Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart

MrDarcyBrokeMyHeart

Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart by Beth Pattillo

Have you ever had a book and had a bad feeling about it?

BadFeelings

Either you check it out from the library, unwrap it, or pick it up in the bookstore and you just know that this book is not going to be something you enjoy.

DislikeYOuScream2

Well that’s how I felt about this book. In fact I borrowed it from the library months ago, but just couldn’t bring myself to read it. Eventually I couldn’t renew it any longer and had to read it.

So I started the book out and I actually was enjoying it.

WHAT!

WHAT! MUST KEEP READING

But then I got to the end where it all fell apart and I hated it.

I dont like it 11

So what went wrong?

So the book starts out Claire Prescott. Claire is in her thirties and from Kansas City. She is in a lackluster relationship with Neil,a  sports fanatic, and has recently lost her job when her sister calls in with a favor. After Claire’s parents died, she became the soul caregiver for her sister, forgoing college and other young adult dreams. Even now she is always caring for her sister, no matter that she is married and pregnant with her second child. Anyway, when her sister is put on bed-rest and can’t attend a special Pride & Prejudice seminar to give her paper, Claire steps up to the plate.

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Only one problem. Claire has never read anything Jane Austen, and the only thing she knows about it is that everyone who has read or watched it is obsessed with Mr. Darcy.

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So Claire journeys to Oxford University where she will be presenting the paper, and starts to feel overwhelmed as she is nowhere near the caliber of these people.

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She tries to relax and settle down, when the most gorgeous man comes her way and asks to sit with her.

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He introduces himself as James, in publishing, and from Manhattan. He too will be in the Pride & Prejudice seminar, although he is not a fan. Unfortunately he is as arrogant as he is cute. Luckily, the tongue-tied Claire is saved from making a fool of herself, as her room is ready.

That night and the welcome dinner, Claire finds herself seated with James and Martin, a kindly old man who instantly likes her. Claire tells them she is a doctor in pediatrics instead of the truth, making the same stupid cliché mistake that is done a thousand times in film and books.

Every time!

So now you know she is going to fall for James, and he for her, and then the truth will all come out making James never want to see her again. Same old, same old.

Same old thing.

Same old thing.

The next day is a free one, to help those who are suffering from jet-lag, and Claire decides to take a walk in the country. As she is roaming, she runs into an older woman, in a trench coat, sitting on a stump.

That's weird.

That’s weird.

Her name is Harriet Dalrymple and it turns out that she is a fan of Jane Austen as well. In fact she is distantly related to the author.

Harriet invites Claire over for tea, and Claire goes as she hopes to get Harriet out of the heat. They get to Harriet’s home, when Harriet drops a bomb on Claire. It turns out she has an earlier draft of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice, the one that has been believed to be destroyed.

Say What

Claire is sure Harriet is joking, but Harriet pulls out a sheet of very old paper, written in old ink, and it looks extremely legitimate.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

So Claire starts reading, and even to her limited knowledge it doesn’t seem right. While the style looks right,

Mr. Bennet is dead!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

And Mr. Bingley chooses to forgo renting Netherfield!

NotLiketheBook

Rev. Collins decides to leave the church and instead become a gentleman of leisure.

What the

This version sounds more like the beginning of Sense & Sensibility, with Elizabeth planning their removal to a cheaper area, Mr. Collins coming and kicking them out a’la Fanny Dashwood, and the whole group moving to the seaside. The only difference? Elizabeth decides to seek employment. 

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!

Now there are quite a few problems with this writing, the first being why didn’t Jane marry Mr. Collins? When you read Pride & Prejudice, we know Jane is a people pleaser and that she would do anything her parents told her too. And we know that Mr. Collins likes Jane, in fact the only thing that keeps him from marrying her is because Mrs. Bennet assumed that Mr. Bingley would ask for Jane’s hand. But if we have no Mr. Bingley, then most likely Mr. Collins would have asked for Jane’s hand and Mrs. Bennet would have agreed, like in Lost in Austen. 

Mal_huh Whoa Wow

Why would Elizabeth be seeking employment? I mean we know that Elizabeth cares for her family and wants to help them, but she is of the gentry class [minor], so it is a bit odd that that would be her first idea. Someone like her who has never had to worry about such things automatically jumping to that? This isn’t modern times, it would make more sense if the idea grew gradually instead of all at once.

What! Mark Wahlberg that's weird

So Claire becomes a little weirded out as Harriet says “the others won’t be happy” that she shared the manuscript. In fact she starts to worry that maybe she is in the opening scenes of a horror film.

Gilmore girls creep

She quickly runs away and heads to downtown.

Run Away

In downtown she runs into Martin and learns more about Jane Austen, such as the fact that she wrote a manuscript 10 years prior to Pride & Prejudice, but choose not to keep it, later publishing the one we have today. That starts her thinking, could the one I’ve been reading at Harriet’s be the “real” one?

IndianaJonesHmmMaybe

Martin also tells Claire about Tom Lefoy, the wealthy man Jane Austen fell for, but was unable to marry as his relatives quickly spirited him away from such a poor conquest. Tom Lefoy is believed to be the foundation for Mr. Darcy’s character, Austen’s version having a man of high means willing to brave the negative consequences of marrying down, along with the hateful reception from his relations. Tom Lefoy was also the basis for the plot of Persuasion, of course that novel being a wish fulfillment as the man goes away, but comes back, reuniting the couple.

The next day starts the seminar, and Claire meets their facilitator Eleanor Gibbs. Besides Claire, James, and Martin, there are three other group members: Rosie and Louise from New Zealand, and Olga from Russia. Rosie & Louise go first, their video presentation on the many portrayals of Mr. Darcy in film and TV.

 Pick whichever look you prefer

Now nobody likes their presentation, but this would actually be pretty fascinating IF done right.

I mean first we have Laurence Olivier (my opinion one of the best Darcys) who is able to play restrained and rude; balanced with the charming and endearing Darcy. You also see subtle changes in how he talks to Elizabeth, but with the proposal still coming as a shock. Then we have David Rintoul in the ’80s who is more rude than restrained. Colin Firth‘s  Darcy is the first time we are seen multiple sides of Darcy as in this depiction as we are shown his viewpoint on events instead of just Elizabeths. In Furst Impressions, Mr. Darcy is played by Wishbone the dog, being RADICALLY different. Then we have Colin Firth again, this time in Bridget Jones’ Diary, playing a betrayed man, restrained as his heart was broken, but eventually showing his true emotions. Martin Henderson in Bride & Prejudice, is not only extremely cocky but integrating into a vastly different culture. Matthew Macfayden is more cold than rude, changing more rapidly to the charming Mr. Darcy. Lost in Austen’s Darcy is played by Elliot Cowan who can be downright cruel at times. Josh Hopkins‘ Darcy in The 12 Men of Christmas isn’t a gentleman or rich, but a rugged outdoorsman, small business owner, and volunteer on the rescue squad. J.J. Feild in Austenland is more reserved, but then easily transforms to the Darcy we all love. And then of course Daniel Vincent Gordh, The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, isn’t even shown until the very end, forcing the viewers to rely on how Lizzie and friends see him, contrasting that to the amazing Darcy we are later introduced to. Sorry small tangent, I’ll get back to the book review.

LookBackNorth&SouthMr.Thornton

So, no one likes their presentation and Claire feels better about presenting next time.

The next day, Claire sees James and Eleanor talking, and it doesn’t seem to be going all that well. She waits until they are done to get a seat, when Eleanor comes over to talk to her.

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

It turns out that Harriet is Eleanor’s mother and suffering from dementia. Eleanor thinks Claire will only make things worse and wants her to stay far away. Claire doesn’t want to stop seeing Harriet, but at the same time she doesn’t want to hurt her.

Later that afternoon as she is walking away, James comes out of nowhere and asks her to dinner.

What?

What?

Claire is surprised, but accepts.

excited

James takes her to a super fancy place for dinner and the two discuss Darcy. James thinks it’s the money and extreme good looks that stirs the women’s hearts, but Claire doesn’t agree. He kind of squashes anything Claire has to say in retort and moves on to other topics.

How rude

Now here is where James is dead wrong. Money isn’t what makes Darcy so sought after, [you can read more about in my post First Impressions], it’s the fact that he is willing to humble himself and admit he was wrong, help out the Bennet family with no promise that he would gain Elizabeth’s heart, and the fact that he is brave enough to withstand all objections by his family for the woman he marries. That is why he is so romantic!

Mr.Darcy & Dating

Anyways, James tells Claire that Martin is a professor who’s field is Jane Austen, in fact he will be teaching in Oxford in the fall. Claire is surprised and the conversation moves on.

That night as James is walking Claire to her dorm, the two have a moment, nothing happens, but Claire is starting to feel guilty about it as she is in a relationship with Neil. A stagnant, boring one, but a relationship none the less.

Likeahouse

The next day Claire finds herself going to see Harriet’s, and another portion of the “manuscript”.

Elizabeth is at Rosings Park, a companion to Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s daughter Ann.

suspicious  Hmm

Okay why is she working here? How did she even meet Lady Catherine? Reverand Collins introduced them in the original novel, but judging from how people treated the ex-Reverand Hale in North & South, I don’t think Lady Catherine would want someone related to the ex-Reverand Collins. Whether he left the church for beliefs or money.

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So Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam are on their way to visit. Elizabeth goes out walking the gardens and getting messy, dirty, and tan. She runs into Mr. Darcy on a horse. He believes her to be a lower class servant and is rather mean to her. Elizabeth shoots the barbs right back.

Okay in Pride & Prejudice, Mr. Darcy was seen as rude or cold, but never downright mean. In fact the whole reason everyone really starts hating him is that he gives the impression of looking down on people and says Elizabeth isn’t pretty enough to him. BUT, we know from his servants that he really nice and caring, so why would you make him like this?

