A Stranger in the House: The Open House (2018)

So on Friday the 13ths I celebrate with Horror films and pizza!

From the Supernatural episode “Monster Movie”

This year my niece joined me and I let her pick the movie we would start with and she chose Open House from Netflix.

I thought this film was interesting but I also have mixed feelings about the film. Some things I liked about it, but other things I think they could have done better.

Meh.

The film starts off with out main character Logan Wallace (Dylan Minnette), who wants to be an Olympic star and trains with his dad. They have to go out later to get milk and his father is killed when a car hits him.

That’s not good.

The family has a lot of debts and the mom can’t keep their house. Her rich sister attends the funeral and offers up her vacation home that she and her husband are trying to sell. All they have to promise is to leave when the realtors are showing the house off. Now I understand what the movie is trying to do, get them to this secluded place in the middle of nowhere, but this doesn’t make any sense. Why would the mom leave CA and whatever job she had to move to Nevada, to the middle of nowhere to stay in this fancy mansion, but one she will only be able to use until the house is sold, something that the sister wants to happen right away. I know that houses take time to close when they go into escrow but it seems weird to me that she would uproot her life and only source of income for a few months and take him out of school (it’s right before Christmas) to nowhere and then what, after a few months uproot again? Where will she go after that?

And if her sister is so rich why can’t they just stay with her?

So the Logan and his mom move to the middle of nowhere, up on top of a mountain, where the nearest neighbor is super far. While they are there, weird things start happening. A local guy, Chris, is too friendly, he borders on creepy, is always trying to talk to them and even comes over to the house randomly because he has “always wanted to see inside it”. They actually let him, and just leave him there, never checking to see if he left the house. He also keeps hitting on the mom and trying to be Logan’s friend.

Hmm…

The realtor lady who is showing the house is extremely abusive to her assistant, and terribly rude to Logan and his mom. This is a weird interaction as they could tell their sister/aunt and she could fire her and go with another company.

Then there is the next door neighbor, Martha, who although she is miles away, switches from being too friendly at times (all up in their business) to being angry and unfriendly (it turns out that she has dementia…or does she?).

Hmm…

But besides these bizarre people, even stranger things happen in the house. Such as Logan’s phone getting stolen, things keep disappearing, when the mom takes a shower the water heater keeps being turned off, they hear footsteps in the house when there is no one there.

Creepy…

Yet the relationship between the mother and son is very odd, it doesn’t quite make sense at times. Now I have worked with grieving families, I used to be part of a program where we had the parents and kids separated, allowing each family component to work on their grief separately, allowing both parents and kids the freedom to share how they felt. So I know many different types of grief and how teens and parents act. There were times when Logan and his mom interacted that were perfectly normal for grieving people, but then there are times when it is off. Such as the mother doesn’t seem to think it is weird or strange that her son’s phone has completely disappeared, even though they are the only ones in the house-only for it to turn up later on the counter in plain view. Or how this repeats with other objects and items.

Then we have the water heater issue. The mother keeps trying to take a shower and every time the hot water turns off and she is upset and yells at her son for doing it, who says he didn’t. She yells at him and marches barefoot in a towel to the frozen basement to turn it back on. She tries again to take a shower and the whole thing repeats several times before she decides to call a repairman. It made no sense why she would think her son would even do that and repeat it. He has never done anything remotely “prankster” so why would she even think he would be messing with her? If he was acting angry toward her maybe, but he doesn’t. Most of the time he sits in his room alone and sad.

Then the mom finds pictures of her sleeping and doing things, and pictures her son and she thinks he did it. I’m like how could he even take that picture of himself while he was asleep and the photo is clearly taken from the doorway. Eventually they call the police who don’t help, and it’s like really, the police would do more. But by far the thing that makes absolutely no sense is when the house gets broken into-they never call the sister and ask her to change the locks which is what I would have immediately done. I don’t understand that at all. Yes nothing that they know of was taken, but still they are in the middle of nowhere, on top of a mountain, and it takes a while for police to respond. You think changing the locks would be a good idea.

Eventually death comes for them and we know nothing about who the killer is or why they did it. It is just a stranger that likes to go to open houses and kill people. I think if this had been a short, it would be better but as a film I found it lacking.

