Final Destination: Bike Edition

So for the past few weeks I have almost been hit by a car; whether I was walking or biking. I mean the rate at which it has been happening has started to make me feel like I’m in Final Destination

Woah! Close Call!

Woah! Close Call!

Like did I miss something here? Was I supposed to die and the universe and death is trying to remedy that? (Just kidding I do not think I am meant to die)

I mean close encounters with death is not something new to me, I mean I have actually had quite a few near death experiences/narrowly avoided massive pain/situations that could have gone much, much worse. I will have to create a series of posts on that now.

Anyways, so a few weeks ago a woman was making a right turn, and totally decided she wasn’t going to look to the right, in case you know a pedestrian WAS CROSSING AS IT WAS THEIR TIME TO GO!!! Seriously I hate every one who makes right turns. THEY NEVER LOOK FOR PEDESTRIANS!!! Anyways, so I’m about to cross because I finally got the walking sign, and you know those don’t last long, I step out and this lady tries to drive forward because she was looking to the left. I scream and jump back, and she gets this horrified look on her face as if I scared her. AS IF I SCARED HER!! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ALMOST HIT ME!!! So I end up mad dogging her the whole time I walk across.

Shame on You!

Shame on You!

Then there was the day that I almost got hit by a right turn person while I was biking across because a girl was on her STUPID CELLPHONE. THERE IS A LAW BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!! PAY ATTENTION!! Eyes should always be looking at where you are going, not down on your cellphone. Ugh. Some people make me sooooo mad!

HOW DARE YOU!!!

ARRRRRGH!!!!!!!

Then there was another person who almost hit me making a right turn (seriously you right turning people WATCH OUT FOR PEDESTRIANS!!) And so on, and so on.

There is this one area where you try to cross the street, it takes forever to get by as you have to wait for both opposing sides to be clear. Usually I wait until the cars going right are clear and move into the crosswalk to the wait for the cars going left to clear/stop for me, as it is impossible to have a time when both are clear. So I do this and a car going left CLEARLY SEES ME WAITING and has plenty of time to stop, so I start moving. Only one problem, they NEVER INTENDED TO STOP! This stupid person had decided they could make it and nearly crashed into me. STUPID JERK!

II will end you

II will end you

That brings me to yesterday. I was biking home and it was night, so I go very, very slow. Let me say the two worst times to bike or walk is when it is 1) Raining, and 2) Night/Dark. People then are CA-RA-ZY!

You are insane

You are insane

So I’m biking and I reach an area where I have to pass apartment complexes. Now, I’m biking on the sidewalk, as I don’t really like biking in the street at night. So I stop because this car is turning, and I’m under the light waiting for the car to clear the crosswalk. She does, and I move forward, when this crazy soccer mom barrels forward nearly crashing into me. Luckily I caught this in time and turned my bike and hit the brakes. She brakes, quickly glances at me, and takes off. UGH! SOME PEOPLE!!!

THEY JUST MAKE ME SO UPSET!

THEY JUST MAKE ME SO UPSET!

So that brings us to today. Yep, the very next day I have another encounter. I was biking to school and going through the parking lot and this person almost backs into me. Now I know it can be hard to see someone coming, BUT YOU ARE BACKING OUT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING IN THE BACK TO SEE IF YOU ARE GOING TO HIT ANYTHING!!!!!

ouch

Luckily, I made it through ok. Jeez, its like people remember how to drive. Look for pedestrians and bicyclists. Let them go when they are supposed to. Practice safety.

If you liked this post, you might want to check out Doors of Death in which automatic doors almost crush me

and/or

Read about my demon possessed/poltergeist TV, They’re Here

and/or

Read about the time that I had a nightmare on Elm street, Krueger Town

and/or

My 31 horror/suspense/thriller film countdown to Halloween, Horrorfest and its sequel Horrorfest II

The End: Goodbye Michael, Goodbye

TheEnd_Title_2

All things must come to an end. And as stated before, my relationship with Michael has ended and with that any more posts about him. It’s time to fully move on. We had the Verne Saga, the Michael Drama, and now its time to move onto something completely new.

