I’ll Be Watching You: Austentatious (2015)

So this title of course references The Police song, even though it has nothing to do with the episodes plot.

Sorry, anytime I think of Sting and The Police I think of that scene from Footloose. But yes, the song:

I’d rather not be watching this. I have already watched two episodes and have not been impressed. I can see why it was canceled after one season.

Ouch

I know harsh, but I speak the truth. Basically, the story is that Marianne and Elinor Dashwood live together and are friends with Elizabeth Bennet, Emma Woodhouse, and Grant/George Knightley. All live in modern times and are an accountant, jobless, real estate agent, divorce lawyer (!!! I know Emma, really?), and I don’t know what “Grant” does.

So we start off this episode with Marianne trying to make eggs and falls of course because she is a dumb blonde. Why do they make her that way?

Elizabeth is over and complains about the awful Darcy, who she has been emailing and she can’t stand him.

I am with her, they make him too jerky-seriously I hate him.

I know, I know

This series killed me okay. It made me utter what never should be uttered and then I died. It is a ghost of my former self that is writing this.

An angry ghost

And I’m sure if Jane was around, she sure wouldn’t appreciate what you writers did!

Elizabeth gets a call about a house and it is Collins looking for a realtor. Remember in the last episode he had his date where he tried to pump Elinor.

See Hook agrees with me.

Elinor, the accountant, has to deal with a tough client, who’s angry that she has to pay so much. I actually like this part of the episode because that’s what I have to deal with sometimes at work. It feels very real and it isn’t silly or stupid like a lot of other parts of these shows.

What I wish I could say to some people.

Poor Elinor, that sucks.

Yes, Elinor I know exactly how you feel.

She’s complaining to Knightley, I find that interesting. I like that he has taken that friendship role with all the girls. Plus in Sense and Sensibility, Elinor and Colonel Brandon talk quite a bit (as everyone feels the need to confide in her) so it kind of meshes that with this. Good job TV show, there are two things you are doing right.

But will it last?

For the thousandth time

Elinor has a promotion, woohoo!

Meanwhile, Marianne is shopping online and Emma hires her as the receptionist at her firm. Marianne is thrilled to be around hot lawyers, but down about that she has to be there at 8.

So Elinor’s promotion, she doesn’t get much time to settle in. Not only does she have to start her new job that afternoon, the IRS is coming and she has to deal with them. I know the show is trying to add drama, but I really don’t think that is how it works. I don’t think they would just “throw you in”. And certainly not throw you to the IRS, I mean I think she could defintely complain about that to HR.

An IRS agent is coming and all I can think of it it kinda makes me think of Parks and Rec when Ben comes and Leslie’s all mad about it and then they fall for each other-I just have a feeling Edward Ferrars is to be the IRS agent.

But seriously, you have a giant IRS dilemmea with your firm and you are going to promote someone from lower to take care of it. I mean I get they are probably trying to set up a fall guy, but wouldn’t you want someone who knows to take care of it and make sure all is good?

Woohoo, gold star theIRS agent is Edward Ferrars-did I call it or what?

Edward is like really cool and collected…I never pictured him that way since he was so controlled by his mama.

Majorly

Anyways, the two hit it off and he acts really sweet and gets command of the situation and calm a freaking, babbling Elinor down.

Interesting, a very different portrayal…

Hmmm…I don’t know of I like it.

All the girls meet up and Emma complains about Darcy, And oh my gosh he is so awful. No wonder this TV show was canceled. Like can we just sock him in the face. Please leave.

I know, I know-I said the dreaded words again-but I’m already dead inside from watching this.

Marianne offers to get revenge by mixing up his messages, but then she will get fired, so I’m not sure that is a good revenge idea.

So not fun…

So Elinor and Edward are eating breakfast and hanging out-telling stories and it is pretty cute. I like their interactions.

Good job!

Elizabeth meets with Collins to discuss “houses” but its a total date. Like seriously Lizzie, he has you meet at a restaurant for DINNER!!!

Liz is all business and Collin is all let me try and get info because I want to date you. The vibe is as strong as a 7th grader spraying himself with AXE for the first time-super ob.

Emma is working and Darcy is throwing a full on B.F.

Ugh I hate him. Like I want to STOP WATCHING. If I could I would throw my fist into the TV and punch him in the face. UUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

I hate you, I hate this series, I hate the writers…

Back to Liz and Collins, nothing is getting done and Collins is all yeah she’s into me.