Get it right

Get it right

As she continues on her way, angry with herself as being rude might get her fired, she encounters Colonel Fitzwilliam, who has injured himself riding. The two flirt a bit, and Elizabeth scurries on her way to get help.

So we have Colonel Fitzwilliam as a rival for Elizabeth’s affections instead of Wickham. Claire is surprised by this, but can’t read more as she has to leave. Harriet warns her about Mrs. Potter, the leader of the Formidables, a secret society that wants to make sure anything Jane Austen’s sister did not intend for public viewships to remain hidden. Eleanor also wants the manuscript as she wants to publish it and become rich. Harriet sends all the pieces she has found with Claire, feeling they are safer with her until she makes her decision as what to do with them.

So now it is as if Claire has entered a spy movie, as she has “the package” everyone is after.

As Claire is contemplating what to do, she runs into James, who invites her to tour the Botanical Gardens with him. They walk around with Claire wanting to slowly stroll and take it all in, while James is just wanting to keep moving forward. Claire questions him as to what happened if a famous author’s previous manuscript was discovered and James tells her that it will mean A LOT OF MONEY for the person and the publishing house.

money money money

They eventually have to stop as it gets too hot. Now I have never been to England and I know this author has, but I looked up the temperatures and it does not get hot. 70 degrees? That’s nothing, try being in the ’90s or 100s. THAT’S HOT!

Anyways, as they are resting, James falls asleep, leaning on Claire. So with Claire having one guy interested it is fitting in scriptworld for Neil to decide to call her up.

Phew!

Phew!

Yes Neil who hardly ever seems to pay attention and is just calling her after she has been there like three days already! THREE DAYS!! He should have called the first day to see that she got in okay. Bad boyfriend, bad.

See Hook agrees with me.

See Hook agrees with me.

It turns out that Claire’s sister Missy said something to him, that made Neil want to call. Hurumph.

James wakes up and asks Claire to dine with him again, but she decides that the dining hall is better as the nice restaurants make her a bit uneasy and they really should be mingling with the other students. They have dinner, with Martin joining them. At the end of it, one of the porters comes for Claire as she has a package waiting for her.

Inside the package are more pages of the novel. Claire runs to her room to read more when she finds a warning note from Mrs. Parrot who wants the pages back.

They're watching her!

They’re watching her!

Claire decides to continue reading as she just has to know what happens next.

So Lady Catherine is throwing a ball, of which Elizabeth is not invited. To her surprise at the last minute Lady Catherine requests her presence, and she dresses quickly in a black gown. 

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So as this manuscript is missing a lot of pages, we are unsure how long after Elizabeth’s father died that this ball is taking place. Black was only worn during the full morning period, half of the complete mourning period. As a daughter, Elizabeth would mourn for six months, having to wear all black in the first three and could wear half black for the last three. SHE WOULD NEVER, EVER wear a black gown if she wasn’t mourning. Now as Elizabeth is mourning, as she is wearing black, she could not go to the ball. Customs allowed the deceased’s family to only go to Church and a few functions, balls were out of the question. And a woman like Lady Catherine who cares so much about propriety and society would never make a faux-pas like that. NEVER!

So a mistake like that? Book’s a fake. Move on Claire, move on.

Majorly

Majorly

So Rev. Humphrey, the one who took Mr. Collins’ position, invites Elizabeth to an outing to show off his house. Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam are also going to take a look. Elizabeth agrees, if Ann’s health allows her to come. Lady Catherine agrees if Darcy leads Ann. Elizabeth notices that Darcy doesn’t seem eager to be thrown together with his cousin. Colonel Fitzwilliam will lead Elizabeth, disappointing Rev. Humphrey as he wanted her all to himself. 

Claire decides to go out for some exercise, taking the manuscript in her purse, and runs into Martin. She asks for his help and shows him the manuscript. Martin wishes he could see more and find out where it all came from, but Claire can’t tell him as she promised Harriet. Martin guesses that the Formidables are involved somehow in all this, much to Claire’s surprise. In the end Martin tells her that he believes it could be real, and when Claire asks for advice of what to do, he tells her to follow her heart.

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As she is heading to her room, Claire runs into James who makes her feel…words can’t describe. He walks her home when, he suddenly kisses her.

BMW Kiss

Just as suddenly he breaks away, all sorry that he gave her the wrong impression but nothing can happen here story. If nothing can happen why would you kiss her? Come, on!

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Claire is justifiably incensed and takes off to her room. When she reaches her room she finds it ransacked!

OhNOthisisgonnabebad

The next day Eleanor is angry with Claire for bothering her mother, and tries to get the manuscript from her. But Claire steadfastly refuses.

It’s time for Claire to share her sister’s essay, which is on the relationship between Elizabeth and Jane. Her sister, Missy, feels that Elizabeth’s constant helping actually hinders her chances of securing an attachment with Bingley, rather than the younger sister’s actions. However, I disagree as anything anyone says about Jane doesn’t deter Bingley except for when Mr. Darcy tells him that not only is Jane from bad stock, but he doesn’t think she really likes Bingley that much. So in reality it comes from Elizabeth not telling Jane what Charlotte told her too, make it clear she was very interested. Sorry Missy but you have some huge holes in your thesis.

This whole essay upsets Claire as it makes her rethink her relationship with Missy, maybe Missy actually resents everything she’s done to help her.

After the paper is shared, they spend the rest of the time talking about the guy we all hate, Wickham.

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When class end Claire finds herself back at Harriet’s cottage, and is given the next part to read.

So the group has gone out to visit Rev. Humphrey’s home. The good Rev. is very interested in Elizabeth, which upsets Lady Catherine. ( I don’t know why? Wouldn’t she prefer him giving her all the attention instead of her nephews?) Elizabeth finds herself continuously paired with the colonel and starts enjoying her time with him. Elizabeth asks about an engagement between Darcy and Ann, but Colonel Fitzwilliam assures her that there is nothing definite. Elizabeth is hopeful as she cares for Darcy.

Now why would she do that? In this manuscript we have only seen two thing with Darcy 1) rude to servants and people he thinks are below him 2) Very quiet. Now does that seem like something Elizabeth would fall for? NO! In Pride & Prejudice there is the hope that maybe he might be her true guy, which is dashed when he says that he doesn’t think she is that attractive. Her contempt for him is only changed after she sees his sweet behavior in Pemberly with his servants, sister, and her and her relations. This is all further fortified when he helps with Lydia and brings Jane and Bingley together. Get it right!

Get it right!!!

Get it right Beth Patillo!!!

Elizabeth asks the Colonel more about  himself and learns that he has recently left the regiment as he has been granted a parcel of land by his father. He doesn’t seem supremely happy with the choice as he misses being out on the sea. Elizabeth also shares a bit of her feelings on how she dislikes the changes her family was forced to go through. Elizabeth then starts thinking on how he would make a great husband, and protect his wife. If only Darcy was like that. Darcy, who makes her feel alive when he kissed her, but now only ignores her.

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There are two, HUGE problems with that! Huge!!

First of all, look at Elizabeth!! That’s not Elizabeth. That character is the type you would find in a 10¢ “historical”, bodice-ripping, romance novel. Oooh what a strong protector. Oh Mr. Darcy’s eyes, his lips. NO NO NO  NO NO NO! Elizabeth does not moon over such things NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is horrible! This is like bad fan fiction. This is Fifty Shades of Gray bad! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!! Elizabeth would never act like that, Never!!!

NotLiketheBook

I’m sooooooooo upset right now!!!!!!

notenoughChamomileTeaStopRage

Just argh!! Words cannot express how much I hate how they took a character I love and destroyed it so!!! And I get that the author is trying to present a radically different Austen novel and one that a younger Jane might write but I don’t care!!! I don’t like it!

I don't like it 11

And number two NO KISSING IN JANE AUSTEN NOVELS!!!! There is no way Jane Austen would write them kissing. That wasn’t done in Regency periods. You don’t go kissing until after marriage, unless you are a no good cad like Mr. Tilney’s older brother. So NO NO NO NO! Mr. Darcy would not be trifling with girls affections, no. And Jane would not put that in there.

So there! tongue sticking out pug

No way! It is a FAKE!!!!!!

Elizabeth enjoys Colonel Fitzwilliam’s company, but she is in love with Darcy.

Although I don’t know why as apparently he is a cad.

As Claire leaves Harriet’s she sees someone following her.

creep watching lovely bones Stanley tucci

It’s Mrs. Parrot who wants the manuscripts back.

The next morning, Claire heads out to Starbucks and on the way to class runs into James. James wants to apologize for how he was acting as he cares for her. He is about to confess something to Claire, and Claire is about to tell the truth on her not being a doctor, when who should appear? Neil.

Darcy P&P OMG Can't Even

What a cliché!

Neil introduces himself as Claire’s boyfriend, which upsets James. James asks if it is true, of which Claire says yes, causing James to become angry and stalk off. Neil realizes what has been happening and also becomes angry and takes off. Claire is just appalled at how quickly life was turned upside down.

StoryOfMyLifeSomeLikeItHotMarilynMonroe

James presents his paper on how Elizabeth wasn’t really in love with Darcy but just a gold-digger once she saw how awesome Pemberly was. Claire runs out, just wanting to be alone to deal with all the stuff that went down that morning. She runs to the nearby river to think, when Neil comes floating down on a boat. They talk about their relationship, with Neil admitting that he didn’t pay as much attention to her as he should have, but that Claire wasn’t giving him as much attention as she is too focused on her sister. Now I thought this was a very late development, as previously Claire had mentioned that she did a lot for her sister, but when Neil mentions it as almost an obsession. Who is right? We don’t know as the author is almost trying to rescind her earlier reasons for why Claire was unhappy in her relsationship and the whole character based on Neil. I don’t buy it.