It’s hard to fully move on as I was counting down the days until I would see him again and couldn’t wait until I was home and could spend time with him. I was totally the guy in If It Means A Lot to Youor All My Lovin“. There are some days when I do great, and others when all I can think of is what could have been, what I could be doing with him. Some days I feel very much like Shawn Spencer in the Psych episode “Right Turn or Left For Dead“.

what-not-to-say-to-broken-hearted-girl-3what went wrong holiday

The hardest thing is not knowing exactly what happened that made him change his feelings for me. I keep contrasting the old Michael; (the Michael that played the piano for me, would text me cute things, the one that had to see me so much that he skyped me on his vacation, who spent all his evenings and some days with me, was waiting for the right moment to kiss me, who was excited to take me out on a “real” date, the guy who I had trouble getting him to stop talking to me on the phone); to the Michael that started ignoring me, and was so emotionally detached and standoffish. I just don’t know what happened.

Endings

I mean I was terrified to try a long-distance relationship as I thought it wouldn’t work out, but he was so secure and sure, he made me believe it and I don’t know what made him change his mind.

I went and returned some of his stuff and asked him what happened, but he wouldn’t answer me until I harshly pressed him. He told me that 1) I wasn’t the person he wanted to marry. This really threw me as matrimony was the furthest thing from my mind. I mean we had only  been dating 5 months of which only 2 did we interact everyday with each other (the other 3 we were apart), and I think that is waaaay  too short a time to be thinking of marriage. There was still so much we needed to learn about each other. We needed time to grow our relationship and be a couple before marriage could even be thrown on the table. I mean, how could he even know with that short of time? At the beginning of our relationship I mentioned that so many of my friends were getting married and having babies and that I was no where near ready for that anytime soon. I mean if he really wanted to get married, wouldn’t he have just have not dated me? I mean we talked about HIMYM and I told him how Ted’s constant falling in love and trying to marry girls who did not want to be married constantly annoyed me, and he agreed with me.  I know I never tried to pressure him into thinking we had to get engaged. I never even tried to pressure him into saying I love you. I never asked for a promise ring or any jewelry. I really feel that this is a copout.

He also told me that 2)”we were too different”. I don’t know why he would say that, as in the summer we “were so much alike“. I tried to press him on what was different and he couldn’t give any definite answer just kept repeating “we are too different”. I don’t understand what was so different; we both are human, grew up in church, lived in the same town, have suffered from addictions, are the youngest in our families, have similar morals, beliefs, values, and political thoughts/ideologies; loved to read similar stuff, watch the same type of movies, etc. I mean I don’t drink, but that’s not like I  judge anyone who does. I don’t have tattoos, but I never said anything about his other than when I said that the process looked extremely painful. I don’t know what he thought I wouldn’t be able to understand or empathize.