Uh no.

Emma and Darcy fight some more-ugh

Marianne is too dumb to know the difference between a fax machine and a copy machine. Although, I have to admit that happens a lot at the library.

So Liz goes to Elinor’s home and she’s all “glad you are home” So Liz lives with her? I thought in the first episode Elinor was all “it’s my apartment Marianne” and going on and on and on about how it was her home and she wasn’t sure she wants to share with her and she has everything just how she likes it, blah blah blah. But if Liz lives there too, shouldn’t she have a say in her home? And shouldn’t she have spoken to her about Marianne living there? This makes no sense within the context of the first episode, but I guess it explains why all the girls are there all the time. I thought they were just limited on sets, I mean Collin takes Liz out to the same place he took Elinor. Which does work for his character.

Liz complains-and Elinor knows why he is flirting-but doesn’t tell her. Bad friend.

See Hook agrees with me.

Finally she spills and Liz is so angry- and she’s right, she been wasting her time getting her chained yanked while he is just goofing around pretending to buy. I’d be so angry.

Forget you!

Marianne is on the hate Darcy train as well after dealing with him.

You jerk!

Marinne tears a message for him, hmm…

Darcy is all blah, blah Emma I’m an angry stupid prick and I want you to do all this work even though I’ve complained that this is my area of expertise and I don’y want you touching it. I can’t find a file and its all your fault ad I hate how they make him.

I hate this

Do I have to finish this series, because I don’t want to. Why did they make Darcy so awful, he was not that awful in he book.

Ugh!

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Or TV show in this case.

Emma is angry and justifiably. She should report him to HR. He should not treat her that way.

Liz is walking and Collin surprises her. They meet to discuss her dropping him. And he’s infuriating . Liz is pretty nice, I think I would have been more upset.

Marianne and Emma are walking and eating. Marianne left Darcy fake messages to the movie theater and weather station. She tells him, sorry the numbers came in too fast, maybe try a few combinations. It’s pretty funny, but Emma warns her he could her fired for it.

Marianne does’t care as it is only a temp job. Marianne shares some backstory on her family, and the writer’s got it right, thank goodness. When their dad died, Elinor took over taking care of everything, and making sure things were done-causing her to quickly grow up and adopt the “sensible persona”. And how her mom just let Marianne be herself, she’s always been the one taken care of versus taking care of others like Elinor.

Edward and Elinor grow closer together, and they are very cute. I like it! More Edward please and less Darcy.

I think a thousand fangirls died over that statement.

Darcy starts acting like a human being and actually tells a not really apology which makes me still want to punch him.

WHAT!!!!

They have a loooooooooooooong way to go to fix him.

I am NOT happy!

Collins stops by Elinor to see Liz. He wants her to show him a house as he has settled on an idea of what he wants. Liz gets mad an tells him he needs boundaries. True dat. Good job Liz-stick to your guns.

Collin leaves and calls her on the phone to set an appointment.

Ugh! This dude!

For more Austentatious, go to Big Girls Don’t Cry: Austentatious (2015)

For more Jane Austen film retellings, go to Mrs. Darcy Wants to Know the Truth!: Death Comes to Pemberley, Episode Three (2013)

For more Sense & Sensibility, go to The Smart One and the Pretty One

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to I Met Mr Darcy

For more Emma, go to Austen Avengers Assemble!

Advertisements

On the 11th Day ‘Til Christmas: The Santa Clause (1994)

On the 11th day ’til Christmas my blogger gave to me

images

The Santa Clause (1994)

I first saw the film when I was about five or six and absolutely loved it. It is such an amazing film, and answers almost all the questions one has ever asked about how Santa makes his night flight possible. Tim Allen was amazing, as he is in everything, and Eric Lloyd was simply adorable as Charlie.

Who could say no to that adorable face?

Who could say no to that adorable face?

The script was just amazing as the lines are sooo goood! I recommend it for any family to watch, I know I watch it every year.

The film is about self-centered, divorced, father, Tim Allen as Scott Calvin; being tricked into becoming Santa Clause. The film starts out with him being late to getting his son, as he has chosen to hang out at his Toy Maker Company’s Christmas party. He has a fight with his ex-wife and her husband Neil, a psychiatrist, because they have told Charlie that Santa isn’t real. I really hate Neil, he is such an awful guy.