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Claire leaves Neil to think, and heads to Harriet’s who has found more pieces of the manuscript.

Elizabeth is walking in the park when she runs into Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy tells Elizabeth that he will not be victim to her game of trying to catch him. He tells her he loves her but that he could never marry a poor peon like her. If he was free from family control, maybe, but no. Elizabeth becomes angry, and says she never tried any such thing of “catching him”. And Darcy is free to do what he wishes.

Okay this is what I don’t like! They made Darcy the villian! They made him a pompus, jerk, pansy, mamma’s boy! No, NO, NO, NO. That is not how Darcy should be. And wouldn’t this Darcy make more sense after her fling with Tom LeFoy as she would have been angry with his lack of standing up for their love and releasing her anger in written form? Why would she  change and make Darcy better after such a disappointing circumstance when her previous creations evoked a closer emotion. It doesn’t make sense to me. And Darcy cannot be the villain. NO!!!!

No thank you

Elizabeth then travels to see Jane and pour out her miseries

Whatever! This book is going to have to do some major begging to get me to like it as it has sunk very, very low in my opinion.

So Claire and Neil meet at a pub to talk. It turns out that Neil is doubly upset as he was going to ask Claire to marry him.

ouch Hermione

They break up, and Neil heads to the airport.

Claire runs into James, who once he hears about the breakup, wants the two to start over fresh and build a life together. Claire appreciates his thoughts but tells him the truth about her not being a doctor. She also tells him that a part of her has been believing that he’s her Mr. Darcy.

Which he isn’t as he is totally jerky. Remember their dinner together, where he wouldn’t let her express her opinions?

Jerk

Claire goes to sleep missing Neil and wondering why she thew him away.

missingYou

Uh, Claire let me just remind you that the boy was taking you for granted and waited three days before calling or texting you! Three days! Find someone who really cares about you.

Missy calls Claire the next day and the two have a huge heart-to-heart. Missy tells her how she loves her sister, but truth is Claire has been sacrificing too much of her dreams and goals. Missy is grown now, Claire should be focusing on her own life, needs, desires, etc.

She later runs into Neil, who couldn’t catch a flight, which makes her regret everything even more. She believes that the man next to her is better than Mr. Darcy/James. Of which let me remind you James is nowhere near Mr. Darcy, and if Claire had actually read Pride & Prejudice she would know that. 

Mr. TPride&PrejudicePity

Martin finally presents his topic and it is on courage, the courage that Elizabeth has to reexamine herself and understand her heart.

As she is leaving, James approaches Claire. He tells her that he originally pursued her not because he liked her but because Eleanor told him that she had a copy of the manuscript. He was the one who ransacked her room.

Darcy Wickham Pride&Prejudice

He fell in love with her along the way and hope that they can start completely new and fresh. Claire says thanks, but no thanks. Which good for you, you don’t need a Wickham in your life.

I don't need you

Claire then goes to the Bodleian Library and researches into Austen’s life, finding what she thinks is the key to the change in the Mr. Darcys.

Claire believes that Austen changed from the previous manuscrupt because she actually expereienced what it was like to be poor. She also believes that the Mr. Darcy we love today, was created as to give redemption to the man that broke  her heart and fell short of her ideals. Harriet agrees and gives her the last page.

Elizabeth is visiting her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner in London, and enjoying their time together. She is trying to find a new job when a man arrives to see her, Colonel Fitzwilliam. He comes and tells her that he loves her and wishes to marry her, and that he is willing to stand up to the disagreements of his family. Elizabeth agrees to marry him. They take off to visit Darcy’s friend Bingley, taking along Jane. The End.

So all the author really did in this book was turn Darcy into a cad and reverse which Fitzwilliam had the guts. In the actual book, Colonel Fitzwilliam tells Elizabeth that he likes her but needs a woman with fortune, making sure that she has no hopes pinned on him. In this she has Darcy do it. Yawn.

Nothing about this book was revolutionary to me or that delightful, as Pattillo seemed to be trying to just make money off Jane Austen fans, by twisting one of her classics and taking the characters we adore turning them into strange creatures only seen in stupid low-quality romances.

Mmhm great gatsby

By the way, Claire gives the papers to Harriet, and she returns home set on going to school, getting her degree, and gets back with Neil on the plane.

So I really, really did not enjoy this book. And I do not recommend it for any other Jane Austen fans

It was this bad.

It was this bad.

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For more retellings of Pride & Prejudice, go to The Accidental Bride

For more on works inspired by Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice, go to Happy Birthday Pride & Prejudice

For more Pride & Prejudice, go to Cold-Hearted

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First Impressions

PrideandPrejudice

So let’s talk about Mr. Darcy’s first meeting. He made several mistakes.

Mr-Darcy-jane-austens-heroes-9589797-2048-1351

Yes, you did. You made a to of blunders that really led to you demise in the public’s eye.

So we see that when Darcy is first introduced as being one hot guy.

“Mr. Darcy soon drew the attention of the room by his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mein, and…having ten thousand a year…the ladies declared he was much handsomer than Mr. Bingley, and he was looked at with great admiration…”

Yeah-Dean-dean-winchester-33251540-500-300

talldarkawesome

Mr.DarcySexyPridePrej

That is until he showed how prideful he is

Mr-DarcyexcuseMe

“[Mr. Darcy] was looked at with great admiration for about half the evening, till his manners gave a disgust which turned the tide of his popularity; for he was discovered to be proud; to be above his company, and above being pleased; and not all his large estate in Derbyshire could save him…”

facepalm

1. Not Dancing

DancingNotforme Darcy Pride and prejudice

Now I am not big on dancing, I’m like William H. Macy in Wild Hogs

Baddancer wildHOgs

But to people in Regency era dancing was an important thing. As a woman to be dancing it spoke of your beauty and possibility of marriage. Therefore Darcy giving a huge slight on the town  and the women as he danced with no one. It was like saying no one there was good enough for him.

Mr.DarcyMoveAside Pride and prejuice

It also told everyone that they had no chance at all at gaining his heart as

“To be found of dancing was a certain step toward falling in love…”

Not good Mr. Darcy, not good at all.

Ouch

Ouch

But in his defense he only knows a few people, and it can be hard to dance in front of strangers, especially if you are dancing with a stranger.

“You know how I detest it [dancing], unless I am particularly acquainted with my partner.”

I know I couldn’t do it. Mr. Bingley tries to introduce him to people, but Darcy just shuts him down. True it sounds rude, but I believe that Darcy is just socially awkward.

IdontLikeParties

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2. Pride

Mr.DarcyMoveAside Pride and prejuice

Yep, Darcy comes off as a regular tool, the way he acts above everybody else.

“he was discovered to be proud; to be above his company, and above being pleased…”

Jerk

He only dances two dances, one with Mrs. Hurst (Bingley’s sister) and Miss Caroline Bingley. He also only talked to the people within his party, declining to be introduced to anyone else.

How rude

“His character was decided. He was the proudest, most disagreeable man in the world, and everybody hoped he would never come there again.”

Good riddance

Good riddance

However, I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. It can be hard when you are in a new area. Sometimes you can come off being ruder than you mean to be.

sociallyawkward

I used to be like that a lot. People would tell me they thought I was a snob before, and glad that they were mistaken. I never realized that my self-consciousness was giving off that kind of vibe. In fact I feel bad for Darcy, as for him it was the same way. He never realizes the way he may portray himself or the attitude he gives off until Elizabeth tells him.

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3. Slighting Elizabeth

Ooooh Darcy, this is where you really dig yourself into a hole.

“She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me.”

Ouch

Ouch

Sorry Darcy, I have nothing to say to defend you. You said such a cruel thing and she tells her friend and family. Her mother spreads the story around and Darcy, you’re coffin is sealed.

Good riddance

Good riddance

 

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So this clearly shows that we need to watch our actions and how we present ourselves to people. First impressions last a long time and take forever to overcome.

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Also that even though Darcy is hot and rich, its personality that will always win over as everyone was willing to forget trying to win his heart, once they felt his personality was a huge zero.

personality

Yep personality will always win out:

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And it’s a good thing for us that Darcy has a beautiful soul to go with his body. It just takes a bit of time for us and Elizabeth to see it.

Laurence Olivier Mr. Darcy

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For more on Mr. Darcy, go to It’s All Jane Austen’s Fault

For more on Pride and Prejudice, go to Just Can’t Get a Break

For more on Elizabeth Bennet, go to How to Catch a Man

For more on first impressions, go to Happy Birthday Pride & Prejudice

For more on Regency Era, go to Definitely Not Mr. Darcy

For more on tall, dark, and handsome men; go to Gone Forever

For more on Maya Angelou, go to A Woman’s Heart

For more of my favorite quotes, go to Food, Food, Food!

For more on Wild Hogs, go to Part VIII: The Little Movie Lines List

For more on George of the Jungle, go to Episode VI: Return of the Favorite Movie Lines’ List

It’s All Jane Austen’s Fault

I blame her for my high expectations of men and obsessions that she caused. I mean the men she created are just tooooo perfect!

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Mr. Darcy

The many handsome men who have played Mr. Darcy

The many handsome men who have played Mr. Darcy

So here we have a guy that acts like a total jerk, I mean absolutely awful, but then does a complete 360 when he realizes that he was horrible to the girl he loved. Not only does he do everything he can to change Elizabeth’s opinion of him but does everything he can to help her and her family.

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Seriously:

I blame Mr. Darcy

I mean look at how he tells her he loves her (I mean past all the your family is horrible stuff)

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Darcy

I admire and love you! So romantic!

So romantic!

So romantic!

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Mr.Darcy & Dating

 Seriously!

