cheaply. Reading and owning books became a huge phenomenon as almost everyone had the ability to purchase them.

NeverCanHaveTooManyBooks

Everything from science, to books we now call classics, novels, romance, history, to cheap thrills, etc. Such romances like The Mysteries of Udolpho and The Monk were popular, but thought to be purposely explicit and exploiting, “women’s cheap novels” but read by all.

So while it would be unusual for Mr. Tilney to admit to reading them, it is not unusual for him to actually read them as most men do. But this admittance goes with his character as we have already seen that Tilney doesn’t feel the need to be reserved but is more open in his demeanor.

Besides as this is still a romance, whether parody or remake, and as Catherine is an avid book reader, her hero has to be as much a reader as her. After all, there is nothing sexier then meeting a man who loves to read.

guysread

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

4) Never Makes a Move or Takes any Action Toward Catherine

Really?

Really?

Did you not read the end of the book? Yes, Mr. Tilney does not invite Catherine to his house, his dad does as he is trying to hook them up, but what about that final scene? You know the one where he goes after Catherine and asks her to marry him risking everything for her?

tilney

He is gone from the family home when Catherine was given the boot. When he returns and finds out what happened, he could have just let it go. Or he could have gone and apologized to Catherine, returning home and continuing the search for a wealthy bride. But does he do that? NO! He goes after her, having more balls than Mr. Darcy and Edward Ferrars.

Yes I went there.

Yes I went there.

He not only goes to her house and humbles himself in front of her and her family, but is willing to throw his entire fortune away for her, not even knowing if she feels the same way about him. She could tell him no and then he would end up with nothing, having turned on his father.

riskdish- tilney

Mr. Darcy never went to Elizabeth in such a way, begging her forgiveness. He worked on himself and helped the family, by saving Lydia, but never threw himself at Elizabeth’s feet. Edward comes to Elinor to share his feelings, but he never apologizes for leading her on while engaged or tried to apologize for his behavior, (except for that one time he was interrupted by Lucy before he could say anything). Only Mr. Tilney throws all caution to the wind, and gives up everything for the woman he loves.

-prince-charming mr. tilney

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

Mr. Tilney…what else can I say about you?

find mr.tilney

You are definitely hero material

heading-banner11970857801243195263Andy_heading_flourish.svg.hi

For more on Mr. Tilney, go to God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

For more on Northanger Abbey, go to Waiter, There’s Some Disney in My Jane Austen 

For more on Jane Austen, go to Jane, Jane, Jane: A Jane Austen Biography