Ugh

Ugh

He is so controlling of Charlie, and is always trying to make these huge decisions about him when he is not even his father. He needs to back off and respect that Scott is the father and the one to make crucial decisions.

Scott has not prepared anything for their Christmas Eve dinner. He wants to start the meal but realizes that to cook his frozen turkey, it’s going to take a long time. He then decides to put it in the oven on the highest temperature possible, burning up everything. This causes them to go to Denny’s because it is the only place open. Just like in A Christmas Story, the evening out proves to be hilarious.

After the two return home, Scott reads Charlie the book Twas the Night Before ChristmasShortly after the two fall asleep they find themselves being visited by Santa. Although the visit doesn’t turn out as expected. Scott reluctantly ends up becoming Santa himself.

images-1

Sarah the Little Girl: Santa?
Scott Calvin: Scott Calvin.
Sarah the Little Girl: How come your clothes are so baggy?
Scott Calvin: Because Santa is… watching his saturated fats. [gestures obesity]
Sarah the Little Girl: How come you don’t have a beard?
Scott Calvin: Because I shaved!  [instantly reveals an unwrapped present for her, out of his bag] Now, you want this doll or not? Go back to sleep.”

The deliver everything and the reindeers take them to the North Pole where everything is explained by Bernard, the head elf.

What a cutie!

What a cutie!

The next day Scott wakes up back at home in his bed; convinced everything was just a dream.

keanuWhoa

Now I really love the irony in this film. Here we have a self-absorbed, toy-inventor who was given the job of being the most unselfish toymaker. Of course Scott doesn’t believe he is Santa, but even though he chooses to live in denial, his body has already transforming. No matter what he does; he gains a belly like a bowlful of jelly, long white whiskers (a beard), and can’t stop wearing red.

And through this all Charlie is just as adorable as ever, telling everyone that his dad is Santa.

santaclause-04

“Neil: What about Santa’s reindeer? Have you even seen a reindeer fly?
Charlie: Yes.
Neil: Well, I haven’t.
Charlie: Have you ever seen a million dollars?
Neil: No.
Charlie: Just because you can’t see something, doesn’t mean is doesn’t exist.”

Here is where the story gets sad. Stupid Neil tries to take over everything and convinces the mom to get rid of Scott’s visiting rights as he feels Scott’s appearance will be damaging to Charlie. But Scott manages to manipulate the mom into letting him see Charlie at Thanksgiving. Charlie is finally able to convince Scott that he really is Santa. Just as Scott has finally accepted who he is, Bernard shows up and whisks them all away to the North Pole. However, they forgot to let the mom know about Charlie and she spends the next month worried about him.

Scott really gets into being Santa; and he works with the other elves and Charlie to complete all that needs to be done. They also do some major improvements with the sled and suit. Before you know it, it’s Christmas and they are heading out to deliver presents.

Movies_TheSantaClause

Little do they know that the police are waiting for them. Not only do they have a ton of cops at Charlie’s house, but they are picking up every Santa in that radius and hauling them off to jail.

tim-allen-the-santa-clause-police-lineup

When Scott does go to the house to drop off the presents, he ends up being arrested and taken in. This scene always reminded me of  Santa Clause is Coming to Town, as he gets caught in a similar way.

My favorite part is when they interrogate him. It’s hilarious.

When the Elves back at Mission Control realize something is wrong, they send out the Elven SWAT Team, E.L.F.S, to break him out.

I always say that line when I see tinsel, “tinsel, not just for decorating.”

So Santa gets out and clears everything up with his ex-wife. Everything ends happily as he goes out to deliver the presents and his ex-wife allows him to see Charlie anytime he wants.

It’s just a great, family film. Beloved by everyone.

Unfortunately, the sequels were not as good. They lacked the same quality of writing and hilarity. Don’t waste your time with them, but watch this one over and over! 😀

watch movie over and over

Merry Christmas!

christmas-flowers-top-bottom-930

To start the 12 Posts of Christmas from the beginning, go to On the 12th Day ’til Christmas: The 12 Men of Christmas

christmas-flowers-top-bottom-930

For more on The Santa Clause, go to Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines List

For more on Santa Clause, go to the 25 Films of Christmas

For more on Disney, go to CANDY-TIME