Mr. Darcy

For more on Mr. Darcy, go to Mr. Darcy is a Charmer

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Colonel Brandon

Colonel Brandon

Here is a guy who loved a girl and lost her to someone else. He loved her so much he was willing to raise her daughter and treat her as his own. He then falls for another girl and watches her fall for another, less worthy of her, but does nothing but try to be her friend through it all. When she is in trouble he is willing to do anything, risk any storm, travel over many miles all for her.

Col. Brandon carrying Marianne

So romantic!

So romantic!

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Seriously:

COL Brandon

Yes, you are.

For more on Colonel Brandon, go to Let’s Hear It for the Boys

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Mr. Knightly

Mr. Knightly

He’s loved Emma for a while but thinks that she deserves more. So instead of saying anything or doing anything he stays content being her friend and helping her through every mess she throws herself into. I mean he travels through any element to be by Emma’s side; he’s better than the post office.

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He also likes her for more than just her beauty and charm as he loves her mind. He’s a man of substance and wants a women who can challenge him and his thinking.

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Because he knows her father’s delicate state of mind and that he wouldn’t survive without his daughter around, he gives up living at his house and moves in with her. Can you imagine a wealthy guy who’s been used to having everything his way, give up that independence so that he can make his bride and father-in-law happy? Aw, he is sooooooooo romantic!

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For more on Mr. Knightlygo to Obviously You Never Met George Knightly
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Mr. Tilney

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Here is a guy who threw away his inheritance all for Catherine. He loved her so much, he didn’t care that she wasn’t rich, he didn’t care that he would be cut off; all he cared about was making Catherine his wife.

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So romantic!

So romantic!

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Yep Mr. Tilney is perfect for me. Not only do I think so but it has been confirmed by Buzzfeed.

Click here to find out who your Austen soulmate is.

Click here to find out who your Austen soulmate is.

For more on Mr. Tilney, go to Storybook Ending

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Capt. Wentwoth

Frederick Wentworth

So here we have a guy who loved this girl so much and had his heartbroken by her. He thought that she broke up with him because he was poor. He has made a huge success of himself, is rich, but has never forgotten her.

Fredrick Wentworth

He comes on leave and runs into her. He thinks he is over her, but tries to make her jealous by hanging around with other girls. However, he realizes that he still cares for her and when he finds out that  she didn’t dump him because he was poor, he begins to hope again.

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Then doing everything he can to win her back and make her dreams come true.

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He writes the most absolutely beautiful “let’g get back together” letter ever imaginable.

You pierce my soul Persuasion not too late Persuasionoffermyheart Persuasionlovedyou PersuasionFor you alone Persuasion

A word look Persuasion

For more on Capt. Wentworth, go to A Letter of Love

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BoysinBks

Guys pay attention:

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But I haven’t given up hope! Someday…

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Just stay calm

JaneAusten

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For more on Jane Austen, go to For Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic

For more on Pride and Prejudice, go to How to Catch a Man

For more on Sense and Sensibility, go to On the 10th Day ‘Til Christmas

For more on Emma, go to Take a Chill Pill John Knightly

For more on Northanger Abbey, go to Project Runway

For more on Persuasion, go to Part VII: It Was Said One Night

For more bookish posts, go to The Two Times to Be Over

For more quizzes, go to Viva La Révolution

For more of my favorite quotes, go to But It’s Alright

Conversations With Mr. Darcy

So some of you remember that a couple of weeks ago I mentioned that Mr. Darcy Talked to Me? Well, he’s done it again!

Say What

Yep, he must find me fascinating! 🙂

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So on Twitter, there is someone who pretends to be Mr. Darcy, but not the Colin Firth version, I guess the book Mr. Darcy. Anyways, he saw one of my posts and decided to comment, causing us to get into conversation.

Mr. Darcy

Oh Darcy, you think I haven’t talked about you?

As if Clueless

To read more of my posts on Mr. Darcy click on the following links:

Mr. Darcy: Man of Dreams

Darcy’s Dream Date

Flirting With Disaster

A Halloween Hello From the Austen Men

On the 12th Day ‘Til Christmas: The 12 Men of Christmas

On the 10th Day ‘Til Christmas: Merry Christmas from the Austen Novels

The Beauty of Darcy

The Evolution of Darcy’s Views

How to Catch Mr. Darcy

Worst Proposal Ever!

It’s Super Important

Happy Birthday Pride & Prejudice

The NeverEnding Story

Parental Favortism

Definitely NOT Mr. Darcy

My New BF

A Hunky Helping of Manwich

The many handsome men who have played Mr. Darcy

Just can’t get enough of this man

For more on Pride & Prejudice, go to Project Runway

For more on Colin Firth, go to Language of Love

For more on Modern Times, go to Happy B-day!

For more on Pride and Prejudice (1940), go to Episode III: Revenge of  My Favorite Movie Lines

For more on Pride and Prejudice (1980), go to Episode IV: A New Favorite Movie Lines List

For more on Pride and Prejudice (1995), go to What’s the Dealio

And don’t forget to follow me on twitter!

 

Mr. Darcy Talked to Me

Yes, it’s true, Mr. Darcy spoke to me!

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Now calm down you all, before you cart me off to the crazy train, its not like that. So I’ve mentioned in some earlier posts that I have a twitter, tumblr, and facebook page; on which I post other things than these posts. You know pictures I like, Man Candy MOnday, Throwback Thursday, etc. Well a few weeks ago I did Colin Firth for Man Candy Monday as Mr. Darcy and guess what! He tweeted me back!!! Mr. Darcy, not Colin Firth.

Say What

Yeah check it out!

Mr. Darcy Pride and Prejudice

He thanked me!

So romantic!

So romantic!

 

Now I know he’s not the real Mr. Darcy. But still, it really cute that he did that so I can pretend Darcy actually had a conversation with me (J/K)

Mr.Darcy & Dating

For more on Mr. Darcy, go to Defintely Not Mr. Darcy

For more on Pride and Prejudice, go to My New BF

For more on Colin Firth, go to  Language of Love

Episode III: Revenge of the My Favorite Movie Lines List

Remember back in 2007, when all those threequels came out? Spider-man 3, Shrek the 3rd, etc. While I’ve created a threequel of my own. Yes it is back and once again in no particular order, but my favorite movie quotes are here for your enjoyment!

201)”President Grant: [To West] Not every situation calls for your patented approach of “shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more and then when everybody’s dead try to ask a question or two.”–Wild, Wild, West (1999)

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202)”George Bailey: Just a minute… just a minute. Now, hold on, Mr. Potter. You’re right when you say my father was no businessman. I know that. Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I’ll never know. But neither you nor anyone else can say anything against his character, because his whole life…he never once thought of himself. Isn’t that right, Uncle Billy? He didn’t save enough money to send Harry away to college, let alone me. But he did help a few people get out of your slums, Mr. Potter, and what’s wrong with that? Why… here, you’re all businessmen here. Doesn’t it make them better citizens? Doesn’t it make them better customers?…They had to wait and save their money before they even ought to think of a decent home. Wait? Wait for what? Until their children grow up and leave them? Until they’re so old and broken down that they… Do you know how long it takes a working man to save $5,000? Just remember this, Mr. Potter, that this rabble you’re talking about… they do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community. Well, is it too much to have them work and pay and live and die in a couple of decent rooms and a bath? Anyway, my father didn’t think so. People were human beings to him. But to you, a warped, frustrated old man, they’re cattle. Well in my book, my father died a much richer man than you’ll ever be! “–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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203)”Marion: I don’t like crooks. And if I did like ’em, I wouldn’t like crooks that are stool pigeons. And if I did like crooks that are stool pigeons, I still wouldn’t like you.”–The Thin Man (1934)

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204)”Lady Claire:[Interpreting for Marek] He is very grateful you returned his sister.
Lord Arnaut:[Picks up his sword threateningly at Marek]You’re English.
Andre Marek:[Hurriedly]No, I’m Scottish.
Lady Claire: Arnaut, he saved the life of one of your men.
Lord Arnaut: You’re Scottish, huh?
Andre Marek: Yes.
Lord Arnaut:In that case, I do not know how to express my gratitude.”–Timeline (2003)

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205)”Genie: [turns into a cheerleader] Rick ’em, rack ’em, rock ’em, rake! Stick that sword into that snake!
Jafar: You sssstay out of thissss!
Genie: [Weakly] Jafar, Jafar, he’s our man; if he can’t do it, GREAT!”–Aladdin (1992)

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206)”Godfrey: Tommy, there’s a very peculiar mental process called thinking – you wouldn’t know much about that – but when I was living here I did a lot of it.”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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207)”Mary Bennet: What are men compared to rocks and mountains? “–Pride and Prejudice (2005)

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208)”George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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209)”Nora Charles: Oh, Nicky, I love you because you know such lovely people. “–The Thin Man (1934)

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210)”Cassandra: I don’t believe I’ve ever had French champagne before…
Benjamin Kane: Oh, actually all champagne is French; it’s named after the region. Otherwise it’s sparkling white wine. Americans of course don’t recognize the convention, so it becomes that thing of calling all of their sparkling white “champagne”, even though by definition they’re not.
Wayne Campbell: Ah yes, it’s a lot like “Star Trek: The Next Generation”. In many ways it’s superior but will never be as recognized as the original.”–Wayne’s World (1992)

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211)”Irene: [in a singsong voice] Cornelia lost her pearls, and I’ve got mine! Cornelia lost her pearls, and I’ve got mine!Cornelia lost her pearls, and I’ve got mine!–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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212)”Elizabeth Bennet: Oh Mr. Darcy, Miss Bingley here is eager for her lesson. I hope you will enjoy it, Miss Bingley, and that you will learn to direct your darts with greater accuracy.”–Pride and Prejudice (1940)