So originally I thought that there was a person who was squatting in the house, like hiding in the basement or in the walls and I think that would have been more interesting.

So, yeah I was not a fan.

But what did I like? I LOVED that the main character wore glasses and it was accurately portrayed in the way he struggled to see in the morning, how he loses his glasses and just the way they incorporated it. I have never seen a film so accurate in its portrayal of one who wears glasses, and as one who wears glasses it made it the film scarier for me. I’m nearsighted, meaning I can’t see far away, and if I lost my glasses I’d probably end up dead (in a horror film).

As a whole, even though it had good parts, I would recommend just skipping this film.

For more Netflix films, go to People Don’t Realize That There are Killers Among Them. People They Liked, Loved, Lived With, Worked With and Admired…: Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (2019)

For more strangers in the house, go to Have You Checked the Children?: When a Stranger Calls (1979)

Call Me, Maybe: Austentatious (2015)

Only one I’ll be calling is:

Or:

But no, we aren’t talking about that. We are instead talking about:

We are instead discussing-Austentatious (2015)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Yes, I really, really do not like this show or how they portray the characters. But I started it, so I’ve got to finish it.

So Austentatious is the story of Elinor, Marianne, Emma, Elizabeth, and Mr. Knightley being friends in modern times. In the last episode Marianne was trying to find a job, but kind of sucked although she did manage to be a smoothie barista.

Elizabeth’s family were trying to take family pictures but she was having a hard time picking something out.

I can’t decide

And Knightley goes over his disaster dates:

So on to today’s episode. It starts off with Knightly seeing Emma trying to thread a needle to sew back on her shirt and is dressed in gross sweats and her hair is crazy. What?! That’s so not Emma. She’s miserable but never would have her hair and clothes be so bleh-yuck. Proof:

Knightley came to meet with Emma for lunch, but it slipped her mind. Knightley threads the needle and then sews the button on the shirt for her. Wow, a man who can sew.

Wow

Elizabeth comes in to share about her awesome date with Andrew with Emma. Maybe it’s “Wickham”? After she shares that she leaves. Wait, why didn’t she just call or text like a normal person. Why come bug her at work?

Elinor and Marianne are fighting about dirty dishes and Marianne not cleaning. They both see a mouse in the apartment and freak out. Again what does this have to do with Jane Austen!

Ugh!

Elizabeth interrupts Elinor at work to share about her awesome date and the guy not calling back in two days. Again why doesn’t she call or text. You see we just spent the last few episodes with Elinor harping on and on about Marianne not working, but look at this.

She then goes to Marianne’s job and shares her fears about him not calling and then again I ask why doesn’t she call or text instead of bothering her friends while they are working. Why doesn’t she meet up with them after work. Why isn’t she at work?

Or plot!

Marianne tries to make her feel better by sharing about this time she dates-And NO stop!!!

This is so He’s Just Not that Into You. Like get it together Liz, he’s not interested. Don’t be harassing him or stuck on him. He’s totally a loser, I can feel it.

She then goes and bothers Emma.

Not again!

OMG like what is this?!!!! I really don’t like this. This has like zero to do with Jane Austen. Like why even make a show based on the characters of Jane Austen when it has nothing to do with it at all. It’s amazing when you compare this to The Lizzie Bennet Diaries and see how amazing that was with a modern adaptation that kept to the source material. Even Fall For You went on some other paths, but they kept the heart of the novels in there. What does any of this have to do with anything??!!

Ugh!

I am so bored….

Let’s just turn the TV off…

No we can’t do that? We have to finish? Fiiiiiiine, but I’m not happy…

So…Emma wants to help her friend and she ropes in Mr. Knightley to give them a man’s perspective. Knightley isn’t into it, but dude just tell her the guy’s not interested and leave, Problem solved.

Ugh!

Of course they probably won’t listen to you, so oh well. But at least you can say you tried.

Elinor gets home and finds things a super mess. Mold? Rat poop? Not quite sure. Oh she complains to the exterminator it must be mouse poop. Marianne wants to get a cat to get rid of the mouse. But Elinor says no. But Elinor, cats are awesome.