 He also said 3) he was  too aloof for me, and I demanded too much of his time. All I was asking for was 20mins a week to talk or skype, some texting, and seeing him once a month when I visited home. I don’t know where he will find any girl less dependent or consuming of one’s time. I actually don’t mind spending time by myself and doing my own thing, I missed him though and wanted to be with him. Besides when I was there this summer not only did he tell me how he hated being alone (kinda cancels out being aloof) but he spent practically every day with me, and I did not force him to do that.
I feel like the song The End” by Silverstein, “you broke my heart, you promised me the moon and stars. I fell for your dreams. I fell for your lies.”
you broke my heart silverstein
He told me so many things and I believed him. He talked about our future, making plans, and he didn’t come through. And the worst thing of all, he knew he wanted to break up with me, but didn’t have the courage to say anything. He lead me on. He allowed me to think nothing was wrong and let me plan spending my winter break with him. I searched for a perfect Christmas present for him, and when I texted him I had it, he already knew that he had no plans to spend Christmas with me. He knew that my Grandfather died and he said nothing. Any decent person would be there for someone who was hurting, but he just ignored me and my pain. It wasn’t immediate but for a while I just wanted to slap him or hit him. The song “Blow” by Atreyu describes how I felt about him.
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But now I’ve gotten past that. I’ve forgiven him for what he did and how he hurt me. I really cared about him, and as pathetic as it might sound to some, I genuinely hope that he finds happiness, and someone to care about him as much as I did. I actually am starting to feel bad for him, as I know that I will find someone else who will treat me how I deserve, but he will have lost out on me. He’ll never find another girlfriend who didn’t care about his past, only the present and future. One who never pressed him about things in the past he didn’t want to discuss, but waited until he wanted to share. Who didn’t care that he couldn’t take her on a “real date” as she didn’t care about money but spending time with him. Who never judged or criticized him. Who always supported and encouraged him. Who sent him care packages, even though she was the one that was “away”. He will never find someone who will listen to all his hurts and insercurties and do everything in her power to make sure that she doesn’t contribute to them, but try and help him overcome them. I mean at times I felt like telling him that I had other guys very interested in me, but I knew he had previous relationships were the girls broke his trust and I didn’t want to to that. He will never, ever, ever, find a girl who when they broke up never told him about the hurt and bitterness he caused her, but tried to encourage him all the way in the end, sharing instead all the things she loved about him. Who told him that she loved him, not as a ploy to get back together or make him feel guilty, but because she did and because she honestly wished for his happiness. What can I say, I’m one in a million and he is going to miss out on me.
value:Worth
It’s funny, because when we started our relationship it reminded me of Lloyd and Diane from Say Anything. Michael was Lloyd, very adorable, easygoing, friendly, impulsive, full of life experiences, etc. And I was a much nicer version of the more structured, focused, not as socially experienced, more of a loner Diane. But somewhere along the way, I became Lloyd, and Michael Diane. Just like in the film,  something happenedc to change how Michael/Diane felt about the relationship, and instead of talking about it  they decided to break it off. Like Lloyd, I did a final move, although not nearly as epic as his boombox move. I was working on a CD to tell Michael how I felt about him as I was planning on dropping the L-Bomb on our fifth anniversary. We broke up two weeks before that, and I was going to delete the playlist, but finished and dropped it off asking him to just listen to it. He told me once that he always listens to any CD given to him twice, and I hope he listens to this one as nothing could better describe how I felt about him.
Favsongstellmore

Now not everything was bad about what happened. I’ve always been afraid of commitment and allowing someone into that space of my life and with Michael I learned how to care, trust, and let down emotional walls. And except for the last three weeks of our relationship (when he started to ignore me), Michael was a pretty great boyfriend. He really made my summer special and I am so thankful for that, as it is the best summer I’ve ever had. I also found out that I am capable of long-distance relationships, as I never thought I would be able to. But I cared about him so deeply that while the distance was long and sad at times, it was worth it. And it was nice having a very intelligent, funny, attractive, sweet guy as my boyfriend, as short as it was. Plus he introduced me to some great bands. I’ve always liked all types of music (besides rap), but most of my musical knowledge ends in 1989, and he opened me up to some great stuff. I love A Day to Remember, Silverstein, Atreyu, Chiodos, Three Days Grace, My Chemical Romance, Streetlight Manifestoand Avenged Sevenfold. I found a a7x sweater in a thrift store and almost bought it, but it was white and I always ruin my white sweaters. 😦 He had been lending me his CDs to check out the music, and I  (of course) had to return them to him. I then went to the library and put holds on everything they had from these bands.

It’s been about a month since we broke up and still hurts. This describes perfectly how I feel.

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I know I’ll find someone else and I won’t settle for anything less than a Lloyd, Mr. Tilney, or  any of the amazing men in my Romance is in the Air series (or part II). I’ll be okay. The hardest thing is that there was this guy Martin who liked me when I was dating Michael, and when I let him know I had a boyfriend he backed off. As soon as he found out Michael and I broke up, he immediately upped his game. All the attention, the flirting he’s doing, etc.; hurts. It’s not coming from who I wanted it to be from. But in time I know I will heal. It won’t be easy, but I know I’ll come through this okay.

justending