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213)”Genie: Oi! Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck.”–Aladdin (1992)

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214)”April: Why don’t I ever dream of Harrison Ford?”–Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

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215)”[Artemus is wearing a bulletproof vest]
Artemus Gordon: I only have one request: that you aim for my heart, my heart which has loved this country so much.
Dr. Arliss Loveless: Shoot him in the head.
Artemus Gordon: [quietly] D***!”–Wild, Wild, West (1999)

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216)”Marek: We’re speaking the same language, but you don’t understand a word I’m saying, do you?
Lady Claire: No.”–Timeline (2003)

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217)”Nick Charles: Who was that?
Nora Charles: Oh, you wouldn’t know them, darling. They’re respectable.”–After the Thin Man (1936)

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218)”Elizabeth Bennett: Oh, if you want to be really refined, you have to be dead. There’s no one as dignified as a mummy.”–Pride and Prejudice (1940)

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219)”Kay Weston: This country is crawling with Indians, and you’re going fishing.
Matt Calder: There are lots of ways to die. Starving to death isn’t my favorite.”–River of No Return (1954)

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220)”Loveless Hentchman: [Doing Karate moves] I learned that from a China man
Capt. James West: [Kickes up a shovel and hits him in the face] I just made that up .”–Wild, Wild, West (1999)

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221)”Clarence: Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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222)”Nora Charles: Waiter, will you serve the nuts? I mean, will you serve the guests the nuts?”–The Thin Man (1934)

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223)”Delivery Man: Hey, this is a 10. The tab is 13.
Michaelangelo: You’re two minutes late, dude.
Delivery Man: Aw come on, I couldn’t find the place!
Michaelangelo: Wise man say forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.”–Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

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224)”Lin McAdam: That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t like it. Some things a man has to do, so he does ’em.”–Winchester ’73 (1950)

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225)”Charles Eastman: Did you know that there is no word in the Sioux language for that, sir?
Henry Dawes: For what?
Charles Eastman: To “own the earth.” Not in any native language.”–Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (2007)

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226)”George Bailey: I wanna live again!”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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227)”Johnny: I love that when I breathe you in you smell like cake batter. And I love that you have this insane way of talking in circles that makes perfect sense.
Milly: [shocked] I do? Cause sometimes I feel like nobody understands me. But…
Johnny: Me. I get you.”–Because I Said So (2007)

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228)”Elizabeth Bennett: How clever of you, Miss Bingley, to know something of which you are ignorant.”–Pride and Prejudice (1940)

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229)”Leonardo: First, we must observe the ancient ritual of the, uh, uh… traditional pre-fight donut.”–Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:Secret of the Ooze (1991)

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230)”Chief Red Cloud: I say today for all ears within hearing that if Sitting Bull had spoken the way he speaks today, I would not have touched that pen. I will not touch your pen to your paper. I will not touch it to your red paper, I will not touch it to your black paper. The white man will not see my mark again on his paper for the rest of my days on this earth.”–Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (2007)

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231)”Lord Oliver: My God, it’s a miracle, a quiet Frenchman. “–Timeline (2003)

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232)”Leonardo: A true Ninja is a master of himself and his environment.”–Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

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233)”Donatello: Help! I’m a turtle and I can’t get up!”–Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

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234)”Mr. Darcy: I rather admired what you did this afternoon Miss Elizabeth. Your resentment of what you believe to be an injustice showed courage and loyalty. I could wish I might possess a friend who would defend me as ably as Mr. Wickham was defended today.”–Pride and Prejudice (1940)

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235)”Cleve Van Valen: From the first moment I saw you I’ve known that I couldn’t live without you.
Lilith ‘Lily’ Prescott: Well… I’d hate to be the cause of your death, Mr. Van Valen.”–How the West Was Won (1962)

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236)”Man on Porch: Ah, youth is wasted on the wrong people.”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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237)”Nora Charles: Nick? Nicky?
Nick Charles: What?
Nora Charles: You asleep?
Nick Charles: Yes!
Nora Charles: Good. I want to talk to you.”–The Thin Man (1934)

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238)”Donatello: The perimeter’s quiet.
Leonardo: Yeah, a little too quiet.
[Donatello knocks two Foot soldiers out]
Donatello: Well, that was easy!
Leonardo: Yeah, a little too easy.
Donatello: Look! It’s Raph!
Michaelangelo: Yeah, a little too Raph.”–Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

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239)”Mr. Bennett: At this moment it’s difficult to believe that you’re so proud.
Mr. Darcy: At this moment it’s difficult to believe that you’re so prejudiced.”–Pride and Prejudice (1940)

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240) “Aladdin: Princess Jasmine, you’re very…
Genie: Wonderful! Magnificent! Glorious!… Punctual!
Aladdin: Punctual!
Princess Jasmine: Punctual?
Genie: Sorry.
Aladdin: Uh, beautiful!
Genie: Nice recovery.”–Aladdin (1992)

 

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241)”Cole: Next time you shoot somebody, don’t go near ’em till you’re… sure they’re dead! “–El Dorado (1966)

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242)”George Bailey: You sit around here and you spin your little webs and you think the whole world revolves around you and your money. Well, it doesn’t, Mr. Potter. In the whole vast configuration of things, I’d say you were nothing but a scurvy little spider!”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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243)”Michaelangelo: Ahh, ninja pizza!
Donatello: “Ninja pizza”?
Michaelangelo: Pizza that vanish quickly without trace!”–Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

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244)”Mr. Darcy: No, indeed, my mind was more agreeably engaged. I’ve been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.”–Pride and Prejudice (1995)

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245)”Thomas Dunson: Who are you?
Cherry Valance: Some call me one thing, some another.
Thomas Dunson: What do they call you most?
Cherry Valance: By my name. Cherry Valance.”–Red River (1948)

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246)”Shredder: Babies! They’re babies!
Professor Jordan Perry: What did you expect? They’d come out quoting “Macbeth”?
Shredder: They are stupid!
Professor Jordan Perry: Well, they’re not stupid, they’re infants.
Rahzar: [knocks Tokka on the head with a metal pole] Bang!
Tokka: Ow!
Professor Jordan Perry: Okay, they’re stupid infants.”–Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Secret of the Ooze (1991)

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247)”Clarence: You see George, you’ve really had a wonderful life. Don’t you see what a mistake it would be to just throw it away?”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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248)”Michaelangelo: Oh, he who dings the shell must *pay.*”–Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

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249)”Mr. Bennet: Til you or your sister Jane return, I shall not hear two words of sense spoken together.”–Pride and Prejudice (1995)

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250)”Cherry: There are only two things more beautiful than a good gun: a Swiss watch or a woman from anywhere.”–Red River (1948)

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251)”Johnny: Even before I met you I had an instinct about you. Once I saw you were a woman with profound static cling I wanted to be that force around you.”–Because I Said So (2007)

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252)”Sam: I made a promise, Mr Frodo. A promise. “Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee.” And I don’t mean to. I don’t mean to.”–Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

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253)”Madge: [To Irene] Honey, I’ll call you in the morning.
Irene: I’m going to be rather busy.
Madge: When should I call you?
Irene:I’m afraid I’m going to be busy from now on.
Madge:Then I’ll call you in a couple of days. Or maybe tomorrow night?
Bob: Just pick up the sofa and throw it at her. Maybe that’d make her catch on.”–Dark Passage (1947)

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254)”Mrs. Bennet: Everybody behave naturally.”–Pride and Prejudice (2005)

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255)”Irene: Godfrey loves me! He put me in the shower!”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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256)”[Wayne opens a door to show a bunch of spies in training]
Garth Algar: What are you gonna do with these guys?
Wayne Campbell: Oh, nothing really. I just always wanted to open a door to room where people are being trained like in James Bond movies.”–Wayne’s World (1992)

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257)”Zuzu Bailey: Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.
George Bailey: That’s right, that’s right.
George Bailey: Attaboy, Clarence.”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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258)”Galadriel: Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.”–Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

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259)”Charlotte Lucas: Count your blessings, Lizzy. If he liked you, you’d have to talk to him.”–Pride and Prejudice (2005)

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260)”Sims Reeves: Well, I don’t like to see things goin’ good or bad. I like ’em in between.”–Red River (1948)

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261)”Godfrey: Do you think you could follow an intelligent conversation for a minute?
Irene: I’ll try.”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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262)”Lady Elizabeth: When was it that people stopped thinking of ambition as insane and started thinking of it as a virtue?”–The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)

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263)”Iago: Look at this. I’m so ticked off that I’m molting.”–Aladdin (1992)

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264)”Frodo: Go back, Sam. I’m going to Mordor alone.
Sam: Of course you are. And I’m coming with you”–Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

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265)”Mr. Melville: There’s three times in a man’s life when he has a right to yell at the moon: when he marries, when his children come, and… and when he finishes a job he had to be crazy to start.”–Red River (1948)

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266)”Guthrie: Are you wanted by the police?
Godfrey: That’s just the trouble. Nobody wants me.”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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267)”Pippin: What about breakfast?
Aragorn: You’ve already had it.
Pippin: We’ve had one, yes. What about second breakfast?
[Aragorn turns and walks off in disgust]
Merry: I don’t think he knows about second breakfast, Pip.
Pippin: What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn’t he?
Merry: I wouldn’t count on it.”–Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

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268)”Godfrey: May I be frank?
Molly: Is that your name?
Godfrey: No, my name is Godfrey.
Molly: All right, be frank.”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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269)”Mr. Darcy: Why do you ask such a question?
Elizabeth Bennet: To make out your character.
Mr. Darcy: What have you discovered?
Elizabeth Bennet: Very little. I hear such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly.
Mr. Darcy: I hope to afford you more clarity in the future. .”–Pride and Prejudice (2005)