So the girls meet up on Elinor and Marianne’s apartment to have a girls night/mouse killing party.

Did I just write those words. Have I said I really don’t like this show. And it has only been like seven mins. It feels like hours. Ugh.

And speaking of mouse killing, the girls live upstairs, how did the mouse get up there? They should check with their neighbors, maybe it is a pet.

Oh?

So Emma, Elizabeth and Grant are sitting on the floor in a circle sharing. Why, when there are couches. I don’t know any 30+ people who do that unless they are playing with their children. I mean there is nothing wrong with it, but it looks really weird.

What’s the heck?

Elizabeth met Andrew at an open house and went to dinner. Knightly is being a total sarcastic dude, and good job writers, Very realistic.

Elizabeth flashes back and shares about her wonderful dinner.

Elinor finds trash in the couch. Okay I can believe under a couch or on the table but who throws trash-like banana peels and stuff in their couch that isn’t a four year old child. Like really?

And why do they have to make her dumb and like a five year old. She wasn’t like that in the book!

Omg this so boring.

Elizabeth is just going on about him smiling and staring at her mouth and really? Who wrote this? I’m over it I just want to be done. It is so boring and who says that-“he was staring at my mouth.” Like if some guy is staring at my mouth while having dinner, I would think I had food on my face not that he was intensely trying to imagine kissing me.

I feel like this is the bad discount version of Jane Austen. Like when you go to the Dollar Tree or 99 cent store and there is the discount version that is good, and then the discount, discount version with the weird name and logo and when you eat it it tastes like sawdust and you never forget and never buy it again. This is that.

Like Jane Austen has wonderful romantic scenes that gripped your heart and tension. Elizabeth watching Darcy during the card game in torment, Captain Wentworth’s letter, etc.; and here we have “staring at my mouth”. Woohoo!

Wow, real romantic!

They ask Knightley’s opinion and he’s like I don;t know I don’t know him. Mr. Knightley tries to give them a reality check, but they aren’t having it.

Mr. Knightley thinks it was just he wanted dinner while the girls are all he loves her! Knightley gives the girls the guy version. He says staring at mouth-probably had food in teeth (see-told ya!). Thinks looking at her smiling because farting or secretly getting the game scores on his phone.

Marianne leaves the girls night to go on a date, a date with “Willoughby?

Let’s get this train back on track!

So in this episode Emma is sarcastically calling Grant Mr. Knightley and all I can think is thank goodness because calling him Grant was dumb. George or Mr. Knightley-either one I will accept-but no Grant.

For the thousandth time

Mr. Knightley is back on roasting the date, telling Elizabeth “her date” probably touched her hand to keep her from sharing his dessert. Him saying he would call her, was probably just a brush off to get her to leave.

Ouch

Elinor says to stop freaking out and call him. I guess that is where the title comes from.

Phew!

Liz is going to call, but Grant stops her as he finds him “in a relationship”? How? On what? Facebook, Instagram? And how could he find him, I mean Andrew is a super popular name, Elizabeth never said his last name. Lazy writing, LAZY!

Grant is a total dude, happy to have won over the girls-he called it, but on the end he gives the cupcake to Lizzie and they all eat the “mouse cheese”. When they go to get crackers they find the mouse in there. They all run out and the exterminator comes in to kill it. As they wait in the hall they run into Collin and it turns out to be his mouse-(I point you to my earlier comment about the mouse probably being a pet)-little Lizzie. CREEPY!

And finally the episode is over and once again had zero to do with anything Jane Austen than the names and I once again question what were the writers thinking. I mean seriously! FOLLOW the PLOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t decide

And this is only episode 5.

Nooo

It’s never ending, never ending. I’ve fallen into the Twilight Zone. And I can’t get out.

For more Austentatious, go to Hit Me With Your Best Shot: Austentatious (2015)

For more Jane Austen film retellings, go to Mrs. Darcy Wants to Know the Truth!: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode Three (2013)

For more Sense & Sensibility, go to The Smart One and the Pretty One

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to I Wrote Mr. Darcy a Letter

For more Emma, go to Austen Avengers Assemble!