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270)”Frodo: You’re late.
Gandalf: A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.”–Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

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271)”Mr. Darcy: Are you *rejecting* me?“–Pride and Prejudice (2005)

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272)”Clarence: [In book inscription] Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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273)”Gandalf: Confound it all, Samwise Gamgee. Have you been eavesdropping?
Sam: I ain’t been droppin’ no eaves sir, honest.”–Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

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274)”Nick Charles: My soul, woman, I give you three murders, and you’re still not satisfied.”The Thin Man (1934)

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275)”Mr. Darcy: Just think how you would roar with laughter if it happened to yourself.”–Pride and Prejudice (1940)

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276)”Irene: You can’t look me in the eye and say that. You love me and you know it. You know, there’s no sense in struggling against a thing when it’s got you. It’s got you and that’s all there is to it – it’s got you!”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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277)Gandolf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!–The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

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278)”George Bailey: I wish I had a million dollars… Hot dog!”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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279)”Bagheera: Greater love hath no one than he who lays down his life for his friend.”–The Jungle Book (1967)

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280)”Mr. Darcy: It’s no use. I’ve struggled in vain. I must tell you how much I admire and love you.”–Pride and Prejudice (1940)

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281)”Boromir: One does not simply walk into Mordor.”–The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

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282)”Irene: I’m terribly grateful. This is the first time I’ve ever beaten Cornelia at anything and you helped me do it.
Godfrey: Well, that makes me a sort of Cornelia beater doesn’t it?”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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283)”King of the Dead: That blade was broken!
[Aragorn takes him by the throat]
Aragorn: It has been remade.”–The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

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284)”Benjamin: Do you have a lawyer?
Wayne Campbell: Yes. Ahm, no. We’re between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth Algar: That’s right. I walked right to that office – that’s what I did – and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his big fat head and I said “Listen, man. I’m not going to jail for *you* or for anybody.”–Wayne’s World (1992)

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285)”Zeus: For a true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart.”–Hercules (1997)

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286)”Angelica Bullock: If you’re going to be rude to my daughter, you might as well at least take your hat off!”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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287)”Gimli: Oh come on, we can take ’em.
Aragorn: It’s a long way.
Gimli: Toss me.
Aragorn: What?
Gimli: I cannot jump the distance, you’ll have to toss me.
[pauses, looks up at Aragorn]
Gimli: Don’t tell the elf.
Aragorn: Not a word.”–Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

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288)”Violet Bick: This old thing? Why, I only wear it when I don’t care how I look.”–It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

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289)”Mae: You’re not a helicopter, mom. Quit hovering.”–Because I  Said So

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290)”Mr. Bennett: An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins. And I will never see you again if you do.”–Pride and Prejudice (1940)

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291)”Alexander Bullock: I don’t mind giving the government 60% of what I make. But I can’t do it when my family spends 50%!
Irene: Well, why should the government get more money than your own family?”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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292)”Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.”–Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

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293)”Polly Byrnes: Whaddaya mean “illiterate”? My father and mother were married right here in the city hall!”–After the Thin Man (1936)

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294)”Sam: I wonder if people will ever say, ‘Let’s hear about Frodo and the Ring.’ And they’ll say ‘Yes, that’s one of my favorite stories. Frodo was really courageous, wasn’t he, Dad?’ ‘Yes, my boy, the most famousest of hobbits. And that’s saying a lot.’
Frodo: [continue walking] You’ve left out one of the chief characters – Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam.
[stops and turns to Sam]
Frodo: Frodo wouldn’t have got far without Sam.
Sam: Now Mr. Frodo, you shouldn’t make fun; I was being serious.
Frodo: So was I.”–Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

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295)”[Instead of saying “Excuse me, I beg your pardon?”]
Wayne Campbell: Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?”–Wayne’s World (1992)

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296)”Detective: [chuckles] So you got a passion for jewelry, huh?
Molly: Yes… I got a passion for socking cops.
Detective: Where are they?
Molly: Most of them are in cemeteries.”–My Man Godfrey (1936)

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297)”Charlotte Lucas: We are all fools in love.”–Pride and Prejudice (2005)

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298)”‘Dancer’, Lichee Club Owner: Have you ever been thrown out of a place, Mr. Charles?
Nick Charles: Let’s see. How many was it up to yesterday, Mrs. Charles?
Nora Charles: Well, uh, how many places were you in, Mr. Charles?”–After the Thin Man (1936)

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299)”Gandalf: [to Grima] Be silent. Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth. I did not pass through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm.”–The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

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300)”Mr. Darcy: I have made the mistake of being honest with you.
Elizabeth Bennet: Honesty is a greatly overrated virtue. Silence in this case would have been more agreeable. “–Pride and Prejudice (1940)

To check out the previous My Favorite Movie Lines go here.

Definitely Not Mr. Darcy

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“Pride takes a hit in this Austen Misadventure”

So this was on my list of Pride & Prejudice-inspired books/films/etc and I have to say it was much better than I expected. I liked how it wasn’t trying to retell the story of Pride & Prejudice, but express the author’s love of the books and films.It is very similar to the film I Want to Marry Ryan Banks, so if you’ve seen that movie and liked it you’ll like this book.

The story starts off with 39 year old, mother of one, divorceé, Chloe Parker. Chloe loves Jane Austen. In fact her motto is:

Specifically Jane Austen

Specifically Jane Austen

Anyways so she enters a contest to compete in a documetary about Austinites. Each contestant will live in a Regency-esque world where they will compete in answering Austen Triva. The winner recieving $100,000. Chloe really needs the money as her old-fashioned letterpress buisness is starting to tank and she might end up having to foreclose on her house.

Chloe figures that this contest is in the bag as she knows oodles about Jane Austen, her books, and Regency trivia. This whole contest is supposed to a throwback to how life used to be. No phones, computers, texting, tweeting, facebooking, myspacing, etc. She can’t wait.

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When Chloe arrives on the set she finds out that the show isn’t a documentary about Austinites, but is a reality dating show, a sort of Bachelor-esque one.

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Chloe is in shock and utter disbelief. She decides that she is through with it as reality show is something she never wanted to EVER be on. She is utterly mortified that she was almost on a Flavor of Love or Farmer Takes a Wife show.

George the producer and director convinces her to stay. He promises that this is vastly different from those other shows as it is all about Regency courtship. No hot tubs, none of those outlandish ways to try and win the guy; but all about proper Regency courtship; no touching, no drinking, no alone time (everything is chaperoned), and to win special outings/events with the bachelor, the contestents had to participate in Regency-esque activities, racking up points. The bachelor is Mr. Wrightman, a wealthy individual who is tired of women being after his money and is looking for love the old-fashioned way. All Chloe has to do is play the part of a down on her luck American heiress who is eager to win a man with title and wealth. It seems so easy, and how can she say no to an Austinte expereience with a hot guy and a chance at a ton of money?

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So now Chloe is dressed in a 19th century style muslin dress, wearing lemon deodorant, and has a reticule full of vinaigrette (to avoid nasty smells), a fan, calling cards, gloves, and a bonnet.

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Now this is an area I thought the author should have changed. 39 is much too old for a woman to be man-catching in Regency times (unless she was a wealthy widow). If I was the author, Karen Doornebos, I would have made her younger. She could have still gone to college and had a child, you would just have to bend the years back. Let’s say she graduated at age 22, got married at 23, and then had a kid at 24. You could make her 30 years old with a 6 year old. 39 is much too old.

She is given a fake bio about her family, with the writer’s trying to keep it as close to her reality as possible. As she has English blood on her maternal side they wrote that her mother is English while her father is American, making her daughter Abigail her sister for the bio.

This is another thing I felt was a bit odd. If the whole dating show is supposed to take place in 1812 why have an American contestant? Would she have even been able to travel over with the blockades? Wouldn’t it have looked like her family was partial to the English side? Wouldn’t it make the English dislike/distrust her? Why not set it in 1811 or  late 1815? And being the only American, man that’s going to be hard on her.

They give the contestants carriage rides to the house, Bridgesbridge, where the women are staying, and as they are riding there, Chloe hears a gunshot and the carriage stops dead in its tracks. Lady Grace of the d’Agrgent family, another contestant, has a pistol and was shooting, “accidentally” hitting the carriage. Chloe has a freakout and faints dead away.

She awakens in her new bedroom under Mr. Wrightman, MD’s care. In fact he carried her in from the carriage area (just like Colonel Brandon in Sense & Sensibility)

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While even though being unconscious and thinking she’d been shot (when her carriage really just turned a wheel) made her feel like an idiot, she does love the idea of Mr. Wrightman having carried her. While Mr. Wrightman isn’t exactly what she pictured (a handsome, blond, spetecle wearing, kind looking man rather than the tall, dark, and brooding Darcy-sque that she was expecting) she is happy to have made his aquaintance.

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Chloe also meets her chaperone (as her character is unmarried she has to have one) Mrs. Crescent, who is very pregnant and ready to give birth anytime soon. Chloe also gets another dose of Lady Grace, the most annoying, vile, and irritating woman in this book. A perfect villain. Chloe isn’t one to stand idly by, but manages to put in quite a few of her own barbs, such as telling Grace that perhaps she will get bullet pudding tonight. She also one ups Grace by stating her father always called her a princess, a rank higher than Lady.

Don't mess with me!

Don’t mess with me!

She also finds out that all the other girls in the house have been there for three weeks already and she was choosen to replace a girl who had to go home due to a family emergency. Chloe feels soooo far behind and doesn’t know how she will ever catch up.

She also finds out that Regency England is lacking in quite a few ways. Besides the lemon deodorant there is weak tea because of the “Napoleonic Wars“, micro amounts of butter, no salt, no pepper, etc. They get a small cake of soap a week, a bath a week, etc.

That would be the hardest thing for me. I was actually surprised that they were able to find as many people who would be willing to give up such niceties. Deodorant, toothpaste, food with taste, soap, indoor plumbing, etc; I know that there are somethings I cannot live without and I don’t know if I could go weeks without them. I need my indoor plumbing, I hate it when I don’t have a proper bathroom. I also couldn’t do a bath only on Sundays. And I’m haf-Mexican, I need spice in my food! I can’t live on bland scrump.

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To make matters worse, any thought of bowing out was quickly destroyed when she hears that her chaperone Mrs. Crescent is eager to win because her child, William, has a tumor and needs an expensive operation. If Chloe wins Mr. Wrightman than Mrs. Crescent gets money too.

Chloe’s having a slight meltdown and all she wants to do is take a shower. Unfortunately as those don’t happen until Sunday, and today is Monday. She can’t handle not getting cleaned up and just happens to look out her window and see a pond. As every true Austenite has seen Pride & Prejudice (1995) she gets the idea of taking a bath in the pond. While she can’t dive in competely like Colin Firth, she is still able to clean a majority of her body.

Just like Mr. Darcy, Chloe is also caught , but by two attractive men. The first is this tall, dark, handsome, Darcy-ian man. He tries to talk to her, but she is so embarrasssed that he caught her she is rude to him. He warns her that she is on Darthworth property which are grounds for termination. As she is gathering her belongings and leaving, she runs into Mr. Wrightman. As Chloe tries to explain what was happening, Mr. Wrightman makes a reference to P&P (1995) telling her that he was hoping she would emerge in a white shirt. Chloe is all:

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The two have a great conversation together and Chloe is amazed at how well they seem to click. In fact, Chloe is starting to think maybe this won’t be so stupid, but perhaps fun as Henry, Mr. Wrightman seems like a really great guy. More Henry Tilney than Darcy, but Tilney isn’t that bad. (In my opinion he’s amazing)

On her way back she meets the rest of the contestants who all seem to be much, much younger and more carefree than her. There is Miss Julia Tripp  who is very exuberant and full of energy, Miss Kate Harrignton who sufferes from allergies, Miss Becky Carver who is African-English and just turned 21, Miss Gillian Potts who is a bit of a whiner, and Miss Olive Silverton who is a tad critical.

When dressing for dinner, Chloe asks Fiona, her maid, who the tall, dark, stranger might have been. Fiona responds that it is Mr.Wrightman. Chloe is confused as the blond doctor is Mr. Wrightman. That is when she finds out there are two Mr. Wrightmans. Sebastian is the brunette and the eldest so he is the one to inherit, the one the contest is all about. Henry, the blond doctor, is the youngest and has to marry wealthy as he won’t have a large inheritence (Very Mr. Tilney indeed). Chloe is horrified that she might have just lost her chance at Mr. Wrightman. Uber embarressment. Very reminiscent of the Sense & Sensibility Mr. Ferrars incident.

So embarressed

So embarrassed

The next day the competition begins as the girls are taught archery and dance. None is allowed to move to the next task until they have finished their first assignment and gained their points for the day. Chloe is far behind the other girls in everything as they have been there for weeks. Chloe even finds out that many of the girls know little about Austen; such as Grace saying that her favorite Austen is P&P, the Keira Knightley version. Obviously not only does she have no idea that P&P wasn’t published until 1813, Sense and Sensibility was the only book out at the moment. Chloe’s reaction to this statement is exactly how I would respond.

“Chloe cringed. Not her favorite adaption. It was historically inaccurate, for one thing…Chloe looked at her in askance…” (Pg. 81)

I know how she feels, that is my least favorite version. For me it is always P&P 1940, then P&P (1995).

Chloe thoroughly enjoys Regency dances, but Grace tries to throw a wrench in her plan saying she can’t dance with a girl who has ink all over her fingers. “She might catch it” Hmmph…what a pansy. Instead Chloe has to dance with Cook, Cook who she relies on and always tries to help her.

Grace and Chloe trade barbs once again, wth Chloe being the victor. However, her win rings hollow when Grace runs off to meet with Mr. Wrightman, having garnered the most points and won time with him.

As Chloe looks outside the window to watch Grace, her spying quickly ends when Mrs. Crescent’s dog Fifi runs off and Chloe runs after him to get him. She runs smack dab into Sebastian and has another awkward conversation with him.

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But by now she’s hooked. He is so dashing, charming, and always knows the right thing to say. Chloe is in this thing totally and completely.

Something that puts a whole damper on the situation is a call from Chloe’s daughter, Abigal. Apparently Chloe’s ex, Winthrop, has met somebody, and is getting married, and wants to change the custody arrangement. Apparently he got a promotion so he won’t be traveling as much anymore. Chloe is freaking out over it, but can’t really get involved as she is away in England.

What else could go wrong?

What else could go wrong?

Also to Chloe’s surprise there is a new guest, Miss Imogen Wells. Apparently she was there the whole time but had to be apart from the others as she was on her period. In olden times when women were having their time of the month they had a lying in time period and had to be away from all the others. Chloe is freaked out that there is another girl to contend with, but quickly gets over that as she finds Imogen to be one of the friendliest girls ever.The two become fast friends. The two both love painting, drawing, and Jane Austen.

I couldn’t imagine being in Regency times on my period, that would be awful. Back then they didn’t have underwear, and you just bleed through your clothes. Washing and changing clothes were seen as unhealthy. Ew! Being on your period is bad enough but without pads, tampons, and in a chamber pot?

However, things take a turn for the better, Chloe gets an invitation to meet up with Sebastian (Mrs. Crescent has to come too) to see castle ruins! And they will all be having diiner at Dartworth Hall the next day too.

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Later that day Chloe is out gathering ingrediants to make ink, Sebastian comes bounding by on a white horse. A man on a white horse?

So romantic

So romantic

Chloe is in deep, and she isn’t looking for a way out.

Later she runs into the other Wrightman brother. He comes upon her as she is painting and compliments her work. (Very reminiscent of Emma, except Herny isn’t the creepy Mr. Elton.)

Imogen and Chloe discuss the two brothers, their merits and qualities. Imogen brings up  her partiality to Henry, as he is honest and forthwright, while Sebastian is more of an enigma.

Chloe goes off with Sebastian and Mrs. Crescent and has a truly romantic time. He even gives her a set of paint, paunting papers, and a pink cabbage rose. Chloe is just drowning in her crush.

162808404She also finds out that Grace is not only after the money, but wants to get her family’s land back. They been lost to the Wrigtmans for centuries and she is still carrying anger for it.

That night is the ball and when the girls get there Chloe immediately checks out the library. I love libraries, I mean I have done all thise book posts. (The Important Things in Life, Surviving the Worst, They Change You, Hardest Decision of My LifeMe, Me & Me Again, Best Pickup Line Ever!, If Onlyand Words to Live By.)

I mean I would rather gush over a library than a man. But hey, that’s just me.

But before the girls can continue to dinner they do the invitation ceremoney (much like the rose ceremony in the Bachlor or the picture one in America’s Next Top Model.)

Imogen, Becky, and Olive end up being sent home. Grace is so annoying and everyone wishes she was sent home, but she makes great TV.

Since Chloe is lower than the other girls, she enters last but she does have Henry to guide her in, and he is also placed next to her. Chloe makes a Persuasion reference about lotion, and while Kate Harrington doesn’t get it, Henry does.

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After the conversation the two have, I would far rather have Henry than to risk getting Sebastian, who one knows nothing about. All are having a wonderful time until Grace pops out a boob in order to get the focus on hre.

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Sebastian makes plans to have a faux fox hunt for the girls. Everyone is excaiming over it when Mrs. Crescent screams out that

The BABY"S HERE!

The BABY”S HERE!

Immediately Chloe goes to help. It turns out to be a false alarm, but Henry seems more interested in her than ever.

Chloe goes out the next day and runs into Henry falconing. The two share some tender moments. She also runs into Sebastian who gives her a message with clues in it to find a great prize.

Instead of trying to make ink to get her accomplishment points, Chloe goes into the kitchen to make strawberry tarts. She isn’t supposed to be in the kitchen as she is a lady, but Chloe finds it so hard to be proper all the time, (blame it on her American upbringing).

Afterwards Sebastian come to take her silhouette. She finds out that he knows more about Chloe as he has had the oppurtunity of watching her audition video, check her facebook, twitter, and research her through the internet. He tells her they have a lot in common. He also takes a lock of her hair. Taking someone’s lock of hair meant you were very interested in them and were planning o courting or possibly proposing. Most would turn them into rings or place them in lockets.

The next day is the fox hunt and Chloe is ready to give it her all.

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The first to reach the area where the faux fox is wins the challenge and accomplishment points. Chloe is in the lead, but as she is going Henry falls off his horse. Apparently his horse was injured. Chloe stops to help him even though she is sacrificing her chance of winning. Henry strips off his shirt so that he could use it to help the horse, but seeing all the blood, makes her faint again.

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Henry wakes her up and kisses her.

Everyone returns indoors after the hunt. Chloe is certain she will be the next to go home as she never made it to the tree. But to her suprise she wins all the points as the real test was to see who would stop.  To add to Chloe’s joy is that she is hosting the after hunt tea. Before they can enter though, they all have to have their reticule’s examined to make sure that no contraband has been carried through. Chloe is sure that she will pass but then they find a condom in her purse.

images-3Chloe is shocked at how that got in there. She argues that it is obviously a plant as why would she even chance it at her own tea party. They let her continue, but tell her that she is on probation until they get to the bottom of it.

What starts out as a normal tea party ends up becoming a a full fledged food fight. Somehow Chloe manages to make it through the next invitation ceremony.

However she feels awful about some of the things she said about Henry when she and Grace were arguing (what escalated into the food fight). So Chloe does the only reasonable thing and dresses up like a messenger boy so she can tell Henry how sorry she is.

I can be a dude. I'm a dude.

I can be a dude. I’m a dude.

This Shakespearean twist isn’t completely crazy. There is no way Chloe could send him a letter, note, or talk to him priovately about how she feels. Women could only do that if they were engaged.

The next day everyone is going to the maze for an outing, but both Grace and Chloe are on probation for their outlandish tendencies. Fifi takes off into the maze and Chloe follows, it begins to pour (hey its England). Instead of turning back she takes off after him to save him., Henry also goes. Fifi gets in a fight with a weasal and Henry runs off with Fifi to help with his wounds leaving Chloe behind. She gets lost and Sebastian goes in there to get her. Carrying her out Colonel Brandon style.

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 He puts her down and as Chloe is making her way to the house she realizes that while she is falling for both men, she needs to put her eyes back on the goal and win Sebastian and the $100,000.

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Even though she had just had Sebastian’s arms around her, Chloe is depressed as she looks like a wet dishrag in comparison to the others.

Elinor Dashwood: Marianne, you must change. You will catch a cold. Marianne: What care I for colds when there is such a man. Elinor Dashwood: You will care very much when your nose swells up.

Elinor Dashwood: Marianne, you must change. You will catch a cold.
Marianne: What care I for colds when there is such a man.
Elinor Dashwood: You will care very much when your nose swells up.

She has to return home, quite sad that she couldn’t stay longer.

That night Chloe is able to take a bath, but finds out that she has to take it after all the other girls because she is lower than them. EWWWWW! She has to use USED BATHWATER!!!! NFM! I could not handle that. I’d be in that pond. To make matters worse she finds a mouse in her rooom. It’s just not her day.

What else could go wrong?

What else could go wrong?

Chloe gets a letter from home and becomes extremely stressed out. Without a gym or kitchen to be able to go in and destress, she skips an accomplishment task to take a walk. The cook agrees to cover for her, and Chloe takes off. Running right into Henry and feelings about him that she doesn’t want to think about. The two enojy a bit of birdwatching and she tells Henry that she has a mouse.

She returns home and cook starts grilling her about her about where she has been. She questioned whether Chloe is throwing away her oppurtunity on the penniless brother. This gets Chloe all riled up, but makes her wonder. She finds out that she missed Sebastian calling and Grace won the next outing with Sebastian. Then she ends up fainting. That makes it the third time.

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The next day Chloe gets a present from Mr. Wrightman. It’s a cat! Ah, he’s perfect! He got her a mouser. Now Chloe thinks that Henry told Sebastian, but it is obvious that he sent it. I mean the guys titally in love with her. And I feel that he is a much better guy than Sebastian as he is real. Sebastian is to oily, and too perfect.

Chloe has a moment upstairs when she really wishes she could just chill out to some tunes. Since she can’t she just sings her heart out and does a Sweet Charity number. And to her embarrassment she spots Sebastian watching her through her window outside.

Next up is the archery tournament and one has to get four bulls eyes. Chloe is not on the top of her game and manages to shoot very badly.

Henry loans her his glasses so that she can make her bullseye and proceed to the ball. All us going well until Grace steps on her foot and causes her to miss, sending the arrow right ay Henry. Grace faints once again and Chloe thinks she has just killed him. Henry is alright and Chloe thinks she’s out of the contest. ;(

Chloe ends up getting another shot and gets a bullseye.

Grace gets first place and the first dance with Sebastian. Chloe has second but has to sit out as her arrow went awry. Julia has third. When Chloe returns to her room she finds that her cat has got the mouse and an invite to the Grecian temples with Mr. Wrightman.

Chloe is so excited about her date she bribes a footman to get her a razor and shaves her legs.

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The date isn’t all as she hopes it would be. Sebastian has a toothache and has to suck on cloves as they are “in the 1800s”. Chloe tries to discuss things with him, but garners no response at all. To further ruin the moment, Chloe has to pee and there is no chamberpot in site. Lucky for her Henry’s lab is nearby and Sebastian tells her that he has a water closet. She has more moments with Henry and gets something to help Sebastian’s toothache. She givs him a drop of laudaum, and Sebastian really cuts loose. He starts saying all kinds of things and starts trying to get all over him. Charlotte ends up decking him as he as he tries to pull her dress off. Henry arrives in time to cart him off.

Now here I would have completely jumped off the Sebastian train and gone Henry all the way. Sebastian is a loser.

Grace had been shooting a gun trying to ruin their date and Chloe is set on trying to prove that she is doing all kinds of illegal activities. She finds all kinds of things and even gets caught by Grace as Grace is trying to get down with a footman.

Later she is requested by Mrs. Crescent to help her when she has the baby and tries out some of the toys Henry got for Mrs. Crescent’s children. Chloe then has a very embarressing moment when the contraband she stole from Grace drops out of her bonnet. She leaves and goe to get her new dress finished for the ball and finds that she has lost weight. (Due to her hating and refusing to eat the food offered at the areas). She also spots Grace (through her window) putting the moves on Henry amd becomes livid, though she can’t imagine why. She also gets a note from Sebastian to meet up during the ball in the icehouse. She is extremely worried as she hopes that they don’t have a repeat of the Grecian temple.

The have the final invitation ceremony and Julie is sent home; only Grace and Julia are left. Since Mrs. Crescent is about ready to pop she can’t go, so the cook accompanies and chaporones her, rescuing her from the evil clutches of Grace & Co. It turns out the cook is actually Mrs. Wrightman, the Mr. Wrightmans’ mother.

Henry takes her to the library and gives her a first edition of Sense and Sensibility.

So romantic

So romantic

Henry really knows how to win a girl over. I’d propose to him.

Anyways, while they are there Henry reveals his feelings for her quoting P&P

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Chloe gets the second dance with Sebastian and gets to do the dance Darcy and Elizabeth do in the ’95 adaption.

She also makes a great Darcyian refrence, but one that Sebastian does not get. To cause further frown she spots a girl making the moves on Henry. Then when she is about to dance the very risqué waltz with Sebastian she gets a message from Fiona that Mrs.C just went into labor. She steals a horse and is off to help.

However when she gets back to the house she discovers Mrs. C is perfectly fine. Mrs. C is not having a baby. FIONA LIED!!!!!

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She tries to run back to the party and totally messes up her oufit She runs into Henry. He tries to console her. It is then that she ercognizes sge is in the icehouse. When she triesto get rid of Henry as Sebastian is coming Henry is dissappointed (even worsethan angry) and tkes off.

When she meets up with Sebastian she realizes this isn’t what she really wants. He admits to flirting with Fiona. He pulls out a knife and plays with it, (what a psycho) and then tries to strip her. She freaks out and Sebastian proposes. The footman enters and tells them Mrs. C is having the baby. As Chloe tries to leave Sebastian pulls  her back.

Now I don’t know why Chloe says yes, Sebastian is crazy. Ad this dude clearly doesn’t take no for an aswer.

Sebastian lets Chloe take his horse and she goes off. There she helps Henry deliver the baby.

She has a fight with Fiona and goes back to her room. She looks out the window and sees Sebastian and Fiona finishing the “horizontal tango”. This man is definitely not Mr. Darcy, Tilney, Knightly, Brandon, Wentworth, Bingley, Ferras, or Bertram.

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He’s nothing but a Wickham, Elliot, Willoughby, and Crawford.

The have a huge fake wedding to end the show. They even bring Chloe’s mom and dad over. Chloe has a huge freakout as she marches down the alley and dumps Sebastian taking off to find Henry. Henry who Chloe has has anounced that she loves.

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As she tries to go to town to get home to her daughter and find Henry. She runs into some people who tell her that Sebastian isn’t the heir to Dartwiorth Hall, but Henry is.

Henry comes after her on a white horse. A WHITE HORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Henry takes her out and explais everything.

Henry is a forty year old man who is heir to the Dartworth estate and a very large fortune. He works as a doctor because he loves helping others. He loves art, architecture, Jane Austen,

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museums, bird-watching, etc. Women have been after him for his name and fortune so he hasn’t been able to settle down. His friend George came up with the idea, and Henry was hoping he would find an Anne Elliot. Sebastian is his cousin, and an aspiring actor, and Lady Anne (the cook) is actually his mother. He hated Grace but had to keep her on for ratings. Henry tells her he loves her, but Chloe is just so angry she returns home, doesn’t want the money, and goes home.

So Chloe goes home. She gets a beatiful letter Henry and the cat, but that is all she takes from Henry.

I would have kept the money and Henry. Chloe is crazy.

So Chloe is back in the states. She has given up in tryingv to find a fary tale guy. She dates regular guys. The only Austen thing she does is watch the show she was on, Dating Mr. Darcy. In the last episode she see that they did exit interviews with everyone but her. Grace went back to her trading firm and is dating a politician. Fiona set a date with her fiancée who is back from fighting in Afgahnistan (the guy she was porking about behind his back). Mrs. Crescent’s son had a sucessful operation and the lump is benign. Sebastian was given a leading role in a TV series and is currently dating one of the milkmaids from the show. Henry ends with a heartwarming plea telling Chloe that she pierce’s his soul and asking her to contact him.

So romantic

So romantic

The book ends with Chloe emailing Henry. Hoping to start a new beginning.

Not exactly the romantic ending one wants but is still quite sweet. So both guys were definitely not Mr. Darcy, but Henry turned out to be one great guy.

For more things based on Pride and Prejudice, go to On the 12th Day ‘Till Christmas: The 12 Men of Christmas (2009)

To read another Pride & Prejudice post go to Parental Favoritism 

To read another Northanger Abbey post go to Storybook End